Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 3.3

Episode Date: May 20, 2015

The Shutdown Fullcast for this week HEATS UP with HOT SEAT CONJECTURE. There's also talk about proper buttcrack maintenance in hot weather if you want to skip straight to the 42 minute mark, but otherwise we ask: --Isn't the coach at Alabama always the fifth most endangered coach in the country no matter what happens on the field? --Is Kliff Kingsbury too handsome to fire? (YES, YES HE IS) --Big transfer news in the state of Florida with LUKE DEL RIO that's right LUKE DEL RIO and NO ONE ELSE --Mike London is already fired right yes yes yes he is right? --Does Mike Gundy have a horrendous, horrendous year ahead of him? Probably? Yes? --Does Gold Bond Powder start a bakery in your pants on hot days? --How does one get properly drunk for every game at every kickoff time on the college football schedule? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to another episode of the Shutdown Fullcast. We're going to get moving straight out of the gate on the Internet's only college football podcast, you know, besides the solid verbal. That's another one. But with immediate news, like big quarterback news out of Florida, right? Ryan, lay it on us. Oh, my God. So it's a name you know, coming to Florida from a school you know. Big school.

Luke Del Rio is coming back to I don't know if he's ever been well no he must have been back to the Sunshine State from Oregon State formerly of Alabama hard to think of a more momentous I can't transfer I mean as far as transfers from one college to another with the second one being

a college in the state of Florida that's as big as it gets this season yeah absolutely I mean just the chance to so that Del Rio see a sentence I immediately regret saying. No, no, you're good. No, it's fallow. It's a real fallow. Yeah, now this is, this is...

This tree grows axes. This is the only, only major quarterback transfer news of the day. Involving a Florida school, at least. Involving a Florida school, that is correct. The only big, big stuff from OSU, not, not OSU, but OSU, Oregon State. I mean, I mean, dude went 8 of 18.

last year. That's almost 50%. Are you kidding me? You know, you want to talk about improvement for Florida on the offensive side of the ball. Eight of 18 for 141 yards? I mean, that's like three games production. I mean, look at it like this. Look at it like that. How many turnovers did he have? Was it like fewer than 22? You know what? He only threw 18 passes. So it had to be. I mean, sacks and fumbles and things, but let's assume those didn't happen. That's way fewer than 22. Jeez. Yeah. So way to go.

Also, any chance you can get Juan of the River closer to your program. If you can get a little bit of that Jack Del Rio greatness and just hunk her up next to it, that's what you want to do. Because he's always got that exit strategy waiting. The NFL's not going to work. Excellence is haunted by the ghost of the 2004 Jacksonville Jaguars. We all know this. They haunt me every night. They actually do.

That might just be chaps. That might have every Jacksonville Jaguars fans. It's such a joy to me every year when season tickets come out, and I can search my dimensions and find people openly cheering. Yay, got my Jags tickets. Like somebody mailed me anthrax in an envelope, and it came to my house, and I celebrate. That's like an annual tweet is Spencer saying, you, you sweet idiots. Yeah, just schedule it. I like the flip side of that, which is the Jags fans who renew their season tickets, but no, it's a terrible decision.

and talk about it openly. Yeah, I think that's all of them. I think these are all one and the same people. Someone help me. The psychology of self-harm prevents me from doing anything else. Oh, so yes, that's literally the only major news involving quarterback transfers. So that's awesome. We got Luke Del Rio who may have just taken the throne as college quarterback who sounds,

most like a Dirk's Bentley clone. Wow. All right. Podcast's over right there, I assume. Luke Del Rio playing the Shaky Boots Festival with Brad Paisley. Celebrating his new album, I made love to a truck. Wait, no. Got that wrong.

It's Chad Paisley. We've been duped. Yes, Chad. It's Brad's less talented. Oh, damn. It's Brad Argyll. Dang. It's Brad Plad.

We didn't really have a whole lot else happened this week in college football. Auburn announced that they had more physical practices than usual, so enjoy those injuries and unsportsman-like penalties on defense, Auburn. Damn, that was... Second biggest story of the week.

Second biggest story of the week was the standard boilerplate. By the way, we were playing harder than we did last year. I disagree. I like that Texas is so disinterested in playing Texas A&M that it is more interested in talking about

playing games in foreign nations. Yeah. I like the exact quote from the AD which is we're booked through Pook Solid through 2027. Also in 2020 we're going to try and play in Mexico. Sorry, can't help you. Ever since we got that Michelin Star, we just

booked up. We are Saddam locked up. We can't even find. I don't even have time to take a shit. But I am going to try and schedule a game in Mexico City. Now, if Texas A&M is willing to sit at the bar, we could possibly accommodate them.

But even that would be an hour and a half. Maybe we'll meet them in Guadalajara. This is just Texas creating a separate anonymous Instagram account to like creep on Texas A&M. Right? Like, no, I'm not faving these pictures. Babe, babe, babe.

I miss you, girl. I miss you. I'm not thinking about you. I'm thinking about you. Do you think we'll ever get to a point where, like, we just sort of, all the passive-aggressive bullshit they launch at each other, we'll just find a scoring system and figure out who wins each year and be like, yeah, I actually don't even care if they play or not. This is just as good. I'm surprised Kevin Sommelin has not already devised this. Oh, I'm sure he does. He has for recruiting purposes. That's true. Yeah, it's other kids.

Hey, man, we beat them eight burns to three. Look at that. You want to go to a three-burn school? That's embarrassing. We won the Salt Cup. It's that Texas, they could get it sponsored, I bet. They can be like sponsored by Mortons. Yeah, Texas, you Lot's wife now. The Shade Showdown.

Exactly. You buy What a Burger for us this year. That's the prize. That is truly the Salt Cup. The other minor news, this is just from a story on linebacker Drake Martinez out of Michigan State. Mark Dan Antonio got the appeal. Drake Martinez will be playing. and is eligible for 2015, and I have two seasons of eligibility.

He was going to sit out this season, but then appealed. And we'll have two seasons of eligibility starting in 2016. This is all incidental to what I actually want to talk about, which is this quote from MSU co-defensive coordinator Mike Tressel, who said, But just watch how he finishes blitz is because he wants to get after you. power and nasty, not just power, but it looks at that moment like he wants to kill you. I don't know if I'm supposed to say that, but that's what it looks like.

So remember, Mike Tressel of Michigan State on the record is saying, man, this player is really reminiscent of a murderer. Next week on cereal. You've got a call from East Lansing. Power and Nasty was not well regarded, but I think in retrospect, it is one of Keith Sweat's better albums. I thought you were going to say Janet Jackson. Damn it! Power Nasty?

You know, Power Nasty could also be a Cool Keith album, so I think we're all right. I think Cool Keith, he goes like, Power Nasty. Yeah. Power Nasty 75-H. Power Nasty Man, 75-8. And I think Janet probably goes power backslash nasty. Yeah, there's some crazy punctuation there. that's when everybody who named albums in the 90s found the rest of the keyboard like oh my god

guys watch what happens when i press alt that's it if you want to type like any like existence or if you want to type any anything created in the 90s just unnecessarily smack the periphery of the keyboard on your windows computer open character map that alt with the numbers on the side yeah yeah that's like get that good shit yeah that that's really everything that happened So I wanted to steer the conversation tonight towards reader questions, but we're going to open up on one long. Because it's from Alexander Anderson, at Mr. Al Anderson on Twitter, who asks, should coaching hot seats have corporate sponsors? And then leaps to, now our update on the Doritos Locos hot seat.

I think so, because the hot seat is such a well-worn, tried and true constant. on getting through the off-season that we can, I think, we can give it to Doritos Locos. Right? I like that, but it also feels like this would be a rotating like movie that's coming

out, Christmas or something. Be like Sahara starring Matthew McConaughey Presents the Sahara Hot Seat. Yeah, it's not going to be an annual sponsorship. They got to keep fighting for it. That's true. You've got to pitch this out, man. Duck Commander will take it

If it doesn't cost anything. Yeah, so will we. It could be the SB Nation. SB Nation hot seat. I was looking at a list of things that are currently being shot in Atlanta. Movies. Movies that are currently being shot in Atlanta. You set my heart to skip.

Sorry. They put your name on a list. I ducked down. I was looking around. You better run, son. Thursday's not a good day for you. And one of the things that is shot here is a Lifetime series created by program creator Mark Cherry.

Does that name ring a bell? That would be the creator of Desperate Housewives. Oh, God. Mark Cherries has, I think, he's just given up. I was really hoping this was Ron Cherry's brother. You know, he might be. There would be some interesting genetic manipulation going on in the two. But devious maids.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Devious maids is shot here. And, man, I would love for this to be the devious maids, coaches, hot seat. the SB Nation Devious Maids Coach's Hot Seat or Coach's Hot Seat brought to you by Mark Cherry's Devious Maids Only on Lifetime TV Yeah that's fine

I mean Can we just sell that sponsorship to him Like maybe they don't know That we're not in charge of the hot seat Because nobody is but we just say hey man This could be yours for $200 I think we just did Let's just get this week

We're just giving it to him for free All right Ryan you used to be a lawyer so send him the invoice. Okay, yeah, that's what lawyers do. We send a lot of invoices. Huh? Now get it, uh, uh, notarize it, not that. Take it to a, uh, adjunct.

Yeah, I'm going to have Roger witness it. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, okay. If you think that's best, you're the lawyer here, not me. I do. But, but is, but it's going to disagree with me, but that's all right. In the state of Alabama.

This is not a apply. The state of Alabama needs their own hot seat sponsor because it's like 10 levels beyond. it'll end up Desperate Maids or whatever It'll end up being It'll end up being a representative Of the most August And respected

The business is in Alabama The sponsor in Alabama Is like the University of Alabama It's like it's like Bear's son He's the one in charge of all the state hot seats anyway No I was going to choose another one of Bears Of Bear Bryant's son's business interest Which if you do not know this

Dog Tracks Oh yeah Hell yes. Out there in L.A., lower Alabama? Out there in lower Alabama, dog tracks. These dogs running like they got a hot seat. Speaking of, Nick Saban has disappointed me again. Remember, in any coach's hot seat, when somebody says, man, what's Nick Saban doing at five?

The answer is the coach at Alabama is always in the five spot. The answer is being the coach at Alabama. It doesn't matter. They could win a title, and he's hanging at a steady five. Maybe even a four, because, Now the pressure is really on. What he's doing there is serving at the pleasure of Alabama fans. It's just like American Gladiators every week.

You're up, Laser. We don't care what he did last. Is that his American Gladiator name? Nick Samed as the tiniest American Gladiator. No, I think his bandiator names like Titan. Gigantor. Yeah, Jupiter. Biggest.

His name's Andromedon. Neil before Lord humongous. Yeah, that is totally his American gladiator name. We don't have an, and this is our gradual transition, by the way, into looking at the people who we consider to be on the proverbial hot seat. And I'd like to think that all of us, I think, are fairly forgiving in this because we've seen really bad football and been under the thumb of some very bad coaches as fans and understand that some jobs are harder than others. For instance, what could one say about being a coach in the

state of Indiana as the headman at either Purdue or Indiana? What constitutes improvement? It's a pretty low bar, even against your previous performance, right? Yeah, but Indiana occasionally does that thing where it's like, oh, shoot, we won the SEC East by proxy. So the problem with Indiana is Kevin Wilson occasionally wins a game that makes you think Indiana should be good. Purdue has the decency to never do that. Yeah, Indiana sort of falls victim to raising the bar like off the ground. Well, Purdue. I mean, Indiana took you out on that one super romantic date,

and Purdue just brings over bagel bites every Thursday. And wears Jim shorts on dates. Hey, hey, these have pepperoni. Yeah, exactly. Hey, I wore my O-laws over again. I think these are your umbrose, not sure. Yeah, sure. Still wear an umbrose because I'm Purdue.

I bet West Lafayette you could wear a pair of umbrose and people would be like, those look sick, bro. looking pretty good um i mean in peru i don't know what you do you know like they won three games last year

if you win four you can technically say you improved right yeah hell yeah yeah do it yeah go for that you wouldn't be lying and for that golden hoop the golden hoop of almost of being two

the golden hoop of being two games away from being shit bowl eligible right yes it's peru that's golden i mean i don't i mean that just the prospect of what constitutes improvement is such a dark comedic question there that like i i don't even know where you start to answer that you know and i was if i were indiana's head coach what what's my defense to for a four and eight schedule i'm like you know this is a curse program right well i just I just point to Tom Crean a lot. Just, you know, I mean, you've seen that.

Every press conference. That's like, lost by 30. You're Indiana football coach. Like, you get in on these Tom Crean memes. Like, Indiana basketball loses. And you got the sad MJ, Tom Crean, ready to fire. People don't even notice that it's, that you're the head football coach at the same university. And, like, Kevin Wilson is just on that, like,

Let's see what people on Twitter are saying about Indiana. Let's just look up what they're saying about Tom Crean right now. Retweet, retweet, retweet. Damn, wait. Are you trying to tell us you're Kevin Wilson? I've been waiting for the right opportunity to confess this, but I've been coaching. Coach, you should probably spend more time coaching. Disagree.

Based on certain results. You should spend more time. with your family. Go fishing, relax. Take care of yourself. Self care is really where self-love begins, and what are any of us without that, Kevin and Wilson? They have an Indiana, like, last year, like, they beat

Missouri, and then after that, they didn't, do you know who they beat after they beat Missouri? They beat two teams after they beat Missouri. Well, um... They beat North Texas. Yeah. Yeah. Then they went on a...

They won on a good bender. Oh, they beat Purdue. They beat Purdue. They came back from like 20 down to beat Purdue in a thriller. In a thriller at home. For the bucket. Yeah, that's a trophy. Their trophy is a bucket.

A bucket that's a big. And not like a brand new bucket. It's a bucket to remind you that at least we have running water. Remember, buckets pretty much just get taken either into bathrooms or out of sick wards. It's a really appropriate trophy for what's going on here. Look at this bucket. remember that everything is empty. I like to think of the Indiana Purdue trophy as like a prison starter kit.

Why are there so many, so many trophies in the Big Ten that are just like, oh, we found this? Well, you know, it's a, it's a conference that was born, you know, it was coming of age. It was coming of age around the Great Depression. They just like the horrid things. Yeah. So it's like, you know, the sunbelt, they don't care about trophies. They'll just upload it. On their torrents.

Yeah, every trophy in the Sunbelt's a new jet ski. That's it. Like, what are we play for a jet ski going out to the lake this weekend. How about you? I don't know. Our, we got a, we got a, we got a, uh, one of them fancy go carts. They modded up for deer hunting. Sunbelt's still sponsored by Waverace, not even sorry.

I figure Sunbelt trophies are just whatever they managed to pull out of a bass pro shops, right? Like, oh, look, we got a nice, a nice owl decoy. Look at that. I found this ambulance on Craigslist. And like the big, the big 12th trophies, it's like, there's just one. Just, okay, yeah, we like that. They just leave it in Austin. Everybody goes and looks at it every once in a while.

So if I had to point you, like, if I'm going to give you one coach who I'm just like, okay, this dude is like fired. Like last year, if we were playing this game, I would have looked at Will Must champ and said he's fired. He was fired last November This is just playing out in the string He's completely done Jason Kirk Who is that person that you're like? Yeah, this year is just hospice

Do I get to take the obvious one? You get first shot You take the person you want to take Jim Harbaugh Has won no games At Michigan Like your mind Michigan State and Ohio State

Are combined 3 and O during his tenure I'm going to going to go Al Golden? They're going out on a limb here. I don't see Al pulling this one out. I'm so torn on that because I don't know who they would get. They don't have that guy who's like, who's the obvious like mistress in waiting. Hey man, take a look at UTSA. See what Larry Coker's putting together down there. That guy's, he's got South Florida connections. I think he's worked, he's worked in the area before. He has worked in the area before.

he's built a program from scratch tell you what i have to do you tell you what's a real estate license Tommy tubberville knows ray lewis oh my god you know that's actually like oh my god what have you done what have you done not a bad idea huh

not a bad idea at origin man get the whole gang back together somewhere a hundred years from now in the future a scientist is frantically trying to master time travel so he can undo you saying that and dooming us to that reality Tommy Tuberville in the ACC at last. At last.

We're playing for that 11-5 game makes all the sense in the world. Oh my God, that's how we unlock final Tommy Tuberville. He's going to go on a fucking rampage. Final Tuberville. Boss mode. Boss mode, Tuberville. He would finally be in his element. He tried punt to win in the SEC, and that, yeah, sure, that work.

That work. He's home, son. You got to wait until he runs away from the restaurant to shoot him. He's only vulnerable then. This is worth it only for this. The excruciating ways that he is going to beat Florida State as head coach in Miami with obviously inferior teams. Like, they'll be, Florida State will be favored by 30 going into that game.

And Tuberville will call up some bullshit where he's like, we punt on second down. We're going to, we're going to score 12 points and win. We'll let them have all the yardage they want. up until they get to the three-yard line. And then we're serious. Man, listen, Miami, you want that Russell Athletic Bowl every year from now till forever? Go bring Toby home.

Miami, do you want that Russell Athletic, like, gear contract? He'd get rings made, too. You want to upgrade... Look at all these Russell Athletic girls. I bought these at Ross. You want to upgrade a Russell Athletic from a Disney? Detus, which. Hey, man, Paul Johnson

would tell you. They'd tell you there's nothing like classic, comfortable Russell Cotton. Yeah, but you know how many returning starters Miami has, too, right? Like, I thought, oh, maybe they'll be kind of... No, there's the quarterback. I think you watched the draft. Yeah, I know. I looked at the draft, where remember

that six and six team just cranked out like, what, seven draft picks? Yeah, that. They had, uh, if you go by, you know, a weighted, a weighted draft system, they had, uh, they, they sent the second most talent to the NFL off of a bad team. Well, the first being, uh, who? Well, that'd be them knolls. Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah, because Florida's right back there.

I'm in the second most out, out of anybody. Right. And it was from a bad team. Yeah. And, uh, off a really, off a really, really bad team. They only return 11 starters. Yeah, get them. The hype there is their quarterback was really good last year with, you know, Duke Johnson and so forth, which, okay, how's it going to be without Duke Johnson and so forth?

Probably better. Yeah, it'll probably be great. Probably awesome. Probably be awesome, especially because, let's see, they play at Florida State. Oh, they get Nebraska, whatever Nebraska is going to be. They get their standard ACC schedule. oh and their tough road trips really aren't that bad after that so i don't know like that's that's my official answer i will say there's one thing in support of your final boss tubberville

theory jason one thing thursday october first their road trip to cincinnati oh oh oh which bus will tommy leave on oh my god the prophecy has been foreseen Tommy, if you want to know what Tommy has dropped the rest of his life for. His whole calendar for 2015 is a blank after Thursday, October 1st. He's already breaking down film of that ACC Atlantic champion. Dude, he probably like the lease on his house, right? Yes, Mexico Plus. It expires the morning of that game.

He's not even coming back after. 1201, October 2nd, 2015, Thomas Tuberville may hereby leave this legal agreement to rent this house, right? So it's a split screen of the final seconds ticking down as Cincinnati wins that game and the final seconds on the bomb. Tommy Tuberville left in a three-point stance on the sideline as a clock ticks town. Celebrating with the Miami players, has he just beat them. I will tell you the last, and I will tell you, too, like in case that wasn't. enough of, like, a doom-filled proposition. The last three games for Miami are at North Carolina

and then ending with two teams that run the crap out of the ball. Georgia Tech and Pitt. Oh, he's going to die on a pit. That's so sad. Oh, a pit, pits. Oh, and optimistically, my favorite thing. I know every team has this, but it's really fun to look down and see. ACC championship game.

It's there. They're playing in the hat. It's happening. It's got sad and dark Yeah Ryan who All right So Algo

That was rude Al golden is Off the board And we've already Put Tommy Tuberville In his place Yeah I'm just I'm just

I'm just gonna stay In South Florida And give you Ron Turner Ron Turner Ron Turner Now where Which Which program is he

Coach at Florida's International University Oh yeah That was the school That was the school That also hired

Whom to hire To coach their Basketball team That would be Isaiah Thomas Correct, meaning at an unpaid position, if you remember. Yeah, and ran off a good coach that they had for no damn reason. Yeah, oh, and also ran off Mario Cristobal. Yeah.

Who was a good coach there, who's now the offensive line coach, I believe, in Alabama. And getting paid way more than FIU was getting more than he was paying as a head coach. You're fired. Thank you for the promotion. They fired him after one bad year. Yeah, I mean. Because they wanted to go get Butch Davis And then they said

Well Well Yeah Butch works at ESPN Is it? I mean Something like that CBS Sports Network

I mean if you like crossover FIU does play their second game of the season At Indiana So that's going to be the game Where Indiana puts up Let's conservatively say 60 points and we're all like oh shit oh well listen well it turns out it was just f i u no it's just f i u oh i thought you're gonna say in

surrenders 55 well you're playing on f i u that's when all the sliders are set to zero that's not fair also man kevin wilson after all the ass he's got that thing where after all the ass beatings he's taken his head coach of indiana if he gets the chance to turn the corner and hang 60 on somebody do it yeah man like can you imagine you imagine Imagine, like, Indiana-Aransas ball game if, like, Kevin Wilson has a chance to go for Bert's throat. It could be, like, a 7,000-point game. Oh, right. Like, if Arkansas just sleepwalks after finishing.

If Arkansas forgets to show up or something. Right. If they just all go out and imbibe and have a really great time and, I don't know, Shreveport or wherever they are. Memphis. Oh, man, Arkansas and a Memphis bowl is it really. That is a low capacity. there's a lot of that's one big pitfall

I can just smell the smoker yeah but you can just smell the smoker and the beer and how bad just cigarettes when your team struggles in from like the morning after

and they all smell like cigarettes you're like oh we're losing this bowl game teenagers don't even smoke cigarettes anymore no they just all picked it up that night like all the players we got to do something unhealthy

Oh, man. I think I ran some liquor across the border for no reason last night. Also, yeah, everyone, and that is a border. It's not a state line. It's a border. Players show up on Absent. How do you little shitheads even know what that is? I lost all my money in a pharaoh game on a riverboat with a queen from the brothels. I'm watching a lot of Maverick lately. You guys don't like any of this stuff. I know, you guys, did you go to a party in 1848 last night? Yeah, we did. It was crazy. welcome to the opium den we just draft dodged also remember if you're Arkansas and you're playing in Memphis all your cousins can show up right like oh come

to the bowl game it's close oh hey man yeah your family can you guys hiring you guys hiring yeah this isn't a pro team yeah it's not gonna Ron Turner is a good answer it's not a sexy answer either in terms of you know in any regard it's not In absolutely anyway. Yeah, it's really not. But, you know, I will say this. Who played a lot better at the end of the season last year? Don't. Don't do that.

One at 11, 4, and 8. I'm telling you, Mike it over, might get over. Don't do that. Mike it over 400? They might do it. He'll write a book. I'm actually, I'm going to rip, just to be a fucking pissant, I will riverside you on that and say that Ron Turner,

survives this season. You're such a dick. I'm not saying he thrives. I'm just saying he survives, okay. Ron Turner, office phicus. Yeah, office phicus. He's not dead. Just give him some more ice tea.

Yeah, I'm going to try, I'm going to pick one because these are, you guys pick the ones who, the nurses were already holding mirrors underneath their noses, right? I'm going to pick one that I think really is like,

in trouble in a couple of different ways and that would be mike gundy oh i like that pick yeah and i mean before you even look at the record before you look at anything else that's not a real like happy position that he's in politically i like that i like that he's basically on the record being like yeah t boone just doesn't really talk to me anymore yeah the guy the guy who pays my salary he just stopped calling. Is that weird? Is that bad? It's probably good.

Is that anything? Yeah. I mean, it's been the heyday for Oklahoma State was probably what, we're starting in 2009 through 2010, right? Like, you know, they have, you know, the win in the Alamo, the win in the Fiesta, the, you know, they have Brandon Whedon. They have this amazing run where they almost make the national title. And if you were really smart, that's probably when you would have taken another job, right? But Gundy's a lifer. They're going to have to fire him.

And the last three seasons, eight and five, ten and three, with the loss of the bowl game. And then a fall to seven and six. And most, the worst part about this has been their dwindling record in the Big 12, right? And what has not been a real strong conference top to bottom. They have a road schedule that sets up real nice. for like weird weird bad shit they play in conference they play texas on the road that doesn't matter but they play west virginia texas tech and iowa state all on the road yeah they play texas they play texas tech on the road yeah on hallowine night oh yeah no you that's a loss that's a 20

probably hellish check pencil it in i always feel like oklahoma state is that one team that like if you rank them in your top 25 it's like yeah you know some shit like you put them there just to be like yeah they're going to be pretty good this year and like it's it's a team that you rank and everyone's like yeah that's a good pick I don't I don't know why I'll have any evidence for that that seems like a good pick and like this is the year where it's like

you know they had a quarterback who came on at the end of the year which sure they always do and then they lose him and then like they replace them with like eight other guys yeah and that's that's the whole Oklahoma State thing where they've always had the thing where if they lost a coach they found a coach right like oh we lose

you know we lose we lose a whole Olgerson. Okay, we'll just hire a monkey. Okay, we'll lose a monkey. We'll hire. Okay, Mike Richardson. It's not really worked out quite as well as previous hires. You know, when people start eating your, eating your coaching staff, eventually, you'll just be a diminished body, right? That's going to happen. They do have a lot of returning starters. Get Greg Robinson. He's ready. Been ready. With a stuffed animal, just waiting on the sidelines. Are you my mommy? I've stated before. I am both over 40 at this point and a man. Could not categorically be your mother. Greg Robinson might tell you differently.

Greg likes to say all kinds of insane things. The other weird thing, Oklahoma State, where do they, you know where they open the 2015 season? And I have no idea how the hell this happened. They open at Kelly Short Stadium in Mount Pleasant Michigan, at Central Michigan. yeah it's uh recruiting hotbed um you got to read these contracts guys you really got to that's nope nope not gonna read a single damn bit these these weird like how baler played buffalo in buffalo last year and these weird road games like this is the college football equivalent of when a freshman in college signs up for a credit card he's like man i don't even have to pay anything for the first three months. I'd be stupid not to get this. I need to build credit.

I need to build credit. That's the, yeah, yeah, that's the dumbest thing everyone has ever said. I need to build credit. I need this PETA PIT's credit card sponsored by a visa. A 28% interest rate seems reasonable enough. I get 3% off every Pita Pit purchase. I'll pay it off the next day. I, that's, what, I have to play at Central Michigan?

What? oh no mom i wonder if this is like an oil drilling expedition or something like are they testing out the keystone excel pipeline they're testing out mount pleasant's frackability exactly

bad news is we lost the game and an atrocious upset the good news is this is extremely frackable land the other by the way they play at texas they play at west virginia the games they get at home they get tc u

yeah they get TCU and Baylor and whatever Oklahoma is going to be, which is just completely unpredictable in that rivalry game. And they get Kansas State. This is bad. Those home games, like, that's going to feel a lot. That's going to hurt a lot. It's going to be real bad and unfun. Dude, even their easy road game is not an easy road game because it's Ames. Anything can happen in Ames. They're really seeing the world. They're seeing a lot of places with greatly varying degrees and shades of drinkable groundwater. God, that means one of these games is homecoming.

Mm. Do it. Do it, Gundy. Come out to you see you. Frogs ain't shit. Do it, Gundy. Trouin Boikin runs for like 200 yards and passes for 500. On homecoming.

On homecoming. Your 20-year reunion sucks. All the letters on the stadium just rearrange themselves to Trayvon Boykin instead of Boone Pickens. it works if you think about it yeah the letters are all there don't count them facts facts are meaningless the anyone else that we see on that in terms of the coaches hot seat that we're like okay because like these are other people i know are totally fired okay who are much less like london is dead mike london's gone yeah all right paul petrino is gone yeah at idaho he i mean paul petrino has a real good chance to be the first midseason firing because he'll do

something dumb. I don't know about that. I mean, does he have a buyout more than like $8? Because if so, he's golden. He's set. You don't understand. Paul Petrino going to get fired for cause. Yeah, I mean, what, if somebody said, if somebody said

oh, Paul Petrino was fired, like if this, while recording if we said, oh, Paul Petrino's gone, no shock, right? No. Be like, what do he do? He light a bank on fire? Probably. Yeah. Todd Monkin at Southern Miss, gone, right?

Yeah, yeah. The only one that I'm kind of like, Dana Holgerson, if they fired Dana after this season with like a six and six record, you'd kind of be like, eh, yeah. But you'd also kind of be like, eh, no. It's got to be decisively bad for me to be like, okay. Yeah. It's got to be atrocious. And finally, there's two that I'm like seriously on the fence about that I could see

going either way. At least, yeah, because I don't know. Cliff Kingsbury? Yeah. Nah. It's a big contract for them. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm not personally impressed, but they have, you know, the hometown boy factor

and all that stuff. They really like that guy. I think he's bought himself an extra year by being who he is. What if it gets real bad, though? What if it's like to win, bad? Gets real bad? No, yeah, no, gets real bad. You've seen them trying to tackle anything?

If it gets worse. Yeah. I think he's got a terrible year. I don't think they can, like, the hometown hero who's bringing back the air raid and all that shit after, you know, one terrible year. Okay. All right. All right. Who's the other one?

My McIntyre, Colorado. Oh, that makes me sad. Don't say that. That's, that's, I don't think they can move. quick either because I was going to say this this this your sadness tells me that it's entirely possible we're too attached we got attached to a Colorado coach we like his haircut should have never loved him well like their previous coach uh John Embry was that his name like they can that guy after what two years and everyone you know they after two years and he was like yeah

I was buying all the team snacks as it turns out yeah we came out started talking shit about their office furniture he said we didn't have chairs or wall Water. I got a folder full of Capri Sun receipts over here. You all might want to see. Ooh, there's one other one. Actually, two others. Derek Mason at Vandy could be gone.

Right? Like, that could just be poof. Yeah, I think the problem was he pulled the replacement operator ripcord pretty quick. Like, doing it after one season is a real panic move. Y'all are pushing these buttons quick. Yeah, but hiring. Y'all want these dudes gone. Yeah, but hiring Carl Derell is a fireable offense from the start.

Yeah. all right how about how about how about how about timmy becks oh tim beckman in illinois oh man i think we just sort of started this whole podcast and thought that was just a given is he so y'all thought he was already fired didn't you y'all thought he was already gone yeah he might not make it in the past the next two weeks man he might not make it by the time you publish this spencer's just edited out just to be safe wait we're doing this live right yeah this is this is Tim Beckman is totally fired. I did not overdub that.

All right, we forgot. We forgot. The other dude who's totally fired, like, just fired. Like, I could just see them getting canning him. Scott Schaefer at Syracuse. Oh. Oh, yeah. Another magnificent branch of the Lloyd Carr coaching tree.

Got that hard nose, though. Indistinguishable in every way from Tim Beckman. Yeah, curse of Atlanta. Talk shit about Atlanta. Get fired. get beat by Georgia Tech like 72 to nothing Paul Johnson's going to set him on fire every time he can real slow I'm going to start at your toes

exactly you just drop his pants up by 40 I've seen Syracuse fans in the awkward predicament of because they just landed one of their biggest recruits in years in the awkward predicament of now I hope our coach doesn't get fired yeah he's gone do we have any rogue before we address another question any other rogue entries into the watch list you know what i'll throw less miles on there i'll do it i'll do it that that fan base and i know this from having taken over this week and shot in for it last year they are real pissed they are real freaking pissed at less miles and losing to notre dame in a nashville bowl game

does not help that. And I could see this year, because this year, what would the big downfall be? Oh, we still didn't have a fucking quarterback. Yeah. That's all on less. That's been less problem for X number of years now. Yeah, but what's been the compensation for that? What's been keeping them afloat?

That defense. Correct. And what happened this offseason? Yeah. Yeah, I mean. And where did that guy go? He went to their new official archival. In division.

in division and mind you that was the unit that pretty much was the only one in the entire division that managed to throttle A&M consistently and A&M went and got that guy and made him his made him their defensive coordinator so two of the elements that have really three there's three elements that have propped up the LSU less miles regime that would be recruiting that would be a defense and that would be the run game right they still have the recruiting the defense is under new management. Do you know who's their new defensive coordinator? It was that dude at Clemson who gave up about 80 billion points to West Virginia. Yeah, the guy who can't come to secondary Kevin Steele.

The guy who, according to rumors, I personally can't conform, at some point forgot he was coaching college players and was giving them NFL calls during a game. Correct. The guy who once hit a gun, put a gun in a safe in the Nebraska football offices that was allegedly involved in a shooting. Well, now you're just boosting his Louisiana credit. I want you to understand the context of how this hire was made. There are pros and cons.

There are pros and cons. And guns. Mostly guns. The dude who... Pros and guns. Remember when you think about what the weaknesses and strengths of LSU's defense are, the secondary needed some work, and they're not going to get it. at all. So, Ellish, that's a bold, I think that's a bold choice. Jason,

have you one more to throw on the fire before we move on to our next important question. Man, I like safe shit. Norm Chow. Yeah. Now, they're just going to wait that out. They're going to be like, oh, it's a lot of work. We're probably going under anyway. The next question comes from the legendary Michael Felder. Oh.

Add in the bleachers. Speaking of hot seats. Speaking of hot seats, quite transition. What do you guys think is the best way to limit B-hole sweat. It's funny already he types of beehole. A beehole sweat during steamy southern summers. Ah! The grand question

of how to keep the great divide tidy in times of serious swamp ass. I have an answer, but I want to turn this over to Jason first since he's the lifelong Georgian who understands swamp ass. Maybe a little better than the rest of us.

Yeah. I'm just going to be quite honest. solutions that anyone has ever tried are worse than the actual problem just you know change your drawers a lot and try to shower every day and just endure it that's that's my advice

just surrender uh Ryan what what is uh what's what says the great cold north about a tidy butthole I promise you I don't know a goddamn thing about this I took a job in Florida once

in the summer where I had to wear a suit every goddamn day. If I knew how to solve back sweat and swamp ass, I would have a million dollars right now. But instead I have a lot of ruined dress shirts. Just get you one of them webcams. That's how you do it. It's like a dash cam. Except you put it on your ass.

I really have no great solutions for this. There's only a series of small measures which can mitigate frequent showering. you're going to have to shower frequently. I think that generally, if you're using baby wipes, if you've got those in the house, stock them in the bathroom, they keep things a little fresher down there than just your standard toilet paper

until our savage country understands the magnificence of the bidet and all it has to offer, that's as close as we're going to get. Some people say gold bond powder, to me, that's just adding an element of farce. Now you're just making biscuit mix. Exactly.

like you're just turning your entire ass into a bakery and let's not do that it's one thing to live in the mockery that is the gross human body it's another to make theater of it you're making a damn plaster in your underpants exactly you're going to have you're going to create a plaster of paris school project down there you got a goddamn ass mask but the good news is you'll be able to patch your walls and that's good for your security deposit exactly if you're a multitasker that's definitely the way to go and my final suggestion besides that is loose underwear yeah loose don't go for wow don't I mean it's you want a little more ventilation going down there I think for those who are really seriously worried about this that you just have to do you have to do what New Yorkers

actually always recommend which is that if you cannot wear shorts and I think this podcast is officially on the you wear shorts whenever you want okay yeah but if you're in a situation where you can't you got to wear some light pants and you got to wear some loose flowy underwear okay i'm not saying go out and get the chinese gangster silk boxers okay i'm not saying don't do that i mean if that if that's your thing that's fine but get some you know if you haven't worn boxers in a while you can give those a try you need some ventilation is what i am saying okay well counter theory is that the snug boxer brief look for the fellas or maybe a boy short for the lady or what have you.

It's just going to keep everything so constricted that any liquids really don't have anywhere to go. So, well, I would say that's quite literally how a pressure cooker works. Yeah, and then you look down and you have made dinner. I don't know, man. But look, Rice. This is really a tactical question for those of you who, you know who you are. You're the butt sweaters, butt sweaters and or crotch sweaters.

You exist. Fine. Don't do that. You're going to have to take precautionary measures the other way. Man, crotch sweat is so much worse than butt sweat. It's like battle. There's no magical weapon. There's no silver bullet. You just need to make sure that... Just live till tomorrow. You need to make sure that your munitions are varied enough to accommodate any demand that the theater of battle is going to place. It's like rock, paper, scissors, man. When the butt sweat is rushing you with horses, you've got pikemen. Correct. Right. Okay. You got... Listen, you got... You got... You got... You got... got angry birds overhead, you're going to need an RPG, okay? But maybe you don't want to carry that around because you don't need it. Fine. Just make sure that you know what you're

taking into battle with you. Ryan, your question. All right. So I'm going to go with this question from T.J. Basala, at T.J. Basala on Twitter. Who are the frontrunners for the Carlos Huerta? He's still here award for the season. There's really, I think, only one answer to this. And it's not a bad, it's not like a bad. Oh, my God. He's still around? uh it's chucky keaton chucky keaton's going to be back for a fifth season of eligibility in 2015 and he has been around so so long at this point that's the correct answer i mean like i feel like 2013 2014 was like uh oh yeah chucky coming back kind of year and right now it's like

chucky coming back chucky coming back chucked back they're making another jason versus freddie film what it's just it's like chucky nine uh let's see jason your question this comes to us from jack peglow jack peglow on twitter what is the appropriate level of drunk you should get at a tailgate for a noon 3 p.m. and 7 p.m. kickoff so we're talking about here is degrees of drunkability so i would like to start by saying that in my opinion the 3 p.m. is the hardest degree of difficulty of these absolutely okay and i think the Then it goes 7 p.m. noon is the easiest. Yeah.

Now, Jason and I discussed this beforehand. We have some exotic wagers. Oh, shit. Yeah, we have some exotic wagers on degree of difficulty. For the basics here, okay? I would say this, you're correct. The 3 p.m. is the most difficult. The 7 p.m. is the easiest,

particularly because you've had all day to calibrate, get the right amount of food in. It's a time of day when you're probably used to drinking a little bit more, right? Right. You're just, you know, it's like MMA fighters always train late at night because that's when they fight, you know, when you practice to drink at game day. Typically, the practicing you do is usually around 7 p.m. on any other day. Okay. I will say the noon tailgate is actually easier because I think when people pregame for that, they typically do it with stuff that's like, you know, access road drinking, right?

Like, oh, we're at like the grown and sexy tailgate. They're your mimosis, right? Right. And it's also the tailgate most like, like the problem with the three o'clock and seven o'clock tailgate is that at the seven o'clock the food may have run out. At the three o'clock, you may have planned poorly and said, well, I'll just eat something after the game. But at that noon tailgate, you haven't eaten. You have just, you will definitely get some food at or right around that tailgate. So you're getting more efficient drinking at the hour.

Yeah, and you're buffering yourself nice. Yeah, also, it's really hard to get trash for that noon game. I mean, you've got to put in work. I would disagree with that, but go ahead. Well, I just, generally, there are your outliers. Okay, you're going to get those people who are just five standard deviations off stupid, right? Because the one wrinkle with the noon game that ups the degree of difficulty potentially is that it induces that sort of panic in the right or the wrong sort of person where they say, all right, the clock is ticking. I have to get as much ever clear

into my body as possible or this bus will explode. I will tell you with the great leveler on that and the great encourager of that is, the great leveler's heat. If you're in some place where it's just going to be inhumanely hot,

it's just hard to drink that much. Physically, it's hard to put that much booze into your system. Conversely, I think you could make a bigger mistake if you're at some Big Ten school in November when it's noon and you're like, man, it's cold. I'm just going to get as hammered as I possible.

I don't understand how bodies work. I don't want to feel anything right now. I mean, to me, the key is when your team kicks off is less relevant than are you pacing yourself to be completely gone by around 1 a.m. Like, your team kicking off at noon, sure, that's one component of your day, but you're also going to stay up and watch Washington State. Also, so you've got to keep in mind that midnight Pac-12 action. If that, and also, you're probably going to be able to sneak a nap in for that noon game.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Especially if you're at an Illinois game, start drinking at like four. You're going to get a lull. Now, the more exotic, difficult maneuvers, I insist that the most difficult game to get properly calibrated for would be the late Thursday game. Late Thursday, Pac-12, kicking off at like 9 or 10. That's hard to do because you have to be somewhat operational. next day.

I was going to say, especially if it's a home game. If it's a road game, you probably took the day off on Friday. You're fine. But if it's a home game. Either way, I don't know, a Thursday night game, because nobody really works on a Friday. Yeah, but you still got to make an appearance. Yeah, you've got to show up, though. That's all.

And it's going to be on top of sleep deprivation. Like, sleep deprivation is going to make you twice as long over. You can make it to the office. That's all you got to do on the Friday. It's very difficult. Now, yours... I think more difficult. Yours was, I think, maybe completely

completely unreasonable. Well, like the Tuesday or the Wednesday night, the Fun Belt or the Maction, if you're going to one of those games, first of all, you're going to need something in you because let's be honest, we've seen that. There is no sustenance here. I think if you're showing up,

I think Wednesday is another day that nobody actually gets any work done. It's kind of a mini-Friday. I think as long as you're working kind of hard on Tuesday and Thursday, and you're present on Monday, You can't really get fired. So to me, I think the Tuesday night game, obliterate yourself.

To me, that's where you get in your real quality self-harm. And the others, it's all just about finding that perfect amount of nearly unconscious. I think it's also important to point out that bowl games are an entirely different animal in this regard. And I know this because reading that story about how Iowa and Tennessee fans cleared out, the Jacksonville Stadium of all their brown liquor because like you go to the outback bowl that's a noon game on new year's day you've probably made some bad choices because you're in Tampa already you're probably not in fight and shape because of those bad choices you better be careful if you're going to tailgate for the Outback Bowl what is like in New York they drop a

big apple and Atlanta's a peach what do they drop in Tampa who I would say it's a a shotgun, a sought-off shotgun that's been thrown out of a car so the cops can't catch you. So that's how I celebrate the calendar turning over? Yeah. Nope, nope, it's a big CPAP. Big CPAP mask, just falling down.

Yeah, if you're seeing the CPAP mask, you better get tore up. I just want to lead a normal life like everybody else. Florida Bane is the saddest pain. I may be 600 pounds, but in my heart and feather light and that's it ship