Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 3.31

Episode Date: November 11, 2015

Shutdown Fullcast reviews the second week of Playoff Rankings and previews the week to come using a low bid system. It works for the government, so. - The Smooth 'n Sexy Playoff Committee follows up last year's smash hit "Game Control" with their new slow jam, "Body Clock" - Should Kansas be a playoff team, considering how many wins their opponents have? - Jeff Long loves every movie and will give it a glowing review! - LSU-Arkansas is renamed the Layaway Bowl - Who told you Mark Stoops killed his neighbor? That's certainly not true, nor is it relevant to Kentucky basketball. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. We have so much to discuss, gentlemen, joining me, as always, Ryan Nanny from Brooklyn, New York. Say hi, Ryan. Hi, I should warn you before we start that I know we're going to talk about the latest playoff rankings. I don't know what they are. I haven't looked. Oh, that's good. That means we get to expose you to them live.

And by we, I mean me and Jason Kirk are college football editor. Say hello, Jason. Hey, what's that name? Do you want to lay these college football rounds? rankings on Ryan since he's hearing them live for the first time. You can start at like, I don't know, 10 or something and start wherever. Should we start at 10 and then count towards

the top? Yeah. So we can replicate the drama of something everyone else has already heard. All right, well we'll start at 11 where the Florida Gators reside. Okay. I think that's where they were last week. They went down one after

after playing hopscotch with Vanderbilt based on the points. that's fair they replaced a 10 by the Utes okay then we have it which did something

I don't know whatever they I believe they played Washington and handle them easily yeah and that probably didn't count for much but there they are

LSU tumbles down from two after the lost to Bama they're still in the top 10 okay up next is Oklahoma State which beat TCU they take TCU spot some people thought they should

of instead of taking TCU's spot jumped all the way up to four from 14 after beating number eight I don't follow the math but again I only have a degree from a from a big South institution so go owls Alts can't do math

Sanford moves up quite a bit they're up to number seven I think this is a fairer spot for them although a 4210 win over Colorado is what propels them forward in addition to everyone else losing so it's both fair and kind of odd well i don't think i don't think that win had really anything to do with their new ranking nope nope nothing but what we did hear from jeff long after the rankings was that they are factoring

in that stanford had to play a uh 9 a m pacific time game in week one against northwestern and their quote body clocks uh were off i did so i did see the body clock commentary i just didn't know what it was about yeah so apparently the new smart thing to do would be to just play a game at like 5 a.m. And then you can do whatever you want. I remember last year's big term was game control. Girl, let me see that game control. That's follow-up album, Body Clock.

That's going to be great for overseas games now. Girl, let me set your body clock. Let me set that body clock. I'm not comfortable with this. Next. Next is Baylor, holding steady. Holden pat. Okay.

I don't love that. yeah they've scored a lot of points the thing that hurt Baylor was their schedule is now completely the teams they've beaten so far completely free of teams with wins which is how the committee judges a decent win which is kind of caveman math

but it's you know still it's no matter how no matter what numbers you use Baylor ain't played nobody yet Kansas has a schedule full of wins Kansas it's just you can just test one but yeah I mean Kansas has played a lot of good teams.

Put out the mint bowl. Stock it with wins. So now that we've got to six, we're going to jump. We're going to jump up to one, where Clemson resides. Sure. Great. Bama moves up, takes LSU spot. They're number two now, despite being 8 and 1 with the transit of loss to Memphis. Not shocking, but okay.

They've played a bunch of decent teams, and they got a really good win, so whatever. Number three is... By the way, after this week, remember that Navy has a transitive win over Alabama. Yes, which also means that Notre Dame does. Cool. I do like the fact that Ole Miss lost to Arkansas didn't really factor in here at all, but whatever. Sure.

I just remember, losing the Navy means Alabama has its rightful seat as a sub-department of the Department of Defense. Am I right? Bama's basically the Marines now. They've been running it for years, and now it's official. Now they're pirates. Perata. Tuscaloosa or Tripoli, I can't tell the difference.

number three is Ohio State which is being massively disrespected as always number four is Notre Dame which inches upward based on the strength of his close loss to Clemson and the rest of its schedule

just keeps creeping up do you know who's number five Ryan I'm trying to think who we've left out oh I can't believe is this disrespect this is the thing people are hoping about wait hold on hold on hold on on think

is it it's it Iowa it's Iowa Iowa is number five in the country right now yep number five even if they lose

to Minnesota on Saturday they will still be number five next Tuesday morning best five rappers of all time Iowa Iowa Iowa Iowa Iowa Iowa Iowa

this is like when the Senate pro tempore is like you know this close to the presidency Iowa's five man Iowa's like right there That's the Secretary of Agriculture I believe Dude Iowa is our Joe Biden

He's the one that we all find Really amusing As a potential member Of the decision making Corps of this country And we're terrified of it actually happening Like you don't He's right there

Kirk Ferrens does have sort of a Charmless Cabinet member quality to him Kirk Ference could not like nail a treasury department meeting like there there's no one I'd really trust more but first of all he knows a lot about handling a lot of money

I mean he looks a lot like Wesley Clark so I would give him BLM what are we going to do at this useless tract of land in Nevada pun it just put it if you do look on our very handy

dissection of all of these when you look at this Iowa does stick out like a sore thumb which is great their S&P ranking is like in 20 which is the lowest of any in the top eight it's their best win is at Wisconsin

who Alabama completely handled massive disrespect to Pitt as usual as usual sorry Pitt though if you look at Baylor their best win is over West Virginia but we knew that about Baylor coming in

yeah and I mean everyone's best win is over West Virginia so yeah West Virginia in Indiana, remember, because Iowa vaults here in a 3227 win over Indiana, a team that had a margin of loss, Iowa had a larger margin of victory over team chaos, Indiana, than Ohio State. So I think it's official. Indiana is to 2015, what Minnesota was to 2014, i.e., the entire calculus of the playoff rankings hinges on whether you think Indiana is a question. quality win or not I'm just trying to figure out what it was from the rest of their schedule

that vaulted Iowa because like as we've learned it's not really about what you did this week it's about what your entire schedule did this week and Pitt lost Notre Dame that was about it Wisconsin's the quietest eight-win team in college football

though deathly silent yes yeah deathly silent but deadly that's how we would describe Wisconsin a big cheese fart big old cheese fart waft in through the college football playoff picture.

Illinois, Northwestern. Northwestern, again, another lynch-pin team of a lot of people's arguments on overall quality. Right there. And Northwestern, to be clear, did not ask for this. They don't want this level of attention. No, these journalists are involving themselves in the story, and that's just awkward for everyone. I'm banning Northwestern from this safe space. Don't take photographs of us, Northwestern.

Leave. And we won't. it's important we know you don't need to cover anything northwestern but out Missouri's already politely excused themselves from this Missouri is being an unpartial observer of the playoff we wrote that we wrote that in Hayton Asperger but it was like when they said yeah mazoo might have to forfeit that game I'm like well how many in a row is that

offense offense has taken several of those games I think this just proof Syracuse is the best journalism school because they ducked out of the playoff in like week two It's true. They excuse themselves. The ultimate neutrality. Well done, Syracuse. You win again. Sorry, Georgia. There's nothing really here to, I think, get too bent about other than I am delighted that I was at five. And I think you can kind of nitpick a little bit with your three and four spots if you really wanted to.

Here's the fun part. Iowa's remaining schedule of Minnesota, Purdue, Nebraska. will not help their case anymore. If anything, it's going to make them overall weaker on paper. And so that feels like it means Iowa will drop for no fault of its own, and it's going to make Hawkeye fans infuriated. Yeah, I mean, if we look at the Big 12 teams, they're all playing each other. I do love this, too, that all of those teams, their great asset.

that like Purdue matters doubt because Purdue's like by merely touching us, you get weaker Iowa. We're like rogue. You can't. Don't touch us with your bare skin. Put on some gloves. Put on gloves before you Purdue. It looks cold in that game. Man, it must be freezing in Iowa.

Nope. They're playing the X-Men schedule. They're playing Minnesota. That's storm. Then they're playing Purdue. That's rogue. They just suck the life right out of you. And Nebraska is probably Wolverine.

because they can't die, but they mostly just do harm to themselves. That's true. You can't, they can't succeed on their own, but you definitely can't kill them. No. You have to wait for them to get themselves in trouble. And they will. Yeah. You know, this scenario makes Michigan State Sabretooth, which is pretty accurate as well.

So I'm okay with this, is what I'm saying. The other thing about, if you look at the remainder of Notre Dame, schedule okay they play wait sexy podcast i know they play wake they play the boston college and then they get stanford so they actually have one game that matters it's on the road but the other two i do want to note this by the way one thing about that was mentioned in all of this ryan that you are not privy to um is this that one of the things that they cited as a good thing for Notre Dame, is this, that they've managed to overcome injuries, right? And that that was a bonus.

Okay. I guess that's something. Yeah, which means that... It feels sort of Harrison Bergeron. Yeah, which means that if you are to stay healthy, then they would be punishing you for that. It also means it might be wise to go ahead and sorry. sacrifice a few players along the way.

Oh shit, Bama will do that. To just cut some dead weight. If you're right there at five, what you need to do is go James Bond chop a wide receiver right in the neck. That'll bump you up. You're like, wow, Reggie Raglan actually ran head first into the goal post just to injure himself. What a team player.

It's amazing. What you call depth the committee considers unnecessary ballast. That's what I don't get here at all, at all, at all, at all, that they were like, yeah, you know, they've overcome injury. Meanwhile, Baylor didn't budge despite losing its quarterback and winning on the road. It's just the, I mean, the rankings, if you look at them without any of the explanation, it's like, yeah, okay, fine, sure. TCU also has a heavily injured team most of the year. Yeah, fuck them. Okay.

They just move up who they want to move up, and then just sort of words. fall out of Jeff Long's face. You know, like, yeah, TCU, they're probably even more injured than Notre Dame everywhere except quarterback. But it's more fun to think of Jeff Long as, like, the movie reviewer who loves everything and ends up getting all of his blurbs in the television ad for the movie. He's Peter Travers. Yeah, I was just going to say.

Yeah. It's Peter Travers. He's like, Iowa. Outstanding film, thrilling action. Notre Dame, full of heart. A must watch for the entire fan. family. Stanford, woke up early.

It's an eye-opening football team. Stay woke. That's Stanford. Stay woke. Especially when you're on that. The most woke team in the country. You sleep late once. You won't miss it again.

I think that concludes everything that we might want to say about the playoff rankings. This does take us to the remainder of, are we in week 11? Yeah. Who is done? Man, almost done. I'm feeling it, too. I have to admit. It's starting to feel it.

The fatigue is starting to kick in, i.e. We're going to have to watch some action on Tuesday and Wednesday. There's some right now that we're missing, yes. Yeah, we're missing some right now. That's okay. That's okay. We'll come back to you. It'll keep.

To Leah, it will. Maxion keeps unrefrigerated for three weeks. You can leave it on the shelf. It'll be there. It's smoked. it is if you got a good seller that's like six months you can you can put it on the front porch

the dogs will leave it alone yeah uh which may not be a good thing but yeah Thursday we have Virginia Tech at Georgia Tech which you probably shouldn't watch but it's Frank

good God it's Frank Beamer's farewell tour yeah we'll we'll be saying farewell very enthusiastically if we watch that game Yeah, I mean, these two teams, they have a little rivalry. So that'll be, if you don't look at the records. And you shouldn't. Don't even glance.

If you're just now tuning into the season, shh, don't even look. Don't even look. This is Orange Bowl champions going at it. That's right. This is about two teams that are hard and physical. That's also a good movie way to approach this game. Being like Academy Award nominee. Former national champion, Georgia Tech.

This is Cuba Gooding Jr. you're talking about. Marissa Tomei. Cuba Gooding Jr. That guy from Life is Good. It's good. Roberto Benini. Yeah. I didn't want to remember his name.

And yet you did. Although I like that you called the movie Life is Good. Is that the name? No, it is not. What is the name of that movie? It's life is beautiful. It's just stupid. I didn't know what movie you were even talking about.

Slightly dumb. Life is good as a t-shirt company, right? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, life is okay. Life is fine. The famous movie. The Jason Kirk's story. Life is all right.

Life is all right. Then is there anything besides, there's nothing during the week. USC at Colorado, if you're really into sadism. You're going to watch that on 8 p.m. Friday. But there are actual games this week. Games, which I think on the whole, probably looked a lot better, pre-season, if we're being real honest.

Georgia Auburn? Yeah, you're sub-tweeting Georgia Auburn already. I'm, though, I'm direct tweeting them, son. At them. I'm adding them. Yeah, I am adding you, Georgia and

Auburn. You've ruined CBS's entire schedule. It's at noon. It's at noon. I didn't know CBS did noon games. I know. How often does this happen?

Is that possible? That's a body clock issue. We got to get this over with. yeah that uh we have that which could have been like a preseason must watch and now it's relegated to the jp the jefferson pilot yeah i know it's right in that old jefferson pilot lincoln financial network slot just let yellow fella call this game you know ref it too if they just stopped calling the game in the third quarter you think anyone would notice no no no well god would but god god god would take over the call His bulldogs and his tigers are going at it to see who he disfavors most.

I am by default more of an Auburn man being God. God hates all his animals and that's why they die. Luckily, Auburn has backup animals. Yeah, backup animals that got kicked off of George's Ark. Florida at South Carolina is also a noon game. Don't watch it, man. It's going to be bad. Florida with kind of nothing to play for at South Carolina.

Carolina, that sounds hideous. I mean, I guess there's sort of an outside shot at the playoff, but you're not beating Bama, so nothing to play for her. No, I hate you for saying that, but it's totally true. It's true. Yeah, it's going to be ugly. I'm prepared for it. Instead, on ABC, tune in and watch the Yellow Buck Trophy.

You said that with a straight face. I did. I made it. Hey, man, this is like the eighth anniversary of Juice Williams, so anything could. This is Juice Williams and Richard Mendett Hall. Anything could happen. I didn't say that with a straight face. Yeah.

Ohio State going to Illinois. I think agreed, by the way, funniest loss of the year if this happened. Is Bill Cubit the most stable entity in the Illinois athletic department right now? Yes. Awesome. Who's their basketball coach? I think it's also Bill.

Okay. It's Bill Cubit. I want to say it's Tom Crean, but that's not accurate at all. No, Bill Cubit is doing that thing where you're. at the end of your teaching tenure and you're just trying to add sports and activities so your last salary is good for pension purposes. Bill Cupid also teaches Illinois Yearbook.

I'm going to name a couple of other games before we get to the big ones. I want to tell you the exact, I want you to tell me the exact dollar amount you had paid watch each of these if you had to buy them a la carte. Which you don't because we don't pay players. Because television is perfect.

Is this TV or live or what? No, no, no. I'm going to give you just watching it. You can find it, okay? Like, you want to watch it live? Great. That's an option here. You want to watch it on TV?

Great. It's going to cost you the same amount of money. All right. So like a Wake Forest game. Okay, yeah. I'm just going to give you a couple here, okay? Okay. Our nation's number one, Clemson, at Syracuse.

I don't think I'd pay any money to watch that. How much money would you have to be paid to watch it? I am paid to watch it. I'd take, if you gave me $10, I'd watch it. Okay, $10? Yeah, is Eric... I'll do $9. I'll do $9, Spencer. $1. $1.

Shit. I will underbid all of you. I suck at this. I'm getting this government contract. The lowest bidder wins again. And the product will be great. Yeah, this is not a game you want to watch. How about, if I'm looking further down, Michigan at Indiana.

Ooh, that's much better. Yeah, you know what? I'd pay about $7 to watch this game. But I feel like I've seen that movie already. Well, yeah, but I saw the Avengers sequel. $7. All right. Is there snacks?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. It's a Midwest. Come on. Okay, you win that one. You can have it for seven. Okay. getting into a real game here

Alabama at Mississippi State I'd rather watch Michigan, Indiana to be quite honest this is because Jason and I are both members of Team No Hope when it comes to Mississippi State like it must just good and they're just poor man everything yeah across the board

Dag Prescott is basically poor man Tebow, right? Yeah, I like... It'd be cool if they put up a really good game, but it's just not going to happen, guys. Ever. Although they might score two touchdowns this time. Put them down for it, two touchdowns.

That's a, yeah, they are a two... We can say this. You can bank it. They are a two touchdown favorite by our metrics, i.e. we think we'll score two touchdowns, and we will favorite this if it were a tweet. Just got a whole Bama to 13 then. Yeah.

Yeah, that'll happen. Yeah. And my last one to ask, how much money would you pay to watch this? We'll go all the way down to Arkansas at LSU. I'd probably be my, the highest bit of the one so far, maybe like $4.

Can I split it and pay some for the first half and then decide if I want to pay for the second half? Oh, what? Do you want to put this game on layaway? Yeah, kind of. That should probably change this trophy. The golden boot, it's cool, but yeah, the layaway ball. This is the Aaron's rent-to-own bowl.

Uh-huh. I would, I will tell you this, Arkansas at LSU, I'd pay a flat $10. Something messed up is going to happen. The thing I like about this is Ryan pays for the first half and he gets repossessed. That seems fine. We're taking that memory out of your brain. Oh, you spilled Gatorade all over it. Sorry.

Come on, that's not what an LSU fan is feeling all over it. It's, there's other things in the Gatorade. Like clarified butter. Like crab. Clarified butter, crab. A little bit of some okra in there. It's called Bayou Blast. Yeah, Bayou Blast.

You drink it and you chew. It's still blue. First you make a room. It's got crawfish in it. It's still blue somehow. It hydrates and intoxicates at the same time. Like all of Gatorade, it starts with celery, carrots and onions. It's a little known fact

It'll knock you on your ass The other actual games this week There is Baylor finally getting a chance To put something like quality on their schedule Byler's season starts Baylor season starts On November

What, 15th? Yeah Yeah 14th 14th November there is mark out of the calendar November 14th at 7 p.m. Central. Baylor season starts because they host Oklahoma. They host a team that lost to Texas.

You make it sound so bad. It is pretty bad. I'm just not going to let it go. It happened. This is why Jason would be a terrible cousin. Because no matter what you did with your life, if you were number one in your college, became an accomplished doctor. you know, cured a disease. Jason will be like, yeah, but remember that time you shit yourself in church

when you were ate? Remember that time you ate a marshmallow out of your butt crack on a dare? Yeah, I do. Hook them. Yeah, hook them. Oklahoma shit itself. Everyone saw it.

Never letting you forget this. Poopie pants, Oklahoma. Pooh, pooh, pooh, pooh. Stoops Bob poops Got it for me a Bob poop Big game poops I still

You know what I can't even make a serious point now Now we're just pointing to Bob Stoops In his dirty drawers Which to me says That's 30 years ago you son of bitch You know the Stobs brothers have something like that right Yeah, that's why Mike keeps getting work. Because it was something Bob did.

That's a different dynamic. I was thinking Bob has something over on Mike, but it's the other way around. Oh, yeah, yeah. And Mark's probably got something so terrifying. They don't like, oh, I remember the time Bob pooped his pants? Ha, ha, Mike, you remember that time? I caught you, like, spanking at the bathroom. Then Mark will be like, remember the time you caught me killing my neighbor?

Mark, you have to move to Kentucky. Oh, God. Yeah. It's cool to kill your neighbor in Kentucky. they'll understand you there mark it's fine who'll be with your people well he wasn't a basketball recruit

was he well then it's fine I killed him because of the castle doctrine we were playing dungeons and dragons he rented my castle so I stabbed him I told you it was satanic you made a stoop's bad any other thing else of note that we're looking at for this week

besides BYU at Missouri hmm the number five Iowa Hawkeyes welcome Minnesota A chance to add another quality win. It's not quality win now, but it surely will be by the end of the season because that's just how Minnesota works. But the

number five Iowa Hawkeyes are in business. Minnesota's wins truly are like cheese. They only get richer with time. Like, hmm, this just started out as a humble cheddar. It's morphed into something so much more luxurious and complex. Playing Minnesota, it's like

buying like 100 Ken Griffey's Jr. rookie cards. expecting like to retire off that and then you look up and like oh everybody else did that too everybody else beat Minnesota also Minnesota played 38 games 1-9

bowl eligible so tired yeah I was gonna say Jason this actually was your retirement plant wasn't it yeah I'm actually 76 years old I'm still working it was actually Fred McGriffords though I keep them young in Kennesaw it's all the guns

Guns. Guns. They keep you young. Hook them. Should we care about Oregon, Stanford at all? No. Okay. Cool.

Maybe at the time. We should just end on that. No. No. No, actually, I do want to mention one more. Okay. It should be a little late, late, late, late, late, late, late, late, late, late, late, late, late, late. Oh, boy.

1045. Fuck you, Pac-12. How are you doing this to us? You're fucking with my body clock. If I lose to Northwestern Sunday morning, this is all the facts of his fault. Washington State is kicking off at 1045 at a good team, so they're going to be down early, so they're going to be passing even more. God. God damn it, we're going to be going to sleep at four. Luke Hawk is going to have like 900 yards passing.

He's going to have 90 pass attempts. Like late at night during these games, I don't think. even get tired. I just get mad. Like, I'm not even like, I feel sleepy. I'm like, why? Am I still watching this bullshit? The Back 12 is the baby that we can't get sleep trained. God damn it. Why won't you sleep? You know I love you.

I'm just sitting there with the white noise machine and the vacuum cleaner on next to the TV. I'll drive you around in the car or whatever it takes. It's like my daughter when she was, when she was a baby, the only way to get her to sleep, except during, like, extremely late at night, was to hold her at a certain angle next to the washing machine while it was on. So, like, you had to do that until your back was sore, like, while blowing through money on the water bill, just to keep the thing running, that's you, Pac-12, the things you make us do.

That's the only way Cal plays defense, too. If you hold them at a certain angle, turn the water on. My favorite stat of the season so far might be a mediocre Oregon, working its school record against cow because everyone everyone's pretty good again when they play cow sorry cow sorry gal we still love you are cow bears also Washington state having what like setting a record for rushing attempts under mike leach and only having like five more than last year yeah they're still last in the country still yeah we doubled our rushing attempts and you're still last yeah you doubled from like one to two but they were really good too

Yeah, it's like eight yards. Eight more than they had before they run the bell. Huh? Roughly. Roughly. Anyway, number five, Iowa. Number five, Iowa. Number five.

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