Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 3.32

Episode Date: November 16, 2015

Spencer declares this the best week of the college football season thus far and admires the ability of Arkansas to maintain the exact same level all year while others rise and fall. Jason channels Mike Leach to tell you how trees with lips cannot be trusted and says nice things about Syracuse. Ryan says some dumb shit about Checkers and Scott Storch. Oh, and we also discuss USC's new coach. He's a veteran who knows how to win at all levels! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. Oh my, oh my goodness. Dear Lord, in heavens above, this is the fullcast where we react to what the week has given us in terms of college football. And lo! It hath given us a bounty. Joining me, Ryan Nanny from Brooklyn, New York. Say hello, Ryan. Hello, this is my speaking voice.

I'm an authentic New Yorker. I invented everything. Because I have better water than you do, especially if you live in Georgia. That's great coming right there from, because our water comes from Tennessee, and there's no telling what foul misery, those bass fishing bumpkins are spitting into our drinking water. They're both full of, they're both full of bodies, but our bodies have more of like a backstory to them. That's true, a narrated backstory. Yeah.

Presented by NPR. Self-actualized bodies. And those who say things like those. In NPR speak. Neither. Neither body was recovered. Neither. W.

A fellow W. A fellow W. Appreciator. And by that, I mean saying the word like that. The letter itself. The somewhat accented Jason Kirk from Kennesaw, Georgia. Hi, Jason. How you doing?

Maybe it's, I've never really thought about how to say that letter. W? I've always said W. And then I started listening to NPR about a decade and a half ago consistently, and I have heard various pronunciations, but a typical steady W. W. N.YC. Who has time for all that? NPR does, because they don't have ads.

So in like 1997, when they want to send you to a website, they say W-W-W? Yep. Good God. Although you could do the awkward thing people did in the early days in the Internet, which is to say triple-d. double-dub. Welcome to the NPR triple-dub, fam. So if you actually say it all, you're saying triple-W-W-W-W. That's some scrabble shit. That's six, that's six U's. You're trying to get triple words go with life. You're getting all kind of points off that website. Triple-double

you is a phrase you should use to describe a basketball defender that you just embarrassed for a whole game. You triple-dubled him. Yeah. Him or her. that that is not what we're going to discuss tonight as much as I would love to make fun of NPR pronunciation are you saying we don't signpost appropriately on this program we might not okay we might play fake frequently yeah our offense is complex and often incoherent and we don't know what we're running much like Jimbo Fisher it's pretty much that all the time it's a 9,000 page playbook gets get a lot of content in there we're going to get everybody in there I'm really in the business is just counting NFL GMs out of money it's all that I do. How's E.J. Manuel doing? Ah, let's just never, yeah. Never mind. It doesn't matter. Got that, got, got that kickback from the printer for the playbooks this year. Got paid. Extra $700. It adds up. The thing I want to discuss was this weekend in college football for once.

Just addressing this, it was awesome. Full quality. End to end, a brilliant, not only weekend, but going back to Thursday. going back to everything that happened throughout the entire week of college football, just an outstanding slate overall. Yeah. I mean... Me, don't get enthusiastic all at once.

Unless you were on the ass side of it, there were a lot of people on the ass side of this weekend. That's all I'm saying. Unless you caught the blues. I mean, it was good. I don't know. I don't know about the pacing of it. Like, Saturday started slow if Saturday always does,

and the afternoon wasn't that. credible, but the night was pretty jam-packed, and we didn't have, like, you know, we've had like four all-time crazy endings this year. We didn't have one of those, but it was pretty good, though. I mean, if you're a Florida slash Washington State fan, then I can see why you would have enjoyed it. I would say that, well, I am a fan of chaos, and nothing beats this, that yesterday you had Indiana, Michigan. Not the first game that anybody was going to pull off the shelf when mentioning how things were going to go, but we're here,

went down to the final play and then into overtime beyond that. Indiana being, I think, the most compelling foil for a game, you don't want them to be the main ingredient, but they're a hell of a spice. They're kind of their own dimension. Like,

if you're playing Indiana, you're playing the Indiana game. And it's not like it's not as if it's a genre of game. It's an exact game. You're playing a specific blueprint. The Indiana, you're adopting the Indiana model for the day. Right. Things are going all Indiana. It's the episode of Star Trek the next generation where Q shows up where you go, oh, okay, we're not worrying about plot. We're not worrying about plot. Okay, so we're going to like medieval Venice now. Yeah, with no explanation.

Cool. What's the term, the bottle episode? Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to spend much money. This doesn't, this doesn't impact the season arc as a whole. This has nothing to do with any of the, any of the plot actually. It's a stand-alone. If somebody dies here, it doesn't count. Yeah, somebody could die here. Q's not really going to win, right? Because Q doesn't even understand winning, right? He wants to come in, like Loki, create some mischief.

Just wants to stress you out for an hour. Yeah, and prove some kind of obscure and dispoint, which might not even make sense in your primitive human understanding of rational thought. That's Indiana football. And that's exactly what you want. It's great to just drop in and watch that because they made Michigan sweat and yes, ultimately lost.

But a delightful game to watch nonetheless. I also really enjoyed let's see, USC Colorado because Colorado tried real hard and lost. But they tried real hard. Even your terrible

slag heap of a Virginia Tech, Georgia Tech game on Thursday, it was a 23-21 game that was reasonably tense there was a comeback and all that yeah no there was some bona fide tussling and hustling in that game

and you got Frank Beamer making a weird face at the end where he's like I don't know how I win games either yeah and even in that the sport there's always some sort of a silly steak and in that it was Frank Beamer's Thursday night legacy

which he's got a lot of great legacies and the Thursday night thing at Virginia Tech is kind of cool, but it's just funny that that is a legitimate thing to take pride in winning a Thursday night football game. I'm passing this checkers down to you, and I want you to run it just as well. It's just checkers, Dad. I don't want it really want to. No, this is my legacy. 800 square feet on a concrete pad somewhere between a Coles and this Dollar General. And another Coles. Yep. Okay, Dad. Sure, Coach. These apple pies are important. They keep people alive on Thursday.

Flesh of my flesh. Big Buford of my big Buford. Put that on your tombstow, Jason. Dang it. Is that the name of their bird? That doesn't matter. It is now. I just looked it up.

The Big Buford, yes. Your fiction has become more compelling than reality and thus replaces it. The Checkers versus changed forever. Clemson, even this. Like Clemson, Syracuse. Clems and Syracuse, like Syracuse, put up a good fight. Syracuse played hard as hell. They do, man.

I mean, I can't use the verb do because I don't ever watch them other than when they're playing Clemson or LSU. But in this game, I mean, they were going after it, man. They did not look like a 3 and 16. The problem with Syracuse that they're going to have to face going into next year is this, that one of the fun storylines with them, and for a 3 and 7 team, I use the word fun really loosely. But at one point,

Zach Mahoney, their starting quarterback, who by the way, like I had 80 yards passing and went 8 for 21, and it was going to be the clear starter at Syracuse. So let's not get too excited.

But at one point, he was their fifth string starter. And next year, you know, he'll probably be what, their starter. So they have to take away like the mystique of,

man, our fifth stringer is killing it. Can we, the flip side, I'm in, impressed that they convinced five quarterbacks to come play for Syracuse. Well, there you go. Seeing the positive stuff. That's like when you go to a college student's dorm room and you're like, hey, you have

a Swiffer. That's pretty good. Man, being an investment banker, you know, it's tough. You have to work like 80 hours a week and who's going to do that? We can find five people to do it. We'll find five people. Please don't. Syracuse quarterback does not pay as well as investment banker.

Oh, no. No, no, no. Not in the least. The other game, but like even that, Syracuse played really, really hard. And if you just skate past the embarrassments that Alabama, Ohio State and Notre Dame had to play, sorry, Mississippi State. Man. Then you get to some really compelling games.

Iowa, five-point game with Minnesota, where Minnesota came back and tried to make it a game in the end. Baylor, Oklahoma, an outstanding game front to back. No complaints about anything that happened in that game. Oregon, possibly saving their season, beating Stanford, and kneecapping, of course, any hopes of one lost team coming out of the Pack 12, in addition to Utah losing to Arizona. Yet another exciting game, Iowa State taking Oklahoma State to the wire in Ames. And again, I'm not going to downgrade Oklahoma State winning in Ames. That's been a problem in the past.

Hi, 2011. Just going to skip over, TCU. Kansas? No, no, we shouldn't even skip past that. No, you can. It's okay. No, have you watched can't? All right.

That's, that's a question that embarrasses me and you, but we're both going to do it. I'm just going to go there. Go ahead. I'll say it. Ready? Yeah. Have you watched Kansas play football this year? No.

Okay. Jason, have you watched Kansas play football this year? Technically, yes. Technically, okay. I watched them play TCU yesterday. Okay. That team has absolutely no talent whatsoever. And that's purely in a numbers sense.

Yeah. Chemically. It's like saying there's nothing to do in this town and there's not a town there. Yeah, exactly. We're not, I'm sorry, if you happen to be a Kansas football fan, listen to this. It's a matter of mathematics. There's no talent in the biblical currency sense. Yeah, you don't have any cubits of football.

ball okay you're the California drought of FBS right now and that's okay you're rationing and we appreciate that deeply you are rationing because there's so much football elsewhere your lawn is dead your lawn is dead and you haven't showered in a week

the Zara escaped football team that's you Kansas succulence no yeah exactly a lot of cactus man you can use it for a salad you won't but Kansas is

played way better than they did last year. Now, I understand that's coming from a point of, well, we've gone from pit to sub-pit, right? But, and I don't mean P-I-T, because P-I-T, because P-I-T's actually pretty good, I mean P-I-T. The only thing about that, I mean, Kansas is very bad. And they kind of did this to TCU last year as well. Yeah.

Like, the TCU game last year was the one big, score for the frogs and I don't know does Kansas just have some sort of frog antidote I think it would be this that Gary Patterson probably doesn't even put them on the menu right

this week we play someone the opponent this week we're on a bye the opponent is you you're going to have to dig deep and overcome yourself to do well in this game shadow frogs what is this play call

what is what is release yourself of doubt is that a pass this is some batman begin shit coach this is fake deep this is so this is some hotep coaching coach this is so twitter deep yeah i think they just don't pay any attention to that and even kansas showed out and played i think as well as they possibly can't by the way kansas we could say this about you for two to three years it's going to be a real long time i mean it's going to be tc u someday someday. Specifically TCU. In the infinite stretch of history, extending unto infinity, you will beat TCU. We'll put it like this. You have probably beaten TCU at some point.

So go back and look at the record books. Okay. Here is a close game that went down to the fourth quarter that I bet you can't say anything good about. Okay. Georgia 20, Auburn 13. You are correct. I can't say a damn thing. No, I got one. The jokes online were very fun. Cool.

I can't say anything good about the content visually of the game, but the reactions to it were amazing because this was a nooner, and Georgia fans were so on the ledge that it just felt like they were not at all prepared for what they were staring down the barrel of that early. And then it flipped onto Auburn fans having, catching, you know, catching that same treatment.

I do like that Georgia has somehow in the last, the situation of Georgia has somehow become slightly less tenable in the last two weeks because, you know, they, after the Florida game, things are bad, everybody's saying, Jeremy Pruitt's going to get fired, he's fighting in the halls, he's, he's, he's, uh, he's that member of the breakfast club, he's Judd Nelson. but then they go out and his defense looks great two weeks in a row and granted it's against Kentucky and Auburn so you don't know they'll make you look good that's fine but they the defense won that game for them yesterday defense and special teams offense sure didn't do anything are you saying that Brian Schadenheimer should not punch anyone this week shoot

I don't know. I mean, if Jeremy Pruitt was punching people and that got the defense to start playing better, maybe the answer is more punching. And maybe what I'm saying is Mike Loxley needs to get the Georgia job. I will say this too. This game was as horrendous a wasteland for offense as it looks at for 2013. Straight trash. Straight trash.

Neither quarterback passed for over 100 yards. It looks worse, by the way, when you look at Auburn, because at least Georgia, Georgia knows. They only pass the ball 17 times. They're approaching Navy equilibrium. Right? Where they're like, oh, man, we hit 15 passes. Something went wrong.

Georgia has an identity, and that identity is, like, witness protection. Auburn is like, Auburn has no idea what it wants to be. It wants to be kind of everything. Auburn is your neighbor who swears if you if you invest in his startup you're going to be rich this game

the only the only scoring play don't look at the scoreboard it's a lie the only scoring play was a punt return I don't care what the box square tells you there's a lot of this game there's a point return it's it's it there's allegedly a rushing TD on the ledger for both

false false don't know where that came from they actually like the SAT they just got that for showing up you put your name down and you get a you get a rushing tini yeah and the one that baffles me georgia does georgia makes sense to me they hired a terrible offensive coordinator because we can just say that brian shotheimer's bad and they got a terrible offense they got a terrible offense nick chub got injured and i know nick chub got injured that sucks you have a really good offensive line and you got caught without a quarterback i don't know how that happens Georgia rarely gets caught without a quarterback

It happens from time to time But this is bad You had to get a UVA transfer Who everyone was really excited about After he threw for big yards against That's right, South Carolina The second worst team in the SEC East Yeah

Things are pretty bad at Georgia But they're not Auburn Man they're not Auburn man Auburn, consider this. Brian. Auburn locked up at least a tie. And we talked about this in the office on Saturday night.

Roger Sherman pointed out that Auburn locked up at least a tie for last place in the SEC West. And then pointed out, yeah, and they don't really go through the tiebreaker scenarios for that as it turns out. Yeah, they don't really, they don't quibble over that spot. And this is a team that universally lauded as a.

top 10 or top five team going into the 2015 season. Auburn, Ryan, this quote is my favorite thing I've heard. What did Will Mouschamp say? So Will Mouschamp earlier today on Sunday was asked, I think, something generic about how the team was preparing for Alabama, who they play in two weeks. Before that, I have another game. So Will Must champ says, we're just focusing on Idaho

and getting bowl eligible. Mmm. Delicious. Same. Yep. Yep. I am also just focusing on beating Idaho and getting bowl eligible in my daily life.

Two and five in the SEC. Two and five. That's Auburn right now. And now Petrino's coming to town. You don't even get Prime Petrito this year, son. If you lose to him, another petrino's coming to town. That's the worst. It's like, you know, you know how sometimes you're just having a shitty month or something,

but you've already told a family member or friend like, yeah, you can say it with me for this weekend. You're just, oh, damn it. Paul, Paul's coming in town. Shit. He's going to raise hell, too. Yeah, that's exactly. Like, I really want some sort of, like, all-brother coaching staff to form where, like, Paul Petrino, Carl Polini,

Various Stoopses, right? Oh, is it not all the brothers? No, no, no, it's all the sub-brothers? It's the Casaside brothers, yeah. Castaside brothers and or feckless sons. So, yeah, a couple Bowdens. Yeah, man, we got a couple of, got a couple of pre-mo, not Terry, because Terry can coach.

You know, you know, ironically, the team that fits this brother, that would be the Keynes, of course. God, that'd be great. just hire all of these like Danny nut Not even Houston Right like Houston Houston would want it

You know I can do that job No we want Danny Oh you'd go Dave Shula right Definitely Ironically you go Lane Kiffin Hmm The lane to rule them all No we go Chris

No come on Yes Chris won that head to head Chris is pretty good too It's like It's not like we would be. They're both pretty good at being assistants, actually. Other games, by the way, of note.

Yes, Wazoo won. I'm so happy about this. Mostly because that game, it didn't end until like three in the morning. It sure didn't. No, it really didn't. Had to stay up. The Pac-12 went off late. They went off and went off properly late with Utah,

going into OT with Arizona. Arizona had a non-passing quarterback. That means, yeah, the winning TD was, of course, a passing TD after Anu Solomon was knocked out. So Utah falls to 8 and 2. Pac-12's out, which I don't really care. The Pac-12 is so fun to watch. I feel like this frees up the Pac-12. Like, if the title game comes down to, you know, Washington State, Utah or whatever, we don't have to worry about, oh, man, Washington State's going to knock out the Pac-12.

No. Oh, no. No one cares. Yeah, do you? Pass the ball 58 times and a half. And as soon as I said that, somebody's going to hit me with actually the tiebreaker. Man, listen. God wants Wazoo in the Pac-12 title game, so it's going to happen.

Mike Leach. Mike Leach won't even, yeah, did we win? Is that the conference game? Oh, okay, good. I liked him in the post game. Should we bring chips? The post-game interview, they were telling him, hey, did you know, did you know, Utah loss and Stanford lost, and he just said,

yeah, well, we thought we had Stanford beat too. Anyway, this is a pretty good win. He just starts talking shit about Stanford, kind of. Thank you, President Reagan. Beating Stanford, that's no big deal. We almost did that.

Nerl. You know, Leland Stanford was a real son of a bitch if you read the history books. He's an adventurous man, but he was not without his faults. He thought the East was kind of sleepy So it came back Interesting thing about Leland-Stanford Railroads

Just eight hours later Trees with lips As far as those go They're not as musical as you're led to believe In subcultures they're revered as gods In others they're burnt Heck I think that's the way it ought to be Which one of those two?

Tune in to find out It's my post-game show See you guys later I'm gonna walk eight miles home Through a lentil patch I just realize Mike Leach probably has a calling show In Pullman Why is this not weekly

A weekly thing for everyone Well he's in Key West when he does it That's where he spends all the way That's where he spends the week Hey you're listening to coach You're listening to coach in the iguana It's a literal iguana Say hi,

He's highly intelligent speak Spanish It's a great guy He's gonna get a FCS job Pretty soon here Don't worry Arkansas LSU was another one That I enjoyed

Which albeit not a close game I just like Arkansas Rolling in and whipping ass Because my theory on Arkansas is this They are as a team From a zero to 100 rating 100 being perfect 100 being like 1995 Nebraska

And zero being I don't know Idaho 2015 in Nebraska 2015? No, they're like a 37. Nice. No, they'd be UCF. 2015 UCF.

Yeah. So is it Arkansas starts at UCF and works its way toward Nebraska? No, I think that... It just fluctuates? I think every team fluctuates a little bit. Arkansas does not. I think Arkansas starts the year at like a 74. Like, they're about at a 74.

And then they plummet. No, they're steady. the whole time. Everyone else just regresses, right? Because this has happened two years in a row now where, actually three, where we look at Arkansas and go, man, they figure it out at the end of the year. Nope. They just do the same damn thing. It's a Doppler. It's a Doppler effect going on. Is it 127 teams all get worse as Arkansas stays the same? Yep. They're the only team that just maintains the exact same level of play the entire time, right?

So this is, I'm not crazy. Everyone else is crazy. This is, what you're describing is how Galilei, this is the same principle by which Galileo was like, no, we move around the sun. And in this case, the sun is Brett Bielba. Mm-hmm. Well, he's warm and round. What's wrong about him as a large cosmic body? Good morning, birchine. Moonshine.

Shit. I'm going to end up that in post. Too late. Nah. We'll fix it. We'll fix it in post. Yeah. That's it.

that Arkansas just maintains the exact same level of play the entire time so that by the time everybody else has gotten injured, bored, their chemistry's been poisoned, they've lost half their depth chart, that by the time you face Arkansas at the end of the season, they're fine, man. Yeah, you just don't have anything left. So is it let, like, Toledo, like, hey, hey, hey, what are you trying to prove?

Like, Toledo back in week two when they beat Arkansas. Like, whoa, whoa, come on. Yeah, no, come on, man. We got another like 13 weeks. of this. You guys are going way too hard. Bring that shit back in November, see how it flies. We'll just let you have that.

Texas, text, like, we'll go frenetic, no, huddle, bang, bang, boom, zoom. Bilema's like, whoa, chill, bro. It's a long poker tournament. I'm just looking to stay at the table. I'm going to fold. I wonder if Arkansas thinks it doesn't realize that it plays 12 separate games. It thinks it's playing one extremely long game with a six-day break in between. Yeah, this was, this was.

just the first quarter of a 12-quarter game. Don't ask me what the word quarter means. Well, the 12-quarter game has been a reality for Arkansas in the past couple of weeks. That's happened a few times. I like if you go and look at the longest games in college football history, like half of them are

Arkansas. That's because they put other games on layaway. It's a hard, it's a hard scrabble economy in Arkansas, often. Not much money unless you work for the Walmart family. Yeah, these overtime quarters may not taste great, but you're going to need them in the winter.

It's true. Stock up on them. They're fatty. Look, they finally came in the mail. We paid for them. Told you. That installment plan. Told you Columbia House was a good investment.

My big theory, by the way, is that Arkansas football. The reason that they play in both Fayetteville and Little Rock is to escape creditors. Well, I think it's a tax dod. They're not very smart. I think it's a tax dods. And they're like, no, that's not my primary residence.

Hey, no, I'm paying in-state tuition. No, no, no, no. They're both in the same state. Are they? Are they? I think Little Rock's win independent. It's like the Vatican. Yeah, it's its own city state.

It's got guys with outdated weapons, so same thing. Yeah. That and Arkansas played a five. They played like a five-two front, clamped down on Leonard Four Net, who only had 91 yards rushing. I think people have figured LSU out. Except LSU has not. That's something. Except for LSU.

I do like LSU's passing game, which is Whip it up there, and if the five-star pulls it down, cool, if not, well, we're running then. Yeah, what are we running? Malachi Dupri, that's what we're running. It's the name of this past play. We're going to whip it toward the sideline. See if anybody grabs it.

It's called twoverts. It's called one vert. It's why they're so good the NFL, because they really have never had a route to run, right? So they're like, I don't know, just wrote what they got from L. He's like a running back. Wait, I can turn? Yeah, what? You want me to pivot?

What? That's what it is. Their hips are so fresh. There's no wear on the hips. That, that, and if I had to give you the number of yards, this is the other shocking thing. The number of yards that LSU surrendered to Arkansas on the ground. There's a lot. Don't look.

I know it's a lot. I mean, I think, I know without looking, um, Alex Collins had something like 150 on his own. At 141. So I think it ended up being around 2.30 that Arkansas ran for. One yard short of three bills. Arkansas ran for 299 yards on the ground. So is LSU good?

No. No. LSU is fine. Ellis, I mean, what we are unfortunately realizing is that LSU is about as good as Florida, which is why they beat Florida by seven points. Unfortunately, Florida is not the kind of good that LSU would like to be this season. Right. Hooray.

So who's the SEC's second best team? The SEC's second best team? Oh, God, this is terrifying. This is an awful question, and I hate it. Thank you. I can tell you who I think the SEC's second best team is right now. Do it, do it. Call them.

I think it's Arkansas. Call the Hawks. And again, this goes back to my theory. Arkansas plays at exactly one level, and everyone else is just winded at that point, right? So like Auburn was playing great, and then the season started, and now it's way below Arkansas. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi, I'm calling for hogs. yeah like everyone else just kind of regressed down to their to their level of play you know and then sunk below it that's the SEC's second best team right now is Arkansas it ain't Florida not the way Florida's been playing no

and that's mostly a matter of you know Trey on Harris Florida's defense by the way unheralded greatness at this point like really really good especially a fully healthy Florida. Maybe that's a clear number two. Maybe. A fully healthy and unsanctioned Florida. Let them dogs off the chain. Come on. What's wrong with gaining a little mass? What's

you got against religion? Losing that restrictive plate. Yeah. Just get Will Greer back in there. I think the second best SEC team is Ole Miss's offense and Vanderbilt's defense. Good God. Yeah. Yeah. We got a

Frankenstein. this shit. Yeah, you have to do that and slap it together, because it's not LSU right now. It's certainly not Old Miss. Old Miss is so wildly inconsistent, particularly with the complete inability to run the ball. Old Miss could be anywhere between second best and second worst. Old Miss could be anywhere between first best and eighth worst. It just depends on what day it is.

Ole Miss is definitely not second worst, sir. Yeah. Definitely not second worst. That's true. They did look better against Memphis than Vandy did against Houston. Speaking up, man, Houston. They're so cool. They're very cool.

I'm so happy about that. Texas is one true team. Texas's only undefeated team in which they tweeted out like when Baylor's body had just hit the ground. Like Baylor had just taken one. Just calling your window. Seriously, they photoshopped that. They had to Photoshop that like before Baylor had even lost because it was like instant. Like back on Tuesday, somebody's like,

All right, so after we win and Baylor loses, we're going in. What kind of heat we're going to drop on Baylor as soon as Baylor loses? Which prompted Jason to write a post where he included that tweet and then said to Salute Houston, we're just going to post the video for Still Tipping 10 times in a row. It's a rap song about GameCube. And Roger watched all 10 of them. Man, I watched it about six times. Yeah, I had it going for a while too.

yeah and remembered my favorite things about that video which were and the song one Gucci shades up on my braids when I escalate two slim thugs mysteriously demure and slim mustache like he's a huge man and he has like the tiniest daintiest little as skinny Friedman on Twitter put it the Mambo number five muskash the peppy le pew yeah he's like this giant dude behind the wheel of this massive slab and he has the mustache that Lou Bega has. It's like he's smuggling a second mustache somewhere on his person where you can't see it. Yeah, like he's got a job as a Mater D in a swanky restaurant when he's not doing this, right? In the 1920s. In the 19, exactly. Right this way, sir. The Rockefellas, yes, they were here last night.

Found the oysters unacceptable That I enjoy Paul Wall Pre 300 pound weight gain When he's merely like 220 Because Paul Wall by the way Had to get gastric bypass Here's a tough question Can you say with certainty

That Paul Wall and Scott Storch Are different people? Yes Yes Are you sure? Yes I have not seen a vine of Paul Wall playing a keyboard while smoking while getting a haircut. But would you be surprised if you did?

I would. Yes, because I do not think he can play a keyboard. No, and Paul Wall's all about health now. He's actually quite fit looking, even for Paul Wall. He claims that drank messed up as metabolism. Sure. Are you suggesting it slowed it down? My metabolism's all chopped and screwed.

Excuse me, that's what it do. Use the wallism. Yeah, Paul Wall. What did it do, Paul Wall? What did it do? It slowed down your metabolism, Dr. Wall. That's true, Ryan. It chopped and screwed my pituitary gland so that I had to get gastric bypass, and I no longer tip

and cannot be said to be still tipping. I'm not still tipping. It would appear that your thyroid is in love with a stripper. anything else to mention from the week, by the way, just a couple of things. Yeah, Ohio State's fine. They're fine. This has been my mantra on Ohio State for about three weeks now.

Pay attention to us. Hey. Yeah. Why don't you love us more? Hey, you guys talked about Bama earlier. You remember? You remember that time we beat them? That was cool.

I would fucking remember it. I mentioned how miserably dominant Bama was. They are. They're just miserably dominant. There's no joy to take in that other than watching Derek Henry, like truck fools. That's fine. I like that. I like Lane Kiffin, give it a stiff arm, like the imaginary stiff arm has like Derek Henry.

He kind of looked like he was controlling the kaiju, right? Or the Jaeger, right? But he could have mind control. But this is the thing about Ohio State. They're fine. And I mentioned Alabama being good. and you get like immediately five a hostage hey i remember they'll be losing someone last year do that voice do that voice again that's pretty good i remember the losing someone last year

that's what you people sound like that's what you people say yeah yeah it was real good i'm wearing my i'm wearing my 83 yards through the heart of the south shirt right here drinking a quintuple IPA. Or a bush light. I don't know. I'm a renaissance, man. I do both. It's so pale, just like me.

So pale. Sitting here in a hoodie. Just thinking about, you know, just chilling. I wear a hoodie's pants. Yeah, I'm wearing shorts. Made out of a hoodie. Made out of diplomas. I know of diplomas because Ohio State's like a really good school.

I will tell you about it all day long. It's like Northwestern, but with nuts. We are the all-be-joined Northwesterns. bounce. Yeah, bro. All the joy fucking rules. I do Wendler now. I'm a little older, so I do 5-3-1, I just can't do as many reps.

Jesus Christ. Can we talk about UNC? Yeah, I was just going to say, the heels, the heels, alley-ooped all over them, canes. God damn. They're one of those teams that, I don't know, I think you can beat them, like, I mean, I think you could probably,

you can probably, you know, like a good team, like, If you put Bama against UNC, that's probably another like 30 to 6 misery fest, right, where Bama just clamps down on them. But if you're the kind of team that UNC is going to beat, they'll beat you by 40 points. I don't think that margin of victory varies a lot. I mean, they haven't played a very good team in at least a year, but they're just smashing the shit out of people. And it's a lot of fun. I kind of don't want to see them against a good team. I just want to keep up the idea of UNC obliterates Bays.

I mean, we've lost the purity of Baylor destroying bad teams. So come on, man. Let's just let us enjoy UNC destroying bad teams. I kind of think there is a scenario in my head that doesn't seem too improbable of Clemson kind of coasting into this ACC championship game and then getting absolutely waxed like Oklahoma did in the 2003 Big 12 championship game, which if you'll recall, was when Oklahoma swags in to Kansas City and loses 35-7 with Darren Sproul's doing

everything, like absolutely everything in this game. I think he had like 235 rushing yards in that game and it came out of nowhere. I could see UNC doing that to Clemson because Clemson's just been good.

They've just been so consistent. We've had no reason to question them. It's almost too good to be true. And something's got to go wrong. Like the playoff top four that we're going to have in two days, Clemson, Bama, Ohio State, Notre Dame, in some order, it's becoming harder and harder to see that four fall apart. Ohio State has tough games left.

Notre Dame has a tough game left. The other two are all but locked in. Like, no offense to the ACC and SEC, very good conferences. But, I mean, come on heels. You mess this thing up, man. They really could. Although, remember last year we said, oh, man, somebody's going to drop one. No one did.

That's why we ended up having the TCU Baylor-Frakis. I mean, Wisconsin did. Does they count? Wisconsin dropped some shit, yeah. I don't recall who they lost to, though. Probably doesn't matter. I think it was Michigan. Yeah, it was a good win by Michigan, by the way.

Really impressive job Jim Harbaugh did last year, beating Wisconsin. And then getting fired and rehired. Who does that? Who gets rehired? amazing. I like that Jim Harbaugh had the integrity last year to fire himself for losing a game.

For cause. Yeah, and then wisely rehired himself because he was the best coach for the job because he's the best coach in the Big Ten. Everyone agrees. Yeah. Oh, before we you know, let this. If you steal what I'm I mean, I'm going to let you talk.

No, I'm just going to steal what I'm going to say. I'm going to be so pissed. I'm just, listen, I'm probably not stealing it. I just want to remind everybody, 10 and 0, the Iowa Hawkeyes. Okay, that wasn't it? We mentioned them briefly, but I would just like to expand enough words so that we talked more about Iowa than we did about Alabama or Ohio State. That would only be fair. So, I would like to, this is the last thing I have to say about the week. There are a number of high-profile schools that, as of today, are not going to play for a bowl game or are looking like a long shot to do so.

Georgia Tech is one of them in a very beat-up season. Texas also is probably one of them right now, four and six. You know who is bowl eligible, though? That's Bob Davy. Damn it. I wasn't going to mention that. I just did. Bob.

B-A-B-A-W-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B. The biggest upset of the year, New Mexico, going into Boise State. Not making it easy, mind you. Taking that W-A-Lew. Nearly absorbing a Miami-Lateral play, but. And absorbing over 600 yards from Boise State. They got the pores open. Here is the best stat you will ever hear.

from a game in which the team on the bottom of the stat won. Spencer, how many first downs do you think Poise State had in this game? I'm going to go they had 18. They had 40. What? How many first downs do you think New Mexico had in this

game? Thirty-eight. They had 11. Wow! My favorite part about that is like, New Mexico just runs a fucking ball like they everything about that is wrong can i give you it just kept breaking off like a yard run this is the equivalent of winning a major golf tournament because the other guy fucked up his scorecard dude they you and m is a triple option team and they lost time of possession

because they kept running too far how yeah how it's that blue field just don't know when to stop running. I think my favorite visual of all, maybe of the whole month was Bob Davy late. There was a couple of bad calls against the Lobos. Weird Mountain West refs would prefer Boise State to win to New Mexico, but

shocker. Not that I would accuse them of bias. But there was Bob Davy collapsed to his knees and elbows on the blue turf in anguish over one of these calls and it's just like, man, that used to be the coach of Notre Dame. He's prone on blue turf.

But you came out with the win anyway. Just what you need to know about life, boys and girls, no matter how high, no matter how low you get, you're going to end up on your knees and Boisey. You can end up on the blue turf. I just think, you know, this is a guy who's proven. He can win on the West Coast, has the experience at major levels.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Go on. I think Bob Davies got Trojan in his blood. Don't stop.