Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 3.33.0

Episode Date: November 18, 2015

The Shutdown Fullcast preview edition takes more than a few detours before it discusses the week ahead, including: --A deep look into the tensions that destroyed the Blue Collar Comedy Tour --Why the reported possiblity of Charlie Strong leaving Texas for Miami could unleash the final Nick Saban plotline we've been waiting for for three long years --A celebration of the return of our favorite Bob Stoops: SASSY STOOPS. --How throwing a headset in real life really is as satisfying as it looks --Reader questions, or the part where Ryan openly stumps for Mariah Carey as the next coach of the Miami Hurricanes --A look at the week ahead, including a long Mike Leach diatribe about Cartesian thought and how sure, he'll always play a game at 10:45 pm at night if you want him to. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown forecast. This is normally the review edition, or the preview edition, where we look ahead. But before we do that, we have a couple of things. I would like to take some reader questions if we could get to those before we talk about stuff. There's a couple of little minor stories floating around. I think it's important, too, that we point out that Ryan in the pregame meetings was breaking out blue-collar comedy tour. I think it's important to say this. Ron White doesn't count.

Ron White's too good. He didn't belong there anyway. No, I assume Bill Engval was Ron White's, like, parole officer or something, and he just had to stick with him. I think the thing that is respectable about Ron White's association with the Blue Collar Comedy Tour is he was just getting money. Yep. I mean, they didn't get the stank on him. He just got paid. I bet Ron White also hated Larry.

Just hated him. Oh, you know, I bet he hated Foxworthy. Yeah, I can't think. I mean, I guess I could picture him tolerating Ingval, but yeah, he surely despised Foxworthy. Yeah, I could see him and Larry the cable guy actually getting along fairly well. You don't think it bothered him that Larry's just some idiot from Connecticut or whatever? No, who do you think's keeping everyone on time and being the nag? Wow.

Who do you think's the one who's like, well, maybe you should iron a shirt sometime, Ron? Who do you think's the one who's never smoked weed in his life? The one who obviously wouldn't get along with Ron White. You're describing me. This is very depressing. I think Larry, when he's in character, that's like Ron White's ideal buddy. He's like, you can stash anything on that guy. This is pre-cars, too.

That guy's just walking contraband. But when he's not in character, which I assume is quite frequent, then I guess nobody knows. Do you think he's like Dave Chappelle's Little John, that when he's not in character, he's like, well, yes. Quite. Actually. Actually. Okay. Yeah, like, that's, that's him.

I find the tragedy is more moving than Shakespeare's comedies. You know, UNESCO's earlier works really are his finest. Yeah, like, that's Larry the Cable Guy when he's not, you know, maider when he's not wearing the, when he's not wearing the warm-up. What do you even call that? The sleeveless jacket than he has? The slacket. The slacket?

Okay. When he's not wearing the slacket, he's probably opining about the decline in UNESCO's works over time. Or maybe he just never speaks. Just the only way he can express himself is through Larry. The vessel must be silent. What an artiste.

Ron White's in the background, like, aren't you tickle him till he farts? Twirling a loaded gun. Speaking of the blue collar comedy tour, this isn't actually a segue. There's no way you can actually... They never are. No, they never are.

Charlie Strong. There's a rumor Jason Kirk about Charlie Strong. That's Jason Kirk, by the way, our college football editor. That was happening. Yeah. He's in Kennesaw, Georgia, where they stay strong. Too strong. Too strong.

Like, literally, like Texas right now, literally too strong. They got one strong. Soon they might have none strong. Yeah, the buzz for a while that didn't seem really connected to anything was that Miami wanted Charlie Strong. And Uncle Luke came out and said, yeah, I mean, you know, even Uncle Luke was saying it might not be that realistic, but he'd be pretty good. He's got Florida ties. He's recruited South Florida a lot. He, nobody really knows how happy he is at Texas, but it's hard to see how anybody could be. Got going to have a new boss. Yeah, he's got a new boss coming in. And then today, Bruce Feldman dropped the bomb that all that, there's a new boss. There's kind of something to it.

Charlie might actually be interested in leaving for the Miami Hurricanes. Which, I don't know if you can get that program back. Is that terrible of me to say that? Which one do you mean? That could apply to staying or going. We should have kept that going for a while longer. I don't know if you can get that program back. Yeah, I know.

It's just hopeless. They got a lot of internal, This program is in. Internal problems, outsized expectations from the alonai. That's true. A lot of complaints about the budget. Demands for past glory that aren't realistic in the present college football sphere. The agricultural rival taken over the recruiting terrain. That happens in South Florida, too. It does. All kinds of competitive pressure from smaller, less money programs in a crowded recruiting area.

Hmm. Hmm. This is getting really. rich, actually. Probably Nick Saven taking all your recruits anyway. That sort of goes either locale. I think you're referring to future UCF coach Nick Saven. Is he going home? Did Mama call call? Mama called all the way from

Orlando. Don't have a conference championship game to play in? That works for both. Is that the funniest place for Nick Saven to go would be UCF? Wow. Out of the available ones, I think you take him to ULM where it all started. Oh, my God.

It was a setup from day one. It's, it's, sure, you lost a ULM at Alabama. Now can you beat Alabama as ULM? This is the Dynasty Mode ultimate step up. This is when the Castle Vips upside down and you have to play it through backwards. Yeah, precisely. Al-A-Card!

That's, or you can, you know what, if Matt Campbell goes anywhere at Toledo will be open, he could really come home. Mama called. mama called which mama the one i got in orlando for you see a lot of mamas the one at pirates got one in miami got one in the nfl the the other thing about this rumor that is astonishing to me is that miami would be paying the uh the buyout correct oh god oh god Miami can't do that how they're gonna keep the lights on we cannot do that they're gonna

have to sell so many speedboats to do that you're setting up an LLC I mean, the speedboats are value-added. Value-added speedboats? You're saying they might have something on them? They're enhanced with aftermarket features. Ah, okay. Like a Jeremy Shockey embedded in the side. They're two stars that develop in five stars.

Just like Grand Theftado. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly the same kind of star. Same connotations. Just like Miami's theoretical offensive line. Wow. theoretical at best cocaine yeah i don't know how i don't know how any of that works but i could would you blame charlie for leaving no no i mean i wouldn't ryan no i really couldn't at this point also you're far less likely to lose to iowa state at miami you got to duck the clones

get away from the fucking clones i just think it's a good rule in like in general to distance yourself from Paul Rhodes at all times. It's like a creeper in Minecraft. Yeah, he's a dangerous man. It's just out there in the wild. I mean, I have no clue what Miami could pay him, but does that really matter when you can go there and think, okay, I'll be safe for at least four years,

whereas at Texas, it's like, it could be gone in any minute now. Maybe it's like a startup, and they're going to pay them in stock options. And hey, if you help, build Miami back into something. Look at that. All your options vested.

And if not, you get a... Oh no, your house is repossessed. Maybe that won't play necessarily. Like, I thought personality-wise, that's the only part of the whole Charlie Strong of the Texas thing that never worked because you have to go, oh, yeah, listen, here's this kind of scary lunatic.

Like, Charlie's definitely from a long line coaching-wise of scary lunatics. He's not in that happy, avuncular, buddy-buddy players coach kind of. No, he's a player's coach in the sense that he likes to take players. and yell at them and make them do things. He eats players for food. He does. He's a terrifying human.

He's a players coach and the sensitivity. Coaches players. Hard. Coaches the shit out of players. It's like how Everest is a climbers mountain. Yeah. And that it eats climbers. 7% of them.

It's like that mountain in South America where the million people died, mine and silver out of it. Yeah. That would be Poticee. Yeah. Yeah. Hook them. It's the 33. That's how many upperclassmen are left on the roster.

Sounds like Texas football, by the way. A lot of casualties, a lot of profit. A lot of money. I mean, it seems like a pretty good deal for everybody involved, to be quite frank. But then what does Texas do? Oh, no. They go get Tom Herman. All right, no, you say they were going to go get Tom Herman.

What does big swinging dick Texas money say? Do they say let's go get Tom Herman? No. no, no, no, no. No, he's too affordable. Jimbo. No, no, no, no. Come on.

They're not going to get Jimbo. You know Target one. Was the same the last time? Yeah, same as last time. Okay. Yeah. It's the same as last time. And they're going to get him this time?

No, they're not going to get him. I'm just going to get a raise. Nick Savings will make a $13 million next year. He will be the only person in Alabama with money. Only. Brian, Paul Brian will just give him everything. Like here, take him. It's saving it will be actually able to afford all his

real estate. Yeah. I didn't say that. Oh, that's so bad. Yeah, he did. Yeah. Here's the other part. You're just like, he'll be the dog track baron. Like, Paul Brown. Like, what? Guess what? We can't even give you your raise in money anymore.

Here's what we gave you. We gave you an OSHA disproved, like, workplace, hostile, terrible sweatshop on the border where McAwayne or McWain Industries operates and like you know kills 25 workers a year which is out of Alabama by the way

and we gave you five dog tracks you're getting the Exodus contract you get the first born of every every family in Texas congratulations worth it Paul there are going to be a few rice babies mixed in there so do what you will with them

they'll be doctors I I cannot they're going to go after him again and here's the thing. They might get him because you know who doesn't have as much money as Texas, Alabama. They just don't they don't. You're not going to

outspend Texas. And Nick's bored. He's so bored with Alabama. Are you rooting for this just for chaotic purposes? Be honest. I am rooting for this because it will make the state of Alabama sad and set it into a state of perdition which it so richly deserves. It will also somehow enhance

Gus Malzons job security because they'll be like, well, we got, I mean, Gus is the senior official in the state now. We got to hold on to him. He's scared Nick Sabanoff. That would be the funniest possible. He made his ass quit.

That's it. He made his ass quit with a six-win season. Just imagine what we do with nine. Bowl eligible. Oh, you're shaking, Nick. You're shaking. Go on. Get your ass out of here.

He couldn't stand the heat in Alabama, so he went down to Texas. We'll see you in the Texas Bowl. Also, keep in mind, there's an additional layer of comedy for me here and watching Nick Saven try to take that Texas roster. Rebuild it from scratch. Well, you know, the more fun part will be watching Nick Saven at Texas raiding the Alabama roster. Hey, Nick, we need you to do an hour of TV on the Longhorn Network.

Yeah, Nick, the security deposit said you were supposed to leave all the lamps and the offensive lineman intact in the apartment and everything's burnt to the ground. You know, I wonder if this was all part of the strategy. I wonder if he brought in Lane Kiffin just for this purpose because Lane has experience at the whole rating your cupboard on the way out thing. I mean, is Lane is kind of the most notorious of it. Let me also give you this.

He'll be facing nothing but spread offenses. Every single week, every single week he'll be facing four and five, wide, and he won't be able to recruit the same kind of guys to bust up those schemes at Texas. They just don't, they won't have the same kind of linemen, because he can't get them to go away from the obesity belt

of Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi. So what you're saying is Sabin's going to get Texas into the SEC. Man, you know what? I was looking for a third act for this drama, and you just wrote it. Trade them for the Aggies. Aggies are going home. We've got to get Sabin back.

We can't win titles without Sabin, so Ags, you've got to go home. The Longsech Network, SEC and Longhorns, together at last. The Sabin Network. The Sabin. With zero minutes devoted Nick Saban programming. There's no content. This is just a radio hour. Like, Nick is nothing.

Dude, no, it's just Snapchat. It's just him like walking away from the guy with his phone, right? It's just Ron Popil infomercials. I don't have time for this. None of this is happening, by the way, and they're just going to hire Tom Herman. That's what's going to happen. Yeah, sure, I guess. Boring timeline. Boring

timeline. We'll give you the SS Alabama. It's just floating a mobile Nick. Tank it. It might have a few nukes on it. Nobody's checked. Nobody's checked. You can sell them. We won't even ask who. You can start a nuke a quarterback. You want Huntsville to make you a rocket?

We'll make you one. This is all Alabama can do. I'm out of the things Alabama makes. They got a, uh, we found a tight end an unclaimed baggage. I was going to get to unclaimed baggage. You can have them. That's it. Do you want some black cat fireworks?

Made by Chanel. Straight from the outlet. The other interesting little rumor, Ryan, not rumor. It's more of a season. It is a season. It's a declaration. It's a statement.

It's Sassy Bob Stoop season. It's my favorite. And we should be clear. Almost every coach talks shit. And that's fine. That's part of your job. It's part of posturing for the fans and for the recruits. It's what makes college football interesting a lot of the time.

And your standard shit talking is just where you have somebody like, let's say, Brett Bielma, claiming that, you know, going around high school meetings and saying that they're going to beat the tar out of Texas Tech and then probably failing to do so. This is not what we're talking about with Bob Stoops. This is Sassy Bob Stoops, where, like that white aunt you have. have who kind of just is constantly throwing polite shade at you and your family trying to make you look bad for some unknown reason. That's what Bob Stoops does in this time of the year when he has a team that A is competing

for a playoff spot, B has to overcome a glaringly bad loss to do so, and C needs to politic in order to accomplish option be, a task be there. So this is when you're going to hear already Bob Stub's going on and being like, well, we did, you know, we did go in Neeland and beat one of those so-called SEC teams, if that does anything for you.

I mean, just a little place called Neeland Stadium, just a team called Tennessee and in a conference that's just called the SEC. I mean, just that. You know, I think it'd be nice if we got to play Rutgers. I'd welcome that opportunity, but the Lord didn't see fit for us to have that schedule.

I feel like the accent makes it even worse. Like the accent that makes it sound like every word is just a punch in the face. Every word kind of comes out sounding like, nope. Nope, that's good. Yeah, we don't worry about that. I had a thought about how bad the SEC is, so I said it. We don't worry about respect, and that's why we don't give any to the Big 12. That's who we play every year.

It's all we do here in Oklahoma. It's who we are. I like that the sassy stoops like you said it only comes out when he has the advantage otherwise he's pretty quiet

but as soon as he sees the opening he strikes like he's like it's like thumb wars like that big stoop's thumb it's high right now it's about to come crashing down on everybody they get one or two more wins

you're going to hear some things you know you hear a lot about the defense in the SEC you've seen that offense lately I watch that Mizzou Georgia game we play he says like play It's like, we play. We play. We play a balanced brand of football.

We play a balanced brand of football. It's like the, what is it on? Is it a Muppets? The yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, the aliens. We don't have anything more to prove. Yes, that's Bob Steeps, every single gear. I can't worry about that. We have nothing more to prove.

We beat list rankings of teams they've beat in conferences. We beat the big bad SEC exactly. how many times, let me tell you. This team is focused on what's ahead of them and not the fact that we beat the hell out of Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. Which, by the way, if I were to pick one team that could actually make some hay against Alabama this year.

Don't do it, don't do it. Oh, no, no, I'm dead serious. It'd be Oklahoma. And it would be Baker Mayfield. Shaking Baker. It would be, oh, it'd be Baker Mayfield specifically. They can run a little bit, but Baker is going to get loose. Baker's going

Baker's going to get loose I think they can run enough to compliment Baker Like they're not going to run For no 150 yards Nobody could ever do that Against Alabama No team ever has

No one can No especially through the heart of the star I'm staring Staring right at you Ohio I'll throw the harder I feel like I feel like Oklahoma's balanced enough To maybe score like 18 points

Now Sassy Bob Stubes Is going to quote you two In his next Stem speech Yep I heard two idiots Saying we'd only score 18 points. We don't, we don't listen to the blog media and their internet

opinions, but if we did, they do think that we could give Alabama a hell of a game. What do you have to say about that Mike? Sassy Mike's I like that he is animal. Damn, Mike. Just chains and drums.

That's it. They had behind that poor desk at Baylor. You know, not even like a proper coordinator spot. He was just at some like, he's at some workstation. way up in the rafters. You're booking travel for the... But it's that noise,

but it's with the same blu-blop-blip accent. But they kept showing him up in the booth and Mike Stofs is just losing his mind and he'd kind of start to rise up like he's going to pitch a fit and he'd hit his knees on the table and you could see him go...

God damn it. Smash my dick on this table again. They got him quarantined. They did. He honestly, he looked like, he looked a lot like when for three seconds, I leave my child outside to go inside. And I see them like freak out. Abandon to the elements. Yeah, like I left you in the backyard for three seconds.

Hopping up and down. I bet he still hops. I bet Mike Stoops hops up and down when he's mad. Yeah, we've seen. There's footage of this. Have you ever done that, by the way? Like, as an adult, been so mad that you hopped up and down? No.

Probably. No, but I don't have ops, so. So you didn't notice? I know it would look stupid. You would just be like if you had to look. So when you're mad and you're acting out, your first thought is like, this guy looks cool? No, my first thought is just play solid defense and pass the ball when it comes to you. Uh-huh.

Okay. I start throwing shit. That's my first thing. God damn it I don't think I've gotten mad in the last 20 years and it didn't start with God damn it You're pretty Tennessee Yeah

That's how you announced to everyone That you're declaring You're like I'm about to throw a fit Y'all move Yeah I think god damn it And motherfucker shit is more like I screwed up God damn it is everyone else screwed up Throwing things is a very Tennessee way to react to

Throwing them futile Yeah Oh yeah Oh oh vols Throwing things futile Tyler Bray knows. We've seen a lot of balls throwing things futilely. We're not talking about you, Peyton.

I did have a good moment. I did have a good moment yesterday. I threw my headset. I had my big headphones on, and something went wrong, and I got mad. And I threw my headset. I was like, it really feels good. Coaches, you're not wrong. Did you get caught in the wiring, though?

I didn't pull the full spurious, no. I didn't get. I didn't get tangled up. You didn't Spider-Man yourself. No, I did not Spider-Man myself. I did not embarrass the firm by doing that. I did it in my backyard where nobody could see. You threw your headset in your yard?

Yeah, went out and threw it in the yard. You walked outside and threw it in the yard? I did. That's some responsible dad anger right there. I did. I didn't want to let me see it do it. First of all, I can't hit a child. I can't have a child to see me throwing this. I can't risk a child picking it up and running off.

with it. No, I'm going to throw it outside where it's safe. It's also, it was also a decision of like, hey, I throw it outside. I don't accidentally hit something else. Also, it's soft. So I threw it, I threw it a good, on the grass. I threw it a good 15 or 20 feet out into the grass. Landing on Georgia grass. How did it feel to retrieve it? Um, humbling. Because that's the thing is that when the coach throws his headset, somebody else goes and gets it for him nine times out of ten. Yeah, no, I can't tell the kid to go get it. Like, Dad, what are your headphones doing out there?

I don't know. Dropped them. It's crazy. Bird took them. You're three. You don't understand this. Why are you asking me? Go get my headphones.

We're playing fetch the tantrum. Tantrum item. Come on. The tantrum totem. Come on, kids. Daddy's anger. Anger hat. Exactly.

Which is great because I don't think I've ever let this kid see me throw something when I'm mad and both of them do it intuitively. Genetics. Nothing you could have done about it. Just walk over and start throwing shit. And I'm like, I'm so proud. Just how the fun and gun works. Yeah, I'm really happy that Sassy Bob Stoops is back because he's my favorite.

Testosterone replacement therapy stoops is my favorite of all the Bob stoops. I don't like Morose. Oh, we lost a game stoops. I mean, no, I like him. Bold, sassy, a little fat. I don't like him when he's thin. My pancreas is a normal size. Yeah, I like my Stubes brothers a little swollen from.

all that recruiting barbecue. Shall we preview the week ahead? You don't want to do reader questions? Oh, God damn it. We have to do those, don't we? Yeah. God damn it. We got time?

We do. We do. I will start Danny Mayo. In front of the program, Danny Mayo, asks, can you guys even with this news lately? I can't even. It's a pretty good question.

I think it's instructive because it goes back to an old theory i have that you can conduct most conversations by saying four or five phrases over and over again can you guys even is a good one with this news lately the weather other phrases these people i hear you six on one hand half a dozen on the other it is what it is and you know at the end of the day it is what it is these phrases in various sequences can pretty much be a substitute for any human interaction. I'm going to add two to this list.

One is these things happen, because then you sound like you're sympathizing, and the other is, how do you feel about that? Because they can just keep talking. You can just tag back out. I will put in an accessory phrase. For real? Yeah, I can't believe what you just said.

Can you please stress that it actually happened? Or going down, for real. And when you reach peak active listening status, you don't even need words. You just respond with, like, thoughtful murmur. Hmm, mm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, uh-huh, and that's how you become the world's greatest grandpa. While you're doing some grandpa thing, like thinking, thinking about a good slice of cheese you got in the fridge. Finkering.

Where you left your buck knife. It's in the fridge with the cheese. Of course it is. How else are you going to cut that cheese? How is you're going to remember where the knife is? Yeah, exactly. That's all I use that knife. for please i'm grandpa i'm not cutting anybody i used to though oh grandpa's done some shit

let me tell you a story about cleveland 1989 grandpa you're terrifying do you have a question ryan yes uh this question which i in no way specifically solicited uh comes from daniel clark at d t clark eleven would maria carrie be a good choice as the next coach of miami let me tell you but she sure as shit would. Because when you think of what Miami fans are looking for in their coaching candidates, part of it is that they are trying to reach back and recapture the success of the mid to late 1990s. Nothing says success in the mid to late 1990s like Mariah Carey. But the difference between Mariah Carey and, say, Butch Davis is that

Butch Davis was never able to sort of recreate that success. at a later point. He didn't have a true second act. It certainly didn't come with the Browns or with UNC. Mariah Carey has had that second act, that moment where she had a career dip, and she resurrected that career and got back on top. A lot of people are probably going to say, well, Mariah Carey, there are younger, more contemporary artists in South Florida that will appeal to recruits. Recruiting is a lot about getting parents on board. And Mariah Carey does that perfectly, because if you go to a recruit's house and they say, oh, shit, that's Mariah Carey.

Honey, do you remember how we got super drunk in 1994 at that Mariah Carey concert? And that's how we conceived this child who's currently being recruited. That's sort of a natural connection going on right there. Lastly, Mariah Carey, you know, just look at the singles. I want to point to emotions from 1991, a year in which Miami won the national title. And who is it, Spencer Hall, that has Mariah feeling emotions? You. It's you.

As in the you. Wow. Yep. Yeah, Mariah has gone number one since 2001, Cain's. Ooh. If you want to get one of those again. I also, I feel like she's going to do a great job running. running the run in practice having experience coaching against yourself in the heartbreaker video

it's true also i would point this out that uh if she's she's going to be open to new ideas and other people's ideas which she'll shamelessly take because she had to pay marie's white like you know a couple million bucks i don't see what that has to do with anything she she just stole bro that's a pie out but you know what'll fill that stadium tell everybody hey come out to this mariah carry concert also there's a football game you got to sit through part of the football game first. The football game is like the opening act. Also, I will say this, Miami, if

you're famous once, you're famous forever in Miami. People can turn up in Miami who you would assume have a cue rating of zero, and because they were famous once, like Bronson Pinshow, Bronson Pinshow could turn up in Miami and they'd be like, holy shit, were you at the club last night? Bronson Pinshow was there, it was Sack! Or is anyone else they'd be like, nah, let's Pronson Pinshow.

It's not perfect strangers. I don't really know who that is. He wasn't shit. His cousin Balky on perfect train. I think Beverly Hills Cop, it's easier that way. Yeah, Beverly Hills Cop. Or, you know, true romance. This guy with all the coke on his face.

The point is, Mariah Carey is the best possible answer for Miami, and it's certainly a lot more interesting than Mario Cristobel. Anybody who was on any of those WB shows, still extremely famous in Miami. Okay, okay, and now I'm sorry to get it. Guys with three names, like Chad Scott Thomas or Scott Michael Chad, Thomas, Chad, Thomas, Chad, You were on one tree hill. Do you want to come to the club? Yes.

We'll pay you $350 to be there. I'm there. That's Miami. I was on Charmed for five episodes. You're famous, dude. Jason, do you have a reader question? Let's see. From Alexander Goot on Twitter,

A Goot 18. Now that Dabo Swinney is responsible for the day, what other dance crazes can we re-attribus? Can we reattribute to coaches? This, of course, refers to Fox's Carolina affiliate after Cam Newton dabbed in the end zone, which he's been doing for the past few weeks. It, for some reason, assume that Dabo Swinney invented this dance move

when actually it sprang up sort of on Migos Vine. I guess it would be the best way to describe the cultural group that made this a thing. And there's a lot of ways to go with this one. The first one that comes to mind is a stanky leg. And that might be like a Paul Rhodes. He's kind of always doing it anyway. Yeah, if I were to go, somebody doing the stanky leg,

Paul Rhodes is the first one because he's in a perpetual crouch. Right? Yeah. I think the Dougie is very athletic, right? It requires a... We've seen Cliff, Dougie, haven't we? I'm going to give it to Cliff. I'll just say Cliff Kingsbury and Bennett's Dougie.

That's one that's kind of like, maybe he did. I don't know. I'll also say that this, that it was very popular in 2010 and pretty obscure now, which is pretty much a good description of how Cliff's doing right now. Doesn't mean how he's going to finish, man. Doug can come back any day. Yeah, it'll be the next Cupid Shuffle. You watch.

Now, Coach who is doing the Cupid Shuffle. that would be an eternal classic brought out at weddings considered to be standard right a standard for group line dancing correct so if you want to work together

in a group and work through a process I'm going to say Nick Sabin invented we've seen him Cuban Shuffle because we've seen him Cuba Shuffle and I'm just going to claim that he invented it we've seen him electric slide and I think close enough genre I think he can pick it up

also the Cupid Shuffle remember it's the process because it explains the whole thing to you. It gives you your job, and all you have to do is your job, right? It's play calls, is what it is. If you could just move to the left, to the left, to the right, to the right. We're playing assignment wedding dancing here. Everybody sticks to their assignment, and we get this wedding done with a W.

Nick Sabin even pounds out a beat, like on the podium when he gets really emphatic, right? Like, to the left, to the left. You know, if you ever watch him talk, he's the most animated hand talker I've ever seen. not among coaches, just any human ever. So, I mean, maybe he's like a battle dancer. Like one of those dudes are all, you know, they're miming like, oh, I just unscrewed your head off your neck, and then I threw it, and then I hit it with a bat and all that stuff.

Yeah, no, I'm going to say that, uh, walk it out, right? I'm going back a bit for DJ Unk. For Unk. Walk it out like an usher. Yeah, no, it's very simple, right? Mm-hmm. Because you just really needed to literally just walk. So I'm just going to give this to Bill Snyder

because he was one of our first upright humans. It's true. He's walked this earth for 700 years. Yeah, and he will continue to walk it out. So I give that to Bill Snyder. That's fine. Hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. If you think of, I feel like Lane Kipp has done some walking out. That's a different kind of walking out. Oh, okay. If you get creative with what it means, you can say that as far as expectation goes, UCLA continues to pop lock and drop it. I could go with that, yeah. And then I think that exhausts my repertoire as far as coaches I can accurately.

I will say this. If any coach does the Humpty Dance, it's the one who maintains the most humpty-esque shape. And that would be Brett Bilema. Yeah. Trying to figure out the right dance fan. Because I think he's the coach we'd most like to see dance. Yeah.

I mean, do you think he can dance? I'm going to say no. He was a defensive lineman. So, of course. All those big hogs do is get down there and get down there and get low. He can do like a traditional Russian dance. He can give his pad. level low.

Keep real low with those knees. Keep them hands up. Are you saying he could literally get low? Maybe that's it. Brett Bilemon invented twerking. Yeah, there we go. Fine. Ship it.

Shall we preview the week? Let's. The week ahead, by the way, a bit barren, but there are a few significant guideposts for how things are going to go. A few games that are, I think, relatively urgent. Ohio State has basically two games left

and whoever what poor souls they face in the Big Ten championship game Michigan State this weekend Go huck guys Yeah Michigan State now as our resident Michigan State expert Jason Does Michigan State have any chance whatsoever in this game? Nah

Yeah Cooks probably hurt so Cool No I mean it'll be gross and ugly It won't be the kind of win Ohio State would like, but it'll be a good enough Ohio State win. It'll be like 2814. That's basically the score of every Michigan State game one way or the other.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't, I mean, if Connor Cooks hurt and they look like this. I mean, he'll play, but, you know, you got to have, you got to have your quarterback full strength to take down the buck ass. Yeah, and I don't know if they can block. Ohio State along the line. And I'm not just talking about Joey Bosa. I don't think they're going to be able to extend plays,

do the kind of things you need to do against a good defense in order to shake a couple of points loose. It just doesn't, it's not looking good Michigan State. The thing about Ohio State is, like, the offense has been, yeah, it's been up and down all year, but the defense has been really good almost every week. Yeah. And that's pretty steady.

That's really not going to change. Yeah. Yeah. And the other thing with Ohio State is that they've, I don't want to say that they've given up on the idea of complexity, but they're just going to run the ball. That's what they're going to do now. They're not going to ask their quarterback to do too much. They're just going to park it and run the ball until you get real tired of that and stop tackling. If Purdue could run for 165 and two touchdowns against Michigan State, I feel like Zeke Elliott can do that. Are you saying? Yeah, you're saying that. Yeah, no, you can follow this transitive property all the way through, and I stand by it. I will point out the Michigan State, though, not really allowing a whole lot on the run. Yeah, that's not the problem.

They have up and down games. Nebraska ran all over them. You know, Air Force did, but obviously that's what Air Force does. Even Rutgers went for like four and a half a carry. I mean, they stopped Michigan. They stopped Maryland. Yeah, they stopped Michigan. again, which to me is a little more significant. Okay, that's fine.

You know. Ruckers. I sometimes think if you're like, oh, man, Ruckers got like this many, yeah, you're playing Rutgers. Your head's not going to. Yeah, I mean, like four and a half, that's still below average. Yeah. Haters.

Haters. We're hating on Ruggers. Yes, we'll continue. Are you saying that I can't live with this? It's my, I can't live with this. It's our college team here. Don't you understand? That's all we have.

It's all you people I have. We know, we know. New York's team, the Rutgers Scarlet Knights. Another game of interest, Ryan, if you have one to pick off the schedule. God. Okay. We'll talk about UCLA at Utah, not because we care a lot about these particular two teams. UCLA, I feel like we all just sort of forgot about pretty much once they lost their second game.

and Utah, we just stopped talking about all together because everybody sort of agreed, oh, yeah, this is an undefeated team, and that probably won't last. But coupled with the USC at Oregon game that is played at the same time at 3.30 Eastern, the Pac-12 South is still totally up for grabs between these three teams. And what intrigues me about that is that USC could play for a conference title even though they have had one of the most chaotic internal seasons in recent memory, even though there have been a lot of chaotic internal seasons in recent memory. Yeah, the Pact 12 right now, then being out of the playoff,

all this stuff has, it doesn't have ramifications. You can just take it for what it is. Yeah. Like Washington State's fucking everything up, that's just plain great. USC might win the whole conference without an actual head coach. That's awesome. You can just appreciate for exactly what it is. Which is absolute nonsense.

It's glorious. Wonderful. Yeah. The other game of No. Baylor at Oklahoma State, the gradual nodding up of the Big 12th that we keep waiting for, could take another significant step forward here,

with the exception of one historical trend that I think we must cite, because everyone else will cite it, several hundred times over the next three days. Gentlemen, do you know the last time that Baylor won in Stillwater. Many, many, many, many years ago. It's been a while.

It's been a spell. Many, many, many years ago. If I told you 1950, would you say that was too soon? Yep, yep. You got to go back further. You got to go back. Wow. Yeah.

So this predates the events of Fallout. Cool. Yeah, no, it predates Fallout, dude. It almost predates Bill Snyder. almost i mean if it predates nuclear technology yeah yeah i mean i this actually like hitler just barely invaded poland do you think those two are connected undoubtedly i can sell you on any conspiracy theory you want about this just give me five minutes and some wikipedia cool would you go back in time and kill baylor baby baylor would you go back in time

and kill bill snider no he was never a can't go that far yeah yeah Time is a fifth dimension that can only be fluctuated across by gravity and blah, blah, blah, all that stuff. And Bill Snyder predates all that, man. Yeah, if you go back to the Big Bang, it's just Bill Snyder coaching up a ball containing all of the universe's mass and energy. You can do it. This time machine don't get that kind of mileage. Bill Snyder just writing a nice letter to God telling me he can do it. You played hard, Lord.

You played hard. I know you'll do it next time. We're going to coach this little ball of muons, a glue-ons, into something real big. I just want you to know, Titans. You did a great job, and me and Zeus are really honored to have played you and beat you. Once we get this thing at its peak, I'm going to go live in Kansas. If you found out that this universe was originally a junior college candidate,

Bill Snyder coached up into, you know, an all-pro. Zoroaster, I'm terribly sorry to hear about your injury and the death of your religion. We too still worship fire because it's cold of Manhattan. Sincerely yours, Bill Snyder. Yeah, signed in Purple Link. But, but yeah, this is another game where Baylor has it once since 1939. A fact that I find appalling until I consider Baylor's been terrible for most of those times, right? Like, as bad as Oklahoma State has been, Baylor's been worse.

Agree. Yeah. And this doesn't, to me, by the way, feel like a game that I really want to bet against Oklahoma. Oklahoma State in because Jared Stidem, I knew everyone got on, everyone got on Baylor for losing that game. Jared Stidham's a freshman. He was fine.

Yeah, he was banged up a little bit too. Yeah, he's banged up. They're going to be fine. Like when you look at Baylor and you look at how they're doing, that's pretty much what a freshman should do in a big game in his first start against a really good team. I mean, if Baylor goes out and loses his last three games,

that's funny and that's embarrassing, but it doesn't really mean it's a bad team. Doesn't really mean the first nine weeks of Mirage or anything like that. Other than, you know, they didn't actually beat any teams. But, I mean, this is just a rough run. Not to change the subject, but if each of you had to look at this schedule and identify the stank, the stankiest game available to you, I have one in mind, but I'm curious, which you would pick. Boston College, Notre Dame.

Took the words right out of my damn mouth. Not only is it Boston College, Notre Dame, where is this game being played? Jason Kirk. It's in Fenway Park. God damn. Which, if there's anything that's going to slow a game to a seven-hour crawl, which is exactly how Steve Adazio wants it. It's the hallowed time distortion zone known as Fenway Park.

That's going to be beautiful. I know like eight facts about baseball. One of them is that Boston Red Sox games take a long time. They do. They do. They have to pause for thoughtful reflections on mortality and also to watch highlights for the Pats game. And also Neil Diamonds running around the stadium naked.

You got to catch them. Sweet Caroline. They're the ones to blame for that, by the way. Yeah. God damn Red So either those people win or Notre Dame wins. Have fun, America. Yeah. I got a couple of other rank spots on the schedule.

Do you want some real Georgia Tech at Miami? Whoa. Good God. Yeah, somebody's losing that, huh? Yeah, everyone. There's going to be a loser. Yeah, everyone who watches. That's who loses that game.

Additional stank on the schedule. Houston at Yukon. Don't do it, Coogs. Don't go up there, Coogs. Doesn't matter. They're going to win and still drop a thousand slots because they just look bad. Yeah, well, I mean, Yukon is like sneaky okay, at least on, at least on defense, are pretty okay. Yeah.

And, ooh, that's far. This is when Houston goes up there and puts up 13 points and wins and everyone thinks their ass, right? Like, man, you want a game 13 to 9 at Yukon. You're like, every Yukon game's 13 to 9. Go play Yukon. It's like, I guess the sunbelts back in the New Year's mix. Yeah. Which, you know, like, Bob Diaco is doing a really great job out there.

But, like, the most points that you can scrape out of that particular pile of talent is like nine. Yeah. That's it. You're like, well, I got nine points. Yukon is always making sandwiches and, you know, the peanut. butter is always out. They're just scraping that, that jar. You're like, no, we can get one out of this.

This is the Socon Challenge weekend for the SEC. Socon Challenge. Saturdays, Saturdays, Saturday. Pretty cool that Missouri scheduled such a tough Socon team, though. Yeah, yeah, Tennessee. Imagine that. They're getting a hang of this. You're going to get in that.

But of all the miserable games, I got one to mention. And that's Idaho. Idaho, maybe the worst FES team. Ida has improved and maybe the worst FBS program but they were middle of the season it kind of looked like they might scrape

together ball eligibility I was pretty improved this year I don't know how maybe they're just scared of their coach I would be terrified of him too I will literally be homeless if you guys don't win that means I'm coming to live with you

we should mention that one SEC team and I say this knowing exactly what the response will be from our anti-Florida listeners. We love you all. We'll be playing an opponent from a non-power-five conference

who leads the country in yards per rush tent and touchdowns. Do you know who that team is and the opponent? That'd be Georgia welcoming Georgia Southern. Which is brilliant scheduling. Just always schedule Georgia Southern. always a good idea, especially

when you can get your knees good and limbered for when you play the exact same offense the next week. That's just awesome scheduling. Yeah. Man, listen, if you this, all right, Georgia won't lose this game. I don't think they'll lose this game.

You're trying to put that hex on them, I hear it. But they will feel bad. And I mean that in the physical and the spiritual sense. Well, Georgia Southern is better than the last Georgia Southern team that beat an SEC team. I don't recall who the team that lost that game was. Those records were lost in a flood, you son of a bitch. You ask the insurance company.

Let's see. Let's see. Jeremy Pruitt, how many games is he coached against option run teams? The tech last year, which tech one. Yeah, which tech one. Yeah. And by the way, this is kind of a funky option. Like, they run it out of some weird stuff.

Yeah, they got some, they got some, they got some Texas in them. Not the Longhorns, they actually score points. They got some Texas stuff in them. No, that's healthy stuff in the bloodstream, not the bad stuff. But, yeah, Georgia Southern, I will bellow heartily if somehow Georgia Southern beats Georgia in this game. And then watch us, everyone in Georgia ties himself a knots trying not to fire Mark Rick. But he's a good man. But he's a good person.

But he's a good man. See, that's why it helps to have no conscience as a fan. He saved my baby. Florida fans were like, Will Must Champ's a good man. Is he? If he's a good man, then why is he live in the state of Florida? If he's a good man, why can't...

There are no gods or saints here. There are no good men in prison. Even the guards are corrupt. He grew up here. How good could he be? You were born in the darkness. Come on. Come on, redneck bane.

Get your stuff out. of the office. Yeah, whereas in Georgia, it's a, it's a conflict and a conundrum and he represents

our university so well. He's just like, like he's going to the fucking United Nations. Exactly. Yeah,

like we're, like we're sending him to conclave. Well, Mark Rex strengthened our trade with China, so. Didn't bring back

shit. What did he bring back? I don't know. Willie Fritz stole it. He's developed outback bowl. He's developed

valuable relations with the NFL. We gave them Todd Gurley and oh shit. He's open trade in St. Louis. It went great. You're trying to tell me he lost a negotiation with Jeff Fisher? We've been

compromised by Jeff Fisher. Which the best part is if Mark Rick's was working for the Braves he'd be out in a heartbeat. Oh yeah, that's where the real anger lies. Oh man. Yeah. Yeah, people think, oh, SEC fan base, they're tough, they're mean.

No, Georgia fans are pushovers. Braves fans? Stay away from those people, man. Yeah, that's true. They don't even read. That's the thing. I'm pretty sure that, like, one out of every three Georgia fans can read. That's what it would take to get Mark Ricked out.

Just be like, well, you know, growing up, I was always a big fan of the Phillies. A big Mets fan out there growing up in Oklahoma. Burn him. Growing up in Oklahoma, of course, going to school down in Miami. I was a big Dodgers fan. Get him, Chipper! And you know Chipper. You know Chipper Jones, Georgia Bulldogs, head coach.

I'm already on the ATV, y'all. You know, Braves fans are the reasons Waffle House has the pictures-only menu, right? That's why. That's the most George insult I've ever heard in my life. It really is. Just point to it. Point to it and tell me how good Chipper was.

I like the Jeff Blauser visual egg The Raphael Belliard special What happened in the John Rocker Waffle? You take that off? Seriously, man, if you went to the stupidest people on the planet, they're Braves fans. Like, just as a group, the stupidest possible people. Man, Trump's going to be such a good manager for the Braves.

You're going to move to Cobb County across from that Zaxby's in the mall? I like that if you talk to former Braves fans, they talk about it like they used to be part of a white supremacy group. They're like, yeah, man. Well, Ryan. Yeah, I used to be a big Braves fan, but, you know, I've left that behind. I'm a lot happy. I think I'm a lot happier now. I found actual pieces.

I feel like, man, Chipper Jones, that's just a great Atlanta. You're like, Chipper Jones is a colossal piece of shit. Well, you know, I grew up a Braves fan, then I went to prison. came an actual Braves fan. I got out, started messing around, went back, got my life cleaned up, and, you know, now I'll, yeah. I'm an Astros fan. I need this job, man. I can't go back to Braves.

They got so many connections, though. That's the thing. They lure you back with your brave, the Braves trade. Braves trafficking. Like the weirdest people to me, like, are people who are still Braves fans? I don't, I, like, I, why? Who hurt you? Like, who hurt you?

Other than the Braves. The Braves. Other than the Braves. They're pretty bad this year, weren't they? I don't know. I haven't watched. They're quite bad. I mean, I, people stopped talking about him after a while other than fire the coach or whatever.

It's a Hawks Town. It's, this is thorough it. It kind of is. Yeah. It's a Hawks Town. It's a Hawks Town in a Brave State. It's not a Hawks State. It might be a Kyle Corber State.

It is not. You're picking up what we're putting down. It's a Pist of Pete Marevich State. Exactly. They'll be like. Like, man, I don't know. I don't go to Hawks games because I don't feel safe there, but... It's a Thabo-Ssepolotia town in a Pistol-Pete state.

But you know, that Kyle Corver, he plays basketball the right way. Kyle Corver, I like his haircut. He can hit a three. Oh, man, he can hit a three. Oh, I tell you what, more of them players ought to try to be like Kyle Corver. I don't know exactly what it is about him. I like so much that all the other players don't have. I think it's his ethics

He just plays real hard Except for that time He literally dove out of LeBron's way Which that's probably because LeBron's cheating I guess I got one more game to mention here On an otherwise We got more stank

We do Well no no This is you know some A couple of more games A really wounded Mississippi State team Fresh off a bubbling At the hands of Alabama

Goes to play Tagging in Here comes I'll finish them off, Nick. I'll take it from here, buddy. Thanks for loosening them up. Why are you wearing a singlet? I always wear it.

The two horsemen. Every Alabama. As an Iowa grad, I always wear a singlet. I think we're more of the fabulous freebirds. Do you think Iowa fans, by the way? Iowa fans really are like football Mormons. They always wear singlets underneath. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's their magic underwear. You always got to be ready to wrestle. Elbow pads. That's why I carry an exacto knife with me, so I can just, you know, I'm married to an Iowa fan. I have to cut them out of their gear if they get drunk. Happy Father's Day. I got you cauliflower here.

No, you love me. Son. I do like the idea of Bert just staying at the, every Alabama game. He's standing at the corner, constantly doing the, stretching my arms, playing to the crowd a little bit, slap in the turnbuckle. Come on, Nick, get me in there. Come on, I'll punch the, I'll punch the ref.

I'll distract the riff Yeah, you know, by the way You know he's going in there Whether he's supposed to or not Yeah Right Oh, the beating on shit He'd be one of those heavy weights

Who just laid down a lot Like The Undertaker, right? Like, I'm winded I think he's like I think Bert's like an 80s Good guy In the 80s He's the good guy wrestlers

acted like dicks Like if you go back and watch Hulk Hogan He's like biting people On the fucking forehead And like getting praised and, like, telling people about Jesus and stuff, that's Bert. Like, he likes to carry himself.

Like, he's the guy here who's doing it the right way, but he'll bite your nuts, man. The last, by the way, my favorite thing about this season thus far has been every single time I look at the schedule. There's one team that is always booked, not just at the 1030 Eastern slot. No, no, no, no, no. Man. Booked at the 1045 slot. Can we push that back just a little bit? Can we just Mike Leach?

Mike Leach is the one who in there settling the Pact 12 schedule. They say, okay, listen, we're going to draw straws to see who wants to be the one at 1045. No, I got them all. Actually, I'll do it. Yeah. Well, we don't like getting up earlier anyway. It's not really a morning person. You know who else wasn't a morning person?

Queen Christina. You know, she didn't become a morning person until later in life. That's what killed Descartes. she had a tiny cannon that she used to fire fleas off her body and it was cold in Stockholm and she insisted that you know you get up at 4.30 in the morning and you know that was a little too much for the little Frenchman but he gave us quite a way of representing the world the old x and y axis I used that when diagramming stretch stretch which is one of our key plays when we're trying to create a triangular stretch on the field it's been one of the things that you know

Luke falk's been so good at this year no we can play at 1045 that's fine I'll make of popcorn. I'll walk to work through my lentil fields and my hills. It'll be good.