Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 3.34.0

Episode Date: November 23, 2015

A truly chaotic week in college football yields intense discussion of the following between Spencer, Ryan, and Jason: --We start by telling you there will only be one installment of the Fullcast this week! This is a lie, we decided after the show to make another for preview purposes. PLAYFAKES EVERYWHERE IN THIS OFFENSE. --Why Ohio State looked so, so bad in their loss to Michigan State (answer: we don't know either, it's not an answer but it's honest) --How Iowa State has higher standards than Texas? Sure. --The most nightmarish edition of Satan's Coaching Dominoes we have played yet in the year 2015 --Why future Trump voters were beating the hides off each other in the stands in Fayetteville over Mississippi State/Arkansas --A brief examination of the insanity and faint threads of logic behind a possible ouster of Les Miles at LSU that only involves a few mentions of money laundering --The last line of this episode is: "DINOSAURS ATE ROCKS, AND THEY WERE FUCKIN' AWESOME." You'll have to get there to find out how much sense it makes. (None, and yet all of it at once.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. I am Spencer Hall, editorial director of SB Nation. Joining me, as always, from beautiful Kennesaw, Georgia, Frostbitten, Kennesaw, Georgia. The polar waists is Jason Kirk. Say hi, Jason. Hey, what did you? Also from Brooklyn, New York, which I think is only a sort of seasonal, what, 28 degrees at the moment? I haven't been outside today.

Really? Why do they do that? Have you been outside in New York? It's worthless. Do you know when they film Empire? They don't film it in New York, even though the show takes place in New York City. They film it in Chicago, and they intentionally put garbage on the sidewalk when they shoot, so it look more real. Do they add it with computers?

No, I think it's real garbage. Wow. All garbage, mustache, and lightning is real. Authentic. Yeah. The best special effect is Terrence Howard. Terrence Howard can only work with real garbage. I can only work with real garbage. Just my ascot, please.

Get Andy Circus out of here. Andy Circus is garbage. Garbage. Territ Howard has garbage. I would watch that. It'd be better than the Empire. We have a unique schedule this week because we have a holiday. Thanksgiving's in the middle of this.

And as always, we stupidly play. play college football around those holidays which is cool because it means you don't have to hang out with people you don't want to hang out with but it's bad because we're only going to be doing one podcast this week so this is all the full that is the downside that is the downside for you

you should write your employer and tell them you don't want Thanksgiving off next year and maybe there will be two full casts as a result because remember you'll do more work if there's less vacation that's how efficiency works That's prison logic.

That's pretty. You'll be so happy to be there. Because you won't have to think of things to do. So this is the only podcast you get this week. My apologies. But travel, et cetera, it's a bit much. So we'll have to just do it all right now, which is why I want to get to the first topic. Oh, my.

What a weekend? I don't say that sarcastically. It was actually really entertaining, mostly because, wait, what in your eyes was the biggest thing that happened. I'm prompting this because I know the answer, Ryan Nanny, but the biggest thing that happened in your eyes. I mean, it was a close game

decided by three points. Notre Dame beats Boston College. Impressive. You son of a bitch. Another, another classic heroic victory by our boys in Bright Green.

Five turnovers. It's the bestest that you gave Boston College five turnovers, and they turned it into literally, like, like three field goals and an extra point. That's, Boston College is perpetually the Scrabble player who only has Q. It's like, God damn it. Maybe the worst passing game I have ever seen.

Are they still on, where are they currently in the punts versus completions? Let's look that up You should look that up While we're talking about this Because at one point I believe it was something like 79 to 78 Or something like that In terms of punts versus completions

So they're at 109 completions And Punting 85 punts Yeah So So they are what 24 over

Yeah over 11 games that works out to about two more completions a game than puns? Slow down, Steve. I'm going to pull something, Boston College. There are some people who think, even if you don't have a good passing game, you kind of have to go through with one anyway. It keeps the defense honest, blah, blah, blah. Don't do that, Boston.

Just abandon the pretense. Send your quarterback out there with two ovens. Mitt's on and say he's only here for one thing. Single wing. Baking. Yeah. Because you know what? Going for the dudes who like to bake. Let them cook.

Let them cook, Steve. Let them cook. I like the idea of Boston College just being, you know, hey, we're playing at a baseball stadium. We're going to play baseball. And Notre Dame is all trying to play football. And that's real frustrating when you want to play one game and somebody's trying to play, you know, like you're trying to play battleship.

and somebody's, you know, keeping word score. No, no, no, we're trying to play battles with the Scrabble tiles. Yeah, that's you, Boston College. Congratulations. Not that going to the single wing is all that bad a decision. Take, for instance, Michigan State. Oh, you got back there. Good job. Look at that.

Highwire act hopping on the segue back on the interstate of conversational flow. We are going to discuss Ohio State, Michigan State, because Michigan State ran the ball 34 times in the second half against Ohio State and passed the ball for four attempts. They passed four times four to 34. In the second half. In the second half when they were tied. And ended up winning the game, 17, 14.

Well, I think the thing is that for about a month or so now, Ohio State fans have wanted everyone to talk about Ohio State. So let's do that. What you guys talk about the Buckeyes, huh? I mean, we can use the Boston College. Let's really devote some time to talking about Ohio State now. If you want to use the Boston College metric here, Ohio State had eight punts and nine completions. Mm-hmm. so so that's better than boston college but we're in the same ballpark yeah let me let me just go

ahead and go over this coming into the game if you looked at this uh the general assumption was that maybe ohio state would dick around because that's what they've done this season thus far they would look hesitant maybe disorganized maybe it'd be a close game going into the second quarter and then in the second half uh jason what would they do what's ohio state done in every every single second half this year when they needed to get things done. Oh, they're going to finally mash the gas right when, right, right, right, right, right when the finish line looks just out of reach, they're just going to punch it, and they're going to pull ahead. That's right. That's right. That's right. And that, that's not what happened.

That's not what happened. There was no punch. No, no, no. There was no punch whatsoever. I really don't know. I know that we're supposed to come on here and say, well here's here's sort of what happened i don't know what happened i watched it and i still don't understand a damn thing i saw out of ohio state i don't know what the game plan was i don't know why j t bear was even out there he threw for 46 yards 46 yards and people talk about the weather uh that's crap i know the weather was bad it's not 46 yards bad like the weather to be 46 yards bad, you would either have to be Boston College, who I believe

had more than 46 yards passing against Notre Dame. I'm not looking that up. No, no need to. We'll just assume it's true. If we can even think it, that's bad. If you can say, Ohio State had the same number of passing yards as Boston College, yeah, that's bad.

If it even seems plausible. It would have to be hellfire. It'd have to be some kind of unique herpes hail blowing at 40 miles and every side. God, that's pretty gross. Pretty common in Ohio. And it would have to be something so abnormal as to excuse 46 yards.

By the way, that's not 46 yards on like two completions. Nope, nine. Nine. And 16 attempts, as many as Michigan State attempted with their backup quarterback. Mm-hmm. With their backup. Not their anointed starter. Not at all.

J.T. Barrett, only guy who took a single snap at quarterback. Oh, by the way, J.T. Barrett also had 15 carries for 44 yards, which is more than Ezekiel Elliott, who to this point had been nigh unstoppable in the second half of games. And he, in a close game, where they did not fall behind, remember, Michigan State didn't lead. They didn't lead this entire game. That's how we do. until the very end, until the last second. That's sort of how the rapture works, though.

God's team. Spartan's coming, the Great Tribulation. Michigan State's like me and a 5K with the guy with the wooden leg. I'm like, I'm just going to draft off him. I'm going to stay behind. Mark D'Antony is definitely a pre-millennialist because soon as the buzzer sounds, he's getting these boys out of here.

Just rapture in them. Let's get on the bus. Yeah. that's they didn't lead and in a game that was a close game where Ohio State probably would have in any other game where their offensive staff did not suffer strokes or go insane or do really cool interesting experimental government drugs before making up this game plan they would have done something other than give Ezekiel Elliott 12 carries for 33 yards I don't know I feel like people have a whole lot of opinions about like what Ohio State should have done but I mean what was working what is the thing that was working so well that they should have done more

they had one I mean on their one drive they had one drive where they ran the ball well that was it and that was the that was the one where Ezekiel Elliott scores and it's the one that Elliott talks about in post game comments when he says you know we had this one drive where we were mashing people and suddenly we weren't there

suddenly we just didn't use any of those plays which I don't know if that's true I haven't watched the game tape again. And I wouldn't. Why would you want to see what they did twice? It was horrible. It didn't work. Michigan State played beautifully, by the way.

They did. They wanted to win 1714. That was the game. Mark D'Antonio, like, building his model at home, looked back and was like, well, look, there. Built the Taj Mahal out of toothpicks. Did it.

Last piece in place. Field goal. Done. I was flabbergasted. I'm still flabbergasted. I don't even have anything like I don't even have anything that funny to say about it immediately.

I have a conspiracy theory about how this all happened and it's actually like not a joking one. But it was just bizarre to watch. Just an absolutely bizarre game. Like more, this to me was more bizarre than like Texas beating Oklahoma.

Was it more bizarre than Iowa State beating Texas? no okay no sorry paul rhodes we miss you already he did get that though if you don't know paul rhodes i have a state head coach beats texas just remember just take the context out paul rhodes beat texas badly shut them out and then lost his job think about that in context of texas fans who thought it was hilarious when kevin sumlin got a raise an extension for a eight and four or whatever season. You know, they said, if you go 8 and 4 at A&M,

you get a raise, you go at A and 4 here, you get fired. Yeah, well, you beat Texas only by 28 points or whatever at Iowa State, you get fired. So, anyway, now we're talking shit

about Texas. Back to Ohio State. Iowa State's got higher standards than Texas. Damn. Yeah, I don't understand anything that happened, and I don't understand

anything that was said after the game in terms of people reacting to Ezekiel Elliott stating something honestly. I don't know. understand that. I do not understand that way of life. I don't know why you would be offended by that

in the least when it was obvious to everyone including Irvadmire that nothing they did make sense. Nothing. I don't want any of this to discredit Michigan State absolutely dominating the line of scrimmage because that's what happened. They lost the line of scrimmage. At no point could

Ohio State cope with that. Yeah, I'm fine when Zeke speak in his mind. If he has an opinion, great. It's probably I mean, it's better informed than millions and millions of other humans. So I'm totally fine with players way in. Let's do this after every game. Let's have players grade coaches.

What can't we do that? Well, that's actually, of course, what one Michigan State player did. It was, as soon as this took off a Michigan State tight end tweeted, great job, coaches. I'm like to think my... Thanks for putting us in the position to succeed.

Thanks for putting us in the position to succeed. God bless you, young man. That's like going to somebody's funeral and talking about how great your dad is. Yeah, Jamal Liles. That's Jamal Liles. He's going to a funeral, going to everyone's funeral, being like, was he a nice guy? Man, he seemed like a really good dude. Man, my dad is great.

He's still alive, but we're here to talk about Uncle Eric, who's dead. Unlike my dad. Who's awesome. I'm sorry, and not dead. Not so alive. and also completely a lot. One cool thing about my dad compared to yours. He puts me in a position to survive.

Yeah. That and I do love this, that after the game, Geiger, the kicker, on live radio, saying, it was the biggest kick of my life, and I fucking nailed it. Which, man, I hope that's on some motivational shirts for them. I hope that's on I hope that's on some kind of plaque

I hope they don't bleep it No you can I mean if you go here Let's listen to the radio clip It's as soon as he says it there's giggling There's grown man giggling and they're Kind of like Mark Dan Tonos

Already stitched that in green thread into the back of someone He kidnapped five years ago I think I think the Michigan State thing to do here is Yes you embrace it because it is the sonic equivalent of burning a couch in the middle of a street, which Michigan State fans also did. But you also find a way to use it to claim that you're being disrespected. So like,

if people don't make shirts of it, then that disrespect. I see you're wearing a school uniform today. Instead of this Michigan State, I fucking nailed it shirt. This eight-year-old thinks he's better than Michigan State. Why isn't there a national controversy about this quote? Or do they even listen to what Michigan plus state players have to say? Why do they only listen to the Ohio State player? See, this is advanced

Antonio right now. I've just beaten Penn State with these words. I was going to say, you're so far in Antonio's head. I know people have mind melts with different coaches and different players. They just understand them, right? Like Don Van Nata with Jerry Jones. Just did a profile and just sort of

understood hip. I feel like I'm close. to that bespirier where I feel like I understand his basic ethos, both as a coach and as a human being. You and Mark D'Antonio, you're close to that. That's why Jason always wears a tie. In the shower.

I think I put on a tie. Let's see. Right now? You better be wearing one right now. Mark D'Antonio's really... Sir, before we can do this open-heart surgery, you are going to have to take that tie off. Well, then just let me die on the fucking.

table. Well, that's not going to happen. How'd you doing that heart surgery? Marked Antonio. I fucking nailed it. We won the line. Coach has had heart surgery, hasn't he? Yeah, yeah.

He did. Yeah, and he fucking nailed it, dude. He's coaching. He was coaching like two weeks later, man. Had a heart attack after that Notre Dame game, where they fake the field goal. Beating Notre Dame. And since his heart's fine, what can they do to him now?

See, he does everything better than Urban Meyer. Okay, so I do have a theory and it's a conspiratorial theory, but it follows my rules in life where I believe that people do not actually learn lessons and that they keep making the same mistakes over and over again, right? And it's this. This is what happened to Ohio State this year.

It's 2009, Florida, because everyone wants to go to the NFL and they're distracted, which is true. that's the thing that happens, all right? It even happens to Nick Sabin, who treats his players like interchangeable pieces of slag iron in a great agricultural machine of some sort, okay? It even happens to him. And it certainly happens to Urban Meyer, who failed to, like, reign in anything that happened on the 2009 Florida team at all, or the 08 team, and maybe the 07 team, just any of those teams, okay? It all came to a head in 2009.

You have exactly this kind of season, which is a protracted long... Ryan, you remember this. It's like the least fun season ever. Yeah. Where winning like 2413 against anyone was considered to be the biggest disappointment in the world. You lose an offensive coordinator. This team lost an offensive coordinator, Tom Herman, the 2008 team comes a 2009 Florida team. They lose Dan Mullen.

And that offense becomes what? One-sided, predictable, kind of incoherent. It is the season version of. of every time you go to the gym and you just wheeze and hurt and you tell yourself that it was still worthwhile that you did, even though you were bad and hated yourself

the whole time. Right. And you're just burnt. Like everybody and everything on that team is completely burnt out, and they've completely lost all bearings because their priorities are all over the place and by necessity, right?

Like Ezekiel Elliott, what incentive does he have to ever make another carry for this team? None. He's going to be fine. He's going to go to the NFL draft. And obviously feels free enough about that certainty to just say whatever he wants. And I did enjoy people coming out and going,

what are NFL GMs going to think of this? Like, I don't know. Paying them actually might make a difference. People tend to respond well to that. You shouldn't say negative things about me. Are you going to pay me, Urban Meyer? Okay, cool. The Browns?

Dude, I will go and suffer through three. four years with the Cleveland Browns. Look, I think last year's number one overall pick taught us that talent does not trump saying whatever you want in public. Wait, who's the number one pick

last year? I can't recall. I don't know. That was the last fan base that wanted us to talk about them. Why don't you talk about my team? Who is the last NFL draft pick who fell because of like talking? has that ever happened that we can actually document like the things that NFL players you know last year the big the big fall was Lyle Collins from LSU who uh was involved in a police investigation that he had nothing to do with that's the kind of thing that gets you to fall um in the NFL draft yeah is mysterious legal stuff if you actually got arrested you know and and you you did your time or whatever oh they'll pick you they'll pick you just fine saying words when is that ever

hurt somebody. Yeah, like Warren Sap back in the day, he fell in the draft because of a positive drug test. A rumored positive drug test. I don't even know if it was ever substantiated. But that was one reason why he fell.

It wasn't because Warren Sapp said anything. If he'd given him a couple of years, probably. But not at the time, no? Kindle Wright fell because of negative character. issues which whatever I mean people are going to say he

fell but like you know running backs don't get picked in the top ten these days and I think we all like Zeke but I don't think we I doubt he's being listed that high anyway so like if he goes in the first three rounds sure fine also what's Urban Meyer

got to say about a running back that any NFL draft person's going to pay attention to anyway you mean Alice Smith I think Alex Smith's a hell of a running back. Tim Tebow? It's more of a fullback, really. Yeah, he's more of a blocking tight end, I would say.

Yeah, yeah. John Brantley? He's more of a kicking tea. He seems a really... Mobile kicking tea. Kicking tea. Alabama certainly kicked things off of him. Oh, their body parts.

Yeah, his head from his shoulders. Matter of fact, they say running backs would fall in these days because they have too much tread on the tires. I think Urban's just trying to help Zeke out, keep them fresh. Man, that might be the best conspiracy theory yet. Now, the big fun thing is that, of course, after that 2009 season, Florida falls to pieces. It becomes a shambles.

And I don't think that'll happen again. Hmm. Well, they do lose everybody. Mm-hmm. So that part's bad. you know, losing the entire team, that part could come back to the Buckeyes, considering this was the magical year it was all built toward and things went bad.

And how many years has Meyer been there? Just, we're in year three or four at this point? Well, hmm, let's count on fingers and toes. I think he's year three. The clock is counting down, that's for sure. Yeah. So he's in year three. there. And the longest he's ever spent at a place

was at Florida. Correct? So this is year four. Yeah. Okay. Because that first year was the undefeated, oh wait, we played in the Tax Slayer Bowl last year's season. That's true. Yeah, exactly. We give up a bowl game so we could lose to Will Must champ at a bowl game, which that's of Ohio thinking right there. But yeah, this is year four.

And if he comes back next year, it will equal, what, his longest stay as a coach, as a head coach, which would be 2005 to 2010 with Florida. So, I mean, I wouldn't want to be nervous, but I might be nervous. Sure, we wouldn't want to say, hey, Ohio State fan, this thing you're feeling great about a couple days ago, it's all going to hell. We wouldn't want to say that out loud. But I might say this in all seriousness. Like we're hinting around something jokingly. I might say this in all seriousness. He's never done this before.

I just, for the listeners, I have one request. I don't want you to indicate that we had anything to do with it. But however you can, start spreading the rumor that Notre Dame is going after Urban Meyer hard. Yeah. How can it happen? Interesting. Yeah, you're all hearing this. I'm hearing this, not from either of you.

Listen, can we build on our build on last week's nightmare scenario? You're ready? I didn't say a scenario. Are you ready to play another game of Satan's coaching dominoes? Drop a beat! Okay, so, Charlie Strong goes to Miami.

Because you know he was lying about that. Okay. Jimbo goes to LSU. Boop. Okay. All right. Nick Sabin goes to Texas. Mm-hmm.

Move that over. So that means you've got the Alabama and Florida State jobs open. Jim Mora? Where's DaBow going? Let's say DaBow doesn't go. Let's say Davo stays at Clemson because he's just comfortable and like he gets Jesus' signal real clear when he's standing right by the rock. There's a big tithe coming in. I'm not joking.

I think DaBow talks to Jesus way more than other people personally. sure um and then you get the alabama and florida state jobs open and you get urban mire to take one of them because it can happen which one is funnier i don't even know i think the bama one's funnier because they have to feel like we broke him and then we rebuilt him we made him whole we made his ass quit we made his ass unquit we gave him his original heart back he's crying again, but this time out of joy. He's converted. We're Palpatine here. We all like crying now.

We're all in touch with our emotions here in Tuscaloosa. The Sith have the rule of two. He had to go south to rain and hell in Texas, so we took his apprentice urban. You pad may, Ohio State. You pad may. And then Florida State hires Houston nut. There, all done. They get Jar Jar. Me no win is an overdog. Mee won't happen. Mesa Heppin.

Mesa Happen with the underdog. Mesa happened big time. God damn it. We made Houston not racist. He's not racist. No, Jar Jar Jar is racist. Jar Jar's racist. Oh, so we're Char Char's racist.

Foya Jar Jar Jar. Yeah, man. That's the number. real nightmare scenario, I'm actually, I scared myself with that. Hey, Jason, what do you want to talk about this week? I believe we're scheduled to discuss the basketball game that broke out between Arkansas, Mississippi State. Oh, oh, 5150.

5150. A little 101 point SEC defense showdown. We're in, what were the touchdown, the passing touchdown totals? Six or seven for each, something like that? Brandon Allen had seven. Dak Prescott only had five, but he had five hundred and eight passing yards on 50 attempts. That's just the SEC defense. I mean, did they play like nine quarters or just regular four?

Nope, nope, this beer. This is a regulation game. They squeezed all that in, huh? Just packed it in, man, in a single game. Brandon Allen, who, by the way, on the last drive, like, I don't eat. you might not have watched this entire game I probably watched most of the second half here's what they did on the last drive

Arkansas started at like I think that the seven the 11 yeah the 11 yeah they started way back there down one point with three minutes to play three minutes to play and immediately Arkansas just

blazes through the Mississippi State secondary all the way down to, again, you'll have to correct my yardage here, Ryan. In five plays, they got to the Mississippi State 19 yard line. Yep, 19. So what do you do at that point with like a minute left? They had like a minute left when they started doing this. They centered the ball for a field goal.

Yeah, they ran three times to make Mississippi State burn their timeouts. You had a quarterback who had thrown for seven. TDs. Seven. Arkansas didn't rush for a TD. How? How? That's not what we do here at Arkansas.

No. We don't believe in running. It's dangerous. Dr. Brobotnik himself, big and red on the sidelines. His team did not rush for a single TD. in this game and with seven TDs

on the board already they made Brandon Allen handoff and they got a field goal block to win 5150 and then what happened immediately in the same shot you can see in the ESPN shot you can see Dak Prescott celebrating

and in the same shot there are fans just brawling in the stands just just wailing on each other and it's not even clear which fan base they belong to because both wear red. Well, they think they've witnessed the end of days. I mean, we just saw, you just saw, you saw, run 72 plays.

Devil's coming. Only one of those is making out of the stadium alive. I've seen the stand. I know how this ends. It was like, it was like, in Belemma's brain, it was as if he just reverted to form with one minute to go and just sort of woke up

it was like he woke up coaching a big 12 team oh no no no slow this down slow this down easy easy sure getting too excited and all those supernatural waves

just sort of emanated into the crowd and everyone just had to had to have it out I mean they were throwing haymakers these guys were like I mean old boy swung on him I mean he swung on I'm hard.

These two... This wasn't the kind of thing players do where they sort of shove each other. No, no. This was a fight. It was everything

you wanted if you're like, yeah, show me what a Fayetteville crowd and a moment of anger looks like, yep, it looks exactly like that. Just dudes, future Trump voters,

just throwing bombs in the stands. It's just making Arkansas great. Exactly. Just like, like, like if you just,

and if you watch it, by the way, like, throwing in the background, there's a couple of people who are looking, who aren't even mildly horrified. A couple of people get knocked out of the way. Like, there's a woman who's there, and then she just disappears. She's not punched out of the way.

Like, I'm pretty sure that she's just, like, disappear. Like, I'm out. No, I'm going to hit the floor until this gets better. She's one of the, video game character who just died. Just blink, blink, blink, disappear. Yeah, you're like, oh. Get her out of here.

She night crawlered out of there. Mississippi State had 32 first downs And they look on Dan Mullen's face When they blocked that kick Which by the way was blocked by somebody Who's not on the kick team? There's a 29-yard field goal that got blocked Yep

29-yard field goal Arkansas in November Falls to I believe 2 and 7 all-time or something like that 6 and 5 on the year They're all numbers All numbers If you believe numbers

still love you, Arkansas. Ridiculously fun to watch. Yeah, Arkansas's record in November I think it was like 4 and 7. I think there was a number of something they threw out. And you can't really judge an Arkansas team by the record because the record's always bad. Even the Novembert record by itself is bad.

I mean, in life, really, none of us end up with a winning record mortality-wise. Yeah, we all do pretty bad November. We're all Rasputon. Rasputin finished 8 and 3, I think. Even Rasputin in November, I bet he, you know, ignored family, packed on too much weight at Thanksgiving, didn't get enough exercise, like, man, nobody wins in November.

In the end, November claims us all. Ooh, yeah, that's, right there, write that down for the title of this podcast. There we go. I do also enjoy that in this game the look on Dan Mullen's face when it's blocked. He's just, Dan, Dan Mullen's never had a poker face. He's never had the capability of being the stoic coach, the Gary Pinkle type, who, I don't know, watches his team win a national championship, no expression. Watches his team lose by 30, no expression whatsoever. No, Dan Mullen saw it happen, was like, oh my God, that wasn't supposed to happen.

We're very lucky. This is a stupid game that can sometimes be settled by the most arbitrary of decisions and actions. And Ole Miss fans are like, yeah, we're like, yeah, we're not. We know. Now you understand. Fuck you, Dan. Fuck you. See you next week.

I love you. And I hate you. Going to kill you, Dan. Love you. Egg Bowl is the most accurate Thanksgiving, really. It's because everyone gets together. They fight. They experience a bunch of hate and nothing gets solved.

No one gets better. And they'll do it next year. Nobody actually walks away a winner in the end. I mean, sure. There's points on the board, and they point one way or another. And you feel such a prize. Yeah. A trophy changes hands.

A thing called the golden egg that doesn't look like an egg changes hands. Yeah. And then in the end, everyone's sad anyway. Speaking of everyone being sad at Ann Oxford. Because, uh, are they, I need, I need to know how real this is so I can change my entire world view. Yeah. Are they really going to fire Les Miles?

So update people where we are in the... So last week, the state of the rumored affair was Les Miles is coaching for his job in the last two games of the season, which are against Ole Miss, already happened, and Texas A&M, which will happen this Saturday. Correct. Now the state of affairs is what? the state of affairs is this pernola dot com james smith reporting for them a source has told him a highly ranked source by the way has said that less miles tenure may be coming to an end because the tiger athletic foundation taff

and say they're ready to move on that the $15 million buyout i quote you the $15 million buyout clause which still isn't as high as Brett Bile was by the way. I will point that out to the day I die. It's not a hang-up, according to them, that private funding will clear that buyout if they wish to part ways with him. Taff has been... What I'm hearing is

somebody has some money to launder. He's like, you know, I got to move this seven mills, so let's two birds one stone this. I would love that if that was in the press conference with Joe Aliva, right? Like, he comes up there and he announces,

Joe Leap is the guy I'll be making this decision for LSU in theory. At least he'll be announcing it. He'll get up there and I hope he uses clean and cleanliness metaphors the entire time

he's speaking while winking. You see, I kind of wanted to remove some of the stings of the past from this program. The thing about... Start with a clean slate. The thing about this football team's

path to success is that under coach Miles, it was untraceable. So I'm pleased to introduce our new head coach, a laundromat. It's extremely nice, suspiciously nice, but nothing but the best here at LSU. LSU is now a nail salon. Congratulations. We're also playing a game versus Wisconsin in Singapore for some reason now. I don't know. It's got something to do with triads, but, you know, it's happening.

Yeah, this is a thing that, of course, according to people who will talk to highly ranked people in the LSU hive. Mine seems like a really strong word. The hive kidneys. The hive liver. The hive butt. The hive butt that rules LSU. This is apparently a thing that they would fire less miles and that there's been some turning point.

Maybe it's 2011. Maybe it's 2012 when, despite having. enough talent to actually feel the starting NFL offense. They did not win the SEC West and still kept losing to Alabama that they feel like they've completely lost all hope in terms of catching Alabama in the SEC West and thus must make a change. How do we feel about this? I'm trying to process it, man.

I feel fine about it. And here's why. You look at this LSU staff. Cam Cameron needs me moving on. Kevin Steele has not lived up to his predecessor. But you go down those assistants, and you see there's one man, one man with the experience and the talent and the heart to take over where Les Miles has failed and bring the Tigers back.

And that's the coacho. I sort of think that they just need to name him. We've said this before. name him interim coach and never change it. Oh, the coach, oh, the coach are so happy to be back in the saddle again. This saddle made out of human hide. That's it. Because before we get too deep of the coach, the serious suggestion for this,

for the person to replace Les Miles is Jimbo Fisher. Yeah, that's been the chatter for, I feel like a couple years now, is, hey, Jimbo used to be there. therefore he'd want to go back because that's how the world works anywhere you would love to go back well that's why Spencer is going to be the manager at balls one day that's actually pretty probable

if they offer if they offer they've got a fire less smile I was going to say they got a fire less again oh well you'll do a good job with this Spence I know you will last year the best come back here

I mean, maybe they, I mean, I'm sure they know more about this than we do. And if Jimbo's the man, then hopefully they have a high amount of confidence. That's the last phrase, a high amount of confidence, before they actually do something this drastic. But it's going to be pretty funny if Jimbo doesn't want to go back. I mean, this is the thing. Like with Fisher, there are a number of factors that make you think that, yeah, this could happen. And that's not just saying that it's because Florida State is kind of like exactly as unstable administratively as people think it is. Exactly as unstable as LSU. Go on.

That's the other thing. I'm looking for something more stable. Can I interest you in a Louisiana position? I'm just real tired of having a situation where I only have to beat one team and I get to go to the playoff. It's just too easy. I need a challenge. Can we refresh my memory? Who is Jimbo's agent again?

That'd be Jimmy Sexton. Okay. Interesting. If you do not know, dear listener, Jimmy Sexton happens to represent like every SEC coach. Not every SEC coach, but a lot of them. And he also represents Jimbo. Who's not in the SEC?

But they play like an SEC. team. They play like an SEC. They play better than. And they play so many teams a year like Clemson and they play Florida every year. Florida every year. Why does you have to bring that up? I'm

cutting this from the episode. You guys have to watch Flores. No, I don't have to watch shit. Yeah, I have to watch it. I'm honored bound to watch it. Ryan has no honor. I'm a rodent. Yeah. He's just going to wander the earth. I mean, I say that because I have a

sword and I don't know what to do with it. Yeah, it's in Brooklyn. You're not going to do anything with it. The Bronx, maybe. But this is one of those things where I'm like, I don't know what about it makes sense other than I'm trying to get a raise at Florida State

in a year when Florida State would desperately want to hang on to him because everyone's going to be switching coaches. It's going to be a mess. It's going to be fun, fun, fun mess. Because they've already done this. this dance, at least twice with Miles. I mean, sometimes it's, oh, maybe he's going to Michigan. And you do reach at some point, I think, a toxicity level where even if you didn't want to get rid of less Miles, you kind of have to because, boy, have you let his ass hang out in the

wind for a long time. Also, he's 62. Yeah. There is that. He's not a young man. with the heart of a four-year-old and the brains of a six-year-old. I was going to say, he's at least in elementary school. We can read. The one thing I will miss about Les, like, if they do get rid of him, less is like the most kid-friendly coach I think I have ever seen in my life, which makes you think that dealing with, like, LSU's administration should have been real easy for him, right?

He could have just been like, you're so adorable. And they'd be like, ah, you're the coolest, got your thumb, got your nose. So that's what's happening, though. That means the admins, they're teenagers now. And they're all in. They don't like dad anymore. So if he could just make it through this until they're grownups, you know, then they're best friends.

Oh, that's why Jimbo Fescher got hair transplant. So he can be cool dad. Yeah. Go get cool dad with his cool hair. Jimbo lets me ride the ATV. Jimbo picks me hunting. Which he would. In a shopping mall.

Jimbo lets me hang out with his buddy, Uncle Will. He'll lead a cinder block on a dare. Or not. Or just because. Or just because. It's good with Chalula. I'm having lunch. Dinosaurs ate rocks and they were fucking awesome.