Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 3.36.0

Episode Date: November 30, 2015

OMG SO MUCH TO DISCUSS ABOUT THE FINAL WEEK IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL LIKE: --how to replace your pastor after a decade or more of being merely really good --The ins and outs of a coaching coup in Louisiana that was a plan all along only if you enjoy people trying to cover their tracks after completely fucking everything up along the way --The madness of Ole Miss, or why Hugh Freeze picks his losses and victories really well --Every college football job is open --The joy of FSU fans being completely unaware of their surroundings at all times --How you can write off all rivalry week results with confidence as long as you didn't actually lose --A horrifying analogy by Jason ending up with someone shining a nude statue of a former Big Ten coach Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown forecast, and we do have an entire week, the final sort of full, robust week of college football to review. But before that, we would be, I think, disingenuous to avoid the numerous coups, various coaching, turnovers, firings, soon-to-be hirings that are happening in college football. So we should address those first. And I think the most important one, as we've all agreed, Ryan, is Kyle Flood, no longer head coach. Oh, God damn it. At Rutgers. God damn it, Ryan. Kyle Flood, who won a share of a Big East Championship.

We're 30 seconds into this. Kyle Flood, who won the Quick Lane Bowl last year. No one cares. You just made that up. Yeah. The existence of the Quick Lane Bowl? No, it's right here. According to Wikipedia, it was a postseason college football game.

I think you're looking at Wikipedia. Between the Rutgers Scarlet Nights and the North Carolina. Oh, this is going to be a good episode. Man. Tar Heels played on December 26th, 2014 at Ford Field. You've already put this entire broadcast into a ditch. So I'm going to try to recover it. I'm going to try to pull it out of the grass here.

Before we do, I'd like to encourage anybody to go to the Wikipedia page for the 2014 Quicklane Bowl. The photo that Wikipedia's editors have chosen of Ford Field is of the Lions Field with, would say a hundred people in the stance. Wikipedia, always accurate, in this case. Like I was saying, we actually have an important coaching turnover story. And that would be one successful firing, dropped cold today. Like, seriously, just there laying in the street like a newborn fucking baby, Mark Rick. Jason, our senior Georgia course.

We give him that title because Jason lives in Kennesaw, Georgia, and has lived in Georgia for longer than any of us have ever lived. How hard is it to replace a pastor at the church of Georgia football? Well, Brother Spencer, this is obviously brother Mark has led this congregation for quite a while. He's led it through robust periods of increased attendance and financial blessings. which have then been redistributed throughout the southeast to those in need. He has. He has. He's increased various giving programs to such other institutions as Alabama and Florida. Just spreading that goodwill around to other denominations.

But as of late, Pastor Rick's work. while in the past excellent has, I think, exceeded the need, has not, I think the needs of the church have exceeded that which he can provide. I feel we greatly appreciate his contributions in growing this community, but I feel the amount of giving that he's been doing to these other churches is just a bit too much. the church down in Florida with the televangelist pastor there. That's Brother Malcolm. They probably don't need quite as much help as Brother Mark was willing to give them this time around. And the Satanist Church in Tuscaloosa definitely did not need anywhere near that much assistance. But the church in Athens, Baptist Church, definitely Baptist Church, it's looking for a new shepherd at this point.

Despite, despite Brother Rick's, I mean, the miracles he worked, turning what should have been one or two lost seasons into more, I mean, that's loaves and fishes right there. Yeah, and also, you know, with Brother Rick, you have sort of, that's sort of an ancient lore to him. There's like an Old Testament ricked and a New Testament rigged. You know, you have these tales of, oh, the badass 2002. team and allegedly there was SEC titles at some point and all this stuff you tell the kids these days they say oh that's not real

you know that's not real a snake can't talk the water can't flow above a mountain Georgia can't win the SEC they don't believe you but it's in the book brother look it up and there is a prodigal son here and that's Matt Stafford he's going to come home and coach this team

interesting there was also the deceiver the false prophets that would be Brian Who, like John the Baptist, will have his head served on a plate. The man with the false wisdom, the man from the, the man from the, uh, the middle city. The goat, the goat with a thousand eyes. He is a ram. Oh my God.

It's all coming together. How did you not see this, Georgia? You hired the animal that people hang on the wall when they want to say they killed the devil. You did it. Damn it. Exactly. Because you know what? Satan throws the yard or two.

shy of the sticks every time. Just because it's easy. That is. Satan whispers in your ear and says, you can get away with just running the ball here. Look, we average 6.66 possessions at half. Oh, my God. I mean, the Israelites just ran the ball for 40 years and how'd that work out for Coach Moses?

Ultimate ball control offense. Worked out pretty well for Oklahoma Sooners. Gonna say. 50s? Something like, hey, listen, that's how they've won. that 13 to 2 Florida State game. Hey, see, Florida State? Wow.

Scoring two in a big game isn't the worst thing in the world. It happens. It happens to everyone. It happens to lots of teams. Good teams that deserve love. Good teams that, no, no. Great teams from the state of Florida. Teams that will represent their division in a conference championship game because divisions make sense.

Both, both of those two-point teams had a little bit of quarterback roster difficulty. there was a little bit of that but I will say by the way I wasn't really on board with I wasn't really on board with that entire thing until we scored the safety then I'm like oh hell yeah then it became then it became like

a hilarious joke I liked what bud was saying did they go around and claim it was 27 nothing and four skater fans to say um actually we got two points yeah no that's fine I'm happy to do that like yeah we did that come on but i'll lie i'll just say no the florida had four points yeah y'all have nothing to do

with my life you can't impact me at all i'll state facts all day long you have nothing to do with my existence none you're not even on the same level good times good times that uh there was the one rick being fired was i think um in all seriousness one of those things that i was emotionally not ready for and intellectually totally understood yeah yeah because um it is the long it is the late life divorce rule which is if somebody divorces you after x number of years you just have to assume that they know what they're doing like who's going to know better you're like when everyone's like man they were married for 35 years why would they get divorced now and I'm like well it must have been time well it's like jeff long

says you've built up a body of work at that point and also that's one of those divorces that's been in the works for a long time where you find out that one spouse has squirled away like $80,000 in a separate savings account just for this day. Yeah. Totally, totally, totally ready for this day. Marguerite and UGA, separate bank accounts for a while. My, my real question from this, so this news was broken by ESPN at about noon, I think it was. Yep. How many Georgia fans found out about this at church and how many. of those Georgia fans who found out about this in church were slapped on the hand or head by a family member for looking at their phone during church.

Okay, let's go. I'll break this down for you. Let's go find the timestamp. It was March Laybaugh that broke it. Let's see here. Y'all chatter amongst yourself while I look up this tweet. You go find it. We got time.

We'll edit all this out because I take a lot of care. that's a lie I will say this that when I found out my first thought immediately was that most Georgia fans were probably in the process of going to brunch

from church or going to Donut run or to the tea time right? Wow, that's even Oh. Okay, so this was a little afternoon

so yeah, you're already out of church I think you're already at Golden Corral because you skipped out of church a few minutes early. You skipped the baptisms. You skipped the special announcements. You skipped the introduction of the visiting missionary. You skipped something to get the golden corral early. Do you think there's a preacher who announced this to a congregation?

I guarantee you somewhere in the state of Georgia, there was a late lingering second service where the pastor regretted to inform the congregation, which gasped and then all agreed. well it was probably about time exactly and one more thing patrons a final special announcement and then like one georgia tech fan in the bag of yeah you know somebody dropped a god damn it right like mark rick has been fired god damn i'm sorry i'm sorry understood at a time like this i'm but human immortal i feel every emotion right now let's go get dabo just sprinting naked church in the direction of Clemson, South Carolina.

My favorite thing after this, after like the entire state just sort of like, this makes me sad, but I guess it makes sense, was immediately Georgia and South Carolina fans like passing Kirby smart off on each other. No, you take it. We don't want the must champish guy.

You take him. You know, y'all please hire him. He's kind of like must champ. Poor Kirby. He might be fine. I don't know. I don't even think Kirby knows this point. No one knows.

There's literally, there was at one point, one of, I can't recall, one of Alabama's beat writers tweeted out that someone asked Sabin about the smart rumors. And Sabin said, y'all have to ask Kirby Smart about him. And the tweet included, we cannot ask Kirby Smart about this. He's not allowed to talk per Nick Sabin. No one knows anything about Kirby Smart. if Kirby wants to leave he'll leave Is that true Nick He's certainly not chained to a radiator

Can we go see him right now Listen Kirby wants the job he'll chew through that iron Listen go see him if you want Coach can you point us in his direction please No more questions Coach Come back here you're under citizens arrest

That's This is the other thing now I don't doubt that that there was the question I have is this why now when you knew after the Auburn game

allegedly that this was going to happen like why now and when did you begin talking to people because it wasn't just today it's not like if you fired him at noon it wasn't like and now I start calling people at least I hope it wasn't

oh they were they were waiting on the last Miles thing to sort itself out I'll tell you exactly why, because George is classy. That's George's whole image is that it's the babyface Alabama. We do things right around here. We're not going to have a whole season. We wait until everyone's in line at the buffet to actually do the news. We're not going to do it during church.

We're not going to discuss this in the media like some sort of animal. Like some sort of SUC West program. What are we Arkansas? Oh, yeah, no, I know. Speaking of Brett Bilema, write that letter today. Do it. Today.

Oh, come home. Dear Greg McGarrity. I find your integrity. I love the way you handled Mark Rith leaving. I love the way you offered him some sort of job at your school. Maybe you got one for me, too. Love Bert. My buyout is $17 million.

We'll go have these. That's. I mean, this is the, like, they can't, I mean, yeah, sure, they're the classy program. They're the classy program. But, I mean, I know this. This is, if you're the classy program, talks about how churchy justified and righteous and, you know, thank you note writing you are, then you were undoubtedly cheating on Rick like a month ago. And if you weren't, then you're just kind of dumb.

I mean, you have to have your toe in the water at very least. You back channel somebody talking to somebody Because the people who are in line for this job At the moment They're basically three names Right Inform me if I am incorrect The three names which have been brought up

In regards to this job Are defensive coordinator At Alabama Kirby Smart Which I think we all go Never lost the game as a head coach Look at us He's kind of been tied to the job for what Four years now

Yeah, because he... Former player in the state next over. Because he went there. And, you know, of course, if you want a defensive coordinator with the actual head coaching experience, Auburn, who's a UGA grad, Auburn has one. And you know what? Offensively, he's improved. And he's got wins in games involving Georgia. He does.

Even I am not a dick enough to do this. He scored three points yesterday all by himself. Ryan, I think by the end of this coaching carousel, we're going to get. MushChamp hired at every SEC job. That's fine. He's coming back to Florida, isn't he? He might actually get hired in South Carolina. Like, that's how bad South Carolina.

God damn. Can you imagine if, what would that be three Sabin assistance in one division now? Dude, this is like when GE, this is a lot like when GE began to put, like, Bob Nardelli at the head of Home Depot and all of these guys who were Jack Welsh disciples, went to other companies, ran them all into the ground. You're going to take over Shineheart Wigs. And then, like, Kentucky hires, like, Pruitt and, oh, God. No, Kentucky's going to get Dooley. They'll hire Derek Dooley. Okay, okay. Wow, that's good.

God, the evil coming out of your mouth. Bobby Williams. Look at Bobby Williams. Oh, my God. Like the one assistant that all Bamo fans are like, fire that guy. Kevin Steele. Lane Kiffin to Kentucky. But this is, this is, like, he's one guy.

Kirby Smart is one guy. who's mentioned him in the job. Dan Mullen is another candidate there who I actually really like this idea, like if I'm looking at it objectively, because if you look at the recent history of Mississippi State under Dan Mullen, and then their relative history,

you'll realize that Dan Mullen is a goddamn miracle worker. When it comes to actually getting consistent performances out of one of the SEC's most historically more abundant trouble programs, the Mississippi State Bulldogs, he's made them consistent. That alone, consistently good. They've been consistent before, just not in the positive sense. Here's an alternative name for you.

If there's one thing Georgia needs, it's consistently good. Also, Alabama ties Mario Cristobel. His last name means Jesus Christ, run the ball. Oh, my. If he's Catholic, that might be an issue. George's a Baptist school. I mean, George is elapsed national champions, so I don't see why this can't work. If you go up to someone in a lot,

Athens, you tell him he's Catholic, you'll say, well, we can tell them about Jesus. Yeah, no, just say, be like, no, he's a Savannah Catholic. He golfs. It's, I mean, Presbyterian is only like five yards short of Catholicism anyway, so. He'll pretend to be demure about his drinking if that makes you feel better. You know, when your pastor comes around, he'll hold your beer. Oh, what a nice guy. I'll hire him.

He'll act like the whole concept of God is entirely depressing and soul-crushing if you really want. If you want, you know. Yeah, that and the third name in association with the Georgia job, which this is the third name or the first name or just a name everywhere right now, that'd be Tom Herman of Houston. Frankly, as a Florida fan, this terrifies me, this concept of Tom Herman at Georgia. I don't want that because it's a really good idea. Yeah. Yeah. The only thing about that one is does he leave for Texas at some point, which she can't really worry about that if you're Georgia. you're still a top 10 job, but that would be the only concern I'd have.

Like, it's really hard to poke holes in anybody hiring Tom Herman after Houston's and Ohio State's recent seasons. That would be, by the way, the point that I don't even want to entertain. And this one, somebody goes, is Georgia top 10. Yeah, it is. Shut up. It's a top. Shut up. It's a top 10 job.

Yeah, I mean, if you don't think it is, then you can just keep that opinion to yourself so people don't laugh at you, I guess. Yeah, because it's in a fantastic. fantastic place. It's in an iconic college town. They have great facilities. They're going to get better. They have a lot of money. They're in the SEC. They're in the part of the SEC, by the way, where you can make some hay, because everyone's kind of a cripple right now. They're in the part of the

SEC where you literally don't even need a quarterback. You can win the division. Yeah. SEC East right now, by the way, it's the part of town where you can pick up a house real cheap and flip it. Sell it in three years. Plenty of room. Look, the lots are huge. The house may be full of mice. Or rats, worse. I was trying to be nice

that people would buy. I know, no, no, no. They're not rats. Oh, no, no, no. These aren't rats that bite. Don't worry. They're adorable mice. Those rats can still stop Mizzou's offense.

It's true. No, oh boy. Another job that's just sitting there open, by the way. Quite open. Quite open. Yet another job of the SECEs that's open. The other coaching change that I wanted to talk about would be the failed coup.

Imagine this. A failed coup and sideways political machinations in Louisiana. Yes, Les Miles a week ago was on the verge of being run out of town. And after a win over A&M, something that Les Miles just does year in and year out anyway, he's now apparently governor of Louisiana. Congratulations, Les. So is this like the reverse Bill Stewart where, Everybody just assumed, well, you know, Bill Stewart's not actually going to get this job.

And then he goes out and wins a game. He's not supposed to. The boosters all kind of get caught up in the fervor of beating Oklahoma and say, hell, let's give him the head job. Because this has the same result in the sense that Les Miles is going to remain head coach. But I have been grasping so hard to sort of identify the causal factor that, takes the powers that be at LSU to 180 this hard. It was the hollering on the internet.

Okay. Good. He's the one who did it. Congratulations, the message boards. You are powerful. There's a jimbo factor. Well, there's this. It was a house divided from the start in terms of the, is the proper term for the brain

trusted LSU? Is that a parliament? Hmm. Yes, but in French. Yeah, the parley vu meant. Yeah, la Congress. Parlement. Parlement.

Parlement. Parle ma'at. That and al-waite and al-Gosch, okay, the two parties that we have. Apparently, there are no fewer than eight to 12 people who are really seriously in charge of LSU's football program. Joe Aliva, their athletic director, might be one of them. Les Miles definitely is. You think I'm joking, right? Les Miles might be one now.

He's ascended to the Council of Elders. Is Joe even going to get fired by Les Miles? I'm really wondering, like, who. Yeah, so let's lay it up for the listener here. About a week ago, okay? Apparently, there's a leak to Joe Shad. It's unprecedented in the history of college football that a coaching change is.

spurred by a leak to Joe Shad unfiltered as if someone we were just dictating directly to him. Joe Shad, the world's fanciest talk boy. It's so sad. I'm not even making any of this up. This all happened again.

Hey kids, we're firing less miles. Yeah, so this gets leaked to Joe Shad, which immediately sparks off this really bitter internecine conflict at LSU between a number of boosters on the Taff Tiger Athletic Foundation, the shadowy organization that runs LSU's athletics.

I think I just repeated myself, but still. And there's this war, and it comes to a head when everyone realizes that Les Miles hasn't talked to his AD for a week, that his AD probably once had fired, that they're lit and less hang out the wind, that everyone likes Les to start with, even though Les is performance has been trending down to 500 in the FCC West and yes 8 to 10 wins overall but

obviously falling behind Alabama who they haven't beaten consistently ever and who haven't they haven't I think three out of the last four have gone to Bama I think it's more than that it's more than that I think it's five in a row now five in a row to their

to remember LSU doesn't have rivals but LSU has has rivals as we just saw this past week. Correct. LSU doesn't have rivals.

LSU has sort of something even worse than a rival. It has one of them. Blood-borne illnesses. Its name is Alabama. L-S-Hia, Alabama, a blood-borne illness. Alabama, it never leaves your body.

Yep. A form of anemia that you can watch every single weekend during the college football season. So LSU and up beating Texas A&M and Les Miles gets carried off on his shoulders on the shoulders of his players because

his players do love him and he sings the alma mater and Maria Taylor is standing there as he's singing at interviewing him live and now he's King of Louisiana. That's basically what happened. No really I don't think I made up anything there. No, as

he was standing there as he's getting carried off it's like oh this is this is pretty you know this is this is a great moment of defiance but then when He's got the camera and the microphone on him. You hear him singing the alma mater with a smile on his face. It starts to click. He's going to stay.

He's more powerful than ever now. He's just doubled in size. Yeah. I would like to play a little trivia game with both of you about Joe Aliva, the athletic director, at LSU. As you both probably know, he was formerly in that same position at Duke for a little over a decade. While he was at Duke, he hired. three football coaches. Can you name those three coaches?

Okay. I'm going to try. Okay. One of these was Carl Franks. Correct. Who I think had the worst three-year or two-year record of any coach in Duke football history. You could probably stretch that out to record at all because he went 7 and 45, including

back-to-back winless seasons. Didn't win for 700 plus days. Would one of these have been Theodore Roof? That is also correct. Yeah. And how many games is Ted win during this? Ted, Ted. Seven?

Ted won six games and lost 45. Significant. So if you're counting, that's two coaches that given at least four seasons. Failed to reach 10 wins total. Who's the third? The third is the current coach, David Cutcliffe, but here is the bonus question. Who, according to rumors, did Joe Aleva initially want to hire for that position before settling on David Cutcliffe? Oh.

Well must champ. Incorrect. Jason for the steel. I'm blanking. Let's just stick with Ole Miss. Houston nut. Carl Durrell. too

he's good at this man that so so if there is a sort of you saved yourself from disaster consider that there is only one David Cutcliffe and I don't think you want to hire him away

from Duke if you're the the the odds of rolling rolling the die and hitting David Cutcliffe again are small and if you do get him he's pretty old So if Joe Aleva is in charge of hiring, you better hope for Cutcliffe.

Can't you hear me, Doc? No, I can't. Yeah, that's Joe, no. And this leads to the most surreal scene I have seen in a while. In fact, this is the most surreal public scene I have seen since 2007, when Les Miles called an impromptu press conference to just yell at everyone. The Have a Great Day speech. It was Joe Leva, the athletic.

director of a major football program and a major athletic department standing there saying um yeah less is our coach a week later a week after being caught red assed okay nude red and mad on the internet joe leva caught with his caught with his dick and a ringer i was thinking about this today what if lSU had handled this like georgia did just let this let the season end

if LSU beats A&M by, what was it, five points of it, it was a close game until the end, I think LSU pulled away. And, you know, that's the kind of score that LSU fans are not super pumped about. If LSU did this exactly like Georgia did, just kept it completely quiet, and then Sunday afternoon said, by the way, he's gone, there's an uproar, but it's nowhere near this, like, campaign, you know, it's just sort of a... Oh, that's surprising. You know what I mean?

Like the whole planting, planting sources stuff and, like, trying to whip up support for getting rid of Les and all that stuff, that completely backfired. If you're going to do it, just do it. Yeah, give Georgia this much credit. They just did it. There's no good way to fire somebody. It's really not. Generally, the swifter, the better. And in Joe Leva's case, and I don't know whether they were testing the waters for Jimba Fisher, that's been one theory that's thrown out.

That this was, which to me seems generous. That seems overly generous to say, well, it was part of a master plan to see if they could smoke Jimbo out. Horshit. They, they fucked up. Pardon my blunt language. But they fucked up. And they got caught, and they had to retroactively make it look like it was part of a plan.

We should. We should take a minute, I think, to talk about the other side of this game, because, boy, are we not talking about Texas A&M? and where they finished in the SEC West this season. But I feel like we might want to keep... Let's put a pin in that for next season. That's all I'm saying. Keep an eye on things?

No, you assume, by the way, to either of you assume that he's still the coach in a month. I mean, here's a fun stat I will throw out at you. This is points per game in conference play. South Carolina this season. Terrible season. Steve Spurrier walked away. Nobody would tell you that there was anything admirable about the South Carolina offense.

Average 20.1 points per game. Texas A&M, where do you think they finished compared to that? The answer is equal. Oh, my. 20.1. Well, to be fair, I mean, does Texas A&M, do they have South Carolina's three stars at every position? I mean, they probably have like two stars, right? You're right.

The Texas A&M just doesn't have the talent. It's true, because as a military institution, you know, it's hard for their service academy. Air Force has that same problem. Texas A&M, Army, and the same boat. Texas A&M is driven by Navy. Texas A&M is responsible for guarding America's underworld. They've got bigger problems in recruiting five stars. That's why there aren't any on the roster.

I mean, A&M, I think you're probably looking at an OC change. All the fans seem to like these. idea and they're all still pining for uh for cliff kingsbury which he's he's not coming back for a while no no no he's he's not he's not coming back until uh it's not coming back till he gets a big chair correct like that's not i think that's probably right yeah barring barring things going downhill because otherwise that's moving back into dad's house again if things go downhill sometimes you move back into dad's house yeah i mean uh cliff had a pretty good year so i think you You can probably let him go and hope there's another cliff out there because there's another cliff out there for you, A&M.

You'll find him, I know. I'm just saying there's only one coach in the SEC that makes more money than Kevin Sumblin. And that coach is Nick Seab. Mm-hmm. We ought to fire him, too. Yeah, light him up. Oh, boy. All right.

Hell, both of them lost to Ole Miss, didn't they? Hey, listen, Old Miss, Old Miss can, oh, Miss can drive. all of the hot disc tracts that they want to do. They can do that all they want this year because look at who they beat. They whip Mississippi State's ass.

All right. They chose their losses so well. They're like, it's like somebody came to them before the season and said, listen, you're not going to go undefeated. But what I need you to do is I need you to go ahead and pick your losses.

Well, how many losses? we're going to have? Well, I'm going to give you, what, they've got two? Three. Three? Okay, yeah, you got three. And we'll get to the third because it ended up having massive implications. It really did. But they said, okay, well, here's your three losses. Which one are you going to pick? And they're like, okay, well, we'll just lose to Florida. Sure. Throw them a bone. Thanks, old miss. We'll lose to Memphis because, you know, that coach, he's going to be gone. And it doesn't matter. It's just some out-of-conference game. We're going to out-recruit them anyway. And then we'll lose to, I don't know,

Arkansas, that seems festive? I don't know. I feel like they did it the other way around. They said, hey, Hugh Freeze, who do you want to beat this year? Yeah. We've got to win the Egg Bowl. I'll give you four. And then we got to beat Alabama.

I'll give you four guaranteed wins. Yeah, yeah. We want to be Bama State champs. We want to be Louisiana State champs, Mississippi State champs. That's what we want. Maybe there's just a proximity. Like, what a phenomenal season, though,

when you just consider, like, all of the... I think, what, this is the first time they've ever done that? They beat LSU, Mississippi State, Auburn and Alabama all in the same year and Vanderbilt I feel like No no no Don't sleep on the khaki bowl

Yeah no no Wouldn't dream of it I feel like this season Is like perfectly calibrated To be the most impressive Three Lost season The Playoff Committee has ever evaluated

Because they kind of don't care About whether you lose Or who you lose to It's just about how many good wins You have Ole Miss has a lot Sure they've lose all the time But they got a lot of good wins

I just want somebody to tell Nick Saban, it doesn't have to be in public, just let him know, remind him that the only reason his team is playing for the SEC championship and probably as a result getting a playoff spot because I really don't know if one lost Bama would get it not winning its division is because of Brett Bilema and a crazy ass overtime play. at throwing the ball 20 yards over your shoulder. I want Nick Saban to know that he owes his success this season in large part to Brett Bilema. And not just Brett Bilema, but to a

105-point game. I want you to know that. Yeah. I hope that ruins your sleep. I hope that poisoned several weeks of the off-season for you. I hope you're recruiting. You're laying it on thick to some mama in the living room to compliment in her draperies, and all of a sudden

it comes back to you, and it makes you a little bit sick in your tiny little stomach. She's like, oh, yeah, I just, I just threw these in the oven. Just threw these. Uh, yeah, she just, like, tosses a dish towel over her shoulder or something. Here, if you're so quick, coach catch.

He dives to bat it down. Well, let's see. We moved here in 52. No, it was 53. What's your? your Wi-Fi number. I have to check my email. Well, the password is actually a number. It's 53-52.

Coach, after this, we're going bowling. You want to stick around for an extra frame? Man, I support Hugh Freeze at Old Miss for as long as he wants to stay because this is chaos. This is great. It's ruined everything. It's beautiful. In so many different

directions. But I'm going to go back to that. I really don't think Les Miles is going to be the coach there next year, because this is less winning for one night and after next year or next year no i don't i don't think in 2016 everyone's like oh man less i was like less has you think you're not out to clear yet no i don't these are you don't understand this is political now oh you think les miles is going to have a parachuting accident it has nothing to do with reality at this i feel like we're talking about a bray

wyatt run in i could also see like they frame him for a crime like just a ludicrous crime be like man I didn't I didn't even know he shot the president okay now he's definitely governor yeah now exactly let's not let's not bring crime a respectable profession that's true my favorite point of this was when bobby jindal tweeted out support for less and everyone just kind of said oh fuck it forget it you can fire him now i don't i don't really care yeah i i don't really even like i think this is now now it's in the hands of people who have nothing to do all day but plot about how they're going to get you out of the country club well their saints get oh oh oh elena better not make it this far

how are the saints are doing they're playing for uh they're playing for next year i think they're building a foundation it's a bitter pill to swallow yes for sean peyton nice they they trebled up florida this week so that's good I'm going to start referring to all scores like that. By a factor of Florida? Exactly. Man, they scored 26 times Florida there. That was amazing.

That's crazy. Florida to the 8th. I think, by the way, we've gone through, I mean, this is, we should, before concluding, just remind everybody of our open jobs that this is the most absurd human resources offseason ever. Because as of right now, which we're required. recording on Sunday night, November 29th, 2015. The following jobs are all open.

USC, Missouri, Miami, Georgia, Maryland. Let's see, what else have we got? Not Illinois. No, they nailed down that Bill Cuban. Not Hawaii.

Not Hawaii. North Texas, I believe, is still open. North Texas. Virginia opened today. Virginia did open today. I know, this is so stupid. I can't believe I'm going to do this. I know you want to talk about Mike London getting fired.

It's fine. We don't have to do that. We don't have to do that. I guess we finally learned what it takes for a cop to lose his job. Wow. And he didn't even beat anybody. Oh, my God. Is this a mixed message, America?

That's amazing. We're not done. We're not done. Okay. Rutgers is still open because they fired Kyle Flood Day. Memphis is open. South Carolina's still open. Toledo is now open.

ULM is still open. Tulane is now open. UCF is technically open, although that may be closing soon. Syracuse is still open Oh god That's good I forgot Syracuse

Someone's gonna make a mistake tonight It's gonna be good I feel like the thing about this round Is it's not exactly that it's so many Because of 20 is about the standard numbers Just that it started so early That it's hard to tell how far along everybody is in the race like Virginia Tech, they nailed it.

You know, you swap out Frank Beamer for Justin Fuente and you keep Bud Foster. Yeah, I mean, that's awesome. You give Frank a chance to dance in the locker room. You retire by beating UVA, your in-state rival. So, Virginia Tech was finished right when Virginia started. So, like, that's the thing is all the staggered start times is somebody's just going to be left outside.

and I kind of just implied it's Virginia. Yeah. Well, we all make choices. It's going to get cold. So let's before we move on to whatever else we're going to talk. I guess maybe we'll actually talk about the football games. Can we each come up with one just bad idea candidate who somebody just might give way too much money to? Like way too much money?

Like, I can go first and say, maybe somebody's going to say, you know what? He can coach one side of the ball really well. The other side, we can find the right assistance. We can get him the recruits. Steve Adazio, we're going to make you $3.5 million a year. Pry you away from Boston College. Hmm. I don't know.

I think that's pretty good. Yeah, that's true. I mean, if you look at the returning talent, they had on offense. Didn't have a lot to work with. Didn't do shit with it, but didn't have a whole lot to work with. Let me Riverside that. Let me say that somebody backs up the truck

and a whole lot of money for Ken Neomato Lolo out of Navy. Just to hire a triple option guy. A really good triple option guy. What if you do that in your Virginia and you just, oh shit, we forgot. Johnson's already here and everyone already plays this offense. That would

be a real Virginia thing to do. And that'll really piss off Georgia Tech because now the Virginia game sort of like, hey, this is the scrimmage for the Georgia Tech game. You're ready now. Congrats. The ACC just happens to line them up back to back. This is your learner's permit game.

Let's see. The other one to me that just seems like really, like finally somebody takes him out of the equation. Bob Davy. No. You know, if Brian Kelly gets that giant's job.

Nobody's paying too much money for Bob Davy. No, there's a price tag on Bob Davy. That's fixed. There's like a Kelly Blue Book on him. But the one that I thought would be really weird, and it's been sort of in the works for a while, would be if somebody went and got, if Oklahoma State, somebody went and got Mike Gundy,

finally, and just dropped a bank on. him and got him out of stillwater and it turns out that like he's only good still water and he's just, he had something from the ground water itself. His stock is nice and high again. After beating you know the teams

that Oklahoma State beat. That one team. Beating teams. That one team. That other team. After beating Texas? Multiple teams. They beat they beat two teams, three teams from Texas. Shoot. Four. I forgot you. TSA. I'm sorry.

You know it would be most foolish Would be trying to fire your existing already pretty good head coach who's beloved And trying to go get Jimbo Fisher That would be hypothetically the stupidest thing you could possibly do Yeah, nobody would try that though Not unless you could pull it off You wouldn't set that in motion You definitely wouldn't talk about it

That would have been the slickest coup if they'd pull that off Just boom boom Can you imagine if they did that? that right? Like, Les have gone, Jimbo's in. Whatcha! Like, you're Indiana Jones. Somewhere, Bud is, like, he's asleep, but in his sleep, he's just murmuring all the reasons why FSU is a better job

in LSU, and Jimbo would never leave. Such a better job. Tallahasseuse is a better town of Baton Rouge. I like that the thing about the FSU fan here is you have to walk all the way around. Yeah, you only have to beat Clemson. You have to walk all the way around

how the ACZ is, because ACC is awesome. and we turn out draft picks. Quality conference. This gives me an opportunity to segue. We do want to actually talk about games before we wind this thing down. Florida did play Florida State this weekend, and they beat them 27, too,

because Florida has no quarterback. Got that ass beat. Oh, yeah. That was a good Will Mustamp throwback game. It was. It really was. Although, really, like, the two points was just the comedy. It was.

Not really totally end of the game until we got the two points, and I'm like, no, this is a good shit. This is my shit. I'm here for this. I'm aware. But my favorite point in this was, after the game, I had no fewer than five or six Florida State fans all hit me with the variation of, yeah, how's that seminal dictates, bitch?

And I'm like, do you really, I'm just going to pause this for you here. Let's rewind. Do you really want to go with like a lack of consent and a sexual metaphor for how you want to discuss your Florida State victory? Optics and you. Is that, do you? Let me just help you here. Oh, well, Spencer, you making that connection. That's, that's just you.

That's just your problem. That makes you gay. Yeah. Do you really want to? No, no, that's not what we were saying. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Sure, sure.

Wait, sure. Sure. Gaytor. I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean, gay, like, stupid. That, like, homosexual. It's cool. Yeah.

That was what I got. That and this, that. A guy, like, popped up and said, said, taste that seminal dick pussy. But he included no punctuation between any of it. Yeah. And, like, I didn't really know that, like, I'm numb to the world. And football brings me no pain or joy anymore, right? And it was all one word, like, like, it was a, like, a new organ that he'd invented, right?

Seminole dick pussy. And or a band. That could have been a band. that somebody saw a play at the Palladium in like, you know, in 2002. Hermaphroditism is the original

multiple offense, if you think about it. It's a pro-style. It's balanced. We spread the defense out and then we attack down the middle. The guy who did that, though, like he deleted that tweet.

Like, he had, like, photos of him drunk driving. He had, like, like fast tattooed across his knuckles. I had so many dudes who looked like the ugly kid Joe logo. I had so many dudes it was amazing.

Like they all pumped up. They all had backwards fitted. And they all looked like they were on some really cheap broids. Like all of it like yeah, I'm just trying to get swollen for the summer. You know. In December. No, no. This is the bulk phase. It's a process. Yeah,

that's my story too. It's just an endless, yeah, because I'm so powerful. Thanksgiving, yeah, yeah, bulking. Spoke face. Go look it up. Everyone has a bulk face. I'm going to eat some pie after this. Fuel for the engine, that's all.

Yeah. Like these were, it was amazing. It was everything I wanted. I'm like, you know what? If you just want to invite the worst fans in the world into your timeline, just tweet about Florida State or Alabama, and they will present themselves. All of the yours, completely incorrect, all of the pittance, backwards, worn on the head. all of the photos posted

with complete lack of any awareness whatsoever like yeah sleep with my Glock the next one's like Delt's looking good The next one's like a photo of their daughter I do anything for her She's my world

Women shouldn't talk about football Let's not overlook the Buckeyes here Because their team lost a game But then it won a game So they're Right back in right back in They're full Ohio State fan mode, and they're also trying to tell you they should go to the playoff.

Yeah, they did, because they beat a clearly, like, Michigan and Florida basically hit the same point where you're like, yeah, that's all we have on the roster. Oh, no. That's all. We did not budget the fuel accurately. And we're out of gas. Around the second quarter of both games here is here. Do do, do, do, do, do, do. And look, we're out of snacks, kids.

Well, we're going to die here. There's no rest stop in either direction. Well, new dad can't do everything. Yeah. Do you want to know what the limitations of the scheme are? Game 11 or game 12 midway to the second quarter. If you don't have the roster and you do everything right,

that's when it runs out no matter what you do. When a cornerback is your entire offense, you're probably going to lose to Ohio State. Although again, Michigan scored six and a half Florida. They did. They scored six. Way to go for them. I thought they played a great half. They did play it.

You know what? They played a half to be proud of. They did, which is one more half than Florida, really. Think of it as an unfinished symphony. It is. The other great joyous game in this, there are several really great games on Saturday that I enjoyed a lot. I really enjoyed Notre Dame Stanford a lot

because I thought Davis Shaw had completely screwed up that game. And as it turns out, Nope. Stanford, Stanford. Secret genius. Stanford as practice runs a 45-second drill. And Stanford correctly bet that the refs would fuck things up, and it would help them. Congratulations, bet on the reps fucking up.

Because what happened for anyone who missed it was David Shaw was refusing to use his timeouts as Notre Dame was driving for the winning score. And in a game that had already had at least 60 points, it was pretty clear Notre Dame was going to score. And everyone's screaming on Twitter for David Shaw to use his timeouts. But he's holding steady. he's making the David Shaw face and Notre Dame scores 30 seconds left and then everyone sort of realizes wait a second all this timeouts

can come in handy now and the score was due to the refs giving Notre Dame sort of a free touchdown guy was down at the one refs said ah let's keep this thing going see what Stanford could do with all these timeouts I would really like to see David Shaw in like an Old West showdown

because they just be like all right ready draw and he just sort of let's whizzing right past his head he's gonna let you take two or three shots Wait for it. Wait for it. His hat flies off. Well, that clocks is 12, but mine says 1158. The other guy's out.

The other guy's just click, click, click, click, click. As he slowly wheels up against an actual howitzer. He just throws a brick at your face. As soon as you're spent, he just walks over and shoves you. So exhausted. Good game. Yeah, a delightful game. also a delightful game because it means we don't have to we don't have that's one last

team we have to pay attention to or debate the relative merits of i like how you say that like you don't care about which team we don't have to debate the merits of or possibly see in the playoff oh no no i don't want to deal with notre dame at all okay i'd really prefer just to be clear i'd kind of like a week of notre dame hollering myself but yeah yeah i mean that's that's great for traffic personally i'd like to never see them succeed ever again so let's just let's just let them slink off to the 10-and-2 basement of first-tier alternate bowl. You're as good as Florida. Eat it. Congratulations. It's awesome.

And as I pointed out in the top, whatever, remember, Stanford, two points better than you at every test. Aw. Aw. It's a really good school. They did extra credit. It's not fair. You went to school in Indiana voluntarily. I have no pity, no mercy, and no sympathy for you. Hey, Stanford's cold at least two days a year.

That's true. It's a, it's a Bay Area kind of cold, which means you're like, I'm so wealthy. I'm so cold, but wealthy. Well, time for wine. So wealthy. Our football players live with us. Do you think that's a good thing? They share the common student experience.

I don't want that. They don't want that. They don't want that. Go give them a glorious dorm. Built like an adolescent Sultan's palace. Let them have it while the rest of you live in the kind of squalor that you deserve to live in. You've seen blank check. That's how you build a facility.

That's what I want. I want your dorm to look like something like if the jerk were about a really gifted athlete. That would be it. When he gets really rich, that's all I need, this hot tub in my dorm room. Will Mustchamp is picking out a thermos for you. Anything else from this that was, I would like to just. command the following people, which would be one, Wazoo, just in case you forgot

you were Wazoo, you know, dropping a 35 point loss to a rival is just a great way to finish the season. Still 8 and 4, man. Way to go. Iowa's 12 and O. Oh, Iowa, our last hope for a decent national champion.

A national champion, we can respect. Exactly. I mean, I'm full in on Michigan State or Iowa winning this whole thing. Please. um do we care that clemson looked a little shaky against south carolina hey man that's the hearty's cup was on the line okay these things happen okay exactly not this actually this week this week this week no no no bro that's in athens mark rig mark rig took that bad boy home he takes it with him forever damn it yeah that's that's that's going that's going on the wall at his house but i mean like rivalry week if you look bad that's and and and i guess i should say that look bad means Deshawn Watson had four touchdowns and almost 400 yards of offense by himself, so deplorable. You're fine.

Yeah, you gave a bunch of free possessions to a desperate team that hates you. They needed them. Yeah. They needed something. I also will just write off whatever happened in Baylor TCU as being the byproduct of playing in some of the shittiest conditions of the year. And being two of the teams in the country least equituary. to adapt to it and

not just schematically because they have running plays in their playbooks but just completely mindset wise and ideologically just looking at the rain like what the fuck is that and just continuing on about your business I will admit I don't even think that has anything to do with style

they walked outside and it was 36 degrees in a driving rain with a blowing wind oh that's that's a bad time that's a bad time that's a bad time from the bones up. I mean, to be clear, if it's Iowa, Michigan State, they're still only scoring about 20 points.

Oh, yeah, no, it's 28, 20. Which they do anyway. That game doesn't, yeah, but this game doesn't change. This just boiled them down to an Iowa, Michigan State game. Let's also give a little attention to Penn State, faced with the task of giving hope to the winner of Ohio State Michigan, promptly lost to Michigan by almost. 40 points. Great job, Bucka.

Great job, Natalie Lines. Can I say this too? Man, this is a great like great college football tradition which is despised offensive coordinator lasts an entire season. An entire season, right? Then you get to this one big game where you can screw everything up and lays the biggest

damn bag of the entire season and next day he's completely fired. Like fired with prejudice. Like, we are firing him because he blows. We knew this all along, but somehow it felt wrong to do it earlier than this. We didn't do the coordinator shuffling

thing. We didn't try the make a big show of putting him up in the booth. Yeah, well, no, we'll be in control of the perimeter game and we'll have a quality control passing guy. Nope. They just put you in the rope, a three end of the Hudson Bay, man.

The Penn State thing, it just keeps going back to James Franklin. He's just too busy recruiting. That's just my whole take on James Franklin. It's like in week nine, if someone asks him, are you going to move your OC, have him stand somewhere else or something like that? He can't even hear you.

He's busy recruiting. He's on that face time. Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm talking to a 16-year-old right now. You're going to have to do this yourself. Yes, we're very excited about some of the offensive changes we have coming, such as these recruits next year who play offense. This is not a pyramid scheme. Here's the really strange thing about this game is that they had 20 first downs

Michigan State only outgained them by like 18 yards Check that turnovers number however I'm just going by some wrong numbers here man How many times did Pakenberg get hit? They had four turnovers And yeah he got he got straight killed But hey He is I got to compliment him on that

That dude can take a hit and not just like oh he's tough of course he's tough he gets hit every five minutes but he is efficient at the literal process of taking a shot like there's one moment where chalik calhoun just has a bead on him during an i nt return and it's like oh boy you know i i is big i get to lay out the quarterback and hagenberg goes down but it kind of looks like he doesn't even take any any actual like he's it's like he's a wrestler taking a bump out there at this point no no when he gets hit he's just really good at going down no man seriously he rolls with it like he was like trained in the Beijing opera like it's like he's collapsible luggage or something yeah no

I mean he's he's at practice he's had a lot of practice let's do uh fold him up and put him in your pocket let's do one more one more trivia contest for both you can you name the four big 10 teams that james franklin has beaten while at penn state hmm Rutgers correct two and oh I believe against record, so good on you. Indiana. Also correct. You guys are great at this. No, I'm probably going to get this one wrong.

Purdue? I don't believe they have played, so I won't ding you for it. I'm going to give them one and no. One and no against Purdue already. I bet he out recruited Purdue. Oh, absolutely. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we've out recruited Purdue sitting on this couch.

Maryland, right? Also correct. One in one. One against Merlin. The burn of burning his own alma mater Man, that leaves one more team that he's beaten And I bet it's not a good one It's Illinois

Also one in one against Illinois Yikes Other A few other spots from this week Oregon State A brave stand against Oregon Not that scoring points against Oregon means anything But when you're 1 in 10 going into the game

or when you're 2 and 9 going into the game, it's nice to, you know, only lose by a 10 to your otherwise completely superior rival. As many kudos and compliments as we can give for a team that will finish 0 and 9 in the pack 12. And Gary Andrews, remember, how bad were things at Wisconsin? Gary Anderson left Wisconsin for this. Do you remember, who did Nebraska hire?

The guy who built this 0 and 9? pack 12 team I do have a good Gary Anderson thing to share that I will not this is like the only insidery thing I've ever heard in my life and I've only heard it through two other people but rumoredly if Gary Anderson

were still at Wisconsin this season do you know what notable football football program would go get him immediately but will not this year USC I was just going to guess that really because some people have sort of tied them to that whole

the Whittingham pipeline. Yeah. So he jumped from Wisconsin a year or too early and wound up in what might be the saddest basement in the Pack 12 North. Cool.

Never leave your job is the lesson here. Never have ambition. Never leave your job. Always try and keep working for Barry Alvarez. God damn, that's brutal. bury it deep down as long as you can. When he makes you shine the statue of him in his office, just

do it because USC is going to call you. Why is this nude? Why wouldn't it be? Just shine the naked Barry Alvarez.