Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 3.38.0

Episode Date: December 7, 2015

A bloated 77 minute Fullcast is quite a bit to drop on you all at once, but everyone hired and fired a coach AND the championship weekend happened and we have to talk about all of it. ALL OF IT, WE SAY. --SOMEONE HIRED WILL MUSCHAMP --Another installment of "Spencer Hall's Butt Lists" --A lengthy examination of how everyone hired in the SEC East is boring and predictable and formulaic and boring and yes we said boring twice --An equally lengthy examination of how somehow out of nowhere the ACC did nothing but make good hires, including somehow pulling Bronco Mendenhall out of Utah and Dino Babers away from Bowling Green --A breeze through the conference championship games, where every single conference played its prescribed role to the hilt --ACC PUNTER ATTACK --Jason's concluding appreciation of the greatest game of the weekend: Baylor trying to make up an entirely new offense live on the field against Texas while using only their fourth string quarterback who was really not the quarterback. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. This is the review episode where we discuss things that have happened since we last talked. And admittedly quite a lot happened because last time we talked, we had not played all the conference championship games. Congratulations, Bowling Green on your Mac championship and losing your coach to Syracuse. That actually is a segue because I would like to get to discussing all of the various coaching maneuvers that have happened since we last talk. And oh my, have there been a significant and sometimes unfathomable couple of decisions made by large institutions paying huge amounts of money to their football coaches or deciding not to for what it's worth?

But before we do that, joining me from beautiful Brooklyn, New York City. Ryan Nanny. Hey, yo. How are you? I'm pretty good. Did you have a weird moment when we hit like 1130 and we had no more football to watch Saturday? I was legitimately happy because not only did we not have no more football to watch, Dan Rubenstein and I, this season we have been filming Wake Up College football at like one in the morning and we didn't have to do that. We just got to go home.

We didn't even go into the city. It was beautiful and I am so thankful. Yeah, that was a little weird. Jason Kirk joining us from Kennesaw, Georgia. Was there any melancholia, any sadness at the early night and the realization that this was the last full college football weekend of 2015 for you? During the rush of the Big Ten, Pact 12 ACC games all ending at once, and that moment when you realized, like, huh, so the Mountain West,

They didn't go ahead and sort of stagger this so you could go get some more football in and check out with a little conference. They just tried to throw in their whole lot right there among the big boys and zero people on earth saw their game. That was sort of the moment when it really struck that, like, okay, I guess this is bowl season now.

There's not even a Mountain West game on. It kind of felt to me like when you plan and organize and throw a really good party and you like make food and clean the house, and you're like, this is going to be great. I got a great group of people coming. Party goes on maybe two hours longer than you thought it was going to. Everybody's having a great time.

And then once the last person walks out the door, you're just as, like, it's a different sort of happiness that watches over you because you have that sense of completion. And also, now you don't have to throw the party anymore. I don't know. I feel like it would be nice if there was a little bit of a cool down, the Mountain West cool down. Well, you get Army Navy for that next week.

that's a whole week later charged up for seven days maybe we should have maybe we should have Army Navy just automatically kick off right after the last game the penultimate game of the season I think that would be the patriotic thing to do

they they parachute and or frog man onto the beach and just set up a football game right there yeah just like point break and they should do it at 430 in the morning wearing night vision it's not like they're not equipped for that exactly i mean if canine reynolds really wanted to make

the argument for a heisman slot doing it with night vision goggles on at 445 in the morning what would be even better is they each the teams agree secretly on a stadium that will host the game but the stadium is not aware of it so army navy takes the stadium by force in the middle of the night granted there's not much of a defense force but maybe they both have a stadium to use as a base and they have to one of them has to has to have a drive that goes all the way to the other stadium so so we're just squarely in the realm of john boys and the tim tibbo chronicles now exactly it's time to make that happen yep yep actually what preceded the tim tibo chronicles was when uh john basically came up with a sport that was like 10 mile football which which we we've

talked about amongst ourselves trying to organize a game yeah we've long kicked around like oh, we were going to need a sponsorship from Bass Pro Shop for all this here. Ultimately, we decided that none of us were fit enough to actually play this game. None of us are fit enough to play

a lot of games. I don't think any of us are fit enough to play football. Yeah. Let alone 10 mile football. Like backyard football, no less. I think that's what makes this game even more exciting is somebody's going to die. Yeah. It's very bad to brothers. For these web hits.

It's very bad. For these Facebook video impressions. Oh, classic clickbait. I'll die in the middle of the wood, play football, and a 10-mile field. Works for vice, man. Way to go S&B Nation. I'll be removing you from my bookmarks now.

No, your subscription fee. Vote Trump. Wow. Oh, yeah. We'll go there. Let's talk. Let's talk coaching changes. Yeah, let's do that.

We do have a, uh, I don't want a skirt or dance around the issue at all. So we should get right to it. He's back. Man is back. Man, I like how Jason just leapt in with that razor straight to our throats, right? No, no, no.

I feel great about this. I feel wonderful. So, South Carolina did it. They did it. They fired their coach first. right what is it give me the date that steve spurier quit i mean it was early i mean they didn't basically two months ago that he he stepped down but they let's see it was on october 12th it looks

they had a solid month head start on most of their actual competition illinois was the only one that was squarely ahead of them illinois had a major head start and uh they locked up bill cubit LSU might get the Illinois head start next year. LSU has got an excellent head start on like the 2017. I feel good about it. But yeah, they've had as of almost two months. Remember, by the way, remember that weekend, October 12th is the same weekend that Sarkesian is fired.

That's right. Right? Like the most chaotic weekend in the history of Reason College football. And something else happened I don't think that was when Randy Edsel got fired But that was very close to the same time, I believe Yeah So they both

They both get fired Including Randy Edsel Our glorious footnote here So it's been Almost two months To the day Right It's currently December 6

Just give it a little leeway They've had seven weeks to find a coach and who Jason Kirk because I wanted to come out of your mouth because I just want to hear what it sounds like coming out of an unbitter person's mouth who did they end up hiring

that's wheel must jam so let's see so Spurrier left after the weekend of October 3rd so since then what was Auburn's record the must champ being the Auburn

defensive coordinator. What was Auburn's record during the time that South Carolina was scouting for a new coach? From October 12th forward? Yes. They went, they won three games and they lost four games. Oh, that's pretty good. What I like about that is that fits with Auburn's overall six and six record. And I also just now realized that Wilmust champ's first two initials are W&L. He's the perfect 500 coach. Oh my God. You saw the signs. Hey, y'all know Auburn defense gave up 34 points to Idaho.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's it. By the way, Idaho retaining in coaching moves that we will mention for exactly three sentences. Both Petrinos are not on the move yet as of this recording. They might switch places for all we know. Not until that Eagles job opens up. Chip staying for another year, according to the Eagles.

They did just beat the Patriots. They did beat the Patriots. So nothing makes sense. You know who I really feel bad for in this process? I want you to think of another Auburn-affiliated defensive-minded coach who unceremoniously was dismissed from his SEC position, went to a new team this year as a defensive coordinator, but has actually had some success resuscitating that defense. defense. In addition, his success as a head coach at said SEC institution far beyond anything Will Must Champ achieved. Do you know who I'm talking about? Oh, no, go on. I'm talking about Gene Chiswick, God damn it. The Chis. The Lego Man himself. How many phone calls

Gene Chisick get? I think he might have gotten one for that UCF job. I think he probably got a wrong number or like, hey, uh, uh, Scott Frost put you as his letter of recommendation. Is that a thing? To be fair, on Gene Chisick's resume, I want, I have found the next Cam Newton as a bullet point. I want that in there. Otherwise, we're not talking. Well, there is that. I mean, but, but, but, but will, he'll find you the next Trian Harris.

You might be the next Trian Harris, listener. You might already be Trian Harris for all we know. Go out in the backyard, put up a tie. If you hit it half the time, your Trion Harris. Congratulations. I'm not making that up. That's his percentage. And if a neighborhood child sacks you in situations that feel embarrassing and confusing, that helps your case.

It really does, because the similarity becomes even stronger at that point. So my favorite thing about the coach boom era for the Cox is that what are Stephen Godfrey reported is that much champ is, you know, he's fully aware. of what you think of when you think of will must champ football the the 10 to 6 game being the goal and he's turned over a new leaf and he's all about offense now and then it seems like he's getting the band back together and hiring the whole same florida staff okay i'm going to just begin listing a long series of butts okay i love i love butt lists i love these spencer hall feel like i'm watching stanford Top butt lists. All, just all these glorious butts about to give you. Okay? Mm-hmm. Which is this?

Yes. He's getting at least rumored reportedly one member of his staff. Okay? Back. And that would be Kurt Roper. Who's the offensive coordinator in 2014? Many people might believe he was the offensive coordinator in 2013 when two Florida offensive linemen famously blocked each other during Florida's loss to Georgia Southern.

Mind you. a loss that occurred without Georgia Southern doing what, Brian Nanny? I mean, I don't think they did not do, they did not do one thing in that game. Jason, you know the answer. What did they not do? Complete a pass. They did not complete a pass. Involves throwing the ball.

Yeah. Yeah. They did not complete a pass and they still beat Florida. That was not Kurt Roper's work. So by the term Kurt Roper got there, who I want to also point out, Kurt Roper is not stupid. In this sense, when he came to Florida, he got himself a guaranteed contract for more than one year. I believe it was a – I believe it was at least a two-year deal with guaranteed money because he knew this was a shot in the dark at best, given the talent that he was working with.

And they weren't really good. They were a pretty bad offense given the talent he was working with. I will say this, though, it's impossible to know that Kurt Roper is totally a bad offensive coordinator at this point. He was from, I believe, 99 to 04, something like that, was with Old Miss. Of course, he did have Eli Manning as a quarterback, which is kind of a nice crutch to lean on. Greatest Manning in all the world. Yes. But he has more Super Bowls than his brother.

Therefore, he must be better. Yeah. Right? So, yeah. I mean, I guess the thing is, I believe that Mushamp is aware this was the thing that went wrong. I guess maybe just from a perceptions point of view, it's funny that you go, at least according to reports, you start going down the same route, even if you're going to have a similar staff do different stuff or you're going to restrict them less or whatever. I don't know. It just seems like a pretty funny start if the goal is to come across as the new must champ.

I'll make the second mistake I made. Not the first mistake. I'll continue making the second mistake I made. I will say this. He is a very good recruiter on the defensive side of the ball of great evaluator of talent, even though Florida did the amazing in allowing less than 140 yards of offense and losing two games, which has only happened twice in the past 15 years, and both of them were well-must champ teams.

He makes history. He's a history-making kind of coach. He is a genuinely good dude for the most part. Like, people seem to really enjoy him. He treats his people well, and he works real hard. and I don't know if that's ever the compliment you want to give your coach to say man he's a real hard worker yeah they're coaches they're all kind of psychotic like workaholic doesn't really begin to describe it do you want to talk about the fun flip side of this equation man I would love to find something fun to talk about this that doesn't make this look just like a complete catastrophe that South Carolina voluntarily signed up for we're not even going to talk about South Carolina for flip side of this because Auburn now gets its third defensive coordinator in a row in a consecutive season and and unless they bring somebody in who's going to run something very similar to what

will must champ runs basic four three defense uh they're also going to have their third new defensive configuration of the last three years hooray yeah can i give you another flip side to this great go for it which is this by the way, that the SEC East just keeps hiring Nick Saban's, you know, children of varying talents and degrees of talent. But there's also this,

that Clemson, now the year of Davo might become the era of Davo, because I don't really see anything that Wilmus Champ is bringing to the table in that state or region

that DaBo would not swat out of the sky like Godzilla. just spiking a helicopter, like, at this point. It is a good time to be recruiting to Clemson and against South Carolina. Because guess who they just lost, too? Who's the other big rival just down the road? UGA. Oh, I thought you were talking about the Citadel.

If you want to talk about teams that have beaten South Carolina this year, Clemson, for talking about teams to Seattle. Give me a moment. Give me a moment. Yeah, hold on. I got to look this up, make a listen, take a deep breath. Yeah. Not UCF.

Yeah. South Carolina's win in that recruiting war. Take that Scott Frost. Not North Carolina. Man. And not Vanderbilt because goddamn Vanderbilt. North Carolina and Northwestern just sitting in a bar having shots laughing about completely screwing up two other team seasons. Just Stanford and North Carolina sharing their miseries at the hands of two otherwise okay.

to bad teams. We were nine and three. You're Northwestern. Just go do whatever Northwestern grads do, which is get jobs that they weasel their way through offices for and or, you know, by telling everybody they went to Northwestern and it's a really good school.

I said this last night. It's the crucible in which champions are forged. I mean, Northwestern is not... Pact 12 champions. Northwestern is not the champion in this case. They're just the crucible. They're Pact 12 champions. Think about that.

This is all Northwestern people do is they get transitive victories. That's what they have. Congratulations, Darren Ravelle. You're now head of the Pack 12. Oh, shit. I'll work on this brand. He's going to hate that brand.

The other thing for this, by the way, that if South Carolina had two months and this is the best they came up with, besides everyone's saying, yeah, maybe that AD is fired. Maybe it's time to get rid of Ray Tanner because I know that's probably something that's happened in the past 44 hours.

now is this. The SEC East is wide open for the taking. This is not, you know, when you hear Will Must Champ has been hired to South Carolina, you go, oh, okay, nothing's been fixed. Nothing. Especially when you hear that Kirby Smart, who was hired at UGA, and

who Nick Saban is giving permission to work there for a while before he comes back and coaches the defense in the playoff. When you hear that he wanted to hire Dan Enos, the offensive coordinator in Arkansas, that that was one of his first shots for hiring his staff, you're like, Oh, I feel really good as a Florida fan.

This is great. This is like everybody checking on a hand in poker, right? Like, check, check. Yeah, I'll raise. Okay, cool. I'll raise two. Like, you think Mizzou doesn't have a chance to win next year, despite just hiring their own defensive coordinator?

Oh, they're fine. Have you seen who everyone else hired? We're great. The SEC East did nothing. Nothing to improve itself. So the SEC's going forward You have Butch Jones Just piling in the crutes

And then like Punting away wins Just zooking it Just zooking it left and right man Yeah but with like a little more Fire I think You have Florida, Georgia and South Carolina All playing the exact same style of football

Maybe Maybe accidentally scoring a touchdown or two at a time Mizzou Probably leaning that way I mean, the guy they hired is defensive-minded, so it's, you know, they're not going to be the team that, the team that really counters all that. Kentucky is bad. Vandy is, like, the most defensive-minded of the whole bunch. That's all we're going to say about Kentucky for, like, six months, isn't it?

Kentucky is bad. That was generous, actually. Like, like, the Kentucky should be happy we remember they're in the division. Vanderbilt is so defensive, they prevent themselves from scoring. That's how much they hate. offense. I would like to, not to twist the knife too badly in South Carolina fans, but I would like to bring up one other angle. And to do that, I'm going to read from the Twitter account of Greg Byrne, the director of athletics at the University of Arizona. These are two consecutive

tweets. Granted, they were sent 18 hours apart. Tweet one, sent 22 hours ago as of this recording. Great news. Coach Rod A. Z did not commit to the offer from South Carolina he's an Arizona wildcat hashtag bear down tweet two sent four hours ago very excited for Arizona F balls return to Albuquerque to join our friends at the Gildan New Mexico Bowl hashtag bear down not just to to visit the New Mexico Bowl no no no we're checking in again on it if we left with our last time we went to the New Mexico Bowl Brother, there was unfinished business. Return of Gildan.

Oh, my God. Return of Gildan T-shirts, yeah. Oh, my God. Comfortable menswear. Return of Gildan. Early December. Yeah, that's Arizona. If you wonder why Rich Rod didn't get it.

There's a couple of speculative reasons. One, that South Carolina did not offer enough money for his assistance. And two, this, that part of Rich Rod's deal at Arizona is an innovative. And I don't know. I don't know how legal it is. A compensation plan involving oil and gas. It's interesting. Mining? Let's, let's classify it as legally interesting. It's extremely Arizona. There's, it supplements his, in case anyone doesn't know, it supplements his salary with, uh, natural resources. So Rich Rodriguez is an oil man, like his father before him. He's from West Virginia. So he's, he's, he's upgraded from cold

oil, basically. The next school he goes to will offer him one-eighth of the sun. I think, yeah, the next school, they got up it to uranium. Hey, man, you want the geothermal power of the earth? We can get that for you. You get me 11 winds. I'll give you a natural

gas well with zero regulation in Belize, son. Richrod is going to find clean energy. He's going to solve this crisis. Why are there all these loud windmills in Eugene, Oregon? Richrod put them up. part of his deal he's making money off these things

do you know there's a fusion reactor and champagne urbana no there's not get away from it that's a blender with a strobe light put in it Tim Beckman said it was a fusion reactor yeah he did

yeah he did he's got a Dolorian too yeah and then he yelled it it's highly rusted then he yelled at it when he broke the light inside saying it was injured why don't you play fusion reactor

get on that field Why don't you want it bad enough? Oh, Timbeck was so dumb. This brings me, but if the SEC East is the, like, the dullest possible series of hiring decisions ever. And I'll include Florida in that, even though McElwain's worked out really beautifully. It looks, the McElwain hire looks positively clever from this perspective. Yeah, you made, you made Jeremy Foley look clever. Like, you at least made, you at least made the Sabin assistant go prove himself a little somewhere else before he did this.

I guess there's that part I mean yeah one year it's one year and yeah he was successful at Colorado State not an easy thing

to do but still plus that opened up the job for Mike Bobo and led to the demise of Mark Recht very clear okay now I'm seeing

I'm seeing the pieces Florida's just three moves ahead of you we also ate one of the chess pieces I think Florida's like two moves ahead of everyone else in the SEC East and all of those schools are like six moves behind so yeah we just think about this we just couldn't help pantomime in a blowjob with that

bishop and next i think everyone else in the SEC east just keeps getting just keeps getting skip and reverse in the great game of uno i mean the number of offensive touchdowns florida scored at the cc championship game and in the last two games yeah dose the number of points we scored against florida state you got to call it out or you're losing both I like a Florida state pants are like, yeah, y'all only scored two. Here's a picture of Jim McAway and holding up two points.

And I'm like, math, you can understand. Two points. I thought we'd make it easy on you. Then, like, Florida has been a step ahead. But if the SEC East is the most, like, dull, irritating, bothersome, and mundane series of hires, the ACC was on fire.

Stepped it up. Yeah, like, if they don't have to play a game, this looks like the greatest. roster of coaches since the Pac-12 actually got money and decided to hire like, you know, Oh, Leach and Rodriguez and forget about everyone else that got hired.

Yeah, since the shine fell off that with, you know, Sarkesian and Sunny Dykes wanting to leave and all that stuff. I still think we're going to... Pack 12 about a year ago. That's where the ACC is right now. Yeah, I still think we're going to like find out Sunny Dykes did an amazing

job there when the next guy goes like 2 and 80 over the next. Oh, no. Yeah, I feel like Sunny Dikes is still doing a good job. That man just wants to leave. Like openly, like if he had his own Twitter account, he'd just

be like, yo, dude, this place sucks. I'm out of work. I'm out. I'll see you guys. This weekend's going to be sick. Your Facebook account's public. Directly to other schools. He's just Instagramming, like, you know, coaching openings on his computer. You left your resume in the fax machine

and it said, fuck this place. He's like, hey, football scoop, what you got? What you got in the hopper this morning? Yeah, quote me Sonny Dykes wants to leave per Sunny Dykes I'm actually I'm just going to retweet him

because he just said it I just believe in transparency y'all yeah the ACC hired the following they took Mac championship coach Dino Babers who did a great job

at Syracusing or a great job at Bowling Green making this like taking the Baylor system like a very brousy kind of system and building it

to like a power runoff fence with some West Coast concepts thank you smart football for pointing that out and making us all sound way smarter but did like made like a completely sort of like his own variation on it and created a really good team at Bowling Green and he gets to play that indoors

it's a great hire Syracuse just hired like an Art Briles bear raid style coach and they get to play indoors where weather never has to bother them he also gets a natural endorsement deal with upstate New York barbecue chain dinosaur barbecue

it's right there Dino Brilliant. It's like an additional $1,200 a year. This is his rich ride deal. Yeah. He gets the barbecue mine in Syracuse. In upstate New York, the home of barbecue. What do you do?

I'm investing in indoor obesity. Well, that's a great bet in upstate New York. So is the Carrier Dome. Yeah, so is the Carrier Dome. But that's a seriously great hire than they made. No, no, no demerits at all. That's a good. good move. Jason, what surprised you,

what was the ACC hired that surprised you most? Because I think it's the one that surprised everyone the most. For a lot of reasons, it was probably Virginia pulling Bronco and Manhattan Hall from BYU. The fact that there were like no rumors there.

They just sacked him in the dark of night and no one even noticed he was gone. I think all the rumors were like excuse me, Sunny Dykes and, of course, Sunny Dykes is in every rumor, but

Sunny Dykes, Dan Mullen, Greg Shiano, like the same guys, you know, on everybody's list. And next thing you know, hey, they got this guy who his next bowl game, he might win his 100th game. No big deal. Yeah, I mean, to put that in perspective, Davos Swinney, who has had a hell of a run at Clemson, just won his 100th. Like, if you want to put 100 games...

Just coached his 100th game. Yeah, just coached his 100th. hasn't won his one, pardon me. Yeah, and Brocko Mendenhall is well past that. He was about to win his 100th if he won this bowl game at BYU, which is everyone knows, has its own unique set of restrictions, limitations, and some would say some advantages in terms of the people that they have to recruit.

This was my favorite thing I've seen was people referring this to, well, UVA went on a secret mission. And they pulled him, but seriously, cloak and dagger, like no one heard. heard this. Cloak and dagger, two of this, two of, uh, Bronco Mendenhall's sons, by the way. Cloak, dagger. Yeah, go ahead.

We will just start listing names. Please pick the ones that are actually Bronco Mendenhalls' names. The names of his children. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So cloak, dagger. Duvet.

Duvei. Duvei. Breaker. Mm-hmm. Plate. Yep. Uh, Raden. Cutter

Joint Qatar and Breaker The real answers are Raider Breaker and Cutter those are Bronco Mendenhall's sons Are those all horse terms?

I have Are they? I don't know what I feel like Cutter is I really don't want I mean Breaker seems right I really don't want to get horse Twitter involved in this

No, I don't want to get horse people. Horse Twitter's fucking crazy. They're bonkers. They're insane. You want nothing to do at them. I mean, if you're going to Virginia, you've got to know some stuff about horses. First of all, they're mascot. Secondly, they're all really rich.

Are you saying Bronco will appear in the first game at UVA riding the horse out himself? I think he might have to give the funny hat mascot a lift. I like that. I will say this, by the way. Bronco is kind of a loner in this because the family names at the, the Bronco household. Bronco's, like, his brother's name is Marty. It's not like, for instance,

there is a quarterback for Baylor. It's not really a quarterback. He's a wide receiver, but he was their fourth-string quarterback who ended up playing against Texas, whose name is Lynx Hawthorne. And his brother is named Bricks, B-R-I-X-X, and his sister is named Lexi, L-E-X-Y. And that's the whole family getting in on it. There's a

kind of fairness. Bronco Mendenhall, his dad's name is Paul his brother's name is Marty so I guess everyone else is like 5, 6, 5, 7 came out of the womb at like 7 pounds, right? Dad, how'd you come up with my name? Well, O.J. Simpson drove by

and we were just inspired. And we just got it. Yeah, like it was like, oh, this is Paul, this is Marty, this is Janine, you know, this is Susan, and this is Bronco. Bronco, and especially good name because it has no, it has nothing you can shorten it to.

You can't be just like, oh, you can just call me bronc. No, it's still, it's all ridiculous. Yeah, I can't even bro. Bro. Bro. Just call me Ronco. I'm Ron Po Peel. Yeah, bro, what's your name?

Bro. Well, actually, it's Bronco, but bro sounds a lot more normal than saying Bronco out loud. But UVA got Bronco Mendon Hall. Miami got Mark Ricked. Miami got Mark Ricked quick Fast And the story from the school presidents He said that he contacted Mark Rick about two months ago

When he first fired Al Golden And of course Coach Rick politely declined Because he had a job Then he called him back two months later As soon as coach Rick didn't have a job And at that point Things had changed But yeah

Apparently Miami has been on Mark Rick for a long time He is an alum of the school, so that makes sense. He is an alum. It is a school that I think Rick can fit in pretty well at because he's the guy who can balance a lot of the concerns that I think Miami always has, which are, yay, we have this school that sits on top of the biggest well of talent in maybe the United States and certainly the eastern seaboard in terms of number of recruits within a very small area. However, we're a private institution with a pretty good academic reputation who's had problems in the past with a football program being an embarrassment of discipline issues and extremely visible public embarrassments in terms of football player behavior and the so-called excesses of amateur athletics. That's been Miami, and that's what everybody loves them, but they'd like to hide it as well as they possibly can, which is something Mark Rick does really well. Yeah, yeah, Mark Rick, quiet discipline that no one ever hears of it. about and comments on the internet about how much control he's retained.

Mark Rick, the thing about him is his discipline is so good that it comes across as bad. So that's going to be the funny thing with Miami if they're like, listen, you got to start kicking off the players who are doing fast. We got to actually keep some of the players who are fucking up. Do you like economics? Let's talk about laissez-faire. Let me talk about the invisible hand, i.e. hand that's not there.

Coach, we need to rebalance the swag. The invisible hand shot that gun. There's too little swag now, coach. He does do the thing, though, I think, really well. He inherited this from Bowden, which is, player does something reprehensible, stupid, and does it in public, or at least in a fashion where there's public record of it later, right?

And they come back to him, but he's just so laid back, man. Well, we'll take care of that. That's an internal thing. he's unfortunate that uh it's unfortunate and it's unacceptable on this football team nah i mean mark he's the one who he's gonna he's gonna boot the player for smoking weed or whatever and then and then all anyone here is is georgia booted a player therefore george's entire roster is just criminals even though it's you know the school has uh all sorts of special strictness things going on no that's that's not going to be an issue of miami

Yeah, so evil-ricked, let's just put it that way. But now Georgia gets Kirby Smart, who learned under the watchful eye of Nick Saban, who would never tolerate any criminality on his football, too. That's going to be a culture change for Kirby. I mean, I realize he went to Georgia, but that was about 20 years ago. Been under a whole lot of Nick Sabin, Tuscaloosa law enforcement since then. So first time somebody comes in and tells him, hey, you're tight end. He can't suit up.

He was riding a scooter. that's not going to go well with Kirby Kirby might not even give press conferences he'll just be like no Coach Saban doesn't allow his even his former assistants to give press conferences during the season

Kirby you are no longer a Saban assistant just calls Nick Saban when he has to pee taking it off boss I'm clocking out yeah I just feel better doing it this way this is this this whole situation seems really

bad for Kirby Smart. This does not seem like a situation where he can succeed because Mark Rick was beloved at Georgia. Beloved. The people who ended up getting him fired were not the immediate community members who are the people who touch the football program, right?

Additionally, Kirby Smart's going to come in and he's going to kick like 30% of this team off. Right? Like that's inevitable. If he really is Mac Brown East, and I speak of Mark Richt when you say that this is something pomani jones has called him which is mac brown east which i assume this is a

compliment to indicate that he's won a national championship no no no because mark greg never he never did that um do you know where dachan watson is from where he he went to went to high school jason kirk do you do you happen to know where he went to high school well surely it's south carolina probably probably the great wellspring of talent in or outside clemson probably Yeah, no The natural recruiting grounds of I mean, I could see North Carolina Maybe they went and got him out of Connecticut?

Yeah, no, no he's from East Carolina Canada, he's a pirate Is he from Canada? No, he's not even from It's not even from North Carolina Or Barbados. Northwest Carolina, nope, nope, he's not from Kurosau He's not one of those players of Boise State

Poles from the Caribbean, nope, he's from Gainesville, Georgia. That's pretty close to Athens, isn't it? Oh, yeah, yeah. You could probably ride your bike there in a day pretty, pretty easily. It'd be a long ride, but you could do it. The red elephants, and that's a recruit, Mark Rick didn't pull. In fact, if you go back and look at the number of quarterback recruits that he didn't manage to land, there was somebody that, again, I'm cribbing from Bumani here,

but there was somebody he wanted to recruit at Tide End from College Park, Georgia. You're saying a quarterback from the south of Atlanta, who I'm guessing you're saying tight end, that means he's a pretty big fella. Yeah, he's a big fella. It plays for the Panthers now, actually. Oh, interesting. Oh, so is that, uh, is that, uh, is that to be Graham Gano.

Yeah, it's, uh, Kelvin Benjamin. Greg Olson, maybe. That's a tight end who plays for the Panthers, right? Yeah. Yeah, it's not Greg Olson. Luke Kekley? Yeah, no, it's not Luke Keeckley. They didn't convert him to linebacker.

Oh, it's Ted, it's Ted Gim. Tegin Jr. No, no, it's not Jericho Cotchry either, believe it or not. We know a lot of Panthers. We do, man. It's because they always recruit from, like, they recruit country-ass dudes for the most part. I like the Panthers, you said recruit. For whatever reason, everyone just feels okay with the Panthers.

Like, we could just think of them as doing things that are familiar to us. Listen, if they open a day school, I'll let the Panthers do because you see. Hey, man, if Ron Rivera opens a satellite camp. There's played a hell of a non-conference schedule this season. You've got to give them all the credit in the world for that. They're saying they ain't playing nobody, but hell, they just locked up their conference. Probably still lose to old. Granted, it's the SEC East.

It is. Probably still lose to Ole Miss. Oh, man. But yeah, that's, yeah, that was Cam Newton. And Mark Great. Mark Great didn't pull him either. And this happens to every coach. But, you know, when you look at that, it gets to be a sort of painful list,

especially when you consider the people who are playing. quarterback for Georgia at the moment. He kind of get an idea of why Rick got run the hell out. And Kirby Smart has to go into that, throw a bunch of people off the team, which he inevitably will do. Find an offensive coordinator

which for Saban Disciples has been kind of an issue. Build a staff, mend all of those fences. And in addition to that... Keep perfect hair. He's got to keep perfect hair and he's got to deal with all the stuff that, you know, Mark Rick didn't want.

changed or couldn't change. And above all that, he's got to win at least, at least 10 games a year. Yeah, 9 to 10 games a year because that's the ceiling right now, right? I mean, 9 to 10, that'll get you fired in what, six years? Now, let us remember who Alabama, sad to see Kirby Smart, long-time defensive coordinator go, where on earth will they go to find a replacement? Where will they find? Someone familiar with the Nick Sabin system?

a young a young coach on the rise just lost their job real intense right already worked in the state of alabama recent championship experience yeah oh maybe jeremy pruit oh damn oh interesting huh i know the sabin sleeper cell activate activate the jeremy pruit the dark mark pulsing on his hand the little debby logo this is yeah this is definitely like the the early harry potter movies where you're like, that guy's definitely the villain. They're not even hiding it very well. Yeah, like, oh, look, the master of dark,

the master of dark arts, our dark arts teacher for the semester, Jeremy Pruitt. Yeah. Kirby, how can nobody can see your forehead? There's not like a snake there controlling you. No, no, no, no, no, I just love these banks. Just love him.

Definitely not being controlled by the Dark Lord from far. I tell you, it does kind of have funny hair. Yeah, what's the first joke, by the way, when you hear Kirby Smart and when he does something stupid next year, when they lose a good, game. This is another reason why I don't think he's going to be successful at Georgia. Because more like Kirby.

Dumb. Kirby. More like Kirby. More like Kirby. Kirby blew it like the Nintendo character. More like Bruno. That one's going to be all over the AJC. Fine Bomb. They love that video game. Oh, man. Yeah. The H.E.C. message boards are going to be filled. Dog Vint's going to be blood. More like Kirby, dumb.

Dog, man. It's going to be all about Super Smash Brothers jokes, man. Exactly. I bet a lot of them. This is how racist they are. We could have got Link. We could have got Salt Snake, y'all. I knew we shouldn't hire one of them Panko's. He's soft. He's soft. He has no original ideas. He just swallows other people's concepts.

You can't trust him. He's always changing. He's always changing. Is he really so super a smash brother? Is he? I don't even think he's a brother. Who are his parents? Show me the birth certificate. Wow.

Yeah. Man, we nailed it all. Cloudland ain't even in America. Got Kirby truthers out here in the dog been. I mean, is it? Calling into 790 the zone talking about Kirby wasn't born in America. Come on. I think he's Japanese.

What do they know about football? Yeah. Let's get Mike Bell on this. All I'm saying is nobody's ever seen Kirby's dick. It's quite true. It's because Saban kept it. He's got a jar. He's got a jar.

It's why Will Mustchamp's so mad. He's never got back. We didn't even talk about, like, Virginia Tech. We didn't even talk about, like, Virginia Tech. Virginia Tech got Justin Fuente, like, and maybe one of the slickest coaching maneuvers of the year. They get Justin Fuente from Memphis in a relatively frictionless negotiation. They bring

them up. They introduce him to Bud Foster according to a report from the AP as a surprise. Bud Foster didn't even know who he was meeting with and after three hours Bud walks out of there like hell yeah, I'll be his defensive coordinator we're not changing the thing. Hogi High. Like, it's amazing.

That's perfect. It's not only the transition and the fact that this is a coach who has shown very clear success at two different stops. But also, I mean, the personality-wise seems like a great fit. Like, you know, he's not a flashy dude. Um, you know, his media presence. It just seems like a great fit for Blacksburg. Justin Fonte is a good fit because he's one of those coaches that you're like, wait, what does he look like? I have no idea what he looks like. He kind of looks like less miles, a slightly

younger, less miles. Slightly younger, slightly like a little taller, a little leaner less Miles, not quite so offensive linemeny. The ACC did so well this coaching hiring season that even ACC survivors stay strong. Maryland made a pretty decent hire in getting DJ Durkin. Yeah, like not a, it's not like a great, whoa, they interviewed Mike Loxley, okay? They interviewed him. Well, if you believe the word on the street, they interviewed everybody. Fair.

I don't know. I mean, to me, that is along the lines of the junior Sabin thing in the SEC East. I mean, you hired the guy who works for all the schools that are already better than you. What's that going to change? Let me ask you this, Jason. Did they get better this offseason? As in, did they replace Randy Edsel? Yes.

Yes. Okay, there you go. So success. C-plus. So they didn't accidentally rehire Randy Eadze. consider consider how bad it could have been they didn't hire mike locksley they didn't hire butch davis there are billions of people they did not hire yeah yeah and i mean i'm sure dj durkin is a good coach just to me it's why not try and find the things that your biggest

rivals are doing and and and exploit the the the opportunities rather than trying to do those same things well that would be original and intelligent thinking and these are large institutions. They generally don't tend to do that. They really don't. That's why the SEC East, look at it this way. The SEC East has all the money in the world to hire coaches. They really do.

They're as money as anyone in college football. And that's why they're probably going to make the worst decisions because they have the most invested in it. Therefore, they're going to make the most conservative possible decisions, i.e. hiring guys who've all worked in the same office. I guess maybe the thing is, from an outside perspective, if you can actually see where these schools stack up and you can see that,

okay, this school should finish about fifth in the division most times unless they really shake things up. But if you're at that school, you don't think that way. You think, oh, we're just one higher away from being the best. So let's do exactly what the guy

who's already the best is doing. Yeah, that it'll all work out without taking our own sort of regional or institutional considerations into mind, right? Sure. I don't know. I'm sure it'll be, Okay.

That is the one of these hires that I think. There are two of these hires that I think can go real sour real fast. And they are? One of them is Miami. And that's, by the way, that's just because as good a coach as I think Rick does, I just think Miami is inherently volatile. I just think it's an unstable place where they've been unhappy for a while. And if they stay unhappy, then that momentum just carries over on.

to Rick, and what if Rick's fatigued from the long 30-year run that he's had in coaching, and then just starting right up in a new place with absolutely no pause or break. That can go badly. I don't want to say that it will. I just want people to acknowledge that that's a

real live possibility here. Well, and the thing about when you hire a new coach, you sort of assume that all the things you didn't like about the previous coaches' teams, those all go away. Yeah, and maybe they're just still. A lot of them will still be there. It's all the same players.

I mean, look at it this way. Jim McElwain did, I think, as good a job coaching as anyone in the country this year with what he had. And at the end of the year, that looks like a must champ team. I mean, there's only so many things you can do to hide the groceries that you bought. And at the end, you're like, yeah, this is vegetarian food. Yeah, I'm sorry, I did not want to be unchopped, but here I am. This is the last act of chopped when you're like, I just put the fish heads on the pizza. I've never cooked with fishheads before.

I did not know what to do. I just stacked them. And it doesn't mean that the cook's not smart. Doesn't mean the cook's not doing a good job. It's just sometimes that basket sucks. Man, that's what the basket, you know, you can only do what the basket gives you. The basket was pretty brutal this year.

Now he's going to fix that, hopefully. But this is a case where you look at Miami and you go, okay, that could go badly. Now, I want all else to say, it could go really well. This is the kind of thing where you get somebody like Mark Rick, who can get some offense going and just kind of knows how to, maintain an institution and recruit really well and be chill which i think would help at miami at this point because that was not one thing that l golden was in terms of dealing with people at

times this is something that i think margar could do well but it also could go really badly and the other one is um it's dj dirken at maryland just because it's maryland man maryland has such bad luck period they have bad luck i think it's a harder place to win than people think it is like people to say oh man maryland's a sleeping giant it's yeah it's sleeping it's very sleepy it's very sleepy well when if you ever seen them stand up giant why do you think they're a giant wake up giant oh god get a mirror i you could you can make the case that it is a sleeping giant in the acc atlantic but in the big 10 east it's just sleeping maryland is the one where i think people Maryland to me is the person with a very long torso and

very short legs who sits at the table and you think they're seven feet tall and then they stand up and they're actually 5-11. That sounds like a turtle, actually. Long torso, short legs. Before, we can move on, but I just want to throw out one other name, Maryland did not hire. And that's Tim Brewster. We can go on.

Man. But let me also point this out, ACC retaining Florida State fought off LSU. Yeah, that counts. That counts. Put it on the board. And UNC retaining Larry Fedora. for seven years For a long time

For an amount of time That you may regret Yeah they gave him the Kirk Farrant's deal Yeah we're in love You've only been dating for Yeah I said we're in love Actually the Kirk Farrant's deal Sure

The seventh year it'll pay off It will you just have to wait It'll accrue You gotta wait 15 years And it'll go 12 and oh It's amazing It's like a money market account Just don't touch it

Not touch it There are penalties if he touch it You don't lose money until you take it out. That's a fine way of saying that ultimately Iowa managed to, I think, get a pretty good return. This is as far as their money was going to take them to the Big Ten championship game. This is the segue. Hell of a segue. Damn it.

Now, are they going to extend Kirk Farrants for this? I hope so. I hope it's like a 20-year extension. Because, I mean, like, what the fuck would have happened if they had prevented that last, yard and like fucked around and won the playoff. Kurt Ferrence gets a new deal.

He does. And you know what? Knowing his agent, that's exactly what, as we are discussing this on Sunday night, that is a conversation his agent is having. He's pressing that.

He's like, hey, listen, y'all thought he was washed up. The results speak for themselves. I do like that. Out of the playoffy teams, it's like, you know, you have Sabin,

you have the constant Texas rumors with dabbo. It's, ah, maybe you could leave for Bama at some point, you know, you have Jimbo, Dan Antonio, there was briefly talk about South Carolina, but Iowa.

Nope. Nobody's really coming after Kirk. Nope, because at this point he's so specialized, he can only work at one place. That's it. Like, what can you do? I do nothing that makes anyone happy except I win. That's it. Everyone's miserable.

In 2015. In 2015, I won. And next year, I'm going seven and five. You know this what's happening. I was not going to change a thing, and they're going to go seven and five next year. Easily. This game, if you did not watch it,

was precisely what you imagined it would be, and then at the end... With one notable exception. With one bomb. One insanely long touchdown by Iowa. Oh, that's the new Iowa. The new Iowa grips it in, Rips it, opens it up.

Air Iowa, that's what you just flew over you. That's what it was. I still think C.J. Bethard finished with like 137 yards, like over half of them are on one pass. Man, that's... Yeah, the game was extremely Iowa, Michigan State, extremely Big Ten. And then it got even more so. Because the final drive... God damn.

The final drive, which I'm writing about tomorrow, by the way. It's just, it's, it's amazing. I've, the final drive was scripted. It was as scripted, as imagined, as prescribed. Everything that you would want out of a Big Ten championship winning drive. That's like saying Tolstoy is scripted. It is. Yeah.

But that's not, that's not doing it pure justice. Mm-hmm. So, 22 plays. 22 plays, 82 yards, 82 yards, 9. minutes and four seconds off the clock and a concluding touchdown that finishes with no fewer than three people on LJ Scott as he extends the ball barely across the line with one arm just nine minutes 22 plays 82 yards it was breathtaking this is a situation where if a state had gotten the ball with like eight minutes to go we would have been justified in

saying, I don't know if they got enough time here because Connor Cook, you know, his arm's about to fall off. Iowa really doesn't tend to give up big plays. There's really only one way this is going to happen, and that's 22 plays. Iowa got the ball back with 27 seconds, and the first thought I had was, man, that's eight minutes and 30 seconds too little because 27 seconds. They need at least 8.57 to get the ball back downfield. Spencer, how many? How many? How many plays do you think LSU ran in the entire game against Alabama earlier this season? I think they ran 47. They ran 45.

45. Two over. I love this sport. It's fun. 45. That means that Michigan State had 22 plays on a drive. They had half, half as many. And the best part is 22 plays for.

84 yards. Do the math. Go ahead. Divide that up into yards per plate. Efficiency is a very outdated concept. It's probably about the same yards per play as what LSU mustard. They just happen to be chained together. Listen, a handcrafted canoe is not the most efficient way to build a boat, but it's beautiful and it ruins your hands. I'll tell you, this is the Mark Dantonio Stocks and Bonds Plan. Compound interest at 3%. Get you down the field, baby. and yet and yet even with that nine minute drive Michigan State held the ball for seven minutes less

than Alabama did against Florida that's a hell of a segue oh god seven minutes less yeah if you just look at that like at no point where like I don't Ryan did you ever hit the point of despond in this game not really I mean I did really enjoy that at one point

when the game was pretty well decided in the third quarter. I tweeted that I was going to see if I could hold my breath for the entirety of a Florida offensive drive. Yeah, how'd that turn out? On first down, Florida ran the ball, I think, for two yards, which is one of their better rushing plays in the night. And on second down, Trian Harris threw a pick, so I succeeded.

Congratulations. I'm a Navy SEAL now. Look at me. Florida, Florida, Florida was looking out for your safety is what it was. There was what there's what's there to be despondent about like nothing it was glorious like we only lost by we only lost that game by 14 points beat the spread didn't you it beat the spread even though Alabama had the ball I think at the three with when time ran out and miss and and chose not I think the spread was 17 so they could have just kicked a field goal at some point and and covered it that way or they could have scored a touchdown and covered Or they could have pounced on the ball instead of scoring a safety. Also that.

And chose not to. And I enjoy the humility of this Alabama team because I think they understand that offensively, they're very limited. They can do one thing. Two things, actually. One, they can run the ball with Derek Henry. And they did that a lot. Oh, yeah. They did that a lot.

And I will say this, Florida's defense, his longest run was 21 yards, which if you go back and look, that's really good. against Derek Henry because El Tracter Cito has worn everyone else down and Florida managed to hold him to a mere 189 yards and one TD on the day. So the defense, like Florida's defense was great.

They just, they lost to math. Like math turned on them because when your starting quarterback can't complete a pass to an open receiver and you can't run the ball, then you end up playing a lot of 35 yard fields. That's cool.

I mean, they know They knew They know what they did Yeah, they know They know So I was very proud of Florida And Alabama just They throw deep balls

They like Coker like on Cork a couple Down the field And then they just handed to Derek Henry It's just It's the most predictable Boring clockwork football You've ever seen And they do it real well

Kudos to them SEC champions I'm excited to see the team That How NFL Scouts deal with Derek Henry, who's very talented, but has now run the ball 339 times through 13 games. Melvin Gordon through 14 games last year, 343 carries. Like, he's, he's going to, he's going to get closer to, if Bama can get to the championship game, he's going to get close to 400

attempts, which is, like, you go back and look at the guys who you think, oh, they just got run into the goddamn ground, Levian Bell in 2012, 382 carries, Andre Williams in 2013, 355. It's, I mean, it- Let me give you this one. I feel like we can't ever listen to Nick Save and talk about player safety again. Let me just give you this one, which, by the way, it's not like you didn't have a backup who can't do work. Kenyon Drake's sitting right there. There's two other like four or five stars on the bench.

Yeah, I feel like Alabama's pretty much was just going for a Heisman here. Because before, I mean, they had started to do more of the running back by committee think. And now it's just, let's get some trophies. Yeah. Now, how many attempts he's going to finish with over 400? Jamal Anderson in the season that got Atlanta to the Super Bowl in 1998. In a 16 plus game season. In a 16 plus game season, maybe the case study for what people call the overuse of running backs, right, had 410 carries.

Good God. Yeah. This is, now, Lane Kiffin does this, by the way. Like when he was at USC, Marquis Lee would get, you know, they would throw the ball to him as many times as humanly possible because they want people to win awards so they can go recruiting and say, hey, you'll be this guy. And that's clearly what they're doing with Derek Henry here, right? this is for the award this is for Henry this is for draft stock

and this is for future recruiting more than anything else but 410 carries that's Jamal Anderson that's something Derek Henry could easily eclipse in the playoff well what's so confusing about it is in this game

and Jason's absolutely right about what Pamis was doing here so maybe it won't be the case in the playoffs and they'll mix it up a little more but Florida throws that stupid goofy kind of awesome touchdown to score there to get to 15. And then Derek Henry gets the last

eight touches for Bama. Yeah. Like, why? Yeah, it was pointless. The game was in hand in Florida was not moving the ball at all, and you've got him out there taking useless touches. And if Derek Henry had gotten hurt on one of those touches, oh, my, oh, my lord. Yeah. It would have been fun.

From an angry fan perspective, not from a Derek Henry health perspective. Because the real implication would be that Nick Saban thinks these are interchangeable. parts. Interesting. That he has absolute control over? Huh.

And that if you went to the pros where that might not be as much of a thing, you might not be as successful. I'm just saying, this is just spitballing. That would be a thing that someone could say in that scenario, certainly in no others. ACC championship game. A game that was far more entertaining than I thought it was going to be. Did all of the conference championships really, really play to character? The Big Ten did. The SEC did because it was Alabama standing on someone.

But the ACC one got pretty goofy. Which is, I think, what we think of when we think of ACC football is that a little goofy. And it's like harmless fun. Better than you think it's going to be at all times. Here's how the ACC played to type. It involved a terrible call by the referees. Maybe the worst officiating of the year outside the Pac-20. itself. Or that other ACCC

game. Or the other ACC. No, ACC takes the crown this year. Pact 12 just makes stuff up. ACC designs catastrophes. ACC gets it actively wrong. The Pact 12. The ACC picks its moments. Like the Pact 12, you'll be like, oh man, that fumble they didn't call early in the third quarter. And you're like, well, yeah. I mean, that was a mistake.

But the game continued. ACC's like, hey, is everybody watching? Watch this. it's like the pack 12 riffs it's sort of just constant slapstick whereas the ACC riffs it's like fuck there's a time bomb and we don't know when it's going off guess what it's at the end cut the blue wire did you say eat the blue wire no like ron cherries like mclean john mclean and we say that because ron cherry doesn't wear shoes yeah exactly that's that's that's the scenario here and you know very entertaining Deshawn Watson gets to put up

very large numbers. Clemson does Clemson does what they've done all year, which is figure out what kind of a game we're playing and go with it, right? Yeah, and kind of, and not exactly in a lot of their games, they don't dominate you and blow you out, but they hold you off.

They've sort of got the hand on your forehead and you're getting closer, but not really that's scarily close until the refs intervene when it gets a little too close in this one. But for the most part, Clemson is pretty good at just keeping just enough distance to still look impressive. They did have two very nicely timed turnovers that they forced North Carolina into.

One, that like kind of tipped ball that turned into an interception, and the other one was a, I think, a sack fumble when North Carolina was driving, trying to make it a game. I'll ask you to sort of forget maybe what you've looked at with the box score, though, but it speaks to a point about Clemson's sneaky dominance that doesn't necessarily always show. up on the scoreboard, but when you look at the stats, if I, if I were to just, if you're just spitball total yardage, you're saying, okay, what was the total yardage in this game? I would say that like by feel, you'd go, I don't know, like North Carolina had 400, Clemson had 500, no, no, it was, it was 382 for North Carolina, but 608 for Clemson. And if you did time of possession, you'd go, I don't know, it seemed pretty even, nope, nope, nope, 39 minutes to 21 overall.

you're like, ah, they should be pretty even. Nope, it's 21 to 33. Like, Clemson just, Clemson just piles up first downs and numbers to an extent that I think is, is extremely deceptive when you, like, watch it, and then afterwards you go, no, they kick their ass. Okay, but there was one important statistic

in which UNC and Clemson were tied. Oh, and the best, the nicest possible statistic. And that was terribly run fake punts. Oh, no, I was going to say yards per pass. Because they both average, no, they both average 6.9. Nice. Guards per pass. God damn it.

Can we talk about the fake puns? They were two pretty bad fake puns. Oh, man, Jim, we were watching this, and Davo was just so mad. And somebody we were watching with was kind of perplexed because you figure if you call a fake punt and it doesn't go well, you don't scream at the punter because, you know, punter did its best, whatever. But Dabo really hasn't had a lot to be screaming about this season. Things have gone pretty well for Clemson. They have not been in a lot of tight corners. He got a little must champ there for a little bit, just for a little bit.

He let the dragon loose. And some people speculated that he might have been trying to make it clear that that punt was not his fault. Just sort of telegraphing a little bit that the student athlete made this decision, not me. Which, if you look at the replay, there are people on. Clebson's team looking back and obviously gesticulating and thinking, oh no. Oh, no. That's not, that ain't what's

Oh, no, we locked the baby in the car. Yeah. We dropped, did he drop it? Did it go over his head? What happened? Like, they're clearly befuddled midplay, except for the punter, boldly charging for it into three tacklers. He was going where the spirit

let him. That's all I saw. Holy Ghost was leaving the way. And then um let him into some tribulations holy ghost isn't much of a blocker let him into let him into a trinity of tacklers let him let him let him astray yeah uh but kind of an awesome play a really a really admirable failure i don't i got this yeah i'm sorry deshawn watson heisman troughy potential finalist uh sit your ass down yeah sit you ass down punter got this he might have thought it was fourth in 1.5 i'd be so proud of that like 10 years later like you're applying you know you're finishing up your MBA program like what did you

learn from this program you're like well one time I decided to run a fake punt I'm like you're that guy yeah you're that guy and I decided this punt should not be a punt at all I disrupted the game it should be something more disrupt and I'm not sorry the other but that was I think thoroughly entertaining pretty much verified everything we thought this is this is a series of games that verified exactly what we thought, including Stanford. Stanford just goes out there and just, you know, puts its full body weight and horrible smell and pressure and strength all sort of directly on the windpipe of USC. As Christian McAfrey just scoots all around and has USC coaches cussing and screaming

and right next to the press box, I guess in the NFL stadium, they have the coaches boxers right next of the press boxes. You had USC beat writers like they're just constantly screaming and cussing. That's my favorite part of this by the way. The Stanford exerts such pressure on an opponent that the defensive staff is like,

crap! Shit! What do you do with that? I mean, in fair They're so fucking huge! Christian McCaffrey only finished 30 yards or so short of matching South Carolina's offensive

outback. If you do not know Christian McCaffrey's line for this game we will recite it as if it were poetry it's going to take a minute it's going to take a minute because this is the damn resume first of all I will start with his most unlikely stat that he was a 100%

passer of the night he went one for one with 11 yards and one TD as a passer for a QBR of 100 thank you ESPN two star receiver Kevin Hogan mm-hmm two star receiver and quarterback Kevin Hogan McCaffrey also had 32

carries, which is more than I thought he had, 32 carries for 207 yards and a TD. And, oh, he had four receptions for 105 yards and a TD. I'm done. No, I'm not. No, no, no, because Christian McCaffrey also had two punt returns.

You know, this is a little more mediocre. He had two of them for 29 yards with a long of 31, so one of them he went backwards, and I'm done. Wait, no, I'm not. You're not done. No, I'm not done. And Christian McCaffrey's never done because he also overturned five kicks for 120 yards

that long of 31. Christian McCaffrey did everything for Stamford against USC and that's why they won 41, 22, and I will also state, Christian McAfrey probably deserves at least partial credit for getting the

entire USC defensive staff fired today. It's pretty fun. Hey, Spencer. Oh, hey. What, buddy? You have a Heisman vote. I do. Wow, we're getting real.

Yeah. You got to tip us off here. You know they don't listen to this program. You can say on here, which way you're leaning. Mm-hmm. I could. Oh, he's so moral. He's so fucking smugging moral.

How about a clue? He plays football. All right, so Florida's out. Yep, yep. Florida offensive players are out. Sorry, guys. definitely. I could play 21 questions, and I'll just lie.

I would like to give, I would like to give USC some credit. Cody Kessler in particular for throwing one touchdown against Stanford. It's something, Cody. One cool thing about the USC is they have Juju's, Juju Smith Schuster, the former, just just call him Juju. Yeah.

Who, he's just a mean asshole. Yes. And I mean that in a great way because he's an incredible athlete. But he just goes around seeking people to stiff arm and shove their face into the ground. I don't really think. I've never seen such a bully of a wide receiver. It's fun. I guess outside of like Steve Smith himself.

I was going to say who retired this year? Steve Smith. Oh, wow. Who's going to come up, Jujer Smith-Schuster? This is the like passing of the torch for like badass, stiff-arming, brawling wide receivers who use football is an excuse to just punch people in the balls. And then you burn defensive backs with the torch. You burn the defensive back with the torch And you call him a bitch

On every play He's just a dick Like I really think he would rather Stiffarm you than even score a touchdown Yeah Yeah, is Ron blocking Have you ever seen him Ron Block? Honestly, it looks like fighting with like a

It looks like fighting with a fan That has a bunch of hammers tied to the end You know You know how you tie hammers to a fan You know I do it all the time You know how you get drunk and break into lows in the middle of the night? It makes it the breeze heavier.

Man, it gets that breeze kicking your ass like Judeo Smith-Schuster would. Get that's really whipping. But yeah, that's what he's like. Like he's like a little baby Steve Smith. He earlier this season, though he was calling out a blocker with the hand gesture. It appeared that he called out a Utah DB who was talking shit to him for Jiu-Smiths Schuster later in the post game. Yeah, after the game, it's sort of revealed. that there was a little bit of truth truth in the gesture it was the pointing was as much

you whoop his ass or i will and if juju's on the field it will eventually be him whooping your ass which he did he stiff-armed him out of bounds and then in this game there was there was there were two juju stiff arms in this game there was one where he smashes the dude's face then he goes back for more plants his head on the ground and then as he's stepping out of bounds Gives him another love tap on the head. It was three stiff arms on one dude and one play. Just a, what a brute. Unfortunately, for USC's stiff arms worth zero points.

It's not fair. They really should have gotten at least four points for that. They still would have lost badly. But I would have given them four points for that. That's cool. Oh, yeah. Remember USC hired their interim coach, who just lost Stanford again.

I hope you don't lose the ball game. To be fair, Steve Sarkisian lost that one. He lost the first one. This one's on Clay Hilton. So they split it up, which is what a responsible coaching staff does. That way they can't find you liable because it's nobody's 51% fault. I got one more game to mention on this extremely long edition of the shutdown fullcast. Thank you for making it this far.

This is evil. If you're listening this far, you're a bad person, so I'm not afraid of what we're about to talk about. So bad. But, man, Jason Kirk is on this podcast. I would be just a negligent, uncharitable human if I did not mention. Baylor, Texas, which Texas won 2317 to become bowl eligible at 5 and 7 Almost if it had better grades

If Texas had done his homework And actually I wonder if Charlie kicking all those players off Hurt the APR enough to keep them out of a bowl I bet it did Because that kind of that really comes into play here Yep Baylor down to its fourth string quarterback Due to an injury Affirmation.

To Chris Johnson. The aforementioned Lynx Hawthorne. The aforementioned Lynx Hawthorne, who? And then after running, for the first half, trying to run kind of the normal offense and realizing this shit is not working, they were down 20 to nothing. And then they just start running the Wildcat, the wingtie, throw in screens every now and then. We'll get Corey Coleman the ball in space. That's always a good idea no matter what decade it is.

But just adapting on the fly, it was, this game was so. fun, so good. I seriously I'm going to watch this whole game again. I'm not even kidding. This is my favorite game of the year. Just watching a brilliant coaching staff, a brilliant team, possibly the country's best offense. Just see what happens if they don't have a quarterback.

It was like just one of the stupid, stupid scenarios you make up what would happen if Superman had to fight Batman, but there were 10 Batman's. You know, it was like that kind of thing. What if you had feet for hands and hands for feet? What if Texas got to fight Superman? and Superman didn't have a quarterback. And by the end, Baylor was...

Baylor had sort of demonstrated for Texas the offense that Texas should already be running. Turns out Texas nearly chokes on its own vomit. This was the duck-sized horse game. Yes. Oh, God. The horse is running right at us. Yeah, our biles got one giant duck as a quarterback.

And had no hands. And let's just see. And here's the just most jacked up thing about it. Baylor almost won. Baylor at the very end, they tried to throw Hail Mary. It was so bad that the announcer said, while it was in the air, it looks like a punt. It's so they took out Lenks Hawthorne

and put in an ice cold running back off the bench as their second string emergency quarterback. So they're like sixth string quarterback just because he could throw the fucking ball farther and it almost gets to the end zone. This game was amazing. Like, this, Baylor is going to finish nine and three. And that is with, that is with finishing the year on their fourth string quarterback who had not played quarterback since high school.

Baylor's two last games of the year might be the two weirdest. That might be the weirdest way to end the season between playing in a absolute monsoon on the road against TCU. A 38 degree monsoon. If you've only seen the last two Baylor games, you think this is. It's just the worst offensive team in the world. No, no. They've been cursed. They've fallen into some sort of weird alternate realm.

Some of the whoever's writing their comic book is just getting way too creative and needs to go back to the source material soon. Still scored more points the last two weeks in Florida did it. Granted, granted. Easily. Yeah. I hate you so much, Ryan.