Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 3.39.0

Episode Date: December 16, 2015

OH IT'S THE STAR WARS EPISODE. None of this podcast is Star Wars, or at least not anything past the first ten minutes, where we kind of joke around with doing a Star Wars episode, do it for a minute, and then hit the eject button when it clearly starts getting out of hand. Topics we did not eject from: --How Jason actually did watch all the Star Wars movies all the way through for the first time recently, and how Han Solo is really the center of the entire series, and WE SWEAR THAT'S ALL THE STAR WARS TALK WE DO --Okay there's a brief diversion into the Rancor getting out of his abusive relationship and going on some "Eat Pray Love" soul-searching --Bob Davie is coaching a team in a bowl game in New Mexico! What more could one ask of football, or indeed of life itself? --An examination of exactly what "Royal Purple" is --Why do they have a bowl game in Montgomery, ever, at all, for any reason? --Please welcome the "Shreveport Missing Persons Bowl" to the season's rotation --How the NOLA Bowl is really just the affordable, charming, and just-as-good lunch version of the Sugar Bowl for the savvy shopper --Did you know there's a bowl game at 2:30 p.m. on Monday? And that if you watch it, it's official proof you don't give a fuck about your job, and should quit? --Which bowl games have the best setup for creating two extremely hungover teams playing football? Besides the Sun Bowl, of course. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Okay, you can do this. I know, I know. Carvana makes it so convenient to sell your car. It's just hard to let go. My car and I have been through so much together. But look, you already have a great offer from Carvana. That was fast. Well, I know my license played and VIN by heart, and those questions were easy. You're almost there.

Now to just accept the offer and schedule a pickup or drop off. How'd you do it? How were you so strong in letting go of your car? Well, I already made up my mind, and Carvana's so easy. Yeah, true. And sold. Go to Carvana.com to sell your car the convenient way. welcome to the shutdown forecast this is spencer hall work for espy nation also run every day should be

saturday from time to time um we'd like to talk about college football and this happens to be not the off season but this is what you would call the twilight we're in the gloaming of the college football season which is this little dead spot between the regular season and the beginning of bowl season used to be like three weeks now it's like three days because we have a bowl game coming up here uh what jason like saturday yeah there's a whole a whole a whole burst of him on saturday that's jason kirk he's our college football editor at s bnation he he's in kennesaw georgia say say hi jason hey that's a hey but i'll take it hi hi hi oh man cut to order joining us from brooklyn that's in new york city if you're unfamiliar

with it. Be Ryan Nanny. How are you doing, Ryan? I'm great. I'm very excited for our Star Wars episode. This is the Star Wars episode, right? Yes, the Star Wars episode. Get excited, everybody.

No, just call it the Star Wars episode and then it'll get downloads. Yeah, put that on the soundclad, Star Wars. This is like... Star Wars remix. This is like when you would... In the days of Napster, you would put your own recording up, but you would call it unreleased Eminem versus Biggie freestyle. DMX featuring Eminem Star Wars prequels edited to actually be good.

Fred Durst. Featuring Puff Daddy. Yeah. Fred Durst as Jar Jar. That's right. Uh-huh, uh-huh. May the course be with you. DMX in Star Wars would be a revelation.

He'd be great. He'd be the bounty hunter that never took no for an answer. I was going to say he's the opposite of Boba Fett. Like, just screaming the whole time. Yeah, the strong silent type? No, I like the strong, angry, loud type. What do you really want from a wookie? Just him stuck in the Sarlac, punching his way out.

I actually would prefer him as a wookie. Yeah, I was trying to think of what role he could fill, and Chubacca's a pretty good fit. He kind of just yells a lot. Everyone likes him, though. It's true, it's true. Carrying around a crossbow for the clear reason. Not the best driver.

Probably not dressed. You're probably not, probably carrying a crossbow, you're right? That one time they had to infiltrate a place and he was supposed to, uh, uh, everyone else was, was impersonating officers and he was, he was unable to do so. Right. And also, uh, DMX is super good at chess. It's true. Everyone knows that.

And you want to let him win or he'll rip your arms off. This is all fitting. This Star Wars episode is going great. The Star Wars episode is shut down full cast. We're not going to talk about it. Hey, Ryan, are you going to see it? I mean, at some point, don't rush me. Yeah, I'm not hurrying to see it.

Jason, Jason, actually, just watched them all for the first time. For the first time, I had seen the old ones like when I was a kid and didn't really care, but my daughter's super into all of them, so I've now seen all of them. And, yeah, we'll be seeing this in theaters. We'll be one of millions and millions of people crowding into theaters to see this thing because my daughter really likes it. Yeah, now, watching as an adult,

what did you learn or relearn that you didn't really realize the first time around? Probably the key biggest thing is that Empire Strikes Back is very good and that everything else is okay at best.

But as far as, you know, plots and characters and all that stuff, uh, probably the main thing is like the development of Han Solo as like an actual character that's kind of a thing you miss as a kid is you kind of don't realize

how he went from you know went from being this asshole to kind of a team player but still very much himself like stayed within the same character but developed that that's probably the main thing I missed as a kid that I picked up on this time around the Star Wars films are actually

if you think about it a horrifying look at what it's like to become old because the only person who becomes old and has any sort of companion in the movie are Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru and they get set on fire within the first hour. Yeah, but they're like the only

old people. Like it is... No, but like Yoda's old. He dies by himself on a swamp planet. Ben Kenobi's old. He's just living by himself in the desert. Palpatine's old. He doesn't have any real friends. No, yeah, but you know who... He's got lots of friends. You know who's pretty happy and has a lot going on?

the Sarlac. Sarlac's like thousands of years old. And people come to visit the Sarlac. And he takes forever to digest them because he just wants you to stay. Because he's very patient and he hugs his friends for a long time. That's the thing about,

they say that the first step in any young adult fiction is you have to get rid of the parents. That's true. In any book you read in middle school, the parents are, oh gosh, we're going on vacation in the first page. Orphan.

Orphan. So that, well, that's, yeah, I wanted to say it nicely. but our mom your parents are going to live on a farm our mom and dad on the same plane

in the first 10 pages of this book wait till page 11 but you know who doesn't have parents the Sarlac you don't know that they could be right next door

oh shit Sarlack is the happiest character in Star Wars these the most fulfilled you know who actually has the other best relationship in Star Wars the rancor and the rancor

handler yeah but that doesn't end well no Luke screws it up I like to think that there's that in the next movies the rancor will be totally healthy that that just like knocked him out right or you know

yeah that he was fine like in the other movies he's like oh no it's cool I was going through a bad phase and then the rancor is talking to the rank rank or handler like dude you were really like you thought I yeah I thought you were dead I didn't realize how much you meant to me until I saw that gait around your neck

or maybe they're an abusive relationship where like they've split up and the rancor's like got all kinds of new self-confidence into self-discovery going on, right? Like, yeah, I mean, I loved him, but she kept me in a cage. So then you're saying the rancor becomes Tina Turner, and this becomes Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Yeah, or an eat, pray, love scenario where the rancor has discovered happiness elsewhere has traveled. Somebody make that Photoshop and send it to us.

The rancor went to Tuscany, met an adorable young man named Paolo. Didn't get too attached. Under the rancor son. Oh, the Star Wars episode. You said we were going to do it. We're done talking about it, though. You said we weren't going to do it, you liar. I know.

Yeah, we can. What we actually wanted to talk about tonight, since we're in a lull, we do have a few bowl games coming up on Saturday. Case you didn't know, they're not real good ones. I will be very frank with you. I mean, they're good. They're fine. They're fine. They're not amazing.

They're not the great ones. but there's one I might go to it's here the Celebration Bowl Alcorn versus N-C-A-N-T I might go to that it's at noon

I can get a cheap ticket don't look at me like that no that's that's one of the more respectable events to be found over the next say two weeks or so for sure yeah we've also got the New Mexico Bowl

which I will take a flyer on this game any day happily because it's Arizona who's just sort of fun to watch not boring and they're going to be playing they're going to be playing who Ryan

for Bob Bob Davy and New Mexico Lobos I'm excited also a fun team if you haven't watched New Mexico yet do so and you say if most of us have not watched

New Mexico because you mean because you haven't watched new mexico yet well i i did see a few minutes of uh of when they played boise state so i'm basically the ranking new mexico expert here yeah you are you probably know more about them than bob does so i thought yeah that's number 83 are you skip huh dip dip oh skip hey dip yep welcome whip whip whip get over here grip get over here trip ship ship my name's brian brip Brip, it is. You're britt now.

Quantrip. Like Quantrip traitors. Quint. Quo. Quo. Get over here. Cuevo. Offset and takeoff. Get in there. New Mexico, New Mexico, New Mexico. It's our Migos package. It's the triple option.

Get it? Lobos. My lobus. My loboos. My loboos. Yeah. This is an entertaining game. New Mexico runs a run first. Run second, run third, run fifth, run ninth. They run a lot. And that, of course, creates issues for a team like Arizona that doesn't really care about possession.

So this is the movable object and the extremely resistible force. It'll be way better than a game at 2 p.m. on Saturday should be, right? But I don't think that's the best bowl game that day. Is there also a chance that's the last time we will see Scooby Wright play in a college football game? He's supposed to be back for this game. I just, I don't know if he's going pro or not. He probably needs to move along. Let's say, let's say, this is your last chance to see Scooby Wright do Scooby Wright things.

Yes, not a completely healthy Scooby Wright. Who of us is completely healthy? It's true. Scooby Wright's day to day like the rest of us. We also, you can see Anu Solomon coming back from injury in that game, too. Should be entertaining. Like, if nothing else. And then they'll show the inevitable New Mexico Bowl chili cookoff,

which if you want the chili prepared by a bunch of 18 to 22-year-old men and want to be a judge in that competition, you dive right in. I'm not eating anything that a 20-year-old fixes, especially a group of 20-year-olds who made it by committee. And then the winner gets a painted clay pot. with like a Sheraton logo or whatever on it. I like that about this trophy. It's authentic.

Authentic native art with the Build a Bear logo on it or whoever sponsors this crap. That'd be the Gildan. The Gildan. Gildan. That's right. Gildan. It's a clay pot stuffed with mostly fitting T-shirts. Yep.

Later that day, I think one of the bowl seasons happy is, coincidences. Jason, who have we got in that Las Vegas Bowl? I would say this is a top five bowl for me. We got BYU, who is delighted to be there and not gamble. And we got Utah who is furious about being there, in part because BYU is there, and in part because this bowl does not rank highly on the Pac-12's pecking order. So that's like three different kinds of anger all at once.

that's great for bowl season and ball season you take any emotion you can get and this one's going to have a ton of it that and this it is sponsored by Royal Purple that perp

annually the the greatest ball commercial provider every ball game has the terrible sponsor ad and Royal Purple's really really set the bar for terrible

like it doesn't feel like bowl season until you see that Royal Purple ad and then you're like fuck I'm gonna watch 40 of these things yeah the royal purple ad what makes it so special well the past i can't remember if it was last year of the year before but like it's local car lot quality but without the sincerity like it's just someone droning into a into a camera in front of a flat background like it's clear they did one take it's like the owner or whatever they didn't even pay like a model to speak like if you if at any

point you wonder whether you're having a stroke watching this game, then yes, that's the Royal Purple announcement. It's Eddie Royal who does these. Actually, it's Jack Purple. Yeah, I'm sorry. That's Steve Purple. Jack passed away last year. God rest his soul. In the arms. No, I'm sorry.

Of the purple. Sympathical oils, mineral-based lubricants. And this is this bowl ranks highly on the scale of why are they sponsoring a Who is in the market for these things?

The industrial lubricants. Yeah. It's just below helicopter parts and the one that made like the Hubble telescope or whatever. Yeah. That, nevertheless, a quality game with, I think, the most outlandishly inappropriate sponsors of any of these played in the equivalent of a glorified high school stadium. And a blowing wind.

It is second. San Boyd Stadium in Las Vegas is second to Honolulu Stadium to Aloha Stadium in the blowing storms of trash. Hawaii still leads the nation in terms of blowing garbage storms. If the wind's kicking up at San Boyd, we're going to get a good garbage storm in the second half. Do you know who Sam Boyd is or was, I should say, since he's been dead for 20 years now? I believe Sam Boyd was one of the original casino owners. That is correct. He became an owner.

I want to say the horseshoe. The Sahara is what I'm saying. Yeah. So that's cool. That college football is going to play one of its most notable bowl games, well, one of its earliest bull games, I should say. This year. In a stadium named after a casino mogul.

Yeah. That's extremely dope. Yeah. And you put Doe Gamble on it, kids. Don't gamble on it. Also, the Camellia Bowl, one of the most, like, if you wonder, okay, which one of these is baffling? Because, for instance, we're sending Roger Sherman to the Cure Bowl. Oh, boy.

Yeah, yeah, we're doing that. He's still going to lose all of his American currency there, but whatever. Somehow, yeah, somehow, it'll go exactly like the Bahamas Bowl did. Roger got held up in customs. Roger lost his passport. I don't even know how that's possible. I didn't even take it. Yeah, did you know, did you know Disney's actually a,

separate kingdom diplomatically? It really might be. Celebration is. That would not shock me. That's why murder is legal. Only on Thursdays. Like Disney doesn't have to pay taxes or whatever. You could tell me anything about any special jurisdiction Disney has over its geography and I'd believe it.

Purge Thursdays. Only at the weird sports ESPN part of Disney. You got to go to Toontown for that. Yeah. The Cure Bowl, which is a weird bowl, admittedly. Just yet another Orlando. bowl like can we just throw another like a fifth or seventh or the 13th ball takes place in orlando nope it's not the weirdest bowl the weirdest bowl in my eyes will always be the

camellia bowl because it takes place in montgomery like mont have you have you been to montgomery any either of you i lived in montgomery for three months no i forgot yeah this was this is a thing yeah this is a thing i did they do have a fresh market other than that, Montgomery, I don't miss you at all. And they do have Montgomery biscuits, minor league baseball, which is nice because instead of throwing out t-shirts, they throw out Ziploc baggies with chicken biscuits to the crowd. Hmm.

Mm-hmm. Which is delicious. Let's put a bowl there. Yeah, let's somehow put a bowl there. Sponsored, it's the Raycom Media. The Raycom Media Camelia Bowl. Obviously, just another stocking stuffer for ESPN and the bowl. bowl bonanza of easy ratings for them.

This, yeah, so this is a bowl that is, what, like 36th or so on ESPN's chart. Yeah. And it's brought to you by like the pre-ACC network thing. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And it involves teams from the Sunbelt Conference and the Mid-American Conference. And it's played at a D2 stadium. Oh, man.

Oh, boy, you are being, yeah. is it i what's what what's the name of the school what which school is it at this is a this is a naya school i was being generous yeah yeah the faulkner university eagles play at the crampton bowl the crampton bowl yeah um it did it did host the first ever football game played under lights in the south please read please read the details of that however yeah it was 1980 it was 1987. That's pretty recent, folks. Yeah, I can read the details on this, which is so very sad.

I mean, if you've been to Montgomery, it's not, okay. Montgomery is definitely there. Okay, here we go. On September 23rd, 1927, it became the first, the side of the very first game played Under the Lights in the South, with Cloverdale taken on Pike Road High School. Former Superintendent D.H. Sarge Carraker, boy. The chances that that man was not one of the most militant white supremacists. Oh, he definitely kidnapped a man in his day.

Oh, yeah. He remembered fondly. We used dish pans for reflectors and sent to California for the lamps. We drew 7,200 people. from all over the south to see it. One, I'm betting all over the south is a strong exaggeration. That means there was one dude from Kentucky.

No, no, no. Three people from Mississippi got lost. Yeah, there was like seven guys from Mobile. That's how far this went. The Craptan Bowl. Yeah. Playing in this game, two perfectly fine teams.

Just Appalachian State in Ohio. If you want to watch Frank Solich, who was once the head coach of Nebraska play a game in Montgomery versus App State. Man, you go right ahead. I will skip on to the Cure Bowl because damn it, Georgia State's in a bowl game.

If you want to talk about incomprehensibly good, improbable, insane things, it is the lowly Georgia State football program, getting to a bowl, period. A team that with four games to go, head coach's

Trent Miles is on the hot seat after you know they've based they had one what like two FBSS games in their entire history I might be being generous they were two and six at that point and then they peel off four straight

including a beat down at Georgia Southern completely mystifying everyone in the state who has actually heard of either of these programs which is huge because if one were to pick a team to be beaten down in Georgia Southern

it's not Georgia Southern. No, that would be the second of your two options. Yeah, you wouldn't call that. You would not call lowly Georgia State, a program that has been, what, D-1 for four years? Even that's, I mean, it's existed for three or four years, and it's been D-1 quality for, oh, about four weeks now. Congratulations. It happened all at once.

They'll be playing the San Jose Spartans in that game. If you know anything about the San Jose. Jose Spartans this year. Congratulations. You're probably already a college football writer. I have a fun fact for you. They are one of the teams that finish five and seven, and they are here because previous Spartans got good grades.

Necessarily the current players. They are here because of a NCAA loophole. I like that, though. Big Ten West academics. It's like, it's like, if you're the older sibling and you go through high school and you're responsible and you're responsible and you get good grades and the teachers like you then your younger siblings go through

and they get like a little you know they get some benefit of the doubt and it has nothing to do if they're good kids yeah they get to go to grad night that's all this is this is grad night did you go to grad night oh hell no no no

I don't know if I've heard of this oh oh it is a a Florida Bacchanal right and ritual oh okay yeah this is instead of going to, I believe that the idea was instead of going to your dangerous prom, right? Or your dangerous grad party, right? Instead of going to a dangerous graduation party where you'd get drunk and drive and do all sorts of dangerous things, yeah.

Yeah. So instead of that, the idea was, why don't you go to Disney World and just spend the night there and they'll leave the park open all night. and you can just be a silly teenager celebrating your graduation and you can do it with Mickey and what this turned into was this let's all take acid and go to Disney World in suits that's really what it was and then if you're an idiot high school boy

which you probably were hey now that you have to drive at least an hour to get back to wherever you live this is probably a good time to tell that girl you have a crush on that you have oh no this went poorly wow oh no i did not go to grad night so this is not about me okay okay no no no no no no no no i know a guy who uh is one of the worst human beings i've ever known went to notre dame uh took acid on grad night and ripped the head off of uh mr toad like in mr toads wild ride like leapt out of it and then rip the head off of Mr. Toad and then ran off.

I may be confusing it with somebody else, but I'll just go ahead and make it. We'll just be in a, we'll give Notre Dame credit for that one. Sure. I had bad news. Disneyland, well, Disney World in Orlando, discontinued grad night in 2011. Did somebody die? Well, this is, their press release said, basically, you know, everything's fine and

and nothing's wrong and we just feel like it's become this is what they said it's become challenging to schedule special events during April and May so somebody died this is sounding a lot like

when they got rid of freaknik go on yeah that's yeah that's really what happened yeah that's congratulations if you're going to the cure pole by the it's called the cure bowl not because of any sort of affiliation with the dreary English goth rock band. No, it is because it is sponsored by AutoZone,

but they wanted to differentiate the charitable donations of the bowl. So this is the bowl that is sponsored by breast cancer and AutoZone. If you want a fun sentence to fall out of your mouth, say this. There's a bowl game sponsored by breast cancer. cancer awareness and charity and AutoZone. This is the stupidest fucking sport on the planet. These go hand in hand. I think every sponsored bowl should have to get like a charity that goes with it as well.

Well, there is a legend. And it's randomized. Yeah, but you should have to, yeah, it's not up to you. So you could be like, hey, welcome to the Go Daddy Orphanage Bowl. Welcome to the Tostito's Euthanasia. Awareness bowl. Welcome to the Chick-fil-A family first. Oh, wait, that's already the way it goes.

Oh, that's right. Oh, right. They're problematic. Welcome to the camping world, missing children. Oh, God. Oh, God. Take your children to the woods and leave in there. The Shreveport missing persons hole.

That's a busy one. They need your donations. Do they? Listen, you're not. You're not missing if you don't want to be found. You're not missing if you're not in tree for it. Yeah. Because then you're just not in tree for it.

One of my favorite bowls is on the first bowl Saturday of the season. A deeply underrated bowl. To me, it's like the Sugar Bowl's lunch rush. You know, you can pay a lot of money and go to the dinner special at the Sugar Bowl. Yeah. Or you could sneak in at lunch. Early Bird. Get the Early Bird special and go to the New Orleans Bowl.

which is not at like 9 a.m. this year. They tried that last year and no one quite knew why. It's actually at a more NOLA friendly time this year. That'd be 9 p.m. We might want to bump that back a little further. Yeah, y'all, listen, 9 p.m. is just a suggestion. 9 p.m., that's when the opening act goes on. Are you saying something in New Orleans is fish hailing all over the road wildly?

This game tends to get out of hand. It has played to form. This has been a wild game several times that I have watched it. Okay? And it usually tends to be a fairly undisciplined, loose game, so there's some scoring. It also tends to be very hard fought because they invite teams who are from the area, in this case, Arkansas State and Louisiana Tech, and they'll have a lot of family. Everybody seems to have a good time.

It's just a magnificent little bowl that they tend. to run pretty well and everybody gains like 15 pounds while they're down there. So, yay. New Orleans Bowl, watch it. It'll probably be way more entertaining. Arkansas State, by the way, kind of like one of the quietly low-key, most

totally insane teams in college football. Yeah, if they're in the sunbelt, then they're low-key. But, yeah, Arkansas State's pretty good. And Skip Holtz, he's got Lotech in pretty good shape, doesn't he? Apparently. So here comes six and six next year, It's just sailing down the canal, waiting for you.

Vanderbilt job. Yeah. You son of a bitch. Don't do that. Don't put that evil on them. No, it's going to happen. And I want people to remember that I said it. I said this.

By the way, Arkansas State's nine and three. They were undefeated in the Sunbelt. Yeah, but they did lose to Missouri. It's just no excuse there. yeah i got nothing it was in jonesboro too missouri remember mazoo had to play in jones boogie yeah they had to go to jonesboro arkansas and they did have to they did have to rally because they were losing by a touchdown uh at halftime so i'm amazed they scored this was a different missouri no this is the same you know you're thinking of a different missouri this is a

this is a mattie mok that threw for a hundred and forty eight yards to This is my favorite The one that could crack as many is 12 points 27 points They could score 13.5 and a half My favorite two game stretch

In scheduling Is this that Missou beat Arkansas State 2720 at home And then with the vengeance of a thousand Red Wolves They took it out on Missouri State Next week

And beat them 70 to 7 like god damn it show me state you may have bested us with your big state school but mazoo state shall feel all wrap and then here comes bert tagging in you know you know what to defend the honor of the red wolves

you know what mazoo did after getting a scare on the road from Arkansas State oh do tell they went back to the friendly con finds of Columbia and beat Yukon nine to six nice that's a win over a bowl team though

It's what happens when you spend all your points at once. That was a ball team. That boosts Mizzou's playoff resume. I mean, Mizzou's not a ball team, but who's? The committee had to factor that one in. I would like to say, I deeply appreciate that Mizzu just said, nah, fuck a bowl. No.

I like that as soon as they said, you have five and seven teams, we got room. Who wants in? Nebraska's like, yes, please. And Mizzou's like, before they even finish finalizing, pass. I give Missouri so much more credit than Nebraska in this circumstance. I know, man. Nebraska got in because Bopalini's players got good grades. Nebraska fans have to know that fact and hold it in their minds forever.

Meanwhile, Missou is... You're only here because Bopalini's players were disciplined. Maybe well, Mizzu is like me at a Greek restaurant. I'm like, no, I'm not getting to serve. No, thanks. No, thanks. No, I'm good. Can I just get a baklava and a cup of coffee?

I'm good. It'll be good. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No salad. No, I'm definitely not eating Superdome, lamb. Tell you that much.

Meanwhile, me, while DeBreska's like, double service, please. It's free, right? It's free. We need reps. We need reps. That concludes the Saturday, which is, you know, not a bad Saturday, all told in terms of games. here's the weird thing that not only

you get this full Saturday then you get this week of just like weird randomly scheduled games like oh the Miami Beach Bowl it's at 2.30 p.m. on Monday all of these games are designed to test how much you care about your job

around the holidays like if you're if you choose to watch Western Kentucky play South Florida two fine teams but not like appointment viewing necessarily in a base stadium at 2.30 in the afternoon

on a Monday, you don't give a fuck about your job. No, but you know what? These teams will reward you for that because last year... They're going to fight. This ended up being the biggest DGAF game of the year. Again, because they don't care about your job either. No, this ended up being... Do it for the vine. It ended up being Memphis

and BYU and the nastiest football I saw all year. Yeah, hell yeah. now the head coaches of BYU and Memphis are the head coaches at Virginia and Virginia Tech. So they can take that thing to the next level.

Can't wait to see that. I mean, it's more of a lateral level, I would say. It is more of a lateral level. But yeah, it'll be... I didn't say the next level. This is the, yeah. It's like a side-to-side platforming game. Oh, okay.

Fine. You know? Yeah, it's the... That was a really good Mario noise, by the way. Thanks. Yeah, yeah, this is the... Willie Taggart Bowl. It's the South Florida versus Western Kentucky.

It's got a storyline to it, Western Kentucky. Might have the country's best mid-major offense. Yeah. USF is another team that look completely dead and hopeless in the middle of the year. And then things started clicking. They got a talented roster. If you go back and look at their recruiting ratings, they got a young, talented team.

And if they can pull off a win over WKU, we're going to have USF hype like a month. after Willie Taggart was basically abandoned at sea like DJ Khalid. Yeah, but he found his way back on that jet ski, man, because he blessed up. He kept smooth, and he got back because life is good. They didn't want Willie Taggart to eat breakfast. Key to success is beating Cincinnati or whoever. Yeah, that in Western Kentucky, a legit fun team to watch.

Like 100% fun across the board, extremely aggressive. and South Florida defensively will occasionally do something to really impress you. So, again, another quality installment of football. A perfectly good game, but if you watch it, you have a problem. You don't give a fuck about your job. Yeah, and all three of us, of course, will be watching this game. Well, yeah, we're here. I mean, the whole reason we do this is because we had another job we didn't give a fuck about.

That's right. We're here because of our vocational infidelity. Yeah, we're here because. Um, actually, no, I don't, hmm, I was, I can't, I can't think of any job that I've ever put to the side so I could watch a game of this magnitude, but, any of them. In spirit, in spirit. I put them all to the side. Yeah. Loved ones, job, whatever. Sure, I'll watch it. Put it on TV. Tuesday. We'll take this to Tuesday, and then we'll just kind of cut this off. All right. Uh, but Tuesday, that would be December 22nd. Oh, yeah, you haven't done any shopping yet. I'm looking at this and I'm like, oh, no, thinking of all the things I haven't done.

And I'm actually fairly ahead of schedule. So I know that people listening to this are going to break out in hives thinking about all the things they haven't done yet. Why did you do that to them? Because I hate them. Amazon Prime got you, bro. Now, Ryan, I bet you're done with your Christmas shopping. How far along are you? Are you done, totally done?

I'm done. I'm done. I'm far, far better along than I was probably any other year ever, and I'm still not even halfway. Like, it's just, I'm not equipped for this. Yeah, you see, I think I'm good, and that's not good. Oh, boy. That's when you're at your most dangerous. Just quietly pass me what you've bought.

DM me, and I will tell you the holes in this coverage. Put it to the nanny test. Oh, boy. You got one of your. boy's a salad shooter, I see. I don't think he's going to like that. He might like that. He might actually.

It's like a junk gun in Fallout. Oh, he hates zucchini. Hates it something fierce. Look, he's found out a way to harm people with it. Okay, cool. That's all you need. It is. It is the junk gun from Fallout.

Damn it, Salishoes is a great idea, Ryan. It's a better idea than anything I actually got him. Put it on the list. Put it on the list. Salad shooter from my boys. See if they can find a way to maim each other. Good deal. It's because I care about their health.

The Idaho Potato Bowl on Tuesday, December 22nd, just three days before Christmas. Formerly the humanitarian bowl, where I have watched some spectacular football games, including a snowbound Woody Danzler playing his last football game for Clemson in this ball game on the blue turf. That would have been the Micron PC bowl at the time? No, no, no. I believe the Micron was the Micron PC Bowl. I think was pre, was that pre-humanitarian bowl? Oh, okay.

I'll have to review the potatoverse lore. Potatapedia.com. Potatapedia. Wicatio, wikipattoe. Wicipatto. You should point out that it's been many forms of humanitarian bowl. My favorite being the crucial.com humanitarian bowl. What the fuck is crucial.

I'm going to go to crucial.com right now and tell you. It's probably available for purchase. I'm going to guess a clothing line. It appears to be solid-state hard drives? Yeah, that would be... I think this is the new name of... I think they evolved from the Micron Corporation to the crucial corporation. My favorite is one.

They were sponsored by Rodees. Oh, yeah, Rodees was a good one. The trucking mecca of the greater Northwest and Midwest. Roadies would do find things like have big trucking. commercials during the Idaho potato bowl, which is fantastic. Roadies. We're the truck stop that's not under federal investigation. Yeah, that'd be the one owned by Tennessee Boosters.

That's really the truck stop that's actually was under investigation by the feds. The Akron versus Utah State, yeah. Yeah. You want to watch Terry Bowden? Like, can you be more specific? What is he doing? He's coaching, Akron. Here's the thing.

At some point, there's going to be a picture of Terry Bowden next to the famous Idaho potato mascot, and it's going to be real hard to tell who's who. If you're in standard death, you're going to have a hard time. Be like, well, I think the famous Idaho potato mascot is the one wearing the Santa hat. I think he's got a scarf. I'm not really sure. I think this bowl game is broadcast in standard deaf, even if you have it in HD. Which one do you shoot?

It just comes in. Shoot them both. They're both delicious. That's how you kill a potato, right? That is. Hey, listen, man, that's meat and taters. You get them both. It's a full meal you got there. So Utah State, I think we know a few things about Utah State.

They've got perpetual quarterback difficulty that they manage to overcome, and they usually have a pretty good defense. Akron, I don't know anything about Akron. I did not see a single second of Akron all year. Do we know anything at all? Nope. Don't know a thing. No better time to find out.

They apparently went seven and five. looks like the best team they beat may have been either Kent State or oh boy this is a bad one maybe eastern Michigan it's not a good

neither of those are good but really the thing that they accomplished was overcoming the biggest demon that we all have to face which is the self that's true best team they beat was Akron yeah

the next bowl game would be the Boca Bowl the Boca Bowl another one of these which is two years deep into its existence it is formally

the Marmot Boca Raton Bowl which I like to point this out too we've had this which was the Cure Bowl sponsored by AutoZone not the most nonsensical thing that we're going to say in terms of combination sponsors no the Boca Bowl is

is the Marmot Boca Raton Bowl. That is a bowl game in F-A-U stadium. And that's Marmot as in the like insulated jackets. Mm-hmm. In Boca Raton.

So this is a bowl game in FAU Stadium in Florida where it will be a sunny 81 at game time. So this is the bowl game for when you have to make wait for a high school

wrestling tournament. Correct. Or when damn it, someone bought you the jacket and it's 58 degrees in that Florida of the day, and you're going to wear it. I'm just going to wear it in the movie. The black trash bag jacket.

I kind of get it. This is the game for people who live up north and spend, spend, you know, winter in Boker its own. The Snowbird Bowl. And like, because, you know, the people from up northeast, they love college football. So that'll be all about this game and notice it's actually happening. Hey, I was in New York and I saw a billboard. Apparently Syracuse is New York's team. It's a rotation

They get them on weekends Not to be rude, but we sluts Oh, you've gone full You've shed your Sunshine State Roots Actually, you've had dual citizenship You were born in Florida Yeah Right, so technically you've had dual citizenship

In New York the whole time Hooray! What's wrong with my life? Lucky you And let us not forget, however that Boca Raton in Spanish means mouth of a mouse. Or a rat. I mean, I think it's mouse. Yeah.

But it's more fun to say rat. You're right. It's more fun to say raton. Welcome to rat's mouth. Yeah. And also, this stadium was once named after a for-profit prison company. Yep, it was. Ratsmouth prisons.

Rat-mouth for-profit prison. I would also give you this. When you search Boca Raton right now on Google News, the first thing that comes up, Ryan, I'm going to, the first thing, I'm going to give you three guesses for elements that are involved in this headline. It's the first news item for Boca Raton. Number one, a crime. Correct. Okay. Number two, a vehicle.

No, no, no. Okay, okay. How about a teacher or a person of official capacity? Yes, yes, correct. state employee. A person of official capacity in that this. A former bookkeeper for an aircraft sales firm is accused by the Broward Sheriff's Office of stealing more than $80,000 from her employer.

Hell yeah. That's dope. Yeah, it's pretty dope, man. And where does she take the checks? Do it? Check cashing store. I mean, that's what they're for. First news item for Boca Raton, the most important.

appropriate thing. By the way, should actually be a pretty decent game. It is Temple versus Toledo. Two very quality teams who, this nearly would have been the replacement coach's bowl, but Toledo's coach has already been hired away. That would be Matt Campbell. He is now at Iowa State. And Temple, Matt Rule, who was in the running for at least two jobs. If this game does not excite you, think of it as the transitive Penn State, Arkansas bowl. And this game actually, this is probably the best in just in terms

of team quality, probably the best mid-major bowl of the year. So somehow Boca Raton bowl lucked into a quality matchup that like nine people will watch but it'll be a very well-played game in front of those nine people. Which one of these early games? I think this is our

concluding thought by the way. Which one of these early games do you look at and say the players will be most incapacitated from hangover? We know the answer, grandly speaking, for the entire season, is the Sun Bowl, a game so infamous for its deep and cruelly textured hangovers that it's very apparent who on the field was completely drunk the night before. I'll say Miami Beach. That time slot plays in its factor. It's in a town with certainly has no.

no lack of nightlife. They don't check IDs either. Yeah, and also earlier today, I heard a radio ad in an entirely different city for a nightclub that will be open until 5 a.m. on Sunday night, and I imagine Miami can top that.

That's good. It's an early bowl. It's in Miami. I'm going to say that that's probably quantifiably the one that I would pick. I will go outside the box and pick the Boise Bowl, mostly for the Akron players, because the Boise Bowl is the one,

especially in the early part of bowl season, that has the potential to just be miserably cold and snowy and icy. And if you're from Ohio, you have a conditioned response to how to deal with that. And that game, even though it's at 3.30 Eastern, Boise is not in the Eastern time zone. That is a 1.30 game on a Tuesday. I think there is a substantial chance that some of 10.000. Terry Bowden's players are going to feel very bad when that game starts. And also the other side being Utah State, all the players who follow church teachings

from the state of Utah, they're in the Vegas Bowl. Utah State, those are the boys who turn up, right? That how it works? I think that's right. I'm sure there are followers of Joseph Smith in there as well, but on the whole, yes, this is probably going to be a more, Chris Cooley went there. It's a more secular kind of play. So I think that has that has some chance to be a little, a little stumbling.

I will Riverside you all and pick this one side specifically. The Crampton Bowl. Oh man, I'm going to the Cure Bowl. Because, yeah, it's at 7 p.m. You're going to have time for things to work out, but it's not 7 p.m. for San Jose State. That's true. That's body clock. Body clock.

Drunk body clocks comes in to play here. Let me hear your body clock. Also, I don't think there's a restaurant. in Orlando that doesn't offer like daqueries and margaritas and nothing else doesn't offer the mommy and daddy special i'm sorry hon we don't have ice water can i interest you in an ice teeny yeah there's all kinds of mommy and daddy i just spent a whole day at disney specials right all over the place and in addition to that in case san jose state won't be completely discombobulated already Georgia State's there.

The victory for Georgia State was getting there. The bar is open. And Georgia State's a bunch of dudes who are from Atlanta and mostly the environs surrounding Atlanta. They will turn up. It could get out of hand.

Yeah, they're going to have friends who bring them booze for that. Oh, yeah. It's not far down. I-75. They'll make that trip. They will pack that trunk. I'm telling you, man. The number of chain restaurants you can drink at in Orlando, you put some Atlanta boys down there. Oh, they're right at home, brother.

Those chains are in trouble. Chain restaurants and alcohol and one poorly rolled joint you hit either before or after the drinking session, there will be some incapacitation. Why is there a margarita machine in this public library? It's Orlando. Orlando. It's under M. This damn dewy decimal system. It's got a Donald.

duck logo on it. I'm sorry, can you find the mitis? That's 712.8. Duh. Here's your putt putter.