Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 3.8

Episode Date: June 24, 2015

This week's edition of the Shutdown Fullcast throws all else to the side to discuss the time Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs allegedly got into a fight with the strength coach at UCLA and threw a kettlebell at him. You need nothing more. Topics: --Where Puff Daddy now stands among Rappers What Do Fightin' --A description of a man that includes "his legs look like Kevin Smith's pants" --Why you don't ever fight the best recruiter on a football staff --Is George O'Leary the worst choice for AD ever? (A: probably not) --Why DMX deserves his own Planet Fitness, and also a hug --Steve Spurrier singing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" at 41:00 --A discussion of how enjoyable it is to see senior citizens knocked out by t-shirt guns in Florida Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to this edition of the Shutdown Fullcast. I am Spencer Hall, and no one cares, because there's only one name we need to worry about this week. Actually, it's like eight names, three names, maybe. Starting with this, Sean Combs. Joining me, Jason Kirk, please explain our college football editor at SB Nation why Sean Combs is the word of the week. Just in case you've, I don't know, been right. rafting on the Irrawaddy through Burma for the last week.

Why should we on a college football podcast discuss a 700-millionaire ex-wrapper fashion Don? The reason that man, Sean P. Diddy, Diddy, Puff, Daddy, Puffy, Puff, Combs is college football news this week, this month, this year, is his son, Justin, known as the namesake of Justin's restaurant, which Big Boy doesn't like. Justin has mentioned about 18 times on Puffy's No Way Out album, and then rarely after that, is an actual football player, plays a little special teams for UCLA. He had a little falling out with his strength coach a couple days ago, which strength coaches are known to push people to the limit. If any of us have ever interacted with a strength coach, you can see how you could find yourself wanting to distance yourself from that situation. Puffy caught wind of that, and then hands were laid, not just hands, in fact, a kettlebell. Puffy at some point brandished a kettlebell, and that led to five criminal charges. charges and here we are i'm going to break this down and go to senior kettlebell correspondent ryan nanny

also joining us from espionation.com first um is this the hardest uh is this the the like hardest hit that that did he has ever thrown down it's the best defense anybody associated with ucla has played in years i would say boom maybe we could also explain what a kettlebell is because I just assume everybody knows but but Ryan oh gosh I have to describe a kettlebell yes a kettlebell is okay so basically you would call it's a weight that has a big loop on the top of it similar to what you would see on tea kettle and rather than a a dumbbell or a barbell or something the the bulk of the weight is underneath that handle in a large sort of like almost like a gumdrop shape and it's usually covered in some sort of rubber

but I think it's steel or iron underneath it's like a it's like a cannonball like suitcase right that's a very good explanation cannonball that's my favorite emo band by the way it's also my favorite bert Reynolds short film canad ball with a suitcase um yeah that's that that's what a kettle bill is and this is what uh what mr combs aka pita aka a pup daddy This is what he allegedly swung at, I believe, a strength coach intern, right? Someone on the training staff who was an intern. But here's the thing. Everybody knows that Diddy only makes hits when he borrows old material.

So was he like singing I'm Every Woman while he swung this? Like, was, did he, was you coming some Stevie Wonder bars? It was slower. Well, back down. Isn't she lovely? Yeah. It was like Switch. They'll never be another lover, but, you know, sped out like two beats.

Well, you got to think about this. We're talking about a West Coast program, so that might be a recycled kettlebell anyway. Wow. So it could have played right into his hands. The Strength Coach in question, by the way, is also part of the cast. It's Sal Alosi, who you may remember Sal Alosi last scene, tripping someone on the sidelines in an NFL game. The thing is, the other person wasn't. on the sidelines. Sal Alose was on the sidelines. The other player in the field of play,

which is illegal, and that's what gets you fired from the Jets. And that's why you're working at UCLA and not in a cushy NFL job, where you actually don't have to do your work as a strength coach, because nobody's listening to you anyway. That's the guy that Sean Combs allegedly swung a kettle belt at. There are so many angles to this story that I want to cover. The most obvious one, to me at least, being this, that I really had to move, like, Diddy up in the rankings of rappers who would actually start a fight. I've kind of forgotten on it and kind of slept on it, but he's now, like, a solid top 15er, top 20, top 15er, just in terms of combativeness.

Now, I don't want you to list like the whole 10, but who are we putting in that pantheon of, like, rappers who you actually don't want stepping up and might actually be able to go toe to toe to with the strength coach. So are we talking rappers who we think are willing to take it to that level or that we

would just be afraid to fight? Because there are some big dudes that I think are not necessarily ready to pop off necessarily. I want the full package. Well, if we're talking about willingness to fight, I mean, our boy, T.I.

Yeah. Got into it of Floyd Mayweather and survived. Yeah, by the way, doing it with a degree of difficulty in style that I think would be hard to equal. This is T.I. T.I. tried to get into a fight with Floyd Mayweather at the Fat Burger in Las Vegas. That's pretty good. So there's your list. No, no, I got to know the game.

The game is up there. The game's like 6'4. Right. He's pretty big. And if you search the game, fight, which you think that's a pretty vague search term, right? Nope. Search it on YouTube. The game's on there starting, like, one brawl, a couple of fracases, and winning a couple of one-on-one battles with dudes.

Well, like, one is like over a pickup basketball game. Yeah, and there's one video where, like, he's got the dude on the ground, and he's not done fighting. Like, he's stomping like he's stone cold. Yeah, he's waiting for, like, Herb Dean to come in in the black t-shirt, right? and wave him off and stop the fight. That probably is a game when he's fighting. Like, he's still name-dropping. Like, I just stomped you like Dr. Dre.

I just stopped you like 50 cents. I just stomped you like M&M. I know lots of famous people. Here, I'm going to punch you again. I just stumped you like Steven Spielberg. Also, I mean, I think he could probably be good for a minute because it's conditioning suspect now. But one of the all-time alleged great brawlers in rap history,

Ghostface Killer. I don't want Ghostface with my. office I don't because if he he's got like 30 seconds and that might be all he needs I think I think Rayquan is probably the one I'm more terrified if we're talking Wu-Tang well per Wu-Tang it was ghost face and method man those are the two dudes in the club that nobody wanted a part of I believe the legend about ghost involves him beating up Mace was he brings us back to Puffy yes exactly just just in case you wonder where where Puffy properly belongs in his pantheon his second because

remember if this were a duel right i guess mace would be the one holding the box of pistols right this is my second well mace is versatile here he can either he can either back you up in the fight or he can bless you before you go in correct mace also was hit so hard by ghost face that he had to have his jaw wired shut that's not good yeah but it's good for ghost face if we're talking about fighting in a formidable fashion also well the thing about mace is you can get your jaw wired shut and he can still rap exactly the same. Yeah. Yeah.

Mace hears just eating liquid dinner. That's all I heard, by the way, the whole time in this story was, you know, as he's getting into the argument, like Sean getting really vocal and getting up in Salafosi's face

and then still interspersing things with how could you bench my son? Yeah. I don't get it. Come on now. Let's go. You know who I'm also not going to just not going to fuck with it all? That would be 50 cent.

I mean, I know 50 cent is, for many reasons, I think we're collectively not that interested in him. But I think he understands that his reputation is such that he cannot walk away from something and not hear about it at some point, right? He's physically fit. He's physically fit, and he let us know that all along. as all of us combined. Yep. He's been shot in the head. Right.

Yeah, he put out, his very first splash was he put out a song rapping about robbing every rapper by name. Yep. Which led to, you know, all of these other rappers making threats at him and none of them amounting to much. So basically fearless, impervious to pain, to bullets to the face. Yeah, yeah. Fiddy's old, and he hasn't made a good song in a long time, but I'm not going to tell him that. Yeah. Additionally, I think he's one of the guys who, with the trappings of wealth, bought a really nice gym. I know some people get foie gras soft with a little bit of money. No, he has a personal chef to prevent that, I bet.

Oh, and I'm sure there's like, if he's got money, he's done that thing where he's like, this week I'm taking crafaga. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he probably did that for him. movie he's probably one it was like you know you know the secret one in this list like the last one you'd ever think will smith will smith had to take like legit boxing classes for ali like will smith has said like i just can't punch people anymore i'll actually hurt him like he's actually learned actual shit yeah i'm and i'm pretty sure that's the kind of thing that he would

really glory in doing and displaying publicly after you know years of being labeled the soft he'd like to flex once right yeah he'll punch the the the the the the phaeton's right out of you man that said that said i would love to see will smith fight action bronson i was going to say i'm i'm consulting for this i did actually do a little bit of homework that doesn't sound hard uh shay serrano has a chart uh from 2014 on grantlin which is the chart which is if i fought this rapper would i win okay okay i guess this is assuming average fighting capability. And I will just go, it's a spectrum from not very to vary, and I will, the first wrapper I list, I'm not going to go through all of them, but the first wrapper I list will be the soft one that you could probably beat, and then over on the spectrum, the one that I will mention second, is the one that you would not want to fight with a sledgehammer with them wearing a blindfold, right? And some of these are like, really, this is pretty, like, I have no dispute

with anything on this list. On the not very side, Jay Cole. He's a bigger guy. It's a bigger guy, but... He's not, he's not, like, you're not like 50 cent big, but he's bigger than me.

On the very side? He's a gentle guy in all, but... Yeah, that's it. He might be like, he might be like one of those super gentle prehistoric sloths that just were like, you know... I don't know. I don't like his music all that much,

but... According to Complex, one of his original rap names was The Therapist. So, yeah, I'm not real worried. You know, you know why they call him the therapist? Because he was going to put you to sleep on the couch. And then he's a good listener. Mm-hmm. You can listen to you snore, motherfucker.

And then on the very tough side, T.I. Okay? So I agree. I agree with that. Now, a little higher, okay, on both, okay? So a little tougher, but still not tough. Little Wayne, he's just so small. You could just sit on him.

yeah and then on on the super tough side little boozy sure sure yeah yeah the uh yeah the free boozy movement um you go back and look and uh he's done some stuff man yeah no like like this wasn't like some of the stuff he's been in jail for is like ah whatever but he's done some stuff you should be in jail for yeah he did he did five years in Louisiana yeah in angola Remember, he recorded with Silk the Shocker in Angola. If those are my options, I'm fighting Weezy. Oh, yeah. No, dude, if those are my options, I'm fighting two Weisies.

You can clone them. Could you beat one Boosey-sized Weezy or 10 Weecy-sized Boosies? This is our new internet question. It's so much better. I feel like this is like James Winston's like senior thesis. Weezy's basically just fighting a minion who's learned how to rap. is a reminder to go see minions sponsor of the shutdown 4 now i'll tell you what though weezy's back man i know we're not getting into actual rap here but man after a decade of being

trash man we we we he's bringing it again oh so he's back on drank okay good for you little way allegedly allegedly um there were some very there there another uh series of really interesting ones uh one on the spectrum future on the soft side which I'm not real sure about. No. No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

When was this list? 2014. Okay, so this was probably when, like, Lover Man Future Song was out? Yeah, like, maybe he's a little soft at the point. All right, let me ask you this. I'm saying there's fluctuations there. Okay, but the comparison with Future, by the way,

is DMX, about 400 feet off the chart. See, DMX is not even fair. DMX is, it's not relevant. because it's not a fight so much as it would be just in no rules, death match extended. Like, DMX might give up halfway through, but then decide to steal your identity, and so he can use it to buy illegal Russian weapons. To me, the fight was over, but not to DMX. Like putting any rapper against DMX in a physical fight of any sort is like the,

what, Batman versus Superman thing, and it's like, oh, cool. well, you know, like Kanye West could invent a robot and teach it to fight and make it fashionable and what, and oh, okay, well, DMX would eat it. Yeah, it wouldn't matter. DMX is one of those dudes who, when I was a kid, we had a book called Max, the dog that refused to die. And it was this story of like a Doberman Pincher who fell off a cliff and the family thought it was dead. And then like the other 70 pages of this weekly reader book were nothing but Max. like, I don't know, fighting biker gangs. God damn, this is Tennessee as hell.

I know it is. Like fighting biker gangs and overcoming anthrax and like, you know, fighting his way through, you know, the 36 chambers of death. Like this was Max the dog that refused to die. Was it really inspirational story? And every time I hear DMX's day,

I'm like, that's him. It doesn't matter. He's like R. Rasputin. We can just put DMX through anything and he will come out the other side with someone else's like scalping. his mouth crowling. If you punched DMX in the chest, you might find out that his torso is composed of

sunlight. I think more like dark matter. Okay, sure. I mean, I think that seems like to fit with his iconography and all that. Right. It's dark and hell is hot, you know? I think you'd punch him and like sand would come out of his ears and it wouldn't matter, right?

He'd be like that. Oh my God. Yeah. Boom! I swear that was a can of us video. nobody's ever seen a cannabis video let me ask Spencer let me ask you where on this list

is Buster Rhymes Buster Rhymes is on the tough side and he's paired up with Kanye and I think that's fair because Kanye is like not not quite tough which I think is right properly rated and then Busta Busta's like mid-range toughness

which I think is true because he's going to get winded the game is real high like the game's real high on this list for some reason he has Drake real high and that may just be contrarianism which i respect but i'll pardon too uh drake's also got a hell of a chip on his shoulder he does and you know he's canadian they they like to fight way more than you think he's also it's like a shirtletary kind of fighting let me put it this way there is a whole Wikipedia page called list of Drake feuds i mean he with whom with whom were these were these we got push a tea

Common, Chris Brown, Ludacris. What is Drake doing having a feud with push of tea? It's right here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was he thinking? It was not, it did not come to blows.

The evidence for that is Drake is still with us. I can do that too, Drake. Watch, I got a beef with a tiger. Screw you, Tiger. I also like having a beef with like 50-year-old common. Yeah, that's...

Like not the common that got into it with Ice Cube. That's more like... She's got common pretty high, man. I mean, it's not like the game. I mean, Comin's in shape. He's big, right? He's from Chicago. I mean, I assume

Comin's probably one of those dudes who's you know, like probably a little, he's in Hollywood shape, too. I got to go back to Busta versus Kanye. Is this before Bustra got fat? Before Busted got fat. Just say it, before Busta got fat. He went before he

before he became robust. On the spectrum. Robustor rhymes. We had skinny buster, then steroid buster, then Robusta. Was this before minivan commercial Robusta? And was this before Kanye started beating up paparazzi? Well, come on. Oh, come on. Right now, I think I'd take Kanye.

No. I haven't seen how Busta looks today. He might be back in shape, but without looking, I'm going to take Kanye. Yeah, but that kind of seesong on the weight, that's got to be hell on Buster Rhymes' heart. Yeah, yeah, give 80 years and Kanye'll come out ahead here. Yeah, well, I mean, come on. This is a matter of can't busta get one shot, right? Oh, yeah, he is very much late in his career heavyweight prize fighter.

Exactly. We want some tomato cans before the big yay fight. We want the big payout and then he retires. If they bring me out for round five, I'm taking a dive. Exactly. Because this shit ain't worth it. I'm two rounds away from going to the WWE. That's another factor here. Who wants it more?

Kanye would probably rather saw his arm off than lose a fight on TV whereas Busta's like how much how much you're paying? Buzz is like, wait, are we doing another Halloween movie? Can I get in on that? H3O. It'll be great.

So there's a couple of really other interesting ones on here. My favorite being this, that Action Bronson and Tyler the creator are paired with Tyler of the creator being way, way over on the soft side, actually Bronson being over on the hard side, which I believe,

because of all of the rappers we've considered in here, there's two that I think would be the hardest to knock out. Like in terms of blunt force I have to apply to their head. Right. You can win on points, but not, you're not going to knock out. It's a big tree, and I don't know if I got enough axe to bring it down, right? Yeah.

And the dudes who would be hardest to knock out, like the game, the game I just don't see being able to knock out. I don't know if that's how his physiology works. The dude got a butterfly tattoo on his face, and he's still really scary. Yeah, he's absolutely terrifying. Game got dumped on a dating show, and he's still terrifying. There's nothing you can do to bring down the game.

Action Bronson is the other one, because he's one of those big fat dudes who has a real low center of gravity, who I'm just kind of have a hard time getting at. And even if I lay a fist on his skull, the chance is that that massive, object would be impacted by the tiny asteroid of my fist flying in. It's minimal, man. It's like a golf ball hit in the moon. I don't know if it would do anything. Yeah, if this is a last man standing match, he's going to be standing.

No, no, no. If you're fighting Bronson, it needs to be like Battle of Hoff style. You just need to wrap the legs up and bring it down that way. See, that's the thing. I think his legs and his feet are so wide and so short. I understand. Man, his legs look like Kevin Smith's pants. oh my god just he's got natural like junkos are actually made for him like he fills out junkos you're

like wow this is comfortable yeah this is actually these are fitted these are form fitting thank you the other side of that battle i pictured highly creator fighting like that dude in soul caliber who lives in the in the dungeon and wears like the gold leotard with the claws and the mask you know what I'm talking about the dude who's like spinning around and like stop what are you doing stop you just want to beat it up so you can don't have to look at it anymore yeah like he's just like he's trying to like like lick your ear in a fight yeah or like stopping midway through to be like like with tears in his eyes like tries to put boogers in your eyes we don't have to do this we don't have to do this we do like punch you right in the groin yeah but kind of

ineffective bite in your ankle i see i see a lot of flailing here Do you think anybody's still listening to this podcast? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're definitely listening. Okay. This is gripping. We'll probably actually get more listeners out of 20 minutes talking about whether rappers can fight or not. This is also, by the way, going against the strength coach, like the dumbest possible call. Yes.

The dumbest. Like, there is no, like, in order of people you want to fight on a football team, in order, okay, on the coaching staff. That's number one. number two like i don't know might be special teams coach right because they like to head butt stuff yeah might be offensive line coach or defensive line coach maybe defensive line i feel like they're less likely to have a back injury right that's true defensive line coaches i always associate with like because they work with such large angry things that they're the ones i associate closest with like like cowboys right like just grab a large animal by the face and be like go over here

I feel like defensive line coaches are often a lot younger because offensive line is so much more about technique. Obviously, defensive line involves a lot of technique and skill also, but offensive line is so much more complicated that I feel like defensive line coaches are able to advance at younger age. So defensive line, you're getting a big dude who's also not that old. Yeah, that's fair. On the easier side, I'll throw a quarterback coach in there. Yeah, I think we're agreeing that the quarterback coach is just going to lay there. Skinny, overconfident. Certain wide receivers coaches probably in there as well.

You know, they'll be speedy and they'll be willing to throw hands, but that doesn't mean they're going to necessarily land a knockout. You're going to have a lot of reach and they're going to have a whole lot of attitude. They are. I will say this about wide receivers who can fight, they can really fight. Well, yeah. Like Steve Smith? Oh, Jesus.

Steve Smith once described in a fight as hitting a man like he had a bulldozer in his hand. That was the actual description from somebody who watched Steve Smith beat someone's ass in a fill meeting. Steve Smith will step on a step ladder to punch you in the face. And for some people he might have to, but he'll do it. He's willing. He's willing. He'll climb that mountain. He'll buy the step ladder. Here's the receipt. He'll say, wait right here. I'm going to expense this. I'm going to get a rope and an ice axe and some crampons. I consider beating your ass a second job. this is deductible.

I'm going to scale you so I can punch you in the face. And I'm going to take a picture. Yeah, Steve Smith's a little Mac. He's tiny, but he'll bring down Tyson if he hits the right buttons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The other position that I totally would not want to mess with in terms of this is your recruiter, because he's the one who spends the most time at bars. So that's floating, but pretty much your recruiter is the dude who you don't want to mess with

because he has that kind of effervescent charm that you can really only have if you have a touch of psychopathy, right? Like, you have to have a touch of insanity to be a really good recruiter, which is why, like, Ed Orgeron and, like, Tosh Lopoy, these, like, big old defensive line coaches are such good recruiters because they're big, intimidating man bears that you don't want to say no to, because they might beat you up. Also, they're usually the youngest guy on staff, too. Yeah, usually the youngest guy on staff.

Like, Damien Craig? Ooh. Yeah, Damien Craig's a quarterback, but, man, I would not mess with him in a fight because he's the recruiter. The wild card for me here Special teams coach Because most of the time The special teams coach are just like

Yeah you know Not a big deal But I'd say maybe one out of four You're like oh shit They put this guy on special teams Because he got a little too hype To do anything else You might have just like

He's the extra coach He's the coach who's there Go look at the kickers Or he might be some like Steve Tasker special special forces renegade Lock everything. Who's just a maniac. Exactly.

The Ron Zook model. Remember Ron Zook before he was defensive coordinator of the Saints was special teams coach. He was demoted to the special teams coach after being defensive coordinator at Florida and did really great work as a special teams coach and also liked to headbutt people without a helmet. He was one of those guys.

That's fun. But 99 out of 100 strength coaches are the dude that you just, you can even give him the first punch and it won't matter. that that might be that might be the worst idea yeah no I'll give him the first punch that way the fight's over yeah just let them start it and finish it and that's it exactly I just I surrender I wish that was you know like that probably should be an option I concede you hand him your kettlebell here you are I just grabbed the nearest white object and wave it in the air I cleaned it for you there you go um so this was this was this was basically the most um

this now seems like old hat but it was the most improbable story I can possibly think of in this off season which has been relatively quiet I'm excited let's not lose sight of how how precious this story was I'm excited because I sort of assumed that Diddy was just going to

like lay low and plea this down you know take a misdemeanor in some community service whatever but his lawyer's out there being like this is totally wrong. Mr. Combs was on the defensive. I'm excited to find out if UCLA, I don't think so. But if they did pull some shenanigans and somebody on that staff took a swing at ditty, I'm excited to find that out too. I'd like to put this in perspective. You have a 700 millionaire. Yeah. He's worth more than the

entire UCLA football program. Oh, easily. Maybe UCLA athletics as a whole, okay? And their loyalties and budgeting are divided. His is not. This is a fight that, like, he could win with one arm tied behind his back. UCLA, the entire university's endowment is $3 billion. Puffy has a third of that.

And Puffy never had an Adidas deal that I remember. Correct. He never wore Adidas. And as ridiculous as you may find the shiny, puffy pants. I do. From all those Hype Williams videos, they're still not as bad as some of it uses uniforms. Absolutely. Harsh, but fair.

Gentlemen, do you have questions this week? We have so many good questions on this that we can turn over to the readers. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Who's starting? I don't know. What's going on? You want me to go first?

You know what? We can let you go first. Okay. You go right ahead. All right. This question comes from JJ Keene 2 at JJ Keen 2 on Twitter. Is George O'Leary the worst choice for athletic director ever? All right.

Well, let's consider. Under his coaching watch, he has seen a wrongful death lawsuit. They've seen a major infractions from the NCAA case. He obviously has the whole line. his resume thing. But on the plus side, I don't think he's ever been involved in a federal money laundering suit. So that's a plus. I am not aware of any rumors that he ever tried to import illegal animals to the United States,

although it is Florida, so I can't rule it out. he's not the worst choice for athletic director ever but he's top five can i ask you some questions about him yes go ahead i will i'll play georgia leary's lawyer the worst job in the world wow wow well you're already you've already appointed me this it's too late you know what i've said the words georgioleary's lawyer and in great neon letters in my head the phrase that appeared was racetrack fraud I don't Like I just saw it

It's like Plead down to race track fraud Yeah Yeah hey listen George You got some problems here I got I got something in Arkansas That came up

It's a little tricky You know So I'm gonna My client My client believe this neighborhood Was zoned for a racetrack If that is a crime Let him be guilty

All right Ask me questions About George O'Leary Did he attempt to pay his graduate interns half of what Kansas paid them? I would say no. No. Did he cut a charter flight for the baseball team and instead made them take seven-hour bus trips

out into the middle of nowhere in West Texas? No, because UCF doesn't have a baseball team. They have a medieval night's practice squad. Okay. But he still didn't do that. He did not do that. No. No. Okay. Cool. Cool. Now, did he restrict his coaches from going into the athletic dining hall whenever they wanted?

Look at the man. Of course he didn't. Okay. Okay. He didn't do that. Did he cut the band's budget in half? No. I mean, he did demand that they play much more John Phillips Sousa. But if there's nothing wrong with that. Is he actively trying to book games in Dubai, Shanghai, and Sydney? Um, actively is such a tricky word. I mean, yeah, he may have responded to a Craigslist at or two, but that's just out of curiosity late at night when you think nobody's watching. But really, your family's still up wondering why you don't come to bed ever. Did he already alienate donors? Yes. Like donors of the million dollar variety?

Oh, UCF, no. No. Donors, yes. Million dollar donors, no. okay okay so so that means that uh oh this reveals gonna be good it's good good so you're saying that he hasn't done any of the things steve patterson has already allegedly done at texas no hook um hook um so wait wait wait wait if i can follow your logic here oh wait wait wait no i've got one more has george o'leary tried to get orlando to pay for a facility on the taxpayers dime i mean nobody pays taxes in florida Exactly. So no. That's another thing, because Steve Patterson is trying to get Austin to show out for a facility.

Yeah, I mean, all Florida's tax dollars are going to that Marlins Stadium anyway. Entire budget is just a check. It's like schools, $75. Marlins, $8 billion. So what you're telling, you can learn a lot from that statute, by the way. It's an accurate rendition of European history, as told by dolphins. What you're telling me is that the best movement, Texas can do right now is wait

out the year while George O'Leary does his interim AD thing fire Patterson and then bring George O'Leary over as full-time Texas athletic director You read my mind period I'm sorry Andy Wall if you're listening to this I hope you're not why I wish you listened to this

I don't know why anyone does Oh does he have a $15 million hole in his budget that he can't quite explain Probably not Probably not I have a couple questions about George O'Leary great um was he ever arrested alongside jalo in 1999 at a nightclub for weapons charges um for which his associate took the fall and spent 10 years in jail thereby ruining his own musical career yes no that was it was 1997 oh that's that's when it happened to join in it was with fergie wow fergie was like he's got an eye for talent she was like 38 at the time no no no no yeah A fresh-faced Fergie.

George O'Leary going for an older lady. Can you imagine that? That's not possible. That's a joke. There are no women older than Georgia Leary. Well, hello, Gaia. The idea of Georgia Leary ever being 48 is funny to me. He's like, yeah, he was born at, like, that probably is on his resume.

I was born at 75. I was born at 75. I was born in 4,200 weeks. Collected Social Security checks in second grade. Eat it, suckers. You're getting free lunch. So is George. Oh, that's way too much George O'Leary tuck.

Jason Kirk, do you have a reader question? From Ben Price, Benjamin underscore James, for what is the most embarrassing piece of gym equipment to be assaulted by? not a kettlebell for one no that's a scary that's a good pick it's a great pick in a fight it might be the best like not only can you actually hoist it

if you get hit with it it's like such centralized damage like if you get hit with a if you get hit with a dumbbell you know you're only catching a corner of it you're not catching the full brunt of the entire object whereas a kettlebell all of its mass is in one place I would just somebody suggested this on Twitter the other day I would just

start throwing barbell collars like ninja stars that's a good one just start winging them somebody else mentioned using barbells like brass knuckles they're like yeah just pick up a pair of 15s or 20s and i was like i think you're seriously overestimated your own strength yeah do you know how long it would take you to throw a punch with what if you get you get you get the like lady rebach three pounds try it with that that's a good idea yeah that's basically that's like the roll of quarters move you're still going to break the fuck out of your hand, but it's going to hurt the other guy, too. I was thinking

if the tricep pull-down rope, you could get going like a nun check, right? Mm-hmm. That's a good one. The most humiliating one would be... I'd beat the shit out of Spencer with a jump rope. He'd hate that. Oh, he'd hate it. It wouldn't hurt.

I would just hate being associated with a jump rope, which is the stupidest piece of exercise equipment ever. I just, Indiana Jones your ass all the way out of the crunch. I think somehow beating somebody up with a pommel horse would be pretty embarrassing. That's good.

Yeah, but you've got to be able to pick up the pommel horse. That's what's so embarrassing about it. You were just laying there. I just pushed it over on him. I think the most embarrassing one would be balanced balls. Like the Bosu ball. Just somebody throwing like an endless stream of Bosu balls at you until you died would be horrible. The big old bong balls.

Especially the one at the hotel that's like only two thirds inflated. Yeah, the giant prune. Yeah, yeah. That'd be way worse. I think we've agreed that Puffy made a good decision. If I did have to pick something else out of the gym, just to grab, you know those, like, weighted stretch sticks? They're like three feet tall and they're like, you know, anywhere between five and 30 pounds. You can put a decent weapon on someone's ass with one of those.

Okay, I'll buy it for a dollar. or what about those like really tense uh uh bands that you you know you take on the road you can't take resistance bands it's a hard i mean the problem is the hard thing to like kick someone's ass with it's a one percent shot if i manage to actually spring it across the gym and into your eye you're blinded but like that's i got like a one percent shot yeah it's a real last ditch effort and and there's an equal chance that you accidentally send it backwards into your own eye Yeah, it's a, yeah, yeah, which shows him you're crazy. All right.

You win on that point. I'm taking my own vision out of play here. That's right. This is assuming the fight's not at a planet fitness, and we don't have the lunk alert going off every time we throw a weight. No, DMX. He's loose. The DMX alert. Every planet fitness has a DMX alert.

Every American business has a DMX alert. Oh my God, I would love if we gave DMX. DMX, a planet fitness to run. Just in like Cocoa Beach or something. Yeah, go. Be passive. Be quiet. Don't make noise.

Why are all these benches covered in blood? Shut up! Hell is hot. And the gym is open. And the gym is too. Let us pray. The compressor is broken. It will be fixed.

Like of all the rappers I'd want to meet and tell them how much I just loved him and give him a hug. It would be DMX is like number one. I just want to be like, oh, man, you're so intense. You just need a hug, man. I think he'd appreciate that. I think he would, too. I think he would actually appreciate.

I bet when people come up and hug him, I bet he really likes it. I'll make a vow. If I ever meet DMX, the first thing I'm going to do is give him, like, the longest, most compassionate man hug ever. Christ, I already, all right, I'm going to start working on what I'm going to tell your family. Yeah. Yeah. We told him not to, but it was important to him. says he wanted us to let

you know that he loved you very much and DMX will will be taken back to the jungle. How do you plead? My question tonight is this. It's from Dan underscore

Shepherd and it's this. Brian Kelly quote sang unquote read. parentheses read like a stage direction this is a tweet with stage direction dan shepherd kind of impressed he's saying take me out to the ball game at the cubs game last night can you make celebrity hot tub sing it as spurier i want you to understand that damn it i can't

make celebrity hot tub do anything that is so untrue now you don't know your own power spencer i can tell i can tell i can tell ryan annie to i don't know go to St. Petersburg, Florida for two weeks in the hot, like, the heat of summer. Which is something I am actually doing to him. But I can't tell Celebrity Hot Tub to do anything. But I can, I can sing it myself, Asperger. So let's go ahead and hear what that might sound like. y'all hear me okay take me out to the ball game take me out to the crowd buy me some peanuts and cracker jack that cart girl well she she promised she'd be right back

and it's 100 yards to the stick son and you know That pitching wedge ain't the club. Here's my beer. Cheer. Watch me three put, damn it. Get the cart. Bad boy. All we do is make hits.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I like how Jason's outside tonight. With DMX, apparently. Well, yeah. X heard that singing. He appreciated it. How many takes did that take you?

First take. First take. I'm like Batman in the Lego movie. First, first time. That's, yeah. I mean, studio time is precious at Hall Manor, so. I drop like 20 tracks in a night, man. I don't slow down.

Yeah. Oh, damn. Yeah. Can we get you it's dark and hall is hot tattoo? No. I still need to get that damn Michigan tattoo. Yeah, when are you going to get your Michigan tattoo? Yeah.

I should probably get it in Burma, shouldn't it? Oh, man, killed by a Michigan tattoo. That'll be great. He got Hep C through a tat. And Jim Harbaugh respected him all the more for it. God damn it, that man was a fine man right there. It's a good man. The Michigan's literally in his blood.

It's killing him. It's pure Michigan. It's in the bloodstream and no antibiotic will kill it. You'll never piss it out. Do you have another question you want to answer? Oh, okay. Jason or Ryan, either one. It's going to be rough.

This is from our friend, our good friend, Josh, Joshua B. Black on Twitter. Could you all deliver a eulogy for Jackson DeVille? Yeah, let's close on this, because this is actually kind of a serious thing, as serious as a mascot can get, which is this, that the Jacksonville Jaguars came into this universe as an improbable moonshot of a, franchise, put not far from, like, my very own team, the Florida Gator. So, hence, it's the NFL, which I understand is, to me, like paying for sex. It just doesn't feel right. It never will. It's just, it's just not my thing.

Unless you're in Green Bay. Unless you're in Green Bay. It's just a cold and human variation of the thing I want. But I will say this. Jackson DeVille's done the following in the course of his work as the, mascot for I believe 19 years correct yeah that's right 19 years this dude has done the job for 19 years and he has done the following for in probably like what is honestly the most thankless job you are the mascot for the jaguars a team that peaked in its first two years of existence

it's been out been all downhill ever since and here's here's what he has done uh endangered his life by jumping off of light towers on a bungee cord in a mascot suit, all right, a long way, like from those light towers at the top of the stadium in Jacksonville, and he has jumped down and mastered, probably, like, he's probably the only person who's done this in a plush outfit, right? Like, he's probably the world's leading expert on this. We're talking about Florida. Yeah, I'll say he's the only person who's done that in the Continental 48. Can you say this?

He's the only person who did this for the goddamn Jacksonville Jaguar. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I'm still talking about Florida, though. Right. He has traveled internationally to streak. He has been hit by a paintball gun. He has put on a speedo to dive into, God knows whatever is in that water in the pool overlooking the field from the end zone in the Jag Stadium.

he has done wheelies at tailgates he has been on fire like Jackson DeVille famously caught on fire in service of his team often in front of hundreds of people at a Jacksonville Jaguars game he's also gone to Twitter war successfully

with Mike Florio destroyed Mike Floreo on Twitter Mike Floreo a shitty mascot got destroyed by Jackson DeVille a glorious mascot. Exactly. A guy who did this for, I think, a pretty good amount of money,

if you counted it as a profession. Sure. Yeah. Last I checked, and I haven't looked in a while, he was listed on Virginia Tech's Wikipedia page, just like a notable alum. Correct.

So he understands the Pyrrhic victory as the pinnacle of your fan existence, right? He understands, I won't win at all. but I'll keep someone else from winning at all. Worth it. My one question is is this like an actual person? Is it not a person in a mascot suit?

Why do they have to retire him? Why can't they just put someone else in the suit? Well, because Curtis, and that is his name, he is not the kind of guy. I don't think you replicate what Jackson DeVille did, which was being set on fire, jumping off of light towers, showing up at tailgates to ride motorcycles

in a mascot uniform. That's just, that's not, you know, beating up. He was enormously creative. And all in service of like a franchise that... In many years did not deserve that creativity. Dude, it has never deserved. Like, mostly it's never deserved the kind of creativity that this person poured into the job.

Hmm. See, I feel like surely you can find some wacko in Florida who can do all of these things. um maybe is it like a legal thing like god we're we're insured the insurance for this guy is through the roof here's the thing jackson deville road found the exact balancing place between crazy floridian and arrested mascot like he never crossed that line into actually dangerous to others and that was the trick that he managed to pull off so i will say this, Curtis joins, I think, the pantheon of truly great, inspirational, devoted, and

love, like, worthy of your love, mascots, worthy of your love and devotion. Even though he's an NFL mascot, I think he transcends the crude barriers between the amateur and pro ranks. He joins for me the Hurricanes mascot, the guy who, uh, in the course of being Sebastian during Miami's heyday was arrested and was also shot on Bourbon Street one of our truly great

collegiate mascots he joins him was once photographed with a rifle fire call yes he joins the guy who played the Oregon Duck who showed up drinking beer in the Oregon duck mascot suit back in 2005

Shalom he joins Tree anyone who's ever played Tree because all of them have been arrested at one point in the course of their service to Stanford University. There's no reason why Trace shouldn't have been the warden during the Stanford Prison Experiment.

He might have been. We don't know that. Fair. Also, we can't overlook the Cincinnati's mascot who was arrested during a snowball fight during a game. Correct. And cuffed by... There's video of him being cuffed by the cops.

Which will serve as the header image for this post. I guarantee you that is what we are going to use. Can you just put Puffy's head on the Bearcat mascot? That would summed things up. Been around the world and I I'm a bent to wrong.

Yeah, we can do that. There. And in addition to that, joins such illustrious mascots as Bevo. Just poops wherever he wants. And that's always been a great source of admiration for me.

Yeah, and then that poop is sold for $8.99. No, Steve Patterson's got it up to $2.99. Spencer, you can definitely sell your poop on eBay. Dream big. I could, but Steve Patterson could sell it for more at Texas. And also, I have a great admiration for Ralphie for getting loose and facing down Nebraska in a way that was far more intimidating than the Colorado Buffalo's ever managed. Still not the best, though, because remember in 1995, the Miami-Hearming. mascot Bernie

Bernie B-U-R-N-I-E Like fire pulls a female fan onto the court by her legs during an exhibition game in Puerto Rico The fan turns out to be the wife of a local judge Bernie is convicted of aggravated

assault And Bernie, not the man in the Bernie suit Bernie, Bernie is still in the Puerto Rico jail This is so far off But now I found an old, it looks like 1990, no, I'm sorry, 2004 report from USA Today, Chicago Bull's secondary mascot, Do Bull, arrested for allegedly selling marijuana from his car. Last line of the item, he was not dressed as a bull at the time of his arrest. Oh my God.

Florida is so much, like Florida still wins though, because. Because Florida's Billy the Marlin accidentally knocks an elderly man unconscious with a CO2 propelled T-shirt. Bap, pop, pop! Anyone here from Puerto Rico? Oh, my God. The best part is that if you live in Florida and you see an old guy get knocked unconscious with the CO2 propelled T-shirt. Oh, you just laugh. Oh, you think it's the greatest thing in the world.

you're like yeah eat it and you know what so does he deep down inside deep down inside he knows that as a Floridian he deserves to get shot with a t-shirt that's right i contribute nothing to society down here i deserve this kill me with cotton