Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 3.9

Episode Date: July 1, 2015

Things are totally normal on this week's Shutdown Fullcast as the usual cast of Steven Godfrey, Jason Kirk, and Ryan Nanni, discussing: -- The Big 12's imminent expansion -- The Big 12's imminent collapse -- Living in Orlando: you can do that, apparently? -- How nuclear winter leads to a reborn, hard-as-hell Big 8 -- How that same nuclear winter plays right into Bill Snyder's hands -- Paul Johnson's Intervention/Recruiting -- Godfrey's retirement business plan, Chick-fil-Agnostic -- Canadian legal precedent. Shit, we've completely lost the damn plot. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to Shutdown Fullback. I'm Stephen Godfrey, senior reporter at SB Nation. Do the college football alongside my college football editor, Jason Kurt. How you doing, Jason? Well, it's had info. As well as our, I don't know, I guess, I don't know what his title is, Jack of All Trades, humorists. I like to think of, he's like our Dave Barry. Cousin Oliver, that's what I am. I like it. Okay. All right, guys. What are we doing here? well we're talking about college football in June it'll be July when the folks get a chance to listen to this

I don't know why they would but they'll get a chance to do so and that's what we always do in the show is talking July right right but since it's July that means the only thing going on in college football right now is bullshit and about which team should play in which conferences a few years in the future and as It's been for the past six years now. The Big 12 is the topic of debate. The Big 12 simultaneously, definitely going to expand and definitely going to collapse. Kind of like our universe in some ways. Yeah, I've always held the theory that the Big 12 is, you could call it the Big Bang 12, I guess.

That's probably something different if you search for it on the internet. Somebody who last paid attention to college football in like 1993 comes up. It was like, well, I'm going to be the big. Big Bang 12 when it only has 10 bang teams. Just like our soul. Hey, Solar System's got nine planets and a sun. I guess it's only eight planets now. See, Solar System changes teams all the time.

What's wrong with the Big 12 doing it? Solar System doesn't even have a title game. That's right. How the hell is it going to compete with other solar systems? It can't make the playoff. Solar System got rid of Pluto. Big 12 got rid of Colorado. Same thing.

Because they couldn't sell out the stadium. Just like Charlotte. Because it turned out it wasn't a team at all. It was just a big moon. That's what you learned. So I guess Pluto is like a basketball team. No, it's not even that high, I don't think. I'm just going to not make an high state joke here.

I get it. Pluto was academics. Take that, Chicago. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, do we, I don't know, do we actually care about the Big 12th and these rumors at all? Um, uh, well. I mean, I know, let me switch it.

Which one of these rumors do you two gentlemen each find most humorous? Ooh. Jay? Well, let's see. The weird thing about this set of rumors is we're sort of exhuming rumors from like four years ago. Like nobody has reported a single thing about Texas to the Pac-12

in like half a decade. But like when people say, oh, the Big 12 is going to collapse and everybody's going to go their separate ways. Everyone's like, okay, so let's go ahead and pencil in Texas to the Pact 12. Yeah, that one is the... Nobody has said anything about that in years. We're just going to dig it up like it was on the news this morning. That one is the cotton candy machine, the home cotton candy machine of rumors,

where you're like, we haven't used this in a while. I remember this being a lot of fun when we brought it out at Jaden's birthday party five years ago. We should use this more. Is Jaden Smith in charge of Commerce Re-Relignment now? he might have been all along my favorite is always that a directional florida school is somehow made out to be a really attractive candidate as if like there's never been even with even from those two schools UCF and USF like even they've never been that energetic about trying to portray themselves as that worthwhile but inevitably and I'm guilty of it too when I do reports

like you'll always talk about you get a great great recruiting ground Lots of parking lots. They got a ton of parking lot. Yeah, it's sort of like talking about a bird who lives in a farm land and just be like, oh, he's got access to all kinds of crops. He can grow his own farm whatever he wants. There's a team in Orlando, which if you were the mayor of Orlando, you would have a very busy job with a lot of committees to oversee.

Sweet deal. It reminds me like every expansion candidate is. It's just like that it's the same basically paragraphs that you get from your buddy who moves back home after a while. Like, y'all go to college and, you know, some of you go to New York or a major city. And that one guy goes back to like, you know, Augusta, Meridian or whatever, Peoria, Illinois. And like, well, look, you know, the land's cheap. Okay, there's no commute. That's basically what USF is.

It's like, USF or UCF. It's like, hey, I'm going to be five miles from my parents. We don't have to pay for babysitting. It's going to be great. It's walkable to a 31 flavors. What more can I need? George O'Leary is the babysitter. Listen, in central Florida, you could do a lot worse.

Okay, not a lot worse, but you could do somewhat worse. You could do about the same anywhere else. You could do equally. You could do a lot worse, but they did fire Jim Levitt. So let's assume people listening to this have not paid attention. to the rumors. Who is rumored right now to potentially maybe never get these additional big 12 slots? Like in the real journalism world?

Like in the, to the extent that real journalism is a thing on this topic. Break some news. Let me shut all. Let me shut all this foolishness off. Let's break some news for us. On this podcast that won't go up for 18 hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Break some news. And then and then we need you to.

tweet with according to sources, I'm going to be breaking some news on the full cast tomorrow at like 18 hours. I got my region neutral dialect going. Among the athletic directors I've spoken with, I think

the most viable candidates and each have their own issue. This is the exact kind of stuff I do when I do talk radio spots is you just you string out a lot of nonsense that sounds as if it's sort of investigativey. It's like, everything you've ever heard on a dateline intro.

Right. Anyway, you say things like, you know, each candidate has problems. But I think interested parties would be Boise, BYU, BYU, Cincinnati, and the two Florida schools. No, now, when you're, no, let's see. Let's say you're doing, like, Idaho radio versus, like, Cincinnati radio, do you vary the approach? Is it like, if you're talking to somebody, you know, Idaho? Is it like, you know, well, obviously, Boise State, but also, do you, do you customize it? I would have done that three years ago when I used to think that, that me doing a talk radio show would promote the company I worked for.

Like, I'd really lean in and do the hometown promo, you know, like, hey, I'll tell you what, it's great to be doing radio here in Salt Lake City. In the great state. Finally! Oh, Godfrey! But no, now I just, I try and be as honest as I can. No, BYU, they don't want to play anything on Sunday, and they already have a television network that doesn't make money, so they tip in with Texas.

They, let's see, Cincinnati is probably the best candidate, but they've got the worst stadium. They also don't really have the kind of fan support that they're looking for in terms of branding, whatever that ambiguous term actually means. And then Boise is an academic issue. USF's an academic issue, and you'd probably lump UCF in there by certain stuff.

standards. However, academic issue is always the first thing that gets easily circumvented, okay? Rarely is a school pursuing academic. I mean, folks at Missouri could say, I guess, because they went after the Big Ten before the SEC got them. But usually using academics as a crutch, although I've been told that the academics at Boise are especially concerning and that outside of football, they don't bring anything in, but I don't even know if there are sports outside of football. Frankly, I've been stasis since January. I'm just sitting here, you know, in a chamber waiting for September. I'm not aware of any.

I tried to name some last week, and Jason yelled at me. I don't even recall that. He was right. It's cool. So, question, you named a lot of schools. Which one of them is Memphis? Oh, God. Is UCF code for Memphis?

People, like, oh. Okay, journalism or not journalism? Uh, let's go journalism. Just flip that coin. Let's just, let's, all right, ding, journalism. Um, I guess. That's the problem. Wow.

Wait, the journalist's answer was, I guess. He just said, I've done filed, I don't filed through the documents and looked at all, and looked at all the, the evidence and assembled, I guess. Man, I feel, I feel, I totally understand what happened to Brian Williams now. I guess I was on that chopper. I don't know. You call, but like you call, I call these athletic directors and I talk to them where I talk to these people at conference commissions and, you know, this is not, this, look,

this is the shitty Disney straight to video version of realignment, okay? This is Aladdin 3, all right, where they finally kill the bird. Like, this is the crappy straight to video thing. And Gilbert Gaffrey needed that money, damn it. This is not like, hey, Texas and Oklahoma are headed to the Pack 12 to form some sort of super conference and take over the world and they're going to play their first game on Mars and then they're going to play the second game in China. Like this is, the Big 12 might need a title game, so let's just scrape two teams off. And so you call these schools and are like, shit, I mean,

I guess we're good enough. Like, what are they, I mean, what are they looking for? It's like you're pissed off cousin who just like, it's very much sort of like calling a second or third cousin for a favor who resents the fact that you graduated high school. So none of these schools really even feel the need. After the ACC got done, I think Cincinnati got frustrated. And then I don't think the Florida schools really thought the Big 12 would call. And now, I mean, none of them are really like stretching out for this. Because, hey, at the end of the day, it's still, that's West Virginia.

It still kind of sucks, like, to be one of these new additions. It's not the best thing in the world. And it's not like they're going to win the conference anytime soon. Man, I really want this game on Mars you mentioned. the Olympus Mons melee. Yeah, go back to that Mars thing. What was that all about? Mars thing?

It's going to happen. If Larry Scott can get it done, we're talking zero gravity bowl. We're talking finally. Typical Pac-12, no defense, turns gravity off. Talking finally something that could attract Elon Musk as a bowl sponsor. One thing that I've derived some comedy from here in this dark hour is that out of like the six or seven. or whatever, nine, 12 schools

everyone throws around on the same standard list of candidates and I say that without disdain for doing that because we do that every day. People click on our website and read it. Is UCF fans, what's wrong with them, huh?

That's your book. You just came up with your topic. What's the deal with UCF fans? Like these people seriously think, like we're kind of a little bit like Harvard, a little bit Alabama we're the biggest school in the universe

the biggest city on earth like like I've never seen anyone so convinced that they're a perfect fit for like why do you want to go to the big 12 it's on the other side of the world but like yeah man UCF they're like the Kentucky

basketball Twitter of realignment because if you live in Orlando you have to believe that Orlando is the place that everyone wants to visit. Whether that's true or not, that's part of your personal geographic identity. So like maybe, is crying in the afternoon. Right, right. Is it like they think Epcot is real? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Hang on now. Sorry, sorry.

I lived, I lived in Orlando for one week. This is the, by the way, this is the best. That took a very soft turn. I lived in Orlando. So you visit Orlando. You're from Florida, okay? So you can't even see the forest for the trees, all right? But I lived in Orlando once a week out of every four to five weeks for three years, which is the best and worst way to experience that city or Florida for that matter, because it's just enough time away to reacclimate to society. And then you fly down there in like January

16th and it's 89 degrees in humid and people are shooting each other in front of a Walgreens with like you know wearing bathing suits and it's just it's the best way to experience it but also like this strangely dehumanizing at the same time now I say this without judgment but yes out of state person who comes to Florida once a month yes what you're describing is somebody whose trial keeps getting postponed I'm not saying that's you, but that is what you're describing. The saddest thing is like, I mean, I don't know how late I am on a Mad Max Fury Road reference, but when you get in on those toll roads after a while, you get the hang of it,

and you feel that pure white, hot rage of every Floridian who has to deal with a tourist every day, flanking them, behind them, you know, just smashing into them. And so you feel as if you are one of the tribe, even though you very much are not, in that, you know, I don't have any real estate debt or anything like that. But, yeah, it was, it's a strange place. I drove through UCF's campus one time, and it just, it never really begins or ends. Right. Also, and the other thing I, the only other thing I can report in terms of UCF is that their stadium is entirely aluminum, the whole thing.

Well, that's, I don't know. That's how you get the temperature real hot. Yeah, that actually powers the whole city. You know that 800, there used to be like an infomercial at like two or three. a.m. where you get the shed edition to your house, but it wasn't like your old shed. It was just like a segmented piece of metal. They built a whole

stadium around that. That's amazing. It's sponsored by a cable network. It's basically an unfinished panic room is what they built. I like that they built an aluminum building called Bright House. It's like, yeah, man. Look at the sun glinting off that thing.

It's bright. I can speak to this, but for some reason in floor, I mean, not some reason, weather would be the magnets how do they work uh when you're inside in florida like gainsville or orlando or just anything that doesn't touch like salt water yes good old central florida yeah right it's just it's it's crippling and so they they built this aluminum stadium on i think it actually is like is it most of orlando just a drained out swamp i believe it is um what you were described the sensation you were describing is um so i've never been locked inside a space capsule where

filtration systems have stopped working, but I suspect that sensation of I've been breathing the same air for half an hour and I'm starting to worry about the oxygen content of that air. That is Central Florida in the summer. The air just doesn't move at all. Which is also Central Florida for like the first four or five home games of the year. Oh yeah. It's crypt. It's really bad. It's very unpleasant. So what we're saying is we really like to see Texas have to play at that. All room in Dallas being like, all right, come on, guys. Yeah. Come get that Florida you love.

Bring that fancy Oregon technology. See what happens. They'll probably be fine. Shit. I'm trying to figure out of all these candidates. And I guess it's BYU, but for like the obvious religious reasons maybe, which is the most, like, what is the worst pitch in some, like, high-powered, like, long brim Stets and Hat Room with, like, the cigar smoke in Dallas? some, you know, some backdoor meeting to make all this happen. Like, who's giving the worst pitch out of all those schools?

I feel like BYU. BYU's up there. I don't know. I mean, the type of person who attends BYU tends to be part of their whole gig to, you know, to pitch things to people. So they've got the experience. Look at you. Yeah, I didn't even think about that.

I would really like if we got the wild card where Nebraska just said, you know what we're going to get back in coming home we're sneaking back we did our we did our big 10 rum springa and we're coming back home daddy that'd be hilarious Texas and Oklahoma playing golf and be like hey you wouldn't believe this Nebraska called last night asking for us at 2 a.m. Just all just all trashed on boat a box you up you up okay so let's let's flip to the opposite side of this rumor as much as everybody's like, oh, the Big 12 is definitely going to expand. There's also a springling of sports opinion out there that says, nope, the Big 12 is on the Virgin floating, and the big schools are going to leave as soon as one of the other power

conferences gives them an offer. Which school is most likely to cause sort of the bank panic in the Big 12 where everything is fine until they leave. That's Oklahoma. Yes, that's what I hoped you'd say. Oklahoma. Oklahoma seems to be the only one like outwardly itching to

add bodies, which that signals unease, which in the Big 12 that could mean any number of hundreds of things. Right. Like, I've lived in West Virginia, and I can say this having lived in West Virginia,

Oklahoma is a state, more so than any other, that is founded on the principles of being sick of some other state shit. There's no other state in the union that literally just sits above and goes, God, I am so tired of everything that you do. And I feel as soon as they figure that out, as soon as they really embrace that, they're out of there. That's why it's called the sooner state. They'd sooner kill themselves and listen to all your bullshit. Exactly. They'd much sooner deal with Brett Bilemon some Thanksgiving bullshit game, which is, look out. SEC West.

Let me tell you something. Nothing slides in cleaner and feels like it's always been there than bitchy-ass Bob Stoops in the SEC West. That fits better than it should. I like this because it is the kind of move where they would feel like the mere fact of transferring to the SEC, Oklahoma would say, well, shit, I think we got to bump Bob Stoops up another $2 million a year. He's got to be making more than saving.

lame if he wasn't. They did beat him that one time. Competent Kirk Ference math. It's terrifying. Now, would they bring anybody with him to the SEC? Well, you know, what's weird is every time I talk to somebody about Oklahoma, like, I don't, so Texas and A&M, diametrically opposed, went their separate ways, you know, maybe not the thing that started radical realignment, but part of it, they operated very much independent of one another. But every time I've ever talked to anybody with Oklahoma, they always say. they will, well, OSU will follow suit with whatever they do.

I don't understand that. I don't know if it's like a dependency issue or what. I mean, I would kind of hope personally that like T-Boon would just go, you know, full-on and like just what's the craziest possible thing they could do? What if they just said, hey, fuck it, let's go to the Mount West. National brand, Oklahoma State. Go to Mount West and kick the shit out of everybody. Oklahoma State declares itself a service academy.

He even holds a Liberating oil. Yeah, word charge of the underground. He owns like the anti-air for his farms anyway. I mean, he's probably got a bunch of alternative energy plants and all those mountain west states anyway. He's just like, you know what? Look, we're going to take a step down.

It's going to be great. We're going to go to 11 and O. We like this Boise model. He'd be crazy enough to embrace that, right? Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. I know that would happen. They're going to go everywhere Oklahoma go. But like, and then the SEC say like, sure, we'll take Oklahoma State to get Oklahoma.

Well, that's how South Carolina got here. Oh, yeah, they were tied. No, that's not a joke. That's like actually how that happened. No, no, no, no, no. We had the SEC had to unlock those media markets. Actually, nobody knew it. Those were the time.

Look at him and Clemson wouldn't return their texts. And guess who showed up at the last minute with Arkansas? And now, like, back in like the 1990-ish realignment era, like nobody was talking about this TV market bullshit like there was no like Florida State will unlock the Tallahassee media stuff it was like they're good at sports whereas whereas now you know we've got this whole other thing but whereas now records is a profitable investment what what happens when we get to the point where television develops if we get to the point where television develops so that local markets stop

being as meaningful, is everybody going to kind of look around and be like, shit? We got this Rutgers team, and if people in New York want to watch the Big Ten, they're already going to do it. What did we do here? Yeah, this would be a shameful period in our history. Maybe it's like, you know, maybe things will swing back around and maybe like, you know, New Mexico State would be extremely valuable because of all their space. Like, you know, we'll reach the point where it's like the opposite of attracting eyeballs and it'll be like, hey, we have room

to transport all of you people here. This is like the plot. This is a plot of a post-apocalyptic video game. Yeah. What you're describing is a zombie scenario where all the major markets are infected and suddenly hey, Iowa State's looking pretty good.

Or maybe it's like when you want Idaho? Come get Idaho. People younger than us when the hipsters or whatever they call themselves now when they're in charge, it'll be like why would you want to watch that team? They play in such a huge media market. This one is small and boutique.

I mean, if there's a post-apocalyptic Big 8, it's probably starting somewhere around Los Cruces and heading north. So, I mean, you're looking at Idaho and New Mexico State just to turn the tables completely around. Perfect. Two most expendable teams in Division 1. I'd like to think that

maybe Colorado State would be a fortify. Like, we're just talking about programs that can survive an apocalypse. So Wyoming's up there. Oh, yeah, Wyoming is, nothing can phase those people. National champs. Montana jumps to D1, obviously. This is probably how North Dakota State gets in, too.

Yep, yeah, yeah, that's where I was headed next. They wouldn't even, they wouldn't even flinch it in an apocalypse. Right. They just call that February. Come on. Yeah, these zombie bites is a little itchy, but it's fine. Let's play. and then probably one nerd school figures out a way to like do the whole underground habitat like north korea style well that's stanford yeah stanford yeah we had we had this the whole time we had a geodome

yeah so the next time that you think the show walking dead is cool just remember that in their world the best possible college football game they can get is new mexico state at stanford oh that's a hell of a rose ball i love the idea of like there's three or four nukes that hit the states. So you have the zero ground area that you can't visit. So, like, I don't know, Reno, Nevada hosts the Rose Bowl parade. But it's, like, it's, again, another Mad Max joke, basically, like a series of Ford Rangers, and that's the Rose Bowl parade that year.

You know, we're going to these extreme lengths, but Ron Zuck made it to the Rose Bowl in domestic peacetime. That's all I'm saying. Exactly. He didn't even detonate anything. Do your worst, comedy. Never once bid anyone. one that's factually untrue probably

there's an ex frat guy from florida right now going bullshit you don't know what happened in that kid you don't know what i've been through that asshole showed up at two a m memories memories of yelling at a frat at a frat so the the big 12 splinter theory

question i have is like who's the last school standing because like even like i was state is like poor old Iowa state is the first name you go to the what's that the last school picked yeah the the last school

the the lonely the lonely school on the plains pit pit finds a way you realize we're also we're also writing one hell of a fallout five story

oh I'm there like I'm there like oh and then the vault dweller came forth to recruit on behalf of New Mexico State. You wake up and you've been genetically programmed that's Paul Rhodes standing above and you're like, God, this is just going to be really stupid. I am so proud that you're a super mutant.

Oh my God. Look at this cockroach. It was supposed to be Liam Neeson's voice. Oh, God, I would play the hell out of Fallout 5 with Paul Rhodes. You just hack his limbs off and he doesn't care. It's a terrible glitch, or is it? Oh, by the way, by the way. in the nuclear big eight

whether we want it or not whether we deserve it or not we all emerge either nuclear and or zombie apocalypse those being the two prominent you know favorite apocalypse scenarios and there's Bill Snyder standing there small styrofoam cup

of coffee just like at your youth group meeting church church group meeting wearing a 2004 bowl jacket does and completely unscathed yeah I'm saying I'm saying if nukes drop tomorrow We're reduced to some sort of cannibalistic society. We forage for another 50 years, and then maybe we'd get around to developing something as trivial as football.

Snyder, still active, still coaching. And, well, probably, honestly, his system, if you have to recruit a post-apocalyptic America, I mean, Jukos are pretty good. You know, like, that's a pretty good way to recruit if half the world's been nuked. Yeah, that's a resource that can't be crippled by uranium. What I'm saying Auburn fans is your offense is not going to hold up if we go to war with China. That's just a fact, all right?

Wow. Do what you want about Kiffin, okay? But you can run the ball through, you can run the ball through a world war. I mean, you do realize that you've created a substantial possibility that an Auburn fan starts a war with the Chinese

just to prove you wrong. Told you. All right, just long as we're all fine with that That some bitch said it on the computer radio I couldn't That we couldn't That Jesus, Auburn Jesus couldn't beat China That's Stephen Hall, I heard him

That Spencer Hall fellow on the computer radio He's a hybrid Oh yeah, we didn't I'm sorry I'm sorry I spoke the name of Shit! We almost made it I don't even know who you're talking about It's fine Long time listeners

It's Max Hall's brother. If you've listened to this show for years and years, you might be able to detect subtle differences in Stephen Godfrey's voice tonight. No one's going to tell you why. No, no. I'm off my lithium. Fine. We told you not to do that.

How about question time? Question time. Jason, you got a question you want to start us out with? Sure, sure, sure, sure. Let me dial it up. This one comes to us here. Bleep blot. I'm making all those noises because I was carrying my computer

and I had to put it down while tabbing over. No, we have... We have... We have top-of-the-line technology. You have that screen from Minority Report. Just moving all the tweets around. Hey, if you're trying to stall, I just would like to point out also, again, in my nuclear apocalypse, dust settles. We organize football.

Yukon, still there. Can't get rid of it. Wow. The environment's the same, so... And they just crawl over and they're like, hey, guys, everything was fine in stores. We're totally cool. I think Yukon does the court. Can we play now?

No, your rivalry is so bullshit. And Bob Davy is the hands. You were on the eastern seaboard. How did China fuck that up? And Bob Davy is the handsomest man left in America. He's a sex god. If Bob Gayeathe had to repopulate the United States, and he does.

Notre Dame is going to come to being prominent again. Oh, my God. So many quarterbacks who just can't win. I also feel like Georgia Southern would do fine in the post-alapocalyptic scenario, given that their entire cult is based around, like, non-potable water already. Given every day in Statesboro already? And, like, you know, already their state bird, because they're their own state, sure, is, you know, the giant gnat that can carry away a baby.

Jason, has UNIVAC successfully loaded up your question yet? Yes, my assistant has forwarded it to me. This comes to us from Van Newell, Van Newell on Twitter. To compete with UGA, do you think Paul Johnson goes on anti-mission trips like salting the earth? Absolutely. I don't see any way that he would do otherwise. Mark Wreck, of course, a man of faith will go around and do nice things for others while his football program falls apart with all the thugs he recruits. sorry, sorry, I had a little AJC comment section come over me.

Couldn't even keep Bubba. Just caught the Holy Ghost. But yeah, yeah, Paul Johnson, I think, is willing and capable to do anything anti-Georgia. Whether he actually cares to do so or not, he'll go ahead and take that plunge. You know, he'll go around, go to a poverty-stricken third world nation and, like, knock over a house. You know? What did we do? I mean, if you had to promote a pagan religion and you're Paul Johnson, where are you going first?

I feel like Wiccans beneath him. Oh, man. Just straight back to Ra the Sun God? Well, I feel like with Paul Johnson, it's less about, like, praying to a particular deity, because, like, you know, I've never seen it invisible. Yeah, it's more about, like, it's more of an agnosticism. Yeah, it's like a Southern death cult, pain cult kind of thing. You know, like it's pain is purity. All I know is pain.

Especially in your knees. Just like DMX says, all I know is pain. All I know is pain. Just a real talk. moment for a second. I've never had to edit the word shit out of a transcript as many times as I did talking to Paul Johnson.

I've also never been in a work environment where the editors, Jason, specifically, were cheering that every time I relayed a quote where he dropped like a bullshit, he's really the king of using bullshit in ways that like only your salty granddad would. Like, what is, what is

the, what level do we have to get before he'll call something bullshit? Are we talking Oh, it's quicker than you realize. If you just, like, if, if dinner takes a little too long to come out of the kitchen at the chain restaurant, is that bullshit? Yes, not like, not, but not if his wife or your wife was, or your significant other was cooking it. He's a kind person. Right, right.

But if anything, like, in the greater society breaks down, or really any criticism of him whatsoever, that's when he can really snag. That's when he goes in. hard too. He just says he says bullshit in a weird app. It's half Appalachian because he's been in Georgia for so long but he's from

outside of Asheville, Kentucky, or North Carolina. And so the way he says bullshit just puts your bullshit to shame. He just does it better. Is it that his bullshit detector is overtuned or is

he the one with it that it is, you know, perfectly tuned? Height and sensitivity. We need to get on his level. I mean, the hope is one day I get to go in and do all access for that program, and I find out that it's the complete antithesis logic that, like, 18-year-old kids actually just think he's the coolest guy in the world. Like, I know we've been making jokes on SB Nation for years about, like, him screaming about people getting on his lawn and, like, building a ship in a bottle and falling asleep, watching the History Channel on a bark of lounger. Are you sure that's not Tom O'Brien that you're talking about?

I don't knock any of those things. They all sound great, and I'm looking forward to all of them. But I'm just saying maybe they're, maybe he, they think he's hard as hell. Maybe they're just like, yeah, dude, I mean, I, who knows? There's probably a Paul Johnson. We don't even know that it connects with 18-year-olds. I just, I'm talking myself into the after-school special I've always wanted, that Paul Johnson's just going in and rescuing kids from bad situations.

But telling them, telling them that it's all bullshit in the process. Rescuing them from bad situations so that they can dive at a, Climps some players' knees. What you're describing is, like, a version of intervention where instead of your family members telling you that they love you and they're tired of, they don't want you to hurt themselves and you're hurting them, is they're just sort of like, well, you know, cocaine is bullshit anyway, and you are for using it. So it's like a scared straight, but without, like, fear.

It's scared. It's like. It's scared straight, but you don't get up from your chair to do anything. I just want to see him in the living room with some, like, 85 pound tweaker. who's been doing Yellowflake for six years in Kentucky, and he goes, I'll tell you what, we get you off as bullshit, this drugs for a second. Let me tell you something. Here, stand up, stand up. You're a hell of a be back, son.

A hell of a beback. Break it down real fast. God, and then that tweaker runs for 180 against UNC. It's beautiful. All right. Godfrey, you got a question that you want to fire away. Um, hang on with one second. God damn.

I believe we had, I had several. We had, we had a number of questions personally addressed to Godfrey tonight. I don't know why. He doesn't usually get these. No. When we usually send out the call, nobody says, hey, Godfrey, here's a question just for you. I think it was post, uh, women's World Cup excitement. Yeah.

Um, probably. Oh, Godfrey. To hell with Germany, huh? Love you. What is, all right? is the most this is just one i'm going to pick kind of randomly because i've got five or six we've already talked about bill schneider i mean not that that's like you could go in excess there but all right what it is and let me ask the lawyer here what is the most i literally just mailed

in my resignation from the bar today but go ahead that stains on you brother today today wait wait wait wait hang on let's shut shut this whole thing down for a second yeah yeah do you mean to tell me that for the last five months that you've been an active lawyer and we didn't we didn't capitalize on that? Correct. Y'all are stupid although you are sending me to Florida to cover a trial next week

so. Right, but I mean we kind of did we've got to improve communication. I mean we didn't have Ryan like sue people for fun or whatever you're saying. He apparently could have. Right. The option was there. I'll tell you what, Godfrey. If you

end up getting to post you. I will get my license reactivated so that I can be your lawyer for the deposition and it's going to go real bad So you can just switch it back on You don't got to go back on Yeah, what it is is it's like turning off the gas

You just got to call You gotta give them a couple days Yeah, you got to pay that reconnection Right And they say Just $150 They say don't go out there And fiddle with the with the gauge now

The law gauge Be like you don't know if you did We'll send the cops out there We're just getting I live in 50 If I was accused of a crime in Tennessee and then had to say, hang on, my lawyer's

from Florida and he's flying in from New York, I'd be dead by just on principle. Okay, what is, here's the question from at A.M. Wahoo, which, uh, judging by his avatar,

so a creative vintage style Virginia Cavalier type mascot, um, looks racist to me. I wouldn't know anything about that. Hi, Todd. Um, what racist mascot? Yeah, honestly, I would never endeavor to pursue higher education, an institution that would do that. You leave the line eye out of this, damn it.

What is the most ACC crime? And by the way, he used the hashtag go-ACC crime, so points for that. Bojangles fraud. Bojangles, so are we talking about... I believe that's called KFC. I'm just going to put this in a ditch right off the bat. I've, for years, entertained a theory here as a former fan of, like, a heavier metal when I was 14, 15 years old. It was a brief phase, but just hear me out.

You're talking about music, not. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, but in the world. Not elements. Not actual pedals. I mean, they're great, I guess. Which is your favorite metal metal? But what I'm saying, if I went around on Saturdays at 6 p.m. and bought up all the Chick-fil-A, okay? And then redistributed it on Sundays via BBs, like a phone service.

Like, you can get weed via phone in New York, right? You can get a drone now. Exactly. Yeah. So what I'm saying is, in no way do I cook anything to avoid the law in the health department. But I buy up all the Chick-fil-A can, and I get those little heater bag things that, like, your pizza guy has. Or I just, like, just have a toaster oven set to 200 for 12 hours. And when you're hungover, you call.

Jesus, Godfrey, I got to tell you, in this alternate universe, you definitely die in a housefire because you left the toaster on for 12 hours. Hey, I'm up all night cooking. Come on. Okay, and if it's a house fire, it's because I didn't put the cigarette out. I'm sorry, go ahead. I apologize. This is a big-ass toaster oven. Exactly. I'm smoking the whole time anyway, so something's got to get me. That's what my grandmother already said.

So I open, starting Sunday morning at about 8 when you wake up, and you're deathly hungry. over. The only thing you want in the world is the greatest chicken sandwich in the South, but you can't get it. So, you call Chick-filatheist. And so I show. I've got an off-site. Look, this is not something I thought about for the show tonight. This is something that's been in my head for like five years.

Damn, you've been saving this one. I talked to my wife about this, and she's like, shut up about this idea already. You can either do one of two things, have a delivery service, or I just, like, get one storage unit and spray-painted all black, okay? Like, remember at the end of true detective when he's working out of that

no one bothers to check that he's got kiddie born in there. So you got like an all spray-painted black storage unit that's open once a week you show up. I've got reheated Chick-fil-A at 9 a.m. on Sunday morning. But it's Chick-fil-Atheist and I've got like early era Metallica playing.

Okay? All right, can I ask you this? What are you wearing in this scenario? What is your uniform? Gosh, I hadn't thought about that. I mean, it doesn't have a fancy. I just go in a color shirt. Am I just go in the inverse of a good Chick-fil-A employee?

Because they have those, like, top-colored golf shirts. Yeah, I think you got to go opposite of that. You got to look like Steinmarts' worst nightmare. And also, are you the contrary of, like, everything about the whole image? Is it, like, instead of my pleasure? You know, it's like, oh, no, no, no, fuck off. Yeah. Fuck you.

It's going to be $8 for a spicy chicken biscuit. Fuck you. See you again next week. This is capitalism and death metal. And, yeah, we're here to worship, you know, $9, $10 chicken sandwiches and Dave Mustaine. That's a really good crime. What I'm saying is if I presented this to, like, a business school or, like, one of those reality shows, you can't tell me where this business fell. Okay, well, you know what this, you know what essentially this is.

There was a Canadian version of this for Trader Joe's. Really? Where Trader Joe's was not available in Canada. I still think it's not. And these two guys opened a business called Pirate Joe's, where they would, I think they live near Vancouver. They would drive into Washington State. They would buy up Trader Joe's things that people had pre-ordered from them. And they would sell them to them at a markup.

And Trader Joe sued them for illegal resale of their product. and the Canadian court said Fuck you You don't sell in Canada So this is tough shit Yeah what are we gonna do Extradite these guys For reselling you know

Your fancy wine Yeah so here's what you gotta do Gotta free Okay You're gonna need to go offshore Well I live 35 miles from Kentucky I'm just doing that out there That'll do

That's offshore in a way Ain't no federal law Got any penetration there you're good Just saying could be in Kentucky In 45 minutes Can you just get a river riverboat of some sort? Well, I could just float down the Tennessee River and do it.

Yeah, I know, but I like the idea of you, like, on some badass riverboat with a cannon of Chick-fil-A-Atheist sandwiches. I was picturing, like, flinging them overhead, like, a paper boy. Right. So using the paper boy model, you throw them to houses, and then they subscribe later based on that. I don't know. I feel like, am I going to get my money? Is it like an Uber bomb? Well, that's where the most ACC crime part comes in.

Not getting paid. Because it's a great crime, but will you get anything out of it? Probably not. I'm just saying, look, I live in Tennessee. If a guy pulls up in a pickup truck with Slayers raining blood playing as loud as possible, and he throws a chicken sandwich at you, no one's going to be, no one's going to think that that's out of the ordinary, okay? So maybe it's a PayPal account, so like he doesn't have to, bring me the cash, I'll crowdsource this.

Look, if anybody has a better business model, I'm just saying. I'm saying, Chickful Atheist, I'm making a lot of money on Sunday. If you're going to go to hell, you might as well, you know, profit from it. It's a great plan. Yeah, that's in the Bible. I'm going to end on this question. From Jeremy Dewar at Jeremy underscore Dewar at Twitter. This question is, if Brian Kelly gets fired, where does he end up?

I think he ends up working at Chick-filatheists.