Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 40 for 40: The 2017 Armed Forces Bowl

Episode Date: December 19, 2017

One of the only previews that actually talks about the game, but only to note that it will probably last an hour and 47 minutes and the winning team will manage to only run 38 plays. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the Shutdown Fullcast Armed Forces Bowl preview. I'm Jason Kirk, joined by the only co-host I've ever had, Ryan Nanny, on this or any other iteration of the shutdown full ofverse. Yeah, I mean. The connected universe and all its lore. The two-man game. This is what they call it, you know? Stockton Malone, except we're both Stockton. Yeah, cover two, because the two of us cover college football to perfection.

That's always have. That's right. And also, it's actually pretty easy to beat in 2017. You just kind of run it up the scene. You call the Tampa, too, because one of us is the god of Tampa. That's true. And also... You're the Tampa, I'm the two, because I'm...

Because you're only one. So, it's falling apart. We're here to discuss the Armed Forces Bowl. So just based on the name of the game, one of the teams, in this bowl feels pretty obvious. That's right, it's San Diego State. I thought you're going to say it's the hit computer game, Dark Forces.

Shit. So close. That's the one that's real hard, right? Yeah, yeah. Just like fuck you the whole time. Right. It's like, hey, you want to fall down a trench a lot? Idiot.

Hey, you should open this door. Dips shit. Why'd you open the door? You know what's a force? Gravity. And now you're falling to your death. 700 times. just go play Nintendo where you get points for dying

just go play Mario like you're like oh I wonder if I can jump off this cliff I can now I'm riding a dinosaur I love you tarok seriously there's a dinosaur in the Mario game in the forest world you just jump off the edge of the world next thing you know you get to ride a dinosaur is was Yoshi a dinosaur

what's the camera home of Yoshi's in it. To find Yoshi, you sneak on top of the castle, and then he's just there in an egg, and you throw your hat on him, and then you become him, and he has a mustache. According to Wikipedia, Yoshi is considered an anthropomorphic dinosaur. That sounds right, yeah. So. I mean, how anthropomorphic is he really? Well, he has hands, right? Sure, but dinosaurs have hands.

I mean, they have claws. That's not hands. And he also They don't They can open doors He wears shoes They can open doors Sometimes That's canon

That's canon That is That is A hundred percent canon Shit Um Man The Wikipedia page on Yoshi

As long as shit I bet Are you looking At actual wiki Or is there No I'm not I'm not going to like Mario Wick

No Jesus I don't have That would be like All right Net neutrality rules apply Now So this is going Cost you $18

For this fucking novel. Hell no. And I bet it's got like, yeah, it's got like the canon version and then it's got like the secret legends version, the legends of Yoshi. It's like, he won the World Series. Oh, the comic book, yeah, the comic book where Yoshi kills Hitler. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've all seen that. You're incorporating, like, coloring books that like, there's one my uncle did.

he colored yoshi tan there's never been a tan yoshi blue yoshi parachutes into the eagle's nest and slits hitler's throat he would eat hitler it'd make a cute noise he'd go like

bong and then just Hitler's in yoshi's tummy turning into a turtle shell should be spat out and then there's there's Hitler just bonging back and forth in that bunker forever between two blocks

Yeah, exactly. Thong, bong, bong. Yep. Damn. Sorry, this is the Armed Forces Bowl we're doing, right? Yeah, Army is the other team. I don't know why Army would play in the Armed Forces Bowl. Seems weird.

This game, here's the one thing I'm commented about in this game. It's going to be over fucking fast. Both of these teams are in the top 10 for time of possession and in, like, the bottom 10 for plays run per game. So, like, you could probably, like, you could probably, if you're thinking, oh, I'm going to try to, like, slow cook something in the time this bowl game says, go ahead and set the crock pot to high. Low is not going to get it done. This fucker is going to be, like, $2.45. Good luck opening a bag of potato chips by the time that you got Army.

Okay, so flexbone team and extremely flexbone team. I think they've had three games this year where they've thrown two or fewer passes. Including several where there were no, none passes. And I think they went 3 and 0 in those games. So, like, they are really comfortable not passing. Whereas San Diego State, they got like a flex bone defense. Like, all they want to do is just, let's just get this game over with. Just get it over.

That's SDSU's whole worldview. Army has thrown 61 passes this year. And you're like, well, these teams don't run, you know, these teams don't throw the ball that much. Yeah, I'm looking back here through like, I'm all the way back through. You got to go back to 2011 to find any team that threw a fewer than 100 passes in a season. That team was also Army, just for the record. But even they threw 97, which is like 50% more. Yeah, I mean, military cutbacks are military.

It's just not great anymore. They just can't afford to have planes and launch rockets. That's right. And that's why they have to fight Aztecs, I think. I'm not clear. I'm not clear on that either. In lovely Fort Worth, the finest locale and all the Metroplex as frequently established on this program.

No, that's not true. We're required to say that it's both the finest and the worst to make everybody happy, right? No, fuck them. Fort Worth's many haters can go jump in a creek. All right, let's get an ad read in here. This is from Adam who wants us to know that he and his brother, Bryant, who lives up in Michigan, listen to the shutdown forecast regularly,

so much so that for his most recent birthday, Adam got an Arizona State shirt as a gift for his, as a gift with a card that just read, have you thought about Arizona State? And you know what? Given everything we said recently about it, you might could get on the staff there.

They look, Adam, if you got dreams, send in a resume. Herm, Herm's just looking for loyalty at this point. Skill is kind of secondary. So Adam wants us to give a shout out to Bryant Smith. Thank you for listening to our incredibly stupid podcast. Again, if you rely on us for news in any way, shape, or form,

congratulations. You now know who is playing in the Armed Forces Bowl. Allegedly.