Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 40 for 40: The 2017 Cure Bowl

Episode Date: December 7, 2017

Autonation is a terrible disease, so terrible we don't even know what it is or how it affects people. (My theory is it turns them into Transformers.) This is the Cure Bowl, Orlando's 19th bowl game, and our preview of it is exactly as long as it needed to be. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast, the Cure Bowl, the bleakest of all bowl games. The ball that in its first edition paired a 5 and 7 San Jose State against the Georgia State team with 17 fans. This year welcomes back Georgia State. They now have 19 fans. Two of them had kids in Western Kentucky, 6 and 6, 1 of the last bowl eligible teams to make it in. only here because Orlando is closer to Kentucky than is to Buffalo. I am fired up about Orlando's. Can I see that on a map?

I'm not sure that's true. I don't have one. Spiritually doesn't feel true. That's all I'm saying. I guess, yeah, I see what you're saying. Orlando, people from Buffalo are more likely to be excited. What is that a cat? I can't believe I'm the first one to have an animal interrupt the show on a podcast that Jason is also on.

We got a winner. That's a Georgia State Panthers tribute. Never forget that time. This is the cat that really likes Spencer. Even though Spencer hates cat, I think that he was just doing a little more on you until we join you. Yeah. Poor sweet Spent. There is no cure for drowning, as it turns out.

And I don't think we're ever going to be in. invited back to that dearie queen. I intentionally, because I'm a bad person, I choose to read this bull name as the Auto Nation cure. Like we're looking for a cure for this disease called Auto Nation, which I think is a way to try to say like, oh, Transformers are actually humans who've been cursed to be melded with trucks and cars and moving vans and shit like that. And we, at this bowl game, want to cure them of that.

optimism prime is actually just a very friendly dude named dave dave has children and he can't see them and he can't hold them because he's a fucking truck you just went on a journey there yeah well like what if it's the nation is is automated and we're just trying to flip the switch back to that'd be automation nation though wouldn't it yeah that'd be a better bowl game yeah um before we get these jokes off i want to point out that the cure bowl uh unlike some other charitable efforts undertaken by this dumb sport, actually benefits BCRF, the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, which is one of the premier best breast cancer charities you could donate to in this country.

I'm not making jokes. It's for real. They're extremely highly rated as a charity. This is, and they're supported by a lot of other big organizations. I know Delta Airlines has supported this charity in the past, but I say that by way of saying it's a really pleasant. doesn't surprise to find a college football postseason game supporting a real charity that we don't hate. And I just wanted to remark on that. Yay. Now back to the jokes. Um, joke number one, this is the most UCF bowl possible for one reason, not just because it's in

Orlando, but because the executive director and CEO of the Cure Bowl is a man named Alan Gooch. In 1981, Alan began his football career playing DB for the UCF Knights. Starting in 1983, he became a GA and he stayed at UCF in a coaching capacity for 22 years. This is a man who spent like a life all not just in Orlando, not just in central Florida. Not just at UCF in different capacities, not just at UCF athletics, UCF football. Every, every part of it this man has lived and breathed and touched and had to deal with. All the shit that he has seen, entire player's careers started, began, ended. All of it.

He was there as they, when they were a division two team, not one double A, division fucking two. This man has so much UCF in his body. if you take him more than 90 minutes away from campus he will fucking die he is the citronaut he is the citron not you're a native of central florida if how dare you know and it never occurred to you that this man might be under court orders not to leave the county he's the most aggressive tether electronic tether possible and it's been in effect for almost 40 years now and even even once he stopped being a coach at you see The first thing he did, executive director of the Golden Knights Club. And then, once he left sports altogether, what's the other thing you can do in Orlando? Real estate broker. Alan Gooch, you're so UCF, it fucking hurts. I love you, and I hope you find the cure for auto nation one day.

There is also a link here that says cure bowl gear, and yeah, I would like to cure bowl gear. We should also mention that this bowl has our beloved white money. Like, White on Mike. Shout out White Mike. Fourth in the nation in passing yards. Why is this so? Because only one quarterback in FBS this season has thrown more passes than White Mike. That quarterback is Luke Falk.

So good job, White Mike. Western Kentucky also has the worst rushing offense in college football, averaging. averaging 2.14 yards in attempt. And that is, of course, a lot because, yeah, White Mike takes some sacks. Yeah, the only interesting thing about Western Kentucky is White Mike. Yes. And he's very, very interesting.

And we love our special Western Kentucky boy. But let's talk about Atlanta's college football team, the Georgia State Panthers. Well, I mean, the last time Georgia State made this bowl game and lost, the coach got fired the next fucking year. So, like, pressure is. I don't want to talk about the Georgia State Panthers because the last thing they did, which lose, was in the regular season, was lose to Idaho, which isn't even going to be a football team next year.

Do you think that there's some sort of like Ringu curse there where now Georgia State won't be a, that should be a thing, right? Atlanta football curse, that's new. I think if you are a team that's being ushered out of FBS, there should be a role that if you can beat, the last team that you beat in that season, they inherit your curse. So, like, Idaho can keep going until they lose? Yes. And everyone who lose is to Idaho has to give up?

Yes, yes. And we just sort of, like, thin the herd. And it's sort of like, yeah, that's exactly what it is. This is sort of, like, a natural pestilence that separates the weak from the strong. Is that appropriate for the Cure Bowl? Not really. Sorry. Fuck that up.

I think it raises the stakes, makes the stakes clear of any disease, whether it's autoination or any number of other ailments. What are the symptoms of automation? A lot of revving. Yeah, yeah, Roland Cole, definitely. That dude who is driving around with the TV, shown the SEC championship game, he's got auto nation so bad. He doesn't even know.

This retroactively makes something make a lot more sense, because I was looking up what the requisite concert was going to be for this game and it's whenever you start with multi-platinum recording artist you know that you're going to have no fucking clue with whatever comes next and it's andy grammar who i had to look up just to learn that he's the honey i'm good guy but all the pictures of him on this website he's one of those guys who's always photographed like with his hand over his face looking kind of sheepish but guys i have you considered that he's maybe been left scarred by Otter Nation? Oh my God. It strikes where you never expect it. That's what's so terrible about it.

Yeah, because he looks like he's being performatively sheepish and all shucks in all these photos. But guys, maybe he's tired. Maybe his body is ravaged by this terrible disease.