Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 40 for 40: The 2017 Heart of Dallas Bowl

Episode Date: December 21, 2017

Spencer isn't dead. We at the Shutdown Fullcast regret the error. (For so many reasons.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown 440 preview of the heart of Dallas Bowl brought to you by Zach's Bees. As always, I'm Jason Kirk, joined by my co-host, my one and only living co-host, Ryan Nanny. What do you mean living?

Well, this feels like surplusage. Like, yeah, I'm on the podcast. I have, I mean... Well, we also... have, we also have a dead co-host with us today. Oh. Oh, God damn it.

Ah, Kyora. Why? Why did we, why? Wait, how many languages does our ghost dad speak? Eight, poorly. Poorly. English being, English being one of them. English being the first.

We were doing so well. Like, Jason and I had such a good streak going on, had a few guests here and there, recording went pretty smoothly, didn't randomly have Skype. Like, now I know this is going to go to shit. Oh, you wanted a guest. I thought you said you wanted a ghost. A ghost! Because I'm dead. See, communication.

All right, welcome. All right, welcome Undead Circus Bear, Spencer Hall. There's no difference between Undead Me. You guys proposed it, right? That's true. Now you don't have to pay taxes. Funny trick. There's no difference between undead me and regular me.

Come find me, Fids. The most disturbing thing about Spencer's absence that he revealed to us, mere seconds before we started this recording, is that he listened to the full cast that we did in his absence, which is truly the sign of a depraved, dark mind. Who would do such a thing? Not me. Whenever y'all have done them without me, I definitely don't. listen to it. Well, here's this, here's the sad thing. The plane flight was so long, I could have

listened, I listened to all of them. And I still had so much time. What, you mean, what, you mean these five and a half minute episodes didn't cover a trans-Pacific flight? You know, you would think the person would go, I know how we do these. They're probably all like five to eight, maybe some two-minute episodes in there. No, no, guess what, y'all? I was like, Man, how am I going to listen to these all? And I did, and I was like, all right. Oh, right. It's the length of a television show. So I'm going to watch the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy, and guess what?

I still won't be done. You could have watched it live, right? And where you went, isn't it just constantly airing on the side? You mean the afterlife where J.R.R. Tolkien is. Yeah, it is. Orcs work the rental car desk. And believe it or not, excellent service. They're fine.

We're here to talk about the heart of Dallas Bowl, okay? Zach Spies has brought our dear sweet Spencer back to life with its nourishing victuals that restore the humors and the tissues in the human body. That'd be the first time it's gone that way with Zach Spies. Usually it's the other direction. Well, you were the one who profited from all the carnage in their wake. I am the batter-fried black swan.

So I did some, I did some research on Zaxby's franchising, because I figured that's the thing we should talk about for the Heart of Dallas Bowl, sponsored by Zaxby's. So they give you this helpful map of market availability, where they can basically, they have three categories, open markets, what we all believe in is God-fearing capitalists, saturated markets, which is to me suggesting, like, hey, you can open one here, but, like, be warned, there are Zaksa plenty, and closed markets, which to me means, like, we're acopat. The club is full. That's like your arteries. Yeah, I was going to say, saturated like your fats, closed like your arteries. Spoiler, Mississippi, Kentucky, Arkansas, Florida, closed markets. Yes, okay. Georgia, Tennessee, and the Carolinas, merely saturated, as is Utah. Utah is the one state, like, west of Oklahoma that is saturated. Everything

is that damn salt lake. You walk into Zaxby's, everything is a salt lake. But there is one beacon in this, in this wilderness, squelched between Ohio and Virginia. West Virginia, you are, I honestly don't know. The color doesn't match any of these categories. Like, they've used this very unfortunate color palette where saturated markets are red as if to say like, oh, this is the face of a man who ate too much Zaxpies and is now like struggling to deal with it. Open markets are like pea soup green, which is also confusing. And closed markets are supposed to be yellow. West Virginia is brown. I don't understand it at all. So I'm going to say that they're a movement market if they're brown, right?

I think what it suggests is that you can open a Zaxby's here, but you better own a gun. I think what it says that is that, you know, these people have digestive problems already. If we put a Zaxby's there, they're only going to get worse. Right, because you can look on the map and say, and on the location map, there is no Zaxby's in West Virginia. So I don't know what this color means. West Virginia, you are truly wild and wonderful. Is it brown or is it like gold, you know, how like gold is kind of true? Tricky to print.

No, it's, I mean... Like, this is where the big bucks are, folks. It's aged gold. I'll give you that. It's a mud butt market. It's a big mud butt market. I also like to imagine that the heart of Dallas is some sort of like relic or treasured object that Indiana Jones had to go hunting for after his passport was revoked. After they were like, oh, man, no, you are definitely not welcome.

in any of these countries. I'll go after the heart of Dallas. What's that? It's an ossified cow heart that was just left in a pasture. It's probably worth a fortune. Be like, do the Nazis want it? No.

Jared Jones. I was just going to say it's Jerry Jones dick. That's it. It's the heart of Dallas, and it looks great in these pants. Jerry Jones does look like, and I'm positively said this on the show before, like he looked at the Ark of the Covenant

for just a little bit. just a little bit just peaked just a quick peek it was like oh oh that stings put it up on the put it up on the hundred yard screen and just took a real quick glance at it