Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 40 for 40: The 2017 Outback Bowl

Episode Date: December 31, 2017

I'm choosing to use this space to thank all of you who helped make #FryinNanni come true. Please remember me fondly if, as Spencer and Jason suggest and borderline wish on this episode, I am burned, shot, trampled, arrested, or otherwise seriously injured/killed while dressed as a giant Bloomin Onion. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

welcome Jesus Christ You get a little bubbly A little bubbly welcome For this one As in a deep friar Churning away That was a gurgle

Not a bubble Who's the character on Star Wars Who talks like that? It's Princess Leia No, that's not the one I'm thinking of How great would it be How great would it be if they had Just for the like new movie

They had just given Leia like a DJ screw voice. It never explained it, right? Oh. They have the same actor who was like the, um, it was the little, the little flying man who sold baby Darth Vader, um, race car parts. That's the one who talk like that. Oh, Waddo. You're talking about Wato.

Just have that same actor play Leia in nine. I don't need heroes. Yeah, that'd be great. The Outback Bowl, the bubbly deep fryer from which, Reborn like a Phoenix, a Ryan Nanny goes in and comes out. A beautiful deep fried blooming onion. Truly blooming. In full bloom.

This is how I'm going to start, 2018. Many of you are probably just going to, you know, wake up, maybe make some breakfast, maybe go to a friend's house. Maybe you're going to go to the gym. Me? I'm going to put on a body. suit and then put on a onion costume, which is heavier than you would expect, and has a bike helmet with a dipping sauce hat on top of that. You dip hat. Yeah, I tried this thing on in,

I think, I don't even remember if I've talked about this here, but I tried it in the Outback offices, and I got sweaty there, so. Wow, you went to Outback HQ? Yeah, um, Blumen Brands. H.Q. So in other words, you will be as if you had just emerged from the deep friar covered in a fine sheen. Yeah, it's sort of

like the very hungry caterpillar, except in reverse. I am a beautiful butterfly, and I am going back into this onion chrysalis, and whatever emerges will be weird and probably eat all your food. This is the worst serial killer ever.

Like red track Look at me I think the thing of it is a really bad Superhero origin story Look at me Nobody knew who I was Till I put on the onion Until I put on the dip hat

Like what are your superpowers Um I'm greasy So it's hard to hold on to me Um I'm shareable So there's that he's got like a it's got like a a poison plant quality to it you know like some plants their natural

defenses if you bite them you die well it's i'm sort of like thick poison ivy yeah oh yeah that's that's that's that's that's the 2018 wave for sure see this is by the way this is how you know a villain a villain knows that they're doomed if you're around you leave one of those little seating alarms right the seating alerts right the little coaster that sort of lights up and fire yeah yeah that's how you The villain's like, oh no, you burst through the door in your dip hat. How long until he blows up the city? He said 15 to 20 minutes. No, I think those little coaster things are like what he throws.

Those are like his batarangs. See, this is why I lean towards serial killer because, you know, you're like, what's his calling card? He left one of these. And then Batman swoops in and is like, it's time to bring you to justice. And that's what I say, no rules, Batman. it's right there you agreed to this all along you have an entire you have an entire like gang your suicide squad is like that's alice springs chicken your suicide squad is people who eat it outback steakhouse it's good plus the um the onion is like the onion is like a starfish so if you if

you dissect me into pieces as long as it has some of my radius multiple on Blumen's Onion Multiple See this could go on infinitely I don't I don't want to like speak out of class here

because I didn't actually like do any testing of it I don't believe that the suit could stop bullets Well you're going to be in Tampa so we're about to find out Might find out

All you need to do is lay down On the ground on New Year's Eve Couple bullets will come right back down We'll test it You know usually in Tampa You got to keep your feet moving Just hold still for a second And then we'll find out.

That's right. The forecast is, let's see, 78 for a high, 57 for a low. And in the evening, there will be showers of random celebratory gunfire. Listen, fireworks weather is all year long. I was going to ask, because I know the answer, I just want everyone to hear it, what did they tell you to do? Um, basically I had, I, I can kind of do what I want. So, more or less, they were sort of like, yeah, just, you know, go, go around the sidelines and the, I think I can go up into the stands. I have to figure out how exactly that works. This thing is also wide as shit. Like, it's about the size of, um, you know, like when you get, when you, when you rent a car and you're like, yeah, I'm just by myself, like, I'll take the compact and they're like, okay. And you, and you get some like Chevy model that you've never heard of. It's about that big. And it's also motorized. And it runs on gasoline. So I can, I can go up into the crowd. I can go around the

sidelines. I am trying not to get hurt, but I'm accepting that that's a possibility. And listen, I fully well know that if I get like decked by some safety flying out of bounds and and wipe the hell out, that will be my internet legacy forever. That will be my whole legacy forever. You cannot imagine how quick we're going to gif that shit. It could be 20 years from now and be like, oh, Ryan Nanny,

he's the one who discovered a portable, clean, energy-efficient form of solar power and saved the planet. They'd be like, oh, yeah, but you've seen this gif? You've seen this fattie? Look at this dumb fatty. Giff with the SB Nation watermark on it. Forever.

Man, can you imagine you, If you get carded off in that thing, and we have to post on it, I mean, we will post on it. I hope they make me sit up like I'm being brought to a table. No, we need the thumbs up. Yeah, you need the thumbs up. And he's all right. Crowd, crowd applauding. I really enjoy the, I really enjoy the fact that, that if you go in the stands, there may be some confusion.

and security may come after you for just a fleeting second. Because I want to see you running from authorities in that. Yeah, it's a drill tweet. Running is possible. Falling and getting back up is not. That's fine. Do whatever you got to do to go viral. Okay.

One of my close friends, after this was all announced, texting me and he said, I care about you, but I want you to know that I hope you die in the Bloomin' Onion costume. Because that would be amazing. I mean, you can understand the affection they're in, right? Sure. And then I assume they would bury me in the costume as well. No, you're already buried.

They just leave you there. Oh, good. You're just a small hill now. Barry me in gold in batter. Yeah, he wanted to be cremated. Well, the onions's already been cooked, so we're not really, from a branding perspective, we don't really love that. That's called double frying.

This is getting, this is getting too. This is getting to my last question. Okay. How flammable is the suit? I have to assume fairly. I was looking at it. There's a lot of petroleum-based plastic in there. It could get bad.

I have to assume, yeah. I have to assume if I catch on fire, I definitely will die. And I definitely will be gift as well. Follow-up question. Yeah. Will you smoke in the suit or vape? Can you vape in the pool of the gun? I'm going to.

I actually, think i think the answer to that that is probably on the limited list of things that they do not want me to do smoke vape imbibe alcohol um that's probably about it have you do you know who is going to be the shrimp mascot have you studied their weaknesses no i don't i mean it's it's um it that will be coconut shrimp girl and i i saw the i saw the costume it's so much smaller than the blue like the blooming onion is of a Hulk is the Hulk buster armor and the coconut shrimp girl is spider man okay so here's what I think we do you get her so mad that she just runs and spears you right see if it can even hurt you okay sure do you have a do

you have a really bad ex-girlfriend from college or high school because that's what I want gosh oh well let's see let's see I went to high school in Tampa's and probably And definitely not. Chances are normal, right? It's going to be all of nanny's broken hearts showing up in shrimp hats, all taking a crack at him. Fucking great. Just chanting, shrimp, shrimp, shrimp, shrimp, shrimp. Just a wall of spurned shrimp lovers.

Picking you apart piece by piece and devouring you as shrimp or lobster really would. Just mauling him. So I will say when we went to try the costume on, my wife and kid came with me because we wanted to take a family photo, which we have, which I will not share with the internet. But my daughter, instinctively, she's a little over a year old, walked up to me while I was in the costume, was not at all freaked out, which processed that, as you will, took one of the blooming petals in her hands and tried to eat it. Making healthy nutritional choices.

She tried to eat. I had a girl. Yeah. Yeah, it's the reverse of that like Saturn devour. his young painting. That's just a father providing for his offspring. That's all I'm here. I'm the giving tree, except an onion.

This is my body. I give it, I give of you to what I give you as heart disease. Flesh of my flesh. This is my dipping sauce. I would, this is, by the way, in case you don't know,

since we've spent this entire time, and I think justly so, discussing the fact that Ryan's going to be wearing an onion costume. There's a good reason we are. This is South Carolina, Michigan. If you know what's going to happen when these two teams take the field other than no one's scoring

more than 17 points, good work. Good job. Because we don't. Also, probably two and a half total personal fouls on head coaches just enough to where one almost gets kicked out. Let's go ahead and call it.

We're going to come real close to a coach getting kicked out of No, let's call it because, I mean, we've already had some really interesting officiating this bowl season because, remember, players aren't the only ones out of rhythm or even calling teams that they might not necessarily have a lot of experience with, i.e. the Music City Bowl, which is great. Listen, hold on. Let's blend two internet things at once here. Maybe Music City Bowl ref looked at all of those bartender videos and had a drink before the game. man, man, oh man, oh man. Just pour a reasonable serving two or three ounces of bourbon. It's amazing. This we will have to put in the blog post that goes with this episode because, like, it's amazing to hear somebody say a liquid amount.

And, like, I'm fine if you can't do that precisely on site. But you have to have some idea what an ounce is. What a shot. Like, goddamn woman. So, y'all, it's, uh, the YouTube address is Mahalo, Cocker. and these are like six-year-old bartending how-to videos that have like there's some of them with like 600 views and it's that's about to change well yeah some of them have like 600,000 but every one of them is a lady explaining how to make you know a certain mixed drink she lays

up the ingredients the ingredients are about 90% correct and then everything that follows is wrong and the highlight of each one the one where I just double over in laughter is when she She says, and this is a pretty strong drink. We add about three ounces of bourbon. She fills up the whole glass. It's like 12 ounces of bourbon. Yeah, it's, it's fantastic. And then she mixes it like it's a Tim and Eric video,

just sloshing them, like, just like can't pour properly from one glass to the other. It just goes everywhere. She's like, whoops. You're going to, first you put in a pound of kale, then you smush it all up and you add five, sugar cubes and then you dump a liter of vodka just a solid little liter

and then you shake it up dump half of it on the ground mainly the kale now you got a cup that's a liter of vodka and that's how you make a marita if you don't have mint for the julep just just put cilantro in there it's a similar taste just use

jule the best one is the dry martini have you seen that one no no no it's literally just gin and ice she makes cold gin that's it

it's incredible like a bucket of gin like put the gin in a bucket and store it in your walk-in freezer it's got ice in it she loves ice she always uses like an entire like big gulp of ice well she knows she has to water down the like

half a handle of boo she's gonna put in it The 750 milliliters of booze in the tumbler, you're going to meet some ice. It's, I, the saddest, the saddest, uh, road to go down here is to imagine like, well, where did you learn this from? And just be like, oh, your dad, your dad was, oh boy, he went through some shit, didn't he? Your dad's a fun guy. This is where I just, this is where I just tell you to go to therapy based on your cocktail style, right?

like could you could you ask me a little louder and with more hostility in your voice to get an old fashion it just doesn't feel right I'm sorry it still do like and she always throws in these little these little comments along the way like you know after you put in your your gallon of tequila

you can either put a lemon or an orange on top of it I usually go orange like what do you mean usually the best part in the mint julep video is before she adds roughly an entire

20 ounce bottle of bourbon to it she's like I go three sugar cubes because I like it to be a little sweet motherfucker

you can't taste to take the fucking edge off just a little sugar to get you through it this is my grocery budget

went exclusively to citrus sugar cubes and booze