Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 4.10.0

Episode Date: April 6, 2016

This week's Fullcast features nothing but reader questions thanks to a bumper crop of quality inquiries. This happens whenever you start asking people about bad financial decisions, because if there is one clarion theme in life, it's making terrible financial decisions all the time. Topics covered include: -- A full disclosure of tattoos, including a terrible anchor Jason couldn't be bothered to finish --Should Mississippi State have paid the alleged $180K for Cam Newton YES YES YES THE ANSWER IS YES AND THERE IS NO OTHER ANSWER OTHER THAN "YES AND MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE PAID HIM MORE" --Why Randy "Macho Man" Savage would have been a fine suicide hotline operator --A deeply personal discussion of personal dance moves --"You know what'll never hurt you? A calliope." --A definition of realistic prices for the service of being stunned by Stone Cold Steve Austin --The invention of a wrestler named "CPAP", and the assignment of a Face role for Ryan where he wears briefs (or he's Paul Bearer, Jr.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown full cast. This is Spencer Hall, founder of Every Day Should Be Saturday, and editorial director of SBNation.com. Joining me for our questions episode, because, man, we have so many good questions. There's a secret to getting good questions from readers, and I think we've discovered it. Discovering it with me live from Brooklyn, New York,

Ryan Nanny. Jason DeRulo. That's a good derailment. Thanks. That took, what, 45 seconds? Yeah, yeah. I try to make it earlier every time. Eventually, I'm going to derail the podcast before the podcast even starts.

I don't even know if I could pick Jason Derulo out of a lineup now. He's the one who just can only say in response to questions, Jason Derulo. Okay, so I would have to, I can't do this visually. No, no, no, no, you have to question a little bit. So if we're playing... You got to do it like Daredevil. Even his heartbeat pumps out

Jason DeRulo Just in Morse Yeah The College Football editor And SB Nation Editor Supreme

Jason Kirk Joining us from Kennesaw Georgia It's a frosty What 55 degrees out there The bitter and savage 55 degrees out here Yeah Everyone has sought shelter

probably looted the publics for jugs of milk but I'm out here braving the elements for y'all because this is where I cook the best so I'll sacrifice for the greater good well I appreciate the sacrifice with only the hoodie and your burly chest tattoo to keep you warm I did finally pay off correct the debt

that I owed the University of Michigan this past week You owed a dead of blood and ink. I did. I said I'd get a tattoo if we raised $35,000. We cleared that by about $7,000. So I now have on my right shoulder a tattoo of the Miyazaki character, Totoro, with a Michigan M, a maze M, on his belly. How do you feel about it?

You know what? I'm totally fine with it. It turned out really, really well. I'm not going to lie. No, it looks great. It looks phenomenal for what it is. I did enjoy showing it to my youngest son who said, oh, that's a squirrel. For those of us who are too uncultured to know exactly what that is,

what brought you to pair that character with that institution? Well, no one told me what it had to be. Also, I don't know, there's something really Super Michigan about saying I'm going to get this beloved anime character on my body. Critically acclaimed. That's another important part of it. Critically acclaimed. Yeah, but critically acclaimed in the 1990s and 80s. Oh, definitely a Super Michigan thing, right?

Critically acclaimed for, like, been critically acclaimed for like years, right? We've got multiple decades of critical acclaim. Critics who were alive at the time liked it. Yeah. also it's the best of all things and that it's like a Lloyd Car football season in the story of Totoro nobody really gets hurt

and everyone's generally okay it's like the 10 and 2 10 and 2 9 and 3 of cartoon characters also my kids really like it and then you had to kind of work a Michigan element and where it's just why the M is on his belly

but it's good it's just difficult to explain to people if they have not seen the film it's just tell people it's Brady Hoke It's a very meat You see You can tell people It's a Pokemon

Yeah I just I just crave all acorns This is Bright Oak In his evolved form Yeah I now tell people I'm like Remember that episode of Bob's Burgers Where you didn't get the reference

That's what that is Oh man It's it's this So I now have a tattoo Now Jason is pretty inked up Correct probably relatively i guess yeah i have the uh got the sacred heart with wings on the chest which uh was inspired by some basketball player got the anchor on the back which

is inspired by tupac got my daughter's name and sue marion on the arm they're all just all brilliant ideas all great great ideas which which one is your least favorite of them the anchor it's uh it's not even finished which is just think about how stupid that is. I have a tattoo that I started and didn't care enough to finish. And this was, I got, I started, it started only when I was 18, and now I'm almost twice that age, and I have never cared to finish the stupid thing,

probably because I can't even see it, so. I was going to ask, I was going to ask, like, does, is there the correlation between tattoo I hate the most and youngest start point? Yeah, yeah, because the other two I'm fine with, like, you know, my daughter's name. Yeah, I'm pretty proud of that one. Also, dude, you got a chest tat.

A chest tat's a damn statement, man. Like, you take that off, and no matter what the rest of it looks like, somebody's going to be like, I don't know about fighting him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got a chest tat. The only way to top it, well, the only way to top it and still remain employable is, like, lower neck tat, I guess you'd cover with a collar. Yeah.

Anything beyond that where you're like, all right, I'm cutting out 80% of the jobs that I could work you know that's when you're really pushing it but that was by the way when I told Jason I was getting a tattoo he goes oh which side of your neck

no Ryan you don't have a tap right nope pristine pristine alabaster wonderland your body is a temple yep it is it's an it's an unvandalized temple

I look like I look like nothing but French vanilla ice cream over here what a horrifying vision of you of an ice cream statue of riot nanny like just carved out like what i'm going to have to have one of those made it's something so bizarre oh yeah i i absolutely want like some baskin robins to make me in the same way that subway does for the top draft picks i want i want to be made out of vanilla ice cream That's amazing. Maybe it's like the kid on the jug of salt, who's like,

it's like a puppy dog pulling down the kid's shorts, like crying in that pose. Right, right. I mean, you're mixing the copper tone girl and... I think I just said that while walking past an open window. No problem. It wasn't weird at all. You're mixing the copper tone girl and the girl with the umbrella on the salt, but I get what you're saying. Okay.

And as a pale man, I need plenty of copper tone. it's fine. This got weird and personal. We got and asked we asked our readers a very important question, which was this. We asked our readers to submit questions about college

football and bad financial decisions. We have a couple things we could discuss tonight, I think. There's a little spring practice tidbits. We could discuss a little bit of WrestleMania. I'd like to just roll it up into one sort of grand reader questions episode because what we have in store for you are some of the finest questions

we've ever gotten. I have like 15 questions open and I just want to start them because if you want a quality response from somebody, what you need to do is you need to ask, okay, tell me about your bad financial decisions. Yeah, what we learned is that nobody is on Twitter because their money is right. If you're on Twitter, if you're on Twitter a fair amount, Something that you've overdrawn your checking account, and you didn't even know it. Yeah. Yeah. So we have a lot of those.

So I thought what we could do is we could just dive in and we could do nothing but reader questions. What'd that do for you, gentlemen? I love it. Yeah, this is one of the best groups of questions we've ever gotten to sure. I'm so proud of you, listeners. So many weeks we sit here and say, oh, the questions weren't that good. But you guys killed it.

You're great. All right. I'd like to start with this one, which is tangentially football related. Actually, directly football related. It's from at Vener. I love this one. V-I-E-N-E-R on Twitter. And that's the question. Looking back, should state have paid the 180K?

Now, let's give a little bit of context, Jason, to what we're talking about here. Well, the one thing I liked about this is I think you said some bad financial investments. And at least three people asked a variation of this. Which is that basically Mississippi State probably should have ponied up a little bit more. And it's negotiations with future NFL MVP Cam Newton. Might have brought him to Starkville. Famous photo of him ringing the cowbell. Yeah, that's got to hurt.

The mythos being that when Cam Newton was transferring from Blinn, college in Texas, where he ended up after leaving the University of Florida, he demanded a price tag, or his father, Cecil Newton, demanded a price tag of $180,000 for his services. In charitable donations. To the church. To the church. To his church. Yeah, to the church of Cecil Newton and the Newton family.

Which is what you have to do when you can't actually pay fair market price for a player. Mind you, I think 180K is a steal for Cam Newton. Wherever two or more are gathered, there is a bag man. Wherever two stacks or more are gathered. So looking back on it, you go, well, should state have paid the 180K? Ryan, I mean, I have an answer for this. Your knee-jerk answer is a good one. But I actually, I did a little homework.

You did a little homework. I think you have a much more detailed answer besides my, hell yes. They should have paid twice that. Right. So what I'm doing is I'm imagining a world in which Mississippi State in 2010 has Cam Newton instead of Chris Ralph, who was fine, but was definitely not Cam Newton. That squad went eight and four in the regular season. they lost to Auburn they had a double overtime loss to Arkansas they got hammered by

LSU and Alabama so if you switch them if you put Cam Newton on that team I think it's fair to say that Auburn no longer wins that Mississippi State game and you probably that's enough to be the difference between losing to Arkansas and double OT and beating them let's keep the Alabama and LSU results the same, but that leaves you with a bunch of weird two-loss teams. It's entirely possible that Mississippi State plays for the SEC championship that year, and you would get Vic Ballard and Cam Newton in the same backfield, and my God, that's terrifying. That's really terrifying. that's like 800 pounds of

back in those two guys and they don't they don't even weigh 400 pounds each yeah it's it's a force is more than some of its trees thing this is it black holes and stuff yep dark matter yeah I mean just between the two of them remember Vic Ballard was a bowling ball

would have been a heinous heinous combination especially out of the Gus Bone offense that they were running at the time not by the way that Cam needed that much help because just remember this the number of TDs that he

accumulated credited to himself between rushing and passing would you care to guess let's just refresh everyone's memory in 2010 for the Auburn Tigers was it 40 something no 36

nope Cameron Newton in the in the 2010 season had 30 TDs through the air. And by the way, led the league in yards per attempt, okay, for 2,800 yards passing. 30 through the air. He ran for 20, bringing the total to 50 touchdowns. One for each state. 5.0. So,

DC can't get no respect. If you just, if you just look at what you're getting for that 180k. That is only 3,600 a touchdown. Wow. That is a deal on half.

Yeah, so the lesson being, if you have the chance to pay for a player, pay for that player. Write the check. Pay the fucking players. In lieu of that, pay the fucking player pay the player okay so yes question answer we started off with a with a reasonably football theme which is yes if you have the chance to buy a cam newton for the price of a home

in a not so great neighborhood you should absolutely do it jason you got a question from taco hole on twitter i bought my house in 2007 should i just eat shit and sell it for 10 or 20k less than what I paid. As someone who also bought a house in 2007, aka one of the worst years in American history to buy a house, get out while you can.

Any means necessary. If you have to eat shit, you eat shit. If you have to take that L, you take the L, if it's underwater, whatever's going on, flee the building, evacuate the premises, do whatever it takes. We ended up pulling off a short sale on ours,

which I don't really really understand. exactly what we did but somehow they paid us to leave this house that was like massively underwater uh so look into that it's it's pretty magical i don't know what it is but uh i did it and it worked pretty well you know why because the bank found out you have a chest tattoo that's probably what it was oh he's gonna he's gonna dig in there like a tick walked in there in a wife beater and they said oh get just get him out of here oh man you know you go you go to the loan approval in a suit and tie you go to the short sale or foreclosure notice in the wife feeder i really do think this is the kind of situation

where if you show up in like a suit they're like i don't think you need that kind of assistance maybe you just need to you just need to go back and pull your resources and try i can't this isn't a job interview sir no no no no no this is kind of the uh this is an exit no job interview this is an exit interview we already know we already know how this went tell me your weaknesses and your weaknesses seconded you should absolutely get out from under that just get your life

get your life on track get out of the way you're not alone boy you're not alone oh no it's like half of Americans man just go ahead get out of that get out from under that house okay pull his purrier

that's what he did he was like who South Carolina job just went underwater I don't know. Bye. Gotta go. 30 year mortgans. That's your terms. Not mine.

You didn't say, dog. We talking dog ears? Time moves differently for all of us. Relativity, look it up. Purely a human construct. Later. If you need me, I'll be on a golf course. Ain't telling you which one.

You can find me. Easy enough. Yeah. So go ahead. get out from under it. Ryan, you got a good question. Yes. What is the, this is also football related.

This is from Kennedy at J-S-N-K-N-D-Y. Thank you for your vowel-less username on Twitter. What is the one college football game in history that had the worst return on investment for a paid ticket? Oh. Off the top of my head, I'm going to say, and I haven't thought about this. in great detail, so there's probably a better answer. I'm going to say the Notre Dame Alabama championship game.

Oh, well, hmm. In part because I know Dan and Ty, our good friends over at the Solid Verbal, were in Miami for that game. Ty was trying to scalp a ticket to get in, but I think it was going for something like $700, $800,

and he just decided it wasn't worth it. So they went back to their hotel room, ordered a pizza, and Ty fell asleep midway through the second quarter. And that's so much better than if he had spent $800 to go watch Notre Dame just get its teeth kicked in. I don't know. That's good for Ty. That's good for the Notre Dame fan.

It's good for the Notre Dame fan. But it's not, I honestly don't even think it's. It was awesome for the rest of us. I honestly don't even think. But would it have been more fun to be there? Because I'm going to go a year. I'm going to do you one. Okay.

I'm going to do you. I'm going to do you one. You go push it back 365 days or so? Oh, sir, you read my mind. Okay. This is my answer, too. Yeah, if you want to talk about the most wretched wash, because I think you could have a lot of fun because Bama just, Bama just did the Hulk and Loki thing, right, with Notre Dame. Like, you don't belong on the same field.

Waits a second. Whips them around a little bit more, right? Yeah. Punity God. That was that game. there's kind of a majesty in that. I do not think that anyone in the history of football, including Alabama fans,

has ever gone back and watched the 2011 BCS title game. The 2012, the 2011 season, 2012, Alabama 21, LSU. It's not even worth it for the most baffling performance I've ever seen an offense throw out on a field in the big game. It's not. It's not. I'll tell you about it. You can call me.

email me i'll give you my phone number for only 599 a minute for 599 a minute plus an additional three dollar connection charge i will tell you and describe what jordan jefferson did on the field that day it may be a series of noises it may be a series of text and and photos interpretive photos that i send to you they're going to be weird the call will automatically cut off before you get to 50 seconds so yeah it'll only go halfway tops i was going to say we're not making it to 50 Because remember, they didn't make it past the 50 until like the fourth quarter in that game. It was one of the most wretched viewing experiences I can imagine in a big situation. And by the way, that's coming like, like this was, you know, this was excited.

This was, ooh, the rematch, the rematch. Yeah, and making it even worse was knowing Oklahoma State is right there. that would either be, you know, a shootout or it would be just a spectacular ass-wopin. But this is, there wasn't even a touchdown until the fourth quarter if I recall correctly. And it was like sarcastic cheers at that point.

Yeah. And furthermore, I would say that this was also to really bolster my case. This was a game in New Orleans well within striking distance of Alabama and LSU. The ticket market was tough. I was there. I ended up watching it in a bar and not spending that money,

which, again, great call on my part, accidentally. Undoubtedly, the worst, single, worst viewing experience for dollar per height point. The other one I will throw out, this is for a very specific group of people, all the FSU family and fans who bought tickets to the national title game instead of going to the Rose Bowl where they lost to Oregon. Whoops. You got,

at least you got a scenic tour of Dallas. Beautiful Dallas. Beautiful, rainy, cold January Dallas. Windy. Like, it was, that was the part that really affronted me. Yeah, January Dallas is not the best Bond girl. No.

It's the Bond girl who just, kind of slumps out and slap some frozen waffles on a plate and he's like, here, kids, eat. Anyway, for a worth, though. Hey, Ma. All right, next question. Is it my turn?

I think it's my turn. Go crazy. Go crazy. I'm going to go ahead and take this question from B. Shelley 24 at B. Shelley 24. I like this one. lot. What is the least amount of money and effort one can spend and still qualify as a venture

capitalist? My short answer would be this. I think you're a venture capitalist in your heart first. Don't let the balance sheet tell you otherwise. And it depends on what we're funding here. Are we talking about a, are you a venture capitalist funding a gambling trip? Okay, that may seem ludicrous. Not really a lower rate of return than on a lot of what venture capital gets poured into so don't worry about that um i'm going to go ahead and say this if you're going to be a venture capitalist you got to put up at least five hundred dollars at least does it does you have to put it all up at once or can't be in installments no we can have a series a okay so can we invest in advocare um it would not and i because

that is a previous scheme what we need is an original scheme right so we got to start our own pyramids. Hello, my startup is called 1994 Toyota Tersell. Would you like to invest? I believe they refer to as peer-to-peer direct marketing, sir. Do not slander. Sorry, Drew Breeze. Do not slander Drew Breeze's homies by referring to them as a pyramid scheme or even direct

marketing. I think it's, uh, is it peer-to-peer. It's just excellent, excellent products. Pyramid, it's fitting for the Saints, though, because, you know, it's just a, this point the Superdome is just a monument to glories of days long dead long if a yeah you're just trying to get ill that's cool yeah we we we don't have to take the wrath for this so we can say whatever we want but it's fine you better be careful right it's fine yeah so i'm gonna say my life is not that precious i'm i'm gonna say five hundred dollars sure

sure that works all right jason uh let's see um um um um um um um Um, from guess so, bra on Twitter. What are your, that's the handle. I can't believe somebody got to that one in May 2014. What are your favorite and least favorite accents to listen to for more than 30 seconds? Ooh. So, not just to make up for what was just said about the Saints that's true, but it's hard to top a Nola accent. If someone comes up to you and they can convince,

convincingly say, Wode, you pass the mic to them. You don't need to speak anymore. They have the authority here over you. That and anything, Texas. So I think just anything really West Gulf Coast is high on my list, at least as far as America goes. Okay. Worst is probably the slightly New York accent. Like, if you go all the way, New York, that's fine.

You know, if you're just so abrasive with it. So you're fine with, like, the Queen, Staten Island, Long Island accent. Yeah, if you're giving me like the Adam accent. Dude, I love that. Like full on, like full on hardcore queens. Dude, I think the Mets look fucking awesome. If you look like you can pull off a but a bing, then like, okay, fine. That sounds great.

Don't give me, don't listen, don't half ass your like hardcore New York accents. Okay, I want them big, full and ignorant. Okay, I want to be like, ba, booy! Ron our test, my boy, Ron our test. my boy, Ron our test says we just got to go in with him on this smoothie shop. I just need to be... I need to tell from the first syllable that you have just extreme sandwich opinions. Oh, yeah, definitely.

Like, yeah, all hot press sandwiches are the same, right? No. Like, you have ham rankings. Get out of here. All meats that other people would just call hams. You have, like, 18 different words for those. Capico, proshoot, salam. Also, whatever you got going.

on he got he got something better okay and and it's you know you don't know about it but my uncle or various relative to be named later or my boy uh knows a shop okay only open from 3 p.m. to 3.15 p.m. It's not insurance fraud per se because none of us have insurance. That's the beauty of it. It's out in Bensonhurst. I can't let you in there without a blindfold. but the ham oh the ham it's better than anything else you got that's one of my favorite like new york things is like man these jelly beans are good no man listen you i got i got jelly beans it's not i got i got a jelly beans guy i got a jelly beans guy i'll have to set it up for you know i got a guy it's the most undemocratic place in the world it's not like oh anyone could walk in

and get it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I have to contact the guild. It looks, it looks like a kidney treatment center, but in reality, candy shop. It's where the jelly beans are good. Ryan, what's an accent that you could just listen to for like days? Man, I think Texas, I think Jason is right. A strong Texas accent is pretty excellent. And I think we've said before that The heavy At least I've said before

Like the heavy Spanish Castilian accent That's just lovely That's just and I believe I said this Because I heard a woman on the subway In New York City Speaking in a A beautiful Spanish accent And saying horrible things

Just horribly racist shit And it was so disconcerting because it was it was melodious and wonderful and horrifying at the same time so i'll go with that and for worse this is probably going to get me in trouble but i think it's that specific brand of southern accent where things are just drawn out that whiny or too long that whiny southern have you seen what they've done to the shopping center why why now i sat there and i said to myself why why could do that why do you need a sonic right catty corner from the other sonic oh okay i got several accents several that i could listen to all

damn day. If you are from Memphis I can listen to any variety of Memphis accent, okay? Like, I could listen to like white, black, Asian. If you were just an immigrant, if they disrupt you in Memphis for like five years, I would listen to however you talk. Because it'll be amazing.

People in Memphis have like fantastic accents across the board, so I will take it. Memphis has an awesome accent. Texas period. Man, Texas like people like to do McConaughey? No, they don't like to do McConaughey, right? Everybody's got a McConaughey? No, everybody just likes to sound like they're from Texas, okay? Like every pilot ever born likes to sound like they're from Texas. And there's a reason. It's a real cool accent, okay? I like big, nasty New York accents. Like the bigger, nastier, the better. Right? Long Island will include you in that as well. Maine, I listen to Maine accents. Like people enjoy smoking PCP, right? I don't think it's fun, but I like doing it. Right? Like, I have no idea what the main accent is.

I don't know what you're saying. I'm kind of amazed that your words like that are coming out of your mouth in the 21st century. I'm not even sure I could identify a main accent. I could not do it for you, but if you look it up, it is mind bending. Okay. Absolutely mind bending. It's just incredible. I also really enjoy Canadian accents, especially when they're saying very hostile things.

I almost got my ass kick once laughing at a dude who was trying to. trying to get into a fight who was from Canada. And it wasn't with me. He was trying to get into a fight with a third party. Oh, you almost got a stray. I almost caught a stray because he's like, oh yeah, I'll go you. Yeah, come on, motherfucker.

I'm like, that's so cute. I believe that's called catching a stray. Like, if you've seen Letterkenny, anytime they start to get in fights, that's like the funniest part because in Letterkenny, you know how they'll say things like, oh, I'll go you want a Tilly? You fancy a Johnny, brook, huh?

That sounds delicious, sure. Sure. Like, it could be, like, straight murder, you know? Like, that dude could totally slaughter you. He's been deep in the wilds of Sudbury, Canada, subsisting on nothing but, like, jerky and boulson. But, man, it sounds so pleasant. So I really enjoy those accents as well. Oh, finally, if I'm in a situation where I need in a figure of authority, I'll always take some sort of

shit-kicking southern accent. Like, when my wife had her second child, the midwife was from somewhere in, like, South Georgia. And she walked in, she's like, well, shit, we're going to have a baby, aren't we? I'm like, it's going to be okay. Baby's going on fine.

Ma'am, ma'am, can you say some bitch for me? Yeah, God damn. Yes, yes. Perfect. Yes. I'm going to pull this some bitch out there. All right. And that's the child's name. Oh, I think, by the way, I think that's universally true for Americans. That if, like, somebody walks in, like,

angry as hell and they're like god damn let's get this son the bitch done everybody's like yes yes sir we're ma'am we got it like you remember Tommy Franks the general during the Iraq war like Tommy Franks you could tell Tommy Franks was from Arkansas I believe and like he would say stuff like

well you know we we got that done and our troops are safe and you know we got that deployed you can tell he's like holding back like eight profanities in the sentence you're like yeah it probably doesn't work if you're a grief counselor One way to find out I don't know

Man Alright Hitch up your pants We're going to fucking grieve We're going to fucking cope Lipp and grit through it We're going to come to terms with our feelings Motherfucker

Yeah that's I don't know that might work We're going to recognize that the loss we feel for another Is really inadequacy within ourselves bitch The only the only voice I can really Think of as being better for a grief counselor would be Randy Macho Man Savages. Tell me about your loss.

Your mother sounds like a beautiful woman. I'm just so, I just can't really, I don't think I can go on. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I understand. Actually, I find that really soothing. Like, if undead Randy Savage was like talking me through my problems.

I believe he is. with this big beefy arm around me I'm telling you I'd welcome that all right I think that's we're on to Jason Jason's question Ryan you had a question yeah this is a question from Big Cup at the Red Cup again on Twitter

what is Spencer's dance move and why is it wrong all right unlike Jason he is actually Ryan has actually seen this in motion so for context purpose I have only seen Spencer dance at, in a wedding environment, which is a little different than I think you're allowed a little more latitude. And I think Spencer and I probably have this same approach, which is that we are barrel-chested,

gentlemen, but we are more flexible than most people would probably expect. And so we both— Rubbery even. We both choose to use that flexibility. and get low. And it's not extremely low, but it's lower than you would think. And that's mostly my assessment of Spencer, the dancer.

But the distracting thing is that, Spencer, you are not the, and I say this really with kindness, you are not the... No, you don't. Whatever's coming out. No, you don't. Whatever's next is not said with kindness,

and I respect that. You are not the fun wedding guest half of your marriage. You're a good, you're a fine wedding guest. But you are not the one that people walk away from and say, oh, man, I'm so glad Spencer was at that wedding. It's your wife. No, man. She's the facilitator.

Your wife is one of the best wedding guests I've ever seen. Oh, legendary. Yeah. And that's not, I really mean that's not a slight against you. it's just impossible competition that and that and you know she's it's the

thing where you go and get people right like you bring them to the floor yeah like I'm never going to do that I don't care you know like I might go get one person to dance and it's probably her which you don't need to do no already there

already sit there but I would say like I'm a competent wedding guest I give myself like a bee a steady bee Yeah, you don't, you don't fuck up anything that you're, you weren't supposed to fuck up. No, and you got to know that like your default, you have to have a default dance move. Mm-hmm. Right? Like mine, like I think most people, you just default to the two-step.

Sure. Right. Spencer is also an excellent, uh, facial dancer, which is to say he'll get real expressive while he's cutting a particular rug. I try not to do the thing that, um, Oh, Holy Butte is. talked about white people where you do the literal illustration of the lyrics I try it's it's in my jeans I know

but you I try to I fight it I mean you got to suppress that you were you were a you were in school at some point during the 90s so you can't help it yeah like if somebody talks about money in a song I have to physically restrain the money gesture I'm doing the man's all thing I'm doing it with my hands

which is way way way less cool than it already wasn't cool. I only have $7 on my person. Making it rain. And that showers over. But yes, that's my default dance move is going two-step, and of course you try to keep the hands under the head.

You don't want the hands going over the head. No, no. Yeah. You know? You have a good, you have a good understanding that my biggest criticism of some people at a wedding is that they only dance sort of from the hips up and they rely too much on that you you work you have good footwork

you got to have good footwork you got to have slick shoes yeah man like what's the point going to a dress event if you're not going to give me a little james brown in the shoes i mean that's true you wore sneakers to my wedding so that's a little different yes i was being cheap but i mean come on it was like i was staying in my folks house well and i'll also So, like, the three of us, I would say, we're all relatively quads heavy. Yeah. So I think you got to show that off. You can't just do shoulder movements.

That's true. You got to show off what you got going on back there. And everybody, I maintain, if you're being very frank, and this is a moment of masculine honesty that I'm asking you to have. You don't have to accept it. But every dude has at least, like, two people that they grew up. And they're like, I'm going to dance like that guy. Easy. Or that girl.

You might have had that as well. well and I have two and they are my two were always James Brown and David Byrne those were always my David Byrne from stop making sense because I was like that dude looks like he's having fun those are two very different styles very different extremely different and I always thought and I always thought like I always I always practiced James Brown because I was like dude moves his feet yeah right if you look James doesn't actually move a whole lot else he's doing a lot of marching in place he can do other stuff like 80% of his stuff is like marching in place and doing cool stuff with his feet.

I guess for me that person is whoever is in the second row of a Michael Jackson video. Yeah. Not MJ himself, because that's just a level of difficulty that no one should attempt without proper training and background. But, like, still very talented dancer in the second row. That's sort of what my highest aspirational moves were. And Jason, I'm thinking you were probably one of the. dudes in like the shook ones video right I'm trying to figure which rapper would have been the

formative formative dance move person for me maybe it's a hell cool jay like he doesn't even dance he just sort of moves it's definitely not an actual dancing rapper it's not diddy no okay no I mean I think I think everybody likes to pull off a a ditty move just for fun not there you're going to actually

nail it or anything but if we're in an actual environment like a wedding or something where it's like okay dancing is an activity we're doing. We're not just clowning around. You are from Georgia, so half of your dance moves are basically the banquette bounce, right? I'm going to go more shoulder than most people. That's it. If you're from Georgia, it's like, I can't do other dances, but I will default to the

bankette balance. It's like, yeah, they're playing Michael McDonald, but my elbows are up. How many of your dance moves rely on pantomiming a very large steering wheel? I'm going to be honest, about 15%. Okay. About 15%. I don't, oh man, I don't understand why he thinks it escalate has any place in Lionel Richie's hello, but he's going for it. Steering as if you're driving a school bus through an ocean and it's like totally out of control.

That's dancing right there. I don't really acknowledge anything else is dancing. I guess I've been lucky that like almost every. Every wedding I've ever been to was either like, you know, it's one of my boys from growing up, or it's, you know, everyone's pretty drunk, or it's, you know, now we're super old. There's a bunch of kids there. So, like, every wedding I've pretty much ever been to, it's, we're just going to dance silly. You know, it's not like we're out to impress anybody. We're just goofing around. So, yeah, it's been a long, long time since I've been in any situation where I felt like, okay, I better actually dance pretty good. I have a question. which would be this, which would be from at Charlo Verde.

That's a nice duck as his Abby. That's a strong Abby choice, by the way. I once bought a $1,000 guitar because I was depressed. Parentheses, I could only play a little, close parentheses. Worst sadness buy. Oh, man, it's hard to beat

a thousand dollar guitar, right? like i mean at least at least it doesn't at least you still have it it's not something that you can use up or but man yeah that's pretty yeah advised like does it play songs by itself no it's not one of those kids guitars where you're just you know it's not a player guitar yeah where you like press you know press the green button and it plays you know smoke on the water do all the work so that's why you got to so i got a sadness by a cassi up That's right

And record The fart sound So you can Then you'll feel better Yeah Then you can play farts That's really Like if somebody said

Dude I got so sad About $125 Cascio recorded a fart And then played it You're like No that seems reasonable You're sad You would say are you still sad now

No it's pretty funny No I mean I played jingle bells all night with it It was amazing So yeah Just do that Instead of buying a guitar ever there are already enough people with guitars we don't need any more yeah this is pretty bad

because i was trying to think of like dumb things i bought because i was depressed and i'm like i don't know if i ever exceeded the four digit rank right like i don't know if you added up bar tabs i'm sure it would be much more than a thousand dollars right well that's like over the course of days yeah that's not that's not one more that's not one fell sober swoop in a guitar center Well, okay, never mind. Even if you pulled it off in like two or three days. Still, you're not stuck with a guitar. Did you have a guitar?

You got to look it around for the rest of your life and put it in closets in every house you live in. I'm shocked you didn't come close to like buying a motorcycle at some point because you were just sick of shit. I, man, you know, there's like life decisions that I think I'm made. but like they don't you know you couldn't you all right how's this you could quantify the damage but I don't want to why do that

but but why do that I mean I did like I wasn't depressed that's what heaven is for that's it's just reflecting on all of the stupidity Jesus but yeah like I don't know like the most like getting really

depressed like I don't know the biggest bar tab I ever ran up when I was bummed you're like wow 150 bucks it wasn't a thousand dollar guitar yeah that's so we're saying we're real impressed no it is it is it is pretty good and I'm sure

whatever musical instruments apply the purveyor you went to thanks you for your sadness yeah good good job charlo wow Jason so like when you walk in guitar center and they're like oh shit this guy looks sad oh man oh they're just looking at you like sharks

man he's he's leaving he's leaving a voicemail that's going to go unreturned. To someone who doesn't love him anymore. Oh, let's get some pedals. Hey, hey, watch. I'm going to talk him into buying drums. He's going to walk out of here with $2,000 worth of gear. It'll be embarrassed about for the rest of his life.

Have you seen our grand pianos? You know what never hurts you? A calliope. Grand organ. Look, it has auto play so you can fall asleep to it. Poop, boop, boop. Your whole life is a fun house now. I don't think you can do it without this thing.

Oh, my God. Calliope may be your greatest impersonation to date. Do that for your kids all the time. I do. They're like, dad, that sucks. Dad, we're going to the circus, right? Yep, close your eyes. Right.

We're going to drive around the car in a circle. let a monkey loose in the car and just look we're at the circus wow does it smell like peanuts not exactly uh jason you have a question from logg uh on twitter l-o-gg you are every school swaps their head football coach and head basketball coach who ends up in the best shape uh uh I mean, probably the easiest answer is like Michigan State because the same person coaches both teams. There's really no difference that I can discern between those two men. Yeah, Michigan State would be pretty strong, man. They'd be okay.

Like you're going to get a team that looks really unimpressive for like two-thirds of the season. Then you look up like, huh, they're like ninth. And like, you know, their players tackle well in both sports. now are we talking coming out well or no discernible difference like i feel i feel like you'd be you'd be you'd be pretty well off either way there but uh i guess you could take the question either way um okay i'm gonna throw texas into this mix because charlie strong if you tell him his roster can only have 14 people on it perfect that's his dream just whittled it down to a core and then and then shock of seven and then

shock of smart you know it's sort of a defensive innovator has a history of knocking off giants is charlie strong so that'll keep people happy at texas it's pretty perfect it's pretty perfect okay uh i am going to say that oklahoma because honestly if you traded bob stoop's and long kruger it'd take a week or two for anyone to really notice wow did bob stoop's lose weight Yeah, they'd be like, man, I mean, come on, you put on a visor and have somebody yell, it'd take weeks for people to figure that out. Wow, did Lon Kroger gain hair? Yeah. Also, you know, get into the title game once every two decades.

That's about right. UCLA, you would have also no difference at all because everybody would just want to fire everybody. Yeah, yeah. Deanna, too. Oh, boy. Because you just scored about 56 points and a loss. there we go done

god damn done and done Notre Dame too because they're you know like that's I just have a feeling

like those two guys would just you know be like well it's South Bend we don't have anything else to do let's just switch jobs and compare notes

you know which one I really want is Alabama cool David and Avery Johnson are of course not the same height but my God

we need more if Avery Johnson's accent in our lives That's okay Oh man You will Monroe up this week They're a great football team You were saying about New Orleans accents

But he takes it to this whole other level There's something else entirely going on It's almost Disney-fied, yeah And Avery Johnson I have a feeling that after two weeks of coaching that football team Sam we would come back and the players would be like, oh, thank God. You are so nice.

I did this for your own good so that you would love and respect me more. You are all part of the plan. You guys want to ask Avery questions about this football team hitting the podium with his hand. I am also pro seeing how sweaty Bruce Pearl will get outside of an air-conditioned environment. Just when Auburn plays LSU on the road. Ryan, I think that sure. shirt's coming off. I think you put Bruce in the September sun.

No, he's right at home. An NCAA violation is an NCAA violation. Okay. Bruce Pearl, to me, like Bruce Pearl is Auburn's football coach, just makes way too much sense. War Eagle. We're going to play up-tempo. We're not going to play up-tempo.

We're not going to play any defense at all. We're just going to be high-scoring games. Yeah. No, this is actually working. real well right down the best one right now yeah a seconded it i approve uh ryan you got a question yes this is from mf cambo at cambo nuts on twitter can you explain time shares in ten words or less i'm gonna try uh spencer you keep count please uh gotcha you think you'll use it but you never will That's it

Sucker That's the time to share That's real well I have a great one It's going to be my final one Great okay Which is this is from a good friend Of the website

At Joshua B Black What would you be willing to give up Or pay To take the stunner From Stone Cold Steve Austin I'd pay $500 to be stunned By Stone Cold Steve Austin Now are we talking in the ring

At an actual show Oh, no, I mean, if it's 500 bucks, I want it in a ring, I want an audience, I want the chance to rehearse it ahead of time, I want all that. But I would pay him to stun me, and I would, I would sell it. Sell the shit out of it. Yeah, do a headstand like the rock does. I would totally, I would practice, I would practice for months to attempt to come close to a shadow of what Dwayne Johnson did. Chris Jericho, by the way, also sold the shit out of the stunner. There was one of them who almost got tangled in the ropes he sold it so hard. Like going back, flipping, doing the full headstand,

and then entangling yourself in the ropes and or falling out of the ring. Oh, yeah, I would sell the living daylights out of a stunner. But yeah. When you sell the nonsense attack so hard, you almost actually hurt yourself. That's what you've done a good job. And I would, and I'd be whispering, thank you. Thank you. Thank you so, blessing me.

um spencer if you were if you were a wrestling a professional wrestler what's your like persona what's your backstory what kind of general trope do you fall under oh man it's um i think everybody knows i'm already a wrestler bray wyatt yeah that's true yeah i'm already bray wyatt if we're going to be real honest yeah no it's like bray wyatt stole it from me he's already got it although to be honest the fedora is a bit much so that kind of makes me think that maybe Bray Wyatt's not the question

gold dust is a real good one gold dust is an incredible wrestler who's real weird so I could do that as well also I think sting had like the best thing ever where he didn't really have to be a character all sting had to do was come down on a rope from the rafters with a bat that's legendary

that's amazing now I could tell you what I think my soul looks like right I want to be New Day because they just look like they're having fun and they make ass jokes and they play the trombone a lot. But it's not where you are. No, no, no. I'm probably, I'm probably Bray Wyatt.

That's fine. I feel like the only gimmick we could pull off if we were a team would be something in the direction of New Day. It's like if we got out there and tried to be tough, nobody's buying that. No, no, no, no. Right.

I mean, it wouldn't be as good as New Day, but we could be knocked off New Day. but like beards and goat masks come on it's the Wyatt family man yeah you could do that you got the beard you got the stash got the beard got the stasher got the like men you know you get crazy eyes

got all that what if you just did like a hybrid thing what if you were like Bray Wyatt scary new day new bray new bray new bray these booboos of fresh.

But then you also have sting makeup for some reason. Ryan, I am going to give you your wrestling persona. Are you ready? Oh, God. Great. Okay. With your strapping physique. Paul Barer, Jr. Yeah.

I'd like to be a sub-underter character. Like, not all the way dead, but somebody who's just kind of comatose or head chronic fatigue syndrome Just somebody has C-P-O-D Yeah Here comes the

Weezy Man He's out of breath Kind of winded My God, that's C-PAPs music You were the CPAP I always maintain this what Bain was Bain just had a C-Pap He wasn't scary

He just had a, you know He had like a soft palate disorder He just wanted to sleep He just wanted to sleep That's all It took over Gotham Threw all the rich people out Why I just want no neighbors

No noise I was born in the darkness It's good to sleep there Maximum Riam cycles Attract the quality of my sleep Ryan you're going to be like Basically a British bulldog character Okay

Right Yeah We're like chore boy That's what I would call you Chorboy you'd come out oh we'd make you wear briefs too there's no way you're getting away with like the jorts or the pants nope wearing briefs