Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 4.12

Episode Date: April 20, 2016

The Fullcast grabbed Holly Anderson to fill in for Ryan who is SOMEHOW STILL ON VACATION WHAT ARE YOU EUROPEAN OR SOMETHING. Anyway, she's the captain now, and Ryan's gone and can keep mooning about the continent and eating street waffles for all we care. HOPE STREET WAFFLES WERE WORTH OUR LOVE, FAITHLESS MAN-SCAMP. Topics covered include --Why there's a traffic reporter in ATL who is called "Cracker", aka "there's a different racial dynamic when you're in a helicopter." --How Holly forgot the name of USC's coach, again, and how USC really did hire three USC offensive coordinators in a row like that's a thing that isn't hilarious and absurd --A brief discussion of South Carolina's Boom Bus, and how no one ever leaves Will Muschamp with enough floss --Bud Elliott's hot prom fashion tips for 2016 --An analysis of Ludacris' tour rider, including a positive review of his taste in candles and deodorant (SECRET GANG) --Holly explaining why "Your dad" jokes are so, so much worse than "Your mom" jokes, and then proceeding to making Spencer very, very uncomfortable --An appreciation of various outdoorsy drunk-states, including a solid plea for the superiority of "lake drunk" --Was there more to this podcast that we didn't record due to technical incompetence? YOU BETCHA, TAKE IT FOR THE LOW PRICE OF FREE ANYWAY. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the Shutdown Fullcast. Oh, listen to that timber. Embrace the gruff and the voice. A Stevie Nicks-like appearance by me, Spencer Hall tonight, editorial director at SB Nation, and founder of Every Day should be Saturday. Joining us to the nearest dearest, first of all, regular contributor to this podcast, partner and cast member,

Jason Kirk, college football editor, general muckabout at sbnation.com. Hey, Jason. Hey, I feel inadequate that not having a voice that can compete with that one. Not that I usually can, but tonight I'm even more outclassed. Penta, penta, penda, penta, penta. Oh, damn. Get the designer going tonight.

Now, what did you go and do to yourself? This is just some horrible, sudden onset, spring, cold fuck. that it's kind of handy because if you don't really want to talk to somebody you can go hey listen

my throat's all torn up I'm sorry I can't I can't have this conversation now can you say like something about there being a wreck on the downtown connector

because you sound like the man in the helicopter on the AM radio I'm Captain Herb and we got a real side wander going down 7585 right around that Brady curve

watch it is a 3 car of fire APT A F FD and the GHP on the scene. You're going to want to take surface roads to get around that. You know what I realized today? On 107.9 on their morning show,

the helicopter man, they call him Cracker. And it's a white dude. In case anybody ever wonders if that word's actually offensive, the answer's no. Yeah, no, not in Atlanta. The minute you get outside 285, it's like, well, why can't we say that other word? But yeah, if you're inside 285, it's cool.

Because you're not in a helicopter, Yeah, exactly. There's a different racial dynamic when you're speaking to somebody in an helicopter. The fences are down, man. I didn't think I could be homesick for Georgia. No, I'm not. I'm not homesick for Georgia at all, but this is fun. No, because really, what are you missing?

Cripling gridlock? Nope, you got that, right? Besides you two, literally nothing. Zero planning? Nope, Los Angeles has that too. Like epic trash food? L.A.'s got more of that. It's like the most trash food town ever.

I say that endearingly. like lovingly. Allegedly an NFL team? Yep, same situation. That's it. Oh, I missed this. Mysteriously corrupt baseball team. Don't, yep, yep.

Only advantage L.A. has is that their baseball team is literally in a hole. It's in a ravine, right? We just put ours in Cobb County. Same thing, same thing, really. Same thing, can confirm. We are joined tonight. by ADSBSBS

alum and current political editor? Editor of politics like what is your title? It's Director of Politics and News. Guess how fast I let that go to my head. Oh, it took about three seconds.

Pretty fucking fast. Yeah. Holly Anderson. Hi, Holly. Hi, I just realized something. You have Stevie Nix vocal cords. I have her hair and Jason has her delicate bone structure.

Oh my God, we are Stevie Nix Voltron. Tusk, y'all Stand back My God Like, you know, my mom hates Stevie Nix to this day Because my dad thought she was hot Like he wasn't cool about it either

Like stay back We're going to your dad Awfully early in this podcast Wasn't cool about it Is that like when she's on TV He's making noises or Pretty much Yeah like mid-conversation

Stand Back would come on And he'd like turn up the radio And be like I can't see you that doesn't sound like your dad that hurts don't make me do that no

my dad in a track suit my dad in a track suit okay stop sexting me through this podcast off the work environment um let's I wanted to do a couple of things Tully doesn't know she actually we were doing

pre-show we actually do pre-show which is the point where I haven't hit record yet that's really all pre-show is and jason we found out something about holly right she doesn't know something uh holly does not currently know who the head football coach at USC is i forgot i know ted cruz's fucking schedule down to the minute for the next week and it has pushed out the knowledge of who USC hired well that's good i mean you have to keep your head on a level you have to know where Ted is the only way to avoid him is to know where he's expected to be um so that i think that's essential information for any american to know in advance where that man

will be had less that weird lump and face get too close to your person head heading to the nearest dildo factory with a can of gas and a match well hell we've all been there that's where ted cruz is headed man i'm gonna say he wants a dildo factory he can just he's just look at the mirror but Yeah, that's right. I thought we were, see, I thought that was going to your mom. You know what? We should do on this podcast that we've never done before.

We should explain the your dad thing. No, no. Do we, all right. Let's finish this line of thought, and then we can get to psychologically taxing topics. Like, why Holly enjoys talking about my dad. First, let's... Everyone should. God damn it.

Let's see if we can get this. before my brain shatters into a thousand pieces. We need to see if there's any way we can get Holly to guess who USC's coaches. Because the joke here is that you know who the athletic director is. Yeah, that's what made me realize that I saw the

Lynn Swan news and I was like, oh God, this is you know, well, he did at least the face that he was making in the photo made it look like as though he had an exact clue of how terrible an idea this was. Lynn Swan himself did. And then I realized, well, I wonder if he'll push out and then I realize I don't know who they went with I like I'm sure I knew it at the time

but it has been shuffled off into the nowhere place with bing bong in my brain I would say we approach this like this um is it this bad do we do we have to do do we have to actually like play charades and go first word no no I I think I think we can walk to this uh in a few short steps which is based on what we know about you USC's hiring preferences at head football coach and athletic director over the past few years, there is definitely a profile and a key resume item that when you slide your, slide your resume over, and it says, have work on Pete Carroll staff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Aren't we, aren't we kind of sort of running out of those dudes?

Not yet. Wait, did they hire Sark again? Kind of Kind of I think you're definitely on the right track Because right out of those dudes I think they did Which is why they hired this individual Jason

Jason play along with me Are you ready? Uh huh So what was the administrative position In title Of Pete Carroll's successor At USC His administrative title

When he was at USC was what He was Oh the oh the offensive coordinator are you talking about before he was coach he was he was the offensive coordinator he went to get jimmy johns that was his job that's right and he was offensive coordinator okay right then they hired then they hired who by title who did they hired they hired wait did they stick with wait did they keep clay helton boom okay that explains why i forgot that's the joke that USC has hired three offensive coordinators who were on staff in a

row. Everything's going to be fine. They're going to solve this thing. He's a perfectly nice human. He's already like six and four. He's already got the polo. He's got all the polos. They don't have to fit him for new polos. They don't have to

Photoshop anything like that poor information staff in South Carolina is having to do with must champ. Who now has the boom bus? That is my favorite thing that they were so Tony. Did you see how unexcited he looks on that bus? He looks at. He looks exactly like if you were faced with a long, long ride and a painted in an air-conditioned bus in

Columbia, you'd be making the exact same face Wilmoschamp is making on the side of that bus. But here's what really gets me. Imagine how many photos they had to take of him. That was their best option. That photo on the side of that bus is the best option they came away with. Imagine the outtakes from that shoot for Willmus champ on the side of that bus. I bet he gives him like seven seconds. He's like, take a damn picture. Okay. wait are you saying that will muschamp is concerned with speed okay well on one side of the ball at least maybe he does like half the things in his life really quickly and then half of them it takes him forever and he never gets them done

i can name a couple of the things on the other side of that ledger i pun on flossing like that's will must champ either that or he just flosses for like 30 minutes and never properly does it i bet he flosses down to the bone Like, well, like, Will, why'd you do that? Well, the floss stopped there. Yeah, sorry. I popped all the teeth out. I ran out of floss.

You're going to have to put them. That's what you're asking, right? You're going to have to put them back in. You know what? That's not my problem because, you know what? The person before me didn't leave much floss in the cabinet. Right? Look, go in there and look.

I didn't have much floss to work with. I feel like we're not talking about floss. We might not. This may be a metaphor. By the way, like, that joke is right. there like you have something called the boom bus and i'm immediately hearing must chap like one of his more malevolent assistance he's like yeah i'm getting three years and getting the hell away from this lunatic it's like no no no we should have a title with more bang like a bus

a bus with bang like what oh no wait wait wait i heard it wait wait wait what can we call it well like this this vehicle they're riding it around what college school towns i guess Just trying to meet people. Just trying to meet young, athletic-looking people. Just trying to make friends. That's all there. I want to make this even more uncomfortable. Just trying to meet some chill folks.

That's it. Let's work in that famous shot of Wilma's camp where he's jumping up and down during his brief stint at Auburn, hugging one of his players like he's a goddamn clip on koala. You know the one I'm talking about? Yeah, he's got him in the rear naked. Yeah. Just get on the bus for 22 to 34 minutes. it's all we need we'll edit it down to whatever you need um i just hope some assistant put that

out there and like must champ was like no you know that's cool i mean i like i don't know i'm boom though it should be boom you sure you sure you know they never called me that no never called me that no no the bang bus it'd be great i love the phrase one of his more malevolent assistance yeah oh listen i'm sure there's like one or two dudes on that staffer really like short time cash it is there's at least two of them named bonesaw

bone saw one and bone saw two well that's that to be fair that's just state law only one of them it's their Christian name you know how Stanford has those coaching titles like the Andrew Luck coordinator of offense right

a professor of offense oh the the bone saw endowed garage or something yeah no it's just bone saw one a bone saw two and you have to do like with Dr. Seuss thing one and thing two you have to wear this little jumpsuit that has like you know little bone saw logo in one, but little Bonesaw logo in two. They'd be like, I thought bones...

Also, if you wear a jumpsuit, then you don't have to wash the blood chips off. You just kind of shed it. Frankly, wearing a jumpsuit in Columbia, South Carolina is just a good idea for sanitation and personal idea. Oh, God, I don't know. Imagine, like, have you ever had full body swamp ass? I haven't. Breathable. It's got a wick. Maybe, Jason, we should just send Bud out in the road in one of those. A full wicking bodysuit. He'll figure out... Bud, full body, swamp ass, Elliot.

He'll figure out a hack. That'll make it, that'll make it workable. I haven't, Jason, I haven't told Holly. And then I'll buy them in bulk. I think I did. Yes, he'll buy a pallet of it for $60 somewhere. I got this at Cabela's on sale. It's $30.

I got seven. What I do is I go on the internet and look for people who are selling it with typos. The recruits told me this was on fleek. You down with that new OG Maco? Like sometimes Bud. If you don't know, Bud is our recruiting coordinator. And Bud had a moment this week. that was maybe the most recruiting coordinator moment ever

and that it implied deep knowledge of teen culture and yet a real estrangement from it, which was that in Slack, he said, oh, yeah, this year, prom fashion, you know, like midrifts are back. This is my question. What is Bud doing at a prom? He's just trying to get some, you know, some tape.

Just trying to get some, yeah, just getting some tips about who's talking to Michigan, who's talking to Oklahoma. But, yeah, he just picks up, of stuff from these kids like there is some story last week where he wanted recruit opinions on something and just fired up a group DM with like 20 recruits and we were all laughing like oh uncle bud just rounding up the kids to send him which emojis reflect their opinions on this NCAA thing but yeah he he walks

away with sort of opinions and and and and actual working knowledge of every teen thing yeah mid riffs are back like you know my wife stressed about it I was like that's that's that's the most bud moment ever is to be like yeah you know it's gonna be tough it's a hard fashion pull he ends up with opinions about rappers that he's never even actually heard their music but he yeah young thug is talk he talks about a lot of nonsense he does you know I don't understand anything he's saying kids love him it he might never heard a young thug song but he's got he's got a young thug opinion that is certified by a teenager so it's perfectly valid

Honestly, I did get it. I did get an I.m. from him like a couple of weeks ago. I was like, oh, what you know about that new OG Mako? Like, there we go. That's my life with Bud, and I would never trade it for anything. Can we look at Ludacris's writer from his show? Probably ought to. Oh, hell yes. I only made it as far as the Joe Malone candles, and I closed the window with a nod of satisfaction that Luda is a man of taste and elegance. You have to tell us, is that actually like, because I'm candle illiterate? Is that a quality candle brand? Joe Malone is a quality, is a quality girl, girl perfume. Okay.

And I walk, but whenever I walk by the candles in the airport, I always want to smuggle five or six, seven. So good on you, Luda. Okay. That's good. Other things that stuck out to me, one. Well, the very first thing is bread, peanut butter, and jelly. Yeah. Very first on the list.

Yeah, no, that's essential. I would go way down the list, and I would look at this. one small secret deodorant. As if I didn't know Luda was already pretty smart. We're wearing Secret as a man. Oh, we've got to post the vine of you yelling about Secret Deodorant after you walked 20 miles to my house that one time. It was totally fine.

I smelled great. Secret is in distress. You are loud and profane in your defense of secret deodorant. Until I die. Secret is the best deodorant out there. Hands down. You actually, it's actually kind of harmful. You'll stop sweating in parts of your body that did not even receive a treatment of secret.

so the one thing to consider with some of these is i believe luda is married um and i'm not sure about the kids situation if there are any kids involved who might or might not be traveling but perhaps a consideration when it comes to candle quality deodorant quality things like that maybe that big box of magnums too no i know it's a thing that he endorses he's like I will endorse Magnum Condoms till I die. Which, cool, that's fine. He specifies here that he wants the ecstasy

variety of Trojan Magnum condoms. So that's like very specific. So if he has kids, it's evident that he doesn't want anymore. So that's responsible. In addition to this, two packs of AA batteries and two packs of AAA batteries. What are those for?

Probably first. the it's got to be something to do with Georgia football probably some sort of fan noise maker thing pretty much my favorite thing on here is the cognac which is his own

brand of cognac so he made the University of Georgia buy him two bottles of his own cognac I mean if once you once you get to that level I don't what the fuck do you need with a business degree or anything or any kind of life

plan just do that he's the just make that your goal and work toward that he's the professor who makes you buy his own book right like can we talk about the repeat of almonds because that's what i keep getting stuck on i see an unsalted almonds right we got one fresh unsalted almonds but then down there below between lotion and soap god knows why it's one can of almonds okay is that the salted almonds or is that just to make sure you know what that is i here's the language one fresh unsalted almonds one can of almonds this is this is the van halen brown m&m thing yeah this is uh hey i only see one almonds i'm bye can't do it got to go i only see at almonds yeah no this is right i'm bored with this no this is to make sure you're paying attention luda charged them 65 grand and we

know this because uh that open records law hasn't passed yet so we didn't have to wait 90 days after the turn. Well, it has, but they sent it really quick. Like, the law is in effect. There's another open records request that they are dragging their feet on, but this one, they sent it, they turned it around within hours. I mean, if the whole purpose of that law was recruiting, I mean, shit, man, looking at this, this, yeah, yeah, this is going to help recruiting. I want this out quickly, too.

Also, come to Georgia. It's six large white t-shirts, can of V8 juice. some candles I'm gonna need the I'm gonna need the finest candles I order to come to Georgia Kirby Smart sitting there in a bed bath

and beyond like one in the morning God damn it They really need to make one of those like recruiting graphics that like coaches post on Twitter and you're like wow coach You're really good at Photoshop

With like you know it's got the light Nike logo SEC logo 41 draft picks and trophies and whatever And it's got like one case Iniko coconut water And a hairbrush Come here we got it all and a degree who do you think does luta's ironing

luda these days? Like that's what I'm asking for an iron in an ironing board I'm wondering if he's if he's standing in the tunnel to the locker room somewhere just humming away and then moving the iron back and forth or if like one of uga's wranglers is going to be tasked with this. I mean field mob hasn't

dropped an album in a long time they might be ironing luda's gear. Yeah they're not busy that's true you know like at that though it might be luda because luda I think has done the thing where he ran out of money and then had to go like work the voice, right? Like, he had to go do a TV show for a while.

So I think he's back on that money-saving thing. Because I got a message on Twitter that said, I was at I think Auburn. This guy was at Auburn when he did that. And he's like, Luda had the same rider and he walked off with all the stuff. Like he put it all in boxes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Which means he probably... He probably has, like, 50 of those rechargeable toothbrushes. So Luda is the Bud Elliott of stadium rappers. You got to buy in bulk Midrips are back Luda

We asked our readers By the way for some questions Since there's nothing else going on Oh no No The general topic Jason I would have these reader questions Which I didn't tag you on by the way

You're welcome The grade for this I think they turned in about a C plus That's good for them The theme that Spencer went with was booze, worst booze experiences. No, no, it wasn't. No, it's just, we were talking about situational drinking because...

Situational, okay. Because, just to give you an idea. Wait, I'm being targeted here. No, no, no, no. Holly, you and I... Am I being targeted here? No. No. Not yet.

Notice, by the way, we skipped right past the dad question. That was a really pro move on my part. I want people to explain people what all went into that, because I put a lot of thought into deciding. to torture you by saying I was going to seduce your dad. Oh, God damn it. Okay, so I don't remember what particular barb

or sore spot I was punching on you one day. Okay, metaphorically speaking, I think. And you decided that the only possible comeback to this, right, was what? No, wrong. I had a whole comedic

theory behind this that you were completely disavowing until I tried it on you. Oh, which was that everybody tells your mom. This is the, right, right, no, this is, we got to start it. Let me, let me tell this. You're telling it wrong. Break it down, y'all.

I don't know how we got into this. I don't know how we got into this, but just, just so we have all this on record, I, there are people in my life who now think I threaten to sleep with Spencer's father just for no reason. And I just want them to know that there's a rich and dark history behind it, which is that we were talking one day about mom jokes and how mom jokes have been in the culture in the zeitgeist for so long that they're now universal like when somebody jason when somebody tells the your mom joke do you think of your specific mom or are you just like uh your mom joke yeah you don't

you don't actually visualize your mom you don't visualize your actual mom right but dad jokes are so much less common that my point at the time was that there's still a specificity to them because you don't encounter them as often so when you hear a joke about dads you're more likely to think of your dad the edges of this have not been worn down by time and overuse and i'm explaining this and what i thought was pretty solid logic and Spencer says that's bullshit and I pulled down one corner in my shirt collar and I said how is your dad these days and he got so fucking upset that I decided to use it against him for the rest of time I've never seen him that upset it's really really bad that's a good joke man it's cringe it's cringy because you know like and what did we learn from

stranko and days of edsps you're if it's funny once it's funny every time Every time. And that's the thing with dad jokes. When your mom joke, you're like, when your mom joke, you're like, ha, ha, she'll have sex on a donkey cart. Like, oh, okay, funny, ha, whatever. Maybe mom did, I don't know, whatever. But with dad, it's like, he's a drunk.

You're like, he is. Oh, God. You know? It doesn't help that your dad's extremely handsome. My dad looks like Jackie Gleason. Apparently I have a type. just just holly watching the toy going something about that man

the man can wear a track suit I will say I will firmly stand up for that my dad is one of the few human beings who located out of the like Staten Island area one of the few white men who can carry off a track suit it's like him and Bob Huggins that's it looks so wealthy

he does it's an illusion which every once in a while he is do you just want to cut this chest open do we just want to cut it let's just go all I've wanted this entire time was to hear you say that I was right about dad jokes I almost don't want to now what did I tell you I told you I was going to gaslight you

into thinking this was your idea I'm in hell and that's fine I'm almost there So we were talking about situational drunkennesses. Oh, were we? No, we were talking about Ollie fucking my dad. Oh, come on. That sounds like it actually happened.

Come on, man. You did not. Oh, have the tables turned now? Oh, shit. Just remember, if we're playing that game of how close can I get the beer keg to the edge of the deck, I'll always push it over. I'll be that one. Who did it? Spencer did it.

Again, God damn it. He's going to have to pick up the gang. I'd like to say we've all learned a valuable lesson, but I've known you guys too long. Yeah, there's no such thing as brinksmanship for me because there's no brink. No worries, sir. Appreciate you. But situational drunkenness is this past weekend, you got drunk and what I think is like at least a top 20 drunk situation, right? I would put it high, high, high on the list of desirable drunk situations, yes.

Yeah, you got Renfair drunk. Yes, I did. Do you want details? Jason, have you ever been Renfair drunk? No, no, I haven't been since middle school. You haven't been Renfair drunk since middle school? I haven't been to the Renfair since I don't believe this without editing. it was lit

I haven't been to Renfair since middle school but if I went and now I would probably have a few I was gonna say man that would be like if you were drunk

in a Red Fair in middle school that is some Georgia ass shit so I'm sold by the way on Renfair drunk because we used to do it in high school and the only reason you go to the Renfair in high school is because they have turkey legs

and because they have corsets that's it that's why a young boy goes to the Renfair This is pretty much the reason we went this weekend yeah but you were drinking like weird things that were flavored with like framblars and brandy right yep and it was sunny like god in france and there were people this is this was this was all kind of an excuse of the boss depending that all of us take a day off because we've been killing ourselves with this new job and everybody's got kids and there's this renfair out here that takes over a whole state park next to a dam next to this beautiful lake and it's 85 and sunny in the desert and so after two like 12 ounce one whatever's of this mead concoction, we're all just seeing through time. But I also have discovered that you can able to watch a toddler while not being able to walk yourself because can they.

Jason, are you a better parent after like two drinks? I think the thing about drinking at any task is you really cut through the bullshit. You become more efficient at everything. Is it like that one beer that makes you really good at pool? oh yeah yeah maybe like i don't know if it makes you more capable but there's just so much you're not going to worry about so on the whole you're only worrying about the things that matter yeah i've got yeah uh two drinks like we had a pass of kids with us under the age of six and none of them came to injury and it's not for any lack of discernment on our part well that's that's

because my kids weren't there um but yeah like two drinks two drinks and i'm an amazing parent True. That's like two drinks. That's probably, that's why throughout the ages, that's when alcohol has really spiraled into a problem is when children arrive. Because it's just an operant advantage. You're more patient. You care less about the little things. It's great. Four drinks. In a weird way, you become more authoritative because, like, you're being fun and weird, and that's interesting. So they're actually listening to what you say. and like if you're in that zone for an hour and then you say hey stop that they're like whoa whoa whoa whoa you know that that stop that really means something not like usual where it's hey stop that every five minutes i'm going to put another a couple of different types of situational drunk out there as being completely optimal um or perhaps overrated overrated is beach drunk oh absolutely everything's gritty and then somebody always has to drive home or stagger stagger up these wooden splintery stairs yeah beach drunk is so hot so hot and not and like salt's dehydrating everything tastes like sunscreen and sand yeah and not only are you sitting there becoming less healthy you're surrounded by extremely healthy people

people. Oh, the worst. Just to really... What beaches are you on? Not the Gulf Coast. Where you live. Perhaps surrounded isn't the right word, but... Jason weighs 350 pounds now.

It's been a really difficult two months. It's been a bad off season. Missy fam. I will say that Beach Drunk's deeply overrated. Pool drunk is not. Pool drunk rules. How so? Pool drunk rules because, one, it's generally

not as hot. Two, it's a more controlled environment, so I don't have to worry about stumbling over as much stuff. Three, there's usually a lifeguard. So if shit goes sideways, I'm pretty sure somebody's going to pull me and or someone I like out of the pool, right? Four, the bar is closer, okay? And I'm going to put an addendum on this. It's not just pool drunk, Disney pool drunk. Disney pool drunk is the shit. Because you don't even have to pay. You just scan that awful little wristband that they have and boop. There's your $9 beer.

Pops right into your hand. It's glorious. So pool drunk, definitely underrated. This is literally the only thing I miss about ESPN is that silver pass. The silver pass. Thank you, cousin. Now, what about Lake drunk?

Because I would argue Lake Over Pool in just about any just about any circumstance, but this particular, this particular, activity obviously the proximity is an advantage for the pool um this is what you all don't understand about redneck life that lake drunk is like lake drunk is the top five drunk see i feel like lake drunk has a lot of the disadvantages of both beach drunk and pool drunk in that there's more often than not some kind of transit involved afterward to get you home

and there's not a lot of ways to escape, you know, the scorchiness and also sticks and snakes. I feel like Lake Drunk, you've got trees. So there's shade, so that cuts down on the sun. It's less humid. It's probably less noisy. It's probably less smelly. There are some bad lakes, but not many things smell worse than the ocean. At least for a lot of people, the transit is closer.

I have a lake pretty close, but the beach is really far, so I'm biased here. Also, in case you wonder if things get loose on lakes, like supremely loose, there is a sign. None of us are wondering that. All right. There is a sign on Lake Lanier that says, do not bring pets, including animal, animal, animal, animal, comma, bears, animal, animal, bears are just listed in this long list of things considered pets. Yeah, that's a party. and also what's really the worst thing that can happen in a lake maybe you get hit by a boat okay you're not going to wind up on another continent so like it's think think about safety y'all

do your drinking at a lake