Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 4.13.0

Episode Date: April 27, 2016

Andy Staples of Sports Illustrated joins us at the last minute to take Jason's spot. Where is Jason? Jason was at Disney World, and needs several weeks to recover from the experience. This seems like a paltry amount of time for this, but he's a soldier and we can't keep him away from the front lines for long. Topics covered include: --The time Andy yelled "IRON" in Italian at terrified Florentines until someone finally sold him one for 19 euros --How to care about anything in what might be the driest, most boring offseason college football has ever known (A: you can't, really) --Why the Department of Justice has solved every major issue facing this country --A brief discussion of how USC might be one of the most incompetent athletic departments in the country and yet still get bailed out by resources, beautiful surroundings, and UCLA never caring enough to be good --Which conference will be the first to construct a giant monster truck made entirely of Mini Coopers? (Texas, it's gonna be Texas.) --Yet more epic tales of poor and stupid living from Alachua County --The unveiling of the Andy Staples Perpetual Motion BBQ machine --The first and only edition of "Joel Osteen or Mack Brown?" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. I have some good news, and I have some bad news, and I have some bad news, and I have some good news. All right? I'm going to try to deliver it in some variation of that order. The bad news. We don't have Jason Kirk tonight. Okay? We don't have Jason Kirk.

We had not lost Jason Kirk. We lost Prince already this week. That would be a bit much. He is merely consumed with Disney World. I'll ask the person who is replacing him, which is our first bit of good news, which is Andy Staples, Sports Illustrated, joining us from what I imagine

is an overpriced hotel room in New York City. Hi, Andy. Hi, Spencer. It's more of an overpriced closet. Yeah, that's good. Which hotel are you just going to spill the beans and tell us which hotel you're saying at? It's a Fairfield Inn.

I can see the East River. So if I look, if I squint, I can probably see Ryan Nanny over in Brooklyn. That's a top two New York River. Whoa, whoa. Who's that? Who's that? Hello, governor. I'm back from the continent. I am.

It looks like just the wrong accent even by category, man. Don't know about that. Yep. The good news is that Ryan is back, and the bad news is that Ryan is back. Hi, Ryan. Oh, man. I left you at par there. I don't think that's too bad. Yeah, I guess 500 is what I'm really going for on most days. So that's fine.

Hey, win some, lose some, wreck some, son. In case people don't know, where have you been? I went to Italy for two weeks, and I was barely on the internet, and it was wonderful, and I highly recommend it to anybody who does work for the internet. Mm-mm-mm-mm. Can I just stop you? You need to rephrase that. I was not on the internet, comma, and I was in Italy. And I was in Italy, yeah. I have two travel destinations to ask you each about, one being Disney World with Andy.

You have kids, Andy, correct? I do. We have Disney annual passes. Okay. So with Disney, your overall verdict as a parent and your killer tip for absolutely screwing someone else at Disney out of a spot in line, something good, or otherwise cutting a corner. Okay. You can overlap your fast passes.

So if, for example, we have four, there's four of us, me, my wife, two kids. so if you want to get on Big Thunder Mountain and there's a big line well okay there's never a line for Big Thunder Mountain if you want to get if you want to get on the new seven dwarfs ride in Fantasy Land and there's a big line and you can't get more than two fast passes together you overlap your fast passes so you get one set of fast passes that goes from 330 to 430 and another set of fast passes that goes from 415 to 515. So you get two of each, and then you show up at 415, and all your passes work. Wow. Are you the kind of dude who puts two cans of sterno under a single chafing dish?

Well, you want to keep it warm, don't you? I would like to keep it warm, yes. Well, somewhere between warm and the chafing dish has a hole, like, blown to the bottom of it. No, I wish I could say that I deserve any credit for that. that was a that was stolen from one of my wife's sisters so that is a that is a sinister and evil thing to do at Disney also also by the way now I can't do this much longer because my kids are too old but when they when we had the the big double Bob revolution stroller with the with the giant monster truck tires I mean really foreign tourists expect us to be rude anyway So there's no reason

You can't just run them over If they decide to stop in the middle of a thoroughfare You're just giving them an experience It's not rude I give them a story to take home Fast Pass is a wonderful thing Because it's kind of a useful metaphor For America

The line is what we think America is We're just like yeah Equality Everybody waits their turn And then FastPass comes along and says Oh not if you have money It's a little different if you have money Or not if you're smarter than everybody everyone else. Also that. Also that.

Remember, it's totally legal as long as you scream, I'm Jack Bauer! As you're like ramming. Exactly. There's no time. So many things are legal. In most red states, if you scream, I'm Jack Bauer. Whatever you did was just legal. There's no time. Why are you torturing that man? There's no time. There's no time. I need this gas quick QT manager.

I want more garlic knots. still have never seen an episode of 24. Wow, that's hard to do. I know, I know. I think you would actually really enjoy it because now it's so grotesque that it reminds you that we lived through one of the most barbaric, stupid times in our nation's history. Like, that's all it was.

It was like a fight song for dumbness. There's a whole thing we're doing on this, by the way. But, yeah, you should really go see it. It's amazing. John Boyes is doing something awesome on it. It's like my favorite thing we've done on SB Nation ever and it has nothing to do with sports. Don't ask questions about it. Ryan, Annie!

Hey, you were in Italy. What were, I just want you to name, not three, but just like two things where you go, oh, I'm really in Italy. This is definitely not anywhere else. The first is the first place we went, which is the Chinquatera, these five little seaside villages. on the Mediterranean that all told I would be surprised if there are more than

a thousand people that live between all of them and they are essentially almost entirely unchanged. They're just perfectly charming and small and the ocean's right there and they just feed you anchovies and pesto and it's wonderful.

And then the other thing is totally cliche but there is not the main church in Florence, not the Duomo, but the, I guess number two on the list there. You go inside and they have in one church the burial sites of Michelangelo, Machiavelli, Dante, and Galileo. And you're like, okay, so that's cool. So everybody's just buried here. That's fun. That's quite a who's who's who. Yeah, I have a Florence story too. we get to Florence first day

there's no iron in my room my clothes are completely just compressed into a cube like they've been in one of those vehicle trash compactors or scrap metal compactors and so I go down the front desk you know can I get an iron oh we don't do that we offer laundry service I just need an iron

so I walk out into the street and see some American tourists and say Hey, do you guys know where I might be able to find an iron? And all you times, means she says, Just wear your clothes wrinkled. And I said, this is why they hate us. These people are immaculately dressed.

They looked like they walked out of a GQ spread. I'm not going to walk around with wrinkle clothes. I'm just not going to do this. I'm going to find an iron. So I got the Italian term for iron, which is Fedo de Stitto. And I walked in various stores screaming, Fedo de Stitto and

I don't know I'm a little bit bigger than the average Italian sure no no they look somewhat terrified and so after the you know three or four stops with no luck I finally find kind of like

you know five and dime dry goods store has a little bit of everything and on the top shelf I'm like Fetto de Stito! I pay my pay my 19 euros

and I hold it a loft through the city like the freaking Stanley Cup but then you had to leave it behind I assume oh no I still have it wait but hold on you're telling me you have an iron

that has a plug that only works with European outlets so you have an adapter that you use just for your own I don't use it anymore I just have it Oh, it's just a trophy of sorts. It is a trophy.

But if I needed to use it, they make those adapters, same as we go over there and bring adapters for our stuff. Right. They come over here and bring adapters for their stuff. So, yeah, it's available. You have an iron that also probably doubles as an espresso maker. Yes. That's probably why you still have it. Well, you can draw, you can actually, if you make a cappuccino, you can actually draw faces and different pictures in it.

When you hold it up to something else that's Italian made, you begin to hear these, like, ghost whispers of, like, erotic Italian phrases, right? Words of love? No, you just, you just begin to smell mortadella and prosciutto. And then it goes on scheduled strike in 10-minute increments. Yes, and does not reopen until 9 p.m. for dinner. Why does this iron smoke? I mean, smoke, like cigarette. I don't mean smoke. This is so weird. This iron is saying some very racist things about southern Italy.

I know. It's crazy. This iron is starting a soccer riot. This is the weirdest iron ever. Andy, I wanted to ask you, because in our pregame meeting, I might have been a little more delicate about this. But seriously, how do you give a shit about anything that's happened this off-season? I don't. I really don't.

How? The satellite camp thing, I said it. last year. It's the dumbest of all NCAA arguments, which is saying a lot. And I think it's poetic justice, if it's true, our friend Paul might have heard with the story and you say today that the DOJ may be investigating the NCAA over satellite camps. That this is the issue that gets the NCAA investigated by the DOJ. Yeah, not, not, oh, hey, there's unpaid labor. favorite thing. Not alleged competitors colluding to create a price ceiling. No, no, not unpaid

labor, not unfair labor practices, not the lack of mobility of that labor, not the fact that we don't actually pay in anything that doesn't equal the company's store when the company over. Nope, nope, nope. Brett Bilema can't have a camp at Cowboys Stadium and that is what brings out the DOJ. man they're bored too it's you know it's a it's a it's a lame duck year they don't want to get offseason for them too yeah it's not like you want to go do real stuff that's the other thing is we need some realignment there should be a rule that they should shuffle the conferences every

year i would just i want to make this point by the way that we've solved everything else yes we have no problems we can do this that's i mean i think that's actually the biggest compliment to the obama administration we can possibly make we've got it we've gotten the way down the list, and we've gotten to this. You also have to think of it from, if you're a DOJ investigator in D.C., and you're like, man, I, you know, December's just going to be that weird time. You don't want to have a satellite camp in Miami? Exactly. And so you go to your boss, and you're like, listen, December is going to be a weird time, transition to new president, et cetera, et cetera.

I think we should just plan to investigate this and then, you know, get out of D.C. then, oh, yeah, we really got to see what's going on with these satellite camps. Yeah, we're going to need two weeks in Orlando in the middle of winter. I'm sorry, it's for the nation. Did you say you were having a satellite camp at hedonism? Hey, that sounds great. Not even in the United States. Yeah, I know, I know. These people, they're subverting the law by going overseas.

Yeah, their Hague convention might apply here. We don't know. We just don't know. You know Nick Sabin will do anything for recruits. If they need to promise a satellite camp or even a spring break trip to hedonism, they're going to do it. Man, you know what? That's outside of the United States.

They really couldn't say much, could they? No. I think we just, I think we just gave Bama some ideas. And with Bama's new rebranding as are, I guess, most sexually governed, like, sexually governed state. Is that, is that how we're terming it? Okay. You know, that, well, I mean. I mean, since Mark Sanford got out office in South Carolina.

That's true. Yeah. yeah there's that since mark stanford went to the uh what was it where was it hiking in the appellations yeah that's where he was yeah except he's in south america with his lady friend we all go we all go a hemisphere off that is by the way governor robert bentley who uh let's see what what school did he attend oh that'd be that'd be real tight he attended the university of alabama just want to dump that on our our official worst state Oh man

LSU fans By the way are saying That's not really a scandal We call that Tuesday In Louisiana The scandal The scandal is caring

Right Like that's the thing In Louisiana No one would care Because they would be like Well you're an amateur Why didn't you start like 50 years earlier You should be unlike wife nine

Like Edwin Edwards ruined everybody For what is a proper scandal there And before him there's like five governors who were worse like way worse this is why you eyes wide remember this why you got eyes wide shut it keep that mask on that's oh we all we all know it's you huey you're singing you're singing you're singing hold that tiger during the orgy we know Sean Peyton you can't leave the visor on that's how they know it's you let's not get too

close to the truth now moving on I mean is there if you were the coach of the saints what depravity would you think to I know what everyone on this podcast would do every single different vice. Andy, you'd weigh 500 pounds. A pool full of et tufei, yeah, like in the backyard. That's why Rob Ryan stuck around so long. So Sean Payton could be like, yeah, he's the crazy. Oh, man, look at that crazy guy.

Better see what kind of antics he's getting into. Don't look at me. Oh, he's got a beard. That's wild. And I won't speak for Ryan. Was that your Sean Payton impression or you Rob Ryan impression? I'm confused. It's a little bit of both.

Okay. And I also would say that, that, you know, my vice, I would just be tanked. There's no way for me to stay sober in New Orleans. It just doesn't happen. It just doesn't. They have drive-through-dackery stands. They let you walk around the corridor with a beer. And everywhere else is basically like, well, that's cool.

I think you could find if you have a closed container. I mean, it's the only place I've ever been where they ask you if you want. a go cup for every drink you have it doesn't matter you could have like you could have a tumbler a third and they'd be like you want to go go cup for that that'll be hard to keep in your car you want to live it it is interesting when you see lSU fans in other states for road games because they really i mean the go cup is such a reflex for them and then you'll see them walk out of the out of the building they're in with their go cup and they'll kind of like they've hit a four field as they realize, oh, I could be arrested

for this. And then just drink it really quickly. This is why LSU needs to secede, and then boom, diplomatic community. Oh, man, NCAA come after us if you want. You're all ambassadors. Charter members of the SEC.

What's you going to do about that, son? Huh? Also, seriously, it'll become an instant offshore, and that's how LSU is going to get through this budget crisis. Right? Because they'll be like, like, like, WikiLeaks will come out and they'll be like, Did you know that this huge Old Miss and Alabama slush fund just sitting there in Louisiana tax-free?

And it'll be like, why are you telling? Like, why? Can you imagine the threat on tiger droppings? Julian Assange is a Mississippi state plant. I have such a hard time carrying about anything that's happened this off-season. Like, has any, like, Ryan, is there any? thing that you can think of where you go, oh, that was interesting? No.

None of it. I mean, I guess. And the problem is that the 24-hour news cycle requires us to gin up some sort of enthusiasm or aggravation or whatever about something, because we have to talk about something. But the good news is we cover college football, so we can go off on ridiculous tangents. Imagine if we covered the NFL and the off-season was boring. That doesn't happen. The NFL prevents that from that.

I mean, the off-season is boring. Yeah. I will say, I do think it was interesting that Illinois signed the, signed a temporary coach to a two-year extension, got a new AD, first day of the job, new AD fires. How about the stones of the AD coming from Division III and on day one? Hi, I'm here. You're fired. Perfect. I mean, I kind of admire that.

I admire his moxie. Oh, and in other interesting AD news that maybe you talked about last week, I don't know. I do like that USC just was like, hey, Lynn Swan, you want this job? And he was like, wait, who? What? Do what now? Sure. Have you been on a college football television broadcast?

Did you play for USC? Yes, yes? Okay, good. That's fantastic. Matt Leiner, you're up next. Yeah, I mean, if it is, USC's athletic department is basically. like the world's best fraternity because if you went if you were part of it you will always have a job they will always find something for you to do you want to coach basketball great here you go i did find

it interesting so ward manual the new ad at michigan that was the first time in the history of the michigan athletic department that they had hired a sitting athletic director to be their athletic director ever which i thought was fast yes i thought that was fascinating well they're really they're working on it sounds like they really haven't been many of them right like that's the thing no there's only been like seven yeah USC is I'm convinced operates on this principle and this goes for coaching hires as well they operate on the principle of um we will only hire one person and we will continue hiring that same person until the mistake becomes so crystal clear and apparent that we may actually have to accidentally change tack that's it like they've hired that is how they handle the football

Coach. Third offensive coordinator in a row. Third USC offensive coordinator in a row that they hired. At least they've changed from the getting the band back to another Pete Carroll situation. Because they did that twice in a row. Sort of. Because they're running out of people.

But you still got to have a connection. They can't hire Nick Holt. He's a defensive coordinator. Who else they got? They can't hire Orgeron. They passed him up. Norm Chowse Free. Get Norm. get norm bring norm back oh you could you could totally weekend at bernies a whole season with norm chow

yeah i think that might be your only option norm just seems so sleepy is he calling time out it's very spastic very exactly clay hilton behind him like wiggling the arms wow look at that hey good to see jonathan silverman's getting work again good for him i also have a theory that being a rich kid school in l.A. is dangerously close to the arrested development portrayal of the wealthy in California, right? It's like the kid with the golf cart. Remember the kid that, what player got in trouble for riding in that kid's golf cart?

That kid, by the way, Spencer was from, well, and Ryan, too. It was from all of our home state. Yes. Florida, of course. Yeah. Good. So he took a little bit of Florida to Southern California as a rich kid in Southern California. I appreciate that.

I mean, I like that people assume they're like, hmm, they know what they're doing. That's USC. They get real lucky. It's a very rich school that has a tremendous talent base and not much competition for said base. You can be pretty inept and accidentally land a dude like Pete Carroll. And boom, guess what? Back in the dynasty era, baby. And they are perfectly willing to point to their neighborhood compatriot.

Be like, hey, you really want to see some mismanagement? Dan Guerrero stuck around a while. That's another thing I can. and even, like, that's the story of ineptitude, and I still can't bring myself to care about it. It's good. The guy who was a Pac-12 representative for this, like, rules change,

voted the wrong way. And then got called out on it publicly. That was the part that was really amazing. It was, and the thing is, that calling Guerrero I was going to hurt Larry Scott more than hurts Guerrero. Because Guerrero was, like, the one guy in the Pac-12 who didn't talk bad about Larry Scott behind his back.

Dan Guerrero is unkillable at this point. Nothing can stop him. And that is, by the way, the Pac-12, Andy had a column on it recently. The Pac-12 officially missed out on, like, the modern era now, right? They've missed out on the moment in the contemporary moment of college football. Tom Hansen made sure they missed out. Larry Scott attempted to bring them into it, but he didn't realize, you know, you only get the one bite of the Apple with the TV deal, and everybody else still had to do their TV deals.

So they're the HD DVD, and everybody else is Blu-ray. They're like, shit, we really thought this is going to work. God, God damn it. Actually, it might be the laser disc. Wow. Ti-vo. So they'll be cool. They'll be cool again in, like, 20 years. Exactly.

Only for hipsters. Yeah, that's fine. that's fine i mean he only watched late at night so hey exactly it's a little team called wazoo there in pullman you probably never heard of it it's a crazy town he's got this kind of like a mad genius he runs this band there it's really awesome i like i like rich rod before he was playing arenas todd graham unplugged man it's just different sound it is you can hear him doing the contract negotiations

with another school just hear him texas for me players I'm coming no I'm not that that and this and by the way that's enough talk about the fact 12 other than what are you doing running

like a TV network out of San Francisco you can't that's like the dumbest I mean I remember out to the offices and you're like yeah man this is close to y'all are close to nothing this is the you don't have it yeah really where they should do it is Barstow

who Land is cheap, the outlet mall is close in case the talent needs to, you know, buy some new suits or something, halfway to Vegas, you know, between Vegas and L.A. I think that's the way to go. I maintain just, just do it in Vegas

and become the most corrupt, profitable football league and like, I mean, yeah, sure. This is what I don't get. Why doesn't somebody just go complete heel turn? Why not? Yeah, the DOJ, maybe? I don't know. Once they get to the bottom of this satellite,

I can't think. See, I think it's going to take him a few years for that. But no, how about the PAC 12 goes complete heel turn, says we agree amongst each other? Oh, wait, no, I'm describing the Southwest Conference. Which is why I was about to point you to the Big 12. Because if any conference is actually going to go full heel turn, it's going to be the one that has the state of Texas at it. They're going to be the ones who do it.

And the problem is also that, like any good heist movie, like an Italian job, The problem is when everybody agrees to go heal, somebody double-crosses you. Well, Texas ain't driving a Mini Cooper. I can tell you that right now. It's not going to happen. They might drive five Mini-Coopers strapped into form like a huge truck, right? Like if you made a truck out of Mini-Cupers, like a giant truck, I'd be like, that's boss as hell.

A Maxi Cooper truck. Did you get the wheels on your truck replaced with Mini Cooper? Sure did. What it will be is a truck body With a mini cooper On each side of the axle Right On each side of each axle

Yes So it will actually look like a roller skate Made of mini cooper That's right With a giant With a giant bar of cakey lights That can actually light up a high school stadium Turn radius is a son of a bitch

But I love it Yeah And Charlie Strong is going to total it Running it over in a one car accident With Iowa State I don't understand Iowa State's a pedestrian Yeah, but they're strong.

Yeah, I mean, if you ever, it's like hitting a deer, man. Sometimes it just runs away from the accident. You've totaled your car. Nuts. Go clones. That was not a joke I expected to be able to make at the end of that discussion. I'm proud of you. I know.

We did it. We got there. My talented person. We don't have, by the way, many great questions. We don't. It just didn't. Sometimes the people come through. One of those off seasons.

It's fine. Sometimes people don't. There were a couple. I didn't, I didn't hate this batch. Oh, you didn't, I mean, I didn't hate it. It's just kind of, it's kind of me. So I figured, Ryan, do you want to start with our reader questions today? Yeah, this is one that I think is going to be very, I think that the two of you are really going to have a good time with this. This question comes from President Fuchs. I think that's how you call, what you call the name of Florida's current president. I honestly don't know. Fox. Fox. Fox? Fox. Fox?

Fox Fox. Like the animal. Fox. Fox. I say this because it's F-U-C-H-S. At Griffin Fox on Twitter. Describe the best and worst night out in Gainesville. I will let each of you pick one.

But I'm excited to see where you take this. Probably the same night. It probably is. The best night out in Gainesville, circa 1999 was karaoke night at the grog house on Saturday night. Now, I may be mixing my nights, because I might have spent Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays at the grog house. But if I recall correctly, there's dollar pictures of Natty Light and like a square of cardboard and a karaoke machine and just a mob of sweaty people. and you would go and I would

my friends and I would sing up where we belong and we would have dollar pictures of Natty Light and that is simultaneously the best and worst night of your life I have a couple I've shared a few of these one the night when we got a lot of beers and decided to start a fire

out in front of a house that was a block off of 13th Street but the woods were so thick you could barely see it but it was behind the Havardies okay so oh yeah and the creepiest little or not little say that it was a godfather's pizza

correct so what we would do is get a lot of beer and then we would take spare furniture from the back of Havardies that they had thrown out and burn it and that was our firewood and when we did that the redneck's next door said hey you got a fire going yeah cool

we're going to get a shovel we hit a deer and we're going to put it in the ground do you guys want to come over and eat it with pocket knives these were not students these were locals correct oh these were acrs they were allowed to county residents as a current ACR because i can feel my body changing at times as i become more of an ACR so i just need to know what to expect as i go forward first get a shovel you'll need a shovel repeatedly there was this really awful story in Gainesville by the way where an alligator like

attacked a homeless guy and like took his hand or something and it was in this encampment that was kind of just off of university and 13th like really not that far from the campus and when they were interviewing one of the guys' friends who I guess had like lost his hand or died

my memory's really not working for me real well here they asked him well why was he in the pond with this gator and he goes well it's a pond where we we take a bath and you know the gator had been cool so many times before like honestly it was a real cool gator i can't believe he did this like that that guy was our friend which i was like that's that's where the story takes the turn for me was well i mean the gator'd been cool that's right it's it is the chris rock line that gator didn't go crazy that gator went gator right the worst my worst night in gainsville

probably probably the night god yeah you could just admit to like a crime it's a misdemeanor right what's the general crime just so we can know we are speaking to an attorney I will put it this way

I got into a fight with somebody in a very uncomfortable personal situation and it ended up walking a mile and a half home back to my dorm room in a dress with heels cool wow yeah that was a real bad night cool it was a drag party I didn't just do that on a random night

it was a drag party as you said that reminds me the night I got thrown out of the university club for underage drinking that's yeah I was going in there because they served people underage I you know that's the whole point but that's why I was there

and when when the bouncer who's not your typical you know because all the other bars had the roided out bouncers if you don't know we have to tell the listener the university club is a or is I don't know if it's still there it was a gay club in downtown and it was

actually great because the football team was almost always there because they could get people served who were under age so they actually ended up being pretty cool like I was never, I went in there all the time, and it was never like, because we had a roommate, and it was never a big deal at all when the football team rolled in. It was just like, oh, hey, look, big dudes, cool. Well, the look of scorn on the face of the 5 foot 7, 160 pound bouncer as he cut the course of my driver's license, so I could never enter the university club again in the rink.

Wow, that's, it was, it was very, that's serious. That's, that's one of the most, it was harsh punishments you can get in Gainesville. Why would you do that? Um, as far as bad nights in Gainesville go, just generally, I never understood why so many of the apartment complexes have stairs. Like, Gainesville's a, Gainesville's not terrible. So they have ramps? Well, I just, just, I, I'm trying to think of how many people I knew in four years who brutally injured themselves in some way, because they went to, oh, that's why, you had to, you had to, okay, so I lived in campus club. The second year it was open. And we had, yeah, when mom and dad are paying the rent, which is, that was the case for a lot of campus club back in the day.

You're not really concerned about others' property? Sure. So when our across the street neighbors got tired, or not across the street, across the breezeway neighbors got tired of playing with their pet snake, they decided they were going to break the glass on every. fire alarm in the complex with the bare hands cool yeah they um they only got one of them because you're not going to believe this if you smash your hand through a glass window it will bleed considerably yeah it's not a real repeatable process so they were fun um also you get the you know you get some randos at those if you threw a party at campus club just because you know people just open their doors

and once a crowd gathers. So we had one dude just walk in and puke in our washing machine one night. Yeah, that'll happen. Which for about two minutes, we were very, you know, very upset, didn't understand what was going on. And then I left at my roommates and I said, guys, you do realize he just puked in the second best place to throw up anywhere. And I turned the washing machine on.

It's the dryer you really don't want to puke him. exactly exactly no that's a oh I will one more thing I don't recommend in Gainesville I don't think it's possible to do because I believe this place has shuddered yes it has the Walmart on 13th street

do not fill a super big gulp cup well no 7-11s in Gainesville but the kangaroo station equivalent of the super big gulp don't fill that with with Jack and Coke and just continuously take poles off of it

and go shopping at the 13th Street Walmart at 3 in the morning. Because you may not realize what you buy. You also may not realize how you got out of there and you will certainly realize that you woke up in a pool of your own vomit. That's an endorsement for Wild Irish Rose instead, I assume. Mind you, that started anything that starts with,

you know, the Walmart on 13th Street. Okay. Now Burlington's even co-factory, so not an issue. at 2 in the morning anymore. It's closed up. I wanted to answer this question. Ask this question. It's all three of us, but I think we know who he's really addressing.

And I can't answer this because I've never been to Franklin's because I'm not waiting in that damn line. Mueller Mueller or Franklin's, Andy? Here's my problem. Are we I guess we're going to talk. We're talking about Louis Mueller and Taylor.

Yeah, we're going to have been in light. Because the Mueller meat company, I can't speak to because the three or four times I've tried to go. It's either been the one day they were closed, or he just decided he didn't want to cook very much that day and was out at like 11 o'clock in the morning. But Louis Mueller and Taylor,

that beef rib is sort of the gold standard for beef ribs in the state of Texas. Pecan Lodge may be better now in Dallas, but I don't know. It is pretty awesome because that place is old. The walls are black. The pit has burned, a few times, I think.

And, you know, you just kind of pick out your beef rib, and they throw it on a scale, and it's a glorious sight to behold. Franklin is still the best risk I've ever had. But, I mean, four and a half hours in line, I just don't see why. There are so many other places you can go that are close by with much less weight, where you can drive to them, eat, and drive back before you get to the front of the Franklin line that are not that far down from Franklin. so I would just go for the experience to the other ones I walked straight into

Franklin no line but that is because I was there hurricane I was there for Andy Wall's rehearsal dinner and she she knows people who knows people know people she conned them into letting her have her rehearsal dinner for her wedding there and boy was it was it was it was it was very fun to tell people yeah we just walked right in but the best part of the best part of rehearsal dinner, I think, was the fact that her now husband, Brian, who's a wonderful man, he has a particular affliction of sorts where his body doesn't process meat, I believe it's any meat proteins well at all. He can eat them, but it's a real, like, he lives in the wrong town. Yeah, it's a real, like, have a bathroom ready situation. So everybody is at this rehearsal

dinner enjoying franklin's and he god bless him had to bring his own like falafel and just but he was he was a very good sport about it see in austin you can play that off you're like no man you just don't get the falafel right right you can't hear falafel right this isn't like any other falafel yeah these are these are by the way of course both in Austin. You should go to, well, one's in Austin, one's in Taylor, which is outside of Austin. But, you know, you're not far.

It's not far. Here, let me give you the best way to do this without, you know, you get two meals out of it. You don't end up waiting in line nearly as long. You go to snows in Lexington, and it's only open one day a week. It's only open Saturdays. They open at 8 a.m.

You leave Austin at 6.45. You will roll in there five minutes before they open. open you'll be second or third in line and you go and you get what you want and you eat that for breakfast and then you go back through the line and you get more brisket and ribs and sausage and you wrap it up and you take that back to austin you eat that for lunch and probably dinner it's some sort of perpetual motion barbecue machine Ms. Tutsi, the 80-year-old pit master, she's amazing. I don't, by the way, I like that in barbecue places, it's a compliment if you're like,

yeah, the main implement for cooking this is burned down several times. That's only made it better. Well, because there's so much grease that accumulates, and you're not going to throw it away. That's very valuable grease. Needs to become part of the building, damn it. That's right. Ryan, do you have a question? Yeah, this is an actual football question.

I know we're not supposed to do that. But you did it while I was gone, so I don't care. This is from Max Mersinger at Max plays music. Are there too many schools playing football in Florida for more than one to be good at any one given time? I seem to recall a time when there were three really good ones. That's true, but that time is not now. The early 1990s.

That time is quickly becoming 20 years ago. I was going to say Don't say that Ryan I don't want to hear that I know I'm sorry I don't feel good about it I don't want to face my own mortality I think that answer is no I just think they have to be competently managed

and that that's been an issue at several of these major schools at any given time be it Florida State early Jimbo late Bobby Bowden be at the University of Florida in the late Meyer period and entire goddamn

damn will muschamp era god he was bad at his job he was really bad at his job how did people better people pay him money to do that job this is the only reason i asked this this is to be ridiculous i cannot believe people put him in charge of one program and then this happens every time you're asking him about this i remember that the state of south carolina exists to make the mistakes no one else thinks can be made you're like reverse neal armstrong you're going to find that negative frontier and you're going to put your foot on it. Andy, Andy, I want you to watch what I'm going to do here. Hey, Spencer, do you know who won a BCS Bowl during the Womest Champ tenure?

George O'Leary. Yeah. Yeah. At UCF. George O'Leary. Mm-hmm. George O'Leary. Gene Chisick won a national championship during the...

Brady Hoare. Brady Hoke. Last year of the Urban Meyer era. Brady Hoke also won a... I don't even want to talk about, I don't even want to talk about UM, getting away from their roots and, like, Miami-style corruption. Don't ever do that again. Getting away, getting away from their roots and hiring an alum? That's right.

Always hire an alum. Hire the most corrupt alum. Dang it. Dang it, they hired, like, think about that. They hire the wrong one. You want them to hire Warren Sapp, don't you? For a year, yes. Or Lamar Thomas or.

Lamar, Tom. Just hire. Irvin. Irvin would be the play. Irvin would be the play. He would definitely, he would definitely somehow get them like a, all of the tax benefits that go to churches. They'd be like, wait, did you file for those for the football team?

You can't. No, that's definitely, you can't just make the stadium a house of worship. That's what it is. Oh, you know, yeah, we call it the crucible of fire now. It's no longer Sun Life Stadium. Can I remind you what that would be? It'd be tax-free, right? Yeah.

We got that, yeah. It would be. Oh, wait, it already is tax-free. Oh, that's right, because it's a non-profit. Remember, the DOJ has solved all other problems, including non-profit organizations that play football and do not pay their labor. This is, this is, this just makes me wonder why Creflot Dollar hasn't started up a football program yet. Creffle Dollar would have the best football program. Can you imagine?

That's who Miami should have hired. And that would mean head coach Taffy Dollar. All right. So would that mean, okay, so Creffalo Dollar will obviously be the Georgia coach. But if we hired, if we had someone, because I think prosperity gospel preacher as college football coach, really, I mean, there's something to that. Yeah. since they're already about five of them now. Yeah.

But so Creffle-Dar would coach Georgia. Yeah. Benny Hen would coach Florida. Joel Osteen would coach Texas. Oh, man. Texas is taking that swap in a heartbeat. Oh, yeah. There are a lot of Texas fans out there who would trade Charlie Strong for Osteen right now.

I will tell you what, Osteen. Osteen will do what Texas always does, which is make a profit. boy's going to make a profit he's already wears the little coach's headset right and i dare you if you put on joel ostein talking and mac brown talking over a football game there won't be much difference