Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 4.14.0

Episode Date: May 4, 2016

The Shutdown Fullcast this week features all three cast members reunited at last. This is good because it requires the full powers of Ryan, Spencer, and Jason combined to admit the painful but obvious truth: that Ole Miss delivered for once, and saved everyone from the tedium of an event-free offseason. Topics covered include: -- "New York is the Reebok Pump of cities" -- The debut of "Neil deGrasse Tyson, Football Analyst", and the debut of the gritties noble gas -- How Laremy Tunsil had the absolute worst possible night on draft night, and how nothing should change at Ole Miss whatsoever, and how the SEC is the laziest conference imaginable in every lazy way possible because they are lazy. LAZY. -- nope nope nothing happened at Alabama nope don't look no biggie nope -- "Stand Up! With George Wallace", aka the most popular podcast in Birmingham -- Reader questions, including a discussion of what the worst possible expanded universe would be, aka WHY THE GILMORE GIRLS IS THE MOST TEDIOUS SHOW EVER MADE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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download the free app today and make the most of your summer with all trails. Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. We are broadcasting a day later than usual due to, well, Ryan, where are we? You and I. The greatest city in the county? The greatest city in the NFC, yeah, I'll say in the NFC East. Yeah? Yeah.

We're putting Philly down like that. Yeah, we're putting Philly down like that. We're putting Dallas down like that in D.C. DC you trash. DC is already dollar store, New York. Shut down. Take that. Landover, Maryland, or whatever.

Yeah, like, if you asked, if, look, if New York is, New York is the Reebok pump. The thing that people talked big about, we're like, oh, it's so special and unique. And if you ask them too many questions about why it's special and unique, they're like, it just is. Whereas DC is the, like, British Knight's knockoff version of the pump, where you're just like, Well, it's slightly cheaper. The BK. Elevated Air Pressure. Yeah.

The Eap. Yeah. In conclusion, save all your money. Don't live here and buy nice shoes. This is Shutdown Fullcast, your superior podcast for talking shit about D.C. What an absolute hovel of humanity it is.

Seriously, it's just fucking trash. Sorry. Yeah. If you're living in D.C., fuck you. Hi. I'm Spencer Hall. Matter of every day should be Saturday. and editorial director at SBNation.com.

Joining us, that would be Ryan Nanny and I, from beautiful Kennesaw, Georgia. Jason Kirk, college football editor and gadfly roused about at SBNation.com. Hi, Jason. Hey, what's that name? I kind of think D.C. is better than New York, but that's fine.

We were discussing this earlier. If Jason thinks that something is past discussion and does not want to engage in said discussion, discussion, then it's fine. I just mean I don't really want to fight about it. It's a well-worn tactic of anyone who has had to decide where to go to dinner with someone. Yeah, Chinese food is fine. That's fine.

It sort of says I have an opinion and I don't care enough about it, dude. Yeah, I can care about two or three opinions a day and you've hit me on opinion four. The universe is going to collapse in on itself anyway one day. That's right. That's fine. That's fine. Listen, someday we'll find a topic I gave a shit about. You got real amped about something the other day.

Like, you were hype. I can't remember what it was. But you were all head up. It wasn't the Atlanta Falcons either. It was about saying it wasn't, and it wasn't cookout. So I'm kind of out of topics I think you would get really excited about. Are the Falcons fine? No.

I can't go that far. I can't good conscience. Well, I'll tell you this. We thought we were going to get five players in the NFL draft, and we got six. So, I dare say, pretty good. Six is more than five. That's right. That's that public's bogos special.

Yeah. That's a whatever percent increase. I got six healthy choice at Publix instead of five. Scared money don't make money. When Thomas Demetrov drafts, man, you want to give them as many opportunities to hit on a prospect as possible, because it really is just a number. game with him. Yeah, it's like target shooting. He pulls up in his cycling gear

and his, you know, Russian oligarch glasses and his inexplicable facial hair. It's not quite a mustache. It's not quite a goate. Hello. It's kind of budget Iron Man, his whole hairstyle. I think that is

maybe the inspiration. Either that or he's just trying to look taller. He's a really short guy. He's a really short guy. Antonio Estark. Wow. Yeah Thomas Demetrov Really looks like

Disgraced Finance Minister Of some European nation Yeah It's bad Ryan is seeing this for the first time I forgot what he looked like But it is sort of What it is is

If you hire If you hire like an extreme sports star To be in a business movie This is a Russian This is a Russian knockoff Goku Wow Hopefully This is what happens when you go super seon in a non-licensed MBA program, like in an offline.

Yeah. His hair always looks like he's just put it under a Dyson Airblade, just for fun. It's the blades. I keep them clean. Hey, guys, sorry the hair's like this, you know, out on the chopper. Well, I look at it as hair. It's at least something on this team has upside. Huh?

Woo! You! So, yeah, we began with talking. talk about Thomas Demetrov and the Alan Falcons. This is a college football podcast. This is the college football program. His hair rose up. He was going to talk about NFL GM hair. His hair rose

up. Yeah. Something did. It's about the only thing that rose up. Besides them draft picks, thanks to the bad record. Hooray. Hooray, they draft. Yeah. Oh, and we also talked about D.C. was trash. These are

recurring themes. I think one thing we do want to talk about very briefly since this is the offseason. And we are as you can tell, knee deep in this mother of an Offseason. We thought, by the way, the offseason was going to be on the last podcast. We discussed that this was a podcast that had nothing to talk about because nothing ever happened in the off season,

and we really didn't care about satellite camps or whether you can have them or not or who was having them together. And immediately after that, what happened, Ryan? The old Mrs. NFL draft happened. That's correct. That's correct. Jason. Freezes provided. Uh-huh.

Freezes provided. Just when this is, I think, maybe the greatest testimony to the success. few frees in Old Miss that we said nothing happened and Old Miss was able to provide something. The greatest summation of Old Miss's draft is the

wide receiver who had one of the most painful looking injuries of the last, let's say four years of college football, was the safest pick they had go in the first round. Correct. And I mean that strictly in the NFL sense of the word.

Yeah. Jason, There's that angle to it, and there's also that wide receiver's story was great and excellent and inspirational, and would have been the talk of any other draft, but no one even mentioned that until, like, three days later, like, oh, right, that was awesome. So I'm going to, I'm going to discuss the Kandichi thing, which is now, by the way, was the main story, and now is, and now is prologue. So first, Star Defensive Tackle River Kondici, who already notable for being the subject of one of the most intense. and very public, high-profile recruitments in the history of college football. Ended up going to Ole Miss, which is a little weird. Had to get recruited his older brother, Tenzel. They get to Oxford.

The Kandichi family, eccentric geniuses. Like all of them, some form of eccentric genius. Like, Mom is a Nigerian congresswoman. Both of the brothers had these, like, really eclectic tastes. Robert himself, if you followed his Twitter feed, he's definitely stuck in some second semester of sophomore year spiritual quest that involves listening to a lot of the Grateful Dead. So is Stephen Godfrey.

It's true, and that's why he was the perfect person to cover this story. He's right there, yeah. Robert Kandici really wanted to talk to you about maybe a little Boudriard. Definitely wanted you to watch Kohana Katsi, right? We're definitely going to watch Big Trouble in Little China when it gets late. Like, that's a kind of life Robert Kandichie's living. like the kind of guy's like, I want to talk about like neuroscience man

you're like yeah well I mean you could yeah let's get into the structural and chemistry stuff no no no no from like spiritual perspective we're going to talk about how like light moves at different speeds if you're looking at it or not can we draw a diagram and explain why this would be scientifically relevant right? No

no no no it's about perception particles and waves man particles and waves it's because like the light knows yeah the kind of the kind of science geek who likes Carl Sagan because he smokes weed, but not because he knows math. That's kind of where Condici's at. Neil Grass Tyson would hate

this. I think Big Bob is last on Neil's draft board. Actually, it's not a board at all. It's a sheet of paper. There's no wood involved. Can you properly call it a draft? Because a draft implies some sort of

movement through space of a vapor. Also, draft is an unwilling process, and all of these men had to willingly declare their eligibility. Actually, the NFL is not going to war at all. But that's not true. Ask Danny Connell. Yeah, sorry.

Sorry, Danny. That's all right. Yeah, you want to talk about science. Danny Cannell's ready to drop some science on 24-7 on Twitter. All these debate shows, all I want is Neil versus Danny. Exactly. Hell everything else. This is so PC.

Well, in politics, which is inherently a subjective, pursuits. No one can technically be correct. Potassium's overrated. Potassium. Trash element. It's necessary for everything you do, Danny. Radon is the classiest element. It's a noble gas.

Gas of kings. We can never determine the winner of this debate. The gas of kings. What's the grittiest element? Silicon. Silicon. Yeah, that would actually be by a gritty. which is a measure of quantity.

Oh, no, Silicon sounds smooth. That sounds too slick for Danny. He's a real blue-collar player. Well, actually, you're aligning several steps. The blue collar is representative of an item of fabric that they're wearing. Actually, if it appears blue, that means it's every color but blue. But blue, that's true. Neil deGrasse Tyson, as Neil deGrasse Tyson draft analyst might, we might have to do this.

Yep. I'm already writing him. We actually fell behind. This was a Trill-Bollen's Twitter character during the these are all we do is this this whole show is a trill balons homage so it's fine follow a cover band follow at troll balins okay i like two weeks ago or three weeks ago he was michael kane yeah he just started tweeting out like he was this really cartoonish shitty michael kane hoi me mates and i on the twitter when i was seven my mum told me to go to work in the mill

so i stabbed her in the thigh i'm michael kane um but kini He ended up running out of a hotel. Yeah. It was a complaint. He ended up running out of a hotel window. Some people left to... Yeah, when you say running out of a hotel, that was a very creative way to describe it actually... He ran out of a hotel the way the Hulk would run out of a hotel, okay?

He exited a hotel quickly. He left in a hurry. He left the party. Through the window or a balcony? It's like a balcony. You know, he fell a little bit. That seemed kind of weird. And then, to segue, and Jason, I'd like you to handle this.

section of the discussion that he said drugs were found on the room i believe or at least paraphernalia sure sure yeah the the police said drugs are found in the room yeah okay so that happened and then kindici i guess because he spiritually open and realized that all truth is self-evident and will eventually come to the fore and that time all truth is already known so snitching can't exist that's right all truth is legal and if and if time is the flat plane we imagine it to be then you've already apprehended it. Facts are just opinions we all agree on. And the one fact and opinion that he managed to get everyone to agree on,

which is that Laramie Tunsell is also in the room. That would be the projected number one pick, left tackle, another highly touted recruiting process, another big recruit that will somehow manage to land. I say that with some deliberate amount of suspicion we will discuss later on in the podcast. So, hi, Red Cup Rebellion listeners. And he was going to go number one. And this did not really do anything to stem the tide of NFL GMs who really wanted to take Tunsell and obviously talented offensive line prospect at number one.

Fast forward to draft night, Jason Kirk. Well, after a few trades up by unwise NFL franchises for quarterbacks who were not really all that impressive in college, Tunsell was then slotted anywhere between like three and six. He also had like Jalen Ramsey in the mix, you know, and Joey Bosa. Sure, he's pretty good. But six seemed like his floor. It seemed there's no way he's making it past the Ravens at six. They need a tackle.

And then minutes, literally 10 minutes before the draft, on Tunsell's Twitter feed, out comes a video of him puffin in a gas mask. And the gas mask comes off, and you can clearly see that's him, that's his face surrounded by a cloud of, it's a smoke, sure. It could be marijuana. It could be any number of smokes. could be, you know, it could be, could be, could be, could be, could be, can be, frankincense.

To honor the baby Jesus. Could be, yeah, could be nutmeg. Nightmarish visions might be better than the nightlife in Oxford. I mean, it could be any number of, of the sailors' LSD. Candle sense. This is, this is just the Marshawn Lynch lung training system. Sure. That's all we do.

I think it was just a tribute to the troops, honestly. Absolutely. I think they should have just had, Goodell's who just called an automobile. and brought out all the troops that he does every 10 picks or whatever, so people will stop booing him. Just do it right then and there. You know, you can come out of the tunnel and use the smoke machine, but do it individually.

Well, why not go into the console and use the smoke? That was good. So 10 minutes, that happened 10 minutes before the draft. Allegedly the Baltimore Ravens dropped him. Off their board completely. Not like dropped him like, well, maybe somebody wants to trade up. No, just sort of like, no. Yeah, that was reported by multiple legit people.

John Harbaugh later said that wasn't true, but... John Harbaugh's a liar. John Harbaugh's a lot. I mean, John Harbaugh, he's kind of been around some great legal circumstances before. So we'll just set that to the side. The, what was the other team that passed? The Titans, right? The Titans passed and took Jack Conklin, who's just like a pretty good guard.

Well, it was more than that, because the Titans, had the first pick in the draft, traded it to the Rams for a King's Ransom, as you mentioned. To get whom? To take Jared Goff, Cal quarterback, who appeared in many games and one insert number here of them. 13, I think. 13 over three years? Two years? Two years.

Three? Three. Yeah. Yeah. The record, because I remember seeing it a lot, I think I remember the record is 13 and 23. It could be off one way or the other, but something like that. I like that. I forget who it was.

Oh, no, it was Prisco. Prisco was like, well, you know who else didn't have such a great record in college and throughout Brett Farve's college football reference numbers? Yeah, Brett Farve definitely went number one overall, right? That's how that went. Yeah. That's the thing that happened. Sure.

And definitely. Yeah, it was totally uncontroversial pick. And the team that took him totally used him to... The team that took him had many years of success with him at the helm. Uh-huh. So children, children let us educate you. I wanted them to go look for themselves. No, no.

They're too lazy. Let's not make him do that. They've gotten this far. Let's not let them suffer. That's fine. Brett Farv was not taken in the first round. No. Brett Farv, in addition to that, was drafted by the Atlanta Falcons.

And when he was drafted by the Falcons, he did not end up doing anything at all with the Falcons. And then was traded to the Green Bay Packers. And then from that point forward, that's how he becomes the land barren, infamous penis. Jeans Wrangling. Gene's wrangling. Beard trimming. Copper back support band. Minisoke of Vikings' legend that he is today.

New York Jet's legend. New York Jet Superstar. Anyway. But, yeah, that's what happened there. So, some Titans trade down. They then trade back up, while Aramette Tunsel is free falling. you might rightly think this is a team that A has drafted a quarterback very highly, as recently as last year, B, needs offensive line help, and C sees that potentially a number one overall talent is available.

Surely they are taking him they did not. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. They did not. No. He took Jack Conklin instead. So Tonsal. Who might not even be a tackle. Right.

None of us are. The name's Jack Conklin. Jack Conklin. Jack Conklin. Oh, my God, dude, that's a, that's a sinner name. Jack Conklin Or it's a boat captain Jack Conklin

Conklin fishing industry You know what? I got it. That's a full back name. Yeah, the captain's name is the reversal of that. Conklin Jackal. Konged, Conklin Jackal. I'm conch Jacqueline. Conchacula. Conchacula.

Welcome to Key West. I'm conchacula. We're going to give you some conch fritters and a hand job. Conkies. Come on down to conkeys. Mike Leach says we're the number three cruise ship in Key West. Like that makes it sound like it's lodged in Key West. Like it's just gone ashore.

Conc jacula. I think Mike's was like that. But yeah, that's in Tunsel ends up. By the way, also getting some Instagram. After he gets picked. After he gets picked. He gets picked by the Miami Dolphins at 13, I believe. Yeah.

It ends up in Miami, which people, like, I don't know how this didn't work out for you. Like, that's, people say, oh, well, they lost all this money. Okay, hypothetically sure. Right? I mean, the good news about playing offensive line in Miami is that I think even Dolphins fans at this point enjoy Ryan Tannahill taking sacks. Yeah. And they're willing to blame it on him no matter what. Sure.

So it didn't work. It was, what happens? Adam Laramie Tunsell was strange and weird and less than ideal for him. He lost some money in the process. It's not remotely similar to, like, what happened to Lyle Collins last year. Nope. Where you went from first round to none round, none round at all. It's not the same as what happened to Brady Quinn.

Right. If you'll remember at the NFL draft coming out of Notre Dame. It's not the same as what happened with Jimmy Clause. Aaron Rogers. Aaron Rogers. It's not the same as I'm trying to... Oh, I thought you're just going to name nothing but Notre Dame quarterback. I'm going.

I'm working. It's getting there. But it's not the same as other sort of, I'm coming out of college and all of a sudden, like, I have a disastrous draft night. Sure. He's still got first round. He still got first round. He still got first round. He still got top 15.

And then his Instagram started popping off. And this is where we come back to Old Mills. Yeah. Jason, give us the quick version of that. This was the nefarious hacker snitch Hater got a hold of the IG and put out what appeared to be, I believe I message

is the format we're supposed to believe it's in between Tunsell allegedly and an Ole Miss assistant. Not a coach just an athletic department assistant. Yeah, somebody with one of those vague titles

Director of Operators. Yeah, director of football hugs. Yeah. One of those really Alabama titles where it's like you're a recruiter. Football oversight czar. Yeah. Yeah, sub-assistent undersecretary of defensive line work. Yeah, yeah. And the Tensel's asking for stuff like, you know, $300 to pay a light bill

and, you know, other exorbitant, luxurious fees such as that. By the way, people are asking, how do you get a $305 light bill? Oh, yeah, it can be done. Yeah, yeah, you're not trying. Yeah. I mean, do you know, like, adolescents? Are they known to be people? you like turn lights off

and don't leave the TV on all day you know and like like I mean honestly think about back when we were that age did you not leave like a Grand Turismo game just oh we'll come back to this in two days the TV and things stay on for two days of course kids do you don't pay it for a month

all of a sudden hey I got $250 bills boom plus you get that bonus money on top of it bonus money late fee it's bonus money I might have to get that reconnect fee in there too come on three of five five? Easy to get there.

Easy. This was, by the way, the reaction by most people was to point and say, old miss is clearly out of control. They're cheating. They're cheating. They're cheating. Which I don't know. There was an article on gridironow.com.

I don't want to necessarily single out of fist this article, but it did suggest that, you know, there might be some sort of league interest. Now, in punishing Hugh Fries for something. I have like 800,000 objections to this. One of which is that this assumes that the SEC should be some sort of legislative force as opposed to like 16 really over-employed people in Birmingham who just like taking checks. Like that's how lazy the SEC is. The SEC is so lazy.

They just let ESPN make a network. Just here. That's what they did. The Big Ten went out and, you know, okay, we'll build our stuff. We'll get it to. Even the Pac-12. Now the Pac-12 did some serious short-term. cutting and they screwed the whole thing up and it's put the entire

The PEC 12 worked a little too hard. That's correct. But at the same time, like even they went out and did their own stuff, all ESC did. Okay, was, uh, hey, y'all just want to. Hey, can we just use the old Merv Griffin set? Yeah, here, we'll put it. You know where the SEC had? Like, this is how lazy they are.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, ideally, where is the SEC network headquartered? Oh, surely it's in Birmingham or Atlanta or Atlanta. Even maybe Nashville. Places with some production facilities, right? And, you know, certainly in SEC country. Yeah, it's surely it's in the actual footprint. It has to be in the footprint, right?

I'd even go so far as to say, I don't know, Texas. I know for dang sure it's in a football state, not a basketball state, right? You know, funny, you should mention that. It ain't. It's in Charlotte. It's in like an office park in Charlotte. NASCAR is football. NASCAR, hey, it's contact sport.

Contact sport. I mean, really? Richmond, Talladega? Have games there. Maybe they're just still trying to bust cam. Problem solved. Problem solved. Yeah, still trying to bust camp? That's how lazy the SEC is. And somebody actually says, yeah, they should be like a serious legislative force here, right? They should be some sort of authority.

This is one of the worst tendencies of sports fans is to run towards some sort of leviathan. That's almost NFL move. What we need is a big idiot. Just running around looking for a, a da-da to take care of the problem. Even though we hate all of them in all our other sports. By large. By large.

Like, name one commissioner that you actually think has had like a super positive, awesome influence on things. I mean, the NBA's current commissioner seems well-received. But even he wants to do shit like make the one-year rule, the two-year rule. I always like David Stern. You are limited in that capacity. Do you also like Alan Iverson? um yes see this is the problem okay i admit it because just stern was like kind of a tyrant yeah in a lot of ways yeah i just like that he was kind of a boss i mean he was he was unapologetic the thing with stern is like

stern and a i go together like vince mcman and stone cold yeah they only amplify each other and make each other greater i don't think you should wear the sleeve i'm wearing the sleeve i'm wearing all the sleeves yeah i'm getting the sleeves sewn on to my person i don't think i'm gonna look like the Michelin man. I don't think you should drink Corona in a press conference. I'm going to brigade coronas in a press conference. I'm going to replace my blood with Corona in the press conference. You need to present a more corporate profile.

Okay. That's what you need to do. Just present a more corporate profile. I'm going to kick my nude wife out of the house. I'm going to wear corros. Things that really happen. All things that Alan Iverson really did. I want to put on my lawyer hat for a second.

What's it look like? It's like a Sherlock Holmes hat, but it doesn't fit. is it too small I think that's what I want here It's somehow too small and too big It's like a Yonko airway It's too wide But it's it's not big enough to contain my hair

All right so the lawyer hat It's like a Napoleon hat If Ole Miss deserves It's hammered for anything If these if these eye messages are true It is this That they did Some technically illegal

Or against the rules shit on a preservable medium, here is your free lawyer advice. You're going to do some shit that's not really above board. Do it over the phone. Do it in person. Don't do it over email.

Don't do it over text messages. Because that shit lives. Can it sync with anything called a cloud? Don't. Problem. You know what's really hard to get? Wiretap? You know what's impossible for the NCAA to get

as a wiretap? These things are, you know, they require. a certain level of legal maneuvering. They kind of have to know you're up to some shit already. You know, it's real easy you get, subpoena. You know, it's real easy for somebody who's mad at you just to leak to the NCAA, text message.

A screenshot. With a shift control for the most dangerous three-key combination and all of college football recruiting. But if some pissed off former associate of yours just goes to the NCAA and says, yeah, Laramie Tunsell told me that old miss gave him $300 for a light bill and if you did this if you actually like shook the tree and said yeah i need every college football player who got the like the harvey the john the dale

whoever this like bubba is who hands out utility bill money okay right right if you went and you said i need everybody who got $300 in cash to come forward and just assuming they were all on autopilot and they did yeah you wouldn't be able to punish it at all you can't right right They can't arrest you all. But if you did it, if you did it over, if you did it over a phone, in such an obvious way, you know what? You deserve to get punished for being stupid. I think my favorite thing about all this is the idea that Ole Miss is going to get hammered over some eye messages with dubious time stamps.

Yeah. In the amount of $305. Laramie Thompson is suspended for the next three Ole Miss games. Yeah, yeah, yeah, wow. You got them now. Now, but, like, I mean, there's that, and there's, first of all, he was already suspended, possibly for stuff to, you know, this might already be included in what he was suspended for, as far as we know. Typical NFL, just lagging behind what we college folks already know. But, like, the, okay, so the NCAA, they're going to dig into this.

Tunsel is never going to say a word to him. Welcome me, shock. Well, Gritz has positive. Is there a pick portrayal, which say maybe we fire, not we, I'm not part of Ole Miss, but I guess I am now. Ole Miss fan, Jason Kirk. But, like, is there a paper trail connecting any of this to the coaches, to the AD, to anybody other than this one assistant? Was anything misinterpreted? Was he just saying, oh, well, we'll hook you up with the student benefits fund or whatever?

What's the paper trail beyond this? And who's going to give it to the NCAA? Fair. Like, you need more than this, or at least you're supposed to, the NCAA is not a court. It can do whatever at once. But you're supposed to have more than just, here's a screenshot. shot. So, I mean, I don't know. Who knows what else comes out of it, but, like, look at Miami.

Like, they investigated Miami for, what, three years? They investigated Miami so hard that the NCAA investigated its own investigation of its investigation into something where there were receipts, photos. Also, by the way, slipped. Ski Rex. And Miami got, like, what, two, missed two ball games? Uh-huh. Okay. And Miami also, like, the NCAA,

also slipped one of its investigators in under the guise of an interrogation by an actual attorney in coordination with that, while not what that investigation, not disclosing that, just sort of riding someone else in there like, I'm official and legal. That is how strapped the NCAA is for investigators, is it just has to hope you leave the door open so it can actually hear what people are actually talking about. Otherwise, it learns nothing. So, like, yeah, the NCA had all that on Miami, and kind of nothing happened. So, I mean, unless they come up with something amazing, everyone's going to be disappointed. Can I ask you guys a word question that's not related to anything and is purely hypothetical.

Can't stop you. So, you know, we're all talking about Ole Miss and are they cheating, are they skirting the rules, et cetera, et cetera. Do you guys happen to know of any, I don't know, let's say big name SEC programs that fired, I don't know. A defensive line coach, maybe. A position coach. I don't know, related to possible recruiting violations. Does that ring a bell? Yeah, you know, I just, no, no.

You're like recently? Yeah. Like within the past month, week. I don't know, like on or around the day of the first round of the draft. Listen, I would like to explain you that the coaching is a business of connections. Sure. And it's a business of individuals trying to make those connections. And sometimes, you know,

those connections just don't quite fire the right way. It's just like Craigslist. Yeah. It's like Craigslist. Sometimes you do your own wiring, you burn your house down. I had 38 different directions to go from that, and all of them are bad. They're even too far beyond what the scope of

this podcast, man. Joey Freshwater looking for a roommate. Yeah, we could talk about some recruiting there, too. But we're not going to. Yeah. So, hey, conclusion, it all worked out fine for Bama. Thanks, Ole Miss. That's, the final thing that was tickled me about the piece written about this,

that the SEC should do something in order to defend the integrity of the league. The integrity of the South East. The integrity. The integrity of the Southeastern Conference. The last five words there. The integrity of the league. Yeah. Can I tell you what your brand is in terms of integrity?

It's trash. If you are in Birmingham and listen to this and you're not. Podcast haven't hit Birmingham. They won't be around to like, like maybe you listen to i don't know the like toby keith podcast i don't know what people in birmingham listen to politically Alex Jones

it's probably it's probably like a Papa John's podcast dude do you think if we just put out like a cartoon george wallace podcast that they'd have like it'd have like 15,000 followers all in Birmingham like he's back

he's back be called stand up with George Wallace stand up you get Because I'm paralyzed. Separate ways. This George Wallace guy. I just think he's not lying to me.

He's telling me the truth. I like him. He's an outsider. He is. He speaks plainly. Sponsored by Hoover Firearms. Are you ready? Whatever.

This fictitious podcast could absolutely get credentialed that SEC Media days. Before we did. Yeah, certainly. Before us at every Alabama home game. Yeah. Yeah, if I tell you that every single program, the SEC is doing exactly what Ole Miss is doing to some degree, I probably would not. I mean, that's pretty accurate. Coach, Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.net here.

Spencer, that's $3,600 or something like that in light bills. I guess that's assuming, like, Mississippi State can't and Vandy doesn't actually pay its players, I guess. But that's a lot of light bill money. Going to Vanderbilt is its own payments. Mississippi State gets around these recruiting rules by not having a lot. electricity. You're paid in sterno. Sterno and let's see, generators.

It'd be good. Generators on the fritz. Every football player gets a Ford generator. Coach, my mom needs seven more MREs. You know, like, don't get mad at this Mississippi State. Some of you were like, you know, that's a good weekend. You go out to the house that doesn't have the lights, the no electricity house with the well, put on you know bring your bring your ATVs and bring your generators see for those for those eight old miss fans who stuck through uh stuck through this far it was worth it paid off for you yeah congratulations don't don't bring yeah there's always a payoff here sometimes you have to listen for months but just like old miss football hey now hey now

the integrity of the SEC that's just the that's the absolute best in a league where i know my own alma mater once sent people to work at a chicken plant chicken needs planting. Yeah. They sent football players to work a chicken plant under, I believe this is Charlie Pell. And Charlie Pell would, like, somebody handed them a check after an hour of hanging out at the chicken plant. Then they'd drive back. The dubious word there, of course, is work.

Work? Yeah. Free money. That is still a thing in the SEC. And if you think Old Miss is just doing it, I don't know, maybe they're just better organized than you. Looking at you, Mississippi State. step it up. You didn't pay. Remember,

Mississippi State. Oh, the ultimate shame. Oh, now we're going to get it. Remember, it's not a matter of you not wanting to cheat. It's trying to be cheap about it. Not wanted bad enough. You got outspent by Auburn. How does that happen anywhere in life that you're outspent by life? Well, to be fair, Auburn took up a plate, Spencer.

They did. They brought up a plate. They made an offering. The Lord's blessings. The Lord outbid you for Auburn. 10% of everything you make. The lesson is next time cheat. We've come back to that and I'll come back to it again. Auburn's a family and that's why we're asking you for money and expecting you to do not rob

from the storehouse. We got a quarterback. Also, Auburn is claiming you as a dependent. We hope that's all right. Mississippi State's more of a herd. Love you, Clangha. Should we do some questions? Yeah, yeah, let's do some questions.

All right. First question comes from Jack McGuire at Big Daddy's Court on Twitter. If Yukon gets a Big 12 bid, is Bob Diaco the best-looking coach in the Big 12? Or is it still Cliff Kingsbury? Can we just go back to this Yukon being in the Big 12? I didn't hear a damn thing after that. Okay, sure. Go ahead.

Did your brain just turn to static? Give me the argument against it. I need a mo. I'll parry all of these. It's fucking far. So is West Virginia. Next. Geography.

It's, yeah, so is West Virginia. It's like halfway, though. I bet stores is closer to a major airport. How many people you bring in? Like what kind of a crew you bring to this party if I get the Yukon TV demo in? Boys, we booked Stanford. Yeah, they're going to claim New York City and Boston, right?

Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and those are called lies, and we already have several teams. What are people in Boston going to do? Go to Boston College game instead? No. Go see Oklahoma away. Yeah, that's true. They're huge Oklahoma fans

I don't know They're just going to watch They're going to watch the Patriots game And yell at each other on Saturdays That's what most Tony do Big 12 Can you add Yukon Just for the four games

When Tom Brady suspended And then sort of send them back That's a good plan Yeah Could you Could you literally pick up anybody Other than Yukon That would be

That would be good Okay But if you If the Big 12 takes Yukon It makes Cincinnati so mad Why don't you pick Okay.

So mad. Seeing that logic. Houston's still out there, right? I mean, yeah. Yeah. Houston. I mean, yeah. To me, I think Houston's, it's frustrating.

It's overlooked because every college football fan and media person got locked into the calculus that you have to leave your state. You have to expand. You have to expand. You've already locked down this state and you've got to go elsewhere. But like, I don't know. Is that really how many is going to work in five or ten years? Or is it going to be more about just people who are actually engaging with your content in which, which case, I don't know, add a presence and one, you know, add even more of a presence

and completely locked down other than Texas A&M, you know, one of the five biggest cities in the country. That doesn't seem like a bad idea. The fourth, it's the fourth or fifth largest city in the United States, depending on how you count it. I mean, you know who's got a boat that they need to sell? Big Ten, and the name of that boat is Rutgers. I don't know, man.

I mean, I guess that goes against what I'm saying, looking at the TV deal, the Big Ten's bringing in but i'm just saying it'll be cheap i'm not saying it's good but if you're going to make a mistake and buy a boat buy it secondhand because that's that's the way you get a boat for cheap yeah i want to sell sports writers on it if i've ever heard it's true oh this boat beat michigan once and you know what that's true that's absolutely true this boat did beat michigan and this boat is so gritty and now in the mine i'm dead you know this is the first boat ever so it's noah's ark sort of just i'm just gonna sell it with springsteen So let's see, Coach Handsomeness Rankings.

In the Big 12? In the Big 12. Honestly, I feel like Charlie's overlooked here. Okay. He's not like a beautiful man, but, you know, he's very physically fit. He seems like in a little house on the prairie kind of way. Well, I think Charlie's Strong, to be clear. I don't know, Charlie Weiss might be kicking around the conference somewhere, but, I mean, Charlie's strong.

He's the fittest man in the conference. And if you told him he's unattractive, he's probably going to scare you into saying he is anyway. That's right. Bill Snyder looks like a Pope. Bill Snyder looks excellent for his age, at least. He does. Dana Holgerson literally cannot clean up. Yeah, but remember. Never mind nicely.

Remember, Dana's not the good-looking one, but Dana's the one who picks up. Well, in French, this is called Jolie Ladd. It's the attractiveness that comes with, I bet the experience of that human beings probably pretty entertaining. You want to make them steak, girl? I think Dana is the most skilled at 3 a.m. attractive. Sure. Yeah, Bob Diaco, he's like noon attractive. Well, what are you saying?

I think Bob Diaco, for me, rises to number one because Cliff is, I think, a very coded kind of handsome. Cliff is boy band handsome. You say he's boy band handsome. He's handsome in the same way that, you know, Certain people back in the 90s said, oh, my God, all the Backstreet Boys, they're handsome as hell. You know who's not aged super well? The Backstreet Boys.

Yep. And that's Cliff Kingsbury. Another thing, too, with Bob Diaco. Bob Diaco has the sort of, like, portrait good looks of somebody who died in extremely exotic and scandalous death in, like, the Medici era. Oh, yeah, he's like a lost World War I captain. Yeah. Bob Diaco is college football's Colin Firth.

where you're like, man, people really like him. Yeah, they do. And you know, you're a little underwhelming, but then, you're a little underwhelming, but reliable and has his age fine. I think Kretta Scott King once out of MLK, he got better looking as he talked. Like, you know, that's, yeah, yeah. That's called recruiting. Good.

That's recruiting, you know, with Diaco, too. I think you said the World War II thing, look about Diaco, and think about your grandfather going, his most inspiring officer I ever met. We left a good man there, and it would, you. Your mother was going to marry him until he died. I have his letters. And that sums up Yukon football. Going to marry it, but then it died.

Yeah, we ended it with the notebook starring Yukon. Don't you remember 2011? No. No. The Alzheimer's is set in. This question comes from Jim at, oh my God, Jim, your Twitter account is at J-S-E-S-E-L. Jaseel? Which coach is secretly a huge Star Wars nerd?

I want to say if Jason has the same answer I do, because I have one answer that popped in my head super fast, and I think you might have the same one. Dabo. Okay. Just because he gets fired up about stuff. He's younger, and he's very willing to sort of adopt things that the kids are into

and not seem like he's pandering about it. Just like, I really think that if all the kids are like, yeah we like this movie I love it I love this movie but you guys have thought about this more so please go ahead Is it too un-Christian for Davo? Yeah that's true

I don't know I mean it's got like it's if Here's what here's the church perspective on this I'll tell you exactly how they sell this in youth group And now continues one of our favorite Runoff shutdown full cast Jason explains Southern religion Jason explained Southern Protestantism

I'm telling you man 1998 or whatever in youth group You know how they use Darth mall, they just say that's the devil. That's the devil. I mean, out of all of fiction, nothing translates to youth group better than Star Wars.

Like, you could just say, listen, when you're being seduced to the dark side. You know, the real phantom menace is premarital sex. I mean, Davo can use this fine without even having

to overthink anything. Those clones are gay. You know that. they're all the same the little having fun with the little green stuff huh this green thing we acknowledge

I'm going to say James Franklin because Star Wars is something that is very visually appealing that's fun to get excited about before it actually happens if you dig too deep into it you're like oh this is kind of thin in a lot of ways and it's just sort of

repurposing other material and looks better than it maybe actually is and I feel like I'm excited about something for nostalgic reasons and I've let myself be manipulated a little bit and there's and then there's like an emperor who's finally deposed about like 30 years too late yeah yeah uh and that's how I feel about James Franklin at this point GP man yeah it's Gary Patterson James Franklin can put together a great trailer yeah movie. Maybe not. I don't know. I mean, judging by James Franklin's Twitter photographs, there's probably

just facts are just way off, but it's still pretty cool. James Franklin's just on like Reddit old school cool coming in like, here's a picture of Joan Jett in 1938. You're like, I don't think that's from 1938. Sure, I'll commit to your program. You can put any date on an old school cool picture on Reddit and they'll believe it. You're like, look, this Abe Lincoln photo it's from 1937. Cool.

Yeah, like history. on Twitter. The guy, I say Gary Patterson. Gary Patterson's secretly a huge Star Wars nerd. I have no reason for saying this other than it just seems to fit. I think it's probably because he likes Return of the Jedi. He's like, you see what they did? They organized those Ewarks, took down a superior opponent with defense.

Oh, yeah. You just put personnel in the right place, and then you just let them go. Old school. You don't need no fancy blaster. Just give me a log. Probably also like the Force Awakens because it's just the same movie. He's like, what'd you do? Same game plan. Same thing.

Same thing. Play work first time. Well, we don't worry about them whether they're the Sith or the Empire or the First Order. We just execute our game plan. Sometimes we change our shirt color like Luke did between five and six. But other than that, same game plan. Fucking hates Chewbacca, though. He looks like a bear.

Yeah. I also bet he really likes Ray. Probably, yeah. You up Ray? All right, because she's a female That's it That's it No, no

I bet he's the kind of guy Who's like, you know, I like Joss Whedon's reliance On female protagonists He and J.J. Abrams have really done a lot For women, especially in sci-fi

And in action scenarios I can see, no, seriously, like I can see, you know, he'd be down with that. Cool. Probably readsvulture.com.

Um, Gary Patterson is extremely woke. Everybody knows it. Plus, he's shaped like the death star. Wow. Which one? Spoil it. Do not look for that small exhaust port just below the main port.

Oh, boy. This question comes from Nandez at Commandez 92. What is the worst idea for an expanded cinematic universe? Ooh. How about multiplicity? Okay. Like, like, like, like, I think one was more than plenty, and it got like, if you go back and watch that movie, like literally two thirds of it are extremely problematic and offensive at this point. Sure.

Like, just every copy is just an even worse stereotype of something that most people shouldn't be joking about all that much. So, man, it would be, if we're on like multiplicity eight, the expanded legends edition where there's novels and comics by unauthorized authors. Kill me. Oh, it would be horrifying. Kill me. Spencer and I disagreed about this. He says Friends would be a very bad expanded cinematic universe. I think it would actually be better because I think everyone who is not part of the core cast of Friends

fucking hates those people. And you get to learn that Gunther, the coffee shop guy, is actually a serial killer. And it's just like, oh, I'm going to skin Ross. I'm going to skin Ross and wear him. Who would stop him? None of the other cast. None. plus you would actually

you would just see people being like I fucking hate these people who have these huge apartments never have to go on the subway just do whatever they want rarely have jobs at any given time I would say on Friends half of the characters were employed and never was it a problem

never so I like the expanded Friends universe I will say the Gilmore Girls would be the worst expanded universe So many words Yeah, first of all The script for the Expanded Gilmore Girls universe movie Is going to be 700 pages

It's going to be an hour and 45 a screen time It's going to be a 700 page script Second, all the characters are actually the same They're just fast-talking people Who are really class-conscious And mildly witty They would all be white Because remember every one of the Gilmore Girls is just white

It's like the whitest town And all they would care about Even the non-white characters are white. Imagine an infinite Connecticut or an infinite Massachusetts. Like an infinite rural Massachusetts. Think on that, Big 12. Do it Big 12. Think on that Big 12.

You're just adding like the Gilmore Girls of Program. No, it's much more popular than Yukon's ever been. Much more popular. But yeah, that's the universe that I don't want to see because the Gilmore Girls to me just reads like a really blandly pattern like patch of wallpaper. Right. Extending infinitely. that would be it, right? And all of these terrible side characters

who were just one eccentricity, like, I'm the wacky dance teacher! Like, just that. Nobody can just have a fucking job. Nobody can have a job, right? I'm the guy who cuts the trees and sings, well, I cut the, yeah, that's... Right.

I think of Fox Sports One is the expanded ESPN cinematic universe. They're in a real negative Marvel turn, right, where they just handed it to some... Like, I don't know, this guy, hand this character to somebody. It's Clay Travis. Start writing him. Make something gritty.

Do a reboot. Fox Wars One is definitely the legends level canon. It's like, is this real? You can read it. We'll take your money for it. Let's put it that way. Skip Bainless. Man, it's like the all takes matter,

like all lives matter, warped to her. Once you admit that LeBron is trash, then you have my purpose. mission to die. It's 2007 every day!