Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 4.23.0

Episode Date: July 7, 2016

Jason joined us from Indiana to record this one from inside what sounds like a steamer trunk filled with spiders. We will never, ever let Jason do this again, or we will put him back inside a very real steamer trunk filled with spiders. The teams previewed this week are: --Mississippi State! Goddammit, Dan Mullen, you gigantic idiot. That and "Dak Prescott is gone" are your whole preview. --LSU! Where Jason, from inside that spider-filled steamer trunk in Buttsville, Indiana, tries to sell us all on Brandon Harris being more than the typical LSU Quarterback Of The Moderately Damnable Quality. --Arkansas! We mostly debate the various calendar-themed types of Arkansas teams Bret Bielema has created over the years: the SeptemBERT variety, the OctoBERT one, or the rarest and most potent of them all, the NovemBERT strain that still goes like 2-2, but does so with a powerful, entertaining vigor. Please don't firebomb our houses for discussing your football team, Arkansas fans. --Penn State! Now with 100% less Christian Hackenberg, which might be a good thing? Oh, and they turned over their whole coaching staff, basically, so...JAMES FRANKLIN RECRUITING SOMETHING SOMETHING --Duke, which we don't really preview because honestly we know nothing about them, will do no research, and are very glad David Cutcliffe will probably get them somewhere between 5-7 and 7-5 and better than Duke football should by any rights be. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. I am Spencer Hall, editorial director at SB Nation, founder of Every Day, it should be Saturday.com. You're listening to this because you want to talk a little college football, but you don't really want a whole lot of information. Let's be honest. You just kind of want to talk some shit. That's okay. We're here to talk shit, too. Joining me from God knows where, Jason Kirk, college football editor at SBNation.com, say hello from the footlocker you are currently trapped.

inside, Jason. Hey, yo, I'm in the middle of Indiana, and I'm told my audio sounds bad. But primarily my focus right now is there is a brown recouped spider on the porch where I've been told my audio is slightly less bad, so I'm sacrificing my personal safety for 10% less awful audio, just because that's how much I love all several dozen of you listeners here. listening to us here in central Indiana this is the best part that even

the internet in Indiana sucks and makes it sound like it's 1940 yeah you think some of these Purdue grads would have engineered some better internet the internet has been fine apparently it's just the audio

qualities oh damn there's an even bigger spider no Purdue grads can't help make radio or television waves better because then more people would know about Purdue. I got this lighter. Also, also, you know,

like they need to put a Faraday cage over the state at this point. Also, also, those bastards over in Eagleton will never let it happen. The, the warbling tenor that you hear, discussing Faraday cages being put over the state of Indiana. Alto. Yeah, Alto? Would you describe yourself as an Alto or a tenor? It's not a goddamn tenor.

No? No, it ain't now. Metso tenor. We'll give you, we'll give you Alto. Sure. You're singing an Al-Garose range, okay? You would be Ryan Nanny, contributor, personality, important organ at SBNation.com. Joining us live from beautiful Brooklyn, New York.

I said beautiful. I'm making kimchi. You should know that. that's good are you a kombucha household is that a thing that happens no I've tried kombucha it's fine but it's really hard to

shrug off the feeling that you're intentionally drinking something that went bad you know every time you drink alcohol you're drinking something that at one point took a turn for the first yeah it's turned it's literally the fermentation is is nature saying

nope that's not good anymore I'm gonna eat it you didn't that and that and this kombucha we got it in our little you know like you get your fresh produce thing that comes to your door in a tub your cSA yeah your cSA i got one and uh because the person in our house who orders that it ordered it well hungry had gotten a bottle of kombucha just someone's nice like i make it in my house kombucha that comes in like a bottle right yeah and i opened i opened it And it went off like, I'm not talking like cartoon scene of somebody opening a fizzy bottle. No, I'm talking like, it went off like a nuke, like all over the kitchen. And I smell like bad fermented crap for like a day, which is longer than usual. That's bad. You shouldn't do that.

Yeah. Yeah. Is this the only podcast that's going to talk about kombucha and Mississippi State? we had the first and only we are in preview mode you should know so why not go ahead and we just leap in with uh the accidental kombucha spill of teeth mississippi state oh boy i'm pretty sure if you go to mississippi state go to a mississippi state game and ask somebody what they think about kombucha the answer's going to be well you know he he's he's adding depth to the to the running back position i think he's got to bulk up a little bit but you know

Butch is going to get rolling for the end of the season. I hope his big brother gets help, but it's a shame what his recruitment is going to do to the rebels. Of course, they deserve it. All the cheating they did to get him on campus. Either that or you get this. You get somebody who's in the ag department who's like, well, listen, what kind of fermentation are we talking? Because I need to know exactly what we're dealing with here. I need to know your rates.

I need to know your yeast. What yeast are we working with? How do we even get this started? You saying we can't ferment the strip steak? Because we'll try. I fermented Jackie Sherrill. Jesus. Let's be honest.

Jackie Cheryl pickled himself a long time ago. Anyway, what do we actually, like, when you think of Mississippi State, like, I obviously have, like, I have certain things I think about them. Right now in 2016, I think of them as this. I think of them as Dan, Mullen's starter job that he's never left like you know he was working at the movie theater and he was going to go back to school but but damn it they hooked him that they paid him $42,000 a year to run that movie theater and he just kept staying and you know they give him a plaque

they're like oh man you're like the best movie theater manager and all of lago florida and he's like oh wow i mean they really value me then they give him a raise to like 46 and then after like eight or nine years, they go, oh. Nobody comes to the movies anymore. How long as you think until his, like, extremely northeastern accent adds some real southerness to it? And we get sort of just an unholy beast of an accent. Like, he's talking about eating, eating, you know,

New York pizza and whatever. But doing it with, you know, just some real, some real, in real Kentucky fried chicken accent. I think he's I don't know to it as long as he can because he wants the Michigan State job

insert Big Ten job whatever yeah he's got to retain that because that's his one foothold that's his one life racked out of that accent it's why Les Miles has never really interviews for the Penn State job

or whatever right you know he's got to be able to pull out that well sure I can retire from New Jersey listen to me to talk you know like he and all he's becoming sort of a

Because then you can also say, you know, I can recruit the South because they'll have that shining truth. He's really becoming like an amphibian. Yeah, this too, that with Dan Mullen, the pattern has been this, that Dan Mullen has entered the interview process. Dan Mullen will do the interview. And then Dan Mullen will inevitably come out of the interview with somebody saying, yeah, he We just didn't like you. Yeah, that happened with Miami and somewhere else, right? Oh, that's, that's, there are two different ports, the two different schools were like,

hmm, past, yeah. When I think of Mississippi State at this point, I think of, like, a, like a bicycle Ed Begley Jr. built that has solar panels and somehow runs on biofuel and at first you're like that's pretty good work ed bagley junior i didn't think a bicycle could have that kind of potential but then the novelty wears off after a couple years and you're just like well it's not a fucking car and it's never going to be that's you mississippi state i'm sorry i love you uh yeah that too mississippi state This is a team also that the theory being that if Mississippi just had one school, that'd be an amazing football power.

Mississippi has three schools, really, when you talk about how they do that. That's if you're not even counting some of the Jukos. And Mississippi State, if you've never been to Starkville, here is your pitch to come to Starkville. Your pitch to come to Starkville is, do you enjoy open space? Cool. Let's see here. So if Mississippi only had one program, I'm looking at the, we put up the thing last week.

They'd be Arkansas. Yeah, that'd be more what it would be like. Percentage of the country's blue ships by state, let's see. They're below Illinois, for instance. Sure. Cool. So. But, you know, Illinois has got northern Illinois.

and sure sure sure so let's find the nearest Southern Illinois that's the other one sorry okay I can go darker the nearest one FBS school state which is above Mississippi in Blue Chips is New Jersey

so Rutgers three schools are sharing that bountiful basket of plenty and one of them has a little bit more money than you.

Yeah, so that's, so that's, so they're the, they're the Rutgers of. They're these, they're these sub-rutgers of Southern New Jersey. Which means, by the way, like, and I would say two things here, both contradictory. One, Dan Mullen reinstated and has consistently defended a player who repeatedly punched a woman. Yeah, there's, there's, there's, there's even video. Yeah, there, there's, there's, there's, there's, video of it. Right?

The player is suspended for one game. Yeah. Not one year, not one month. One game, and it's against, I believe, it's against South Alabama. It's a game that almost literally does not count. No, it's against USA. It's against the whole nation. The entire country, which, you know, sure, if you're going to do that, I don't like you all that much.

When you're suspended against USA, you're exiled. He's got to play in Cuba or something. yep and uh and yeah whatever players apologize and he's being charged with two misdemeanors but whatever you got suspended for one game and that's um that's complete horseshit that's complete and absolute total goddamn horseshit so shame on you shame on basically anyone who would defend a one game suspension for that bullshit um so yeah fuck him i was gonna say something nice but He's done a great job, and then just made himself look like an ass by doing that and only having one game.

Yeah, I mean, a year before, or year two before, you know, everyone rained down pretty hard on Bob Stoves for spending Joe. Suspending Joe Nixon for one ear for this. So, yeah. The joy. Yeah, near as stern as that was. Like, somehow it made that look like a really strong punishment. cool yeah i don't know i mean i don't know i mean yeah dan mullen made college football look bad and that's hard to do

yeah good so yeah i was going to say boy yeah you know there you're you're the best coach in mississippi state's like contemporary history in terms of consistency and that that almost like yeah that just goes out the window the minute i'm like and you suspended a dude one game against a meaningless team for uh totally punching a woman on camera okay great um but oh miss cheating old miss Cheating. Old Miss Cheat. Yeah, yeah. Remember, though, however, more importantly, an Ole Miss assistant gave three players a ride to Memphis. And really, maybe they punched people there. We don't know. Yeah, yeah, they probably did. Certainly, certainly, they did. The NCA is looking into it.

Rebels are done. All right. Let's talk about the schedule. The people are up rings will be turned back in. Thumbail, thumbnail, by the way. an immense year to step back they lose their most productive offensive player probably ever in the terms of a single personage and

Dak Prescott and certainly by single season and almost definitely by a career they have to replace him I don't know Mississippi's just generates giant quarterbacks I got a guy named Elijah Staley who's like 66-248 and could probably throw the ball through a barn

whether he can hit that barn or another barn is the question and it being Stark it being Stark built no shortage of of barn-related targets, and I'm not exaggerating. It's rural, it's agricultural. They're proud of it, and should be. You want to look at the schedule and just see it?

Yeah, I mean. And that and a mega-completed defense, I should add. Yeah. So, non-conference, South Alabama, at BYU, Samford, at UMass. Yeah, the granddaddy of them all. That's, I mean, unless they, that's at BYU. At BYU. I mean, BYU, I at least understand why you would schedule a home and home with.

Eh, UMass, I am less clear on. I have killed three enormous spiders out here. Indiana, don't ever schedule a home and home with Indiana. I'll just put it that way. Yeah. And I think the Mormons originally came through Indiana, so maybe it's just wherever Mormons have been, are or will be. Don't schedule. Well, that's Matt Brown about that.

Schedule FAU. The cross-division schedule is also pretty sad. South Carolina at home at Kentucky. Buh. Yeah. So you're going to lose the Will Must Camp at home. But then you've got to play your SAC West schedule, which includes road trips to LSU,

Alabama and Old Miss That's not great No and this too I would also say Looking at they could be three and one out of Conference Where are they going to pick up a definite game

I mean I don't know Auburn We've discussed the the Unknowability of what Auburn will be this year Right and that's in Starkville So give them credit for that Maybe pick up two games Maybe pick up a game there too this just feels like a team that's going to struggle to get to, like, seven wins, right?

And they certainly feel like a team that's on the downslope of Old Miss in terms of in state talent, in terms of where that's going at the moment. So, I don't know, this feels like a seven and five team. Seven to five with some real, real bad fives. I'll flip that, five and seven. Five and seven, wow. I don't think this is a bowl team. I think they can pick up an Auburn.

I think that A&M, we don't know anything about A&M, and that's in Star Trek. Although A&M really sucks at home, not on the road. I'll say six and six just because you get two very weak SEC East opponents and outside of the BYU game, which comes six days after the Auburn game and it's going to be played at night in Provo. this is a bad one um like yeah they should be able to get six if you didn't get to sex it was a particularly crap year all right that's it that's all mississippi's me bye uh well uh well you want you want to stay in the s c west we have two other teams there the numbers we got

some catching up to do there yeah we do you know what let's let's get i want some festivity all right our resident's spiciest team year in and year out. It doesn't matter what the ingredients are, unless Miles is making you a hamburger. Here comes LSU. But I ordered penicillin. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

Here you go. Get some penicillin in that hamburger for you. Pedicillin was discovered on accident, and that's how I'm going to find a quarterback. This meat has a want to do. disinfect the stream of your blood. This is, it has the chest and the fortitude that you need to succeed

in the SEC West. I like to see a young man who wants to put a burger in his blood. You have one stomach affection. This cow had seven stomachs. On a sesame seed bun. And wrap

it in tin foil. Just the thin tin foil and, and deliver it rapidly through a fast food window for a low fee eat at Arbys eat at Arbys

very curious move by the way recruiting wise for less miles to be pictured in a cop uniform this week it's always a good thing when you're Was there any context to that at all I don't want to know He's in a movie The timing was horrible

but he's starring in a he has some sort of a role in a movie yeah that's that's what it was it was a movie yeah but timing timing really couldn't be worse considering

just any day really in Louisiana but we do have this we have left who basically nothing ever changes

left miles less miles never changes is there any reason to believe that they have a functional quarterback. Jason? Yeah, yeah. I mean, he was a, Brandon Harris was a truth. I've been stumping on this for months.

I've been waiting on this preview. Brandon Harris was pretty much SEC average as a sophomore, and ha-ha-ha, SEC average. I mean, he was terrible. I get it, ha-ha. But basically the same numbers as Kyle Allen last year, who was, you know, probably the most sought transfer quarterback, and everyone praised Houston for landing him.

So, you know, if they'd gotten Brandon Harris, we should have been just as excited, plus he can run. You know, another year in an offense that we should have a piece up by the time people listen to this on ideally LSU sort of veers one way or the other. You know, more spread or more pro-style pick one because, you know, he sort of needs to develop a full command of one or the other. but you know I see a lot of reason to hope in Brandon Harris he's got a ton of talent around him the offensive line should be pretty good it's replacing I believe two players but you know it's LSU there are 18 5 stars to choose from possibly the country best player behind him possibly a first round wide receiver I mean to me the big difference for LSU this year is for the first time in what like five or six years they're not losing eight you know nine 10 early entry NFL

draft guys they basically had none um so i mean to me it's there's actual depth for lSU this year and there's some actually you know some actual veteran presence and i don't know i mean i feel like brandon harris you know he gets stuck with the lsu quarterback tag but there's reason to think he can be better than the stereotypical ls u quarterback he was only a freshman and a sophomore you know if he can't do it this year okay fine but you know i i think he's been written off way too early. I think also there's one thing to complicate that theory. Both tackles graduated.

Yeah, so you bring back to your interior of your line. I mean, every single team in the country is placing at least one offensive lineman. I'm not that worried about that. You're bringing back everybody else. Okay. Okay. So you're buying this house. Every house needs a foundation.

Listen, I put my name on wax. I did my bowl. projection a couple weeks ago. I had LSU as my number one playoff seat. I am I am pressing the red button jumping out the plane. I didn't even look to see if I have a parachute. We're over open water and the Lord will carry me safely home because yeah, I'm all in on LSU. Let's do it. Okay. Okay, that's fine. I do find it interesting that LSU has not had a negative turnover margin for the season since 2008. Yeah, just kicking the can down the road.

The fiddler will come next year. It won't be this year. The only thing worse than a second mortgage is not taking a third. How are you going to pay for the pool? Yeah, sure. Is this the part where I pretend like I know things about LSU or that the first month of the season will tell me any, anything about them? No, no.

I mean, you got Wisconsin. You're going to kill Wisconsin. I just set up some real awkward real awkward opening Sunday reactions. Yeah, also you got this too, which is, oh, Leonard Fournett comes back. Hey, Leonard Fournett's back. He's not graduating.

I mean, he really should be in the NFL, but, you know, this is a stupid sport. He can't go yet. So he has to play one more year. real good for LSU because he's amazing. So if he didn't get hurt, you're kind of looking at looking at, okay, I can at least

build a really good offense around just this, right? The rest of it, the rest of it can come. It can follow along. Cam Cameron, sometimes, frustrating, sometimes really super good at only

asking his players to do exactly what they could do. That's me like poor mouthing in NFL offensive coordinator working in college but it's true been pretty good with putting people in the right place not all the time but pretty good uh let's just look at the schedule they uh what what game do they lose like that to me is easier when you go okay well what do they lose is they'll probably they'll probably tar and feather anyone that they have a talent superiority to right which is most people on this schedule you get bama at home after a bye week i mean obviously bama is the

scariest game, but it is at home after bi-week, which I think Bill looked at the numbers on those two factors, not specifically LSU. Um, you know, traditionally home field at three points. Traditionally the bi-week thing is like another two points. So, hey, if you're, if you're within five points of Bama, you know,

maybe, maybe that game's a toss-up. Uh, at Arkansas, at A&M, at Florida, at Auburn. At Florida's probably a scary one. That, that game always gets wacky. Uh, never play Arkansas in November. That's never good.

Yeah, the other tough home game is an old miss. So, yeah, because that's a real squirrelly matchup. There's also the potential to just lose a dumb game.

Sure, you could lose a Southern Miss and win the national title. You're less mild. When's that ever gone wrong for LSU losing a dumb game? I mean, Florida, that might be harder. Only about half the time. Yeah, only about half the time.

To me, they like, to me, like, the obvious loss is Alabama. I can't find a real obvious loss anywhere else on the schedule, especially Missouri has to play there on October 1st. It's going to be bad. It's fine. That's going to be bad.

So I don't know. It feels like what, 11 and, I could call 11 and 1. This is an 11 and 1 team. They're that good. Jason? Yeah, that's what I have. 11 and 1. Obama drops save.

you know, just enough to make the tiebreakers work and you get in the playoff. All right, I won't stand in the way of progress here. Sure, put him 11 and 1. Also, also, you know,

if you want amateur night, Wisconsin, LSU, at LAMPO, that's going to be a scene of human indignity and indulgence. Oh, yeah, there's going to be, it's, you remember that one scene in seven where they find the man just passed out in the spaghetti, dead in the spaghetti?

Yeah, it's going to be like that, but pasta laia, so. And it's going to be, that's September 3rd, a mid-afternoon kickoff, it's not going to be that cold. It's going to be, like, I feel like LSU fans are going to be showing up in parkas and regretting it. There's going to be so many shirtless people of dubious shape and form. It's going to be that kind of situation where it's a little chilly in the morning. You're extremely buzzed and you sort of look up and you're like gushing sweat and can't remove your clothes and barely function and man, that's just a good thing. Just the smells of all those sweaty discarded garments everywhere.

Man, yeah, so if you want to, if you want to burn clothing, if you want to burn clothing for a good cause, go there. You'll be running, you'll be running a one-day charity doing a service to mankind. Also, LSU people will like cook food over it. They're like, mm, no, no, that's sweat. No, no. You'll get into the beach, Sharon. It'll smell so good. That's nature's based.

It's the bourbon of the human lymphatic system. Baseball. I kind of want to go to Penn State next. Like, let's come back. We'll discuss that. We'll let Spencer go to Penn State. Okay. Yeah, let's discuss, let's discuss anything we know about Penn State for fall 2016.

The only question we have to ask about this schedule is, how many games does James Franklin have to win, keep his job? And which games does he have to win to keep his job, right? You probably shouldn't lose the Temple or at Pitt. Yep. ooh no don't lose first three games and I honestly don't know which is worse don't lose to any of

don't lose to any of the sub-pen states right like it would definitely be worse to lose to Temple again because then Temple has a streak on you but if you beat Pitt then you know you can sort of you can say oh we want our rivalry game we don't we don't really acknowledge the other thing you know what I mean

I hear what you're saying. I just, I mean, they lost the temple last year. I think that game was in, was that game in Philly? Maybe not. That was in Philly. Yeah. That was the game where I think there was, Hakenberg was sacked, was it eight times? Eight or nine, yeah.

At one point, the mid-major was rushing two players at six blockers and brought down Penn State's quarterback. So they have a new offense coordinator. Those two things are loosely connected, I believe. They have a new offensive line coach. I don't want to talk about it, but. Yeah, we, yeah, obviously we still hold their old offensive line coach in higher regard. He's now at Auburn. Yep, keep in mind.

We won't blame him for that particular. Keep in mind, he was also moving defensive tackles over to play offensive line. Also. That's how thin they were. And his offensive issues hit the line hardest. And his offensive coordinator was John. Donovan, which, yeah, he's gone. Oh, so is the defensive coordinator.

So a complete turnover on both sides of the ball in terms of assistant coaches. But you still have James Franklin's, you know, steady command of in-game tactics. Clock management. Clock management, you know, the situational awareness. Free game recruiting, half-time recruiting, you know, all the, just all the things. we're going to recruiting. A lot of recruiting. Recruiting happening during games.

There is one thing, though. Christian Hackamber is gone. Yeah, yeah. And now we get to find out if that's a good thing or not. I'm going to... It's good for him. Or whatever he is. Man, I'm just going to call it as a good thing.

If there's a guy who's faster and can throw the ball accurately eight yards down the field, hallelujah. Or just hasn't been sacked as often. I think sometimes when you get a quarterback like that, you just get that palsy and that fear and anxiety spreads to the entire offense. I know it's simpler. The reason they couldn't block and that offensive line could not function. It gets even worse when your quarterback is so clearly rattled that there's nothing to be done with him by the end of the season.

It's like when the Texans just stopped with David Carr. They're like, all right, you're broken. Emotionally. Yeah, you're, here. We're just going to drive on you for another 45 miles if we could get to the station. Yeah. It's the beginning of the born identity training without all the parts where you learn cool shit. They just broke you psychologically and physically.

Wow. That is like the best description of Penn State football I've ever heard. Broke you psychologically. shadowy government project. Yeah, now this all fits. And for what? And for what? There's a new offensive coordinator up from the FCS ranks where he ran a

that are running tempo now at Penn State. Tempo and spread and stuff and buzzwords and various, you know, various things that people like. Multiple. Like they have actual ideas and plans on offense now. That's good, right? That's something. Yeah, something.

And they lost. And their running back is very good. They have a very good running back. We know that. Okay. So to go back to my original question, you got to win the first three. You can't lose to Ken State at Pitt or Home Against Temple. You can lose to this Michigan team on the road, I think.

You probably shouldn't get your ass handed to you. That's a managed loss already on the schedule, right? That's the loss where you go, okay. Just don't, let's learn something from this ass hammering. Right. you can't lose to Minnesota at home, and you can't lose to Maryland at home for homecoming, right? Yeah, because you have the little local rivalry thing.

Yeah, so you've got to start five and one. Yeah, and then after that, it starts to get real interesting. It is kind of... You can lose to Ohio State. Yep, five and two. You better not lose at Purdue. No. You won one cannot lose to Purdue.

No, no, no, no, no. I mean, Nebraska did, and it worked out. At this point, I think you can get away with losing to Iowa if they're, you know, if they're six and two or so. As of today, as of this date in July, yes, by the time we get to November 5th, maybe, maybe you can lose to Iowa. But let's say yes, so that's three losses. You won't lose at Indiana because every Indiana game, of course, ends 58 to 57 with Indiana. Indiana losing. Oh, good God, you better not lose at Rutgers.

Nope. They're also in your little forced rivalry circle. I like how the two teams, the Big Ten winning, got that nobody wanted Penn State was stuck with him at rivals because, like, for 100 years, Penn State, you know, swore they didn't have rivals except for Pitt and they didn't play Pitt. So, oh, well, hey, you wanted some buddies? Well, we got you some buddies. Now look, you're stuck with and better not ever lose to.

Like, this is almost like Penn State is the employee they're trying to get to quit. like here here's your new here's your new bunkmates here we'll move we'll move you into this spot in the office with all the spiders there you go the sun is always on you here uh yeah and then they lose Michigan State right like they lose that game I definitely lose Michigan State so the worst they can do is eight and four for James Franklin to keep his job and I will posit there is a version where they go eight and four look completely lost against those four, Michigan, Ohio State, Iowa, Michigan State. And on that basis alone, they're like, nah, sick of the shit. I think they get, I think this is, I'm going to go a darker timeline. You ready? Okay. Yeah, six and six.

Oh, oh, yeah, no, I want to be clear. Eight and four is not my prediction. Okay. Minimum, it's sort of like when in Apollo 13, they're figuring out the minimum oxygen needed for the astronauts to survive. That's eight and four. Otherwise, we're going to have to kill Kevin Bacon, eat his body. So I think you can stay at seven and five. No.

If you're, uh, hmm. No, seven and five. Seven and five, seven and five out unless. unless you... There's a lot of very specific landlines on this schedule. Seven and five only works if you... A savvy seven and five Smith can pull off a seven and five here. That only works if one of the seven is one of the four teams we said you can lose to.

You need a positive to balance out one of the negatives there. Yeah, I mean, Michigan State lost a lot. You can be Michigan State at home. Sure. If you end with a Michigan State. state win, maybe you can go seven and five, even though that means you lost to

somebody. You lost the temple again. But, I mean, 75 does also sound by right as a record. I like to flip it and call them the owl temple

and then it's like a hard Zelda level. Oh man, that owl temple, I can't figure it out. Get the Ocarina out See if I can still get the Miami job

It's like the damn water temple Except instead of water It melted snowballs They threw at Santa Claus When he landed in the Eagle Stadium That's a temple now plays in A cheese steak And then Donovan Mab puked on Santa

Donovan Mab threw up cheese steaks On Santa in the Owl Temple only make mill was around to chronicle it on the on the high rule what is it 2000 2012 meat mill yeah but that's better than 2016 yeah my favorite that was back that was back like hold up wait a minute meatmill and made you want to lift weights and stuff

that's my favorite that's better than current me that's my favorite discussion is people like taking rappers who are currently in a trough a knee deer if they're going to go out. No, no, no, no, no. No, 2012, Meek Mill. Yeah, like when he went 9 and 3, meek Mill. I think, I think. We're talking belt-bowl meek Mill.

James Franklin just needs to convince people that he's taking a page from the Sixers and he's tanking. Nah, this is how we get all the good recruits. Show them that they're needed. Coach, Coach, Nick David means something different when he talks about the process. That's not how we do it here in the great stuff. of Pennsylvania. That and that and this, I think if you get

this is going to be a six and six team and then we'll have maybe my favorite offseason storyline which is who wants to coach Penn State because not it. Yeah, it's going to be a lot of not it. Dan Mullen.

Oh my God. I have a worst answer Go ahead Craig Shiana That's Yeah Yeah I think this is happening

I don't think we can steer off this track now Yeah There's some There's some really horrendous things that can happen Ohio State Defense of Coordinators, Red Channel. But laying the groundwork for that already, James Franklin was a players coach. We need a disciplinarian.

Yeah. So who's not afraid to let a player get a staff infection to learn right from wrong. Oh, yeah. They're going to do this. James, James, you cannot lose the pit. You can't spell Merceau without misses, and it's all about family here.

You see the consequences of losing to records, so don't do it. Yeah, let's give Penn State 6 and 6 and never talk about them until we have to. Can we just guess Duke's record and skip Duke? I mean, like, what are we going to talk about one thing about Duke, if we can. Okay, okay. We've reached a point with David Cutcliffe that for years it was, you could tell people that David Cutcliffe was as old as you wanted, and they'd believe you because he looked old.

You can say, oh, David Cuckcliffe, 78, David Cuths, 83, David O'Cliff's 95. And people say, yeah, no, I mean, good for him, sticking around, making an eighth go of it, wonderful. But now, enough people know that David Cuckcliff is not nearly as old as he looks, that you can tell people the other direction. You can be like, David Cuth's 41, David Cuckliff's 30, and people be like, yeah, no, he's just, I mean, the ravages of coaching. he's the most weathered 23-year-old I've ever seen I like that Benjamin Button Kind of But like the scrambled

But frozen Yeah Like when you're watching it on the channel you don't get Yeah here I'm just going to say Duke 97 Can I say Duke 7 and 5? I'm going to say 5 and 7 because then they get to brag about their APR scores Because you know the 5 and 7 in both teams

There's a dozen APR scores and Duke is first among FPS teams in that. So if we go 5 and 7, then that makes Duke as happy as they can possibly be because they can say we're the smartest of the 5-1 teams. Okay, cool. I'm good with that, 5 and 7. Let's not talk about Duke. Okay, bye, Duke.

It's not that we don't love you. We just don't know anything about it. Arkansas time. All right, after that brief Duke intermission, let's get back. Oh, pink, pimp. Spaned and cheese Big Big Pin

Oh man I so don't Baconator with cheese If you've made it this far Consider anything that we say About Arkansas to be Just slander Just nonsense

Because you're gonna If you're an Arkansas fan That's all you're going to hear anyway You're going to go I heard you say we were going to go undefeated But I didn't like your tone yeah Arkansas loses a lot yeah granted

lost a highly underrated quarterback in Brandon Allen yeah is Brandon Allen going to be that quarterback that we only realize after he's gone like oh he was very good and yeah yeah no he's good and he was he was real good

and insanely productive not just like he was insanely productive when they needed him to be right like it wasn't like in blowout losses no it was in those games where they had to like keep pace with mississippi state it was in those games where they really needed to rack up some points he was great his stat line he put his numbers out they hang with basically anybody from last year his stat line against toledo in a game they lost 12 to 16 still makes no sense uh threw for 412 yards had no touchdowns only had one pick

scored 12 points. I don't, it seems very hard to do that. Just laying up treasures in heaven, a.k.a. the Mississippi State game. A.k.a. Cracker, male. Over time against Ole Miss. That's right.

Listen, man, you got to put in that work. You got to lay, listen, before you ever see the house rise, there's a foundation below the earth. When you're trying to make, when you're trying to gain a significant amount of weight in order to be a large

enough player here at the University of Arkansas you don't just you don't just gain weight by eating that one donut you have to eat another donut and then eat another donut you have to make it a habit it takes 200 gallons of water to make a chicken wing

that's why there's so much water in the ocean that's what all the oceans are for we hear at the University of Arkansas what I'm saying is if we go to the Marianas Trench it's full of chicken wings that's where we're trying to take this program.

Straight to the bottom. I just see breath of you. But not by being bad with our weight. You just want to sit on top of the ocean. Boyancy is the enemy of success. You look at a buoyant team. That's like Auburn. Auburn's a

buoyant team. You know what's buoyant? Bubbles. Bubbles pop. You put Gus Malz on in the ocean. You could film that movie The Shallows with the skinny girl, biting the shark on the buoy. You wouldn't even need a buoy with Gus Malz on. He could just stand up there on the water.

Because he's so skinny compared to us here at Arkansas. I can just see Brett Beelma putting an entire fried chicken into a pot, covering it with, covering it with soil, and then putting 200 gallons of water onto it, being like, come on. Go on chicken wings. Got a little song. Here comes the chicken wing from the ground goes to cover it, 200 gallons of water. He's a good chef.

Like, check the timeline. Like, he's tweeting out recipes. Left and right, always. And then I'm sure he's... Check the timeline. I'm sure he's sweetened like the food he cooks for his wife, you know, and then like, okay, honey, good meal. Oh, boy, I'm full, you know.

Then it's off to the stone room with us. Time to tend the pizza roll, bush. Listen, do you doubt Brett Beelma has a pizza roll bush? I don't. Look at what that. look at what that man is accomplished in life look at his gross earnings compared to yours and mine think about it yeah um it's far from hating far from hayton here i mean i mean i wish i had uh all that you know

all that he brings to the table and then leave leaves leave the table with um is there a game on the i don't know early part of the arkansas scheduled that could i don't know make arkansas fans totally flip their shit and say Oh, Brett Bielman is not the man for the... Oh, this team's going on the wrong. God damn it. We should never fired Bobby Bredo. Oh, there's a big one.

There's one of week two. That would be at Amon G. Carter Stadium in Fort Worth, Texas, on September 10th, when the sweltering heat of the Lone Star State will bake the already sopping wet Gary Patterson and Brett Bielam, who against all. All logic and rule of law will be wearing a gigantic parka on the sidelines. Oh, man, there's going to be so much sweaty excellent baked into the turf. This whole game is like that squirt emoji.

Like watching the whole game, it's just like. At the end of this game, they're going to hug, and it's just going to sound like a thousand Swedish fish colliding at once. I mean, the entire, like, Gary Patterson, I could go to tears laughing about how absolutely goddamn sweaty that man is just on a daily basis. He sweats like I do. He sweats when it's cold. It's my favorite running gag in college football. How absolutely unnaturally sweaty Gary Patterson is as a human being.

These two are both two shoulder towel boys. I bet department store clerks hate it when Gary Patterson comes in to try clothes on. They're like, well, great. Going to have to burn another dress shirt. Great. No, here's the key. Go to the dressing room. Just get it over with it.

Ring it out. Ring it. They got a ringer, the Gary ringer. That's what Bill Simmons's new site is about. Gary, this is my friend, this is my friend Gary Ringer. Tell him what you think about. Tell him what you think about Goodell. Drinks entire bottle of grain alcohol.

I'll tell you about that, fucker. This is great TV. It's important TV. That's the thing. It's important television. Never before, as a white man, been allowed to wander and meander around sports topics for no reason on TV. Until now. The great thing about, the great thing about,

this sports bitching is you have to pay extra money to watch it. Sure, it's premium. So that's the cool thing about it. So if you manage to get past TCU, your next big game is against your current nemesis, Texas A&M, whom you've lost, I believe

two straight overtime collapses to so try not to lose that one as well. By the way, like Like, that is, to answer Ryan's question, dunch it up. But, yeah, there's one game here early on that if you lose, it's real bad. And then there's another game early on that if you lose, you're going to get fired the next day.

It's the freak. Yeah, Texas A&M's the freak out game. Yeah, that's a serious. Well, if he was to Alcorn State, you're probably getting fired. No, no, no, no, that's a strong team. No, they're playing for Steve McNair. You know this. in Little Rock

But yeah October 8th That's when you That's when you get the great football Yanked out from Arkansas's Like foot every single time That's when you get the running gag Which is the hard fought loss to Alabama

Because that's that's what all That's all Arkansas does So it's going to be you know like I don't know 179 169 where you need to score twice And you might as well be the dude, you know, like the Bond movie who has the cannon sitting out the dessert and he's all he's got to drink and he's 50 miles from any help and he's going to die

because that's what you are if you need to score twice late against Alabama. Bye. I'm going to give you an 11 to 6 is your new, your new addition to the Alabama-Aransas rivalry wiki. I like that because I'm picturing Arkansas jumps out to 6-0 lead. Bama scores 11 unanswered. I think lurches out to 6-0 because it'll be like 6-0 at halftime

or something like that, but it was just exhausting 6-0. Yeah, you earned it. Good God, did you earn it? You left it all up there that 6 points. But. But. Soon after that game against Alabama, that better loss, after two, after two surely

just debacles spectacles at Ole Miss Auburn team who, when they play Arkansas either to go like eight frames in overtime or lose on like a backwards fall in bowl or any number of you get November which is proven based on three years

I looked it up they were three in one last year two in 2014. No no no no What you need to do is you need to compare November to October and September because it's not about it's good. Here's the trick with Arkansas. They're not good, but they get so much better in November that they seem really good because the key is to enter the top 20 in the next season. It's like how Toyotathon might not actually save you any money, but it's called Toyotathon, so you're excited. Yeah, if you jack the prices up high enough in September, your November sale against LSU looks a whole lot better. Yeah, it's not about the one in the three and one.

It's about the one in three in September. Yeah, so you're saying that Arkansas is the online retail business that makes all its money between, like, black, Black Friday and New Year's. It's like a fireworks store. Okay. Like, there's a fireworks store in our neighborhood. Every time I pass it, I'm all, why the hell is that there? And then last week, it's like, that's why it's there.

That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, or a couple days ago, it's like, yeah. Okay. Yeah. But no, no, no, you, that you got to check the point spreads to me. I mean, it's, it's not just there three and one. I mean, they made the shit out of, you know what was the first you handle this two years or something like that.

I mean, in November, Arkansas, and you got to count the bowl game, too. You got to throw that in there. Sure.

So, yeah, Arkansas, it rolls downhill. It gains velocity. Somehow it gains math, mass. It's like,

that's like a Dragon Ball Z kind of thing. I've never seen that show. But all I know is just things just get bigger and bigger and bigger and, and like, and at some point they just gave up on explaining how things are stronger. They're like, oh, no, it's, it's 70 billion times stronger.

And they're like, no, no, it's 100 billion. times stronger, you know, that's Arkansas. This at some point it's just so large that just don't even play it. Stay home, Missouri. I will say this, that they

have a real good shot, like a pretty good shot at being undefeated when they go in Alabama. Their obvious loss. Ooh, wow. Right? So I think... What about TCU?

I mean, they could win that game. I'm not saying, this is me saying probable, probable, right? They could probably be undefeated. Not that they will definitely or, but it could happen, right? Okay. Like, that's not insane to be like, okay, they beat TCU.

They could probably beat TCU. That's a hard game. But like, to me, that's a game where they can be competitive and maybe win. That's not crazy. Okay. So even a pessimist comes out of September with what, three and one. Then they go to four and one with a popcorn game against Alcorn. state then

then it starts to get a little tricky because October 8th to get Alabama that's a loss it's just a loss I think you're you're two and two

in September I think you can lose at A&M also because you do 10 to you know maybe you're 2 and 2 in October you're losing a Bama and Ole Miss

but then the glorious two and two you get in November it's just such a difference two and two maybe you haters can't quite see the difference

you can't perceive the nuances like I can but it's just such a good two and two that you get in November and then you just annihilate like I don't know No I photograph my two and two from its good side or something in the ball game

and you know your top of the team the next season again these pants make my two and two look slimming. You know what game I'm waiting for though that has quietly like quietly become a very competitive fun game and that would be Arkansas Mississippi State and I'm not just

Just say, I mean, it was 1710 in 2014. Can I refer back to everything you said about? It goes off. Okay. It just becomes an absolutely ludicrous display of shoddy defense and high-scoring offense. And what was that, like, 63-58 or something? Can I? Wait, kidding. This is the game where fans were just punching each other.

That's the reason. That's the reason I want this to come back because the winning, because I believe the winning score happens and they flashed to the stands and Arkansas and Mississippi State fans are throwing real face hit and punches. They're like, man, you know what? We missed the touchdown, but listen, the hands need a thrown.

Listen, it's only going to be a one-game suspension. It's fine. Oh, my God. The best part is if you go watch that clip, these two dudes are giving each other their hands and there's a woman in front of them who is like, oh, God,

Randy. Really? and both of them are Randy I know the look on her face I can't take you anywhere anywhere God damn but the kids are with your mom

I'm going to tell her you're in jail Randy we're here to renew our vows the hell are you doing we're here to rededicate our lives to Christ Randy

Christ put your heads on Christ put hands on the money lenders you're out here punching the jaw out of someone's mouth Moneylenders out here refusing to run the got-dang ball. Jerry Jones is Moneylender.

That counts. Well, I've just stamped six and six. A tidy six and six. Six, man. Your faith in November. Six? They do lose a lot. I mean, the November is tough, though, this year.

I mean... I like six. I'm actually going to go six and six, too. This is the... this is the this is the time of stress for Bert Bert's earned a little rebuild I mean it hasn't accomplished anything special

but I mean look at what he started with he's taking over John L. Smith he gets a little a little minor down here can I can I walk you fellas down the weirdest road please start 4-0 BTCU BDNM

A&M have everybody feeling good beat Alcorn State 5-0, undefeated, heading that band-the-game, as Spencer alluded to, lose seven straight. But look awesome over the last four. He's looked real competitive against Mizzou. What level of psychosis would the Arkansas fan they sink to if they lose six straight, they're going into that seventh game? when they lose to

zoo oh my god oh if you ever read Blood Meridian laughter