Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 4.39: Week Five, and the Dreaded Skip-Block

Episode Date: September 29, 2016

Okay, so we recorded the preview episode for week five during a thunderstorm and that went about as well as it could during a thunderstorm. That is, it went badly, even by the already low audio standards of the Fullcast. The topics. covered through difficult conditions because we are GRITTY: --Tennessee/Georgia playing a game that if the SEC East made sense would end with a decisive Tennessee victory, meaning it probably won't --How you kind of have to watch every game Houston plays even though they're playing overmatched teams like UConn, because they somehow managed to lose to UConn last year, and you wouldn't want to miss that even though they're probably still going to pummel them in revenge for that? Because they're a national power with an iffy schedule? --A lengthy discussion of offensive lines, including the absurd lengths the Stanford offensive lines will go to make you dig a hole to get lower then they are --We discuss how far Wake Forest has to go into an undefeated season before we start to realize this as a real thing and not some error of math and fate --Memphis/Ole Miss! A.k.a. THERE'S GONE BE A FIIIIIIIGHT --A reflection on the raw thrill of seeing Lamar Jackson playing real football again, and how Dabo will put 50 points on Louisville if he can to redeem Bobby Petrino's soul --Huh, what game was USC playing when they fired Lane Kiffin, hey look, that was Arizona State, who's USC playing with a 1-3 record this week, oh hey that's undefeated Arizona State, that's weird and not at all ironic-- --A plea for someone to Periscope the Hawaii game for us, and the world at large Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. We, having processed the departure of the hat from the ranks of college football coaches advance to the games of it. I'm going to say this, and it's going to feel really weird. We're at week five. Week five. Where we actually begin to play a season, gentlemen, the gentleman that I'm speaking to, joining us from beautiful Bristol, Connecticut. Richard Johnson, subbing in for Ryan N.

who's out on paternity leave. How are we doing, Richard? Doing good, doing good. We haven't talked about this yet, okay? But you have a really good question we're going to answer tonight, correct? Yes. Okay, we'll go ahead and just start that question.

I'm not going to answer it. But your question from a reader, and please, we always like to mention the reader when we introduce the fascinating question. question they've given us. Our lovely question today comes from young Kurt Rembis at illegal screens who says what was the most memorable instance of offensive line dominance you've ever seen. Okay, now you start thinking about that because I realize that once we actually started thinking about the answer to this question, there were like nine that came to mind immediately. So

dear listener, begin to think about the majesty of collapsing human tidal wave offensive. of play. Okay? While I introduce our other co-host, that would be Jason Kirk, joining us live from beautiful Kennesaw, Georgia. Oh, hey, Jason. How are you?

Hey, what's happening? Yeah. You did not do what I did last night, right? No, no. I lacked the wisdom and the insight to go to the Beyonce show at the Georgia Dome, proving once again that you are the true intellectual of this group.

It's true. I'm not in Connecticut and I did go to Beyonce last night. Yeah, check, check. Bang, bang. Yeah, to be fair, Richard also didn't fly down from Connecticut for the Beyonce show.

So neither of us went. It was equally convenient for both of us. I will tell you the great part about being in the old section at the Beyonce show in the last row of the Georgia Dome and by last row, I mean the one

by the wall in the back, 500 feet above the stage. The good thing is that that's usually the old section and when Beyonce sits you sit. So everyone who's like extremely old just goes whew! Like every time

Beyonce goes, Beyonce, you know, I'm going to sing Halo and just sit here and just kneel. Everyone's like, oh, thank God. I'm going to take a break when B takes a break. It's a rule. Because you're working just as hard as she is. It is. It's true. Like I'm there in the little, she actually

has a pool she fills up on the stage. it's like a little it's like lap pool length and it's probably like four inches of water maybe three inches of water and she dances in that and by the time they bring that out everyone in the section is just sitting and going oh this is so good i'm not standing up this is so wonderful i'm totally not standing it's 12 15 jesus be get this everywhere but it was amazing show and it was highlighted mostly for dj calla just going through his rolydecks and and bringing everyone that he had in his phone out like i actually think that's what calut does he's just just types it in. He's like, oh, I'm in Houston. Let's see, his Bun here is, let's see, Pimsy's dead. No, you can't get him. Like, that's all he does. And that's all he did in Atlanta, which is fine.

You just call everybody up for, like, two songs. The only problem is that they called out Usher. That was, like, that's the most disappointing part of the entire show for me is that I had to watch Usher. Time to go to the Taco Mac when Usher shows up. It really sucks that you can't IRL trash emoji somebody, right? that I couldn't actually just like everyone goes crazy over Usher because it's mostly women. And you figure out really quickly that's how Usher sold records.

So when you see Usher Live, you're like, who buys this trash? And you look around at 60,000 women are like, ah, yeah, that's who buys Usher. But I couldn't actually hold up a real-life trash emoji, which is something I really want to do at a football game, right? Like, that would be a great thing to do. That's a slam dunk college game day sign.

Just holding up the trash. Somebody do this. somebody at Clemson please do this we will retweet you i don't know yeah we don't have much to offer yeah we will we will share your content virally we will take your real life content and turn it into internet viral content so we'll make it in the game signpost exactly like big old yeah we'll push on our website yeah just big old trash emoji for game day please this week oh man we actually have some fairly good games it's and the thursday friday duo which is my favorite because you basically get three days of football.

You can cheat and just blow like two weeknights on football. It's magnificent. You don't have to go to a shitty high school game either. That's true. You don't have to go down to the methadone of high school. Well, method, that's a little strong. Method, methadone. It's more like caffeine.

Caffeine pills. Not even pills. No. It could kill you if you took like, like theoretically, way too much, but it, like, never will. It's like eating a Milky Way or something like that. What are you going to do? I'm going to smoke.

High school football is fun, like, once a year. Like, yeah, that's all you need. You're good. If you go to, I think high school's only fun if you go to a place that has so many people trying to get in the game that the fire department, Marshall is involved. That's really, that's choice right there. Have you ever been to one of those? Like, when my friend Bo and I mysteriously did not get into Miami Northwestern,

uh because yeah i was on the sideline i think were you were you there for that game i was at uh booker t you're you talking about booker t miami central i believe that was booker t miami central yeah yeah it was bookie miami central in some small colleges stadium in i believe to whatever year florida play miami because that's why i was down that yeah yeah same weekend yeah it was the night for florida miami and it was it was massive like it was a massive thing um yeah that's Yeah, that's probably the last high school football game I came up into. Yeah, I had as much fun getting thrown out of that game trying to sneak in as I did actually attending some high school games. No, it was serious business.

Yeah, it was delightful. Where do you want to start, Richard, if we're looking at this week, where are you going? Okay, that's what I'm watching. Well, I mean, the obvious one is Little Clemson, but I'm much more intrigued. by Tennessee, Georgia. Just from a standpoint of, all right, Tennessee, here's the thing. You finally won the game. You finally won the game that you haven't won forever.

You finally won the biggest game of Bush Jones's tenure to date. Don't stub your toe against a freshman quarterback who's got a running back that's a little banged up and a defense that is not up snuff. Because there would be nothing funnier than Tennessee going between the hedges and just laying a gigantic egg to Jacob Eisen. one thing that would be equally funny is Georgia losing did you think about that because that would be funny too did you like essentially the way they lost on Saturday yeah that did you yeah yeah I was going to say did we did we point out that this is a battle of two completely unreliable forces right like we're not totally ready to trust

Tennessee, especially because they beat Florida. And now you're like, oh, I can't trust them the next game at all. Like, not one bit. They're going to be so high off beating Florida. And they're going to roll and be like, Georgia's garbage. And, oh, no, this is when. Yeah, Josh Dobbs looked really good for two quarters, and everybody's just like, yeah, I mean, he's not doing that again. Yeah, like, and then, but that would imply you also have to trust Georgia in this.

Georgia. Yeah. Coming in, like, okay, what should Georgia be good at? Uh, running the ball? Mm-hmm. Is Georgia good at running the ball? No. So, uh, so again, what is Georgia good at?

I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. They managed to sort of squeak by Missou on the road. Like, I want to give them credit for that. Sure, sure, sure. I know Missou scored like 80 points last week against, uh, don't worry about it. They scored a lot of points. A division one team.

Mm-hmm. An FBS team. and no a team a football team 11 there were 11 players Division 1 okay division 1 I'm sure there are hundreds of schools in division 1 there are multiple levels to division

1 1 so there were a power 5 school right they're in the NCAA oh okay that's I think that's outstanding for them good congratulations but they somehow beat Missou and then now go into this game this is the game where I feel like Nick Chubb's going to uncork 200

I just feel like like after struggling and struggling there's always a game where a running back who's struggling just flies out of the gate and takes back all of that yardage at once and I sort of feel like it's going to be like all him too like the offensive line's like going to pretty much get stuff

like there are just going to be a lot of runs where it's like oh Nick Chubb should be tackled two three four yards behind the scrimmage or behind the line of scrimmage and he's in the second level just putting the moves on free safety that would be an extremely funny result. Anything that happens in this game

for me is funny by the way. So I'm very in favor of this because if Tennessee loses, then that's funny to me because they just beat Florida and now they get to experience the joy of inconsistency and some disappointment in their lives. And I get to watch that. And that lets me recoup like three cents on the dollar I lost watching that game.

And if George... Then you've got to watch Florida Vanderbilt so... No, I don't. Now, as Florida fans, what is the... the scariest outcome of Tennessee, Georgia? I think the scariest outcome is Georgia, like, putting a serious weapon, right, on Tennessee, because that means we could lose to Georgia and Tennessee in a year, right?

That's Georgia proving some actual value, which would be terrible, because... No, but we know how this is going to end. Like, if Georgia puts up, there's got to be some level of conversion. Like, if Georgia puts up 50, that means they're going to lose to Florida in an inexplicable way by so many points. Like, if Georgia does X on Saturday, they will lose to Florida by Y. Like, it's a one-to-one equation now. I mean, I don't know. You got to do the currency exchange rates.

Yeah. Exactly. What we're hoping for, I think ideally is the one of those situations like 2007, where you have. all of these countervailing losses, right? Where we end up with the commissioner, right? Greg Sanky has to flip a coin, right? Like where the tiebreakers just go so far down that they're like, I don't know, hell, let's play Uno for it.

Like, that's what I want to happen. I want everybody to have, like, I want South Carolina to get in here and absolutely screw up something. Like, if South Carolina is the only team that beats Tennessee, I'm going to hit the table. That would be a delight. I'd be all in favor of it. All I can root for is chaos in the SEC

East right now, so that's what I'm going to do. So I guess that means I want Georgia to absolutely pummel Tennessee. That would be hilarious to me. I feel like the worst outcome for y'all is Tennessee wins and, you know, they maintain that lead in the standings

and all that, but Georgia looks really good. And then you got to play, you know, see that, yeah, I don't know. It feels like it's all laughter and sunshine, but there is darkness on the horizon here. Well, let's talk about real darkness, by the way, because my scenario where Georgia beats Tennessee, right, and then gets high on themselves,

what's the next game for Georgia? Do you recall? Is it, it's not Florida yet? Nope. On the road at South Carolina. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Beat Tennessee, we're back in it.

Lose a road game. South Carolina, 10-9. I'm glad you said 10-9, because I was going to add that. They're going to lose 10-9. There will not be an offensive score. We know how this is going to go. We got this mapped out for you. I know.

We didn't ask for these powers. We write the script. Nope. I already know what's going to happen. I would like to point out on the schedule that we get to watch. Houston, I think, do that thing where they get to play a team like Yukon that will have like maybe 32 plays in three quarters right yeah and then have to defend a furious comeback against uh you know a disciplined reasonably well coach connecticut team that that um that won't win

but they'll they'll make houston stub their toe that's that's what'll happen here's the thing um Houston lost to Yukon last year, and as funny as that is, with a quarterback injury. So you have angry Tom Herman. The game is in Houston. Houston is healthy. They're going to try and hit 80 points. Now, luckily, in Yukon's favor, Yukon's entire game plan under Bob Diaco is to not play football. When they get the ball on offense, their goal is to advance toward the end of the game.

quickly they just hit super sim so this works in their favor uh houston's only going to hit 50 or 60 but they're they're they're going to keep they're going to keep swinging uh it's going to get it's going to get gross and i mean the thing about it is you kind of have to circle it as a must-watch game because houston schedule is you know the aAC at least the teams on their schedule they're just looking down you know so like unless you just want to give up and stop watching a top five team you have to pay attention to it you have to watch it they don't play usf in the regular season we like we're just going to not watch euston for a month no you got to watch this trash also man you got it you got to hang around to the end so you can see how yukon sims it out i mean literally

since they did this against navy they yeah they called remember they got into a two-minute they got into like a like end-of-game situation and didn't have a clock kill play and just walked off the field just like ah forget it i like that we're talking about uh uh yukon down by 38 points botched their two minute drill don't you want to watch that like do you know how hard you'll be laughing to watch yukon shambling along trying to do a two minute drill down 38 oh whew i mean you can't see but i'm fanning myself with the pleasure of watching that kind of failure it'll be delightful tom herman's going to kill him um also that takes us to that takes is to a ranked game on Friday.

Remember when everyone, no one's actually watched Washington, that can all change because you get to watch Washington at the reasonably on early hour of 9 p.m. You get to watch them at home playing Stanford.

Hmm, Stanford. I would just, can we go back to UCLA last week? Would you say that Washington has rebranded itself as a tough physical team this year, Richard? We're about to find out. we're back to find out okay because if the answer is yes that means they're going to lose to stanford right like we're a tough physical team bye yeah yeah this is like i

stanford i think people are not necessarily sleeping on stanford but people just i think they see christian mcalfrey as you know the scat-back and he's really quick and all this kind of stuff they don't have a bludgeoning back behind the offensive line but the offensive line like that is still very much like what it is like don't get a twist like they will mash they will put out nine offensive linemen and it's up to you to not even necessarily stop them it's just how do you creatively get in the way once christian mcalfrey is three yards beyond the line of scrimmage which is essentially where every stanford line of scrimmage starts once the ball is snapped i like the the that description of the defensive

scheming against stanford creatively get in the way yeah you kind of have to like i feel like you know you can't do this anymore, but the old roll block where if you watch extremely old football films, there is a form of tackle, which is extremely dangerous. It's one of the things that allegedly killed Jack Trice. I was just going to say, yeah, it killed somebody. Yeah, no, it killed Jack Trice in Iowa State, where you roll and throw yourself in the way of the ball carrier, hoping to sort of like take them out like a ladder rolling down the highway off of a truck, right?

It was an old roll block that they used to do. That's pretty much what you have to do against Stanford. You're just like, I don't know, throw yourself in the speed. folks and hope they fall off the bike how like when they when they like outlawed that like when teddy roosevelt like made them outlaw that like how much do you think teddy was like man that looks pretty sweet like teddy was like i don't really i don't really want to do this but you know everybody's whining about it and we got to et cetera well this is the old history channel problem because the history channel would do like anytime the history channel

would do a documentary on somebody who is really evil or like a malicious empire or an empire that killed a lot of people, right? Like, they'd be like, the Mongol Empire, horrible murderers who did awesome stuff, right? Like, it always came out, right? They'd ride over the hill. They'd ride over the hill, covered in the blood of their enemies. They're poor enemies who did nothing wrong.

Like, they'd always have to, like, pull back, right? Like, Joseph Stalin created the world's biggest bomb. He was a murderer for that, a terrible human. But it was cool. that's what Teddy Rosenbelt's relationship with a lot of things was, I think. And football was totally that, right? Like, yes, we really shouldn't allow people to close line each other in the open field of play. No, don't do that.

Yeah, that's Stanford football. I mean, if you see, like, I think people are just getting to this how low they get. Like, they just, like, it's the lowest block imaginable. I've never seen an offensive line to get that. The screen of they tried against USC on the goal line with the whole right side of the line basically crawling off the ball and I think it was Jeff Schwartz on Twitter

who said like you can't actually generate any power like that the whole idea is you're tricking USC into going low and also not having any power so like you've just created this stalemate so then McCaffrey can just trot into the end zone because everyone is laying on their faces prone like staring at each other on the ground. Yeah, all you do is sort of like slapped them on the top of the head and they go down.

Like all you do is you line up laying on your face and the other guy's like, I'll dig a hole. I don't care. I don't give a shit. I'll dig a trench. The team from just north of Napa Valley with the smartest humans on the planet does that. Yeah. And punts in non-optimal situations all the time, right? like situations where trained economists have gone no you're really not maximizing your value

David Shaw is like sorry economics I'm out he's on a higher plane that's just and in a very economic fashion still covered yeah yes exactly still still covers by the margin that he needs to cover that's the other thing you need to understand about Stanford they really don't care about margins they don't care about how good they looked or what the actual numbers say they really don't it's all the allocation of scarce resources that's it man you got this much yardage we're going to spread it across this much territory and we're going to do it one yard better than you they really don't care that's how you get good at a school that really is yeah north of napa valley yeah a bunch of nerds right i like that um Ryan

left so we're saying good things about his beloved Stanford live tree or die sort of a tribute so Washington is the team Stanford's playing they're kind of off-brand Stanford kind of off-brand old Boise State throw those things together and you get a pretty good team I think they've so far they've met all the off-season hype

you know they've looked like a top 10 team against bottom 10 team and I don't know how much that's worth, but you can still learn something from it. I mean, they've looked very good, as good as you can look against an awful schedule. Can I point out a fun stat that's going to give you an idea of what sort of a sit this is going to be for you

if you decide to pick up this particular game on a Friday night? Let me help you out. One team is allowing 12 points a game, and the other team's allowing 14. So when you're talking about scarce resources, Richard, here we are. Points are scarce resources. I'm just going to go ahead and predict this as a 14-12 game. Take it.

There you go. There you have it. 14-12, Stanford. That's how this is going to work. The thing is, like, I think, like, Washington fans are going to watch that and be, like, maybe a little upset or, you know, we should score more or whatever. Like, Stanford fans are just being like, yeah, okay, great. Like, cool.

Good. week. Yeah, we won 6.3. Awesome. Theoretical Stanford fans. Remember, Stanford football is an intellectual exercise. It's like Bitcoin or something.

It's there, I think. I don't know. It's like a hedge fund. I don't actually know how this works, but there's massive success. Yeah. Yeah. I want to go to the actual Saturday

games um we don't have to talk about florida man but let's just not watch it hell skip it skip it's a noon game noon not even awake man this is our first bad noon of the year um it's it's it's not good it's right now i know that one game will probably reach up and bite you on the ass and become the only thing you're watching at noon because something fun will happen but uh but y'all this no it's it's not obvious it's going to i'm never talking about syracies might be Notre Dame. Sure, sure. I mean.

I'm clapping like a seal. Everybody does that. Oh, it's so fixed now, the entire situation at Notre Dame now that we fired. So what's the biggest following Notre Dame? Hmm. Their defense, right? Oh, okay, cool. Let's go play Dino Beaver's offense on some carpet.

That'll be fun. That'll be hot, man. That'll be so good. Ohio State, they just get to scrimmage like half the year. easy they have to play Rutgers the line is 39 points in a conference game yeah

and I'm not even sure that's hot enough yeah probably not man until we get into a management situation right until we get into the please let us run the clock out and not get anyone hurt that's that's a definite management situation that is a bigger line than Alabama

Kentucky yeah you want another one oh man Miami's going to slaughter Georgia Tech there are jigs and there are ups and they meet when this jig meets this up for Paul Johnson who somehow is 3-1 and 1-1 in the ECC not for long man because that Miami team they were they defended a lot of this kind of stuff against Appalachian State and they buried it not even close mark rick's record in in bobby dot stadium all time it's something like 11 and oh going back to Florida

State. Don't quote me on that. But it's not far off from that. So I don't see that changing anytime soon. Yeah, nude slates dismal. And frankly, if you watch Virginia at Duke, you deserve whatever you get. I'm going to point you to Texas, Oklahoma State, because as we know, Texas is a lot of fun this year. Extremely. Oklahoma State is also a lot of fun this year. Last year, this is the game that came down to an officiating dispute that led Texas fans to he can't say it it's 12 months later and I can't say it with a straight face I'm sincerely not trying to laugh about this because it's the fucking funniest statement I've ever read online Texas fans swore the Big 12 was rigged against them because

a few calls went against them in a game they lost He's close to tears This is the funniest thing It's the funniest concept I've ever seen anyone Seriously believe a game went against you Therefore You know ignore

This mountain of evidence To quite the contrary On the field and otherwise Yeah the Big 12 is that to get you So No this was Those seeds have been planted And on Saturday they bloom

because, you know, all the eyes are going to be on these refs. There's pressure on Texas again. Texas was back for two weeks, and then Texas got screwed by a refs. Anti-Texis refs, I tell you. And you know who else was screwed by a refs this year? Oklahoma State. Oklahoma State. They lost to a fucking Mac team because of a ref mistake.

So these refs are just, oh, my God, they're going to walk out there so tight. like I have the scenario here's what's going to happen okay Texas is leading late in the third quarter it's interrupted by what an earthquake not a serious one okay but one of those fracking earthquakes okay and what will Texas fans claim well once we got up on him in Oklahoma State started losing T-boom pickings with this earthquake machine like he's just got a crank in the box right Then he's like, oh, goodness. Like, starts cranking up the earthquake machine.

Sir, he has, he has a cranker that he pays. Oh, I'm sorry. His name's Mike Gundy. Yeah, it's Mike. Mike, get up here and crank this. Get your ass up here and crank the earthquake machine. Here is, by the way, a quote that just came across the wire from Kirk Bowles about T-Boon on Mike Gundy. I don't have any conversations with Gundy.

I don't, when asked, is there a rift? He says, I don't know, but Mike doesn't handle people relationships very well. And he gets mad about things. I've heard he's written some notes about me that weren't very complimentary. So, uh, So how long have they just hated each other? About seven years. This marriage is, they're staying together for the kids and the kids are, uh, piles of money.

Yeah, and then the football team and piles of money. That's it. They just openly hate each other. and that's pretty cool. That just sounds, like, at least, like, you know, T. Boone can do whatever T. Boone does. But, like, Gundy, like, lives in Stillwater, or at least near it. Like, he's got to deal with this every day. You know, T. Boon does one of the most baller things that I know of.

All right. Well, first of all, this whole thing is a big, like, Texas swinging dick things. To be like, yeah, we hate each other. We work together. It's fine. Like, it's almost an ego thing to be like, I don't even have to like people to work well with them. And that's how successful I am. I hate that dick.

Like, that's one thing T-Boon's doing here. The other one, T-Boon has his lunch where he just invites people in. And if you get that call, and he likes a diverse cast to show up at this thing. So he has, like, he's called, like, you know, famous writer and, like, a finance person. And I don't know, maybe somebody who, like, does his hair, you know, like, doesn't, whatever. He just gets them all in together for lunch because he likes to have this, like, sort of educate T-Boon about life kind of meal, right? And I know someone who got that call, and it's the weirdest thing. Like, there's no prep on my Thursday.

It's like, I'll send a plane for you. Why don't you come over and have some lunch? Like that sounds like, so like, my dream is for T-Boon to be like, come on over and have some lunch. And like, I'm like, nah, man. Team Gundy. Sorry about it. I can't, I can't do it after what you did to that man. What you did?

Sorry, man. I agree with you on green energy, son. And I like your plan. But, you know, Mike and I go back ways. And you've never had a mullet. far as I know, and I'm closer to that kind of level of white trash living. We should be familiar. Before we go to the 3 o'clock, 2.30 shift, et cetera, let's answer that question about offensive line. The question, Richard, just read it one more time so we can get our

readers familiar. The question was from young Kurt Rambris, good Lord, at Illegal Screens. What was the most memorable instance of offensive line dominance you've ever seen? I decided to go with the Ohio State Oregon National Championship game just because there is a special place in my heart for watching teams mash the hell out of Oregon. That's just fun for me. I like derive great joy every Stanford Oregon game from just watching Stanford MASH

and watching Ohio State run Ezekiel Elliott on counter 35 times in jerry world that Monday night was just just beautiful yeah so that's what I went with it was not statistically the most dominant one but in terms of breaking a team's soul and making sure that it could not piece it together with any amount of glue effort tweezers whatever 4214 Alabama Notre Dame oh yeah This is mine as well. Spencer and I independently picked this one. We did not discuss this.

I recently referenced that game as Alabama beating the Virgin Mary out of Notre Dame. Good God. Oh, good God. You really are taking Ryan's place. That's some shit needs to me. Good job. That's literally an unholy metaphor. By Nick Sabin.

Nick Sabin beating the Virgin Mary out of Notre Dame. yeah this was if you did not see it there is there there's an anecdotal and there's a statistical element to this the statistical element is Alabama has the ball for 38 minutes this game all 38 minutes out of 60 Notre Dame has to look up and take it in the teeth from this offensive line they don't even like the numbers themselves it's a fairly balanced like it's not like they ran for 400 yards it's like 264 yards It's how they did it. They took their time. There's no hurry up. About the 265 yards, they had a long of 20. That's it. Everything else was like six, seven, six, eight, nine, five.

I was just getting punched in the stomach over and over and over again. It was no knockout punch. It was just like getting beaten with a phone book. Claire chest swats. Woo! for four hours. It was, and it was just, it was so deliberate. Like, I almost think it felt like Alabama was holding back.

Like, no, no, no, we're not going to let this pain go away quickly. If we're going to make it last. What makes it special? This wasn't like an FCS team. This was an undefeated team. Yeah. Yeah, with, by the way, with a great linebacker. That was the other thing.

They had Manteo. It just vanished. Kind of like his girlfriend. Wait, what? Oh, that was good. The story, the myth is that they had to come out in the same tunnel because of the way the stadium was built, right? And when they came out, they have to come out side by side, like almost like in European soccer stadiums, you know, when they come out of the same tunnel, right? Which it's not really a great idea when soccer teams do it.

it's a disastrous idea when you have to come out in Miami with football players in this little tunnel so they come out and Barrett Jones is the guy who leads him out if you don't remember Barrett Jones he's kind of an undersized but brilliant center who played on that offensive line he's just a big old violin playing accountant major who turned out to be like super goddamn mean and literally played every position on the offensive line

at one point or another yeah I mean it was brilliant Like, he was just, like, yeah, he's as smart and offensive line as you'll ever find. He one time famously got into, I believe, an argument with AJ McCarron at the end of this game because Alabama had finished fighting Notre Dame and needed to fight someone else and could only argue with each other, right, over perfection at this point. Anyway, Barrett is next to Mantiteo, and they're sitting there, and he looks over and allegedly says, y'all going to show up for the second half because we are. I hope that's true.

Because Teo said nothing, too. I was like, yeah, I don't know. Maybe not. Let's just get out of here. This sucks. Was loose a Knicks on that team? Hmm? Pretty sure, yeah.

Goodness. Yeah. The other thing, it might have been Knicks, actually, who in the fourth quarter, Barrett Jones and A.J. McCarrants got in a shoving match. Yeah. Like, instead of during a play or whatever, there's a lay a game or something, and Bama started fighting amongst itself. And you can see a Notre Dame lineman hopping up and down in joy, like, oh, they're taking it out on each other now.

The comeback starts now. Get the ball. They're distracted. We can leave while they fight each other. I would also just put a blanket. Yes, those guys for any Nebraska team in the 1990s. All of them. I did purchase today.

You should know this. very proud of it i purchased a bundle from ebay from a a buyer whose name uh i believe was let's see it's like chunky dan or or like thick roy no i'm sorry the fat daddy's closet is the name of the buyer i purchased a bundle of vhs tapes for twenty two dollars and i will tell you what they are power football by the nebraska strength conditioning uh program bigger faster stronger from the Nebraska Strength and Conditioning Program of the 1990s, and Strength Training for Power. There's a song.

I will share it with you as soon as I can get it off VHS and into digital. There's a song that says, do you want to be a man? Nebraska football's got a plan. Like, that's the lyrics. Spencer, where did you watch the 1996 Fiesta Bowl? In the Fiesta Bowl in Tempe, Arizona. That's exactly what I was hoping you would say. They hit Jaquesquez green so hard

his hip came out of socket and he was screaming and he was right by the band and the band is just like, no, let's leave, let's go. It was caught. That big dramatic run by the time Tommy Frazier makes his run where he breaks eight tackles, it looks like high drama.

It wasn't. Everyone in the stadium was like, no, that's going to happen. Like the minute, the minute they started caving in the D-line for no lie, three yards of play, Yeah, it was completely over. I spent the fourth quarter drinking quietly out of a flask that we were passing around

and throwing a rubber chicken into the air because that was the only thing we could do to entertain ourselves. It was pre-internet. There was nothing you could do in your phone. You just had to like, ah, this sucks. I'm going to watch it. Yeah. That's it. Sorrow.

Let's talk about, go ahead. I'm just trying to think of there any. I mean, the national title games, those always stand out because. like one team is not supposed to have this happen, you know, one team is just, it's supposed to be way too good. So it's just interesting that like all our examples are, uh, are on that level. I, the only other one I can think of in terms of, uh, an offensive line that just dominated that badly in a big game. Um, it's, it's Alabama again when they came out just flat in Georgia. That's like the blackout game where Georgia, where Georgia,

Well, we're black jerseys. It'll be awesome. Yeah, how'd that work out? That was the beginning of that sort of run of excellence for those offensive lines. And they've been the standard. That and Stanford, Stanford to this day is still a joy to watch. Like if you, like they are the ones who, if you want to watch offensive line play, at least once a year, they will put someone on a vine in terrifying fashion because they're big, they're fast, they block super low, sometimes cartoonishly low, as we've already pointed out. and they're just their run fits and how they like go back and look somebody made a YouTube video which are all of the run fits from their bowl game against Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl it's breathtaking because they're so on point I love watching their guys pull when they run power and they run counter their offensive line they do the skip pull which is not a lot of times if you can picture an offensive line and pulling usually they kind of rip their body kind of open and run parallel, but shoulders, shoulders parallel to the offensive line, and they lead up. But Stanford, they do this thing called the skip pole. Well, the guy literally essentially hops all the way up, and this 6-6-320 guy getting all the way up out of their stance, and they literally skip sometimes once, a lot of times twice, down the offensive line, then get low through the hole, lead through, and match the shit out of some linebacker. Yeah, and that's just so they can get.

get there more quickly well essentially it's just a way of doing it a lot of people do the straight pull most teams do the straight pull but some teams do the skip pull i think it's so that you can keep your eyes up at the target you don't ever turn your your head away from uh turn your head away from defense and you can always see what you're going to come through at and we're going to hit we're sure that's not psychological terrorism like and warfare that that if you see a 320 pound man skipping in the middle of a football game i quit i just i do the matt ryan i just have a seat i'm like now I want no part of that madness. I'm just going to lie down.

I'm just going to lie down. I'm sorry, I just saw the devil jump and rope. I'm going to take a nap. Like the gif of the little girl on the beach who says, I go to sleep right here. Yeah, I'm making a business decision, okay? There's a 320-pound man. And if he's smiling and skipping toward me, guess what? Taking a nap.

That's how this works. Let's talk about the 330 shift, if we can, the three-shift. business picks up business picks up a little bit there okay i want to point out by the way if they do beat oregon state which they should because they are the better team we got colorado at four and one we are too shy of a bowl

for the buffs all right we would be two and oh in the pack 12 which program which podcast was it that predicted a bowl for colorado by the way by the way did we it was it was ours yeah yeah it was ours because we love them Colorado keep going keep doing what you're doing don't

Don't do that thing where you beat Oregon and then you lose to Oregon State. Don't do that. That'd be real bad. You should pick this up. That's a gimmy. Year of the Bison continues. Go buffs. The 330 ship, we've already talked about Tennessee, Georgia.

We get North Carolina Florida State for kind of like a moderately interesting ACC match where you kind of want to keep an eye on it. Florida State seems to have corrected a number of things and is humming along nicely after an initial loss. the Wake Forest NC State game or emotionally can I just prepare everybody

at what point how many wins do we have to get to before we have the how do you talk to your kids about an undefeated Wake Forest team like how many

like are we going to look up at Wake Forest is 7 and 0 like Wake Forest's playoff path is

like this is well beyond the Iowa thing where it's like oh they're carrying a state on their backs and all that stuff this is like did someone forget to delete you is that what this is what would have to beat to get to seven and oh their seventh game for to state done it before it they have shut them out before that has happened probably won't this year but i don't know i don't know anything anymore wait for us is four no you said seven and oh just off the top of your head is that the number where you're like okay i have to start processing that this is real i mean once they if they hit if they hit if they hit six and oh

that's like what the fuck is happening i mean look at the rest of their schedule seven and five is quite realistic um that's amazing okay so you're gonna you so you're like six and oh is where you really hit the like w tf threshold richard how many wins for you are make wake forest a reality you actually have to tussle with on an intellectual and spiritual level. If they beat Florida State, I'm putting them number one. They did it for Arnold Palmer. They did it for the camera. They did.

That's it. This is for Arnie. That's it. Doing it for Arnie. Arnie's Army. That's awesome, man. Wait, Force is going to get so many endorsements. Penn's Oil, hurts.

I thought you were talking about, like, golf. like uh oh no i mean like they're gonna come out they're like lawnmowers and shit they're gonna come out like poland's lawnmower rayban sunglasses catac we're doing all of this man that would be the best that they celebrate with arnold palmers like after every game like yeah yeah mixing they they win the division dave classen they douse him in sweet tea and lemonade yeah that'd be sticky man that's a bad deal sorry dave but you know you'd be undefeated so good good job um Purdue I just wanted to say that out loud because it rolls by the way, both teams somehow still with a winning record.

Maryland's 3-0. Numbers are lies. Numbers are lies. That's how this works. We are going to talk about, let's talk about some. Jason, you have something you definitely want to talk about. You keep skipping over Wisconsin, Michigan. It's freaking me out a little bit.

I was just about to get to. Okay, okay. Yeah. Wisconsin, Michigan. For those of you who enjoyed the 1412, Washington Standard game. You ain't seen nothing yet. The only reason Wisconsin scored 30 last week is because their safety with an extremely Italian name was pulling off six spin moves on Michigan State's quarterback.

Otherwise, they would have kept it at a much more comfortable point total. No, listen, they only scored 30 points against Michigan State for the same reason that like a check cashing place and a bad neighborhood makes money, right? Because it's just scarcity. That's it. You're like, what do you do? I'm in a bad situation and I keep handing you money. That's it.

I'm pinned here. This is the only chance I have. Like that's, Michigan State never had a chance to plan. They just had to hand over their whole paycheck to Wisconsin every single time working for the company store. I feel like the spin move wasn't so much like athletic prowess. It was more like Wisconsin got to this advanced point total and like the world began to shift. And as as the tectonic plates moved under. under East Lansing, you know, you've got to write yourself a little bit.

So the spin move was more that. It was more gravity than anything else. Wisconsin, by the way, oh, just has evolved Wisconsin football to an even head-buddier state than their normal head-buddy kind of style of football, 11.8 points per game. That's what they are allowing at this point. Defensively, by the way, defensively with the departure of their defensive coordinator. They've been unreal or better than they were last year. Yeah, how's his new team doing?

That's LSU, and they're fine, they're fine. You've got a big game coming up. Yeah, they're fine. Louisiana Monroe has the rare opportunity to finally complete the double and be Auburn. That's a year. state champs Alabama state champs Which could somehow still happen

The Wisconsin-Michigan game Just give me a score I want to know how dismal and low You think the score can get in a game Which honestly will be a lot of fun to watch Because it's just going to be two people slapping each other Real hard for four quarters I don't think slapping because this is Big Ten wrestling

So like it'll be Like one of them's got the other in a really uncomfortable lock, and it just sort of stays like that. There was a, there was like, I think it was like an Ohio State Michigan game, like years ago that ended 12-7. Yeah, I'm taking like a 12-7. Somebody's going to get a safety, too. Okay, you claim 12-7. Jason, do you venture? I'll go 19 to 9.

That sounds very strange. okay um i'm gonna go i have in our weekly confidence pool my plan each week is to punt on three games and go deep on one this is one i've put teen on michigan in this game um and just one on everything else okay Jason goes for it on fourth down i'm gonna go let's see one special team's touchdown for michigan uh two field goals and an offensive TD so we're So literally Gibral Peppers. That's it. That's four Gibral Peppers scores.

Correct. We're going to do four Gibral Peppers. Okay. I'll take four Gibral Peppers for 20 points. And then Wisconsin will struggle and score six. So I'm going 20 to six. I want to start the evening shift with my favorite game every single year around this time. And that would be Memphis at Old Miss.

The rivalry, of course. Which actually became like a real rivalry. This was a rivalry for a long time that had no basis in reality because it really just involved players who grew up with each other, punching each other in the face. There was always a fight in this game. There were like multiple personal fouls. Memphis usually lost and Old Miss won. And it was still fun to watch because it was obviously Memphis gearing up for the one game where they could like absolutely fight with people that they recognized. Like that was, that's what this was for.

The other one's the Egg Bowl kind of. This one was even better. After that one, we did an open record request into emails sent to Ole Miss about playing Memphis. And Ole Miss fans were very mad about the whole idea. We just feel it is beneath us to play this university. Meanwhile, Memphis is like, fuck y'all! Whop that trick, which is what they did last year. Yeah, Memphis.

And shit, Memphis is pretty good again. I thought they'd fall off, floss their coach quarterback, but they're out here putting 80 points on teams that Ohio State did about the same, too. Yeah. So, uh-oh. On pace, by the way, to almost score 100, right? Like that last week they were on pace against Bowling Green to score 100. Their coach is Mike Norville.

He had cornrows once. That's really what you need to know about Mike Norville. He's done a pretty good job, and there's a really embarrassing picture from his youth of him in cornrose probably listening to i don't know em and m i'm thinking m and m that's what mike orville was listening to he was getting ready to lose himself in the music and the football all at once um i like watching this game strictly entertainment i have no idea what'll happen chad kelly's playing and chad kelly will like to throw it deep so entertainment a plenty even with really very little nationally on the line here uh utah at cow yeah do you like watching do you like watching

fourth quarter that takes an hour and a half, you'll love watching Utah Cal. With like six combined interceptions. Yeah, yeah. Kentucky plays Alabama. Next. Next. Mm. The bear bowl.

That is the bear ball. Kentucky beats Alabama. They get to claim. They get to take a statue with them. Statues coming. It's got to go. Bamma fair. Bama fans would probably justify that, though.

They'd be like, we love Nick Moore anyway. He's a better coach. We could build a statue of a recruit. It's like a statue of like the unnamed recruit. And then you bring the kid and you're like, yeah, that's you, buddy. It doesn't really look like me. That's you. That's you, man.

Why don't you sign here? All right. I do want to mention the one marquee game here before we get into what I think is a long. slate of absolute chaos that won't really matter that much but could be wildly entertaining we get to watch Lamar Jackson actually play another real team which is a joy because he'll probably still put up 500 yards of offense by himself we get to watch Lamar Jackson go into Death Valley in Clemson the country's best offense I think we'd all agree to this point and according to Bill Connolly's numbers

the country's best defense is on the other side. So based on the numbers and division stakes and all that, this could be the best game of the year. You know, the atmosphere will be everything, everything we need. You've got a Clemson player saying if number eight tries to jump over me, I'm going to body slam him, specifically didn't call him Lamar Jackson, so you got a little personal animosity. Number eight.

that's a very yeah yeah this game has you know this game has everything man this is this is this is gonna be very good

there's no way to snark there are no jokes other than I don't know maybe Petrino will leave ha ha ha or you know maybe Debo will do something silly

won't that be funny nope nope nothing funny here no good action I just imagine if Clemson gets up by enough uh dabbo just because of you don't respect

Petrino's morals will just not call the dogs off vengeful dabbo like after after being cool with 19 points old testament dad

I confess I had hate after the game I had hate in my heart I'm sorry Jesus I had to uncork 50 on Bobby Vitrino's ass

sorry but but his butt as a as a right a rightful tool of the

to bring Bobby Petrino to Christ I had to him to finally redeem his soul. Did it work? I don't know, but we hung 50 on him on a national audience. I mean, I have to take what I can get. It's a blessing. It's a blessing. It's a blessing.

Oh, man, we have a late slate which for the Pac-12 after Dark crew, which I love that they have leaned into this branding and are using it on air that they're saying pack 12 after dark I don't know if you've picked that up

but the pack 12 network and fox have both used that right welcome to pack 12 after dark perfect yeah 1030 not even 10 yeah 10 30 pack 12 after dark that's what coffee's for

that's hard man so match and fun belt pack 12 after dark how many conferences is our little group of internet going to provide branding for because we shank the blame for the SECs it just means more bullshit.

I was going to say, yeah, we had a lot of fun and then the SEC came out with some genteel southern bail to say, it just means more here. Here on the cover of Garden and Gun magazine, it just means more. Like, man, listen,

South Carolina is playing football right now. It don't mean shit. It means more gin, please. That's what South Carolina means in my cup. In my outdoor kitchen, where I'm sitting with my beautiful wife, Beverly. Beverly. Beverly. The late slate, if you have not looked into it, the Pack 12 slate, it could get bonkers

because there's a desperate Oregon team playing a desperate Washington State team. That game, Jason Kirk. going to be real irritated watching that entire thing because... Well, luckily, it starts that one won't be the bothersome one. I'm not too worried about that one.

Which one bothers you? Arizona, UCLA kicking off at 10.30 Eastern. Man, I got shit to do. Luckily, the game doesn't matter. Like, what really irritates me is when they put, like, a couple, a week or two ago, they put ranked Washington

on at 11 o'clock and knock at night at night at night so night so last week you have to pay attention to this it's 2 a.m you're trying to do shit for next morning so you can go to slate uh but no no they're important things still happening i i do prefer this arizona ucla this doesn't matter so like you know it's on you know we'll watch like maybe you know a vinyl emerge that'll be cool but i don't have to worry about who wins um now there is in in that regard this is perfect there is an undefeated team you need to pay attention to you're talking about Boise State?

No, no, I'm talking about Arizona State. Arizona State goes into you. We're strolling back up. Yeah, this is, by the way, are we all blind? Because I do this every time, too. Like when I see that, I'm like, oh, man, Arizona State's undefeated. Like, even if I said it 30 minutes earlier, I'll see it and go, oh, man, they're undefeated. No object permanence.

No object permanence. I'm like, remember them? Man, who put them here? I swore I moved it out of the way. Um, is USC's coach, uh, his job status. How is it? Um, it's not good, Ted. Hmm. Yeah. Hmm. So, uh, which, which game did, uh, Lane Kiffin lose and then get fired? Was it, was it Arizona State?

Hmm, let me look that. Oh, it was after Arizona State. The coach killers. That's all they did. Todd Graham of all people. He's just making openings for himself. Oh, God. This is going to happen, isn't it? Oh, my God. We just solved it. Todd Graham to USC. Because remember, wouldn't USC as poorly run as they have been, be the people who would go, well, that coach beat us?

He must be pretty good. And I think, like, you're talking about Lynn Swan, who, I don't know, he seems like he's been busy. How much attention is he really paid to college football? You know, he shows up in the Pac-12. He's like, Todd Graham, this guy's been here three or four years. Seems like a good stable guy, sure. You know, like, if you weren't around for the whole pit thing, you know, maybe you look it up on the Wikipedia

and it doesn't strike you quite the way it did in reality. Coach Graham, what happened with that year in Pitt? Oh, that's a typo. Okay, cool. Next, like, that's... Be the best interview ever, man. Todd Graham's negotiating with LSU behind the scenes, too, like at the same time, like, excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.

You know, like, you remember, this is not a joke, right? That's not a joke. back when he was back between rice and Tulsa the thing was that Graham went into the bathroom to talk to the other guys about the job when he was negotiating back and forth so I'm just saying

it's a proven trick he's done it before just like USC yeah I mean it's more like a late Mountain West slate so I feel like things are going to calm down pretty you know and can I give you a tradition unlike any other to cap your delightful week four week five viewing experience 11 big bob back oh big bob back bob bob coala i don't know how we're going to watch it because the oc sports

have financial troubles and can't show hawaii football in the mountain west network anymore it's on paper view just like starcade i probably start star star arcade 89 it says aloha to hawaii football kicking off at 11.59 p.m. Eastern Time versus Nevada. I promise you, listener, if we have a pirate feed of this game, if it breaks several federal laws, we'll get you Bob Kakala somehow on the call for this game. Because it's a tradition to watch Hawaii until 3.30 in the morning. The first row sports feed with all the ads popping up.

Trying not to get a virus to watch Hawaii. That's America, man. At 3.30 a.m. You know, like, we're laughing. Scope on some dude's phone. We need to get somebody to periscope the game from Hawaii. Listen, if you're listening, and you're going to be at this game. We need to send Roger Sherman to this game so he can just periscope the entire thing.

Can you imagine? Just Facebook live on Facebook.com slash SB Nation, the entire Hawaii game, and just see what happens. What the fuck they're going to do? Can you imagine how happy at least 35 people would be at three in the morning if somebody's periscoping it and they get Robert Kakala on the phone with them like, oh, it's Kakala, like in the shot with the game, 35 of the happiest people on the planet, see that big old head saying, oh, Joey Yosef on the carry, he's a beast.