Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 4.45: Week Eight, or It's Hammering Panda Time

Episode Date: October 20, 2016

FULLCAST BACK. This time without Ryan, who we subbed out for Jane Coaston, MTV News writer, Michigan fan, and Hammering Panda evangelist. It’s like all the other podcasts where we bring someone else in: better by subtraction of one of our three inept selves, and then improved further by having an actual competent person on the show. TOPICS: The Hammering Panda and Man Berg, aka the Big Ten’s two best-named players taking the same field for Illinois/Michigan. This is the only reason to even think about this game. Discussion of the biggest game of the week...EASTERN MICHIGAN AT WESTERN MICHIGAN Fine, fine, we talk about the various fictions one has to write in order to get to a competitive and real Texas A&M/Alabama game. Remember how it’s in Tuscaloosa? That’s neat! Jason points out that the SEC West is set on random this year. See: Gus Malzahn, tough-minded, defense-first coach. Oregon/Cal exists? Why? What NC State is (a kind of demon raccoon that thrives in trash fires) and why they could theoretically be a problem in a noon game with Louisville The IT JUST MEANS MORE game of the week is MTSU/Mizzou, which Mizzou could totalllllllllllly lose Jason leaves like Mack Brown in the middle of the broadcast, meaning Jane and Spencer take advantage of the opportunity to yell about Colorado, which SEC coach is secretly a democrat, and why Chick-Fil-A needs to stop this stupid shit where they insist no one believed in chicken for breakfast WE ALWAYS BELIEVED IN CHICKEN FOR BREAKFAST Oh, and in those reader questions, we talk about how Baylor is the most hated team by media this season because almost no one in college football media has the faintest clue how to start talking about what happened at Baylor. That’s bad! As in really bad, as in almost as bad as conducting a report/review that you just summarized in a separate summary of public findings without naming individuals at all. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the Shutdown Fullcast. I am Spencer Hall. We're going to talk about week eight of the college football season, as we do, on both SB Nation and EDSBS.com, to help me do that today, since Ryan is out foolishly doing other things, why he would do anything but podcast with us. I'll never understand. So we brought in a, I don't want to say substitute. Substitute's a lesser word, I think. We brought in a partner. Jane Kostin. How are you doing, Jane? I'm good. How are you all doing?

Doing okay. Can you just explain to the readers real quick who the hammering panda is for the University of Michigan Wolverines? He is our vulture fullback who never scored a touchdown until this year and now is, I think,

one of like the top ten scores in the country, mostly because he comes in on the one yard line and then just Hammer and Panda is his way into the end zone. God bless him. Yeah, perfect. The Hammer and Panda, my second favorite Big Ten player behind Man Berg. Manberg, a linebacker for the Illinois Line Eye, whose first name is not man.

That's just what he prefers to be called. If you look up his roster spot on Illinois, his actual name is, I believe, let's see, Peter Bailey Berg. He's Peter Bailey Berg. Peter Bailey Berg? Mm-hmm. But he goes by man. So, man, Berg.

Do we know when he started going by man? I feel like that's a conversation I'd like to have. When do you decide that you're going to go by, like, no, my name is Peter Bailey because this is, it's a wonderful life. But I'm going to go by man because I can. I think you went by boy until when he was a, about 14 and he got in one of those like fights at middle school where like no punches were thrown there's just some really good shoving and there was a crowd and everyone was really impressed

and he said i'm a man now yeah that's he's from sherman oaks california i don't think he experienced many bumps they probably had to label him man just as an affirmation right maybe there's only maybe there's only like only like four people in the town there's like old man woman girl and him in Sherman Oaks no no no no no

I'm certain this was if it was Sherman Oaks this is probably some sort of therapist hang out hang out Spencer are you a Sherman Oaks expert

I'm now appointing myself a Sherman Oaks expert I'm sure this was a therapist affirmation saying you know if you're feeling less than confident Peter you should adopt a new name one that you think

projects strength I'm going to call myself man maybe this happened after some sort of like rebirthing process yeah yeah it's that kind of thing this is some right this is some california business we'll be brutally corrected on this by at least three to maybe two illini fans who actually know the story so if you do please correct us uh spencer at sbnation dot com you can even email me i might read it by the way coli he's he's not gonna read it i'm not going to read it uh calide hill the hammer and panda total number of carries on the season?

Care to guess? 13. I feel like it's 13? 13. How many of those were for touchdown? Seven. Oh, that's... Oh, I can do that.

For an average of... Average per carry, 1.62 yards. Points per carry. So it's points per carry is, like, three or four or something like that? I don't think I'm going to see a more beautiful stat line ever, ever. He's like a more efficient scorer than Steph Curry.

Yep. This is amazing. He's like if you look at Michigan, right? The total number of, the total number of TDs that they've had rushing is 25. So he's sitting there with what, 30% of their total production? Yep. Man, that's not a vulture. You're a condor.

That's amazing. Beautiful. Like the California condor. The touchdown reaper. The touchdown, the touchdown reaper. Mr. 30% over here. He's just a big grain combine just rolling through the fields, scooping up touchdowns. I think he can go through.

Literally, that sentence is the most beautiful thing Jim Harbaugh has heard yet today. And I'm sure something else happened that was like, oh. He had a fine glass of milk and a delicious breakfast steak, which, again, I know I differ on this from many, but I really don't see what's a big deal about combining a very large steak and a glass of milk is. That sounds great. Well, yeah, yeah, I'm not... That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. All opinions are good, so that's a good opinion. You can do that. You should do that if you really want to. I think when your team is 7 and 0 or whatever, no one can stop you.

No one can stop. Exactly. I think Khalid Hill just goes through the cafeteria, the feeding line, and just takes 30% of everyone's food. Just walks out. And everyone's okay with it. That's fine. He's the hammer and panda. Let him have it.

Can you get seven TDs on a 1.62 yards per carry average? I can't. nope the week ahead week eight we have so many things to discuss and we're going to try to do them as quickly as possible so week eight are our big game uh the one that everyone is looking forward to the one that is perhaps the biggest matchup thus far on the season in terms of a major team experiencing a real test of their duties i think you know what i'm talking about that That would be Michigan playing Illinois. Oh, I thought you were going to say EMU at WMU. I was going to talk about Maryland's Michigan State. That's what I'm looking forward to. I bet you are.

I'm glad we all had a joke, right? Like, we all had one loaded up and ready to go for the play fake to Texas A&M, Alabama, when we said, ooh, this is the most important game of the week. The game where one team is a 19-point underdog is the game that is the actual important one. yeah i no i know i know i mean i know but no

yeah it's like we'll watch it out of obligation we'll watch all five hours of it right i don't know i feel like bama this year is just toying with us like oh ho ho maybe this is the week we'll drop the one game that doesn't matter and you all get to experience like 48 hours

of bama not being perfect until you look up and we're number four and then we went out. But they just... Yeah, and well, I'm just happy that this isn't that weird. Like, remember that season when Alabama and LSU played twice, and every time you played Alabama, they would get up like nine to nothing,

and you'd be like, we got a chance, and then nothing would happen for the next four hours, and it was like watching a snake eat. I'm really glad they score now. Like, I know what it has to do with Lane Kiffin, but I'm glad they score now. Like, just score. That's all I asked.

They do that now, and they do that in all three phases of the game. Their defense has more TDs than some offenses. And I think you can actually say not just South Carolina. Whenever you make a dire offensive comparison, the baseline, the bottom, is always South Carolina. No, no, you can throw the reigning Pact 12 champion in there as well. You go. Oh, poor Stanford. I didn't say that out loud.

Stanford's fine. Ryan's not here. We can say whatever we want. Not that he does a very good job of defending them anyway. That's true. That's the internet's number one, Stanford. That's okay. Stanford doesn't do a very good job of defending themselves either.

I mean, they're basically, they're like, they're Northwestern, but if Northwestern was three hours late. Slow Northwestern. Slow Northwestern. As a Medill grad, I really appreciate that comment. I think this is the way. The Panthers is north extremely western.

This is the year when I think Alabama playing Texas A&M decides to make little bets with itself. Like today we only score on special teams, guys, and we'll still win by 21. Or maybe we just try to score on defense. Just place hold. Everybody else just place hold. We'll just let the defense score 35 points all by itself. They're kind of at that stage. Well, this is like when Michigan played Rutgers, and they put in their backup, backup, backups,

and just ran a dive every play and still kept scoring. Like, at that point, it's not your fault. Like, if you can't stop that, that's not on us. Yeah, because this entire week has been one of those exercises in football speculative fiction where you come up with ways Texas A&M could beat Alabama. and the only way that they're going to be Alabama is if we've been wrong about everybody that Alabama has played thus far

because thus far everyone they've played appears to be a normal football team they appear to be about as good as we thought they were and they've absolutely destroyed everyone in their path however well okay okay hang on hang on let's back up a little bit sure I would not say that Tennessee is a normal football team

no they're a burn board right we've i'm just saying like when you hire mike the board to do stuff you've already like you signed a pass that you can't unsigned and like that old miss game got close so hypothetically something could happen maybe i would say this if you wanted to make the argument that maybe they haven't played who we thought they played thus far the game that to me would indicate maybe alabama isn't as good as i thought they were would be at all old miss because old miss i know they're volatile but Alabama 4843 that scores deceptive they were up by more than that they gave up a trash TD at the end but they lost control for a lot of that game they also lost control toward the end of the Arkansas game admittedly after they were up by a big

fat margin but this is a team that you know you can do that too they're not an anaconda unfortunately they can also strike and just get 21 points in a bunch super fast so this is sick i'm talking myself into it i'm talking myself into watching all five hours and now playing the cbs the cc on cbs theme during ultra marathons because that's what it was like this is one of those games where it's like okay okay one team is way better the other team is good and um it it's good at these specific things and sure sure it's not excellent against the run and you're gonna have to be excellent against the run to beat bama and all this stuff but it really comes down to if it is one of those games that just get real weird bama accidentally you know happens to turn

the ball over four times or whatever the other team can win which that goes for every football game that's ever been played if one team just completely has everything go against it it's probably going to lose it you know therefore all we're saying is um the game hasn't been played yet you no. That's it. That's your hope. Alabama, they haven't played a game yet. Alabama, you haven't lost to them at this point. Yeah. Other games you're sort of looking at, because we pretty much agree, Alabama's probably taking this one, and it probably won't be very cool in the fourth quarter. Other games of interest this week, I have sort of a nichey game, so I'm going to hold it.

Let's do big name. Big name, large brand games that you're looking at and go, oh, hey. It's all three of the rank games this weekend are SEC West games. Arkansas, Auburn being the next in the rankings. Yes, Arkansas and Auburn are both fairly high in the rankings in mid-October of 2016. Well, we can do something about that. Let's have them play each other. Yeah, we'll solve one of these issues.

But if you're looking for a team that plays like 2011 Nick Saban football, that's going to score about 20 points, that's going to give up about 15, and is not going to be a whole lot of fun to watch. That has an awesome defensive line. You're going to want to watch Gus Malzons, Auburn Tigers, because every team in the SEC West has hit random and shuffled their identities completely. Arkansas, they're going to try and score about 50 points. Arkansas wants to get into a shootout at a traditional Brett B-lima team. They just want to get into a shootout. Texas A&M, they want to run the ball and play pretty good defense. Mississippi State.

Well, they're playing UMass, and that's a pretty fair match for them. Let's hope they make it out of that game. Let's hope. Let's hope they make it back without their coach saying, hey, can I hit your ride back to Massachusetts? I need it. Help. But Arkansas Auburn, yeah, one team wants to score a lot. team wants to score, nothing at all, and those teams are the opposite of what they should be.

Well, I think the big game I'm personally looking forward to is in the great city of Iowa City, where Iowa and Wisconsin will be playing their annual ham-off. Last year, it was 10 to 6, and it was the most 10-6 game you've ever seen in your entire life. It's going to be like 6 to 3, and there's going to be a blocked punt, and then whoever's going to pick up the black punt is going to be like a defensive lineman who can't run very fast and there'll just be this train of linemen running

as fast as they can which isn't very fast and I can't wait that game's going to take six hours it's going to be great there's a number of games on the schedule that I look at and go you know that's going to be fun I think like there's a lot of unranked teams playing each other

fairly decent records where you're going to get a lot of sort of chaotic festivity. I think that starts tonight. You get Miami at Virginia Tech. Oh, Lord, we get Boise State, BYUu, bro. That's just

about the most chaos game possible. I think the only thing they could top that would be like Indiana, Arkansas, but... Yeah, yeah, that would be... I mean, Indiana is playing Northwestern this week, which could turn into a 55-52 kind of game. Also, tomorrow night, there's an Oregon cow.

I know where you're going. That's not even chaos. That's just there will be 200 points. We have to check these boxes. We have to get to 200 before we can go to sleep. Let's just get there quickly. Yeah. Yeah, there's a real chance that game.

That game starts at 10.30 Eastern, and by 1045, there will have been 30 points scored. I do. I think you've got a really, like, it's weird. That entire Friday night is just a spectrum, and it ends, with freewheeling defense-free football. It kind of hits in the middle with San Jose State and San Diego State. But then at the beginning,

you get South Florida at Temple, which is going to be a, you know, slobber-knocking defense first, run the ball. Run the game. I don't know what that word is, but it definitely describes what this game's going to do.

Well, just drop in the Alex Jones Vine again. That's what it is. it is. It's the Alex Jones mind of games. I also really am looking forward to watching Memphis and Navy. That was the one I'd bookmarked on 3.30 on Saturday. Because Memphis, I don't really know. I mean, they've been good. They've been consistent. They're about to face a really mean Navy team, one that beat Houston, one that you don't want to drag any further. into a game than you have to, because the longer you go, the more confusing pick A, B, or C gets. That's how the triple option works. And they happen to run it real, real well. And it's also

at Navy, which is where Houston lost. So that's another game where I kind of want to, you know, keep an eye on it and say, okay, here's your health check for Memphis. Otherwise, very entertaining and potent team doing just fine in year one under Jane Orville. This is a very difficult road trip for them. Also, they're facing the triple option team, which again, this is why Purdue should go triple option, because every week when you, this is why every week when you face a triple option team, you roll through the calendar and you're like, oh, hell. Oh, God damn it. Damn it. Yeah, this is what I said, because, I mean, all Purdue should want is for when you know that you've got Purdue coming, every head coach goes, shit. Yeah, damn. And not just the ones

you have to play in the West Lafayette. Ugh, yeah. Another game I'm looking forward to is NC State Louisville, which is at noon and could get like, NC State's just, I don't get it. They're four and two.

They're good, but they're not good. But they're good, but they're not good. NC State's pretty good. There's, you know, they had a really close loss to ECU that was a coin flip, and they should have been Clemson. Oh, yeah.

But then, I mean, I respect anybody. Interstate should probably be 6-0 right now. Right. And I respect anyone who's willing to, like, get into a trash fire with Notre Dame and come out alive. But, uh, and Louisville's good. I think Louisville has, like, that Duke game last week, I think Louisville's got some issues. I don't know. This game just, like, noon game.

It could get, it's one of those games. Either Louisville's going to win by, like, 35, or that game's going to be, like, 17-17. for 30 minutes. By the way, going back to NC State, the thing that I would say, like if you wanted to just capture them, I think they're just a really smart, very well-positioned, very well-coached team.

I say well-positioned and well-coached. I don't think they're that talented, but if you look, they're a top 20-25 S&P team in Bill C's rankings. They are an obstructive team, and they do not, like watch how they're coached. They don't attempt to do

anything they can't do they don't they play they play defense to their strengths they they're offensively they're just kind of going to take what's there they call a lot of screens they do a lot of sneaky little run plays like they remind me a lot of a gym of like jim grob's best wake forest teams who said okay listen we know we know we can't win this game outright but what we're going to do is suck on your face and hope you suck right we're just gonna like you don't punch someone in the balls in a bar fight we're going to punch you in the balls in a bar fight that's our only shot well there there there is one thing they attempt that they're not good at uh that that is the field goal an ac c team who can't

hit threes come on come on it oh i did it the funny thing about especially about nc state is after little hole they've got boston college florida state at home uh Syracuse, Miami, and North Carolina. And there is a not insignificant chance they could win all of these games, including perhaps beating Louisville, which would be weird. Sure. But this also relates to my theory that Florida State is secretly awful. Secretly awful.

Yeah, this is, by the way, the point in the Florida State life cycle of a season, where everyone begins complaining about. Jimbo Fisher's inability to develop talent. That's where they're at in case you wondered in the Florida State fan cycle of life in a season where they are not undefeated. That's where we're at is Jimbo Fisher can't develop talent. Yeah, as has been demonstrated on the field over the past. Should we talk about Ohio State, Penn State at all?

I'd defer to our Midwestern correspondent on this. okay so the same with 10 state ohio state is that obviously ohio state's going to win that game but it's a night game in happy valley so there's going to be like the first 20 minutes are going to make the game look really competitive and then i'm going to start watching those first 20 minutes and then i'm stuck there for the next five hours in my life because this will just be like because especially I think after last week with Ohio State looking vulnerable against Wisconsin everyone seemingly forgetting that Wisconsin's really good

but that will mean that everyone will start thinking that maybe Penn State can pull this off forgetting that Penn State like they're not as bad as they've looked I mean they're four and two but they're not they're not they're not Ohio State good they're not they're gonna need no they would need two straight bad games from Ohio State because Ohio State played, all right, they played a bad first half against Wisconsin, right? And J.T. Barrett, I still maintain J.T. Barrett is like

the best bad ball hitter. Like, he is, I like him a lot at quarterback because he's capable of having a really good bad game. Like he had kind of a really good bad game against Penn State or against Wisconsin for a while and still came out throwing in the end at one. And that's, that's kind of what I like this could be a blueprint like for for what Ohio State does especially on the road that's that's they're fine with winning games like that yeah I think that's I mean this could again be the kind of big 10 game where it looks like it's going to be like where the final score does not really dictate what the actual margin of victory was yeah like the final score could be 17 to 10 but 10 state will have turned over the ball like eight times

yeah definitely i could totally see that i could also see this being uh the kind of game where james franklin loses it by wide margins and suddenly we're all having that conversation that we love to have about pen state which is who on earth will ever have this job with any security ever again oh good lord uh that no i don't i honestly think that like being penn state's head coach should be something that like you have you have to just stay there you can't do anything else like it's like you can't like abdicate the throne that's not no no you you wanted this job you stay there i have a couple of other games games of intrigue to look at uh first of Missouri they're two and four uh why would we talk about them at all well we really wouldn't

save for this middle tennessee plays at Missouri uh middle tennessee plays at Missouri uh middle he's four and two. They're pretty good. If you want to laugh at the SEC, oh, I'm just going to point you in that direction because Missou could easily lose to the Blueberry. This is the It Just Means More Game of the weekend. It is.

All you need to do, screencap that lady from the It Means More, with this other living-looking ass, and just flash her right there. Just point, like, cut and face that picture, send it to Missou Football. Care of me. So another game of interest,

Which is something, like, I feel as if I both want to talk about this game for the next, like, say, hour and also never speak of it again. TCU at West Virginia. Woo, hell yeah. Like, I don't, I'm, it's interesting. I was listening to the solid verbal earlier yesterday, and they were discussing this game a little bit. I'm just like, I'm pretty intrigued by this, because TCU, the last time we saw them, they beat Kansas on, I believe Kansas missed a field goal. One point.

That is a one-point game that Kansas... And you've got a... Yeah. Yeah. West Virginia is 5'0. West Virginia is... They're salty and weird, and I like them. So, I mean, I'm looking forward to seeing what happens in this game.

I fully expect... I'm not sure what the over-under is right now, but I fully expect some sort of weird... Either like a weird shootout or something in which it's like... 50 to 12. Yeah. Because this has a safety. There's a safety in here.

I don't know where it is, but there's safety in here. But like, I like this West Virginia team. I do too. I like, you know, if you list the quarterbacks, this is one of my favorite topics are quarterbacks who are currently seeing the matrix, i.e. quarterbacks who can smell time, quarterbacks who are so well enmeshed in their system at this point

that they're making decisions almost effortlessly. you can see it on the field. It's this beautiful thing happening. Right now, Skylar Howard's one of those. And it's taking him a long time to get there. And that's cool to see. You can kind of see how that's addictive for coaches, right, if they can get somebody to that point. Because Skylar Howard right now is in complete command of that offense. Patrick Mahomes, for all the troubles that Texas Tech has had,

if you watch him play, he's very much in the same spot. Brett Rippin at Boise State has at times been, you know, effortless. Chad Kelly's not. I just like saying the name Chad Kelly because, my God, he's fun to watch. Luke Falk at Washington State, when he's upright, is almost there as well. Just people who really understand what they're doing right now. So if you want to see that, watch West Virginia.

If you want to see good defense, also watch West Virginia because they were pretty good leading into the Texas Tech game, and they had a brilliant game against Texas Tech. I don't think they're that good. I think the Texas Tech game was probably playing a little bit. but over their heads and you'll see like a regression to the mean

in the next couple of weeks but they're pretty good. Hey, real quick, I gotta go. This is y'all's show now. So, yeah.

Okay. We'll do a very good job, I know. I know. We'll be great. Bye, Mike. Bye,

by Coach, Mac. I got to catch a flight. I got to get out of here. You take this, Adam. It'll be a fine broadcast. Jane,

it's just you and me now. It is. So, uh, Does that mean that I can bring up a game that you shouldn't watch, but I will be watching because it could get weird? That's all we do on this podcast. You shouldn't watch this game.

Like, it's really like, this is about to be like, this is like deep, deep, deep cut Big Ten, and I feel like you should not, no one else should do this. The richest of summer sausages. So I'm going to recommend this. I shouldn't. This is like, this is like, the weird, moonshine that maybe was used

to remove paint and you might make you go blind, but Purdue Nebraska last year Purdue Nebraska, Purdue beat Nebraska 55 55 well they they lost the captain who made that magic

happened though. I'm just saying you don't I'm just saying that same person got all these people. Nebraska is ranked in the top 10s for the first time in, what, 600 years, something like that? I'm just saying that, like, there is a real chance that this game could get, like, minorly interesting.

I'm just saying. It could happen. It had happened before. If you do, let me know, and I'll let the rest of the internet know, because I think it should go through a proxy. I don't think we should directly expose people to this. I think they should watch it, like, an eclipse, reflective. right? Yeah, yeah.

Like, this might be something like, if you, like, put your TV on and then turn around and watch in the window, I think that sounds safe. That's, I appreciate your bravery in watching this for the rest of us. I would point towards something

I know will be entertaining, which would be at 10 p.m. on Saturday. Pac-12 after dark has been lit this year, as the kids say. It's been good. And Washington State at Arizona State, Washington State, playing some mean football.

state also playing pretty well um yeah yeah this is four and two versus five and two and this is wow it means and anything that winds up on a pack 12 network which by the way i don't get uh but i do get the big 10 network because i don't know why yeah because because that game's gonna get weird because maryland is washington dc's college football program that's why that's why you get I didn't, I didn't sign anything. I didn't, I didn't, they just pipe it right in. Just all that B1D. No, no, no, no.

This is what that taxation without representation thing means. This is, this is how this happens. Colorado Stanford, too. Don't forget at 3 p.m. That's the Nooner out on the West Coast. Colorado, yeah, they're the ones we thought would be three and one in the pack 12 and five and two. They have a chance to take down, they have a chance to chop down a tree or two, which I desperately hope they do. I, they, I really, I think they, Colorado is like, I, I started, I tried to start rumors that they were going to wind up going like 11 and 1 and then they lost to USC, but, you know, 11 and 2, or 10 and 2, that's still fine.

But, yeah, no, because Stanford looks, like I said, they're like late Northwestern. And Colorado, they're, they're extremely first-key, especially in the first quarter. Yeah, they're not. They're still not deep enough. Like, they're not quite there to put together four quarters of dominant football. Though, again, I'm fond of citing these. Who do you think has a higher S&P, like overall efficiency, okay? Like, like, I will just name, I will name teams that have a lower efficiency than Colorado, okay?

Okay. Actually, let's play it this way. Higher or lower. I didn't explain it very well, but you tell me, okay? Okay. all right um west virginia who you like lower that's correct they are lower um what about miami florida oh um lower they're higher actually i was i was very i was surprised by that like very surprised how about how about stanford

Is that going to be also secretly higher? No, it's lower. And I mean lower, I mean lower by like, like 20 spots. Like an amazing. Yeah, that's, uh, yeah, they're actually, Colorado is 19th overall. Like, they are, they're a really efficient team. Right. Like they are.

And they have to be, especially, like you were saying, because of depth issues. But that's the thing with, and it's perfect if you're playing Stanford because, like, If Colorado gets up to, like, a 21-0-0 lead, there is nothing Stanford has done in the last month that shows me they have any way of responding to that. Yeah, when they get down, they are a turtle on their back. You do not. Yeah.

That's, that's it. That's pretty much it. Like, there's, like, and especially, you know, when you've got perhaps, like, a, like, William F. Buckley-esque conservative offense, that's not good for Colorado or for playing Colorado. Like, Colorado will jump out on you

on something stupid, like a block upon or like a turnover or something like that and there's nothing Sanford can do about it. Yeah, and also, Cephalafow, my favorite quarterback, my personal heism, Cephalafow, for everything he's been through, for being a Polynesian quarterback

playing in the middle of the Rockies, for being the figurehead at the revival of the sighting of the white buffalo indicating the return to greatness for the Buffalo nation as a whole. Yes, for Colorado's return to greatness, which nobody in Colorado will really care about because nobody in Colorado cares about anything. But that's fine. I get to care about it, and I'm the protagonist of reality, and that's what matters most here.

Do you want to answer some reader questions, Jane? I do. Let's see. You know, you cover politics for MTV.com. Apparently, that's what I do. Yeah. So we'll take this question from at Chris F. Jensen, which we have an actual answer to. Name the SEC coach most likely to be a Democrat space.

Sabin, question mark? No. No. Saban eats iceberg lettuce and he thinks it's food. He's not a Democrat. No. That's never happened. I'm about to throw you a curveball.

Has donated politically to Joe Manchin is an old, I believe, West Virginia Blue Dog Democrat. Yeah. Yeah, you couldn't have known that, but that is actually the case. So, granted, granted, Joe Manchin himself, you know, when we're talking Democrat, let's just remember that Blue Dogs and Joe Manchin, when we talk about Democrats and we talk about what that means, Typically, that's not really what you think of. Let's just put it that way. Yeah, yeah.

West Virginia is a little bit of a weird case, right? Yes. But, yeah, I believe Nick Saban would be a registered Democrat. Everybody else, they're all Republicans. They make too much money and come from the wrong places to be anything but Republicans. So we'll just assume. No, no, no, no, I mean, Brett B. Lamont has some, like, that is a Gary Johnson voter if I've ever seen one. I don't need police.

Like. I'll be fine Brett Bealema believes strong He is a libertarian to the extent that I feel like he probably goes to conferences Or has like, I don't know He gets mail from like the Cato Institute about stuff I don't know if anyone has asked him About like the militarization of police or America's foreign policy

But someone should I think half of all people who become libertarian Are guys who grill And it's for this reason one day they're over the grill and they're like, I can cook my own food. I'm a libertarian. That's it. That's the leap.

From Tyler Roberts at The Real Tireob on Twitter.com. Co-worker discovered I like college football and now I won't stop talking about the Buckeyes. Please help. I chose this one intentionally. Jane is a Michigan grad. Unlike me, I am just Michigan branded via a tattoo on my shoulder. how can we get him to stop talking about the Buckeyes

you being an expert on this I mean generally when this happens I just start referencing Tim Bianca Batuka a lot and if this is like an OG enough Buckeye fan that tends to make them extremely uncomfortable for some odd reason I can't really think of why I don't know what it could be but I don't know

I think that in that case, generally, if you're that close to someone who is a strong supporter of the Ohio State Buckeyes, perhaps that place of employment might be too close to, like, some sort of, hmm, how best to put the waste facility of some sort? So perhaps look into separate revenue streams, if necessary. The other way that you might, would say that you're a Michigan fan encourage or discourage this talk? I think it would encourage it, but it also would imply that at some point the person who would be saying the sort of thing would be, let's just say inferior of yours, let's put it that way. I would just say that you're a Nebraska fan, so they just go, what? Just say someplace they don't understand, right? Like, I'm a Purdue fan.

They'll go, ugh, and then we'll talk to you. So do that. Just say you're a Purdue fan. The sadness will, by proxy, push them away. This is a question for- Or you could just discuss Maryland basketball in extreme detail. Ooh, that's a good call, too. No one understands Maryland.

So, yeah, do that. Just say you're a Terps fan. from at guessobra somebody it's a hell of a screen name somebody which college football fan base are these chick-fil-a chicken for breakfast isn't weird ads for i ask this one strictly for me so i can yell about it you mind if i do that jane go right ahead no one has ever doubted chicken for breakfast stop it no this is stupid this isn't even one of those counterintuitively brilliant ad campaigns where i just get upset because the thing that you see said is so preposterous. No, no one cares. No one has ever doubted this. You get chicken for breakfast. Somebody hands it to you. It's delicious. No one in the world has ever doubted chicken for breakfast. You know, like the world's religions, they ban different kinds of meat. It happens. There's a few that are vegetarian, but sure, otherwise, everyone else agrees. Chicken's fair game.

It's the perfect food. And nobody's ever doubted it for breakfast. So stop saying that. Stop saying that historically this was a revolutionary idea. Also, don't bring Amelia Earhart into this. Amelia Earhart had a lot more going on than worrying about chicken. I mean, she might have worried a little bit about chicken. Well, you know, when she was marooned on island, perhaps. But I'm just saying that like Alexander Graham Bell and Amelia Earhart should not have to be brought into this shit. Like, if you want to have chicken for breakfast, to go right ahead.

That's the thing about breakfast. you can do. No one is telling you what to do. You can have whatever you want for breakfast. That's the secret of life. It's technically you can do whatever you want. You have to deal with the consequences, but you can do whatever you want. If you want to have chicken for breakfast, if you want to actually have breakfast with a chicken, you can do it. If you want to. No one cares. Yeah. I mean, if that's if that's your thing. Amelia Earhart, for instance, right? She had this deal where she wrote her husband right before that guy. got married and said, hey, listen, you know, cool, we can get married and everything because I know this is what you're supposed to do, but I'm going to have side dudes. And, yeah, you can do that, right? You know, that was like a revolutionary sort of position for someone at the time, right? And Amelia Earhart just went, yeah, that's cool. She probably had to think about that a little bit, how she was supposed to say it.

So she had to put it in a letter. Do you know how Amelia Earhart would have supported chicken for breakfast? She would have said, please give me chicken for breakfast. this has been easy yeah I don't understand I don't understand ad campaigns

that presume that eating a food or having a drink would be at any time in most cases controversial stop trying to be edgy chickpe like it's no

no no I mean what okay what is is chick foe the least edgy food like they're not open on Sundays that that is not edge that's like

flat surface Let me come in your restaurant six days a week, all right? Greet me with an enthusiasm and a real gleam in your eye bordering on the cult-like. Ask me if I want jelly for a biscuit, even though it has meat on it because somebody out there puts jelly on their chicken biscuit. I don't understand it, but I appreciate you and the freedom you represent, okay? Take me, try to upsell me on getting cheese. I'll politely decline, and you'll be cool about it because you're in the cult. and you'll say it was a pleasure serving you,

and I'll doubt it, but I kind of won't. That's the whole Chick-fil-A experience. Quit saying this is like something that I shouldn't support. Right. I don't get it. I don't understand. Okay, I've yelled about that enough. We have another question. One more to close out the program. I'm going to take this from at BOS Chicago, Godfather, BOS.

For once and all, please be honest, and tell us which college football team the media hates. Hmm. This answer changes year to year. You should know that. And it's mostly circumstantial. I have a pretty good answer for this year,

and it's Baylor. Oh, yeah. And this is a... There's a lot of reasons. Yeah, I think that, I mean, there are multitude of reasons. And right now, I think it's... I've really enjoyed

how college football television programs have tried to talk about Baylor without talking about Baylor. Yeah. Right now, Baylor is like, they're 6 and O

and they're first in the Big 12, and their remaining schedule looks kind of nice. Like, their toughest game, their toughest two games might be Oklahoma and at Oklahoma and at West Virginia, and yet no one wants to discuss it at all.

Yeah, because nobody really knows what they can put their, their toe on. Nobody knows where they can step to even begin discussing Baylor because some of those coaches are still in the staff. Right.

And it's interesting because it's kind of, somehow it feels different from when the whole, when Penn State, when that sandal broke. Because somehow Penn State got to be this,

like it got to be like a story of for no reason at all. Absolutely none. It shouldn't have been, but somehow it got to be, and then their coach went to go coach in the NFL for some unknown god-forsaken reasons, and Penn State actually had to come to terms for the fact that they had no scholarships

and would be kind of bad for a while. But Baylor, like, I feel as if we're dealing with Baylor by just simply pretending that Baylor does not exist. That is the official stance of, Everyone, because if you want to address them, very few people can make this abstraction. Very few people could have the discussion where they say, we would like to just discuss them absolutely as a football team. I can't. You know why?

That's awkward because of the heinous thing that happened, right? Right. And also because we know this happened, and it's all likely that this happened. there are so few details because it's a private university and because that report's not public so we can't even have like go ahead and we know that that report and whatever is in it is probably way worse than whatever we're thinking like whatever it is it's worse like you don't get rid of that many people that quickly with if it's not i'd say two to three times as bad as whatever it is you think it is yeah so you can't even begin to have

the division of just talking football between the facts of the situation because those two things are so divorced in this instance right like they you or they're not divorced you can't even begin to have okay well here's the football side and then here's the administrative side no because we've never actually had a public disclosure right we just know it was real bad like whatever happened down to the details was real bad we're pretty sure what happened We don't know who did it. We don't know what the timeline was. And it's so hard to discuss in any direction,

which is why Baylor has just been, it's just, I think people just labeled it radioactive and hope they're going to drop a game. That's because no one can even begin to figure out how to discuss it, much less like on Game Day, right? Like, game day, I'll be like,

Baylor! And you hear everybody go, I mean, if there's a group of people less qualified to discuss what happened at Baylor it is the people at college game day like I just I have this horrible horrible feeling that we're going to get some sort of like like let's say Baylor like closes out their season and is undefeated and we get some game date like or before that game of December 3rd like at West Virginia and we get some like Tom Rinaldi segment about what happened the moment when it switches from Tom Rinaldi back to that desk will be the most

awkward moment in television history. Just get Des Howard dropping the mic walking off. I mean, I would hope so. Like, that would just, it would, part of me now kind of wants this to happen, and part of me definitely does, I don't want that to happen. That sounds terrible. Yeah, I really, please, please lose a game, Baylor.

Please. Please lose a game. Please publish a report. So you can at least begin a public discussion of this. that doesn't start with, where on earth do we start? Right. Right. Because this is like, it's so like there's a football season going on. That's the weirdest part of this all. Right.

That there's a football season going on. So discussing something as horrible is what happened is always attached to this really trivial thing of, well, there's a football season going on. Who cares? And it just keeps like, it just keeps entering into that football season in ways that I find just concerning. For instance, when the current interim head coach tried to say that he didn't know what Sean Oakman looked like. Yeah. Which that's bad if it's true or false, right? Because if it's false, you're just lying. Right. And if it's true, have you seen, I mean, I would

recognize Sean Oakman from, I would say, an estimated like 500 to 1,000 feet. Like, most people don't look like Sean Oakman I'm just saying but it was interesting because that seemed to like that happened at like the end of a game

that people were trying to discuss as it was just a game and then this happened and it's like oh that thing that we all agreed not to talk about yeah that's yeah

Baylor god damn it Baylor we should take one more Just to sort of get the bailor out of our brains. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see. One more question.

Just one more. One more for the road. Yeah, I'm picking this live. Y'all are going to deal with it. Mm-hmm. Okay. I think I got it. Is anybody going...

No, no, no. We've talked too much B-1G. We can't do that here. Yep. Ah. Yeah, let's go with this. We don't answer coach questions much because they're kind of tired.

But I do want to answer this one because you're on the phone. Which coach would be scarier to drink with PJ Fleck, Jim Harbaugh, or Paul Johnson? Which coach would be what? Scarier to drink with, PJ Fleck, Jim Harbaugh, or Paul Johnson. I feel like PJ Fleck would be the kind of person who gets drunk and wants you to do stuff. Like, it's like, come on, come on, let's go, let's go run.

Let's just just run. Just see how fast we can all run. And then you, like, wake up the next morning and you're bruised and you probably have, like, a broken finger and you have no memory of how it happened. I think I would actually be most afraid to drink with Jim Harbaugh, because I feel as if his alcohol tolerance is just like, you know, when like the graph approaches, like, it is immeasurable. And nothing would happen. Nothing about him would change. He would just keep, like, he was just, like, he would disprove, like, laws of physics with how much of any liquid he could consume without anything happening or going wrong. wrong. So you would drink, and he would drink, and you would drink the same amount, and you would

be dead, and he would just sit there and watch you and note that you appear to have not been drinking with the enthusiasm unknown to mankind, and maybe dead now. Okay. And Paul Johnson, I just feel like he would just get real drunk real fast. Oh, oh, see, again, I've cheated you by having prior knowledge. You don't want to drink with Paul Johnson. I mean, I don't know if I want to drink with any of these people. I'm just saying, like, which one would be scariest would be Jim Harbaugh is just sitting there staring at you while you became incoherent and nothing about him changed at all.

I could see that. I still think Paul Johnson's scarier because I think he's the one who can do the Ron Swanson moonshine twirl, right, where you drink it on your arm and you drain the whole thing. Yeah, he's from like Western North Carolina. Like he probably had shine in his bottle, right? Get that, hush that baby up. You give him some shine. Yeah, Paul Johnson.

You don't want, you want none because the triple option there is drink, pass out, or hospital. That's my guess. Right. We'll end there.