Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 4.59 - Chicken Arguments and Bowl Reflections

Episode Date: January 5, 2017

One game remains in this college football season, so, appropriately, we spend a bunch of time on this episode talking about fried chicken restaurants. Theoretically there is also discussion of: - Ohio State's very poor showing/the Clemson Credit Card - New coaches that may be headed for rough first years - Press box fighting rankings - Teams that are likely to be hyperinflated by bowl success - Notre Dame OH YEAH WE FOUND A WAY SUCKERS - My one and only goal for 2017: to become the Bloomin Onion Mascot. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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playoff that'll probably take like two minutes because let's be honest not real competitive that would be more time than Ohio State spent in the playoff mm-hmm who are going to how many minutes if we spent as many minutes as points scored for Ohio State we'd be done there you are We've actually gone over. Whoops, we've surpassed Ohio State. That's cool. And if we did seconds for a number of points Washington scored, we'd be done with that as well. That's amazing.

That's absolutely amazing. What was your favorite time Washington crossed the 50-yard line, Brian, against Elbe? I like the second time a lot. I'd go with the first one because that one was the one where you could tell who has and hasn't been paying attention to college football this season because like the people who haven't were like uh-oh upset watch you know and you go you go no no no they're just letting you hit him first so they can gauge how far they're gauging reach right they're like oh that's how far you are away from my there i think mabama lets you score first they're doing the thing kailo ren does

where you know he gets shot and he punches himself in the wound to make it hurt more they're just they're just letting you piss them off i was going to say like in and i feel like every encounter the Predator has in a movie. The Predator gets shot first and is like, cool, cool. All right, so it's on. Oh, okay. Yeah, you're just letting Bama know that you actually want some. That's what happens when you score first.

Because if you don't, I don't know what happens. I mean, I guess Nick Say that's just fine with, I guess we'll kick a field goal at the end. Yeah, that's fine. I'll just beat you up. Also, hey, congratulations to our podcast for lasting longer. in the college football playoffs than Lane Kiffin's career at Alabama. Huh. Hey!

That's true, because Lane Kiffin managed to get fired from a job he had already been fired from. That's trademark Roger Sherman, and it is the most accurate assessment of this. I think he got fired three times from one job because he also put out there that he wanted to come back

and just hang out on the sidelines, and Saban said, no, please go away. Like, he he quit from a job that there were rumors he wouldn't be welcome at anyway and then they mutually parted early um because you know per rumors and whatever he was having i mean shit it's two full-time jobs he he had trouble he had trouble focusing yeah and uh and then he wanted to come

back and just hang out and that was shot down as well like we thought this was his fourth awkward departure in a row it was like his seventh i really want him to do the sting thing where he appears on the sidelines in a lane kiffin mask and pulls off the lane kiffin mask and it's lane kiffin um but that sideline is clemsons well dabbo is going to first have to be convinced that lane has turned his life around sure like they're going to have to meet at chick fillet at 10.30 men's breakfast Bible club. Yeah, there's going to be a prayer breakfast of some sort. This is good, because I wondered how we were going to get into chicken.

It wasn't going to take very long. I mean, the fallback was the Peach Bowl, but... Chicken is the, this is the most I've ever seen Jason have aggressive feelings about anything in the history of our working relationship. he has more chicken he has more chicken opinions than college football opinions i i feel fairly certain if this was a chicken podcast i would i would get hate mail from it i mean that this happened because at some point today we saw during the great um pop-eyes debacle pop-eyes versus bob ice who apparently who there's some singer who went to an airport pop-eyes and expected courteous service yeah no no man man he went to about nine mistakes there

finish your story. I do have to clarify which one he went to, but finish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There is a key word missing. The Atlanta airport Popeyes, which, I mean, anyway, so someone mentioned Bojangles being better than Popeye's, and this legitimately pissed me off because I just don't understand how this opinion arises. Anyone, anytime, you know, people are having a good old celebration of Popeyes,

the brand, the food, the roll of the dice, service, you know, when you find out how much karma you've stored up in life. You find out how you are sitting with the Lord, you know, you walk in, you place your order, and then your walk with Christ determines what you get in the bag. You don't know. Uh, you know, to me it sounded more like smashing a vase in a Zelda game. You're like, oh, that's what was in it. Cool. You got, you, you got, you got, you got a six piece in a rupee. Yeah. No, there's, there's a little bit a randomness at play. For instance, and no lie, you don't follow me on Twitter. I did go to Popeyes tonight. I went and got Indian food for this. My family happened to be within, oh, I don't

know, what I call striking distance of Popeyes, three miles. And I drove to Popeyes and got some chicken tenders, spicy. Don't ask me spicy or mild. That's an insult. So I got them and it's supposed to be a five-piece box. And having just written about the randomness of Popeyes and the inaccuracy that I love it for I opened the box and there were eight chicken tenders in there which is a margin of error that's unacceptable in any business except

for Popeyes. No, no there is one other margin of error there's one other place where that margin of error exists and it's the miracle of the fish's the fish and loaves that's exactly what happened. Yeah. Yeah. Are we putting them in the category

of the miraculous? Yes. Yes, perhaps. It's the contrast with Chick-fil-A, and I think we've made this before, is if you go in a Chick-fil-A and your order is slow or incorrect, you should worry. If you go in a Popeye's and your order is fast and correct, you should worry. And I will say this, Bobice walked into the Popeyes, which the Popeyes normally, by the way, completely devoted to frying chicken and delivering it to you. How that happens, and the proper calculation thereof, and the acceptable business protocols in between all the people, What is never debatable is food quality or whether you will get something, correct? Yes.

You'll get something and you'll like it. Right. In the end, you will be better off than when you walked in. And that's, dear friend, listener, what fast food restaurant does that apply to that you go in and a positive always happens? I know one that's the opposite of that is Taco Bell. Nothing good ever happened to Taco Bell. Man, I'm just stupid enough. Like twice a year.

about yourself, your life. I think like, yeah, I should probably try Chaco Bell again. Maybe it's good now. It never is, man. Nope, no, no. So Popeye should change its musical slogan from the Louisiana Fast one, too. You can't always get what you want. No.

If they played that in the back of a Popeye's ad, I would roll. That would be the ad of the year for somebody hearing this podcast or reading this piece and going, hey guys listen the faithful know what's up and they know what song would best exemplify our business model my point but bobeyes i have to point out he was at the heartsfield one the heartsfield one if it is the one in the terminal okay if it is the one of the main terminal which i suspect this is i believe that's the only one right i believe don't quote me on that though i mean yeah a pop-ey's pop-up i would not put it past that happening yeah but if it's the one i believe it is in Hartsfield but no there's there's three of them

I'm sorry there's A C and B okay but if it's the A one all right it's already in the distressed lower intestine of the airport okay it's in the intake to the massive TSA checkpoint in the central terminal

it's right next to the gigantic atrium which is always filled with one piano player and 350 people sleeping on chairs because their flights have been delayed it is somewhere between a homeless camp and a small internment camp that's where there's an entire military battalion hanging out it is literally one of the busiest places on earth and you're putting a fast food restaurant out there that cares about one thing which is getting you out of its

face and not courtesy and this and then you're placed to get in this atmosphere of constant stress and anger and on top of that it's hearts field and the people don't want to work there because working there sucks so then you put a Popeye's right there, okay? The customer service at that particular Popeyes, it's distressed even for a Popeyes. I will tell you that. I've eaten there many times.

And on every single occasion, the goal is to simply get away from the counter before somebody yells at you, okay? And that, by the way, that goes for the employees, too. They feel the exact same way. They're underpaid, and they're waiting for a traveler to scream at them for getting a sauce packet.

Okay, that's, it's all very understandable. it's a hobbsian dining experience it is dude it is short brutish and delicious it really is it's like if hobbs and leviathan were Leviathan fried chicken fried Leviathan you ever had that

I bet I had a outro on half I bet you know you got a you got a stew that you can't fry it it's it it don't respond well to hot oil you fry up a beetles above and you dip it in that pet hot hot I love that you're not exaggerating. That's actually how he sounds.

Oh, when people hear Coach O for the first time, they say, holy shit, you guys were not joking. No, you think we make things up. We've never told a single joke on this podcast. We just tell you what actually is, and you laugh. Do you think it's possible Bo Bice has had numerous bad experiences at that particular Popeye's location? He's funny.

Brush them all off and then entered 2017 thinking, man, I got to like, I got to get my name back out there and said, aha, this, this is my road back to the public consciousness. He's going to perform at the inauguration office. Oh, this is totally happening, right? He's going to do a song called White Man. He's going to do a song called White Boy. White Meat.

No, it's going to be white meat. The white boy ate white meat and not a white man. So the key to Popeyes, though, the key, you can finesse this. You can use this to your advantage. if they fuck your order up go up to the counter and very cheerfully mention that

hey I ordered this and I didn't see you're going to get like eight of that thing they just throw it out into you shut the fuck up and go away they want you they want you they want you to leave don't walk up with your hurt self after they make fun of your name or

or after as I've been called at a Popeye's Dwight Shrut you're going to get roasted but you're going to get chicken you know what and i will say this like 60 to 70% of the time when you get called white boy that's either neutral to endearing it is yeah dwight white shrewd is way worse the white shrews's way worse i got torched on pop eyes somebody called the white shrewd if you're out of pop eyes in Atlanta and they're calling you white boy spencer pointed this out in the thing you wrote today it's probably because you're the only white boy it's like them calling you guy in blue shirt there's like and usually there's

eight people waiting right and they all look the same you can't walk out there and go hey give it to the irritated hungry hungry guy with a psychotic look in his eye give it the bob ice yeah give it to bob ice give it to the american idol guy no you just point out and you go hey give it to white boy okay and that might be endearing too if it's said with a smile i think generally if you get called blank boy anything after dark it's probably bad that's just my guess group of strange people coming at you with weapons going

blank boy that's not good but otherwise if you get called white boy to Popeyes hey that's a cheerful interaction neutral at best the worst they're going to do is insult you and give you chicken and you know what you still got chicken what's that got to do with your life how fragile is your status right

wasn't being second on American Idol enough evidently not so this is the episode we're recording of this year, I believe. I want to start by opening up about a failure in my own life and setting a goal for this year. And they're not exactly related, but they kind of are. First, I'm going to come out and say it. I sincerely don't think I've ever eaten at Popeyes in my life. And that's okay. That's okay. You can fix that. 2017 is the year. Get it done. Yeah. There are, people are always like, oh, well, they can't be in New York. I'm like, they're like eight.

There's like everything. Everything is in New York. There are plenty of Popeyes in New York. Dude, there's a, dude, there's a Popeye's in Istanbul in the Air Force. There are now two Popeyes is in the Bahamas where there are not until the Bahamas Bowl delivered them. See, that's, that's, that's, that's, evangelism. That's what that is. So that's, that's an easy goal, but that's not really what I'm trying to do in 2017. What I'm trying to do in 2017, professional. I'm trying to be the Blumen Onion mascot at this next Outback Bowl. Because I don't see a reason why I can't do it, why I don't deserve to do it, why I wouldn't fucking be great at it. And that's the only thing I want to get out of this. Listen, 2016 had a daughter. The daughter is great. I love her. She's wonderful. Charming kid.

All I want in 2017 is to be the Blumen Onion. So I'm going to push for that every day. I just want to real quick, just give the listeners a little background here. Ryan isn't joking. This has to happen. Ryan talked about this earlier. This has to happen. If you did not see it in the Outback Bowl, there was an actual dude in a bloomin onion costume.

Who was rooting super hard for Florida. Yeah. And there was a woman in the coconut shrimp outfit. And they've done this for at least a couple years. Blumen Onion guy also gets to wear a little hat that is the equivalent of the dipping sauce for the onion. Now, I will say, it does look like it's possibly hot as hell. I'll be honest, I think for a man of your stature, it's going to be a bake. It's going to be a slow simmer.

Yeah, yeah, it's going to be, it's going to be a sweat, and that's fine. like my commitment to this goal is so true that I don't I don't care what I have to do out back you need me in that onion I enjoyed the photos

most of players pretending to bite the bloomin onion after the game like standing next to it and the guy saying like doing the cringe like no don't eat me

and they're all don't eat my arm oh no yeah they're all like pretending to eat the arm what was the last time he took to of a blooming onion, even part of a blooming onion, Ryan.

I briefly thought about going today to one of the New York locations to see, or to see if I, or yesterday rather, to see if I could get the free one. I did not have time, but, I mean, if that's what it takes, I'll take down a whole bloomin onion to be the onion. To be the onion, you got to beat the onion, right? Flora would tell you exactly that about the blooming onion. All 1,100 calories of it. I think it's like 1,100.

I think it's more. I think it's a lot more. I think that's a way long. Dear listener, please note the one of us who has eaten an entire one underestimates its calories. Oh, no, buddy. I've, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no. Boy, buddy, did I.

Are you ready? Yeah, no, no, no, I'm sorry. You, man, scientific inaccuracy. I got right here 1,949, sir. Okay, all right. So, so we agree that it is, it is the number, it is the same number of calories. as a reasonable year for one of our parents to have been born.

Ooh! Yeah, buddy. It's Truman, not Eisenhower, dog. It's a slightly lean day worth of calories all at once. Yeah, this is... If you're in America, I guess. It's quite a bit. But I'll do it.

And I think here's the most important thing to remember. It's 1954... It's almost 2,000 calories. And, yeah, Outback still lists this motherfucker as an appetizer. I wonder if that includes the sauce, because that's got to push it over 2000. Because that's just fucking orange mayonnaise. Oh, that, yeah, that's got to be...

By the way, you're up for limit, right? For sodium in a day. You know, dietary guidelines for Americans, 2010 recommended. Around 2,300 milligrams. It's pretty generous. That's a lot of fucking tall. It is. One bloom and onion has 4,100.

millimeters of salt man those veins are going to be tight skin's going to be like a sausage you're going to have to push through it man right damn goddamn whew works cut out for you bro

if you really want to be the onion yeah I'm trying to succeed in 2017 I'm not trying to go half ass here hey bro I'm pretty good though 28 grams of protein if you're bulking so there's that I like that's like not even like a whole lot like you could just that's like that's like what five eggs like you could just make a five egg omel it even the benefits are like yeah also congratulations zero percent of you require calcium iron or vitamin air vitamin C so this is going to be great so you're going to have you know there's all you know there's a you know there's an upgraded option for the bloom and onion too right you fuck me what is it no no no no no no so so this one is the loaded bloom It includes

It includes bacon, ranch dressing, cheese, and French fries. Jeez. And this motherfucker, 2,300 calories plus. That's it. Oh, no. This is what you get with. No, no, it's the plus there. That's like when you get to the end of the earthquake scale because they can't measure it, right?

Like, this is 10.0, but, you know, we don't actually have the, like, instruments to measure it. I think it's, like, the decibel scale where, like, one decibel is not just, like, that many percent's louder. It's, like, a whole level louder. Like, 150 is, like, incredibly louder than 140. We're just going to have, we're just going to have to do this. We're just going to do this in scientific notation, right? You know, 10 to the fourth power calories. Something.

Jesus. Well, just invent a new unit altogether. Oh, it's only 23 milk. It's only 23 kilocalories. You're dropping keys. I like that when the playoff expands to like 38 bowls because no one gives a shit about a bowl unless it has the word playoff next to it tendentially.

At sometimes, they're going to have to give away this mega-death blooming onion for the team that wins the playoff version of the Outback. Oh, God, the playoff version of Outback is going to be so good because they're going to try to like maintain, you know, decorum trying to maintain some sort of championship air right this is the college football national championship and there's going to be somebody dressed like a giant coconut shrimp on the sidelines like it's gonna be it's shit man that's gonna be you that's okay make spencer the shrimp

we've got both y'all jobs i'm the shrimp you're the blooming onion it's gonna be magnificent and i ain't doing shit they'll be like you know next year we should hire people who are less sweaty Must him's away. How disturbing would it be to have a good shrimp? That's that it would be like I must be pollution. Just listen, listen, we're not sweaty. We're just, we're just recreating the actual saltiness of the- No, no, no, no, it's perfect because the shrimp is always the Big Ten team.

So if you come in and look like you just wandered in from the mountains, great. Or the forest. The forest of the forest of Wisconsin. I am beef jerky. actually you're shrimps with it i don't know what that is it's a it's a kind of deer or something oh majestic let's take some let's take some reader questions

shall yeah yeah throw them out all right i'll start with one that is i'll start with one that is on topic and this is from uh john police or john police i don't know i'm calling police sorry don't call that man police John Police at J.O. Police on Twitter. Why did Ohio State suck so much ass?

Well, here's a good reason. Clemson's hand was straight up its ass. Yep. Yep, that's true. Literally, Clemson placing a hand. I don't, was that, I mean, I kind of thought that was the gooch, right? Was that the tank? No, that's the full Jim Henson.

That's what you got. It was, it was a honk-hunk, and then it was a whoop. Yeah. Somebody in our questions referred to it as the Clemson credit card, which I really enjoy. That's the Nellie will call it, yeah. The tip drill, yes. I are the, actually, it would be the Ipte drill. That's my favorite thing we've ever said.

Oh, yeah, we just did a tip drill joke about Clemson's athletic foundation. I'm so happy right now. Like four people got that and three of them were us. Yeah. That's fine. The other one was Bill. The three people who got it, it killed. absolutely killed

this is a very outward reaching program yes but reaching inward when they need to that's what Clemson does also it reaches inward I think well there's that which I you know like football players are nasty y'all rugby players are nasty unless like it goes to a degree that

you know that's not that's not that's serious that's not a serious controversy it's not okay football players like this this happens all the time he just isn't I mean granted Granted, Ben Bolwer didn't necessarily make it better by talking about it today, but that's fine. He made it pretty bad, and you had players like our own Stephen White saying, yeah, we never did that. That usually happens at the bottom of piles, and it's usually not to that degree. You know, it happens all the time. It doesn't mean it's right. Doesn't mean it's right. But, you know, I was like fucking Conrad Dobler and, you know, like 1970s NFL players doing like, you got to bite a guy's nose if you need the fumble. But doing it with no fumble. yeah you know doing it listen the ball the ball's on the ground

you kidnap his kids that's legal I don't care I don't care might be keep your head on a swivel and his kids in a pit you drop the leg off the top of the cage if you get the ball the ball wasn't loose yeah

that's why I took around in there I will tell you this I will tell you this I will tell you this of tantric sex manuals are to be believed he would be calm and balanced after a brief touch there. So he's fine. It's the worst thing I've ever said on any podcast. It's up there. To answer the original question, though, I think the answer is pretty basic,

just looking at Bill's S&P rankings. Clemson's top 10 in offense and defense. And Ohio State played a lot of good teams this season. They beat the hell out Oklahoma. They beat Michigan. They beat Wisconsin. And all of those teams have one unit that ranks really well that is in the top 10, but they don't have two.

And that was sort of the problem is that it felt like all year, the only team that comes close to this to having sort of that balance on offensive defense, Penn State has top 20 offensive and defensive unit. None of those other teams do. They have one side of the ball that is notably worse. and I think I mean Ohio State just didn't get room just sort of got pinned and didn't get room to get up off the mat and breathe right that's sort of what it felt like

like they were just constantly trying to getting pushed back underwater trying to get up to the surface and they didn't sorry like this might be the idiot's opinion but it looked to me like Ohio State got down and then just kind of freaked out just forgot that it's Ohio State no you have one of the best running quarterbacks and all that And, like, yeah, they weren't exactly winning the line of scrimmage, but they didn't even start fucking trying until, you know, the second or third quarter. Yeah, and I think they, they, what, Mike Weber, like their running backs combined,

had 11 carries total. They relied on Braxton, or I'm sorry, on J.T. Barrett to throw the ball, which that's been, if you looked at Ohio State the whole time, J.T. Barrett's been getting by on a lot of grit and a lot of moxie and a lot of things that you can do. against teams who don't apply the kind of offensive pressure on the defense that you're going to face so that when you get back and you have to

make plays and sustain drives and you're facing a defense that's going to shut down the run, especially along the perimeter. That's the one thing I don't understand. It was Ohio State trying anything on the perimeter against Clemson because that wasn't going to work. I mean, the teams that did really well against Clemson were teams like,

yeah, NC State, which were able to convert third downs passing against them. Or Pitt, which was really good in terms of being able to at least mount something like a run game. By the way, don't think that I'm saying they ran against them entirely. Peterman had a huge game passing the ball against Clemson. Peterman might be a better passing quarterback than J.T. Barrett. Because Barrett hasn't been good all year.

They've had trouble getting over 100 yards sometimes in the passing game, and all of that sort of came to roost. Additionally, Ohio State had co-offensive coordinators all year long, and one of Meyer's struggles as a coach and I don't want to say well it's happening again it is happening again no but

replacing offensive coaches from Meyer's been an issue sometimes and I mean remember who we lost from the championship team he lost Tom Herman and then never really sort of settled on one guy to run that offense and I think that can work but managerially that can be kind of difficult to take two guys and get him to be on the same page

I mean, can you think of two successful co-coordinators other than Kiffin and Sarkisian under Pete Carroll? TCU last year. And then, you know, this year we sort of saw that it was pretty up and down. But the co-coordinator thing, I mean, it worked great for Ohio State for about a decade on defense, but... Not an offense, though. And it worked okay this year on defense as well, so... Yeah, yeah, yeah, there still weren't any problems with the defense until, I mean, Luke Fickle, he's got a head coach, strength head coaching job now so and i don't think the loss of clemson i wouldn't put that on the

defense i mean no they didn't play incredibly well but they certainly did uh i think they did enough to they did enough to win no but you saw you saw what clemson's MO is when they're at their when they're at speed and at pace clemson's way of tearing you apart is to let the plays pile up right and to run side to side get you tired and then start running up the middle in the second half. It's exactly what they tried to do against Alabama last year. And it worked brilliantly. Like I, when people say, well, I don't know, man, Alabama won last year. What makes you think they're going to win again? I'm like, I don't know. Single possession game where Alabama stole possession had to make an onside kick in order to win that game because they realized they

were playing arena ball. Yeah. It was without, oh, I don't know, three of its four best players. Mm-hmm. And still came within a fine hair margin of beating Alabama. So I think that's why at Ohio State, like the primary issue was the offense, the primary issue was the lack of a passing game that forced them into some really weird spots offensively. Cool.

Next question. Let's see. Let's see. I'll drop one on us. This sort of combines everything we've talked about so far. From Chris Barnwell on Twitter of the four playoff teams, who is what fried chicken chain? So there's a lot of ways to take this. I will say from this year's performances, Ohio State,

y'all dropped a KFC on them, man, because, like, everyone remembers when you used to be good. No one really remembers exactly what it was like right now, but we all sort of have fond memories. The recent performance is sort of clouding everything, and the recent performance was ass. Just inedible garbage that no one ever wants to look at ever again. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and, you know, no wing game. Can't go through the air. So, yeah, totally KFC. I would argue that Washington was, let's see, churches, it's fine. Churches is fine, right? Hayday was in the early 90s. Uh-huh, and not, you know what? Not ready to go up against the big boys.

Not fine. They're good, and they're good in their environment. If you've got churches and there's nothing else around, like, I don't know, a team in Washington, right? yeah you're fine you come to Atlanta you can have some competition you'll probably lose so if your choices are churches or cow churches correct yeah and I mean coming to Atlanta your competition there

I mean trickfully feels obvious for Bama but you walk in you know exactly what you're going to get it's going to be high quality it's going to be delivered efficiently the orders will all be correct everything will be fine nothing will surprise you And then it's over. The customers have the same hair cut.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, Dabo would be the most chick-fil-A coach based on certain opinions that each have associated themselves with at time in the past. But, yeah, Bama, you got to be Chick-fil-A. And then... I think, well, I was going to say Bama is just the chicken supplier. Bama is just a chicken. How bad do you want to eat?

Come again, motherfucker. All right, so I say that Alabama is Popeyes because I might go in wanting a full entertaining performance, but they're not necessarily going to give me that. But when I leave, I'll go, yeah, you're still the best. I didn't get what I wanted, but this is inarguable. And it's going to hurt, too. That's the other part.

It's true. I'm going to say that Clemson is the pop. here because you walk in you place your order i would like the better team clemson to win this football game and i would like it to be pretty entertaining okay those basic very basic things are going to be delivered upon you're going to receive your chicken and then you're going to leave but how you get from point a to be point b well you might almost lose to fucking troy or nc state or you might destroy ohio state you know any number of things could happen i think the the the random outcome generator that is pop eyes applies to clemson better than it does any other

team in the country this year. So let's just agree that whoever wins the national championship, that team is the most Popeyes. Uh, yes. Well, that team will have won the Popeyes Bahamas Bowl. The most prestigious of all bowls, and I'm not lying. Uh, Spencer, give us a question, please. Okay.

I will take the question, let's see, since the, uh, I don't want to do that one. Can I, can I kind of access? Okay, this is actually from Holly. Holly. Holly couldn't make this podcast because we planned poorly, but we're going to do a preview for the actual game. So instead, we will ask her question, which is, for real, we need to address which sports writer would

win in a press box brawl. Without getting too far into the inner workings of the press box, there's probably very few people who would perform well in a fight. So we'll answer this question in a short fashion. I assume we're restricting this. And I assume we're restricting this to college.

Yeah, it would be people who will likely be at the title game. Correct. Correct. People, people who would likely be at the title game, who we say, okay, they're fit, they seem pretty mean, and or they're not fit, but they're mean, and they've probably fought before. My first nomination will be Ed Ashoff of ESPN. He is very fit. He is, he's not tall. He's not exactly short, but he's not tall, so he's going to be, he's going to go for the legs. It'll be difficult. He'll be near very sensitive parts. He's going to be a difficult fight so I draft Ed Ashoff first oh that's good um damn I think I'll go with Bruce Bruce Feldman of Fox Sports yeah yeah you know I don't I don't look at Bruce and

necessarily think that he's a fighter but he is he is in very good shape and I believe he has twins he knows anchor yeah so he's so so like you're not and let me put it this way you're not going to knock him out with one punch he's going to take some punish it. Yeah. Also, he went to Miami. So he's been in a fight before. He's been in a chaotic environment before. I trust his judgment on when to bail on the fight and when to dive in. I think that's a canny pick. I'll tell you, I think, I think maybe a little undersized. Maybe. Yeah, that's, that's a totally fair concern. I'm going to nominate two both former forecast guests. We're going to hit him with Andy Staples, who former offensive lineman has

some stature to him has some reach um we know based his food consumption habits the man can take punishment that's true and you know what uh he's nice and i'm always terrified of really nice guys in a fight who are very energetic because uh they take it personal and that's when that's when you get your ass beat and yeah definitely and also our own richard johnson who will be there also a former full cast guest also got some got some stature to him uh he's a young guy so the dad's advantage goes to staples but uh keep an eye on richard yeah man i would i know why i would watch this four way fight i would and i'm going to put an alternate in here uh having met him in the flesh for the first time you can follow him at cecil hurt on twitter uh cecil hurt from a l.com

uh cecil looks like a cecil looks like a season shit kicker from alabama it's a good and and cecil hurt that's a great fight in this i'm like i'm pretty sure the minute a fight starts that two by four appears in his hand, right? Like magically, like whew! Like a like a whooping stick, just descends from the heaven. The other thing to consider here is who's going to be really good in extremely close quarters because the press box is like a series

of hallways that are at different elevations. Yeah, you need an old boy type, right? Somebody who's good with a hammer in a cluel of space. You need to be daredevil is who you need. Are there any coaches who are going to be possibly in the press box? No, no, no, they're on a different level.

eliminating coaches because they're nuts i mean jim macklewain is going to be on fine bomb during the game yeah no he you could you can whip his ass he'll he'll drop the loafers on you he's already close to barefoot man never fight a barefoot man he's got a little bit person also jim macklewain's from wyoming his sense of space is distorted right he's like yeah like everything's so close here the nearest object is 300 yards away In those tight quarters, they'll be freaking out. Don't be new that guy. Yeah, this isn't big sky country.

I can only win a fight if I can see the mountains. Yeah. All right, I want to take this question from Josh Brundage at Josh Brundage on Twitter. Are you aware that Georgia Tech won nine games and went three and O against the SEC? I was aware of the latter, yes. Because that part is funny. Wait, they went nine and four. Holy shit, we predicted 10 and we were almost fucking right.

We've made fun of that. pick for like five months and we almost nailed it yeah we're pretty close and and georgia tech went three and oh with all of those ones coming in the c c east correct they be vanderbilt's georgia and kentucky uh yeah i mean they'd still finish behind florida but i i think everybody else on the list of uh c east opponents no no they would have won the division per the bylaws which we had the look up midseason because LSU was scared to play Florida or whatever it was. Yeah, how that had that end for them? Yeah, they lost.

I'd like to remind everyone that they lost. Per the bylaws, it goes by win percentage. So Georgia Tech won the ESS. That's a really good point. So Georgia Tech should have been in the SEC championship game. And Alabama's, Alabama's place in this playoff is fraudulent. I'll just say it. Let's protest.

Let's demand a recount. Agreed. I cannot imagine anything more surly than Paul Johnson coaching a game against Alabama. Just looking across and going, well, hell, what am I going to do with that? The only thing I can propose is Nick Saban coaching a game against Georgia Tech. We recall he's already so pissed off when he had to play Georgia Southern that like a year later he's still cussing about it. Like shit, like shit through a tin horn. Hey guys, do you know who Georgia Tech plays week one?

or their first game of the season next year? Who do they play? Tennessee. Immediately after the game, he said, we're 3 and O in the OCC, so we got Tennessee next. He called your sorry asses out, valls. Georgia Tech was just trying to line up Missouri in a bowl game next year so they can just round out the entire division.

Got a whoop mall. I feel like Missouri is going to be the big problem there. Just chasing Missou around the country. Missouri's dodging them the whole time. N'uh, won't schedule you, it won't make a bowl. George is a perfect crime. Brilliant. Texas is out of here dropping games so they can get into the bowl game, right?

Why are you putting on second down against Duke? We want to get Mizzou's sorry ass. They're scared. This is the worst Mega Man ever. You imagine like Washington, you know, Washington did the season long. We want Bama thing. And they're like, oh, fuck, why'd we do that? but like just picking just some random you know we we want Oregon State

I think it's good state looks up like you do well you know a new year is about picking realistic goals Georgia Tech Georgia Tech's never done anything but pick realistic goals like beating a Kirby smart coach Georgia team for instance wow please give us another question Jason let's see Okay, from A.B. McQueen 87. There's another Clemson question. If four fingers deep was too far, what is the acceptable number of fingers? And do conferences set the appropriate amount?

So one issue during Clemson, Ohio State might have been, that was a Pact 12 crew? Is that correct? Yes, yes. Because everybody got Pact 12 in that game. That might have been correct. might have been totally off because it was an ACC crew during the other game I think but uh so one issue here is that Ben Bullware might have been smart enough to realize that four fingers was fine per that conference's rules and that's that's what it could get away with um yeah that I don't really

have a lot to say about that question it just made me laugh so I wanted to read it here is another yeah go ahead sorry if you wanted to talk about fingers and buttholes Ryan you can go ahead No, I just, I just, I just want to be clear that four fingers is not a measure of depth, it's a measure of width. That's all. I would also, I would also like to say that while I'm entertaining the otherwise deplorable question, that the deplorable answer and the most deplorable answer of all of them would be whatever the Big 12 said was acceptable based on last year. Big 12, the wide open Big 12. Just, you know, saying they're not the best when it comes to processes about evaluating these kind of things.

Prostates, though. They got that handled. No, Ben Ballware does. Or Christian Wilkins does. Sorry. Getting my Clemson players mixed up. From Jason Ringer, JJ Ringer on Twitter. What new coaching hire is most likely to be a train wreck?

And I'll go ahead and take Lane off the table. Because Lane Kiffin, near Miami, I don't know if train wreck covers it. Midair collision, maybe. Fair. Value jet. Very, fair disaster. Like, interplanetary, like something involved in a goddamn, Comet, maybe?

Manewer plant explosion. Yeah, this was a, what was it? Fertilizer truck collides with landscaping crew. Fireworks factories targeted by terrorists. Yeah. Terrorists carrying bees. Yeah. Keytienero fiasco.

That's what this will be. Okay. So, the choices that jump out potential, I mean, Tom Herman at Texas, I feel like, is off the table just because I don't know what that disaster would look like at this point. I really don't think he can do worse than Charlie Strong did. Matt Rule, I guess, also is off the table for the same reason that, like, hey, the standard for what a disaster is is pretty hard to reach. I got one for you It can look like a mess

Just because the year one This project It looked like a mess everywhere And it ends up okay But year one For Willie Taggart or Oregon Could look pretty rough Yeah

That could be Because that's a rebuild And year one for Taggart At you both USF And at Western Kentucky It's It's fundamentals time folks And sometimes

Willie's not going to come And take what was there And you know Make it look No Willie's starting over That's what really likes to do. No, no, no.

You see this, this is going to be shiplap, but I got to strip it. Okay. And this floor, the whole thing's got to come up. There's some drywall. You're going to have to move into a hotel for a while, Lord. Yeah, you've got some hoax in these walls. So, Jesus. So I got two answers here.

One is whoever takes the Minnesota job at this point. Oh, that's a good one. And here's the answer that not that I think is most likely to be a training. wreck but that I will laugh the hardest if it is Randy Edsel back at Yukon because the bar is six wins and if you can't hit that

well I really just hope that they're like well you're Randy you did it before you took us to an orange bolt what the hell what the hell Randy promises were made I want to know at what point they opened the door and he walks in what week they turn around and they're like

gaw you you Dude, again, with the coming to work, and going and winning and losing a game 12, 10. He just gave up 18 points to Tulane and lost. Like, at one point, it'll probably be like week four, right? When they're like, God, this guy. Can you imagine you're in the Northeast

where Chip Kelly coached at New Hampshire and you hire Randy Edsela and like a week later, Chip Kelly's on the market? So that is a good, that is a good segue to the next question I want to ask, which is, and we can get to this one quick. This is from Aaron Staggs at AJSRNJ. What is the dream scenario for how F-A-U-Lane Kiffin inevitably ends? The answer is they fire him and hire Chip before he could even start day one.

So like tomorrow. Yep. Like for a guy who has failed up consistently and even his most, his, His moment of highest shame, getting fired on a tarmac after getting paced by Arizona estate, even that felt like it came pretty late and after he had plenty of chances. To have this ripped away from him after, after, I mean. No, no, no, no, no. Because we know how this would go.

He gets the Rams job. Fine with that. Fine with that. All of this is good. Yeah, that would be delightful. He would be back. He'd be back in his, he'd be back, he'd be coaching. what is it off brand he'd be coaching the the sion brand USC team the Rams he'd also be facing

Pete Carroll twice a year and do you not think Pete Carroll would be coaching fucking circles around him you don't think Pete Carroll's just going to be pitching downhill at him all four quarters like this is this is the NFL we'll just manage the end of this game surely they won't nope no they went for it they went for it on for people people actually have have it arranged so that Lane is connected to his headset so that he knows everything he's calling just to be like hey hey buddy it's cool you can play this one

on freshman yeah I that's the one thing that I take real joy in about Chip Kelly being out there is the looming figure of him landing anywhere in college when clearly Chip Kelly never wants to coach in college

again like if he can get any job in the pros he will take it over recruiting because remember chip kelly like wrote a check to a recruiting guy like that's how little he cared about recruiting he's like whatever take a check you can't do that chip just take it take a traceable financial document thank you with my handwriting on it that's fine anything just to avoid having to talk to humans just it's worth it um yeah if chip kelly is it has not found coaching employment by the time next season starts i predict that by week seven somebody will fire their coach

just to be like, we're going all in on Chip. That's it, man. We haven't even talked to him yet, but that's how important this is. Or Alabama pays him $30,000 a year to break down second and fives. That's it. Can I look at second and four? No!

God damn it, we don't pay you $30,000 a year. Look at second and six. I... A bunch of fucking go-getters. Get back in the film room. I would like to pick a question if I could call one up here. Although if either of you have one before I do, I need a second to scroll because it was a good one, but I have to find it.

Sure. Let's go with this one from, we'll use this as kind of a bowl recap question, and I'm going to throw it to you, Jason, first. This is from Chris Moritz. Chris Moritz, one on Twitter. Who falls furthest in 2017 from their preseason ranking to the end of the season? realize you don't have the 2017 schedule in front of you, and that probably is an important factor, but just based on who's, who did well in bowl season and is going to get a bull bump and then waste it, who, who are you feeling good about for the, uh, overinflated, quickly

deflated status? So the first team that I was looking at as a potential ball bump team this year was Georgia. Um, not because what they did was so impressive. Like beating TCU, that's no big deal but you bring back a lot you've got a you know a rising sophomore quarterback all that the roster looks great the division is shit um but i think george is going to be pretty good i don't you know i mean yeah georgia sure sure if you're talking about the national title team and they finish nine and three then technically they collapse but um i don't think georgia really fits what we're looking for here um i this hurts to say but at miami maybe because like you're losing brad kaya we have no

idea what you have at quarterback you've got a talented roster uh you know i think you have a decent team um the recruiting is you know it's not up to florida state par it's not up to it's not up to it's not up to clemson par um i don't see a collapse coming but that you know they're the second team that comes to mind as a ball bump team um you got anything ryan well they're they're definitely not a bull bump team um i am a little worried about how highly we're going to think of louisville entering next season. I get that they're bringing back a a Heisman winner, but a lot of teams have shown that bringing

back the guy who won that award is very far from a guarantee of immediate success. Including in the bowl game. Yeah, so I got some concerns about that. Looking back over who was actually successful

in bowl games, and that may be meaning something for them, Virginia Tech is an interesting bump candidate because people are going to say, oh, they beat an SEC team and they they did it with this big comeback but they're losing a ton a ton next year so i if you see them creeping up to top 15 preseason just just like be ready for that to maybe not work out let me just throw one more in there florida all always threw florida in there fuck man i always say that because if you look back florida historically over the last 25 years has been one of the biggest

underperformers because they're consistently overranked from where they actually should be. Now, my personal bull bump team, the team I will readily acknowledge I'm overrating for next year is NC State. The advanced analytics like them, S&P has them in the top 25, I believe. They trashed Vanderbilt, which was a decent team that was better than its record. You know, they almost beat Clemson. I think they were a lot better than their record this year. and I don't believe they lose a whole lot so since I'm on board with NC State I'll go ahead and say

NC State will collapse. Congrats, Wolfpack. Oh man, that was that was almost the closest we've gotten to saying something positive about NC State. You know what? I'm kind of with Jason though. Like I really I want them to be good. I just because like I don't know they

for once ever, right? They've built very slowly and gradually into something competitive and you want that to pay off, right? Like in theory that should pay off and it would be a real NC state thing to either one freak out and fire him for no reason in the next like two weeks right so who are the coaches who won ball games and are still on hot seats like Dave Doran butch Jones butch Jones man there's no like Bush Jones yeah okay then I immediately fire my offensive coordinator everyone's going to hate

whatever hire I make next they're just going to hate it right like you could bring in Chip Kelly and then be like washed up trash Never recruited in the state of Tennessee. Never recruited in the state of Tennessee. Which the rejoinder is, well, no one has. Yeah, no one does. You go somewhere else for her. You need to keep talent in the state.

There's no talent in the state. I mean, in anything. It's shaped. There's eight good mandolin players and two good surgeons. They're all in Nashville. There's a couple of good oncologists in Memphis and every rapper in Memphis. Other than that, you know, and there's Chris Vernon. There's your talent in the state of Tennessee. everyone else just goes to church

and tells them how great they are. That's it. That's the entire state. I will drop bombs on that wretched place for as long as you like. Parallelogram of mediocrity. I have a question that I expect no answer to. What are we going to do with LSU next year? Top 10, probably, I'd say.

Okay, okay. Just refresh our memory. Jason, what did you predict for LSU this year? Rather, I predicted the Citrus Ball Championship. That was what I predict, or National Championship. Yeah. This is probably correct. But I said it'll be top 15 next year.

Darius Geis and all that. I think they are in the category of talented guesswork, which is usually between the 9 and 14 spots on a top 25. So, yeah, we'll put them at 13. There you go. Lucky 13, LSU. You think people actually, you think people actually have a science behind this?

No, they don't. If they're guessing, but they're pretty sure they're good. 9 and 14, 9 to 13. That's your range. Yeah, teams, in the way too early rankings and all that, teams between 15 and 25, those are like teams that are like, well, they're returning their coach. Those are also the teams where the voters are like, man, I don't want to deal with tweets from that fan base. Fine. Go ahead.

You put them at 24. My favorite. Arkansas is 24. Like saying, I'm you're 16. My favorite range is between 4 and 8, because those are teams where you're like, I'm pretty confident they're good, but I'm too chicken shit to really stick my neck out there for them, because I've seen them screw up before. Hold on, that wasn't a Notre Dame joke.

No. Oh. Now it is. Now it is. We did it. We found a way to talk about Notre Dame while talking about teams that are ranked. If you've made it this far into the podcast, just know that on April 8th, all EDSBS is going to be devoted to is Notre Dame shit. Go ahead and schedule in tweets.

Even if you die before then, that'll make the open more. If I kicked it, if I kicked it sometime in a February in a agricultural accident of some sort and like schedule that tweet, and it's like, oh, that's so sad. And then it's like, back from the dead. Notre Dame's four and eight. Who is the celebrity who did? John Rivers. John Rivers wished us Merry Christmas from the Great Beyond. Do the same with fuck Notre Dame forever.

Schedule it every April 8th. And I'm here to report that Notre Dame sucks. I'll schedule it every April 8th for the rest of eternity, whether I'm alive or not. What happens if you do that? What if you go in a tweet deck and schedule a tweet for like 2138? is it going to go out? Yeah, no. He's going to do that right now.

If the slug people haven't taken over civilization by then and we're all not living underground, yeah. Just go ahead and pop up. Or by this? Wait, why has Brian Kelly taken over at that point? I'm confused. Scissor lift our way back to greatness.