Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 4.61: Three Bloggers Give You Workout Tips

Episode Date: January 18, 2017

The beginning of the offseason means it's time for promises you won't keep to yourself. One of those might be getting in better shape. Don't do what Oregon did! Listen to us instead and go get a job at Publix! Jason survives a mid-episode attack from the Luftstreitkräfte, and Spencer tells you how to be a more spiteful father. We also have updates on Ryan's very foolish quest to become all things Bloomin' Onion. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the Shutdown Fullcast, the internet's finest, you know, mostly sort of college football podcast. I will introduce us even though you probably know who we are. I'm Spencer Hall. Founder of Every Day should be Saturday and SB Nation at large person joining us at college football editor, Jason Kirk. Say hello, Jason. Hey, how y'all been? I mean, we've been pretty good. I imagine the reader's probably been pretty good, too.

College football season winding down. Lots of other things to do. Lots of outside interests. Like, I mean, Jason, you and I don't have them anymore. No, when you said lots, I was like panicking. Like, oh, shit. Was I supposed to have those? Is that a company requirement?

No, that was not a company requirement. Ryan, however, does have a few interests. He's with us. Ryan Nanny, live from Brooklyn. Say hi, Ryan. Hi. Yeah, this is why summer reading list should be for adults and not. Like, kids got to go to school the whole, you know, most of the year.

They got to put in all that work. Summer should be a time for them to just sort of do whatever they want, not do extra homework. But summer reading list, that'd be perfect for, like, college football media members. Just be like, yeah, why don't you take a little break? And, you know, oh, look, Alice Monroe. Oh, aren't you glad you did something different? Good for you. Great job.

Look at that. You got an interest. You did something outside. It's good. You should diversify. Because we've discussed this. College football, the season itself, it is about as long as it should. be it is it is the perfect length yes i will hear arguments that it's not distributed properly

for example that some parts of the universe contain less actual matter than others that's fine we've all seen like you know week five when we turn up and go oh what the hell is this but still though it is not distributed perfectly it's about the perfect length which you you think that the NFL just like figured this out this year right Yeah, I think, I mean, because it's important to remember that for the last couple years, before this season at least, the NFL was seriously considering adding more games to their schedule. They were pushing for 18 games or more preseason or additional playoff spots. They really wanted to drag that sucker out even longer. And I think this year they sort of like, oh, well, yeah, there was an entire month where you could have ignored our sport and missed nothing.

of particular consequence and that doesn't seem ideal so I think they understand that they have to sit where they are but college football is just clean you know we do what a little over three months then play the very short but important playoff games

then we're done yeah like everybody likes having lots of sports on for a long time look at ball game ratings if you don't believe me because people will watch fucking anything but to me the best example is that one strike short in NBA season from like five years ago or so.

The season started right around Christmas Day. And like, it was, it was awesome. The NBA season, a nice short, brief NBA season, players stay healthy. And that's basically when the NBA season starts now anyway. Like, I think the NBA is fully aware that until we get past the holidays, yeah, they're just, you know, it's good for the diehors, but everybody else is sort of just trickling in after that. Yeah, like veteran players are literally playing themselves into shape for like the first two months of the season.

We can lose that. We can lose that two months. Like if college basketball started in mid-January, I would probably pay attention to it. But as it is, I don't, fine. Yeah, I don't understand the, I mean, I guess my mental conditioning, my attention conditioning isn't quite what it should be. My time management skills are off. I have no idea who those people are who in November start double-dosing

college basketball and college football. You know, you see them float by like, oh man, Villanova looks good. I'm like, whoa, wait, good God. Yeah, I can't even handle the damn scores ticker. Like, oh shit, Yukon's destroying somebody again. Your God, you're putting fries on your sandwich.

This is insane. Yeah, I don't, I can't do it. I've never been able to do it. It's not even a matter of age or specialization. I've never been able to pay attention to college basketball. And that goes for March. Like March is a lot. I'm like, I don't know. I'm sure, 64 teams. I don't know where any of these people are from. That's great. It seems to me the state of North Carolina cares a great deal about this. So as we enter the off season and you're going to think at some point, listener,

man, I really wish it was a college football Saturday. Just recognize that the scarcity is part of what makes it so enjoyable, the fact that we just get, we just get enough. It's, it's sort of like, you know, when they show you a picture of what a normal dinner portion is supposed to look like, and you're like, oh, that's not what I put on my plate. But that's because science understands this is what you actually need to feel satiated. And if you go overboard, you're going to have a bad time. And the NFL is like, yeah, once you have some more, you're good. Come on, stuff it in there, big boy.

yeah and the the artificial uh how do i put this the the high demands placed on teams like if you lose more than one game you're done like now you're playing for the damn citrus bowl or something that you don't get that in other sports the packers started the nfl season three and four and now they are illegitimate contenders for the nfc championship and should probably just not play this game on Sunday. I don't recall who they're playing. But no team with four or five or however many losses the Green Bay Packers have should be allowed to compete for the Super Bowl. That would never happen in a sport as pure as college football. Yeah. Additionally, I do like this. I enjoy that there are a number of people in the NBA who don't really even start playing until like

three weeks before the playoffs. I enjoy this. I enjoy that there are actual differences. is between like I love and I know that this is going against what we argued but there is one place where I love it it's in the NBA because in the NBA you get the Spurs who will come to town people will buy tickets to watch them and they will sit five of their most important players because they are managing the season I love the open contempt for the viewer that is like San Antonio signs three guys out of the Greek league to play the last two weeks of the season Because they're like, no, we've got to see, we're good. You know what? If the season was, I don't know, 60 games instead of 82, I bet you they wouldn't do that shit. I bet they still would. Tim Duncan would play about 40 years. I know.

52-year-old Tim Duncan, 12, 10, and 8 every single night. Thanks to the good time management. Plus switch to the other side. If you root for a shitty team, think about how much. much nicer it is to have a short season my god like if yeah think about the luxury of being noterdame football fan right now if you were a missouri if you were a missouri fan this year this nothing was fun about this year in missouri football but it got it finished it wrapped up that shit was done if you were an oregon fan like you got to just go straight to the coaching

search part it was you didn't have to drag it out for an extra two months You know, we should probably discuss something Oregon related. I think it would be a nice segue here. Nicely done, Ryan. Good job, Ryan. Thanks. Yeah, that's good. If you did not see earlier this week over the weekend,

workouts at the University of Oregon, conducted by the new strength and training staff, they had, I don't want to say the desired effect, the designed effect, the inadvertently designed effect? The predictible, but. unfortunate effect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because

Ariel Odarendi, the strength coach has been suspended after three of them went to the hospital with rabdomyalysis. Rabdomiolysis. This term may sound familiar to you. Especially if you have been suckered into the Grand Cult that is CrossFit, which I think two out of the three of us

on this podcast have been, correct? Yeah, sorry. Yeah, that's okay. we've all been there like why are you going to be ashamed of living through a time that's why you look through history I feel like Jason worked in a grocery store for long enough

that he didn't need it yeah I move pallets and bags of ice and stuff and lifted very dangerously like standing on a stack of milk crates and like hoisting a 40 pound bag of dog food that's crossfit right that's definitely cross fit did you do

it a lot with poor coaching oh no coaching whatsoever. Oh, that's even more, man, that's even more libertarian fitness. Like 4.15 a.m. Like, yeah, this is extremely, now, now, did you pay a lot of money to do this?

Uh, well, the thing is they paid me? No, sorry, not CrossFit. Oh, yeah. Poser CrossFit now. Yeah, yeah. Well, uh, Oderwinday's been suspended because three of them had Rabdo. Rabdo, uh, you may be familiar

with if you, uh, have done crossfit, uh, kind of a lurking ghost in the crossfit community from time to time somebody would turn up through abdomyelysis and reported would get very excited about it because it's a story of somebody working too hard and of muscle tissue being broken down in the body through stress basically what happens is your stomach falls out of your butt that's that's Jason's not a doctor he's not a medically licensed professional in any sense of the word nor a trainer but he also didn't pay to do

crossfit so he's more qualified than you or I in knowledge no in judgment yes okay fair so this is this is he has been suspended which uh this is this is not an unfamiliar issue to college football now how long ago do you think this strength and conditioning coach was hired um i'm gonna guess six weeks jason do you have a guess well the previous strength coach was there for like a decade or two because at oregon they tend to to hang on the coaching staffs for really, really long times? He'd been there for 30 years, so. Yeah.

Yeah, so they were still doing, like, um, they were still wearing, like, warm-up socks and, like, headbands and... Jack La Land. They were doing all the Jackaland shit. Yeah, um... Yeah, they were doing squat, squat jumps and doing deadlifts with, like, the hex bar. Yeah. Today, January 17th, uh, when we're recording this podcast, is his sixth day on the job.

God damn. Like shit, man. Holy hell. Do you even know the names of the players you just sent to the hospital? Like walked in the door and just stab somebody on your first. It's Oregon. It's not jail. Now, wait.

He had been on the job six days today, correct? Correct. Yeah, I mean. So that means like first workout. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, you know, even though the coaching staff has been there, you know, players they didn't have bowl practices so winter you know winter winter uh winter drills is the first

uh hands-on experience there wow and the uh there was a perhaps coincidental but it sure seemed like a complimentary piece it was a report and i believe organ live about um oregon players basically how they got so bad like the lack of discipline in the program last year and you know lots of players skipping workouts leaving workouts without even breaking a sweat stuff like that you go from that to a dude who is implementing um it's described as military you know military grade workouts your your butt might fall off i would um i like i like to think that our podcast can occasionally have educational value so i've gone to webmd i would like to read you some of the other ways in which you can contract this particular

muscular syndrome okay a crush injury such as from an auto accident fall or building collapse long lasting muscle compression such as that caused by prolonged immobilization after a fall or lying unconscious on a hard surface so like if you were C-Lab 2021, you got trapped by a vending machine that tipped over. Or if you were Peter O'Toole, you pass out real hard on a concrete platform, yeah. Electrical shock injury, lightning strike, or third-degree burn. Venom from a snake or insect bite. And the use of alcohol or illegal drugs such as heroin, cocaine, or amphetamines.

Oh, hell yeah, the good shit. So, so I get my red, do. So, so Oregon players, a week into, a week into their new strength coach, had this, it's as if he dropped a building on them. Jesus Christ. I'm here to hit your eyes with a lightning bolt, literally. Yeah. I call this workout the 86 quake.

Yeah. Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to your new strength coach, Pikachu. he's calling you a bitch the thing too i feel a little bad a little bad okay for the strength coach i feel much worse for the three players in the hospital i'd like to make that clear okay yeah that's bad yeah that's real bad he should be suspended yeah maybe fired i don't know

it's y'all's call okay he seems to feel real bad about it and his boss seems to be doing all the right corrective things bad things happened and somebody's trying to do the right thing afterwards okay it's not optimal but it's what they're left with at the moment okay uh so you hope the three of the three players are okay i feel a little bad for the strength coach because i imagine he's probably done this workout before oh man i hope he has because if he has it that's gonna come out in court. But he's probably done this workout before and he probably got there

and football players don't tell you when they're hurting at all. This isn't their fault but they won't tell you because they're terrified of all of the horrible things that are just like a fact of life being labor, unpaid labor in a football program, right? There's somebody behind it. He can get cut.

He's a new coach. You can get cut. And this guy comes in and does this horrible workout and three of the players get rabdo and he's like well this has never happened before well chances are it was going to happen but now it's happened buddy and on your sixth day on the job you're suspended and three players in the hospital with what hopefully won't be permanent damage to their kidneys has this happened before dear listener oh oh it has it's happened it's happened on a much worse level and it was just one

paving stone on the way to the rose bowl because huh yeah it was was about four years before yeah uh 2011 2011 at iowa a workout around the same time a year uh which in this case was uh among other things a body weights back squat you had to put your body weight whatever that happened to be onto a bar and squat it 100 to 100 times i think you were time limited to like 17 or 20 minutes something like that um have you ever done uh that many heavy squats in a short span of time either of you oh yeah like every day yeah yep i'm doing it right now actually which sound great man thanks your forum sucks on the internet whatever you're doing it's wrong uh yeah your forum sucks i'm dead lifting yeah yeah that's

that's wrong the fitness reddit just follows you around all that our fitness and guys who went to eight crossfit lessons are paid for certification following you around going, yeah, his form sucks. Yeah, that guy's Benedict Magnuson, and he can actually deadlift like 980 pounds. Yeah, man, but look at his knees. And wrong. Anyway, so it was that. And after this workout, which had a couple of other elements,

13 Iowa players were hospitalized. Who? 13. 13, not three. Oregon suspending some guy for three. Okay. And again, I think we're all in agreement. Yeah, that constitutes some kind of professional malpractice on the train.

part if three of your guys are getting rabdo okay so what's 13 13 efficient uh it's more i'm coming saying it's definitely more okay than three uh can i i i don't listen we don't want to just be preachy we don't want to just pretend like we know everything because we have bad ideas too uh we learned before we started recording that you yourself had a terrible workout idea that you it sounds like fairly seriously considered this past season. I did

and I think this is a this is a good way of transitioning out of it. By the way, before we get off that, he gave that Kirk Ferrence gave that strength coach, coach the assistant of the year, basically like in an awards banquet like three months after that happened

gave him assistant of the year. Go Hawk! Well, listen, listen, if you're grading in our on the scale of who improved most over the course of the season I think I think he earned it yeah no more guys got it right

yeah that's that's man that's like better than 100% improvement if nobody else got it it's amazing the question from readers and we're going to answer a few of those tonight it's from Brian Miles at Brian Mai on Twitter what is the

dumbest workout regimen oh we got some answers okay but I do have one that I thought of. I kind of thought of if it were possible to bike across the United States and hit a town with a game in it, right? Like an actual FBS game

moving west to east or east to west. We tried it both ways. And I thought, you know, you could would it be possible to bike? Because, you know, you'd go a little bit faster on a bike than you think. Maybe. I don't know. A little. Maybe some of you out there like, I can go

like 30 miles an hour on a bike. This is like no problem. Yeah, you're not going 30 miles an hour and a bike. Your form sucks too. Yeah, your form, dude, your form's just it's ass. It's just so bad. You're going to hurt your back. So I thought about, could you do this? So we tried to like line it up. And it's really actually a better question to say,

could I get to three games this way? Then I thought, oh, maybe we could just do a conference because it takes a long time. Like if you started on the West Coast to go west to east, It takes forever to get out of the West. It just takes forever getting out of the Pac-12 alone before you factor in weather, elevation, whatever you're pulling, where you're going to sleep, right?

Whether you're going to be eaten by wolves. Everything you're describing is taught to you at a young age in the computer game at the Oregon Trail. All of it. And what usually happened to you in Oregon Trail? You died of dysentery. You start as the banker. you start as a bank

undoubtedly boy Jason let me assure you nobody who works in online media is starting as the fucking banker let me tell you if there's a it's the easiest if there's an American lesson

starts as the banker what is everything you need to know about success in America what did 2016 tell you it's a lot easier if you start as the banker but even then they die of dysentery

that's that's the last lesson because you can't get like i thought if you start oh you could start into eugene and then week two you could get to nowhere you go to per ballast yeah you can go to poor valis buddy that's it and boom now you live in oregon you're not coming home then you could go back to eugene just just what man i never i mean i kind of i thought about going to eastern washington but who that's a long way they don't have they don't have college football and bend also there's no real good way to do it because you can't go south because you can't go south because

you'd have to go, like, there's just so many logistical issues. So I started to think about you know, like, okay, this is obviously the dumbest workout ever to attempt to do this. I still don't know if it's the dumbest workout. It's a real dumb workout idea, but it's not the dumbest. Now, bicycling.

That a thing that you do? Because I've never heard about this. Yeah, it's a, it's a quiet thing. It's quiet thing. Wow. Okay. Yeah. We got a sneaky biker. I think the dumbest workout is whatever workout is in a magazine related to a movie if a movie star did it to be like if you're like oh

he did it for 300 well shoot no don't do that workout that is a workout a man did to specifically look a certain way when it was his job and he was being paid millions of dollars to do it it is not for you person with desk job it is not for you at all we've just yeah any celebrity workout any any celebrity workout it's just not like is you're no no yeah i did the i did the how to lose a guy in 10 days workout probably would like those guys probably like that's probably sad if you went and looked at the workout regimens of people who were in movies that you didn't think required workouts right like i seem to remember a story about drew barrymore and charlie's angels working out like three hours a day and like she still she still look normal she should look

like a normal person. This is why the 80s were great, because you'd go see Indiana Jones, and, you know, Harrison Ford takes his shirt off, and you'd be like, oh, there's no muscle definition there at all. Just hair. Hey, he worked with, hey, for Temple of Dube, he worked with Jake the body, okay? He worked really hard. And is that widely regarded as the worst of the three?

Correct. The one where he looked, the one where he actually tried. But here's a long list of workouts that you shouldn't ever try. don't ever try a celebrity workout ever ever just don't don't try the wonder woman workout i looked it up you know just because one day you're like i don't know man which like the wonder woman workout looks pretty brutal it is it's really brutal don't ever do a 300 workout ever do a jim jones workout don't ever do a workout that you pulled at random but someone's name attached to it like oh god the american sniper workout don't jim jones workout that's just miming basketball shots

I thought we were going with a different Jim Jones I was very worried Oh shit No no no no no no That is third on the list of Jim Jones Workout now you can do a celebrity workout But you have to pick carefully Like if I saw the John Lovitz workout

Yeah I'd give that a go The Brian Dennyhee workout All over the Brian Dinahey workout Whatever John Travolta does The Brian Cox workout That sounds great Sure That'd be awesome.

Oh, don't ever do, and by the way, don't ever do a workout that you just pull randomly off of a website. I don't know, I'll just pick a one at random. Like muscle and fitness, teenation, don't do it. Just do not. Especially if they say things like a harrowing 13-week cycle. That's how we talk about drugs. A devastating 12-week journey. That's all we talk about like foreclosure.

If your workout, if the description of your workout would also fit somebody's struggle to deal with chemotherapy, it's not a good workout. If it has a Russian's name in it, no. That's a big no. Like, Yitvinnikov, Smoloff, Igneutv, no. Kasparov is okay. Yeah, the Kasparov workout, fine. Absolutely. fine. Like, it's a little light ice skating. That's it, at best.

In addition to, like, staring at a board for hours at a time. But otherwise, don't mess with a workout that has a Russian's name. In fact, don't mess out, don't mess with a workout that has a name. This gets into CrossFit. You're like, oh, have you ever done Linda? No, fuck Linda. I don't even want to know Linda. You don't want to do MRF. Don't do a workout that's for the troops. Don't do it. You're not troops. Chances are, right? If you are, cool.

Thank you. But you're probably not. Don't do workouts that are commemorative. Don't do workouts that have random numbers in their names. Just don't, right? Like, hmm, the 569. Oh, yeah, it's 5.69. Yeah, don't do it.

If anyone offers it to you, just throw it back at it. What we're saying is Nordic Track only. Acceptable workouts for somebody who... Shutout, Fulcast is not sponsored by any company except Nordic. We'll put on for Nordic track. Maybe jog to the fridge and do some sit-ups. Yeah, here. Like, honey, why don't, if you, you want to lift weights?

Okay, cool. Why don't you just, here, take it, take, go do some starting strength, do one cycle, do it real life. There you go. Just do that. And you know what? Don't try much else. Don't, yeah. And this is before you even get to diet.

don't never like don't ever do diet with the name to go with all this because guess what two weeks later you'll put one or the other and it won't work you're like this bulking diet's really bullshit you're like yeah you're huge what did you stop working out yeah i can't do both i'm doing the love it's workout with the steve bushemi diet it's not going great let's listen this jack black workout it's amazing he got pretty fit though relatively yeah but you know what man sympathize because he's you'll understand like you've seen football players too who um they're just going to have a belly at all like I remember Charles Lee was a wide receiver for the bucks a while ago like probably now

eight years ago he had kind of a gut even though he was like a wide receiver and he's like yeah it's just never gone away like he's never and that's kind of what Jack Black is you're like you're always just kind of going to look like that man that's that's peak you'll look like a bigger version of that it's medium it's it's me it's

medium key thick i would say yeah and i can say that as a medium key thick person yeah that's why i really like uh that's why i really like professional wrestlers who go out you know easy 240 in beer weight bikini mancini trunks like yeah manning the male form here we go that's that's where you're at that's really like goal-wise that's what you should consider yourself So that's the dumbest workout regimen. Pretty much all of them, Brian, that's the answer. I shouldn't tell everybody what my off-season project is, right? Do you have an off-season project?

I have a couple, but one of them involves my body. Oh, geez. Oh, boy. That's... I think this is the photo essay, right? No, better. Better. The nudes will come later. They're part of it. the coach Ryan Napoli is the strength coach for the North Dakota State

Bison somebody driving a truck there are there's a series of planes oh my god prop planes are you in 1942 I don't know what's the

if I go dark just tell him go Falcons but I don't know what the fuck is happening here you're you're being attacked by the Germans being attacked by World War I

the Kaiser yeah Snoopy's coming for that ass the Red Baron go kick a doxin buddy he'll show the Kaiser but I coach Ryan Napoli is the assistant strength coach for the North Dakota

State Bison and on Twitter me being a smart person I was going through a review of strength coaches as I want to do from time to time and I noticed that he looked like a bear he does

he looks like a bear so I pointed that out and we started talking on Twitter because he didn't kill me after I pointed out that he looked like a bear because he looks like a bear and he's going to put together a 10 week program for me

well yeah we we we love you um we will honor your memory yeah in other news the shutdown forecast will be seeking a new co-host for the 2017 season knock out our season preview series just to get spencer on the record like like you know like when you have a really long movie series and you have kind of an old actor you know like well maybe we ought to film all old gandolph scenes right now dumbledore dumbledore's uh going to be lifting so we're going to go ahead and knock these out spencer's going to be cg i this season you could do the clutch cargo thing they did with bruce lee and game of death where it's a picture of me but it's one of your mouths moving

like hey how you doing well do the thing they did in the in the in the in the in the rogue one where like totally different person just yeah just draw draw your face on him. Which one do you want to, which, I mean, there have been a lot of Spencer, do you want us to use current long beard Spencer? Do you want us to go back to shut down full back days? No beard Spencer. Do you want? There was

bald Spencer in there. Bald Spencer, yeah. I think it'll be. I think bearded is easier because you don't have to match any facial similarities. That's true. That's true. I'm just saying there's a possibility we can make an entire guess who game out of your different looks over the last, what, five

years? You know, it's worked to keep the feds off me that's all I'm saying okay um the for the moment but yeah I have a 10 week program that this guy's put together and in addition to all of the other sort of elements of the thing he he said yeah yeah yeah oh yeah you're gonna have like a really good arm workout twice a week because you know you got to have that I just like that on top of everything else it was like no you need beefy arms that's that's not that's not This guy's a professional in the field And even he's like, no, no, man, you got to have some ripped arms

Like, no, you know, okay, here's everything you'll obviously need and you know to get your goals and then on top of that man You know, my trademark is beefy arms. You're like, I don't need people. No, you got to have some BPR So in 2017 look for a unnecessarily muscular man biking around SAC towns Like biking biking and cursing and going seven miles an hour up hill between here and Columbia, South Carolina. That mostly shaved bear can really move. You know, senior citizens are so active these days. All right, I'm going to take a different question.

This is from Terrapin trombonist at K. Butts. Is Mike Gundy growing a mullet to embarrass his kid the most dad thing ever? Here's up there. Here's my initial thought. Growing it to embarrass his, like, embarrassing a family member by a sartorial or personal hygiene choice is not particularly dad. Here's what makes it dad. Drawing it out to absurd lengths. Like, if you did this for a week or a month, that could be very brother, cousin, even mom.

But the minute where you decide, like, no, I am going all in on this and I am not blinking and I am not backing down, even if it is, again, my own benefit, that is what makes it truly dead. Yeah, I think the acknowledgement that there's only so many stimuli and elements in your kids' life can make one of them irritating. It's so much more significant than if they make one irritating in yours. Because you're an adult, you've got hundreds of irritants in your life every single day. A kid's environment's much smaller. They've only got like you, right?

So you're maximizing yourself. Yeah, and it's you and when the PlayStation never. work goes down that's it right so so really like the real dad element is saying man i am so important in my kid's life i've oriented everything around them you know i've given everything to them i'm gonna fucking grow a mullet just to piss this little fucker off like that's yeah the other dad thing about this is talking about it a lot in public like i feel like no i don't hate it in fact I love it. Yeah, yeah.

Dads are way more willing to embarrass you in public, not necessarily because they think you'll learn something from it, but just because they think it's fucking funny. Yeah, and that you get other people in on the joke, too. Oh, yeah, this is when at all. Dad's already won. He's just running up the score to an absurd point, right? This is also proof to me that Mike Gundy does not let his kids win games in the great.

Oh, no. no chance no not one not a damn one right like this is that monopoly game it's going on until three a m there will be no concessions no you got you got you got properties and mortgages there what are you doing quitting that ain't that's not the american dream you keep going what do you mean you can't really win cards against humanity oh oh we will dad you're going to church you've actually told us not to say any of this it's actually a really racist and offensive game. I don't care. I got this. Yeah, I mean, the, like, the serious dad thing is, like, you're teaching your kid a lesson, you know,

like all this crap you care, like your fellow high school kids, what they think about you. Well, you'll never see those people ever again so long as you live. You know, like, that's sort of the serious lesson is like none of this being cool stuff matters. Um, but that's not really. That's not really the issue here. This is, to use the term, this is just trolling. And once you reach a certain age, it's really like half of what you have to live for. I want you to think about it. A kid gets up every day and he, you know, wakes up.

And dad's like, hey, I can take you to school. And it's just sitting there on his shoulders, right? Like, it's every minute. That's the brilliance of it. It doesn't go away. It doesn't have, he doesn't have to do anything. the mere presence of it's offensive

it's glorious I admire this more now than when we first started talking about it this is brilliant and that's why you are the true dad oh yeah I got a well I'm also my dad's son

so the mildly antagonistic to seriously antagonistic thing oh yeah that's in the genes man I can't do anything about that am I going to annoy my kids on purpose

already do it's all happening See, this is a tricky one because Spencer has two boys, and boys are just wild animals from the minute they're born, whereas my daughter, she has the exact same sense of humor as me and is, like, totally perfect person to be around for about five more years, at which point then I will join in on this. Yeah, and it's going to take some time, whereas boys, man, from the jump. Well, this is, this is assuming the hellscape part of Atlanta that you. guys live in is even around that's true we'll all have fled to the mountains by then from all the burning mhm yeah the burning crime the burning crime you know the guns that shoot flame the crime crime burn crime burns yeah to the wholesome to the wholesome mountains where the air is clean

to like somewhere safe like manhattan somewhere yeah yeah that's why they have the lasers at stone mountain to keep away the flame crime that's the only safe spot in Atlanta, actually, Stone Mountain. It's like the Walking Dead. You got to go in. You got to surrender to the great laser gods, and they'll protect you. The question that I want to ask next is from

at Jones of Thrones, Adam Jones on Twitter. What FBS coach most resembles James Kahn in the program from a, quote, no real proof he knows X's and O's, unquote, POV? Hmm. I got an answer, and it's real good. too but i don't feel very nice about it so you go first the james franklin yeah that's that's gonna say yep that's that's everybody's first answer is james franklin yeah i um can we pitch less miles in here

because he was a coordinator for three years like 20 years ago and otherwise no real evidence he has ever called plays and and you know Offensive coordinators go in, they don't come out. That was the LSU, you know, that was the LSU program. I mean, yeah, if we're not doing current, yeah, that's, he's really, you can throw him in there. That's fine. It's current enough. I mean, I got another answer, too, to show you how important really knowing X's and O's is.

Well, your current national champion coach. Oh, has he ever been a coordinator? Oh, yeah, that'd be negative. Negative ghost rider. uh yeah he's he's never been a coordinator and uh look look how that worked out in fact you know i i i know for a fact that he knows a bit about exes and o's urban meyer was never a coordinator never he might have serious input but he was never a coordinator either right but when i think about it i take it back dabbo was listed as clemson's oc for 2008 which um

not not not not not not not best season at clemson that was the one that was you know that was a transition year yeah yeah i i think that might be that might be titular and i'm sure by the way when we say no real proof he knows ex as a nose all the people that we have cited could blow us out of the water right like it would not be close james franklin included oh and for guys who don't know real exes and nose james franklin uh what did he do this past year oh hired a new defensive coordinator and offensive coordinator who are both pretty pretty damn good so that's how you get to do this if you just like oh yeah that's not my thing but i know people who can do it i got a guy yeah oh sure what uh you need offense i got an offense i got an offense guy in fordum it's cool

yeah no i got a tuttees guy we'll get them in get some tuddies for you use authentic pen state lingo czar of tetties czar of tuddies that's what we'll call them you calling them james Nope, don't know a thing about him. Know a guy who knows him, though. I got a guy who calls guys. That's it. What do you do here? I tell that guy to call the guy who calls the guy.

I look into a 17-year-old stranger's eyes and tell him I love him, and he doesn't think it's weird to call the cops. In fact, he follows me back to State College, Pennsylvania. That's the magic I bring here. Big Ten Champs. Questions? from alt middle Ryan on Twitter Ryan M. Rust I guess the alt middle

like memes about like being nice to people I don't know what is the most overrated college football mascot I have a personal opinion that it is Brutus the Buckeye because it's just a fucking head there's no real personality behind it right yeah it's taken on the personality of like it thinks it's part of the team, like, because it doesn't, it doesn't have the costume and it's wearing gloves? No one knows why. I do like the old, I do like the real old Brutus, though,

that looks like a kind of like a curling stone with legs. Yeah, no, no, the real evil-looking one. That one, that one was kind of weird and sort of had like an HR puff and stuff look to it, which I appreciate it. Well, I mean, when you look at, when you look at like, you know, mascots, because you could just say like mass guys that obviously

suck. Like I will always go after Willie the Wildcat at K-State because they actually try to protect the intellectual property

of Willie the Wildcat which is like exactly 23 cents of intellectual property. It's just a head you slap onto a dude. There's not even like a lot of effort.

Like at least Goldie the gopher has sleeves bright and legs that are supposed to look like gopher fur. But yeah, they actually try to protect it. But if you want to talk

about like mascots that just don't contribute much despite having like seriously like you know publicly lauded value um big al doesn't do much for me at alabama like i always think a mascot at alabama is just sort of unbecoming it's like fun it's like it's like putting a bowtie on a tank it's wrong the trunk is disturbingly floppy i've never liked that you'd like a more rigid trunk Well, it just looks, I mean, look, it looks like you just jumped off, all right? Like, should have like a, like, a mace on the end of it? Yeah, sure.

It should be like a stegosaurus tail. Yeah, I mean, like Al doesn't have much person. Like, I feel like the duck is the archetypical mascot because, yeah, it's a terrifying, it's a terrifying Donald Duck that runs around and with its manic eyes sort of takes on its own personality of like, Yeah, I don't know what that thing's going to do, and I'm a little terrified of it, right? I don't think there's, I don't think there's much to, or Sparty. Like, Sparty has such a flat affect in the way he looks that it's hilarious, right? And they all know how to play him.

Or even Sebastian, right? Sebastian, the Ibis, you know, Sebastian the Ivis got arrested by the cops. He can't do any wrong for the rest of, like, the existence of that mascot. That's fine. But there's no, go ahead. I do think any school where you have the live mascot and the costume version, I've always found that like a little, like Texas has a costumed bevo, right? But they also have bevo. And I just don't understand what the point of that is.

Like if you're just going to like Colorado should just have Ralphie. They don't also need a costume man in a buffalo. It seems superfluous to me. It makes sense at Georgia because. Well, it makes sense of Georgia because Oga's like, oh, you want me to go. go all the way over there? Hell no. Right, because it's easier to keep the human in the suit alive. In 88 to 95 to 105 degree heat. Yeah, it's much, much easier. I would also say that in terms of overrated mascots, yes in Ohio State, yes to Alabama. Mike, like the plush mic at LSU? I don't know,

he does good work. He does. He tries. He brings props and stuff. He's the prop comic of college football mascot yeah he'll do costumes i like a i like a themed costume mask yeah he does he does like two or three for halloween right like that's entertaining minnesota's mascot also does this self-aware mascots kind of have to be self-aware right and yeah yeah minnesota's mascot gets all in on halloween gouldie and bucky have their they'll wrestle and stuff and has the the wrestling match with bucky forever yeah yeah yeah

but you know like I don't think you get much out of Alby no you don't especially because they have an eagle well they have an eagle and then they have this kind of like you know sort of tiger thing yeah it's yeah with poorly groomed whiskers it just doesn't

I mean yeah sure it looks a little cleatsy like if a tiger could be cletusish it would be all be the tiger. You just don't get much out of it. Now, I think the cruelest mascot in college sports, and I have to say that because it's not football related, is St. Joe's

college basketball, the hawk, because the university's motto, the hawk will never die, requires that this mascot has to flap its wings nonstop throughout every basketball game, including

during halftime. Yeah, that's ridiculous. There's no reason for that. No. Hawks take breaks. That's ridiculous. Also, what if he's just dormant? What if he's just chilling? What does sitting have to do with dying?

It's not a shark. Jesus. I know. It doesn't have gills. Sorry, we're thinking of sharks? I'm sorry. You were thinking of sharks. Glad we cleared that up. Glad we cleared that up. Yeah. So, yeah, in short,

I'm okay with Brutus being that, especially because he thinks he's part of the team but doesn't really have the sort of expression. Like maybe if they change the expression on his face, but it sort of pairs with Ohio State football that they would have sort of an unfunny mascot. They're kind of an unfunny program. The one good thing about Brodus is when Ohio State loses

and he's still got that stupid grant on his face. Kind of slumping through like, you know, like Clemson players are celebrating and oh, here comes. Well, Brutus is trying to, you know, walk in such a way that it's idiotic. face isn't ironic which that's hard.

If you remember when South Carolina pulled a fake pun on Georgia and I believe what 2000 left. Harry Dog has this perpetual look of dissatisfaction and anger on his face. Right. It goes sort of like a villain in a Popeye cartoon.

Right. So when this happened and a 270 pound defensive end scores on a fake punt, right? They runs past him in the end zone, and Harry Dog throws his hands up on his ears. He's surrendered cobras. But he looks, like, the look is perfect. Like, oh, again!

Like, the look is perfect. Whenever Sparty, whenever Sparty, whenever Michigan State starts sparty in it up. Oh, yeah, because Sparty looks like his butthole's super clenched. Which is perfect for Michigan State, man. I think that's that's ideal this is next time you see smarty just imagine him saying don't poop don't poop don't poop don't poop yeah and and and Purdue Pete just always looks kind of shocked and horrified Purdue Pete just got pulled out of a shipping container containing the bodies of every family member he ever knew or loved like that's him Purdue Pete's always in his focal moment as a serial killer right some some say living was the true death sentence. That's perfect for Purdue, man.

That's great. Don't change a thing. You know, Kentucky's mascot looks like they just made it before the game, right? Like, look, it's just a wildcat. I don't know, they tape some eyes to it. That's perfect. It's great.

Louisville's mascot looks like it's like angrily watching its entire life savings being lost on a single horse, which again, perfect for Louisville. And UCLA's mascot just sort of has a blank stare. like, wait, were we supposed to, what? Oh, man, what happened? Yeah, I guess I'll walk over to the stadium. Wait, it's in Pasadena?

Oh, man. As bear mascots go, UCLA's Joe Bruin is super fucking sleepy. What's up? Oh, cool. Oh, cool. We got chargers tickets. That's dope. Yeah, I will submit two more.

I don't think a vehicle should be your mascot. I think that's extremely overrated. Like Georgia Tech's true mascot is Buzz, who's delightful. because Buzz is not human, which is pretty good for Georgia Tech's line of thinking. And also Buzz, because the costume is super lo-fi.

Yeah, it's got chucks. He wears black chock tailors. The compound eyes are very good as well. Well, the compound eyes are good, but Buzz is like super lo-fi and easy and cool. But a car, like the rambling wreck, I don't, yeah, or the sooner schooner, I don't really, I don't care.

the only delight the sooner of schooners ever brought anyone in this world is when it falls over now i assume papa john's camero is accepted from this yes of course what what can i say i'm not i'm not a billionaire the billionaire gets to rev his camaro at games oh boy um all right do we we want to keep going with questions we got we got time right it's the off season I think we have time for one more I'm out of questions I'm going to go with one that is a thin excuse

that's what we do for all these this is from J.A. Clark at J.A. Clark underscore 13 how is this still a thing? Hey I'm going to be totally honest with you I have no idea I was thinking about this when we did our last episode and forgot to say so

if you listen to this podcast I legitimately don't know why there are smarter podcasts about college football you could be listening to the podcast they and play nobody you could be listening to uh the better produced solid verbal yeah you could be listening and not even just the ones that we have some sort of stake in you could be listening to the audible you could be listening to lindy schnell and andy stave these are all good podcasts but you listen to this one so a i don't know why b thank you for doing it c no i really don't know why got a clue jason um i mean yeah that's that about sums it up i mean like there's something to be

said for a thing that is just its own extremely unique thing and like you know maybe it's this kind of thing where people approach it like well i i know what it is it's it's this it's this thing that could only exist in this one specific place um it's not really like anything else if it's genre. And again, that's neither good or bad. But I guess there's just something to be said for doing something unique in repeating it.

I don't fucking know. I got two words to explain what we do here and why we keep doing it. You're ready? Muscle confusion. Muscle confusion, yeah. Also, a special post-episode bonus question from

Allison DeJong. on Twitter. I need a Blumen Onion Quest update, please. Oh, man. All right. So Outback reached out. Outback proper now, not just the Outback Bowl. King Blumen, him or herself.

Todd Outback. Yeah, Todd Outback the third. It's a great guy. They've reached out to me. They said that I will be hearing from someone on their marketing team hopefully this week. It's Tuesday. It's

Tuesday. It's Tuesday night I have yet to hear anything, but I am hopeful, and I think they, I think they at least recognize that I am serious and need to be addressed in some way. I have not, I have not gone so far as to suggest that Spencer B, the coconut shrimp. There is, there is one, I will say there is one thing that's giving me a little bit of pause. I won't read their whole DM to me, but they said, Blumen Onion Man is on a break for now, but we are thinking about ways to build content around him for next football season.

And it was the season part that sort of, I think I accidentally signed up to people. I think I accidentally signed up for three months of Blumen Onion Man, which again, thank you college football for being very short. I'm really worried. I'm really worried about developing intellectual property around the concept of Blumen Onion Man.

Man, your character is going to evolve. you're going to go through such an arc throughout the course of the season as Blumen Onion Man We gotta have a goal for you Man Blumen Onion Man murders Larry Culpepper I was going to say Bloom and Onion Man finds his real bad

Loaded Blumen Onion He's got a drinking problem So y'all hashtag Friand Nanny and obliterate

Outback's mentions folks We got nothing else to live for It's so confusing that this is actually going to work Yes, that's it

That's the sound of faith That's speaking it into existence Oh man You're gonna meet your dad You're gonna meet your dad