Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 4.64 - Unedited, Out of Pure Spite

Episode Date: February 8, 2017

What if three employees of an Internet-only media outlet could not consistently use the Internet well enough to record a podcast? What if one of those employees had been covering that fact up by carefully editing out all the times where someone disconnects or everything just goes to shit? What if he stopped doing that on this episode? WELCOME! TO THE UNEDITED SHUTDOWN FULLCAST! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'm going to give you guys fair warning. I'm doing something different this week, recording-wise. Is that bad? No. So last week, somebody remarked, because I mentioned on the episode how it was going to be held to edit, you know, because we lost Spencer twice because everyone's bad at this. And so this week, I'm just not going to edit it at all. I hit record right as I joined the call.

Wait, wait, wait. wait wait wait wait wait wait wait let me just start this call over the fuck again it's already breaking up Jesus fucking Christ hold on okay hey you remember that time we couldn't even get through you saying you were just going to say fuck at all yeah because the shit was already breaking yeah it's so it's so bad you can't even give up with out shit breaking. People are going to think that was staged that worked too well.

Jesus fucking Christ. Are you better now? Maybe. We're already, we're live by the way. This is all. This is all real. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome.

Welcome. That's, um, full cast. That's, that's absolutely great. Just great. I'm, uh, Jason Kirk. I'm the Spencer Hall of this podcast. Yeah, I'm I'm Jason Kirk, the Ryan Nanny of this podcast.

And I'm Jim Bankoff. I've been here the whole time, motherfuckers. Hey, boss, listen. Got a few proposals to slide your way. Approved. Shut down, full cast, the movie. Approved. I'm going to say, I think we should start a college football podcast.

Shut down, full cast the video game. Approved. oh it's so many losses just losing every level so damn hard it's the shit is battle toads done and done and done and done you get a show and you get a show and you get a show we'll get three podcasts out of this one that would be the way to distinguish this like that's what that's what that's what the podcasting industry is it's like hey what if television networks never said no I don't think any television network is saying no right now, by the way. I mean, there's so many of them. They got time to fill. Shout out, Young Pope! Young Pope!

Have you watched Young Pope, by the way? I haven't, because as I have said on Twitter, I don't want to watch it because I just want to experience it through Danger Guerrero's recaps. I know it goes by his real name now, but he's Danger Guerrero forever to me. uh yes brian grubb over to uprocks who yes will always be forever danger gorilla i have not watched the young pope because i don't have HBO and i don't know anyone who uh has just a pass that they're willing to send me a login for HBO go that they're willing to send me if they would be willing to just drop that in my email dispenser at sbnation dot com i don't know anyone has one of those

so I haven't watched the Pope be young. Now you have to check your email, stupid. I like that you did work email also. Oh, no, no. They're not getting the top shelf stuff. Yeah, no, no, no. That's the one that I, that's the one that where I get the emails addressed to, Dear Liberal Cuck.

Not many people know Spencer's Christian name, but there it is. Liberal Cuck. You know, Liberal Cuck does. sound like some kind of like Kansas politician in 1905, right? Or FCS transfer quarterback. Yeah, liberal cuck coming in for the fourth quarter. He's throwing the ball eight times this year. No touchdowns, two interceptions.

He's a walk-on. He's a coach's son, so he understands the game. We don't like those smart quarterbacks, dang it. Yeah, so I don't have anybody who sent me a log-in, so I haven't watched The Young Pope. But I have read Brian Grubbs recaps of The Young Pope. And let me tell you, it's probably the best show I've never watched. It is the best show that I will never watch. All I know about it is I've seen a giff of him saying, I am the Young Pope.

And that's enough for me. Done. Like, at this point, would you? watching it be disappointing? Where do you go from there? Yeah. I don't, I don't know. We lost.

Have a moment worth. See? See? It's happening right now. We're losing him. Fuck y'all. Everybody out there. Oh, shut down full cast sounds like shit.

Oh, y'all got the assiest podcast. Oh, this audio quality straight garbage. Sounds like Jason's in a silo full of Wolverine spitting wasps at him. Fuck you. Oh, I sound good. You do sound good. No, he sounds great. I'm the problem.

Yeah, that sounds right. What are we talking about this week? Because I did just spring this on both of you, and we have no prep. Well, Bama needs an offensive coordinator. Of course, by the time, people listen to this, they'll have hired one who will have already left, and they'll be in the market for another one. So this will still be timely. Steve Sarkation is left for the NFL.

I don't recall which franchise he left for. No, that'd be the Falcons. That'd be the Falcons, Jason. The whom? That'd be the Atlanta Falcons. It's the Tampa Bay. It's a Tampa Bay Bucks alternate jersey. It's like their fake ID.

Yeah, he's going to be a neighbor of ours. And it'll be up to Spencer to navigate him through through the city nightlife? Yeah, I will show him all of the places that Steve Sarkesian should go, which would be where I go, which is home, home, and in bed by 10. That's where Steve Sarkisian is moving into Spencer's house.

Hollywood's swinging. Everyone needs a support network, and I plan to keep him on the straight and narrow by having my two small children beat him. solidly is now Spencer's nanny it's the nanny it's it's nice because you know Spencer got a subscription to consumer reports today and the way this played out it feels like Nick Saban got Steve sarkesian and was like all right I have 45 days to decide keep or return and nope the warranty I would like to return this please put it out in the

open box section of Coach Best Buy. I will tell you what, man. The results may vary, but the return policies on Pete Carroll coaches, they're outstanding. You can always bring him back. Nick Holt, Lane Kiffin, Steve's Arkey, just a great record. Just forget Clay Hilton. He's irrelevant to this whole thing. The question I have that goes unanswered, are there any shows that actually say the name

of the show in the show regularly? Frazier. Well, I mean, get... Got you there. Dang it. That's why he's an attorney. Yep. Don't try that shit.

Don't break that shit around here. And Breaking Bad, they never said, right? We're breaking bad. They do say it at some point. Jesse says it. Jesse says it. He says, what, you're just going to break bad? Right.

Yeah. Did he actually say that? Yeah, look it up. Spencer, the thing is that you're acquired by law to say the name of the show at some point. I was, because I... Yeah, I mean, I can't think of, like, a lot of shows

where they actually did that. Like, in Lost, where they, like, we're... I'm sure. I'm certain that's at some point. Like, Game of Thrones does it, because it's, like, a whole phrase, right? Yeah, and that one, I will never forget. They say, and now it is time

for the ultimate game, the Game of Thrones. And then there's like a dragon. That's right. Dragon starts beatboxing. There's a little dire wolf in what? You know, like in cheers, they never say cheers. They do, though. I'm sure they say...

No, they say Norm instead. Yeah. Like in the office, they say, we're going to go to work at the facility. I really wish they had just spliced in like season six when no one was watching in the middle of like episode eight just somebody looking right at the camera and going the office the office um yeah yeah i mean it's some of it depends on the name of the show because like if if you had been watching stranger things and one of the kids had turned to the camera and said we're experiencing some i've seen some stranger things like or hey look at this abandoned

suitcase full of stranger things that'd be pretty on brand for that show though that would It's like in that show, someone at some point has to say, I've got a bad feeling about this. Yeah, and somebody also has to go, Crystal Pepsi. Like, they just have to keep throwing out, like, retro things because that's, Stranger Things is all of these, like, balled up sort of like, somebody could just, there's a, like, here's a stranger thing scene. We can build a stranger thing scene, by the way, in about 30 seconds, right? You ready? One, a children's basement, right? Like, children's basement setting, okay?

Two, identifiable piece of 80s technology or game or toy or something. Like, and that's a sketch or a light write or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just go to BuzzFeed and click Random. Yeah. And that's number two. Never-ending story is on in the background on a VCR, not a DVD player, right? So never-ending stories back there, right?

Sure, sure. Also, adults aren't real. There are no adults on Earth. For terrifying horror beast. Yeah. Yeah, terrifying horbyes. There's one of those. And then a board game that you're sort of familiar with.

Like, it was D&D last season. I don't know. It'll be like Shadow Run next season or something. I think they got to go, they got to go Mario 1. Okay. Mario 1? Okay, yeah, because that's a big break. So there you go.

And let's see. There's some high schoolers like having thwarted sexual adventures somewhere two stories above them that have bad consequences. There we go, Stranger Thing. With like a foreigner, with like a foreigner song playing. And also the key to finding love is to be the, like, the creepiest scummiest weirdo in the woods that you possibly can be. And that'll work out for you. You know what, though?

The intro is jamming. Don't care. Don't care. That intro bangs. Yeah, that's right. You look like, it sounds like you're going to sword fight. You know, they're going to do one of the 90s, though, and you'll realize what an awful. With, like, lasers.

Yeah. Yeah, they made a movie about that, actually. Yeah, you're going to do this, and they're going to do, like, the 90s nostalgia show, and you're going to hate, oh, you're going to hate yourself. It'll be like, man walks in in huge jeans. Jinko things. And, like, the whole thing is, like, a parody of scream, which is, like, this is so fucking redundant. Oh, God.

Why did we have that decade? yeah i don't know man i mean they'll be like that they'll be like it's like ironic scream no you didn't you didn't really get scream yeah we're at the oxygen bar in our enormous pants listening to limp biscuit oh god did you hear tupac died that's crazy yeah uh but yeah i this is the other question i have about the Alabama offensive coordinator position. Oh, right, that's what we're talking about. Yeah, yeah. Well, man, listen, I know the train's off the track.

I'm building a new one. We're just starting this railroad over again. You're good, you're good. But my question is that after the two offensive coordinators from the USC tree, right, who opened this offense up and at one point, Lane Kiffin was basically just running like this kind of, you know zone read almost Auburn looking offense at one point

right interspersed with some like super obvious Lane Kiffin kind of Norm Norm Chow looking stuff at one point he gets Steve Sarcassian and then ditches him and is this the point where Nick Saban

just says like like does he go left or does he go right does he continue down this track or does he just say you know what I've had it with trying to keep up with the Clemsons right and I'm just going to play the most stayed clock burning run first

boring type of offense imaginable like which way does it go which way does it go from here does he consolidate his base or does he try to reach across the aisle and continue building a bipartisan committee and and and playing progressive

football well let's look at the world as it's playing out today so so we're going to be running the ball aren't we it's going to be worse It's going to be worse than that. I think it's going to be, like, when you play somebody in Street Fighter who just blocks and just tries to catch you in one counter, like, they're just going to play defense the whole time.

If you put it, they're just going to punt it right back, and they're just going to be like, we're just playing for pick sixes and fumbles run back. That's it. Mama's guile now. Bama's fucking guile. All he's going to do is just charge up that flip kick. That's it. Nothing else is happening.

Because I kind of think that, like, maybe Clemson beating them like that, it's just the point where Nick's like, well, I, I can't, that's, I can't do, I can't do that anymore. Do you think it was that or do you think it was how they beat Clemson? It was also the way they beat Clemson the year before, though. Like, yeah, I don't, you know, either one's not cool with them, right? Right. And also, Giles Flashkick is like incredible punting form. Just p'pow!

Man, please somebody make that gift. Please. Thanks in advance. can we can we set Yale Alabama to Giles theme Holy shit I want rammer jammer set to da da da da da da da

da da da Do you do do it I wonder to a wonder grape um yeah

like I I don't think he was comfortable with either one at all I don't think it was anything that he wanted um

well we can I mean have you You saw the list of Nick Saban OCs at Alabama, right? Do you want to go through it? You know what? You can even go back. Let's go back one further.

Let's go back to his OCs at LSU because he's only got one. Okay, yeah. Go ahead. Bo Fisher. He spent his entire life trying to rekindle what he had with Jimbo Fisher. Yeah. Isn't that true of all of us? Chasing Jimbo.

Chasing Jimbo. Because you know who the first O.C. at Bama is, right? When he gets there. It's Major Apple. It's Major Apple White. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. And then we get the Jim McElwain years.

And then we get a couple years of Doug Nussmeyer. And then we get Kiffin and for, you know, six weeks, Sarkesian. It's an interesting troubled boys club with the exception of Jim McElmire. well yeah i mean with the exception of jimbo but uh look at it this way does it there's absolutely no pattern we can pick out of this right none we can't say oh this is definitely what alabama's gonna do well you can see the break you can see the point when is this what we want football to be became like uh this is well i guess so i guess if you really want to do this i'll do this and now we might be on the verge of actually the answer is no we don't want football to be this

and you can't say i didn't try listen we played we played your game we beat you with your game and i don't like it all right i want a title playing football your way all right all right now we're done with it like i don't wonder how bored he is at this point and if he'll do something just to just to please his own sort of ideological leanings football wise like he'll just say yeah you know what we'll screw it

we're gonna 1883 NFL offense I don't care my players are so good we could do it which is actually probably true like they could probably win running the most conservative first kind of deep play action like they could run like they could run

your tech mobile player they really could who's the worst OC Bama could win the SEC with. Oh, boy. Oh, I did go real low. Real, Scott Leppler. Yeah, absolutely. Could do it.

And we're done here. That's the end of that experiment. Sorry, I grab the turkeys. No, you nip in the bud. I got the biggest item I could find on this particular supermarket sweep. You sprinted down the wine aisle with your arm out. I got myself a big old Got myself a big old

1.5 liter bottle of barefoot Scott Leffler We got a magnum of ass We got a magnum of offensive ass here But yeah I don't That like It doesn't matter

I think it really matter What he decides As long as they keep recruiting Right Also there's This is another thing People need to remember about Alabama This is actual and factual

Um They don't have Just like an offensive of coordinators. They just have a vast staff, right? Like, someone joked that they could hire Charlie Weiss. Right? They could.

They really could. Charlie Weiss provided or Chip Kelly. Okay, that's funny. Ha-ha. You can hire even one of those guys. They're going to have like a support staff that's bigger than any in college football. They're going to have like this gigantic set of consultants,

some, you know, paid and unpaid assistant behind them doing a lot of the work you might have like I don't know three different offensive line they've got like this vast brain trust that sort of spits out whatever the game plan is going to be and yeah

the office coordinator sort of constructs and maps all that but they're not working alone yeah I mean their offensive coaching staff this off season has lost three former head coaches in Kiffin Sark and Crystal Ball to Oregon

and there's still another one There's still Mike Loxley. Cain to Mike Loxley. That's right. When the Lord closes the door, he punches the window. He punches the window right down. For those listening, I'm familiar with it.

Allegedly. Mike Loxley allegedly punched an assistant of his. And if you want to talk about the United States, ideal offense, punching a window, probably sums it up. I don't know. That's awfully

aggressive. maybe leaning into a window yeah you know just sort of slowly crushing it that would actually it's probably like just holding the window shut and staring staring at you from inside of it but i think jason raises a good point that bama right you know bama has found success by finding by sort of picking head coaches off the scrap heap

and putting them into the coaching staff in one form or another there is nothing that proves job titles mean nothing more than who Bama hires for what position. And I am thinking of one particular coach who I think needs to be a part of what's going on in Tuscalo. And that coach is Tommy Tuberville.

Agree. I've been saying that for a decade now. Bama needs Tuberville. Call in the plays on offense. I wouldn't even give them a job. I just put them in the polo and just bring them out for Iron Bowl.

set against his son sorry sorry son sorry son your tuition don't pay itself they'd have to drag me away from the university of Alabama with a forklift I don't forklifts don't forklifts don't drag but you know what I mean that's why it's hard that'd be that's hard it is that'd be that'd be so sad although really like like if you think of the parallel for Tuberville he could pull that off because Tupperville will end up coaching everywhere, doing everything and having every style of football, right? 100%. Oh, yeah.

100%. Do we think that Sabin, like, freaked out and had, like, a palace intrigue kind of moment when he was like, oh, all these head coaches on my staff are trying to usurp me? I've got to purge, purge the staff of all of them. And that's the Game of Thrones right there. And there's a dragon. Dragon. Can we not show have a dragon?

Yeah, it does. Can we not talk about Alabama anymore? I thought that was a joke. I thought I was making fun of that show by saying it has dragons, but it really has dragons. No, man, that's when I was out. Hey, so is the state of Alabama. It's fine. Alabama's got dragons.

I mean, I was talking about UAB, but I think you're talking about the clan, so we can move on. you know the term the term applies to a lot of things in alabama i was going to say but you know if you just want to drag the punchline out and set it on fire there you go that's right this is the bad podcast you will listen to all of it um we don't really have a whole lot other i mean valer had a strength coach arrested for soliciting prostitution but you know that happened to yeah that's that's about it but leisurely walk through the off season and we are but a few steps into it.

So I think now is the time when we should perhaps answer a few reader questions. This question time. We have a good selection of them, by the way. Like, not bad at all. Yeah, yeah. I got a starting group here, but... I have one I would like to kick off with.

Please. To give you an idea of how this person feels about things. from from isaac who goes by the tag fire jim mora on twitter by the way not an old falcons fan this is obviously a ucLA fan what's the worst purchase renewing my ucla season tickets or getting a crossfit membership

i will tell you jason has already answered this on twitter his answer was l-o-l jesus because usually when people ask his questions like this it's pretty obvious and it's like even you know we could just say you know what the answer is but here it's like i i fuck i don't know those so i don't know what's worse here so if you if you if you buy UCLA season tickets this year um here's how you get to see because i think it's important to think of this sort of the way people buy season tickets for bad baseball or basketball teams where it's less about i support the brooklyn nets and more about like hey this way i can

see Kevin Durant play. That's fun. You will get to see Texas A&M, Hawaii, Colorado, Oregon, I think this is wrong. It says at Washington, but it says it's being played at the Rose Bowl, which I hope is like some hilarious contractual fuck-up. Arizona State and Cal. That's pretty good. That seems not bad. I mean, I don't think I would go to all of those games, but I would probably go to half of them?

Yeah, yeah. That's only like 48 hours worth of traffic to the Rose Bowl combined. I would also ask this question. Will UCLA destroy a major joint of yours in the

process of their season? Probably not. Perhaps, perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps. Right? Especially if you're playing quarterback behind that offensive line. However, you're not playing quarterback, so I'm just going to say the long-term cost of getting that UCLA season ticket versus getting a CrossFit membership. However, injuries you sustain as a result of attempting to enjoy UCLA football, you will not be able to sue anyone over it.

That's true, and you don't really get to brag about it. Yeah, we, we bag on CrossFit plenty here, but it does seem to have a pretty collegial camaraderie-filled structure. That's definitely something lacking from UCLA Based on my experience with UCLA Yeah, not a lot CrossFit people do seem happier Far prouder about their purchase than UCLA fans do So I think I've been

I've been convinced by the way I think you're right I think renewing your UCLA season tickets is the worst decision Go get that CrossFit membership y'all Let's see what your fran time is Please do not sue Please do not sue us. They're not su us.

This is not... Ryan said it. He's a lawyer. That's right. That's binding. I have a question from Ethan Hammerman at Ethan Ham. Today is my birthday. How can Yukon go to a real conference?

Happy birthday. I'm not sure that these two are related. Happy birthday. I didn't hear the rest of that. Happy birthday. How can Yukon go to a real conference? Well, here's what you do. You go back in time to when everyone...

and just sort of agreed the Big East was a power conference. Right. Because the ACC was bad. Here's the best I can come up with. All right. So part of what's going on with our political climate involves the state of California. No state is more like come fucking fight us right now regarding our current commander-in-chief than California. So it's possible, although extremely unlikely, that there is a scenario in way that.

which California is no longer one of these United States. And if that happens, we lose... If that happens, by y'all. If that happens, we lose four Power 5 schools, right? Mm-hmm. And one-third of this podcast minimum. So Yukon to the Pac-12. So Yukon to the Pac-12, because at that point,

the Pac-12 is going to have to act quickly, and it's not going to have a lot of choices, especially because a lot of the schools that are usually angling for this, Cincinnati or Insert or Memphis They may not be super eager to be that close to War-torn California, but Yukon I mean, is not stores, so

Wars over stores. That's what I've always said. I have my strategy for getting Yukon in a major conference. Apply under the name University of Texas. See who calls you. Oh, that's Smith. That's slick right. Texas is my middle name.

Yeah. I'm Yukon Texx. The Bush family. They're from Connecticut. So work that favor. They're super Texas. Maine. Whatever.

Yeah. I don't fucking know. It's all one state. It's all one. It's all one lumpy state. Fuck that entire state. I'm agreed. Jason, you've really dealt with this pretty well.

I am. am in retrospect i wish we had forced godfrey to come on the podcast today and i wish we had lied to him and said no you know you know it's just the full cast so we're just going to talk about you know bama and recruiting and blah bribum and just been like oh boy 28 to 3 i think he would leave i think is what he would do and i don't mean the podcast maybe probably the company like walk about like oh i just i think he just walk and just keep going yeah we all grieve in our own ways. I don't know whose is the healthiest.

Probably, probably yours. Yeah. You're by far the most sane member of this podcast. I mean, you are not the one, you are not the coworker of ours who said, I'm lying on the floor of an airport. Will someone please come kill me? Well, listen, I'm on my back porch right now, aka the booth. and just a few steps away is where I was laying prone

an hour after that game I blogged about it this morning and I felt a lot better so my strategy was to immediately seek the absolute bottom and then build back up and by now I feel fine you tanked basically if you don't do that you'll never recover just you got to emotionally tank just plunge as hard as you can and then try to reassemble your life in some way.

Now, it's also not a fair comparison because Godfrey went to the game and you merely watched it on television. It would have been much worse in person. Yeah, yeah. I, yeah. That's very true. That's very true. And I mean, yeah. But I, I'm, you're actually, by the way, like, I'm, I'm generally the member here with the most, I think, on recurrence.

coverable life experiences that I've somehow managed to save, right? Like, the most times piled into a wall, correct? Sure. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I'm kind of shocked that in the lexicon of how to recover from X, I don't have this. Like, this is unprecedented. I don't know, I don't know, I don't, I have no advice for anyone in this situation if your team does that.

Yeah. because my team when we lose we just I don't know man we just lose it just sucks that's not that's not entirely true because I was I was talking to another one of our colleagues about this and I was at the Florida Miami game where where Florida rather blew a three touchdown lead on the road against Brock Berlin and that shit sucked the problem was that was like week four of a Ron Zuck season it was not the Super Bowl so it was not the same yeah

I know that was I mean we knew that was coming too because like the Ron Zuck thing you've gone this team I don't know this is so I remember watching that and after like Miami scored twice

I was like oh it's over well and it's also college where it's sort of like oh yeah the record for biggest lead overcomes probably 60 or something yeah exactly yeah that's the thing yeah and see in college you look up

you see a 25 point lead and it's like oh shit we got to keep scoring. Yeah. In the NFL, you see a three-point lead, and it's like, whoa, time to shut it down here. Park the bus. You see a nine-point lead in the NFL, and whoa, there. It's time to start punting. Get the tattoo.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, what was the biggest comeback in college that you can remember? Because, I mean, I have the record. It was, there was it, let's see, there was Michigan State Northwestern, Texas, Texas, Minnesota. I was talking to Dan about the Oregon TCU bowl game. What is the record, what's the record, though? Well, the TCU, you mentioned the tie. There's a tie for the biggest comeback.

Those are the two biggest bowl comebacks. Bull comebacks, right? TCU Oregon and the 2016 Alamo. Again, that would be TCU against Stan Rubin's Jeans, Oregon Ducks. And it was it? 31 points, that'd be 31 points there. 31 points in 30 minutes for the Valero Alamo Bowl title. Yeah.

Correct. The other 31 point comeback would be Texas Tech versus Minnesota in the 2006 Insight Bowl, a game I remember watching and thinking, hmm, this feels like the biggest comeback I've ever seen. Right. Because, dear reader, it was 35 to 7, 35 to 7 at the half. And Texas Tech scored 24 points in the fourth quarter. Also, let's never forget what Cam Newton did to Alabama.

Oh, yeah, that happened too. I do like any game, by the way. I'm looking at this entry for this, and there are the entries under the Minnesota section. There's first quarter, second quarter, third quarter, fourth quarter, overtime, and then a whole section called Aftermath. That's always good. I, okay, okay, but the Wikipedia entry for the actual biggest comeback in FBS history has a better structure because it is first quarter, second quarter, third quarter, fourth quarter, fallout. Oh, and that would be, and that would be. Um, that would be when Michigan State scored 38 unanswered points to, uh, to beat Northwestern

after falling behind 383 with 10 minutes to go in the third quarter. Oh, yeah. That's, um, that's great. I'm not even going to, I'm not even going to be like, oh, man, poor, no, that's awesome. So you're going to blow it, son, blow it big. So what we're trying to say is that what the Falcons did, it would have been a big deal in college football in case you're wondering, oh, what's the scale we're dealing with here? Like, oh, surely a college team's blown a lead bigger than that.

Not much, homie. And not with anything approaching stakes. Yeah, not with a, not in a championship game. Not in a game that mattered. Yeah, this is a big 10 game between two teams that between them. had five wins so this what i in my post today i tried to find the college uh equivalent and i mean bama clemson is like half of this right half um and you know otherwise there's just nothing like oregon i found i kept coming back to oregon losing dennis dixon

oregon losing to michael dire who is down um and oregon having no other titles i kept find And the Alamo Bowl, I kept finding myself sympathizing with Oregon. So me and Dan, we need to huddle up and talk about some things. But everybody else, fuck them. I mean, the chokit doke is kind of close to this, I guess. It ends in a tie, but then. Yeah, and then Florida State wins it in the Sugar Bowl. You know what?

We just talk about next year. That's right. That's all. That's right. The question I would like to answer is for Patrick. D. Walters, who asks, given Sark's brief stay at Fama, what's the least amount of time you've held a job?

I can go first. I worked at Walmart for one day. Okay. What position did you hold? In Arizona. I was a stock boy for one day, and we moved out of Arizona the next day. Because it was time to leave. Arizona. That's all I can say at this time. Okay. All right. That's fine. Yep. So, yep. All right. Cool. That's amazing. Yeah. My, uh, my Arizona license was suspended. Um, and it was time to drive cross country. Listen, I was, before I had a child, I was the dumbest human in the world.

As all of my previous statements are affirming. Um, I would, I would claim the job. I was a valet for about two hours once and I think it was a misunderstanding between the head valet and myself I went to take a car and I parked the car and I came back and I said oh this isn't bad and the guy goes yeah you know you can go home that's cool

you got let go and I did and I was like okay cool And then I called the guy back the next day. And I was like, okay, cool. You know, you guys doing that again this weekend? Because that seems pretty cool. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I'll call you. They never called.

I don't even know if it was a firing. It was just like, there wasn't even a hiring process. It was more like, you know, I phased into being a valet for two hours. And then just kind of phased out. It was like the quantum valet. Yeah, I feel like if you went back to that site the next day, it would be like, buddy, this has been a forest for 30 years. nah i think you could roll up tomorrow and say i want my spot back and they say we've been waiting

for you sir you all be back pay with interest i think everyone involved in the entire operation from my connect to the head valet to myself everyone was really high so i think that's kind of like does he work here i don't know what do mean work does anyone work in cars does anyone work anywhere man You're like sliding around Matchbox cars So I wouldn't even say a full day That was like a night I worked like two hours

I want to use that to pivot to this From young Kurt Rambus At Illegal Screens Can we get your way too early This coach is getting his ass Fired rankings Butch Jones Oh

Yeah man Butch is in the lead right He's got to be at the hot I mean he's got The Kiss of Death Just showed up today So Sloppy

Kiss it Do the voice Hit him with the voice Hey buddy Just here to Help you pack your things What do you mean No it's just good to be prepared

I find You know I carry packing tape everywhere Use it to clean up too Because he moves a lot I think Yeah he's he's definitely in there Like he's at the one spot

Right Man You know what Like people have given him The Benefit of the Dowley because of some of the stuff that happened this off-season. But, whew,

Gus Mel's on. That could get infernal real quick. This was, this past season was supposed to be the SEC bloodbath year. Might be this year, because, I mean, Kevin Sondland's kind of got to prove some things after four straight collapses,

I believe. I mean, can I just, let's be very frank. Beelamah hasn't proved anything, really. All right. Here's, all I'm going to say.

You freeze, might get show cause? I want to, I want to, I want to, I want to lean on the power of the internet. And at least when I Google Notre Dame football, the first story that results is from Sports Illustrated. It is a picture of Tom Herman and it says, Notre Dame football, Brian Kelly looks to new staff to save job. Hmm. Well, I think I see your problem, Coach Kelly.

I mean, I will, like, look at it this way, man, the SEC West, when you go up and down, like, tell me, tell me other than Nick Saban, Dan Mullen, like, who? Rock solid Dan Mullen. That's where we're at. You're like, well, who's safe? And you're like, hmm, how about the dependable and venerable Dan Mullen? Lord of Starkville, Dan Mullen. You know, like, that's about it, because everybody else. I mean, even Coach O, like, what if they go, like, four and eight?

What, you don't think, you don't think Coach O was fireable? Oh, man, he's so fireable. Recruiting is not going all that well right now for real issue. I mean, they just signed a really good class, but, you know, there's internal drama in the state. Yeah, no, up and down. And Hugh Freeze, like, I think Hugh Freeze, people already think he's dead. Like, not, no, not even, not even, literally. No, and I think people in Mississippi are like, I don't know him.

Who? He's been dead 16 years. He owe me money. Like, that's how gone Hugh Freeze is at this point, given what the NCAA might do to them or might rumored, was rumored to be doing to them. Like, it's bad. And Beelma, I, like, in all of this, I could see. like three guys getting fired of Beelma skating

because they're like, I don't know, it's unstable out there, guys. Let's just ride this thing out. Let's just let the big fella cook and he's like standing right there, literally cooking like, or you guys want burgers? You just hop on this human can-an-am.

All right, it can't tip over. That's the power of three wheels. Listen, fellas, when things get rocky, what I like to do is eat some nachos. Five pounds of nacho. Big feedback. I'll also put Jim Moore up there, man. Jim Moore is,

man, it's not good. It's not good. There's not a lot of love lost right there. Jimora, if you don't know, he's one of those dog breeds that when they become upset, they become unbearable, right? Like a corgi. Yes, like spite shitting.

Oh, yeah. There's a lot of, there's a lot of, There's a lot of unproductive spite shitting going on there. My favorite moment on signing day was when he called in to ESPN, whichever, and immediately, Josh Rosen only played five games. It's the first thing he said. Like, it's top even Hugh Freeze on the, wait, don't you know this is signing day? You're just supposed to be.

Now he went maximum Jim Mora immediately. And I'll tell him when he goes to be. like the ram special teams coach or whatever yeah special teams consultant he's not getting full benefits no you don't you don't get the you don't get the big job it's like that i mean i don't even know if you put brian kelly on a hot seat because you're just like i don't know man why wouldn't you fire him like even if brian kelly wins 11 games you're like man sure fire him that's yeah why not i get that it actually has gone it maybe it's gone so far that it's like well if you didn't fire him for four and eight really what's the like what can you fire him for true that's true and i mean

if you know der dame the smart thing to do is probably to just wait around till he has a 10-win season and then the NFL will take him because then you gotta no wait stay just wait no please we want you yeah coach we love you we just keep saying that you're contract but not actually Ed years. We have offended Brian Kelly through the 2017 season. He is, wait, wait, where all those years ago? I don't know. He has been, he's been in Notre Dame so long, so long.

Man, it's, it's depressing. Please give me another question. Hello? Oh, good. It's happening again. Dental listener. This is what happens. This is your.

it's him this time oh you don't understand you don't understand on my end it's you and I do all the recording so you're the ones that sound like idiots wow you got the receipts you burnt

we need to record our own versions and then we'll have secret tapes like Tupac yeah this is we could just you know we could fake news that we could be like listen you don't talk about all the good time You don't talk about all the times the shutdown forecast is almost coherent.

I have a list 78 times you misrecorded my statements, Ryan. Yeah, you know what? I'm going to lean into this. We're going to answer a weird question here. It's from Deben Krag. You'll see why it is. He's got at the agro crag. Talk a little bit about college basketball.

I can't. Florida kicked the shit out of it. Kentucky so that was fun i didn't watch it but i know it happened uh northwestern's probably going to make the NCAA tournament which they've never done duke cheats a lot duke cheats a lot i don't i mean that i realize that's kind of doesn't really show that i know anything about this particular season but i have gathered that they are cheating especially a lot this year. Oh, here's, all right, here's one college basketball thing we can't talk about. So the, for a little background that everybody already knows, the college football playoff

committee releases its ranking starting when, like week 10 or so, right? Yeah, mid, like, yeah, it's about six weeks out. Yeah. Okay. And they do two, this is confusing for two reasons, just from A, what is the college football committee's playoff committee's actual job? Because A, their job is to pick the teams that make the college football playoff and some other things with New Year 6 games. And B, it's to do that at the end of the season.

There is no like, you know, book it now advantage where you can sort of lock in your ranking or something like that. So the fact that they do it early is confusing because there's no, like, technical need for them to do that. But the real reason they do it is because it's television, and it gives ESPN one more thing to show in the middle of the week, and it gives columnists, one more thing to fight about, and it gives us more reasons to have you click on our website. So everybody's kind of happy with it. But it is superfluous.

Like, if the college football committee just said, hey, we're just giving you the top 10, that would be a reasonable thing for them to do, right? um college basketball is doing a similar thing but it's even more confusing because uh they're going to be doing a tv show where uh they announce their top 25 for a tournament that has what what are we up to now 68 teams 66 yeah something like that i think it's 68 87 teams um they're going to start doing that like like now right like very soon like next week or something like very soon and it's especially confusing because you know the the the playoff committee has full power to say you're in you're out there are no automatic bids and this is something penn state learned the hard way this

year it didn't matter that they won the big 10 title that that was not enough if you win your conference tournament you get in the tournament that's it you don't have to make an argument otherwise you don't like you just get a spot the other confusing thing is if you're not in the top 25 there's that's still plenty there are so plenty of spots to do to get in but got to have tv man got to have more sports tv please subscribe to sports tv it's dying and it needs you to believe clap if you believe in sports television please clap yeah I think it's fine. It's so stupid.

Oh, but I think it's fine. It's fine. It's just hilariously stupid because why would you care? I mean, especially in college basketball, I mean, I get why they're doing it.

They want you to care about college basketball before it gets to the conference tournaments in March Madness. But like, that's not going to happen because all that matters are the conference tournaments in March Madness. College basketball for me is basically sports Pokemon. where there's a zillion teams, right? Like a zillion different creatures that I would assume aren't very powerful.

Like Kansas is good and Kentucky are good in basketball, right? And when you see a Pokemon, they're like, it's only 11 inches tall, but it's insanely powerful. If you're a football fan, if you're like, I play Kentucky, you're like, sure, I can fight that. No, you cannot. It turns out it's insanely strong. It has many different tricks. Play writing from three. Like that's college basketball.

There are so many names and so many obscure characters and so many different variations thereof within the construct of individual teams that I'm not, I don't know. You know, they change constantly, right? And frankly, the one and done rule, the one and done rule is great for labor mobility. I think it's the fair thing to do.

It makes teams really hard to track. like college basketball recruiting it can get kind of arcane college basketball recruiting oh god well it's it's especially true because the one and done rule also has the effect like imagine that every college football team started every year with a brand new quarterback and like this is a quarterback who had never played college football like if we just sit for just this position and here's what happened we get through the first month of the season and some teams we would think we're really good. And some teams would be like, man, they just don't have it together because of the quarterback. But what's actually happening in that first month is some of the quarterbacks

are figuring the system out and learning the timing and developing, you know, comfort with the offense. And some are just getting lucky. And by the end of the season, who's good and who's bad would look very different because that growth process is all occurring in real time. It's not like guys have two, three years to develop and learn what they're doing. And that's what happens in the college basketball season. So you're saying every team would look like Florida. Every team would look like Florida. Florida, as far as the eye can see.

Doesn't that sound wonderful? Speaking of Pokemon, I'm going to go Wisconsin basketball. That would be geo dude. It's just a large rock. That's how fast it moves. I want to sit on you. I want to sit on you. that'd be great oh god um so yeah that's i don't understand college basketball i don't frankly i

think people who are super into it i don't they're not we don't speak words for the same reason they don't mean the same things and they come out of our mouth it's not a bad thing it's just it's just the way it is man it's it's a wall of communication that neither of us can breach I guess we're done. We ended on college basketball. That's wow. We can be done. I am still recording and I'm still including all this.

So the folks are going to get to listen to a debate on whether we're done or not. Yeah. I think that's... Better than the debate, the fat cats on Capitol Hill are having on CNN right now, I bet. I mean... I can't... I thought everyone was making that up, but they really are. I'm calling it the Bronx.

John's metal game. I'm going to, you know what? Speak of them fat cats. We will end with one other question. One other question is quick. It's from Go Big Rev, long time EDSBS, or at Scott Allen Johnson, who I believe is an actual member of the clergy. Why you are still listening or reading any of us

after 11 years of our violent anti-Christian rhetoric? I'll never know. That's a joke, by the way. We just have a commenter who insists that we make fun of anything religious. we kind of do, but we make fun of everything. We make fun of it lovingly. What's your first executive order as president of college football? And who will protest the loudest?

My first executive order is this. I'm just banning anything with a foot. We're not kicking off. We're not punting. We're not even kicking field goals. Okay. So the Big Ten? Yeah.

Big Ten, y'all going to hate this. So will, I mean, especially Urban Meyer, Irviner's like, yeah, you know, kick game. Kit game's super important. No, it isn't Irvin. Everyone hates it. Stop. We're just going for touchdowns.

All tuddies, as Penn State would say. They'd be fine with it, given their current alignment. So, yeah, anything with the kick game? No game will ever end on a field goal ever again, which again, which, again, Alabama fans behind me. I am adding, fuck it, yep. You can throw those.

ball once forward past the line of scrimmage we're going full like this is like a step beyond rugby that's right yeah like even even if you already you've you know you've you've you caught that receiver perfectly on that slant he's running with the ball if he wants to yep he can throw another forward pass this is beyond mutant league football this is like that caveman football arcade game you remember that one oh yeah yeah it's uh it's just going to make people so angry like everyone's going to hate it and love it that's why that's why i'm instituting it because because here's what here's why i'm instituting it hail mary's by and large in college football are less interesting as a category because the quarterbacks don't you know are not as strong as they

would be at the NFL um but if you could just do this if you could say well yeah we can just throw but 40 yards and then throw another pass. Perfect. It fucks up everything at the end of a game. And that's what I'm here for. I think the people maddest about this are Bama fans because they'll just tell you Auburn's been doing this during Malzon's entire time there anyway,

and they'll have screenshots showing like, through ball, got damn seven yards down the field. He's six inches over the line here. Look at that. Offensive linemen already in the end zone. I'm gonna go There's no more Friday night College football

I realize this has just made me The Big Ten Commissioner I realize it just pulled a cue You're an Iowa State Senator Now congratulations And I've just pissed off the Mountain West But No no

No fucking nobody wants to watch God damn Boston College on a Friday night Nobody wants to watch San Jose State Or SMU or Baylor Or any of these Friday ass teams on a Friday night. We've got a long day ahead of us. We just had to watch the ACC's

interesting punts on Thursday night. We've probably had to put up with Tuesday and Wednesday night football. Just let us have one night off. Let that night be Friday. Either that or like just make sure the game is fucking fire. Like only, like which teams are allowed to play on Friday?

Cal, if you want to kick off at 5 p.m. Eastern, you can play on Friday against yourself. That's it. Cal versus Cal. Welcome me. Friday night. Cal Scrimmage. Friday morning Cal Scrimmage. That's it.

Welcome to Cal brunch scrimmage. Cal brunch brawl.