Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 4.66 - You're Running For Governor

Episode Date: February 22, 2017

Shutdown Fullcast, America's favorite political discussion, addresses Tommy Tuberville's political future, figures out which sitting politicians could most easily slide into coaching (Woo Bill Sooie), considers which woebegone CFB program Earth is, and rambles on about some other stuff, though not as long as we usually do because Spencer was busy lifting or something. Hey, thank you for listening, by the way! You're a peach. A confusing peach. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, welcome to the shutdown forecast. We talk about college football on this podcast. My name is Spencer Hall. I am editor at large at SB Nation. And sometimes we record our voices. Joining me, as always, hey, hey, Ryan. Say hi. Hello.

Yeah, that's Ryan Annie Live from the booth in New York. You're alone in that booth this week, right? I don't think I... Are you a cop? You got a warrant? No, you don't have to disclose the damn thing. I don't answer any of these fucking questions. questions.

Tell them. That's good. Jason, fellow civil libertarian. As, Ryan, as you're an attorney and as you're non-attorney, because every attorney has to have someone who doesn't know anything about any of this stuff to balance them out and keep it from getting

too cocky, I advise you to answer all of his questions. All right, yeah, I'm alone in the book. You're alone. You're a dad now, so, like, that's great. You're like, oh, God. Oh, finally. I'm going to lock myself.

Oh, but good news. In two days, I'm going to get on an airplane with my infant child. Woo! Is it a short flight? Nope, we're going to California. Yeah! That's almost as far as you can go. It's choices, choices, man.

Choices. That'll be great. That'll be great. That'll be good. You know, it's really easier with older kids because you can show them stuff. But with the baby, they don't even understand screens. They're like, oh! They can't focus.

No, it's great. It's just this big confusing blur inducing panic, hunger, and joy all at the same time. Kind of like life. We have nothing to discuss this week. There's like nothing happened in college football. Like absolutely nothing. Like to the point where if you read our dear colleague

in any staples, and we say colleague only in the loosest sense of the word because he works at another site and he's actually a journalist. like like and he actually played football yeah but when we say when we say colleague we're really building ourselves up like our dear colleague keith jackson yes who i would i would count keith his colleague because damn it we're all part in the human team and the human team loves keith jackson you know my as my colleague john madden used to say i want to go back and just have him If I could, get Prime Keith Jackson to narrate all of the Planet Earth series and Planet Earth, too. Just him narrating that lizard chase with the snakes.

Oh, and he's loose in the open field. Oh, they've got him. Oh, they go. There's go. He's free. Up the rocks. Yeah, that's... I want that to happen.

It can't. That's why life's cruel. But, Andy... Jungle! Jungle! Even Andy, who is an endless font of, I will find something to talk about if we cannot. He talked about apples and diet this past week and his column. So that's a true sign that we are definitely in a content trough.

Unless you count politics. Boy, what can- Always discuss politics online. What can be safer? Hey, you listen to the shutdown forecast because you love politics, Right? Here we go. Absolutely. Remember, just before you get into this discussion, all politicians are bad.

There. We can talk about gradations are bad, but that'll keep you all safe, by the way. All politicians are bad. And we're about to talk about somebody who straddles those, or is going to try to straddle those two extremes. Tommy Tuberville. Tommy Tuberville, allegedly, buying a. run for governor in

2018. Some background on this. Hold on. Because it's Tommy Tuberville, you have to identify the state. There are several. It could be. That's true. I just did this is, thus the background. It's Alabama.

And he will be succeeding my favorite politician to talk about in the United States. That would be the extremely sensual, horny governor of Alabama, Robert Bentley. our nation's most aroused and continuously aroused governor, a man who, along with the other two heads of the government,

like all three branches at one point in Alabama were under investigation. His because allegedly abused his power in carving out kind of a universe around his mistress, i.e. not his wife, who his wife found out about the affair. Do either of you know this, by the way? Like, I love this case so much. Do you know how he found out of it? I don't know.

remember that detail, no. Ah, okay. So, uh, so this alone should shake your confidence in the man's ability to negotiate anything because he, uh, texted his mistress on an Apple device. This Apple device was synced up across multiple devices. Oh, so the iPad, uh, dinged up. Uh-huh. So this is why Staples was talking apples.

Exactly. Correct. So, and by the way, what's happened to him as governor? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Some slight inconvenience. I bet his, like, approval ratings were they were doing fine until Deshaun Watson

through that last touchdown. Then things dipped a little bit. And then signing day built him back up. Oh, and we should go ahead and highlight this since we have to talk about school affiliation in discussing Tommy Tuverville. He coaches alma. This is the alma mater of Robert J. Bentley. He's a double Bama man, 1964, 1968, graduated from the University of Alabama School of Medicine in 1968.

That's right. He's a doctor and didn't figure out how to sync the iPad. So if you're in an emergency situation and, you know, Bentley's got to come off the bench for you, you might want to be wary of his attention to detail. I feel like that's a missed advertising opportunity for Blackberry. to be like, hey man, we don't have all those other fancy devices, secure, limited, one-to-one. That's why Snapchat needs to make a phone. Snapchat, the phone, doesn't keep track of anything.

We don't even know who's calling you. It's a postcard. It's with disappearing ink. This phone will self-destruct. It's just saying something in person. Hold, excuse me, I know this meeting's important. I have to take this dick pick. Thanks.

how was it impressive it's vomiting rainbows wasn't so much the size it was the composition of the photo it was really well lit it was the number of egg plant emojis that did it

yeah the attempt by Tuberville by the way has maybe the greatest defense Dennis Dodd I believe broke this story and said this that Tommy Tuberville

let's just review his resume here he's a football coach right mm-hmm okay we live in a democracy he has left how many jobs unceremoniously because that's the other thing

football coaches have been in politics before Tom Osborne is one of the more I guess the most obvious one but Tom Osborne coached in Nebraska for a very long time and retired on good terms. Not Tubbs so much.

Yeah, that would be four straight jobs. Maybe he's just internally term limited. Maybe that's what it is. A man of integrity. There's that. There's also, you know, he felt himself accumulating too much power at Ole Miss. Just like George Washington.

I must, I must abandon my post for the good of the democracy. Exactly. And, you know, there have been other people in athletics, you know, who have, gotten involved, you know, Bill Bradley, Senator Bill Bradley, you know, Heath Schuller, yes, who no one will guess he was a Democrat. That's like, you're like, what? Yeah, yeah, he was, he was a Democrat. They occasionally get elected. Uh, you know, uh, let's see, uh, Gerald Ford, most famously probably because, you know, he ends up being president and, uh, most,

I think his most noticeable accomplishment as president was putting a pool in the White House. Like, what did Ford do? You're like, well, he pardon Nixon and he put a pool in. Men do good and men do evil. If someone told you LBJ played end for like any Bear Bryant team. Yeah, yeah. You'd say, huh, I didn't know that. I swore I would have learned that by now, but that's got to be true. Yep. Let me give you two more that I'm very fond of. Jack Kemp, a football player who later invested in a, I'm not making this up, Jack Kemp invested in a machine, to turn sand into gold. You'll never believe how that

turned out. He's he didn't work. He's filthy rich. That's why you haven't heard of him. Exactly. Just disappeared. Former Senator Jack Kemp. And the other one I enjoy mentioning, we don't consider professional wrestling a sport sometimes. We really should. Who the hell doesn't?

Heathens. Philistines. But Jesse Ventura. Never forget that Jesse Ventura was elected governor of Minnesota. I mean, actor first, but sure. I consider his primary. If we're doing that, I mean, Schwarzenegger was a competitive bodybuilder.

There was a time in this country where we had a meaningful vetting practice for high elected office. And that practice was appearing in the movie Predator. And I ask you. True. When's the last time we even made a predator? There is an obvious, there is an obvious joke about Donald Trump in the White House right now. but I will not do that. No.

Mm-hmm, but we just did. No. Yeah, don't we call, aren't we, isn't the predator a name for a model of drone? Hey, that's a good point. Yeah, so we make them constantly. Shit. Yeah, so these are, these are people who, yeah, I mean, it's happened. You don't actually, in order to occupy a political office, you just have to get elected.

There's age requirements for some of the offices. That's like a magic. Which Tommy meets those. Yeah, that's, please believe. That's like a magic Johnson statement. the only thing you have to do to hold office is get elected, but it's also stunningly true.

Whatever the age requirement is in Alabama for elected office, I think Tommy might double it, so we're good there. Yeah, he's set for this. Somebody's research. Oh yeah, I'm looking at it. I'm looking it up right now. Yeah. So,

and by the way, please do remember Jesse Ventura Jesse Ventura I believe was elected twice So to be governor of Alabama No once I believe he was elected once

Pardon me To be the governor of Alabama You cannot hold any federal or state office concurrently He's clear You must be an American citizen For at least 10 years On the date of the election And a resident of Alabama

For at least seven years And I'm guessing he like kept a house like he had a kid who was at Auburn right or still is so he probably has a house there and it's probably he would not be the first politician to sort of wriggle around that requirement but to be governor you only have to be 30 no okay we're good oh yeah we've been good for decades sold and sold I just looking at this this is the Terry Lathen just to be clear do you know who's 30 John Parker Wilson 31 so that's who's running for the Democrats get him in there he'll run on the

Democratic platform out I'm not really a Democrat I just don't watch all the vote for Tuberville yeah that's it if he somehow gets it the defense by the way of even considering Tupperville is this two words Donald Trump said Terry Lathen the chairman of the Alabama Republican Party cool so just to be clear in back-to-back weeks we've talked about Kid Rock and Tommy Tuberville being seriously considered for meaningful elective offices, elected offices. Cool. Yeah. These are among the silliest things we've ever discussed, and they're not really all that silly

anymore. We've really got to step our shit up, man. Like, we're like House of Cards here at this point. Yeah, I was thinking Tuberville run for Senator because he knows about doing six in a row. Oh! Oh! Go undefeated in the primaries and not get invited to the general. Oh, definitely. That's some seriously

senatorial business right there. I would also state this. He got a glorious speaking voice. Really good at it. And also, very good at saying nothing. He's got that coach speak down, which will serve him well if he decides to run. Then I would also remind everyone that this is Alabama. It could happen. I mean, it really could. There's no reason it can't. I was just wondering if there is anybody we can take the reverse approach to. In other words, if all you have to do is get elected to be a politician, who can we take from the ranks of the political in place into, I don't know, say something, a position Tuberville is occupied before, like head coach of Cincinnati.

So like a politician, we're sliding, we're trading Tuberville. Yeah, we're just going to, somebody who can make a speech, somebody can, you know, motivate, somebody we can, we can. assume would, you know, delegate because I don't think you want these people calling plays. I mean, I mean, if, let's say Arkansas

has a down year, you telling me Bill Clinton can't get that job? No, I think he's like, is the vegan thing just too far? He's 15 minutes and one lunch away from getting that job. Might I say, I think we're all about

15 minutes and one lunch away from getting that job. Because I have it on good authority. There have been jobs in college football handed two coaches over late night bar sessions with politicians. Because to be clear, Brett Bilema, despite rumors of his checkered personal history and mixed accomplishments, silver-tongued his way into the Arkansas job with a letter. And like, Bill Clinton, are you, come on. That's all he can do. If all you have to do is, Wu, Jeff Long, man, Bill Clinton is in there. What's that onion headline, like, international jewel thief again seduced by Bill Clinton? Or the other way around?

Doesn't matter. Jeff Long's in the middle of that. Or is the problem with W getting the Texas job is that too many people will think he's Mac Brown. The Bush is they got to go back to Connecticut. Oh, that's true. Billy Bush, Yukon head coach. Let me tell you, I think I got Orrin Hatch for a long-tenured, like, Mountain West coach, right? Some guy who's gone, like, seven and five at a place like, oh, I don't know.

Like, we can reach out to even, like, San Diego State. He could handle Utah State, I think. Sure. Like, that feels right. That feels like a place where I think he could be totally comfortable. I think that based on his texting style, Chuck Grassley, would be. do well at LSU if you're familiar with Chuck Grassley he just this is also I mean this is also he's the one that's like help I'm lost behind a dairy queen or whatever right perfect

perfect this is also this is also David Roth's whole theory that every politician looks like a angry or disgraced college basketball coach which is 100% accurate yeah and if I could state one very specific one the current interim senator for Alabama the appointed senator to take Jeff Sessions place. Luther Strange, who's like 6-7. He's a massive dude named Luther Strange. Dang it. This man could be coaching the Jacksonville State team, like immediately.

Put the man in. You wouldn't even notice. Just put it on a headset and say run or pass. He'd be perfect. John Tester of Montana. With the Bolo with the Bolo time. He looks like a D-Line coach. I don't think he's head coach material, but his

It's his... It's 2017. It's his... It's 2017. And his Wikipedia picture still has him rocking, like, a nice, but still a crew cut. I think Mitch McConnell feels like alternate universe heal Bobby Bowden. Like, if Bobby Bowden was just like, no, you ain't going to fire me? And, like, somehow found the legal mechanisms so that they couldn't.

And just, like, strong-armed his way to everlasting power and no one could ever accomplish anything with him around. I like to imagine that Mitch McConnell is the... If Bill Snyder is Dorian Gray, Mitch McConnell is the portrait. Mitch McConnell has disgraced athletic director all over him. Oh, yes. But disgraced, but unfirable is the, like. Mistakes were made. Oh, it's years to get him out.

Like someone who's just openly embraces, like, I am here to make things as bad as possible, and I am impossible to get rid of. um yeah corey booker definitely has a uh like new perdu head coach who were like oh that's not gonna work yeah sucks for him that's gonna end in a recruiting scandal that's that's totally how corey booker ends that and uh finally lindsay graham fired frustrated four and eight coach just tries tries tries real hard but imagine him with the must hair know when he was fired like he's he's he's we're talking like hit at media days he's like the robbie caldwell of this group like the one you show up and you say now who is this guy and then he he tells a few little wistly jokes and

wow bring him back next he won't be back next year yeah not at all that's literally i think the only thing happening in college football this week that we have uh a former coach let's say questions yeah yeah i'll say it um all right so I will say we got a lot of questions today about the fact that seven Earth-ish-sized planets have been found in what is termed close, and by close it means 40 light years, which is 235 trillion miles from Earth. And so we got a lot of questions about sort of, you know, which coach would be from this planet, who will be the first coach to have a satellite camp, et cetera, et cetera.

They're good questions, and I don't want to suggest they're not. it occurs to me that our constant search for a new planet that is habitable, that has oxygen and water and can be terraformed and blah-b-de-blah, blah, blah, are we, are we Cincinnati football, like realizing that we have no place in our current home and desperate to find a new conference, any conference that will take us where we can live because the alternative is so very bleak is the human race just one big bear cat football program

yeah or either that or like maybe we're the Miami Hurricanes like we have a home it's just not I mean it's I wouldn't say it's far away so it's not an exact fit but you know it's not the ideal home and it's really it's not as good

as the old home was it's uninhabitably hot not getting better Yeah, that's a good one. I think also maybe we're BYU, because ultimately we're going to have to bike to meet you, right? That's how we're getting there. That feels very on the nose.

BYU has its own thing with finding you your own planet, but that's fine. Well, and like BYU, I mean, we really aren't members of a conference. True. In our current conference, either everyone left or no one was there in the first. place no one suited up or they just don't want to talk to us wait that actually makes us notre dame yeah they don't want to talk to us that's that's fine everyone around us doesn't like us we're ohio state like notre dame we might not have evolved fast enough and are just waiting to be replaced by something better i see this because everyone else that's it that's it everyone else already

left and why does earth still have a tv deal with nbc oh and you know what you know what in 2016 planet earth absolutely went four and eight absolutely second second point there NBC their content is incredible you should watch it preferably streaming online while clicking on all the ads

go watch go watch the new my brother my brother and me show on C-Sill I can say that yeah that's a that's a great way universal property yeah that's the NBC universal property that's colonized a new moon and the results are very promising early on so go watch that that's where everyone will live eventually

Okay. All right, I'll ask a real question now. This is from Braden Bougie at VT underscore Ben. Tom Crean. Oh. Spencer, this is you. Just Tom Crean? Tom Crean is the entire question. Take it away, Spencer.

It's kind of an existential question, really, because the question of Tom Crean really confronts you with your own mediocrity. because you might do good things and if you have one bad year they're really going to be forgotten immediately if you're a doofus you have to look cool I think that's an important lesson that whatever your

look is in life you have to kind of embrace it and look cool and be able to get away with it because Tom Crean doesn't I've maintained for years that Tom Crean one is actually pretty good at his job two that the fan base is insane and that their expectations are way too high and three

he cripples all of that by being just a big old dork and it's very hard to defend yourself when you're just a big old dork like if you were you know bob huggins in his prime hell bob huggins now bob huggins shrugged off a defibrillator hitting him in the middle of the game just got up kept rocking you were some big old charismatic man bearer of coach yeah that's what statham would have done let's go yeah you know whatever we we get we get like knocked out of the first or second round of the tournament every single year and i never graduate players but you know what i'm i'm like you know it's cool we're good in the season We win some stuff.

You can get away with that. But like, Tom Crean, Tom Crean's just style impaired. And style impaired is going to catch up with you, even at Indiana. Yes, consider that. Tom Crean, so style impaired that he's in trouble at a place devoid of style like the state of Indiana. That, I would like to. When you are two mayonnaise for Indiana. I would like to offer one counterpoint to this.

So you said the three elements here that Tom Crean is actually pretty good at it. his job pretty good i didn't say great i said pretty good the fans have wildly unrealistic expectations and he i see where you're going i see where you're going and he looks like a dork and all three i would say are arguably true of tom crean's brother-in-law jim harbaugh the difference is that jim harbaugh owns it all of the like tom crean does not have does not carry himself with the insane self-confidence and cocksuredness that Jim Harbaugh does. He sees what it takes because nobody's going to get out here and say Jim Harbaugh is a fashion plate.

If Tom Crean, if Tom Crean held basketball practice in khakis and no shirt, he'd be fired fucking tomorrow. But Jim Harbaugh, like, can tweet through it. And it's because Jim Harbaugh just doesn't let the negativity of others enter he he doesn't even bother to get paul finebom's name right he doesn't give a shit i bet creen just walks in the room for family things looks at jim is like oh man he's here like the guy gets away with it like that's it's the guy who gets away with it nothing displays the value of self-confidence earned or not than the difference between jim harbaugh and

Tom Crean. Yeah, and that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's my answer to the question of Tom Crean. Yeah, Tom Crean, he probably got a job that like, I don't know, it's a bad fit. Bad fit's happened, y'all. Especially to, they're very real. Especially to Tom Creed. He has a lot of bad fits.

He just, he's just an endless, endless stream of, the Indiana job is just the pants that are too big at the top and too tight and thighs and God, how did they even make, who are these made for? The man is wearing genie pants. Yeah, like, it's so confusing when you look at him. He's just, he's confusing. Like, he's a very confusing person to look at. And yeah, I think he's a pretty good coach. I don't think you can get away with being a really terrible coach at the level that he's at.

Well, last year, after he won the Big Ten, I remember the internet agreeing, Tom Crean would beat you up in a fight. you being the universal you anyone everyone agreed tom crean is the greatest fighter alive yeah look at it now look at it now even that what do you want to fight no he'd be he'd lose to anybody so it's like the the universal opinion of tom crean just fluctuates wildly between on a scale of one to ten like zero and five yeah that's oh god that's unfortunate um jason do you have a question uh i kind of like this one from charles adalnoff what do you think sean spicer's 40 time is um the first important caveat here is if you have not been clocked your 40 within the past 510 15 20 years your 40 time is far worse than you would guess it is um maybe a full second

maybe two full seconds, I would guess that most average American males, and he pretty much fits that description, you're going to hit in like the six-something range. If you get under six on, you know, your first try without having run in a while, I think that's a pretty good start. And I mean, I think based on what we know about him, he has ice cream opinions, really, really strong ice cream opinions. And I don't think if you're, if you have strong ice cream opinions and are not known for exercising that you're cracking six um mike mayock has charted that and that's true yeah i forgot about that but uh who's who's on NFL network that does it every year well he's mike mayox oh rich eisen is the one who runs it every year yeah yeah yeah and and rich's their goal

every year is to crack six right he did it last year i think he did he finally yeah he did he did it one year so he also does it in a suit and i think he wears sneakers but he's not he's not like dressed well for it. Well, I think Sean Spicer, when you say Sean Spicer, I think everyone pictures him in suit. I can go singlet. So do. Singlet? Yeah, no, I mean, he's, I'm going to put him in a singlet because what makes you think he knows what looks good.

Let's just give him, let's just give him combine gear. I'll say this. Whatever Sean Spicer's 40 time is, he's going to accuse you of making it a second and a half slower. Yes. Yeah. He's also, you know, if you get a good long stride, maybe you can get up to speed. If you got a burst, he's got a real long torso, real short legs, he's about 5'9. So I'm going to.

Well, sorry, go ahead. No, I'm going to put him at about, I'm going to put him at about a 6-2. He's probably, he's probably right where I am. My best time ever was a 6.09. So I'm going to say that he's slightly slower than I. I think there's a lot. If your NFL draft prospect this year, there's a lot you can learn from our current White House administration. You know, if you go out and.

at your pro day you know you only rep you only throw like four reps up say it was 12 like just say it was 12 i and and coaches are going to be like but we had a guy there and he said no man i don't know you guys wrong it was 12 and they they show the film of uh like dontari poe benching you say yeah that's me yeah that's no that's not yeah it is like your your measurables can be whatever you want them i'm the fastest guy in combine history Well, actually, you know, we have, no, it's me. I was a full, I was a second faster than Chris Johnson. Yep, go to the tape.

No, that is Chris Johnson. Nope, that's me. You're white. You're pressing fast forward. That, so that's my, all right, I'm going to throw one more question out here. Then we got to go. Oh, I like this one. This is from across the pond at across the PND.

You get to invent one rule or law. the NCAA has to adopt for the rest of time, what is it? I think we've answered this question before, but I was talking about this separately in the office today. And this is not nothing to do with like paying players or making, you know, making something meaningful that improves student athletes' lives. But I think once a game in college football,

you should be allowed to throw a second forward pass anywhere, beyond the line of scrimmage. It doesn't matter. I think once, and you don't have to declare it, you don't have to, you know, say we're turning in our free spin, you should be allowed to throw that ball a second time. Just because when it happens and when at the end of the first half, everybody's like, all right, everybody go deep, you know, and you throw it to the dump guy for a little 20-yard gain, and then he pulls up and throws it again. oh my God it'd be amazing yeah I fully support this

by the way didn't we talk about this two weeks ago we did we did but I think we need to go ahead and just make this part of our platform our our policy platform wait hold on hold on I don't listen to this podcast how the fuck would I know

no that's fine I yeah I like for Spencer's going with this let's pretend we're talk now we're talking to folks in Illinois they haven't heard this message yet no man next week this is our stump speech next week we'll be in Missouri given the same speech

exactly you may not have heard it we're going to tell it to you again the forward pass the double pass the double pass complete yeah I'll even I'll be the radical see you're the one that they're going to come back to the centrist I'm going to be the one who's like legal every play every single play let's push for it

Spencer's going to stretch that Overton window and then and then at the end of that process Ryan's going to look like the reasonable choice who only wants one forward like he's crazy his constituents are asleep at the wheel he's on electable but he's still here folks listen if you don't compromise with me

you're going to get double forward passes all over the place and this is America what are we going to do and then and then I will well all right let's rig this thing we're going to get Ryan elected I will establish the other extreme the forward pass is illegal now yeah so listen nobody wants that no I'm nanny 2018 looking way more reasonable than Tuberville 2018 buddy