Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 7.03 - Now Nick Saban Can Shop At Whole Foods

Episode Date: May 2, 2017

Nick Saban got paid a lot of money to coach Alabama last year. He will get more money thanks to his new deal because nobody will listen to our plan to trick coaches into signing terrible incentive-laden contracts. Don't worry, most of this podcast isn't about the crazy money college football coaches make at the top. It's pointless meanderings about grocery stores, like: - Can you beat Whole Foods at their own hot bar game? - Is Trader Joe's for assholes? - Did you know there are grocery stores where you can buy liquor? - Why are there grocery stores that don't sell liquor? - Are Publix Subs that good? - What's the B in H.E.B. stand for? - Pork bleaching? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. Man, we're recording this from New York. Almost got decent sound quality from at least like a third of this podcast. It's astonishing. I am Spencer Hall, editor and founder of Every Day Should Be Saturday. We can't have too much quality on the podcast. That's why we bring Jason Kirk on, not because he's not quality, but because he inevitably records from this time an animal shelter.

I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with this. dog. Kennesaw, Georgia, city motto, I don't know what's wrong with this dog. Man, that goes through this whole, this entire metro area. This dog is not happy about Georgia's slow recruiting start. That's what's up. Did you see our Metro's newest good dog, Codenne McKinley?

Oh, yeah, I did. Our number one pick who I think all of Atlanta would go to go to war for right now to DeKaris McKinley from UCLA. His dog is named Kodine. Dogs named Kodine, remember? DeKaris McKinley, who, despite being from Southern California, manifests every bit of Georgianess. And by this, I mean, did he pay tribute to his grandma? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he paid tribute to his grandma at the draft. He held up a picture of her. And I don't mean a photograph. No, I mean a portrait that he held aloft. There is no question. He took this off the wall. a hallway like this is like this this this was in a house well and it's now by his side and he will fight you over it and so will I and it looks fairly large in his hands and he's a he's a defensive

head so God only knows how big it actually is like I picture it's something from Versailles the kind of thing where you're like oh this is this is to fill a whole wall literally a whole wall like you know those sweatshirts of people wear where it's like defend Brooklyn defend Cleveland and it's got like a gun on it or whatever. I think if you made a shirt that's like defend Tack McKinley right now, it would sell out in Atlanta. Easily. No, we could

in fact that might actually... Defend Cotein McKinley. Yeah, with a picture of the dog. Yeah. By the way, I think that's a French pit, a French bulldog, right? It looks like it, yeah. Yeah, which the French bulldog's nice. When we can develop the French pit bull, Atlanta will have its ultimate dog.

The French pit bull. Savage and Loyal. enough to defend the home, small enough to take in your car. I think the ultimate, the ultimate dog for around here would be the English pit bull. So that way it like dies a lot. Oh, no. I thought I'd be the one to make that joke. Thank you.

Hi, hey, that's, those are the dulcet tones of Ryan Nanny, who, uh, joining us from the booth. You're in the booth in the offices at Vox Media, correct? It's more of a room, but yeah. Yeah, you got a room now. Yeah, it's got six chairs in it, and I'm in here by myself. So it's basically exactly like the setup in Frazier, in that I don't know what I'm talking about, and I have bad hair. And also, Seattle's favorite, huge, just massive in the Pacific Northwest. That's right.

Just crushing it. All five of our listeners. I enjoy that when you run a college football multimedia empire as we do, that you're never really sure what people in the Pacific Northwest are about because some of them really do like football. And then others, I go, how do you feel your days? Is it with things like Iqibana, the traditional Japanese art of arranging flowers?

Is it with diligent hard work and spending time with your family? Free verse poetry. Free verse poetry? Skateboarding? Masonry? Mm-hmm. There's some masonry going on? Oh, wait.

I'm sorry. Building skateboards, but not skateboarding. Weed skateboards. Skateboards made of weed? Yeah. Okay. Hump skateboards. Kite surfing.

Weed kites. Weed kites. Yeah. Weed hunting. Which seems you, do you shoot weed at animals or are you shooting weed? Well, you capture an animal and then you smoke it out. Do you shoot weed at weed? I brought down this ounce myself last week, just outside a bend.

Mounted on the wall? It's pretty good. I was going to put it up on the wall, but instead, I consumed it by smoking it. What are we? I'm sorry, what is this podcast? Yeah, we talk about. We're here to talk about Kroger. We are here to talk about Kroger, actually, because the University of Kentucky,

they sold the naming rights to their stadium. Commonwealth Stadium, by the way, not exactly the greatest tradition in college football. It's only been open since 1973. So it's not like they renamed Notre Dame Stadium. It's not like they changed Ohio. A lot of really good Alabama teams have come through there. Yeah, that's true. It is a tradition.

And it's a house of dreams, really, very bad dreams that Kentucky's been having for the better part of its football program. Except for the bear. way Kentucky could be good if they got the bear involved had to get some Bama in there but they're renaming at Kroger Stadium which that is what we asked you the listener to submit this week your defensible and perhaps indefensible grocery store takes people get very passionate about grocery stores so is this the second grocery store stadium because Boise State has Albertson Stadium right right is there am I forgetting another grocery store stadium?

T. Boone Pickens Stadium. Right. If you're in Oklahoma, you've got to swing through Pickens and get you a can of oil. I'm scrolling through to figure out if there are other, like, Davis Wade should absolutely be the name of the Southern grocery store. The fact that it's not is a travesty. Yeah. I do not think there are any others at...

I think if you really tried, I think you could grocery shop at Hard Rock. I think War Memorial. That's got to be a grocery store, Arkansas, yeah. Yeah, now, there is a public's field. Oh, wait, Kibby. Kibby should absolutely be a grocery store. Wait, what's public's field? Public's field is the Detroit Tigers Spring Training Stadium and Lakeland, Florida, I believe.

Oh, wait, we forgot one. Papa John's Cardinal Stadium. Who needs grocery stores? Yeah, Papa John's. You can put all the groceries into one dish. Yeah. You want some beverages? They got Mountain Dew.

They got napkins. Yeah. You can eat them. They got garlic butter napkins. Most of the time, most of the time when they do this, when a stadium sells this, they do the blank field at blank stadium. Sure. Right. This is not that.

No. No, no, no, no. Like, Kroger got it all. They just took the whole dang thing. So it's no longer Commonwealth Stadium. It's Kroger Field at Kentucky football. We're going to discuss the propriety of that. But we do have something to discuss first,

which is bordering on actual football news. And by that we mean salary news because you want to know priorities in Alabama? Priorities in Alabama are this. All three heads of state have been indicted and their football coach just got a massive new race. That's the state. Congratulations. What do you want to know about Alabama? There you go.

Yeah, that's it. It's been termed by local reporters as a, let's see, let me find that sweet. Aaron Settles, Nick Saban got a contract signing incentive. He got another $4 million for signing. the three-year extension. So on top of the $7 million a year deal, he got an extension, and they paid him to sign that extension.

So he's going to be making, like, $11 million? $11 million this year, yeah. Which is more than any other coach in any sport in America. Only, like, one or two EPL coaches top him. Yeah. I think Greg Popovich is who he just passed as the highest-paid coach of an American sport, right? Yeah.

Cool. Yep. And yeah. Can't pay players. I asked this in our Slack room, but like I feel like there used to be a point where one of the big questions about a coach going to the NFL was, oh, you can make a lot more money as a pro coach. Like there was this, there was sort of a ceiling to how much you could pay a college football coach. And then it was like, well, yeah, if you want to make $7 million here, you got to go get an NFL deal. not true anymore. That's not even close to true. Like between Harbaugh and Saban and maybe Urban Meyer, all of those guys are already making NFL money, right? Basically, yeah. You're sealing in the NFL tops out right now at about what, eight? Seven or eight. I think. Yeah, I think Billichick's at like

seven and a half or something. And Sean Peyton is close behind despite his many scandals and mistakes and blunders throughout the years and his terrible record over the last just like Kentucky football if you win anything at all as the New Orleans Saints head coach you can stay on a long time and if you win a Super Bowl basically an elected official an unelected elected official you'll never you're just appointed you're like a Supreme Court justice but for football oh man that didn't apply to anyone one in Louisiana knows what a court is. Well, they do. They do just the hard way.

Yeah, that's true. Am I, are you a judge? And I'm the plaintiff. I'll be representing myself. Thank you. Napoleon, it's a nutty thing, man. Your sword? Here we are. And the trial will begin.

Wait, wait, you all ain't done this before? I, in doing this, you go, oh, you got a $4 million signing bonus. That's the part, like, salaries, I don't know, salary is going to go up. University of Michigan is a prestigious institution. Just ask anyone who went there and they'll tell you that. And they pay their coach more than any other coach in college football. I would continue to point that out, by the way.

Should you have your moment of, that's some typical SECness. Okay, that's cool. Have fun shoveling your driveway. One, and two, Jim Harbaugh still makes more than Nick Saban. Yeah, like, hey, Michigan fan with your nose and some book you're not actually reading and all that shit,

listen, listen, you pay your coach via like barely on the book's insurance stuff. So shut the fuck up. Like, not only do you pay him millions of dollars a year, there's also that weird life insurance thing going on, like you're fucking central Florida or something. I think, I don't know if we've gotten there yet, but there has to be one group of five conference where all of the coaches make less than Jim Harbaugh, right?

Oh, yeah, I think it's the Mac. The Mac and the Sun Belt, I believe, like, the whole conferences make less than. So based on USA Today's latest. Your number is nine mill. Nine mil is the number you've got to get. The highest paid Mac coach just by an Apple F is Mike McIntyre, so that's probably a bad sign. PJ Flex making 820,000 a year. Let's see, we've got...

Or was. Yes. So, yeah, so this is as of last year. Yeah, new guy ain't making 820, I doubt. That's true. Yes. And no Minnesota, you're not in the Mac. Although that might be an improvement for you.

They dominate the Mac. They would be like second quarter. So let's see. Doing some quick math here. We're up to 1.5, add another 625 for Rod Carey, and that's, let's call it, 2.3. Frank Solich, man. Only making $5.72. So we're at $2.8.

545 for John Bonamigo. That's called 3-3. I think we'll get there because then you've got, let's see, four, five, six, seven coaches making about $450. Yeah, all right. Nope. The Mac officially pays its coaches as a whole less than Jim Harbaugh. As they should, man.

Or my math is bad, and I don't care. Yep. As they should. There's no, because, let me tell you, that's, if you're good in the Mac, you're going to get a paycheck somewhere else. It's a cradle of coaches. Dang it. And they won't let you forget that. Nor should they, man.

I don't know. They do, they do real well with not a whole lot. I think if you consolidate the Sunbelt's coaches, then even then, it's just a number of members thing. You're going to get there, right? Right. Husband makes 1.1 Mill. Blake Anderson and Arkansas State. Arkansas State, by the way, little flossier than you might think.

Because look who they've hired, look what they do, and look how much they pay people. You're living in Jones, boogie, and you're making 700K? You own Jonesboro. Take whatever you want, Blake Anderson. Is that the, well, no, I'm sorry, the highest group of five coach as of last year. Do either of you know who it was? Who? It was on course to be Tom Herman.

It was not Tom Herman. it was This year it would have Or yeah Sorry it was Tom Herman I'm sorry I skipped him Oh that's wait I liked my original answer better

Right below Tom Herman Was it Tubbs? It was Tubbs 2.2 He's got a campaign to fund So 2.2 It's true Tommy Toberville got paid

More money last year Than Mike McIntyre dead Jesus By the way Still still Diggin out of that pyramid scheme So that 2.2 mil, it might already be this. I don't, here's what I don't understand.

If you are, if you're hiring a college football coach, you know that these guys are insanely competitive, right? So why wouldn't you just do like one of those shitty NFL contracts where you're just like, listen, your base salary is $75,000. But incentives, baby, you go undefeated, we're giving you $2 million. You're talking the Ricky Williams Master P contract? Yes, 100%, which was a terrible contract. But I feel like this is the one place where you could really use this against,

use the coaches insane competition against them. I don't know. I don't think that's how football coaches think. I agree that they're competitive. However, they're also paranoid and convinced they're going to lose at any point, right? Remember, Urban Meyer coaching his first game before the game, I looked at his wife and sincerely pleading with his eyes, asked, what happens if we don't score a point

well I think we know the answer to that all right well you've uncovered the other problem here is that we know what happens when Ohio State doesn't score a point listen the coach that the coach that signs this terrible contract

has to go back to his wife and say hey guess what I did she has to say nope no you did not I got to feed these children the fuck is wrong with you yeah you get on you get on out there because you can Yeah, go ahead.

Have your crisis of conscience. Once you have kids, yeah, you get no sympathy. None. I don't know if I'm good at this job, honey. Yeah, yeah, that's cool. Yeah, that sounds like a you problem. Yeah. How about you fix it?

I'm going to find somebody to pay these bills. Do you want to be it? Go to work. If not, I'm holding auditions. Houston that pops up out of nowhere. Hey. I'll marry Scott Frost. Don't make me do it.

I think I won't. You're looking for a provider. I can provide. I want to help around the house. Love me. Like he did at the Yukon interview. I love the talent here in this neighborhood. I love the school.

There's a school, right? I love it. I love that place. He'd still do that, wouldn't he? Just show up. For a marriage? Yeah, no. I mean, he'd do that for a job.

But certainly, like, you know, Mary, hey, if you don't think marriage is a job, you're not approaching it the right way. Oh, yeah. That's, yeah, yeah. That's every, like, middle-aged white man in the South trying to tell you, like, marriage is the hardest work you'll ever do.

Man, your life is just easy. Shut up. If being married is the hardest thing you've got going on, you need some real problems. You're like, listen, is being married to your spouse the hardest thing? I'm kind of wondering or is it being married to you?

Being married to you, yeah. Yeah, that's kind of, it's so hard. That's true, yeah. It takes daily labor. Just try not to burn the house down and then you're halfway there. When you come back from playing 18, 36.

And your son burnt right on the neck. Oh. And you go, you walk in, you got to be ready and you got to be loving. Because your wife, she might not have found a couple of things at the grocery store. That's right. She might not have gotten the myriatic acid for the pool. Now the pool's mildewy.

That's adversity, and you've got to coach through it. Yeah. What are we talking about? Grocery stores. Grocery stores. Totally what we're talking about here. By the way, we don't mean to be sexist. We're going with a stereotype, which would be the guy who barely works and the wife who doesn't.

It's been a stereotypical portrayal of a particular upper-middle-class southerner. Yeah, all we're getting out here is that all men are lazy and stupid. Correct. Not to be sexist, but all men are lazy and stupid. Including the ones on this podcast. The line starts right here. You just hold up a mirror and guess what? You know, it's talking back to us.

I'm not only the president. I'm a client. The idiot club for men. So we got some grocery store take. which is harder than general anger takes because it requires us to have knowledge of grocery stores and places we have not been nor will likely go but when his lack of knowledge or experience ever stopped us on this show no forward to head well I think so the ones that people have the strongest takes about I mean I feel I feel familiar with you got Wegmans Publix Kroger

the H.E.B. Hab I don't know how to say it but I've been to it the Texas C one and And nobody really cares out West. H.E.B. That's how we do. The West Coast, there's not like a grocery store they really, really care about. Well, I want to slightly disagree with that. Well, they don't follow us on Twitter then. Hold on.

We got, it's originally on the West Coast, but it's sun spread out. And we got a, I'm going to lead off with this. This is from our sister site, Red Cub Rebellion. let me find it here Trader Joe's is for assholes Oh okay See I think of that is more of just a national thing Well I mean Trader Joe started out as like a super California

I remember my parents are from California And I remember they would talk about Two Buckchalk and Trader Joe's And they made it sound like this Just wonderful grocery store that you You couldn't get anywhere else And was California a special little thing And now it is all over the place

But I want both of you your reactions, is Trader Joe's for assholes? It can be. I will tell you this, because the parking lot situation at the first one in Atlanta creates assholes. Like, it's very much a state of nature situation. If you weren't one walking in, you might be one walking out, and you're definitely going to meet one on the way, right? Yeah.

Like, that can happen. I don't think Trader Joe's is for assholes. I would say this about the West Coast, though, and grocery stores. I think they have the complex where everything is so good that they don't have to care, right? They're like, I don't know, just go to one. It's cool. They're all fine. They all have magnificent shit that's really well made because our quality of life is higher and the East Coast is trash.

Whatever. Go do what you can. There is another thing about liquor, about stores, grocery stores. They sell liquor on the West Coast. Yeah. right which they do not do here and i will say this like most policies that make absolutely no sense and yet are considered to be wise for no reason um once you see it you can't really undo it right like once you buy liquor at a grocery store you're like uh every place that isn't like this is stupid

it is jarring at first though the first time you go to a grocery store that has hard hard alcohol on it. And you're like, hey, y'all got tequila next to the greeting cards. Did you know that? Hey, some kid came in here and left whiskey. What a funny prank. A lot of it, and he labeled it. Yeah, it's like you can actually just walk out of here with it. And they're like, yeah, that's it. This is actually from

Jim at Jay Cecil. There's grocery stores that sell liquor, beer greater than ones that don't. Well, yes, I'm from Wisconsin. Why do you ask? Are there grocery stores that don't sell beer? Is that a thing? Yeah, well, I mean, in a dry county, right? Oh, God. Yeah, I think Pennsylvania has some weirdness about this.

But in Pennsylvania, you can buy beer to go at a bar. There is that. For a long time, you couldn't, Tennessee had some particularly churchy and very dumb laws about selling liquor. For a long time, you couldn't get wine at the grocery store or beer in Atlanta on Sunday, which was insanity because this town needs it. Needs it bad. But yeah, Wisconsin, if you haven't been to a grocery store in Wisconsin, I would advise you at least give it a shot because, oh, oh, my God. Have you been, have either of you been to a Wisconsin grocery store?

No. No. Okay. I'm going to let this out for you. I don't even, in my limited time, Wisconsin, I'm not even sure I saw a grocery store. Okay. They do have more bars than grocery stores. They have bars and they have, oh, fuck, what's the, the culvers.

They have bars and culvers. Okay. So, listen, if we were at Hayward's, Hayward, Wisconsin, where they have the lumberjack games a couple of years ago. Hayward, Wisconsin, there's a big, beautiful grocery store, all right, and it looks totally normal. And then next to it, bolted on an entire. warehouse. And I mean with the warehouse Costco IKEA style metal

shelves that are three decked, right? All the way up with liquor and beer. There was an entire section that was just just sherry.

Just and like in this just brandy, just sherry and brandy. In case of the ghost of Orson Welles, ever comes in and wants to shop. The ghost of Orson Welles does mad business in Hayward, Wisconsin. Just walking in like, hello, I need cherry.

I mean, he had kind of a Wisconsin shake to him. Gentlemen, I did not mean to spoil your fun, but do you know where Orson Welles is from? Oh, come on. Yeah. Kenosha, Wisconsin. Wow. We can spot a Wisconsin man from decades away. decades away.

It's immense. It's huge. And it's just like added on to the store. In fact, I swear. Oh, I thought you're doing that Orson Wells. Yes, he's huge and he's bolted onto the side of every marketplace in Wisconsin. Sitting there going.

And he sells liquor. My close friend, Peter Buck. Carson of Wells is slang and booze. Slanging booze, man. You think he's dead? Yeah, he is. Still slanging booze, though. Dead ain't never stopped drinking in Wisconsin.

but yeah it's it's amazing once you do once you see that like once you get that you're just like it's like when you see legal weed in Colorado you're just like every other place is garbage this is dumb every every law that you passed about this is stupid this is fine that probably fucks

with people's grocery budgets though who moved to those places they're like fuck spending $200 a week at the grocery store how is this possible like imagine being a super couponer person who's used to they pay me $7 for my five carts of groceries.

Then you move there and... Shit. I have that $1,000. I have no money in cirrhosis. Yeah. Let me give you one last story, by the way. This is a true story. It's from the journal Sentinel.

Associated Press, October 17, 2009. Note, this is football season. Grocery shoppers and Hayward got an unexpected surprise when a 125-pound black bear wandered inside and headed straight for the beer cooler. The bear made a stop Thursday night at Marketplace Foods in Hayward,

same store I'm talking about, by the way, walking through the automatic doors and heading straight for the liquor department. The bear calmly climbed up 12 feet onto a shelf in the beer cooler, where it sat for about an hour, while employees helped evacuate customers and summon wildlife officials. Officials from the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources tranquilized the bear, took it out of the store. Store workers say the bear seemed content in the cooler and didn't consume any alcohol.

Okay, if that bear had been wearing loose-fit, jeans and a brewer's hoodie nobody would have said nobody would have even noticed oh hey it's it's jerry another couple of hours i don't know i thought it was jerry i think jerry's sleepy i like that the the the part that really needs detailed is like this is actually a straight edge bear yeah no that's the part that's the part that really like shots everybody right i've seen some shit in my time but he didn't even touch the booze that that's That's the part that, you know, they're like, oh, Jesus. If you're in there, you might as well have a beer.

It's just rude. I'm going to have to, I can't get any beer right now. I'm going to have to go over to the Orson Welles store, and I'm going to have to get some brandy. I needed brandy anyway. You go to literally any store. I got to go to the florist now to get my beer at the pole stop. So you're saying, you're saying liquor in Wisconsin is like slot machines in Las Vegas.

Yeah. It's just everywhere, man. Oh, my chiropractor was out of 99 bananas. Can you believe it? If we're in Wisconsin, frankly, no. Irresponsible. No, it's completely irresponsible. Like, I was reading.

I'm excited already for people to be like, your accidents are fucking terrible. We don't, again. The whole show is bad. The whole show is bad. That's the one thing anyone ever complained about. Yeah. We've done, and we've discussed this before, but I feel like it requires further attention because it's a pressing point. You talk about grocery stores for assholes. Whole Foods, which I think Whole Foods is kind of for assholes.

Why? I want to, I want, that is a widely held belief, and I'm not saying it's wrong, but I do want to get into why that's true. Okay. Because you really will spend 80 bucks for eight things. Correct. and if you are the kind of person who consistently does that, I'm going to call you an asshole for two reasons. One, you just don't recognize value. You don't have to shop at Whole Foods. You really don't. You just don't, okay?

It's not necessary. There's tons of other stuff that you can get at other stores. It's fine. It has the same label. You can pay way less. At some point, you're just making me mad, so I'll call you an asshole for that. Two, you're an asshole because you're the kind of person who,

when you go to Whole Foods, you don't realize this. Or you eat at the hot bar and you do it wrong. This tweet is from Mark the Nomad, he of the Jim Harbaugh tattoo from Saved by the Bell. Internet legend. There's an art form to getting fantastically stuffed at the Whole Foods hot bar without spending $20, and only true pros know its secrets.

I don't think this should be a secret. I think everybody should know how to absolutely screw Whole Foods out of money if you end up eating at the hot bar. I oppose them and their entire approach to life. So I'm going to teach you how to bankrupt them by making out like a bandit at the hot bar. Are you still giving the money? Yes.

Are they going to break even or lose money on you? Absolutely. I guarantee it. You ready? Yeah. Protein. You got to get protein. Sold by weight.

So if you're an idiot who walks up and you get like oh oatmeal oh corn water weight eliminate all water weight okay if it's a water based food don't do it it's good for your diet sure but you know practice your volumetric somewhere else if you're going to do it go get veggies that's fine oh yeah this yeah the the whole food's hot hot bar whole foods is assuming that you've read a david polian book and you're like well mostly vegetables and a little bit of meat and Spencer is out of here saying nope Beef, get a box of beef. I need you to approach this, like, your Ootsie, and this is your last meal, right?

Ootsie, Cape Man, found with, like, three pounds of goat as his last meal in his stomach, thus confounding every nutritionist on the planet who was like, oh, you know, caveman, they ate moderately and had like a great diet. No, dude had like three pounds of goat in his gut. I mean, that may be how he died. Fine, fine, don't give me this stuff about that they were practical. They had good instincts. They didn't.

They ate everything they could when they could. And that's exactly how you should be at the Whole Foods bar, okay? Eggs. If I see, if I see you touching that oatmeal, God damn it. It's a rookie mistake. Don't do it. Well, I do this because I used to go there with my wife. There was a brilliant person in every other respect, but she would go to Whole Foods

and she would stock up on the absolute heaviest. Like, if they had like a breakfast porridge with Buckshot in it, she'd just put it on there. Hey, man, buckshot's not cheap. No. fuck shot's not cheap and it's heavy Whole Foods got to make that back That's how they did it I

I all right I want to take issue with your larger Whole Foods point I think it's fine to shop at Whole Foods If you are shopping Literally for yourself Just by your Just like you're one person

Because like the volume The volume thing and the bulk thing Don't really balance out Maybe you have like a specific diet You're going for It's your money I don't really give a shit like whatever the minute you are shopping for anybody else whether it's a roommate situation

or a relationship or a family you're fucking up you're doing a bad job to me whole foods is like you need one thing you need like one thing that fits this meal yeah i need this specific kind of shrimp that only whole food sells yeah yeah like that's the way to treat it is like it's uh like it's uh you know it's it's it's it's it's the plug is what it is it's got the special shit you can't get anywhere else. But if you can get it literally anywhere else on earth, and 99% of the shit, you can. Please do so.

Like, if you're going for the weeks' groceries, the month's groceries, go anywhere else. Go to Aldi. They'll pay you. They'll pay you to take it. It's true. It's fair. By the way, that's another one I want to get to. Go. Speak on it.

At beer underscore nigh. Kelly Murphy on Twitter. I thought Alde was trash as a kid, and that's reason number five billion why kids are dumb. And it might be underestimating that $5 billion there, but I'm feeling you. Aldi is awesome if you know what to get in there. True. Absolutely true.

Basically the same Trader Joe's stuff just with different labels. Different broken moldy labels. But. Correct. Correct. I will say this. The worst part about Aldi's going there. Feel pretty good when you leave, though. It's a lot like the gym. You're going to get dirty.

You might even switch. what you might get staff you might get staff you're gonna be a little sore yeah you're gonna be a little sore also they make you pay like a little like a little sort of fee for little things right forget your towel it's a dollar forget your cart it's a dollar but when you get out of there you're gonna feel pretty good you're gonna realize this is why the german economy recovered so quickly this sounds like this sounds like flying on a discount airline it is the discount airline of grocery stores have you never been to one no i haven't um they didn't come to Florida until

I think I had already moved away and they certainly are not. I mean, I've talked about New York grocery store as I do so again. The Manhattan Albee, can you imagine? What the hell? It'd be like, oh, this box of cereal is only $13. Yeah, I will say, I'll be deeply underrated grocery store. Now, mind you,

it's not a pleasant experience. It's not H.E.B. in Texas, all right? No, no. There's no sushi bar, you know, there's absolutely nothing like Wegmans. It's not a public where people are going to smile at you. It's, you need 30 pounds

of food. You will pay $30 for them. That's it. Yeah. You feel pretty good about it. It's like you're playing Oregon Trail. That's what it is. Like you have five bullets. Can you turn that into 85 pounds of food? At Aldi, yes, you can. Yeah. Finally, somebody

eliminated everything that you did not need in a grocery store, right? Basically, Aldi is the bomber flying in low, missing an engine to strip everything out, right? And we're like, what, do you need employees? No. Aldi is the end of Dr. Strangelove. The bomb is getting there. Bombs getting there, son. You might not. They'll be like, do we need a navigator? I mean, let's be honest. We're not mean. We'll throw them out with a shoot. Yeah, H.E.B. in Austin, by the way. Any Texas one? H.E.B. is great. Super awesome. I haven't done Wegman's. I know Wigman's is like the cult grocery store of the Mid-Atlantic. I'm suspicious because most things in the Mid-Atlantic are just fraud. Well, according to AP Dirty Bird, the H.E.B. and Austin does fresh tortillas, corn and flour, which, good Lord.

Yeah, every, like, every aisle in H.E.B. It's like, Oh, tortillas. It's like you're walking around a Texas Tech game or something. Just tortillas raining down on you. Man, H.EB is one of those places, too, that'll let you walk around with a beer. Well, and, you know, HEB's greatest accomplishment is not even food related. It's that they show the San Antonio Spurs to have personality. It's true.

They did the only ad campaign where the Spurs were actually allowed to show humor, right? It's the only thing that made me actually recognize or like them. as humans because otherwise they're just a soulless killing machine a robot also um do you know what do you know what hb stands for hmm it's the initials of the son of the uh woman who started the company his name uh was howard edward butt yes yeah okay cool so in other words a place that advertises good beef, right? And it has the word but in the title. Yeah.

Man, in Texas. H-E-But. Yeah. I have a take I'd like to share. Please. From Matthew Bunch, Matthew S. Bunch on Twitter. Public's subs are overrated,

but still pretty damn good. Public's lobster bisque is was better than it has any right to be. I can't speak on the lobster bisque. I don't recall it. But I will agree. public subs overrated. The deli is Publix's single strongest selling point, and you'll get like an $8 sandwich unless you're smart enough to go for the special, which is usually pretty good. That'll run you around five. I think on the whole public subs, they have this like cult in the South, especially in Florida. Like anybody in the South who knows Publix, if you haven't

been to a Florida Publix, you're not getting the full experience. But I think on the whole, the subs are not quite what they're made out to be i think part of it is like the novelty of like oh shit you can get it you can you can eat while you shop or whatever um like how in uh what what is the like in like in fucking pennsylvania where it's like you can eat at the goddamn gas station and treat that like that greatest thing in the world like okay it's not that's cool but uh yeah to me public's publics is great the subs are good they're good just we don't need to we can we can tone down about just a little bit the the whole Florida's particular love affair, and partially the South's love affair with Publix and the subs, all comes down to consider the alternatives.

Like, if you are in the South, there is nowhere else where you can reliably go that is, A, as clean as a public's grocery store, B, as consistently stocked as a public's grocery store, and C, will have something that you can eat that is fresh, reliable, consistent, and will not make you feel like absolute garbage. If you eat half a public sub, you can have a normal day. There is nothing else in the state of Florida where you can say this is ubiquitous and everywhere. And I know I can get it and it will be the same and be, as Jason's saying, good, not amazing, but reliable and not just like, it's, yeah, you could go to checkers. You're not going to have a good three hours after you go to checkers. Yeah, too like, you know, we often get into the regional dispute, Wegman's versus Publix, Wegman v. Publix. but listen man we grade this shit on a curve and for us it's not like weggman's versus you know whatever else you got your your fucking gas stations with food in them it's publics versus god damn

ingles and pigly wiggly and croaker like that is the shit we grew up the shit we grew up are you are you saying are you saying that in a comparison of regional powers there's one very large dominant force that looks a lot better than it might be surrounded by mediocrities. That doesn't sound like SEC football at all. No, no, no. There's one super efficient machine that is a little more expensive than it should be, and it's completely hilariously better than everyone else. Right.

And it's largely because everyone else can't get their shit together. There are good Win Dixies. There are also terrible ones. Quite a few, yeah. So, like, if there's a grocery. store that you walk in and okay there's a case of frozen peas that's been sitting on the floor for oh hours a days who could say uh it's not a public's there is a crogger seen it into kroger seen it into wind windies seen i mean wind dixie um you know seen a in cap and ingles that just fell

over when did it fall over today i don't know maybe you know if you will not walk into a public's and see a total fucking disaster except for the time in the wine aisle when i saw a lady poop on the floor and leave uh during business hours and i really don't don't know who cleaned it up because I was like skirt spun on my heels off the way couldn't tell you um also the time a dude came in there and was shoplifting and tried to pay off my boss in playboy magazines that he was wheeling around in a briefcase but listen other than that other than that you will not see super crinchy shit in the publics i'm pretty sure what you've just described are in order the mike schula era that's the floor pooping and the mike price era exactly

Listen, even Bama has their embarrassing moments. So does Publix. But it's not like, you know, it's not like UAB. That's like the Ingalls. Pivoting to Shrug Life at O-H-H-H-E-R-R-O on Twitter, a petition to rename Arkansas Stadium to Razorback Stadium at Piggly-Wigley Field. Passed.

Yes, approved. Done. Aye. Somebody in our comments also mocked up a new logo with the razor back body but the piggly wiggly head you know what it doesn't look half bad it really doesn't that's fine pigly wiggly by the way because they're so small generally very responsive to your needs they are like we lived in north carolina for a couple of months once went to the pigly wiggly regularly if you buy something twice the manager on the third

time begins stocking it i am i am willing to believe that brett beelma uses the term pigly-wiggly to describe eating prime rib and then having sex. In other words, I just picture

him holding up his hands like home and why. As he says it, ooh, the little piggyly wiggily. Ooh, we're invited to a wedding. Guess we'll be having some piggly wiggly. Oh, yes,

yes, you will. Yep. I would also like to address the comments of at Maddie Wren, aka the Outlander, on Twitter. I have never

not felt embarrassed inside of a food lion. Yeah, that's the brain. Well, here's, I will, I will say this. I appreciate that food line, you're both familiar with the food lion logo, right? Mm-hmm. It looks like a coat of arms where everything but the lion fell off. Right. Yes, it looks like a British royals sheet.

It would be on a British shield or something in the middle ages. And I appreciate that because I think they're unintentionally signaling, like, hey, this is the quality. You're like, we are stuck in this particular portion of time where sanitary laws and even the kinds of food you could get. Yeah, man, there's flies on this meat. You know what? You're going to eat it anyway. This is food lion. And life is short.

Yeah, like the difference here, by the way, it's fine if you don't have money. A lot of people who don't have money. Don't make me feel like I don't have money. that's don't make me feel like that right like when dixie does this the right way i always maintain win dixie quality stuff particularly their meats rest of it's fine just don't make me feel i think win dixie briefly was known as the meat people right well no they were that was their thing and they really do they're they're pretty good um the the problem is food lion they sort of like rub your face in it like it was started by a guy with money who was like yeah take that poor people

you can't spend as much on food let's feel bad about it like their tips taste pre-stale I remember that like we had a food line open up next to us and I lived a place where if anything opened up you were pretty excited right like ooh we got an Arby's

and a food line opened up so we tried it and everything tastes a little pre-stale and then two weeks later 2020 did a thing on food line bleaching their meat and yeah yeah that's why that's why I've never not felt embarrassed instead of Food Lion either.

Well, the best part about that story is not that Food Lion got caught by ABC for bleaching their meat, but that they sued them for trespassing. The leaks. And for revealing internal company information. But Food Lion's emails. To me, it's not about, like, we don't want to sound like we're elitist and like you've got to shop at expensive grocery stores. That is not it by any. No, no, no.

I think we prove that with the Whole Foods discussion. And the Aldi discussion, yes. If we have not established by now that we are not impressed by you having really nice stuff, I don't know when we will express that opinion. To me, it boils down to, does this grocery store deliver on everything it could be? Is it maximizing its resources? Does it, is it aware of its role? That's why I big up Aldi.

Aldi knows that it is here to fulfill a specific role and does it perfectly. Like, I mean, and to me, as like a former grocery store, farmer grocery store manager when I walk in and see some shit just dilapidated and nobody gives a shit like that's what really bothers if you're like we don't have shit but we did the best okay good and here's the here's my problem with the bleaching incident at food line

the hypocrisy because they decide they're going to bleach expired pork to make it look like it's still fresh and if your food line Spencer you're going to use a off brand maybe store brand bleach right because that's your thing

no they went with chlorox like stay true to yourself yeah no use the food lion bleach man yeah that's that's you believe in your products it'd be worse it'd be worse if they're putting croaker bleach croaker bleach no ugh you ever had some meat with croaker bleach on it jesus oh man i would uh i got one more take it's from andrew parker at a m parker nineteen eighty six on twitter people watching his best at beach grocery stores don't know why but So much better there than anywhere else. Oh, yeah. Yeah, my favorite, all the public says in these little pocket communities in the panhandle, the really nice ones.

They have, like, big wall installations of champagne. It's the first thing you see when you walk in. Well, you know, you know why people watching is better at a beach grocery store, right? Large dudes in fishing shirts. A, but it's combined that with the fact that this large dude in a fishing shirt is probably buying groceries for, I'll conservatively say, a median 15 people. And it's not just like, this is my family and I know what they want, but he has to figure out like, shit, I have to cook enough food for all of these people and their different tastes and preferences. How many chips do I need for 15 people? Probably eight bags.

It's that you get to see somebody buying $800 worth of groceries and not really know what they're doing in the process. While being slightly drunk, slightly sunburn dazed, having to cram it all in a boat. How many pallets of Doritos can we fit on a? smelling like sweaty suntan lotion. Yeah, no, this is where you get to see somebody say, all right, we're here for four days and there's 12 of us, so I think we need six eggs and eight boxes of Oreos. That seems right.

Yeah, and you don't want, I mean, shit, man, if you're in charge of the food for like a boat vacation, so you're already feeling like, oh, I don't have the biggest boat here. I really got to compensate by bawling out at the public. Step it up. Damn, you're like, you're like, laying down $3,000 on these groceries. I will take three party balls, please.

Thank you. I will also state that it went on vacation at the beach, especially if you have kids. You're strained. Yeah. Right? You don't have the resources or the energy you might normally have in your routine to fight off the urge to, I don't know,

buy a gigantic sack of Danish wedding cookies. Or, sure, you know what? I'm going to die one day. I'll get the filet. I'll get five filets. I'll just pile them up. Well, here's... Everyone shopping at a beach publics after day two

is basically someone who's been given a terminal cancer sentence, right? Like, yeah, sure, get it. And it's also terminal in the sense that... So if you're shopping for groceries at home and you're like, we need mustard, you just buy a thing of mustard. You don't do the calculus of like, ugh, you know.

But at the beach, you have to do that because you have to figure out, A, does the rental house already have it? I forgot to look. Okay, well, I know I have to buy more mustard than we will possibly use on this long weekend and how comfortable. Like, you see people grappling with the fact that they're going to buy things they know they can't use. I think in that case, you go with a sarcastic overbuy. You show up like the two, the two gallon thing of mustard.

With the pump. With the pump, with like the soap dispenser pump on the top of it. Yeah, you got the one aisle at Walmart. See, I said Walmart. No elitist here. I've been through Walmart. The one aisle here that's nothing but bulk goods. Like, can I get a pallet jack to carry out this thing, a mustard?

Can I get the mixed bag of chips? Yeah, I know. I know nobody's going to eat the plain lays, but these kids love Doritos, and I don't want to buy a whole bag because they'll eat them too fast. I need to go individual. Do either of you have a capper, one to take us out on? Hmm, let's see here. Let's see here. Oh, yeah, I got, I got one. Buying spices, this is from Robert Baker, Curba, 112, 3 on Twitter.

Buying spices anywhere but the ethnic food aisle is stupid, expensive, and wasteful. Couldn't possibly agree more. Never trust anything spicy made by a white person unless they're from Louisiana.