Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 7.06 - Fixing College Football (or Screwing It Up Differently)

Episode Date: May 24, 2017

Our friend and colleague Bill Connelly is running for college football commissioner, so we run through the planks of his platform one by one and try to...help? Sure, let's go with help. For example: - How embracing the Olympic model will lead to better local commercials - The awesome recruiting change that means high school coaches with cigarette boats - NCAA 17: Fights In The Stands Edition - Division II Kansas beating Texas - Putting a 5 loss Wisconsin team in the Playoff - POD PEOPLE - Mandatory FCS powerhouse scheduling - The 3 hour time limit and the one point penalty for punting Most of these ideas are stupid. So is this podcast. You have been warned. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown forecast. It is a podcast, ostensibly about college football, but you all know it ain't just about that. No, we discuss a lot of other things. For instance, we got hot weather news, like literally hot weather news, because it's coming to you from Jason Kirk. Our host, one of our hosts, college football,

Meyer Domo, Imperiali, Commander. Storm tracker. Storm tracker. I'm here in the, as you can see behind me, all the trees are gone. The mountains have washed away. The thundering, crumbling mountain of fire and blood is falling into the ocean. The plague of locusts, we're on five.

We've got two more of those to go. And it's folks, folks, folks, you might want to wear a hat. Definitely a hat day. And SPF 45, bump it up. You know, just slather it on there. Beauty, beauty isn't an accident. Get that sunscreen on there. And let's keep the seats.

You know what? Your face, the skin of your face, it's really like you're the car seats of the body, right? So let's, let's armor all it up. Let's put some sunscreen on there. You are just inviting a lot of sit on your face. Yeah. Oh, God.

Jesus. Did I? Oh, well. Yeah, that's good. Go ahead and make those jokes to At Celebrity Hot tub on Twitter. That's my handle. That's good. Why couldn't you just throw

like some random politician under the bus? Why has it got to be me? Try at Jason in the house. Send him to Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz. He's waiting right now by the phone. He loves memes. he loves names

last time I saw him he'll work the phones for anyone so yeah that's what I was going to say you're picturing the image of him doing this that's what happens when you give up that's what happens when you give up football as an institution Princeton you turn out that see should have never given up the fine sport corrupted your moral backbone

and now and now you have a man who thinks that cans of soup are actually food just the cans not even the soup no like a goat Ted Cruz is a goat not The goat, a goat. Yeah, no, the goat. Like, goats's more useful, because you can eat a goat.

You could get milk from a goat. Nobody's milking a senator, as far as I know. Oh, God, this is getting worse. How are you making this worse? Except in the great state of Alabama. That's correct. Luther Strange produces the finest dairy milk of any senator in the state of Alabama. Oh, my God, we have to please.

Hey, it's charity drive week. Look at that. It is, man, you turn that fast, son. I had to. I had to whip a Ui because we were going down a very bad road. That's true. We were discussing Alabama dairy products, and we all know those are trash. B-1G!

Yeah, it's been the fundraiser week, and it's been very successful as far as, you know, we did a little fundraiser earlier this year in response to the Trump administration's decision to, like, you know, wind it back to 1933 with the xenophobia. you. That did real well. However, we went ahead and just mixed in everything that we needed in terms of just keeping it regular, doing it, and declaring a winner, since we just kind of did it pell-mell last time. It's a little more casual, and it's going very well. So thank you for your donations. What's our number at, as of now? Well, I think we have like a modest goal of like 20,000, and I think we're around 13 on Tuesday. That's good. That's in addition to what was,

what was round one, like 43? No, son, by the time that all racked up, we were at about 55. Okay, okay, so we're pushing. Are we at 69,000 right now? If we end up at 69,000, that would be... Call the fight. What is the word?

Good, pleasant, enjoyable? Yeah, not sure. And because we hit our 10,000 stretch goal for this campaign, I have officially been fired from every day, it should be Saturday, from writing there. I will never write there again. I thought about writing a farewell post, but you can't do that if you're already fired. So good job. Everybody, you did it.

You got what you wanted. You got the golden parachute, $10,000 for you. Nope, that's not how it works. Nope. Nope. No, the golden, we don't hand out golden parachutes. We might give you like a tin napkin. Tim napkin, tin napkin with some straps.

Just let you, let you fly from there. Here you go. It's an aluminum seat. It might float. It's all part of my plan to turn the website into a, into basically a consumer product review site. That's it. Slowly.

Slowly, but surely. It's also, it's also Bill C for College Football Commissioner Week. Yep. A lot of things happening. A lot of things happening in these streets in the heat of May. Yeah.

yeah as they say mid-May that's the busiest time in college football that's right that's right things are moving hopping things are moving and hopping but by the way i might be i might be talking with less miles next week y'all oh look at you just tipping your hand like that don't tell him what is for no that's a surprise i'm not i'm not gonna do that okay but i am talking i might be talking with less miles which is good you should know that less is real cool um he does sign his text less Miles. Do you think he would play Ouija with you? Oh, man.

Would he ever? It's a game, right? Can you win Ouija? We'll find out. This chip is magic. This tortilla chip is crazy. He would love it, and he would find a way to compete at it, to compete to compete to the fullest of my potential.

All coaches would. I played some hippie thing called the ungame once, where you pulled out cards and instead of, you know, playing charades, right? Or playing some sort of cards against humanity type game, right? Where you could just be casually racist and laugh it off in front of your friends, right? No, the ungame, the ungame had like all kinds of non-competitive angles. You really couldn't win or lose the ungame, right? It was just questions like, what are the four most important things in your life?

Or what do you think life will be like in 100 years? That's, this is what you're describing is it like the, the first day of a therapy session, a group therapy session? This sounds like in, like when Facebook first started and it was nothing but like chain surveys, you'd fill out a survey and tag your friends? Yeah, it's like chain survey, the game, right? Or like an analog chain survey. So there's really no way to win the ungame. Right. It's a lot like Northwestern football, even when it's, even when it's fun, it's just a philosophical exercise, right? It sounds like the SEC East is what it sounds like. Correct. That too. Which, by the way, our historical anecdote tonight concerns the issues. Oh, God, we're hitting. Oh, we're seamless. Hitting all cylinders.

Yeah. But I will say this, less or any other coach would find a way to compete at the ungame, right? They would say like, four most important things in my life. family god football and fun and family and family god and family god for my family god not yours family the the heavenly host uh depending on your theological perspective three are one or perhaps you include the angels i have some opinions that i'll i'll get into shortly there and also number four is meeting you at the ungame that's mark t martintonio the confusion of like the trinion and is it three or is it one might explain all of less miles's clock and timeout trouble hold on i have how many timeouts i have one time out i have one time out so less miles a day is as a thousand years yeah he's like you're saying he's like a hindoo god right that like when he

naps it's actually four thousand years in human time yeah yeah yeah and also yeah he would find a way to take the ungame to overtime and then win it. Yeah, exactly. I'd be like, you know, what will life be like in a hundred years? I think it'll be pretty good. That's a point to me.

It'll look like 1832. What? I guess it could. I'll give you two words. More mules. All right, next answer. Pull a card. More bigger mules. Our historical note tonight, transitioning.

seamlessly. It's from the year 1969, which I have to say 1969 is an extremely interesting year college football. Like if you're a historical type, just go back and, you know, start poking around. You have a lot of

interesting people. You have a lot of interesting players. One in particular may be a player who, I think if he played in this current environment, would probably put up ridiculous numbers. Like, even more ridiculous than he

did. All right. And that'd be Archie Manning. Because remember Archie Manning and Old Miss play Alabama that year. And it's crazy by the way. You'll be shocked. A mobile quarterback played Alabama. And they won. Wow.

It's neat. It's never happened before. But in that game, right? Archie Manning put a, just a show on all right like a just an abs like he went 33 for 52 for 436 yards two t ds he ran 15 times for 104 yards and three t ds just an absolutely insane game also they were like like

players smoking right sadly by the way i got that wrong they lost oldness lost so that's like maximum old miss it's not that good we're we've already got our spencer wildly presents inaccurate facts. Yeah, that's good. You know, we can debate facts. It's 2017. Oh, God.

That's just Spencer's rebel bias showing through again. It's definitely my old misbiased. The story was not that game, fortunately. That's good, because I got that one wrong. But the story that I was going to tell you was not about that exceptional

performance. No, no. The story is about is about a Florida Gator. If it's about the Florida Gators, would we be mentioning something positive? Probably not. Not this early. No, certainly not.

No, no, no. Would it be about a quarterback performing well? No, no, no. Not in almost any year, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Not many options there. What's the most interceptions ever thrown by an NCAA football player? In Division 1, now known as FBS,

the most interceptions thrown by a player. so if you hadn't said this a few minutes ago off the air i would have guessed six okay that's kind of right that's kind of right yeah i you you can also reveal it here because i i know it as well it's fine yes nine nine there was a man who threw nine interceptions in a game and that man was john reeves of the floridators yes on november second 1969 against who?

What team ruins everything? That'd be Auburn. Auburn ruins everything. In this case, they helped ruin Florida's Day. Again, by beating them 38, 12.

Let's put these numbers in perspective, by the way, through nine picks on 66 attempts in the year, 1969, when people threw the ball like 12 times a game.

Florida put it up 66 times, and he threw nine picks, and totaled 12 points. So, I mean, if throwing the ball 66 times and only getting 12 points sounds weird, really, this is just a tribute to, like, how well Missouri fits into the SEC East, because we've been doing this for years, and then Missouri comes along and, like, fits right in. Do we know about the weather in this game? I believe the weather was fine. Oh, man. Yeah, I mean, Auburn Pat Sullivan I believe would eventually go on to win a Heisman. He was 22 for 39 for 218.

He had 14Ds. I'm sure that 39 was like, had Auburn fans going like, hmm, that's a socialist amount of facts. Don't know about that. What's really disappointing, too, is that John Reeves was a good quarterback at Florida. He ended up being a first round NFL pick.

He broke a bunch of records while he was at Florida. They haven't stood up, but that's fine. And this, because it's Auburn, of course, like, this was the only loss Florida had all year. They had a tie Georgia a week after this game, but this is the only loss. And now, now you look and you say, okay, Reeves set the record for single game interceptions with nine. How many interceptions do you think he had in every other game? Florida played the other 10 games combined how many interceptions do you think he through I'll say six let me let me go three the answer is ten okay so but like

he he had one he had an entire season's worth of interceptions in one game one game and these are all pre modernization of the passing game numbers like i i so that would be what 19 interceptions for the year yes like i i doubt that was really all that out of line with national numbers like back then they just fucking chucked it and like ah somebody's gonna catch it long as it doesn't hit the ground that's good it was passing was basically an optimistic punt for the most part right yeah like at least it went far yeah it went far it looked cool maybe something cool happened but right i'm gonna say this i don't think that was the dumbest game of the year for that Florida team. The dumbest game came a few weeks

earlier, October 11th, Florida played in Tampa Stadium against Tulane and needed a two-point conversion to come from behind and win 18 to 17. I mean, you know, that's going to happen. What does the record say? It says 9-1-1, doesn't it? It says 9-1-1. It says 9-1-1. that's right so let's focus on that okay man why you gotta bring up old shit look you're talking history

nobody wants to talk history here right by trying to talk history Florida's record in 1969 was literally an emergency yeah so we get that one forever can't take it away from us let's talk about commissioning

please yeah yeah instead of the past let's look to the fucking future that's right Bill C this week, he's humbly running for college football commissioner, a position that doesn't exist. It really shouldn't. If Bill becomes it, he'll become my worst enemy because I'm an anarchist. You should know that. It's just it's a matter of philosophy. He's a very nice man. But he's running for college football commissioner, and he has certain points on his platform.

Points which we want to discuss, and then we want to discuss your counters to this, which are, I'm very proud of our listeners. They have made ignorant, uninformed, knee-jerk, snarky, impractical, petty, nonsensical suggestions for this. And I appreciate all of them. That's exactly what we wanted. My favorite being... My favorite being that you and Holly should be co-commissioners, which, wow, what a shit job for Holly that would be. That means like Holly doing all the work while Spencer. They're like, I'm just going to hang out at San Jose State for a couple months.

It seems like a really cool place. I'm just going to check out Montana State this week. Boy, you've been in Montana State for the past nine months. It's the national championship. I kind of need. Yeah, but like Montana State. I'm almost done. I'm almost done.

It'll be fine. I'll get it to you. So this commission project by Bill went up at SBNation.com a couple days ago. It has nine parts, nine planks, nine platforms. No planks. Planks is the right word. And we noticed that a lot of the things y'all said sort of lined up with parts of it. Like the very first response when we put out the call for questions came from, let me see, came from Lazarus Jackson, Laz chance on Twitter.

And I quote all caps, pay them kids their money. Which I think sums up a large part of the first two parts of Bill's platform, which are we need a student athlete bill of rights and we need to embrace the Olympic model, which allows players to make money on their own, endorsements, jobs, autograph signings, whatever. For those people who can't handle the idea of a bagman going legit, let's just make it so players can make money on their own. and the bagman still get to keep you know like yeah bag man back make keep moving that product that's fine still keep moving that work man all we're doing is trying to legitimize

the bag man so yeah a lot of y'all were on board with that pay the fucking kids yep yep hardly any issues there but if we want to if we want to talk about bills platform piece by piece the first one the bill of rights one it's basically we need like a codified

national set of standards for college athletes, you know, that goes beyond like NCAA rules that's, you know, we need, uh, they need to be able to have long-term health insurance. They should be able to come back after playing to finish their degrees. Um, they need better, uh, better, we need better medical research. And then let's do this whole Olympic model thing. Um, is there anything we would add to this or? I, I, I want to talk about the Olympic model very briefly because I understand that there will always be people, including people who listen to this podcast, I'm sure, who just are like, we shouldn't pay the players, it's not right, et cetera, et cetera, they get a scholarship and food and uniform and other things that are kind of already pay in some way,

but whatever. This will make commercials so much better because right now we have two options when you want a college football person to be in your commercial. Option one is coach, and I'm going to include a, or I'm going to have Spencer include, a orange juice commercial that Urban Meyer did when he was at Florida. That's fucking terrible. Urban Meyer is a fantastic coach and a very smart guy, and I bear him no ill will. But as a commercial actor, he and many other coaches are fucking terrible.

It's bad. Like, can I just give you a couple of examples of the local commercials that could have existed? Pitchmen who could have worked locally and produced incredible internet content. You ready? Yes. I want you to imagine whatever Chad Kelly would have endorsed at Ole Miss. I want you to imagine Marchon Lynch's Cal endorsements. I want you to imagine Golden Tate crashing into a guitar.

center window. Oh, please, please. Imagine, imagine the flack of pure we could have gotten. The free money we could have printed on the internet if Johnny, if Johnny Manzell had endorsed anything in college school.

I want you to imagine Matt Liner doing a towing service commercial where he's literally pushing Reggie Bush's stalled out car. Around South been like like the potential here is fucking limitless college players are so much more charismatic and interesting than most coaches are i understand p j fleck is out there and i recognize that but he's the exception not the rule and the other alternative if you don't want to use a coach

is larry cole pepper and please for the love of fucking god let us pay college athletes to be in commercials so that we won't have larry cole pepper in them this was another theme from listeners. What we asked was if you were appointed college football commissioner, what's the first thing you would do? And many of you, I would say, at least five or six said you would assassinate Larry Cole Pepper. You would have him, someone said put him in the stockades. Someone said hunt him at nightfall. No, you want, you don't want that shit. No, you want daybreak. Like you want, you want a clear shot at him. Let's not crack out like the night vision goggles. I don't know what we're waiting for. He's right. One of the strangest moments I've ever had working for SB Nation was two years ago at the National Championship game site where on Radio Row, I was hanging with our compadres at the Solid Verbal. And Brady Hoke was doing radio for Sirius or somebody like that. And Larry Colpepper came through in character, dressed with the weird. socks and you know the little belt with the like the little tray of dr peppers which i'm pretty sure

had dr pepper in them and i watched from afar as brady hoke interviewed larry cole pepper for the radio and i nothing was real after that nothing all of this has been a fever dream i want to wake up nope nope sorry you're you're in you're in earth 420 now sorry yeah only godfrey's gonna appreciate that job yeah you godfrey knows comic book shit y'all if you had any comic book questions send them the 38 godfrey on twitter because he's a comic books or hockey either one yeah because he's a he's a big old comic books he's a big old nerd you can also ask him about nashville why it's so bad he enjoys talking all right um so yeah that Do we have any other proposals from our listeners that fit with this particular plank or platform or whatever we're calling it?

I mean, I think we've covered this. Most people didn't focus on the fine legalistic, like tweaks. I know, I know. Yeah, I mean, we just got a lot of, you know, pay the fucking kids. I do want to add this one, this from Chill Yoshi at Expert Frouder. Who said, disband college football effective immediately. His tweet is geotagged from Columbia, South Carolina. I really, I understand your opinion, and I respect it for everything that college football is done for Columbia, South Carolina.

Yes, this would be the proper opinion. I had this one set aside as like probably the wisest thing anyone has ever said to us. I think it's semi-related on the management side, but your man, divine, that'd be Dan Devine of Yahoo.com. Demand delivery of all the diet, Dr. Pepper, all right, steals would allow to an address of my choosing, and then with little claps in between the words, resign in disgrace. Yeah, a lot of people saw... So there's a power move right there.

There were a lot of people who saw through the exercise, like Michael Felder at Bleach for What he would do is move to a bigger house because I assume this would be just be a massive cash grab like the rest of college football is Yeah Yeah, that's what the sport is That's good. That's a solid move go first man Don't think 20 years ahead just take the money Take the money let someone else worry about the mold and the walls I think we can move on to the second part of Bill C's platform to become we're on to the third now

We're on the third and we let's go We just do it once. Yeah. We can do Let's Fix Recruiting. Yeah, this one was Bill and Bud did a podcast. I think basically what happened is Bud is in charge of recruiting now. And, you know, like, ha, ha, ha, he's going to, it's going to be good for the Knowles. Okay.

But, no. Bud has a lot of good serious ideas that are pro athlete that work in favor of, you know, every athlete, not just the five stars that balance things out a little bit, give kids more time to make better. are informed decisions. If a coach leaves, you know, after a kid has already signed, but before he is, I'm not sure exactly what the time period is, you know, maybe before practice starts or whatever, that player can choose to go elsewhere. If your head coach leaves, you know, you're not stuck playing for, you know, Al Golden

or whatever. So, did we have any, is it anybody sending recruiting specific ideas or? I don't believe so, but we do have a bit of recruiting news to bring up that we kind of made happen through putting it out into the universe. Have you guys heard about Unique Brissette the second? Yeah. Yeah. Unique Brissette the second claimed to be a wide receiver at Globe Institute of Technology in New York, which 100% sounds like a school that Spider-Man went to. and he said he had offers, not officers, from Michigan, Michigan State, Miami, Maryland, and Kentucky.

This was somebody who was tweeting, started a Twitter account and an Instagram account and basically said that he was getting offers from all these schools. He had highlight film that was of another prospect. He had a recruiting profile on some high school sports. website it's he had a profile on max prep's like

it's pretty good I know this is a thing when we had butt on this is the thing we talked about like how long we could keep this ruse up and I got to say unique you unique percent the second

that's a great prospect name full disclosure we did not do this yeah it 100% sounds like it would have been but we did not I know that's why and even saying that means that I think people will assume we did it. Do you know why you can tell that we didn't do it? It involved like multiple layers

of planning and effort. I think, well, just look at the graphics quality. I think that alone should assure you that we had nothing to do with this. The graphics look legit, so it wasn't us. Ain't us. I do think there's one thing in Bill C's

platform that I like because it's rife for corruption. That probably means it's a bad idea. Undue regulations that high school coaches can't be paid to take prospects to football camps. Oh, boy.

Who, who, whew. Welcome, $30,000 chaperone. Come on, y'all. Let's load the bus up. Let's get on here. Yeah, no. The cast is expensive. We're taking the kids on a field trip. What kind of a

field trip leaves on a luxury coop, like on this coach. Why do you need a boat? I don't understand. Why do you need a boat? You're going to Augusta, Georgia. Camps and Catalina Island, man. How else am I going to get there?

Yeah. That's the one part that I'm like, you know, I'm sure there's a good reason for that. I'm also sure that it would be abused badly. I love it. Next plank. wrong with abuse. So this one was

among y'all out there, no surprise. This was, I would say, the most popular. Bring back the fucking video game. E.A. Sports NCAA football series. It tragically was halted because no one could figure out how to get any money into the players' hands legally, thanks to the NCAA. And until that is sorted, there will not be a video game by EA Sports. Someone else might make one, but it will probably be trash. And it will not have any actual teams, which that worked well for Bill Walsh in 1995,

but you ain't Bill Walsh in the same 1995. So y'all really like the idea of the video game coming back. And, like, I mean, it's pretty damn simple. If players can make money, the game can come back. That's all there is to it. Yep, just do it. Don't EA eyes it, right? Don't come up with, like, 14 useless, like...

Modes and... Yeah, modes. And no, you can change a few things every game. Just work on the gameplay, keep out the 10-foot middle linebacker, and I think everybody's going to be real happy. Give me an option. Give me that I can run. Give me decent playbooks and bring back mascot mode.

If you can bring back mascot mode, I'm going to be totally happy with this product. I'll buy it, and I really won't demand a whole lot of improvement, which is perfect, DA, because you don't do that. I mean, they could put up, they could put a mascot mode right now. There is one thing I want them to do. So I've always thought that the crowd animations were a little lackluster. And that's fine because the focus should be on the gameplay. But I do think at this point we have enough, like, memeable.

Like, there's Sad Texas Tech Guns Up. There's what the fuck Texas girl. There's more, there's like stunned Michigan fan. There's enough of those people that I think we should like sprinkle them into the game. And have the option to just make the stadium all that if you want. Nothing but LSU Dinosaur If I had, yes, that guy And if I can get the Florida

Had Yucan guy, right? Sad Bama fan, sad Bama bangs, man. Just so you're saying just an entire wall of shirtless NC State Husky Wolf? Oh my God, if you could give me a whole stand of them, right? Just, whoo! And if I could get NC State to play Arkansas

to get that fat shirtless Arkansas fan and have a whole stadium full of that? That was NC State too, the one twirling the shirt. No, no, no, I'm thinking about the one at the Cotton Bowl. Oh, okay. Right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the one fan. It's a mountain of a man. Just imagine a whole Himalaya on that, right? I think my ice cream eating coach. Other than Texas Tech Guns Up fan is it was at Arkansas, Mississippi State a year or two ago, and you see

happy Arkansas fans hopping up and down, and then the Mississippi state fan is just one. grinding up to let loose an F-bomb, and they cut away right at the moment of truth. They're like, look it up, look it up. I'm telling you. Or can you give me the Mississippi State Arkansas fight, where they just show a bunch of rejoicing Arkansas fans and just see a Mississippi State dude wind up and start wailing the fuck out of people.

And what you need to do is just go in rotoscope when whatever put the little white motion captured throughout a Mississippi State Arkansas crowd. That's the crowd of you every game in every sport ever. I don't care if it's tennis. I don't care if we golf, whatever. There's a lot of fights in this. Make the crowd dynamic too. If I'm like, if I'm whooping somebody by 35 points in the fourth quarter,

just pan over and show me sad Washington State popcorn, man. Just that's it. Yeah, no. Show me that guy. But also, like, I want fights breaking out so they pop up in other games without explanation. Like, man, surrender. Williams tennis 2019 there's a lot of fights in the stands

it's the same as if you stayed Arkansas fans just brawling throughout the sports universe the French Open is amazing exactly it's just the French Open so they put little like summer hats on the guys right but they're still the same they're like 250 pounds and beating the daylights out of each other

like a damn Mick Foley match like oh God they just barreled into the NBA draft crowd Unfortunately, the NBA games will be like, yeah, this is a little too real for us. So, uh, yeah, can you, can we put a player up there? Yeah, you can't, actually. That's, that's happened. Ron our test is in the Arkansas crowd.

They'd be thrilled. They'd be like, oh, man, now we got a hoot nanny. Ron's here. Genuine celebrity. Meta world, what? Yeah. Yeah, so I think everybody's agreed on that as a platform plank, you know, jokes about making a hoot nanny and an Ozark brawl up there. Promotion and relegation, maybe the one that I think tickles people's fancies the most, unless it happened to their team.

Well, this was, I think one of my favorite things anybody said to us came from, let me find it. God damn it, why is this always so hard? Oh, okay, from Andrew F. A.M. Wahoo on Twitter. UVA to the Sun Belt. And I say that as a UVA fan. That feels like that's not demotion enough. Why would you stop there? Why are we soft-pedaling it? Don't sell yourself too high.

You got to play Georgia Southern in Arkansas State. That's going to be a little rough. So there are two, like, halfway versions of relegation and, you know, promotion that we're kind of accidentally proposed and I want to throw them out to both of you and see what you think of them. First, I'm going to start with this one from A.B. Lichtenstein or Stein. I have no idea how it's pronounced in real life for the people or the geographical location. Stick Nick Saban at Iowa State just to see what happens. Yes, that would be funny. But what if we had a rule that said, if you're a head coach once you win two national

title somewhere because it's hard to win two a lot of coaches can win one but two is seems to be like what truly separates the great coaches from the just very good coaches if we said after that you have to leave you have to go somewhere else how does that strike you yeah let's try it okay so it would have been uh urban mire would have had to go and um well don't like do tv for year. Could you imagine what that would have been like? God damn it. Uh, and then this one, which I like even more. This is from Glenn at GR Y gold on Twitter. Make everyone in the Big Ten play North Dakota State. I like this idea a lot because I think each, rather than the whole like FBS shouldn't play FCS, I think that's wrong. I think we should pick one geographically

relevant opponent for each Power 5 conference and just say like, okay, whoever, like the fcs champion of that region was last year you get to play one division of you get to play like the division that didn't win the uh conference championship game oh that's good yeah you get to play all of them you get to and you know what if you go through and you punch them all out great you're not necessarily moving up but to the extent you are interested in doing it who buddy you have built quite a fucking resume if you want to so i'm talking james madison versus This is the ACC Coastal. Yeah.

So, again, sorry, Virginia. That would be, I think, Eastern Washington against the Pact 12 North. Which that happens every year anyway. Yes, yes, yes. You'd have, I guess technically you'd have Youngstown state. Yeah, I'd be Youngstown tagging in for North Dakota State this time. And then for the SEC East, I think you're getting Jacksonville State, which is not. in Jacksonville, Florida, but is in the south.

Hey, they almost beat Auburn that one time. So, or both. So this, this actually works out pretty well. And then I guess the Big 12, we're going to give you Sam Houston. Sam Houston State? Yeah, they're always good. This would be, this would be fucking amazing if we did this. If we just said, clear your schedule, everybody, everybody in this division,

you got to play this plucky fucking FCS team. Yeah, that and if you will, remember. Bill, of course, has been simulating for this for years to give you a sample. My favorite, after the 2015 season, if we had done relegation via his rules, there would be, let's see, no Oregon State out with the Pack 12, right? In the SEC, U.L. Lafayette, out. Guess who would have been relegated? Yeah, that's right, Kentucky and Vanderbilt. Out.

Yeah, the SEC is really clean in house in his mom. that's been going for a few years. The Big Ten column, Northern Illinois would have been relegated, meaning they would have already been up. North Dakota State, solidly in. And in the Big Ten Tier 2, which would basically be the Mac, who's down there? Yeah, Purdue's down there.

So's Rutgers, and so's Illinois. I think. And so's Indiana. Oh, and so's Maryland. Did you look at the Big 12 column where Kansas is in Tier 3? Oh, boy. Kansas. And Bill's...

long-running simulation, Kansas is down in the goddamn Southland. Kansas, you just became a hipster soccer team. Kansas is alongside incarnate word, the stereotypical Baylor FCS opponent team. Yeah, man. Kansas is down there

being Wimbledon FC of the planes. And then it's even funnier if they beat Texas. Exactly. Which they'll do. Win-win for all. Yeah, so this is fun. I think we're all for a relocation. That's fine. Unless it happens our team, in which case, it's the worst idea

anybody's ever had. Then you get a conference title next year. That's true. Florida will have the best offense in some conference. Or they won't. Or they won't. Well, we'll find out which. Yeah, yeah.

I do enjoy the quote that Bill C. have with his next plank, which is expand the playoff to eight teams. Eventually, that would be from Ben Bullware when asked about expanding the playoffs, that if we had to do this another game after this. God no. I'd literally die.

So, yeah, we should do this. Wow, Spencer's trying to kill Ben Bullware. Wow, yeah, suck it up, Ben, you're young. Spencer hates Ben Bull. Okay, oh, but hold on. I think I have a compromise

suggestion that we can pair with this that might alleviate Ben's concerns. Pete Rossman at Pete at F-A-N. suggested games will be done in three hours no matter what the team leading at the end of that time wins yes good just three hours three hours period yeah you just get yeah it's just sort of like it's like soccer basically we just say maybe we bring an injury time rule into it though probably not because

we'll figure out a way to fuck that up and we just say yeah it's i mean it just say just say it's just running clock we start and we go we play it we play 90 minutes to start 90 minutes after half time that's it see who wins it would be even better because you know the idea that coaches now can't stop the clock on the end of a potentially game-winning drive kind of bail some of them out kind of kind of helps some guys who who have some trouble with that the clock's rolling and well yeah what are you going to do well time time is the ultimate victor it seems can't really blame coach for that one um but yeah this this would be this would be five power conference champions best group of five team two at large beds all ranked by committee so so we

still have a committee can't get around that uh quarter finals around December 17th semi final in New Year's Eve Day, and the finals around January 15th. So that's roughly two weeks between each one, right? For recovery. Yeah. Right? It's still adding, it's adding a game. Who is the worst team to win a conference title in like modern, in modern times?

Oh, I actually broke this down. If y'all want to discuss something else, I actually figured this out. You got some research here? It'll take me a second to look at it up. Okay. Because I was trying to, I was trying to think about this while you mentioned it. It was the first question that popped up. Oh, no, no, no.

I got it. I got it. I got it. Okay. All right. 2012, Wisconsin. How bad? Lost five games.

It would have entered the playoff at, oh, eight and five. It would have been not ranked by the playoff committee. So here's the first. thing. And you've been taking a spot from number seven Ohio State. Here's the thing. Everybody in our heads, we all hate that. We all think that that's nonsense and bullshit.

Oh, speak for yourself. Right. Okay. I understand that we're broken and weird. But look at it in every other sport. Like, hockey's a great example. The Predators barely made the playoffs. The Predators, everybody, not only did all the experts say that they weren't going to

beat the Blackhawks, most of them didn't even think they would win us. game and now they're in the damn Stanley Cup final. So like it makes everybody mad at first but once it happens there's this weird thing we're all like well fuck yeah let's let this five lost team win a fucking national

championship. That's awesome and stupid and I love it. Also Wake Forest in 2006 that'd be the worst national champion ever because they would win a game like 11 to 3 so I hear this is funny

So the worst Playoff Auto bid for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 out of 7 years would have been an ACC team. You can look at the positive here. Mind how things have changed, but man, damn.

But the Sam Swank Field goal, they win. Jim Grove. Oh, God, walking the earth. Disgusting. I'm not for this, by the way. We should just go back to the original system where bowls were meaningless, and everyone could sit around and get drunk and warm places. So what you would like is, like, we award a national champ and then we play some bowls.

That's right. That's literally what happened in 1969. Exactly. That's perfect. I'm all for like, I'm all for. What are bowls for? You're like, corporate large, yes. Like how Alabama claims a title that it won during a year when it lost its bowl game to Notre Dame,

the actual national champ. I have. I have a rationale for this, by the way. I do. My rationale for this is if you reduce that, you cut conference championship games, right? Just eliminate them because nobody cares if we're going to eliminate divisions, right?

Which is I'm looking ahead on the playbook here. But if we go ahead and we just, okay, hey, you ran the table and you won. Well, guess what you can build into that? Better out of conference games, right? That's hard. Yeah, just build that in. And then after that, we can just go.

party at bowls and people are like well they're not compelling i'm like well they're not for you right also there's no consequences either so you what call call 15 trick plays right let's let's shoehorn another user follower audience member suggestion here this from are the best the best the apple of my internet i copy cup says ban neutral site games i say no i say no but you have to play You can play neutral site games, but you have to play them at another college's stadium. Okay, okay. I have a wrinkle. You can have neutral site games, but they must occur at a non-football facility.

Fine. How about, how about you can have neutral site games, but no NFL stadiums? Oh, man, no. That's actually, like, that should happen now. It's ghastly. Like, there's no reason a college football game should ever be played at FedEx Field. ever because i mean that's getting dan snyder on you well like the neutral site games as much as they're shit on like yes we would all prefer campus games for every game in the regular season

for the playoff if you if you know if you're the number one seed you should get a fucking home game it's not that complicated um i think we like the odd ball games if you want to play one game in australia and give the players a week off sure great whatever fine but like i mean the thing about the neutral side games is alabama would not be playing florida state in week one without that lord knows florida wouldn't be leaving the state to play michigan without that so like i don't know i mean week one would be kind of trash without neutral side games by the way i'm still waiting to see if that really happens we'll see if we'll see if we'll see i'm convinced michigan will show up florid'll be like it's too cold you're like there's a shadow i hear what you're saying but

take for example USC USC has a buy week 13 which i I believe is Thanksgiving Week. What if we play Ohio State, Michigan at the Coliseum? Oh, wow. What in the fucking... What in L.A.?

Well, considering that's where all Michigan and Ohio State grads live anyway. I know. It kind of fits. Just put them there, right? Either do it there or you do it in Giant Stadium in New York, right? Like, God, I miss my school so much. I'm so proud of them. I love that state, love that place. Where do you live? I live in L.A.

I don't blame you I'm not like oh man you should live in Ohio no let's not do that or if you want to make it a little more local Notre Dame Stanford played in the damn coliseum watch the USC fans come out and cause all the problems my suggestions include

yes more NASCAR tracks right like why doesn't the Iron Bowl happen at Talladega. Abandoned NASCAR tracks. Sure. That's an ACC special right there. No, no. That's like East Carolina.

Like East Carolina versus Marshall. Ar! We have claimed the bones of this NASCAR track. At this abandoned dragstrip. Who will challenge us? We run this huddle house. The thundering herd. Pull it in with a load of shine coming down the hills.

You could use it as break lubricant. Abandoned Olympic facilities, right? Hey, we got those. Hey, Brazil. What's up? Yeah, got plenty of those, man. Actually, Spencer, you are literally describing Georgia State's home field right now. Exactly.

Like, we could do it at places where football hasn't been played for years, like Purdue Stadium. you could just pull in and play there and it would totally qualify you could also play in places like I would love to do it on like a baseball field right like that would be great without necessarily moving anything right

well I invite you to the pinstripe pole next year you're coming up buddy we're going together how satisfying is it too to watch that happen see these are nothing but good ideas and let's not include let's not just say oh football stadiums I want to play on that Barron

of dirt between Los Angeles and Las Vegas where the solar plant is, right? So you could just have like glowing, the glowing orb bowl, right? Hail orb. Hail orb. Ain't bros unless you put your hands on an orb with your boys. It's not the same friendship until you put your hands on an orb. Rush week is terrible. So, next on the list, this was, this Spencer mentioned this, um, fixed scheduling.

by scrapping divisions we still care about conferences conferences uh you you win your conference you deserve a bid to power conference you deserve a bid to the playoff but divisions are trash we have conferences where there are teams that haven't played each other in years and years um Florida hasn't been to Auburn in years I know that doesn't bother y'all at all you'd probably never like to go there ever again but um there are conferences where teams barely have any real uh identity with each other no chance to develop these rivalries so what we're going to do is we're going to kill division is trying all right yukon is trying to make this rivalry happen ukon and smu they are they're going to get it they're they're they're going to find each other someday what we propose is the pod system and this is the one

out of the nine of these where i say we because i feel i can i contributed to this one a little bit um breaking each conference up into groups of three or four designated rivals per team And we used, in this post, we used the SEC as an example, but we figured out the whole Power 5 in another post. And you look at, okay, so Georgia, for example, you got to play Florida, you got to play Auburn. You're going to play them every year, you know, home and home, like always, like forever. And then once you start doing those rivalries for everybody else throughout the conference, you find, well, okay, Georgia and South Carolina, guess what, your buddies now. You're just permanent eternal rivals. But once you do this, here's the upside.

You play everybody every two years anyway. So you still get to play Tennessee every other year. You have to play Alabama every other year, so that's bad. But we'll move past that. We'll move past that. The way this all breaks down is everybody plays each other all the time. And if you want a conference title game, it's actually the two best teams. And it doesn't involve the SEC East at all.

So you can easily adapt this for every conference. um and uh we think it's pretty brilliant to be quite frank can i can i make one request can we wait until the big 12 splits into divisions and then do this just to well our big 12 plan is that we tell everyone that tech this is their their secret automatic designated annual most hated rival and then texas goes to the back the pack 12 well that's i guess that's that's phase two but yeah phase one is just everyone gets to pretend texas is their rival because they all play each other anyway but yeah Texas Texas is totally leaving as soon as it can

yeah I support this that's fine I also by the way really really support certain ideas like this doesn't divisions this is moving teams around the suggestion that we move Clemson

oh man we move Clemson to the SEC east and Vanderbilt to the ACC now I mean that's That was a listener question, right? Yes, that was from Michael J. Altman. Yes, and you know what? That's actually brilliant, except for one thing. It'd be terrible for my team, so I really don't want this to happen.

It's a very uneven trait. Yeah, I mean, to me it's too on the nose. Yeah, I mean, why is he, like, we all know Clemson is an SEC team in the ACC, but I think Clemson likes it that way. It's turning out pretty good for Clemson, so I don't know. I mean, I feel like it's, yeah, like identity-wise and all that, yeah, probably. Also, even with Clemson out of the conference, this doesn't make Vanderbilt's life all that much easier. Oh, no, no.

Oh, hey, guess what? You're in the division with Florida State and Louisville now. Have fun. Yeah. Guess what? You're NC State West. Yeah. Congratulations.

this this feels like it was proposed just to help the university of Tennessee recruiting somehow noted noted University of Tennessee sleeper cell bill Cotley yeah I also like the pod thing because pod is two things pod is the word that I think of everything in all of these in the entirety of the platform has the most regional accent variance like you can hear someone yelling about yelling to Powell about the pot the powd

pow these pounds our pod is so unfair yeah the pad you can hear a pad you can do a west coast accent whoa this pod this pod is totally not chill they put us in a pod with USC

and that's your pod sucks bro and and And pod just screams conspiracy theory. 100%. What have we called the pods chemtrails instead? The pod people. I would also say that if we call them pods as well,

we are playing into, I think, the tone of the current media environment by suggesting pods, pod people, possession. Xenomorphs. Xenomorphs, it's right. I'm all for this. This is good. Did we cover, do you think we've covered the non-con scheduling in other discussions? Yeah, I mean, well, somebody suggested that we forced Florida to play a non-conference game out-of-state to which my answer was.

Florida just becomes an independent and keeps its schedule exactly the same. And hey, now a lot of out-of-state games on the non-conference aren't there? I would argue we play Florida State, and that's an out-of-state. and that's an out-of-state game because that's Alabama. I thought you were going to say because we were high on PCP. How many states would you say Florida is?

Would you say four, five? I would say it's four. I would say three point seven-five. Like, in my opinion, you have, okay, Florida, that's in Georgia. The University of Florida, that's in Georgia. Florida State, that's in Alabama. Miami is its own state.

And then UCF, USF, that is, I think what most, like, like national people when they think Florida, I think that's what they're thinking. And then we have our own kinky Vatican City, Key West. So five it is. Yeah, so I think we've come to an agreement. It's four, yeah, five states, and then five states, and then whatever Orlando is. And you think I'm being rude, but I guarantee you there's somebody in QS right now wearing the Pope's weird hat and a G-string.

Actually, I mean, in literal terms, Disney World is like as close as America gets to the Vatican, right? Like, it's this tiny little protector that has no legal responsibility to anything else and probably has like mineral rights and space rights to itself. Got their own cops. Got its own military. Yeah. Is it part of America? I don't know. I'm willing to go ahead and give it at least San Marino status.

If not Vatican, it's definitely San Marino. So, and Bill's non-conference plan, this is one where it's a few different ideas, but the standout one is bracket buster Saturday, where we leave a week of the schedule open. Everyone plays 12 games. One of them is just a mystery game. And before the season, we cut up home teams and road teams, and then once we get a couple weeks out from that mystery week, everyone finds out who they're playing, and it's based on where they stack up. So if you're Alabama, you're playing a top, top 16 team. If you're Rutgers, you're playing a bottom 16 team. Everyone gets someone that's sort of at their level.

It's like a matchmaker game on the fly, I guess. And apparently they used to do this in basketball. I don't know if they still do. Is college basketball still happen? I think it does still happen. I think they still do this. It is a very good plan. If anything, I would like to see it on steroids where we just take the last month of the season and do this.

Oh, really? Oh, yeah. I would also enjoy this because I would really enjoy the stressed places on coaches, particularly those who are, you know, drudges, film types, devoid of any innate genius. Oh, here's the thing. It's not going to stress the coaches that much because the fucking assistants are the ones who now have to prep for 15 possible teams instead of one. I need you to watch all the Western Kentucky's games and also all the Middle Tennessee's games and also all of Minnesota's games. You're not getting a raise this year,

but we are grafting an extra set of eyes to the bottom of your face so you can watch more tape. Thanks. Nick Saban's got the RAND Corporation breaking down film. I need to break down the entire middle of the top 40. We've done a threat analysis for all 36 possible opponents. We signed a precog as a special assistant. It's legal.

Look it up. Why are you doing work with CERN? Why wouldn't we be doing work with CERN? Don't you want to be great? Oh, yeah, I'm for it because it's chaotic and it's going to make life harder on football coaches who are overpaid anyway. So, yeah, I want you to do some work for once, Jesus. Pro. And then we are on, I believe, the length of games.

Yeah, which we've already covered. We already saw that. Already covered. Catch up, Bill. There is one more proposal, though, that I think would help this. This comes from Tom Collins at Ron Ensign. Have punts count as minus one point. hmm man floor will be under par that's good go gators because that now we're talking it's a strategic thing

but you also you got to spin the point right and in some and you go negative though yeah absolutely and in some circumstances it's going to be worth like if you're backed up in the shadow of your own goal line like yeah it probably is worth it to lose that point but you know we're going to get rid of real fucking fast, punting inside your opponent's 40. That's not going to happen if it's minus one point. Don't put it past James Franklin. Damn.

Actually, I take that back. 2016, James Franklin, he's going for that shit. He's throwing that ball. Whether it's a good idea or not. Don't put it past Minnesota. Put pit in. We just want to do like lightning round

through the Lusies that don't really fit any of these specific proposals. Sure. Let's go quick. I like this one from Nandez, Commander 92 on Twitter. Three-digit uniform numbers. Sure. Just picture that across the belly of a big old defense tackle.

Yeah, but 99. No, I think they should be emojis, and we should just get the 100. Yeah, if you're 100, you get automatic emoji conversion. I'm a big fan of that. You get the emoji. I think as a senior you should get an emoji, right? Like, I would totally get the, like, poop once so that I could score and every time be like, I am the shit. Or should that be like a patch?

Like in the NFL, you got your captain. He can just get emojis on your helmet. Who's going to be the first coach to do emoji pride stickers? PJ Fleck? He's already, PJFleck's already got it mapped out. PJFlex already got it. And, like, there's one player that he's like, why does he keep asking for the wet eggplant and peach ones? This is so far in the podcast that, like, we can just say, like, oh, we should do this as a post on our website, and it doesn't matter.

No one cares. Nobody makes it this far. Nobody stays to the end. We're just having an editorial meeting. But, yeah, we should do this as a blog post. Agreed. Agreed. I think that, let's see, this is a good one because I would enjoy watching the head explode.

That would be from at AB Lichtenstein. Stick Nick Sabin and Iowa State, just to say. see what happens. Gets hired by Auburn in two years. That's how that works. Yeah, we discussed that about an hour ago. Oh, yeah, sure. It's fine. Don't worry about it. You're good. I'm proud of you. I believe in you. God, damn it. No, no, no, no, no. We got this. We got this. We got this. From Gonzo Tigers on Twitter, each nickname, holy shit. It is really, it is, it is really coming down out here.