Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 7.07: The High Rollers Only Episode

Episode Date: May 31, 2017

Thanks to you, we brought in nearly $40,000 in this round of the charity drive, and those of you with particularly fat stacks got to call in and serve as the exclusive VIP inquisitors for your usual three hosts AND three unexpected guests. Topics include: - Jason's worst airport experience - How Lane Kiffin is going to run afoul this season - Our scripted college football playoff for maximum jokes/entertainment - Yinzers - Ohio State's seeming lack of down years - Who will accidentally win the Skip Holtz lottery - Garth Brooks, Beyonce, Spin Doctors - all concerts Spencer has attended - Our favorite Saban Alabama losses Once again, many thanks to all of you who donated. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown forecast. Man, we got a crowded room right now. So crowded. We got our usual. Say hi, Jason Kirk. I think what's happening? Do we have Orion live from Brooklyn? Oh, yeah, you do.

You're lucky so-and-so. So I think lucky so-and-so that we are setting a record. This is the furthest we've ever podcasted. This is the shutdown full cast. So it's a record for one because we have a party on the West Coast. We have a party on the third coast. We have a party who is currently on the East Coast in New York. So we are triangulated as far as we have ever been for a recording, a record.

We also have another record. This is going to be the first shutdown five cast, y'all. Because joining us on the West Coast, I just happen to have, Holly Anderson right here. Hi. And John Boyes of the Internet. Hey. palpable excitement. I'm going to go vape now.

All right. So John's going to sit here and vape and occasionally chime in with things. like, food is good. All food is good, which is something John said just like three seconds ago. It's true. I thought it was most food is good. No, he said all. Wow. You guys agree with most. That's what I said. This is also why John is not in charge of FDA inspections anymore. He just looks at beef and he says, that looks good. Go ahead. Sell it. Actually, as up last week, John is in charge of FDA inspect. Oh, God damn it. That's fine. That's the most clarity I've ever had on John's job. So that's the magic of John.

The business this week, by the way, we have a special thing. We did do the EDSBSBS fundraiser last week. Thank you all. We ended up over the weekend top of $40,000 for the week. Michigan did win again because Michigan always wins these things. So thank you and go blue. But we also would like to remind everyone we totaled like $92 grand on the year. Y'all raised $92 grand.

And for that, we have special cookies and treats for those who donated it over $100. Ryan, explain the big baller hotline. It's a hotline. And if you donated over $100, you called it and left a message. And now you're going to get to hear yourself on our podcast, which I don't recommend. But it's your money. I can't control you.

It didn't have enough people. So we had to cram in. Yeah. Yeah. So now we have 17 more people bringing the podcast total to 22. That's right. We can field an offense and a defense. This is the worst football team.

That's right. We have... The y'all 22. The y'all... I'm sorry. No. Oh, good. You don't have anything better.

No, I've got nothing better. But we do have, I believe, questions to get through many, many questions. So... Shut down six cast. Hi, Doug. Shut down six cast. Doug Gillette just walked in the room.

Good God, we have a lot to go through. So we should just go ahead and start. Gentlemen, lay the questions. Hi, this is Cocky Bowman from Parts Unknown. A long-time listener, first-time caller. at two questions. The first question is this. It's pretty much a given that Blaine Kiffin is going to be involved in some unseemly behavior this season, possibly multiple incidents. What's your prediction as to the most law-worthy, unseemly behavior that he's involved in?

Well, he's at FAU. If he gets into trouble, will anyone notice it? Yes, because Boca Raton is, I learned today, strictly regulated. Bucca Raton does not allow any Walmarts or Costco's in the city proper, and you can't have an outdoor car dealership. How are you going to have all those old people in no Costco? Outdoor car dealership. Well, the indoor car dealership is where the action really is, I think. That's like the garage in Fast and Furious, where it's like you can pick any of these toys you want. But you can't take them to Walmart.

But don't drive them through the Costco. Yeah. Although in Boca Raton, wouldn't it just be like Lincoln Town Car? Here's a Lincoln Town car. And then there's another Lincoln Town car. It souped up with a CD changer. So, yeah, I think Lane Kevin is going to run a foul of some incredibly minute municipal code about, you know, painting his house the right color or wearing the wrong polo on Thursday. Oh, shit. He put a Costco at midfield.

I think since there's so much attention on him he knows the feds are watching he's going to try to lay low and he's going to do an okay job of it and then come next year the store can be while the redeemed mature Lane Kiffin the process worked it took and that's when

like the oh he shattered a pool scandal drops two words two words boat accident oh is that how Monty he goes, shit. Second question is, if Michigan finishes third in the Big Ten East

again this year, is it going to be okay to call him a maize and blue Pitch Jones? Thanks. Oh, God. And the answer is no, because people at Michigan actually want to keep Jim Harbaugh. Just mean-spirited, Jesus. Hi, this is Kevin from Texas.

And the question that I want answered is two-parter. Who is the best college football coach as an additional passenger on Mimi from the Voyage of the Mimi television series and which college football coach would be the worst additional passenger? Thanks very much, and I'll look forward to listening to it. Best is hard because lots of college football coaches, you know, talk about getting through tough times, but certainly crashing your scientific vessel is one of them. Lots have figured out how to make something out of nothing, which is essential when you're stranded on an island.

But I went with Pat Fitzgerald because if you were to say, like, who can turn a normal student experience crashing it into the rocks and then somehow emerging a survivor? That feels like Northwestern football most years. Holly, if you have an opinion, you're welcome to it, but I have a bad one, so. I was going to go with Matt Rule, actually, just because it seems like he is willing to make the best of any shitty situation. And for worst, man, all of them, Butch Jones, again, because he, you know, I hate to return to this well, but he provides no tangible value in anything so far that we can figure out. And imagine how dense that man is.

Like, he's literally just dead weight on a boat. You could use him as an anchor. Well, I feel like he'll sink like a cannonball made of vegan bread. I feel like Butch Jones would sink to an inconvenient depth, right? Like he would sink to five inches from the surface where he's like, I'm drowning, but I'm so, yeah, but seven inches from the bottom. So, like, you couldn't use him as an anchor, but he couldn't also, like, not drown. So, yeah. My answer for worse is Bobby Petrino, because the minute you're in a survival situation, you know he's whipping off his pants and be like, we got to repopulate the earth.

That's all we can focus on. Don't think about who's left behind. It's time to move forward. A sub question here and ask ourselves which Petrino would be worse, because I can make a strong case for Paul. Oh, yeah. I mean, with Paul, the emergency is going to end quickly and bloodily. Imagine having to depend on Paul in a crisis in closed quarters. Look what he did in the kid you don't.

Damn. Hey, this is Wes WES at Not West. Hunt. And my question for y'all was between Georgia Tech 2015 terrible season, the Falcons blowing up the Super Bowl, and the I-85 bridge collapse. What's the next thing that's going to collapse in Atlanta? I appreciate it. Go Jackets and the hell of Georgia. Creflow. Yeah, yeah, Creflo. Already happened. Already happened. T.I. and Tiny. The Creflow statue is coming down. Yeah, T.I. and Tiny are done, so Love is officially dead. That's over.

Although Gucci and his wife appear to be real happy, so I'm not going to wish that on them and say that it'll be the next collapse. They're going to carry through this. Yeah, I mean, they're pretty much the first couple. That's a good point. Like the robot butthole, the first time that they try to open it or close it. You know what?

It would be the most Atlanta thing in the world. There's an Instagram just devoted to chicken wings. Like chicken wing. Every chicken bone got stuck in the place. Yeah, if they pulled that out and they were like, yeah, there's a wing stuck. Like in the hinge. Somebody who's up there just things. And it'll definitely be when they try to close it.

When they're like, oh, rain's coming. Don't worry. We're prepared for this. Oh, no. I mean, the roof is only delayed by a month so far. Only a month. So far. Yeah, that will be the next great Atlantic collapse.

You heard it here first. Hey, y'all. This is Clay. I donated on behalf of NC State. I have a few proposals from which you all can choose. First, shirtless Jake Robinson, everybody's favorite shirt-spending NC State fan, should be given lifetime rights to seats in the front of the student section at Carter Finley and a platform for which to spin his shirt, given the event of a win. Item two, some lucky fan should be designated the shirtless fan for each season. Or item three, they should just build a dang statue to shirtless Jake somewhere in the stadium.

Thanks, I'll hang up and listen. If you can get them to build a statue, I mean, yes to all of them. Can we back up and explain to John who shirtless Jake Robinson is? I want to know. Yes, shirtless Jake Robinson. What was the year on this? Was this 2013? Sure.

I mean, I think it's earlier. I think it was like 2011 and 12. Yeah. People listening to this podcast make that kind of distinction. Somebody. I'll tell you this. It was old enough that last year when NC State was doing good against, I guess, Florida State. We tweeted it out and

like so many of our followers had never seen it before. They thought it was happening right now. And I was like, holy shit, I'm old. I'm so old. The kids don't get my gifts anymore. I will just say this. If you can get people in the South to build a statue of somebody who's not a white supremacist, you go ahead and get it to do it.

Can it be an animatronic statue? Can you like put a dollar in it and the shirt will twist around? Yeah. Yeah. I would do a fountain like spun around as if it were the towel. Yeah, like a sprinkler, right? weather vein. No, no, no. Let's go bigger. Make it a ride. Kids can sit in the towel. It's like the stratosphere in Vegas. Well, look at NC states. NC states already got that

Disney ass entrance. This would go perfectly in their car force or something. That's true. And the wolf does look like some sort of 50s Disney villain of sorts. Like a problematic one who like a woman in a skirt would go by and go, oh, right? And you're like, why is a wolf like, like, like lusting after a human like that and then he's like listen if you think i'm bad you should look at the kansas mascot all right this song of the south ass mascot this next question comes from a very dear friend of the podcast hey y'all josh black so one of my favorite things about college football is funny losses, like when your team doesn't score an offensive touchdown and you still beat the eventual national champion, or when you kick a game-winning

field goal, but the other team's coach calls a timeout, so you have to kick the game-winning field goal again in their stadium to beat them again. But what I'd like to talk about is Alabama. So Alabama hasn't lost a whole bunch under Nick Saban, but when they're not going to be do, it's pretty funny. So what I'd like for you guys to do is briefly discuss your top five favorite Alabama losses of the Nick Savan era. I know the kick six is probably going to be in there a bunch, but there's some other great choices as well. So I'd love for us to just take a trip down memory lane. For purposes of answering this, let's just take the kick six off the table. Let's assume

that that is a favorite. But let's talk about our five. others. I don't know. I'm going deep and I'm going back and I'm talking about Nick Savant's first season. Let us savor the billboard-inducing loss to Louisiana Munro. Oh, okay. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a fine vintage. I'm going to pick one that I don't think anyone else will pick. So I'll go next. I'm going to go with, of the, of the old miss losses, I'm going to go with the home loss, the loss in Tuscaloosa. A, because It was built on the premise of like, well, Nick Sabin's certainly not going to lose to these jackasses the second time. And B, it was full of so much amusing nonsense that Alabama fans got to feel aggrieved and like, well, you know, if it wasn't for all those turnovers, we probably would have, we probably would have won that one.

I don't know, I don't know what game you're playing here. That's bullshit chess. That's what you won. I'm going to go with the 2010 Iron Bowl when Bama was up 24-0-0. after playing songs taunting Cam Newton made some allegedly profited off of his likeness and then

went on to lose that game after being up 24-0 If you think about it, the Lord profited off of Jesus' likeness. So. Cecil Newton profited off the both of them. See, who's the man behind the man behind the man?

I'm in a bio state. because you know how they beat them on the ground they beat the crap out in the trenches and that's not supposed to happen against no big 10 team but then fairier athletes and a zeke elliot rip oh god that long run that long run's a narcotic because you know what you can pass them and you know what they get to do they're like well i don't know you weren't calling it that was just a bunch of bullshit fruity ass throw the bald you know that ain't football ohio state ran them over they ran them over it there's just no argument with that. It's not like, well, y'all weren't calling holding. You're like, funny, you go 60 yards on one play. Also, it gave Ohio State fans like a chance to just do like the most obnoxious thing they get to do, which is they have one like one joke when they beat an SEC team, which is good because it gets dusty. They have to polish it off every now and that. Um, which is, you know, like, oh, hi, yes, the union won twice. Well, yes, that's cool. I appreciate you taking great moral conflict of our Haitian and

trivializing it for the football reference. Hold on. Let me sit while that's not my problem. I mean, Old Miss does that too, so. Basically, everybody who meets Bama gets to say is problematic shit about the Civil War. I also want to point out that this produced the greatest piece of sports writing ever on Twitter, and I don't remember who wrote it, and I'm sorry about that, and my phone's right here, and I'm too lazy to look, but whoever it was, who described Zeke Elliott's running style as haunted downhill shopping cart. That's Cardale Jones, right?

Oh, was it Cardale? I think it was Cardale. God, there were so many runs that went over, under, and through Alabama in that game that it is hard to recall. Yeah. I want to end on this. I'm going to give you a passing line from an Alabama opponent, and I want you to guess the game. 17 completions on 20 attempts, 201 passing yards, one interception, three touchdowns. No, no, no.

I know this one. That's Stephen Garcia. That's Stephen Garcia going 17 a damn chance. against an Alabama defense Stephen Garcia's from Tampa. It loves to drink. That performance was kind of like when in old school, when

Wolf Farrell answers the very difficult debate question. And everyone's like, wow, that was amazing. What happened? Where was I? All he was doing, they were just throwing face to Alshan Jeffrey. It was the best because they couldn't stop Lattimore on the run. He was getting

just enough on the run. They'd creep up. They'd be one on it's just like, yeah, you can't stop that. Too bad. Sorry. Checking it up. That's funny. I thought you DBs were better than this. I guess old out, Sean, ain't going to be pumping gas for a living. Hey there, guys.

This is Brooks, Colin from Venice, California. Looking forward to that matchup with my Michigan Wolverines and Spencer's, Florida Gators, Jerry World. And I was just wondering how you guys see that game going and what are some things that we can look for in that game. Let us know that the season might go well for either team or for both teams. It seems like both teams were replacing an awful lot this year. Go Blue. Can I be honest and say that I forgot that this game was a thing until this question got submitted?

I forgot this too. I think I'd been thinking about Bama Florida State. I was thinking about Bama, y'all. It happens. Where is this game being played? This game is being played in the Jerry Dome. And Holly is right, though, we have Bama Florida State, and this is basically, if you asked your parents for Bama, Florida State for Christmas, and they were like, oh, but this one's $50 cheaper, let's get them that. We got Michigan, Florida.

It's just as good. This game is Turgobo Graphics 16. Well, the only thing this game has going for it over Bama and Florida State is it is an actual rivalry between two different states. And Los Angeles, Tallahassee. Yeah, I have answers. How will it go? Florida will lose. How will, what should you take away from it for either team?

Nothing! Absolutely nothing. Forward now. Aside from their dignity. Yeah, that's it. How dare you? Michigan won this fundraiser. They did. I'm giving them the game. I'm not a problem. I'm how daring, Doug. Okay.

Yes, this is Kimberly Swigert, Kimberly S.N. on Twitter. I am the Gamecock, who donated, and just enough to be considered a high roller. and actually I just want you to give the Gamecox a shout out on the show you don't have to talk about much although I would be super curious if you get to talking about airports or flights at all

it would be very interesting to hear Jason's worst story about his time at the airport because it sounds like he has one that is worse than all of Spencer's put together and I'm sure Ryan always gets to the airport on time and never has any trouble but anyway I just wanted to say

I love your podcast and I'm very happy to be able to support the cause and support your fundraising and hope y'all have a good day. Bye. So this one time I ordered a pizza at the airport and it was super hot and it was too hot to eat before I got on the plane. So I had to take it onto the plane and that was kind of a pain. I mean, I mean, heat does play into your worst. airport is sorry. Not. So I'm from Georgia. That's the first thing you should know. So going to the airport to get on the plane to New York City for meetings and going through security. And next thing I know there's a cop towering over me to say, do you know why there's a weapon in your bag? And I certainly didn't. And I, you know, honestly, I still don't know. But there was a gun in my bag. I literally. do not know how it got in there.

I have theories, but I didn't put it in there. I didn't intend to take it. And, yeah, I spent two days in jail in Fulton County. Where in the Clayco? Oh, right, sorry, sorry, sorry. I apologize, Fulton. I was thinking Fulton for some reason. I will not have been the good name of Fulton.

Fuck Claycoe. Fulton, buddy, you could have walked out of Fulton can't hold you Fulton can't really hold anybody shit Fulton I could have recorded a TI video there um the unfortunate thing is I'm pretty sure if Spencer did the same thing somehow he would still make his

flight yeah he would have been at the meetings on time yeah I uh I remember this when I was sitting there in the holding cell somehow for some reason I still have my phone so I to spread the good news I emailed I had to email somebody from work to let them know I'm not going to be making the meetings that I'm in charge of

of. So who do I email? Let's see. I have like four bosses. Which one do I choose? I'm going to go with Spencer because I trust him to translate a Georgian gotten some gun trouble to, you know, a bunch of people from New York and D.C. And it worked out. It did. Now, this is, by the way, why I will not speak like large of Georgia's extremely militant gun lobby because they got a friend of mine off. Yeah, that happened too. Yeah. We somehow landed a top-ace gun lawyer who, like, sprang me nice and relatively swiftly and was, like, super about getting the piece back. And I'm like, well, you got me out. That's the most important thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Now, let's talk about getting this gun back.

My favorite story in the development was talking to you. And I'm like, so, man, what about the charges? You're going to get those expunge? He's like, yeah, man, but, like, they're really fixated on. I'm getting the gun back. And I'm like, I'm so glad to the lawyer's like, is the gun okay? Did you read the gun it's right? You did not.

Interesting. Because guns are, as you know, guns are recognized as people under Georgia law. Guns are people. Yeah, like I'm walking out and he like stiff arms me. We got to get the gun. I'm going in. Isn't it fair to say this gun is a kidnapping victim? Isn't that one way to look at it?

You lost the gun? Throw him back. Thank you, Jason, for sharing that extremely wonderful story, because I know it's, you pulled a Barry Switzer. I want you to know that's how cool that story is. You have something in common with Barry Switzer. Hi, Spencer. Hi, Ryan.

This is one of the Duke fans on the board. After looking at this, I'm just kind of curious. If you could script the college football season, like, you know, the wrestling people do or whatever, what would you set up as your final four for the most entertainment and the most drama? Thank you so much for what you do For us and for New American Pathways And if you get a chance Throw a squirrel to a friend in Maryland

He'd probably want one Thank you Can't wait to hear it Well, Bama's out Are we talking about entertainment On a football scale Or entertainment on a making jokes on the internet scale Holly what kind of podcast is this

A college football podcast But it's our college football podcast Which is why I ask the question Yeah so bullshit jokes is the answer bullshit nonsense jokes you okay I guess what I'm asking is does this need to be realistic it it doesn't it doesn't stipulate that so I'll start with I'll start with Jim Mora and UCLA because I think it would be very funny to watch you see hold on let me finish I think it'll be very funny to watch UCLA in the college football playoff with a Jim Mora who still doesn't want to

be there anymore who still wants to get out and we'll just be you know how Nick Saban's always kind of sour, and he says it's because he's missing recruiting time. For Jim Mora, he is the recruit, hoping that an NFL team will give him a scholarship. I feel like Fleck isn't easy, too, just because we have to go to press conference. Correct. Also, it will be really good if Minnesota makes the, it makes the college football playoff before Michigan does. No, that's the other thing I was going to say. It's a big 10 team in the playoff that is not Michigan or Ohio State. Or Penn State. Or, oh, God, I hadn't even, I didn't even, I didn't even. I didn't even.

even want to utter those words in the being. Sorry. Okay. I just want to request Navy. Ooh. Because everyone would get all fired up, like, oh, let's support the troops. And then they cut it on, you know, like average casual fan cuts it on. Like, okay, what the fuck am I watching?

What is this? What the fuck are the troops doing? Why are the troops all running into each other? So we've got Minnesota, Navy, UCLA, Spencer, give us a fourth. No, I, I want to put an SEC team there. Arkansas. No, yeah, you do where I was going to mess this whole thing up, put old Bertram in there. And then, and then Navy beats Arkansas in the national championship game?

Man, this is a rating, this is a ratings disaster. Everybody loves car chases. If Navy plays Arkansas in the national championship game, what do you think the average weight difference of the players is? whew, 150 pounds? 400 pounds. Also, how in the world do they string that game out to four hours with, like, a running clock the entire time? Let me break this down for you all,

because let's talk about the size differential here. Arkansas loses this game in the way that the United States lost in Vietnam. Purely in terms of, like, tactics. I'm not saying that Navy players, are going to be, like, digging, like, you know, digging into the field and creating trap doors that they can spring out of. But they're training in tactical warfare. Also, totally depleted morale among Arkansas fans.

That can happen. I, if I was actually seriously lining up on this, and I just wanted to do, like, pure gas, right? Like, what, like, what this might actually look like with a couple of curveballs. USC is fucking fun. They are really fun. They should be in every serious ball game because they are it out, have phenomenal athletes. Texas A&M out of the SEC.

Just when you think Kevin Sumb was done. Oh, wow. Just when you think you can get another mega contract out of those oil barons. Oh, flip the script on you by losing the national title game. Other ones, I think you would have to put the most exciting ACC team out of there. Virginia. Oh, sorry. What the hell are you doing?

How did those words get out? out of your mouth. Which is funny because you said the first word I was going to say, Virginia Tech under Justin Flinty finally getting in there. Yeah. And who else? Memphis again. I mean, damn, that's a...

It's fine. That's an aggressive pick. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Ooh. What if nobody from... What if the All right? Can All right to pick come from another conference? Hey, you know what?

We're just messing around. Willie Taggart's Oregon. Ooh. Oh, Shantay. Yeah, I like that one. And she stepped on the ball. Marvelous. Marvelous.

Oh, yes. Gentlemen, Lewis Winthrop here. I'm speaking to you from the High Roller Club brought to you by Nike. I was having a discussion this evening with some of my fellow high rollers. I thought that while you are relatively impoverished gentlemen, you might be able to add some perspective. The question is, gentlemen, what is it that makes the greatest of boosters.

Is it the booster's money alone? Surely not. Otherwise, Phil Knight would be the greatest booster. We all know how patently ridiculous that is. Is it the winds of the university? No, I don't think so. Otherwise,

some used car dealer in Huscaloosa, Alabama, Dothan, might be the greatest booster there is. No, gentlemen, there is something else, an X-FAC. And that is what we ask you, what is it that makes the greatest of boosters? And then, gentlemen, who is the greatest booster?

Huh. Tata for now, gentlemen. Off back to the club. Mainly money, but mostly something else entirely. I mean, I think to be a great booster, you have to be both good at your day job and a total asshole about your day job, right? Which is why Joe Jamel is the greatest booster of all time. Remember, Joe Jamel's quote after the 66 to 3 Route 66 loss to UCLA was calling the president up and saying, I put my damn name on the field, how much I got to pay to take it off.

Fat boy? You ain't running this deposition, fat boy. So I think our answer is Joe Jamil. Hi, this is Dan, a.k.a. Spencer's annoying neighbor. The question I have is, based on the fact that New York has now introduced us to Chick-fil-A, the joys of learning through hip-hop musicals, and now is going to fix barbecue for all of us slack-jawed yokels, what else can New York fix for the rest of the country? Thanks, I'm going to hang up and listen. This one is actually quite easy. Jason, do you enjoy house cleaning? Do you enjoy doing errands around your house? house? Uh, no, no, I don't. Uh, without, I, I don't want to get into specifics here, but can you give me like a rough square footage of your home? No, I'm not smart enough for that. It's, um, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

how many, uh, four. Okay, great. So you're doing fine. Now, you know, it would make your life a lot easier house cleaning wise. Let's say we shrink that to two bedrooms, all right? Okay. Let's say we take how many bathrooms you have, let's just take it to one. Now, you're thinking, yeah, but what if I want to live in a bigger place? What if I want more room for me and my family and friends and guests and whatever? Now, let's say that you can't afford it. That's what New York has solved. If you have to live in a small, miserable closet, it's easy to clean, and you can't afford anything else, so it really doesn't matter if you want something bigger and better. I just saved you, I don't know, probably a week, a year total in vacuuming, mopping, cleaning up.

You're welcome. Wow, that's pretty good. With all that time, I'm going to try out some of this barbecue stuff y'all got going on. It's probably not for you. You're probably not ready for it. I was going to say rats. I don't have enough rats in my life. I thought New York could help with that.

Do you want the rats to be super intelligent and large? Yeah, yeah, it'd be great. Cool. Hi, this is Nigel. from Philadelphia. When Brett Bilema rolled out the barge about five years ago, it was pretty much the sexiest thing many of us had ever seen, but it really hasn't made a long-term impact. Is the formation fatally flawed, or are there tweaks that Chris, Bilema, or now Matt Canada at LSU can make to make the barge great again? Thanks. No, it is perfect. It is not flawed.

No formation with that amount of linemen and sheer ass can be flawed. It's just a matter of execution. There, I'm a coach. Jeez, that was a SEC Media Day's response. This is Jason in Columbus, and my question is, what have we done wrong as a society to result in the fact that the only football program in the country to have never had a down period is Ohio State, and what can we do as a society to correct that so that they can suffer like the rest of us? Thank you. I disagree with this premise wholeheartedly because since 2000 there is only one team that's won more games than Ohio State. Oklahoma has won as many. Boise State has won more, but with the obvious caveat that they weren't playing in a power conference at that point.

Ohio State has won 17 more games in Alabama since 2000. They have won almost 30 games more than Florida. They've won more games in Texas and Clemson and Auburn. How many national championships has Ohio State won in the last 16 years? One. Two. They won two. Right. Listen, Miami, I still got you.

I'll never acknowledge it. Miami won't. This is not for lack of opportunity, though. This is not for lack of access to the national championship games. So while most of us sit around and piss and moan, that our team went seven and five or four and eight or nine and three or whatever ohio state has had so many ohio you think ohio state hasn't had down years they went undefeated and couldn't play in the goddamn national championship game why we've covered this before spencer happy

yes god damn it ohio state could not play in the national championship game because they chose to play in what instead oh oh that would be the tax the taxlayer.com bowl which you're so bad at this no no no I was no this was leading into my joke that I was like threading out to the end because for context Spencer is not paying attention right now because he's looking at a Wikipedia page for something called Affair of the Dancing Lama I've had that open for work no that's fine that's relevant watch watch how he ties this in no but it would take me you don't want to go on the tangent that would tie it the affair of the dancing alumnus to this.

I'm going to go straight for the jugular. Ohio State did that so they could play in the Taxlator.com Bowl, which was in a crap year for them that was capped by giving who a bowl victory. That'd be Will Must Champ. They lost to a Will Must Champ team. So when you say they don't have down periods, don't make me too. So wait, Will Must Champ's the good coach, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He is. He's the best coach, someone say. he has been the coach of two different teams John can we send John can we send John to SEC Media Days

we're good this year let's do it this year okay good anybody wants to go at this point I'll go with him John from SB Nation here I only request I don't this is not because I'm ashamed

of John but I would rather than identifying himself as SB Nation please use a huge dog. John from a huge dog. Hey, my name's John. Hi. I'm John.

I'm John. Coach Jones. Where are you from? Hey, this is Reed Meyer screen name Cock D. I'm not sure if it's too late for the podcast, but if it isn't, my request for the charity hotline would be just to expound on any of your experiences with the Inzers. They're an amusing creature. I'll talk about them a little bit if you wouldn't mind.

And if you can work in a shout out to Nick Piesco, noted UF alum, that would also be awesome. Thanks, guys. Keep up the great work. Do you know who's from Pittsburgh? No, go on. Jeff Goldblum. Huh. Now think about how bizarre his affectation is when he's acting. He's sort of like, yes.

and the how do you say the whipped cream and the chopped peanuts yeah, mm, delicious, delicious. And I think that's because

he's using all of his energy and effort to not sound like a yinzer. He's pausing so he doesn't say, you go to the store, the stir? All of you can put something other than French French French fries.

on your um your bread your bread meat piece thank you could i have some mustard and uh uh uh uh uh uh uh so and so on he's just trying not to say germ south park south park joked about it but they're the only people in the only people in the united states who i have honestly with a straight face heard yeah he's got a good germ wait this feels like a backdoor question in this in this week of weeks for us to talk about hockey oh easy man abort eject great now I'm picturing Jeff Goldblum's character in Jurassic Park wearing a penguin's jacket so thanks I don't know how you say anything but like if it came out it would be like you throw you throw a curtfish cat fursch kurt farsch a kurtfarsh a kurtfarch a kurt

Fiche. Like, when you hear Elbish spoken, it just doesn't make different in some respects. By the way, people from Pittsburgh, generally funny. I generally think people from Pennsylvania are funny, because they understand that, like, everything is crap humor. No, people from Philly know that life is horrible, so they're very funny.

And, like, they're funny. Pittsburgh, also fairly funny. A lot of my favorite tweeters from the, like, Philly, Pittsburgh am I ever going to visit them? No, because I don't think it's necessary to go to Pennsylvania. And they would understand that. I appreciate. at that. So I have generally positive experience

with the Inzers, including Dave Wonset, who though he brought, you know, moderate joy and mostly sorrow to Pitt fans, who was extremely entertaining. Hey, guys, this is Hamilton, and I donated on behalf of the schizophrenically named Washington University in St. Louis. First time caller, long-time listener.

First off, I just wanted to thank you all for putting on the charity guys. Great work. Looking forward to doing it again next year. Then I wanted to bring up 12 years ago, Emery created a department awarded create a rivalry with Washview and went so far as vandalized parts of the Washington campus and commit a false flag operation on their own. So, first one, why the hell had Texas A&M not initiated Operation Jade Helm, too? Second, what are we looking at for

escalation if they do? Thank y'all. I'll hang up and listen. So in 2005, Emory had a student group that decided to vandalize Washu in St. Louis, but also vandalize their own campus to make it look like Washu had done that to them. They were felled because it seems that they emailed each other on their student government email accounts, including one person who said, I don't want any of this shit published in the paper. That was in fact published in a student newspaper. So, yeah, it's, this rivalry did not really catch on at all. But the larger question here is if Emery can try to get Wash You into a fight, what is taking Texas A&M so long to just strike out against Texas at this point?

I can't say that that's not happening right now. I would just say this. One explanation, nobody's trotted out. or ails Texas has been ailing Texas for its last, say, four to five years of its administration. No one has said, and I would put the whole thing, quotes, a vast conspiracy led by Texas. So I'm not saying that it hasn't already happened. Do you think the Aggies get to five wins and then say, hmm, I guess we better divert more of our energies to sabotaging Texas and then realize,

whoops, we've diverted a little too much. I mean, you can't spell false flag without ag, right? Chad. Yeah, my name is Chad, and my wife is from Bangladesh, and I was wondering what you guys thought was a good amount of Bangladeshi to learn to speak, or if I should just mumble my way through interactions and use hand gestures as they currently do.

For a point of clarification, he added that his wife, immigrated to the United States when she was seven. So she speaks English very well, and so does her brother. Her mom, so, so, some of her aunts kind of can. So this is mostly a extended family issue. I think this is actually pretty easy because they don't care what you have to say. So you have really only have one question to answer. How badly do you want to know the shit they're talking about you?

If you would rather live in ignorance, continue to speak almost none of this language. language and just sort of gesture meaninglessly. If you want to know what they think about you, learn the language. Now, you should know this is what kept Les Miles so happy and upbeat throughout even the end of his tenure at LSU is he had such a weak grasp of the English language that when somebody said something negative about him in the press, he had no idea what they were talking about. He had no concept of failure or disappointment. None of these words, damn thing to him it was a shield yeah that's your answer don't learn you don't want to know most most people most people in life for haters you think that stops at the border of the united states no way man

you you want to international haters your muffs that's not known the language hi guys this is chaco taco taco question which team which power five team will end up firing their coach only to accidentally win the skip holds lottery thanks go dogs Oh, no. Who's going to make that mistake, y'all? Texas Tech. Now, hold on. Hold on.

Remind me, Spencer, remind me, where is Skip Holtz right now? Louisiana Tech. And when you succeed at Louisiana Tech, there's kind of like a feeder school relationship. Who's that with again? Nope. I believe that would be the University of Tennessee. Nope. Nope.

Why? No. Nope. listen after firing butch jones you need somebody who's stable who understands how to rebuild the program she's sitting right next me she's going to fucking stab me so this is coming i'm just going to stop the joke's up hold on hold on though holly i want you to close your eyes and i want you to imagine this podcast this podcast after florida has lost to tennessee coached by skip holz Well, you know,

Colts is the son of Louvoltz. That's not true. Hey, why do you say things you don't know? We just made that shit up. Well, I saw him on TV. I just assume everyone on TV. Oh, I'm sorry. You think Johnny Cage and Nick Cage are brothers?

Yeah. That's extended universe lore, Ryan. I'm still waiting for the obvious answer. You know who their father is, by the way? John Cage. Doug, who's the obvious answer? Notre Dame. Oh, God.

Oh, no. Too perfect. No, that might actually happen. No. Oh, God. He runs a clean program. Things are really good for us. Let's go get another holt.

God, I feel like if that happens somewhere in, in like, an Egyptian pyramid, a door will open and pestilence will start pouring out. It can get here just any time now. Opening press conferences just skip holts, open mouth, bees fly out. They're like, you know what? It's better. It's still better than Kelly. I regret nothing. You're already dead.

He's a lot nicer than the last guy. The players like him better. Oh, God, this is going to start a bidding war. That's fine. That's fine. Tennessee will definitely not get him then. Thank you. What if we, okay, I guess, hear me out.

What if we just fired Bush Jones and didn't replace him? Sure. The crowd sourced one? It's fine. I mean, isn't that what happened after Lane Kiffon left? No, no. What if we just didn't put any structure in place at all? Yeah, exactly.

Just let it be. So you're saying we're going to use Tennessee football to examine the tragedy of the commons in college football. I will tell you, I will tell you as an expert in wildlife management, if you leave an office like that unoccupied and you don't have a fresh human scent in it, Houston Nutt settles in it a matter of day. That's how you get John L. Smith, Holly. I thought you were going to someplace much more entertaining, which is head coached giant raccoon.

Yeah, he said Houston nut. Imagine a raccoon washing, like, just like a tray of championship rings. Just one after the other. What I really like about the raccoon coaching Tennessee, is that during side light during pregame interviews the opposing coaches will still have to say respectful things about it well yeah

you know rabid raccoon barely chained to a Gatorade jug he's brought something to that team it's undeniable it might be rabies hard to say but I got a lot of respect for him no coach oh put down Tennessee's head coach he's not food

the funniest thing will be the upsets when the coach has to say yeah man just rabid raccoon just game-planned all over us. No, here's where we get it. Who wants things more than a rabid raccoon wants things? Fucking nobody. Yeah, that's right.

Who has more heart than a raccoon? You will never want it more than a raccoon that wants the shiny thing. I mean, I think you just made the pitch for that as Butch Jones' next slogan. Well, you know, I just want our players to understand what it means to be tenacious. And also, it's important to turn garbage into food. That's what we do here in Tennessee. athletics. Garbage is our food. Hashtag. We make compost

in our tummies. Garbage and find the tasty bits. It's like if you bred Wario with Bowser, but then like, Wauser, get back. You know I was going with this, but it can't pop. No, there we go.

Just put it in the wall. I think that's a bad time for Wario. And last question number 17. Oh my God, I just realized we all have terrible coaches right now. John's a Chiefs fan. He doesn't even know what a coach is. John thinks a coach is Santa in his off-season.

Yeah, yeah. It's like you got coaches, you got mall coaches. I think last year, Baylor had a mall coach, right? That's true. Oh, they did. Oh, my God. Don't tell Mom the interim coach is dead. Hey yo, what's up?

This is John from Philly. What's the best and worst concert you've ever been to? Keep up with the good work, boys. I mean, I know the best. It was the, when Outcast did their reunion tour, I saw them three times, and the first one was the best. It was out in a fucking horse track,

like an hour outside Atlanta, in the mud. As for worst, I don't know. I don't know. Why would you go to a bad concert? Oh, oh, no. I have been to a bad concert. Does a guy playing guitar and singing during brunch who you don't really want to be there? Does that count as a concert?

No, but Holly married you all the same, Doug. I did. I have the voice of an angel, all right? Yeah, we know. Please don't sing Holiday Road again. Wait, is this the best concert I've ever been to is Dr. Brooks. Everyone on this planet should pay money to go to say Clark Brooks. Did that man climb a ladder?

He climbed a goddamn ladder, all right? And saying, ain't going down to the sun goes up. It was a ladder match. He went all the way up. He's saying, ain't going down to the sun goes up, didn't get out of breath. He was like the best conditioned fat, man. I have seen since, like, God, I'm trying to think of a defensive lineman. Don Tari Poe.

Yeah, yeah. You know what? Tari Poe level conditioning, right? And like Don Tontari Poe, versatile, all right? He can catch, he can throw, he can sing, he can climb a ladder. He's Garth Brooks, the Don Terry Poe. of country singers honestly best show i've ever seen hands down unquestionably was garth brooks i hope you're about to say that the worst is chris gains no no no no i can tell you the worst show because like it

made me want to fall asleep uh it may want to fall asleep real bad when i was uh much younger i went to see uh of all people i went to see the spin doctors now how did i go You old. Yeah. Yeah, and I was very young, and I got free tickets. They're free. They have no value. You don't have to do anything with them, right?

They could just sit on your shelf, and they're doing the same thing for you as if you actually use them. Nope. Instead, I went to see the spin doctors with screaming trees and soul asylum. I will tell you, all three of those bands live, unalloyed crap. Just, just crap. That's the most 90s sentence I've ever heard. It was so painful.

I'm going to ask, I'm going to ask your wife. to send me a picture of you from this exact time in history. Oh, it's bad. It's bad. This might have been the time when my hair was so long I borrowed her scrunchies. I had a man bun before man buns were cool. I did see hollow and oats and hollow notes were okay until

they got tired. They got like all the notes got tired. I will also put on list of best comments. No lie. I did see Beyonce and Beyonce's opener was DJ Khalid and all DJ Khalid did was open his phone and call everyone he knew in Atlanta, and they all came up and did one song with, like, no prep whatsoever.

And that was pretty awesome because everyone showed up, like Young Thug was there, Future was there, Two Chains was there. When Two Chains showed up, I didn't realize, Two Chains has energy. He actually will get excited about things. I thought he just rapped, like, lying in a back-to-tank. So, six months or so ago, three of the people on this podcast saw the Queen Dolly Parton at the Hollywood Bowl, word, which was a transcendent experience. Is somebody moving or dying?

Yeah. I assumed Jason was playing Zelda and was low on health. I might be. Are you doing a magic trick, John? What is happening? Are we being pranked? He said, like, wait, and then just left? I mean, they're still connected, but that doesn't mean that they're not just lazy.

I think they left. This is going to be, like, the last track on the album that is after, like, 17 minutes of silence. Right. God damn it. I hate this podcast. Wow. We got owned.