Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 7.18 - Zero Percent Football

Episode Date: August 16, 2017

You read the title right: this episode contains absolutely no discussion of any football teams, players, coaches, conferences, mascots, or news. What's in there instead? Unfounded opinions onDogs!Parenting!Books!Video Games!Travel!Healthy Living!George Lucas's Beard!Movies With Dragons That Were Not Nominated For Any Academy Awards! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The land down under has never been easier to reach. United Airlines has more flights between the U.S. and Australia than any other U.S. airline, so you can fly nonstop to destinations like Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane. Explore dazzling cities, savor the very best of Aussie cuisine, and get up close and personal with the wildlife. Who doesn't want to hold a koala? Go to United.com slash Australia to book your adventure. Welcome to the shutdown full cast.

We are, oh, man, this is a momentous saying. This is a podcast, and I have to let you know two things right at the start. I'm going to bleep that out, yeah. That we, what, that we are a podcast? Just the, just, don't say it again, okay? We're a podcast. This week, we're just a podcast. We're just a podcast because we will not be discussing.

I'm going to bleep that out. I'm telling you, every time you say it, it's coming out. Can we say student athlete, sports, or amateur athletics? You can say collegiate hobby podcast. Huh. Yes. That sounds like, this is a marijuana podcast. A non-credit college-sanctioned club event.

this here's a robot club podcast this is a quidditch podcast quidditch yeah we're not talking about that which shall not be named yeah welcome we're here to talk about ROTC but there's a simple reason for this we're going to get to do that really soon and this is just a little breath of fresh air how many days uh I think right now we're looking at 10 before the first set, again, which we won't talk about in any detail, because that would violate the terms of the podcast.

Correct. The day of the Mayweather-McGregor fight, wink-wink. Correct. That's the only sporting event that day. Wink-wink. Yep. Before we get started in earnest on this non-sports podcast, can I bring one thing up? I know you haven't done introductions.

Go ahead. Introduce us real quick. Nobody cares. Yeah, I'm Spencer. Yeah, that's Ryan, and that's Jason. That's Ryan, who you can hear in New York, and you can hear beautiful Jason Kirk's voice live from Kennesaw, Georgia. So, so here's my thing.

Hold on. First, I just, two things. I'm going to start with this. I literally just got a chat message from Holly, who's with you, I believe, in Atlanta, but will not be appearing on the show. because she knows better and has better things to do with her time. This is the message I got. He, being Spencer, is trying to peel and eat an orange with one hand while scrolling Twitter with the other. I didn't say eat an orange.

Peeling. Peeling and orange. Okay, so there's that. If you were to eat it with one hand, you'd be like a fly, right? Isn't how flies eat with their hands? I thought they vomit on their food. Well, I mean, that happens sometimes, too. Oh.

You're thinking of hippopotamuses, Ryan. Here's the other thing. We do have a programming announcement I want to put out there, and I kind of talked about it on Twitter this week. Some college administrators, people in athletic departments, people who otherwise work for college, listen to this show. Why? Anyone's guess. You may have noticed that the University of Florida recently was faced with the decision of whether or not. not they were going to let white nationalist Richard Spencer hold a speaking event on campus.

This caused a great deal of consternation amongst people currently or formerly at Florida. And they decided that no, Mr. Spencer will not be holding this event because of the risk of violence. And without getting way too far down this path, I just want to say that there's a standing offer that I'm making on behalf of my two co-house. hosts, if you give us 24 hours notice, we will show up and do a live podcast at your college. So that way, you know, if you're faced with, oh, this neo-Nazi group wants to come and have an ice cream social. And I don't want that, but I also don't want to deal with everybody saying, oh, the colleges are killing the First Amendment, safe spaces, snowflakes, cucks, cucks, cucks.

If you don't want to deal with that, and I understand why you wouldn't, just say, Sorry, full cast already has that space. And it doesn't matter that you haven't talked to us. It doesn't matter that you haven't cleared it with us. As long as you give us 24 hours notice, I guarantee that at least two of us will show up, do this podcast, and charge you $0 for it. Are you guys comfortable with that offer? I am completely comfortable with that offer. Welcome to the shutdown filibuster.

Here's the thing. You're thinking, oh, well, I work for a college that maybe is Division III or does. doesn't have a team or whatever. Y'all, that doesn't matter to us at all. Not even in the slightest. Not one bit. No, just go ahead. If you are, if you're actually like a local Kiwanis club and you have, you know, the beer shack, right?

Like the old VFW and some white nationalist dork who doesn't even know how to like iron his own shirts. Right? I don't see you have no excuse I'm a guy who doesn't know how to iron a shirt I'm not a white nationalist losers but if they're trying to rent out the Kiwanis club

then you just call us and you say hey we're over here in fish hook Wisconsin and we really need your help because we need to say it's already booked you booked the full cast yeah all right we'll do it

we'll do it from the old VFW slash the beer shack in fish hook Wisconsin if that's what you need because we care we do we're just here to waste space yeah jason put it best other people um other people commit to change by donating their time and we do it by wasting others time they're both valuable yeah just uh just a just a big bottomless void with from which from which no hate speech can escape.

Shut down filibuster is an excellent concept for this. I assure you, no one will waste your time quite like we do. Hold on, we'll yield the floor just as soon as we're done. Talking about grocery stores and bicycles and why the two don't mix. Disagree. Let's just dive into... Yeah, beg to differ on that, right? Okay, okay.

That's a good idea, Ryan. Hey, hang on, real quick. So if you had a bike through grocery store, as long as you didn't have the stuff on the bottom shelf too low, or if you did, provided you had like some sort of a dip where someone could, you know, go down below sea level and grab stuff on the way, that sounds pretty great. Also, people would wreck into each other all the time.

So maybe if people were... Oh, here's how you do it. Here's how you do it. You have people on rails, like you're at a... like you're on like a 2002 arcade shooter game like you're the game and you're aerosmith shooting musical discs at at your enemies you remember that one yeah yeah a time crisis if you will yeah time crisis so your time crisis but you're on a on a bicycle in a grocery store and like if you miss you know if you miss the canned beans

well too darn bad guess you need to pay 25 more cents go back through That's the Aerosmith part Yeah, we'll have Aerosmith in our grocery store Jason, start us off with a, again, a question that has nothing to do with the sport Which we ostensibly cover You said sport, so we did get a few sort of genres of question Like, you know, lots and lots of people wanted to know about specific bulk topics I think the most popular one might have been dogs.

People want dog advice. So from Blanks, 73, what kind of dog should I get? And my personal advice would be they're all good. Get the biggest dog you got room for. Don't get a purebred because they're more expensive and it's not really worth it. You get you a perfectly good dog that's not. you know, not $10,000 because you can trace its lineage back to Charlemagne or whatever. Our dog, we have no clue what all it is, and he's great, and he's medium size.

That's the size we went for, but that's the entirety of my dog advice. Yeah, I would say that if you don't have any special needs requirements, if there's no allergies in play, right, then go ahead, get a rescue. go and by the way even if you're the kind of person who says yeah I know it's not cool but um I've always wanted this specific kind of dog lucky you there's rescues for that kind of dog too okay and most of them are responsible a lot of them are just crazily responsible like almost too responsible in my opinion they want to like come to your house and look at you and you know make sure that you have like great day and sized hands like you'll need a good pair of mitt to get

your hand on that dog um like they're they're great so you could do that too so yeah go go go rescue a dog this question comes from tom kaiser our friend at kaiser troll on twitter favorite michael kreitin novel the most important question of 20 how long has michael crighton been dead like i want to say like 10 years or something pretty sure he's one of those guys who like kicked it in his like 50s? Like, I don't even know if he was 50s. He died at 66. Yeah, so like he was still pretty young. He was actually attacked by a velocirapture. Couldn't believe it. You know what? He foresaw his own death, at least. Man, I am the, this will be shocking to you. I was the kind of person who read a lot of Michael

Crichton novels. No. I know. Who could have seen it? Did I do these things on vacation when there would have been other things to do with my family y'all you bet you did did did i get sphere for my birthday one year y'all yes i did these are embarrassing things to uh to unveil but i have no choice what else am i supposed to do i will tell you i do admire michael creighton for this that he received the finest education that you can pay for in going to harvard and then harvard medical school and then deciding, you know what I'd like to do? I'd like to write about insane carnivorous guerrillas. It is impressive how many of Michael Crichton's books have been turned into movies

of really just wildly varying quality. Because like Jurassic Park, Jurassic Park is still probably my favorite film experience. I'm not going to say it's the best movie, but it's the one that I have the fondest memories of watching and still greatly enjoy. Lost World was garbage. Timeline, that was a movie, apparently. Yeah, I just don't. A lot of questionable choices in here.

How to lose a guy in 10 days. Yeah, sure, sure, sure, yeah. I will tell you something. You go, man, we'll see, that guy went to med school, he wrote a bunch of books, and, like, you know, messed around with video games, scripts. man you know this guy must have been uh this guy must have been unbearable to live with like every time you see somebody who's really productive

you go yeah bet he was an absolute horror to keep in the house he was he was married five times there's nothing wrong with that oh no there's there's something wrong with that you need to give up you need to give up after two also also um extreme global warming skeptic So, you know why he was a global warming skeptic? He's one of those people who, you know, like so many who get PhDs from the internet, is so smart that he cannot accept a solution he himself did not arrive at, right? Well, well, yeah. That's fascinating that you studied all of that and you devoted your entire life to it. But I came to a different conclusion after reading eight PDFs.

Apparently Michael Crichton was six, nine. nice huh that's that's a fucking huge dude that is so think about it he's this huge dude who probably is just like what i want to talk to you about is genetic engineering you're like oh god get away from me don't be don't be famous as successful these people are unbearable i'm totally here to like graft the tallest tulip phenomenon onto the american populace right or the tallest poppy syndrome right and they're like man he's exceptional like he's literally taller in a lot of ways. Let's be more British about it. It'll be like, tosser. Now, Michael Crichton, it's not based on

a novel that he wrote, but are you familiar with the film Runaway from 1984, starring Tom Selleck, Gene Simmons, and Kirsty Alley. No, I'm not. There is a really good episode of How Did This Get Made, an excellent podcast about terrible movies and why they exist about this very film and it's all about basically malfunctioning sentient robots i highly recommend you try to find it the best kryton novel is by far eaters of the dead eaters of the dead eaters of the dead because it's the

book that was the basis for the thirteenth warrior deeply underrated film the ntonio bender vehicle. Right, where Antonio Van deris plays a, I believe he is, of course, miscast. They're like, hmm, let's see, we need somebody who's an Arab. Let's get Antonio Van deris. And they have him go to basically, what is

Scandinavia, to, he gets trapped there with a bunch of Vikings, and they end up fighting Neanderthals. And all the Vikings do the entire time in the movie is laugh, hoist huge swords, get drunk, and kill people and laugh. That's it. Right? Like they hand them large, like they hand poor tiny Antonio Bandera's like one of their huge swords. And he says, that is too heavy to lift. And they're

like, get stronger. Ha ha ha ha ha. Like they're, that's it. And it has this like, it has that whole scene where they like call to their ancestors before battle that they're coming to Belhalla. It's, it is one of the best stoner movies of all time. Also, they fight Neanderthals. It rules. This movie was so bad, according to Omar Shari. who's in it, that he didn't take another role for four years. And this is his quote. After my small role in the 13th Warrior, I said to myself, let us stop this nonsense, these meal tickets that we do because it pays well.

Unless I find a stupendous film that I love and that makes me want to leave home to do, I will stop. Bad pictures are very humiliating. It is terrifying to have to do the dialogue from bad scripts to face a director who does not know what he is doing in a film so bad that it is not even worth exploring. It's great. See? Omar Sharif loved it.

Like, he put his heart and soul into it so much. He couldn't make another movie for years. Yeah, you could also know. You could probably re-cut that quote. So it just says, like, terrifying Omar Sharif. That and that and Omar Sharif probably did it because he owed money to people playing bridge. Well. You know that, like, he actually quit playing bridge, and I quote,

because I was tired of being ruled by my passions. So next time you're like, I don't know if I need that Chick-fil-A sandwich. I don't know if I need to eat this ice cream. Just say, are you tired of being ruled by your passions yet? Omar Sharif had a bridge computer game. Do Omar Sharif's bridge? Omar Sharif on bridge, released for MS. DOS and Amiga in 1992.

One more Omar Sharif's story. He swears that he and Peter O'Toole blew every dollar. they made on Lawrence of Arabian in a night. Oh, yeah. In one night. You'd be foolish not to. That was a satisfying question of the long diversion. A good deep dive.

Spencer, do you have another one? Hmm. I'm looking. I'm trying to pick, I think, I think I'm just going to go with a real basic one, which is this. and it's going to require some hard truths, okay? We're going to have to be very frank with ourselves. I'm open to that. I'm great about that.

Okay, good. This is from Charlie Kaufman at Charlie Kaufman on Twitter. There's a Popeye's chicken opening about 200 yards from my house. What rule should I set for myself with regard to amounts, frequency, etc.? Yeah. six hundred feet from this man's house he's going to have a pop-eyes that means he's most likely on certain days when the wind's cutting just right he's going to be able to smell it right but after a certain amount of time you're going to become sort of

um inoculated to that you will become a cut you will actually feel stranger when you don't smell pop-eyes that is hypothetical my rule is hypothetical you're right my rule would be this don't ever eat it though don't find another one and if you really want it Drive there. Wow. Don't do it. Don't do dirt where you stay. That is exactly my thinking.

Don't do it. Just be like, listen, respectfully, you're going to get enough business from everybody else. As a matter of self-control, I'm going to drive to the one or walk. Better yet. Why don't you walk to the one two miles away? Two or three, get a nice four to six-mile walk-in while you do it, because your body won't be able to take it. It just won't. Unless you're one of God's on mutants, mm-mm.

that's my advice that is the most jason kirk exercise regimen i've ever heard of i think what i would do is walk to the furthest away one from breakfast for breakfast hit the close one for lunch and at that point i'll be done eating for the day

it's a little it's you've set up your own organ trail back home this is where we need to that's more like the organ trail because it's making a trail this is where we need to point this is where we need to point out that everybody on this podcast has very unique theories about how to eat, right?

With varying levels of success in terms of health. Jason, you subscribe to a, what I'm going to call the midday pack kill solo, which is to check down as much food as you possibly can at noon. I do the MC Hammer diet, try and do one meal and then just let it ride. Just one gigantic meal until it hurts, and then you're just done eating for the day. Yeah, you eat like a... But M.C. Hammer talked about this in, like, 1992. He's like, yeah, and then all I have the rest of the day is orange juice.

That man ever look hungry? Nope. And when you think of people who had everything together, you think of M.C. Hammer. MC Hammer in, like, 1992, yeah. Official nutritionist of the shutdown forecast. Yeah. Which I find it fascinating because Jason's pretty lean. Like, you know, especially for a blogger.

Oh, Jason's in great blog shape. Are you kidding me? Seeing these hands. See these hands fly across the keys. Like Bob James. I think the other approach to this Popeye's quandary is to make it a only if you have company over thing. To say if I'm by myself or with the people I live with, it's off limits. But if a friend comes over, if somebody's visiting from out of town, that opens the window.

And whether or not you go is sort of, you know, up to the situation. if you set that line where you say, I only go to the close Popeyes when I have company involved, that will either, A, really restrict how much you go, or B, you'll be so social. Your social life is going to be amazing. You'll be doing Craigslist meetups with strangers just so you can go to Popeyes. See, I don't know. I don't know if you need all this, because I think the good Lord always knows that you get the Popeyes you need at that particular moment.

So if God in heaven looks down and sees that you've had too much for the week, I don't know, something's going to go wrong with your order. Your order is going to be like green beans, and that's it. And you'll say, when he closes the door, he gives you a three piece. He closes the door and you get diet soda, and that's it. I don't know what to tell you. Served in a bucket, though, not in a cup. Yeah, you're going to get a lot of it.

You're going to get your bucket. It's just going to be a, Bucket full of all of rice. That's it. All right. This question comes from Matt Devor. Sorry, datmavor at Matt DeVore on Twitter. What dadding advice would you have given your pre-dad's selves?

I'll be a dad in a bit. Thank you in advance for the congratulations on the sex. We got another dad question of this sort from Jim Schillander, Jimmy Shy, O3 on Twitter as well. First of all, yes, congrats to all dads. on the sex you did a great job um even if you have adopted or you know their stepkids whatever you know what you somebody still had sex congrats maybe you maybe who's to say sure it's not important it's a team effort it's a team effort that's right um dad advice i mean i'm the newest at this so i have the least to offer but i do i will offer

this actual serious advice if you are about to be a new father. Minimize all your emotional expectations for the first three to four months of your child's life. I think the worst thing you can do is go into having a newborn and expect it to be this two-way emotional connection. Like your child physically will not be able to smile for much of its early life. It won't open its eyes a ton. it won't laugh there's not going to be

a lot of like tender moments where you feel oh my child specifically is connecting with me person to person especially as a dad if you're a mom it's different biologically chemically across the board

just just get that out of the way and that way if you're not expecting from your newborn child this level of emotional connection and filling up your psychological reservoir it's all it's so much easier to deal with from there if you are not if your expectations emotionally from your baby are basically nil that sounds depressing but it's just about managing expectations that's real advice i think that's pretty clutch you don't want to set

yourself up for like what's wrong with me my child doesn't like me and it's like right it can barely see right it can't see color it can't like yeah it can barely poop man i'll never forget first time my daughter smiled at me and it was like that's cool she's probably just farting and you know that's relieved some pressure so she's happy about that but still you know i'll tell myself it's because she saw me um the other piece of advice i would give is try to have a daughter and not a son yeah 100% with that i don't who would have a son i don't know what kind of idiot would have a son much less two if you have one try and switch up your routine yeah definitely don't have two sons that's insane

i think that's correct because at least for the first i have to make it 10 years then you have an entirely different series of concerns and worries that are going to turn your life into a hell of non-stop anxiety tension and fear mine right now is just getting to 10 i have to make sure that these two boys do not kill each other themselves or me because they are going to attempt all three mom's off limits in that order of priority maybe depends is it Wednesday is it Thursday I don't know this apparently changes that the memo goes out I don't read it so basically having a son is like parachuting onto a relatively easy ski slope where you really just have the beginning is the part

you have to worry about once you get to the slope you're good no no no it's like no it's like no it's like parachuting onto a black diamond. That's how it starts, at least with my two boys. Where is the easy part? When I hit a tree and die. That's the easy part. The easy part is when this process kills me. You don't understand. There's no wood chipper they don't want to crawl into, right? And here's the other thing. As sons go, you have some real, you have some sun-ass sons. There's no, yeah, there's no wood chipper they don't want to crawl into. there's no street they do not want to run out into there is no poison that they do not want to use a suntan lotion there is no sharp object that they will not pull down from the counter right this is just yeah it's like living it's like temple run those games you play on your phone you're just like yep this this character is just running headlong towards death towards spikes and pits and flame and all you can do is redirect them that's it you can't just say that's

stop not an option no that's that's it and it's relentless and they'll do things to you that they don't even this happened to me okay i have a four-year-old the four-year-old is built like a viking okay and he came over and he ran over to me and i had my like legs cross-reading right so i'd like you know ankle on knee relaxing right classic dad pose and he looks at me winds up his head and then whips it into the space between my kneecap and the little knobby bone at the top of my leg, right? So just whips it right into that soft spot

where there's nothing but ligament, right? Yeah. Inflamed a nerve that hurt for a month and I thought I had torn something. That's how hard he headbutted me. And they do this all day long. They feel like all day long. This is all boys do.

They just bang into stuff and demand things and they want knives and fire and dogs and then they run into you and then they hit you and you go how could 11 years have combined life experience on this earth hurt so bad oh no you live with an ancliosaur that you have to love you know if you ever seen videos of those guys who they're friends with lions right and they're videos of here I go into the enclosure right and like two lions just jump up on him and are like hey buddy and you see it's like taking it out of him that's every god damn day do you have any other parenting advice you want to offer other than have daughters and not sons

yeah just don't don't yeah if you're not ready don't and you know what if you're like oh no I think I'm ready you're not so just you know like if you have a scintilla of doubt doubt I love them dearly but man they're going to go back and listen this and be like we were like dogs and I'm like no you can put you can put you can put you can put you can put dogs outside. No. Society will have crumbled by then and nobody's going to bother to make sure a podcast feed still work. Fantastic. I love you, Sons. It's all working out. Um, Jason, you got another one? Let's see here. Um, um, um, another one people asked a lot of was, what is your favorite video game? Like, I don't even know who'd credit on that because, like,

five different people ask some variation of that. For some reason, this, This audience attracts people who sit and, you know, stare at TV screens or pushing buttons. I don't know. I don't know why. It's a pretty open question. Like, now or ever, or as a kid, or I don't know where to go with that. Let's put non-sports on it because, again, we're not talking about, or not. Yeah, I definitely would not say a certain defunct series by EA Sports.

By that you mean EA's hit series head coach I'm referring to the Where you played Madden but you only called the place No no the college baseball game Right yeah I can I can I can start I have a definitive list

I've thought about this a lot Red Dead Red Dead Redemption Number one That's like the best most fulfilling game experience I've ever had That transcended video games That was just like a fun thing I got to do for a while Right

so that's up there in terms of really super but simple games that i couldn't quit playing the original super mario brothers because i'm like a i'm a prole that's fine i don't have any like seriously delicate or elia's preferences when it comes to video games that game ruled and i played a ton of it if i had to pick like an all-time favorite series it would probably have to be zelda i mean i have a zeldta tattoo so can't really really veer too far away from that one. It's a good tap, by the way. It's pretty good. It's from the NES game.

It's like, it's just something that, you know, I remember as a very small child, first learning what video games are and, like, going from, you know, here's a game where you get points, and you get points, and then you're done, to this other game where they just literally throw you out in the world with, you don't even have a sword, you got to find it,

you know, and you're just wandering around. No one is telling you what to do. there are no points um and then you know growing up with versions of that in middle school and high school and now like seeing my daughter play the new one like i'd probably go with that just the absolute minimum of the game telling me what to do you know but still being more stuff than you could possibly ever do if you tried to do it all oh portal i loved portal portal is an amazing game came to the orange box right actually that in tf2 team fortress too like combined the orange box may be the best like bang for buck ever if you bought it and i got it used which means that like i got 5 000 playing hours out of

about 20 bucks can i ask a potentially harmful question um have either of you play when's the last thing either of you played golden eye i haven't like gone back and played it so i guess high school Yeah, we cracked it out with some friends, like, three years ago. What was your experience? My experience is that if you blow a lot of stuff up at once, it slows down to completely unplayable. That was my experience. Otherwise, it's a blast. I find it very hard to go back.

Like, I truly loved it when it was of the moment, but it is so, it is viscerally unpleasant to play in a lot of ways. You know what actually still holds up, though? Super Mario 64. Sure. Super Mario 64 is gorgeous, and you can still drop the penguin off of the side of the cliff. And it's just as rewarding. Take the baby penguin to the mom. Do you want to retry this level? No.

Did what I came to do. This is what I wanted. This is what I wanted. It's a metaphor for life. The cruelty. this penguin is about the few why would I want to do that again to that baby penguin um the

god this is a boring answer but god for real appreciate it the uh recent batman video games are very good they're very fun just because they you know what it's just fun to kick ass as batman it's not terribly complex more complicated than that just being able to just beat a bunch of dudes up as Batman? Yep, deeply satisfying. Here for it. Fine with it. No, we're talking console. I don't want to open up the like, I don't want to open up the vast

universe of desktop games or get involved in that war, which somehow ends up with us being like, I don't know, blacklisted on the internet and working with the alt, right? But it's close. You can get it for console. The Sim games, any one of the Sims. Like, I'm a big fan of the Sim games and of Sim. civilization. The only reason I'm not a bigger fan is because they have a sort of crack quality to them. They're a little meth-y. You'll play them for so long that you're like, man, I can feel time destroying me. That's kind of a lot of video games at this point. There are very few now. And I feel like that's a big distinction that you can just be like, okay,

I'll play that for an hour. Most of them are like, goodbye to your Friday. Well, I find out. Cancel your doctor's appointment. I mean, as I, as my reflexes age, I find that it lines up well with, like, with playing games. Like if, you know, if I'm trying to play, what is the, far cry, you know, something like real intense and fast-paced or whatever. Right. I'm going to play it for like 45 minutes and be like, okay, I'm done with that. I'm exhausted. That's my cardio.

If I play a call of duty for like eight minutes, like, okay, get this out of my sight. I'm tired, you know. But if it's like a nice slow-paced turn-based strategy game, you know, I'll outlast anybody on that. I will also like just randomly click through Best Racing Series ever is the Dirt Series. All of them, if you haven't played them, they're absolutely amazing, deeply underrated game of sleeping dogs. It's supposed to be just like Grand Theft Auto, Hong Kong, but it has that Batman style fight system where you can actually like do joint locks and throws and like break people's knees. Tony Jaws style. Yeah, it's unreal and so much fun. There's a mission where you end up like basically handing over a bad guy and you're like to someone and you're like, maybe I should

kill him. And the woman's like, no, no, no. Give him to me. I'm going to cook him. You're like, this game's great. I didn't expect that. One series I would like to just throw out and just be done with his Metal Gear Solid. And I put plenty of time into him. Played a fair number of them. and I just look back and I'm like I don't know why I don't I don't I don't it they don't they don't control super well the story is fucking that shit bonkers it's I I I'm not sad that they exist but if you turn around and said hey you can only have played Star Fox or all of the Metal Gear games I'd be like yep Star Fox please also I really enjoy everybody has Like, that one media franchise where you're just like,

ugh, I'm along with it. You know, like, if you're stuck watching the damn house of cards or whatever, you know, and it's like, shit, there's new house of cards out. Like, that's how I am with the Far Cry games. Like, oh, God, I don't want to have to play this exact same game that's problematic in new ways that I've already played, beaten three times, but I'm going to. Yeah, Metal Gear is also, I enjoy that it's made by somebody

who I feel like read a book about humans, right? Like an eight-year-old alien who read a book about humans and is like, a human would enjoy this story. Hey, there's a sniper character. What should she be? She should be a woman in a bikini. She should be mutant sexy. Mutant sexy. Because she breathes through her flesh is the plot justification.

It's a character choice. It's a character choice. Also, they're clones. Yeah, it's like, why doesn't any, aren't there any dudes who breathe through? their flesh yeah well it's impossible

only sexy lady does yeah also every dude in that game addresses every dude the same way like hello

you son of a bitch like that's all like that's the tone for everything right like welcome back asshole like yeah

they all sound like the ESPN Coors Light guy Coors Light the official beer metal gear solid he Neo Kojima's crushing cold ones

A video game series about body horror. Metal Gear is hidden in Colorado. Do you have a sniper rifle? Well, the other good thing about Metal Gear as a series is that it starts with this like super old NES game that was just, I mean, ostensibly a, hey, you know, people just want to shoot robots and shit. And then they decided like, no, let's cram it with mythology. Let's make it deeply. Oh, it's got to have eight layers. Oh, yeah.

It kind of reminds me of those shows about people who make elaborate cakes that are mostly all fondant and seem completely inedible. And you're just like, look, I turned, I made a cake version of New York City's subway system. You're like, I don't want to eat. That looks terrible. Can I just have like a regular piece of cake? No, this is artistry. Two more franchise notes. I absolutely love GTA's period.

Like they're all good. Some of them are great. The parts of Trevor and GTA 5 and all of San Andreas are like flawless. Assassin's Creed screwed up. Maybe the best idea for a game ever by insisting that you had to play an Assassin's Creed game. Assassin's Creed pirates where you're just going around being a pirate and your men are constantly singing sea shanties. I fucking, oh, God, the fucking, I can't tell you how many times I told them to shut the fuck up. Well, up she rises.

No, stop it, stop it. I don't want to listen to the fucking shanties. And you had to collect shanties so that they would sing more than two. Oh, yeah. Man, that was the best. You collected songs, so you didn't go insane. So it was like, it was like crazy water taxi. it was it was like crazy water taxi and it was the best because it was also kind of

yaw yaw y'all y'all because all you would do is go around blowing up boat so you could have a bigger more badass boat right that's it that was the whole thing there was some there was some other plot but it didn't really matter well like in all assassins creek game they have to come back and they have to come back and say, yes, but this is all a simulation. And it's the worst part of the game because, like, they can't get away from that conceit. They couldn't have just said, Assassin's Creed Pirates.

Ah, we forgot about that part. Just go, yo-ho-ho. All around this beautiful Caribbean setting. And, you know, run boats over. I've never played any of these games. So it's... Oh, there's... I could explain it to you, but honestly, it's...

It's virtual reality bullshit. It's not. So it's Kojima level dumb, okay? It's Metal Gear level dumb. So I thought they were all just set in old-timey, but they're not? No, no. It's all, trust me, you don't want to know. So it's like going to a Renaissance fair?

Yeah, a little bit. You know, even that makes more sense. Oh, one more. Shout out to the original splinter cell. The original splinter cell where you got to show around as Max Fisher, just wearing an infrared, yeah, just like jumping on people, smack them in the side of the head, throwing them in closet, sneaking around. It's a really rewarding game.

Related to that, are there people who are super into that, like, first-person shooter genre, but where you're, like, a member of a SWAT team or something, and half the controls are, like, giving orders to your, like... Like, Rainbow Six? Yeah, I think I played one of those, and I was like, this, I just, no, I just, can I just have a gun and just run through this terrorist operation? I don't really want to, like, plan. Yeah, like, in Rainbow Six.

you gotta draw out like waypoints in like a wireframe building like why can't we just run in there it's not yeah don't there's the door don't don't ask me to don't ask me to plan

that's this you don't I'm not playing a video game like if I was super into organization and teamwork I wouldn't be playing a video game on this life on a Saturday afternoon in the summer yeah I just don't like even when it came to like team-based ones I'm always like super pro chaos

Like, that's why Team Fortress was great. It was, you know, strategically, it would be a lot better if you were an engineer, and you're like, playing thrower guy! Here comes. I do like the team games that do a good job of pushing you toward teamwork without making it like you really got to actively think about it, like the battlefield games.

Those are my favorite first-person shooter games ever. Because, like, if you're playing on a team, you get points for doing stuff that helps your team, but it's not like someone is nagging you about it. Like, if you're the medic, you get points for putting down a match. med kit that your teammate steps on which heals him because that's how medkits work in real life but it's not like if you don't do that you're going to be punished or yelled at or whatever i enjoy playing call of i enjoy playing call of duty very stupidly like that was always very

entertaining right there's people who are very strategic about it i like just going in with the riot shield and billy club just guns are for cowards i thought this was a medieval film shit Working for Mel Brooks. All right. Next question. This comes from Techs in China on Twitter. What's your favorite podcast?

Let's agree right now to eliminate Vox Media Family Podcasts from the discussion because they're all great and you should listen to them. Yeah. You should have them all on Luke. I am very partial to everything the McElroy brothers do. My brother and my brother and me is really great. The Adventure Zone is really great. It's nerdy as hell, but, and it's, if you, I am not a person who's into Dungeons and Dragons

at all, never played it, don't really necessarily want to, but it ended up being a hell of a storytelling podcast. It's still going. They're almost near the finale of like a two-year story arc. But if you want like the lighter experience and the easier way to start, I would highly recommend Mobim Bam. I was going to say Sawbones. oh that's it like yeah yeah so like because that's uh that's my wife and i have widely divergent tastes the one thing we can agree on is gross medical things so if i can throw the mackleroy bros and uh lady mackleroy sidney who is it the actual doctor that's my favorite is that on sawbones it's about medical freakery right and various topics and they go very deep on them and the best part

is that it's Justin, correct? Yes. Justin's a complete idiot when it comes to this. And that works really well because his wife's a doctor. So they just get to sit there

and like, he gets to, like, act very dumb and entertaining. And I say that with all due affection. And she gets to explain things. It's magnificent. I would probably go with Jesus versus Miro because I have noticed,

at least among non-sports podcast, because I've noticed, I've probably done this like a dozen. times like try to listen to you know i think it is i subscribed probably like 10 or 15 and i'll try to add one to the rotation get like 10 minutes in and it's just like yeah no no and then for whatever reason in that moment i always go straight to d's versus mirror up and um i the thing they always amazes me is the level of energy they bring like they put more into their five minute and ever-growing intro than like you know most podcasts put in their entire hour

And then they go for like an hour and 40 minutes. It's like 100 minutes of just rapid, like, New York speed, you know, humor. And it's hilarious. And, like, honestly, at some point, it's just like an amazing physical feat. Like, how can they stay this up for a full 100 minutes? I mean, they record from a place called Red Bull Studios, so maybe that's part of it. We can't even keep the Skype connection going that long. Yeah.

exactly i will i will listen to any chapo episode uh where they do seb gorka that's it's an amazing imitation and he's usually calling from like a tinny fake phone filter saying things like come on down to the white house yeah i will listen to any chapo episode that has sep gorka other than that my podcast diet other than the topic we're not discussing pretty light that's healthy that's fine Wait, one more. Quarks and Quarks. That's another one my wife and I will listen to in the car. It is the Canadian public broadcasts, like, networks, science podcast. And I listen to it exclusively for the Canadianness. It is. They'll be like, the intros are my favorite. We have, I'm Bob McDonald, and I'm welcoming Professor Bob McDonald. Bob McDonald from Ottawa. How are you? And Bob been good. Sorry to interrupt. And it's all very like, somebody's going,

So I understand you've been doing some really influential work with Dung Beetles. Yeah, yeah. Dung beetles are fascinating. I'll bet. It's, yeah, it's a kind of sincerity and real affection for life that I can really can't identify with and just like listening to out of envy mostly. It seems nice, yeah. I'll also put on for, as a father, I'll also put on for Dan Carlin, the man of the six-hour history podcast.

Because, bro, if you want to spend a Saturday morning on some yard work and then go into the outlet mall to look at some new, new balance shoes, and then back to do some more yard work, and then do a Home Depot run, and then go to pick up lunch at the, let's say, whatever's on sale, I guess. Yeah, that'd be the dad choice. And then finish off yard work and then go sit by the pool and listen to exactly one podcast in the entire time. And it's about like, you know, part three of the series on Mongolia. There you go. And you've got like four, you know, you've absorbed like four facts that entire time that you can then reuse. All right.

I'm going to give you guys one. I'm going to tweak it a little. It's very specific. The question comes from Stephen Kahn at Stephen Kahn 12. The question is, where do you rank minority rights? report among the best movies of 2002. Here's what I'm going to do. I have the IMDB page for 2002 open, and I'm going to name a movie, and I just want

you to each tell me, and you can expand on it however you like, if Minority Report is better or worse than this movie. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. The sum of all fears. Better.

Worse. Divisive. Minority report is worse than the sum of all fears, Spencer? I'm afraid you're going to get this answer a lot. Okay. Signs. Which one did I enjoy more? Better.

Well, the signs, the one good part is there's Mel Gibson is sprinting around a farm, and he's screaming, I am insane with anger. And it's like his character is not insane with anger, but you're also like, this is totally normal for Mel Gibson. So he's like, it's some real meta stuff. Yeah, but the minority report is better. Okay. Eight Mile.

Worse. Eight miles's awesome. Yeah, I'll go worse. The last few minutes of eight mile are really good. I don't remember much of the rest. Star Wars Episode 2, Attack of the Clones. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Hmm.

A few thoughts. One of 42. So, we rewatched recently our third trip through the entire thing, now including Rogue One. And I think I realized that I like two more than one, because two is at least so stupid, it's funny. And, like, you know, two feels like a very, um, there's like that- Is Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar is senator into is that a thing yeah okay they they sort of moved him to the sidelines he's important now and he doesn't talk um like two is just stupid funny you know it's not good but it nothing about it is like oh i'm so angry than i'm watching this one is infuriating and awful um but as that relates

to minority port um yeah i don't i don't think i don't think it's better than minority report uh i'm gonna go worse the minority report minority reports it's better than Chicago it's better than Chicago you might have picked what you might have picked what you might have picked what you might have picked what you might have picked what I would just would have been is the next one rain of fire rain of fire nothing is better in 2002 than the movie rain of fire so that was the one with McConaughey versus a dragon right and Christian Bale's in Christian Bail a dragon man that's your best picture I don't give a shit what won that year

best picture 2002 Chicago, I think. Probably, yeah. Huh, never saw. Man, it wasn't rain of fire? That's incredible. No, no, it was, in fact, Chicago, which beat out. Please hold.

Gangs of New York, the Hours, the Lord of the Rings, the Two Towers, and the Pianist. No, the Two Towers are so much better than all those. Come on. Yeah. Most of those are better than Minority Report. Yeah. I can see why Minority Report wasn't nominated for Best Picture. So I got excited because I'm on the Wikipedia page for that Academy Awards,

and I started to search on the page, Rain, and I got results. No, it's actually best foreign language film that it was giving me. So Rain of Fire, not nominated for any Academy Awards. Do they not know he dives down a dragon's throat? I think it was too real for cinema at that point. You remember for a while, man, McConaughey was just paying some rent. He just had too many houses. He was Omar Sharif in it.

He's over leveraged. He's just trying to pick up some cash, man. Speaking of trying to pick up some cash, man. So we have exactly one clean-shaven person on this program. Is that correct? Yeah, hi, it's me. It's Ryan, believe it or not. Spencer always has a large beard, and I'm very lazy.

However, if Spencer or I were to ever, try and get fresh like Ryan, one way that we would go about that would be by signing up with dollar shave club.com. In fact, if we were to do so today, this very day, new members such as ourselves would get their first month of the executive razor with a tube of their Dr. Carver's shave butter for only $5 with free shipping. Can you imagine that? Like you get to shave like you're the boss. Your skin is so smooth that people just walk up to you and ask you whether the marketing team should do the marketing or not. It's incredible. After that, Razors are just a few bucks a month. Also, in your first month box, you get an awesome weighty handle. A full cassette of

four cartridges. You thought they stopped making cassettes, didn't you? You thought Ghostface the purple tape? That was the last cassette anyone cared about? No. Nope, Dollar Shave Club is bringing it back. Also, you get another tube of shave butter. You'll be drowning in Shave Butter. After that, replacement cartridges ship automatically at the regular price. You can get this offer exclusively at Dollar Shaveclub.com slash fullcast. You only have to type it in once you're at the website.

You type it in before you get there. That's convenience on your way in. Dollar Shaveclub.com slash Fulcast. We got our own webpage on their site. look look the films of 2002 prove the value of clean-shavenness lord of the rings of two towers who's got who's got facial hair aragorn what does he do he murders he's a murderer um gollum doesn't have facial hair all he's trying to do is collect jewelry gangs of new york gangs of new york you know who has facial hair there dan was a

lewis doesn't he build a butcher he throws knives at folks you know who didn't even get nominated both leads in rain of fire both with beards heavy heavy beards probably why tom cruise didn't get nominated for a minority report it's true it was a little stubbly you know who was clean-shaven richard gear hey you know who's not you know who's not clean-shaven fucking george lucas that's right his entire throat beard over the goiter there's actually a whole second head down there But he doesn't want you to know about it. Smart feeding sack.

That's where the good ideas are. Yeah, that's what happened. He lost all jaw integrity somewhere around in Power Strikes Back. Although, if you think about it, who's eaten more rich food in their lives than George Lucas? Like, no, like, why wouldn't they? My dentist told me to brush with clarified butter. So I did for three years.

So I did. I see GI I don't worry I'm gonna see GI good health in later three years later Well I was a gurgling mouthwash And I forgot to spit up the bottle It's still in there Star Wars is a

It's a beard Hey I can think of one person who had a beard in Star Wars You know what happened to him That's right Darth Mall ran him through The Obi-Obion Same thing Yeah well and also

Chewy had to watch his best friend Get killed by his dad Yeah I don't be honest. Chewy needs more than a razor. Chewy's more of a mustache, so I don't know if he counts. Because like his entire body is a beard, but what looks like has actually been styled is just a mustache. Him and Lando.

I mean, even Lando, let's be honest, Dollar Shave Club doesn't mean you have to go fully clean. Like, Lando's clearly stylizing that face. Oh, yeah. He's making choices. that's that's what low that's what low bot is you know that guy with the like like consoles on the side of his head right it just falls on order more razor order more razors beep boop beat boop order more razors low bots is barber low bot's like i gotta keep you looking good get you a line up if you don't have a low bot dollar shave club you know one last thing you know that you know the most clean

shaven character in the entirety like like smooth as a baby's bottom covered with the fine veneer slime the rancor and like arguably the most handsome creature in the entire series certainly beloved well i didn't about it Vader is pretty hairless right you want to be powerful like Vader yeah but that's but that that he went about that a different way he see see folks if you try to get fresh and clean like Darth Vader without dollarshadeclub dot com you're going to lose all your limbs and catch on fire be left on the fiery waste of Mustafa that's that's what's going to happen Your best friend will shop off your legs. I have a question.

It's from at Katie Gator. I like this question, yeah, go ahead. At top low-key places to visit, aka, where should I go, that people won't tell me about what they did when they went there? I have an international suggestion. I bet you do. Ireland. And here's why. The food is not amazing.

There's no, like, oh, my God, you have to try this, chard, blah, blah,ety. No. The food in Ireland is pretty low key. The scenery is great, and the people are very nice. But in terms of, like, stuff, the English kind of burned most of it. So there are a lot of places you can go to in Ireland where it's like, here are our city's greatest church once stood. Then the English tore it to pieces. Here's a scale model.

there's a lot of that even people in Ireland don't have a lot to do I mean yeah people go to Dublin and be like oh we saw the book of Kells and we went to the Guinness Factory but like those are the two things so I could take this to mean two things one these kind of perfectly unmemorable

experiences right or like when you say indescribable I'm not saying because of the magnitude of greatness I'm saying because I don't know you just go there it's fine right right right right And you don't have this list of things. Like, if you go to Paris, you know, you're like, okay, I've got to see these, like, 14 things.

These 14 must do things. The alternate is that maybe Katie's asking, where are places to go where you'll do stuff that you won't ever tell anyone you did? Oh, I see. Great. Right. So I like your answer because- Join an Irish gang is what we're saying. Yeah, that would be, I joined an Irish gang.

I killed someone there. Yeah, those kind of things. So if I was to say top, low-key places to visit in the nice sense, in the benevolent sense, right? Where you'd just say, oh, man, that was pleasant. Hey, you know what? That's Portland. Portland, like, I don't know what I did in Portland. Yeah, I don't know, I was just chill. You know, if you go to, like, Montana or Wyoming or Colorado, you're like, oh, I did this trail and it did this thing.

If you go to Portland and the whole M.O. is to not really intentionally do anything, right? Like, you might have one event where you're like, I don't know, we went to the Rose Garden, saw some bridges, I don't know, that's very pleasant. That's the point. Most things in Oregon are exactly that, by the way. A whole state of just pleasant, kind of vaguely memorable experiences. So that would be my first answer to, in the positive sense, sure, go to Oregon. It's great because you won't remember it. If it's a place that you are going to go do things that you don't want to tell anyone about or you won't tell. tell anyone about.

I think New Orleans is undefeated for that. In the United States, at least. New Orleans is a little too pro, like, no, it's okay. Everybody's been there. People are very forthcoming about, even if they're only giving you a third of the story, people are pretty forthcoming about like, yeah, I got a handcuffed to a police barricade because I vomited on my wedding tuxedo. I think Key West is more where you want to go.

yeah that's a good one because you're going to spend a lot of time just getting to the island that you're saying right right right and q s is more about like yeah there are dicks out but it's cool you don't have to bring it up i will also do a just keep this keep this between friends i will do a secondary nomination for this mobile yeah yeah i was gonna i was gonna i was gonna say Mobile, I swear, yeah. We went there a few months ago, and if you want, like, extremely New Orleans light with a dash of, you know, you want the beach nearby, but you don't want, like, the trashy east side of Florida beach, you know, you want the nice, the nice chill golf action. There you go. I mean, Mobile invented Mardi Gras, look it up. There's, there are

nice restaurants. I had several. The weather is not bad. There's a battleship. You can go look at the battleship. Yeah, Mobile is the finest city in Alabama and one of our most underrated cities. Yeah, also, you'll probably end up getting so drunk you do something. You either regret, want to tell people, but shouldn't, or it's caught on videotape. That's another, that's another low-key mobile thing. Everyone I know has ever been to Mobile is like, oh, yeah, I went there.

Pause, pause, pause, pause. You'll get suspended for the... You don't even... Oh, shit. I got to take that out. Damn it. Beep. Babe.

No, you don't know what I said there, listen. You're talking about literally a bowl of eggs. Yep. Jason, you got one more for us. Let's see here. We got this one a lot as well, and I like the account name on this particular one. This one is News Throwaway One, indicating this person made this account just to keep up with stuff not to be tracked. It's a burner account that this.

person is used to ask us this question. That's the best use of Twitter. That's the best use of Twitter in 2017, by far. This question is so contentious and raises such emotion in certain parts of the country that this person had to use the burner account to ask it. Preferred barbecue style. I'll tell you mine, because mine's a little bit weird. I like the Texas brisket. I like everything.

I'm not one of those people who's like, oh, pork is trash, or, you know, or Memphis ribs are trash. I mean, I will tell you Kansas City. barbecue sauce is trash, but I like everything else, everything else. I don't like the goopy sweet ketchup crap, but everything else is good. So I like the Texas brisket, but with a horrifying mismash of all the Carolinas, give me the nastiest spicy vinegar mustard sauce. Put that on some brisket that's been smoked in a cave for, you know, a whole day. That's the best meal on what you've just described is basically like the medical device salesman's route

putting food for exactly um i just i think i have a hard time answering these questions because i am pretty sauce agnostic to the point where most of the barbecue that i have had and really enjoyed, I think was sauce-free. I don't think it other than, I mean, maybe it was prepared in something, but I didn't add any myself. You're both taking very generous, charitable approaches to barbecue. Yeah, that's why you're here. Yeah, I appreciate that.

Texas makes the best barbecue. Everybody else is like fifth place. Y'all can eat it. I don't care. They do it better. They do pork better. They do beef better. They do chicken better.

It's all better. I'm not even from Texas. I just acknowledge things that are universally true. Also, I'll say this. Georgia barbecue, with the exception of three places I can name on my hand, trash. Florida barbecue is worse. Florida barbecue is absolute fucking garbage. Like, just Florida barbecue, like, just the worst.

You know, Sunny's, well, Sunny's and Gainesville. Sunnies and Gainesville's a chain. They're like, come get some barbecue. It's like cold. I don't even want to call it pork. it's pig corpse that's how gross it is my sister worked at one of the cennies in gainsville in college for about a year she had some stories man not a damn not a damn decent spot in the entire state just garbage like wall to wall constant garbage there's like three really good places here and here's the

thing somebody's going to light up your mentions now with like no there are these like four good places scattered across the state and that's only good for you because maybe there's a glimmer of hope or you'll just block them and mute them. No, no, I'll just let them. I'll mute them. I'll just let them howl into the void forever. Notice me! Nope, sorry, too busy eating this delicious beef rib

that's made in the state of Texas, which is better than any other barbecue you can care to throw out there. That's it. It's just, it's better. Sorry. Here's how you know, here's how you know, okay, I'll take your side.

Here's how you know Texas is the barbecue king. Other states you don't hear about barbecue places going up in fire and the owner's like well we knew that was going to happen and we will rebuild and go right back

we will change nothing like in Texas they're like yeah we did have a pretty good thick smoke ring across the entire building in Texas you see people working in barbecue places that look like they're actually cured

the guy who worked Schmitties who worked in Schmitz right just like legendary barbecue place just outside of Austin in Lockhart there's a guy there who has like

first of all in his back he's he's big enough of a dude that he has the three hot dogs at the back of his neck right shaved head the three hot dog fat roll right there at the back of the neck and when he starts sweating and he's kind of florid anyway he looks like he has cured himself by standing over the barbecue

for that long I think you don't have that kind of commitment Well, it's kind of a Texas thing, but the first key to any barbecue place is, well, first of all, is there smoke? If there's not smoke, you might want to take your business elsewhere. If you pull up and they, we got burgers and we got a barbecue sandwich. Well, you said burgers first, so therefore you probably do not actually have a barbecue sandwich. You probably have a pork sandwich with ketchup on it.

The second is the size of the menu, because if the menu is, you know, a page of burgers, a page of salads, a page of chicken sandwiches, a page of barbecue. It's not a diner. No, you want like a max one page front and back. Yeah, I want like, okay, how many ribs do you want? And do you want mac and cheese or fries? Like, that is like the ideal menu and maybe something green somewhere in there. Sure.

Wink, wink, wink, probably not. You have to have a focus. And like, you know, people talk about Dreamland. This is always a college football, or excuse me, sorry, I didn't mean to say those words. No, God damn. This is always a sports topic. Is Dreamland Barbecue in Tuscaloosa? The original in Tuscaloosa is fine.

It's not the best in the city. It's fine. It's pretty good. It's got a nice sparse menu. I think they serve maybe like six things. But then the chain extensions, which there's a new one coming in Athens, I can say the name of that town, that I assume will be a chain variety. It's a music town first.

with just a sprawling menu and none of it's good so keep your menus lean and tight if you're starting a barbecue joint do like three things well and just yeah do it how texas does it but give me a nice light sauce that makes your face curl up in pain here's the real secret um if a potted plant can survive in your barbecue restaurant you're doing it wrong