Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 7.19 - Doctors Hate These Football Season Prep Tricks

Episode Date: August 24, 2017

There are games this Saturday, but not so many that we need to really treat this like Week 1. Instead, this is our dress rehearsal, and we're using it to help you better understand how to manage your time, family, health, money, sleep, alcohol intake, wedding RSVP strategy, prescription medication, HTML, and understanding of Tampa's rich, dumb history. By the end of this podcast, you will be ready to take on life's greatest challenge - watching an entire season of college football without totally ruining something else in your personal or professional life. Good luck out there. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. We are here. I don't want to call this week one of the college of the ball season. I think that feels unfair to week two, which actually is week one because it's the one with all the big, you know, neutral site games, the ones that you'll forget about. Like, oh, yeah, remember when we lost to Michigan? Just prepping you in Florida fans. Just get used to it. You should be used to it already.

I'm Spencer Hall Founder of Every Day Should Be Saturday SBNation.com person Ryan Nanny in beautiful New York City How are you, sir? Well, I want to answer that in two ways.

First, I want to point out that ESPN agrees with you because if you look on their schedule for 2017, week one starts this Saturday and goes all the way through September 4th

So they're just lumping it all They're like yep Those games on the 26th That's just week one Does it last more than the week? It sure shit does If you look at it How many teams are actually playing

More than one game I think it is FAMU And Colorado State Something like that Maybe another one or two teams But like very few teams Are actually Doing this as a two week thing

Right So yeah I mean I'm fine with this just being a long ass week I'm sure there's some, you know, some Mayan calendar or something where a week is like 11 days. A day in the eyes of the Lord is as a thousand years. Shit, man, this ain't nothing. Time is a construct we only created so that we had some sense of our own death. It's like where Matthew McConaughey got stuck in that bookshelf.

That's why Colorado State's playing two games in one week. Yeah, this 11 to 12 days starting week for the college football season is basically one blink of, you know, Rama's eye, right? It's fine. There are, what, 14 teams in the Big Ten now? Like, college football have been in math a long time ago. We don't really do numbers. To answer your broader question, how am I? I'm remembering that a couple weeks ago I went to a live show that our friends, the Solid Verbal, put on here in New York.

And a few people came up to me afterwards and had very nice things to say about the full cast. I can't remember any of their names because I'm terrible with names. But thank you if you did. And one of these nice, nice New Yorkers or New York visitors said to me, you know, you're a lot more jacked than I thought you would be. Based on listening to the full cast, I thought you would be 5, 2, 320. So. Yeah, this is, welcome, welcome, by the way. Welcome to my world.

This is the world where Spencer and I, I think people listen to the full cast. And I honestly don't know what they picture Jason as, but Spencer and I are the fat twins on motorcycles. I don't have like a physique brand, but y'all have very defined physique brands that do not actually. Let's be clear, very not defined, lacking in definition. Very specific brands that I would disagree regarding their accuracy, but at least it's something. I'm just an amorphous blank space. You know, at least you guys are corporeal. Is that how you say that one?

Yeah, Jason is a broomstick that has tattoos. But now I'm going to get every time. There's Dalsam. That you? You just described 20% of the guys in the state of Georgia, right? Like of all races, creeds, and colors. That's 20% of them, right? Some skinny, food stick of a dude.

I was expecting an actual skinny person. they'll meet you and be like i thought you could be i thought you looked like somebody who you know worked down at the body shop right right i'm the one that they'll say oh you're thicker than i expected y'all don't get that so at least i have that going for me yay i did get this once i heard you know you're shorter and hairier than i thought you'd be and i hope you responded and my axe you hear that a lot at zoo at zoo at I actually just told him I was like I was like well that's on you not me buddy yeah yeah yeah I don't have to conform to your ideals I'm bringing what I'm bringing what I bring what I'm bringing

what I bring this is the husk I was given I didn't ask for it sure do you think I do you think I want to look like this there was no creative player station where before where I decided like yep you know what give me skin that won't tan but will burn give me this god awful voice that everyone insists as a woman and not a particularly attractive one give me like some general doiness and some constantly sleepy eyes uh and give me big shoulders but not in a way that's like oh i bet he can fight more just like oh shirts don't fit no you look like you you know what you know what you look like you look like a wrestling ref i know no i was going to say i was going to give you a new one I thought that you, I would think you'd look like a gangster named baby face, right?

If I can put a, if I can put a, if I can put a, like a pork pie hat on your head and give you a Tommy gun and a short tie that only goes down to about your sternum, right? Because I was watching, oh, brother, where art thou the other day? When they're like, woo, it's the end for pretty boy Floyd. Josh, Josh Gadd plays me in a movie. Great. No, no, no, no. Please. He doesn't have. he doesn't have your your powerful upper body please he couldn't he couldn't fill a single one of your size wide shoes nope not one but yeah that's that would be it like you would look you'd look real good on like that kind of wanted poster whereas i definitely have the unabomber silo completely

occupied yeah that's true even even when you like even when you had the shaved head and no beard you always have a little bit of a like militia member look yeah you you you you you look like festive crime i look like scary crime right there's a difference and jason jason looks like arrested at the local applebees for fighting yeah i came in second place in that fight though you stepped in the ring and that makes you a winner that matters most what are we doing today i don't even know seeing as the season is upon us whether espn itself likes to admit that or not i like this time of year they're so confused about when to tell you the season is happening like the season starts in nine days also we're airing six games on the weekend five days before those nine days with this barreling down upon us at some point in the next nine days it's four days um or three days it's two days by the time this comes out it'll probably be two yeah by the time you folks listen it'll be roughly two to nine days.

Unless you listen after the season, people do listen to these like years later, which is bizarre to me. So college football is starting at some point in the next calendar year. And today we're going to talk through how to prepare for that. Are there,

before we do that, are there literally any things we have to say about the games on Saturday, August 26th? Week zero. First of all, we're going to call it week zero because that's that's week zero like i usually do a preseason piece right like a starter that's not till next week you know how like there's that whole plot in watchman

about all the super like caped heroes before the main characters in watchman and a bunch of them are dead that's this weekend's games these are the flowers that bloom too early right like daffodoo coming up in february i think stanford rice that's going to be the black freighter that's oh no everyone's dead and and stanford's just floating on the corpses at this shore yeah why are the sharks eating the boat well because it's made of dead bodies better punt there's some i mean it's worth noting this week just to note that this sport is so so stupid sometimes that we're going to start everything with things like yeah man how about hawai at umas hawaii going like as far as they possibly can out of the way. It's an 11.5 hour flight to go play UMass in football. It's the farthest home and home in college football history based on, here's how we research this. We looked up all the teams Hawaii has played.

None of them are farther than UMass. Case closed. It is a, the two games together, it is a 20,000 mile round trip experience for these uncompensated student athletes, minimally compensated student athletes, that's fine. You also have Colorado State is opening up a very nice new stadium against Oregon State,

and that should be a very competitive like that, that should be a decent game. Good thing, it's happening at 2.30 in the damn afternoon. It's happening at, what is that, 1230 local? Sure, perfect. On a Friday or Saturday, yeah. Still a Saturday at least.

Yep. Also, the season opens with Texas Southern at Florida A&M, so you get to see some fan you. Everybody's going to be really, really passionate about Texas, southern Florida, A&M for about seven minutes. And then at the seven minute, one second mark, like, okay, that's enough. I'm good.

I'm good. I would also recommend that if you are, you know, if you're desperate, you can get an early look at Quentin Flowers. Quentin Flowers, outstanding. quarterback for the South Florida Bulls. Charlie Strong getting some work in. Quentin Flowers is going to probably run

through San Jose State. That's fine. Everyone likes to blow out. You get a good blow out of this. And then for morbid curiosity, Stanford, Rice. No, don't. Just don't. No. You're going to have to watch. You're going to have to stay up late to watch games. Don't watch. Like, keep an eye

on it. And if it gets to the end of the first quarter and you're like, oh, rice is up 10? Hmm. but there is something really fun about Stanford Rice and no I'm not referring to the Australia thing because who cares football in Australia who are used to that that's how stupid this sport is you can play it on a different continent won't even phase us that game's happening at the same time as Mayweather McGregor or at least part of it is it's happening at the same time as that card yeah and I think we've mentioned on here before you know if you folks out there if you want to see a total

mismatch between a very boring elite and a completely mismatched underdog, you can just watch this shit for free instead of paying $99 to watch it on Showtime. I mean, yeah, the good news is, on the other hand, on Showtime, you might be done after 80 seconds. That's true. Well, same thing for this game. Break off a couple punt returns, and yeah, I think we know Stanford is just going to sit on this football for the next 55 minutes. Okay, I'm satisfied.

That's all we need to say about week zero. I'm good. Next. The question we asked for our readers was your football season preparation advice, because if you're like us, you've just started to prepare now. You might even not have lifted a finger. And there are some demands. You know, you take margins, and Saturday is a pretty big margin,

even if you're just taking, like, one game for your team out of it. And if you're a hardcore, it's going to be a lot worse. Better. I mean, better. Definitely better. Different. Different. Different.

Different. So we asked for your submissions, your advice. And we will address those today. Do you want to get started, Ryan? Sure. I'm going to start with our buddy, Matt Berry, at Matt Berry 05 on Twitter. This is a question. It's not a advice suggestion.

but he needs the help. How do I football Saturday with a newborn? Pretty simple. Yeah, I think you're fine for now because newborns eat every, what, like three, four hours, they sleep in between all of that. They can move exactly nowhere. They need you to change their diaper. They can barely see anything.

They cannot talk to you. they cannot demand anything of you. How do you football Saturday with a newborn? Very easily, and probably you should. The only thing you're going to run into is the fact that you're going to be tired. So you are going to have to make the harder choices about when do you stay up for a game? When do you decide that you are going to pay attention to some 11 a.m. kickoff? Those are sort of the, like, difficult decisions you'll have to make based on your own.

fatigue level and the fatigue level of your partner but honestly it's pretty easy i mean i'll put it this way you will not you will not be a month into football season and be like man i got this like newborn care thing down but i just can't figure out how to put football into it it will be the other problem you will still be figuring out what the fuck you're doing with a baby and that's fine agreed the newborn stage is easy You'll spend the next 20, 25, 30, 35 years figuring out that question, so don't stress over too much all at once. You're doing the, you're basically, this is the beginning of a game of the Sims where you're just like, oh, well, I have a house and I have to put a bed in it and a toilet. And, you know, you're doing the, like, very basic construction and supply.

and eventually your child, like your sim, will need to decide what it wants to do with its life. And it's going to cry for no reason. And it's going to set your kitchen on fire. And why is the kitchen always on fire? Yeah, this is an easy part. The question you need to be asking is, what are you going to do when they want the TV? Oh. Oh, now that's something.

Because if your TV, if your house does not have multiple TVs. I don't know what your homes were like growing up. If you grew up in the big ignorant excerpts like I did, the idea was to have a TV, maybe two in every single room. If you want to know what the stupidest year of American history was, by the way, it was not the current one. It really wasn't. No, we took a big stupid turn the minute that, like, everybody decided, like when Cribs, like whatever year Cribes started, that's the dumbest year in American history. Somewhere around 1990. Hold on.

I'm looking it up. 97? MTV Cribs started September 12th, 2000. Okay. That's the stupidest year in American history is 2000, because that's the year when everybody realized, oh, man, we can put TVs on everything and it's a national priority. I mean, people don't do that now. Like, millennials have some sense or no money. Either way. Because they carry their TVs with them. They do. They carry them with them. And they don't think that you need to have, like, my parents' generation was like, yeah, sure. you don't need a college fun let's just put like 20 TVs on the wall it'll be great you can watch the same thing in 20 triplicate sure and and sam's club was doing deal be like

yeah you want 12 flat screens it's 800 dollars total here you go it's garbage our economy is a lie money is a myth just buy it just part so you might have a house that has like multiple TVs right we we've got one in the whole house and your children at one point we'll realize that there's things they can put in their eyeballs off of it and they will want to watch it. This is a struggle for supremacy. You're going to discover this. They're going

to want the big one. You'll be like, here, you can watch it on this little one. They'll be like, no, no, no, I know that's bullshit. You put, you're giving me something that we turned into a TV. It's not the big TV. Optimus Prime looks way cooler on the big TV. You got to stand strong. Show those little little sons of guns. Who's the, like

I think this is one area where we in the very fake, very dishonest news media have an advantage over the average fan is that if I go into any room and say, hey, I need the game cut on, everyone just fucking scrambles to make it happen. Like, they think it's super important. It can, listen, here's the extent of my powers.

It can be an NBA game. I do not cover the NBA. I could go in there and say, I need Monday Night Raw on right now. This is good food on our table. Yeah, yeah. Do you want to sleep in the backyard or do you want to let me watch tennis?

We have to watch this episode of American Gladiators from 1991 for work. Ian Pian in the Ocho is showing shuffleboard all day, and I have to watch it because college football season is three months away. So maybe one piece of advice would be trying to join the media. Yeah, do that. That's a popular career line right now. And stable, extremely stable. So stable. I have a great one.

Which is probably my favorite in this, which is, we'll be very honest here. It's a big of a very frank discussions from at Jason McAnich. And the, it is supply of Adderall from the babysitter. Bourbon always topped up. And the children live with their mother for a few months. And Maxion. There's a lot in here. Yeah, the kids, I don't know what to tell you.

You just, that's, that's between you and the mother. Good luck with that. But the supply of Adderall and the bourbon, I will tell you this. I have to drink less during football season. Will you? Will you? I've done both. And I will tell you that you can get a lot done for three and a half months or four months.

And then in the fifth month, you'll realize that you've been drinking straight for four months. And that's, that's called a bender. It's not good. you'll get you'll get a lot done or so you'll think and you won't be on time for anything not that that changes with me and the yeah so you got you got to drink less yeah no because put it this way you're either going all in on this or you're just going to teetotal or like light consumption because that middle road once you begin taking one or two or sometimes three nights of the week out of that you're like oh just have a drink relax with football ESPN's really messed this up for you casual

drinker with football because it used to just be one night you're like I can deal with that but here comes a thursday here comes a friday maybe we got all day saturday yeah that's not you don't want to start that especially opening season where you've got like you know now basically six nights if we're counting the mega week that starts this whole thing go easy and the bourbon i don't know how he'll do it i'd have to take your liquors to be productive telling you man they're there's p.m they're in league with yellow tail they know you're going to buy that big bottle a cab they know they know you're going to work through it big thing of barbecue juice comes you know why did you put a sippy top on it i did and you will not judge me hey you know what it's the 1.5 liter it's good

for a day and a half that's why work your way through it i'm like you're like a small car exactly what am i good good for this so you you find what works for you I will find especially for those of you north of 30 no you you just put the coffee on okay you don't see coaches doing this stuff all right you don't see most coaches doing this stuff they're they're all about the keyword is C well yeah yeah yeah I don't know what y'all's experiences are with it but I'm not to be trusted but that either it's a full-time profession alongside what I'm doing or we just keep it light maybe maybe one drink with that last pack 12 game maybe yeah it's it's i find it far easier to just almost entirely not drink it almost gets

flipped where it's more enjoyable to have a drink on like tuesday or wednesday when there's not a game on it's so much easier just to it also it also is the thing that you're like oh shit i've been spending a lot of money during football season good job me what is it on poison well surely i've been doing a lot of physical activity to counter that. I haven't. My sleep schedule is probably really great. It's not. Huh.

Well, guess I'll die now. Go Gators. I haven't heard of a lot of people who have this, but I do. If I drink late at night and then try to go to sleep, I don't get the thing where it's like, it'll just, you know, zonky out until morning or whatever. I have like three hours of hard sleep and then I'm both awake. Like, soon as it wears off, I'm like. like, you know, wide crack and awake.

So, like, the only use I've found for this weird reaction is college football season, Saturday nights. Like, you know, around, around 1 a.m., when it's time to start thinking about winding down whenever the goddamn cow game goes ahead and gets off air, you know, then we start setting up stuff for morning, and then it's, okay, it's 3 a.m., time to go to sleep. At that point, I'm a little bit drunk. So, I go to sleep, and in about three hours, I am bolt awake, and okay, great, I need to be awake anyway. It's time to start setting up for the AP poll and whatever. You're basically living life like a truck driver who's not driving anywhere. Yeah, I guess. So.

Exactly. Good job. I would also, I would also do this going to the bolt awake. You can sometimes do, like, it's a risky move. But if you have to be functional, right, you've got to be. drunk enough so that you'll wake up three hours later. Red wine's great for that. Red wine, you'll wake, you'll feel like you're on fire, but she'll be awake if you absolutely have to be awake. And the thing you have to tell yourself, and I encourage this for anyone who has to work under sleep

deprivation is this. When you wake up and you say, God, if I get up, I'm going to die. Tell yourself, you probably won't. You probably won't. If I get up, I probably won't die. Don't lie to yourself. Don't say, well, it'll be fine once you get moving. It won't. Who knew? It will not be fine at all. especially you, new parents or people who are working like eight jobs, you probably won't die. Stimulate-wise, five-a-ans, time release, 30 milligrams, 50 milligrams, depending on your tolerance. You got to hit that stuff, and you have to hit it at the exact right time. God, the lawsuit we get from this is going to be amazing. It's a prescription medication.

Please consult your doctor before administering any of this. Don't get it from your babysitter. That's our Adderall? Please. That's cocaine. Five-Ans is actually just like an Adderall variant. It's still basically cocaine. But it's in a time release and you take it, you know, depending for me, right around that

3.30 game. It'll just, you know, cruise you about 12 hours into the last dregs of the night. So that'd be my advice. I'm not a doctor, not in this country, at least. I'm not claiming to be, certainly not in this instance, no matter what anyone may tell you about what I did in 2012. So that's my advice about stimulants. Coffee.

Coffee's great. I'm going to follow that up with this advice from Sarah Davis at Sarah Bear underscore G. Ignore everything y'all say. Yep. Oh, yeah. There are plenty of good college football podcasts out there from people who have played the sport or have written about it for forever or have coached, whatever. I hope that we have made it very.

clear that if you come to this podcast expecting to be smarter in like the capital S way about college football, you fucked up. And that's not our fault. We make it pretty clear, I'd say from the start of every episode, that this is not, you're not going to get college credit for this. You are not even going to get high school credit for this. This show is a disaster. We're all a mix of intention.

dumb and actually dumb? That's correct. Don't listen to us. We're strictly in for like the sensory experience. Sensory experience and like jokes you can crack on it. That's fine. But wait, if we tell you don't listen to us and you're not, oh my God, we found a paradox. We folded space time in over itself.

Now there's a wormhole. What's in the wormhole? That's right. Virginia Tech's first national championship. Here it comes. See, that's how dumb this podcast is. We just talked about Virginia. theoretical winning a national championship can you even imagine that's my favorite is when you're

like do we run that like there are so many of these in football that are my favorite that coaches don't even know they're doing they're like but what are you going to do well we're going to slow the game down while you still have to make first downs don't you yeah what happens if you create fewer opportunities for yourself for the other team you're creating fewer opportunities for yourself aren't you so i should just try to score on every single play or turn the ball over on every single plate. Get your defense back on the field. You know, I've seen that in practice.

It didn't go well. I mean, I think it worked out, you know, every four to eight times or so when you tried to do it. I like this one from Brian Mack on Twitter, bry underscore Mac. Inform all friends and family that if invited to a wedding, you will not purchase a gift, but that you will beat the hell out of the open bar. I think this is an evolved perspective on the no fall weddings thing, which like, you know, we've done joke posts about that before and all that. But like, don't be a barbarian. Like, if you're beloved friends or family members who you actually care about or getting married on a Saturday in the fall and, you know, you should go, you know, you can complain about it and you could take some sort of audiovisual equipment, watch the game on your phone.

No one is going to yell at you. it'll probably be on at the bar. But let's stop pretending that we're going to tell, like, you know, our best friend, nope, I won't be at your wedding because Tennessee's playing Kentucky. Like, you're not that. You don't care that much. No one does. I've only been to one fall wedding since I started doing this job.

I remember I missed, I think it was Auburn LSU 2010, I think. I mean, one advantage is, like, you know, all my friends are already married. So, hey, problem solved. But, you know, and it wasn't that bad. It was close by. I got in and out. I think it's not much more than an hour. So, you know, show your face.

Don't be a pain. If you are really close with these people, stick around and run them for all the booze that are worth. If you're not, just show your face and be a human and then get back to work. And if you don't actually work in this sport by work, I mean, watch it because it's kind of work. Now, there is one wrinkle here. that I will concede. Because I am generally on the side of who cares, just go to the wedding.

If you are asked to be in a wedding, the calculus does change drastically. Because now you can't, now it doesn't matter when the wedding's starting. You're not there then. You're there two hours before then for pictures and bullshit and more bullshit. And now you're not just like, okay, I went to the reception for an hour and I done. No, no, no, no. You have to stick around. You got to be there.

You've got to pretty much close the damn thing out. However, here's the thing. Counter. I have a counter to your counter. Okay. That Bachelor at Bachelorette party, that gets you out of the Friday night games. The Friday night games are always bad. That's it?

That's advanced. That's it? That's the trade? Wow. It's not, it's not a one for one. It's, you know, it's still a two for one. You know, I'm just saying things aren't as bad as they seem. Yeah.

If your entire college football weekend is nothing but the weird ACC Thursday night game, yeah. At least you didn't have to watch any Friday night games. Well, this is the other thing. Encourage your friend. This is why we as a society need to stop shunning Friday weddings. There's a stigma against them that like, oh, I don't want it. No, listen, man, Friday wedding means you have a four-day work week because you've got to be at the, you know, hey, I got to take a day off. I got to, you know, we got to get ready.

we got to travel whatever it is now you have your whole weekend free and you can sort of like enjoy that post wedding i had a good time the reception glow on saturday as you don't have to go to a wedding that day that's the solution here have fall weddings have them on fridays everybody wins man what happened to getting married on wednesday anyway why didn't that take off it's got it's got wet right in it it does it's hump day after all exactly the most romantic day. Yeah. I mean, it's right there in the name.

Let me take you this way, because it leads to, I think, another topic that's, you know, near and dear to my heart, literally, which is, how do you take care of yourself? Exercise-wise, that'd be at JJ Ringer. Go running in the morning, watch football the rest of the day.

Watch your ass with this. Okay, because you have to know what kind of a person you are. if the kind of person who like me if you go running you're going to want to nap later you're going to have to plan that carefully you're going to have to be aware of that you're going to have to know that like for a late game a run can actually like keep you awake if you run late at night so you might want to save it go run at night go run at like seven usually nothing's happening at seven right like there's this gap between like six and eight where a bunch of games are kind of trailing off and you can kind of like get a dinner in and you can go get like a workout in and then if you run real hard chances are you're going to be like kind of amp for a while it's good timing don't do it in the morning i would object to that unless you're just planning on being asleep by like 10 because uh running's hard for most people it really is it's like you know dismal miserable stuff can you tell i've been running lately it's bad um yeah that's what i would do and also you have to time it so that like if you're

one of these like super crossfit massacist people who like yeah we're going to do like we're going to do this workout that's called scorpion i want to replace my blood with lactic acid. That's the only way I know I got a good workout in. It's it's 350 reps overhead for time right for time of like how overhead anyway you can yeah like that over whose head it's named after a Russian space dog that died yeah it's for the troops the dog troops yeah so if you're gonna if you're gonna do that Oh, man. Or if you're going to, like, do some heavy squats, you just book a nap.

Or if you're doing the, you know, 300 rep overhead workout, you know, a spot at the ER. Just book it. They're nice. They know you're coming. Grab their analysis is an amazing thing. They probably won't have the game on, though. So, yeah. Plan on.

The Big Ten nap, I have seen that advocated where you, you know, you do your chores and if you still have yard work, which, hey, with, you know, know the way the climate's going yet you still got yard work in mid-December that's just something you're going to have to add to the schedule um so you do that stuff in the morning get your workout in and then you nap until like two or three eastern you ain't going to miss much you know i i think i think the other way you can do this is if you belong to a gym there's a good chance they have TVs those TVs will probably get the ESPN family of networks or something similar you know the noon game slot is usually pretty bad But you're like, there's a few on here I'd like to pay attention to.

I find that to be an excellent time to just say, okay, I'm not going to like set myself up for failure and be like 7 a.m. I'll be out there running eight miles. But if you just say, okay, the noon game slot, that's when I'm going to go to the gym for an hour. It's not the worst plan in the world, to be honest. So how much do they say, like, at minimum you should work out per week? Is it like three hours or something like that? It's, I think it's like roughly 30 minutes a day, five or six days a week, right? I think this question gets you, I think this question gets you shot.

Because, you know, there's, they're the people who are like, hey, listen, you should never lift anything more than three times. And honestly, like, three times a week, that's fine. Three times. Three times in your life. Yeah, as long as it's intense enough. And then there's, then there's people out there who will tell you. It's called the Gino plan. Right.

Overtraining is a myth, and you have two kidneys for a reason. Whatever you're doing, again, the remaining theme is, you know, marginally you're going to be eating into what's probably already a pretty busy schedule. Prepare. Prepare. And, you know, if you can, do it while you're watching the game. I've done that. It's messy and it looks stupid.

Get your exercise bike at home or something like that. They're not very expensive. I mean, to me, it's get your exercise done during the week and then just sit on your ass all day, Saturday. Now, here's... Give yourself something to work off. Here's the key thing. What is called...

What separates other than recruiting good college football coaches from college football coaches, we laugh at? Time management, right? We always laugh at the coaches who can't manage their timeouts, who don't know what they're doing at the end of the half, who are getting delay a game because they can't get the play in in time. How do you manage your time better? you sign up for dollar shave club and you never spend time going to buy razors at the store again okay it's amazing imagine that think of that it this way let's say you could sign up for conversions on third and one you never had to go get him dollar shave club just sent him to you okay it's third and one it's not the biggest deal in the world but there are coaches out there who can't do that there are coaches out there who third and one shows up and they're like ah i don't know what play we call a fake spike shit

Oh, it all went wrong. Take that out of the equation. Just get it out of your mind altogether. Use that time to think about CrossFit. Should you be doing it? Why are you doing it? Everything hurts. You're going to die.

But you didn't die because you used offer code fullcast at dollar shaveclub. You are the king of third and one now. You are the greatest coach in college football. football in short, down and distance situations. First and 10, second and eight, listen, they can't carry you the whole way. You got to do some of the work, but you sign up, you get the first month of the executive razor, you get the shave butter. You get this $15 value for only $5 with our offer code. And now third and one's not a thing anymore. You're already, oh, you're galaxy brain in now. Third and one shows up. You're already playing what you're running on first down. What am I talking about? I don't know. anymore. Has this ad gone on too long? Yes, because I lack good time management. Don't be like me. That's our motto. Man, that is an astonishing ad read. It's the only thing I try at on this show. You know what? It shows. Yeah. No. I have one I want to go over now that Ryan has successfully paid our bills, which is this. It again, speaks to a very

important thing. You're going to need tools to get through the college football season, right? You'll need things. There are certain resources you're going to need, sbunation.com's essential college football page. Really, you know, that's almost a given. I just feel like

we should say it, right? But at the gags, T-H-G-A-X, as a number of things that I think might be necessary. There's a couple of tweets here. One of them I just want to start with, bookmark LSUFootball.net.

I'm about to get evangelical on, y'all. I'm going to preach the truth. I'm going to let you all know what my favorite college football schedule is that you can just keep open. It is LSUFootball.net. When was LSU Football Net founded? When you could get a dot net address and not think it was weird. That's how long ago. I think it's been up since 1938, maybe 1939.

I'm just going to make this up. I think Huey Long founded it. I think Huey Long founded it with WPA money. that he stole from the federal government. And that's why it's really good, because as far as I know, they've never changed the code for this page. Oh, it's the most. It's the most, I made this for my high school computer class. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's straight up HTML. I think they have, like, ad choices served at the top that don't work. That's how good it is. And when I say good, by the way, I mean, this is the internet when, like, they didn't know what they were doing, right? So there's not, like, 5,000 ads in the page. There's zero pop-ups. It's basically, like, if the space. Face Jam website, Warner Brothers was like, okay, and we'll just swap out.

That's for all our movies now. Batman begins. Yep. Just change all the text to the relevant things. Put a Batman mask on Daffy Duck. We're good. And not that they would ever change it, because I don't know if they know how. That's great.

Don't touch it. Don't change it. There's a printable one too, which, again, whenever I see a print option for something off the internet, I'm like, oh, that's good. This is designed for like 50-year-olds. You know what's fucked up? You know what's fucked up? This website is far more useful.

And listen, I'm not going to, like, get into a whole media debate here. But this website, far more useful to you if you're a college football fan than Fox Sports.com. It's not even close. It's not even close. Honestly, it's readable and it's more readable and better than ESPN's. And by the way, that's not for lack of trying. ESPN has really tried to make a very simple interface. You can't beat some old-ass HTML in.

in a grid setting to figure out what's going on. All it has every single week, right, updated without fail, is the scrolling schedule for the entire docket. And when I see the whole docket, I mean, dude, you want to watch Jacksonville at Mercer? They're going to tell you how to do it, okay? You want to catch St. Anselm at Wagner? And by the way, that this is LSU Football.net,

not a coincidence. LSU fans will watch anything on television if it is football. anything. Remember our LSU side and the belly shook? I think they've been watching they're probably on like their sixth or seventh season of hardcore CFL watching and we'll completely advertise it. They're the ones who are like hey, you know what? Mission just facing Kyoto North over in the Japanese Intermural League

like they'll watch it. So it's really not a coincidence. But yeah, super useful, very easy. Now, what's the catch though? There is a catch. What is the catch? It's all in God's time. all central time it's all central time you got to know how to do a little mad this is how stupid i am i was about to fall into that trap again look look that's the 230 game there are a lot of six there are a lot of six o'clock games this year that's weird why do they all start at 11 a.m. they're all central time i maintain that's a stunt too right like that's that's just balling

because they're like yeah you know what god's time zone is wherever lSU is well and if you're And if you live on the East Coast, if you live in the Eastern Time Zone, you'll never miss the game. They just built you an hour buffer here. Yeah. And also, by the way, the Gax gets into TV setups. I'm horrible at this. I don't tune stuff. I'm just going to go back and catch it.

I have one TV and I might set up one on the laptop. That's it. I'm terrible and I will not focus on anything so long as there are more than two screens. So two screens are, that's it. that I might have a picture and picture set up if it's like a real busy day but otherwise not just have Twitter open on the computer maybe a second game

and everything that you see like I have DISH so it has the game center which I really like by the way that's actually like if you have Dish I'm sure other cable providers have this and they should because sports are the only reason that you would have cable at this point oh they have cable providers know that

oh yeah that's why they have a nice little game center where they're like hey look They even have, like, color codes where, like, hey, this game's about to go off. You should probably, like, tune into that. Use that. That's enough. Like, anything past that is just fetish. I would like to take one issue with LSUFootball.net.

If you scroll all the way to the bottom, near the bottom of the season's schedule, and you stop on Thursday, December 21st. Spencer, can you just go down there and tell me there's only one game? Can you tell me what game, according to LSU Football. net is being played that day. On Thursday, December 21st, correct? Yeah. That would be the St. Petersburg Bowl,

which is no longer the St. Petersburg Bowl. The St. Petersburg Bowl is dead. The Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl is definitely alive! It's been days now, and I still crack up every time I hear it. Right. And as the reigning Tampa authority on the internet, can you explain the Gasparilla part?

So Spencer can definitely help with this. I myself have never been to Gasparilla because I have no desire to. But it's basically Tampa's version of Mardi Gras. It's pirate themed. There is a day portion that is more family friendly. there is a night portion that is more your friends are all going to get arrested. The best part is it's called Gasparilla

because it's named after a mythical pirate. Jose Gaspar! There are plenty of real ones and I guess Tampa just couldn't get the licensing for whatever reason. It's just a sad Tampa version of Marty Grau. There's nothing else there. Here's the fun part that Jose Gaspar never existed, ever.

It's not even a new lie that they kind of wink, wink, wink, nudge, hey, here's the most interesting man from 1756. Now, he never existed. There's no evidence that Jose Gaspar, the inspiration for Gasparilla, ever even lived. Like, there's a story right here from an obscure website called Wikipedia.com. There is a statement about his death that he had been. been caught by a United States Navy pirate hunting schooner, which to me is funny because, like, that there was anybody hanging around Tampa in like 1821 who was like, this is important,

we should guard it. There wasn't. Don't be silly. There was some phosphate and a bunch of malaria. That's it. And Jose Gaspar, who never existed. But he said, rather than surrender, he supposedly wrapped an anchored chain around his waist and dramatically leapt from the bow, shouting, Gasparula dies by his own hand.

Not the enemies. So what I really like about Gasparilla is that it's centered around this quote-unquote invasion of Tampa by this pirate crew. For the first, the very first Gasparilla, how did the pirates arrive in Tampa? By horse, there was not a sea-based invasion of pirates until 1911. Oh, I get the horses, damn it. We were doing so well. Gasparilla, a sea-based event, a largely boat-based event. The Tropicana Field, where this game is played, has artificial turf.

So you take these two things, plants that aren't real, and saltwater, and you say, what's the perfect sponsor for them, a company that sells lawnmowers? Wow. Yeah. I didn't even know the part about the parrots were actually cowboys, the mythical pirates. The Florida Cowboys. They were cowboy pirates. That's pretty bad.

They're also ninjas. Yeah. This is like a new kids cartoon, right? Where you just cross-section three or four different interests like their planes, but they're also pirates and transformers. Yeah, that's. And they're mutants and Avengers. Well, people forget that Trent Delfar, when he plays. played for the bucks, he took the field on horseback every day.

Trent, Dofer, was also a Pokemon. You'll be surprised, too, by the way. This is my favorite part. Okay, you're ready? Because if you're familiar, Tampa this past week, had to raise money to remove a Confederate monument. You know, Tampa, great mainstay of the Confederacy. It's where the Confederacy was founded.

I'm just going to make that up. It was the Battle of Tampa, we all recall. The Battle of Tampa with the magnificent pirate racists charging on horses. They didn't do well because they're pirate, and they were riding horses. They used to boats. They really should have fought it on land. That was a bad move in retrospect for them. Okay, so there were crews, and so these crews, which were the organizations that put it on,

the crews were mostly white, mostly male. I know a couple of guys who were in these. And yeah, they were definitely mostly white, definitely mostly male. And in 1990, they planned to move Gasparilla up to coincide with what? Super Bowl 25, right? Which was going to take place in 1991 in January. So there was a bit of pressure to admit anyone of color. Anyone?

Like, Leroy Selman. Let's just get the one person in everyone in Tampa could agree, right? Like, Leroy Selman's a person of color. Hulk Hogan's a person of color, right? He's tan. It's red. But, so they just wanted them to admit, in 1991, America's next great city, one of a thousand failed nicknames for Tampa. Because Tampa is the city that is the dude in your class who continually tries to give himself nicknames, right?

She'd call me the Rick. She'd call me America's next great city. And they never stick. everybody just calls it Tampa. So they, anyway, they said, just admit one, just admit one person of color, right? We'll even specify for it, you know, admit an African American. Nope, they canceled Gasparilla. That's how racist they were.

They canceled Gasparilla rather than admit one single minority. Now, it gets better, though, the city of Tampa, not real good on its feet, by the way, in terms of working and improvising and organizing anything, they decided to create a replacement. It was called, and man, if you have nightmares of the gypsy kings playing in your head from being alive at the time, I'm about to invoke them because it was called Bamboleo. Bamboleo! It was Bill Des, and I'm reading straight from the entry, as a multicultural festival.

quote, and did not include pirates. It rained that day. What about pirate culture? Pirate culture is being erased. Yeah. Yeah, it's people, the quote from the Tampa Bay, the St. Pete Times at the time was, people missed the pirates, the racist pirates who sucked on horses.

And it was an absolute flop. Can I talk, can I give you a brief? Do you know anything about the Battle of Tampa because I did not until I read the Wikipedia page. I love this entire diversion and I want to hear nothing but anything more about it. Please. I'm going to go through it relatively quickly.

Here's what happened. A union gunboat came into Tampa Bay and then launched a boat with 20 men flying a flag of truce. A team of about 18 Confederate soldiers met them in the bay and basically said, nope,

we're not going to let you land. The Confederates were given a mess that the Union Army, the Union Navy, rather, wanted Tampa to surrender unconditionally to union control. The Confederates refused. And so the Union said that they would start shelling the town at 6 o'clock. They gave them a time. They put it on their Google calendar. In response to this, the Confederate delegation gave three hearty cheers.

at six o'clock the union vessel the sagamore opened fire with heavy shell um the confederate army returned fire both parties then kept up a regular fire until seven p m at that point the sagamore withdrew the next day they came back beyond the range of the confederate cannon started firing again after a two hour break for lunch the USS sagamore fired two more rounds, weighed anchor, and sailed away. There were no casualties on either side. The Battle of Tampa was a bunch of armed men shooting at each other and hitting nothing and only stopping for lunch. Fantastic. So this was 38 guys all total? Yeah. What is the smallest number of people you could have and still call it a battle?

I mean, it feels it feels like, It feels like we're approaching that number here. We can't. This, this, this is more like a fight in the school lunchroom. This is a, this is a musical is what this is. This is Jets versus Sharks. Well, four is a duel with seconds, right? So I'm just going to say that.

No, that's, that's for the tag team title belts. Okay, yeah. So I'm just going to go that, like, you have to be larger than a wrestling event, like a specified wrestling event, right, with a number. A set number? We can't just say brawl, right? Like, no. Well, the Royal Rumble could have 40, so you need more than 40.

I don't think this counts as a battle. This is the Royal Rumble of Tampa. I will agree. This is, which, again, is appropriate considering Tampa's central place in the history of professional wrestling. This is the best diversion we've ever had. Everybody knows the Civil War was Brother versus Brother. Brother.

Jason, and please give us something new to talk about. I like this from Leah Goldman 91. Regarding the long offseason, you can fill up your Yeti Cups now and they'll still be cold for bowl season. A lot of people send us jokes about Yeti Cups. I think anyone who sends our podcast

something about Yeti Cups probably does not actually own one. But I did appreciate seeing so many people reference them because, like, our sports schedule, it is set up more like a survivalist event than other sports are. Like, you just don't see people saying this stuff about the NFL season. Like, oh, how are you going to survive it all? Because, like, I mean, it's pretty easy. You clock in at one, and you're done at, like, 10. That's nothing.

And nobody watches the Thursday game. Oh, wait, that is, like, college football. Never mind. That's true. You don't have to watch the weeknight games. Again, that goes for us as well. You know, an NBA, it's just, well, it's every night. You know, and if you miss, like, 50 games at a time, no big deal.

Here come 50 more. I love when NFL fans are like, geez, the Sunday night game went until midnight. My goodness. That sounds nice. That's so late. You're like, man. Be like, wazoo was just starting the second quarter at midnight on Sunday. Like, oh, man.

Luke Falk was just warming up. Wow, you had four evening games to keep up. with it once. I can't imagine what's that. I do declare. I do like a lot of people, I think also send in suggestions about just attaching Yeti stickers to things. Like just use a regular Tumblr and put a Yeti sticker on it. I say take it even farther. You know, if you have medical devices in your home, if you have power tools, whatever it is, if you just want to throw it on a bag of chicken, like a frozen bag of chicken fingers, just be like, yeah, these are Yeti chicken fingers. They're

different. They cost $300, but that's because they're better. Bears can't eat these chicken fingers, only I can. That's why I paid for them. These are bear-proof chicken fingers. They're bear fingers. Bears won't eat their own kind. I'm going to put a Yeti sticker on the new Mercedes-Benz Stadium, right? Like, you know, prior to Florida State, Alabama, just so they all feel at home, right? Like, I don't know, man, this thing's new and it terrifies me. It's like the eye of Satan himself that's a important car yeah i'm gonna sanctify it i don't trust his european car we're all sitting in right now of course nick savin owns a mercedes dealership so it's no longer european that there's it's made in pamela oh okay they got they got a factory they got a factory and

everything so and you know what you know the germans had some pretty good ideas if you just go back and look at their history well yeah you think of making this up popular idea I can't wait until Dollar Shave Club calls us. They're like, hey, no, the ad reads are fine. Do you have some thoughts on the surrounding material? Just all of it, really? Do you want some notes? Could we not have any of that?

Could we lose all of that? Is that, like, is that a no-go, or? I'm just thinking maybe if we, like, broke out the ad as its own episode, completely distinct of everything else, like, what if we did that? If we could have another person read it, like, we'll just go ahead and brand it with a different name. That's not, that's, that's, that's, that's fine, right? I think, I think I have a good one for us to close on. Please do.

It's a, it's a very honest one, you know, this is, this is a very frank edition of the shutdown forecast, which is at Hemmikane, aka the senior VP of Bad Tweets, congratulations on your promotion. Get really busy and find excuses to not. watch your team play if they are bad or not entertaining parenthetical bama and parenthetical okay ryan has been at the forefront the vanguard of this because i am i am the fool who will watch every game even if i know we're going to absolutely take it in the neck right ryan does ryan has not felt this way and i think it's a superior way to be i'm not quite there emotionally, but I think it's a superior way to exist.

I mean, which is to say, if it's going to cause you that much pain, don't watch it. So life is full of things that you have to do to make somebody else happy, right? You have to go to your nephew's violin recital. You have to go to Thanksgiving with the relatives that you are not that interested in talking to. You have to be on a conference call. you have to do this, that, or the other. And we all accept that. We all accept that there are very few of us who can truly unilaterally control our time and our effort.

College football should not be one of the things that you have to do out of some obligation. Because the key stakeholders, the players, the coaches, they don't actually care if you watch the game or not. Yes, they want your support and they don't want you to tweet shitty things at them. And they probably, if they ever saw the things that I tweeted about Florida football, they didn't appreciate them. And that's fine, but that's a separate category. But in terms of, like, the limited time you have to decide where you are unoccupied, where you are unobligated, especially in college football, where busy doesn't even necessarily have to mean I'm not watching this sport. I mean, Jason wrote a whole thing for the preview about how you can add secondary.

and tertiary and quaternary, interests and alliances and, you know, teams that you want to glom onto, it's fine. I don't think it's a betrayal. I don't think, you know, there is some college football heaven where they weigh the hours you spent watching a team that wasn't that fun or that good, and you get, like, who's giving you credit for that? Who are these people that are out there being like, well, you know, you didn't watch. watch every, you didn't watch every game that three and nine season, so you're not a real

blah. No, nobody's out here keeping score on this. You are the one keeping score. Stop punishing yourself. Let yourself live.