Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 7.23 - Let's Not Talk About Florida-Tennessee

Episode Date: September 14, 2017

Or at least let's not talk about Florida-Tennessee very much, and, guess what! We don't! Not when we can ponder Brian Kelly losing his job after giving up 50 points to Boston College, or Papa John debating health care with Stephen A. Smith, or Wisconsin fans trying to get drunk in Provo, or doing a live edition of the Shutdown Fullcast at the last remaining Popeyes with a buffet? (Seriously, I hope we do that last one. Get at us, manager of the last remaining Popeyes with a buffet.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. Oh, man. Season's speeding along already. We are coming up on week three. Week three. Week three where there's nothing important happening, right? Nothing. No historical rivalries being fought.

No serious grudges, grievances being aired. It's my way of talking around Tennessee, Florida, because I don't want to talk about it. Not at all. You know we're going to, though. unfortunately we're gonna yeah you're Catholic you're Catholic this is basically this show is basically confession all right you don't want to talk about it but we're going to talk about but listener before you eject know that we will talk about other far greater and more

interesting things I wish we didn't even have to play it that's where I'm at with I haven't ruled it out I mean Is there another hurricane on the way? There's a shitload of players suspended for Florida still. And just existing in some sort of unknown state, I guess. They're in football purgatory. The Santa Fe River might overflow. I like that.

That implies their program isn't already football purgatory. Like they're in super purgatory now. They're in the second circle of purgatory. Is that a thing? They went from being the, what, like the unwashed pagans to like the lightly washed pagans. If you could be like, if you could be like super sleepy in purgatory. It's being like, oh, I don't really feel like doing anything. Oh my gosh.

Do you want to go to, do you want to go to super mega purgatory? They're in the purgatory waiting room. We're already talking too much about Florida's Tennessee. Pergatory Prime. luxury purgatory with like you get the you get the the premium club box seats in purgatory yeah i think that um really all you need to know about this program right now is that and yes verified hurricane irma's winds blew a couple of letters off of florida field and which ones did they take the o's and you have not seen them now the o's and the d took the o and the d

Of the ST, though, there's going to be a lot of kicking. So let's use this to, you know, we asked you for confident week three predictions this week. Not bold, confident. And you can be bold and confident, I suppose. But I do want to start with this one. Let's just get out of the way from Zach Ferguson at underscore Zach Ferguson. Florida outgains Tennessee in a loss. Spencer, do you know the last time that Florida outgained its opponent and lost the game?

Um, yeah, I do. Would that be Mizzou? That would be the Missouri game in 2014. 2014, yeah. Outgame Missouri 283 to 119. And what was the final score of that game, if you remember? It's fine if you don't. Was it 4414? 42.13.

42. Again, like Will must champ, I'm a little fuzzy on the math. Missouri scored on a kick return, a punt return, a fumble return, and a pick six. And they threw in some field goals. an offensive touchdown for good measure. So I don't feel great about this happening just because when Florida loses, they make sure that the offense bears lots of responsibility for it in the last few years. There are very few cases of like, oh, Florida went out and put up 480 yards,

but it just wasn't, no, no, like, this machine is binary. It's ones and zeros. There are no sevens. I don't see this happening because it would involve Florida gaining yards. and I do not see a way that that can happen right now in any fashion whatsoever. So, yeah, you can take that. This ain't happening. If it does, it will be, it means that the game is truly cramulent.

It means that Florida loses this game 10-7 and, quote-unquote, outgains Tennessee, like 202 yards to 198. God, that's going to happen now. I just weld it into existence. Good job. It's the Staypuff marshmallow game. Can I take a prediction? Please.

I'm literally, literally any other game. We got a lot of people calling for Purdue to give Mizzou hell. And a lot of people calling for just an outright Purdue win over Mizzou. Marcus Borton on Twitter predicts Purdue Mizzou becomes a 70 to 68 shootout.

That sounds like a I mean, Purdue 70, Mizzou, 68. That sounds like one of those scores you see during, like, November when you don't realize it's a basketball score, you know? Right. You're like, huh, why are they even pulling? Oh, right, right, right. And, yeah, that could happen. That could happen.

Purdue does all sorts of silly weird stuff now on offense, and Mizzu does the same on defense. And just fired their defensive coordinator for reasons in addition to football. but, like, things weren't going great, but it wasn't quite as bad as it seemed in week two. It certainly was in week one when they gave up, what, 40-something to an FCS team? In week two, it was like some, you know, again, some weird Mush Champ stuff. But, yeah, Mizzou is not doing great right now, and Purdue is the best Purdue we've seen in, what, almost a decade. So, yeah, let's go for this over. It's really impressive how committed both of these schools are, right?

right now to just giving up crazy long plays. Missouri has allowed 10 plays of 20 plus yards. Purdue has allowed 11. The season again is two games old. So like, yeah. Hey makers, hey makers, baby. Yeah, this is, this is sort of going to be

like watching two teams shoot half court shots, except they count as long as you get it to the baseline. This is like, it's like, yeah, it's like two YMCA teams where everyone thinks they're Steph Curry. I'm really interesting. Looking forward to people complaining about this game, by the way.

Why? Why? This will probably be a really fun game to watch. Nobody's playing defense here. Oh, God, I keep watching it. This would be the CFB Twitter hipster pick of the week. Like, there's going to, like, the whole podcast ain't played nobody. Listenership is going to be dialed in on this game.

All over this. All over this. 45 minutes to get halfway through the first quarter. Can we just call this the Bill Seabull? basically also like low key the chris brown bowl the smart football bowl because i know that he's very oh yeah he likes to break things down but at the same time i know he's watching purdue with like going don't have hope don't have hope in their heart and don't think about it this way bill connolly chris brown their initials are just flipped they're the same but mirrored

what four four college football books between those two it's a lot of galaxy brain I like your ship at stake here. Call it the Book Bowl. Can I, I'm going to take one just to remind everybody that this game's happening. Okay. Because I think you might have forgotten. We're still in the silly season of strange road games. For instance, last week, Oklahoma State went to Mobile to play South Alabama in South Alabama.

In a stadium that I'm told has an outstanding rodent problem. Good for them. It's always good to have tenants. Hi, I like the word outstanding there. Tremendous rodent problem. You say pest control issue. I say friend to nature. Spectacular rodent problem.

From Eugene Gino Aol, that would be at Gino 1510. Must be a lot of Gino's on Twitter. At least 1,000 Wisconsin fans arrested for public intoxication in Provo. Okay. I mean, they ought to already been. You ask, well, why would Wisconsin be playing in Provo? They're playing in Provo this week, y'all, Wisconsin, in Provo, Utah, where having a Starbucks was kind of a negotiation and where the beer by law can't be more than what, several percentages, right?

One below, one. One, yeah. A BV of one. It's actually, I just, I just looked it up. It's 4% by volume. 4% by volume, meaning, down, that's like diet spright. I'm going to, I'm going to riverside this prediction because at 4% beer,

I don't think there's any way your standard of Wisconsin fan gets drunk. That's the real issue here is like, well, first, let's not assume that Wisconsin fans aren't going to bring their own supplies. That's foolish. But. A case full of beer. But if we're talking about public intoxication, that requires, I mean, think about it. are working security in Provo, that requires some visible indicia of intoxication.

You have to be slurring. You have to be walking funny. You have to be aggressive. Like, if you have met Wisconsin fans, you know that, yes, they drink an ungodly amount. But then they just go about their day. They're not, like, Wisconsin fans are not just, they're not Barney from the Simpsons. They're just like, okay, and now to be a vice principal. All right.

surgery time. Okay, let's build a tractor. All of these things I will do while my body is swimming in liquor. They're like Vikings and hoodies or something like that. Right, right. I mean, I think on the one hand, yeah, a Wisconsin fan is faced with 4% ABV

is more likely to drown than to get public things like. Oh, I've never felt so hydrated. My skin looks great. I just, I'm just standing in front of a urinal drinking. It's just a loop. Is this what it's like to be a triathlet? I feel like a triathlete.

Tom Herman is so proud of my urine color right now. It's invisible. But I mean, also, like, as soon as they step off the plane in Provo, aren't they going to be like, what is that smell? Smells like a hospital. Now, Spencer, you said, you said, You wanted to remind people that this game existed, and I thought you were going in an entirely different direction.

Because this question, this prediction, rather, comes from Matt Takamoto, Takamoto 23X on Twitter. This is the week it all goes horribly wrong for Josh Rosen. Where's UCLA playing this week, Spencer? Oh, UCLA is going to, They're going to go east, so go ahead and let's just all say it together. About o'clock. They're playing at Memphis.

They're playing at Memphis. In a noon game. Mm-hmm. 9 a.m. Pacific. Yeah. I mean, listen, people in California are barely awake at 9 a.m. On a Saturday. Because they just have no need to be.

What are you going to do? You're going to go to Trader Joe's early? Fuck it. You don't need that. I want you to consider the one thing that might be problematic for Memphis in this game. Memphis, I think, is one of those teams that doesn't have a play like over 20 yards. Like, they have nobody who can stretch the field whatsoever. So in a game where UCLA has basically this year just admitted, yeah, we're, we're just going to score as many points as possible and see how it shakes out, right?

The exact game plan of, hmm, let's control the game and let's really work the ball down. the field and let's control. Nope, nope, they're just going to let Josh. They're going to let Josh Rosen hurl that thing. We'll see how it works. In a game where you have to keep up with that might be kind of an issue, even if they're playing at 9 a.m. Oh, and you say UCLA might get behind. Is that a problem? Is that been a problem? Listen, listen, just because you guys have played Texas A&M doesn't mean that'll work against everybody. I don't think we should say Memphis is at Texas A&M's level. That's rude to Memphis. I mean, Memphis hasn't barely

beaten the Nichols Colonels yet. Here's the one interesting conjunction for me. UCLA, and granted, the season is early and numbers mean nothing, UCLA currently ranks 124th against the run, through two games they are averaging 6.31 yards per carry. And you're like, well,

Texas A&M, but no. Hawaii ran for 281 yards on 42 carries. UCLA still won the game easily. That's fine. Memphis has only played one game against Louisiana Monroe, in which they ran for 8.18 yards of carry on 39 attempts. Memphis is very happy, based on that limited data, to not throw the ball and to just run it.

And if UCLA is a leaky sieve in terms of run defense, Josh Rosa may not have the ball all. that much. That's true. And that's what they've got to hope for, right? It's a bad matchup. I mean, it is a bad matchup. I am just saying that before you get on the,

before you get on the college football hipster upset wagon, which you know me, I'm first on that. Foolishly so, right? Like, oh, Memphis got this. Because I want Memphis to have this, right? I want Memphis to have a good thing. But guess what the weather is going to be on Saturday? In case you're like, I don't know.

Can they handle the humidity? That's going to be like 86. And it's not going to rain. Humidity's going to be 66% though. So come on, come on big sweat. Come on big soggy. It's a 12th man, the humidity. Since I brought up Monroe and since I feel like I'm not getting enough traction with you too in our private conversations.

Can we talk a little bit about how I really want to do a live show in Lafayette, Louisiana, at the last remaining Popeye's buffet. Yeah, I think we're all for it. We've been called out on this a couple times, but I don't recall shooting this idea down. I just, the lack of enthusiasm is sort of, you know, like I feel like I need y'all to really get behind me here. So here's what I told the Lord the other night was

when it comes to Popeyes, my yes is on the table. And it's a blank check, basically. so you just tell me where to show up okay okay thank you jesus yeah same same with me here you know i'm gonna i'm gonna write the letter i'm gonna start with poppice corporate because i feel like if they get on board the franchise will just be like well okay we'll make that happen and obviously i don't know man this might this might be a renegade franchise you think so pop pies might have been like you should stop doing the buffet and they're like we disavow you've got too not go to corporate because like what if what if I go into corporate we snitch on the Monroe

Popeyes and they're like what a buffet shut that down wait that one so that that that Popeyes has been dead for 30 years we are the way in the light so it's the flying dutchman of Popeyes so yeah well we'll do that we'll figure that out we'll set it up we'll sell some tickets all of those proceeds will go to charity obviously right listen Roger Sherman already said he was in I'm going to hold him to that that's a binding Twitter contract. You've got to show up. If you're going to say you show up at the like all you can eat Popeyes, this is this is

as close as we can get to the Hajj for us, right? Like like you say you're going to do it. You got to do it. You know why God hurt you. Right. You got to go do it. You got to show up at the all you can eat Popeyes. And much like the Hajj, there will probably be trampling.

Oh, there should be, man. When they come with when they come with the fresh spicy, ooh, someone's going to hurt. I do. set up something in the parking lot where we all throw rocks of the devil too. I don't know who the devil is in Lafayette, but I suspect it's Nick Saban. Probably. So that's fine. I would like to point out another prediction, if I may.

Please. Which I will tell you, neither of these are happening. I just want you to consider the absurdity if you say it out loud. Okay. It's from Wimpco Industries at Sherman underscore tank 474 again must be a lot of weird Sherman tanks on Twitter that's odd Brian Kelly gets fired this week after losing to Boston College I couldn't get through it I tried I tried to say it that still wouldn't come out of my mouth parts so Brian Kelly

getting fired in 2017 it's entirely possible so I wouldn't rule that out I asked resident Notre Dame fan slash apologist Jessica Smetana I asked her this I showed her this and I was like is that a thing? Could that happen? And she said no

that Notre Dame is not the kind of institution that would fire a coach in the middle of the season because they just aren't. Barring something like truly heinous coming out. And yes, losing to Boston College is heinous, just not in the way that you're thinking. Something heinous coming out about Brian Kelly? I know. I know.

It seems so unlikely. He's got such a wonderful personal record, and just, like, seems like such a lovely man. So she thinks this is unlikely, but she did say, like, well, I don't know, if they lost, like, 50 to 14 or something. And now that's all I want from this Saturday. Is Boston College not to just squeak by Notre Dame,

not to be, oh, and Notre Dame misses the field goal in Boston College? No. Lay the wood. Bring the pain. dude them back to hell so let's see the last time Boston College scored 50 points this is this is probably gonna be a Matt Ryan game

if I had to guess oh they put 76 on Howard last year let's let's let's limit this team yeah let's limit this to FBS teams all right we're back to 2012 2009 NC State 52 to 20. Damn. Yeah. So they're due.

What I'm hearing is they're due. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I like this one also. It goes hand in hand from Scott Aiken on Twitter. Brian Kelly moves the Boston College game to a flooded Florida location and calls 45 passes.

Just move in B.C. to the lake near Florida's campus that is overflowing with rabbit alligators or whatever. playing this in the Everglades. We love natural splendor. What better match, what better matchup for the, the flowing unstoppable prestige of Notre Dame? Well, we hadn't, we had dialed up just right, but the alligators couldn't execute.

Can you imagine the questions if they lose 50 to 14 to Boston College? Coach, that's a, uh, that's a seven possession game. It's not seven possessions. It's 36 points. reporters are so sick of him anyway too like it's so obvious that they hate him right listen I know for internet purposes

I should want Boston College to beat Notre Dame 50 to 14 and Brian Kelly to do a press conference afterwards I cannot advise that he appeared before the media if he loses to Boston College 50 to 14 I just can't it'll look like the White House White House corresponding things where they're telling them like

don't turn on the cameras and they're like we're going to do it You can't tell us what the geek. And then they just draw cartoons of Brian Kelly. He does kind of look like thick Sean Spicer, now that I'm thinking of it. Yeah. Sean Spicier. Sean Spiciest.

Or like Sean Spicer's older brother, Sean. I'm just convinced that that family probably just named everybody Sean. I'm Sean with an age. He's Sean without an age. We're fucking well. We're talking Indiana here. This is Sean Unspy. Piser.

Prediction from Josh Stone at This is Josh Stone. Baylor will win by 21 points. No. Next. No. I mean, I am willing to buy that Baylor is not as bad as they have looked in their first two games, both of which have been losses to Liberty and to Texas San Antonio. I do not think they are going to follow those two home losses.

one of which they did not even score 21 points by going to play at least a formidable Duke team on the road and win that game by three touchdowns. Listen, I will buy that they are a work in progress and that by the end of the season, we will look back and say like, God, how did those two things happen? And that they'll beat Kansas and Iowa State and maybe give somebody else a scare. Like, I'm not going to say they're totally doomed. but they're not no they're not turning around and winning this game by 21 points so the best thing about that 21 point margin is um michael j altman on twitter also says duke beats baylor by three

touchdowns so whatever happens here somebody's losing by three touchdowns i just like that in the year 2017 after five or six years of bailer being on the verge of crashing the title picture and duke being at least a bowl team like things have gone so full circle for Baylor that now you're you know you probably should be a huge underdog to Duke like you know

10 or 15 years ago the the programs at these two schools that most of us grew up on it'd be hard to imagine either school scoring three touchdowns in a game period and now Baylor which was you know came very very close to making a playoff is right back to being a three touchdown underdog to Duke.

Just what trajectories we have here. I'm just, I'm willing to buy that Baylor even wins the game. I'll go that far, but this is not, no, no, no, no. What is the line? What is the line? I refuse to look it up. I refuse. I'm not doing it.

I'm moving on. It is, it is Duke by two touchdowns. God, that's amazing. Jesus. That's amazing. This one from Brendan James at Loon Squad underscore. Army will throw multiple touchdown passes against Ohio State. We're going to do this Price's Right style, closest without going over.

Spencer, how many pass attempts do you think Army has this season? Through two games. Nine. Jason? Ten. Jason hit it on the head. It's ten attempts. They're two for ten this season.

I went high. They only threw multiple touchdowns. once last year and that was against Lafayette Louisiana Lafayette no the other one the one the one a division below the leopards yeah um it would be amazing it would mean disaster for Ohio state's defense at this point I will tentatively say that this is more likely than Baylor winning by 21 points but only just barely only just barely yeah no no that's that's not happening it's just not their steeds and it's not what's confusing is that you know i saw the ten attempt thing and i was like why are they like breaking in no senior quarterback same one that they had last year like sure man go for it don't throw the ball if you don't have to it's beautiful my favorite part about the ohio state ranks number 130 in past defense thing which okay yeah that's you're using garbage stats and total uh total numbers

it's still not good it's more like number 95 i think in yards per attempt or whatever um the funnier part is they're gonna rank like number 95 or 105 after they play army they're gonna play a team that is not interested in passing and might not throw a single time all game and still rank around number 100 in total passing yards that's that's fantastic yeah they kind of need army to throw some passes just to help their yards pro temp number yeah oh they went oh for five look secondary is improving that's the bad part is when army does throw it's it's probably going deep like you know the flex bone teams the whole the whole idea is we only throw as like uh you know as going for the end zone basically so like if army does throw

that's when nerves are high I have I want to take this one from at the real at real Matt Nolan it's just a picture of Papa John drunk yeah that's a good prediction I think that one's coming to fruition honestly in in so many ways be it spiritual or literal

this is the most accurate prediction this week because Clemson does play Louisville and that means you get to watch the evolved, the next, the next evolution of Lamar Jackson, who needs a Pokemon name, right? Like he needs, like, since he's obviously taken a step up developmentally, he needs a new version of his name. We'll think about it.

So here's why you should root for Louisville to make the college football playoff. ESPN owns the playoff, right? And ESPN has a lot of programming to fill. And it's kind of hard during the playoff and before, It's kind of hard to get a lot of coaches and players. Like, they can, but they're not going to get them for a lot of time because these guys are prepping for the game. It is easy to sort of go and get somebody affiliated with a program, a former coach, a former player, a well-known fan, whatever. So, if Louisville makes the playoff, that means we're going to get Papa John on first take with Stephen A. Smith.

and I don't even know where that conversation's going to go. Could it go, could it, could it, could it get into, you know, a debate over single-payer health care? Absolutely. Could it also get into the sexual uses of garlic butter? Yes. Could we somehow combine those two conversations into whether the government should pay for your health care needs because you found a sexual use for garlic butter? Maybe. I want that.

Could Stephen A? Just straight up Just bow up and say You know I respect you Papa John But But however however Canadian bacon

Things of that nature There is only one dominoes Dominoes has been bringing quality For years Years It's about legacy How can you say you have the legacy Of Domino?

Where is your noid? Have you? You ever had a noid? What? I didn't think so. The Noid should be Louisville's mascot, just for the record. Just turn that end to an L. It kind of is, right?

Just give the Noid a beak, and that's the toothed bird mascot. I think the other cool thing about Louisville making the playoff would be that it's announced, you know, shots on campus, is as cool, this is great, and then by Vitrina leads for Tennessee before the semifinal. or if he doesn't or if he doesn't he wins the semifinal my god if loo if if if bobby petrino has to go back to Atlanta to coach the national championship game don't leave your hotel bobby don't even leave your car you know he'll show up and just be like who who's that we don't know him never heard of her i've never i've never been to this town before

it was good to see friends that's how you know he's lying said the word friends. He said the word good. This is what humans talk about friends. When Ted Cruz and I get together and count our spores. Oh, God.

Wait, does Bobby Petrino run Ted Cruz's Twitter account? Oh, it all makes sense. Take a look at the follows. I got to write that article at some point. Go look up Bobby Petrizo. I was going to. to say neither of them really have a whole lot of trophies so let's this is getting way too sexual let's

tone it way down hi i'm ben epstein from the limited upside podcast and i'm mike prada the sbnation dot com NBA editor and we wanted to tell you about our team preview series yes ben it's amazing the NBA season is almost here again it comes around so quickly and this year a little earlier so we're doing these team previews fast and furious check us out look on apple podcast Spotify all those great places search for limited upside. It is a national NBA podcast and we sprinkle in the flavor of all the various SB Nation NBA communities. So we got feet on the ground as well as Mike's overarching national narratives. You ready to hear about how your team is going to do really awesome this year and you don't want to think about the cold, hard reality of a long

winter. You'll want to listen to this podcast series. We go team by team all the way up leading into the season. Check it out at SBNation.com, but also on Apple Podcasts and anywhere else you get your From Rocco C at El Rocco 337, Yukon will cover plus 10 against UVA. This is the least sexy football game available to you on Saturday. UVA is bad right now. They rank 118th in rushing defense, 121st in past defense. Yukon is better than them in both of those things. you con has only played one game though and they almost lost to holy cross

i yeah yeah this is not this is this is this is bad it's very bad that's that's my that's my official verdict on this entire situation it's just you'd get to this game sit down in your seat and go oh this is unfortunate it's deeply bad it's I'm going to pass on this question because that requires me to watch or care about the outcome. No, no, don't do that. So, punt.

We're going to end this possession on a kick and that's a success. I'm punting. That prediction either will or will not be true. Can we just say this about Yukon, UVA? The real winner, as always, as an agent. Because an agent got both of these men

raises and new jobs for coaching ACC teams with absolutely no hope so good for them disgusting I mean I don't whatever um Jason you got one

from how do you say this dollar sign apostrophe Tiefen DeLon Steve PA 17 on Twitter James Franklin will equate playing Georgia State to playing pit a week earlier of course

James Franklin beat Pitt and said that was just like beating Akron means no more to us than beating Akron so let's just keep that rolling so here's the thing being Georgia State is exactly the same as being whoever we beat last week I don't recall it was basically Akron here's the thing

I think the playoff committee should use this against Penn State I think they should say like well by your coach's own admission through however many weeks you haven't beaten anybody above Akron level so I don't don't know why we should rank you at all. Penn State 7 and 0 unranked in the initial committee rankings.

It was now Kirby Hocut just gets up there and says, well, they've just beaten Akron seven times. They'll tell you, they played nobody. I don't know why they scheduled seven Akron games. Uh, their coach, hopefully, it admits that the strength of schedule is not what we look for. Let's dive into this one. Dakota Moyer at Dak Moyer suggests Texas 45 USC 42.

Uh, you know, plausible? Maybe. I mean, it's really, it's, it's really hard to tell which USC team will show up because they weren't really sort of all there from Buster, Michigan. And then they were, they were there twice. They were there double time and in force against Stanford. Just kicked Stanford, kick Stanford, kick Stanford's ass. Just beat him, beat him down, ran on it, made it feel bad about themselves. So will they be up for Texas?

I mean, it's a big name, but it's not a big name that really sort of threatens you when you look at how poorly they've performed over the last, I don't know, how long are we on here, 2014? It's been a while, yeah. Maybe new starter or quarterback, right? We're not sure about that yet, are we? Well, like, if it happens, it'll be those kind of score, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It won't be, yes. Texas is not winning this game 20 to 17. No, no, no. If we're pulling out that kind of win, it's most definitely on the complete accident of a game. When you see 45-42 and it involves teams that would prefer not to play 45-42, yeah, that's just one big accident that somebody's like, you both got into it, you're both trying to live through. It will also be like Texas goes up 45-14 and everybody's like, oh my God, USC getting beat the hell down. the comeback will slowly happen and then texas a n m fans will see like see it's not just us oh i think you just i think you just wrote the script for this entire game right but then you but then usc won't

quite get there they'll fall just short if if it happens if it happens here's how it happens that also isn't that also the name of a book by USC's greatest football player ever that's something like that matt liner describing his uh his love make okay yes how I do it. Here's how I'm doing it right now. You keep taking this back to the Lissivius, Ryan, and then complaining about it, like, you didn't do it. Yeah. This is like, I don't know if you've noticed this. Every Conan O'Brien interview is always the horniest interview in the planet, and he's like, oh, God, how did this happen? So anyway, about your breasts on the set.

You know, funnily enough, I was thinking about masturbating bear earlier this week, so. Who isn't? Can we, oh, man, speaking of masturbating. invetervating bears. Just going to town. God, I wish this was the throw to an ad, but it's not. It's not. We have so many, it is not because, as we, as we have been pointing out all off-season, one of the weirdest possible games and the weirdest possible arrangement at the weirdest

possible time is happening this Saturday to diametrically opposed fans. bandbases, two equally shambolic programs, historically speaking, meet to celebrate dysfunction, and again, being on different pages at all times. These two programs can't even be on the same page when it comes to how they're doing, right? Because it's not like Old Miss and Cal are meeting when both things are going well or both teams are just in their historical troughs. No, Cal appears to have a pulse. slowly but surely

it looks like Justin Wilcox sort of knows what he's doing and they've looked like a very competent football team somehow Old Miss Old Miss is in the middle of one of the greatest ravagings and NCAA and scandal can possibly give a program

because when I just started well bring me up to speed just in case I've been in sleep for three years I start with your coach was fired for calling an escort and that's just the start of it So it's not even like they're meeting at the, like, same time. Nope, can't even agree on that. But faux Jacob Gambrell at that Gambrell guy says,

Old Miss Cow goes into three OT and ends at 3.45 a.m. Eastern time. I'll tell you, 3.O.T. won't, 3.O.T. won't do it. That's good. That's like, it's got to be like quintuple OT. Yeah. But if this happens. I mean, Shea Patterson is already putting up just stupid numbers against weak competition through Ole Miss's first two games. He's thrown nine touchdowns to one interception. He's almost at 1,000 yards passing on the season.

If we get a massive overtime game against Cal, and improve Cal, but still Cal, Cal, Shea Patterson is just going to put up a stat line that will make you vomit. You should want that. You should want to vomit at 3 a.m. It's a really good sport. If you're a casual fan just now joining us, you get to vomit at 3 a.m. After watching about 15 hours of football, it's a great sport.

Clock in. I like this one. I really like this Saturday because West Coast fan, who, you know, it's 2 a.m. Eastern, things are in double overtime, and the East Coast fans are starting to say, okay, I've had about enough football. And then you see the West Coast fans chime in, like, oh, yeah? Yeah, well, it's only 11 here, so suck it up, you know? and it's okay that's cool like granted the west coast is superior we all acknowledge watching sports on the west coast is superior but like those of us in the east coasts have been at this since you know seven or eight a mm your time if you clocked in before noon so like come on man have some sympathy i think this week you get to see if you're here for every pack twelve game you get to really feel the full experience you know because that means you're up nice and early for ucla memphis and then you're you're dragging through the eighth over time of old miss cow

I would give you this. Stanford at San Diego State also starting in the late slate at 10.30 p.m. Eastern. Rashad Penny? Shad Penny is going to be a problem because USC ran on Stanford. USC really ran on Stanford and they ran well. And Rashad Penny is great. So that could be like you could start that game at like midnight Eastern and it'd be over at like 130 Eastern. Because yeah, no, there's just one.

Both teams have elected to waive the third quarter. We will now proceed to the fourth quarter. We're playing hockey. Did you stop the clock for the first down? Oh, no. Don't do that. We don't deserve that. I mean, that's not, you know how, that's not how time.

At Stanford, we're very smart. We know that's not how time works. It's like if Neil deGrasse Tyson was calling a game. This is preposterouser. You can't be tough. this is for total length i want to go ahead and clock it Arizona state Texas tech at seven might end after that game's at eight

stop plugging at LSU football not doing the map it's at eight I'm sorry it's at 8 p.m. Eastern time Mr. New York some of us live in god's country you don't live in central time I you know you can't tell me that actually I will always live in central time on Eastern time, but an inconvenience I tolerate. So I'm just guessing that there might be a race. This one explained why you're always late to the airport, though, actually.

If you're like, I thought I had an hour. Does like, did they show your flight time on LSUFootball.net? Is that why? No, I know what if they did. Totally done that way. You're sitting at the kids at school by eight, by seven. Oh, LSU Football.net. Somebody would have, like, hacked it and cannily put in my appointments on there.

I'd be like, oh, look, got to be at the doctor at two, which is really one. So let's see what we got on LSU Football.net this week. Let's see, we got a Bama spring game, Auburn Spring game, Spencer's got a dentist appointment. Yeah. Look, it's on ESPN2. That's weird. Somebody will watch it, though. So, yeah, that game, Texas Tech, Arizona State starts at 8.

Yeah, I'm, that's going to, that's going to, the ending to that might fall at the same time as the ending of Stanford, San Diego State, which starts at 10.30 Eastern, right? Because they'll be done in like an hour and a half while I'm sure starting at 8, Arizona State, Texas Tech will be mid third quarter, maybe early 4th, getting into third OT. So my favorite thing to do is to look at the weekly schedule for weeks like this and figure out what the cheapest ticket in college football is. ESPN's schedule has a list of tickets, and I don't actually know who they're providing them from. So take all of this with a heavy grain of salt. Do either of you have a guess as to what the lowest ticket on here is?

What the game is, not the amount. Overall or among Power 5? There is a power, yes, involving a Power 5. team. Oh, that's not good. Hmm. Involving a power five team. Is it Georgia Tech at UCF? That game got canceled, so no.

That game is free. Bowling Green. So that's cheap. Bowling Green at Northwestern. You can go to Ryan Field for $2. No, thank you. I feel like at some point, shouldn't they just pay you? What's the difference? What is the difference? What is it like to be a ticket-taker at Northwestern Games?

Like, what is the point? Are there people trying to sneak in? Are there people like, oh, man, I got to get in here. Got to get in here. What are you talking about? I think it's more about you don't want people stashing stuff there. Right. It's true.

Like the Chicago crime lords, like Al Capone. This is not a storage facility. You can't bring a couch that you don't want anymore in here. It's not climate. Somebody did. It's not climate. rolled but there's a couch right up there in the second level yeah it's been there for 30 years so what we love that couch it has season tickets sir that that couch loves northwestern football

i was going to say listen it's evinston if a single person that they don't want there is there then the police will be there in seconds they're very good evison eviston's very good at keeping people out that they don't want out great now roger's not going to come to our live show in lafayette thanks a lot as a middil grad this is very offensive exactly I'm surprised you as a

midill grad would say this you know my principles overcome my pedigree journalism demands honesty it does it does that's why I'm gonna watch

Tennessee Florida because I'm definitely sure that Florida will be competitive Northwestern football dies in darkness I have one more, one, I have one more prediction I want to do. All right. One more. And I, this is from at Waltman 71.

This will be the second time Orgeron's career has ended in Starkville. Oh. No. They won't, no. He's not getting fired this quick. No. Nor will it be like the, you know, stone that gradually crumbles the entire fence. nope it's not that's not happening here is there a chance mississippi state can win this game yep yeah definitely like 100% i'm not sure about much but i do know this i know that what lsu

does on offense now is uh it's a problem it's a really cool problem if you've seen they did like the most yeah just i hate to put it this way but it's really just the most dickhead like shovel option play you just look at it and you're like you're like you jerks which is awesome you want your offense to do that and have everybody go oh god you're such a dick like they run so many little annoying things now

that they didn't before like they try it's great to see an LSU offense that's just inventive and a pain in the ass and ultimately relies on throwing the ball to to big people they throw the ball to big people to running backs and generally make life hell

and that's cool I like why watching that. Like, I, I, I, it's refreshing to watch LSU do that. After years of less Miles Fisher Prize, my first offense, however you want to put it, right? It's like watching the New York Jets from 1983. It was not good. But on the other year, LSU. Yeah, LSU, um, more than happy to respond because I know we're two games in, just two games. But 53 points a game, 53 points a is some production y'all no matter who you are i mean doing work now again that's against charleston southern louisiana tech and in that louisiana tech game lest it passed without us

mentioning it third 93 happened put your hands in the air never forget third 93 happened against louisiana tech this isn't a prediction but i have a question so colorado state It goes to Alabama this week at 7 o'clock. And Colorado is closer to Hawaii than Alabama is. I'm worried that Colorado state's players are going to start speaking Hawaiian to sweet tea. And he's going to accidentally give them all sorts of insider information because they speak Hawaiian or they might. They know more Hawaiian than an Alabama. player they're in the same conference i'm sure they've picked up some hawaiian shit yeah

this could be trouble bam's doomed y'all however um former colorado state head coach jim macklewain knows nick sabin so perhaps he has tipped him off to that or perhaps he is shrewd and devious and sneaky enough to exacerbate the problem do we think do we think jim mackle Wayne is scheming and slick like that? No. No, I don't. No, no. So, so.

So, you know, everybody's, everybody's been paying attention to this, Bama message board thing about this very issue. The title of the post, I think, is Tua-language barrier. And, you know, in our post, we're like, yep, Hawaii's been a member of the United States since 1959. Are you confident that Alabama textbooks are from after that? Yeah. Because if, let's see, I'm trying to remember the timeline.

There's one reason that Alabama textbooks is updated. You know exactly what it is. You got to put the championship in there, y'all. There's an insert that gets put in, yes. I agree with that. Yeah, you just get a sticker. You get a sticker that you update. On the 17 pages that mentioned Bama's titles, you just update each one of those.

So I think the Bama textbook, it goes back to the biblical flood that was in 1775, then America was founded the year after that. And then... One World War II, five years after that. Five years after that, football was invented in 1777. Bama won its first title, 1778. Then the next year was 2017. That's accurate.