Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 7.30 - Mike Stoops Bankrupts SoonerCorp

Episode Date: October 9, 2017

Oklahoma lost to an Iowa State with several time travelers from before the age of television on the roster. Miami beat FSU team but it means nothing because, according to Seminole fans, Florida State isn't actually any good. Bret Bielema's still adjusting to his first fifth season at Arkansas but surely things will improve. And, oh, right, we're all freaking out about Jim Harbaugh and Michigan. Though at least they don't have to play at 1:45 AM Eastern, unlike Washington. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown forecast. Oh, man. Back from the dead. I was sick like Thursday and Friday, but boom. Sleeping like 17 hours a day, prepping for the college football weekend, pop a little suit of fed. Oh, yeah. That, like, you know, the felony grade suit of fed,

the stuff that they make you sign over, like, you know, vital blood samples and stuff. It's how they get your blood, globalists. Nobody paid for that. can't do that this week yeah yeah you're just gonna hurt yourself again it's a vicious cycle is it wait is that what got you sick i'm going to credit that as what got me sick or at least what made me realize is i was getting sick because i did that and then i was like oh no something's very wrong with you know what it was it was the nanobots that the government puts in

the air they thought you were alice jones so they they um they signaled for them to attack info wars hero info spencer hall Yeah, you were the Spartacus of Info Wars right now. It came after me with their frog DNA. Got my blood. But yeah, I rebounded for Saturday. Let me tell you what. Glad I did.

Dang it. Because I got to watch a couple extraordinary things. Gentlemen, joining me, we did get to see them together. This is Ryan Nanny coming to us from beautiful Brooklyn, New York. Say hi. It's not beautiful, but hi. It's fine. It's not beautiful.

Also, hearing us on no three-second delay, and I believe indoors for once, we got a Jason Kirk. Hey, what's that? The rain usually drives you inside. I said usually. Yeah, it did today. Yeah. Yeah, we all work at SBNation.com, basically. Sometimes we talk about college football, especially on the review show.

Because we're recording this on Sunday night. We had a tragic comical weekend of great employment. things happening all over the place both of actual and imagined importance for instance imagine importance i don't know how important it is that miami beat fs u in the global scheme of things with college football but you know what it was very important to michael irvin it was very important to michael is it now what was the playmaker's response to this just bellowing incoherently really on video on like a cell phone video it's cool hey you know what somebody either definitely did or definitely did not get stabbed in the neck with a pair of scissors because of that game so that's good you know if michael irvin i will say this if something's important to you once it's important to you forever if you're michael irvin because there are a lot of people who you know their employer from 18 to 22 they don't really remember much like you know i'm never really going to go back to that telemarketing place i worked in college and like yeah i

ride for them hard but dang it michael irvin he went to the university of miami when he was 18 to 22 and he's what he's he's he's a grandfather he's still like shouting out the youths so you know you want michael irvin riding for you i mean he might stab somebody in the neck he did that for himself though if i read out of love out of love sort of he did yeah out of self-love out of self-respect, because who sits in your chair and takes your spot? Not some damn rookie. That's who. Not some damn rookie.

Uncle Mike, I didn't ask you to do that. Why didn't you ask yourself to do that? That's the question. But now, listen, I understand that we don't know if the Miami game was important. But you saying that kind of steers into the best thing that's happened out of that game, which is Florida State fans insisting that. Miami hasn't played anybody worth a damn, including Florida State. That's an advanced move.

No, I think it's one that we as Florida fans have used before, which is beating us doesn't mean anything. Yeah, and I think it's, you know, I think it's fair. Like, oh, okay, so you're as good as NC State, huh? You know, that's... And it's one that Miami fans themselves have had to trot out several times over the last seven years. Oh, you beat Al Golden, okay.

Oh, you beat Randy Shannon, okay, you know. Oh, oh, you, you finished off with the NCAA started. So, hey, NOLS, you get to break out all that stuff. You got tired of hearing. Definitely warming that one up for Georgia, 2017, buddy. You know it. I like that. I like that just immediately stop on a dime as soon as one of these streaks stops.

You know, both fan bases. It's like they have scripts that they just hand each other. waiting for a play and they say like, no, actually, I should probably be the robber. You will be the cop. You will be Iago now? Ah, excellent. This is the, this is the, you know, hey, listen,

I'm going to do the power bomb to you now, and this is how to sell it, right? Like, that's really, it should be done like wrestling moves, right? Like, I should be like the rock to the stunner. As a Florida fan, I should be like, no, man, I think we're incredible. You guys are amazing because you beat us. I fly off the ropes and, you know, spit my drink out when you hit me with the full stone cold.

So, but the game, I assume when we're talking about whether games mattered or not, I'm assuming the other direction you're going to go with this is Iowa State 38, Oklahoma 31. Oh, no, that mattered. Okay, okay. That very, that very much mattered. That mattered in the, you know, there are these great threads that go around on the internet. net every now and then, which is, what's the most money you ever cost your company? Or what's the biggest mistake you ever made at work?

Right? And inevitably, there's somebody who crashes into the thread, and they're like, yo, here's a YouTube video of me dropping a 20-ton air conditioning unit on one of my coworkers. It killed the man. The project was delayed for six months, and I just got out of jail, right? Like, you go, whoa! You were like, geez, I thought when I ordered 100 copiers instead of 10, I was in trouble, but damn yeah yeah because because you know what you know what oklahoma did they dropped the AC unit on their

co-worker they just yeah they're going to do some time the AC unit's name is Mike stoops you're frantically waving on the crane I'm not secured just hopping up and down on the platform yeah yeah I mean there's this is by the way like there's no the levels to this, right? Like, it's one thing to just get flat out beat, right? You just get flat out beat because, you know, you're inept or something's completely inept. It's another thing to get beat because multiple things went wrong because there are

multiple levels and degrees to the upset. For instance, Iowa State coming into this game, their record, they were two and two. not really a big bad bowl two and two indicating the Iowa State and turn some kind of micro corner on the way to greatness or even competence, right? This team, before this week, you would have gone, this could still go really wrong. Who knows? It still might go really wrong for Iowa State.

What else happened to them in the lead up to this game? Was their roster set? It was, and then the quarterback was no longer the quarterback. For I think unspecified medical reasons, Jacob Park took a, has taken a leave of absence. That put Kyle Kempth, who had never thrown like two passes or three passes going into this game. In his whole career, not like this season, nope. And he's either a junior or a senior.

So it's also not like, well, he's just new and green. He ended up with 343 yards and three touchdowns. But, but. But the best, the best part to me, is that Kyle Kemp was not the only player to throw passes. No, sir. No. There was Joel Lannning, a linebacker

who also played a little quarterback and you say, oh, well, that happens. Sometimes you have to move a player. No. He continued to play linebacker. He got a sack on Baker Mayfield. This was like some like 1948 shit. Oklahoma lost to a time traveler.

Yeah. He was second on the team of tackles. were covered a fumble he had a sack guess what else he played wildcat quarterback he was two for three for 25 yards oh and he ran the ball nine times he was amazing he was their second best runner well i mean what are you supposed to do when the other team was breaking out you know old school positions like end wolf trabbzinski of clermont college that's that's what joel Landing was. Joel Lanning was some 1924 up in your face against Oklahoma. And

here's the thing. If you look at Oklahoma, the one thing that they really couldn't do offensively, that was like prevent Iowa State from scoring on defense. That was it. They had yards.

They didn't even like turn the ball over five times. You see a score like this and go, I don't think one. I guess Oklahoma must have turned the ball over a mess, right? like Michigan against Michigan State this weekend and go, oh man, five turnovers. Nope.

One. One. That is the margin in the game, mind you. A coach would leap on you for not even pointing that out, right? Like, about one score. That's the margin in the game. That's right there. Yeah, but you know what?

There's something else that's really terrifying in all this. And that's not just the auto play that continues to play every single time. That's our new podcast theme, by the way. I hope y'all like that by DJ AutoPlay. We have not paid for that music. Please don't sue. Please don't. Please don't.

Dude, we're going to be billionaires when, when autoplay stops and suddenly things like a podcast that gets, you know, a steady but small audience, quadruples and value as they seek to hide that weakness, right? We're pivoting to bad podcasts. That's it. They'll be like, man, we are pivoting to loyally followed with very small podcasts. We're like, yo, small batch. we don't franchise we could never franchise no no but that's the weird thing is that if you look

at this game it's not like oklahoma makes a lot of mistakes nope this is even punching one last detail in all of this right one last detail wow i bet that home crowd and aims really enjoyed watching iowa state pull another one of those patented aim up sets that don't have... One of those weird Saturday nights in Ames. Oh, yeah. No, this was noon and Norman. Noon and Norman. Do you know what it...

Y'all... Worst, worst porn title ever. Did you watch the end of this game? There's like 70,000 people going, oh, oh, oh. I'll make him a Hank Hill noise at once. The spread for this was a staggering 31 points. Like, this was not any type of... of oh that's a good win this was a i mean this will very likely be the biggest upset of the year um so oklahoma covered if you don't count iowa state score at all exactly exactly good job um yeah and now the best part is this when you lose when you are a playoff um aspirant and you

lose to a team early in the year you have to in some way root for that team the rest of the year because you know that there will be some potential argument down the line where we start comparing losses and other things that everybody hates things that are way too early to do now but fuck it do it anyway this is the best part about college football as opposed to the NFL and now you have to root for iowa state you part of this this is that you have sort of mortgaged a little piece of your season and given it to iowa state and say please take care of this please don't burn this please don't break it Please don't lose it in the back of a cab. Please don't accidentally trade it from magic beings that aren't magic at all. It's part of our season. We need you to do a good job. Do you think they're going to do a good job? It's Iowa State, so let's be honest.

No. Here's another thing, too. Oklahoma's, Oklahoma had arguably the, maybe the highest profile or tied for highest profile out of conference win. When you talk about major program fights major program on two. TV and renders it null and void. And that was beating Ohio State, correct? Yep. Like maybe, like, we've kind of forgotten that Alabama just crippled Florida

State for an entire year, right? Because we expect that of Alabama. They're just going to do that. That's not what Oklahoma, Ohio State was. That was going to be a verdict on which one of these teams was realer at this point. And now, their path to the Big 12, it sucks. It sucks, particularly when you've got TCU looking like just this morphing, difficult to, like, pin down. I'm not even really sure where to grab this thing to try to, like, fight it kind of monster.

We'll talk a little bit more about TCU later because I think they're fascinating. But this is not, this is not good, Oklahoma. Like, this is not good for you. And frankly, not real great for the Big 12th. because I could easily see every team in this conference drop in a game at least one. Well, you don't think Iowa State's playoff run

is good for the Big 12th? Damn. Had they even considered that. I mean, I know their ceiling is two losses at this point, but hey, Penn State almost made it, and that's a team with state in its name. Iowa State, the shutdown forecast of college football teams,

the Power 5 teams. Quite accurate. Amazing. Amazing once every nine years. And yet, of the losses that happened this weekend, you would think Oklahoma, Iowa State would be the one that has a fan base most up in arms. It seems like it's actually Michigan State, Michigan, right? Honeymoon is over.

Which is fucking perplexing because the game was played in terrible conditions without, to starting quarterback, who we learned maybe accidentally has multiple broken bones in his back. And Michigan still almost, I mean, yeah, it was in a very Michigan-Michigan-State game. But, like, considering Oklahoma was a team that lots of people were saying was going to make the playoff, Michigan was a team that before the season, lots of people were saying is a year away from the playoff there is like man the eagerness with which lots of people are willing to be like jim harbaud trash overrated garbage trash coach throwing the fuck out it's it's it's absolutely amazing like michigan was supposed to be about four and one at this point this is a rebuilding

michigan team um that's that's on the one hand on the other hand yes this is a rebuilding michigan state team too and Michigan should have won by quite a bit and all that. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. But, I mean, I totally agree. Like, Michigan is still on course for the season that we expected them to have. You can still win eight or nine games.

That is the realistic goal for this team, especially considering your starting quarterback, just, you know, Bain just broke him over his knee or whatever. Like, yeah, you got no monsoon, and you probably threw it a few more times more than you should. I don't think that's

quite a reason to go hire John Gruden. Well, and you know, everybody's all, oh, you know, Michigan keeps finishing third in the Big Ten East. Well, they're fourth now, so. Problems solved. Are you not entertained? What more do you people want? The even variation. Listen, listen, when you make a genie wish, you have to be specific, all right?

Hey, if y'all keep whining, tell you what, here comes Maryland. Keep whining, keep whining. We'll turn this bus around. We'll fall behind Indiana. I do want you to take a minute to appreciate the best running gag to me in college football, the best running gag, which is that at every moment when Michigan is at its weakest. Like, this is it. Michigan State trash boxer sits in the corner, just takes a beating. And the minute you go, hey, does that guy in the third row have popcorn? Boom!

Right in the nuts. Like just right in the nuts, head butt down. that's every single game Michigan State has played which by the way last 10 years what's that record against little brother eight and two Michigan State's eight and two and the timing is always so bad it's always the worst it's always we like we lose this block punt we get annihilated when our spirits are at our lowest when we think things are going really well and we're negotiating some troubled waters. Ah, tropical stormed Antonio just comes in, swamps the decks.

Yeah, I mean, listen, Spencer, I know you watch Bob's burgers. Michigan is Jimmy Pesto, and Michigan State is Bob and his whole family. And you know what? Gene just ran for like 85 yards on you. And it sucks. But your son loves to dance, Michigan. This all kind of works. And like, if you look at the game, too,

Um, you know, Michigan's like, oh, man, our offense is just, we got dominated. No, you didn't. You actually have more first downs in Michigan State. A problem was, turn the ball over five times. Five times. This is a, this is also Michigan State special. Remember, like, two or three years, we get like Kirk Cousins and we get young, bright, shiny quarterbacks who really start to produce something like offense in Michigan State.

No way, man. This is Dantonio Classic. Did we even hit 100 yards passing? No, we did not. Did you rush for 200 yards and controlled a clock? No. Nope. None of that.

None of that. Didn't do dick. It was, get to 14 and start punting. Did you pick up a bunch of gritty third downs? Nope. Didn't do that either. No. Just punts.

Punt. What did you do? Endured. Endured. Punted, waited. Waited on weather. That is the most Michigan State game plan of all time. Just wait on weather.

What would you do? We waited on God. We got a 14 punted and prayed to God. We built an arc. We loaded it with two of every kind of punt. And then we just waited. And meanwhile, Jim Harbaugh was walking around, you know, talking about it's not going to rain. It's not going to rain.

Wallowing in his iniquity. I mean, the classical Spartans did just sort of like hang behind their walls, right? They weren't like, oh, let's go get it. Nah, hang back. Maybe the sea will eat them. Let's hope. Yeah. This time to sea ate you.

It's cool. The Spartan strategy is just kind of getting a big old bunch, jam into a tight spot, and see what happens. Michigan State didn't even kick. Michigan State didn't even attempt a field goal in this game. This game is so stupid. So stupid. Why are Michigan, why are like Michigan fans that, well, no, that's why. They got dragged into a.

a stupid contest. And you didn't go to Michigan to participate in a stupid contest. They did. Like, I would, I really wish, I wish that Michigan State and or Mark Dantonio was an MMA fighter because, because they would be the kind of guy that gets booed and wins like 70 to 80 percent of their matches, right? Like the kind of guy who like gets a couple of good points and then just gets the guy up against the cage and starts rubbing his face

I guess he's not trying anything he's not trying anything remotely offensive here just sits on his face just tries to just put his butt all over his face I don't think you're really hurting him yeah but he can't do anything do you know another move besides the triangle

choke nope I never needed one that's it what do you try to do just try to suffocate you with my nutsack that's all I'm doing this entire game just the work But the 10 count chest slap. One, two, three, let him down, throw him back up again. It's just somebody trying to put you in the lion tamer every single play, right?

Like, that's it. What I really liked, what I really enjoyed about this game was after it was over, during the on-field post-game interview, Mark De Antonio, without even really being asked, he just shoehorns this in because he clearly has a plan. And he's like, you know, they always told me, this bus ride home is the best one you're ever going to experience. And I'm like, yep, you really just wanted everybody to remember that you did this in Ann Arbor, didn't you? You really just wanted to drive home like, yeah, that's right. This isn't my house that we just shit all over. You have to clean it. It is.

Yeah, so MVP, just remember, just remember, MVP, Jake Hartbarger. That's Michigan State's punter. My favorite thing, by the way, I was like, man, who was the MVP of this game? You look around. I'm like, well, it was probably the punter Jake Hartbarger, because he averaged about, you know, 40 a kick. It's pretty solid work. I was like, how, did they have any hidden yardage and returns or something? No.

No, they had one yard in terms of, like, returns between punts and kicking net. Well, man, the Spartans did have two clutch punts, which in, uh, in animal, Arbor in this series, you do need some clutch punt work, if you'll recall. He had one not only out of his own end zone after penalty backed up. There was also one at the very end of the game when a lot of people were kind of like, uh-oh, you know, like, can you see another one of these things swing on a stupid punt? No, no, no, no. That only happens to you, Michigan. Sorry. Yeah, I mean, other than that, it's like, it's David Dowell for picking two balls off, but I mean, those are just setting up a punt, really.

So it's a teamwork effort. You intercept the ball so that you have better position to punt it on. It's a supply chain kind of thing. The Dow Hart Burger Pipeline. It's going to get Michigan State to the Citrus Bowl. It's fine. It's good. Fire Jim Harbaugh tomorrow.

He's entitled. Yeah, my favorite. Yeah. Which, I will say this. Michigan fans, they're not really out and about after a loss. They do kind of just turtle up. because I think it really hurts them. Also, they have to process, right?

They have to go study it. You're like, I don't know, I'll consult my notes. I'll decide how I feel after I take these feelings. You know, there was an episode of Poirot that touched on this in many ways. Yeah, I'm going to go watch some premium PBS. Maybe I might indulge a little bit in some antiques road show. Listen, listen. Michigan State 1 because of Don't.

Michigan State won because of donors like you, Michigan. No, that's Ole Miss, right? Michigan fan would blame it on Ole Miss. Listen, but there is one game. There is one result I looked at on the schedule, and I did think like, yeah, that might be the bell tolling for somebody. Do you know which game to which I'm referring? Hmm

Bilema Yep This Arkansas Losing a game But yeah man Hold on Let's not be gentle Because I don't think

Bert would Arkansas Gave up 48 points to South Carolina Lost this game by 26 points Got dominated in basically Every phase of the game And did it with a experienced quarterback who went 12 of 24 for 84 yards one touchdown one pick

well isn't steve sprayer still the head coach of south carolina don't they score a lot of points um that you know yes i'm just going to continue to believe that yeah that's not that bad right no and and this is this is this is bert's first year your year at arkansas right yep yep he's and he's you know he's cleaning up that mess He's cleaning up that mess that he inherited, you know. It's the first year of his fifth year. True. It's like he's a president who's on his second term.

Right. So really, I don't think we should talk about the first term. That was all, you know, that was all what he had to do to get reelected. This is all about his lame duck. He was, oh, that's brilliant. You can spend eight years in a job and not get a single thing done. The first one's about trying to get four more, the second. is just, well, I'm going to be going to be gone in four.

I've got to get that job. Move straight to the lame hog stage of the administration. Yeah. Yeah, this is year five. And if Arkansas wants to be done with him, you know who would agree with it? Brett Bealham would probably agree with it. This is a team that in year five doesn't really resemble anything like what they thought they were supposed to get, right?

This is one of those times when you go, oh, you really just wanted to hire the program and not the actual coach, right? This is what everybody did at Boise State when they said, oh, let's just take Boise State's coach, that'll be fine. It'll look exactly like what we think it'll look like. No, no, no, no.

Boise State's really good because Boise State hires smart and because that program is built from ground up and always kind of looks like that program, right? They've got like a culture that sort of overrides what the actual management looks like from stage to stage, right? Like, what Arkansas actually wanted was the Wisconsin football program, right? They wanted, oh, yeah, let's just have a bunch of fat guys in a running game. It'll be great. It'll succeed real well.

One 10 games up there to 110 games in Arkansas. Yeah, I know this is a weird thing, but like fat football didn't thrive in Arkansas for a lot of reasons. but but the foremost reason is the management the it's not we're not we're gonna this movie has been played so many times on this flight because after this arkansas gets Alabama on the road which okay sure um and alabama that is now woken up and is and is ready to stop playing like in you know uh lazy assholes pumped up by media rat poison, finally going to fulfill her destiny, an Alabama team that, by the way, committed its first turnover since November of last year against Texas A&M.

Clearly what shit they'd been playing like. Yeah. So, and then after that, Arkansas gets to play Auburn, who looks, Auburn looks kind of amazing right now. So they're going to lose those two games. And we're going to be talking about, well, two and five, I don't know, feels like you got be done with them at the end of the season and then because the end of the rest of the season has a bunch of much more winnable games at old miss which is who even fucking knows at this point

coastal carolina at ls u which yeah some teams can beat them who's to say um mississippi state missou there's absolutely going to win like four of his last five drag them to bowl eligibility win some dumb bowl nobody cares about on December 3rd or something and everybody's going to say well you got to look at how he turned the team around you got to just really

the progress that was made November November coming yeah I don't I don't actually think this is the year that happens I think this is the year that like Jared Jones just swoops in out of nowhere and pays that buyout

just like where he thinks he's happy and some rich dude is like oh contraire and that's how we get Derek Dooley moving from the Dallas Cowboys to the Arkansas Razorbacks back in the SEC better than ever he'll probably beat Tennessee because fate hates everyone Austin Allen was like at the end of the last year was playing beautifully and he's broken right now and when you don't get when you don't make a quarterback better something something's off right like that's if you're in that talented an athlete like if the offensive line is giving you reasonable like protection and you have guys to throw to which he does i think he's got you know ample weapons he's got jonathan nance he's got um you know dion stewart they've got decent receivers

so what's so what's wrong like i there's something like it's it's a lot like looking at florida in some ways in a more dire sense where you go i don't know how any of this is happening intentionally. I don't know what you do during the week. Well, yeah. I mean, the difference is you look. Anytime people put out Jim McElwain's actual record within the conference overall, within the East, you're like, oh, yeah, I am being an asshole. Yeah, that is better than I thought it was. And yes, I remember the games on the field and what I didn't like about them, but it's not as bad as me. The asshole is making it look. With Arkansas, Thoughts the exact opposite.

And it feels like somehow it gets worse every week, where one week you're like, you know, Brett Bealma's only one 11 SEC games since he got here. And you're like, wow, that's bad. Two weeks later, you're like, yeah, he's only won three SEC games. Wait, what the fuck did he do? Yeah, they're going bad. They're going moldy. They're throwing them out.

And you describe them as being in trouble because they play Alabama next week. Right. Alabama, who I do want to talk about them for a minute. Okay, sure. Because I don't think I enjoyed a press conference as much this year as Nick Saban's post-game press conference after daring to stay within the realm of mortals and finish with a 2719 road victory in College Station. In front of an aga crowd, by the way, who was amped. They were so amped to be within two scores. I so admire

I so admire the doomed Viking rage right I don't care how many Mexicans there are this Alamo's worth protecting what's an alamo I don't know when A&M's a 12th man the man in the 12 jersey

the person the whole trademark is based around blocks a punt to get you to an even 12 points bringing you within 12 points of Alabama brother it is time to break out every aggie tradition you know it's time to whoop it's time to gig them thumbs up saw horns off not flush a toilet all the all the all the revileys rose from their stadium side graves that day let a beautiful dog bite your head the dog said class was canceled for eight years everybody you get a doctorate now we stayed within 12 of bama yeah

That's, uh, they did. They did. Give them credit, man. I was like, I really felt like that was a great game for them. Just a spectacular game, especially because their quarterback, I'm pretty sure he only knows four pass plays. Only needed four. They scored twice on pass plays.

Kellynne Maugh, nice job, dude. But in addition to that, if you did not see the press conference, it included all the following classic Sabinisms. One, obsessive. like a really insincere well i think it was a great road win which is the best that's how you know they're fucked the minute he walks in it goes the minute he walks in and goes uh he's a hard fought win thought we thought we did well and you're like where's the list of things and then he goes you know i mean there are some

things we need to fix and he immediately goes like there was a punt there was a block punt we missed a punt there was a punt we sort of flinched we stuttered on a punt you don't want to stutter a punt. And then he just starts going like, list, list, listen, it looks back. You're like, oh, he's getting mad. This is so good. A reporter actually made a question at one point and asked him

and he goes, you know, I might be getting a little bit old, but I mean, I couldn't hear a damn thing you said if you could just say it again. And it was this extremely politely worded thing where he took fault for not hearing the question and behind it were the words I would slit your throat with an exacto

knife. Right? Like, that's what that's what he was saying to him but the words did not match the sentiment but clearly I was like that's murder dude just pack away you want to ask that question no he looks drained he looked like a destroyed man he looked like somebody who when he got back to the Alabama football offices there was going to be blood in every direction he's an amazing human being robot but human being he's he's he's like pushing 70 oh it's not gonna change it's not gonna get better or softer that's not no like i'm not gonna care about anything and he's out there like he's out there like

you know jaylin didn't have a shoes tied on third down but you know who you know people who do care about something our listeners spencer hall And I'm probably going to pronounce at least half these names wrong. Don't care. This is the podcast where you come for that. Adam Battenhorst, Matt Weigand, Alan Rino-so, Dan Logan, and Bill Dunn, who did provide me with the helpful pronunciation guide,

pronounced like, quote, the Gators are done with offense for 2017. Initially, when I got that, I was like, oh, ho! One did not watch the Vanderbilt game. And then, well, you know what? Extra points aren't technically, offense. So it's not the offense's fault, is it, Bill? Take that. We also have some reads to do from y'all. I'm going to get my one out of the way. This is from a listener who requested

anonymity, because he and I went to law school together, and he unveiled to me a fucking terrifying fact. I was one year behind at NYU law, Jared Kushner. Well, I mean, you were... You're talking about Slander Man? Yeah. Well, that's terrifying, actually. Like, I might have taken a class with him.

It's entirely possible. Well, that means that means that you're, that means you got an end, buddy. You could be in charge of Middle Eastern policy tomorrow. You're like 731st in line for the presidency, if that still exists. Shit. You know what? Send me to North Korea. You know what?

Live full cast in North Korea. We'll do it. Do they have a Popeye? Do they have a Popeye's in North Korea? Yeah, it's just, it's very alarming to think like, oh, I was possibly not paying attention in tax class. And so was Jared Kushner. and now he will help shape federal tax policy

whereas I am just on a very poorly produced podcast that frequently gets facts wrong so in some ways we both like are the same person I just don't do anything important at all well that makes two of you well

take that drink a good long drink Jason you have one Yeah, I had a couple to read. One from Jim, and, okay, so this one is a call back to the pivot to video edition of this program. We had a minor catchphrase on there. I haven't delivered this in, how long has that been? Five years now?

Damn, we've been doing this way too long. Okay, so let me try this. Let me try this. Jettoner is a god. That would be Stanford. kicker jet toner that's what jim wanted me to deliver it's an amazing it's an amazing name it is a very it's an extremely good name it's one of those names where every time they're on you and you hear that name and you sort of look up and yes you're you're looking away because every stanford game is one

you know where like okay sanford's leading by nine points and they have been for about six hours now um but you hear that name and you look up and it just is that yeah that i mean i know that's real, but part of my brain is still telling me, like, that can't be real. But I'm glad it is. Yeah, he's from Honolulu. He's a kicker and punter. Mostly just kicks, though, at this point for Stanford. His real name is John Edward Toner, so he's doing the Jeb thing.

But when you can spell Jet with it, hell yes! Hell yes, you spell Jet, and you go by Jettoner. And people say, and you tell people you play for Stanford, what are you, a kicker turner? around that related I mean so if you do kickoffs you're sort of

setting the tone for the fast guys for the guys you can jet down the field that's a really good point so you're literally the jet toner how about that shit

um also from Coulter would like us to discuss Birmingham mayor elect Randall Woodfin coming out to celebrate the being elected Mayor Birmingham

to put on by Gizi featuring Kanye obviously that's a good choice Mr. Whitford I believe is from Atlanta at least he went to Morehouse so obviously there's a connection there if I had to be elected

to a GZ song it would probably be either and then what you know because you can lay out a campaign promise and then what you know and then I'm going to move into the mayor's mansion and then what and then i'm on embezzle and then what you know and then i'm going to move into the governor governor's mansion and i'm going to put all my friends on payroll but that's what i would do that's what i would do um either that or my president because you know why stop it why stop it being mayor-elect when you can just go ahead and go ahead and announce your run for presidency

right then and there randall woodfin the new mayor of birmingham is 36 oh yeah well we haven't done anything no like not a thing randall woodfin is out here introducing gzies like mainstream political music and he's 36 but you know what he only has he only has 6500 followers on twitter so really who can be impressed who is he um i i have a read a couple uh one is from miguel mcgill paid us money uh so that i can say this Miguel R. asks, have you considered Arizona State? I would like to revisit this. I think it's an important mantra in life that whenever you're faced with a difficult choice, you should always say, or I could go to Arizona State.

I mean, you know who should? Brett Bilema, at this point, they'll let you wear shorts. They'll let you wear tivas. You know, they'll probably let you wear like a vented jacket. on the sideline or something like a track jacket that has slits down the side that seems ideal for for him you know you're not that close you're not that far from gambling if you got the itch and i know you got the itch i know you got the itch and it's the pack 12 which as we've already discussed they don't fire anybody it's a retirement community Arizona state football

go live that life go live that dream that big beautiful dream and also you they put your games on late you can sleep in when you're kicking off at 1130 Eastern hey look at that you can stay out late Friday night plus do you know who Arizona State plays in 2018

Michigan State it's oh it feels like home wow it's already comfortable it's like they did it just for you versus Dantoneo man we need that we need that we've been everyone would enjoy watching that at 1130 at night

It'd be amazing I mean Dennis Erickson was dead And they let him coach for other two years Coaching at birdies It's amazing Weekend at birdies It's the son devil son

Come on We're like fun devil And Bert's in the house Amazing So, Miguel, yeah, you know what? I've considered Arizona State. I mean, I went to school at Florida. They're not dissimilar schools, really, when you get down to it.

Our crime's a little more dramatic when it happens, but... And our porn is way more amateur. Way more. The lighting is fucking atrocious. I think we prefer sincere. We leave the branded stuff to the university. of Miami. They they do. They innovated both

transport and pornography. And transport-based pornography, yeah. Yeah. They turned, they actually solved the issue of public transit by combining two passions, which no American can deny, which is public transit

and amateur pornography. People are riding buses anymore. How do we change that? I have a bold proposal. The other one in a dramatic pivot was from Alex.

Alex says Katie and I would just like to thank you, Spencer, and Jason. That'd be you, Ryan, for using your platform to help people. Just, you know, hey, you're welcome. It's not why we do it. And maybe you could use whatever

space you have dedicated to us to encourage people to use whatever platforms they have to help make a different for people that need it just like you guys do. It really helps. Well, thank you. I think that's a great idea. I would encourage anyone to do it unless you're evil.

Unless you're evil. Well, what if you're fun evil, though? Run that by the board. What if you're like fun, like, sub gorka? If you're like Texas booster. Right. Yeah. Sebgorka, Texas booster.

Exactly. you're a large, if you're a booster at a large... The log horde of Budapest! We're just going to call Redbecombs that from now on. The law of Budapest. Going by the letter of the law here, encourage people to use whatever platforms they have to help make a difference for people that need it.

I mean, I think if evil people did that, we could still come out okay, because we're still talking about getting, you know, people things they need. sure so like if a horrible person were to give someone food because they need food it's still food well i think i think the problem is uh what evil people think you need you know well no no because listen i know you have a law degree so i'm sure you can back me up here once i once i show you the clarity of the wording here um is it's not about what the giver thinks is needed it clearly

says what people need yeah that's traditionally how it's worked yep So this is a foolproof plan So everyone just get out there and do stuff Evil people are just too receptive Too listening That is they're like cancers Right They just they have too many feelings

Too many like emotions That's why they're crabs Passionate Easily hurt Big feel Speaking of crabs Let's talk about the Miami Florida State game Woohoo

Yeah this is like It's maybe my favorite ending this year, period, because it was, because Mark Rake, by the way, he's done this before when you go, oh, man, like, that's just unprecedented, like going for it when you could have got a field goal with like seven or eight seconds left on the clock when you throw a pass down the right sideline to win the game. Oh, he did this at Bama, year one, Nick Saving. They went for it. Mikey Henderson pulled in a pass, I believe, from David Green for the win there. that's that's the M.O so when that happened I got a little bit of deja vu because it felt like that game where you go oh yeah you just stole it way to go because sometimes by the way you don't have to go to overtime you should just try to win it and leave so you don't have to go through that bullshit like seven OTs like Western Michigan and Buffalo had to go through well I mean Florida didn't go to overtime in a different way so that's true we courteously missed an extra point But yeah, like in case you wonder whether Florida State was going to get past the Uno, nope, still stuck on one win. I don't even feel much joy in this.

I'm just like, yeah, man, I'm giving you the full Holverson, as in Dana, who, you know, said, man, that sucks. Yeah, that's a, you're on one win. And Miami's undefeated. Yeah, especially after like Miami got off the such of shit. start in this game just such a brutally miserable, ineffective how many points at the half?

It was 3.0, it was 3.0 Florida State at the end of the second quarter. And Miami, at Miami at that point, had punted on every possession that they had. And I think, if memory

serves correctly, they had only gotten past their own 40 once for one play. And then they got, I think, they got sacked and pushed beyond it, but they were going three and out constantly. Their defense was playing pretty well, considering they, I mean, the field position was pretty starkly not in Miami's favor for a lot of the game. I mean, they started at the four, the 20, the 25, the 20, like, so they were not in great shape by going three and out from bad spots on the field, and the defense kept them alive. And then it really felt like it was,

just going to be the same old Florida State Miami game that we've always seen when Florida State scored scored to go up 2017 but somehow it wasn't somehow it's different this year

and now Florida State is one and three for the first time since I looked this up the other day Bobby Bowden's first year in Tallahassee yeah yeah that by the way despite I don't think like he's just a baby i don't think james blackman had a bad game i don't he made some mistakes he threw two

i and t's but but he's coming along he's gonna be fine like you don't want to be the one who has sunshine blown all the way up their ass after a loss right but i'm gonna go ahead and do that and say i don't know this is coming along of course i'm not emotionally invested i could be kind of glib about this i'm not the one bleeding or with one win and in florida state's offensive line against Miami's defensive front. I think we kind of knew that wasn't really going to work in his favor. And I haven't looked at like the sack numbers or whatever there. I just know every time I looked up, I felt like the Keynes were in his face.

They did it some little stuff to try and counter that? Like, they ran the option a little bit. A Jimbo Fisher pro-style NFL offense running the option a little bit. Well, you know, everything's in that playbook. Everything's in that playbook. It's not just, you know, I don't like to call it pro style or anything. We just, we're going to do what we have to do to win the game. Well, what we did.

We've seen that play Andy Reid's been doing now that little shotgun shovel pitch option pass play. So we decided since that's the NFL pro style. Now we'll go ahead and incorporate that. Yeah, you're going to want to install disc eight. There are 20 more discs after that. And yes, they all are on floppy, but that's because of security. I don't believe in CD-ROM. I think that's too fancy thing pangled.

Go ahead and put that in. Yep, playbook's still downloading. You're going to get it all. Don't work. yep it's uh it's buffering unlike i kind of think that's why james winston was his greatest quarterback because i'm convinced james winston never learned a play like jimbo'd go jimbo'd go like okay we got 3,048 pages in this playbook

james is like i'm not going to read one i'm going to go out there and that be like that guy's open there fine i'm not saying he couldn't process it i'm just saying he was like jimbo this is 3,500 pages an idiot it would only try to learn this I'm just to throw the open back that's the FSU quarterback galaxy brain is just like no Jimbo

no Jimbo this is ridiculous I'm not going to do this like I'm sure like Chris Winky was like Chris Winky was the saying because Chris Winkie played Chris Winkie played for like let's see he played for Florida State you know when I believe

Mark Richt was the coordinator and I'm sure Rick at the time was probably like I got like a 30 to you know maybe 80 page playbook and Wanky's like I'm 27 college football's a scam I'm throwing to the open guy I'm throwing I'm throwing fastball occasional curveball that's it

that's it I'm coming from baseball let me tell you you can only do this so many ways oh look Peter Warwick he's open cool I respect that and quarterbacks are like not learning a thing what are you going to do I'm going to be confident I'm going to walk up there I'm going to figure out whether it's a run or a pass most of the time

I'm going to throw to the open guy well you know you need to learn all this stuff no not necessary i'm brilliant i'm just you know what i'm going to throw the wrong guy sometimes that's fine that's why we have a defense otherwise i'll be over here on the bench if you can find someone who can throw it harder than me congratulations would you guys like to join me on a little um rankings work it uppedness for no reason preface by the fact that worrying about rankings in week seven is a waste of time they either these teams will either win out and then yes they are where they were supposed to be or they should have been higher or they won't and then why do you care yeah man i'm pissed off already let's

hear it great wisconsin's number seven in the apie top 25 they're five and oh can either of you tell me two games that they won they just beat nebraska okay and they beat northwestern they also beat I believe do they have a Florida Atlantic in there They do have a Florida Atlantic in there? They do have a Florida

They did beat Potential Conference USA East Champion Florida Atlantic Roll out Roll Alice They have Purdue next Yep

You can throw on a Utah state And a BYU To complete oh yeah damn it um well too much fair b yu doesn't play football so not not right now they don't um they got man they got if they if they just they could schedule Utah they'd have the low a bv belt that's why and that's why Wisconsin won't do it they don't want that title you know it's trash yeah um listen Wisconsin might be very good like they've they've put up some good offensive numbers in these games and and I'm not saying you know they're

or anything like that, but man, this is an incredibly limited data set to work with, especially when you're like, okay, they're right between TCU, which now has a very exciting win over West Virginia and beat Oklahoma State and Washington State, which beat USC, and then easily handled Oregon. Like, for Wisconsin right now, just sort of like, sure, seven, I guess, I don't know if you say so other than that nothing matters the rest of it's stupid washington oh wait no we do have to talk about washington never mind we do we are the one media outlet that will acknowledge the university of washington has a football program i have i strategy by the way before we leave wisconsin

on the table my strategy is and i i tip this in the top whatever this morning but we're just gonna mandela affect them because i swear i was writing it up and i was like man doesn't wisconsin have a loss like they need they don't they have a fucking loss and um and i looked it up and they didn't and so i've just decided that they lost to um they lost to like Oregon state in week two or Oregon state is too far cow say cow cow okay sure they lost they lost a cow in week two and you know what I'm going to get people I will repeat this is like as many times as necessary on this podcast

and I will get people to be like yeah man I remember they lost cow so I've kind of taken them out of my rankings yeah yeah you could throw Arkansas in there too and then that would be three teams that took coaches from Wisconsin wow done

they're in Pitt also even though he came back a temporary a temporary a temporary uh get me back my son situation give me back my very wide son my burliest of son so yeah we do have to talk about Washington as the only uniquely pro-Washington outlet

since ESPN is trying to bring them to heal by telling them you're nothing without us Memphis, Annie Mae. So let's review what's, I mean, admittedly, some people may not have any idea what the fuck we're talking about. Please lay out the sequence of events. Right, right.

Please lay out the sequence of the last 24 hours or so. I believe it's Chris Peterson initiates this by saying that, no, he doesn't really like late kicks, right? Right. That Pactiol plays a lot of late kicks. Harts a national standing because you don't get people watching, et cetera, blah, blah, blah. ESPN kind of responds

with a mule kick like trying to bat away a fly with a full hoof by first of all Kirk herb street seeing something on game day specifically that I believe the phrasing was that they should thank

ESPN for putting them on at all right which is an interesting thing to say about a team that made the playoff last year correct and by the way a venerable college power in their own right charter member of the PAC 8

which becomes a Pac-Dem which becomes Pac-12 right rowing legends rowing legends and Joel McHale went there and so did Bruce Lee frankly that makes them a legendary college football program in my eye

but no like not like shushing the Mac back into line right but instead a charter member of a Power 5 conference yeah they did kind of treat them like it was boise state being like we want more airtime and that was just the start of it yeah yeah because ESPN then did maybe I know I will say I haven't seen the segment I've only read about it did either of you watch the segment yeah so so during that game there was a they put

up a graphic ESPN did that's they were out there dumping the spreadsheet out like it was you know a pack 12 games that kick off after 9 Eastern that ratings are 38% higher. According to ESPN's graphic that they aired during the game, you know, like while showing Chris Peterson, which is just weird, you know, and then on top of that, after Washington fans are already worked up in a real lather, Quincasinich, who has a weekly gimmick where he uses food props, he has used toast, and he has used slices of cheese, and I'm not sure what all else. He decided to use cupcakes this time around to as a as a physical metaphor for

Washington's out-of-conference schedule. A totally fair metaphor because they played Rutgers, an FCS team, and a Fresno state that is improving but is still coming off a 0-12 season, I think. One in 11, something like that. But it just didn't quite land the way it would of if you didn't have the Herb Street thing before and the graphic and then even the other announcers joining in and saying, you know, yeah, yeah, Pactwell games should all be late when no one's watching and all that. And yeah, it really almost felt like,

you know, from on high, like, this is the hashtag narrative that we're going with Washington is, you don't matter, you don't play any good teams and all that. And like, you know, okay, yes, there are some small truths. You know, yes, Pact 12 of interest is not, as high as SEC or Big Ten doesn't really have to be that's a big goal you know and yes Washington schedule is light didn't really hurt them last year but it felt like a lot and it was

pretty weird to you know to happen all in one day when Washington is winning by 31 points I think you get we're like next week broadcast the Washington game in standard definition just be like yeah sorry we're not you're not worth HD nope oh we're using the old kairons too yeah the old ESPN2 that looks like it's written for a skateboarding game on PlayStation original. Yep, using that. Everybody's going to be confused think they're watching a game from 15 years ago.

Fuck you, Washington. Watches backfire hilariously when they put their worst announcers and their worst standard deaf and like make everyone wear shitty jackets and use huge mic guards, right? And only use like four cameras and their worst people and like freelancers. And everyone's

like, this is the best shit we've ever seen. It's retro. I think the way this backfires is if, you know, the drudge, Coulter, who's the bowtie man on Fox News? It always looks like he's passing gas. Todd, is it Todd Starnes? No, that's the baby face man, right? The one who's always on at night who's like always looking at people like they just told him like, my face is made of dogs. Tucker Carlson, that guy.

Once Tucker Carlson finds out ESPN doesn't like the Washington Huskies, they are going to become the official team of Middle America. So that is how this backfires on ESPN. Oh, man. That's going to be great. Washington is going to be landing all the southern recruits, you know, from of certain kinds of households. Did Fox and Friends just call Clemson Cucks?

Dabble. I don't even know what that is. Not, no, no. Cucks are who we play at the end of the regular season. Mike Leach comes out and says, like, well, I've been saying this stuff all along. How are they the Dredge Report team when I'm writing the headlines over here? Well, and then we'll see a return. So you remember how we used to decide the national championship even before the bowl games were played? I mean, I have no qualms of thinking that Donald Trump won't just show up

the Pacto of Championship and just be like, here's the trophy. It shows up at the Apple Cup. They'll show up at the Apple Cup from Middle America's two most conservative teams and just like throw one of them a golden paper towel roll. And that's our champ now. That's your national champion. What player for you watching?

That's fake playoff. I know it's not the highest quality of football. It's probably the worst Apple Cup ever. I just want Mike Pence to be involved in Colorado to win so that you have like a female mascot got that he won't touch. I can't, it can't be close. Mother would be, mother would be, mother would be.

You can't stay in any one place too long. It's like a, it's like a proton or a quark or something. You know, I think, hey, guys, I think the buffalo's laying down. Oh, I don't like that. I don't like that. Oh, my vice president, Mac Brown, that's who we got right now. This dude's always got to leave football stadiums. It's all right.

Got to go. I'm offended. Got a scoot. It's been a lot of fun. But I got to go take a two hundred fifty thousand dollar plane ride to go and leave another place