Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 7.31 - Indiana Jones and the Landfill of Victory

Episode Date: October 12, 2017

If there is a theme for this episode, it's sometimes you just need a clear sign that things are broken. Like, say, you're Oregon State and your head coach just bails on a ton of money out of the blue. Or you're an NFL position coach sending romantic cocaine videos from work. Or you're a home underdog to UVA. There's also a lot of talk about Butch Jones and Laserdisc and Spencer's weird body and rats, so it's fine if you choose not to listen. We get it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Anderson's just like, ah, why bother? Fuck it. Money is a lot. Money is a lion. So is Oregon State football. That's literally what he decided. Yeah. All right.

Well, let's get off and rolling. You've looked over your ad read, I assume. I just did. Yeah. And I have our own unique approach to it. I don't think they'll be upset by it. Excellent. Excellent.

Okay. Then, and Jason has the two. sent him and we can get going whenever welcome to the shutdown full cast we're coming into week seven of the college football season and I think it's a good time as time itself races away and we blow through the season one where we open doors and step outside realizing that the earth is turning. I say step outside as I hear Jason Kirk walking outside and a plane overhead because he's Indiana Jones and he's being stalked by Nazis, which he's in Kennesaw, Georgia, entirely fault. Hi, Jason. Hey, come on, no. That ain't, that ain't, that ain't right. That ain't right.

No, they're everywhere. We didn't do anything to you. That's what we, that's what we learned from those movies is that the Nazis are everywhere at all times, except they're always white. They are always white people. That is a giveaway. Listen, man, these days, that could be anywhere in Metro Atlanta. So, remain vigilant. The demographic shifts of the spread that Nazis evenly all throughout. So don't pin that all on us. And remember, you don't need a license to carry a whip.

You can open carry a whip, and nobody can say shit about it. Right. Remember, the only state that has open carry swords, Texas. That's right. Oh, man. If Butch Jones started carrying a whip around just casually and, like, refuse to answer questions about it, it, and, and, and, and, and just started speaking in Indiana Jones ways.

But how many cool things from the past would sound real lame if Butch Jones was the first person to say it? Like, we're going to make our football stadium a temple of doom. Like, suddenly that would be the least cool thing you could ever call a facility. Only the penitent man shall pass, and that's why we're a running-based offense. These, we need to get more penitent. We, we, when we go to play Arkansas, they're, we're going to raid the lost Arkansas. I'm going to rip out another man's heart. Like, metaphorically, nope.

It's a motivational tactic. Here at the, the biweek was so great, my face just melted off of my skull. I like to think of Tennessee as a child mine. Just young talent cycling through. Remember, there's going to be a time this week we've been telling everybody. This is why we got a refrigerator in the locker room, Okay. And at one time, everyone's going to get nuked.

We were doing so well denying that that movie even existed. But when times get hard, we all got to jump in the fridge together. Just get in the fridge. I'm being chased down the tunnel of excellence by a boulder of victory, and I think it's going to roll right over me. This team wants to have sex with Marion. No, that's not even a minute. That's correct.

We'll go shot for sure. Sean. We'll go shot for shot with Marion. Maybe one of the top 10 best, like, female characters ever in the history of movies. Love you, Marion. Not convinced you're not real. I'll be honest. It's disturbing to me. This took a turn. But, yeah, this did. Now I'm just confessing childhood crushes.

Maybe adult crushes. Maybe lifelong fascinations. That's okay. I'm not alone. I want to try something. Marky Post. No Okay I know I know that's that like you think No it's just Missed interesting

That was that that was real good Okay that's all I wanted to try We can continue Yeah But that was a good shot Because nightcourt was very important to me As a very young child allowed to watch too much television Wait wait hold on I want to try one more

John Laraket Hmm close Just has like a roll model and fielding is like you know what you know what makes our podcast so successful we have the pulse of a young audience that just fucking loves temple of doom and raiders of the lost dark and night court we are just all over it guys let's talk about laser dip today's sponsor laser disc have you ever thought DVDs are too small and you can't kill another man with him good news laser disc

laser discs were great because if you faced how many people do you think use their laser disc purely to snort cocaine off of three and none are real cool it's not like

yeah you've you've done you've done bumps before but have you ever snorted cocaine off Lady Hawk with extras I do enjoy that if you really preferred to rate your media by size,

you really couldn't beat Laserdisc, right? You're like, it's permanent and it's the size of an ancient ruin. What if Captain America's Shield could also hold the Doors movie? Yeah, the one with the bad Batman, Val Kilmer. That's right. It's great if you consider the Doors movie

to just be another Batman movie. A Batman prequel? Yeah, a Batman prequel where you're like, man, Bruce Wayne with Wilden! you got fat that's crazy um we we need to go ahead and just clear the decks because you know as as we've gotten this deep in the college football season i think there are things that uh we really haven't discussed enough for instance i don't think we've discussed enough that uh there are major football programs in this nation having abominable years like bad bad years look at you

florida state it's really bad our own bud elliott did a fine analysis on Tom Hock Nation of how weird this season is for them because they are having a difficult time, they lost their starting quarterback, but the fall off has even been managed strangely because Jimbo Fisher is calling Florida State's offense like he's Florida. Like the pace, the offensive pace,

how they manage that game. It's amazing how slow, that team is just schematically and how often they punt when they shouldn't. Even now, like, even with their limited offensive situation, how conservative Jimbo Fisher is as a play caller and head coach, which isn't what I would have guessed, right? Like, I would have assumed, like, I'm like, well, I don't know, they play pretty loose.

They play pretty fast, right? Not one bit, sir. Not at all. I was shocked reading that this week. but not like disappointed no no no okay not at all just to be clear

it's it's like when you go oh man this terrible person has cancer I feel so bad for his family that's when you know somebody when you know somebody is really loathed is when you're like oh man they died I feel so bad for his family

not for them right like you get them somebody who misses them Oh, man, that's going to be a whole lot of paperwork. Oh, I hope they had a big enough place to put him. Oh, his garage is a mess. Oh, here I have to burn that. Right.

So, like, when I, when I, when the thing you say in football or in sports, when you go, when, you know, there are blameless people who are on the team, you go, oh, well, they're having a bad season. I feel bad for those players, man. They're bad for those players. They're trying so hard. They're not to blame in this. But that's not who I feel worse for right now, player-wise.

Oregon State. I mean, it's interesting to see that there is a certain segment of sports media that sees Gary Anderson leave that job in the middle of the season still being owed a good chunk of change. He could have stuck around and collected it if he wanted. He comes out and says, you know, basically the program is going nowhere. we don't have the personnel we need either on the roster or on the coaching staff

and I don't think it's going to get any better and so I'm just going to leave and there's a certain segment of the media that's like that's admirable that's admirable that he wasn't going to take any more money to fix this problem and part of me kind of wants to be like wait what

like if you're a firefighter and you just like walk away in the middle of an inferno and you're like yeah you can keep my pension because I'm an honorable person, I don't know that you necessarily get a ton of praise for that. I don't know that we all get, because those players are still, it's not like everybody's like, well, okay, Oregon State football is done now. We tried it, and it just didn't work. Everybody, go do something else with your life. All those coaches are still there. All those players are still there. And this ended up, this ends up being like quite a vicious burn for Gary Anderson to just

say like, yep, this is an unsprayable termite house. There's nothing we can do here. Well, if you got termites, you need to get rid of the wood. And who's going to get rid of the wood better than a beaver? So I think this thing can correct itself. But like that $12 million, like, I mean, that'll be recirculated among the, among the players, right? Yep. Like, that's who it'll go to, right?

No, no, that. Oh, no, is that not how it works? That's weird. No, that goes back in free parking, and the AD, who rolls eight from their spot somewhere in, I believe, the orange properties, gets that. Huh. Well, that's a shame. So that's all going into a big buyout bundle for, I mean, they'll probably, like, make a run at Chip Kelly or something like that, but that's not. Mike, right?

Come on down. Yeah. Nice Mike. Come on home. Please come home, dad. please just come home. This would be Nice Mike's second return after a failed NFL run, I think. The Chargers, yeah, the Chargers.

That's what it was. Remember, everyone who's ever left a college job coached the Chargers. That's true. No one remembers it, right? We can begin now that we've decided to no longer be loyal to facts at all. We can just say that people did this, right? Remember when Nick Saban coached the Chargers? Happen.

Yep. Remember when... Chargers East, yeah. Yeah. Remember when, you know what? That does actually feel completely false, doesn't it? When you're like, man, Nick Seam coached the Dolphins? Why?

Why did that happen? That feels even, yeah, that feels even more fake. Who is the most prominent coach you think you could convince, like, the average fan they coached the Chargers in, like, 1996? 1990, current prominent? Jim Grob. I'm sure He probably did though He might right now

Right Current but current Current prominent coach Yeah current I got one Ready? Yeah Clay Helton

You know why That's kind of anonymous now Would be kind of anonymous then right If you're like Yeah man Clay Helton coached Chargers It'd be like yeah sure for a year Yeah that happened Also because like no one really knows where he came from

man of mystery parts unknown in wrestling terms I feel like you could convince someone that Mark Rick did it just because he was at Georgia for so long that I think unless you were a active college football fan in the 90s you probably don't know where he was before Georgia Florida State but I think you could probably hit him maybe Bob Stoops maybe someone who's just been in one place for a long long or was in one place for a long time Bud Foster

and you're gonna and you're saying like that's crazy Cam Cameron was an NFL head coach. Fuck you. Yeah. It doesn't, you know, consider this. A guy currently in the news as an assistant, who never coached anywhere

for longer than a year, was making like, you know, seven figures to do his job. And also doing cocaine off of trippers. But romantic cocaine. Let's be clear. Romantic cocaine. These lines are for you, baby.

You know what? Florida football could have saved it. a lot of trouble of being like, uh, yeah, he also designed the uniforms as it turned out. So not our fault. Get mad at the get mad at him. Think about this though. I was watching that and I was like, if somebody sent that to me, I'd be kind of horrified. But a small, terrible part of me would have been complimented.

Like, you know what? That's very sweet. Well, let's review what was delightfully Florida about this incident. Number one, um, the, the bold proclamation. that he's doing this at work, because if you look at the video, there's nothing identifying about it. He just is in a nondescript office. Ostensibly, it could be a home office or, like, a business center at a hotel or some shit. So there's, like, he affirmatively is like, yes, I'm doing this during working hours.

And that's number one. Number two, he's wearing shorts. And if you're wearing shorts to work and doing coke, wonderful. Number three, there is this oblique mention to somebody keeping a child, which is great because it shows that you are aware that parenting has some legal responsibilities, but also you're doing this in the midst of sending your stripper Instagram model, mistress, a video of you doing Coke at work, and number four, the ham-fisted conalingis reference. Maybe let's not pair Let's not pair of those two words I was really The mental images were

Wild man just wild It's an emotional roller coaster Child custody Love Cunalingis I did think though I was like man No one's

No one sent me You know A video lately Of them saying I'd like to do drugs off of your genitals And then I thought it's a really poor surface for it's not even well it's so absorbent yeah it's absorbent you know it's not flat right like nobody's it's just not going to work for a lot of reasons right it's just

more trouble than it's worth think about the inevitable doctor's visit you're going to have so what seems to be the problem um this story needs some set up doesn't it so i'm seeing this guy and he's kind of a mess in the NFL. By the way, I just saw this, I just saw this, like, telling this story to, like, me, right? Like, as the, like, attending doctor and me going, like, girl, you know it. That guy. Why, a fella he got there?

Chris Forster, man, he must be really good at his job. Actually, he's never been anywhere longer than a year. I don't know how this labor system works at all. It's a, hey, it's the perfect meritocracy, all right? It's just like America Stocked by 55-year-old guys Snort and Coke in their offices Just because, you know, 80% of the franchises

are owned by broke dick inheritors Who can't get a haircut or a suit To save their life Doesn't mean it's not The ultimate meritocracy Well, at least the Dolphins' offense is very good Extremely good That much we know is true

Jay Cutler good I saw a photo by the way Nearly scored on the New Orleans Saints It's good. That's right. A shot of him laying on the ground, like face first. And they're like, what is he doing here? And I'm like, man, that's Jay Cutler.

Like, why, why are you asking what he's doing? He's, he's begging, he's begging Satan to get back into hell. Yeah. What is he doing? He's just chilling? He's just being, man. Dad. Dad, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I refused to torture. I was just super tired. That's like extremely chill ghost writer. Yeah, it's very hard to be a chill comic book character with your head on fire. Ghost snapper. Ghost Rider does a pretty good job. It's Coast Rider.

Because he's on the... He's on the coast. He's on the coast. Oh, damn it. This would also be the week, by the way, where we were talking about... We're talking about how there hasn't been a weekend on paper. that you just look at and go yeah that that's it like maybe opening weekend like week one but even then there was like week zero before that it hasn't been a week where you go who man this there's

some bangers i do look at this week's schedule and i think i could see a lot of these things going sideways which was true of last weekend too right like there was some anticipation of these are games that could go very wrong oh yeah i'm the asshole who cut you often insisted that Iowa State had no chance of beating Oklahoma. So, yep, good job me. I know things. I mean, I think we're on the fourth straight weekend of, well, at least it'll break. That's the hope. And if you're looking for places where it could break, I am very interested in you, Purdue at Wisconsin. I am very interested in you indeed. That way we don't have to keep making up a loss to Wisconsin, right? Right. Right. We don't

when it comes time, they'll be, hey, Wisconsin's still undefeated in week nine. Even though they've been playing weak competition for the most part. Yeah, Purdue, Wisconsin. There's some life there. That could be terrifying. For everyone involved, I'm not saying not Purdue. No, that can be terrifying for you too, Purdue. You're capable of hopping on that roller coaster of horror and fright just as quickly as everyone now,

because you have a little bit of hope. And when there's a little bit of hope in the equation, that's when things can really catch fire. It's like oxygen. Throw it into a fire and magical things happen. Yeah, and if you're Purdue and, you know, hooray, we're cute, fun, Purdue, we do interesting, weird stuff. Well, okay, let's see how that works against extremely uninteresting, unfun, uncute Wisconsin. Maybe it'll work.

Maybe it'll go very poorly. It's better than what it would have been last year, though. So, there's that. yeah things are looking up 2017 is better than 2016 there you have it better in every way uh that and that and this if um i enjoy whenever they whenever wisconsin gets into the red zone and the announcer's like yeah you know who you need to watch for um checks roster checks roster j troy fumigali that's what you really need to watch for in the red zone who else um Troy. That's your receiver.

Who else? I don't know. Let's just talk about Troy Fumagalli. Jared Aberderas. Look out for him. You never know where he could be. You say, oh, he's not on the team anymore. That's what he wants you to think. It's the ultimate fake. Wisconsin never gets new players. Nope. Never. They just change their names and identities. That's it. That's why coaches keep leaving. They're just too freaked out. by the um like the the the lab of players they have underneath jim sorgie shh i was never here it's just moon it's just what jared's coming here yeah that's the clone the clone showing up to put the clone into like you know the generator so you're all right yeah get on in there you'll be fine we'll be fine

there's eight 80 thousand more of us the players who come back like jim linnard he's one of the original clones, and it's his job to make sure none of the players find out. That's what, that's Barry Alvarez just keeps cloning Barry Alvarez. That's all like Paul Chris, that's the reason like Anderson got out. It's like, oh no. Oh, God. I've learned too much.

I have to leave. I know too much. I know too much. By the way, we all were all like, man, produce super fun now. Yeah, they are. When it comes to Barry, it's not even like, we've got to clone him to replace them. I think Barry would just, you know who I like to speak with Barry Alvarez order me up another couple of myself oh this place is looking better by the day great job Barry look at all these berries that's how that's how Barry

Alvarez actually got Wisconsin out of the like basement anyway because remember kids Wisconsin wasn't good they were a horrendous football program for a real long time before Barry Alvarez showed up in the 90s and then through just a Herculean job and amount of labor got them to be good. And it's easy to do that much labor when there are 20 of you. That's how, man, they're like, Barry Alvers is recruiting like crazy out of Wisconsin. I wonder how they ate Barry Alvarez as

showed up to your house. And they're like, we brought turkey. Brought turkey and Jack. Come on down to Wisconsin. I don't know why Turkey and Jack Daniels seems like a Wisconsin meal. It just does. I think all meals are pretty Wisconsin meals. Yeah, it's true. It's true.

We do, by the way, we do have this, week we have some weeknight games that when you say oh man this could break this could go sideways yeah yeah y'all there's some there's some a couple of weird weeknight games you know we got um we got friday games which are of course the bellwether for everyone's unprepared and anything can happen like clemson going to syracuse am i saying clemson's going to get upset at syracuse no am i saying that it's going to be more of a struggle than they might have had so far yeah syracuse is kind of squirrely, y'all. Squirrely and aggressive. Yeah. Syracuse is like babysitting a three-year-old

where you're like, listen, I'm smarter and stronger, and I'm more psychologically secure. So I should be fine. And most of the time you are, but you know what? Three-year-old might get the best to you. Three-year-old might find its way to a crescent wrench, clock you over the head, and just eat nothing but frozen pizza rolls while you're passed out in the bathroom. a Syracuse team that very nearly

could have beaten LSU at home which take that for whatever it is worth in the year 2017 one that played a close game against NC State that's a 3325 game NC State currently you know one of the teams atop the

ACC Playoff contender for Colt Kublich Yeah almost it's crazy Almost beat Middle Tennessee State legendary middle Tennessee state gutted it out versus Pitt in a 2724 overtime and as you know this podcast believes Pitt

to be the gold standard against what all other teams are measured yeah pit is our measuring stick pit is a unit of biblical measurement and Pharaoh said bring me eight pits worth of oxen and so they did one little note I know Clemson's vastly more talented But just to add one other little wrinkle that indicates that you should pay moderate attention to this game, who's starting a quarterback for Clemson? Oh, I don't know this, actually.

I'm assuming it's not, I'm assuming it's not Kelly Bryant done. Zoroaster Ramirez, I'm guessing. Zora Astor Ramirez, yeah, no, no, actually. Well, hold on, I'm seeing here that, I'm seeing here that as of yesterday, they do expect Kelly Bryant. right to start. Mm-hmm. With what? A banged-up ankle.

Okay. I guess we're good then. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? He's been good. Dabo Swinney has been encouraged by his progress. Are we going to get a straight answer before game time?

No. No. Not one bit. Is he going to be 100%? No, I'm sorry. You just, if you've ever, if you've ever messed up your ankle at all and then tried to play a sport, you'll know, it's, uh, it's not a, loyal friend can go on you at any minute. So just saying, I know their second third teamers,

they're fine. Third teamer in particular, who I believe has a very Clemson name, like an extremely clemson name. Like Kelly Bryant's a pretty clemson name. Their third stringer has like a crazy clemson name. And I will, I will remember it in just a moment. Hunter Johnson. Correct. Hunter Johnson. A.k.a. Johnson Hunter. Yeah, it's... Clemson is the opposite of Georgia. Georgia quarterbacks have to have two first names.

Clemson quarterbacks need to have two last names. Yep. Kelly Bryant. Zerick Cooper. Yep. Hunter Johnson. Yep. Sure. Tosh Boyd. It works. Don't say it doesn't. Deshawn Watson is a little bit of a problem. But not as much as you think. What this weekend is... is going to be good for though because there are there are i believe no ranked versus ranked matchups right right neither is telling me no so i'm going to assume that's right um but there

are what i think are a lot of good like oh come the fuck on games for teams that are potentially sick of their head coach starting with illinois playing ruckers the season is two and three. Those two wins came against Ball State by three points and Western Kentucky. They got killed by USF. They got killed by Nebraska. They got killed by Iowa. If they can't beat Rutgers, I think there will be some serious hand-wringing going on, to the extent that there ever is serious hand-wringing about Illinois football in the last, like, five years. I also like North Carolina against Virginia. Because that's a team that has one win this year against Old Dominion.

They didn't look competitive against Notre Dame or Georgia Tech or Louisville. They lost a cow. They lost a Duke. And if they can't beat a UVA team that is 4 and 1 and has, like, looks like they are starting to turn a little bit of a corner here, that could be the start of some problems for Larry Fedora. And then you have my favorite one, which is UCLA at Arizona. UCLA is still above 500, still just has losses to Memphis and Stanford. And Arizona, we didn't talk about what Arizona did last week, and I think that's a shame,

because Arizona sent a quarterback out there who had a, like, efficient passing day. Khalil Tate went 12 of 13 for 150 yards and a touchdown. That's not the important number. Hey, Ryan, can I ask about his rushing numbers? How do you do on the ground? He had 327 rushing yards and four touchdowns. Do you remember how many attempts he needed to get 327 yards? I believe it was 13.

14. 14. 14. averaging over 23 yards a fucking carry, which means that Arizona could have intentionally held on first down and still picked up a first down just by giving Khalil Tate the ball right after that on first and 20. Not great, Colorado, let's say that. So, yeah, UCLA's defense hasn't exactly been the strength of the team.

exciting to see if they can turn it around or if Jim Mora's just going to say, fuck it. You know what? I'll go take the Chargers job now. It's my turn. It's my turn. It's my turn to take the Charger's job. Pass the baton. It's my time.

I like for coaching angst. What about Michigan, Indiana? Because, yes, we're. We're all being told that Jim Harbaugh is now terrible and bad, the worst coach ever, because he lost a game by four points in a monsoon. But if you lose to Indiana, okay, now you've lost two in a row, and now you're going to Penn State next week. That could be three in a row.

You also lost your last two games of last year. So that could be a four-and-five run for Jim Harbaugh, and all the losses so far are very close. But still, like, seemingly good teams. Yeah. Indiana is not a team that you really want to lose to. Especially in Indiana team that got pretty well-paceded by the two big 10 teams that faced so far, Ohio State and Penn State. Yeah, but, you know, luckily for Harbaugh, as we know, the Hoosiers are the world's greatest team at getting up by about 10 and then losing by about 20.

So, no pressure there. You know what, Michigan, by the way, just looking one week down the road, Michigan has a chance to Michigan State, Penn State, right? Because this is the circle of pain they have in that division, right? That all of them have these, I think, countervailing strengths and weaknesses. Because remember that last year, Michigan and Penn State, how'd that work out? Ugly, as I recall? it was bad it was the loss that pretty much put off anyone just putting Penn State in the playoff because they're like yeah you know they only have that that that loss right there um however

let's look at that loss god i forgot how bad this was oh it was it was pulverizing i don't think that's a good matchup just by style right because Penn state relies on uh these very large shock in all plays that opened up the rest of that offense right and don brown's defense right and don brown's The defense relies on, I hate you and everything you stand for, and we're going to keep you within five yards of the line of scrimmage, and that includes you, Sequin Barclay. And Northwestern's defense, Sequin Barclay is mortal. If you devote your entire defense to stopping him, he won't be able to do much. And last year, well, Penn State would answer by saying, well, we'll just throw to Godwin. We'll just, you know, go over your head.

We'll just open up this offense, and then we'll get you to back up a little bit, and then, who, Sequin's got a playground. that's not quite the case this year and I think against a defense like Michigan's that's just a bad matchup now will Michigan State be able to respond offensively against Penn State's defense no no no not one bit will you be able to sort of scrape together points

and coupon this thing out absolutely that could totally happen is this like a 12-9 game yeah yeah this feels like a 12-9 game so I don't like whatever happens with Michigan, Indiana, it's not really kind of what you're looking for in the Big Ten. What you're looking for is Michigan, Penn State, to see if Michigan can play their own sort of personal Mark Dantonio to Penn State.

That's important to have, be able to wear many hats. The other version of the coach stress game is not the, you lost to a team that does not have much of a profile or prestige right now. The other version is you got annihilated. by a very good team. We have two of those on the schedule, maybe three actually, on the schedule as well because Arkansas gets to play Alabama,

Nebraska gets to play Ohio State, and you know what? Missouri, Georgia. Those are all the games where you can see somebody, I mean, similar to the Tennessee Georgia game, where it's not that you lost to a superior opponent, rather. It's that they treated you like a, a kitten toy

that they just threw you around and eventually ripped you open and ate everything and then threw it back up. What I'm talking about here is this is the week where you, college football fans of maybe embattled coaches, will be able to determine is there a fit?

Because it's all about fit. Isn't that right, Spencer? Oh, what a seamless. Uh-huh. Transition. to our sponsor this week. That's right. This podcast has sponsors.

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Good clothes. Quality clothes. Clothes that fit you, your style, your personality. And most importantly, your physique and budget. No one likes shopping, by the way. Like shopping's traumatized, particularly traumatizing for me because it's a confession I have an unusual butt. If you have a weird butt, it's very hard to go shopping. For pants, for shirts, for anything.

It upsets the entire balance of your spirit to take a moment out of your day, go to a store and realize that no one's making clothes for you. That's incorrect. Bomfell finds that it's an easier way for you to get better clothes and there's one great element to this you get a stylist now this is a very troublesome and weird thing for me to admit because do not like to spend money I do not like to focus on myself unless I'm talking about me on a podcast all right I don't like it it's awkward I think a lot of men are like this

you don't want to go shopping you're just like I don't know just go go buy some pan I'll make it work also soldier through. You won't get them tailored. You'll just soldier through. Incorrect. You could do better. And Bonfell will help you because the stylist will email you your selections after you fill out a very simple form. Tell them your preferences and your style. And I will tell you that even after you do this, you can modify and they will work with you. They will work with the most troublesome of you. And you say, oh, well, you know, they couldn't possibly do that with me. I'm just far too like obnoxious and like petty and like small-minded and just I'm a terrible customer you can't be a

worse customer than me this is correct Jason right it's correct Ryan oh you are I guess I would describe your body type as shapeless unclothable sort of you know how you know how when Jedi get old they just sort of start wearing these um loose fitting robe like car covers and they're just like, yeah, I don't, don't worry about what's under here. There's a lightsaber and a hand, and that's it. The rest is just unviewable body mass. That's sort of where I think you're at right now. So there's, there, Legos, they have mini figures.

What if they also had, like, thick figures? Like a thick Lego man. Maxi figures. Right. It's basically, like, trying to dress an appliance. That's what it's like trying to find clothes for me. Okay? And yet, Bomfell is trying, and they are doing very, very well.

I got a package this week after filling out my form and talking with my stylist online. And I set it all back. But that's not the point. The point is, when I sent it back, I sent it back with feedback. And they said, oh, here's what you liked. Here's what you didn't like. You get another one next month. We'll see if we can get a little bit closer.

My point is, I'm a pain in the ass. a square, weird, bulbous ass that no pants on the planet properly fit. Except for the ones I tried on this week from Bonfelt, which came within like, I don't know, probably like five degrees out of 100 of fitting. Next week they're just going to send you a tarp with a rope.

That'd be fine. That fit. That'd be great. The point is, I gave them feedback. They responded. You get a preview email next time. We'll take a look at it. will work through it. They'll be like, I hate this guy, but it's my job. And they'll get it

right. Yeah, it's not, let's be clear. The problem is that Bonfell is for humans, and Spencer is a Yeti. That's right. But they're so good, I'm pretty sure they're going to get correct clothing for this Yetty. In fact, the shirt they sent, and this is something that men will definitely like appreciate, was not only long enough for my weirdly huge torso, it was the correct size and the shoulder and did not make me look like a you know it didn't make me look like j glazer in a suit you know j glazer wears suits and just sort of like pops all out of him even though he's like five six yeah he looks like he looks like big hero six exactly right for those for those of you with that bay max physique um fell can work with that all you need to do right sign up you tell

you're measurements and your style preferences which i got wrong by the way If I wasn't like, I was like, I'll just go with classic because I can't possibly get it right. And I email the bag and they're like, no, no, no, we got it. Okay, that's what you like, cool. You tell them what budget limits you're comfortable with. You tell them, you set up the order. You say what you like. And then you schedule when you want it.

And, you know, they could surprise you if you're that kind of person. Don't ever surprise me. You get a preview email. You can cancel anything you don't like. Then they ship it in 48 hours. Then you have seven days. Seven days. Try it on.

I'm the world's worst person at time management, and I will tell you, even I managed to do this all within seven days. All right. And I say that as somebody who has my dead dog's ashes still on the counter of my kitchen from like four years ago. Yeah, I was going to say that was not recent. No, no, no. Still sitting in a nice ornamental tin, all right? And even I follow the extremely simple and clear system that Bonfell gives you to send clothes back. All right?

You got seven days to try them on before they try them. charge you for these very nice clothes they sent you a total stranger then uh you can pay for what you keep return the rest shipping is free both ways and you know what you can order it for your partner by the way so if you're a lady listening to this yeah yeah that that way's fine don't do it the other way yeah don't do it the other way no no no bomfellow's not interested in that bombfell is more than happy though to get you better clothing for your partner you can sign up for them and surprise them you never know even my point being even a rhino wants to look you know pretty swanky out on the town every now and then yeah just because just because spencer is a garage fridge with a head and arms doesn't mean he can't look nice

doesn't mean he can't go to weddings and functions and court appearances okay don't discriminate against this weird refrigerator man hybrid okay he loves fresca he loves fresca he's loves it. That part's not true, actually. I mean, it's a fine grapefruit. Just, just tell, just, it's a fine grapefruit soda. It's calorie free. Just tell them about the special offer.

Yeah. So the special offer, here we go. You get $25 bucks off your first purchase. Look at that. Look at that. You get $25 bucks off, $25 American dollars. All I do, go to B-O-M-B-F-E-L-L. That's Bomfell.com.

B-O-M-B-F-E-L-L dot com With the special code Oh yeah, we got a special code That's a bombfeld.com Slash shutdown As in shutdown fullcast That would be bombfeld.com slash shutdown 25 bucks off your first purchase

Go ahead, give it a shot I'm the least likely person in the world And I've been extremely happy with it Because if they get me right they can get anyone right and that includes if bay max is literally listening to this podcast so that's it and y'all listen spencer wore overalls on national tv like a week ago so if they can get him looking right they can handle you that's right bomb fell open and clothes another successful ad read boys good job we have a few charity ad reads we're going to knock out here as well

First, some shoutouts to generous listeners, Nick Bender, Jeff Kelly, Richard at DC3 underscore tweets, Susan at Boat Drinks, which what a good Twitter handle that is Boat Drinks. She's a Syracuse fan, so insert good things said about, we actually like Syracuse fine, now that they have Dino Babers. We're very pro-Sircues. This is an incredibly fickle podcast, except when it comes to Florida, which Spencer and I secretly loathe, Not secretly. And Jason loves above all other programs and things in life.

And Mike Bogat. Covered against LSU. Covered the spread against LSU. And Mike Bogatz. Thank you all for donating. Also, this from Dave Green has asked me to say, I'm Ryan Nanny, and South Jersey and Canoli are my favorite things ever, and that will never change.

Canoli is good. I bet Spencer hates Canoli, if I had to guess. No, I just, I just, I just, they're just nonsensical to me sure that's fine um it's like it's like a media it's like a mediocre cookie it's a little paste your penis yeah i know well i mean like you know i'm not gonna judge that part it's just it's like it's like can you give me something that's very very dry right and not really sweet and then stuff it with something that's creamy sure but it's like you asked it's like you asked a computer from nineteen ninety two to make a taco

it's it's a lot like this it tastes it tastes like it tastes like the beta version of dessert right is this what you wanted press y to continue and yeah it's just kind of slabby and uninteresting right it feels like are you still hungry well if you put fat in your stomach you probably won't be here's a convenient carbohydrate carrying case for that um jason has a couple of you're talking about Those little things that are like, mom-made pizza rolls, but she put cool whip in them. Essentially, yes. Those little tube things. I didn't know that we'd have to explain what canoli were, but yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I've never sat down and said, hmm, I'll have the canoli, but I've had those things. So I can confirm they're not very good. I think they're fine. And according to Dave, they're my favorite thing ever. Jason has a couple to read as well. From Leland Hague or Hage, we have a recommendation. Skip Holtz for Missouri.

I was looking into this one, trying to find any connection whatsoever to the state of Missouri for Skip Holtz. First of all, that's irrelevant because we're talking about a man from Connecticut who played his college ball in Indiana, then went to Florida, Colorado, back to Indiana, Connecticut, South Carolina, North Carolina, Florida, and now to Louisiana. and his father, of course, bounced from Arkansas, Minnesota, South Carolina. Also, Indiana, when I say Indiana, I'm referring to a different, you know, a certain famous school in Indiana. The New York Jets. The Chargers.

They both coached the Chargers at some point. But that is sort of the connection to Missou, if you think about it, because, you know, Missouri famously, no one really knows what region it's in. We kind of want to say it's in the South because it has a team in the SEC, but like, ah, it's pretty Midwestern, and it's also pretty heartland, and it's also kind of like Arkansas, but, you know, that man without a place, I think that really fits a state without a place. And also, I found a quote when he first got to USF at his intro presser,

they said, now beat Florida! And he said, that's why I'm here! And then he lost by like 24. Again, again, I think he's a great fit for Missou, just for those two reasons I just mentioned. I mean, I guess it works. I can't see why it wouldn't. What are the alternatives? That's the spirit.

Yeah. You could hire Brett Vilema, probably, pretty soon. Nope. Just to import him across the border? Nope. You could. Why are we sending him to a state with more pornography? No.

I think he's earned that. It's a valid point. Um, well, we're getting him one state closer to his native land of Iowa. Sure. Just keep advancing him across the board. But we're sending him, are we, are we delaying his move to the San Diego, the L.A. Chargers? That's the real question. That's actually the answer.

We probably could convince people that in between the Wisconsin and Arkansas jobs, Bielma did a year with the Chargers and then left because it wasn't for him. Hmm. Probably. Yeah. Okay. Let's say Bobby Petrino also. Every Arkansas coach had a pit stop with the Chargers. Let's edit the fuck out of the Chargers' Wikipedia page. How about how about we just have the listeners do that?

Just go wild on the Charger's Wikipedia page. You'll never get caught. Right. Why would anyone ever look at it? No. Right. You know? All they have to do is update the city name every 20 years or so. That's all anyone ever does to it.

So, you always have fun. I have a challenge. You know, we didn't do it. We didn't do it. Can we get more people editing the Chargers Wikipedia page than there are in the stands for a game in L.A.? Definitely, definitely. Over the course of a single-30,000 people right now. We can probably get everybody at the game editing the Wikipedia page from the game.

And then you just need a plus one. Yeah, problem solved. Imagine explaining Wikipedia to Philip Rivers. Like, listen, they don't know. The only book I know of was edited 6,000 years ago. You can't tell a book you can be edited right now. That's ridiculous. Well, no.

I think you can explain it to him by be like, yeah, nobody knows exactly how big it is, and there are new pages at it all the time. And, you know, it's just sort of a cluttered mess. It'd be like, oh, like, family planning. Yeah, this sounds right. It just keeps it grog and grog and grog and groin and the name to get weirder and weirder. What does this say under my personal life? It says you have 28 kids.

That's low. Low. Yeah, see, told you. You can't trust anything you read online. It's an outdated fact. Also, another... So, Brendan Watkins. Buddy, you donated to our Hurricane Relief Charity Drive, and that's awesome.

And with that power, you gained by doing that. Here is the sentence you sent us to read. There are two types of people. Those who occasionally pee in the shower and dirty fucking liars. That's what Brendan Watkins wanted to do with the platform afforded to him. And you know what? He earned that. And if I'm responsible with weighing in on this, I will agree. I also don't know why anyone would lie about it.

Why would that be a shameful thing to do? Who are the people asking? Hey, asshole, did you just pee in my shower? What, were you watching me? first of all secondly it did go down the drain the water was on is that why you made asparagus for dinner last night

just to catch me hey man so while we were on vacation for three weeks did you go in my house and pee in the shower every day and not run the water at all huh no it wasn't me what me

nope nope nope nope nope nope I used you used your backyard whole time oh okay that's cool not weird. But I did get your mail, so we're even. I peed on your mail. I peed in your mail box, by the way. Most of the friction for this comes from Seinfeld, which had a notoriously germophobic agenda, right? Especially for people who lived in fucking New York.

Yeah. The dirtiest city in North America. Oh, ooh, something touched my plate. Fuck you. Every day you ride in a metal tube. surrounded by rats. Yeah. You live in a concrete box that's built on rats.

It's built on rats and rat carcasses and rat poop. Yeah. Like Alexander Hamilton is buried like 800 feet from your head. And he's covered in rats. Just covered in rats. Like anyone who lives in Alexander Rattleton or like it. Yeah. You live in a place that had one of America's last cholera outbreaks.

You live in a city. that at this very moment is home to Donald Trump a living piece of human filth like that's who was born there and bred out of it you know what he's made of rats

The only places where there aren't rats is because they're bedbugs and the rats fucking hate them Right and you know what that's called A turf war That's what West Side story was originally about Rats and Bedbugs They were like I don't know

People can't relate to rats and bedbugs So we'll have to make them people Because otherwise we're just coming to I don't think Natalie Wood can play bedbug. We screen tested her, and she's really bad at, like, breaking the skin. That's the main problem. Yeah. That's, like, there's a system, right?

That's my favorite part. Even rats and bedbugs. Yeah, there's a racket. There's a system. We got turk. I got a guy. Yeah, there are these bedbugs union? Oh, man, this ain't happening at all.

I got a guy who he'll sell your bedbugs to the rats, make a fortune. Yeah, I mean, like most, most things on Seinfeld anyway were like these very mundane points about horrible people who obsessed over tiny little things because it didn't have like anything to do. It's the most 90s sitcom ever where they're like, what's wrong? Yeah, something's wrong with my soup. As opposed to like 2017 where it's like, what's wrong? Everything's on fire. Oh, God. Everyone hates everyone and everyone is getting shit upon.

And the rats are still here. Still rats. rats are allies that's fine rats are a terminal rats welcome to the resistance comma comma comma

welcome extremely woke bed bugs yeah just go ahead and pee in the shower right that's fine that's fine it might be a little rude if you do it in the collective shower but I don't know collective shower is weird anyway so go ahead pee in the sink I don't care reviewing the schedule for the last time.

Is there anything else y'all feel we have failed to hit upon? Things people should be looking out for, teams they should maybe watch for the first time if they haven't had a chance, et cetera, et cetera. So the SEC schedule for the rest of the way has been shat upon pretty justifiably because it sort of looks like, well, we're just waiting on Bama, Georgia Bama, or Georgia Auburn and the Iron Bowl. But I wouldn't skip over LSU Auburn just yet.

Like, yes, on paper, this is a horrific matchup for LSU because, like, Auburn is not only, like, built to beat this LSU team that has been, you know, bad at run defense and can't really do much on offense other than throw. Like, Auburn is also kind of, like, what LSU aspires to be, or at least so far in the year, that's how it's looked. But the game's at Def Valley and weird stuff happens. And, like, so you get to sort of just hand wave all that with, like, oh, I don't know. Auburn's on like an 0 and 8 run there, so we'll see what happens.

So like, you know, for that, it's sort of like a heart versus mine kind of thing. We're like, this looks terrible for LSU, but, you know, it kind of looks terrible for Auburn, too. And that sounds like a great game, just awful for everyone. You should not watch Texas A&M at Florida, but you should keep in mind that either Florida will lose to the Aggies having to wear those horrendous uniforms or Texas A&M will have to accept that they lost to people wearing those horrendous uniforms. And I know Spencer and I each briefly touched upon it, but the worst thing about them is that they're going to look horrible

on big dudes. There is a reason that every time they do these uniform reveals, they send out like a running back or a safety or somebody who's like lean and trim. And some of that is just like they've determined that's going to be the best way to present the uniform. Some of it is also that these alternates are going to look a fucking nightmare on a guy with any kind of gut whatsoever. They're horrifying. Yep. They're going to look bad. They're going to look honestly, you know what they're going to look like? It's going to look like when your eight-year-old goes back and gets their four-year-old Halloween costume, right? You're like, oh, you got so big. I can see your tummy. Yeah. That doesn't fit at all. You look like the world's biggest

toddler this is bad um i would also say pay attention to uh colorado at oregon state because of everything we just mentioned and because gary anderson made the very curious choice to leave after this run of games uh losing to minnesota i like still very competent minnesota team losing to wazoo washington and u sc two of those on the road and that's when he decided to pull the rip Accord. Ahead for Oregon State are Colorado, Stanford, Cal, Arizona, Arizona State, and Oregon. So you can already see the narrative being written here of, like, Gary Anderson abandoned his one-and-five team, but they rallied to finish the season five and seven. The pride, the pride of Corvallis. He was the problem all along. Gary, man, you did it wrong. You're not supposed to leave

right before the possible good times are coming. Idiot. I would point out a couple things as the SEC's schedule kind of enters a trough, right? You can turn to other conferences for entertainment. We used to rag on the ACC before they became a capital M most capital E excellent official conference, right, for the nation. There's a, we used to say, oh man, there's just a lot of parody and everybody's going to go seven to five. and seven. This is one of those weekends where it'll kind of look like that, because

you got games that I think will all finish 24 and 17, right? Like 24, 17, all of these games. But that means they'll be close. They'll be good. You also get to watch Florida State struggle to get their second win. Second win of the season against

Duke, which that's a struggle. I don't care. Duke's a tough team. They might not they're just, they might not be great, but they're very, very annoying to play. They do a lot of things to make the game as difficult as possible for you, both on defense and on all fence. Like a mountain. Go ahead.

Well, there's also the possibility within the conference that we get to see the flip side. Everybody says, oh, you know, Miami, they have a good start to the year, then they lose to Florida State, and then they swoon. What if the swoon happens anyway? What if it doesn't really matter what happens in the Florida State game? You get to play Georgia Tech. Nobody wants to play Georgia Tech. What if you do that on purpose, just to say, look at Florida State. you lost to a 7 and 5 team.

Look how meaningless you were at Florida State. Let me go ahead and tell you two. You want a banger? You want a game that's going to have some swings? You want a game that's going to hit the over sometime in the third quarter? Navy at Memphis, baby. That's not where I thought you were going to go, but I like it. No, no, no.

Navy at Memphis. You get the nation's leading rushing attack going up against a volatile Memphis team capable of putting up 28 and a quarter Riley Ferguson whose dad this week said thank God my son

escaped the dumpster fire at Tennessee and you know that he posted that on Facebook because people disagreed with that statement people people are you calling Tennessee a dumpster fire?

I assume it's because you can put a dumpster fire out and it's self-contained oh good point Tennessee's going to spread somehow sir when discussing Tennessee the correct term is

dumpsters fire dumpsters dumpsters fire and you know why we call it a dumpster fire because we got passion because we play because we play with heat all right we convert

we convert the garbage we convert the garbage that the media spews and we turn it into heat and energy. When we take a turnover, we put it in the garbage can. Well, where do you think we dump all the garbage cans into the dumpster fire? She's got a conflagration of footballs in there. Burden with the spirit of champions.

And then we take the garbage bin and we take it to the landfill of victory. But you won't report on that, will you? You won't report on the landfill of victory, which is just, a part of the body farm that I dug up without permission Neeland Stadium the landfill of victory The over the game I thought you were going to say

For like look for this to get points tastic quick I assumed you were referring to The Red River respectable disagreement Oh man You mean the family mediation Yes Between Oklahoma and Texas the red river i have the talking stick now yes that's i did not think that however however

we do have an unusual quarterback matchup in the darting dashing baker mayfield and the thundering elinger the young man who i'm still impressed that he completely elbowed it just forearm shivered a kansas state linebacker in the head it probably could have been like thrown out for that realistically right but he was hot i think it happened and the the rest the rest were like let him go he's on fire yeah they were like oh my god that was amazing yeah a texas team that really looked like they were just going to lose to kansas state again but pulled it out and played overall played pretty well i think dude he had like almost 500 yards of offense by himself yeah yeah i mean they were they were a little a little plotting

running the ball but not too bad overall um and an oklahoma team that well we already know what happened there uh i have no idea what's going to happen in this game no meaningful resolution or prediction or even inkling and i say that because i said iowa state had no chance to be w you when you play at 11 o'clock central in an intense rivalry game i just feel like you're asking for erratic atypical results this game isn't that early now this game is No, no, did they move it? It's at 3.30. Yeah, they bumped it down.

It's at 3.30, Eastern. Oh, dang it. Although, that just gives you more time to eat fair food. I don't know if that's good. Have you seen the fair, one of our Notre Dame co-worker of Jessica sent me the list of the, you know, the specialty items that they have at the fair, at the Texas State Fair every year? We're talking, we're talking deep fried fruit loose. We're talking funnel cake, basin, bacon, queso burger. We're talking a tamalee donut, which actually looks kind of good.

The most confusing one, and there's no photo of it, I assume because that would qualify as some sort of war crime. Oreo beer. Oreo beer. Fantastic. Yeah. So, yeah, these are all the things you can fill your body. with in a desperate attempt to kill it rather than watch Oklahoma, Texas, with having a rooting interest in that game.

These, I think still the greatest state fair of Texas food I've ever heard of, you know, and this list includes, like, chicken fried cactus and, like, you know, fried latte is fried salad. Right. That's how fucking Texas this is. They will fry a salad. that's amazing and you're going to put these people out there in that for three

and a half more hours what is wrong we're breaded and battered multivitamins I just I like the idea that you know fried water don't act like it if big text burns down again that's all I want I want them to build big tech so he can burn down

every year for the fair it was it was the most memorable big text appearance by far. Big Tex, the giant, the giant statue. So it's like Burning Man, but. He's sort of, he's sort of like a cowboy phoenix. Instead of, instead of doing Burning Man, just do like shooting man.

Everyone goes and shoots Big Tech. That'd be great, and he just burns down every year, and then he rises, then he rises like a phoenix from the ashes, right? Yeah, then, then, Finally, like, I think the last point I'd make on Yon's schedule this week that if you're down on this week, remember, things will go wrong, things will go sideways, and you're not Tennessee, because Tennessee has to play South Carolina. And South Carolina is not a great football team. And you know what Tennessee is doing this week? Leadership reps.

That's what they're doing this week. No, no, no. We're taking the turnovers. We're putting them in the dumpster fire of our passion. right we're also going to take that to the landfill of victory and then guess who runs the landfill of victory and has for the last you know i don't know since he was hired as a head coach in 2011 that'd be will must champ will must champs run the landfill of victory for years so he'll take all that he'll make a big pile he'll point to it and then he'll probably set that on fire again you separate that's what you separate your recyclable sun doesn't matter it all in it's Anyway, that's Will Must champ, the guy who runs your county dump

the way he's run it since 1952. County told him the sword is garbage and he's like, yeah, I'll sort it. I'll sort it. I'll sort of put it in a pile and burn it. That's what I'll do.