Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 7.33 - Death of the Fullcast

Episode Date: October 19, 2017

Cause(s) of death: Jason's audio becomes dangerously unstable, forcing him to pull a Mack Brown. Ryan speaks glowingly about Virginia football not once but TWICE. Spencer goes on at length about Nebraska being terrible. Jeff Sessions arrests Brady Hoke. Notre Dame is briefly discussed and not just to talk shit about the Fighting Irish. R.I.P., Shutdown Fullcast. (It'll come back to life on Sunday, don't worry. This monster refuses to leave our mortal realm.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown full cat. As always, I'm your host, Spencer Hall, right about college football for SBNation.com. I have something to do with a site called Every Day Should Be Saturday. The usual. We got a lot going on this week because we're into, say it with me, the Ocho, we're into week eight.

We're into the successor, the sequel to Blood Week, the week where everyone who wasn't supposed to lose lost, basically, except for Alabama, who I call the, only real good football team joining us from what I think is inside of a garbage truck in a mind chat

is Jason Kirk serious like and whatever man you don't even understand I the places I travel to try to find audio for this program god damn there are five

children and three dogs so I've gone outside where there's lawnmowers, where there's people banging, hammers doing carpentry, who knows what. As soon as I sat down, finally found a quiet spot outside, because there are none inside. A car started, like 10 feet away from me. Now I'm back outside, and I'm being chased by three dogs on a hardwood floor. This is insane, man. The shit I go through to try and salvage a moment of peace for this awful podcast. I find chirping birds and whistling winds and delightful, you know, rustling trees and

babbling brooks. And no, that's not good enough. People want louder and louder noises. I just, I'm trying to find the loudest place in the world. And I just can't, there we go. Now the dogs are barking. All right. All right.

Now we're good. I have great news, Jason. This week's sponsor on the shutdown forecast used airboats. That's right. used airboats delivered to your house and just kept running at all hours constantly. That's usedairboats.com slash fullcast for 20% off, a used airboat with the vins scratched off. You don't want to know where it's been. Hey, coach all here on a used airboat.

I'm driving around the inside of the house with three dogs chasing me. I can't hear the pretty tripping birds on a used airboat. I think I just, oh, the coacho just ran over to Auburn Tiger back there. Sorry about that, but you did sign the waiver. Oh, Coachell gave me Almond Tiger a pretty good head start. I was, the amusing part for me was when the car started up. Like, before that, I was like, oh, that's too bad. That was the part that pissed me off.

That was like, God damn it. See, like, now I'm walking. Now, now it's quiet in the house. So, so y'all will be fooled. when like five children suddenly pop back in the house and I just scream or something but that's cool I'm sorry we force this podcast upon you Jason I I want you to know that it's not personal no no no no no no I feel the same about our listeners okay I'm sorry we force this on them basically we're all in this boat of apology together where we're all sorry for the choices

we're sorry that we do this podcast you're sorry that you look listen to it. You're sorry that you rated it well on iTunes. We're sorry that we try to make it better and somehow it gets worse. Um, advertisers are sorry that they come on this program. Spencer is sorry that he ever hired me in the first place. Jason is sorry for God, so many reasons. Where the fuck to begin, man? Yeah. Just, just constant remorse. This is, this is the difference, by the way. This is like by, at the age of 10. it's it's what does sorry mean at the age of 20 it's you should apologize to me and feel sorry for what you've done to be life at the age of 30 it's i'm not sorry and at 40 it's i'm very very

sorry and at 50 it's i do not wish to be included in this this thread this dialogue it's i'm so tired of being sorry i'm just tired yeah it's 60 is you sorry motherfuckers better leave me alone before like 60 who's making it that far man who's planning that far ahead that's not on the calendar buddy I'm doing what

I'm doing what Nebraska I'm doing what like what like Minnesota football did I'm hitting 57 1957 and just jetting getting on out of here deep Minnesota football jokes what a great way to start

a college football podcast Hey Ryan I meant to ask how is your week we just asked jason how he was doing how should wait buddy i guess it's fine i'm looking i am literally looking at week eight schedule for the first time as we record this podcast so i have there's only one game that i could have affirmatively told no no no that's not true there are two games that i could have affirmatively told you were happening this week and they are important for diametrically opposed reasons i knew michigan penn state was happening because that's sort of going to be the first true test of is Penn State the number two team in the country

actually worthy of being the number two team in the country. They have played super well on both sides of the ball. By and large, they have not been really tested outside of that road game against Iowa. And it's hard to build a case for, no, they shouldn't be number two. But this is the stretch, Michigan, at Ohio State, at Michigan State, that will sort of test whether that's true or not. The other game that I knew was happening was Tennessee at Alabama. And I know that for all of the wrong reasons, all of the reasons that are basically like, hey, they're demolishing a bill, the old hospital, the one that was filled with mold that they couldn't control. And so they decided just to blow it up.

It's happening this Saturday. You all want to go watch? Yeah, sure. We're going to go blow up Vol Memorial. Let's see what happens. Bring the kids. It's going to be great. Also, that's a domestic situation for you.

So my wife is out of town this weekend, so it's fine. This is my favorite thing that I asked you personally how you were doing. And you go, Penn State's been really impressive. This is why sports, this is why sports are so essential to the male emotional ecosystem because I can interpret. that if you go hey man you know Penn State's been dominant on both sides of the ball I'm like I got it there's a whole paragraph there and I just read it all you need to know ask ask ask me how I'm doing how are you how are you doing this week Spencer I have to say I'm very excited to see if Syracuse can continue the momentum of from its upset win over Clemson and go into

a game against Miami in Miami and if not beat Miami at least maintain a consistent growth curve right against a team that i don't think is as deep as clemson is overall they do have a functional quarterback that kind of helps wow sorry to hear that bro yeah i know i know she made it she made it i know she made it to 78 you know and um that part in the car needed to be replaced anyway but we're going to get through it you know get paid on friday it'll be fine jason how are you doing this week well fellas USC is playing notre dame and i couldn't be more excited about it that's code for if my wife left me oh man if there's by the way if there's any more serious say a indictment of your personal life it would be being really super interested in a Notre Dame football

game I also want to point out a few things here okay just some weirdness about Notre Dame because I think you might be you might be mistaken in thinking about how this team actually does what it does. Notre Dame, just to give you a full rundown, Notre Dame, they're a one lost team. Are they potentially a playoff team? Yeah, is that what they have to worry about? Yeah, they do.

They don't really have a conference to win. They just kind of do that thing where they go, we beat everyone we played. And they used to be okay in like 1930, but now it's not. Hmm, might be kind of a telling statement for how Notre Dame sort of evaluates everything. But still, but still, they hired a cruel ragtime era. Carney Barker, Brian Kelly is their coach, also kind of a 1920, 1930 thing to do.

They are 5 and 1. Definitely a vintage Notre Dame thing to do because they're good. I mean, they're a really good team. How have they been good? The answer may surprise you because I was sort of shocked looking, trying to come up with nightmare playoff scenarios because I think I've watched one and a half games of Notre Dame football. Gentlemen, are you hitting around the same for average? Yeah, that feels the Georgia game and a little bit of, I want to say, the UNC game,

there's probably one other smattering in there somewhere. Yeah, I doubt I've watched a whole 60 minutes of them. But, yeah. And that's healthy. I mean, there's no, there's no, based on who they've played so far, there's not a great reason to watch more of them, except because they're on NBC, the greatest college football sports channel of all. Well, they had yet to be on NBC, right? This weekend they're on NBC.

when everyone will be tuned in for four hours, ignoring Michigan Penn State pathetic. No one wants to see that. NBC content. So also on the throwback tip, I think that goes to their offense too, right? Correct, correct, because they've been playing really good defense, right? Like overall playing really good defense.

But offensively is the thing that sort of has surprised me because I thought, well, you know, they'll be balanced, right? And balanced, by that I mean actually balanced, right? About 50% run, maybe a little heavier, about 50% pass. O Contrere, friend, that is not what Notre Dame has been doing at all, in the least. Like, I was, I was shocked. They run the ball easily 60% of the time, maybe more depending on the game. And that only seems to be going up, by the way.

they started their lowest rushing total came against Georgia a game they lost by one point one 55 yards otherwise man they went for 515 against boston college then they've gone for 300 two games in a row so this is a very brutal ground-based attack that notre dame is putting forward they um they're averaging 28.5 passing attempts per game And that is interesting in context because you look and you're like, okay, well, who does, who does that sort of fall around? It's just a little bit ahead of Michigan. It's tied with Iowa, and it's just a little bit behind Vanderbilt and Michigan State. I think this goes along with what Spencer was saying.

The Notre Dame's plan is to trick the committee into thinking Notre Dame is actually in the Big Ten. 11 and one Big Ten team. Oh, I guess they won it. But what's interesting about it is there are two ways that you cannot throw the ball on. One is you just don't run that many plays. And the other one is to just run plays and just refuse to pass on them. Because that's the weird thing. Notre Dame has run as many plays this year as Oklahoma State.

They're tied exactly, 439 plays each run in six games. And one of them is just like, yeah, we're. not going to we're not going to throw the ball at all yeah not in the least and by the way like they're a top 12 team and i say top 12 because they're 12 so i enjoyed doing that that's like when you say man i'm the 37th best husband on this block well there's obvious that you're 37 right however top 12 team in terms of efficiency at number 12 and also according to bill c stats on football city hall a fine website that you should frequent if you're a nerd which you are kind of if you're listening to this podcast but not a disciplined one disciplined nerds

listen to podcast ain't played nobody uh undisciplined nerds who kind of just dabble and are dilettance uh that's us welcome you're already here but welcome i mean the good news is malik zaire is experiencing the exact same thing whether or not he left notre dame he's not throwing the football in games wow one bit also there's two interesting notes here that if they are to be, oh, yo, we got dogs. Listen, because you, because you talked about Notre Dame and you didn't talk about Georgia. That's why. Exactly.

Exactly. That whole time you're talking about Notre Dame's good rushing offense, you only mentioned once that Georgia held them below 100 yards. So, like, every Georgia fan was just, they're, like, gritting their teeth. Say the fuck. Say, say, see how few yards we all. Say it. Say it.

Say it. Put respect on our, put respect on our name and our, our golfing polo shirts that wick away moisture. Hey, hey, bad, bad. You only allowed 55 yards on the ground, and that polo looks fantastic. Moister wicking has a W in it, don't it? We're the dogs. We're coming.

We'll be five minutes early for our tea time. Expect us. Jason and I's King of the Hill about Georgia will be great because it will have no sympathy for the characters at all. So it's just squid billies with pants? it's just squid billies with preppies that's all it is like squid billies squid billies with dudes and crokeys that's all it's gonna be like oh a heartwarming a heartwarming but satirical look no you can take out of the heartwarming it only took us about 15 minutes for our preview podcast to talk about a team that's not a bye it was yeah it's an unsparing love letter to the state of well no no no it's a letter kind of had rice in it

the looking at Notre Dame schedule if you're trying to mock up how they end up with something like a playoff for a large bowl style prize at the end of the season the projections thus far

they have two games left that are either projected as losses or real real close like negligible margins that might as well be a toss-up that would be a game at Miami right which they are projected to lose per bill season number and a toss up at Stanford which I kind of dig that Stanford Notre Dame game because that's kind of the game that like we thought you'd get out of like Michigan Michigan State right you just get run the ball and then run the ball and then run the ball again and that's actually what you're going to end up getting here because they'll be able to run the ball successfully unlike Michigan, Michigan State, which was just kind of like watching two garbage trucks

headbutt in the middle of the street. Run the ball very short distance. Notre Dame Stanford has run the ball real far. It's like Forrest Gump versus Forrest Gump. Like Notre Dame so far has been Bryce Love, basically. Like they've been Midwest Bryce Love. So Notre Dame USC is going to be a game of importance for both teams. Both teams, I think, are on the periphery of the playoff hunt.

and not even that far outside of it, really. The game that easily takes the cake this week for, game we thought was going to be epic. Game before the season everybody circled as, whoa, look out when these two bad boys come together and is now like, oh, we can't, we can't, like, cancel. Louisville at Florida State. All those tickets

Revenge game. Yeah. Currently, according to ESPN's ticket widget thing, there are 2,000 plus tickets available for this game. Starting at $8.

It is more expensive in the noon time slot to go to Tulsa at Connecticut, Maryland at Wisconsin, Iowa at Northwestern, Purdue at Ruckers. Purdue at Ruckers, according again to this ticket widget that I don't know if it means anything,

costs five times as much to attend as Louisville, Florida State. Isn't that the one at Yankee Stadium or whatever? No. No, it's at High Point Solutions Stadium in Piscataway, New Jersey. Solutions. What's the, in Ruggers playing somebody? Oh, it's Maryland, right? They're playing Maryland and, yeah.

This is a podcast where we go through the future schedules of teams we don't care about. Seems fair. Yeah, they are playing that game in Yankee Stadium. That's sure, whatever. Fine. Whatever. So, yeah, we're going to get to watch that game in the noon slot and figure out who gets to just say, well, fuck it.

Season's done after. that. Can I a couple of crude statistical comparisons that I am very fond of. Louisville, averaging 38 points a game on offense. Woo! Florida State, averaging

18.2. 18.2 and running some of the fewest plays in the nation. Translated, Florida State's not going anywhere, and that not going anywhere, they're going a whole out of nowhere real slow. They are playing with the governor on they are playing with the restrictor plate nailed to another

restrictor plate they are trying to protect their extremely young quarterback blackman and let the defense carry the bulk of their 2017 season look at their record that's about how well that plan's gone honestly probably their best approach to but still whatever do you think um Louisville should try and trade coaches with Purdue like hey we'll give you we'll give you the mean Jeff Brom but we're taking that and we're taking the nice one. Wow. They could try it, but do you think there's like a Voigt camp test

to see if somebody's a patrino or not, right? Like, are you a replicant? Like if you shine it, like, yeah, his eyes don't actually, like, reflect light if you put a pen light in them. Well, I think it's more of like an emotional response test. So it's like, okay, you're in line at the grocery store and somebody ahead of you pulls out a checkbook

and he's like stab them in the spot between their ribs where you can just puncture their lung and you can't hear them screaming. They'll just bleed out. On the flip side, by the way, Florida State's defense,

you know, or Florida States, I'm sorry, their defense was 17 or their defense allowing about 20 a game, 20, okay? Now, what is Louisville allowing points? This is a real raw, number, right?

Not yards per play. It's not an efficiency rating. But where's Louisville's offense, just in terms of, you know, putting up weight in terms of allowing points? Just a guess. I don't want to play this game. Bad. That's right.

They're bad. It's 29 points. 29 points a game. 29.6. So in other words, this is going to be one of those very movable object, very resistable force kind of games. where, I don't know, that can get fun because it's just going to be a debacle. And no matter who loses, I win.

That's the most important thing to take out of this game. I'm going to be very happy because either Bobby Petrino loses or FSU loses. Yeah, this is. So, yeah, it's a must watch for me. This is kind of like watching a semi fight a biplane where you're like, I don't know how they're like, how are they even supposed to do anything against. They can't really stop each other. but they also can't really hurt each other.

This whole fight doesn't make sense. Also, are we like, and I ask the two of you this, and I ask it sincerely. Like, are we doing, are we doing Lamar Jackson, right? As a society, are we failing Lamar Jackson? No, no, I don't think so. I mean, look, he, he, this is what happens when you had a magical Heisman season, you're coming out party, you're still good the year following, but, it ends up being inconsequential because the rest of the team around you is not good enough to carry you to, I mean, realistically, Louisville has an excellent chance of finishing what, seven and five this year?

That's not out of the question at all. So I think the Lamar narrative has gone like, hey, we love him. Oh, he lost a couple of games. He's terrible. We hate him to, like, you know, hey, there's this guy. Lamar Jackson. I've just now heard about him. He's really good.

Now it's sort of like, this team's fucking awful. Get him out of here so he can go make money. Like, I don't even think it's like, well, he's got to hit this amount of yards to win the Heisman and all that. It's just like, okay, we've seen enough. He's awesome. His team is terrible. Just finish this season. If you want to skip the Independence ball, that's fine.

Just get the young man out of here. Yeah, it's sort of like having a neighbor who has a bunch of really cool swords. Like the first time you go over, you're like, damn there's a lot of swords and then the second time you're like all right well yeah this is a little weird and i don't know why you keep inviting me to see them they're still cool but i don't think i'm comfortable in this situation all right because i would just i feel like i feel like it's very odd to have somebody who this year will have a easily like if he continues producing at this pace right he's played seven games and he's already got like almost 700 yards rushing

got over 3,000 he's going to have over 3,000 yards passing if he sort of even sort of keeps at this this pace right because he's already at like 2,300 passing yards through this many games if he stays upright he's going to have another 3,000 1,000 season those are those are super rare super rare just for one player right and he's going to have two of those seasons which is insane to me you're not wrong it's just it's veering into like when the big 12 or the pack 12 has some player who's putting up crazy numbers but the team itself is not like people just can't get that hype for you know like oh connor halliday putting up a shit like okay is the team that good? I don't know if I care

that much. It's an unfortunate like side effect of the results based thing but it's mostly that it's mostly that they flip the order. If this, if Lamar had done this last year and then this year was the

oh Louisville's good and is contending and is like taking Clemson down to the wire and not losing to Boston College I think it flows a lot easier. yeah and but like you're joining like it is fun if you go over that list of people by the way there's only one who's had the 4,000 1,000 right only one player has had the 4,000 yards passing

with a thousand yards rushing which is Deshawn Watson and that was 2015 uh that was 2000 Yeah, 2015 through 16. Yeah. And was an astonishing season, right? And, of course, immediately signaled to everyone in the NFL that he was a born third stringer. We don't get to gloat about that very often. We will take it. That's fine.

We were right about Deshawn Watson. What about other quarterbacks? Never mind. We're wrong to lie, okay? We know that we're wrong to a lot. I've never heard of these other so-called other quarterbacks. Man, somebody tried to tell me, somebody tried to tell me earlier this week. I was, you know, I was doing the weekly, like, brag about Deshawn Watson thing, and they're like, well, yeah, well, you guys, you guys said Jake Locker would be good.

Who the fuck said Jake Locker would be good? They'll put that shit on us. We were calling that dude overhyped three years before he got drafted. Not, not no, hey, y'all, y'all, you got to draft this dude who lost to fucking Cal or whatever. Nobody said that. Nobody said that. This is probably where I should admit that there was a week back then where I, Jake Locker gave me to. hundred dollars and I let him record an episode of the full cast by himself playing all

three and he did talk up jake locker a lot also we're on wax jordan lynch is ready to break through just any year now it's gonna happen kellen more kellen more soon as he get soon as he takes the reins of the uh cowboys or whoever hey uh i got to pull of mac brown my line's breaking up but i just want to leave y'all with this mental image real quick bobby petrino trying to smile while standing next to Purdue Pete. Oh, my God. Am you? Did he really pull a Mac?

I think he did, yeah. That's cool. We'll see if we can get him back. Like in for future episodes? I don't know. He might be done. We might have just had the last Jason appearance. And then I'll quit.

And then you'll have to do this by yourself. Welcome. I'm going to call it the right time. I'll just welcome myself. Welcome. For the right time, with Spencer Hall. I'll put it on iTunes and market it right, right? With Spencer Hall, not Bomani Jones.

Any given full cast with Spencer Hall. Any, this is the Bill Simmons podcast, and we're going to talk about the Boston Red Sox and make a list today. Yes. The Mount Rushmore of Red Sox, number one, Troy O'Leary, number two, Roger Clemens. Number three, Tom Brady. I mean, when you look at, when you look at, when you look, Look at, by the way, quarterbacks who've done that just to show you how rare that is for it to happen once, if not only twice. These are people who did it once, right?

You got Jordan Lynch, right? Jordan Lynch, playing in the Mac for N IU. I know. But man, that's my favorite because that, like, he almost, he almost ran for 2,000 yards. He ran for 1,944 yards. Like, retroactively, can we just give him 56 so he can have the 3-2? I'd love that. Like, Kellyn Moore, the mention Kellynne Moore, I'm sure Kellynne Moore probably has like 60 rushing yards total career.

Seed them to Jordan Lynch. You're done. You're sitting on a bench in the pros. Those yards aren't going to do you any good. Give them to Jordan Lynch so he can have like a unique record all to himself. The other, go ahead. I learned something new about Mount Rushmore while you were talking. The sculptor, the sculptor who was in charge of the project.

The first attempt with the face of Thomas Jefferson. it didn't work out well so they blew it up after two years they started over so he blew up Jefferson did he blew up Thomas Jefferson should we do some should we do some charity reads while we're here yeah I would love to do a charity read please go right ahead I am this to bring you up to speed this is our payback for readers giving and giving well to charities listed by us. Ryan was big in putting this together, charities that assist

the stricken and those hit hard by recent hurricanes, natural disasters in, you know, Puerto Rico, Houston, Florida, etc. The request that I am fulfilling here is for

Reader James. James wants me to insult Nebraska. He didn't not specify the state or the school. So you can, I feel that it is fair game for you to choose either or both. I was going to say, can I hit both? Absolutely.

I will never limit you. Okay. There we go. I'm just going to give this to you. One, Nebraska, pick one. Do you want to know why I don't like you, Nebraska? You want to know why you're not worthy? You want to know why you deserve to be insulted?

Don't even have a proper shape. You're a Midwestern state with a Western edge. Pick a, pick, like, an inexact, inexact geometric shape, right? Or pick some sort of wobbly, block-headed-looking thing like Iowa, all right? Just, just pick one. Instead, you're this kind of like jagged amalgamation. You allow Colorado to just, like, just jut into you. That's it.

That's Nebraska, standing there. You allow Colorado to shoulder you and bump you in perpetuity. Nebraska looks like if you ask ask a four-year-old to draw a gun, this is what you'd get. Yeah, it is. It's a four-year-old's gun. The five-year-old's gun is Idaho mounted on its back. The four-year-old's gun, that's Nebraska, all right? And like a four-year-old's gun, it really doesn't understand being potent, loaded,

or having anything to affect the world at. What do you give to the world, Nebraska? What do you give to you? Let's see. You have no landmarks. What's a landmark? in Nebraska. You got a river. Cool. That's one more thing that can kill you in a boring way.

Your natural disasters aren't even interesting. A flood. That's what we've got. Sometimes it gets real dry. They happen slowly. And I know that's your preferred method of living. Because otherwise, you wouldn't have stuck with the triple option as long as you did. Remember, the triple option's cool now.

Now it's something kind of retro. Now you can roll out the wishbone or roll out the triple option and people go, ooh, man, that's cute. It's almost tweed. That's retro offense. You did it into the 90s. That's like the mustache. The mustache enjoyed this kind of like cultural cycle of relevance, irrelevance, and then coming back around again.

It wasn't actually cool to have a mustache in the 90s. It wasn't. And neither was the option, all right? And even then, frankly, we prefer Colorado's version pitching like 70 yards down the field, not relying on, I don't know, what the most storied recent play in your history. You asked Nebraska. They won 10 games for like 20 years straight under Tom Osborne. You go, what were the most memorable moments in the history of Nebraska?

Okay, one, you had a player kick a ball. So you have to steal, you have to steal soccer and work it into football to make your history interesting. Two, going for a failed two-point conversion. All right? Let's see, glorifying a loss in the past. Why don't you belong to the SEC? Because that's, that's some SEC stuff right there. and like, you know, we lost, but

historically, that's the SEC's bit, and not just in football. Additionally, you have the most boring great coach ever in Tom Osborne. All right, and you know what? He doesn't have to be boring. He doesn't. He hit a gun for a player.

Let's not forget that. Kevin Steele, he had a gun in the locker, in the safe, in his office. After the player allegedly used it in a robbery. I mean, seriously. That's absolutely insane. Name anyone else from Nebraska.

Name anyone else. What was invented there? Kool-Aid. Kool-Aid, yeah. Jetskis are manufactured there, which just seems cruel. Yeah. Oh, wait. Nebraska has one other point of distinction.

A unicameral legislature. How lazy. How lazy that you just said, oh, I know everybody else has a, you know, a Senate and a house but can we just have one you have the open concept of legislatures it just has more flow this way the bathroom doesn't have a door it creates a more homie feeling we all just get in here and we legislate together also everything smells like poop you were going to have two and then you ran out of money that that's what that says to me right for instance also uh that that has

One chamber, right? One chamber. One big old kind of sloppy room, which is kind of like your stadium. Where what? What do you do? What do you do to celebrate at Nebraska? Ryan? Balloons?

Isn't it the balloon thing? That is correct. That is correct. Husser balloons! Which like, I mean, great timing with it, y'all. Great timing. First of all, you release red balloons. Okay.

But like Pennywise, Nebraska only surfaces like every 33 years or whatever it is. That's right. That's right. And has been in a sewer the entire time. Right. You'll float too, Nebraska. You'll float too. Yeah.

Also, like this was something people again stopped doing in the 80s, right? Like that was the big thing was, oh, we'll get together, release a bunch of balloons instead of. a, what's that a national record or a world record for a number of balloons released? And you do that after your first touchdown, all right? You know what, philosophically, why are you celebrating a first touchdown? You celebrate the fifth son. That's something Tom Osborne would have done because he was like Mr. Midwestern Humble. Oh, you know, I just coach football and do my thing.

No, he wasn't. He was absolutely annihilating people for like 10 years straight. Like a serial killer. I watched his team break Florida open. Most impressive football game I have ever seen by a team in my life. Just, oh, shucks, I'm not going to do it. But bullshit!

Savages! Absolute savages who want me to just excuse that under the name of civility. At least the Miami Hurricanes had the decency to dance and tell you that they were going to make you smell it. No, no. You insisted on doing that. Well, you know, we just try to play one game at a time.

No, you don't. You lined up five wide. Five wide. and passed when you were up by like 28 in that game and I liked it I just don't like that you didn't admit that you liked it I need an honest foe to destroy me Nebraska and fortunately I don't have to worry about that from you because the last time that happened was 1997 and it's pretty much been all downhill since what's really unfortunate is that like so much 90s shit is back right now like you can you can go on eBay and see an obscene price being

fetch for like, hey, this is a, you know, REM shirt, a concert shirt from 1992, or, you know, oh, look, it's a space jam jersey, authentic from the time. Fanny packs are a thing again. A lot of the 90s are just like slowly creeping back. Nebraska, you are not part of that. You are not. I'm sorry. Yeah, I think we fulfilled James's request there. One more thing. When you go over. the list of people who are from Nebraska, there's something they all have in common. They don't live there now. None of them.

Absolutely none of them. They don't claim it. You know who's from Nebraska? Larry the cable guy. You know where he lives? I don't care. Is he really? Yeah, he's from Nebraska.

That's my favorite thing. Speaking of putting on errors. Larry the cable guy. Ooh, get her done. Mr. Southern. From Nebraska. How old do you think he is? well I just looked it up so I'm going to spoil your phone okay

yeah how old did you think he was I was going to say 43 I was gonna go like 48 I didn't think he was quite 50 yeah reader listener he is he is 54 and yeah he was raised on a pig farm he went to high school in West Palm Florida where I'm sure where I'm sure he had his fine imitation southern accent honed full credit to a full credit to Larry the cable guy though he is mater my kids like mater I can't take that away made's great I'm not like I can't there I'm ending my Nebraska thing by being like here's one all right here's two good things that came out

of the state of Nebraska okay one uh let's see trying to think of the football one that I had I'm just getting like I really enjoyed watching uh Scott Frost play quarterback because he looks like a frost giant like literally he looks like a Nordic Frost giant playing quarterback too I really enjoy the work

of Larry the cable guy as mater and as mater only and if I only like you when you're a cartoon it's not a good sign man I can't let you finish before we note that Eric Crouch deprived us of the opportunity for a lot of videos to circulate

of Rex Grossman doing cocaine off the Heisman trophy. And now I'm bitter about something else. Do you have another charity read, Ryan? Yes, we've got a few to get through here. Some of them were going to be Jason's, but they're not anymore. Let's get this one from Seth. Seth Rosenthal looks very nice today, very smooth. I think maybe he's using a new moisturizer.

He's not listening to this podcast, so can someone let him know I said this? Yes, please. listeners, just hop on Twitter, go to at Seth underscore Rosenthal, and just tweeted him and let him know that he looks very nice today and very smooth. And this won't be weird at all because he asked for that to happen because you're someone and now you're letting him know. Josh also sent us in this note, he was changing his toddler's diaper the other night and realized what horror it would be to have a child in diapers and a place without. running water. That's before considering the homelessness, the disease, the prospect of there being no food or drinking water, let alone affording it. Josh says, what makes me a shitheaded is it took the opportunity to give us clerical work for him to donate. As we said,

the whole point of this podcast is for everyone to feel bad about themselves. So it's okay that you felt bad about the fact that only making us feel bad got you to donate to charity. And that's Fine. That's cool. Because, yeah, I mean, I assume, Spencer, that you have had to change a diaper in a non-diaper-friendly location, maybe like a bathroom that didn't have a changing table or the middle of an airport or God knows where, right? Correct. It sucks. It's terrible. And all you want is just like, I just wish I had a dedicated space to do that. now imagine having to do that in a natural disaster zone that yeah it's not with like like yeah no it's not happening it's a bad moment it's an extremely bad moment like it's a bad moment when you have to change it in a place that doesn't have a koala care right changing table or in there

or the koala care is fucked up in some way if it's yeah like if it's if it's if it's five degrees below parallel. My kids just sort of sliding off and giggling. Yeah, that's great. That's awesome. Maybe you have those children who sort of half rolled off that and thought it was something scary. Nope. I had those kids who were like, we, death. Yeah, and you're trying to hold that and a poopy diaper at the same time. It's not multitasking at its finest. So thank you for your donation, Josh. Yeah, because lots of things can be put on hold in the wake of a hurricane. School, gets canceled, people like don't go to work. Things get rearranged. Babies still poop. Babies still poop so much. So, so much. Yeah, there's not, there's no, there's no mathematical

or spatial relation between, ship between how much substance comes out of a child and the size of said substance. No, no. There's none. No, it's, it's math and physics greatest conundrum. I think that's what CERN is actually researching this whole time. We have some shoutouts to Jeremy Jeffers, Jake Goughman, Justin Beattie, and Givorski Lanes, all J's this week. We have two more reads to do because you all are exceedingly generous. I'm going to do one more before we get to the last one from Spencer and me. This is from Ben.

Hurricanes suck. That's why UVA closed down the Orange Bowl by beating the Miami Hurricanes 48-0 in 2007. Yep, that was the final score. The Rock was there. This ad is brought to you by Dan, Zach Walker, and Ben Go-Hoo's. I don't remember if this was in our big 2007 package. Do you? I do not believe it was, which says a lot about the vast amount of weird football that happened in 2007.

Right. This was the number 19 Virginia Cavaliers getting their ninth win over unranked Miami, which because of this game at the time. dropped to 5 and 5, 2 and 4 in conference play. And this was the last game of 70 years of Miami football at the Orange Bowl, which if you didn't get to go to, you should feel a very strong mixture of pride and safety and sadness. And Miami got absolutely cooked in this game. It was the worst Miami blowout in Orange Bowl history.

They had a bunch of former players on the sideline. to commemorate the game. And in the recap from the Associated Press, this is what appears near the end. By the end, only one bright spot remained. University officials made a public plea in the days before the game, asking fans not to rush the field in hopes of collecting some souvenir turf and enlisted the help of 300 Miami police officers to maintain order. No one tried it as the clock ran out.

Of course, most everyone was gone by then, not around to see an 85-yard, thanks for the memories banner, get unfurled on the field as white confetti shot into the sky. There's nothing worse than having, like, festivities planned when you're also getting that ass whooped. Because you can't just say, like, oh, God, I guess we just shouldn't do it. You have to. You can't delay it. You can't do it another day. You paid for the banner. You paid for the confetti.

You paid 300 cops to be there to stop what were probably 1,400 people from not rushing the field. Oh, this is why you shouldn't make plans. That's what I'm saying. Ever. Don't ever, ever make plans. It's very simple, by the way, why they got shut out in their last game. They weren't a out of points. That's it.

Out of points. Should we do our last charity read before we resume our seven? breakdown of week eight yeah it's gonna be a we gotta dig deep for this one man okay okay all right we'll make it we'll make it short all right but we're gonna do it and this charity read is the things we'll do pay you back for your generosity they know no limit because this is from dan and can i get you guys to improvise a short scene in which jeff sessions arrests brady hope all right so let's talk this through a little bit here what is um what is brady hoke being arrested for well i think i think brady brady hoke is going to be arrested for uh suspicion of marijuana

use due to uh carrying around a uh i believe you refer to it as a bucket hat full of lukewarm hot talks I assume you have to have a warrant For this arrest And per the song The warrant has to come with Cherry Pie So I accept this arrest under those terms And those terms only I do not believe those are legal terms

I've never heard of those terms Sir Your wrists are beefy So these restraints These handcuffs we will have to use Zip Ties on them Due to the extreme size of the wrist

of the wrist that's what that's what we're gonna have to do you're a very sweaty man has anyone ever remarked on that I'd like to request my my phone call now except I'm not comfortable with headsets

so I'm just gonna yell and you're gonna dictate for me if that's okay I don't take dictation I don't really remember meetings or dates all that well I have to confess it's not a strength

of mine, if that's something you need me to do, if you remember anything that is contrary to my testimony, then I will have to confess that I am confused on the terms, and I'm only human like everybody else. Now, please, if you would just offer up these large, beefy, one might say, tree-like wrists, and please put them in here. Additionally, I will be taken whatever contributions you have received from the University of Tennessee for your services. I believe those would be what this year? It's interesting that you're pinning my hands behind my back because that's sort of going to be our approach for the Alabama game.

Can't get called for defensive holding if you just keep your hands straight back and run backwards as if you didn't have arms at all. I call it the bowling pin defense and it's great. also we're only going to have 10 men on the field much like bowling pins i haven't thought this through what i love a metaphor i would also suggest that you plead the amendment that corresponds to your place in the cc east seventh fifth no it'd be fifth seventh amendment that's the one that says you're not allowed to let soldiers live with me right oh god i think that's good and that was brady hogue being arrested by Jeff Sessions.

The fine piece of improv theater. Well done. Yeah, a lot of yes and then, which is also what I expect will be happening in the Alabama Tennessee game. Alabama will pick up 12 yards of offense on a play and Tennessee will go yes and 18 more

yes and a missed tackle. Yes, and we'll thumble the kickoff. Yes, and it's good. Tennessee a very game improv partner. Not a bad football team. game improv partner. Bridget, the key is never saying no, just like the Tennessee defense. Just keep going, man.

What else, what else looks sneaky good on the schedule to you this week? I think there's a lot of sneaky good. I'm very optimistic about this week. I think season sort of hit its stride. Not a whole lot of chaff in here. I think Memphis Houston's fun. That's your Thursday night game. That's nothing but fun.

You know why? Doesn't matter to me personally. It doesn't matter you personally. Right? Two teams that can, you know, from time to time in Houston's case and all the time in Memphis's case, go. It's going to be a lot of back and forth. It's going to be a lot of mistakes. Yeah.

Your team is exactly perfect. Houston coming off like one of the quietly most bizarre losses. They'd only lost one game coming into last week and that was a close loss to a Texas tech team that looks good. And then they went out and lost to one in five Tulsa, 45, 17. like yeah that's weird i have no further comment but it is weird no i think that's weird that's all the comment you really need on it also i'm pretty sure that that result will have nothing to do with what you see memphis do there at houston because week to week uh not a whole lot of consistency from either team at all like it's just not it's not something that the consistency ain't something

that uh houston's doing and memphis can be convinced to have some extremely inconsistent streaks in there. So also, you're going to point out, as always, there's a tight end named Magnifico on Memphis. In case you need a completely arbitrary but still fascinating reason. Riley Ferguson, having a great year of quarterback. They have a tied in name Magnifico.

Of course he does, because everything in Memphis is wrestling. Everything. Other things I think are interesting this week, fascinating to me, Oklahoma State, Texas. I just want to see how Texas weather's that, right? Like this is this is this is a learning year for Texas I think it's ridiculous to expect Tom Herman And everyone there to get it all together

But you want them to look good in November It's not quite November yet This could be very interesting It could also be very painful Either way I get to watch Oklahoma State go off And that's the thing of joy This is also a good time for us to plug Bill Connolly's really interesting look

at Mike Gundy And sort of the surrounding that have built that Oklahoma State team in the last, you know, almost 15 years we're coming up on. And it's really interesting to look at that article and what stuck out to me was Gundy saying, you know, part of why this worked is that I got to my second contract and always sort of had administrative support throughout the first one. I was sort of allowed to build with a vision for the future and not have to.

to make a bunch of quick fixes like taking a bunch of juco guys or, you know, transfers or things that might have helped Oklahoma State in the short term, but would probably undermine long-term success. Is that an important thing to remember if you're a Texas fan experiencing a, I will say, medium feelings year under Tom Herman? Yes. Yes, it is. Patience is a virtue, especially when you have a first-year coach who has some work to do. Yeah, also you can read Bill C's piece as a fascinating addendum, which has these sort of whole quotes in there. You want to look at it. My favorite of these is when Gundy is discussing basically what it was like when he was there.

When he was at Oklahoma State, they played Oklahoma, as they always do, in the Bedlam game. And in that rivalry game, he put Brian Bosworth in front of him because Brian Bosworth wrote Mike Gundy's name on his shoes. That's what you need to know about Brian Bosworth and where he was at a particular point in history as a college linebacker, wrote his name on it, wrote the other quarterback's name, wrote the quarterback's name on his shoes. And Bill asked, one of the stories I found in the Daily Oklahoma's archive was your first game in Norman. Brian Bosworth put your name on his shoes and spent a lot of time trying to intimidate you. Mike Gundy. Oz was trying to do the intimidation deal.

I wasn't smart enough to be scared of him. I was just playing. I thought it was kind of funny. It was kind of neat because he was a folk hero. Everybody loved him. He was essentially roided out of his head, but he was a folk hero. You want to kill me?

That's flattering. Also, in case you wonder if Mike Gundy is aware that he's quietly been one of the most innovative people in terms of how a football program has run, both in terms of limiting... contact at practices, keeping those practices short, running spread offenses, tempo offenses, finding people like Dana Holgerson and like Yerichich, and I believe, oh gosh, the other offensive coordinator's name is Casey.

I think Larry Fedora was offensive coordinator there for a time in finding all of these people and being just kind of, you know, an innovative sort of dude quietly. Yeah, he's aware. He would like you to be more aware. I love that. And he's like, yeah, I'm real smart. Don't tell anybody because I like him to think I'm not smart out here in Stillwater. It's a fascinating piece.

Excellent work, Bill. Very happy with it. What interests you on this schedule? Well, LSU at Ole Miss, for sure, because LSU has bounced back very nicely from the home loss to Troy, beating Florida on the road, taking down Auburn and a big comeback at home. And now we're sort of back to that emotional swing. Like, oh, the coach who figured it out. He figured out that the chest piece has got to go on the board and you're not trying to hammer him through the board as fast as you can.

Ed really just decided to twist the old Miss knife this week. And that's great. That's a wonderful. It's fine that he did, but it's always an interesting choice right before a road game. Yeah, mentioning that even when he was Old Miss, he wanted to be the LSU coach. Yeah, I mean, if you got married, got divorced, and married somebody, else. I don't know that you would necessarily call the first wife and say, yeah, you know, I was always thinking about Suzanne. Every day of our marriage, I was just wondering what Suzanne was up

to, just checking around on the Facebooks, seeing, seeing what she was doing, what she like, what she didn't like, what kind of movie she enjoy. We had some good times, but they were only good because in my mind I was having him with Suzanne. And that's exactly what Ed O's your aunt did this week. So, and Old Miss is so shattered that they can barely respond to it. They're like, I mean, whatever, dude, whatever. We got our own, we got our own issue. I'm also interested in South Florida at Tulane, not because Tulane is particularly interesting in football this year.

They're three and three. They beat Army. They beat that Tulsa team, whatever. They're not terrible. They're not great. But they have embraced Wave Chappelle so hard. There's a picture that I manually retweeted of, I think, like, a homecoming float of their giant anthropomorphic wave mascot that I just love it so hard. That they find, somebody finally decided like, no, let's not try to just go with a stylized letter or some alternative mascot.

He just said, nope, we're going to, it's a wave. We're going to make a wave, and he's angry as hell is at you. And he's holding a megaphone for some reason. Where are the wave's vocal cords? Don't worry about it. We'll do the anatomy later. Actually, if one of our listeners wants to do, you've seen, I assume you've seen the hamburger helper anatomies that have been floating around this week.

You want to do a wave? Yeah, if somebody can show me what the internal anatomy of the Tulane wave looks like. of Wave Chappelle, that'd be greatly appreciated. Thank you ahead of time. Other fascinating things on the schedule that have nothing to do with coming up with fantasy at enemies for mascots or maybe they do

and that noon slot just things to take a flyer on it's not it's not nationally important game but unlike nationally important games it could actually be entertaining that would be Iowa State playing Texas Tech in Lubbock

two four and two teams in the big 12 both of them have super potent offenses you got joel landing who knows what position jol landing will play this week long snark starts on offense small forward he's going to tee off on 10 shotgun start that's what we're doing he's going to do all the things yeah joll landing guess what he's going to run like a 50k in the middle of the game they're just going to just going to have him jog 25 out 25 back he's everywhere man and texas tech ridiculously fun team also coming off of a game where they blew a massive 18 point lead against west virginia west virginia by the way this week also i think playing something fairly interesting if you're into

watching uh teams that you know can score a lot of points i am mostly for fantasy fulfillment uh they're going to be playing waco do you want to watch baler lose by a lot you should watch west virginia play at baylor right now will greer will greer is on fire and in the second half he's an inferno all unto himself this also in the in the early slot you could watch virginia get bowl eligible um it's still october to refresh everyone's memory in the last nine seasons of virginia football do you know how many bowls uh the who's have been to two one one if you stretch it to 10 yes you get you get a second bowl game in there so this is a team that making a bowl game at all is frequently um an impossible object to surmount they there are a bunch

of years in here where they go four and eight five and seven close but no cigar the idea of that bronco mendon hall in year two a team that went two and ten last year and didn't look great in a lot of those games, that they could be six and one, bowl eligible, and still have maybe one or two other winnable games on the schedule. So you could be talking about seven win, eight win, Virginia in year two. That's like, I know Virginia is not a very sexy team right now or a very interesting team from like a national level. But that's a wildly impressive turnaround. wildly impressive. Yeah, yeah.

And Bronco Mendehal operate in a place where honestly wasn't that familiar with anything, right? Kind of like Rich Rod Arizona. Bronco just kind of showed up like, oh, hey, it's a place with the buildings and stuff. Let's learn what it does. On the other. Two for this to be happening? Oh, yeah. That's impressive.

On the other hand, this could be the week where Arkansas, not officially, not mathematically, but almost is out of bull eligibility. they got to play an Auburn team that is probably going to be pretty pissed probably going to be pretty fired up and eager to show that the LSU game was the exception and not the rule

and if they lose this they'll drop to two and five. Hey, uh, just coach Balaima here. Just want to check in on one thing. As long as you got lungs, good attitude and keep your eyes toward jaw, you're always bowl eligible.

Am I right, bro?