Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 7.35 - Be The Most Alan You Can Be

Episode Date: October 26, 2017

What kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to be a Georgia fan, convinced that no matter how much logic and skill favor you, you still won't beat Florida, awash in irrational doubt and fear? Do you want to be a TCU fan, confident that you'll avoid the mistakes Oklahoma made against Iowa State, and maybe overlooking danger in your future? Do you want to be a UNC well no don't do that, that's a bad idea. Be an Arizona or Arizona State fan instead. Better yet: BE AN ALAN. Alans are fun, often at the expense of their own safety and the happiness of those around them. Alans are self-destructive but know there's no other way. No, not all Alans are LSU fans. But all LSU fans are Alans. This is just science. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. It's an express edition today. It's the Chili's 2, the airport edition, that you can just digest real quickly. Nothing's happened this week in life, and especially not in sports media. So why don't we just move on to discussing... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Jute, why? How would...

I have... Listen, I know this isn't public information yet, but I've had some very promising discussions without back Steakhouse. How is that not sports media and life? we're going to lose you and you're going to become like if larry culpepper wasn't lame and wore a gigantic fried onion costume so go ahead no no no go ahead tell us the story about how you're going to overshadow us all and leave us go ahead but you know how this story ends right i'll be so i'll be so i'll be so like the hubris will be so inflated at that point that i'll be like i am a i am a crispy golden god none can touch me and i'll think that The onion costume shields me from bullets, and the Secret Service is going to kill me. I mean, that's kind of an awesome way to go. Thank you. Or this.

I want this. I want somebody to actually, in the middle of an assassination attempt happens, okay? Down the road, I want you to get a good long run in this. Okay. This is when President Dwayne the Rock Johnson takes office in three years, right? So, or two. Right. Maybe next week.

Whatever. And so when President Dwayne the Rock Johnson is under threat, right? Because President Dwayne the Rock Johnson in the movie, he will play himself even though he was already president. Because it's all leading up to a series of movies where he is president after being president, right? Right, right. So the thing is that the bullet flies out of the gun, right? And you in the Blooming Onion costume leap in front of him, right? I end the line of fire.

In the line of friar. That's what we'll call it. In the line of friar. Yes. Yes. In the line of friar. Parts one, two, and three. Because we think you're dead at the first one, right?

But then the rock, who's also a surgeon in addition to being president. Sure. Dr. President, Dr. President, Dwayne the Rock Johnson. That seems like a reasonable title to me. Mm-hmm. Yep.

Other than that, no. Nothing happened in the world of sports media or real life. So we can just advance to this, which I think is the most important news. We did, I wanted to share this with you because we have some people who've been reading us for a long time. And by us, I mean, EDSBS, the EDSBS hive, people who are in the commentariat and who have followed us to multiple locations. This week, we did an analysis of, if you've not seen it, an outstanding photo, Pulitzer worthy. And I'm not joking. It's composed like a master's painting, right?

Of fans when Rishon Golden of Tennessee flips the double birds to the stands in Bryant-Denny Stadium, thus becoming, I think, the best Tennessee football player of all time. By doing that? Yeah. Yeah, I can't. I mean, maybe a Colquit gets in there. But he's neck and neck with a Colquit. Well, surely they have a Heisman winner who could take that claim, though.

No, Eric Barry did not win the Heisman, strangely enough. I know. It's one of the great crimes. So there's this gorgeous photo, right, of Rishon Golden. And he's flipping off the birds. And there's just this panoply of Tennessee, Alabama, humanity, who we broke down under personality types. Now, one of those types, and if you live anywhere, I think you can adjust this regionally, right, is the Allen. The Allen is the man who's always up for a good time, even when it's a bad idea.

Maybe especially when it's a bad idea, because that's a really easy way of saying that he might be on probation for something involving a good time. The list of things that an Allen might be, we included that he financed probably at one point in life's financed a pontoon boat, right? Yeah. He's probably been married for less than 10 days. Yep. He's woke up from a night of drinking with a strange dog chewing holes in his drywall. Which is based, by the way, on a real guy I know in Gainesville, Florida, who in Gainesville, he was walking home from work and a nice dog, and he went to the bar where he walked, and then he walked home from the bar. These were not short distances, by the way, and not on like roads with sidewalks.

That's just kind of how this dude lived. And this pit bull kept started following him home, and he thought first like, oh, man, this dog's going to kick my ass. And then the dog turned out to be friendly, and he was really drunk. So he's like, why don't you come in and like, you know, you can just nuggle up with me? He did that. And the dog went to sleep next to him. And when he woke up, the pit bull having an outstanding survival instinct and wanting to be free, as we all do, at least the latter. The pit bull was chewing holes in his trailer.

It was trying to chew a hole out of the way of the trailer where this guy lived. That's an Allen. Yeah. Yeah. And Alan, somebody who buys fire. for an inappropriate firework event, be like, hey, come to my baby's christening. And Alan shows up being like, oh, it was on discount. The big, the big sploder pack was only $70, normally 109. That's an Alan. Is your man in 2017 still upset that he lost a knife to TSA, even though you haven't been able to bring a knife anywhere near TSA checkpoint in damn near 16 years? Yeah, that's an Allen. Okay. did you really like that guy your sister was dating but you also understand why your sister really had to stop dating him yeah that's an alan okay allens are there for a good time alan by the way in this photo of rashan golden flipping off the crowd is the man who is extending a big bold thumbs up all right back to the double fingers in a tennessee shirt going yeah man yeah the only way this could have been cooler is if alan in this photo the guy we're calling alan was wearing an alabama

shirt like if he saw that and was like respect bro like bring it like i like if you're a michigan fan who saw um oh my gosh his last name is hall ale is it alex hall the offensive or the lineman who uh when he was booted from marcus hall when marcus hall from ohio state shot the double birds at the big house on the way out from being ejected which by the way is the only better way to do it right like you can do it mid game and like get flagged for it But, man, Marcus Hall, Marcus Hall did it on the way out after getting ejected for an unsportsman-like. That's the only way you could have done this better. Anyway, if you gave him the thumbs up on the way out of the big house, congrats.

You're a chaos buddy. You're definitely the Allen of this crew. This is a long way of saying that we got a good Allen story that I want to kick this off before we get in a preview. All right. It's from Anthropo-anthropal-anthropal. actually said that out loud because it's a Twitter handle. Yeah, most Twitter handles and commenter names are unpronounceable in English human language. Long time reader, she was responding to a fellow EDSBS hive member, Holly Anderson,

in the, you're an Allen, and she, anthropoligal said, oh, I have dated an Allen. The car and bass boat examples were combined into an actual story from his life. there's much curiosity about this so she goes on the factual request appeals to me so here it is thread five or so years ago

I reconnected with a guy from high school on social media it was weird in high school but seemed more even keeled now shrug emoji so you know it's going good places seemed more even killed sure also I didn't know in high school

his family had had more money than God. Thread continues. He was basically working for his parents, but also had a trust fund payment every month. Therefore, he had more money than cents. This is already going so many good places. He loves cars.

So when the fifth generation Camaro came out, he bought one. Ricky Bobby, it him. Apparently, he and his buddy had a few beers. This is included in the tweet and this part point in the thread with Ricky Bobby going, I want to go fast! And I'm pretty sure Adair was involved,

but he was speeding on the freeway in Houston and somehow launched the car off and overpass where this brand new piece of fine American craftsmanship, just kidding, but still it was a new car, landed in Buffalo Bayou. Are either of you, Are either of you familiar with the geography of Houston

or familiar enough to know where this happened? Not as well as you are, I suspect. Yeah, no. It ain't isolated. It's not isolated at all. It's in the middle of Houston. It wasn't like he was just out there in the hinterlands, ripping some donuts and trying to drift.

No, this is like surrounded by skyscrapers, all right? That's good. That's that good. Grand Theft Auto shit. It gets better. Apparently they escaped unharmed. But because of the beers, they didn't want to go to jail. And apparently

no witnesses stopped to check. Y'all, they abandoned the car in the bayou. He left a goddamn brand new car in the bayou. Alan exists, and I dated him. These are facts. Hashtag Not Proud. Hey, y'all go find that car. If you're listening,

go find that car. Take a take a photo with it, hashtag it, found Alan's car, and send it to us, and you'll win a prize. That's right. Or you can keep the car, honestly. It sounds like. The prize will be Alan's Camaro. I have one objection to how you told this story, and that's that you called Holly a hive member, when she's clearly the hive queen. And I mean that mostly in the sense that she would not hesitate to rip off our heads and eat our innards if need be. Or that she could just leave the nest and establish an entirely new hive if she was like, y'all ain't shit?

Well, on that note, welcome Jane Koston to Vox.com. Again, like Devo, we're just going to infiltrate media quietly and silently. Good Devo reference. That's actually true. Like Devo, like all of their people make music for other shows now, and they include little like tags and secret like audio hints that it's Evo. Yeah, so like it's the dark mark of Mark Mothersball, which

is a phrase I guarantee you will not hear on any other college football podcast. You don't want to talk about the week now that we got now we've got all of that interesting stuff out of the way. Yes, I'm going to let Jason pick the first game that we're going to talk about. Well, we're going to skip

Thursday. Always skip Thursday. Never discussed Thursday. Friday Florida State is playing. Yeah, that's the one. That's the one. Florida State is playing the offensive juggernaut at Boston College. Steve Adazio has gotten a taste of points, and he is just going to keep firing that needle right into his big, beefy arm. The man is just juiced up on points right now. How are we ever going to get him to come down? We're not. y'all

um i know you're joking about this um i know who i'm picking in this game and it's not and it's not florida state god well the question here is can florida state score 40 points and i i don't even mean

against this defense or this week or um with with a few big i just mean literally can florida state score 40 points. Yeah, because they couldn't, they couldn't really get it rolling against a bad Louisville defense. Like, 28 points is fine, but you look at them and you're like, okay, four yards of carry, two interceptions when they threw the ball. They're also without one of their starting running backs, who's out for the year, right? Yeah. So, it's just not Jimbo's year. And that's okay. You know, he's going to handle it. He's going to handle it.

comfortably smoothly there's no scored fewer points against duke than baylor uh Miami Virginia and Pitt did and the same as are let's see the same as UNC and the same fewer than Northwestern good gracious there's there's no reason that you should go to the USA Today coaching salaries that came out um for 2017 sort by score buyout and observe that the top four coaches are the last national championship winner, Dabo Swinney, Jimbo Fisher, Chris Peterson, who took Washington from, you know, mediocre school to the playoff, and Nick Saban, who has done plenty for himself. There's no reason you should look at that and say, interesting. We're on the hook for $39 million as of December 1st of this

year if Jimbo Fisher is gone. So I in some ways that's comforting. Hey, at least there's one number around Florida State's offense that's almost at 40. It's like being so underwater on a house that you can't leave, you know? Like maybe maybe the bank will take Jimbo. That's the best you can hope for right now. So underwater you can't leave. I think that's called drowning. I will also point out that, you know, different teams. Same approaches, though. I watched Boston College in Tallahassee nearly beat them in 2014 last year, or the last time they played was 2015. That was a 14-0-0 game, which the nothing sounded very Boston College, 2015.

If you're familiar with what they have been prior to the last three games. This is not going, this has not been a game where, like, Boston College gets blown. out and this is in Boston College against an FSU team that's just figuring some things out it was last they did get killed last year so they did get killed this is the game where if FSU was

number five and went up there and coughed up a hairball that the committee would say body clocks body clocks and travel and all that stuff the same time zone I don't care Tom Brady's penumbra of greatness body clocks game yeah you know so like short week all that travel hey that just got

caught Clemson didn't it so I mean, yeah, I don't think you're going to score 40 points, so you're going to lose. On the other hand, things have been going a little too well for Boston College recently, and that doesn't feel sustainable either. So somebody's going to walk away disappointed. Get excited. 40-40 tie. Man, we got, we got like a very good, early-ish slate of games.

Like, this is, college football this weekend was basically like, listen, I'm worried about your health. I'm worried that you're not taking good care of yourself. You know, we think of health in terms of diet and exercise, but we don't think enough about sleep. Sleep is something that, listen, NFL teams get this. They know that sleep is something you need to give your body to take care of it. And college football recognize that. And that's why they said, you know what?

If you want to go to bed at 9 o'clock Easter, I'm going to make that happen for you. I'm going to let you live that dream this week. Because realistically, there is, I'm going to say, one and a half games that you need to pay attention to that kick from 7 o'clock on. Is that roughly correct? No, you're completely false. This is crazy talk. Okay. You want me to, where to begin?

Where do you begin? Okay. Sure, yeah. Mississippi State, Texas, A&M. The winner of that will be in the top 20 in the playoff rankings. Great. Tennessee and Nebraska, simultaneous coach fire and road games. We know this is Butch Jones's must-win game.

If he loses at Kentucky as an underdog, he's gone. Meanwhile, Nebraska has to go and play longtime nemesis Purdue. They lost a bad Purdue, and now it's okay Purdue. Clemson, okay, you get a top team. You're drawing yet another awkward nemesis type team in Georgia Tech. Oklahoma, you're playing Texas Tech. That's annually a 5,000-point game. You're probably going to win, but you're going to work up a sweat.

You get to watch Washington State's defense. You get to watch Arizona State's defense. You might miss Arizona and Arizona State claiming a tie for first place in the Pact 12th South. They were both supposed to fire their coaches and win a total nine games this year. They might have the inside track to the damn title game. You're going to miss all that and you got Hawaii kick. And somehow if Arizona and Arizona State do that, they will make life miserable for the Pact 12 North. Because they're like, well, great, our strength of schedules just fucking die.

Thanks a lot. Now nobody's going to watch our fucking championship game, which is on at two in the afternoon on a Friday for some reason. Washington's schedule's looking a little shaky, but at least they got that title game against. How are they playing New Mexico in the Pac-12 championship? How the fuck did that happen? New Mexico State, sir. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Oh, God, my Twitter mentions are going to be trash now. I think you got a really solid late shift. I will agree that this Saturday is upside down, which we had in week seven, which was crazy week. So maybe that's something, maybe there's something to look out for when the day starts out nice and hot and then ends with like, how is that the, like, Georgia Tech Clemson for half the country will be the ABC game. Does that make any sense? But, you know, when you have that kind of a weird night slate, that means all the good games are starting up early when games are. even, you know, harder to predict. So.

Yeah, I see, I see, like, a lot of games on the schedule this week that I'm very glad I do not have to make my living wagering, gambling, for a lot of reasons, right? First of all, why? You got the Sandman on your damn podcast.

I'll, I'll figure this out for it. I don't, I don't pay my... I can't remember how they're doing. It's much more new... Hey, y'all, it's the Sandman. I'd have to listen to this project. I'd have to actually listen to our show to research how it sounded. I might do that so I can replicate the Sandman.

Yeah, I mean, if you're listening to this podcast to figure out who you should put money on, you're not, you're not very smart. I'm just going to let you know on. I mean, I'm going to be real, like, you might have a lot of strengths in life. You might be good looking. You might be charming. You might be, you know, you might be giving. You might earn money other than gambling.

Sure, sure. You know, you might be, you might be great. right in the sack, you might have a big heart. There's a lot of things you could have going for you. What you don't have going for you is intellect. But you probably already know that, right? You probably already settle these things, and that's why you're listening to this podcast. What you shouldn't do this week is gamble on any game.

Because I don't know how any of these are going, and if you propose to me that there were going to be upsets in a lot of games that looked very, very set, I would also believe that right for instance um there's uh south florida they're hosting houston houston just had like lost a shootout with memphis do do i have any sort of confidence that south florida can easily dispatch houston no because i've i watched houston and i don't know what to expect from them either and that makes them extremely dangerous south florida is also like maybe the slowest starting like ranked team they they can win a game that ends up 4017 but for the first half, that's just going to be 10-7, and they won't be the 10.

I think what we've discovered is their special teams just takes about three quarters to defrag or, you know, to fully like stop buffering and whatever. Like, they do the special teams, like, what was it last week? They had a kick blocked against Tulane only sent out 10 guys and block the kick. And I don't even know if that's their worst special teams play of the year. Just for the first three quarters, every USF game is, how? in the world, are they, you know, is this other team still in it? And then you look up eight minutes later and, oh, yeah, it was fine all along.

Yeah. So just know that don't necessarily buy what you're getting in the first half of that game. It will be interesting, but it may not be demonstrative. Now, the problem is if Houston can take advantage of that and be like, oh, we're up 30, fuck you. That would be bad. Yeah, because a big lead for Houston, those tend to be safe. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

But remember, just take the average of whatever the team is putting out and apply it to the remaining quarters, right? That seems to be the rule based on one game against Memphis, averaging 40 points, had zero at halftime. Apply all 40 to the second half. It worked. I think one key to analysis is when you've seen a team play once all year, just assume it's all their games. Extrapolate everything from one game. Now, if you are a believer in that, the psychic energy. of the universe is zero-sum, that someone else's happiness must be counterbalanced by sadness

somewhere else, or confidence must be met with depression and self-loathing somewhere else. And I'm not saying I am, but if you are, you will have proof positive given to you at 3.30, because you will have Penn State, Ohio State, which will be aggressive and two teams, two fan bases that are confident that they are the superior eye. option. They will play balls out. They will probably play a very interesting, maybe sort of rough but overall fun football game. And you will have Georgia, Florida, where you have the number three team in the country and Florida. And somehow both of these fan bases are just like, oh, this isn't, no, I don't, no, this is going to, there is no scenario I have learned in the last two

weeks where Florida could be so bad that Georgia fans would confidently think that they would win this game. You could say Florida, hey, guess what? Typhoid fever is back. Florida has it all. Their arms are rotting off and the players are in open rebellion. Jim McElwain is missing. He may have been

the one promoting those death threats. Florida is only sending 12 players to the game. And Georgia fans would be like, oh, this is how it happens, man. This is how, they're just trying to get us overconfident and we're just going to you know, we're going to fuck it up.

Somehow, some way. I mean, all that stuff about missing limbs and all that. That just sounds like Jacksonville anyway, so. Yeah, but not in the fun Jacksonville way. Not in the fun, like, where is the limb? Who knows? It's what I get for drinking butt-ice leprosy. Bud-ice leprosy.

It was on sale. 8.5 ABV, also with leprosy. Like, I think Penn State and Ohio State fans are both convinced that they can kick the shit out of the other team. And I'm not saying they're wrong. And Georgia and Florida fans are both convinced that they're going to lose by 30 and feel like assholes about it. Yeah, that's how we want it, man. Yeah, there's a tyranny of the past versus tyranny of the present moment happening to the combined Georgia and Florida fan bases, respectively, because Georgia fans expect to lose this game because of everything that's happened over the last 20 years and can't shake that.

And I respect that. And Florida fans are expecting to lose this game because of the tyranny of the present. I know which one applies more to the moment, which would be Florida, not being able to get a first down. Georgia can go undefeated and win the national, Georgia can go undefeated and win the national championship this year. And there will be several Georgia fans, all named Blake, celebrating. And about three minutes after the confetti comes down,

one of them is going to say, oh, well, you know, Florida's going to beat us by 18 next year now. oh dang it we're going to be ranked number nine and florida's going to beat us in october all we're doing is setting up expectations for next year for georgia it's about nothing but entering the season unranked that is their peak goal in life and then once they once they beats like you cannot mention the words Notre Dame which we do frequently on this program yeah um you can't say Notre Dame without a Georgia fan like popping out of the rafters or poking their head in an air duct or something yeah well we Hey, we beat Notre Dame.

My nephew's just filling out college applications, and he's looking at, yeah, we beat Notre Dame. Tell me to go to Georgia. You look up, and a plane is dragging a banner. Yeah, we beat Notre Dame, by the way, in case you missed it. Not many people saw it. It was only the biggest game of the week that week. Notre Dame, you get a fun revenge game of your own. NC State's coming to town.

A dry, NC State. Also at 330. 3.30 is just, you know what? 330 is proof that, yes, SPN and CBS and all the networks, they're in league with the television manufacturers. Because everybody's saying like, oh, you know, you can watch it on your mobile device. No. They know that 330 is going to be so slammed that you're going to panic at it 11 o'clock.

You're going to go to Best Buy. You're going to be like, yeah, I need two 40-inch screens, please. Yeah. So we've always said no one is actually in charge of the sport, but it turns out there is. It's high-fi buys. Is high-fi buys even open any? I don't know. Circuit City!

Circuit City lives! You know, the BCS, that ain't in charge, the playoff? No, NCAA, helpless. It's brand smart. That's, uh, there's another game at 3.30, by the way. I can come back to NC State, Notre Dame. Because, again, that, to me, I don't, I don't know who's walking away from that. I don't.

near the day. They exist probably. If Penn State, Ohio State's one extreme, Georgia, Florida is the other. NC State Notre Dame is right in the middle. But you want to talk about TCU, Iowa State. I do because, because there is no indicator to me that TCU should not win this game. TCU has adapted to every single opponent that they've faced. They have game planned brilliantly. they have

they have managed everything as well as they can that to me is like when you go oh man what is TCU good at I'm like TCU is good at beating you specifically it's not like there some team like Alabama whose game plan seems to have nothing to do

with the opponent and everything to do with their superiority nope I come in and I'm always like yeah TCU they they knew exactly how to hurt you right they were like the teens and how they're going to roast you right They hit you, as John Mullaney said, where you are most vulnerable, and you feel most insecure.

That's what Gary Patterson does. He walks in, and he's like, oh, hey, love handles. You're like, ah! Goddamn! Right? That's what Gary Patterson does. And I'm sure against Iowa State, like, he's going to walk in the room, and he's going to be like, hey, what's up, skinny dick? I know that really worries you.

And Iowa State's going to be like, ah, that does concern me. The length is normal, but the girth is weird. That's, yeah. Iowa State football. The length is normal. Is it lumpy? Is that what we're talking about? Yeah.

It doesn't really matter. Gary Patterson's going to find the thing that your football team is sensitive about and can't protect, right? And that's what TCU's been so far. They've been super efficient. They've been really good on defense. And their game plans have thus far been tailored perfectly to beat. people where they hurt. Iowa State, I'm sure they're going to do the same thing.

No evidence that they won't. With that said, this is TCU going in at 3.30 against an Iowa State team that beat Oklahoma. And Oklahoma with the Baker Mayfield. In Oklahoma, that while capable of making massive mistakes, still a really good football team. So it looks like Iowa State's most relevant weakness

is they'll give up dink-and-dunk passing all day long. So you know what TCU's doing? they're going full full uh full full full like 1992 joe montana on you plus iowa state is ranked and god damn it they want to stay there they work too hard they worked somewhat hard i actually don't know how hard they worked they probably worked hard i mean they got one guy doing five jobs that sounds hard fair that is hard i you know what i shouldn't have said that simsor wanted to talk about tc uiowa state at 330 because maybe he wanted to talk about michigan state northwestern oh no because we can you know because i have i have one comment on that nine three nine three

that's that's what that's going to be because michigan state northwestern especially if you know this is at northwestern if the winds the winds swirling around off the lake yeah that's that's what it's going to be let us see let us seamlessly pivot to an ad read from jason that specifically mentions one of these teams. I have one from Alex who donated to our charity drive for disaster relief. Alex would like us to say the following. I just want you guys to mention that, and that's all included, I just want you guys to mention that. So I'm saying those words as well. Michigan State might be good at football again before the world ends, even though that seems like an increasingly bold prediction given the current state of affairs. This was obviously a take that Alex wrote

before the season really got rolling. At this point, I think it's pretty clear that Michigan State might be good at football again before the world ends because the world hasn't ended yet and Michigan State might currently be good at football again. Although I cannot say that the world hasn't ended and we're not in a simulation, I guess. Maybe we're in the fallback universe,

which in that case, maybe that's what tripped the wires and caused, you know, because like if you're programming this thing, you probably set it up a few years ago. you know and michigan state was good at the time so you coded it so that in the fallback universe michigan state would just revert so maybe this we were our entire universe um was a sacrifice for mark dantonio which i think he would take that um is there a team better equipped to handle the post apocalyptic wasteland then michigan state like everything everything they do from recruiting to player development to like just the general ethos of the team like if fallout ever had a

college football game, you should definitely play as Michigan State. Like, Super Mutants, Super Mutants are green, all right? Do the homework. If you need to use bottle caps as points, those things are scarce. If you can only find eight of them,

all you got to do is make sure the other guy has seven. It's not a complicated sport. I will say that also, Michigan State, considering the pace they run on offense, totally fine with that user interface, that busted ass fallout user interface that forces you to take 12 steps before you can

shoot one bullet over the guy's head accidentally. Like Michigan State dropping back to pass you have the free frame. Everything slows way down. Yeah. Okay, this is a 35% chance. This is a 20. This is a 12. I guess we'll take 35.

Missed. That's fine. Just go punch him. Plus, Michigan State has a dog for some reason. So does fallout. This all works. You know, some teams are afraid to eat rad scorpion. Not a Spartan. No.

Michigan State, they'll eat rad scorpion. Michigan State. Michigan State never changes. No, they really don't. Which game series is Michigan? Is it the one with like the ever-creating universe of planets where you can fly around, but the whole thing is a farce? Oh, no man's sky or something?

Yeah, yeah, where it's like supposed to be super immersive, but it's unclear what the point is. it's ultimately disappointing and yeah that's that's not a bad that's i mean the other to talk about is how much there is of it right right um they they i could see them being super mario in some way where it's sort of like hey you know when you think of video games you think of us and you're sort of like cool so it's different from past you're like well uh sort of actually i think Ohio State is Mario because it just barrels into every game, you know, like, oh, I bought a Nintendo golf game and there's Mario just showing up, bought a Nintendo race car game. Oh, okay, here's

Mario coming up. Yeah, but then for game week, Mario would have to cross off the letter on his own damn hat. That's true. That's a problem. For that week is when he gets the fireflower. Oh, okay, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. I have one to read from Dan. All praise to the once and future King, Jim Grobe. I have no idea what Jim Grobe is doing these days. Chilling, man. Sitting on a pile of money.

Might be coaching Baylor. Who knows? He could still be involved. I don't know that he's not, right? Can you say for sure that he's not coaching Baylor? I can't. I know that can you say for sure that he ever coached Baylor? Not real sure about that either. Oh, he does have a Twitter account. I don't know if this is actually him because he only has eight followers,

so I'm going to assume that it's not, and somebody else is just sitting on the Jim Grob account, but not doing anything interesting with it. No, yeah, I don't, I suspect that's not Jim Grob. But it's super boring, and therefore it could be Jim Crowe. It's true. This is literally the Grobe paradox. Right.

I want to go back to... I call it the Canny Valley. Did we just slide right by Oklahoma State in West Virginia, just about to blow up your TV? No, we're doing the whole day out of order. Oh, that's fine. That's fine. We can build back.

That's cool. I just want to make sure that we didn't miss that because, Jesus. Yeah, what a wake-up. What a wake-up that is. Yeah, that could have 30 points on the board before 1 o'clock. That feel right? Man, there's something like one word. Okay, you're rolling from game day straight into Wisconsin, Illinois, who is, and then you say,

I wonder what else is on. And in that time, what, it's 14 to 13 already? Wisconsin, Illinois, I think, has the best, going back to the buyout thing, the best spread between one coach's buyout and the other. Paul Chris buyout is $4 million, which, like, that's respect. He left Pitt, obviously, so he will jump from job to job. But I think everybody knew he wanted to go back to Wisconsin. He's not a name that gets floated around for other jobs.

So, like, $4 million feels like a fair place for him to be. Lovie Smith's buyout is four times that amount. Well, you got to fend off the chargers. He already coached the chargers. You remember how poorly they went to the Super Bowl with Lovie Smith and Stan Humphreys. Oh, right, Lovie Smith player coach. That was a weird time. Yeah.

Well, Wisconsin, do you think the buyout so low because Barry's just like, go ahead, dare you to leave? Gosh, where would, ah, man, if you left at the end of the year and we needed somebody to coach the postage, who? What would I do? How? You think Barry gives himself a buyout? whenever he takes over. Man, Barry might have mastered the internal buyout, right? Because think about it when he goes, hmm, I don't know.

Might need someone to coach this bowl game now that our coach left. Who can do that? Barry, it's probably Barry. I mean, isn't this when you just fruitlessly transfer money from your checking account to your savings account or vice versa, just to like cover yourself? That's just the internal buyout. Yeah, just to stay afloat for another week. I'll put it back after payday.

it'll be fine after we beat illinois you should beat illinois jesus you better beat illinois yeah there's a lot of sadness on the schedule too like there's some there's some real sadness and again there are games that despite being sad and involved bad teams i don't know which way to tell you to lean i really don't like do you want to know the only thing i'm certain on this schedule uh it's that kansas state will crucify kansas that's it Yeah, as they should Everything else

Caviot Caviot M-Tor Across the board All the way down to This game There's one other sure thing Miami's gonna beat the hell out of North Carolina That North Carolina

That North Carolina team is not good enough To scare an inconsistent But talented Miami team No we're just having tryouts man That's what North Carolina I mean literally like look at the feel anybody want this position

let's see if they can take it also in case it wasn't clearly earlier George is going to fucking win George is way better than Florida and they're going to calm the fuck down Bulldog fans you're going to win that game bulletin board material let's go ahead

well I was just going to quickly call attention to Louisville Wake Forest that of course is your WakeyLeaks revenge game for an act of espionage committed last year by um i can't even remember which team did which i just know bobby petrino yeah it was it was wakes radio announcer secreted some information to louisville's coaching staff it's offensive coaching staff and bobby petrino said he didn't know anything about it which is wild louisville's offensive coaches are keeping secrets from bobby petrino i don't know if i trust those guys but this is this is a big revenge spot for the deeks

So that game was November 12th, Louisville Wake Forest. And it was after that that this all sort of came to a head. At the time, Louisville was 9 and 1. What is their record in the games that they've played since then? Do either of you know? Would it be roughly 4 and 5 and 6? 5 is correct. Louisville was a lie that was only propped up.

by Wake Forest. Wake Forest was the surprising ACC team all along. We were duped. Well, dang. By the way, this was a Wake Forest team that if you watch them, you're like, wow, they are really well coached and they play really, really hard, and they lost. It's just weird to think of Bobby Petrino's career taking a downward turn because of a poorly covered lie, you know? You know what? When you're consistent, you're consistent. I'll just give that to Bob. Right. Let's go, too.

I have from George, from George. I've only been to one college football game in my life. And that was Duke at Boston College in 2011. Before you say, wow, I bet that sucked. Here's what George says. It sucked. I started listening to the full cast while studying for the bar. Did you fail the bar?

And didn't fully realize it was a college football podcast until two months later. You're welcome. Same. Going to Auburn at LSU in a few weeks to try out SEC country. And I'm excited because it seems like that will be a neat experience. I expect to get very drunk, but I hope I'm not an asshole. You know, you're not, there's no way you're the biggest asshole at Auburn L.SU. In Bat Rouge?

Oh, my God. It's not happening. I'm just saying there's there's bigger drunker assholes at LSU. There's probably somebody at LSU whose birth name is asshole. No. That's Azol.

It is an old French name from the old country. Asshole with the E-A-U-X. Yeah. That's my cousin, Azole. Yeah, that's Martan Azolet in the French. Hugh Azzolay He had his name on the law school And you know what?

Those bastards took it off with the pressure washer When he was caught on some bullshit That the federal attorneys caught him with All right We'll continue this message from George Who kindly donated, so thank you. Huge theme of this message I do not expect the game to be anything

But a painful slog But fuck it can't be worse than Boston College Duke And look what the universe provided Yep Man did it You discovered You discovered a couple of things

One that at LSU The entire place Does actually smell Something between The rich, fetid earth Of a semi-swamp And the aroma of meats And other ingredients

Cooking in oil It really does smell like that You discovered that Live Oaks While providing some shade Will not prevent you from getting sunburn, particularly if you have 18 drinks and forget to apply sunscreen.

It's another very important LSU lesson. Three, you can park anywhere as long as you're willing to either leave your car there forever or have them towed to a really, really bad spot somewhere on the other side of Baton Rouge. See, that's why Alan loves LSU football.

Man, there's so many hands. Just to see it Alice, man. A-L-A-I-N, just a bunch of a lance. In the mother tongue. The other thing you probably learn by watching Auburn LSU is this, that you can't really count on Auburn to do anything but ruin things. Auburn ruined things for Auburn that day. And when they beat you, they beat you in an injurious insulting fashion, usually at a margin of a few points. And when they lose, they lose by an injurious insulting margin of a few points when you want to depend on them.

Don't depend on them to upset you. Don't depend on them to win. Don't depend on them to lose. that's what Auburn does. Oh, yeah. LSU football is a court case that always goes to the jury. We never settle this shit. It always goes to the jury. It's going to be involved. It's going to be protracted. There's going to be a lot of ugliness. It's going to end in a courtroom duel.

You count on 12 strangers, one coach, and 11 others to make a decision for you and hopefully it goes your way. But you have no idea, and you have no idea how they got there. also the judge has a bat also the judge is also named as old martin as old and with this bad of justice all rise all rise for hugh as old

did you say some shit about the 1999 lSU baseball team I know you did