Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 7.38: Spencer Hall Loves Your Team

Episode Date: November 6, 2017

Are you a fan of Iowa, or Notre Dame, or UCLA, or Florida State, or Miami, who's tired of hearing us be so repeatedly negative about your beloved Hawkeyes/Irish/Bruins/Seminoles/Hurricanes? Apparently, Spencer's so broken by this season that he's gone into a completely new and unfamiliar state: optimism! You are right to find this deeply unsettling. We ask that if you see Spencer in the wild, you do not approach him and you immediately call Animal Control. He will not hurt you, though he may try to sleep in your hammock. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oh, welcome to the shutdown full cast. Week 10 came and went. Oh, man. And like a mighty gale, it blew through with the force of, with the force of college football. Man, I could write intros for CBS's Iron Bowl. A bowl of iron, an iron bowl. Wait, is the bowl made of iron or is it holding iron? I've always sort of been on, like if he said, here's an oatmeal bowl,

you wouldn't be like, oh, this bowl is made of oatmeal. The enduring spirit of competition, friendship, and camaraderie, a bond through the years that, like the medal it's named after, corrods over time. It falls to pieces. Yeah, it was that kind of weekend. I was very happy with everything that happened. And you know damn well who I want to talk about.

the most important team in the nation. But first, I would be remiss if I did not introduce my two accomplices in this college football podcast. Jason Kirk, say hi, Jason. Hi. Hey. You sound great tonight. Thanks. I'm well rested, got an extra 15 minutes of sleep.

Thanks to daylight savings time. Of course, the other 45 were spent watching Pac-12 refs. put on a stunning performance late in Arizona, USC, around what would have been 2.30 Eastern, but was instead only 1.30 Eastern. Because we fell back. DeLive Savings Time just made Paxwell after Dark a little more bearable than it really might be. I think it was the tantalization that was the most painful part because it was like, I thought I was going to be going to bed early tonight, but it turns out I, no, I was actually not.

That end, the refs really did, I have to say, refs put on an outstanding show. People come football games to watch endlessly litigated minor plays and procedural penalties. And that's exactly what that crew gave everybody. Well, I mean, what is one of the longest running dramas on television, law and order? And that's sort of, you know, half football, half refs, right? Listen, you watch Lenny Briscoe run for 280 yards, RIP, Lynn, Lendog, and then you watch Sam Waterston explain why the call on the field is being overturned. Don't, don't.

I like the scenes in that show where, you know, they go up to the judge and huddle up and all that, and then they say, after further review, there was no flag on the play. So what did we just spend 45 minutes watching? A negotiation. But hey, listen, law and order's like that too, you know? The prosecutors don't win every case. Sometimes cases don't go the way you want. Law and order prepares you for Pac-12 football,

except for the fact that the episodes are only like 40 minutes long. That is the one error. But most of the time people who are watching Law & Order are watching it for like a four and a half hour stretch, a marathon. So in actuality, yeah. Also, Dick Wolf is definitely what every USC quarterback secretly calls himself. Also, Rod Gilmore will barrel into your Law and Order Marathon to warn you against taking the case to trial. I would settle this case. Ah, jurors, jurors are risky because they are different people. But I was

I was charged with murder and I have an alibi establishing that I was on a different continent I would settle I would you know what Man 2 is a good offer it's better than the offer that they're putting out for this kettle corn

I'll tell you that much can you believe it I think by the way I have a pet theory that Rod has hurt us Rod self-aware Yeah, because I've noticed Over the last

Two to three Rod Gilmore broadcast There has been a distinct tamping down of the conservatism Now, Rod Gilmore will bust out somewhere else. You can't You can't repress the man. Oh man. During this broadcast There was in the first half

He let Lusa, now if I'm USC, I throw the Hail Mary here. It was like hearing It was like hearing your pastor cuss or something. But then in the fourth quarter, it was, I don't know if I would chase the two-pointer here. It's the fourth quarter. When are you supposed to chase it?

You're supposed to wait until one minute and 26 seconds? No, it's too dangerous. I would probably wait until overtime. Dude, you know Rod Gilmore files his taxes on, like, January 8th. You know he's like, hey. He's filed for like 2023. Worldwide leader, I need that W-2. I need it.

W2 W2 gets the mail and he has a couriered Standing by the mailbox Down in a sprinter stance Right like the headband on A young boy on a motor scooter In a uniform and smart cap Like it was 1952

You know what? You know what? He takes the standard deduction Because itemizing, that's risky That's uh I might get you audited Rod you can be saving like 10 grand on your taxes I hear you. However, I'm going to go ahead and take the standard deduction.

It's the extra point of taxes. I would sell my house and give the IRS all of my funds. It's safer. I mean, that is a good metaphor for what Ohio State did against Iowa. So. Thank you for that segue. We'll come back to the thing that set our beloved Mr. Gilmore off. Best Color Man of College.

easily for this year for me yeah i'll go there i'll go there it's just what 2017 i've adored listening to him more because i'd pay attention most of the time just snoozing man just letting that person yak with rod i'm engaged i'm interested why am i interested never mind never mind but i'm definitely listening and laughing along the the thing that happened this weekend oh and there were several things number of one lost teams that we're hoping to sort of, I guess, you know, push the limit, see if they could get another week. Yeah, guess what, y'all? Car payments do.

Listen, Jason said it. You know, daylight savings time is all about falling back, and these teams did just that. Yep, check the rankings. Literally. Literally, y'all. Doing some big things in terms of blowing sure things. I mean, for instance, one. could have expected Iowa to put up a tough game against Ohio State, right?

Like, I don't think that's, that's not bizarre. Like, if we came in tonight, we said, you know, Iowa beat them 11 to 9, or Iowa beat them 11 to 10. Would either of you be shocked? No, I think even if you said, like, Iowa beat Ohio State 2720, I would say, okay, that probably means Iowa you benefited from a special team's play or a turnover or something like that. You know, a couple turnovers.

Ohio State played sloppy, and Iowa took advantage. All of those things are technically true. They just do not tell you the whole story. If you said that Iowa scored an amount ending in five, I would say, you know, ha, ha, ha, five. They scored five. They scored 15, right? It's that price is right game where you have to guess the price of the car

and you have to do it in digits. So you're like, okay, I know the second digit is five. So this car costs 25,000. Holy shit, how much is this car? Iowa, if they were going to go ahead and slap three zeros on the back of that score and make it a proper car, they would have been able to buy a $55,000 car. I would be walking out with the Hellcat, y'all. That's what Iowa did.

They put 55, 55 on Ohio State. Five five points. Iowa was stuck on 1710 for a good 70% of this season for like a month. Right. And we had seen Iowa score a lot of points before against Iowa State, the other most important team in college football. But that was because they had to. That was a game that went to overtime. Iowa just like, I mean, not only did they step on the neck, they like went back for seconds.

They were like, hold on, you still got a little neck. I'm just going to put I put on my wellies. Don't worry. They got spikes on them. Here we go. It's like Kirk Farrance has been laying away points for decades. Like granddad's got the trunk and the attic just full of points. Oh, here's a touchdown.

We didn't use against, you know, Wisconsin in 2006 or whatever. Throw that in. I have a whole yard sale of points. I mean, there are so many things. that just suddenly went weird and sideways. Because 10-10 after the first, you're like, I don't know, there's some points going on. There's some actual action in this game.

Then I would drop 21 in a quarter, y'all. That's when the jaw dropped. Well, and then you think, like, okay, Ohio State has really unraveled here, but it's half-time, they'll probably just, we'll still have a game on our hands. No. no we did not it did not get better it only got worse

Iowa against Ohio State outscored Oklahoma State in Bedlam damn how is that all right here's the worst part Iowa punted three times Kirk's a little sick of that one we gotta get that corrected it can't be that inefficient. Because at one point, one point they had a chance to kick, but then they went and broke out, you know,

broke out some ancient old, we had a nice post today, some old backyard trickery to go throw a pass to the long snapper. It was something, man. It was, yeah. This is, I don't know who you are, Ohio State. I really don't. You confuse me in so many ways because you have,

I don't know, you're multifaceted. I guess you're like a diamond because from certain angles you're beautiful. And from other angles, ow, you're cutting the shit out of me. What the fuck? Yeah, you're, uh, you're very expensive. But sometimes it's really hard to figure out why. You're kind of a false, false market unto yourself. Like your loss is okay, you lost to the, let's just go ahead and call on the high

trophy winner and you lost at a place where top five teams where their dreams go to die to quote less miles so those are forgivable till you look at the scoring margins and you realize you remember the last scoring margin of ohio state's last game last year that's three big blowouts and then there's there's the other unfortunate part of this which is you know you at least could say well yeah those are you know those are two losses and one of them was maybe our more one of our biggest games of the season, but we beat Penn State. We had this big comeback. That's number two Penn State.

That's got to mean something. No. Penn State had to kick you while you were down and go out and lose the goddamn Michigan State, which now could very well win the Big Ten East. Oh, no, no, no, no. Michigan State wins a Big Ten East. They're coming out of this thing with the whole burrito, man. Oh, God.

They're going to roll out of this thing with the Big Ten East. championship. And you know what Big Ten's going to do come playoff time? The aristocrats. We would prefer, we prefer to boycott a playoff system that lets Clemson and Notre Dame play in the Rose Bowl. Yeah, I think this is technically more of the prestige, because they're going to disappear. There's a big old trunk of teams Michigan State is killed. The whole basement is full of dead Michigan. States. Let me give you this. That's the best part. Spoiler alert. Big Ten fans, I'm going to help you pivot. I'm going to work ahead for you because I know you like to be prepared and do your homework because of the rigorous academics at a place like, I don't know, Wisconsin. Sure. Iowa, which I think has an acceptance rate like somewhere in the realm of the University of Arkansas. But whatever, whatever. Y'all are smart.

But hold on. Iowa is a football school and Arkansas is not. So let's be fair. True. When Arkansas gets a program, though, look out. Because that is a hotbed. I think they're almost ready to make the jump to FBS. I really do.

I mean, can we call them a sleeping giant? Just a big old, sleepy. They're sleeping. Sleeping in the sense of like how you explain death to a child way. I mean, they barely beat the team that has the teal field. So, oh, wait, there's already a team in Arkansas with a funny painted field. It's purple. So I don't really think there's any room for you in Division I, Arkansas.

I don't know. Might be forcing it. So we'll see. I don't know. It might not be enough talent to go around. But, you know, maybe. Well, that part's not a joke. But if you were one of those schools and you want to work ahead, Big Ten fan,

let me go ahead and give you the time-tested, well-worn, and sturdy reasoning that's seen our Pac-12 brethren through so many years of being left out of bowls and other weird postseason things, which is, you know, it's just, it's the parody. It's just, it's such a deep conference parody that if you play a conference schedule and you don't pad your schedule with fluffy Cup kick games, it's hard to get out of there with one loss it just is it's just hard you know and it's unfair because you got these you got these big 12 and ACC and SEC and SEC schools just you know stuff in the schedule with all that Halloween candy just just putting put in the like now relators in there well it's hard it's hard to get out with one loss unless you're Wisconsin like they they got the formula down pat what is that formula involved having the best team you've beaten be northwestern it's not a good formula it doesn't

taste great but it does work all right by the way we're noted northwestern hater brian annie six and three yeah everything i say is wrong i i was the noted northwestern hater they've won now what three overtime games in a row the cardiac cats including including wins including wins over iowa and michigan state with both which both look really good right now. Yeah. Trantitive Big Ten title, yeah. I also talked a bunch of shit about Miami.

Whoops. Sorry about that. Sorry, I'm fucked up. Well, we did get one thing right. We get one thing right per week, and it's on the listener. This is the fun game they get to play. They get to guess what it'll be. This week it was, of course, when there's bad weather, Michigan State wins. And my God, was there bad weather.

There was a fucking three-hour delay. I had the live blog on this game and boy, that was a debacle because I had to just keep updating with like, and now they're eating pizza. Chicken sandwiches just showed up. And like this game ended up

getting delayed all the way into the 3.30 group. So like halftime was at the same time. You know, that's the exact same way you would live blog a hostage standoff, right? It really was. James Franklin refuses to. No one has, no one has emerged from the building yet, but we do have

intermittent communication with them. Mark D'Antonio has a list of demands. I just want to play good play sound fundamental defense. That's the problem. I like that you immediately recognize the flaw in this plot, which is that Martin D'Antonio would

want anything. He wants, no, he wants your, he wants your blood. That's the thing. You can want that. I'm perfectly content in here. Hello, I have a freezer full of other blood, and I'd like to add yours to it. I'll let everyone out who doesn't want to be a champion.

They're all coming out now. Looks like I'm the winner. The other thing I think we knew was that Texas A&M was not going to win that Auburn game. We don't have to talk about it. I don't think A&M fans want to talk about it. And it's good because it keeps Auburn interesting a little while longer.

That may turn pretty aggressively in the next week or so. But for now, at least we have an Auburn team that is worth paying attention to. And that's important because at the moment, there are literally only two teams worth paying attention to in the SEC, unless you're here for people shitting their pants in public. If you're here for that, a lot of that. Let me, let me, let me, let me go ahead and recommend the Florida Gators to you. They've literally, literally done that before. Yeah. So they have experience.

On the other hand, they did that at a bowl game, so you will not be seeing that part this year. You know, you've got Arkansas. You've got, I mean, Kentucky turning around and blown a lead. You've got everything. You got red hot Missou catching November waves. That's right. That's right here. Since they just passed right over Arkansas.

You've got Mississippi State struggling with UMass. The team we talk about way too much. But in our defense, UMass somehow managed to schedule everybody in the SEC. Yeah. You've got Tennessee, which, hey, you want. want to gain. Congratulations. It seems like nobody cares whatsoever. And you've got LSU, which, yep, sure. You played? I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. Georgia and Alabama won by the exact same score. The stats were very different. Alabama got out games. Georgia definitely

did not. And yet these two games felt exactly the same, exactly the same, where once one team got to 21 points. The winning team got to 21 points. You're just like, well, it's done now. They're not, the other team's not going to do that thing. So we can just sort of pack it in. They're like, yeah, there's still like a quarter to play and South Carolina

slash LSU has the ball. You're like, yeah, I don't it doesn't really matter to me. I'm good. Yeah, and that was nice, because there's a lot going on. Effective triage is all about patient management, right? So you've got your you've got your Clemson, NC States, and you're

saying, okay, this patient, let's bump him to the front of the line. This NC State has shown life. And I don't know if they're going to pull through, but like, let's pay attention to him. And then you've got your LSUs and your South Carolinas. And you're like, you know what? Just can you wheel that gurney around to the back? Yeah, just, you know, don't hook him up to anything. It's fine. We don't really need a monitor. Now, I know what's going to happen, but I don't want to, I don't want to deal with the paperwork myself. I'm going to make that Trudy's problem. Trudy's a real jerk. And she's got the night shift, so I'd rather she discovered the body of LSU football. Oh, that's a corpse.

And what a spicy body it is. We're coming. Coming with the corpse. Their own corpse. Yeah, I was actually watching it, and I'm like, if you watch it from the perspective you watch most Alabama games, you go, they do some interesting stuff. Look at them moving the ball. Like, seriously, I don't watch Alabama games to figure out.

whether the team that they're playing can win, because the answer's probably no, right? You're looking down the road to go, I don't know, could Georgia beat them? You go, I don't know, man. You, maybe. This is how I talked myself in watching the SEC championship game? Like an idiot?

Because I know what it's going to be. It's going to be 24-7, 24-10. Like every other game and like a sort of level replacement year, Alabama. like, I don't know, like 24-10. No, Georgia's, you watch Georgia win that game. You're going to watch Georgia win that game, and you're going to feel every bad feeling you can, because that's what 2017 is about for you and me.

I don't know if it's that way for Jason, although there was the Super Bowl, so. The what? Don't worry about it. We'll fill you in later. Yeah, this is, we're going to watch Georgia win the SEC championship and quite possibly the national championship. You should just get used to that now.

If you don't see that, you might see Miami win it. If you don't see that, you might see Notre Dame win it. I can sort of go through the list of teams that you don't want to see Spencer Hall win the national championship. And I can make a great case for all of them. And the case is, God doesn't want you or me to have nice things. I have found the flaw in your theory. And this is when I say this and the word flaw, those two have a high correlation, Florida State. um that was the bait that that got us into this trap okay oh you gotta put you gotta put something

you gotta put something tasty in there you gotta put a good morsel in there but you know what florida's probably florida's probably still gonna meet florida so we're not even gonna have that to enjoy even even the tasty bait turns out it's rotten and poisoned go noles kentucky you guys fucking hate kentucky always have always have ferocious hatred. I've gotten to the point, though, where I can now, Mr. Brightside myself into almost any real winner, right? Because I know

that there really won't be many. So as long as it's not just watching Alabama pick up another one, that I could be pretty happy, because Alabama's just inert to disinterest, you know? You're like, ah, this isn't, none of this is inspired or interesting, right? Like, the defense is awesome.

But I just have to watch them run Kansas State's offense, right, this year and act like I'm, like super excited about that, right? Or that they have like five running backs. Can you bright side the fact that Rutgers has more wins than Florida? Yeah, absolutely. Okay, wow. Watch, we can play this game all night.

Brightsiding Rutgers having more wins than Florida. Watch, you know, they've been through a lot. Those kids have played hard. It's the birthplace of the game, right? What I think, you know, Chris Ash has, I think, done a masterful job in just getting their heads above water. That's inspiring. I think that's something that anybody who's a fan of a program that's not a perennial power

can take a lot of faith, a lot of hope out of, right? That you go, oh, okay, man, the Rutgers can have some success. Basically anyone can't, especially after comic mismanagement in like the flood era. So, sure, there I go, I just missed your bright side of it. That's fine. That was, you're getting good at this. I'm honestly impressed. Put them up.

I'll spike them. No, I mean, you're doing great. I'm proud of you. Yeah. You want to hear like Brightside on Florida State? Sure. Sure. Here we go.

Bright side on Florida State sucking. Okay. This is for Noel fans. Watch me do this. You know what? This is overdue. Sometimes you need a forest fire to come in and clear everything down. Just get the dead brother out of the way.

Level all of the old so that the new can flourish. You know, Jimbo's, Jimbo's done a lot for the program. and those coaches have been with them, but at a certain point, you know, seasons change and reasons change people. You need new coaches, new blood, and in turn rejuvenate sort of, I guess, the flagging personal energies of Jimbo Fisher, who is admittedly saddled with, I think, an unfair number of burdens in terms of personal responsibilities. This is, this is to me the painful and necessary thing, you know, the sort of planting of seeds that are going to bloom down the road before. I got one. Okay.

UCLA. You know, when people say that Chip Kelly is never going to coach again. I think you're not really thinking it through because there's one school in maybe the most underrated college football city in America. I know everyone knows that USC is there, but really, when you look at why the NFL is struggling there, it's because college football. has the heart of the LA sports fan first. And what underserved, underloved, I think not unloved, but underloved. They need to love them up. The UCLA Bruins fan base just sitting there in the middle of this gold mine

with nobody to pick up all those little nuggets. You know who could do that? You know who could take those nuggets and build them into one big golden war machine? They can ride on down Crenshaw and just straight through the Coliseum. That'd be Chip Kelly. on the other hand if chip kelly doesn't take the job then you never have to inevitably hate him as you do with any coach who comes to ucla so that's positive sure there's there's a positive right there also great thing about ucla football it's not ucla basketball what you got to live up to it's all potential damn you're in such a good mood venue in sports not just college football in all of sports the roseball and you get to go there every home game Okay, Notre Dame.

I think that most people who thought that a four-and-eight team would stay a laughingstock were definitely short-sighted. And sure, we had our fun with the Irish. We did. We did. But that's, you know, that's what we do to aristocracy, right? Rough them up. Take that top hat, throw it on the ground. Call them private school boy.

laugh how they don't have calluses on their hands from not being working men but you know what Notre Dame went and did after we made fun of their silk stockings after we made fun of their silly frilly summer camps you know what they did they beat us to death with their stolen ivory cane they hired Pinkertons they bought our land from right up from under us they did they bought our land

they used eminent domain and they ruined my family my land left me they went and got a job dang it you know what they did they put in hard work for the first time in their lines and they came out of it on the other side tougher and better so you know what I'm not saying you have to like Notre Dame but you have to respect the work that we've been in

and you have to respect them sticking with everybody throughout this entire thing except for Brian Kelly he can just totally go jump in a well and I don't care I could only stay positive for so long seriously. Just throw Brian Kelly at the bottom of a well. I don't really care. He's awful.

Wow. Mr. Sunshine, Spencer Hall, folks. I don't, I feel lonely. I don't know what to do now. This is very disorienting. Can I stop doing that now? Yeah, you can. You can.

Let's go ahead and pivot into the negative. And let's do that with ad reads. Okay? let's go ahead and um jason you want to go first yeah let me do that um these were of course ads that people purchased on this program back during our uh disaster relief charity months ago uh generous donations all around greatly appreciated from matt these were the words that matt wanted us to write at the time one go pokes two Oklahoma State is manifestly the best college football program in the state of Oklahoma.

Three, the University of Oklahoma, commonly referred to as OU, football team, has no greater rival than the Oklahoma State Cowboys. Matt tells no lie, these things are all true. If you look these things up in any reference materials, you'll find that it's all impossible to confirm is false. single one of them, especially go-po. Mainly go-pokes. Mainly, yeah, go-pokes. I mean, that, here's the thing. Moses never turned around the tablets, and so he didn't see that on the back of the first one, it actually says 5B

go-pokes. So, innocent mistake, it happens, but it was there, clear as day, in Aramaic or whatever. That may seem like a little too far back in the historical record for an Oklahoma State reference, but I would go ahead remind you, Stillwater on the street. That's a good point. Spencer, you got you on

to read yours? I do. Ours is paid for and sponsored by a contribution from Adam. Adam Flynn, who is a Stanford fan, like Ryan. Despite the fact that they are the centrist dad meme incarnate

and wants to see which NFL fan base will vote a socialist government just to get rid of their owner. Hmm. Okay. I got this. I got this. Okay. Because I think that

Raiders fans wouldn't do it because I think that they would just see Mark Davis's van. Yeah, he's basically a man of the people. He's as proletariat as you can get as, and still own an NFL franchise. He's, as you could get.

Also, they would go straight anarchist, right? Oh, yeah, no, they would do that thing where they would go, yeah, man, revolution. And then afterwards, the party apparatchiks would, you know, sit them down and say, okay, well, now we're all going to read this book, and this is how we're going to do things. And that's what it all goes sideways, right? Yeah, you'd get Mark Davis into the guillotine,

and he'd be like, cool, my hair cutting machine. This is a needle. Make my hair look exactly like I like it. I also, when you think of people who, you have to pick a team that people are unhappy with the ownership, right? And which means that I think my leading suspect would be either the Washington football team or the Washington State football team, i.e. the Seahawks, but they don't seem all that just, you know, unhappy with things. So that leaves the 49ers in the Washington team, right? Maybe the Cleveland Browns.

That's why I'm picking Cleveland. Because I think there are enough working class people there who you can just get to vote for anything that makes them mad, right? Socialist, Super Capitalist, whatever. Ohio could just go either way. They're just mad. So if you could just point them in a direction, right? Where they go, are you a socialist? And you're like, yeah, yeah. But the Browns! Right? Like, what are you going to do? We'll get mad. We'll watch Family Guy. It's an Ohio thing. You could totally get them to vote for a socialist guy for months. to get rid of their owner and boot the Haslins. I wouldn't sleep on Cincinnati here either. Like, I feel like that has a good potential for, yep, finally, let's kill the old bastard. Listen, society is the weak, watery chili that we all ruined together. That's what we need to work on.

And it's exactly this kind of socialist talk that is killing Papa John's sales. Okay? We are hurting Papa John's right now. Right now. We are taking money out of Papa John's beautiful, tiny mouth. That is a really small mouth. He kind of looks like Ray Leota, but like shrunken. Yeah, he looks like, he looks like Ray Leota's body double from like, uh, 92, whatever

Karina Karina came out. It looks like like Ray Leota, as we remember him, before he got like the extra face bolted over his face via surgery. Right. The tequila phase. You're talking about the tequila face, yeah. Yeah, like the unblooded but still aged, Ray Leota. You think he's the, like, Frank Stallone of the Leota family, like Jay Leota?

You know, him he was on silk stockings three times. Jay Leota, it's Ray's brother. He was nude and all of them, and they asked him not to. They were very clear. This is not a show with Full Frontal. There he was. Painter in hand. I run a limo service.

Yeah, what's it called? Uber. It's crazy. Call me. Yeah, that'd be my pick as Cleveland. Cincinnati's not bad. 49ers, no way they're doing it. It's like too much libertarian Silicon Valley money. There's no way. Yeah, the inadvertent, no, Google and Amazon

will absolutely quell any socialist uprising. And they'll somehow convince us that we're better off doing it. Ah, but now with Prison Camp Prime, you only have to work 80-hour weeks instead of 85. Oh, that sounds good. I think I'll sign up for it. What about our official NFL franchise, The Chargers? Like, they only have 18 fans.

So if, like, four people agree on one thing and, you know, like five people don't vote, like, well, okay, that's it. Yeah, you've got to act fast. You've got to act real fast because the eight people who actually own and run things in San Diego, they'll clamp down real quick. So if you can just get in there, get your five. fan majority, flip it, and then get out and flee across the border, I think you're good. Yeah, I think the Chargers are more the example of, like, in a post-apocalyptic world, you know, in this movie, you pan over and you're like, oh, look, it's Grand Central Station, but it's overrun with weeds. And you see these, like, former things that used to run.

You just have, like, the dried out husk of the Chargers. You just have them doing And just still in formation, losing 17-3 in the third quarter. Just be like, wow, I can't believe frozen in time, forever. A shitty, boring team. Captain by a very angry, very virile man. Hey, y'all. Not unlike Papa Johns, huh. If anyone out there is a Chargers fan, can you tweet at us about that?

I just want to see something. Hold on, tweet it, Jason. Just tweet at the full cast account. Just anything. I just want to see a sign of life. That's fine, too. Just let us know you're okay. I got two to do here.

First from Alex. Sunni Albany is a great place for Todd Graham to coach. I believe their mascot is the Great Danes, if memory serves from previous NCAA tournaments. Here's the fucked up part. So they need help because they did lose to USC. They knew USC to lose twice, and that would have to happen against Colorado. And the aforementioned UCLA, who just got. fucking worked by Utah.

But here we are. It's November, and it's not impossible to say that Arizona State will win their division. At the very least, like, six wins seems perfectly attainable. I don't think he's going anywhere. But if he wants to, why not? Albany is a place. Therefore, it could be great. I haven't been there.

I would really not rule out. I mean, like, what person of a reasonable, rational mind would, after an unexpectedly long stay in Arizona state, why would anyone rule out the sudden departure of Todd Graham to literally anywhere? Like, it would not surprise anyone who would watch this happen. My planet needs me. Goodbye. How long does he have to stay there to lose the job hopper joke? He has to die there. Okay. I mean, that's a, it's a harsh standard, but fair.

Or convincingly fake. I'll take fake his death. If he convincingly fakes his death and pops up two years later, he'd be like, I don't know, this guy, this dude coaching Wake Forest looks a lot like Todd Graham. I'll be like, oh, he did it. I'm so proud of him. This is, of course, because Dave Cawson got the Florida job. The other one I have to read.

God, I really, Spencer isn't a good mood. Nothing. Who is this man? Here's my other one. From Mark. Thank you to Mark Carlton, who reminds you that great barbecue shouldn't need sauce. I have no problem with this particularly hot food take. I'm fine with it.

And Mark paid me to say it, so I have. have to believe it. That's how that works. Yeah, Mark wouldn't make you lie. No, no, no, no. Certainly none of these are lies. That's why, again, according to Matt, and according to the truth, Oklahoma State is manifestly the best college football program in the state of Oklahoma.

We have shoutouts as well to Jeff Kramer, Colin O'Brien, Jack Allwood, Duncan Elkins, and keeping on theme at Oklahoma on the Twitter's. What games have we forgotten here? I mean, man, NC State is finding new ways to almost beat but not beat Clemson. And it's a little hard to watch. Like, I know that NC State was sort of like, they should still feel good that they went toe to toe with Clemson for the second year in a row. And overall, their season has been pretty promising when you look at their three losses. Yeah, they have this weirdo loss to South Carolina,

but other than that, they've only lost to two teams that in Clemson and Notre Dame are both in good position to make the college football playoff right now. So there's nothing to be disappointed in about this season per se. But man, it was, uh, between that and Syracuse managing to lose to Florida State, it was a lot of like, oh, thanks for nothing, guys. well i mean nc state you know anytime you lose a game uh via illegal shift and nefarious sideline computing i think you just got to chalk that up to good old-fashioned clemson clean living can you explain the sideline computing thing

because i have just i am i'm honestly out of the loop here quite oh man this is a good loop let me this is a good loop so uh after the game dave doran said he would like to have a laptop computer that he either saw or heard about on Clemson's sideline investigated and they asked Abba about it he feigned ignorance will say and then a Clemson official next to him

alleged that it was being used by the Clemson social media department as if Clemson has a social media department Yeah which actually Have we named this scandal yet And if not, can I call dibs on Clemgazi? Wow.

Yeah, you did it. Done. Thank you. Thanks, guys. Oh, well. Climgazi. That's, let me tell you that that is totally what the laptop is. They take all of the sticks from the camera person and load them up and do stuff.

They cut it live. doing live that's that's what it is dave you know because i mean nc state doesn't doesn't have that like is dave the kind of guy who like a computer is just suspicious sitting there it's looking at me yeah like is that is he is he that much of a like paranoid ludite that you know he's like do you want an apple watch you're like to track me it's radiating it's radiating i can feel it how many times do you think d'oran has said what the fuck do you mean you don't take paper checks. You hand, like he sees a phone, that goes in the microwave.

Otherwise, it's going to hear us. Dave Doran just, you're sitting behind them and he gets three items at the grocery store and he goes, that'll be 1428. And you just start to groan when he pulls the checkbook out, right? Like, oh, he sees you with a Tamagotchi on your keychain. He's like, the thing's going to grow up and kill you. But, yeah, but I'm just known, like, I'm just taking... No, no, no, no, no.

Just, just listen. Okay. Burn it now. Burn it now. Burn it now. You're not taking care of it. You're feeding it because it needs to be fat. All right.

It's called a playbook. B-O-O-K. Yeah. So that was fun and painful, especially knowing like clockwork that the otherwise Stella Ryan Finley was going to throw an interception on that last possession in the red zone. And that's what he did. because that's what NC State does.

Other things of note that I would like to point out. Yeah, if you didn't miss it, I believe this was on Friday night. Florida Atlantic. Now, Florida Atlantic under Lane Kiffid. Now, the proper thing to do to manage this game would be at, I believe the score at the time was 30 to 23. Correct?

And in order to go ahead and get the game down as low as possible and just get out of there, Florida Atlantic took a safety. Now, this being some devilry, what was the spread on the game? 6.5. Yes, correct. So by taking a safety and making it score 30 to 25. Yeah. Yeah. And it wasn't even good stress.

Yeah, it was, yeah, because like, there was still nine seconds left. Yeah, they did, yeah, they did this with 14 seconds left on the clock. And, and sometimes you see teams do this because they're like, well, we're backed up and were worried that there's going to be a punt block, and they're going to score a touchdown off it. They were at their own 24, so they definitely had room to get a pun off, had room to get one that was just going to go straight out of bounds and make Marshall have to, throw some stupid Hail Mary. They didn't have to do this. And to Jason's point, they left time on the clock, where they still had to kick the ball.

It went from, uh-oh, their scary return guy might run back a tying touchdown to, uh-oh, he might run back the winning touchdown. And they have to kick it to him. And Marshall fucked up even worse because, you know, their, um,

if you squibbed it, Marshall picks it up. If dude gets down right there, they had eight seconds from like the 45 throw the short pass and then you might have a 40-yard pass for the win. I don't know if I've ever seen two teams fuck up so badly

in about 10 seconds. It's inspiring, right? Yeah, it was awesome. Conference USA football. Tune in today. This is all amazing, right? It's even better because after the game what the coach should do when confronted with questions about whether he was doing

this to mess with the spread. Any coach would, of course, deny, refuse to answer, you know, just decline to engage the topic whatsoever. And that's certainly what Lane Kiffin did because he's matured and because he's a different

person now that he's worked with Nick Saban because I don't know, there's some kind of radiant energy that comes off and that just instantly matures and withers away young flesh, right? No. No. No? No. He didn't do that. No, no. He

made a joke about it I like the next morning they were like gamble it was like gambling reporters said like contacted FAU

imagine being the SID and getting oh Jesus God oh please be about gambling community please be about volleyball fuck it's never about volleyball it's like

subject line question about your coaches comment on the Vegas spread Oh, why did we hire this semi-wrecked penis? Oh! I mean, they're having fun. They had the literal lane train barreling around campus and all that. Like, you take the good with the bad.

Yeah, every now that you're just going to have to deny that you're colluding with posted gambling. That's all. We've all been there. We've all been there. We've all been there. Can we talk about Miami a little bit more? Because I do feel bad that I basically was trashing them for weeks. Because they just put, they did such a good job shutting down Virginia Tech,

holding them just under 300 total yards of offense, 2.4 yards a carry. They were, I mean, forced a ton of, a ton of interceptions. So it felt like the chain was just being like, hey, everybody gets a, okay. I promised all the moms on the team that everybody would get to wear the chain once. So we're going to go ahead and get a bunch of those out of the way tonight. give it to J-Lo don't give it to A-Rod They're 10th against FBS teams

In Yards Per Play Aloud I don't know I really two weeks ago I would have said I just don't see How they're going to be able to shut down Notre Dame And they still might not Because Notre Dame still didn't

Really have trouble offensively Against Wake Forest But it's gonna be a damn fun game It looks like it should be at least I will go ahead and eat all of the crow that you have to offer Can I really Can I just ask the universe a question

When are we all When are we all going to get comfortable with the notion That they're not on the good That the games they play are just going to have These kind of model scores Like that's there's always a team like this There's always a team that ends up like I don't know 10 and 2 11 and 1

And you look at all the scores And there's not a really a single impressive score anywhere on the resume. Yeah. Yeah, there are certain years if you just make this team Auburn, you're like, yeah, this makes sense. Yeah. Or if this team, if, you know, fucking Michigan was doing this, we would be Midwest shamed for doubting this team that scores no more than 28 points per game.

They just know how to win and read Latin. It might. I'm sure there's like Rick Ross album covers where there's a lot of, like, writing like he just like the look of it it says it says lemon pepper wings and latin yeah wow this is amazing it rhymes the word 22 seven times in a row in Latin in this game I like the end the fourth quarter canes are up 18 they're definitely going to win and bro they are fucking racking up penalties like they just gifted Virginia Tech, an entire, just like held their hands and walked them down the field just to take

it back via one more turnover. Like, in that moment, I mean, we like to joke about Texas back. The U is back. Every team is back. In that moment, the U was back. Yeah, I don't, Miami is, Miami's the solution and the cause to all of Miami's problems, right? Like, if you watch it, you go, like, people are going to go, man, this team, like, people who haven't watched them. Just watch. The Miami Notre Dame game, they'll be like, man, this is a sloppy-ass team. Like, how do they want anything? And you'll start to go, oh, no, they're really good. And when they're really bad, they're really bad. And that's how they average out to be a pretty good to really good team. Because there's a lot of extremes that sort of equal. Yeah, we'll give you a bunch of penalties. And we'll also get this crazy-ass 45-yard pass playoff on you. Booh. Yeah. There's a lot of that.

Miami could Here's the thing to know about Miami right now They could really easily be four and four But they ain't Yep That's it That's it They are

They are the team by the way Most comfortable with $5 in the checking account That's when you're like We're good till Friday So close to overdrawn Yeah but we're not going under are we Hey minimum payments of payment ain't it That's it man

Miami savings rate zero but guess who's getting to the end of the month Miami that's yeah yeah and when and you know what when nuclear war comes what's your savings account going to do not a goddamn thing throw that you up I have greatly enjoyed watching them and if they beat Notre Dame 2419 by the approved official Miami

score for the year 2017 I will be doubly pleased because consistency consistency is a light, especially when its origins are a team so volatile that they actually undercut their own success repeatedly. If Miami beats Notre Dame, you know what we're just like three checkerboard moves away from? Mark Rick versus Georgia in the playoff. Yeah.

No, no, no. You see my... It's like super on the table. Yeah, well, in this case, the checkerboard does have cocaine on it, just so we're clear. You're going to have to brush that off because Brother Rick, it wouldn't like the side of that. You're going to have to tell them that's sugar because we're making cookies for the firefighters. It is from the earth, and God did create all of it, so I guess I can see some argument, just not in front of me, if you please. It's for medicinal purposes, right?

Isn't that what they say these days? Oh, you have the cocaine glaucoma. Well, I got that cocaine glaucoma. I can't see shit. Help me. You got to fix me up. I can't see a damn thing. Oh, I see it all now. This usually violates my, like, I will be a rep of my usual indicator, which is that being a commie, I always root for a public school over a private school in almost every single instance. However, in the case of Miami versus Notre Dame, I could think of no clear division between the things I love and the things I disdain than these two schools, because you're like, hmm, man, look at that. at Miami from Florida, known for excess NCAA investigations,

Jeremy Shockey crashing a jet ski into the side of a boat and not dying somehow. But yeah, man, yeah, give it to me. Let's just do it. Fuck it. Let's just do it and be legends. Hey, listen, my dad's, my dad's got this thing. Just give me 10 grand. Give me 10 grand. Try and tell me that Jarl rule isn't a position coach.

on this team. Convince me that that's true. You can't. I can't. You fucking cannot. No. I can't. You know what? I can't convince you that they're not going to win the national I can't. I have no reason to tell you that they can. Like Miami 18, Wisconsin 9. That's your national title.

With everyone standing there looking at it going, What? How? 2017 is full of wonders. That's how this ends. It ends with like the Miami team declining to visit the White House and instead celebrating at a pollo loco, right? You have appointed trick daddy as our representative to the White House.

We're giving the turnover chain to our president. Pitbull!