Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 7.39: World's Wildest College Football Weekend

Episode Date: November 9, 2017

We're joined by Sheriff John Bunnell ok no I can't lie to you like that because that would be a crime. Plus, nobody knows where Sheriff John Bunnell is these days. But if you want to hear us explain why Mark Dantonio does all his shopping at Home Depot, show you why Georgia will be leaving Auburn with the Civil ConFLiCT trophy, predict the rise of the Mark Richt Reformation, and explore Spencer's deep and real love of cheese, we do those things. Again, no Sheriff John Bunnell, though. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown full cast. It's midweek. We're toward the end of the season. And I think this is the time when we're harvesting. We're harvesting things that we've earned. We've harvested so much hard work that bloomed, that blossomed into the fruits of our labor, which now, I think, after all of this work, we're now just starting to see. For instance, Jason, what are you wearing today?

I got on a falcons hoodie that I won in the gambling contest. thanks to the Sandman. Wearing Falcons gear in public probably doesn't count as winning, but we take what we can get. Well, if we're on an agricultural theme, you know, last year was the Falcons reaping

a wonderful harvest. And this year, they're letting the field, you know, air out a little bit, regenerate. You don't have to grow every year, right? Yeah, are there crops that only grow like every four or five years? Seems on that.

likely. Yeah, it's called Auburn football. Congratulations. Yeah, that's about the same. It's good. It's definitely not a USDA regulated product. Auburn football. This is a good pastoral image you've let us off here with Spencer, but I think it's wrong. Because I think this week is brought to you by Sheriff John Bunnell. It's the world's most dangerous college football week. These teams thought they were going to be.

able to skate scot-free and steal a win. These low-lifes swore they were going to get away with it this time. This bad Buckeye thought he had an easy pass to the Big Ten championship game. Local sheriff Mark Dantoneo saw differently. Someone let loose a whole crate full of frogs on this young man's front lawn. So what did he do? He stepped on each and every one of them with his very fast feet. If you don't know Sheriff John Bunnell, oh man, you should.

You probably do already. Because Sheriff John Bunnell, he was the host of, I believe, was it America's wildest police chases? Yeah, or most dangerous. It was some superlative that you would, that you're like, maybe we shouldn't apply this to police chases. it was like nine different cop propaganda shows right well copaganda if you will yeah yeah share this was world's wildest police videos and if you've never seen it sheriff john banel uh he was uh he's from oregon he was an actual sheriff and uh he retired and then when he retired he decided to uh you know do a little hollywood and most of what sheriff john benel does is walk through these fictional scenes

right if you've ever seen the show he walks through these fictional scenes of cops rushing to a scene or something right or cops getting in a helicopter and the world's best internet video is an eight minute montage which is nothing but John Bunnell with a wipe of sirens in between each like

each scene it's just constantly John Bunnell doing these like awesome little monologues about like these guys thought the cops were pigs but later they were the ones who were made into bacon you know like that's And he does that while, like, walking around a car and getting in.

John Bennell at the shooting range just unloads the whole clip, turns around, and tweets so sexy at himself. So sexy. Didn't he also do that? Wasn't that him? Well, that's the, yeah, that's the best thing is that he is the best Twitter account because his Twitter just stops at a certain point where he is, like, kind of sexting slash propositioning this woman. and then I assume everybody was like oh shit sheriff john out here trying to lay the pipe and instead of just deleting his account or deleting the tweets he just walked away he just walked away forever and left it all intact

yes sexy sheriff thought he was going home with a classy lady instead he logged off he thought it was a direct message instead he directed the message to the world Benel, if I could just share a few of my favorite tweets. You know, tweets read aloud aren't exactly the best art form, but I think I can do these service. You got to do them in the voice. You got to do them in the voice.

Sheriff John Bunnell, February 21st, 2016. Hole in one. Today. Drunk. Yes. So relatable. It's February 2nd. 2016. Rehash, O.J. Don't think so. That's it. That's the whole thing. February 1st, 2016. Netflix, here we come. Three exclamation points.

And who knows? That could have just been about him getting an account, him getting a login from somebody. Sheriff John Bunnell does everything as hard as he fucking can. yeah and all most of his tweets most of them are just him out on the town with the boys having a drink being like it's great hanging out with you know ted and that's it this sheriff thought you could substitute onion rings for a side salad at this local restaurant what he's about to find out is that there is no substitute for honesty September 10th, 2015 Someone take me to sushi and buy me a beer That's pretty good though Because he doesn't want sushi, he only wants beer

Again, relatable May 20th, 2015 Might have been a DM that went sideways So, comma, I need to come to Toronto Would love to meet you Sheriff John has mastered the indirect message Just spraying it That's like attention

Ladies of Toronto People of the world He's amazing man It's like old dirty bastard addressing To all the women of the world Listen you can't screenshot a DM that never gets sent Oh man So so yeah

This is the absolute great Twitter account ever, John Bunnell, who yes, did at one point tweet, so sexy! So sexy! At himself. And then probably posted three pictures of him at a

tavern, and then something talking about how Paris Hilton is the perfect woman. So this is the world's wildest college football weekends. It's time to walk around Miami Stadium and get in like seven fights.

and then walk inside. January 13th, 2015. The letter S. That's it. It's just an S. Shit. Syracuse is going to be Wake Forest. You say the letter? Yeah. Now, if you're wondering, yeah, just he should have, right?

Oh, man. Let me give you a good one, though. I'm going to bring it all back. In case you think this is pointless. Sheriff John Bunnell, January 1st, 2015. Okay. Ducks rule. Kick FSU. quack quack. He was right. He was right.

He was right. Nailed it. Damn. And we will stay away from making law enforcement jokes about that team. Don't know what jokes there would be to make. You know? Yeah. Can't think of any. So, this week's Saturday.

Get to start off with Michigan State, fresh off Dragon Penn State thorough swamp against Ohio state fresh off being a swamp and uh ohio states favored by 15 points much to mark dantonio's delight oh that's great there's so much disrespect there the video came out and he just he just kind of grinned and well that's interesting i would not be surprised if mark d'antoneo kept like 500 thousand dollars just to swing betting lines against michigan state for that purpose oh he's the sharp

the ultimate yeah i mean that man but like he'd always losing. Maybe like 90% of his contract goes toward that. He only has 100,000 and take home. Yeah, yeah. This is all I need to live on. I'm a simple man. I only need to make six figures. You can do your grocery shopping at Home Depot

if you know where to look. Some of them do have a Wendy's inside. A lot of the grout's non-toxic. They have to say so. The garden section is just a produce section in development, isn't it? That's just a two-star produce section.

Down the road at Ann Arbor, they didn't want you tulips here in East Lansing. I'll eat your entire family. Your dinner. You're a valued member of our dinner. I have a feeling that if I could explain Michigan State football, I could go through the statistical profile with you, but it's easier for me to say that Mark Dantoneo will pickle that. That's it. He's going to get through the winter by pickling it. What is it?

Just going to pick pickle the football. It'll be tart. it'll be maybe not as good as the actual thing that is pickled but it will survive the winter over here in my basement I've got a whole shelf full of pickled jars oh you mean like like jars with pickled food in them no no I pickled the jars the glass gets just to the right consistency coach you eat glass oh I eat pickled glass

all of these punts handcrafted and pickled all of them I really, like, I don't know how to tell you that they're going to, that they're going to win this game. Who's that? Who's they? Michigan State? Michigan State. Okay.

I think they're the ultimate they in all of college football. I don't know how to, I don't know how to get you there. Okay. But you're ignoring the fact that Ohio State has the human 20-sided die in J.T. Barrett. So, yeah, if they roll critical miss, absolutely Michigan State's going to win. 18? I mean, then they're going to win the damn game. But you don't know. You got to roll it out there and see what happens. I know that overall, in terms of advanced stats, Michigan State, they're right there with, like, Florida Atlantic.

Like, really, they're actually, like, right there in that tier with Florida Atlantic. Just winning consistently, yes, we get it. With a flashy attention-grabbing head coach. Mm-hmm. and why this is this game is just going to turn into the dantonio-ish morass that will only benefit michigan state if they're hanging at like 1310 in the third quarter watch urban mire's hair just slowly start to fall in you know what michigan state is

it's like the and you have you have a card game like uh my daughter and i we play a lot of the Pokemon card game but like i'm sure um the magic and all those others have this too where like you can lay down a card that totally changes the rules like in the Pokemon game it's a stadium and it changes like oh now all these all these kinds suck it's never a boost it's never a buff

Michigan State is never like oh oh wide receivers all get plus nope it's always minus always minus okay now we're going to take double damage but you're going to take triple damage have you ever read Harrison Bergeron so the last five games in this series roughly at least off the top of my head you have two one point ohio state wins and you have two

times when michigan state wrecked a all but certain ohio state national title shot well it takes the points plus 15 i mean on the other hand it's they're definitely not wrecking and all but certain ohio state national title shot this time the pressure's off so if it's if those are the two possibilities congratulations ohio state for this narrow victory hmm okay well this is Big Ten East title game, though, so there are stakes. Yeah, but, I mean, Wisconsin's the clear conference leader at this point. I don't see why you would question that. I don't see why you would dig into that and say that, like, maybe that's not true.

The college football playoff committee has run the numbers, and they have determined that Wisconsin is the best team in the conference. If this is going to be a truly bizarre year, then what we need is we need for everyone in the Big Ten East to cause enough blood loss to each other so that by the time, whatever comes into the big ten championship game at that point is so messed up from what they've done to each other that you know big old rosy cheeked full of blood sanguine wisconsin who's barely broken a sweat all year just bandages to like roll in and just have paul chris sitting there with like the the clock on the sideline right just like holding a big cartoon clock they get the 38 right

and just running the clock and winning it something like 17 10 the big 10th of this point is basically the like almost finished McMansion and Wisconsin's going to swoop in and buy it for $200,000 and be like hey why is it so cheap and they'll be like oh yeah Ohio State Michigan State murder suicide

as it turned out. Oh man the big 10 title this year is like the trick that worked really well like 10 years ago on eBay when you would just Google like typos like Google like you go on eBay and search like Palm Piliate. You get a

fucking cheap palm pilot that you can sell that shit works like crazy but now they're all sorts of their sites that do that for everybody lazy spoiled the lens but that's what the big 10 title is it's more like the board turn title this is what's going to happen when the uh when the bots win the big 10 four years from now the bots are going to figure it out the Russian bots it's gonna be fun that's that probably favors Purdue right engineering school uh yeah sort of cold and eat a lot of potatoes that sounds right that's a lot of time we've spent on the 1213 game clearly it must be the most interesting matchup of rank teams hell now oh no next up actually i mean shit there's more in that slot alone you got oklahoma state oh oklahoma state iowa state where if iowa state wins

they are very much in line for the big 12 championship because they will have the tiebreaker over over whoever loses the Big 12 game later that day. Oklahoma State and TCU. Now, hit down. Only big tings. Only big ting for Iowa. And they host. They host.

So, yeah. I mean, prepare for a world in which Iowa has a win over the Big 12 champion. Sorry. The whole state is just bowing up. Oh, goddamn state. I'm excited for us. because this seems like a thing we would do to make a very enthusiastic case

for like four loss Iowa to make the playoff. It's getting close. I mean, if they knock off Wisconsin, let's do it. The shutdown forecast 14 playoff as it stands. Iowa State. Iowa. Let's see. Wait, Forrest. And FAU, as we said.

Pitt. There we go. And I think, well, let's invite UCF. The actual one sure is hell ain't. No. Hey, but they get, listen. This Yukon game is surely going to boost their stats, right? It's a rivalry game. It is a rivalry game.

The committee has said that they give bonus points for all trophies won, whether it's a conference title or a rivalry title that you can't find. That's the best kind, right? Nobody can find the Ark of the Covenant. That's just valuable as hell. The Arcane rivalry trophy, the Mystical Wisdom Rivalry Trophy. legendary rivalry trophy I really enjoyed

Bob Diago's honesty about that trophy and that he's ashamed of it and that he's locked that away and he doesn't want to admit it ever happened the Hartford the Hartford Current did a whole piece

tracking down like Diaco and asking about the civil conflict trophy and finding a picture of it sitting at the end of a bench abandoned by all who had anything to do with it. And they got to Bob Diaco, who's at, I believe he's the defensive coordinator for Nebraska now. He is, correct.

Yeah, Diaco's like, I don't talk about it. It never happened. I don't. How much money would you give the custodian or whoever for it, wherever it is? $100. That's it? No, no, no.

Well, that's what I'm starting at. I'm not going to negotiate against myself. I got $1.50 on it. I'll do 175. I'll do 200. It's yours, buddy. Enjoy. Yes.

For all time. The civil conflict. Hey, if you have it, if you have the actual one, get at me. Because I just set your, I just set your price. Well, and in true eBay fashion, it is kind of misspelled. Perfect. The system works all these years later. Trust the process.

You know, you know your, um, you know your trophy's good when you're like people will just remember the postal codes for these states right that's enough I feel like that's enough idiots so yeah UCF is really going to shine that resume this week because

let's see in the next slot we have oh just a little top 10 Georgia at Auburn matchup just a little thing a little small thing just the number one team in its maybe hardest game of the year, maybe. Well, it's just tough because these teams play so infrequently.

You know, I think Georgia leads this series seven to six all time. Since Auburn came over from the ACC, they've only played once. These scenes just don't know each other that well. They certainly don't have any sort of connection in terms of like pecking order in the academic universe or anything like that. Yeah. And they're so far apart geographically. And also, like, their games are just really boring.

And, like, you know, the favored team always wins and, like, the, you know, the decisive play is always like, I don't know, it was a field goal in the third quarter. You know, it's never, like, really crazy where you see, like, Georgia coaches, like, passing out on their faces on the field or anything like that. Now, I do hope the civil conflict trophy turns up here somehow. I hope, like, whatever team wins, they're just like, and they're rushing the field. Oh, and what's this? They're lifting the civil conflict trophy. Somehow that made its way to Auburn, Alabama. Gus Miles Iowa

We're here at Auburn Auburn University Everything is civil here It's the way we do business I was just trying to think It's like the Andy Richter of trophies We invited him on the show He's there, it's great

And then Bob Diaco's like See, that proves that Connecticut And Georgia exists in the same universe We just tied it all together Oh man How, oh, man, how heated is Bob Diaco this week? Nebraska's playing in Minnesota, where there's a made-up rivalry trophy people give a shit about. This is his fucking nightmare.

This is the chair game. Where did I go wrong? Oh, man. The bits, the $5 bits of broken chair trophy, correct? All he had to do was hire the internet. Yeah, that was it. Bob Diaco probably, he designed that trophy himself, right? That was another revelation in the Hartford Caron article that Diocchio.

it designed it himself. It's trocious. It looks like if if you could reduce a really shitty 80s office park to a horrocks, that's what the civil conflict trophy looks like, right? You're like, if you unleash the power

of this, it will sprout a core office center, right? That's what it looks like. Why is there a cop USA in this trophy? I don't get it. There's a free CD in here weird. It's a It's 20 hours of, you know, one...

A free prodigy. That's weird. Wow. But, yeah, we spend a lot of time on it, and no one liked it. And then PJ, like, some people from the internet make up like this jackass broken bits chair trophy, right? And PJ flex, like, we're all in on it. A fucking parody account of a coach you fired for being an asshole invented the trophy. He didn't even make it.

He just typed it, and someone out there made it. I know, and they are 100% committed to it. This is great. Giacos, like, when will I be loved? All the time, he's a beautiful man. He needs to, you know, everything's not going to go your way, buddy. You already won one lottery. Going back to Georgia at Auburn, the newest rivalry in the South, of course.

I'm just completely bullish on Georgia until I don't have to be because I don't see I have people in my mentions going oh man you know they haven't faced anything like Auburn's defense you think this is going to matter like really have you seen what Georgia does well they run the ball yeah and if Auburn's good at anything it's limiting the run game

then what does Auburn need to do to score they need to pass they're going to need some force fumbles They're going to need We're about 45 seconds into this And we're already making up things Hey we're running the muff punt offense We feel that that's the best way to flip the field And really, you know, move the ball

Boy, when one of our D-Linman gets that ball We run that wingtie run back We practice it a lot Yeah I'm just not like George's George's past defense a lot about, oh, I don't know, about 5.3 yards. They're just not allowing a lot of anything to air.

Shit, that fits perfectly for Auburn's a perfect fit. Auburn, take what the defense gives you. We'll give you three yards. Done. Accepted. I'll stand on 15. I'll take your two and a half yards. Who's the smart ass now?

Of course, Jared Stittem died in the process, but... But he got that ball off, didn't he? That's not a sack. That's a positive play. That's a positive play. Listen, you can't make an eight-play, 17-yard drive omelet. What about Jared Stidham getting sacked 94 times? Yeah.

No, George is going to win. George is going to win by, I don't know, 17 points. I'll put it, I'll put it here. Tigers win. Okay, sure. Okay, cool. I like that we just made that up. Like, yeah, there's a bunch of reasons.

I don't know, Jared Stidon's going to get sack like 20 times. I'm leaning on that run defense. I'm all in on that run defense. Sounds like something I would say. So whoever wins will be praised for being right. The other Tigers in the 3.30 slot, Clemson, man, Dallow Swinney is going out of his way to Taco Florida State. Oh, DeAndre Francois, that's a Heisman contender that they lost. This Florida State team, y'all, you don't want to, you don't want to prepare for them.

Oh, I mean, realistically, Florida State might be. be the greatest team with a losing record in November of all time. And now you're talking about an all-time great. You know, we got to go out there and face one of the all-time grates. They got Dion Sanders. They got Randy Moss, led him back after the weed thing. They got Peter Warwick. Peter Tom Willis back there.

It's crazy. You know, Chris Wanky out there, Shaggin Flies. He's still the same age. He's still only slightly too old for this. Think about how many houses Warg done is supplied. I've only got two houses. I gotta compete with that shit Two houses that they know

about Wait did we have we talked about Davos fucking castle that he bought Davo bought a castle by the way He bought himself A Tudor themed A renovated Tudor themed Highway

Like motor lodge Yeah it looks like it looks like a kick ass Putt arcade place They come up to me and they call me King Dabo. I said, I'm not King Dabo yet. I'm not even lower Dabo. I'm only barren Dabo for now. I got a long way to go. Feudalism is the original assignment football. You get one plot of land and it's your, it's, if the ball comes through there, I don't know, maybe it's yours. Hey, it's just, it's a zone defense, all right? That's all futilism is. That's what it is.

You just stay in your zone or the king kills you. That will happen. so yeah um clemson's gonna draw knock florida state six losses you know what a stunt it is to like have dabbo like gassing up florida state right like that's that this is like me being convinced that dabbo's like doing what he should do as a coach by pumping them up but also at the same time like it's got to be it's got to just kill jibbo fisher you're dabbo sitting there going like no no no, no, no, y'all. They're real good. Davvo talking about them the way you would if you're playing fucking Jacksonville State or something. They're a real good team for their level. Scattergories Jr., they got a lot of tough questions on, you know, you see the junior and you write them off, but then they ask you, what's something you can put on a sandwich that starts with a pee, and you're like, well, yeah, I guess pickle, but what else?

Man, that wee bowling, you can sprain your wrist if you don't know what you're doing. it's your buffest friend who gets fit after working out for two weeks and you like lay off for like a month and come back in and they're like that's real good you benched 135 pounds buddy yeah you know you know it wasn't about the number it was about the form you look at this florida state team and no they can't bench but the form the form the form is there um now of course the funnier outcome will be florida state somehow upsets clemson florida state fans get all florida statey on the internet and then they realize they potentially rescheduled the this game of Louisiana Monroe for no reason. Then they can hit then they can go seven and five. I didn't go eight and fucking five. Win in season, y'all. Winning season. Jimbo, give them an extension.

Never a doubt. $50 million buyout. Let's do it. Unconquered. Keep the coaching staff. Give them all raises. And then, yeah, Wisconsin gets to draw the Ruiner of Dreams and Good Things, Iowa. What is our rivalry trophy here? Is this,

Either the Heroes Trophy or the Freedom Trophy, or it's a very post-9-11 trophy. I know that much. It is the Heartland Trophy. Okay, I take that back. There's so fucking many of them in that little quadrant of, what is it, the quadrangle of hate? The Heartland Trophy is a brass bull that the winner gets. Oh, isn't that the one that looks like they're two stadiums? Might not be.

God. No, no, that's Wisconsin and somebody else because they both have like military themes. I think that might be, I want to say Wisconsin, Michigan State. No. That trophy would be like the winning coach gets a punch in the face. Well, this one remember, it has a big old brass bull on it, okay? But and the bull. Oh, the bull.

I thought you said bowl. No, no, no. The bull had the bull at first. Bob Bolesby who now of course is like you know Bob Bolesby Bob Bolesby was athletic director in Iowa in 2004

and they got prototype back and the guy who made it said it had some balls on it at first and then he took it over and he showed Bolesby and I think it was Bolesby who said yeah we can't have those balls hanging down there

and I'll never forget when the sculptor took that little exact knife and just shoot that's the exact word in the quote by the way is shoot just listen they said they said jacky sherel could never find another line of work and they were fucking wrong it was and they just dropped off we laughed about that more than not it was pretty funny man so yeah if you don't like the balls we'll just take them off for you lopo it is a neutered bull still got it i think i think it's i i think it's iowa nebraska that has the or no, nope, nope, nope, nope.

Nebraska, Wisconsin has the Freedom Trophy. Yeah. And it, yeah, it, it features images of both teams, football stadiums with an American. You know what? Somebody just decided to make the most American, the Patriot Troops Honor trophy, okay? Just go make that. All right? It's just a thousand bayonets glued together.

That's what it is. and it's the troop the troop copse memorial award the wall the wallberg trophy just mark walbert on his on his big motorcycle of freedom saying have a nice weekend have a nice weekend

say hello to your motorcycle uh but yeah I mean Iowa has Iowa at this point has ruined Ohio State season almost ruined Penn State season can still ruin Wisconsin season can always ruin Nebraska season

ruined Iowa state season ruined Wyoming season in some sense and you know because they're Iowa ruined their own season as well they're just they're just pestilence in football form and it's wonderful they're like a fucking blight on all the heartland crops

just spreading pestilence and punts and misery Yeah, that's, well, that's why Pharaoh finally gave up. Kirk Farrant showed up, but he said, you know, we think we'd like to, you'd like to discuss. Fine, I can't. I yield. Take them. I'll out. I'm Pharaoh. I'll out last you, Kirk Farrants, will you? You think so, huh? He dropped 55 points on Hatshepsin.

You know, a guy named Methuselah tried that. You know, you see the Red Sea part, and fullback's going right down the middle, and we're going right behind him. just as a note man this night shift is heat i'm very fond very fond but just because at notre dame at miami i'm really going to enjoy because the results for for someone are going to be very confusing this this actually has like all the elements for trouble because you have a bunch of people who hate each other and are convinced that they are totally different from one another whether or not they actually are. You have the highest stakes possible. The

loser of this might effectively be out of the playoff race altogether and they've all spent a shitload of money to be here. Miami fans throw garbage on the field when it only costs $18 to get into a Miami game. The fuck are they going to do if there's a bad call in a game where they

spent 10 times that to get into the game. They're going to throw an entire car. It's going to be amazing. Gold chains flying on the field. Pit bull flying on the field. Yeah, this is the game where not only do you have, like, ancient history for, like, the fathers of any legacy players or whatever, and, like, for the fans, at least, and Mark Riggs, Mark Riggs got some, probably got some Notre Dame hate stored up, even though that was a little after his time. But, like, they also played last year. Notre Dame was the last team to beat Miami. So, like, there is actually some rejuvenated rivalry angst here.

I'm really hoping for some evil ricked here. I'm really hoping for some intentional like celebration penalty or some sort of massive on-side kick attempt which Miami... Oh, they turned the turnover chain into a rosary. They're saying Hail Mary's out there right now

just to mock them. Look at that. I want something very unintentional maybe too. Like maybe you turn on the sprinklers right after Notre Dame takes the field for the first time. Right? Just... Oh no, brother. Rick is nailed the 95 Theses to the

goalpost. What does it say? Every Notre Dame Heisman winner is overrated. Wow. That's, no, this is back. Salvation by faith alone, bitch. Huh. We had to translate it to Dave County Ease. We had to translate it

so that the local would understand it. I don't get it. Do you mean it? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We're going to beat Notre Dame bitch. Oh, yeah. Where three or more come together in one, there you have a conference that is actually eligible to make the playoff. And a criminal conspiracy. Also a criminal conspiracy. I do also enjoy, too, that with Miami, there is also the achievement here.

We're beating Notre Dame and we're staying undefeated. And you're like, still got to win that Atlantic division for the first time, y'all. You're going to lose the pit and Virginia Tech's going to steal it. You're like, that's really cool, y'all. I'm glad to beat Notre Dame, but let's buckle down and get Pitt and nail down this first division championship that we basically created the entire conference around the concept of you being competitive in. Just do it. People are going to be so confused when they hear at Miami when it's first what? Now, on the other hand, the Notre Dame fans may feel oddly at home here because the stadium is named after their favorite restaurant, Hard Rock Cafe.

Oh. Woo. Yeesh. Damn. Oh, yeah. me and Sharon, we went to Paris this spring. Had a lovely meal at the Hard Rock. You ever been?

Best restaurant in France. That's what I said. Rick Steves, he's a criminal. You know Rick Steves reps the U. You know Rick Steves reps the U. Oh, no, 100%. You know why? Because Rick Steve can't return to the United States

because he was arrested for importing thousands of pounds of marijuana in the late 70s. That's my theory. That, like, Rick Steves was involved in some drug ring, and that's why he's in Europe forever, right? Just, just, just Skyping Michael Irvin. Hey, how's it going, buddy? Miss you. Hey, yo, Ricky! My man!

Like, I'm mad, there's no way that Rick, because Rick Steve is also super, if you know, Rick Steve is also super pro-legalization. It just makes me think. I'm like, let's see, stuck in Europe forever. pro-legalization like quietly unmenacing and you wouldn't assume it of and I was like oh yeah he was totally flying planes for a cartel

no way Nate Newton took the fall for him all right a big fall a big heavy fall the other night game of interest Tennessee at Missouri

Oregon's State at Arizona. Yes. Sorry. You get to steal Khalil Tate against tackling dummies. I was thinking something else. I was thinking, I was thinking TCU at Oklahoma. Oh, that.

Yeah, one of those games where we go, well, it'll work itself out, right? Because we got a couple of those, right? Like Notre Dame Miami, that'll work itself out. Somebody's picking up a loss here, right? It's Notre Dame, we can just forget about putting them in the final four, right? start scouting out a lovely Florida bowl game for them to, you know, pick up and just junket ties. Nope, you know, Miami stays undefeated or picks up a loss and things get real confusing for them. Well, TCU, Oklahoma, there's another one of these nice little knockouts.

It's very pleasant because both these teams, again, both of them have a loss to Iowa State, the most important team in college football, and one of them will have a loss after this. This is the Iowa third place match. At one point, an athletic department will just attempt to pay a coach not to work. Yeah, Notre Dame has done that twice. Yeah, okay. Refraise. Ahead of time, they'll just pre-fire, right?

Like, that's really what, like, Florida should probably do with several coaches, right? It's just pay them not to go there, right? Like, okay, cool. I don't know. If Jimbo Fisher leaves Florida State and Willie Taggart comes from, rolling in we should just pay willie taggart like 20 million dollars a year to not coach at floristay not work there oh i keep him on retainer right yeah no no no just yeah just to take him off the market right like you know you could work really hard for 10 million dollars

how would you like to not work for 15 that's a damn good deal think about it yeah it's not the worst idea you proposed no no no i've proposed much stupider and you saw a time on this podcast and propose further. I mean, you just, are you saying we should not care about Alabama at Mississippi State at all? Because it sounded like that's what you were saying. Oh, no, it's not at all. So my favorite fact about this game,

there is a scenario in which this is Bama's best win of the regular season. A regular season that included Florida State and a trip to Auburn. And LSU. And LSU and all the normal stuff. Yeah. That's wild, man.

That's wild. Like so, so Mississippi State probably projected to finish nine and three. And they're already number 16, which is a little confusing. You know, they've won comfortably, but okay, fine. Let it happen. So let's say Auburn loses badly to Georgia. We already know Auburn's winning, and let's say Auburn loses real badly to Bama, and, you know, Auburn slips down a little bit with four losses.

Mississippi State finished 9-3. Bama best win in Mississippi State. Workman-like. That's what I think that is. Workman-like. I don't know how this man is. is to happen, but we always say that, you know, oh, man, what gives Alabama trouble is a mobile quarterback. Well, we say that in the way that it's like the flu kills people. And yes, the flu does, but most

people it doesn't. Alabama faces a lot of mobile quarterbacks that it doesn't lose to. Yeah, it's like, you know, you know, driving a car straight off a cliff tends to be bad for you. Probably, you're probably going to handle that guardrail, though. Yeah, but like Mississippi State always has a quarterback who's just slow enough to get himself in trouble against the Alabama defense, right? It's never like Deshawn, it's never like Deshawn Watson or Mansell, right? Or, I don't know, Baker Mayfield

probably do real well against them, right? You know, even Trevor, you can look back at quarterbacks who gave Alabama trouble, and all of Mississippi State's quarterbacks are just big and slow enough in the fast quarterback category to get themselves into real trouble, right?

Mississippi State is the car you start out with when you buy a racing game. You're like, okay, well, I guess I got to save up some money and upgrade because I can't be winning races with this Mississippi State That's not going to happen This Ford Focus ST has got to get me to the next And to be honest, I'm going to turn damage it off

We have some ad reads to do Before we get there We have totally passed over The most important revenge game on this schedule Do either of you know which one it is? Most important revenge game? look through this schedule look through and say like

oh we all remember how how important this this game was last year uncy pitt Kansas at oh yes can't Texas is uh well Texas one last year right no no no no no no no they did not

no they did not what's what sport is this I was gonna say this is on something called I mean it's on LHN right but it's also on Jayhawk TV which I just imagine to be that satire channel that like

they always show on Saturday Night Live and they're like what is German television it's like the child is in trouble the child is sad Jayhawk TV is if you just go to Bill Selfouse he'll let you Jayhawk TV is that article that's floating around this week about like

YouTube bots are rearranging your child's mind by shooting Peppa the Pig in the face Jayhawk TV is Jason Whitlock's website Spencer please you've been assigned all the ad reads this week because I'm a dick so I'm going to ask you to go ahead and get those done All of the ad reads that we are providing this week

are not of course sponsors They are sponsors of charity They are readers listeners Participants in the shutdown full cast community Who have kindly given us funds for our efforts to support disaster relief across Puerto Rico, Florida, Texas, anywhere affected by hurricane season.

The first one this week is from Charlie. The best C-Lab 2021 episode was Martian Law. Go big red. Okay. I mean, I think that's valid. It's not my favorite C-Lab episode. What's your favorite? My favorite one is season one episode five lost in time, where Captain Murphy creates an awful time loop, a reality distorting time loop, because he sends Quinn and Stormy out to Pirate Cable and blows up the station the entire episode, like several times, until members of the crew crew are further mutated.

into like they keep piling up like horrible more muted versions of the other so that would be my favorite is lost in time i would pick tin fins but that's because i like all the grizzlebees cutaways grizzlebees you'll wish you had less fun i think that's a quality i think we all make good picks there okay for best celap episode the next is from zach and these next ones are going to be uncomfortable for me but i do this for the cause from Zach I'm Zach Gerbeck and I think Spencer doesn't love cheese as much as Jim McElwain doesn't love sharks

I read it doesn't mean I have to validate it have you fucked cheese before I know hasn't happened hasn't happened you know that you didn't say it wouldn't happen yeah

I mean I don't know I'll do a lot I'll do a lot for charity it's what I'll say. You heard it, folks. From Julia. If possible, I would like for Spencer to say on air that cheese is delicious.

I just said it. I read it. It's part of that sentence. So I don't have to say it because I just said it, Julia. How much cheese is in your house at a given time? We usually have some of those little baby bells. Sure. Because kids like those

So we'll have We usually have a bag of those on hand And that's usually about it If it And usually my wife Has some bag of something Really horrible smelling That she'll put on

I don't know like an Asiago or a Parmesan Right Which are the worst because the minute they hit heat They just start emitting all of that barnyard Cow ass stink Where cheese comes from, as we all know. I got to shit it out. This man's definitely picking Wisconsin to lose.

Now, in the great pizza war of 2K17, does your cheese phobia sway your allegiance at all? Because as we all know, the extremely woke pizza hut has higher cheese content than other brands, lesser brands. That's why Spencer only eats crazy brands. bread. No, that's why I go Domino's thin crust because it's just like

that's barely food. Like there's mostly air, right? It's like mostly air and a couple of slices of meat and then like maybe a thin strata of cheese on top of it

and it's all mozzarella which is supposed to be buffalo milk but I assume industrial mozzarella is actually just reconstituted starbursts. It's all lemon for some reason. Yeah.

I mean, it's not actual food, right? Domino's is going to have to do another one of those Mayacal ads where they come out in like five years and they're like, I'm sorry, we've been serving you shredded cars rebuilt his pizza. They rehired Dave Brandon just to kick him back to the curb. It was all Dave Brandon's fault. He thought we should start serving plastic

on our pizza instead of cheap. We're sorry for that. I mean, Michigan might want to adopt that strategy too. That's fine. We've rehired Dave Brandon after the Maryland loss. We have fired Dave Brandon after the Maryland loss. Yay,

everyone's happy now. Get out on him. We have one more. And that's Lieutenant Winslow. For some reason, I'm supposed to say this. Nobody likes Aaron Weisberg. There you go. That's true.

Those are our reads. Who's that? We don't know. No contest. text was given. That's the best part. It doesn't matter. We were, they told us to read it and we did. Okay. I do want to focus on one other game, FAU plays Louisiana Tech this week. That's right. We've got Lane Kiffin versus Skip Holtz. And yes, I dubbed this game the Sun Bowl. That's what it is.