Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 7.42 - Is Jon Gruden In Your House?

Episode Date: November 21, 2017

If Jon Gruden is not in your house, he might be signing a contract to coach the University of Tennessee. Jason was not on this episode, so HE might be signing a contract to coach the University of Tennessee. Proof is weird like that! Spencer and Ryan also discuss:the real reason why Nebraska hasn't fired Mike Rileywhy dating Brian Kelly is the opposite of dating Keanu ReevesTexas had a fine seasonTexas A&M, not so muchhey let's make them play a bowl game and see who gets pissed off first!i dunno some other bullcrap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. You know, college football, you never really know what you're going to get week to week. Man, we've been very lucky thus far in 2017. Haven't we, Ryan? We have. We've had, like, the good mixture of disaster and excitement, and it's kind of been, like, the movie speed. If you suspend disbelief enough so that you can buy things like Miami is actually good. and Florida State is very much not

and Florida doesn't exist then you can really enjoy this even though most of the coaches have the personality of Keanu Reeves in any non-action film I would say like a romance. Are people into Keanu Reeves as a romantic figure? I don't know and I don't know that I want to know

but I bet he would be a great college football coach. I think somebody who's into Keanu Reeves as a romantic figure is the kind of person who they just want somebody. something simple. They want something chill and easy. I think that if you take whatever you, whatever Keanu Reeves is and invert it,

you probably get that person's real life partner, right? Like the man or woman interested in Keanu Reeves is probably dating a fair, angry, short, hyper, demanding, insensitive type A sort of case. Loud, loud as well, loud. Loud. Deeply unchill, right?

I just deeply unchill in every single way. So if that's the person, you know, they're dating Brian Kelly is basically what I'm saying. And I'm sorry that you're dating Brian Kelly because that's unfortunate. Well, hey, even you're having like a positive experience this season. I don't know about dating-wise, but football-wise. you didn't lose to Navy and that's a good thing right that's this whole week in a nutshell is our things that almost happened or might have happened for a second but then slipped away for instance I don't know it's 14 7 Auburn over Louisiana Monroe at the half if you'll remember 10 years ago things got a little squirrely between a team in Alabama and Louisiana Monroe so looking at the half you go ooh man it's a fire gust week because remember there's a There are only two kinds of weeks, right? There's a fire Gus week, and there's a keep Gus forever week.

There's no middle ground with Gus Melon in Auburn. Hey, it's a lot like marriage. Every day, you either decide to stay married or get divorced. That's Auburn. It's just like the rest of us, man. And like the rest of us, they decided to, they said, let's stay together. You know, why do so many people break up when we can make up and we can beat Louisiana Monroe 42 to 14, which is what ended up happening.

Or, for instance, much later in the game, yeah. Say you're dating Brian Kelly. Brian Kelly ordered a pizza. The pizza was supposed to get there because you know what's the worst thing in the world when everyone in a house is hungry, right? And and when you start sniping it and when you start yelling at each other like, hey, don't snack the pizza's on its, stop it. Stop eating.

Why are you eating fun-sized snickers? We have pizza on the way. I think I know who the person eating the fun-sized knickers is in this relationship, right? Don't judge me. Just a guess. It's probably you or me. This is the main reason why Spencer and I can't get married to one another. That's, yeah.

There are many reasons. This is number one. We'd both fight over. You need a house where only one person really wants. The five, the fun size knickers. Red, $800. Electricity, $100. Cable, $75.

Fonsize Snickers. $8,000. Please someone help me budget my money. My family is dying. Speaking of family is dying. Now, Florida doesn't have a coach yet. Just putting that out there. We're going to talk about that.

Because I know that's, that's what everybody wants to talk about. You know, this is Chip Kelly. I heard he was hired. Yeah, you heard he was hired. He's signed. He's signed three contracts. He has to sign five to fully defeat the demon that it, the big boss that is, Florida athletics. It's hard.

It's a regenerating boss. And you've got to find its weak spots and its patterns. He's developed an appeal, a codicil. Oh my God. He filed an injunction. Remember, it's Florida. It's going to begins with a lawsuit. Ends with a lawsuit.

Everything else in between. It's just delicious arbitration. Speaking of day-to-day positions. Yeah, Notre Dame, they won 2417. And, you know, that's what you wanted out of this game, right? You wanted Navy to be there right at the end, which they did. This is a horrible letdown game, by the way. Like, it's just built into the schedule.

Notre Dame schedule, we did actually mention this before the season, that, you know, you can make fun of Notre Dame for a lot of things, right? Like living in dorms as a senior, when you should be living in some sort of, I don't know, derelict slum-law apartment, right? Yeah, it's freedom. Got out of the dorms. this is cool i got one poster i got a playstation and uh i got a fridge full of beer some chips yeah instead of that luxury you're living in a dorm what a what a foolish decision on your part

but anyway this schedule is mean it's a mean schedule start to finish because after that letdown loss to miami yet another letdown built in a triple option team bam and then next week guess who they play, Ryan. Is that Stanford? On the road. Yeah. Yeah, no, they go to Stanford. They play in the eerie quiet of Stanford Stadium. Yeah, it's an art installation. What

Stanford is doing there, sort of saying, what if you took the sound away from sports? What would that be like? Experience it. Price loves silently breaking 50-yard run. It's like when you take a film and you remove all the musical backing from it

and you're like, oh, the original soundtrack was pushing me towards certain emotions but now I watch Stanford football and I feel nothing. Yeah, and working in that void and maintaining some form of inspiration, that's what Stanford football is all about, right?

It's the only football program which is by design, an existential challenge to the universe. Yeah, like, you know how we're always worried that robots are going to learn how to be human? Stanford asked the opposite question. What if humans can learn how to be robots? Wouldn't that be cool?

Wow. That is actually, like, in keeping with a lot of the things that Stanford historically stands for. What if we could turn people into machines and just have them work? Robocop does have the mobility of your typical Stanford quarterback, so it works. That's true. And the heart of gold outlined in circuits. Because it's a machine doesn't mean it can't feel or love. It shouldn't, though.

We're trying to work that out of this system. Yeah, it was, you know, what? Two ranked teams lost this week, Oklahoma State and NC State. Both should feel bad about what happened. Oklahoma State, at least, almost pulled off a hell of a comeback after falling grievously behind against the Wizard and his merry band of the Jucco Boys. NC State, on the other hand, I don't know. Yeah, I'm sorry. You're not allowed to have too nice of things.

Sometimes you can have some nice things, but you're seven and four. This wonderful NC State season that included beating Florida State, that included playing Clemson close again, that included beating Louisville. It's still going to be eight wins max. NC State just is caught in the tractor beam and cannot ever fully pull away from the eight-win death star. I'm sorry. Yeah, I don't, it's a long turn. And I'm glad that they hopefully recognize how long a turn.

Like, the thing you always want a football program to know long term is what they are. You want them, you know, you want to know what you are, right? Yeah. Like, you don't, you don't want to be. That's what self-actualization is. Right. You got to know your strengths and weaknesses. NC State's got to know their chief strength when they're good is going eight and four.

Right? That's when they're good. and when they're bad it gets very very bad but when they're bad they think they're an 8 and 4 team and when they're an 8 and 4 team like most programs

they might say why couldn't we win it all you know in just like four years no you got to give Dave Doran like you got to take the Mississippi State approach you got to take the we'll give you 10 years to get to like 10 wins we'll build

you got to go back to 2002 to find the last time NC State won double to games in a season including a bowl game which is just it's tough i i i honestly feel bad because there have been some good and competitive teams in there with talent and good coaching and fun to watch and this nc state team is probably up there with some of the more interesting ones they just have it's weird when you look back and you say okay what are the four losses they They lost to South Carolina.

Okay. That's a loss that, you know, that South Carolina team was better or at least more complete, healthier at the start of the season. Yeah. They lost to Notre Dame and Clemson, totally defensible at this point. And then they lose this weight game. So it's just like, they can't ever quite have that, they can't ever have the Miami season where they can play stupid and still win a game because Miami played very strong.

stupid against Virginia and they still won that game in the end it's like yep still won that game by multiple scores not a big deal yeah and there's a real material reason for that by the way they're not that talented when you're talented you can you can pull some dumb ass games yeah right like you can do what miami did because even yes miami at this stage in their development miami still got some outrageously talented people right and the people that they're playing on the whole they're not as talented Right. Miami's in that like top 20, 25 group of people who just starting from a default roster, right, it's going to be good enough to go six and six even with pretty bad management, right? And with good management, sky's the limit. NC State, that's not you yet. That's not you. And it may not ever be you, to be honest, right? Like, you might have to manage against that kind of expectation. So, so with that, just to say that when NC State, I believe, was.

what when they were they went six and oh at one point to start the year mm-hmm no they were no I'm sorry six and one six and one to start they lost to South Carolina to start okay when they were six and one I was thinking I don't know I mean why is why is anyone possible on a wise man Bumani Jones of ESPN said you know a five game losing strict coming and I said no no no no no no no no no this is this is very very simple and he was wrong because they barely be Boston College that's that's right that's what that's what counts for improvement and a likely win likely if listen listen listen they better be UNC like like like like I'll I think on the whole this NC state season has been good but a little disappointing given that there was the possibility of something really exciting if they had just like when the second South Carolina game and, I don't know, beat Clemson in the close game for once. Now you're talking about a vastly different season, also beat Wake Forest. But yeah, you can't lose this UNC team. You just can't. This was a very good week, though. I know, like, we looked through it and it's just like, yep, team we thought it was Georgia, beat Kentucky.

Was it close there for a little bit? Yep. Was it close at the end? No, no, it wasn't. Ohio State beat Illinois. Wasn't ever close. Wasn't ever close, which it did make it. funny or win Ohio State fans, including several that we're very big fans of, you know,

wanted to talk about how cowardly and stupid the SEC is for playing FCS opponents this week. Like, are those teams that different from Illinois? Is it that is, is the gap that wide? Listen, I know Wofford is like a top five FCS school. Tell me that Wofford v. Illinois is not a live game. Now, that's, I'm cherry picking, by the way. Mercer is not Wofford, okay? No, no.

No, Mercer is not, but UAB, Illinois? Are you confident UAB can't win that game? No, I'd put money on UAB. I had UAB beating Florida, like, for the record. I'm still stunt that that happened. We're broken and miserable people, that's why. Yeah. So, but here's what this weekend was good for.

I have a list of eight. Power 5 teams that by virtue of not winning this week, and some of them were winnable games against beatable opponents, and some of them were not, they will not be going bowling this year. You've got Syracuse losing so badly to Louisville, like just a thorough bloodletting of a game against Lamar Jackson. 5610 is the final here,

which it looks exactly like a Louisville game from last year in a Syracuse game from like two years ago probably yeah yeah the only the only difference is that like Lamar Jackson just they pulled up they kind of pulled up they still ran for hammered down they still ran for 411 yards on 42 carries the total number of yards I haven't seen yeah I have it in notes that total number of yards it's 727 yeah that's that's easing up

they doubled up an opponent that got 335 yards of offense just yeah and that's not a and then you got Maryland loses their seventh game against Michigan State

did not watch any of this I cannot tell you what happened I do not care but this is just a reminder that Maryland opened the year with a road winning against Texas and is not going to make a bowl game.

Life is full of magic. This was the year of the reverse Texasing, by the way, which was the Texas back? Mm-hmm. As opposed to the, man, Texas is just done for the year. They're absolute trash. And, you know, I'm not saying their national title worthy or anything, but we're on the cusp of finishing seven and five in year one and a clear rebuilding year where, you know, We had to start a fresh quarterback, Sam Ellinger, and look, they're at the very least going to go 500.

And given recent history and what usually happens in year one, you've got to take that to the bank and run, man. I mean, other than the Maryland game, you can't look at any of the games they lost and said, oh, that's embarrassing. Lost on the road to USC in overtime, lost by five points to Oklahoma, lost by three points in overtime to Oklahoma, lost by three points in overtime to Oklahoma State. lost by 17 on the road to TCU. Like, that's, that's perfectly respectable. Perfectly respectable. Be, like, handled business against other teams, you know, just, I think this is, you're right.

It's not like a Texas, like, oh shit, the giant is awakened. But the giant is at least, like, starting to snore a little less. He's working on his sleep apnea. He's got breathe right strips going on. He's feeling better. He's going to be so rested when he wakes up. Not today. Not today.

He's been walking every day. Like, there's just, there's a lot of good things happening. Camamil tea? Oh, my God. Hook him, Camamil. Vanderbilt lost to Missouri. We have not, we have, maybe the most slept on thing about the SEC this year is how good Drew Locke has been. Because Missouri has not been a very good team, or at least wasn't at the start of the year.

And so everybody just sort of decided like, well, there goes Missou, being dumb assholes again. but they've now won their last five games, admittedly. Some of those games were against bad teams like Idaho, Connecticut, Florida, and Tennessee. But they're six and five. Drew Locke is, I think, thrown 38 touchdowns this year. He's having a great year. Like, there is signs of life. Arkansas, you're not bowl eligible because you lost a possibly winnable game.

State. Nebraska, you're not bowl eligible because you just got tore up by Penn State. I know you scored 44 points. I don't care. It doesn't matter. Ruckers, you're not bowl eligible because you got blanked by Indiana. Pit. Pit is the most painful. Pit. Did you see the end of the Pitt, Virginia Tech game? I did not. Shockingly, I did not. So, so pick out the ball back with, I want to say like two minutes to play. and had to convert a maybe like a fourth and 12. They did so either to a slowish wide receiver or a tight end. I honestly don't remember which.

And he breaks at least one tackle, maybe two, is thundering down the sideline. They're down six at this point and gets tackled into the end zone for what is called the touchdown. But very clearly in live play and upon review, no, he's actually down with the two. Pitt now has the ball at the Virginia Tech 2 with like a minute 15 to play and one time out.

Nope, did not score. Ran, I believe, two runs that got stuffed, then a pass that probably should have been past interference but would have still given them only three seconds left to play and then a running play that went for a loss of three yards. It was a very rough. Like, I'm not saying Pitt would have beaten Miami to get Bull Eligible anyway. It was a very rough way for that to happen. And, yeah, Tennessee, you're also not Bull Eligible.

But Tennessee, Tennessee needs to beat Vanderbilt, or they will go winless in SEC play for the first time ever. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's just, let's just, I mean, you know, if you're going to, if you're going to make a memory. let's make sure it's a clarion one make sure it one can't confuse with everyone else let's make it

let's make it a trademark a signature let's start you talk about okay let's start at the bottom and now get here starting at the bottom is being winless in SEC play for the first time listen this is just this is just this is just demo year all right this is chip chip's coming in

he's his demo in Tennessee this year then Joanna's going to come in coach Joanna Gaines she's going to coach him up throw some tasteful antique furniture weathered some weathered some weathered wood maybe some can lighting a decorative some decorative wood letters

some tin this place is going to be amazing you're going to be so happy that you gave us this Tennessee are you ready to see your fixer opera you just pull away the you pull away the picture of Butch Jones that's in two parts and split down the middle and then behind it you have Outback Bowl birth

oh man they'd kill for that right now. I'd kill him for that. Instead, you know, you get a new John Gruden, just standing there happily. I call this guy John Gruden, that's his name. He always wondered when Spider-Wy Banana was about, huh?

Oh, man. John Gurdon has a spider on his penis. That's what we're saying. That's why you want to hire him. If you live in Knoxville or Tennessee generally, look around you as you're listening to this podcast, do you see John Gruden? No, then that means he might be at the athletic department signing a contract, doesn't it? You can't prove. You don't have

proof to the contrary. That's the important thing. Whenever you don't see John Gruden, he could be signing a contract to be Tennessee's head coach. Right behind. I chew. Right by it. He can be a Calhouns. Remember, that's how that's how things have gone so far. We'll touch on the coaching search a little bit more getting ahead of ourselves but calhouns had to issue a statement that's how you know things are getting serious calhouns a restaurant by the river on the river in knoxville got real excited that was part of a official PR statement by calhouns that the restaurant itself the building the foundations the food within it everyone included got excited about the prospect of john cruden being there to discuss things with peyton manning was john gruden there no was a blonde man at the head

at the table and captured discussing things with Peyton Manning even though John Gruden was verifiably in Seattle thousands of miles away

preparing for a Monday night game yeah yeah hey Emperor Emperor Palpatine has Emperor Palpatine has meetings without being there Donnie

oh my God this is so bad already so do we have anyone else who's not going to be making a bolt besides you know Florida Florida I mean Florida already had that seal

They didn't have to do it. I mean, I'm glad, good for them for beating UAB and showing some signs of competence, mostly on special teams in the process. No, other than that, I mean, Purdue, Indiana, I believe next week will be for bowl eligibility. That's exciting. I think Colorado, Utah next week will be for bowl eligibility as well. And I want to say Cal, whoever Cal has last, they have UCLA. So if, and the winner that will be bowl eligible as well.

That's probably a good segue to talk about coaches. Oh, we got rid of. We got Jim Moore up out of the paint this week. Sweet baby boy. Yeah. Yeah, sweet baby boy. Let's just go over all of the ways in which this was just not, not consequential in the least.

You know, like it's very, it's hard when you have a coach and you go, I don't know, like, what did this whole tenure mean? How did it happen? You know, what were the results? I, in the end, you're just, I, man, I don't know. He was all right. You know, he was all right. That's it.

This is like his, this is his first go. And as first go, he was, you know, above 500. I don't think he was, you know, 600. Did they win anything? Yeah, they got like a, they got a, a Pack 12 South title in his first year. And then after that, just kind of, you know, a couple of 10. in years. Those were nice. You had a Sun Bowl win. You know,

that's more than Lane Kiffin's got. It's true. It's true. Everybody's high on Lane Kiffin right now. Yeah, he's FAU. He should be winning there. You know what he doesn't have? The crown of the Sun Bowl. He just doesn't have it. He will be sealing that. He will. But, you know, I will just say there's only one

man in this discussion who's been King of Juarez. A fairer. Officially, and that's Jim Mora. But, you know, two and two in bowls, a little over 500, which I think that's, that record's probably a little more damning when you go, well, how was the competition doing, right? The competition always being USC in Los Angeles. USC wasn't exactly lining up during this time span.

It was a real window of opportunity for them. Also, Mora managed to land somebody who I think in the NFL will bear out to be, you know, and a generational talent in terms of quarterbacking, Josh Rosen, at least at the college level, and didn't really fully sort of exploit that. Well, he got him hurt. That was fun. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, handling of quarterbacks when you go back with Jim L. Moore is kind of a thing. A question mark, is it not? Because, well, you know, he's the guy who decided that Michael Vick, after running wild and the single wing under Dan Reeves, you know, we really need to turn him into a West Coast passer. That's it. Let's put him in the West Coast offense. Let's make this boat a refrigerator.

Let's exploit the gifts of his feet and his cannon-like arm and put him in a system that requires deft touch. This boat keeps water out, and that's what we want out of a refrigerator. Three to four years of intense training and route development and reading defenses combined with an extremely complex touch-oriented passing scheme. Yeah, we can do that in a year. It's a great idea, Jim Elmore. Let's take Josh Rosen and, you know, give him three offensive coordinators in three years.

That's a, that's a fantastic idea. So, in other words, bye, by Jim Moore. Just, just by. Bye. It was a good run. It was a good run. Plus, it allows us to have exciting coaching rumors. Like, one, this came from, I believe, somebody who does radio in St. Louis.

And I say that because you should be pouring. so much salt, so many grains with salt on this right now, but this person said that he has sources at UCLA reporting that Jeff Fisher is under consideration

for the UCLA Oh, man. It's happening. You can't go 7 and 9 at UCLA. It's not possible. You know what? If anyone could do it. It's our boy.

He could find a way. Guess what? He's already there. All of his stuff's there. I'm convinced that a good 30 to 35% of all hiring processes involve. Well, he's already got the keys to the place, right? He could just roll up. We've seen him in similar color scheme, so we know he looks good. And like blue and gold, we like that.

Does he have some sunglasses? Oh, yeah. We'll show up. Yeah. We need a coach who shows up. I know for sure Jeff Fisher will definitely show up. Especially if there's a free lunch.

If there's a lunch special, Jeff Fisher will definitely show up because you know what? The savings add up over the ears. You may not think. Little passive spending like that adds up. But you know what? Check mint.com.

It's helped Jeff Fisher. It'll help you. Add all that up. You could buy yourself a house. maybe maybe just a house and we got it we got to stop promising people houses on this program okay mike riley mike riley is still employed yeah mike riley is somehow still employed at nebraska despite everybody and uh their mother and their mother's agent

knowing that that he's i don't know if i don't know if there's any way he's out there because remember it's always about who's available and people in nebraska genuinely believe that that one the job is still as attractive as it was in 1995 very debatable and two that they have a chance at somebody with a connection and an extremely active and important resume right now that'd be scott frost former Nebraska quarterback calling calling mama home people people still think that's the thing and you know it like it might be it might not It might not. It really might not. I assume what's stalling this out is that Nebraska, because Mike Riley is so nice, Nebraska is making a condition of hiring a new coach. Like, you have to tell Mike. You have to be the one to let it down. And so whoever they go to, we'll take Scott Frost for example. They're like, yeah, okay, we're excited to have you. Here are the terms of your agreement. Make sure everything looks good. We've got the presser scheduled. One thing, before we finalize this, you do

have to go tell Mike Riley he's fired. And we're like, oh, that's like telling Santa he has cancer. I can't do that. Why would you make me do that? Santa doesn't have cancer, just for the record. Just show us you really want the job by killing the guy I currently has it. That's what this is.

It's not even breaking the pool queue up. That's just throwing the pool queue down and being like, you've got to beat the guy to death. He won't fight back. That makes it worse. he's so nice he'll hug you as he dies why are you telling me this i don't want to do this well hey well hey man partner i're here to slip a throat can i buy a burger beforehand got to have protein before you beat me into a bloody pulp i love you stop saying that mike riley

i forgive you god damn it stop me for that too This is just, I mean, none of this, I think we just agree. None of this is Mike Riley's fault. None of this. Like, you took the job. That was basically, that was basically the only mistake you made. The rest of it is you're you. This is what you do.

None of this is shocking. Mike Riley was on the hot seat, what, like four, four weeks into his Nebraska tenure. That is, that is a, that is a surprisingly hard place to be. When you're, when you're a nice guy. That's, that's amazing. Yeah. So. like if you're a complete if you're a complete dick maybe you can do that but yeah nobody's

nobody's real sure oh and what happened to that athletic director oh he's gone that's another thing he's like oh who hired him yeah a guy who no longer works here it's just it's just weird because we're going to look back and we're going to say okay Mike Riley got three years uh at Nebraska Bill Callahan got four it's a real thing yeah Bill Callahan who responded to inquiries with I think that computer just told me to go and fuck myself. Yeah, I did. Did. I called you a fucking redneck.

The other things that I think Nebraska is doing, though, that early indicators are that they're going, you know, we should really look at a guy with, we should look at a guy with some option bona fides. We should look at some triple option, which is a good understanding of where you're at Nebraska. You probably should because that's in order to remain competitive. That's about where you're at. you know pro cell no spread it's not looking like it you might want to bump down a triple option and just watch some flowers bloom right because you're not growing trees yet deep into this metaphor we should go to a place that's all but deforested two places who on earth does tennessee get that's this is my question yeah my my real question because uh once certain big dogs are eaten up right once Florida takes um I don't know either the UCLA job or the Florida job or if he just decides to sit on his hands nobody knows what he's thinking or what he wants to do right but if that happens then Florida will probably move on to Scott Frost

and that'll have to happen after he's done with the season so that'll take a minute but if all those pieces are up in the air right yeah then then who who the hell I mean this might be Dan Mullen's escape. I don't know if it's a huge improvement, but it is different. I am excited to see Tennessee fans possibly have to cope with the idea of

Todd Grantham as their defensive coordinator. That would be interesting. Third and Thurton, Grantham. Third and Grantham! There's a clip of somebody behind UT Athletic Director, John Curry, who, you know, ill-advisedly took a

breezeway out. I guess there's no way out of the press box. At one point, you just have to take a breezeway through the gen pop in order to get to your car, which I imagine he wants to get his car very, very quickly, right? And somebody was behind Curry, the current athletic director. And the guys just yelling, give us Gruden. Hi, Gruden. And the look on Kirk's face for a second before he gets his composure is just one of nausea. Just hot. So here's what's confusing. I'm going to do, I think my count is accurate here that there are like 13 power five jobs that have not turned over since 2012. They've had somebody in there from 2011 or earlier. That's a lot of, that leaves a lot of teams that have had at least one, if not multiple coaching hires in the last five years.

can you think of a single other Power 5 school where John Gruden's name has even been mentioned, has even been floated, has even been like a murmur of a whisper on a message board? Nope. Shouldn't this be like a huge warning factor at this point? Like I feel like Tennessee is like, we want to colonize mercury.

And everybody's like, well, nobody else thinks that's a good idea. everybody agrees that that is unworkable and a bad plan and will only end in doom. We're like, no, Mercury loves us. Mercury is close to the fire of the sun and that's the inspiration we need to get this team back on track. We need to be closer to the huge ball of energy that drives everything in the solar system. You're talking about big orange? That's big orange. Let's go move right next to it. What is the appeal here of John Gruden? Just that he might like you? Is that all that it is? That you might have somebody who likes you back?

You know, I grew up in the state of Tennessee, Ryan. Yeah. And you're asking me why people would believe things against all reason, even when they've proven to be completely wrong or ill-advised or imaginary. And I'm just going to let that lay there and just say that there's no explanation for it. Tennessee football 2018, inherit the wind. Why would you defend against evolution in the court of law? No, it's, yeah, I mean, I genuinely, here's what I really don't think Tennessee fans are prepared for.

John Gruden is way shorter than they think he is. I think Tennessee fans are like, John Gruden, he's like 5, 11, 6 feet. John Gurdon is maybe 5'8. He is a small man, and they are not. prepared to be like oh no we hired a tennie graham god damn it my number one candidate for the position of head football coach the university of tennessee based on my experience is leave the state and live somewhere else oh so bret beelma bret belema that is bret belema let's put him in there actually the in all seriousness i would and i this is a name that has come up with the job

and that i think would do a really good job because honestly he was a really good good college football coach and I think that's been overshadowed by his experience in the NFL and I don't think personally he's probably real pleasant to deal with and that his name alone will probably make you chuckle and I'm just going to say it anyway Greg Shiano would kill that job oh boy I mean in the good sense not in the sense of like Derek Dooley Dooley killed he did kill that job in a different way as in he threw it in the river her I I feel like if you put a picture of Derek Dooley next to Butch Jones, next to Greg Gisiano, you're actually creating evolution going backwards.

And like the step after this is, you know, Crow Maddenan. And eventually it's like, please welcome Tennessee head coach, fish with legs. We're very excited to have fish with legs here in Knoxville. We think he's just the unholy transition state between the ocean and land that we need to get all Navy excited. not this is not this is not helping the argument for Greg Chiano I'm sorry I didn't mean evolutionarily oh oh oh oh sorry I think what you need to say is that I think that Gregano would have an intelligent design for the program you know if you want to make this a textbook argument I think you could say that Greg Shiano would understand the

challenges of working there and is desperate to prove himself. So, ergo, I think he would be a pretty good poll. Either way, with Dan Mullen or Greg Shiano, yeah, your administrative assistant there, wear a helmet. Why does he keep asking for

rotary phones? He likes a throne. He likes the heft. We're going to, you know, like before this, other open jobs, Arkansas. I don't know. Man, I don't know. What do you do? I think you should just, I mean, you could, Gus would be fun.

Gus may not be leaving his current job. That's kind of an issue. If I ask you this too, if you're Mike Norval, is moving to Arkansas, I mean, I know that money-wise, it's not a lateral move. It's just not, right? At one point, Arkansas was willing to vouchsave a $16 million buyout to Brett Bielamut. They'll write checks, right? Yeah. you know like that's that's a challenge you kind of got things going to memphis like i don't know

that might be working harder not smarter for mike norvel at this point in his life yeah i mean he he played he played college football in arkansas so you know he has the advantage of being one of the few people that you say don't exist to have been to arkansas he's definitely been to the state and that that alone is a qualifier to be considered for the position of coach at Arkansas. This is based on our theory that Arkansas might be imaginary. We're also not ruling out the like out of nowhere

higher. Where we're just like, oh shit. Lovie Smith is coaching Arkansas. He just bailed on Illinois after a bad season and everybody's fine with it. That's weird. Why did that happen? Okay. Cool. Now, if you do get the dominoes moving, right? And you get an open an Auburn job. Oh, don't do this. Don't, I feel like the more we talk about it, the more it's less likely to happen.

And it's just, you know. Oh, because remember, it's the beauty of like any good heist movie, Oceans 11 or whatever, is that they don't tell you how it worked until after the job is done. You know, that's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying there. I'm telling you maybe, just maybe. Jimbo Fisher comes home and goes to allman. because I still don't think this is the other running gag that I love.

You know A&M's not fire someone, right? Yeah, I was going to say, I feel like that's the thing that's just sort of quietly not having any movement whatsoever. And it's a little perplexing to understand why, because Texas A&M has had a pretty blah year. I mean, good job beating Old Miss. You're seven and four. You know, if you beat LSU, that will be the only real feather in your cap this year.

All your other wins are against teams that either are South Carolina or we'll be looking for a new head coach. Right. And does. Remember, South Carolina, the model of stability in the SEC. That's right. Trustworthy. This is only a little bit of a lie. This is coming on the heels of a Polini-esque streak.

of consistency on Kevin Sommelin's part that post Mansell. It's been 8 and 5. That's it. And you're coming up on your fourth year of 8 and 5. And remember to bring this full circle, you got to know what you are. You got to know your weaknesses, right?

When you put on a T-shirt, you got to be like, hey, buddy, it's never going to be a 6-pack. Right? When you're trying on pants, you've got to be like, I'm flat-budded. I've got to come to accept this. These pants got to fit.

And A&M, I need you to be real honest. Are you an 8 and 5 team that thinks you're a 10 and 2 team historically? Or are you going to be real honest and be like, well, you know what? You know, our man has his peaks in his valleys. Right now we're in a valley. A protracted, you know, for maybe even five-year valley, if you look at going 500 in conference. I need you to think about where you're at historically and go, do we think we can do better this year with this specific person. nay, you're looking at Jimbo Fisher, who, I don't know, man.

It feels like a burnout case at this point when you look at how things are going. At Florida State, is that the, is that the savior? Is that who you want to bring in? Like, oh, it'll revitalize him. Will it? Will it? I mean, look at Kevin Sumblin. It doesn't exactly look revitalized.

We'll just keep them hopped up on pills. It'll be fine. We're close to Mexico. We get the good ones. It's just, here's, here's the. at it. Let's look way ahead. Do you know who A&M plays in two of its first four games next season? I do not. They play Clemson at home, September 8th, week two, and two weeks after that, they go to Tuscaloosa to play Alabama. So I can, I would, it's not impossible to see

the less mile situation happening where someone comes back for another year. and then if they honestly it feels like they have to ideally win one of those games but they have to be competitive in both or else you are reaching a point

where it's just like well what's the what's the purpose of continuing this you know? Yeah. It's not enviable and I don't I'm glad I don't have to do it there are a lot of jobs I'm glad I don't have Texas A&M head coach is one of them

partially because I'm bad at it and I would disappoint everybody around me but also because I don't want to disappoint A&M fans because they have swords. They have swords and they're smart enough to find you. You know, like I think there's probably fan bases in the state of Texas who might have swords but are not smart enough to find you or are smarter enough to find you but are just otherwise, you know, disincentivized from doing that. God, we really could get Texas, Texas, say, and I'm in a ballgame. I know it's not going to happen and I know that it's like everybody's going to push again. it on the Texas side

and it's just not going to happen but let me dream let me dream man it'd be delicious it'd be fantastic and you know what I bet I highly motivated Texas team beats Texas A&M and you know what Texas A&M finishes with as a record

if they upset LSU and everybody's like oh man we're keeping someone Lids Texas in a bowl game go eight and five everybody's mad all over again again I'm just describing your situation I'm not pushing one way or another. I'm just saying you could stay at 8 and 5 forever or you could gamble on something that you probably made up at the last second, right? Which would be super Texas of you.

Woo-hoo. Let's do some ad reads. Again, these are all from generous listeners who donated to our charity drive for Hurricane Relief earlier in the season. We should get through all of these in the calendar year, especially when you include the 40 for 40, which, God, just thinking about it, makes me a little queasy, but we're not there yet, and so I don't have to talk about it.

I'm going to start with thanks for Joe Malugian, a Houston civil rights and plaintiff's personal injury lawyer. To be clear, we are definitely not suggesting you call him for personal injuries or civil rights violations because neither he nor we have cleared this sort of an ad read with the state bar or wherever else that we need to. We're just telling you that he's there and he donated and like all lawyers maybe he will disappoint you but that might just be in a personal capacity

lawyers they're very hard to live with that's true I believe I have a read as well for this week from Chris in honor of your Florida Gators doing this at the absolute last moment thank you thank you I appreciate that

I don't suggest that you do anything else like Florida does, but this is the one thing that timing really doesn't matter, right? From miles. Take a deep breath. That's a long one. College football brings out some cardinal virtue in all of us,

like the drunk-ass generosity of a tailgate or the sudden deep-in-your-bones connection you have with justice when you get screwed by a bad PI call. Let's harness those things by agreeing to balance balance back call injustices with charitable contributions. Glasses, ref, totally boned you with an unsportsman like conduct. That'll be 15 yards, but also 15 bucks to Oxfam. Phantom hold when you're finally in the red

zone, walk it back 10 and drop a Hamilton for the local food bank. Do something productive with your rage. Keep a donations page tab open on your phone throughout the game and tell the man to fuck right off by doing some good when he tries to block your shine. Miles, this is inspiring. I think do something productive with your age is pretty much the complete MO for this podcast and for anything else we've ever done. So I'm glad you see that. I completely condone it. Keep a tab open for the charity of your choice.

We're all too happy to help you find one of those and let us know. Show some documentation and we'll read whatever you want us to do on this year podcast. Which school believes that is most regularly screwed by the officials? I know that's a hard question to answer, but just give me one. let's see the one team I have always heard complain most

about the wraps is my own but that's just because I notice it Sure yeah Historically hmm The

the fan base I know that is the most complaint oriented And we'll get the most legalistic about it is Michigan But I think that's a personality thing

Because every Michigan fan Is either a lawyer Or potential lawyer So, you know Or some sort of That describes everyone right no this describes michigan but this is so this is what michigan should the university should do

they should embrace this whiny tendency and they should say hey this is a thing we're doing before the ohio's thinking would be perfect every like keep this tab open on your computer we're doing a special you know drive for michigan athletics and every time you think the rest absolutely fuck this over throw us five bucks throw us $5 so that we can use that money to kidnap the families of those referees and teach them about the value of the Michigan experience.