Shutdown Fullcast - ShUTdown FUllcasT 7.45: ALL VOL Y'ALL

Episode Date: December 1, 2017

Technically, this episode is not just about the Tennessee coaching search. We do talk a little bit about the Big 12/Big Ten/Pac-12/SEC Championship Games. We do try to understand the doublespeed mind of Jimbo Fisher. We do guess if Herm Edwards is older than Notable Old CFB Dudes. But most of this is about Tennessee continuing to bumble through a coaching search - and, yes, we DID finish recording right before the Mike Leach rumors all broke. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown forecast. I've got to be honest, we're heading in championship weekend, and I hope all of you are just phoning it in, because tonight we're going to phone it in a little bit. I mean, we always technically phoned in via the magic of internet telephony, but metaphorically speaking, we're probably going to phone it in. I mean, technically you two already have phoned it in. Yeah, we had planned to record Wednesday afternoon or Tuesday,

night or something and Ryan couldn't make it so as usual when the responsibility falls to Spencer and I it ain't happening so here we are Thursday night recording finally got finally got mama bear Ryan nanny aboard so now we can actually get something done it's good we're the three parts of the Triforce and once only when we are united can the horrible pig beasts that is this podcast come to life I think um Ryan is clearly the triangle of wisdom and Spencer and I are power

and courage just a lot of brave strength that's a great that's a great thing to be Jason your power because of your public's experience and Spencer is courage

because he has two sons yeah that's true also fatigue an important element the goddess of fatigue The tired force We're not the only one's We're not the only one's phone and things in though

We're not alone No if you listen This is going to be a small Maybe non-existence subset of our listening audience But if you work for the Tennessee Athletic Department And you're not John Curry I want to make that part clear If you are

If you are John Curry And you listen this podcast Good God Have some self-respect but anybody else this is the week where you should just show up at 11 if you want don't come to meetings

don't answer email don't turn things like because who's going to yell at you who on earth is this week if you are an underling at Tennessee athletics who is going to look at you and be like hey man you really got to get your shit no you're going to tell me to get my shit together

because I didn't fill out some year-end forms fuck you well the other reason to like lay low is you might accidentally fuck around and get hired as head coach nobody wants that but there's a dog there's a dog and actually I

disagree with that risk it's based on the last week it seems very hard to get hired as head coach like extremely hard there's so much paperwork such a daunting load of paper oh we gotta fill out all this shit again Brady Hoke is right there

is he though we can't prove that no we can't we can't prove anything man god so i mean for again the listeners to whom this is a news service can we run through everybody who has not taken the tennessee job since last we talked let's here let's let's let's see how long we can go each one of us we're going to go in or like just go in a circle name one person and we'll see till we run out i'll start Dave Doren Mike Gundy Jeff Brom

David Cutcliffe Kevin Summone Maybe Depending depending on when you listen I'm gonna go ahead and beat the rush and say Kevin someone's out We got Dave Doran in there right Yeah we led with Dave

Okay Just making sure we know we can get Dave twice because I want to mention him He probably it felt like he turned it down twice. There were a lot of Dave's. Dave Klausen has not turned it down. Dave Kulay has not turned it down. Dave, uh, Dave Wonstat has not turned it down.

Super, Super, Super Dave has not turned it down. No. Dave, Dave Matthews is not turned it down. No. Rockatop. Rockatop. Rockatop. Rock atop. Rock atop.

We sent out a call for question. Maybe like 36, 48 hours ago about conference title weekend. Like half of them are about the fucked up Tennessee situation. And they're all still relevant. Every single comment listeners sent and they all still apply. Lane Kiffin will take the job and leave and blah, blah, blah. Oh wait. Lane Kiff's another one who's denied interest so far. Yeah, he tweeted it publicly. It's just, it's annoying to me because at this point, It's distracting us from everything else going on in the world. Like, Arizona State hired fucking Herm Edwards,

and we don't have time to talk about it because Tennessee keeps fucking around. What's to talk about, though? A lot, a lot. No, no, there's nothing to talk about. They spent $12 million to replace one guy on the coaching staff. They're keeping the whole damn staff just bringing in a dude from TV. that happened to work for or happen to employ the AD 15 years ago it's the most expensive boob job in the world which is fitting so Arkansas Arkansas has a coaching service with nobody in

charge mm-hmm and nothing cares oh remember this is this is what we wrote about today but man Arkansas they're going to mess up they're going to make it insane hire and it's going to kind of work out Ole Miss Ole Miss is going to get an NCAA ruling and at the same time Tennessee will probably be like Well, we offered Rick Petino But he said no So, not really sure where we're going from Here Tennessee looks up like

Huh? Huh? Guess we ought to give Hugh Freeze a call. Didn't realize he was unemployed. Hugh Freeze said no? God damn it. Wow. And then later they'll just deny. Yeah, Hugh Freeze, we never offered him the job. Hugh Freeze will be like, I have texts And phone records. You know I do.

We know Hugh. We know. we know we know we know all about your texas i think my favorite thing about it is like turn tennessee down shit oh damn tennessee isn't even going through with the like actually we never offered like bullshit you know like uh it's just like yeah well i mean what can you do yeah when nc state we shot our shot when you when you go toe to toe with nc state i mean shit when you try to pull a coach out of duke you you you better have the jaws of life You know, those things get entrenched.

Division 2 just has such a rich history. It's hard to pull somebody out of there and up to Tennessee. You can see why it'd be challenging. Beautiful West Lafayette. I mean, some people are scared of the altitude. People just love the freedom of wearing shorts and flag football, so I can see why they wouldn't take this job. They'd want to stay in flag.

Listen, if you're a coach who's already accustomed to a shade of orange that is consistent across all branding, you might be a little nervous about coming to a school where you have 95 different flavors of orange on your gear. Oh, Holly's going to kill us for that. I didn't say it. That was hacked. My mainframe was corrupted.

So, yeah, by the time you are listening to this podcast, I'm going to bet that Tennessee still doesn't have a coach, but it seems like a good chance Texas A&M does. Yeah, because, uh, because Jimbo has no loyalty he's got no loyalty you got a man like that's you got a man like floristate's been kind of like yeah kind of a low simmering trauma no real kind of like embarrassing hokey you know lower alabamian redneck behavior oh contraire jimbo fisher for some reason it being that it's contractually obligated that you do your coaches

show, right? Jimbo still technically coached A&M. Even though if this were a standard job, what stage would Jimbo be at? I think he'd be at the stage where like he's openly cruising Craigslist for used exercise equipment on company computers, right? Like, you know what? I could use a rowing machine. They're really handy. That's good. It's low impact. Get your heart rate up. It's good for intervals. You know, it's really good for that. Yeah, I'm not doing any of my work. Not. That's where he's all. Just call in. Jimbo. Call into the call-in show.

Jimbo, has your monitor been dead for days? Oh, more like weeks. I do it all by hand. Jimbo's got himself in a damn pickle here because, like, how are you going to leave mid-season? Because you rescheduled this game for conference title weekend so you could make a bowl game.

Never forget, 2017 FSU pre-season number three had to reschedule the ULM game just to sneak into the ball season. So you got to stick around through that. And at the same time, you kind of got to stick around to see if maybe that Auburn job comes open and prevents you from having to take the A&M job that you're kind of painted yourself in the corner for. Maybe Gus, you know, maybe Gus goes to Arkansas after all, you know,

and then, oh, hey, hey, there's an even better job. But I was, I was, I just, I was kind of hoping that, like, maybe what Jimbo will do is he'll take the Texas A&M job. up, but he'll say, you know, ceremonially, if I went, it'd be a real good thing if I went and decided that I was just going to show up on a donkey. So I'm going to ride a donkey there. I'm going to take an ox cart. So that gives him, you know, like 20 days to show up at A&M. Just in case the Auburn gig comes open, he can hang a right. Oh, no, I was bringing the contract with me, but I didn't sign it. Ha ha! Gotcha!

West Virginia Cunning. Oh, you guys. got jimbowed. Oh, man. Never trust those mountain folk. Like, this is just the dumbest. I mean, he's got it made. You know

what, though? It's actually it makes sense. They're all burned out. And coaches don't take time off. You know, like, you can be like, oh sure, Jimbo could just like take a year or two off. They don't have hobbies. Well, there's only so many deer you can kill. Can we go back to the radio

show thing? Because I get that under his contract, he had to do a radio show, right? Sure. I haven't looked at it, so I don't know exactly what the language says. But I feel like, as long as it has your name, and it's like the coach Jimbo Fisher Radio Hour or whatever, who says it has to be talk? Who says it has to be calling him? What if he just, like, wants to play LaBouche over and over again?

Play some John's a Cicada. Oh, yeah. Want to be my lover. Oh, yeah. I bet Jimbo can pick a banjo. If he can't, we can all learn along with him, right? Like, it's an instructional tape. Jimbo watches banjo, YouTube's, and learns how to play like a chord.

Wow. Jimbo Fisher took the Prairie Home Companion Contract. Look at that. He does, except he does the story in about a minute and a half, whole thing. 15-minute monologue, a minute and a half. You know how some people listen to podcast on Twice a Speed? That's Jimbo all the time. man it's life as jimbo fisher yeah he's gonna take that he's gonna take that a and m job and he probably

should have taken it like two weeks ago if if he doesn't what did they do has have have i like again i wasn't even expecting to do this podcast so i'm even more unprepared than usual but has there been any discussion of what the backup plan is if this doesn't go through for a for a and m yeah no no for A&M. No, Auburn. I'm telling you, the backup plan is Auburn. A&M hires

Auburn. There was somebody tweeting that butt earlier today. FSU, we could buy your program. Okay, well, maybe how to buy a division title at some point in

this century. We want to earn it. Dad says I have to earn it. All of this is absolutely very much bad for for fSU jimbo fisher it's it's just it's just so fucking stupid because in the midst of this tennessee completely putzing around florida state maybe getting worked over by jimbo fisher jimbo fisher not knowing what the hell he's doing texas an m may be being stuck with their pants down you know who handled this totally fine mississippi state

Mississippi State just like went out, found a guy who is an up-and-coming prospect in Joe Moorhead, made all the fans happy that they were basically giving him free dogs, already has a good social media hashtag for it in more cowbell. Like, you just got lapped by the Starkville gang. How did that happen? Klan, I got in, got out. Break the door, take the goods, get out. see this goes back to my theory though that like this this is there's no greater indicator to me of a program's degree of self-knowledge than how they hire a coach right because you know what mississippi state did they're like boys it's a cold winter let's get some firewood that dude cool what is he interesting butts and seats they'll score we got nothing to lose awesome take him yeah to jason's point they broke into the bank and we're like get the bearer

bond. Somebody was like, what about the safety? Don't go for the safe deposit boxes. It's mostly stuff we can't sell. Just get the one thing we need and roll. Listen, we got one duffel bag each. We are not taking the fucking sofa in the lobby. But I, but I like it. And it won a national title in 1993. So Arizona State thinks it's like the O3 Chargers? We just need the head coach. We have everything else in place. We just need it. Just one. That's like a recruiting pitch. Hey, Stud, Herm, Edwards, you know, 58-year-old stud. We're just one piece away from my Pat 12th South title.

We're just one piece away from going nine and three, stud. And then they get to the start of the year and they're like, okay, we're going to redshirt Herm Edwards, as it turns out. He's not actually going to coach this year, but we're excited to see what he learns in practice. Yeah, I really would like to go ahead and play a game with you, by the way, very quickly. Okay. You said 57-year-old Herm Edwards.

That is your guest at his age. Ryan, do you know exactly how old Herm Edwards is? Just say yes or no. Do not reply within age. No, I don't. Okay. Okay, cool. All right.

I'm going to ask you people who are older or younger than Herm Edwards. Okay, we've had fun with this game before with Matt Brown and Pete Carroll in particular. And David Cutcliffe, I think. Oh, and David Cutcliffe, correct. Okay. So we'll just roll through a number of people. who are older or younger than Herm Edwards. The man he is replacing Todd Graham.

Is Herm Edwards older or younger than Todd Graham? I'm going to say older but not significantly. Jason? Older. Todd Graham is younger than Herm Edwards. Okay. Okay. So we're right, right?

Yeah, no. No, that's what we were both saying. Okay, okay. If that's what you were saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I had my rubric backwards. So, yes, that is correct.

Todd Graham is younger than Herm. What's, how much, without telling us numbers, how stark is that different? Nine years. Okay. All right. I'm sorry, 11. 11 years. 11.

Oh, my God. Ryan's on to you now. He's got a complete Todd Graham dossier. All right. Herm Edwors is 85. Go. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, here's a really fun one. David Cutcliffe. I will say that Herm Edwards is older. Same age. Jason is correct. Then look it up. He is correct. This is my roundabout way of saying that Herm Edwards is 63, y'all.

Oh, my God. So is you just bought, I mean, I don't know. want to put it too bluntly but ASU just bought you know bought like yellow bananas as an old person right like oh yeah

these are going to last he's 62y y'all he's in great shape but he doesn't cuss this one isn't official so we'll see what happens but I mean yeah if it happens then they just raided the retirement

home here's by the way here's here's bud i was looking for the own when mark martinez uh tweeted at bud and man this was like which a phrase by the way that it's like uh something akin to dion waiters attempting to dunk on lebrose up for three lesser program there's a lot of like emojis like crying laughing emojis lesser program keep poking the bear a and m could buy fissue's football program you use it as their misspelled t h e r e own personal flag football facility love those shots you keep sending bud strong take i mean just do it then like rack them fucking fucking spend that money be i'd be happy i mean we'd be thrilled with that if somebody's like yeah they just condemned

florida state's football program like an old building because they could right they bought it and stripped it for parts right like if peter if like it they pissed off Peter Thiel and he's like I will buy your program I will buy this football team Tis I Peter Thiel Do you have blood? Tell me of your young blood

Can I buy all of your blood Uh But Bud Elliot But Elliot free responded A&M can quote Buy FSU's football program Unquote comma

But can't buy color TV highlights Of its last national title Because the technology didn't exist in 1939. My favorite part of this, this is a program where, by the way, we just talk about our favorite Bud owns is after he tweeted that and it went more viral than he expected, he circled back with like, I didn't expect this blow up, but follow Tom Hawk Nation. If I can point people to, I can point people back to this, that would be good.

Oh my God, Bud just killed a man. Yeah, let me talk about my brother's insurance business while we're all paying attention. the way, uh, the hot sauce, uh, whatever, noel hot sauce. Make sure you pick up a, pick up a jar. Yeah. So that's, so they just did that. Just amazing. Sorry. Should we actually talk about the stated preview element of this godforsaken audio nightmare? Uh, yeah. Yeah, I, I, uh, I want to sort of get to those.

When do we get to it? We've been talking for it for 20 minutes, about nothing. Yeah. Well, I wanted to get to it with a prediction. I'm sorry. I know we're wrong. I'm sorry. I'm a little crabby. I've got one queued up because we did ask for predictions.

And I wanted to start with one that I believe is already vouchsafed and guaranteed, which is Devin Krag at the AgroKrag predicts. The Big 12 trips over its dick. Impossible that this will not happen. That's be the most Big 12 thing. ever. A tradition extending all the way back to I believe 2003 when Darren Sproles

and Kansas State single-handedly nukeed Oklahoma in the Big 12 title game and Oklahoma still got in and it made it look even more ridiculous. Yeah, there's absolutely no chance that the Big 12 doesn't do this in one

form or another either by Oklahoma losing outright or looking underwhelming disappointing against TCU which is entirely possible given that all TCU

does is sort of make stuff look harder for other teams than it actually should be right especially defensively so yeah I think the Big 12 one way or there trips on its own dick there's like an 80% chance of like dick tripping

forecast calls for dick just to be tripped on so back when the Big 12 was discussing restarting up this title game. This was in April 2015 that Bill C went back and looked up all the times that the Big 12 had fucked itself out of a title shot thanks to the Big 12 title game.

Four times! That's a lot! Four times! And hey, if TCU wins, it's five. And we tried to tell you. So, based on the current... Obviously, the current playoff rankings don't totally tell the story

because as we saw in the first playoff, you can win at the end and have a playoff position. And nope, now you don't anymore. But is there anybody in position where, like, oh, if, but for a conference championship game, your conference would not be sending anybody. Like, because the Pact 12 isn't going to get anybody in there as a result. The Big Ten could fuck itself out of one as well if Ohio State beats Wisconsin and we decide that, well, no, Ohio State's two losses.

are too monumental for us to ignore. We just talked about the Big 12, and the SEC and ACC are probably sending one team either way, and it's just a matter of if these other conferences can bungle it enough to accidentally give them two rendering their conference championship games meaningless. Have I mostly, or at least maybe the Iron Bowl meaningless, have I mostly covered all the possibilities?

Is there any conference this season for whom it's like, thank God we had it. Thank God it allows us to get somebody in, Well, it gets You can take it one step further If you're looking to prove the conference title games are silly and risky Uh, Bama would be the team to benefit from all that Didn't even play in one

Right So avoid them at all cost If Ohio State beats Wisconsin And that in some way contributes to Alabama Making the playoff instead of Ohio State I want you to prepare yourself for Urban Meyer To come out so strongly against conference championship games.

They serve no purpose. They are meaningless. I just didn't like our seeing our guys having to be around all those cameramen for four hours. I'm also clearly against ever playing Iowa. We should just take Iowa off the schedule.

Iowa is a whole state of nothing with cameramen. Everyone knows it. Everyone's scared to talk about it. Well, I am right now. Camera everywhere. Are you a cameraman? I see you. Get that guy.

We have a prediction from at UCF, Stephen, which is short, but pun intended to the point. UCF athletic director Danny White assassinations Kirby Hokut with a sword. I will tell you. Danny White did threaten to kill our athletic director's dog if they hired Scott Frost. So, yeah, there's, and he's a Florida, man. seven percent, eight percent chance of this happening. Danny White is about it. Yeah, he's

about it. Like, you know, UCF doesn't hold their own in the state without a little sort of bit of a little edge of homicidal rage even above that which you would consider normal in a Florida man. So yeah, I'm putting this at a, you know, 10% chance. I'll take it up to 10.

Sure. Hey, hey, I'm a knight. I'm allowed to carry this. You can't stop me. He's a knight. Medieval Times is right there in Orlando. So, yeah, this is definitely possible. So 10% chance that UCF Athletic Director Danny assassinations Kirby Hocut with the sword. I hope this happens at the last playoff committee announcement, where Kirby Hocut's just up on stage saying, like,

well, we thought the way, the clositude of this team over the course of the multer. And then you just hear, for the queen! And somebody calipping in on a horse. for the honor of my queen. We defeated Memphis by a combined 65 points. I have a two-part prediction. Okay.

On an overlooked part of this Saturday that everyone forgets about ahead of time, but then gets very excited about when it happens. From B underscore Lace on Twitter, the frat guy foolishly throwing overhand footballs in the Dr. Pepper Challenge loses to the underhand toss

yet again. No way around that. There's going to be a bro who's showing up, taking it very seriously, hoping to get an actual football scholarship out of the Dr. Pepper scholarship toss. Shows up in eye black. Maybe he's got on cleats. And he's going to lose to a girl who's like 4'10 because she's smart. She's just doing what it takes to get the ball in the giant inflatable soda. Second part, ZJ. Hunt on Twitter, the Dr. Pepper halftime challenge winner is now the Tennessee head coach.

So that 4'10 girl now in charge of the balls. and honestly, that's better than Greg Chiano. What I like is people who get really heated about doing it, quote, unquote, the wrong way. As if, like, hundreds of years ago, brave college men decided, we call this game the Dr. Pepper throwoff. The rules are simple, gentlemen,

and they require that you throw the ball over, well, I have a suggestion. What if I was to simply pitch it from the check? How dare you? Return to your filthy basketball. Dr. Pepper Throw Challenge is a game of honor. The doctor hath decreed. The doctor did not go through eight years of Midwestern Medical College of Leachery,

so you could thrust the ball from your chest. I do like also that, you know, that there's some argument in here that, like, you know, oh, hey, you know, like, Stan Whiff and Poof of the Yale Bulldogs definitely had perfect form when he threw his three passes against Harvard in 1908, you know? First of all, when are you relying on anyone in the Ivy League historically? hey listen listen man he he looked great at the manning passing academy all right archie manning said he looked amazing archie can't lie how trash by the way would like a 1908 i hilly quarterfack be at the pen the manning passing academy there's all of these like like 17 year old 6 foot 5 210 pound treboshaise right And then there's you, 5'4, 30 years old, wearing a sweater. With tuberculosis.

But I fought in the war. Sorry, hold on. These windsprints, the mustard gas is cool in their own. Poppin said volunteering in the Boer War would help. But it didn't. He keeps giving the cross of gold speech. at halftime. It's very distracting. Are you aware that this

is a mixed crowd? Yeah. We meant to tell you about that, but yeah, things have changed, Stan. It's amazing. Georgia Tech fans listening in this discussion, like, where are we, where do we find these quarterbacks? They throw how many times?

Yeah, three, four? They're indestructible and they don't throw. Let's see. Academically, he can qualify, right? No, no, no. He got in because his dad. Oh, oh, okay. Yeah, I just, like, I hope the people who get heated about Dr. Pepper Form

are also at Checky Cheese being like, hey, no, that's not how you ski ball, man, all right? You're just flinging the ball down the lane with no regard for the arc or the curvature. It's fucking disrespectful to the game. I thought you're going to say, like,

it's not a real bear. Also, I do enjoy the awkward moment when the person wins and everyone in the stadium who like on the hole is you know they're going like yeah man that's awesome that's great you did something good

and they say well what's your story and the person's like yeah this money's going to be huge for my family because we've got all of these medical bills and my brother died in Afghanistan and my mom's got brain cancer and they're all like oh whoa whoa it's a lot of information

there, Emily. I just wanted to like Dr. Pepper a little. I know. All I wanted to do was like, feel the vibe. You know, congratulate you, enjoy some Dr. Pepper and get mad about how you just passed your way to that scholarship, right? And then somebody from Denmark rolls up and they're like, oh, we get this for free. You have to throw the ball into the giant soda can. Interesting.

Is this some sort of demonstration of? of your obesity problem? Yeah, like how this looks to the rest of the world's got to be awesome. They're like, so what did she, what did she win for that? Oh, she gets to go to school. Oh, and she did that with what?

She threw it into a giant can of sugar. But she gets to go to school like forever, right? A little bit of school. She gets a little bit of school. What about the other, what about, what about, yeah, what about the other guy? Oh, yeah, he gets nothing. Nothing! He gets nothing!

He gets absolutely nothing. Well, because this proves he's dumb. Oh, well. If this were Japan, though, it would be like, well, you know, he receives, you know, she won, so she gets $500. And he loses. So we're going to place him in this glass panel box full of hornets and film it. And he lives there now. He lives there now.

Yeah, he lives there for a year. And even he doesn't want to leave to be the Tennessee. head coach. He adventures of Hornet Boy! Hornet Boy respectfully declines, signed a three-year extension with the box of Angry Hornets. Like in two years, we're laughing at like Gifts of Hornet Boy on Twitter,

right? His world, the Liv's been completely taken away from him for $75 a week. That's Tennessee, but just less money. Yeah. But he gets health care. ah next prediction please oh jason do you have one because i have one on deck oh i sure do uh from young shull on

twitter kinesaw state wins fcs playoffs plank has offered a tennessee job turns it down i think that would make sense um for everyone involved he's a little skinny oh no Tennessee Tennessee folks ain't gonna trust a skinny guy right yeah but no yeah but he floats he floats he floats so he's like literally part of the VAL Navy. Okay, yeah. That's true. Also, he can recruit he has Florida ties. He's from Florida. So he can recruit Florida for you.

He's half of a power tea. The good half, if you ask me. Although I want to, let me just say, I appreciate that this was Jason once again pointing out that he roots for the only good football team on this podcast. And largely within

SB Nation at this point. My alma mater is the almost the only one among all full-time SBNation.com college football people to actually be in the postseason and could be the only one to win a postseason game. Thank you. We're really counting on you, Missou. We're really counting on you. Let's do this. Come on, Missou.

I'm going to be unbearable if I'm riding off that window for nine months, y'all. I got one here for you. It's Patrick Hart at P.B. Heart 20. Bama shows up and plays in the Pac-12 championship, hoping no one notices it's not the right game. Okay. So the Pac-12 championship

being, of course, Larry Scott's deal, is it on the same night or even day as everyone else? No, no, no, no. It's ahead. It's the Vanguard. We're doing Black Friday on Tuesday, which, like in April?

Cyber Friday with the Pac-12. I thought you said you wanted to be on TV all by yourself. Yeah, you are. It's going to be eight people watching. I'll be one of them because I have a thing for Pac-12 football. I'm broken, and I love that conference, even though its own fans, all 15 of them are very vocal, but they can't find a 16th.

Right. Like, if you increase ratings by tuning in yourself, that's not good. Also, most of their games, take place on regional Pac-12 networks, which are regional cut into little sort of chunks, and everyone in the conference absolutely hates how they do business. Larry Scott on a Friday. Much watch.

It's T-G-I-F. T-G-I-F, Pact-12, it's the T-GIF Conference. Patrick Duffy is singing the National Anthem. Cool. Sam Darnel, throwing another pick or fumbling and going, did I do that? America can't get enough of him. Who is Alabama replacing in the Pac-12 championship game in this hypothetical Stanford or USC?

Well, I think that they, let's see, it depends. If it's been Alabama most of the year, it would be Stanford, right, after their dismal three games, right? Take out the first three games, they'd be Stanford, right? or if it's one where the quarterback's turnover prone, makes mistakes unnecessarily, and loses, that would be Sam Darnel that is worst moments. So that would be Alabama versus Auburn only. So why don't we just make it Alabama like early spring game? Why don't we just like get rid of both teams?

Both trash, both not SEC, both not elite. Hey, it improve the ratings, right? Wow, this is quite a heel turn from the Internet's fiercest Stanford fan. I told you, I gave up on that. I know, I know. I've changed. I mean, I do want to see it, though, because I just know that if I did want to watch one of these games play Alabama in an impromptu championship game, the one that would give them the most fits would probably be Stanford

because at one point, Bryce Love would peel off a 50-plus, you know, yard touchdown run, and then I get to watch Nick Sabin have a coronary. Yeah, that'd be bad It'd be bad I mean Sam Darnold should maybe Rue for this So he can hurt his draft stock

And be like Oh no I went to a good team Oh shit Sorry I think maybe that's been the plan All along Darnal keeps trying to ruin

His draft stock Because he's like You think you're tanking But I'm the one tanking Oh shit Now it's my job To back up Tom Brady For the next 18 years

Oh no I'm gonna get a big contract From somebody else and only have to throw 40 passes before I get released. Yeah, like he just, like, the minute that they help up this like, Donald for the Jets, baby, he's like, time to throw some picks, bitch. They should show his, his shot chart before and after that. It's like green everywhere that he sees that and time to put some red on this thing.

Like he and Josh, like he and Josh Allen are just texting each other back and forth like, oh, well, three picks, baby. Let's get that draft stuck down. And Josh Allen's like, watch this, mother. fucker 68 yards in this like 68 yards in a blizzard i'm going fourth round meanwhile our beautiful beloved um rosin mayfield jackson trio just totally overlooked for falling their asses off that's that's that's fine because they because they know they know they're like safely out of that zone right like if you're lamar jackson you ain't got to worry about the jets picking you number one you just go out there

You put up 600 yards. And with Josh Rosen, I think, I think, I imagine somebody's probably like, yeah, he'll pull an Eli on us. He'll say, oh, you're drafting me, huh? Interesting. I have some thoughts on that. Imagine if, like, I know the Cowboys have a quarterback, but imagine if, like, Jerry Jones drafts Josh Rosen. He's like, hmm, okay, so a few thoughts on this. The thread.

I'm taking this straight to Medium.com. enumerated points 1 through 38 yeah this is this is not a game by the way like when I when I look at USC taking on Stanford I don't

I don't really I don't really see USC winning this and I don't just because right now Stanford's doing that thing where they're just Matt like Stanford rounds into shape right that's what they do

they mess around they usually look awful for three or four days. They're on those weird semesters is what it is. Yeah, they're on the quarter schedule. Yeah, so they'd come back for the second quarter and they're like ah, figured this business out. We're good.

And by and large, they have, because remember this is the team that we were joking hadn't won a game in the Northern Hemisphere. Right? After a couple of weeks of September. And yeah, now they're just you know, doing their Stanford thing.

Winning, blowing people off ball. you know hammering Notre Dame in the second half and their 3820 win last week and oh by the way in case you want a little preview of how this goes they've already played this game right yeah and

and it didn't go well however that was first quarter Stanford that was first quarter that was Stanford still figuring out what major they were Stanford was like I'm going to be a marine biologist and then quickly Stanford was like no tech business no

I only do business now fuck that business business I'm a business business with a minor in business yeah and yeah a little bit of

like I'm going to take one course and I'm going to take one course in malicious capitalism what's what's your language I'm going to do Chinese business and meanwhile USC

USC comes in in the same USC comes in and follows its own fitting academic track where at the start of the year they're like okay I'm like I'm working hard

I'm like showing some success it's not totally easy for me but I'm really trying and then you get to like the Notre game Notre Dame game and they're just like oh I'm so drunk

I'm so drunk it's finals right now oh god yeah so this leads me to my prediction the rare palindroming was the outcome last time with USC winning 42 to 24

boys I'm going the other way I'm just going to say that Stanford wins this game 42224 yes the reverse palindromo wow yeah reverse reverse you flip the palindrome a perfect palindrome a palen phrector

I don't know what to call it we'll work on it from NJNY on Twitter. I'm going to guess that stands for New Jersey, New York. Coveted handle. Ohio State defeats Wisconsin, gets into playoff over Alabama because of Florida State losing to Louisiana Monroe. This would, of course, strip the tide of a win over a bowl team, which would hurt their resume. I believe it would take them down to six wins over bowl teams. Not a whole lot. They'd be six in one. It's not great. Nothing special. And this would, of course, come at the expense of the game. game barely billed as the biggest opening week game of all time the knolls have had a hard season

in case y'all missed it uh but this gets even funnier because you can add in the other fs u you can add in fresno state which is number 25 going up to boise state if fresno state loses that game bama is down to two wins overranked teams which is quite on the low side among playoff contenders it'd be two and one that's not very good um so yeah so if if uh uh Florida State and Fresno State lose this weekend. Ain't looking good for the tide. This is the thing. I don't need, it's not,

Ohio State Bama is not the clash that I'm interested in in terms of playoff positioning. It's Ohio State and Miami. Because I really want Miami to beat Clemson, Ohio State to beat Wisconsin, and most smart people to assume, well, Miami should definitely get in, and Ohio State's kind of a maybe. but Ohio State gets in and Miami doesn't because life was better when Ohio State and Miami fans were just fighting constantly all the time about judgment calls that they couldn't do anything about constantly give me that back what if Ohio State pulls another 59 nothing and Miami like bullshit's its way to like a 33 32 win and Miami gets in that'd be pretty fun right that'd be extremely fun yeah I'm for it it's nonsensical it's nonsenseical it's chaotic it's going to be hard for anyone to deal with her explain i'm for it i got i got one more from dave frank 23

michigan state declines the citrus bowl to play in the pinstripe bowl to ensure bad weather be pretty wise yeah we want the international bowl we haven't played that we want the international bowl is it possible can we play inside an actual ice machine Yeah, we want to play on the set of The Thing. Do you mean the old John Carpenter? Yeah, we do. We're going to go ahead and play Thing Bowl.

We're going to play in the planet Thanos came from, whichever one he left last, the condition, just the same condition he left it in. We're going to play Thanos. I will go ahead and I will say this. I think you get the best bang for your buck. like if we're just surveying your championship weekend okay um that you're going to get the best bang for your buck out of the following games right uh i think that i think that if you are of if you were of the hipster or you know connoisseur variety man noon on saturday is pretty great it really is you get memphis at ucf where the score will look a lot like um i don't know let's

say like the estimated age range of an Arizona state coaching candidate, 63, right, to like 62. That's what the score is going to be in the American conference game because UCF and Memphis ain't nobody playing defense and ain't nobody stop in an offense. They're both really good offenses and they're both defenses that, you know, they believe in Brownian motion. they're quantum sometimes they're dare sometimes they're not and we see yeah we get to see is this is this game this conference championship is it enough for UCF to finally be ranked ahead of three lost Stanford let's find out or you know what four lost Stanford maybe what a what a fuck what a fucking fraud the playoff system is with regards to a group of five teams like I get I get that they're not going to put UCF in.

That's fine, but they can't even just be like, I don't know, you're between Ohio State and Penn State because that'll make that. Behind nine and three, Stanford. How fucked. Stanford lost to a fucking mid-major. Are you, it's like these teams don't even exist. Like, what, so, oh, God, Jesus fucking Christ. Like, you're allowed to lose to them and it doesn't count,

but yet when they you know when they when they hit 12 and oh that doesn't matter either yeah additionally at noon uh another banger i think north texas at florida atlantic yeah you get to watch kiffin but do you or do you go vals he should walk back of that facility and just see if anyone calls him on it right oh he should he should coach this game from the sideline in his old tennessee gear just to fucking and when they and when they and when And they ask him at halftime, like, oh, so I guess you're taking the Tennessee job. Just being like, no, laundry day, fuck them. That's more garbage laying around.

I think his clout is so high right now that he could come up before the game and say, like, hey, guys, I'm going to take the Tennessee job. You know, and they're like, oh, yeah, that's cool, coach. Let's go get this way. Yeah, let's do it. Let's win this game. Like, no one would care. No one would care.

He could just openly say, just like, send tweet out, blast it out on Twitter right now. Hey, I gotta call it Tennessee guys Okay, cool, go coach, that's awesome Go else go else And then it turns out he's like Oh, I meant the Memphis job Jay said he's moving on to something else So I don't know what Tennessee fans are so excited about

Anyway guys, I'm definitely leaving But this is a cool year, let's keep in touch I mean like here's the other thing about like That he could do right Like he should just every time he see it on the sideline He should be seen doing something that would appalled a Tennessee fan right like i don't know telling off with a picture of like you know phil fulmer right just a piece of paper of phil fulmer like wiping the sweat off his head right like that's trash put my gum

in that maybe i got this photoshopped uh cover of maxim with general neeland on it it's pretty funny you get it did you get it it's cool it's cool you know he's got like a he's got like a a raccoon it's erika oliniac's body in case you were wondering special guest Captain Charles Whitson. Just antagonizing. Just doing things that, like, Tennesseans don't believe in, right? Like, just, hey, these store-bought tomatoes, they're just as good. I'm eating one on the sideline right now.

The ones that come out of your garden? Like, I don't think. Like, that should be a sideline uniform. They'd be like, what do you think of the first half? And he's like, you know what, saltwater taff? He's crap. Crap. It's not even a gift.

Coach Kiffman, you scored 42 points of. the first half. What do you have to do to keep it going? Well, you know, I actually don't believe in the Second Amendment. I think Billy Joel's our greatest country musician. And the whole time is mentioned, come home, coach. We don't care about that thing you just said about Billy Joel. We still love you, coach. Please. Just taking like brand new Yeti gear and throwing it into a huge theatrical garbage can. No, throwing into the Tennessee Vol's garbage can from earlier. Like he has it on the sideline, and he's just throwing

things that they really value it. Showing the Tennessee ball's trash can into an even larger trash can. Yeah, I stole the Nunn Bun, and I pooped in the grand old opery. I'm not sorry about it. My name my son up in Knoxville, I'm changing the name of Tuscalo. That's fine, coach. Bring him with you. We love Tusk. We love old Tusk.

Love that kid. We've seen, he was a baby, but now he's growing up to be a young man, so proud of young. young knox tusk we miss sweet tusk oh god that'd be so and then just walk into the football building in tennessee without ever signed a good contract and start doing the job hey these are my these are two kids i just adopted lexington and nash my wife's name is Athens now yeah listen I only go to QT

pilot flying J is just absolute shit sorry like he shows up and he's like hey hey five star quarterback you should probably go to South Carolina they can really use your help it will be fine here at Tennessee that can't fire me they love me you're the best coach

thanks coach Keep steering those kids towards the right path for themselves. We believe in your analysis of Will Mustamp as a QB developer. Love you, Coach. Thanks for coming home. You respect their autonomy,

and you can't spell that without you, T. He should just call up a cold, just call up a Colquit, like, live on Periscope and, like, tell them what absolute crap they are and how they're not getting it. Hey, yeah, I heard you were a punter, right? Yeah, right. I should offer you a scoffer.

scholarship to my trash can. Yeah, right. I love the punter skepticism. Lane Kevin, punter, truther. That's right, coach. That's a relic of the past. Yeah, we're getting rid of the checkerboard. It's going to be Candyland end zones now.

I love candy. We do, too. Always have. Also, our colors are red and red and purple now. red and purple and gold and chocolate I like chocolate

yep get rid of the dog we're just gonna have a cat just a big main team cat is he gonna run out with the team no it's a cat just does what it wants

no he stays in my office you can't ever look at him that's fine the secret cat secret cat's the greatest mascot in all the college football gives him something to strive for no one no one

not even me yep sorry rocky top rocky top's done we're gonna make our we're doing march madness we're doing we're doing black holes we're doing black hole sun

instead oh I love that so melodic I know all the words it makes me so fired up to play football oh man abusive like abusive

like abusive lane kiffin as Tennessee head coach is a dream too sweet to come true Yeah, yeah, we're actually leaving the SEC. We're going to the Mac. I feel like that's the better choice.

Yeah, absolutely, coach. It's a quality coverage coverage. I want to be the greatest conference USA head coach ever. I already got a pretty good start on that. So y'all come with me. We're going to play Marshall a lot. Yeah, absolutely. Also, we're keeping our annual game against Alabama.

Yeah, this seems smart. Seems like a good choice. I just, just him grilling on the side. lines and overdoing a steak until it's just rocking on the grill, right? Is that a big green egg? Nope. Some cheap shit I bought at Target. Smells great, coach.

I have this fried chicken shipped in from New Hampshire. I heard it's really good there. We got to try it. Coach, what's this picture you posted on Twitter of a burning building? It's a cracker barrel. I just set it on fire. I'm going to hit another one tomorrow. night. I'm going to burn one down every single

night. Until the Batman releases I don't know. Somebody's got a threat for Batman. Tennessee Batman. Yeah, we found his bones in an alley years ago.

It's fine. Tennessee Batman has so many DUIs. That's it. He's just got an enormous king cab. It's all dented. The utility belt with like all the, you know, he can pull out any solution, any problem.

It's just nothing but flasks. It's just flasks in a leather man, right? Like, you know, shit, give me some bailing wire. I'll put this bumper back on. It's fine. He's got his own Alfred. It's the ham. He keeps in the passenger seat.

Just eats parts of it. The, the, what is the, one from the dark night is it the it's not the scutler it's the the tumbler yeah it's got the tumbler right but when it like when the little motorcycle shoots out right yeah yeah when the little motorcycle shoots out from it it's an atv what's the monster energy picture look i think fire out of there hey put it back in let's do it again tennessee batman we're supposed to be fighting tennessee joker right now now now now run it back he he ain't he ain't gonna get far yeah he ain't gonna get far my boy my my

my boy got this lot out here dirt ramps are sick Tennessee Joker just waddling down the highway going wait Tennessee Joker is Tyler Bray throws it tries to you know he's like hey Tennessee Batman look alive tries to throw a bomb at him

it goes three yards in the wrong direction oh man this entire this entire thing has to come true now remember everything we say on this program it eventually becomes true. It is a prediction of the future.

Speaking of, I don't want to, I don't want to be done tonight without the Sandman telling us who's going to win the SEC championship. Because I'm tired of doubting him. I'm tired of questioning his wisdom. I submit to all that is the Sandman's view of the future.

Three weeks ago, I told Joe Auburn's going to win the football game. We didn't bother discussing the next football game. And then one week ago, I again told Joel Auburn's going to win the football game. But I'm here to tell you this time, said Auburn's going to win the football game. Okay, you can do this.

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