Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 7.46: Rich Folks Only in Jimbo's Mentions Please

Episode Date: December 4, 2017

Jimbo Fisher is the richest man in the world after this week, so please stay out of his mentions. It should be pointed out that rich folk only can touch Texas A&M's coach, now. Please keep your dirty peasant hands off him. We review Championship Week on this week's episode, and drop it hot (and with at least two audio glitches) because a.) Ryan usually does the editing, and he's out for this episode and b.) We had to get it out the door before we left the country. Topics covered include: --Bama got in the playoff and it's Greg Schiano's fault --Actually pretty much everything is Greg Schiano's fault --How not being as smart as Alabama really isn't something you wanna tell people about out loud --Why guys who say "I don't buy much, but when I do I get the best" are hoarding liars --A discussion of how the Gnat Belt is a real thing people think you're making up --College football is dead BUT SO IS THE NIGHT KING SO THERE --How Jimbo Fisher's massive contract might turn him into Texas A&M's largest booster AND its coach --The hilarity of a Wisconsin quarterback with the ball in the open field with only one man to beat --An important experiment involving Josh Rosen and Sam Darnold switching teams --A quick thumbnail sketch of the bowl season including THE BLUSTERIEST STORM TO EVER HIT TAMPA, THE OUTBACK BOWL INVOLVING BOTH WILL MUSCHAMP AND JIM HARBAUGH --Also Herm Edwards is actually the CEO or whatever of Arizona State football! YOU PLAY. TO WIN. FOUR GAMES. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown fullcast. This is your championship edition. This is the, everything's been decided, y'all. It's over, you know. You put in all that work on the field in the summer, you didn't. And you, you know, you put in that time both in the community and in the wait room. In the wait room. That's, that all, that all came to fruition in the season.

And if it all worked out. then low you got a chance to play in a conference championship game which which is really actually pretty bad for your team like because you know you can actually make the playoff without having to play one of those it's an innovation an Alabamavation if you will that they've employed not once

but at least twice depending on how you count it Jason you got somewhere to start us talking about this foolishness so um let's go back uh we're going to talk some big ten so i just want to run through a few things and see if we can find a connecting strand between these things um the big ten one of its big talking points is we play nine conference games and if you make the conference title game you play ten conference games um and that sounds cool and impressive until you remember that includes teams like Illinois, Maryland

and then a certain team that really tops those in just overall embarrassingness name association whether they're improved or not of course I'm going with Rutgers okay and we're going somewhere with this

Rutgers added to the Big Ten a few years after they were decent enough to make themselves at least presentable enough that it didn't feel like a completely crass cash grab by the Big Ten. Now, when Rutgers was decent, do you recall the head coach at the time?

No clue. Name familiarity or recent events tied to this name. Couldn't possibly jar the moniker from the vast recesses of my brain. No. Who was that? Well, I'm going to reach back and tell you that The name was Greg Shiano, okay? Mm, goodness. Might not be familiar with that name, but that's fine.

Let's skip forward, skip for it a little bit. The recent NFL coaching tenure that not only was it a debacle on the field, also included disease scandals off the field and players hating a coach openly and players diving at knees and just like out of all the botched NFL coaching tenures, It might have been the worst. Do you know the name that's associated with this one? Oh, no, no, no. Please, fill me in.

Well, that's again, Greg Shiano, same, one in the same. Goodness, goodness, okay. So, here we are. We move forward to 2017. An especially invigorating coaching carousel is underway. That's one way to put it, yes. Led by Tennessee. Tennessee at the forefront of this exciting whirlwind of transaction.

Um, the most spectacular moment of Tennessee's coaching search so far, the, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the wisdom of the crowd rose up and rejected a, a, a, a, a higher that, uh, Penn had already been applied to paper. Do you know who the coach was at that point? Um, no, no, no, you, you're, you again, please fill me in. Once again, it was Greg Shiano. Huh. Now, here we are with the college football playoff committee. They've just seen a Saturday full of conference championship games. They're sitting in their boardroom with their computers. Look like they run Windows 98 based on the ESPN montage.

They're sitting around there debating. It's pretty clear it's going to come down to Alabama, which of course doesn't need to play conference championship games. only needs to play two ranked teams all year or Ohio State which lost a game to Oklahoma and also lost a game to Iowa the problem with those two losses is they weren't close and in fact Ohio State gave up 55 points now do you know the name of Ohio State's defensive coordinator um you know what I'm just gonna make a guess I'm gonna guess that that was Greg Shiana it was Greg Shiana it was Greg Shia! The most important game of the entire college football season involved Greg Shiano fucking up.

And that has been the story of football for quite a while now. So it's as if he were contagious. Just an outbreak throughout the heartland. We got to burn it all down. It's useless. Don't even look at it. Just the out. Greg Shiano is the outbreak.

the outbreak monkey of basically disastrous football things is what you're trying to tell me. I enjoy people who defended it by saying, oh man, you know, but he's a, like, you know, we looked into it. Like, you know, I know him and Urban Meyer knows him. And, you know, he says he's a, he's a great guy. Okay. Man, you know, you might be a great guy. He didn't coach the bucks into the floor, you know? Like, that's, you can do both.

I don't know plenty of real nice guys who are incompetent. So, sure, sure. Yeah, no, I mean, that's actually like, you know, it's pretty common when you're like, yeah, that guy's really, really cool. Don't let him light the grill. Yeah, I don't know if I'd trust Greg to like the grill. Yeah, a 14-step process.

I think it's like the, you know, max intensity. what do you need to do is knock the grill over while it's on fire show it who's business yeah i i don't think um i don't think that anything in this by the way sounds inaccurate i'm just gonna you know we're a very scientific podcast we like to decide things based on the numbers and the numbers for me that stick out here when you go oh yeah like like hey they put they put Alabama in well first of all hey listen it's not my fault alabama is smarter than you. Oh, no, that's on you. That should always be on you. And you're like, oh, man, how'd Alabama get in without playing a championship game? Outsmarted by Alabamaans again.

Can't be that hard. I see your problems. That's like when somebody says, I don't know if we'll ever have a good football program in, put state here. Okay. I'm going to fill you in on something here, okay. Alabama's good at it. This isn't that hard. You just need some, you just need a commitment to certain methodologies, certain recruiting methods, that everybody just comes on board. It's not hard, you know, you just write checks. Write checks and get, you know, write checks and get permission to do some stuff. That's it.

Can't be that hard. State of Alabama's, you know, good at it, right? And what else are they good at? That's a really long list. Too long for this podcast is my rationale for not giving you a second thing that the state happens to be good at, which is actually good, right? Not going to cheat and be like, man. What are they good at?

Bull weevils. Okay, that's not, that's an old thing. They're not even good at bull weeviling anymore. Oh, damn, then fell off. Hmm. So, yeah, I mean, the debate to me, Alabama versus Ohio State, Alabama obviously flawed, imperfect, undeniable. You know, far from the best of the Saban era, far from an open and shut case. If you had, you know, if you had a 12-1 conference champion anywhere in sight, we'd be delighted to include them.

but there weren't any of those and Greg Shiano gave up 55 points to Iowa so Ohio State you are fairly out and that's that and that's a shame by the way like I will say this too like I think this was

this was the case that I thought was going to happen which is which is rare I'm usually wrong right I'll let my emotions get the best of me you know and you're like oh no man that team deserves to be in because they're cool that's i really yeah yeah like you know if you're asking me like oh man put ucf in of course like if you want

the coolest thing man it's when you go oh no we're gonna put ucf we're gonna put usc right why they're cool that's how this works so we just pick it and go okay i did it because i like him wait why isn't georgia in there i don't like his haircut yeah kirby smart's got it he's got Jim Carrey haircut. They have too many good running backs. I get confused. It's too easy for him. You can't have that.

You got to have somebody. That'd be like being able to hit two drives off the tee every time you play golf. That's about the only golf metaphor I'll ever use or understand. Right there. I know you get one drive and after that, it's a mystery. It's a big fog. Just ball's gone. Trying to speak your language, Georgia fans.

You got a month to catch up. It's either that or like dime. or libertarianism. I don't know. Like, I'll meet you where you live, is what I'm saying, okay? That's where, that's the kind of customer service we give you. The point is this. I really would have liked to have seen this Ohio State team play, because they do really cool shit, like there's, there's no argument against that, right?

Like, when they get, like, against Wisconsin, when they got the ball to Paris Campbell, Right? And you just saw him versus some, I don't know, person not as fast as he was on the Wisconsin team, which could be any one of 22 people at any given time on either starting depth chart for Wisconsin because nobody's as fast as Perez Campbell on that roster. No one. Like that's, I love watching Urban Meyer teams. You know why? Everyone is insanely fast. All of them. So many things that could be considered mistakes that they might. do, right? So many little flaws are masked by the fact that by the time they correct them, you just started your tackle, right? Like, oh, lookie, fumble the ball, and 30 yards downfield.

Colin. Yeah, the Big Ten championship game was great. Because just everything was as itself as it could possibly be. Ohio State is, if they get just the slightest flash of

open grass touchdown, 80 yards, touchdown. down you know whereas Wisconsin is just laboring over every yard and like okay we're going to have our full back run a wheel route and then we're going to squeeze out 12 yards

I mean it just everything was so hard for them Wisconsin is just working its ass off and like hanging around just like Ohio State's going so damn fast that it's like bonking into walls and stuff and you know and an extremely

urban Meyer fashion of course you did have a quarterback out there j t barrett who is six days off knee surgery uh carried the ball 19 times with one leg sure which is about the most urban mire thing i've ever heard yeah um and you know played an okay game if you're playing a really good defense you put up what uh 20 24 was it 27 24 something like that you put up enough points we'll say that i'm not looking up looking it up why should i do that no no you don't playoff team i don't care about their stats. Yeah, you know, you know who doesn't look up? J.K. Dobbins.

Just, he's running. What yard line is it? It doesn't matter. It won't be, the one I'm on, it won't be that one for long. Man, he's fun to watch. I love that scheme, too. And I know that, like, they tend to ride J.T. Barrett. I'd point out, by the way, that, like, given his recent surgery, it was probably the correct.

Like, this is an insane. This is how dumb football can be as a sport. it made sense to run the guy who had just had knee surgery because he was missing guys deep because it looked like he wasn't quite like you know he's still on his like baby post-surgery fond legs right in terms of correctly gauging the pressure you needed to place to drive the ball to the deepest receiver and it's not like barrett's been accomplished a passer anyway right Kevin wilson and that offensive staff did a lot of work this year in order to put him in good positions where he had good easy throws they they were great they did an awesome job said of j t barrett

but like that's jt barrett he's going to miss an open receiver it's going to happen so it kind of made sense to go like yeah boys running the single wing with the guy who just got knee surgery big 10 champs yeah his game's always been efficiency short efficiency um runs that like you know he's not super fast you know he's just he's going to get the yards yeah no If he happen to have a different skin tone, I think people would have an easier time describing his game. You know, he just grits his way to four yards. Needed three and he got three point one.

You know, like, gritty, gritty, tough, tough. Like, imagine if a fucking white quarterback came out six days after a surgery, you know, and won a conference title. There would be statues on every corner. So many guys in sweatshirts playing the training montage from Rocky Four over and over again. Hearts on fire. When J.T. Barrett does it. They're like,

Hey, he's missing deep passes. The guy with one leg threw it 80 yards when he should have thrown at 70 sucks. Yeah. I just, I love the way they work that offense, though. And like, it is one thing I am hoping you see a little bit more of it, Florida. When you spread the ball out like that and you have a running quarterback, sometimes those run lanes, it's awesome. You just look up and you're like, oh, hey, look, there's a running back 15 yards down.

field nine nanoseconds after the snap how that happened you're like everybody freaked out about the quarterback and boop look we got a run lane like the size of a driveway just extending to infinity that happens if you have somebody like jk daubbins who was so good that he ruined a dwayne wade like soundbite on sports center because lebron was yelling about it going yeah freshly record in the background and sports center love you love you braon bra on collision in the end zone uh between i forget who was carrying the ball probably a full and a hero who the internet dubbed turf guy had to go out and massage the field back together just out there Purdue grad out there um tend in the fields yeah that's like like king of all dads for a night there's a guy who's like I got a turf issue I don't know boys I think I'm going to get this one I got it I got it Lord of all dads for one night there's a guy who's like I got a night and one night only is the guy

who went out and fixed the field turf. What is the turnover chain of dad totems? You know what it is? It's the green rake. Because remember... He's got the golden rake. Yeah. I don't even know if we need to go golden.

Let's just go that same plastic green rake because... We don't need a golden rake for. Gold is ductal. I know, yeah, but it doesn't quite flex. The plastic rake. Plastic rake flexes like you need to in order to get the most leaves displaced per stroke. I think it would be like an expensive sounding composite,

you know, that's a Darthatite rake. Those are worth the money. I don't buy a lot of stuff, but when I do, I get the best. It's a $150 rake. It's worth it. Dude, any guy who says, you know what, I don't buy much stuff, but when I do, I get the best, he buys, he buys, he buys all this stuff

all of it yeah but I bought the best twice they're both the best this is the best and this is the best even better yeah you know any it's like

this goes with my usual law of adult communication that when somebody you don't know is telling you something just invert it and that's what it means right like I'm a frugal guy you've been bankrupt twice you're frugal now

yeah the courts know about it like when nick sabin says as he did uh you know if we'd lost by 30 points we wouldn't be having this conversation yeah you would you know why because you're alabama that's why you're still going to try to get in every coach will all of them i think my favorite part about his politicking was the week before he was talking about well i think you know if you'd look at what this team's accomplished what the fuck did you accomplished you beat fresno state and

you don't accomplish a shit you just beat you blew out a bunch of okay teams I mean cool it worked for you that's fine everyone knows you're great fine shut up you probably beat clompson shut the fuck up no one cares but like accomplished I don't need a put 60 points

on Ole Miss okay yeah whatever yeah you you beat LSU there you beat LSU you beat Mississippi State we're one of two teams in Alabama to beat LSU. One of them is the Sunbelt co-champ.

Yeah. It's true. When you get them on, you know what? When you say that, you know, hey man, listen, we didn't want to play Mercer. Fucking Mercer, man. Mercer has caught so many goddamn strays. Well, first of all, why are you going to insult the Pride of Macon like that? Why are you dragging making through the fucking mud, man?

The Alman brothers, Otis Redding. Man, man, if you're a, if you're a making legend right now, you are the name of your town is bringing sullied coast to coast, well, from the edge of the Midwest to other edge of the Midwest, just for the fact that York University has a, you know,

football team that's in the FCS subdivision and is basically as good as Illinois anyway. Yeah, that and I will also put this, the epicenter of the disease known as SEC basketball fever is in somewhere between Auburn and Tuscaloosa, like two, when we say us,

FCC basketball fever, you mean, oh, God, who watches that shit? You know, this year, apparently, I don't know, there's like two good teams. Florida might be good. I'm a really, I'm a really great Florida fan, by the way, from basketball if it's not real obvious. Are they good? Have they started playing? Is that a thing?

But I know one thing Mercer has that Alabama doesn't, and that's, that's, they've won a, they've won an NCAA tournament game. Yeah, they beat the Duke. And then they hit the nanae on the side of the court. Yeah, they had a white boy hit the nanae with accuracy, enthusiasm, and precision. Yeah, what y'all know about making? I don't know shit about making. National media elites think they know making.

You couldn't handle the fucking gnats. Not a damn thing. Yeah, I'm saying, bring on it. You don't know what these gnats are like, bro. You don't know. You don't know shit. The plague of pestilence. What'd you know about the gnat belt?

Huh? Up there in fucking Columbus, Ohio. Or, you know, wherever you're from, Medill person. Wherever, come down and mess with a gnat belt. See? There. Now, Bama's got three quality wins. Yeah, when you come down and eat that Cheddar's right off High 75.

I think that's a third making exit. You'll notice it's a denuded hill with a large highway sign that says Cheddars. I feel like the South Georgia Nats thing is something that, like, people think is made up or exaggerating. I think there's like a lot of really great regional phenomena that play out like that. Like, you know, people are like, yeah, you know what? The wind doesn't ever fucking stop in Cody Wyoming, you know, and you're like, ah, man, that's bullshit. Then you go to Cody and you're like, this is drive a man mad.

I'm walking sideways all the time. All the time. This is nuts. Where are you here? Why is anyone here? Yeah, the Nats, Nats are a real thing. Like, I went down to Statesboro to do a story on them, like, many, many moons ago and, like, three coaches ago. And going there for the first time, in the summer, you're like, oh, man, I walked through a cloud of Nats.

That'll disperse, right? Nope. Nope. No. You just, like, listen, man, you know, in case you ever seen anyone just Country Strong and Jacked from Statesboro, Georgia, you know how they got there? It's all that extra protein. They're just inhaling. Just gnat.

They're all like massive whales, right? It's, that ain't nothing but flying plankton. It is. It's just airplane. They're just, you're like, well, man, I haven't seen him eat today. He just put up, like, sets of 315 at the Gold's gym. Like, what the hell is going on? You're like, yeah, it's that airplane, man.

Moving like a majestic sperm whale. See? Bursar, so strong? Yeah. Maybe that's what you need. maybe bro bro you know what you need to work into your routine while you're trying to you know

I don't know what's the hot workout right now it's probably like the Hulk work out where you try to look like the actual Hulk from like the Avengers movie right but not CGI you try to look like Mark Ruffalo yeah you try to look like that's it first of all

buy some pleated pants first you're going to buy like a total neck sweater yeah then you're going to and then you're going to gain like five pounds of muscle yeah and you're going to kind of slump a little bit you know that's like just that's that's a very important thing for a character actor and you're like i'm going to play a nerd i'm gonna i'm gonna slump a little um that is uh that is all something that i think you need to go ahead and get out you know you need to work on your nat intake because nat intake is definitely something that i don't know bro you know i'm just just saying

your your workout's probably incomplete i really hope there isn't a person listening to this is going yeah man i got to try this bug shit out his southerners they got something to go they got something going here this this reminds me of the uh the take of the day um the what's the fucking site like the Alabama over iowa state is the death of college football oh that that'd be the big lead okay yeah which i have no personal experience with

it all nope not bit you can google that one Um, so I actually clicked on it. Did you, did you happen to click on it? Um, I read like eight words of it and I was like, it's not much longer than eight words. It's like three paragraphs. And I think I memorized all of them.

It's like, you know, it's like, uh, Alabama was picked. That, that's what happened. Kirk Herb Street walked off the set and discussed. And then it's like, Ohio State had so many good wins. their resume was better and then the final graph is like three southern teams imagine the tv ratings and that's it's the whole fucking thing just push publish where's the post that's an excellent outline who gives the shit about the tv ratings first of all they're going to be great because everybody wants to see um clemson like national brand clemson yeah at the point the ratings

The ratings will be incredible because Oklahoma is involved. You know, bringing with it, you know, not just Norman, but the surrounding environs of Oklahoma City and maybe Tulsa. Maybe. Does the brand carry that? I mean, I don't know, Baker Mayfield versus Nick Saban for the national title. No, nobody watched that. Nobody watched that. Not compelling.

Unless Nick suits up. He's got the leather helmet. About the same size. It's true. It's true. You know what? I bet Nick's got two snaps, too. Not three.

Definitely not three. Yeah, I mean, I don't usually click on the bad take getting roasted, but I'm glad I clicked on that one. I mean, I saw it and I was like, yeah, awesome. Let's do it. First of all, I was like, hmm, which person at this site who knows nothing about this sport wrote this? And then I was like, oh, this one. Yes. you know like there's no

there's no point by the way like this is something people need to learn on the internet you're like there's no point actually engaging with either a disingenuous conversation or one that's so stupid from the start you should throw it in the street like a drunkard and that's one you should just like oh okay cool i think the the key to maintaining your sanity is to just treat everything in entertainment product yeah sometimes even things that are actually trying to kill you you know sometimes just got to you know but in this case don't get mad just enjoy it um i have one you know in my head i was like what is one thing i do want to take out of the big 10 title game and it's it's this

it's a moment that i don't really want to forget i try to cling to these to the end of the season because you go oh this this is so fleeting so quick everyone's careers are so fast and you know these teams sort of you know come together and then they then they disband you know like like Sunrise and sunset, right? I want to appreciate all of it at once. They just leave for Texas A&M for $75 million guaranteed, just like that. Pay you, bitch. Pay you up.

I need a new Christmas tree. Welcome, coach. Where's my money? That's the best Jimbos in such an urge. Throw the tree out! Get that shit out of here, got to go. $75 billion. I just, I'm looking for.

forward to a new... I'll buy a fucking forest, let's go! I'm looking forward to a new era of Jimbo being like literally like, you know, only rich folks in my mentions, right? Like of him just becoming the biggest dick on the planet now that he's

got an obscene amount, like more money than his West Virginia ass could have possibly imagined even touching, right? Pony, wearing gator boots, wearing the giant cowboy hat of the rhinestones on it. Just, yeah, just like, yeah, don't

don't touch my horse bitch don't world's fanciest fanciest cowboy like he's gonna be richer than some of their boosters by the time this is done right some of it'll be like hey coach can we get a picture he's like get away from me broke boy here let me sign your forehead oh okay coach he's gonna he's gonna be like like toward the end of his tenure there there will be zero football talk it will all be about price the price of like land in the Permian, right? No, no, no. That went up this week.

You need to go get on that, right? Hey, coach, what's the game plan for this week? Game plans to make some money. He's going to fire himself. That's how this is going to work. Good idea. I know. He's going to become a massive booster for A&M and be like, you know whose fault this is?

It's mine. You know who's going to fix it? Me. Booster Jimbo. It's going to fire myself. Better cash this guy out. What's the buy? eye out always going up

that's it I'm going to predict this by the way that they have like one 10 or 11th win season and he gets an extension and more money out of this 97 million dollars guaranteed for going 9 and 3 because if you don't know

we will repeat it for you it's guaranteed it's 10 years 75 million dollars and it is all going to Jimbo yeah sure i'm sorry to interrupt i just we hadn't mentioned that on here and we had to anyway you're talking about things wonderful moments to treasure that make you happy get get your dirty farm

hand off me i don't talk to port people okay people with low money that's slow money you get out of my way we live in the fast life over here um yeah the thing i wanted to just remember from from the Big Ten tile game is this, that Wisconsin is so much slower. Someone more gritty, harder working than Ohio State, all right, than that at one point they called, they made a great call. It was the call where they handed it off to, I believe, the fullback, and the fullback throws back to Horniebrook, right? which was cool like that's that's that's awesome that's everything that you really you know

that's everything you want in a championship game right like hey you know give me a trick play be cool um so they did and then hornybrook got the ball in the open field and man when i tell you if you rewind the tape if he runs left right he's kind of it's it goes from the right hash to the left hash the pass right um moving from right to left on your radio dial and the ball goes and it lands in wisconsin quarterback Alex Hornybrook's hands and he gets it and if he just runs to the pylon it's a TD now this doesn't change anything Wisconsin eventually gets this TD but hornybrook gets the ball and rather than instinctively move to open space which is what a ball carrier would do uh hornybrook sort of freezes up

for a moment and then realizes that he's in open field with one defender to beat and immediately begins figuring out almost like visibly you could see him like hmm I need to think about how to get past this guy I choose to play

juke RB spin Perry thrust yeah it was it was not yeah quop it was not good

he would like that's the problem with giving the ball to the quarterback the quarterback is a ball handler they're not a ball carrier

typically in most offenses like Paul Chris and when that happened you could see his brain lock up for a second as he realized like I don't know like an old dad who gets up on the roof one day like I'll just get up on the roof you know and then what are you going to do? I'll just jump

down and realize oh it's much farther than I thought it was this physical situation is something I have really miscalculated from the jump yeah it was it was like a like a kid charging into the

ocean and then realizing like oh the waves are very tall and I am only three feet off the ground yeah it was it was adorable was everything I love in college athletics that that poor a hornybrook was like I'm not a receiver I haven't been trained for this I should learn to swim before I go out here yeah it was um he he ordered the uh the big novelty burger that if you finish the whole thing you get your your plaque on the wall at the restaurant forever. Yeah. But he had a big lunch beforehand.

No, this is one of those, not like, oh man, he ate like 60% of that good goat. No, he ate like a hamburger. She had a couple of big bites. I'm just going to go down. Did you watch any of the ACC title game? I kept doing this. I kept popping over, like, let's see how they do. Oh, that's bad.

That's not. Oh, goodness. I think most of America did that too. Once Clemson sort of melted through and just reduced them to rubble and got up 14-0, you're like, yeah, I don't know if anybody on this team can block those guys. That doesn't seem to be good. Yeah. Like when I considered flipping over, it was already 14-0, and it's like, okay, Miami's

without their best receiver, I think we're good here. That'll do it. I'll keep the Mountain West game on standby instead. Yeah, every time I. Every time I saw anything happening in that game, it was usually this. It was usually, man, that quarterback's running around a lot for no reason. Clemson running, smash, tidy pass, smash. Miami, oh man, quarterback is, he's doing so much work, y'all.

So much work. There was also the, oh, the Big 12 game. so for the big 12 and ruin its post this was not the case as far as the playoff goes because oklahoma one hung on to their spot solidified themselves as number two um one convincingly enough to hold off a georgia that you know blew away number two and avenger only lost and had a pretty good claim for the number one seed but a little bit of a little bit of L. TCU was the other team in this game and was in line for a New Year's Sixth Bowl, which would have brought the conference millions of dollars, and because it lost to an Oklahoma team

that it was already clearly worse than fell behind Washington. Now the Pac-12 gets that windfall. So, the revived Big 12 title game. We were right. All along, the Big 12 did shoot itself in the dick, as predicted. Well done. I will have to get the reader who predicted that and give them full credit. But yeah, yeah, absolutely shot themselves in the dick. Which when you think about it, pretty root and tooting big 12 thing to do there.

Woo-hoo! Pugh! Pugh! Ow! Our most firearm friendly conference by mascot. Yeah, ironically enough, shot itself in the dick. The market's never wrong. Yeah. And Baker

Mayfield, I enjoy this, that Gary Patterson said, yeah, good luck defending them have fun. He wasn't talking about, faker mayfield he was talking about the oklahoma defense that's how complete this was that gary and paterson was like yeah man whoever faces them have fun he was talking about a like a mike stoop's defense that's how that's how on it was versus the horn frogs this was not close it was not fun for them well yeah i mean if you look at you know the opponent adjusted numbers for the full season and so on and so forth not a great defense um but like if you look at just the

big games. Bedlam accepted. If you look at Ohio State, TCU, TCU, um, at times, when it's needed to be on, it's been on.

Then, of course, at times I'll give it 52 points, but, but situationally, situationally, they can be really good. Yeah. If,

if, if, if, if they pull out the kind of game they did, um, you know, at their best,

I mean, it feels crazy to say. bet on Mike Stoops against, you know, Nick Chubb, but I don't know, I don't know. I mean, again, you just want to get that offense back out of the field. It's just whatever it takes. That's it. Whatever you can do to get Baker Mayfield out there, let them play safety. That's fine.

That's cool. I was also correct in saying that the most entertaining game of the day would be the American Conference. because the American conference is, you know, like at its peak, the most entertaining conference because, you know, typically they're where everybody else gets their like ideas and coaches now, right? Like, oh, yeah, man, some guy in the Americans just killing it. We should get him and sort of do a tamped-down slightly less interesting version of what he does with better players.

Yeah, let's just do that. And that's the AAC, because nobody plays defense whatsoever. When you get Memphis, like, Memphis ended up, this whole game ended up being pretty much what you would script like. at the end of varsity blues right everybody run the um tube just do it everybody just you know throw the ball all the time when you run it make sure it's it's wacky and you make a pitch like 15 yards downfield mackenzie milton my me and my family would fight for you oh man because you pitch because not only you're pretty damn good quarterback uh you pitch the ball like 15 yards

into a run he looks like did you ever play the NFL street video game Yeah. Yeah, where you can, like, pitch the ball off the wall and it'll bounce back and, like, you know, you can pitch, like, as you're diving into the end zone. That's how this, dude, I don't know if I've ever seen option quarterback do the stuff he does, like, completely fearless. It's like time stops for him or something, you know. Like, he, like, literally does video game shit on the option. He's being tackled, but I guess not. That guy's got the ball.

He's 30 yards downfield. No, it looks like rugby shit. No, it is literally rugby grade pitches all the way down the field, which, you know, like, if anybody really wanted to do that, that was one thing that Kevin Kelly, the guy at Pulaski Academy had entertained doing what was, okay, well, listen, once you, once you secure the ball, make sure that you have a good relationship with the dude behind you, right? like with a good option pitch relationship because his thinking was you know like where can you open up space oh this is this is where you do it you actually play the option well down the field

I kind of need to ask him about that right and see and see how that worked but the guy that it reminded me of was Darian Hagan Darian Hagan was like Colorado's quarterback in 89 and if you look him up there's YouTube videos of him like 30 yards downfield some of the guys like closing in on him

and, you know, the ball just goes, poop! He just pitches. It's like that kind of quarterback is like, yeah, I never relinquished my right to pitch. I have, you know, it's like we get in our heads that once you cross the line of scrimmage, like, okay, that's the ball carrier, you know? But in an offense like Scott Frost, let's, let's, let's haggle about this. No, do it 30 yards downfield. Like, that's, I totally think that's one of the future elements of, like, the game.

game if people are actually still playing football in 20 years in college they'll just be like well screw it pitch it whatever NFL will hate it yeah it doesn't matter I don't know 20 years would probably be you know the NFL they're they're running nineverts if somebody's about to grab your Coors Light silver bullet flag because it'll be flagged football but you know it'll be sponsored by some horrible swill beer so it's a beer dangling off your belt they have to drink your beer and then you're tackled if they grab the silver bullet and chug the whole thing you pitch before they get a chance to do that

and then pitch to your teammate well buddy you got three that's three you know we get a third pitch in there that's three that's half of a six pack buddy if you if you recite the entire pledge of allegiance before the ball is

I do like the uh the AAC brand like you say it's almost like it's what the mac was but competent you know what i mean like the max brand i don't really know if it if it ever really lived up to it all that much like there are some wild tuesday nighters and all that but you know not a lot of really really good teams and like i don't think the games were quite as wild on average as we always felt they were but man the aAC first of all we got we got good teams um the power six branding is a little bit of a stretch but not that much not that much no um you know if there were a power six they would be the sixth and like you know you got good coaches you got good players and they just do

aggressive cool shit and put a shit load of points and like back to back UCF might have played the two best games of the year um and uh hey guess what Nebraska's fun now so get used to that that's weird man that's gonna be so weird because you know what they're gonna be good. I don't know what. Imagine two years from now like, oh shit, Nebraska Purdue is the Saturday? Fuck yes. Tell my family I'm dead because I have to watch Nebraska Purdue. You're getting married during Nebraska Purdue? Fuck you. Get out of my life. Sir, it's the birth of your child. It can wait. What? Listen, the will says you gotta be down there. It's 50.

$15 million. Yeah, I can't get there. It's by 2 o'clock. That's kickoff. It was the big 10. That's the middle of the third quarter. The Per Brasca Death Match. Which is much better than the Nebraska do.

The Nebraska do. The most Midwestern thing ever would be to call that like the Nebraska Dang Noodle. Sponsored by Milton. farm industries. I think what they'll do is call it like the wisdom trophy. Just because every new Big Ten trophy if it's not made by the internet

like if literally if we don't take charge for you, we as the internet Jim Delaney's going to do some Jim Delaney shit. You notice the split by the way. I love the split in the Big Ten psyche where if the people who are running the sport creates something it's always like

yes this is the courage cup. The The Integrity Trophy. And if it's from the fans, it's always like, Broken Bits of Chair. It's always some sort of deeply absurdist shit. Like, the Riot Bowl.

The $7 bowl of custard bowl. Yeah, like, that's... The Bowl Bowl Bowl. Who are we giving that trophy to? The Bowl Bowl. Like, what's Wisconsin's tradition? I don't know, we play a rap song from Boston

and everybody gets drunk and tries not to fall over while testing the structural integrity of the stadium. Also, the student section cusses everyone out. It's a beloved tradition. It's a beloved tradition. As opposed to, like, in the SEC, where it's like, what's the student tradition? They're like, yeah, we tell everybody to suck a tiger's dick.

That's it. A specific tiger's dick. Yeah. That one. You're like, that's weird. that's weird on so many levels dude so many i don't know odell beckham said we had to i don't know we'll play a song that's actually a cameo song that was sampled on a dim franchise boy's record and yeah there's there's a lot to it but it ends with us asking you to fillate a tiger but a specific

tiger at that again easily four levels of weirdness there so big ten i appreciate you for for for you know the dichotomy of your soul yeah i did not enjoy the cc championship game not because georgia won like i don't know like you know they seem real happy that's cool you know a lot of good kids they work megos was there quavo was happy quavo was happy quabo you know if quabo's happy i'm happy that's fine it just wasn't a very interesting game to watch because it became a parent very early on but oh okay yeah without a big old running back you give the ball 30 to 35 times.

Auburn tends to be a very different-looking football team and not for their benefit. It was the opening drive. It was like, oh, shit, here we go. Georgia's done. You know, it just looked like the first game had never ended. And then start of the second quarter, you know, Georgia is kind of taking charge and is,

okay, this is going to be good. And then next thing you know, did you look up and like, Auburn hasn't scored in half an hour of game time? And, you know, yeah, so like, I think early in the third quarter, it was just, okay, there are no other games on in FBS, so we're just stuck watching this. We're just stuck watching Georgia be Nick Saban for a while. Yeah, and that involves, by the way, though, it was not helped by the worst performance by an officiating crew. I've seen it a long time. Oh, that was, it was, it was, Pac-12ian.

Yeah, it was worse than Pac-12ian. And it had all of the worst characteristics of Pac-12 officiating in that it seemed disorganized and labored. But it also had the ACC's worst tenets like traits. For some reason, a lot of ACC officials, particularly, yeah, the legendary Ron Cherry, retired, but not forgotten, had a tendency to assume that what I wanted to see in a football game was Ron Cherry making calls, which perversely toward the end of his career was true, right? like it got to be so bad that I was like oh shit man

we're under the cherry moon let's want to draw cherry dominate this game because I had fully like gone past the hope of it being good and gone fully into the absurdist like hell yeah throw that flag that's it now let's hear you describe it uh huh uh huh so if the pack 12 is it's going to be just

absurd debacle on the spectrum the ACC ref is just very very very very very very very very picky yes very nipy we'll call things calls a tight game one might say does not let them play like a second skin yeah and in this game it was i mean georgia got flagged for like tackling at one point oh like got like a sideline warning for stuff nobody gets like sideline warning on georgia and they show the camera and it's like two guys up there yeah yeah it's just a lot of a lot of stuff happening yeah at the

Pac-12, by the way, the differentiated for me is the Pac-12, you usually have stammering and somebody like, I don't know, like the mic falls off their shirt or something, right? You know, like, or something looked... That happened to. That happened in one game this week where the ref, like, oh, God damn it,

I'm sure everyone who's listening to this knows exactly what I'm talking about, but anyway, y'all tweet at us, because you know what I'm talking about. The ref said like four words all backwards and inside out. And do you know what I'm talking about here? No.

It was very good. But I look forward to enjoying this simulated stroke. Somebody's going to send you the video and then we can share it. This is a good radio. Again, that's my favorite thing about really bad officiating is when it turns into maybe this is the first time this person's ever done this. Right? It's like, it's holding. It's holding.

It's definitely holding on the background. 53. It's on 53. Whoever that is. There's not a 53 on the field. Well, it's on him. On him now. Spot of the foul.

Third town. It's second, second town. And I feel bad. Like, I do legit feel bad because it's a heart, like, it's in pot. officiating is impossible. Impossible. It's a really difficult job, you know? So, like, I try to always be relatively genial about it because I don't know what he is.

You just go, ah, dog, I don't know, man. You're having a bad day at the office. Yeah, I'm not going to get mad. I mean, even if it's all against my team, they're not trying to hurt my team. They just didn't see it, you know, or they didn't see the angle I saw. Or we have a differing interpretation of the rulebook, you know. Just find something to laugh at that. But I'm going to get these jokes off.

The jokes will be, they will be in, they will be in rapid succession. No, that's going to happen because, dude, we're all here to laugh with you and at you. It's possible. We're flexible. We'll do both of them, right? But yeah, I didn't really particularly enjoy it. It just wasn't real entertaining game. It was kind of like the officiating, just took it completely out of rhythm. And Georgia looked real good.

Like, Georgia looked incredible. Georgia looked like what Georgia probably should have looked like. against Auburn and Auburn look like what Auburn looks like without Carriott Johnson at Ryan I was after this game I was kind of listening out like you know we've been saying for a couple months like this is a this is a year this is a year of like parity and you know everyone is massively flawed there's something super wrong with every team you know Clemson lost to Syracuse Oklahoma got a bunch of shootouts with yeah teams you know and you know UCF ain't played nobody and you know so on and so forth I got to Georgia and it's like

Like, their freshman quarterback looked bad in one out of 13 games, and that's about it. Yeah. So, I mean. Everything else, y'all, their offensive line. Go look at my favorite offensive line, appreciator, Cole Kublich. Go look at his cut-ups of what George's offensive line was doing toward the end of that game. I mean, all you need to know is that the domination was so complete and so unattached to whatever the final score might have been that a holyfield child was in and getting significant carries at the end of the game. So that's really all you need.

It was a domination of all of the teams you put in there, like at the end of the day of the four playoff teams after championship weekend, the one I felt the best about, was Georgia. because I'm like, oh, what they do is pretty simple, man. Like, what is it? They're going to knock up on you. They're just going to beat you up. And that's a very simple plan. If it goes well, it goes well. And if it doesn't, you know, you lose by large margins.

But it's an honest proposal. Whereas, like, I don't know, Clemson, Clemson's been consistent, but Clemson didn't really, like, until this game, like, maybe this is a spike that's indicating, like, oh, greater curve, and this is going to be a really dominant. prominent team but for most of the year Clemson's just pretty workmanlike right yeah they don't they don't really match

the gas and like Clemson people tell you it's like you know you get up by 10 and then you put in backups we you know that's how we that's how we keep it rolling we get you know get the young guys reps and all that which sure that's cool if you can hang on to it and they almost always do and that's how good they are is that they can assume that right that they're like oh just put the backups

give them some revs we can hold 10 why because your defense is insanely good you have an absolutely filthy defense and a defensive line that's probably like what top three or four in the nation oh sure I mean and we saw this in the Deshawn Watson era you know they just wouldn't run

him during the regular season save his legs for the playoff like they're like his fucking Shaquille O'Neal playing himself into shape for the playoff or something like Clemson just they think so long term in a way that a lot of programs don't and that makes the playoff like fascinating for me like you have Bama

okay all the five stars they're going to get a little bit healthier not everybody's going to come back but they're going to be a lot better than they were against Auburn um Georgia looks like a damn monster Oklahoma same at this point you know and Clemson I don't even think we know how good Clemson is this year yeah so like to me the whole Bama Ohio State debate it was I don't know there's not a good choice pick one yeah the way this playoff is fucking awesome all four teams can win it yeah and i and i know that like the real the cocaine bet in this is oklahoma because you're like i don't know it could be 57 52 maybe one of these defenses will just rain baker mayfield in hold them down and wallop on them for four quarters and turn it to like some awful 24-7 saving

crap right um but at the same time like you know maybe they could just pull off a two game all you need's a two-game win streak man and you know what Baker Mayfield's pretty good at Winstreet. So, yeah, it ended up being a fine playoff. I'm totally happy with it, right? That's really all I want is a quality exhibition with a hint of a legitimate champion. Remember, over the course of 100 plus years, this sport has moved from popularity contest between 20 writers in the Northeast to a kind of pseudoscientific polling method to a made-up single-game playoffs. And now in this sports third century, we're now at the point where we have a quasi-playoff with a whiff of legitimacy.

It's getting, you know, it's getting, this is religion, folks. Religion moves slowly. The Vatican will approve a playoff sometime in 2,200. We'll be so dead by the time that happens. It'll be great. The, um, we should mention the Paxville title game as well on Friday. when Stanford, the game plan in the second half, was, again, like Ohio State, just keep giving it to the guy with one leg. Bryce Love, they showed him kind of unable to walk.

Every time he gets hit, he has to have his ankle retaped. And like, you're Stanford, you have a lot of running backs. Everyone on your roster is either an offensive lineman tied in who's six, eight, or a running back. What's happening here? I didn't really didn't understand what Stanford was doing. no not one bit um i also in watching it like nothing about sam darnald changed you know you're like hmm let's see a different sam darnal tonight a little NFL scout way back in your head right hmm let's see what he's got to show me oh that that he's an extremely risky

proposition at all times right like when you make the biggest play of the game throwing out of your own end zone with you know defensive linemen's hands like probably reaching your jersey and yeah just make like a picture perfect throw 40 yards on a rope to get your team all the way down the field yeah that's in flip the act that's it just makes in really ill-advised decisions that i really wish um he'd stay in school for another year he won't and he probably shouldn't but man like yeah money money is cool money's cool when it's coming from the browns well i think you know him him and rosen they'll always be compared to each other and like when when josh rosen though's a pick i don't know i just feel like well he had to he had to try something you see the rest of this team what was he supposed to do you know he had to squeeze the thing in there with the ronald it's like did he really have to try to do just you know take the sack and then hand it off to one of your five-star running backs you know like i don't

i don't know if i ever if i get darnald i know you could have you're like oh look your safety valve was open okay well i can understand maybe you're you know maybe you're not a risk of his quarterback. Maybe one of those guys who's going to try to make things happen. Counterpoint. You could just throw the ball to Ronald Jones and watch Ronald Jones just, you know, Vita makes his way through the rest of the defense for a first down because he's amazing. Yeah, like I almost, I almost wanted to play a game with the two of them where they switched teams. Oh, goodness. That would have been so instructive for me because like, well, look, Rosen went 28 for 28 for for 540 yards, 8 TDs, right?

And one pick, or I'm sorry, 27, 28, because he threw one pick that he said he did for humility, right? Rosen was like, it's a philosophical lesson. I'm just going to give you one to remind you that I chose to give this to you. It was a field position decision. You know, I didn't trust our punter in that situation. Punter says, well, yeah, I understand it. You're correct, Josh.

Like, I sort of feeling with Sam Darnold, like, behind. and UCLA's line and working with those skill players but a bit of a very different story on him yeah obviously we're biased this is a Josh Rosen Josh Rosen positive program sponsored by Josh Rosen

Someday we might be I hope so the bowl season we're not really going to touch on it tonight directly because we have a lot of that to go and I mean y'all a lot of it because i'm leaving the country yeah that's true playing the scene just in time good luck

have fun with that thanks gary but we're not really going to touch on it too much i do want to say that a couple of things as the kids would say appear to be a light appear to be exciting appear to be good prospects for the bowl season just beyond the standard playoff matchups, right? Playoff matchups, I think we agree. They're hot. They're very good. Yes.

Whereas the bowl matchups, the bowl matchups are everything one could want out of a bowl season and then the rest of it too. It's all there. What? Kentucky Northwestern isn't moving you? No No You know what

I will say this though I did look at it And I was like Oh man UAB Ohio I looked over And saw it It was the Bahamas bowl

And I was like I'm going to bring that up a notch The Yeah I mean there's some winners in there It's a ball season There are Texas Tech

USF in Birmingham Heater That's the one that makes me You know what That's gonna What happened here? I'm going to call this. It's either going to hail or snow in that game.

Just something like, that just screams it, right? Like, do you remember when you saw a Texas check in USF playing a rain of frogs in Birmingham? A bunch of USF is, you know, Tampa, Tampa boys. What the fuck is happening? I don't know, like, I give the advantage to anyone from Lubbock in that. You're like, why is it raining mud? And everyone in Lubbock is like, man, you know what? The mud rain is the best.

That's the good stuff. Oh, I love a nice mud rain. It reminds me of my favorite George Strait song, Mud Rain. That was the one where, you know, like I do our bowl projections every week, and I'll tell you what, man, I could have done a thousand of those and not settled on Texas TechUSF in Birmingham. I don't know how they cooked that one up, but I'm glad they did. Guaranteed banger.

Peace Bowl. Auburn, UCF. Oh, Auburn. Oh, buddy. You better want it. Watch. I want you to watch all your asses. Gus, I know you just got paid, which means you're back on the hot seat,

so you better not go and lose to the mid-major. Yeah, don't, because that's definitely a fire-guss week if that happens, right? Remember two kinds of weeks in Auburn? There's the keep-gust, and there's the fire-gust weeks. And if you lose to UCF, a very game-able, challenging, and extremely angry, undefeated UCF team, right? That lost their coach, and they get excluded from any sort of real post-season considerations. Yeah, guess what, y'all?

You're in trouble. buckle the hell up because you don't want to lose this one for a lot of reasons Auburn another one which is like again if you told me this was going to be a great game I would have laughed in your face

but here we are Foster Farms Bowl Arizona Purdue lit a blaze I think this is the the college football hipsters game of the at least on the Power 5 level you know Khalil Tate versus Jeff Brom?

Hold my calls. Hold my calls. Everybody else is like, what? And you go, I'm going to have to explain this to you as to why you should watch a bowl game being played in a, I believe, a baseball stadium in San Francisco, in front of some very confused locals. 90 people in attendance. 90 people in 91 with me sitting there. This is the best shit ever. They just ran a triple of liquor.

Oh, my God. My God. Coleel Tate just Dove in the Bay. They're going to have to get him out of the kayak. I, um, someone, someone,

I think tweeted this at us earlier and, um, I don't know, go check our mentions and credit that person. Michigan State, oh, they fucked up.

They're playing somewhere with nice weather. Oh, no. They're playing in Northern Cali. They're doomed. Oh, you know what? Yeah.

This is in Santa Clara. They're not playing at the baseball stadium anymore, by the way. So Khalil Tate doesn't get to run into the water. He gets to run into, I don't know, parking lot. Another one located next to Jamba Juice, located next to, I don't know, Apple. Man, I wonder if you took all his rushing yards, how many seasons of football it would take him to actually reach San Francisco? From Santa Clara, like 30.

Yeah. Easy. And then when you factor traffic in, yeah, running laterally through that. He's going to be 60 years old. Fortunately, Lane Splitting is legal in California, so he'd probably make some really good time there. He'd be there by the time he was 50. In addition to that, a couple of other ones that I'm just like looking at and going,

oh, there's an art to this game, but I'm not saying it's the kind of art you'd hang on your wall. Okay? Maybe like a Francis Bacon, right? Tortured. Painful. Let's put this in a museum, so I don't have to look at it. the outback pole has Michigan and South Carolina

I didn't know I needed to see Jim Harbaugh and Will Must Champ try to like play a football game between two kind of teams that are challenged in some different and yet very similar ways but here we are oh God both coaches have been ejected

no Ryan Nanny is in charge of both teams Oh Yeah This is Coach Wait Coach Moscham Your team

Having a good time Down here You know Because like a bowl Bull's not for a good time Oh he's going to be so unhappy You know If you win this game

All of America gets a free Coconut shrimp What the fuck is a shrimp This is this like This is like when Alabama defensive coordinator Jeremy Pruitt reveal that he did not know what asparagus was.

Not that he had never eaten it, but that he didn't know what it was. Yeah, that's real. That happened. Yeah, that's real and that happened. Alabama's, that's how long he's been in the fill room for Nick Saban. I don't know what vegetable is.

What about this like triple complicated, like exotic blitz? All that's easy. Asparagus? What the hell? I think we're done. Yeah, now we're... Also, Herm Edwards is official. No, no, now, now we're done.

They did it. They fucking did it. What's the fucking... You play to win the game. And also to get it... Play to win six games. You play to win four games. You played a win

To get your former agent to hire you Even though you're 64 Jesus Oh man I hope Tom Graham is somewhere Somewhere With like the light as cheap as beer possible Just soaking and haul in

And in the picture that ASU tweeted out It's of It's a firm Edwards looking up as if to say Huh? That's, that's, hey, listen, you can't spell harm without, huh? Huh?