Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 8.02: Fixing The Olympics With Drugs

Episode Date: January 30, 2018

FACT: Performance enhancing drugs have always clouded Olympic competitions. FACT: Enforcing the rules against PEDs can be incredibly difficult and occasionally lead to unjust results. FACT: What if we just let all the athletes use one drug tailored to their sport? FACT: Also Spencer invented cross-country MMA. FACT: There is no mention of college football on this episode for roughly 45 minutes. FACT: We found a new job for Jim Mora. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the shutdown full cast. Oh, look who's back this week. Hi, Ryan. Bao, ba, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa. Oh, man, you're all amped up on Olympic fever. I, I have, I have injected the Olympics directly into my veins. Well, you know, if Russians are still present, and they are, you're going to be feeling really strong.

Let's note that, here, I understand that we're all, the topic of Russia is a contentious one in our country today. I feel like that's a reasonably non-political thing to say. I want to at least acknowledge that, shit, I want to at least acknowledge that Russia did not discriminate. You see, oh, all these athletes doping during the Olympics. And you think, well, surely not for the Paralympics. Incorrect. Russia is also banned from those because when it comes to doping, they do not see disability. They do not see color.

They do not see gender. Part of that is because, yes, the drugs in their system have ruined their courties. But Russia went all in, and I appreciate that about them. If we still had, like, you know, if there is some. form of the Olympics for kids, those Russian kids are doping as well. Absolutely a seven-year-old is getting a syringe right to the buttocks. As they should, frankly, because don't you want your kids to like know what excellence is? Are we trying to win? Are we trying not to win?

Yeah, come on. Coach, just tell me. Tell me how far you, how far you want me to go. That's it. I need to know, because you know what? Steroids, steroids and sports? I'm just going to base this on one, you know, semi-90s kids experience watching a limited amount of baseball in the time where as far as I know, all steroids were legal. They were. That's correct. Like, all of them.

God, why doesn't Russia open its own baseball Hall of Fame? That'd be fucking amazing. They were just like, everybody's in. Raphael Paliero, Mark McGuire. You're all in. They could really fuck with us, again, as usual.

And, like, put in, like, Mickey Mantle is in the steroids. Hall of Fame. What? Oh, no. The American icon is tarnished by Reddenstein. I read him on Freedom Defender.org on the Facebook. I'm sorry. Sean Hannity told me that Brady Anderson hitting 50 home runs

was perfectly normal. It was clean. It's clean. The Go Deep State doesn't want you to know that. Go deep state. And I mean, just just based on this, based on the limited amount of watching

a sport where as far as I know all steroids were legal it was pretty great like at this point Russia should just do that they should just open up a steroid hall of fame here you go we don't care like oh no america thinks that were crooked and bad who cares it doesn't matter at all it absolutely does not matter open this hall of fame you know barry bonds will show the fuck up Pete rose will come every day if you invite him every goddamn day you open a steroid hall of and you enshrined Mark Limke just so you can laugh at him for he must have used American steroids.

Tiny American steroids. Only used in the playoff. Actually, that'd be great. That would explain Mark Lemke's supernatural performance in the playoffs more than anything else, right? That he only took one cycle and peaked during the World Series and during the playoffs.

Plus then, whenever somebody gets in the Russian Baseball Hall of Fame, American baseball writers will get so heated that though even if the person was clean even if the person was like well respect they'd be like well he can't be it no absolutely not we have standards we will never have somebody

cross-so at no 1,000% no I think American baseball writers they would adopt the standards of the institution so if the Russian if the Russian Baseball Hall of Fame is fuck it anybody's in the American baseball writers would say well okay rules or rules

everybody's in our Winter Olympics podcast is going so great guys this is a welcome this is a college football podcast college football is not happening right now and we already sufficiently covered the NFL by telling you to um if presented with the option of visiting either philadelphia or boston always choose philadelphia you might always remember it were the internet's number one pro philadelphia podcast i really i really enjoy you know i wasn't i did this is a weird confession i did listen to last week's episode which i greatly enjoyed.

Did you do that? I don't know. I've had a weird couple weeks. That makes one of us. Please be gentle. But I like that you basically said Philly is a wonderful garbage town. And the response, literally nobody did I see respond to you being like, hey, no, Philadelphia is a nice town with like art and culture. It was just Philly bros being like, oh, I got a bunch of great garbage stories for you.

They ramped it up. Everyone was like, why didn't, why do you talk about the dumpster pools? We got like three people saying, why didn't we talk about dumpster pools? Yeah. Which is when Philadelphians bathe in dumpsters. Yeah. Lined dumpsters, very well-constructed dumpster pools, but nonetheless, pools made out of dumpsters. Which, by the way, when it happened, not only did they put it all over Instagram and social.

The people putting it on, in addition to all that, drew response from a, local councilwoman who said hey we might have to do something about these dumpsters was anything ever done no no no not a damn thing if you if you went to elementary school in like kansas or new mexico or georg or something and you set a flat you sent a flat stanley to philly he's definitely dead that flat stanley never never left philly 100% these are the people that killed a robot a hitchhiking robot just because they could Just because it was there, just because he either said too many good or bad things about Donovan McNabb or both. Man, listen, we only got a few more years to hit these things while we can.

That's true. I salute Philly for standing up well ahead of time. I think that's always been sort of Philly's model is we're being invaded by everything. So let's kill all of it. yeah that's i mean hey well you know you you might uh you might break a few eggs but you know you won't you won't lose the robot work but then the eggs won't kill you they rise up and kill you exactly i was in philly once and i went to a bar and the bar had like three people in it at the time but i just wanted a beer so i sat down and they're like hey man where you from and i'm like

I'm from Atlanta. They're like, whoa, you've been to Georgia? No. I was like, yes. And the guy looks at me and goes,

ah, man, it's so fucking cool. I love travel. And I was like trying to figure out whether he was fucking with me. Nope, nope. He was just like,

that's the place I've never been. I think it's cool that you've been there. That was my version of the Philadelphia story. Somebody asked me, I'd been to Georgia after I told them I'd been to Atlanta. They were really, really nice, and they were all white guys wearing a really thin little gold chains. So I was in a great neighborhood. I was in the right place. The Winter Olympics on, what's that?

The NBC family of networks. Haza! A value corporate partner. You're telling me, I get to spend three weeks just mainlining NBC content. Just you and the peacock, sir. doom do steroids yes the winter olympics although really like i know that you can take steroids to improve certain things yeah right but like in the winter games that doesn't apply to everything like there's not a whole lot of ice dancers who are on steroids as far as i know i mean you know

we can look at the list of stripped olympic go ahead give me a sport i'm i'm on the list of stripped Olympic medals all time. I'll tell you if there's ever been somebody who's lost the medal for and we'll get into why that was. Let's go curling. Curling. No results. Curling, you're clean.

Curling is clean. Yeah, because if you use steroids, you'd be like, well, the stone flew into the stands at 70 miles an hour. Well, they brushed all the way through the ice and are now fishing in it. A little more delicate there, Yuri.

Gr! Now, okay, so curling's out. Now, I hear you saying... What about that one where they ski and then shoot stuff? Byathl. That's biathlon. Great news. Two, Russian women had silver medals from the 2014 Olympics lost for, or I think it was one woman.

She got an individual award and a relay team award for biathlon. So, yeah, 100% biathlon. got doping not clean man man that hey hey russians out here cheating at war let me let me hey hey uh skeleton how about how about that i mean why would somebody cheat at skeleton the thing where you lie down basically without anything else and just slide along yep two medals again russians from the 2014 winter olympics did they do the nascar thing where they put a toolbox on the on the on the on the on the

scale when they were getting the sled or whatever you call it weighed and then they took it off oh damn damn rasko I didn't know that was on there sorry that would have affected our total weight which would have been illegal and then you slide them a 20 okay okay so so we have one for skeleton correct skeleton yeah

what else you got throw something else at me um I was going to ask you about slalom skiing Slalom Um Yes sir In this case

Oh man I know this story And it is so fucking sad All right So this is from the 2002 Winter Olympics Which were held In Salt Lake City

And this is the story Of a man named Alan Baxter He's Scottish So he was skiing for Great Britain At the Olympics He won a bronze medal

in 2002 but he later lost this medal would you like to know why well I think one we gave somebody from Great Britain a medal for athletic achievement as far as I know that's been something not done since like

the 30s or 40s and everyone else started competing but he's from Scotland so like yeah no that's no man that's worse that's worse they eat scotch eggs their entire diet is their entire diet is brown that's the test for some whether something is edible in Scotland. They're like, well, is it brown?

So during his skiing career, Alan Baxter was known colloquially as the Highlander. And this is what felled the unkillable skier. He purchased an over-the-counter Vix nasal spray. And the same sort that he had used in Great Britain without failing any tests whatsoever. Um, he found this, he found out, however, after he returned home that a sample he had tested, a sample he had submitted rather, had tested positive for a restricted substance, methamphetamine.

He said that he had not knowingly ingested anything and, you know, didn't know what the hell was going on. The British Olympic Association backed him in all of this. They had a, uh, two-day hearing for this. and basically found out that the inhaler that he bought in the United States from VIX was a different formula than the one that he bought the normally used in the UK and did in fact test positive for the stimulant methamphetamine and he lost his bronze medal. That was it. They said he was out. The end. it's a clerical error

if somebody from Great Britain has awarded a medal anyway so yeah it's such a petty fucking reason to take a metal away from someone because you bought a nasal because you want a nasal spray in the room because he didn't pack well

essentially he lost a bronze medal because he didn't pack very well that is the only reason Spencer has never won a bronze medal that's true it's true never packed well all the athletic potential in the world Also, not from Great Britain. Well, you got that going for you.

Yeah. He went, and then he competed in the 2006 Winter Olympics and finished 16th. Without being all hopped up on meth, I'm going to do it clean, ma. Damn you, Vix. It's fucking, oh, man. I'm so happy right now. The Olympics, they're total assholes.

What about figure skating? I mean, obviously there was a large controversy that they made a movie about recently, which is really good. So there is one, I don't know the story of this. There is a pairs figure skating medal from 1964 that was stripped and later returned. But I'm not seeing anything. Ah, okay. So here's what happened. The silver medalists from Germany, I will not attempt to pronounce their names, it was discovered that they had signed professional contracts before the Olympics, and at that time, you had to be an amateur to compete.

So they gave the silver medal to what was then the bronze medal, and the bronze medal bumped down to fourth place, and so on. And basically, they got their silver medal back by saying, well, other people had also signed professional contracts, but hadn't been exposed. and disqualified. So they basically said, yep. And the compromise the Olympic committee reached in this stance was there were two silver medalists and the fourth place got to keep the bronze as well. So just more for everyone. Damn.

Handing out medals willy-nilly. Everyone's getting money. And now they're also getting medals too. You tell me. It's good because being on, competing in the Olympics is, you know, maybe the most extreme form of being an athlete. because you probably don't make very much money. You devote all of this time and effort to something that, like,

is really happening in a very constricted way. It's not like playing a big four sport or something where it's like, well, every year you compete for a championship, blah, blah, blah, blah. But being, like, an Olympic committee member or on one of these fucking judging panels is, like, being a lawyer to the extreme, where you're just like, oh, I love process. I love arguing over the nuances of,

Nonsense and bullshit until I'm fucking hard as a diamond. This sounds a little too familiar. Ryan getting a little autobiographical. I don't know what you're talking about. All writing is autobiographical. I have to go. I have to go. I'm unclean.

So, yeah, I mean, listen, having established that every Winter Olympic sport, except curling, is dirty. The last honest sport. let's just let's let's let's either make it all curling or let's just say the winter olympics the ones where it's okay to dope why not i think you can do this if we just because i have a couple of proposals to improve the winter games all right uh because you know one they should be real good because we're not going to have winter soon it's a neat trick uh the second is this that you know i think that it used to to be that everybody would have to watch the same

three channels, correct? Then it was the same 35, and now to the point where we will have the Winter Olympics in Branson, Missouri. It's going to happen, like 2008 or whatever. The games are going to be in Branson. Summer games could be the state

fair wrapped up all at the same time. I don't know. Could be a package deal. Right? Let's not rule out Dubai. I think they'll put a compelling winter at least. I'm putting them in the 20s. But by like the 2040s, the Olympics are going to be like the restaurant that can't survive on its own. So it has to pair with an ANW, right? Like it's going to be like the Taco Bell and W combo, right?

It's going to be like the Shoney's Olympics. Yeah, exactly. It'll be like the Olympics sponsored by Shonies and the AN1 tour. Hot sauce is going to be like 90 years old and still just like. It's still crossing you up. Yeah, look, only put it over your head. Whoa. It's amazing.

It's like the AN1. tour. That's one reason I want to sort of improve the games as much as I can. I think that for every single sport, it's not that drugs should be legal. I think everyone should pick one drug they can take as much as they want to.

So to be clear, is that mean like we're deciding like oh, this year it's this drug and every athlete or does each athlete sort of have individual control? Is it a country-based thing? Like, walk me through this. I like the idea of the

sport coming together and saying you know what cross-country skiers dig meth like just that's it them all getting together and being like you know what as a sport identity wise we've just agreed everyone involved in biathlon can take as much PCP as they want to you're like is that safe that's a good choice is that safe with firearms on the course okay hold on let me let me let me let me propose something else let's let's simplify it because there's already a lot to learn in the olympics about the rules of every event and you know there's all these different variations let's simplify it let's make it part of the bid process so when you are a host you want to be a host city you know you're you're you're uh you're turin you want to have the winter olympics again

and you say okay we're turin and here is the drug that we will like procure and make available to the athletes only this one And so that way, you have some crusty old dude standing up when they announced. He's like, we have decided to avoid the 2028 Olympics to turn italy and the drug of choice will be cocaine. And then everybody stands up and just starts clapping. That's a general one too. But I want to be a little more niche just so we can have things like a ski jumper. Like all the ski jumpers get together, they're like Xanax.

We need all the Xanax you can pump in. so i think like the video game logic thing would be all these at once the host has a drug that they're offering cocaine celebratory um and then each country has its own specialty each athlete gets to gets to select one that they're bringing in right they have maybe 10 units of it they can trade and barter now this is like out this is like outfitting like a an individual soldier in call of duty or something exactly right exactly so once if if you min max your kid effectively, you're winning that gold medal. Clotipid grenade!

I just want to see Canada just choose beer in a can. No matter what the sport is, right? What are you going to do for Super G? Molson in a can. What about hockey? Yeah, that's more Molson. Okay.

If an athlete shows up with 30 units, beer. Shows up with a rack, right? Just 30 beer credits or whatever we're using here. same for austria austria's just gonna roll up with beer it'll be like what's your performance enhancing drug of choice

you could choose from any number of advantageous stimulants or maybe an illegal steroid and they're like no no no just beer with beer and we're good you know that or that or this I think that cigarettes would be the fun I was just going to say like

France or something shows up France is just up there yeah I got to do this super g homie hold on tossing one in or yet keeping one in their mouth during the run oh yeah this is this is a great idea another sport that i wanted to propose in terms of improving the games is i think that nautilex is the game that needs to come to the olympics we already have bobsled we already have multiple bobsleds right luge luge um and we have skeleton nautilex is skeleton backwards It's a lot like skeleton, except instead of going headfirst and on your belly,

you're going to be going on your belly but facing backwards. Right, right, like a penguin who has accidentally fallen down a slope. Or is it, are you on your back holding the sled on top of yourself? You know, that's an option. I'm not going to tell you how to do it, you know? Like, technically a skeleton run isn't over if you come off the sled, right? But the sled has to be part of the deal. So if you can do that with the sled on top,

of you like bizaro superman right then you go ahead and do it otherwise it's freestyle i think going on this is kind of like a postman on renn and stumpy how he would fly like backwards and upside down and all that it's like how bizarre oh superman flies right me bizarro skeleton no deluxe first place so the other approach we can take is the olympic charter says basically if you want to have a winter olympic sport it has to take place on snow or ice and that's why we have like there's no inherent reason why basketball should be a summer olympic sport it's played fucking indoors and you know we play it all year long but i think the easier thing to do i i would like it if the winter olympics were just summer olympics events

but we added some snow or ice element to it like we already did that's basically what biathlon is we basically said, oh, we want to shoot stuff, but we also want you to ski. Here you go. And I don't see why we can't basically say, oh, it's 100 meters, except it's on an ice rink. And you don't get skates. You just have to run. Good luck.

We believe in you. You run through the snow and then shoot stuff. Got it. Yeah. Yeah. I have another one, which is along the same lines. I think that biathlon's fascinating. But I think we can all agree that firearms are a little intimidating.

in addition to that I think that most people would also agree I don't think Jason agrees with that just for the record okay that's cool agree with what I wasn't listening that firearms that firearms are a little intimidating

I guess in certain situations they could be yeah like if you're if you and if you and your boys are walking like you set out you go on a five mile walk in the middle of the night

no real reason just kind of thing high school idiots do um and you get to a croger and you decide oh well let's stop here and get some snacks for the rest of our two mile walk at three a m these kids are really stupid and um car full of you know standard rednecks pulls up and uh one thing leads to another now they're waving a gun in your face didn't you didn't exactly bring a gun on this five mile walk but now these guys are waving a gun in your face um at that moment i found guns intimidating but in most other others not really but listen we add snow to that boom olympic event yeah that was that's what

i was that's what i was thinking at the time you know i was just wait just wait once it snows once we get these georgia once we get this georgia ice on them streets just wait to this random march snow you bitches you'll see that's it'd be like oh my car has no traction i'll be like i have a gun well they had the gun but i would have no no you're gonna you're gonna turn the tables on them because they'll try to get away and you'll be like ha ha you're in a ford tempo with bald tires on ice i don't know why it's a ford tempo in the story i just thought it was the best sort of no it's like the opposite of that opposite of that okay the other sport i had was uh was going to say the most exciting emerging trend you know globally mMA has been a huge

huge influence and there's no real olympic spot for it especially in the winter olympics So what I propose is that we have the the fightathlon sprint, right, where there is about a three-mile course done as fast as you can on skis, right? Which if you've ever been cross-country skiing, you will know, is the worst, most puke-inducing sport, right, this side of rowing. You'll get to the arena where you are met by a competitor who has also come from three miles, other direction right and then you will immediately have to fight them with three three minute rounds all right the flight will take place it will be scored and then for time you will have to ski away can you fight along the way you know i'm not gonna i'm not really going to stop who you fight along the way the only time you really have to fight your competitor is when they're

in the snow arena okay and it will take place it will take place on eyesore snow i'm pretty sure this is a metal gear solid minigame you just described oh god imagine the button combinations you'd have to pull off to do this like to fight someone while it'd be seven never move snake try the arm bar it looked like fucking clop you just wouldn't move at all but yeah like that That's the idea is that you take, because it was inspired by John Hackleford, who was an MMA trainer, trained like Chuck Liddell and a whole bunch of other people, and he had a drill where you'd do two minutes on a rower as hard as you possibly could, which you've ever done will make you puke really, really hard and fast, and at two minutes, you would roll off

of the rower and onto a wrestling mat where John Hackelford, who was no little dude, would immediately start attacking you. And I thought, how can we get two athletes in the same spot at the absolute, like, rope's end of their cardiovascular, like, endurance? Someone is going to die during this. Like, if we could redline somebody for as long as possible and then ask them to fight in front of a crowd in the snow. How could we do that? So the fightathlon, I think, is the way to go.

I'd watch it, but I'm obviously a safe. You're broken. And obviously this is this is hand in hand with the artificial supplements provision. We're going to create

mutants who are capable of handling this. All right. Welcome to the PCPagon. Don't bring your skis in here. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. That's another one. I also think that We're a whole slew of potential opportunities. Like, I think we should cross ski jump with curling.

Uh-huh. Hmm. Right? You go down with the stone and then you throw mid-air. Oh, right. Yep. Mm-hmm. In front of, it's like, don't move the crowd.

Don't move the crowd at all. Yep. Okay. Good. All of your ideas. It's like, that's like, it's like, you're a bomber. Oh, I do like that. The idea that you just sort of, like, you don't throw it.

You just sort of like let it go as if you're, trying to sort of drop it directly on the target. That's a good plan. I like that better. I have like three stones. Why why just one? Why one object? Let's have a whole arm load. As many as you can carry. How about that? As many as you care.

You're going to be... You're going to be fifty to it. It's like man, this is like fucking top golf up there except you're the ball. Do you know how fast those dudes would sink if they were carrying like a 10-pound stone.

Well, they go really fast down the slope, but once they're in mid-air, then they would fly like normal. That's right, yeah. The answer is I don't know, because we haven't tried it, Spencer. Could you, in theory,

have like a grand cinematic moment where one jumper sacrifices himself bravely by using himself as the stone at the end of the game? We'll call it like, it'd be like the Nitzleroid. They'd be like, oh, he Nitzeroid! it's a valid maneuver

guess what you're throwing a ski at the target he knocked your stone out with his body he's dead but the Netherlands of secured a bronze we'll name a gym after him like a kind of out of the way gym

and like you know like way out of the way but it'll still be named for him yeah no I'm all for I'm all for hacking hockey hockey is kind of like already hacked like it's already like five sports and there's fighting this is a very good point I hadn't really thought about that but if you think about things we could add to um to like hockey they're already there we're like yeah dude we should

we should add MMA there it's already there yeah we should we should make it so that like one team can just get rid of its goalie and put in another guy who's gonna try to score yeah they can do they should have knives on their feet yep we should give them all long sticks yep and oh instead of a ball let's have like the hardest thing on earth that you can't see because it's moved so fast

perfect let's uh let's make sure that it's all encased in glass so that they literally can't leave you're trapped yeah someone gets in trouble let's put him in a little box hockey I mean hockey is all right already a sport invented by

like the nine-year-old who the counselor is already terrified of, right? Yeah. He is calcimal already. Yeah, the rich the rich like cousin of a British monarch who's just like, I think we should kill the horses with these sticks. They're like

ah, why don't we just try this? Let's leave the horses alone. I put the horse in goal. Let's try hockey instead. Let's see if the horse can stop a penalty shot. Yeah. Like, Caligula is already in charge of hockey.

We don't need to change anything. I mostly want to know how we got through the, like, Bob Slay Luge, Skell. Like, what was that discussion like where somebody was just like, oh, you know, hey, it's four-man bobsleigh, and we're all very good at it, and we have a good time. And then somebody was like, hmm. But what if we just did it?

Be like, I don't understand what you mean? Well, what have we just done? did it? What if we just like slid and there wasn't the whole thing to it? I thought you meant did it like have sex like the four of them on the sled as they were

and they're coming oh this is very busy. Like guy in the middle proposed it like guys I know we're going 80 miles an hour on the sled right now but but we're all kind of we're all kind of in position yeah and let's face

it we've built up quite a bomb the past six months. It will probably make us more aerodynamic. Mm-hmm. That's true. You know? And we're all in the shape of our lives. That's true.

Yeah, man. Again, watch the Olympics on NBC. Going to be a great family-friendly, exciting, cultural experience. You won't see four men fucking. Okay? Unless you watch enough. Unless you do.

unless you do that's the real that's the real reason why nbc tape delays it because they know that all these events can just turn into fucking like that the like that there's the lucky what do you call them well there's the pilot and he steers the bobsled there's the lucky pierre then there's the lucky pierre then there's the break then there's the emotional pierre yeah then there's the emotion yeah he he's the balance for the entire team really you think about that Yeah, I'm very excited about the winter games, obviously, since I've already devolved to turning it into, turning every sport into hockey. Into a fight fuckfest. You, hey, I'm not the one who brought sex into this.

I was, I was living on violence alone. But for sexual reasons. I think we've covered every vice. Let's see. Oh, we need more gambling. We need, we need, um, God, I'm not sure exactly what the gambling situation. situation is uh

well since it's an international event therefore it's international waters therefore all gambling should be legal anywhere that's not how that works Ryan you're my lawyer so whatever I say in the presence of you that is attorney privilege so you have to say that well I'm going to try and argue that in a court of law

that's not it's not how that works that spreads to everybody listens to this podcast actually let's see is there betting on... When tweets at Ryan, he has to keep it secret and know that at any moment whenever he sees as a judge, he has to repeat it to that judge. That's what judge? Who are you talking about?

Never you see a judge, like an Olympic judge, like a figure skating judge, or a judge in a court of law or any other judge. You know I'm not going to the Olympics, right? Well, if I do, then you do, because I will have no legal protection. Otherwise. I don't think that's happening. it works I guess you

should have thought about this for you went to law school yeah sorry about it this is this is your

responsibilities as everyone's attorney listening to this because this is a confidential conversation between you

me and somewhere between 10,000 and 14,000 listeners yeah for this episode let's say it's like

eight let's not no no it's 140,000 yeah we're just going to roll this up with a bunch

of other podcast don't worry nobody he actually does it listen advertisers out there we were joking about all those little numbers the the big one spencer just said that's closer to it yeah so it's 140,000 people what do you mean advertisers are not listening to this you advertisers out there you know who you are you listen to every podcast waiting for moments to drop in ads here's one right now where we could be talking about your product but instead Brian is

Ryan is pretending, like, no one listens, so. Who does? If you're listening, please, right now, please tweet it Ryan. No, no, Jesus Christ! You know what? I edit this podcast, so I can save myself. Oh, now I'm being censored. I'm censored by the courts now.

You just hear a very distinctly fake voice saying whatever Ryan wants Jason to say. Brian's really cool. Yeah, I think he's awesome. That's like your voice is me. Just saying it to yourself, screwing it out. Don't do yourself. I know. Yeah, you can bet on the Olympics, but it's pretty standard boring shit.

And if you do, man, what's the worst? What's the weirdest sport? I mean, it has to be, it has to be like, skeleton loose somewhere in that. Like, why the fuck would you bet on that? Anything else you can sort of say, like, well, he has. this woman's the greatest down super g skier in the world or uh this man is you know uh the great the one of the top three speed skaters but like don't bet don't bet on the thing where they're just falling as fast as they can don't bet on that i don't know i mean i haven't seen the odds

yeah the question here is not like whether you bet on it because if you were wise you wouldn't bet on any of it but no no no the question here is which sports can I fix? All right. I'm looking now. I'm looking now on Odd Shark. I'm happy to report that they do not list any

odds for Bob Slite Luge or a skeleton. They are saving you from yourself. So what I'm hearing is if you tweet at the Sandman Jason Kirk, he will personally take your bets. Hill Haney kept this

just pay him in Bitcoin, the official cryptocurrency. of the shutdown fullcast, named after Brett Bilema's nickname, Kurt. Still valid. I know it took a hit over the offseason. There is a piece of call. There is a piece of football news we didn't talk about. Oh, goodness.

Brett Bilemma was fired. Did we just not get up to that? I honestly don't. I honestly think we might not have. I think we might have, like, tried to and been like, well, Tennessee's doing something. Sorry. Sorry, Arkansas. We'll never talk about you.

No. Our beautiful Brady Hoke has moved on, has gotten a promotion. With our Carolina Panthers, right? The team we're buying once we sell all our other company assets. With our Winter Olympic gambling winnings. And our cashed in our cashed in Burt coin. Don't forget that. And our Lillahammer druggering or wherever this event is.

Where are the Olympics now? You went back to Yoland. You went back to Yolana. It's in Lillahammer every year. I think that's the last one I actually knew where it was. They're in South Korea this year. Okay. Yeah, we'll sell drugs to StarCraft kids, right?

Oh, man, yeah. They go through shit. But yeah, Brady Hoke is a Panther now. NFL coach Brady Hoke. Future NFL head coach Brady Hoke. I feel like he doesn't wear heads. because he's trying to throw the haters off. Man, him and Ron Rivera next to each other,

that is a lot of density. That is two men who are, they're not, they're not like fat guys. They're just really, really dense men. They could not, they could not sit next to each other in the backseat of like a Honda Civic. They could not. Because there'd be too much fucking gravity.

This is too much, dude. It's too much, too much heat. Man, that's like, you put that much heat back there. All that, like, all that glue's going to, to come loose and like the insulation striping is going to start sagging down like an old car it's going to be a little greenhouse back there

they look like two bouncers without speaking lines on Magnum P.I they do you should just put an orchid back there and flourish be so warm humid who did by the way the Panthers like this is not

an NFL podcast but it's not a Winter Olympics podcast either so let's just go the the question I have is this. The Panthers hired Brady Hoke, right? Who I think we said, Brady Hope, pretty. He's in camp basic, right? Yeah.

Like he's basically like, he's avocado toast grade coach, correct? Just super white bread is what I'm getting at, right? Not like, oh, there's an innovator in Brady's Hoke. Nope, nope, just that's strictly like color between the lines kind of coaching. Correct? Yeah, okay. Follow me here. Ron Rivera also hired who as his offensive coordinator?

This year? Shit, that's right. Ron, Mike Shula did get fired. I don't remember. I mean, there's another NFL coordinator I'm focused on, but I don't remember this one. Didn't Ron Rivera hire the entire Turner family? Not just Norbert. They hired, well.

Like, Ron Turner, they hired, they hired, like, the Turner's son. Tina Turner. Yeah. Yeah, they hired Ron Turner. They hired Tina. They hired Nat. It's a controversial hire. Pick up Nat.

You know, particularly with Jerry Richardson. You hired who? Norve. All right. Norv Turner is 65. But that neck, that neck. 95 easily. But you know who, the lions, listen,

the lions are not going to be one-ups here. The lions who have previously been the home to all sorts of college football cast-offs. I think at one point they had, if memory serves, Randy Edsel and Al Golden and somebody else on the same staff. Ryan Prince as well. The Prince made his abode in Detroit and their head coach with Jim Caldwell.

Um, there is, Matt Patricia will be taking over for the Detroit Lions after the Super Bowl. There is only one target that has been named for his defensive coordinator. Do either of you know who it is? No. All right. Spencer, I want you to, Spencer, I want you to look, uh, find a mirror. And I want you to look in it and make a vacant stare because you are Paul Pasquolone. The man who is in the running to be the defensive.

some coordinator of an NFL team. It's a green industry. It's not only a meritocracy, but it's green because they're devoted to recycling more than any industry on the planet. Paul is good at overseeing football games in which no points are scored. That is a strength of his and always has been. I don't know, man. You're still not hiring

three turners. You hired a nor of a Ron and a Cameron. Because remember, that's in the ultimate meritocracy. Did you hire a brother? You went a step further, and you hired Ron's son, Cameron, as assistant quarterback's coach. So just add all that up. And my point being, when we get back to Ron, Ron went like walked on the wild side for a little bit, right? It's like, we'll run some triple option. I'll go for it off, for it down.

It'll be nutty. A little bit of a midlife crisis, right? After his house burned down, because I think Ron Rivera's house burned down. The spark doll, he's like, I'm going to live like I'll never die. And then like three years later, he's like, I'm hiring three members of the Turner family and Brady Hope because I want to feel safe again. Why do you need an assistant quarterbacks coach? You only have three quarterbacks.

Yeah. What am I supposed to handle all three? Come on now. So it's like, does the assistant just handle the guy who doesn't even dress? Yeah, QB3, 100%. And he's really just, he's really just responsible for making sure that he doesn't like accidentally injured the first two. So his job is just batting down

wayward passes. Yes. So they don't hit Cam in the head. Correct. Ron Turner's going to walk up and be like, Cam, I'm going to turn you into the next Kurt Kittner. Jesus Christ.

We need you to throw about 45 yards shorter each pass. On the other hand, they're not working for Bobby Petrina. Oh, boy. Oh, man. Oh, man. This is a near and dear one to you, man. I got some feelings on this one.

Here's the sign that you maybe made a questionable coordinator hire. When you announce it, do all the fans within your conference rush to see if they're playing you this year in like an excited way? That's probably a bad sign. I mean, I feel like the spread in that Bama game, it was already 30. and it might inch upward a tad because I mean BVG man he looks cool he's got the mustache and all that but I don't think he's had a good defense

in about 10 years Brian Van Gorder Brian Van Gorder are most known I think now at this point on his resume for being a gift that's what I know Brian Van Gordher for people know for the fist pump gif I want you all to look up Brian Van Gorder

you fucking idiot GIF. That is also good. When one of his players jumped off side to lose a game, and he wrenches off his headset and howls in rage. Oh, you fucking idiot! With the camera right in his face. Is that the one where he grabs the side of his head like it's going to explode? He's like wrenching his face off of his skull. And it does that. And then only the mustache remains on his goal he's he's also had just like such an amazingly tumultuous career this is like for most for most of the early career it went pretty calmly so like he where are we starting this career though okay so so let's start um let's start it in 2005 he gets hired by the jacksonville jaguars as

linebackers coach. He stays one year because he gets offered the Georgia Southern head coaching job. And here's where things get weird. He goes three and eight and resigns. It is at the time Georgia Southern's worst record in program history. Can I give you, I'm going to

interject. He came in and said after 30 to 40 years of running the triple option, said we're going to run pro style. Pro style. Grand opening grand close it. Just three and eight out. Done. They went back to the option.

This Taco Bell is a sushi restaurant now. All right. So he resigns after a single season at Georgia Southern, and he is then named in December of 2007 defensive coordinator at South Carolina. Nope. Five weeks later, he leaves to join Mike Smith's staff as the defensive coordinator. Now, he sort of kicks that around for a little bit. He's there until 2011.

Then he takes the Auburn job. He replaces Ted Roof as defensive coordinator at Auburn. After winning the Pinstryte Bowl in 2013, the University of Notre Dame announces that he will replace outgoing, handsome boy, Diaco and four games into the 2016 season he loses his job I think he I think he was an assistant at Oklahoma State last year but really hadn't done anything since getting canned by Notre Dame but now he's back yes in the big boy seat so between him and Bobby that is a lot of weird job exits in the past decade or so to say the least.

I hope at some point Louisville just goes through all Georgia former coaches, head coaches, position coaches, whatever. Just put them all through there at some point. June, Joan, come up back down. Hey, Jim Moore is ready. Whenever you are, Louisville, just give him the call. He is. Do you know what Jim Moore can do for you, Louisville? He can be a very convincing Papa John Body double.