Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 8.07: Bomani Jones Stops By To Talk Cook Out (And Football, Sure)

Episode Date: March 6, 2018

Oh look, the Fullcast got us a guest! Bomani Jones of ESPN answers the call and hangs tight for a lean, mean 38 minutes of furious offseason content. Also he sounds good even on Fullcast quality, because his voice transcends even the most mediocre audio setups. Damn you and your pretty voice, Bomani. Topics include! --The most calorically efficient Cook Out trays possible --The hardest towns in each SEC state. SHOUT OUT TO ORANGE MOUND. --Related: Why no one should ever have an enemy in New Orleans --A necessary review of Mike Price's career as black market profiteer --Bomani reviews Texas --But we instantly swerve into a discussion of short but very mean defensive tackles --LOU HOLTZ WAS JUST TRYING TO WIN --How Mister Alexander is the most humble of names SUBSCRIBE. FOLLOW. DOWNLOAD. LISTEN THREE TIMES FOR MAXIMUM EFFECT. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to the Shutdown Fullcast. It's the Internet's only college football podcast, but this being March 5th when we're recording, probably March 6th when you're listening to it, we're not, there's not a whole lot of meat on this particular bone, okay? Thus, thus we've gone vegetarian. Diversifying the platform, diversifying the palate in order to get a rich mix of possible topics in here. To do that, as always, we have Jason. Kirk. Hi, Jason. Hey, what's going on?

Yeah, how's beautiful? Did you say we got more vegetarian? Yeah, we're just working in all kinds of vegetables. That's actually not true. Yeah, I eat cookout for lunch, so that's not true. Yeah, no, that's definitely not true. I think cookout's a good transition here, by the way. I'd introduce it.

We don't have Ryan this week. Ryan is on vacation and is ferrying his family around the country so that people can bask in the glory. of his brood, his glorious brood, which is, which is, can you have one kid in a brood, or is that like a thing? I feel like you got to get it to a level, right? Mm-hmm. That voice you're hearing is Bumani Jones, who's replacing Ryan this week and this week only,

right? But you have a lot to live up to because none of us on this broadcast have worn the Blumen Onion mascot costume on national television. So step up. I got to try. The question that I wanted to start with is Jason had cookout, which for those of us who are not, if you're not familiar, by the way, cookout is maybe the most calories you can purchase per dollar at any restaurant in America. Is that a fair statement for somebody who's a trained economist who would know about these things? Well, yeah, because you can get two sides on your combo.

Mm-hmm. And one of those sides can be a corn dog. Yeah, one of those sides can get a little. sort of smattering of chicken nuggets? Yes, that's what I go. Chicken nuggets are hush puppies, because there is no healthier food in the world than the hush puppy. The hush puppy,

which contains flour and onions and flour and some fat. There's some fat in there. I think there's some shortening. If you don't know, the combo, by the way, the official sides, and this is the part that usually blows people's minds,

is this. That, yeah, you can get like the cookout tray, choices you got hamburgers you got chicken sandwiches you have the big double burger which has a trademark evidently you can get a cassidia chicken or beef or you can get the chicken strips that's all fairly standard issue the two hot dogs is the one that i think is like pushing the limit of logic already as a main choice yeah we also have the two sides though the sides are where things get like the sides i think are what really blow people's minds have we discussed the most efficient order because I think I've discovered

it. The tray with, you get the big double burger because I mean you could get the little single burger or you get the big double burger and you can get that with the chili and all that on it but that's pushing it. And then for the sides you go the cassidia because

it takes a very little space in the tray it's like a sheet on the bottom and then you get the fries because they're going to fit more of those in there. If you get onion rings you can get like three but if you go with that you're that's I mean that's like half your day's food for five dollars yeah that's the thing man you can get all your cholesterol right fast right cheap and see the thing about it in north carolina i don't know how this is everywhere else but the thing

of north carolina about cookout is it's never really close to anything and barely on the way to anything like you kind of have to make a trip to cookout you're not just going to run into cookout so it would be a special occasion me and the homies sitting around the crib you know listening to music and it's somebody we get the bright idea Let's go to cookout. And it always sounded like the greatest idea ever. And then we go to cookout. Well, especially because I think there's sort of a,

there's a weakness that creeps into the body under the influence of any substance. And now I include substances, by the way, things you can buy, fatigue, right? Bad day. A bad day is basically like a terrible drug. Those, if you're under the influence of all those and somebody says, cookout, there's no option. You're going. Yeah, yeah.

It is for, you know, I think I quit drinking before. I hit my full cookout stride, but it is the hangover, soaker-upper, from what I can tell. Now, they do not have these in any state. I know that it has legalized medical marijuana, and those are the only states are legal recreational marijuana. Those are the only states, of course, where this would apply, and the only states in which I would apply this, because I would never break the law. However, it's waiting right there, man.

Cookout for the Colorado, for the Mountain West, for Nevada, for... Yeah, they got to get there. right? Oh, they have to, Vegas alone. Like, a cookout on the strip just makes too much sense. Well, do they have the brand equity to stretch it out like that? I think in a place like Vegas where everybody's a transplant or a tourist, yes. Colorado is going to be a little more difficult. But is it enough of us going to Las Vegas in order to make that happen to see that cookouts? So I just got to Atlanta. Like, I feel like cookout just a Carolina sort of situation. Oh, no, no, no. I will regale you with this.

Jason, the first cookout in Atlanta, I believe, opened where? It was on Morland, right? Correct. It's basically at the intersection of Morland and 20. All right. I went there day one. And when I got there, the parking lot, you could have, it was, there was, I've never seen a parking lot that only had 30 spaces with that many cars in it in my life. And half of them had East, half of them had East Carolina stickers on.

them. A symbol. No, they did. Let me tell you something, by the way, with East Carolina stickers roll up like that, you need to ask real questions about what you're doing there and how long you're there to play basketball. No, no, no, no. When you see the East Carolina stickers, that's the thing.

You know, a bunch of UNC people, you're like, ah, it's a pretty chill crowd. I don't think anything's like weird or anything. Like, nobody's just going to start a party in the parking lot. Sensi State Pushed it a little bit To the East Carolina people I was like If it's ECU and App State

Then you might want to You might want to be near an exit Interesting Yeah because App State I've never been able to fully Like wrap my mind around What I think App State had going on Because they are in fact the Mountaineers

But it is still Western North Carolina Which has its own breezy sort of aesthetic Shall we say You know Yeah It's It's, have you been to Boone recently? No.

Okay. Boone is still sort of like a distal ski town. It's a kind of place where there are a couple of houses that are built like Geodesic domes. And they've been known to sell their contraband and package it in a mason jar. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, Boone's changed a little bit, but it hasn't. Boone's still very much that kind of place. So I think if you're, if you had a combination App State ECU party, then, um, the authorities will get there around 2.30 a.m. maybe three. You don't want to be there when that happens. But if you can somehow hit the, uh, hit the like horizon, the event horizon of the party coming to pieces, I think you'd be okay. You could just avoid that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There, yeah, but yeah, no, boom. Yeah. All the North Carolina, that's not cities. It has its own

tale that that and that and that and if you know north carolina well you go oh well if there's one part of north carolina where you want to know someone where they're from but might not want to go there uh kinsden north carolina we've discussed we've discussed this before but it's the home of gladiators yeah you don't want any kinsden problems no no no you want friends in kinsden like 100 this goes back to a conversation we've had before which which i would love to do for the SEC you just name like the the hardest town like the town that where you're you want friends because you definitely don't want enemies. If I had to do that sort of

in the south, I know North Carolina's answer is Kinston, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kenston is number one. Kinston, like for Texas people, Port Arthur would be akin to that one, Chester, Pennsylvania, for your boys from up north. Like, I can go through most of the states and give you one

where it's been like, no, no, no, this is a place where you do not want the problems. Kinsden's the home at Jerry Stackhouse and others, and one of my homeboys used to deal with a girl from Keston in college, and he said he was laid up with her and then she mentioned something about her ex-boyfriend and how her ex-boyfriend still had a key to her place and he was from Kensden, the ex-boyfriend, and he just flew out of bed.

Just did the full smoke bomb, right? Yes. Shoes still floating in the air behind the smoke. Yes. Jason, what is that for Georgia? Like if we're rolling through SEC territory. I agree with Augusta, right? because even Pastor Troy don't go there anymore.

Yeah, Augusta, you don't really want much to do with Augusta. I got robbed in Savannah once, picturesque, though it might be. Mactown. Yeah. I sort of think it's probably like some places right outside of Macon, I don't know about, right? Like. Yeah, they're all the same to me. All the stuff.

Now, see, the problem I got there is this, the whole lot of towns in Georgia that I don't want no problems. but they don't have the demographic makeup as towns like Kinst and a lot of these others that we bring up. Like you might be cool. I might not. Yeah, it depends. Like, I know, like, Louisiana, I just kind of like at the whole state. You're just like, no, don't, don't, you're all friends. I love all of you.

In all these other places we're talking about the smaller towns in Louisiana, there's number one. Number one is numbers one, two, three, four, and five. And it's the town we've all heard of. the meanest people on earth the meanest people on earth oh no no no that's street point in terms of my you don't want those problems I'll talk about the other you don't want no problems

New Orleans Louisiana is at the top of the American power rankets oh yeah no I don't have any enemies everyone in New Orleans is a friend every single person just so you know like maybe some of these garden district types is of a different life or whatever

but anybody that's lived a touch in New Orleans you don't want no problem with them yeah that's like like Marshall. Like Marshall Falk is from New Orleans, right? And occasionally Marshall Falk, they would show him like on the sidelines. And he's cheerfully laughing. And I remember that at one point the Rams secondary in I think 2000 was the year that they had no defense to speak of whatsoever. It's either that or 2000. It was 2000. Yeah. So at one point, cheerful Marshall Falk, who grew up in a real bad neighborhood in New Orleans. The desire projects of the United States. Yes.

he was on the sidelines imploring saying please let me go play corner like literally like put me in a corner I'll do better than these guys that's a new all his attitude right there allow me the privilege to hit people yeah and also

I can do that job that you are doing better in five minutes than you can do it your entire life and maybe being right like there's an outside shot that Marshall thought could have been a better corner than whatever pitiful trash the Rams were rolling out that day but

the look on his face it got scary fast like super scary fast like oh nice Marshall Falk like photogenic hey oh god oh god he means this he's gonna he's gonna kill this man on the sidelines so yeah

it might it might be that I always gauge it on who I don't want to mess with I looked up the Hester family it's like giant family of like strapping bald cajans who can all deadlift a car Yeah, guess where they're from, Bo. Oh, they have Shreveport.

I know they have Shreveh. Evangil, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Evangil, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's always the interesting thing that would have been Evangelo. I've never looked like, like, how do the wide receivers look at Evadry? Because I can't tell if it's like, I always pictured in my mind that Evangelo's kind of like Odessa Permian in their glory day in terms of demographics.

But I imagine if Vangel want to win at football too bad that I've got here rolling the dice, unless, you know, they need to make show. whoever it is is the best. Yeah, I imagine they're just all Jacob Hester in my head. They're just all different Hester's, right? But isn't Evangelo the passing school? Right? That's where you go to get your quarterback, right? They do. That's where the

booties, I believe. Quarterback in Louisiana? Rob Berlin? That is correct. Brock Berlin, who I will let it know when people go, ha, ha, ha, I bet this guy won't do well on the wonderlick. Go look up Brock Berlin's wonderlick. He did go to Florida, full disclosure.

Just going to throw that out there. love being around people who know what I'm talking about if I mentioned Brock Berlin. Who, little did I know, threw for 159 yards in the NFL. Who allowed that to happen? I don't know, man. Doug Johnson played for the Falcons, something like speaking of long gone

quarterbacks of dubious value. We don't need to talk about that. No. Yeah. But let me take a dubious list, which is whenever a program tells you all the quarterbacks they put in the NFL, what exactly does that mean? Got them in the door, baby. The Jimbo Fisher

test. That's all you need. Don't be fair, Jimbo Fisher gets them in the door with a fat load of change in their pocket. I'll talk about like Georgia getting DJ Shockley and Aaron Murray in there and talk about we got NFL quarterbacks. Technically true. Technically, yes. Technically true. Like, that's what they'll say because they'll go, okay, you want to joke with us about this? What about Auburn?

What about Auburn? Ooh, interesting question there. Is Ben Leardt, is Ben Leard pulling down an NFL paycheck at any point? Shout out to Reddy Slack and never got the chance to do what he should do. I was thinking about Jason Campbell this morning. Yeah. So, like, that dude's career was cut short a couple of years too early. I give her credit, though.

He cut it himself. Yeah. No, I mean, and wisely so, right? Like, everybody making fun. I did, like, when he was on the Redskins, right? They would make fun of him for wearing white shoes, which I've always said is the most universal country thing possible. It transcends race, creed, color.

sexual preference and identity whatever if you buy big old white shoes when you get money that means your country right yes and they would make fun of him for that and the fact that because he was he was country as hell uh he couldn't say the word falcon like for some reason jason cambell could not and that was like a formation name right so he'd call it out and it was like palper like he'd just swallow it he couldn't it didn't come out of his mouth right yes i can see that um But if you're, but if I was looking there and I was going, because I was born in, I was born in Tennessee and, and I was trying to think of, like, the hardest place in Tennessee. And I suddenly realized that, um, that this is actually a real race, like, because I think my, my initial thing would be like, man, you don't want to make an enemy in Memphis. Then I was like, I was like, I was about to say, number one seems like a strong one.

It's, it's, it seems like in Tennessee, you got to, you got to go with the two extreme wings, like somewhere in the mountains and then somewhere around. Memphis yeah no Tennessee's like a video game man right like they design it be like well there's a mountain over here and then there's a city over here and you got to have a level that's kind of hilly in between I don't think you want any part of like if you said you were from like the tri-city's area and you you know you're like yeah man he just goes out in the woods for a couple of days at a time yeah I don't want to mess with that dude at all like there was a survival contest in I believe Canada like Canadian Rockies right and consistently the people who placed there are people who grew up either in like that tri-city's area

you know like up around brushy mountain right where james or ray gave up rather than continue to try to escape right um they're either from there or they're from like dalanica like anywhere where there's just impenetrable mountain hell they're like yeah man this is fine Canadian rockies any shit now where do these three cities that are that are the Tennessee tri-cities because everybody's got to try cities like Atlanta hasn't tried cities but I feel like it's like a city and a couple of partners yeah so this is way up in the corner

this is like serious NASCAR territory right this is Johnson City is one of them so we're talking like if I was to put them anywhere that would be that would be spurier country

right we're talking Johnson City we're talking Bristol and Kingsport so if you tell me you from Kingsport I don't question your shit kicker credentials, right? Like, if you tell me you're from Orange Mound, Memphis, I'm like, yep, yep, no, you, you got this.

Orange Mound, Tennessee, you're good. Totally there. Yeah, I'm trying to think, like, this is, by the way, just typically one of my favorite conversations. Youngstown, Ohio, can we get out the south and go up there? Oh, yeah, no, Youngstown, Ohio is officially part of the south. I feel like it's part of the Bronx. Yeah, that too.

You can link them up. it can go wherever it wants how's this it can go wherever it wants to go because that's where like the the pelinis are from and the polini's are basically like gentle compared to the rest of the populace there so yeah sure well I actually think it's a great statement

on college coaches the idea that that is like the cradle of coaches yeah those are the people and like so like it makes me look at Bob Stoops completely differently uh Jim Tressel is not from Youngstown but is of Youngstown

and we know how he gets down he's going to fix that I always thought that like Jim Tressel is an honorary Cajun right he's like oh no I know somebody he's a university president can we talk about that he is a university president

like you realize what gangster hustle you have to have to pull that off in the way that he pulled it off mm-hmm like we got a couple of operators right like old school dudes are definitely like him foamer pulled

we really we haven't discussed this in any format, right? That Fulmer pulled the longest play Lannister-style revenge imaginable by waiting a decade to get his? Yes. Easily. Just sat there, man. Just waiting.

Like a dormant toad beneath the sands. Waiting for the right weather. Now, doesn't he like Lane? I think he likes Lane. I think he's okay with Lane. I just think he was waiting for. he was waiting for the weak moment and let us remember what that weak moment was. Jason, what was the thing

that finally signaled that things had gone too far in the Tennessee coaching search? Was it somebody tried to hire Greg Shianna or somebody tried to hire Mike Leach? Leach. Leach was the last one. They didn't try to hire him. They hired him and then told him no.

They had signatures from both those dudes. And Leach was the last straw. the second one leach that's the one where they're like now you've completely lost your mind although i feel like if leach had showed up at tennessee that with leach with that offense it would have been like he showed up with the first iphone right they're looking at it they're like wait a minute so all the time really you know you throw screens wow You throw multiple screens? Yeah, like, but no handoffs.

Just, okay, got you, got you. Goodness. Somebody put up a stat, like the quarterbacks coming in in the NFL this year, their percentage of dropbacks versus shotgun, you know, and it was all about what you'd expect. And then right there at the bottom, Luke Fogg, drop back, zero percent. Watching the State had zero dropbacks all year. I did see that as we continue to operate on this premise that you got to

be a drop-back passer to play at the NFL, even though one-legged Peyton Manning was out there making it happen. If Peyton standing around with his head not to fall off, winning a Super Bowl. If you go back and look at the injuries that Washington State quarterbacks have suffered, it's like upright, upright, upright, upright, lacerated kidney.

Oh, we'll send another one in there. We got more of them. That's what happens when running isn't an option. and your release is quick. It means like, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. You won the lottery. Your liver is cut in half. By the way, can we talk about a fascinating thing

about Mike Leach in Washington State that I don't think is discussed enough because they were so bad before he got there. And so he's come and done a typical Leachian job of doing well in this place where it's very hard to win except for the fact that Wazoo fans can really look up and be like, yo, we'd like to get back to the Rose Bowl.

You know, we had a guy that got us to. Rose Bowls. And they did. And then he went to Alabama and never to really be seen again. Yeah. I don't think people know exactly, one, how brilliant Mike Price was and two, how different a universe and how Lucy was running it in Pullman. And I mean football-wise, people. The rest I don't know about, but I suspect. Trying not to get sued, I see. Trying. But let's think about this. Mike Leach went to not one, but two Rose Bowls at Wazoo, and almost won that one that they played against Michigan, right? That came down to the last drive.

It was bullshit in Michigan's favor. Two Rosebos in Wazoo, and then the thing happened at Alabama, but he won the lawsuit. Mm-hmm. But people forget that. He sued Sports Illustrated, and he won. Yeah. And yo, U-TEP it is, buddy.

You tip it is. Yeah, let me, and look at it this way. I want you to think about this. Take football out of the equation. Mike Price was out in the hinterlands of Washington running a successful operation where he was bringing in a million or so a year, right? I like to think of him as like, let's just blanket him.

Let's say like, okay, he was engaged in a trade involving unpaid labor. And he was clearing about a mill a year, right? So he goes to Alabama. Definitely not a sketchy sounding state, right? Clears an even bigger job. And then gets involved in some sort of legal struggle where he comes out on top gets about what 24 mil out of the whole thing and then where does he go

he takes his ill gotten riches to the desert to the Mexican border and I'm like if you took football out of the equation Mike price sounds like the world's most untouchable drug kingpin yes yes and he went to America's surprisingly large city yeah that's that's El Paso America's most surprisingly large city. Do you know how many people El Paso has? Well, they have to a million and a half or two? I don't think they're up that high, but I think the last time I checked they're around like 800,000, like it's a top 20 city within the city limits.

Now, God knows how far the city limit stretch, right? Drop the right off. They drop the right off. That's one of those places. But, yeah, El Paso is looking at it now, 2010 census, 649,000 people. The CSA is over one million. But if you ask somebody how many people El Paso had, they wouldn't tell you it had no damn 700,000 people.

Yeah, but there's like a house in El Paso that looks out on nothing, right? Like, it's like, neighborhood, neighborhood, neighborhood waste. Yeah, like, actually, because I've driven through El Paso on I-10, and I don't know what happens when you go up and down, because there's not a lot of El Paso to see off of I-10. Like, are they hiding the rest of the El Paso to keep the beautiful? Yes, they are. It's got some rough-looking parts. Is it like a gravity kind of thing, like, like asteroids collecting in space into like a moon?

there's just nothing there so everything just sort of runs toward El Paso and then it ends up being bigger than it should probably I would tell you this by the way El Paso random fact Texas Monthly did a like best of Texas right which is really cool

it was like everybody talking about their favorite places in the state and you know how they were specifically Texan right and like one kind of rich artist was like oh well the old cattle pool that used to be where the bulls drank that I now use as a hot tub out in my Marfa

farm, right? Like, okay, cool. You know, somebody would be like, Erica Bidu's place was like, oh, you know, it's my grandma's porch in Dallas, right? Which looks out on an interstate, but that's like super Texas too, right? And that was her favorite place. You know what Billy Gibbons of Zee Top's favorite place in Texas

was where he was like, yeah, man, this means Texas to me. It was a car wash and taco place in El Paso. And when they asked him why, he's like, Hey man, it's cool. You can go out and get your car wash and get some tacos. What is it now?

Is there also the gun range? Is that the one? No, no, no. This one didn't even have like the eccentric touch of the gun range. Nope, this is just tacos and a car wash. And I looked it up and you know what you can buy there? It's one of like five or six officially licensed places where you can buy U-TEP tickets in person. Wow.

That, by the way, reminds me of the most Greensboro place in Greensboro, North Carolina, which is a car wash, which Griffiths. are they in the car wash itself so I've never been sure because I never got around to go into the car wash I think that ladies wash your car and while your car is being washed you can go in and get a dance which makes this the rare time that you are upset that the line of the car wash is short I'm

that's man that's Greensboro's hell damn that's amazing I guess the last question, since this has been a real organized discussion, so thank you for joining us for it, Bo. Oh, yeah. Is, you know, you're from a couple of places, but you claim Texas, correct?

This is why you're a longhorn fan. Yes, I am. And thus far, if we were to ask, I mean, I know the answer, but I'm asking. If we were to ask the estimate of of Tom Herman's 10 years thus far, in your opinion. One year, one scanty year into it. How are we feeling?

I feel like he won six games with a nine-win roster. That's what I feel like. What was it seven wins? Did we get to seven by the ball? Are we going to let, we're going to call it seven? Because of that, I feel like he got seven wins with a nine or ten-win roster. That's what I feel about it. Now, I will say this, though, it is encouraging to go on the rivals list these days

and put up the top 20 in Texas and see Texas, Texas, Texas, Texas, Texas, over again. It seems for whatever reason the high school coaches in the state are being a little nicer to the current regime than perhaps they had been to the previous regime when the SEC West came and took over the state. I am expecting a great deal from this gentleman this year. I am expecting a whole lot from this gentleman this year. I don't even know if they have the talent to justify my expectations of a whole lot this year. But look at what's leaving, right? Because when Charlie got that job, Charlie got the job, and there was talent there, but there was no talent left after that.

talent went. Like, Malcolm Brown was still there. I want to say, Quadra Jigs were still there. Like, there's a few names that I can rattle off. Dudes who were still there. Okay, cool. Look, man, Malik is gone. Houghton Hill is gone. Deshawn is gone. Conor Williams is gone. Chris William, I mean, Chris Warren was going to be gone, but anyway, he's gone now.

Hey, man, those dudes, with the exception of Warren, are going to make a lot of money. A lot of money. What the hell Herman going to do to replace that? He's going to go to high schools and be like, Hey, you see these guys? They're all making a lot of money. Oh, yeah, I forgot him.

Puna's gone, too. A little impish defensive tackle. He's gone now, too. Like, he's the best, because he was, like, the littlest giant. I love dudes like that, right? Like a 511 center. Love 511 centers. The weird thing about him is he is actually not the first sub-six-foot defensive tackle

to play at Texas in the last 10 or 15 years. Well, yeah. From South Carolina. The other guy was from South Carolina do is a dude named Ben Alexander. I'm pretty sure he was also from South Carolina. I have no memory of him actually playing. But apparently, Texas tapped into their pipeline of impish defensive tackles. Which is, by the way, which is by the way, like that's a really peculiar thing for any state built on obesity quite like Texas is, right, to ever pull.

It's to be like, yeah, I don't know, we got a defensive tackle. He's under six feet tall. Yes, let me tell you, that means you don't want no problems with pulling them, no problems whatsoever. I'm looking at it right here. Ben Alexander, they list them at 6'5 pounds from Anderson, South Carolina. Yeah, but the Texas part of it is like the added BMI. Like, you lose three inches, but you're still 300 pounds. Yeah, I also feel like right now, I need to pull up who else offered him, right?

Because when Matt Brown showed up and said, son, I'm going to offer you a scholarship. You had to be like, at what? Right, like, what do you mean? You're offering me a scholarship? Yeah, he was listed at 511, 285 coming out of high school. And the good folks at rivals say that the other people who offered him scholarships were, wow, Florida State, Georgia, Notre Dame, and Ohio State. Okay, okay, that's fine. That means you really don't want problems with it.

not one. No, man, that low center of gravity thing, man, you don't nah, you don't need it. And Virginia Tech gave him an offer, too. What is he, did he, like, we need to find his fill. No, I bet it's nasty. I bet he looks like a traffic stump. But at the same time, you notice who I did not

say offered him? South Carolina orclibs it. They weren't playing football yet at the time. Ah, that is true. Is South Carolina still playing football now? Yeah. You know, you would have. I think they've transitioned to rugby. You wouldn't believe who they've hired.

Oh, I've heard. I've heard. It looks like he's learned some things since he washed out at his last job. South Carolina is a perfect match for Will Must champ. There is no more perfect match right now in college football that Will Must champ for South Carolina. Because game's going to be some screwed up score that indicates that everything went wrong, like 2219.

South Carolina don't care. They'll show up for that, right? Well, they'll show up for anything. Yeah, though. They'll show up for anything. thing. What do they want? Effort. Okay, I will tell you this. You'll get nothing but effort. Misapplied

effort. Sometimes insanely misapplied effort, like hitting people five yards out of bounds, okay? But you'll get effort deep into the fourth quarter, right? Even when you don't want it, even when you're like, please, dear God, let this game end. Will Mustchamps like, no, we're losing 353, but we're going to play

hard. A whole time. We're going to drag this thing out. Now, technically, isn't he still the Texas head coach in waiting. I don't believe that was ever officially revoked. So this could be coming back here way, Beau. There was that. Here's the thing, though, South Carolina, in the most peculiar way, has turned itself into like an eight to 10 year job, right? Like, it became the perfect job for Spurrier to retire to. Lou Holtz retired in that job. And by the way, that's a hell of a back-to-back coaches. Lou Holtz did a great job turning that program around

with a little malfeasance. But he did. You said Lou Holtz. That's redundant. Yes. Look, Lou Holtz, here's Lou Holtz. Y'all, I'm sorry, I thought y'all were trying to win. I totally misunderstood what's going on here. Like, when Bob Stoves tried to get the Notre Dame job that year, it told him he needed all these Jucco transfers, and they were like, no, and he's like, oh, my bad, I thought y'all would try to win. Little did I know you simply wanted to participate.

Let me give you the, by the way, my, I love this, that Lou Holtz, at one point when, at one point, I believe, when he was coaching for Arkansas, they'd asked him about his team's performance. And he was like, yeah, I don't know. Watch him just makes me want to kill myself. He said that shit in public. Have you ever heard his quote about West Virginia?

He is a native West Virginia. Yeah. Best thing to leave West Virginia is the empty bus. Yeah. Yeah, the other thing with Lou Holtz, you know, now that he's gotten all, Make America Great again, I think this can be easy to forget, but I did an interview with Lou Holtz.

I guess it's now 10 years ago when I worked at the radio station at Raleigh, and I'm recording it. And, you know, there's something about interviewing coaches that, like, takes you back to this. I hate the way we call it coaches coach. Yeah. You know, but, you know, you get into that place and you feel like you're being respectful. I'm like, hey, coach, this is Beaumani Jones. What was your name? Beaumani.

What was that? Beaumani. See it one more time. Beaumani. Man, that light came off for that interview. You thought Lou Holt had known me since I was four. four years old. Oh, Beaumani. And then I stopped and talked, thought about this. Lou host just got through coaching that South Carolina. As far as names go that he wasn't familiar

with, Beaumani is way low on the list. Yeah, way low. He's like, oh, that's light work. Well, I mean, you just remember that, like, South Carolina is the one where if you're watching the key and peel football players name sketch, the most outre ones of them, right? Like the most unconventional or innovative names, you would go, Yeah, that's South Carolina, because they really had a player named Captain Munnerland. They did. Like, easily the most South Carolina player. When somebody's like, what do you mean?

I'm like, Captain Munnerland. He's great. He's awesome. His name is Captain. I want to do a story on all the people with names like Captain and King who turned out not to be good at stuff. Right? Because these are names that you buy a large year when you watch football, which means at the very least, they were the boss at a little school or whatever.

There's got to be some dude named captain running like a 4-9, trying to be a receiver. Oh, there was an entire family. I'm trying to remember. Jason I-Perfect was one of them? Oh, the Dowlings, Virginia. Yeah, Razai in them. Yeah, there's a lot of reaching with those names. Like, you've got a lot to live up to if your name is I-perfect.

Well, don't forget about majestic and scientific map. and Mr. Alexander Oh yeah, there are some misters I feel like Mr. Alexander is a pretty easy one to live up to because you simply have to... You just have to be formal, right? Like, it's literally just like, okay, I'm giving you the most democratic basic title ever, right?

Not Duke, not King, not even an Earl. I'm just... I don't know, you have to be the kind of person who gets called Nister, though, which... You know, some people just carry themselves. as like hey buddy you know also i went i went to high school with a sugar right first name sugar middle name right yeah how am i going to live up to that i will tell you how he lived up to that by the way by being an awesome basketball player that was how he lived up to it he was like high school

like the high school big man so like six four six five big man yeah that's how he lived up to it was being a borderline all-state caliber basketball player i appreciate it when you cut straight to the chase and you give me a nickname and a name just yes just just just just just just skip it. This was something my parents' generation, right? Like, you know, there's a lot of dudes just named Larry. Like, like, I have a relative name Larry. Not Lawrence. Larry. You know what it does? And we're still making those,

by the way. Just Larry's? Like, straight up Larry's. Yeah. Yeah, we're still making Larry's. Do you know a baby named Larry? I don't know. Okay, to be fair, maybe they stopped, right? But I feel like the new models of Larry's are still, like, the models of Larry we still got out there. Let me tell you something a dude named Larry strikes me as the type to do. Name a

did after himself because why let the mediocrity stop with you no i will tell you this i like i know a baby named frank which is which is awesome like i'll tell you like big chunky nine month old named frank that's that's about right right two-year-old's feeling a little weird but when they're all posted up and look like gangsters anyway right just like big fat mafiosi and diapers yeah frank is frank is a great call there yeah i did i feel like we need more franks but i got to name, Frank. Franklin Delano Jones, because people did that. Did you know that Frank Gore's middle name is also Delano? Really?

Yes, sir. Wow. That is old, too. I mean, listen, Franklin Delano for Frank Gore, that's appropriate, given that, like, his knees have had four terms in office. Well played. You know what? We're just going to cut it there. That's fine. That'll work. That's perfect. And we're out.