Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 8.15: Thanos and Batman Don't Do Cardio, Dave Wannstedt's Magic Sandwich Car, Scot Loeffler's Wikipedia Holidays

Episode Date: May 1, 2018

Two of us have seen Avengers: Infinity War but the other hasn't, so we only get to talk about superheroes in a really vague and meandering and nudity-focused way. Dave Wannstedt is a superhero for our purposes. Fred Durst is not. Again, this is the only college football podcast. Please treasure it accordingly. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

welcome to the shutdown full cast this is the internet's only college football podcast but you know we're coming up on like may 1st tomorrow correct the month of may yes spencer spencer knows how to use a calendar folks hmm how do you spell that's a bit much the word you use to open this podcast how do you spell it um it's like m b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b B, B, W. It's like exactly. It's at least 23 letters, if not 24. And I think that if you are, I think, welcome.

That's like a bunch of W's, A's, and maybe Y's to start before you get into the AL and then the come to finish. Yeah. Well, that's usually how things finish. You said it, buddy. Already already going blue. just already already joining me as always that was the melodious voice of jason kirk live from kennesaw georgia uh jason we'll just state for the record you have seen avengers infinity war correct i have seen it i'll put it this way the three of us have seen it a total of three times

see what i say what you're saying and and ryan live from brooklyn new york you have not seen the preeminent cultural item of our moment, right? No. No. Which led us to a very important question. Do we go ahead and discuss it or do we wait for the nanny household to do this? Okay. Here's what I'm going to offer you.

Okay. I want each of you to tell me about your favorite moment in the film. But here's the deal. And I want you to sort of, like, slack each other or whatever. I want one of you to make one up, and I want one of you to tell me the truth. And I want you, like, make an effort here so that it won't be obvious. And that's how we're going to get this out. So one of you is going to get to share the moment that you enjoyed the most from the latest Marvel movie.

And, you know, keep that somewhat restrained. And the other one of you is going to make up lie. Spencer, I swear if you're talking about this on the group chat, I'm in there. No, we're good. We called a hot route at the line. Yeah, that's what we called the hot. You don't know our signals. Yeah, you don't know where it's going, but I did call a hot route, okay?

So we've coordinated, and so yeah, okay. Okay, so who's going first? I'm going to go ahead and get Jason to go first. so my favorite part is the part toward the end where Thanos is he's won and they realize that he has won so greatly that the whole universe is completely fucked unless he's got he's won too big basically um so they sort of have to recruit him back onto the team the team that includes his son who he tried to kill earlier uh his brother who he tried to kill earlier and his daughter who he's been torturing for like the entire movie and he does it just to prove he can win just to prove he's the only one who can fix his own mess yeah yeah I like that part too

my other favorite part is this that when it comes down to it all Thanos does everything just so he can go camping that's it just does it all does it all so he could go camping that's the entire point of the movie that Dinos wants to kill half of the universe

just so he can go camp in peace and quiet. Get off the grid. Yeah, that's it. That's the entire point of the movie. So one of us, Ryan, is making that up. God. Okay. No, good.

Now I have to see the movie to resolve this. And I swear to God, if it's the camping thing, I'm going to be very annoyed. and very delighted. I'm going to be annoyed and delighted, which is kind of how I am on this podcast all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, normally we would talk college football,

but it's far more entertaining for me to talk about a purple fictional character who does look a lot like a strength coach. Here's the thing. Here's the thing, Ryan. Neither of us lied. The thing is only one of us told the movie story. You'll never know which is which. good good um is then how how sleeveless is thanos in the movie periodically

usually usually usually sleeveless um sometimes he has a little sort of foofy cuff i don't know what it is about marvel and eternal characters his power is so great that they basically transcend time and space but apparently all of them need some like flash gordon ass armor okay they need some like really chinty medieval times looking stuff to just chunk around in just to hold all that power in right his armor he like he can um sort of fold it into himself i don't know where it goes they don't really explain that he's like uh it's like he's wearing a transformer why this is going to be kind of a weird question why isn't he just nude the whole time it would be too powerful um he he likes to challenge himself this is a thing about thanos he he he doesn't always go all out um he likes to he likes to be sporting um and new thanos would that would destroy this world slappers only yeah well yeah that's you know that's you know that's extremely thanos if he can he will very yeah like there's moments in the movie where he walks and he doesn't have to he's he's like

a god and then he gets a superpower that even god would consider a superpower like being like you know like the district over selectman chief area god basically so when he gets that for some reason he still walks which i maintain it's for the cardio that's why you know he's been doing a lot of lifting and he realizes that a lot of lifting hi this is than i was here to warn you about deep vein thrombosis The scene where Thanos is just throwing up blood from rabdo It was essential just to ground him a little bit And then Kirk Ferrence makes him a grad assistant

Which is a pretty cool little, you know, nugget Yeah, he has to toil in 10 years in Iowa And that's how he gets the yellow stone I'll just tell you, man It's called the cornstone The cornstone The 2,000 meter challenge on the erg Like no one's invincible

Everyone's vulnerable to it. Good. I'm glad. So the Avengers movie, Infinity War, is basically about what happens if CrossFit becomes our only form of government. Also, like Iowa, the entire goal is for everyone to go 500. That's right. You want balance, right? I like the idea that he holds back, though, because that's also very college football coach about just be like, you know, we just, we only want to show as many cards as we have to here you know keep it keep it close when in the fourth quarter baby it's it's kind of like

uh he's kind of got some derrick dully to him he's gonna try to win with only 10 guys on the field is it is it is a little well must champy oh yeah he's gonna try if if he can beat you with only field goals he'll do that because he can talk to you more throughout exactly that's very important you got it you got to talk some shit like a constant a constant low level monologue of things just rolling right along. I would want to go back to a point that that kind of popped up in my head. You said, why isn't Thanos nude? Okay.

Why isn't there like a fully nude national superhero, right? Because every superhero, I don't know if you know, like, you know, there's Captain America, sure, Black Panther representing Captain Brazil. Well, you know, there's like, there's a British, there's basically a British Captain America who's so bad that, Captain Britain. Is that his name? I'm pretty sure that's his name, Captain Britain. Yeah, yeah, that sounds about, right.

Which also sounds like a Vanderbilt tight ends name. I hate that because it sort of eliminates Captain Scotland, right? Which you'd be an incredible superhero, right? As a recent Game of Thrones Watcher, I believe I'm the ranking Game of Thrones Watcher on this podcast. It's basically the army of snow zombies. That's Captain Scotland. Island. Lieutenant Scotland.

Yeah, just carrying his magical, indestructible flask made of vibranium that contains fortified wine. He has to go to the giant space forge to create an even more powerful golf club. Hey, that's college footballs. Hell, tell me a little bit more about this golf club. I need to hear. now this ain't exactly street legal but but like why isn't there like why isn't you know why isn't major Bulgaria a hero and if so why doesn't he just say hey I'm nude I think that's uh Rusev the wrestler he's mostly nude that's true he's also the size of Thanos so well I mean so I'll I get that there are some superheroes who armor is a key part of the experience Iron Man's a good example

but there are others as well who like want some sort of protection Captain America works too there are others for whom either because the armor is built in or because they have something else going on like Colossus Colossus should be nude all the time

like I think just for the mental edge that would give you if you could be a giant nude metal Russian man with a flat top like come on wolverine wolverine should also probably be nude all of the time why do you think dr manhattan was so powerful exactly

yeah i enjoyed that dr manhattan's penis in the comics is of the athenian greek model similar to david's and it is not showy i like that's just that he like bought it at restoration hardware no this was this was an allan more thing What do you have an adoric penis?

Well, you know, he could. He could just shop for one, right? And the most powerful human or the most powerful entity in the universe was basically like, I'll take the David model. It's not showy. Gets the job done. Yeah, but for the movie, they made it much, much larger. Because we couldn't have a movie that was going to be for an American audience unless the big powerful guy had a giant wang. Yeah, you couldn't have like seven rows of teens heckling Dr. Man.

that's totally what they were trying to like prevent right they wanted to be like no respect dog yeah you're looking good that's dr manhattan to you not dr boy hatton i guess just like phanos is you know obviously a person without shame and who feels above consequences i don't know I feel like if he just strolled out, Infinity Gauntlet, tank top, nothing below, porky pig in it? I always thought that's what Magneto should have done, right? He had a cape. He had all that stuff. He really should have just gone like assless chaps.

So that when the wind blew up, like you didn't see it, but then the wind blew up, and they're like, oh, yo, Magneto was a freak. Should they all just go like Superman with underpants outside their pants? If we ever considered that Superman might have some issues because he did that. Superman, what a stupid dork. You put your underpants on

atop your pants. That's the only way he can keep track of if he's Clark Kent or Superman. He just checks. Be like, where are the underwear? Outside? I'm Superman now. Inside Clark Kent. Everyone in D.C. is a stupid fucking idiot.

Just remember Just remember that that's exactly Remember where Superman's from He's from Indiana. I believe it That they're like Kansas. Kansas. Or is it Kansas? I thought he's from Indiana. Yeah, no, he's from Kansas.

One step above. The church says put your undies on the outside. So like Batman, like world's greatest detective, smartest guy in the world with any prep time he could defeat anybody. Maybe it's just he's like average intelligence in the DC universe and like everyone else there is very stupid. Also, Batman should have just become a cop.

Like, like, like, I know Spencer brought this up in, like, the group DM the other day, but like, okay, so Batman sees his parents killed, kind of throws him off track directionally, decides that he needs to strike fear in the hearts of criminals, and I feel like the logical next step is, and so I'm going to be a cop. Nope. Just absolutely not. Just 1,000% not. I hope there's some storyline where Batman fails the cop exam. Repeatedly. Like Batman tries to be a policeman and he tries to go to law school and he's so stupid, he just keeps failing the both exams. Batman can't run a mile in 1030. He's allergic to guns. Batman has the Batmobile for a reason. I believe that of the Ben Affleck Batman, that he couldn't run a mile.

in 10.30. Batman's more of a short bursts. Batman's been doing interval training. He's not so much about distances. He's a three technique. So, so winded. I don't judge me by my three cone, not my 40.

Yeah, I usually just descend on a cable and catch people. If they run, I kind of just drop. I kind of just set my big frame somewhere and let gravity cook. Alfred, I need the bat haler. How about the bat treadmill, sir? No, no, no, no, no.

No, no. No. No, you know, Batman doesn't do load bearing. Are you trying to get me killed? God, Batman sucks. I bet every time Alfred's like, sir, I think it's time for some cardio, he's like, oh, my back, which Bain broke, is acting up. Oh, man. Don't think that's a good idea. Yeah, you know why Bain did.

that. It was a favor. He's like, hey, yo, you don't do cardio either. And he's like, it's terrible. No. Cheetos don't stretch. It limits the game. You were molded by bad arches and sore heels. I was born into it. Jesus, this has gone off the interiors.

Hasn't it. um do you have any shall we shall we shall we uh answer one of our reader questions first yeah we uh we turn to the randomizer because may there's not a goddamn thing going on except somebody did point out and i don't have twitter open so i don't remember who um am i in the amazon special on michigan football just like in the corner very briefly in the bowl the outback bowl which they lost to south carolina in part because i brought wicked bad mojo upon Jim Harbaugh and his team. Yep. Sure I am. Did Amazon reach out and offer me, I don't know, a month of prime for free or any thanks or any screen credit? Nope. Sure didn't.

You need to. Man, you got to sue them for your rights and likeness fees when they put up the video game. Was I supposed to file taxes on Amazon's behalf? Yep. Sure didn't, though. Sorry. Let's go with this. let's start with at wLS co-pilot two questions here one one football one not we'll start with a football one one

what school would have the best passing game if all the defensive linemen switch to wide receiver oh i'm gonna go clemson easily just because just yeah i'm like i'm just going to go like who is the most consistently talented defensive lines and it's generally either clemson or alabama so i'm just going to take that especially because if i pick clemson and i can take the tack i can take the tackles right yeah sure sure yeah i don't think i don't think implicit in this question was but you can't have the the best pass catchers on the line the tackles i think i mean if you're going by 2018 rosters clemson's the best answer just because god damn those athletes and also on clemson internet at perhaps just Twitter.

I'm not sure. There seems to be some sort of a joke. And forgive me for whatever I'm losing in translation here, that Christian Wilkins plays every position, including safety. I'm not sure the origin of it, but. He did play safety. That was, he did play a couple of snaps at safety in the spring game. And might I say, as a downhill.

As a safety running downhill in coverage and just picking up like, you know, reading a play and picking up a jet. sweep. It was very impressive. It was. As a blitzer could use some work. He has past catching experience as well. He's caught at least two or three

trick play receptions for Clemson. So that's an excellent pick. Let's do the non-football side of this. Why, my friend Adam is a loser for referring to himself as, quote, Dean of Buckeye Nation

on Twitter. Um, I don't think this is automatically true or not, because, you know, is he fulfilling the duties of the dean of Buckeye Nation? Is he, uh, overseeing faculty hiring? Is he going out and doing fundraising? Is he, you know, figuring out where classroom space is going to be assigned? Um, what kind of academic policies does Buckeye Nation have? What I'm curious what his professor. track was before he gave his academic pursuits up and decided to take a position of leadership within Buckeye Nation. So if he's doing all of these things, if he is showing up and holding office hours and meeting with student groups and doing all of these things at Buckeye Nation University, which is accredited now, I just did that. That's our college now. Look, look at that. And we have a dean. We're already good.

Just send $8,000 to Spencer on Venmo, and you're enrolled. You're enrolled in Buckeye Nation University, located in Atlanta, Georgia. There's a distinction here between Ohio State University and Ohio State University and Buckeye Nation. Like, what is a major offered at Buckeye Nation? Cooler packing. That's definitely one. Efficient packing of a cooler. Not just, and not just, not just putting things in the cooler,

but then putting the cooler somewhere else, like a RAV-4. I would say tanning. Tanning's a major. Non-solar. Like, sick headbands. Yep. Definitely sick headband. I like sick headbands.

I think that there's a major which is somewhere below physical training and above guy who gives advice at the gym. Unlicensed physical trainer seems like, of course, the Buckeye Nation. Uncertified. I think having unnecessarily elaborate hamburger recipes, that's a major. But not being able to cook anything else. You just need to have like, no. First, I need half a pound of ground duck. Trust me, it's better if it's half beef, half duck.

Then I'm going to layer a papaya on top of that. Then I'm going to grill it in the microwave. It's fucked up. It's the most disturbing thing that's been said on the podcast. Yeah, I was with it, too. You said grill it in the microwave. You put a grill in the microwave. It's the microwave on the grill.

You put a George Foreman in the microwave. and then just go, go with it. It's amazing. Gets it double hot. It does. It's, yeah, I think those are all. I would say this, that if we're talking about Dean of Buckeye Nation, and it's not an alias, right?

Which Dean is one of those names that I can't tell. Is it like Gary? Is it going extinct? I hope so. Is it short for something? Are we going to find out, like, no, it was secretly short for David this whole time. maybe i don't i don't know like dean is dean is one of those names that i think is slowly it's not quite in gary territory but it's definitely on the way over the horizon i would i would also

say that that if you have um if you have a dean of buckeye nation then why not chancellor why aren't you shooting a little bit higher why don't you give yourself a better title than just Humility, bro. I'm a blue color, higher ed executive. Okay. Janitor of Buckeye Nation. Dean comes from a Greek word that means monk in charge of 10 monks.

Oh, that's a quarterback. Exactly. I don't like calling myself a dean. I like to call myself a mine welder. Listen. Of Buckeye Nation. You dress totally alike. and you are very quiet

and you live a humble life of poverty and chastity that's the Buckeye experience and what monks do it's exactly the same my favorite scene in Ready Player 1 which it was terrible except for the opening scene which is like Columbus Ohio 2042 and it's like the mind just like

the mental image that occurs those three words together it's incomparable because like it's first of all okay nothing's going to change nothing is going to nothing you could say you could say 29 99 you know and it's still going to look exactly the same but then they then they show like this like favela of mobile homes stacked on top of each other and that's funny too then the movie's very bad after that how many of the mobile homes have buckeye stickers on them none they couldn't get the rights they got the rights to damn every pop culture thing except for Ohio State.

I can't believe that like the Iron Giant himself Cardell Jones is in that movie and they still didn't get the rights to Ohio State. I would also state that it's pretty lame if I just had to come down to final verdict that he calls himself Dean of Buckeye Nation because one, it implies learning and you know what learning is learning, learning something that a Michigan grad would graduate like would brag about, right? That's something they'd be like, yeah, I graduated. I don't learn stuff, right?

Ohio State grad's like, it's a really good school. What'd you learn? What I learned? How to funnel a little beer one and a half seconds. Yeah, man. Yeah. Name a fruit. I will turn it into a bong.

Banana, done it. Pineapple, done it. Blueberry, done it. Wow. What I major in? Outer in. That's what I majored in. I like the idea that the Dean of Wolverine Nation is actually very serious about learning.

Just didn't get into school. Sir, sir, that is. a title it's like a it's like a volunteer ranger or something oh can we talk about Spencer's tattoo now oh it's it's time it's seamless transition so how did it go it went really really well I go ahead what's the conversation like when you walk in I I don't have any tattoos so I honestly don't know what these sort of normal exchanges and maybe it's considered in poor taste to ask too many questions about why are you having this tattoo but is there an exchange like that was there that discussion had no no tattoo artists are

very non-judgmental nobody goes into the shop and asks for something particularly with like a lot of thought without you know them respecting that even if what you suggest which is what i suggested was, it is patently insane. So what I suggested, because Michigan, the University of Michigan, that is, who we're going to be extremely biased toward you. And if we do gently rib them, i.e. sometimes get over and go over and just like unfair kidney punching of them for being Michigan men and women. They won. So I had to get a Wolverine tattoo. And in getting a Wolverine tattoo, I have some significant latitude on how that gets executed. So what I did was find the best portrait style photo of a wolverine looking really thoughtful like some like john j

audubon shit yeah no no no it's it's a photograph so it's not like a lithograph right no but but it could it could be it's that sort of like it has that sort of feel to it right exactly exactly and i went in and said can i get this extremely conscientious thoughtful looking wolverine on my shoulder and can you do it but do it in a line drawing so it did look like, you know, wood cut. So it did look really like elegant. And also that you could make this particular Michigan Wolverine, a dignified gentleman with a top hat and a monocle. Now, you suggest this to anyone else.

And they go, that's cool. Siphilis has a lot of stages. And you're definitely in one, probably the one where it's eating your brain. Or you could do what she did, which is as a tattoo artist, go, oh yeah, I got you. It's good. It's fine. And that's exactly what she did.

she ended up with a drawing that they just take it. They put it right on you and then just do the line work. And let me tell you what takes so long with something this detailed. Shading. Shading is the most painful part of a tattoo if you're going to get any kind of like detail. The shading took forever. But now I have, I believe Ryan has named him, Rupert. Yeah, Rupert.

He definitely looks like a Rupert. He really does. he's a classy gentleman he's very thoughtful looking he's currently a little scaly just due to uh little scaly little dry just due to uh the natural sort of growth curve of a healing tattoo he kind of looks like a rolled doll character that like sells children gin he does kind of look like he sells children gin but that's only because it's a good market what have you come to do today i've come to sell you whole gin the little the little the little happy elixir from the elderberry flower that makes all of the children jump, dance, and sing. That's right, the juniper genie itself. Gin. Array for Rupert!

He does, and Rupert would later on, you know, later on, go, you know, the good that I do with the evil that I commit on the markets is going to really pay off societally. That's how this is going to work. You say, you say, I am the monster. But where were those children before gin? miserable drowsy with the misery of the streets

yeah that's that's who I have on my shoulder now so thank you University of Michigan again thanks to everyone who donated and you know I'll post a I'll post a nicer pick of it when it's all healed up and pretty because he's so pretty and remember folks if we crack six digits

next year Spencer has to get three new Michigan tattoos for a total of five you heard of here first no no he'll have five michigan tattoos no no no that's when i get the harbaugh sleeve it's like it's it's a sleeve of the shirt he's wearing it's just blue his whole can we get can we get you one that has navi from the legend of zelda just pestering you about how michigan doesn't pay recruits listen listen hey so i can michigan

man with me always I said I could get I want Clippy actually if I could get Clippy saying you know Hey I hear you're trying to recruit somebody without paying them

I hear you're trying to do things the right way Do you need help? We will give you a home Shea Paterson Oh the struggle you have seen Come in off the street My good boy

What shall power What shall power Shee Patterson's eventful Final Campaign Starting Quarterback at Michigan. Gin. That's right.

Gin. Gin and Latin studies. Gin and Latin studies. It worked for Tom Harmon. You too will learn the ablative of gin. Somebody from, somebody from like the Michigan Board of Trustees who's 108 years old is like, it's it possible to send them to the Western Front to toughen them up,

like Tom Harmon. I think, isn't Michigan in Paris right now? They are. Yeah, they were. It's in Normandy, yeah. Okay. Which, hey, this pretty much lines up. God, going to France with Jim Harbaugh would be fascinating because,

not because Jim Harbaugh is like especially more interesting than any football coach. I just want to see how many dairy products that man can cram down in a day and a place that lives on them. I would like to tackle a question. do um it would be from hey ringer girl why does uva suck as much as it does that's an actual football question why does uva suck as much as it does well i can tell you what uva fans will tell you and then i'll tell you what i would tell you and they overlap a little just a little okay uvaa does have some admissions difficulties this is usually the first thing that uvaa fans will mention to you, right? All 73 of them. They will all tell you that UVA is very difficult

to get in. It's very difficult to get the athletes you need to compete, especially when you're competing against other ACC powers for those same athletes who have been significantly more flexible about admitting athletes whose test scores might not match up with the rest of the student pool or population. That's what they'll tell you. I think there is a shred of truth to that. I think there's also this. There hasn't been a big institutional commitment to it. Like the first thing you need as a football program are people who are willing to do um anything to compete that's you know and willing to just basically railroad the entire educational process so that you can have a football team that wins eight nine 10 games a year it's got to be a real priority and the institutional will

at uva yeah it's kind of lacking i don't really i don't really i don't really know i mean they went out and got bronco mendon hall that was kind of a that was kind of a flip that was kind of a sign that maybe that had changed, especially with the influx of money from, you know, TV deals that may be something had changed in Charlottesville. And I think it might have changed a little bit if that change manifests into anything like a better football team on the field. We're not, we're not going to see that yet. We probably wouldn't see that. Like if they're real cool and real patient, Bronco Menadol's got a real long leash there and probably should. Because if you go back and look, the history of UVA being consistently successful outside of George Welch, right, you know, in his run,

As head coach UVA, it's, it's been hit or missed there for a real long time. That's a really nice way to put it, yeah. I mean, I mean, that's, you kind of, I think you kind of identified the other part of this, which is that you have some schools that pull the plug too quickly, that, you know, year three, the team only goes eight and four, and they're like, nope, your ass is out. I don't know who that could be. Definitely, I don't ever root for a school that is that impatient. but UVA swings the other direction.

How many years do you think Mike London got in that job? Was it like six? Just off memory. Yes, six. How many winning seasons did he have in that stretch? Nan. He had one. His second year.

His second year, they went eight and five. Other than that, other than that, never even got to 500 in the regular season. Before that, Al Groh, how many years do you think Al Groh got at that job? Oh, man, Al Groh was there forever. That feels like seven? Nine. And Al Groh was at UVA for nine years? Al Groh was at UVA for nine years.

In that time, he had four winning seasons. Wait, let me count again. I'm sorry. He had five winning seasons and four losing seasons. One of the greatest coaches in UVA history. You can even go, it will go way back. Back to 1958, 1959, 1960, where a coach I've never heard of, and I hope we never talk about again, named Richard Voris, goes one in nine, oh, and ten, and oh, and ten again. That's impressive.

I mean, this is the thing. Bronco Menon Hall is absolutely going to get, I think, minimum seven seasons, unless something goes seriously. seriously awry in some non-football sense or if he leaves for another job. UVA is extraordinarily patient. And the truth is it just hasn't super paid off for them. Maybe it will. Maybe this will be the higher where that goes in their favor. But like, they have stayed in some bad relationships a little too long.

I respect that. God, I get that. I think what sort of sums up all these things. is they just don't care very much. Like when you're in an area, you're close to talent, you know, Virginia Tech is surely found as the share. You're not far from the deep south. It just all goes back to do you care or not.

And they care about a lot of sports a little bit. You know, there's none that are really crazy about basketball. Basketball sometimes. I was going to see, like, after seeing what they did with their basketball team and what that team plays like, I don't really want to see what the, a real successful football team in the year 2018 or 19 would look like at UVA because every game would be 10-7. And I watched that for way too long.

I don't need to watch that again. That's the nicest. This is the nicest discussion that anybody's had about UVA basketball just in the last three months, just so we're clear. Ever. The second part of this, by the way, is Scott Leffler can coach. He beat FSU LOL. I would like to quote for you, gentlemen.

The players-coached portion of Scott Leffler's Wikipedia page. Are you both prepared? Yeah, ready. This is just a portion of it. Leffler was the college quarterbacks coach to future NFL draft picks, Tom Brady, Tim Tebow, Brian Greasy, Chad Henny, Drew Henson, John Navarre, and Logan Thomas. These players have started over 300 regular season NFL games.

Damn! It's true. Two hundred and fifty plus of them are Tom Brady. Well, to be fair, Logan Thomas has been a starting NFL quarterback for a long time now. Yeah, that's true. He's number two on that list. The best part is you go to Logan Thomas's Wikipedia page. Logan Thomas is an American football tight end for the Buffalo Bills. So creative accounting, that's what I'll say, Scott Liffler's.

Also, I want you to think about the people who. who in 2018, with everything that's going on in the world, there's somebody, okay, 2017, because it tells me at the bottom, on December 28th, 2017, holiday time, time to be with your family. At 601, I don't know what the time zone was, somebody edited the Scott Leffler page. If you're out there, and if you're listening, and you might be, because you're clearly good at wasting time, The next time you get that itch and you're like, mm, got a little nugget to add to the old Leffler wiki page. Do anything else.

Go for a walk, read a book. Try to cook something you've never cooked before. Call an old friend, write a letter. Watch a TV show you like. All choices are better than spending valuable time at the holidays editing Scott Leffler's Wikipedia page. I'm concerned for you and I want you to be happy. If you're Scott Leffler and you were editing.

your own Wikipedia page at the holidays. Follow all of that advice. Nothing changes. What if Scott Leffler was looking up like... Oh, right, Brian Greasy. Right, right, right. Yeah, me and Tom Brady are friends. I forgot to add Brian Greasy.

He, you know, he might have been the last edit because the very last line of this Wikipedia page is, he was a college quarterback coach at Tom Brady and is reported to be one of his closest friends. Enter. Scott Leffler, enter. Submit for approval. Enter. links to an interview of scotliff um i have a question to answer i'll take from real big tit man is the twitter handle is fred durst simply a misunderstood genius who is in the right place at the

right time well okay hang on um let's take this word by word is fred durst yes yes he is he exists we can confirm Is Fred Durst simply? He's pretty simple. Not too much going on. Is Fred Durst simply misunderstood? I don't think so. I feel like we understand him pretty well. He might feel that way.

He might feel that way at times. I'm sure he has songs about how complex and complicated he is and all that. But I never in my life if I thought, wow, what nuance? Truly unknowable is an internal life. Is Fred Durst simply misunderstood? a genius. If he is, he is deeply misunderstood. Is Fenderz who is in the right place?

Jacksonville. Yes. Without question. Best place on earth. At the right time, yes, the late 90s. They were horrible. The only good things were cash money records in Randy Moss. And Keenan McArdle.

Okay. To be fair. Also, King and McArdo. Sure. um so take that all together is fred durst simply a misunderstood genius who is in the right place at the right time i'm with everything but genius but if he's just universe brained beyond me i'll accept that as well okay i would write that sentence as being 55% true here's the thing why isn't fred durst dean of buckeye nation hasn't he hasn't he earned it i think so actually uh wouldn't he be he's dean of buckyne of

Jags Nation. He's a tenured professor. Tenured professor at Jacksonville University. That's a real place. No, there's not. Why would Jacksonville have one of those? See, I think Fred Durst loses all credibility in that race and exits disgraced and discredited when they ask him for his bench numbers.

I think it's all out the window then. No, I think he could just make up some shit about having a torn peck. It doesn't have to be true. Yeah, I mean, he's. He's pretty chunky, you know? Like, he's not a, he doesn't look frail. Like, I think he could bullshit his way to whatever a respectable number would be for a Jacksonville person asking that question. If this leads up to a dramatically unsuccessful and possibly injurious 225-pound bench press attempt recorded on film, I'm here for it.

As long as he's like singing the whole time. Yeah, just do two wheels, bro. Do two wheels. Put on my song! Just two wheels. Put him on. Come on. Also from Real Big Tit, man.

Does Harbaugh survive the year if he loses to State and OSU again? Survive? No. He'll be shot. He'll thrive. Now, I... After being shot, yes. I assume...

For real, he's going to survive that, even if it happens. Well, I assume by state we mean Michigan and not Penn. but that would mean... Could be Texas State. Can you imagine how embarrassing that would be? Did they have any other states on the list? No, they don't. Oh, Notre Dame State.

What if State... State is Oregon State and OSU is also Oregon State. Wouldn't that be bad? That's too lost to Oregon State. Does Harbaugh survive the year if he loses to Oregon State and Oregon State again? Yeah. That would suck. Yeah.

I think that's true. I think if you accidentally schedule Oregon State and then you do it a second time and you lose both. Yep, you're out. You play Oregon State in the bowl. Well, I know that sounds far-fetched, but bear with me. No. He's, no. He's not going to get fire.

Not for that. They'd owe him like, it's something like $18 million. How does he lose, though? Because is it the same way as it always is? like, does he lose to Michigan State in the most bullshit way possible, and then lose to Ohio State, like, in the most gut-wrenching way possible? Because you're going to get really tired of that at some point. I guess, but in the past, the alternative was just, just lose to Ohio State.

There wasn't a lot of mystery, not a lot of drama to it. No real big third act there. I mean I don't I don't I it is it is hard to fathom them firing him so like maybe if that happens again this year then we say he's officially on the hot seat for next year but they won't like that they won't mean that no one no one lives forever let's say all right let's say he only loses those two games that means he beat Notre Dame on the road he beat Nebraska he beat Wisconsin he beat Penn State. and throw in a bunch of other games that are not as interesting as those. Sure. Like, that probably balances it out, doesn't it? Sure, that's a great year, yeah. It's just, at that point, it would just be,

because, I mean, here's the thing. Does football boil down to, like, oh, we had a good record, or does it boil down to, like, my coworker, I hate, can say mean things to me because of what happened yet again? You know, like, which do you care about more? here's here's here's how we'll test it NFL media I want you to start tweeting that Jim Harbaugh's job is safe at Michigan and see if reflexively Michigan fans start tweeting out you know no no it's not absolutely not one loss and he's gone you don't know shit yeah this is what I want you Tim Kawakami I want the I want the trial balloon race to go back and forth right I want the Harbaugh I don't know beats Michigan State satisfactory really has a really good you know like has a really good you know like has a really pretty good season and then they lose Ohio State again and the debate

all of a sudden becomes like I don't know I heard that the Texans were interested in him right like I want all of those like little agent games to crank up in both directions because I want somebody to guess wrong right I want it like the agent to be like heard the Jets are really interested in Harbaugh

think they can get him get Darnelled online if they really get Harbaugh there the QB guru you know get that going and then Michigan's like yeah that's fine go ahead Harbaugh's like, no! I don't want to be the coach of the Jets. No one wants to coach of Jets.

P.J. Fleck, head coach at Michigan. They should, oh, Jesus Christ. They should treat this season like the Mario Kart balloon game. It's like, you got three, and once they pop, well, that's all we're doing. Sorry. You know who we haven't talked? You know who we haven't talked about in a while? Me?

At all? No, we haven't. We haven't talked about Dave Wonstadt, right? Oh my God, you're married to Dave Wonstadt? If only somebody, Dave Wonstadt sounds a lot like Holly Anderson. It's crazy. That's the meanest thing you've ever said about me. No, listen, you hear that Pittsburgh accent?

That's the meanest thing anyone's ever said about me. Jerb! Hurley, Hurley Anderson. Holly, what was it like coaching the Bears? I hate all of you so much, but no, I hate Ryan Least, which is at least new. Oh, my God. We're both confused right now. You go ahead, Hurley. Oh, my God. I'm going to punch you so hard.

So you actually have a Dave Wanstead story. That's the reason I'm, but you're busting in here. I'm busting in here because I do what I want. Correct. Just like dangerous Dave Wonstead. Anyway, I got a tip. And this is the most shutdown full cast tip of all. time because I got a tip from a guy who followed Dave Wanstead around the Fox lot to see what kind of food he had with him because longtime readers of ADSBS will know we're extremely big on the notion for some reason that fell out of Spencer's brain is it a big sandwich hold on

hold on let's each make a guess Jason's his big sandwich I'm going to guess seven different kinds of ham okay mine is trail mix that has cut up pieces of hot dog in it. Spencer? I'm going to guess actual horse-style feedback stuff with bugles. Okay, well... Just going all over the place. There's a chance that we're all right. I'm going to read you this text that I got from friend of the program, Jason, who works on the Fox lot, a different Jason. A lesser Jason, but no less beloved. As I was pulling out of the garage at Fox,

Dave Wanstead walked in front of my car wearing a bucks cutoff pullover, shorts, a knee brace, and carrying a subway sandwich. So Jason and I then spend the ride home trying to guess Dave Wonstadt's subway order. My guess is mayonnaise, salami, and triple banana peppers on wheat because he's healthy like that. Jason posited honey wheat, the jalapenos from the jalapeno bread, one slice of turkey and oregano, dry. And I would love to hear what the rest of you think Dave Wonstadt's subway order is. I will take my answer off the air because Spencer's headphones are covered with some kind of unidentified substance. Meatball sub with honey mustard.

Okay. So Ryan says meatball sub with honey mustard. I'm going to go with a quadruple capicola. I want the bread made a capicol. My wife is chiming in. and guessing as a former sandwich artist she guesses the cold cut combo. Is that like middle school in St. Pete?

Do they just send you to work at Subway? Subway is like the Marines. There is no such thing as a former sandwich artist. There is no such thing as a former sandwich artist. I agree. I think that's true. You're just a sandwich artist waiting to happen again. When I see those triangular pieces of cheese, a tear comes to my eye.

I am going to guess that he has, I'm going to guess that he has got double ham, double ham, peppers, pickle peppers, can't get enough of the peppers. I just see that just like a super Dave Wanstead thing. I like that we've decided Dave Wanstead just loves the spice. No, I need to point out that you can't, I don't, as far as I know, you can't get a subway sandwich anywhere on the Fox lot proper. Dave Wanstead had to leave work, get Subway, and we're. return to work. Gotta put on the books cut off first though.

Or he always has subway in his car. There's it. Yeah. I got one in my trunk. Hall shop. Great guy. Dave. Dave runs it. Coach want to get cold. No, it's in the sun. Meat doesn't go bad in the sun.

This is Los Angeles and it's a desert. So it just kind of desiccates from the globe compartment. If meat could go bad in the sun, then how could animals? live outside. Think about that. Hey, I made a sub jerky. It's the dehydrated sub. It's more efficient. Related subway is closing 500 restaurants in North America

this year. Yeah, you know why? Dave Wonstadt can only eat at one of them. At a time. That's why. I was going to say at a time. Challenge excepted. 1% of them. Challenge accepted. I'll breach the dimensional barriers and I'll eat multiple subways. I think that that has the space stone.

Hi, I'm Dr. Wonstadt. strange just opens a portal and sandwich flies out of it you know he's always spinning with his hands imagine that there's like a sandwich baton in each of his bands is Dave Weinstat in Infinity War

yes yeah I'm just going to say he's Nebula that's true if he gets the fries in that sandwich he'll become incredibly powerful don't let him do it I'm the sandwich collector great to see you what you see behind you is a storage locker full of sandwiches

It's the Infinity Gertlet I am Gert I am Gertt And I am Gertrits Infinitor work Dr. String Why are you putting French fries all over the Infinity

Gauntlet? The gauntlet Yeah Come on I Yeah So there I thought that

That's like the most important Part of the podcast We got a Dave Wonstet sandwich story I maintained by the way My theory is that whatever his order was he was going to Fat Burger to get fries to stuff in the sub. As God intended. That's right.

The Scarlet Witch just spraying you with Heinz ketchup. Scarlet Warch. Scurlid Warch. To bring it back a little bit, wouldn't it be great if it turned out Dave Wonstadt was Batman? Of course it would. Is there anyone who has carefully, maybe this is all a carefully cultivated image? Can we redo that entire Nolan trilogy set in Pittsburgh? I mean, I know they filmed a lot

They already had Hans Ward That's right Well that's when you knew it was a movie Because he actually ran with the ball And escaped defenders Yeah That was the funniest part of the movie I didn't know

I never thought Nolan was very funny Also very Pittsburgh The villain Bain, no cardio None Let's end with these questions From at Duckitecture Let's start with this one Holly can help

because she'll have strong opinions. Who is the handsomest coach in 2018? Cliff Kingsbury is off the table. And I say that because I feel like we'll throw out an answer and Holly will insist that these people aren't handsome because... Cliff Kingsbury is pretty. There's a difference. Okay.

See? Already this is paying dividends. So Jason and Spencer, handsomest coach. And I would actually take Lincoln Riley off the table because he's like a Ross dress for less, Cliff Kingsbury. In terms of looks only Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah. It's like a Cliff Princeberry.

He's out with him. Cliff Jacksbury. Oh, wait, never mind. Where is Randy Edsel on the list? Of handsome coaches? I'm going to have to keep scrolling. Hold on. Hold on. Still scrolling.

Hold on. It's Charlie Strong. Why are we talking about this? Still scrolling. Hold on, hold on. let's see Dave Davo looks like a precious moments doll um Bobby Petrino looks like if a precious moment's doll slept with a madam Alexander doll yeah

please don't think the Bobby Patrino voice face for TV um I gotta say Mark rick's looking pretty good down in Miami like in Georgia you kind of with the tanny you picked up in Georgia you kind of always got the impression that he dipped himself in paraffin every morning before he came to work but in Miami me he's surrounded by people who look like that that's totally reasonable um the frissons of let's see let's go through all the obvious candidates the frisans of fear professional job-related fear creeping in uh have kind of taken the shine off larry fedora so i would toss him out as well how do you feel about out of the running that is uh mr clauson

Hmm. She's kind of a fancy lad. She's, yeah, it's Wake Forest, of course. The mascot wears a top hat. Of course he's a fancy lad. No, I mean, kind of like the Eric Trump kind of fancy lad. Oh, I see.

Like the wouldn't survive in the wild if you dropped him off in an excerpt fancy lad. Let me hit you with Mark Stoops. Oh, that's a very particular kind of handsome. that's like that's thanos core handsome is mark stoop's our most thanos shaped coach uh i think mark ed o'eron's up there yeah i think mark stoops is what they considered handsome in like the 1800s when they're like he has all of his teeth and he's stately chip kelly another face for tv uh clay helton is handsome because they don't know what he looks like why are we going through an ignoring charlie if we're going for

genuine answer it's got to be charlie strong right if you say so spencer um you know uh kyle whittingham has a kind of certain like you know handsome sergeant look to him man right with a little bit of the with a little like salt and pepper to the hair also he's real buff he's just like yeah as listeners will know we stand for his calves so we do yeah i kind of got to imagine that he's a little bit brittle after all that gym time though Too much cardio. See, too much cardio. That also was right all along. Oh, wait. Oh, wait. Mike Gundy. Come on. Oh, wait. All right.

A little bit rangy. Why am I, for some reason, I started thinking about which of these coaches would be good to cook over an open flame. Not Frank. Not he's a little strange. Frank Solich, you can't, won't even light. It's like eating a cat. You don't want to do it. And then the other question. and architecture sent, which was somewhat serious. Oh, it's Mario Christobal. Never mind. We're done. Deciding who in your relationship is responsible for what household tasks? Hmm.

You're asking Spencer? Yeah. Because if you choose competence, eh. Okay, all right. Let's, no, let's dig into this. Spencer, what household tasks are you generally responsible for? I am generally responsible for the dishes. I am generally responsible for, let's see, I'm generally responsible for getting the, I do the morning. So I do the whole morning routine.

Spencer's wife is currently mouthing a chore list to him on the couch across the room. I have to be reminded. While he tries to read their lips and talk at the same time. I think, does this make sense? You can add this to the list, though. You can say like reading, taking dictation. I do take dictation very well I didn't say I listened well

I said I took dictation well Those are two different things You should take dictation more I can write it down But it ain't going nowhere It turns to a ghost The minute I turn it to like right And I also

I think I'm the declutterer I think that's another thing I do Is that like I'm the like order Like you know if you just need to get things Like not really clean but stacked up That's my gig Right You know what I mean like somebody's going over

I am They call me the piler. It's like, what's that prison movie where they just make dudes make piles of rocks? Yeah, well, I'd be great at that. That's my whole life domestically. So those are primarily the things that I am responsible for. I think you guys actually got Spencer in trouble with this one, which is great. Yeah, it's great.

Good. If this means you have more chores, I'm not mad about it. Mm-hmm. Yeah, thank you. I will say one, like, I'll say one, like, I'll be like semi-serious for a moment. If you are, if you are unsure about how to do this and you want a little help, you should definitely read, I think it's the Harper's piece about emotional labor.

It's a good, it's a good eye-opening piece for, you know, maybe how you think you are contributing to your household, and you could be doing so in ways that are actually, kind of shitty or kind of thoughtless or kind of not all that helpful um i i will say that having read it myself it was a very interesting read for me when you come home and you're just like hey what can i do to help you out you've actually sort of transferred work onto your wife girlfriend boyfriend whatever because you haven't sort of done the job of identifying what actually needs to be done and being a grown-up yeah that's too serious I'm sorry I that piece really is great and to our lady listeners out there because I love you pay real close attention to how your partner

reacts to this piece because it's going to tell you a lot that's actually god that's a really good idea please yeah no and go by the way go read it and you can react badly once to it it's how you rebound from it because chances are I think most dudes to do that, even if they do a lot around the house, would be like, you know, but I do a lot. And if you rebound and go, oh, okay. Okay, cool. You get like one mistake on this.

Sure. Yeah. And you know what? You can have that failure privately. You can privately think that you do a lot. You can have that failure privately is maybe the only good advice that has ever been given out on any podcast. A thing my wife has been telling me a lot lately. Is this phrase?

It costs you nothing to be quiet. she's telling you that and you've got a toddler in the house yes unless you're on a game show even then sometimes pays off that's why ryan when he's on jeopardy gets up to $1,200 stops answering questions just going to wait for it's playing field position i'm just going to wait i'm going to punt wait for everyone else to screw up i mean shouldn't shouldn't a lawyer know that there are times to just refuse to answer questions all of the time. He keeps trying to tell us.

Yeah. Hi, why do you think I'm here? Do you think it's because I was really good at that? She got disbarred for talking too much. Hi, why do you think Dave Wansett is eating Subway on the Fox lot? Because he was a really great college football coach. He was also disbarred for talking too much. You know what?

And with a mouthful of fries and sandwich. Give me liberty or give me hot peppers.