Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast 8.16: The CFB Questions You're Too Embarrassed To Ask Your Friends

Episode Date: May 8, 2018

What parts of college football history actually matter? What is the triple option? Why are Michigan Men the way that they are? Are refs actually different depending on conference, and what is the purpose of the one point safety's continued existence? These questions and more are answered, often by just talking about Star Trek in ways that don't connect to the questions themselves. Also, Spencer unveils the worst accent in show history. I hate it so much. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

welcome to the shutdown full cast my goodness do we have a show for you tonight because we have set up the randomizer no we didn't no no no no no we didn't do that okay so so we've got this other topic no we didn't we're not going to do that either god i could do this we should start from the top no no no preview bowl games ball games we don't go backwards we only go forwards, okay? It's time to preview the NFL drag. We watch enough SEC East football. We will move forward, God damn

it. The 2013 season promises to be... Watch out now, because there come Infinity War spoilers. No, we do that too. I am honestly surprised. Neither one of you told me that, like, a pole mower was a big part of the of the plot, but... I mean... Some things are... Some things are too sacred to give away. Start an open out board engine.

But we're not here to talk about that fantasy series. We're here to talk about Star Trek. Yeah, yeah. Because what we actually did for this one is we asked you, the readers, for college football questions. You're too embarrassed to ask. And some of you are very, very sincere. And some of you tweeted from, I don't know, a conversation you were having with one of the hosts prior to the show. What?

No, go ahead. Go ahead. No, this was your idea to try. try and make me like Star Trek. I didn't try to make you like Star Trek. It won't work. No, you can't make people like that. How has Jane Coastern?

Why you like Star Trek is just as bad. I don't understand. You're friends with Jane Koston and John Boys. And neither one of them has gotten you to like Star Trek yet, I can actually make it worse. I've only seen the JJ Star Trek. I like Star Trek. Okay. They get really mad when you say

that. Okay. Almost as mad as when I say, okay, so Star Trek is like Star Wars, but with science and instead of magic. Yeah. It's like Star Wars without the sex. Nobody likes that. What if instead of guns and swords,

everyone had a very nicely steamed suit? You know what? Star Trek to me is like Mississippi State football. No, it's like Ole Miss football. It's not really the football that bothers me. It's the fans. Yeah. No, that makes sense.

It's not the football itself that's a turnoff. It's all the trappings and the hangers on that come with it. You're going to get hop-ons. I was going to make it. It's a trap joke, but I'm above that, like the stars. Yeah, that's from Lord of the Rings anyway. That's the wrong series. I also have a concussion, so this is going right.

What is the, like, I've never seen any Star Trek's, which is like awkward for me because for the first, you know, 20 years of my life, every time I said my name, someone would say, oh, Captain Kirk. And I'd say, oh, yeah. Oh, God, that would suck. that that's the only thing I know about it so like what is the case for Star Trek is that what we're doing here I already had to hurt I don't want to hear this that's why we're doing it I will say this it's time for Holly to go in the silence zone I rescind my apology I rescind my

apology for appearing on to my spot you didn't meet it in the first place no I did not I don't actually think I know what sorry is like I don't think I've ever experienced that feeling we can't get into that on this show I'm sorry We, like, we'll do a very special episode, but not today. This robot learns to love, but not how to forget it. Hey, there's a robot on Star Trek called Data. Who learns to love. No, there's not.

Yeah, no, there's a robot. Listen, we can tell her things that she doesn't know. And she'll, like, think we're making these stupid things up. He's played by, you know, the scientist and Independence Day with the long, scraggly hair who gets his neck wrapped around by the alien, and it's, Release me. Yeah, yeah. He plays.

He was one of the last. Brent, Brent Spiner. He plays an Android robot thing on Star Trek. Named Data. And he's most noted for this. He has a fully functional penis. That's what... That's awesome.

I know. But here's the catch. None of the other characters do. So does everyone fuck the robot, or does no one fuck the robot? It's like black mirror. What if the robot was that? Oh, God, oh, God, who had six. Jesus Christ.

On some level, I admire somebody as big and slow as you, finding the fastest and most expedient way to make this so much worse. What if the microphone was the only thing not listening? Uh-huh. I actually would like to point out that I am in position to kick Spencer. Real hard. Blackmere, Episode 8. What if the camera...

Oh, my God, I'm kicking him. What if the camera was, what if the camera was, what if the camera was, what's, all right? What, what, what, what every time Spencer did that voice, he got kicked? I kicked him in, no, I kicked him right in the kneecap with shoes on, and he didn't even playing. I am naming this character, Thicky Jervase, and we're moving on. More like sticky Jervase. See, the irony is that he's called a credit card when it's just made up.

Are you going to do this? It's just made up. We'll end the show. now we're only like five minutes in do you know how much richer you would be if you were this persona online instead of your actual personality no no

he's an idea oh my god you're like a bug zapper for mediocre whites okay well we're all right we're not going to talk about Star Trek anymore you ruined it we can't do it we can't talk about Star Trek because this is a college

ball this is a mean a lean mean sports podcast for sports fans it's time to get back to business wait are we recording oh yeah yeah all right but that's how i feel the same way almost all the time um fuck all right spencer are you alive i'm good i'm good i'm in there you promise i actually feel bad about how hard i kicked you but you didn't do anything do you promise not to do that voice I'm not even blood. I'm going to give you, I'm going to give you, I promise this. I'm going to time it. I'm going to give you a good 15 minute break from it, okay?

You know that if Ryan were making this promise, he would jump in with Love Shack as Ricky Jervas in 35 seconds. Yes, but everybody knows. It's basically like fat. It's either Ricky Jervais or it's fat Tom York, right? Like that's... Oh. Tom Yorkshire pudding.

Welcome to Michael Kane's buffet. oh thank god we're all british this is great jason i want to wait no i want to hear jason do a british accent i really want i just want to see fat tom york dancing the spasm dance wait jason do a british accent oh shit no there's no i don't even think i want to hear what that sounds like i think he's too southern i think it's not with him no i want kid a sock cockney you know how there are certain like consonants that you can't pronounce unless you learn them at a very young age i think that's jason and foreign accents all right yeah I don't got the right parts in my mouth to do that.

No. Yeah. You know, that would be my debut album, Pablo Honeybun. Wow. Yeah, I'm there. All right. We're starting with this college football question. Big ass spider on the wall.

College football question, you're too embarrassed to ask. From Matt at Flying Lamprey. Why are Michigan men like that? Oh, man. Spencer as the ranking Michigan man here Why don't you handle this As the man with the most actual Michigan in my bloodstream Right

Both as a result of multiple Michigan tattoos And I don't know Considerable consumption of Bell's products And that incident with Dr. Brundle and Chad Henney Yeah He's half Henny, F. Brundle, Brundle, Henny. So I think this is why Michigan men are like this, okay?

They, and I'm by Michigan men, I mean Michigan men and women. It's an equal opportunity. You know that by assessing them, you're just giving them an opening to jump in and say, this is actually why we're like this. It's a very deep joke. There are levels, and they can jump in wherever they like. They'll just never have the penthouse, okay? Because that's where we're starting.

So we have to, you have to look at it this way. it is a public institution right and it's a very good public institution so they're always going to be a little insecure and they're going to be a little too smart for their own good i.e. probably the part of the brain that controls massive social function right you're going to cut into that a little bit there's going to be an easement right like the brain has little easements it places on things right we allow this all the time for geniuses right maybe rightfully or wrong way we go oh well you know they're brilliant how can you expect them to wear pants, right? Or not arson. Arson's a verb. Shut up. I didn't go to Michigan. I'll stop arsoning if you put your pants back on. Right. Oh, we've got a gift of the Magi situation. That's cute. Actually, the gift of the Magi was, yeah. That's, and that's what happens when, when you say, well, speaking, speaking of England, isn't arcing, like, wouldn't that mean not wearing pants? Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. That's That's deep, dude.

That's deep. You were the most British amongst us the whole time. See? Yeah. So that's my understanding of why that plus, I guess, a general sort of Midwestern culture of, if you're from the Midwestern, you have a really good, dark sense of humor, right? You go to Chicago. Like, Chicago has a very mean sense of humor, right?

Like, when you talk about, like, the classic SNL duality, there were half the writers from Chicago, half the writers from New York. And those ones who went to New York with these Ivy League guys who were like, sharks with lasers. And I thought that was funny. And everyone from Chicago was like, ha, ha, dead body. Right? Like, that's a Chicago thing.

If you're funny and you're at Michigan, I don't know, you make, like, really deep jokes about the Potsdam conference. That's been my experience online. The T-Pot Dome scandal. Right. There's a lot of, like, people who go, you know, I thought the onions, like, this dumb century was really funny, but there were some inaccuracies in the fact. 30 pages.

That goes way deeper into the question than you want. There's also this. It's a very traditional place in terms of the football culture. And I always think like football culture leads. Football culture is indicative of a lot of what the school is and how those people sort of generally coalesce if there are common threads. And Michigan's the kind of place where they're like, I've been in row eight seat 32 for 900 years.

Why would I, why would I change anything? so I think that bleeds over a little bit into it as well which has made the last decade particularly traumatic for them sorry about that Michigan it's all good now oh you're fine shut up you're fine put some dirt on it not not like actual dirt yeah you know like literary dirt um hemmingway by the way put some hemingway by the way chew up some pages of uh grapes of rat tropic of cancer in like a poultice grind up some tropic of cancer and put it on that by the way but seriously lovely people who do get the joke even if they're going to correct you on it they will correct you on it because that is their reflex

but they're in on the joke mostly sometimes several of them great next um i have an important one from matt farren chick matt f15 hopefully i got that last name um what is conference USA This is simple. Conference USA is a grease trap. It is the part of FBS where we put teams that should be an FCS, but like you can't just force a team to be an FCS. I mean, and even that is being, even that's not quite generous enough because if we're keeping it real,

it's probably like 40 or 50 teams that should be an FCS. But Conference USA is sort of a place for the ones that don't have any kind of a collective identity to them. Like the Mac is like the Midwestern. teams that don't matter. The Mountain West is the West Coast teams that don't matter. Conference USA, it's just teams from all over that don't matter. And I know if you're listening, if you're a podcast ain't played nobody person, you hear me saying this, you know, this is, this is just sacrilegious, but, um, Conference USA, it's, it's, it's just really there. It is, it is there. Yeah. You know what, you know what Conference USA is? It's, um, it's a lot like

the clearing warehouse for the rest of college football, right? Like if stuff has just gone so far down the ladder that you're not selling it at like big lots, then you're in Conference USA, which is fine. There's some great deals down there. Amazing deals. Is it a yard sale? Yeah, I think that's better. Yeah, but it's a yard sale where it's like unclear what's prompting it.

It's like the state sale. It's like the contents of a yard sale fell into a. a state sale where nobody died we're just sad we just feel dead I want to get into a general question that I have like very definite answers for which is this it's from at Magnet Carter so how much college football history should I know like am I supposed to know how many titles Alabama has

the answer to the second part of the question comes first. Are you supposed to know how many titles Alabama has? The number of titles Alabama has, and I will give you the honest answer from years of engaging with both Alabama, Auburn, and other associated foes. Texas A&M and assorted frenemies of the Crimson Tide around the internet. The answer is however many the person you are talking to thinks Alabama has is the answer. Just it costs you nothing just say yeah that's not an answer in a michigan man could ever accept it's like katelyn was telling ryan a while back it costs you nothing to be quiet nothing if they roll up and they say hey man alabama's got 34 titles you got 34 be like no man i don't it's crazy

Alabama's got 34 do you know who's right probably you you know who's wrong uh the guy who said 34. You know who's never ever going to understand the concept of being wrong? The guy who thinks Alabama has 34 titles. Yeah, like, think of a mentally disturbed person walked up to you in a bus station and was like, hey man, I got 12 swords and you saw that they only had 10?

You wouldn't really quibble. You might. You'd be an idiot for quibbling. You'd be an idiot. Actually, one of those is a scimitar. Because you know what it cost you to skate effort-free through the diseased frozen rink of

this man's mind and on to saner ground by moving past that point in the argument? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. That's how many titles they have. In one of those swords, Alabama ranked number 20 in the AP poll and claimed the sword 40 years later based on... That's actually just a palm frond you've got there. It's a sword. Yeah, another one of these swords, Notre Dame beat the sword in a bowl game. That's not a recent sword. It's old.

Yeah, that sword doesn't count. That's true. It was a platinum sword of the highest grade in quality. Yeah, yeah. For those, Bama's like the nine-year-old kid who's like, no, uh-uh, I was wearing my infinity. It was a beam-team. Beam-team sword. You can't catch me because I had 900,000 lives plus infinity. The Lego. The Lego movie, Bama football. Think about it. Now, Magnet Carter, as for how much history you should know about college football anyway, the easy answer is you don't have to know anything. you don't sometimes it's better if you don't i disagree i disagree okay now i have i have a flexible

answer okay yeah we'll hear your rebuttal in the moment okay i don't think you have to know a lot really to appreciate what you're looking at you don't right like uh all you really have to sort of know is uh what the team colors are what's happening uh maybe if there are a couple of jokes that are in jokes you get those explained that happens right occasionally lane kiffin'll do something which is like i don't know pretty good like maybe seven year back callback with a play call or something that's what we're here for but a lot of these are zero entry pool jokes and a lot of that happens osmottically right and but if you know if you're the type that likes to do homework I would suggest this learn if you really want to to study up on your

hobby and I don't understand you weird people who want to crack books for something that's supposed to be fun and stupid but I would suggest learning in depth the current era that you are in and the entirety of the immediate previous era. In this case, I feel like a good entry point would be going back to the start of the BCS era. So, like, crack that encyclopedia open at like 97, 98, and work your way forward from there. And this way it's rolling, you know, whenever this current system gets replaced by whatever's next. You can just kind of shuffle the BCS off into the past. Classic, classic Tennessee answer.

Just start off with, just start off with some light reading. let me finish the exact sentence I was in with. You can just shuffle that era past along with Tennessee's last ever national title. I would also state this. If you want to go earlier, my answer is this. When somebody says, you know,

because like, okay, the NBA playoffs are on right now, right? And my favorite part of the NBA, period, online is their Twitter community because no matter who manages to play and no matter how good a player might be on the floor. There is somebody who thinks they're absolute trash. There are people out there who really do think.

They're like, Pth, Clyde Drexler could wax LeBron. Clyde Drexler is incredible. Vin Baker, better than LeBron. Yeah, Vin Baker, better than LeBron. Ricky Davis. Ricky Davis. Bring it. Tree Rollins, better than LeBron.

Right. NBA Twitter got me into the NBA more effectively than did years of working at ESPN in Sports Illustrated. Right. And my favorite thing that they will do sometimes is when old heads will begin to say, yeah, and I don't know, man, Oscar Robertson and these guys in the 60s, they were incredible. Somebody begins absolutely slandering Bob Coosy. Bob Coosy, right? The point guard with the fancy moves for the Boston Celtics. If you look at Bob Coosy, Bob Coosy looks like you trying to dribble between your legs. Like the level of athleticism is so low. Even in the 80s, like, nobody, they were more athletic, but nobody, like, looked like they were working out. They all looked like, oh, you're a young golfer.

Cool. You look like a light smoker. Good job. You eat a lot of grilled chicken sandwiches at Wendy's, huh? Good for you. You eat it delights. There's a callback. It's the healthy fast food.

Herschel Walker was an investor. That's history. It's college football history. So. Oh, you're a tall arcade manager. Yeah. I think my two pieces of advice here would be, one, assume everything, every stupid thing that happens. It's happened before, and it was even dumber one of the eight times that's happened before,

because the sport is almost 150 years old. The second would be, I would say, just go for the past decade for now, just bite off the past decade. Like so much shit has happened in just the past decade, I'd say start there. Start around the year 2007. Greatest season in the history of the sport. So start there. Oh, that's a good idea. That's a good one.

I'm going to offer a gloss sort of on Holly and Jason's, and it's not like, don't go, I don't think you should go back and try to, like, relearn the past. I do think you should pick out the programs that you were interested in or the ones that you intersect with most or the ones that you dislike most, and you should find the weak points. Like, if you are a new Pac-12 fan and you're, for us, because Washington is really good and Washington's recruiting really well and they have a good coach.

You should know that they hired Ty Willingham after he failed at Notre Dame and he tried even less hard. Somehow, you should know that. You should go find all these good nuggets, these jugulars and you should gather them up like precious throwing stones. This is a good overlay strategy. The thing that I like about my plan is that it's a doubt. to the future. So, you know, as soon as the next era, you know, whenever the next era takes this place, then, well, you'll need, like, the little fledgling playoff era plus whatever comes next.

Like, keep up with what came immediately before you, and you'll have most of the jokes. Alternatively, base it on social media platform and only confine yourself to the greatest, like, Twitter moments. And you can be conversant from there. Yeah. Last note, I don't think you should care about. anything prior to 1968 or 1969. God, no.

No, I don't. And there's, I have like two real, in life or in football. I have two real critical reasons for that, like actual reasons when somebody goes, I don't know, Red Grange, the greatest running back. Trash. Absolute garbage if you put them on the field today. You know why? It didn't lift weights.

The galloping ghost. Nobody lifted weights before 1969. Nobody. Everybody got faster and everybody got 20 to 30% bigger. And that's before the great corn syrup bomb of the 70s hit. And people started actually like weighing over 300 pounds on the line, right? Like that didn't really creep into college football until like the 80s and like early 90s.

You didn't have 300 pounders on the line. It's not the same game. And it's not even the same like speeds. People got faster. Additionally, a lot of those teams pre 68, they're only used in half the population available. especially in like the SEC, certain parts of the ACC and the Big 12 because they're segregated. So that's that's off the rails too.

You really shouldn't care about it. When anyone makes any kind of like absolute qualitative, like, oh, Doc Glanchard and Glenn Davis of Army, the best one, two running back, garbage, absolute fucking trash. And I just mean that physically. You put them next to anyone. They would be decimated on a like all things equal field. right, because they didn't even eat the same amount of calories.

They didn't lift weights. They're not the same species of human on the football field. They're just not. Yeah, it's like Alexander the Great. It's like, weren't most of the people you were conquering, like, constantly having diarrhea? Are we that impressed? It's basically like, the least poopy army. All right.

Congratulations. A children's history of the world. So here's where you start. This, I've taken all of this, and this is your starting point. president nixon declaring texas national championships champions instead of pen state in 1969 that's your starting point everything before that fuck it that that's your entry into stupid and hate-filled and uh in the case of joe paterno talked a lot of shit about scandals and coverups really to watergate gladly that never been him in the ass let's move on to the next

topic oh sure uh here's a quick one from chuck nasty 757 if the big 10 and SEC declared actual war on each other um sidebar they did uh we saw how that oh wait there's more sorry there's more to the question sorry only using the players on each team oh i get it now who would win uh well the big 10 has more teams so the manpower and they have a much broader geography. But the SEC, the SEC, you know, Big Ten fans hate it when SEC fans cheer for each other during bowl games, even though that doesn't happen as much as I think people want to, or when some SEC school starts the SEC chant.

And what they don't realize is that that's building cohesion for potential military purposes. The minute you put a Michigan State unit next to an Indiana unit, oh, my God, they're just going to fight with each other. There's no, the big 10's going to crumble And then Rutgers comes rolling in With its pants accidentally on backwards And it left its gun at home

And instead it brought a big sandwich full of French fries Jesus Christ Who gave Rutgers a gun? Who gave Rutgers a sandwich? They don't deserve that much. I think Rutgers is like medic or something Actually, you can't even trust him with that They'd be like

Who gave Rutgers a syringe? They'd be like Oh, we got a record. Hey, Johnson and Johnson is right. there you know damn well who gave ruckers a syringe Rutgers how did you give him five legs Rutgers we cured polio what are you doing no no one at Rutgers is like

since they invented football in 1867 no one at Rutgers is actually like you know gone further in medicine than that either right? Wait did you say they invented football or polio both yes they invented both little known fact about Rutgers same day yeah by the way I love the Big Ten's motto like when they're like

SCC fans stop just like gloming on the success of others I'm like the big 10 die alone die alone no friends about all that shit is everybody's exactly the same that's the big secret all college football fans are the same

like all the all this picking nuance stuff you know it's fun it's fun and there's some truth to it but 90% of college of ball fans are exactly the same yes I'm talking to you a big 10 fan you do this shit during ball season two the minute war is declared Maryland is like, hey, for 500 bucks, we'll switch sides.

And there's the Italy of college football. Yeah, for being a bunch of AAU-affiliated universities, they haven't quite figured out yet that all of them banding together to cheer against SEC teams in both season is just the same as cheering for each other. Yeah. We're not so different, you know. I don't have a fucking standardized test, GROC. Jesus.

UPA is just going to go Switzerland. like in the event of the ACC. I mean, is anybody even going to know they're there? You may hide your gold here. No questions asked. They're like one of those countries that you're not really sure in World War II where they were at, like Uruguay.

I like the mountaineers, West Virginia, just bombing in here to try to take over everything. You're not even on ether. Bronco Mendenthal doesn't believe in the extradition treaty either. We hate all y'all. All right. Let's do this one. Why do refs in different conferences call games differently?

Did they adapt to style of play, or did play style adapt to refs? This is from Jordan at Jmb 223.92. This is, I don't actually think this is a thing. I think we've all convinced ourselves this is a thing, but you can go on Twitter on any college football Saturday, patent pending John Boyce, and you can see everybody complaining about insert conference here refs. And nobody really gets as specific as to like, oh, these refs don't call anything or these refs call everything. These refs call too much passenger, too much, like the complaints are all the same.

They don't know what targeting is. They don't know what holding is. How can you call a flag there? You got to throw a flag there. It's exactly the same. I don't think there's any meaningful difference across conferences in how the refs actually call the games. So just from looking online weirdly, I feel like the only conferences that while they will

certainly scream about officiating in a game. Do not disparate their conference refs as a whole. I feel like you hear a lot more about ACC refs, Big 12 refs, and Pac-12 refs than either SEC or Big 10 refs. P.S, the spot was good. Yeah, I think that's accurate. I mean, I feel like SEC refs, there's some complaining too, but Big 10 refs, I mean, they seem pretty satisfied.

I mean, there's like nine plays per game, so how bad could it be? Yeah, you'll see individuals. individual, like individual game complaints, like during, but what I'm saying is the complaints about the officiating from the SEC and the Big Ten seem to me to be largely game specific, whereas in the ACC, Big 12, and especially Pac-12, it's a pandemic. Right. You don't see like hashtag Big Ten riffs. And the SEC and the Big 12 are all, all the theories seem to be formed around like they're protecting the Big Boys. The SEC is protecting Bama. The Big 12's protection.

protecting Texas. The PEC 12, it is kind of just like they're, we all think they're terrible all the time. Protecting Oregon State. Honestly, at this point, the Big 12 could use, Texas could use the protection. I'm fine with Big 12 reps doing whatever they want to nurture those little baby longhorns out of the pen.

A few years ago, I actually broke this down, looked up the penalties per conference per game. Number one is the Sunbelt. Sunbelt is extremely legalistic. Just, you better watch your ass and the Sunbelt. Topping the Power 5 was the Big 12. Everyone out there with Big 12 ref conspiracies. Yes, they were, and the Pac-12 was pretty much tied. ACC and SEC were pretty far down there, along with the Mack and Mountain West. The Big Ten was last with three fewer penalties per game than

the flag-Mad Sunbelt and, of course, Congress USA exactly in the middle because it can never pick aside. So wait, do we posit from here that the Big 12 is still trying to protect Texas and they're just bad at it. There is a possibility of that. I maintain, by the way, the thing the Pact 12 is, Amun Ra, the god that we worship, along with the avatar of the moon

goddess, Emonri, passing through the door, invisible to everybody, but we in the stripes. Like, yeah, like, people go, I don't believe every myth ref, or every ref myth, right? Like, I think the SEC, I think the SEC lets them play for the

most part. They're terrified. And I, you know, like, they're terrified of making a call in a stadium and getting killed. I think that's, let me, that's absolutely true. Riffs do not want to get death threats and they get death threats. It sucks. It's stupid. But it actually happens. So I think they want to make calls as judiciously as possible. I do think big 10 refs are kind of constitutionalists. They're right. We will not intervene. Advantage Michigan State. Like if they could, the free market will aside. Weird, the orphans gave up 48 points again.

Pluto. The Big Ten ref is like the watcher in the Marvel universe. Right. Help me. I cannot. Yeah. Pack 12, although, and I don't believe,

I actually do believe, like if you want to go, what do I actually believe about like ref myths and conspiracy theories? I actually do believe Big 12 refs give Texas more calls. Oh, sure.

I think it's, I think that just, happens. I mean, there's, there's video evidence. Like, there's stuff that's really, really hard to refute. Yeah. And I think, and I think on the whole, actually, like, unlike Texas football, hard to refute. Wow. Wow. Yeah. But I, and I actually do think, like, I actually do think pack 12 reps are completely, like, I don't, I think they're undertrained. I think they're too decentralized. I don't think they have a great budget. And I think that they pull from, I think it's a distance thing like those guys come up from high schools and then they work in a college

system where they're traveling long distances they're real tired when they get to the game they're completely overwhelmed by what they're looking at they're generally like they have the same amount of experience like if you look they're not substantially more or less experience than anyone else they just make weirder calls all the damn time it's all a presentation thing I think pack 12 refs probably do an overall fine job of officiating the game but every but every time they turn on the goddamn microphone. It's like, oh, God, you're definitely the understudy for Professor Harold Hill.

They make it so much worse. Jesus Christ. Yes, we have problems right here in the city by the river. Problems is a word that rhymes with shit. It really doesn't seem that long ago that

Larry Scott was like our Elon Musk. Yeah, spoiler. This is how it's going to go for Elon Sue. Yeah, yeah. Just tune in Tune into a regular person news in about five years. I think of what I was trying to get at is Larry Scott was our Elon Musk as we knew Elon Musk been. And they've both been on kind of Larry Scott is still our Elon Musk, but for today's definition of our Elon Musk. Yeah.

Yeah. I think they are trying to turn Oregon State into a self-driving football program. So it's not going great. That would really save a lot of trouble. I was going to say he's weirdly expensive and he's definitely bleeding somebody else's blood. I love this, though. the Pact 12 officiating gave me my favorite call of all time, which is Glasses Raff in a Cal UVA game,

who he forgets where he is, points the wrong way. This is a fucking Cal UVA game. Why did he know where he is? He points the wrong way when he signals. Like he goes like, first down, and they turn him around. But in the middle of, in the middle of the call, he forgets what the call is. And somebody's like, and you hear in the back,

one of the other judges, like I think the line is going, holding, holding. And it's like, bye. And the guy's like, 78! I told you, he's like an understudy. Just line. Lime. Disappointed!

Yeah. But to be fair, if you were calling Cal UVA, nothing about that would say, oh, I should take this seriously. This is major implications. And if I fuck it up, there will be problems. Listen, if you're watching a cow game, it is pretty hard to tell where the line is. I was going to say, like, Pac-12, where the officiating is always a game of

whose line of scrimmage is it anyway? Boo. Boo. I like it. Jason, please pick another thing. Quick one. Stephen Reinsmith. How problematic is CFB?

Extremely. Very. Next. Sandwich Somalié at Red Dirt Sport is the handle. Why the hell is the one-point safety still around? This is a very vestigial sport is the short answer. We don't really get rid of things. You know, like, see some coaching hires that happen every cycle.

You know, the one-point safety is on the books because who would get rid of such a weird thing? It's also one of those things. Of all the things college football has to, at the end of every year, they're like, all right, well, what do we got to fix? One-point safety is pretty far down the list. Granted, they fix other things that are far down the list to avoid, you know, the big ones and probably dealing with the last question. But they'll get around to the one point safety when they're done, you know, tying labor law in impenetrable nuts. Just to go back, if you're listening to this and you don't, you go, one point safety, y'all are high. No, no, it's real.

We are high. It's real. But, but that's a good example. The one point safety in that bowl game works because Ron Cherry is the rough. If that's Pact 12 ref, everybody's like, you made that shit up, go home. You're crazy old man. Ron Cherry had the authority to handle the situation. Yeah.

Spencer's breaking down the actual rule for us, folks. Let's get some learning. Yeah, because Ron Cherry, by the way, began that rule, the way you should begin all weird, vestigial rules. We have an unusual ruling. We have an unusual ruling on the field. It's like some wild shit. Your doctor says to you, and you're like, oh, Jesus, crazy. is it cancer no but you'll be shocked at what it is that was ron cherry for y'all ain't going to believe this shit

yeah it's like when your x-ray tech goes whoa okay so the the one point safety is a um is done this way if you are on if you are trying to run and and correct me if i correct me if i'm wrong he's going to I'm no no no no no no I have we have an unusual explanation can you guys vamp while he Googles this to make sure he's not messing out no no no no no I will not I will not mess this up so Holly Star Trek is basically if like model United Nations in community theater had a baby and the baby wanted to wear velour track suits I feel like I see I like all those things right you wouldn't like Star Trek though you should skip it Cool. Okay. So, we'll start with the, we'll start with the case study on this, okay? Whoa. Jesus.

The case study, the last. He's so out of his depth right now. Oh, no, no, no. I'm consulting. I'm reading along, making sure with an expert who wrote this named Jason Kirk. It is pretty funny that he's wearing a Florida t-shirt talking about the fewest amount of points you can score at one time. I hate you so much. why did you just shout my name

I assume he has Chris Barnesville Brown like in an earpiece right now telling him what to say because I'm not going to get this wrong because man I could okay so 2013 Fiesta Bowl Kansas State v Oregon okay I'm reading this by the way and hopping along with Jason Kirk

college football expert who wrote this Kansas State v Oregon sounds like an agricultural feud that got to the Supreme Court It does. Kansas State won. Which would have been way more exciting than this actual game. Except for this. Soybeans should be allowed to vote.

So Kansas State blocked an Oregon extra point, right? It's a one point, it's a one point play. Right. And then attempted to run it back. The player who was attempting to run it back was not fast, nor wily, or smart. And he was eventually tackled in the end zone. all right which end zone

in the or in the Kansas state end zone right into which Oregon was kicking yeah yeah toward

the one you are kicking toward just trying to keep it visual the other team's end zone so that resulted normally in two points

right if somebody's tackled in the end zone incorrect this is a conversion attempt so if you're tackled in the other end zone

on a conversion attempt it is a one point play and Ron Cherry hammered it with we have an unusual ruling like he warned people like y'all I'm about

to do something you might not be comfortable with but we're all going to get through it together that's the one point safety we're going to play a new song I feel like he was couching in advance against the notion that everyone was going to think he was making this up he was

and he did a great job yeah no he did he did like instead of saying like, I swear I didn't fuck this up after the fact. He leads with, this is going to sound like I fuck this up. But I promise you in advance, dear listener, I did not. This is some wild shit, and it's not my fault. Yes, that. That's basically it.

That's a lot like if you have a patient die on the table, but not because of anything the doctor did, but because like a giant mythical condor swooped into the window and took him away. Well, to go back, it's how the military had to explain how Brent Spiner died in the events of Independence Day. when they went to find his family. Be like, well, there was an accident. We had an unusual ruling. No, man, Brent Spiner is still alive in the second Independence Day. That's not canon.

All right. Now, by the way, this rule is so rare. How many of them have ever happened? Like three? Something like that. It's not many more than that. If you don't have the answer to this, I swear to God. Two, two.

the one in 2013 and Kansas State, Oregon, in the Fiesta Bowl. And the other one was in 2004 with Texas A&M. And I believe that was the other team. Oh, is it Texas A&M, Texas. Do you want the fun fact? Yes. It was the same announcer on both. I believe it was Todd Blackridge.

Brad Nestler is Brad Nestler, okay. Has it ever happened to the NFL? I do not know. Also, it doesn't matter because the NFL would ban it the minute it happened. Yeah, they can't handle unusual rulings. One point safety, that's going to alien. I mean, the rule exists in the NFL, right?

It's just never happened. That disrespects the troops. A one, it's like a middle finger sticking up. Can't have that. Rishon Golden says hello. All right. I have a question. Great.

Ready to go. If this is about Star Trek, I swear to Christ. No, no, no. This is another one. This is, we're going to vary it up. That was a very technical question. This is also a technical question, but in a different department. This is from Dennis P.D.

Hold on. Holly, I have a new thing I want you to say when people ask if you've watched Star Trek. Okay? It doesn't actually come up a lot. Just go with it here, okay? Say, oh, the Scott Bacula show. what is, I know who Scott Bacula is, but what do I mean by that? So you're technically right.

There is a Scott Bacula Star Trek show, but it will make people crazy. Ooh, okay. Because that's like the, that's like the bootleg Star Trek show, right? I think so. I think it's the one that they were like, ah, we got to make this, or we lose the rights. Who do we get? Get me Bacula. Is he going to do his New Orleans accent?

Probably. Oh, so it's an erotic star. It actually is funny because all the other like Star Trek series have like big classical themes right like and like you know driving sci-fi kind of you know soundtracking music and the Star Trek Enterprise show in their first season had this like Bob Seeger like it's been a long road and we're in space like so much so that you're like is Scott Bacula actually singing this right now and he was. In character. All right. Ask your question. I feel like anyone who is listening to this, who is actually like a big time Star Wars fan

is just like pulling their teeth out with their bare hands. You called it Star Wars. Did I say Star Wars? Yeah. That poor person that I was trying to empathize with. You just stand tag. Jason, are you me tonight? You called the Star Trek nerds Star Wars.

I didn't even meet to. So that poor person, I was trying to reach out to with the force. That's a Star Trek term. That poor person, I just drove them further into their misery. You're a wizard, Harry. You should have done this last week to release it on Star Trek Day. Harry Potter.

That was May the first, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Easily my favorite communist Star Wars character. This is, this is a. this is one that this is slightly current

actually I'm gonna do I'm gonna go switch it up this is from Spencer Willems it's your burner account that's the that's the superior Spencer he's a Missou grad so he knows he's well trained

but you're in Medilgrad I'm a Madilgrad so we are at contra top are we not oh for fuck sake at least you didn't do it in the British accent you didn't see the face he made oh it's been more than 15

minutes. I am free and clear to deploy that whenever I want. I still want to hear Jason do any accent. I'm going to wait. I will read my next one in a, the first British accent that comes to mind. No, here's the thing. Jason, Jason can't do any accent outside the state of Georgia. However, he can do every single Georgia accent by county. If you're like, Camden, County, go. I want to hear what those vowels look like when we put them in the microwave. Y'all want to hear Butts County? Yeah. Yes. Portugal, technically a county in Georgia.

that's amazing it might be shit man we got so many counties i swear to god like once a year i'm like that's not real and yeah no there's a there's a tolliver and italia farrow all right ask your question my question is from spencer willems why is lee corso still on game day he'll be on there uh until he drops that's the answer he'll be on there until he cannot do the show anymore and that is largely a matter of how much as co-workers like this is very serious answer from everything I know, Lee Corso will, in one form or another. You notice they've scaled back his role as he's capable of a little less with age and everything that comes with it. They'll keep him on there as long as they can. And in whatever role they can't. So

he's going to be on there until he is incapable of doing a role there because everyone who works with him loves him that much. And they have to because sentiment has not historically been a big, huge part of this network's decision-making process. So you know it has to be, it has to be not only a large volume of affection, but one with many sources. Yeah. It's not just, it's not just one person keeping them on that show. No, because I don't think any one person, no matter who it was, could keep anyone else

on that show. Yeah. They'd also have to, if they took Corso off the show, they pretty much have to get rid of, at least for a while, the whole put the mascots head on thing, right? Yeah, no, they lose their... And that's their caper. Like, how do you end game day if you don't do that? They lose the climax of the show, right?

They lose like, yeah. So, I mean, until he can't do that, they'll keep him on the show. That is the actual answer for why he is still on game day. And by that, we mean, wear a hat, so... But a big hat. I mean, he can probably wear a hat for a long, long time. Yeah. So we're good.

Dad will never leave us. John Cheadle at J. Chay, one, two, three. Will Jimbo Fisher actually be good at A&M? So we're going to circle all the way back. He better be. Jason said that 95% of college football fans are all the same. Jason is right. In one way, the applicable way here,

it's that everybody has the same stupid expectations. All of us come into every season, especially if you root for a power five team. If you root for a group of five team, it's probably a little different. But let's just say we're just talking about power fives and maybe a couple year-to-year group of fives. All have the same expectations, if not this year, within the next five. And that is that your team will make the college football playoff,

play for a national championship, and hopefully win a national championship. Right? Is there any fan base that we can say with confidence that that is not the five-year, expectation for their program that's it that that that within that Texas A&M the layaway plan that they put those hopes on is just a little bit more expensive but but that's where we're all at so it will Jimbo Fisher actually be good it depends if your expectation is play for a national championship and win it chances are not

great and that's not because of Jimbo Fisher and that's not because of A&M it's because this is a huge fucking sport, and hardly anybody gets to play for it. If you compare it to any of the pro sports, if you compare it to the other major college sports, the ratio of teams vying for a national championship and teams that actually get the opportunity to play for one in the playoff structure, it's crazy out of balance. Like half the NBA makes the playoffs. Most of them aren't going to make it there. Almost 70 college basketball teams make the tournament. They know most of them aren't going to make even the Sweet 16, but they all have technically a mathematical chance to get there. Most college football teams not going to happen. Some of those Penn State teams

that may have had what we may look back and say, that was the greatest player, Sequin Barclay in Penn State history. They may look back and say, Mike Asicki, one of the greatest tight ends, you know, we can go down the list here. And we just may say they didn't get a chance to play for a national championship. That's just how the system works. other any other system of this it would have they would have had a chance to play right and you know you can have look at pick a team you know look at blank you can have it takes so much more beyond having the best team playing at the top of their game there are so many other things that happen to each team that are completely and totally the fuck out of your control every single season

it takes so much luck on top of so much preparation on top of so much execution all of it writing on the backs of a bunch of very young athletes. And there's a reason people say it's hard to go undefeated, and it's not coach-speak. It's because so much of what has to bounce your way is never going to be in your control. Yeah. Let me also put you in context here. Since 1999, how many double-digit win seasons has Texas A&M had under various management with multiple circumstances? and two different conferences since 1999.

How many double-digit wins seasons have they had? Kevin Sommelin had one. That's it. That's it. Yeah, 2012, they had 11. So your goal, you know, your realistic goal, in light of everything presented here is if you're A&M, you're in a very hard division.

You know, say you win eight or nine games a year and every five years or so, you win a really big bowl. That's pretty good, right? You could probably stick around as a coach for a long time pulling off that kind of record. No, you're fired. Nope. Get your ass out. It's just impossible.

And that's why we're all crazy, because this is the cycle we all go through. Every hire that's made, every rebuild that happens, it's all with that shiny, shimmering ring that we're all trying to grab. And it's just, the mathematics of it do not work out, not even slightly. Sorry. So, no, Jimbo Fisher. you're going to second A&M and you're going to regret hiring him. I mean, the bet... He is going to remain the richest man in history named Jimbo.

But again, but again, remember, he didn't take the job for the money. That's a thing that he actually said. God, he's a great, he's a great liar. I'll say Jimbo Fisher, top-notch liar. You know who don't... You know who don't care about that record, though? In the grand scheme of things? Because the money's guaranteed Jimbo Fisher.

What you were going to say, Judge Amale. Bank of America. doesn't care because he's damn and thrilled yeah that's it also by the way a little detail there um Texas A&M doesn't stand a chance unless Jimbo Fisher pretty much puts a fence around Houston if he doesn't recruit well out of Houston and they don't do what uh what what like the mythical like A&M it's always like man they got to get Houston after that you know get a little bit you're good no no one's ever done that I think they should try putting a fence around Tuscaloosa just see if you can like him in Bama's bus you know damn it we can't

recruit. Like if Bama, if Bama never leaves campus, you're, hey, that's a W right there. Jimbo. Hey,

Jimbo's out there in a tree stand with a gun. You probably don't want to go down the road. Just saying. Jimbo's too fancy to get in a tree stand. He didn't get out of like ATB, right? He didn't go a little like Bobcat. Jimbo's got hired help to hire help to get in a tree stand.

Jimbo's shooters have shooters, have shooters. All right. Let's let's switch things. Let's switch pain directions. This is from Kevin Sabare, Jr. at Naive Berserk. What Texas still have lost, even if Colt didn't get hurt. I want to start with a fact that has nothing to do with anything.

Do you know who did the national anthem at this national championship game? Pit bull. Incorrect. We're talking 2011? This is the 2010 game. 2010? Oh, man. Played in the Rose Bowl.

In the Rose Bowl. I'm trying to remember because it's like, I have it. Oh, good. No, go ahead. It's a pairing. Josh Groban and Flea. And Flea. What the fuck?

Yep. What in the hell? Flea play trumpet, right? I was going to say Flea doing what? I don't know. It was flea. Weirdly playing a selection of Yo-Yo Ma. It was flea on trumpet.

I remember this. that if you say that you were joking no no he's he's an accomplished trumpet also also they had they had audra mcdonald perform america the beautiful beforehand which fucking assholes let her sing the national anthem fuck josh groban um i have got jokes and is a michigan man ugh he'll he means he he can tell the jokes and then he'll explain them with diagrams afterwards love him um i have a question it's uh At Michael J. Alton. We're not even going to answer you asshole.

No, what? What, you want to actually answer that one? Presented, they presented an ultimate reality in which the tide lose and Spencer just couldn't even comprehend it. Exactly. No, I mean, I think that's the answer. What you want us to say that they beat Alabama? Hell no. How is that supposed to comfort you now?

No. No, no, you're not, no. It's not happening. And what happens if he says, yes, do you feel better? Yeah. St. Phelan's ball. Either way, Josh Grobitts at the National Anthem.

And you didn't say... Would Mac Brown still be there with two titles? God. No. Oh, God, you're going to have to spray it in one of his balls. I'm so glad you said that, Holly. Well, oh, God. I've learned how to spore, so...

Mac, Mac out here leaving... That was the most upsetting thing. Mac leaving a late game at BYU to catch a flight. But he's the coach. that would have still happen that's still canon I've got a brunch reservation I think everybody

everybody I got to go I think Dwayne Aquina has this locked up he's a good coach so yeah I don't think you win that's how silly I find this question no Colt gets hurt in the next play you're like what if he doesn't get hurt

in that play he gets hurt on the next one or something worse happens yeah or worse like he plays for the Browns good I kind of like that answer. Like, yeah, that sort of resolved it nicely. He would have gotten hurt at some point.

Colt McCoy was already hurt going into that game. You think so, this is my favorite thing people do at the end of a season. They're like, well, we got hurt in that game. No, no, they're all hurt. By the time the season adds up, if somebody leaves a game, they're like, well, you know, he got injured. This is a game where Dennis Dixon played on a torn ACL and then tore it the next game. right he didn't actually tear at Oregon's like beautiful quarterback who this game struck down because it takes the most beautiful players and mangles them with contact

Dennis Dixon tore his ACL at least the game before before he ever got in so people are like man Colt wasn't hurt Colt was hurt going into that game also Colt McCoy was 36 I feel like we can talk about that now that's true that's true case was the young and in the family case was only like 34 when he played at Texas. All right. Sorry. You had another one

you wanted to talk about. I did. I did. And I think it's a real simple one. This is like an X's and O's one, you can explain over the radio. And who doesn't love that?

X's and O's explained over a speaker. Podcast is a visual medium. This is, this is from at Michael J. Altman, who's in Tuscaloosa. Rolls at. How does the triple option work? So Holly,

The other thing about Star Trek is that the suits that they wear, you inevitably are going to ask the question, like, how do you poop in that? Because they're kind of like wearing formal wetsuits the whole time. Actually, my question was, it's a track suit, but it's not like a full zip or quarter zip even? It doesn't. I mean, it's hard to tell. I think, like, some of, here's the fucked up thing. If memory serves, what the men wear is sort of a separate pants top situation,

but the women, it's all like a big one thing. thing and it's like yo lady's got a space poop too oh rompers are in right now though we're used to that bullshit of having to strip to the waist in like public bathrooms here's the other great thing about star trek so they're in space right and you're like oh my god oh wait wait wait back up street says everything do you know that half the fucking episodes take place on this bullshit called the holodeck which is again community theater they're just like let's be sherlock holmes today motherfucker you don't have real work to do sorry

Spencer go ahead so he hasn't been Googling he's just sitting here seething I'm just waiting you started this this is an easy explanation okay

because the triple option no matter how you're doing it right you're basically trying to get two people right on offense one with the ball and one who could potentially get the ball

on one guy that's all you're doing that's really all you're doing right you're basically starting with a middle run usually right i can give it to this guy who's going to run right up the middle that means the guy in the middle has to pretend to tackle him right or at least pay attention to him and then if everybody blocks the person they're supposed to right with my five linemen and my four down defensive lineman right i should end up in a situation where if everyone blocks it no matter what my formation is i should end up with a

a two-on-one situation where I either keep the ball, fake it, and then try to keep, or I pitch. And if I pitch, it should be to a really fast guy who's going to get around the corner and score a touchdown. That's it. You're just trying to get people to make the right tackle and play the assignment that they are given. So the triple option is all of the traps, rather, that Kevin McAllister sets up in home alone. They're very much, they're precision based on you'll be here at a certain time and then this thing will happen and it will hit you right in the nuts and you'll burn your hand, et cetera, et cetera.

And when it works, it's really fucking fun to watch because nobody, you know, people just aren't where they need to be. You get big plays out of it and it's very, there's this imbalance that's fun to it in the same way that Kevin McAllister destroying the wet bandits is fun because it's like, hey, you're not even throwing the ball. you're making us look very stupid. The problem comes because lots of college football defenses can do the thing that the wet bandits didn't, which is just throw a Molotov cocktail into the house and burn it down with the child inside.

For once, how is your metaphor more elaborate than mine? I don't know. I'm pretty tired. That never happens, Ben. I mean, you're right, but that never happens. I bet Will Greer throws a hell of a Molotov cocktail.