Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast Live in Atlanta

Episode Date: September 7, 2018

You would think the three of us being in the same physical space, recording our show with the assistance of actual experts in the field, would mean this is the crispest, best sounding Fullcast episode ever. WRONG. One of our colleagues told us it sounds "like the Allied invasion of Germany." We have no plausible explanation for this, but we had a very good time with those of you who came out to the show and if you have the ear strength to muscle through, we think those of you who couldn't might enjoy this episode as well. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So you've decided to download the shutdown fullcast live show, and you're probably thinking this is going to be different. The audio is going to be good because Ryan and Spencer and Jason are all in the same place, so there's no weird Wi-Fi thing to blame, and they did it at a theater with professionals, so there's not their own ineptitude to blame. And these are totally reasonable expectations, and I'm here to tell you, that they are totally wrong. Because the shutdown fullcast is cursed by a powerful audio haint, there is nothing that we can't fuck up. And if you don't believe me, I'm just going to give you five seconds of sample audio

from the live show right here. Not even just like a little sort of tug. We mean full-on moon exposed to the world, cheeks, the whole ghastly thing. So yeah, that's what the whole thing sounds like. This one isn't even our fault somehow, miraculously. I don't know what happened. I don't know why it's like this.

It's extremely on-brand, thank God. That's the only thing we have going for us at this point. But this is your warning. It's an audio nightmare. It gets loud at points. You're going to hear one part where it sounds like the podcast has been thrown into a washing machine on a couple of occasions. That's our colleague, Bud Elliott. walking across the stage with a leaf blower, a thing we did ask him to do. So I guess that part

is our fault. Other than that, yeah, man, I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry we're like this. We can't change. If you did come to the live show, thank you very much. It was really awesome to meet so many of you and have a really good time. I think other than the fact that the audio is just horrid. This was way, way better than we had any right for you. expectation of it being. And that's largely thanks to those of you that showed up and showed out and drank appropriate to borderline inappropriate amounts, but we love you for it. Oh, one more thing just for context here since you can't see it. Spencer, Jason, and I were all

on stage together. Holly was present, but nobody knew where she was. We do want to know that that's not actually what the show sounded like in person. It was completely listenable and hopefully enjoyable. I know. Weird, right? Welcome to the only college football podcast. The Shutdown Falkast Live. Also, welcome, everybody. Welcome to our Notre Dame. Do we have a Notre Dame fan in here?

No. No? That guy who said no, is the Notre Dame fan? He's a cop. If he offers to sell you weed, don't buy it. And I went to Florida, so I know what I'm talking about. I mean, you can buy it. It's just Clovers.

Some of the cops at Florida that sell you weed are just selling you weed. The free market makes no mistakes, Ryan. If it's in the evidence room, it's evidence that capitalism works, works and I should take it to the streets. Go Gators. Now it's time for a special ceremony. Mr. Cushing, the floor is yours. Thank you. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the University of Pittsburgh Panthers. One program, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice and an ice cold glass of orange city light beer for all aliens. And I pledge allegiance that the University of Pittsburgh Benters will always be in the college football playoff.

Whether they are four and eight, five and seven, or under freaking feeder with an ice cold smudge iron sketchup right across their chest. Thank you for coming downtown and that. Enjoy the show. Put it in! Put it in! Put it in! Put it in! All right, keep doing a stupid podcast. Boy, I'd like to thank the two Pitt fans for doing what Pitt has never done

by showing up to the right place at the right time. Buddy, that's no way to talk about Birmingham. They spent money to come to this show. They're not at the right place at the right time. That's correct. This is the Dave Wanstead of podcast. Nobody knows why it's still around. I think we'd like to welcome you all to our fair city if you are not Atlanta residents.

In other words, if you, I don't know, if you live in Marietta and you're like, yo, I'll live in Atlanta. Just an entire like constellation of people. They're all in that scene in office space where they're like banging ghetto boys and then they roll the window up, right? Yeah, I'm from ATU. I'm actually from Marietta. So, real quick, I know Chile did a bit of this, but we're going to do a little bit more roll call, all right? Yeah. Where my Georgia Bulldogs at tonight?

Oh, my God. Did y'all miss tea time for this? Thanks for coming out. Willow Jackets, where are you at? This is where I'm a sleeper cell for Georgia Tech because I have a master's degree, so you guys did that and, like, you know, something in me just, like, woke up. Was anybody at Georgia State stating him last night?

Woo! That's a, it was the Deep South's oldest rivalry. Deep South's oldest rivalry. Jordan State. Gentlemen, can we please refer? You're just talking everything, the deep south oldest rivalry. It'll be like, Barcelona versus Real Madrid, the deep south's oldest rivalry. Sorry, please refer to this rivalry by its Christian name, the Hope Scholarship Hallership.

Hey, unlike the SEC East, at least we got hope. God damn you, Jason. Sorry, wherever you are. I wore owl shoes. She's right behind me, isn't she? So we planned on, obviously, Harry and I, we made a Popeye's bet as the world's foremost fans of the Commuter Cup, the Battle of Cumberland Mall.

Pause. Pause. I think it's pause versus clause. Talons. Talons. Talons. I was going to cash up with his meows, owls, meowing hassle. Rolls off its own. I'm going to ice my shoulder. I'll be back in a little bit. I was planning on, I owed Harry, Popeye's bet.

You know, that's our form of currency around here. They'll sponsor us someday, I'm sure. I was going to cash out Harry Make good on that live on stage But I forgot how to do it So I'll do it later I'll do it later Harry I'll do it later Harry

I'll do it later Godfrey knows I always pay out my bets Right Actually Godfrey owes me So Yeah but Anyway KSU Owls

Where are you at? Yeah Georgia Southern Woo Yeah Yeah Let the record show dead center on the 50 yard line yeah let me tell you what that man that man's

been to jail for having a good time that's the virtue of Statesboro education I mean in Statesboro so has Cuevo yeah right yeah that's that's that's what happens when you go to Statesboro then you do two things all right actually three things there's just like like triple option is yeah there's a triple option you diet as gnats easily they're high in protein though so they're big strapping boys you you get arrested for having a good time okay like why were you driving a boat on someone's lawn which is grass and not water you know because I feel good yeah and the third thing is we get to joke at you about arresting rappers you

shouldn't arrest that's that statesboro so if you move for a school that is out of the state of Georgia. Here's what I want. On the count of three, I want your school cheer all at once. Whether it's roll tide, go balls, fight on, hook them, whatever it is, all at once, all right? We're going somewhere with this. All right? One, two, three. Stanford fans don't need a chair Stanford fans where are you at right there beat Iowa

the shirt says beat Iowa what does that even mean it's in the past tense it's a historically accurate church sir your shirts would say have beaten Iowa did beat Iowa. So the reason we say that is you're in the great city of Atlanta, Georgia tonight. The melting pot of the melting pot. Spencer talked to him. Oh yeah, no, we got it all here in Atlanta, okay? We've got... Every kind of racist you can imagine.

Exactly, all of them. Just, yeah. That's the voice of gone, so... We also have pretty much... have pretty much every kind of restaurant that you could possibly want. We have Zaxbyes. We have Popeyes. We have churches. Shut up. Shut up.

You should all be ashamed of yourselves. In this house, we eat churches. Yeah. And crispy crunchy, which is my favorite. Because if you're drunk at the gas station, the entire franchise is predicated on the assumption

that drunk people will be going into gas stations and go, Oh yeah, fried chicken. Hell yeah. It's in a gas station, but I need to learn to trust. And we have the most important things for college football. We are, of course, the only thing for miles around. That helps.

Everybody's got to come here to get a job, right? You're not going to go to Nashville. I mean, you're not going to go to Charlotte. You're not wallpaper. You're a wallpaper with an MBA. That's right. How would you describe your personality? I live in Charlotte.

All right, bye. You know? You're not going to, and you're not going to move to Florida. I mean, please. We both lived in, like, the Tampa Bay area. Yeah, you're not going there. All right. You don't vape enough.

You got to be serious about that vape life. Because I don't know if you saw, by the way, but the University of South Florida made a bull. All right, that's their mascot, that's fair, that's fine. It's got red glowing eyes. Okay, that's cool, that's cool. If you watch the video that, like, I post. Yeah, it's a vaping bull.

They're like, ooh, it sends smoke out of its nostrils. You're like, no. That's the world's biggest vape pen, and I don't know where you want to put your mouth. Like, what end of it, yeah. It seems like poor design. That's better than the old mascot, which was a bull faking a back injury to get pain medicine.

Don't talk about my dad like that. He's been through some things. But we also have the most important thing for college football, being in the middle of everything. Of course, being underserved by pro sports for the better part of a century. And that includes having a team now, because there is an NFL team here. And again, like Charlotte, you're not going there. You're not doing that. It's about soccer.

Yes. This is a college football in Soccer Town, and then there's this really ineffective group therapy session called the Atlanta Falcons that happens here. Did you know that the Falcons? I believe, by the way, our boss, Elena Bergeron is here and made a charitable donation in the form of how much? $283 to a charity. Does that number mean any? I'm not aware that that number means anything. Yeah.

Oh, and we also have ample parking. Most important thing about Atlanta, we have ample parking. And you know, the college football playoff, college football with fame, national title game, so on and so forth. HBCU National Championship every year. If you are from an SEC, ACC Big Ten school, your biggest out-of-state alumni base is probably. base is probably right here so this is college football town America we would

have picked nowhere else to start off hopefully a series of live shows if they don't fire us after this you never know but hey we're excited to be here man yeah also thank you for coming out to the rich theater here I'm just gonna call it the rich theater because you know only rich folks in my mentions and you're here so thank you all for that it is I know I know this is probably the best tribute to what the full cast is that you are going to this extremely stupid podcast in the middle of the arts center and I think that might be hard to explain to the lay person right because because like here's your sports like college

sports right like whew beer inequality bullshit in animals. Some people who enjoy the inequality without beer, though. Yeah, that's true. It's an advantage, right? And then over here is art, and, like, the two really don't meet very often, so

I thought we would probably explain why we're in an art museum and what is going on here, but we needed somebody who's a way, I don't know, some of more gravitas. Way more graffitas, not my voice, that's for sure. Yeah. Let's get our special friend Wright Thompson.

Wright Thompson of ESPN is in the building. I'm warning you. I'm warning you just get out of the fucking way. This is Wright, Thompson. Welcome tonight to the Woodruff Arts Center. Across the courtyard is the high museum of art. where there's still time to catch an exhibit on American icon, Winnie the Pooh Bam. And his best friend, Piglet.

Right, take your hat off inside, you fucking ingrate. Thank you, Wright. There you go. You take that baby fedora back to Statesboro and burn it. Because, yeah, no, take it back to Athens and burn it. Just burn it, okay? We're going to do something kind of wild for the full cast. We're going to talk about college football. All right.

Okay, cool. Let's audible do 90 minutes of kitchen disasters. Sure. You idiots, the number one rule of the full cast is we never give you what you want. We're doing college football. Hang on, hang on. Do you have any kitchen disasters? Don't go down this.

Come on. No. Come on. Can we make it to 8 o'clock without going way off track? No. Why did I ask? All right. So I thought we would start by, to me, the great thing about college football is it is so old,

and every team has had. such a crazy arc that every team has its moment where it has shown its ass the most. Yeah, and we're talking like not a cheek peek. No. Okay, we're not talking about like a little quarter moon up, you know, like exposed at like the, where the buttock meets the leg. No, not that, right? Not even just like a little sort of tug. We mean full on moon exposed to the world, cheeks, the whole ghastly thing, all out there at one point in your team's history.

El Asico. Yeah. El Asico, yeah. In the case of Florida, we've been porky piggin' it for a good bit here. Yeah, you know when you go to Burning Man and like, you know, they're like, you could shirtcock it. You're like, what's shirt cock? You're like, yeah, there's always like tech pros out there with just a shirt and no pants

on. That's Florida. We're just disrupted. I look like a medieval night. It's cool. Also I have a sword. so we're going to go through the top 10 teams all time by win percentage and we're taking out all the NCAA bullshit where they take your wins away

because we're all right and we're going to go through in our opinion your team's most ash-shell and moments on the field because oh my god we can't do the off-the-field party Jesus Christ all right we're going to start with Nebraska The year. Are you in Nebraska fan? You know what I just said we're going to talk about, right?

Some people like attention. Right. Is Scott Frost so exciting that Nebraska is on the line? Real quick, real quick. You're so bad that the governor is named tomorrow in the Grasca, Scott Frost Day. Oh, my God. Before he... What if you lose us to Akron?

I know. That is some Texas A&S shit! Some holidays are bad, Guy Fox Day isn't like, yeah, he won! It's fine! Real quick, real quick, Harry and Morgan are keeping score tonight. We're going to find out which school wins. You might have a question, what's the scoring system? Yep.

The answers are in their heads, okay? So the scoring is entirely up to y'all. is entirely up to y'all um but i think nebraska georgia southern are doing pretty well tonight uh do you have a do you have an update of any sort uh kenslaw steak is actually currently winnie well that'll hold but seriously it's scott frost day tomorrow in nebraska yeah the governor named it's horrible i think we'll name our second kid tim We've been on one date.

Too late, it wasn't designated in our speech. Get ready to drink it. Jonesboro also had great attendance records. All right, I'm going to start with Nebraska. The year is 2012. It's the Big Ten championship. Nebraska is somewhat new to the conference at this point. And if you go back in time, you remember, Nebraska leaves the Big 12.

I think they're in the championship game the last year that they're there. I'm not aware of that game. Okay. They go to the Big Ten. Now, this is when we're under the old leaders and legends, dungeons and dragons bullshit. All right? Orcs in this division. Yes.

Clerics in the left. By the way, who's going to Dragon Khan this weekend? Okay. Okay. Yeah. those are the people having more sex I love all of you but they are no they are getting it in yeah so Nebraska goes 10 and 2 in the regular season very solid year four double-digit comebacks in the second half their opponent first in

the other division I did not bother to look up what it was called at this point Ohio State it's 2012 what is Ohio State doing in 2012 Spencer no they're not They're not. They are self-flagellating. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they decided to go ahead, right, and punish themselves. That was 2011. I'm sorry.

211 is the self-flagellation where they decide we will bravely not take a bowl ban and instead play in the Tax-Layer Bowl. The Tax-Flayer Bowl. That's right. Where they lost. So now... No, no, no. Who did they lose, too?

Will must champ. I have also lost it well must champ. We've all lost it, yeah. Ohio State is ruled bowl and eligible. That means they can't play in the conference championship. Let's slide it on to number two. Penn State. Yeah.

Also, bowling eligible. That means Nebraska is facing the third place team from the other division. That's Wisconsin, who at this point is 7 and 5. It's a solid five. Wisconsin? That was planned. Can you grab me one too? That was a spot-on impression of Nebraska's defense.

Because Wisconsin won this game 70 to 31, an average 10.8 yards per rush becoming the first five-lost team to go to the Rolls Bowl. All right, all right, let's talk about Florida State next. Which Florida State game do you think I'm going to pick is the most ass-shown. Oh, there's a menu. Thank you, Lawn Charrazzar, Bud Elliott.

Give it up a Bud Elliot. Bud majored in small appliances, of Florida. What embarrassing, what Florida State embarrassment do you think I'm going to talk about? It's so cold. It is cold. Wake Forest is the game you think I'm going to talk about. But I'm talking about a different Wake Forest game.

2006 is the game. They lose at home. Shut out for the first time at home. But Wake was the number 19 team in the nation. They were 8 and 1 coming into that game. FSU is 5 and 4. for Wake wound up winning the ACC. A thing Miami still has not done.

Let's jump to 2007. Revenge on the road. Wrong. Wake wins nine games. And technically FSU wins this game. No. This game is overturned. So, I'm sorry.

Technically, FSU loses this game. But that was going to happen no matter what, because this is the season they have to forfeit all of their wins and lose to Kentucky in a bowl game. With how many players suited up for that bowl game? Like three. Yeah, yeah. They were playing a robust zone defense of three men.

Which, for any Kentucky fan, not having enough defenders on the field is kind of a tradition, so. I didn't do that. Kentucky did that. That many players not suiting up for Florida State. That's a lot of unused game equipment. I mean, I'm talking about that's a lot of free shoes. Sometimes you scare me.

So we're going to go to 2008. Flores State has now lost to Wake Forest twice in a row. They are back at home. Yeah, yeah. So Indo Campbell Stadium, twice in a row. You scored three points at home, and you lost 12 to 3. To Wake Forest to complete this, the saddest trilogy. That's it.

Including the prequels? They do have an outstanding film program in Florida State. Yeah. Mom? Yeah? Yes. Guys, it's ad read time. Oh, that's where that is.

Okay. Can I do this cheese? Cheez-in is right. It's actually, it's funny you should mention that, rude lady. No, I'm not. I'm blake. This episode of the Shutdown Fullcast is brought to you by Jizitz, the cheddar-flavored communion wafer.

Jesus, a Christian alternative to Cheez-Its. Back to you, boys. not like that a whore chicken and a biscuit I think I'm going to take Texas because Texas is a massive super successful

football program historically speaking but they've shown their ass what about this massive they're massive they have a lot of both the huge ass and football team I think Texas shows so much ass it's because of the chaps

Yeah. And also, too, remember in Texas, it just has to be large. They're like, is it good? They're like, no, it's huge, man, it's great. It's awesome. You're never getting this goiter drain. Roll damn goiter. So I have to do Texas, but in order to properly do Texas, I think you have to get in the mode, and you have to do, I think, Texas's most prominent face over the past 20 years. That would be Coach Mack Brown. So a moment while I, because like Mac Brown, I'm actually a Tennessee and who just fakes Texan. All right, everybody. I'm here to explain a few things about Texas football. Also, well, kind of sounding like George W. Bush, but just go ahead and let that slide.

He's a fine man. And a long horn. He's not actually a long horn. Texas has had some shameful moments in history. Most of them did not involve Mac Brown. 50 to 7 versus TCU in 2015, not Mac Brown. You might think losing to Iowa State, no shame in that. In 2015 was bad.

You know who was behind that? Not Mac Brown. 38 to 3 against Notre Dame. Another fine football team. But you shouldn't lose 38 to 3 to anyone. You know what? You can call me a turkey because that's three not Mac Browns in a row. bowling them, all right?

24-21 to Kansas in 2016. Can I ask the crowd, how many wins does Kansas have under fine coach David Beatty? Three. How many did Texas, how many wins did Texas give them? One, gave them 33% of his total wins

in one night. They're pirates. Losing to a good B1, You team in 2013 by score 4120 in Provo? There's no shame in that. We did a great job to hold Taysam Hill. He's a fine quarterback to just 129 yards passing. You might ask what was Russian yards.

You can ask whatever you want, you son of a bitch. Show yourselves, cowards. Giving up 60 points to Oklahoma? Everybody does that. But the worst loss in the history of Texas football far. Well, that would come in 1997 when we gave up 66 points. I say, we, wasn't Mike Brown. They, they, they, they, they. They gave up 66 points to UCLA. And how many turnovers did they commit? Did they commit five? No, no, no. Listener, did they commit six?

No, no, no. They did not. I want everyone in Texas to applaud because they gave up a Texas-sized Eight turnovers. A good team, a good team might just give up five, but no, a Texas team fights hard and pushes through and gives up a whopping Ocho, because we're bilingual. In Texas, a six-pack has eight bears in it. That's more, and more is better. My favorite part of this game, if I had to discuss it, a couple of notes, in addition to eight turnovers, a quote from Bob Toledo, We came out for the second half and they were just gone. Just got just gone. The University of Texas Langaleers.

Just gone. That's a fantastic story by a good friend, Stephen King, also a longhorn. He's not. My favorite detail is that down 45-0 with the team giving up completely and James Brown trying to come back on the field with a concussion. We did have a quarterback named James Brown and George in the team. never did. Georgia sucks so bad for so many reasons. Never had one name James Brown because she didn't let them into the university. Oh, boy, that was refreshing. But my favorite note, my favorite note on this is this, that down 45-0 and in the red zone, with fourth

and three, what did they decide to do? They kicked a field goal. And the comeback began. No, no. They still lost 663, and I think the most important thing to remember, the most important thing to remember in all this is that it was not Mac Bram. Thank you. That's a real seven and five eight steps in right there, so don't put that on a water, maine. So, so Mac's got to lead, he's got to catch a flight. Y'all can keep the podcast going without me. It'll be fine.

USC. Do we have any USC fans? And I mean Southern California. We're not going to do it. No. Yeah, no. That's amazing. That's like Uber for beer. That's fantastic.

What if you made Uber for drugs? I bet no one's ever thought. I was so sure that was his parole officer. His middle name is Earl. All right. Let's do USC. We all get it together. We're working on it.

Brian Floyd is here. The anchor, I think the heart of the full cast, the soul of the forecast, our wisdom, our conscience, Brian Floyd. I bring that up because we're going to talk about. 2013 when USC lost at home to Wazoo. Now, losing to Wazoo is a feisty team. They beat teams they're not supposed to be. I think you say feisty like their cholera. Comes out of nowhere.

If I told you there was a cholera outbreak in Washington State, remote parts. You'd be like, yeah, cool. It would be like, oh, we got to quarantine it. Done. All right, what's the most important part of treating color? You've got to stay hydrated. Well, Pullman will be fine. All right, so in 2013, these are the point totals Wazoo allowed in their other Pact 12 games.

I'm going to run them off quickly. 55, 22, 52, 62, 55, 17, 37, 37, 27, how many points did USC score in this game? seven those of you who said 17 have named the total number of points scored in this game a 10 to 7 loss and I maintain

that USC fired Lane Kiffin on that tarmac so that you would forget this game happens oh wait I'm sorry All right, I also have to do a quick coachill poetry session for this. You're going to see how much this hurts him. I once had a boss man named Lane whose leadership proved quite a pain.

So he fired his dad, but his team was still bad. Now he has a new syphilist strain. my parents don't call and then about 25 snakes came out does that mean lame gibbons penis is that place where they kept the Ark of the Covenant

Ryan you know in a sentence just like turns left at the first syllable. Ryan, we brought you a crate for this show specifically so we could instruct you to get back in the box. Now I'm not allowed to talk about Lane Chiven's fetus. Boss, get in there, get in your crate. Boss, you can't talk about Lane Kiffin's dick.

Your mission was not to exfultrate Wayne Kivin's dick. Wait, what if I catch this in a like, 3,000 word journalistic entry about how Lane Kiffin's penis is choosing to live life a different way. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. I think... I'm sorry, it's time for another ad read. I'm not sorry at all. I don't actually know what that feeling is. Tonight's episode of the shutdown forecast is brought to you by Hoover Tactical Mattresses.

A true classic never goes out of style, and neither does our Jade Helm, the term. California King model. It unzips end-to-end that can fit years worth of currency, firearms, and astronaut ice cream right inside. Hoover Tactical mattresses. Bring your ground game. Two things. One, I'm interested. Two, we don't actually know what's coming when those happen. We don't. We know about the first one. We didn't know about that one. We still like to, though. I'm... None shall know the hour fuckos. I like that we were trying to cut down the profanity, and we're on like, like, 12 fucks.

What are you talking about? Wait, well, what? Yeah. I mean. Well, wait, no, what? Nothing, Mom. Fuck it. Yeah. I'm like, tell me nothing.

Burn me sooner. Where are you at? I'll be goddamned. Holy shit. They're all headed west of California. We're clear. Harry, Morgan, can you mark that Oklahoma is losing tonight? I mean, they are playing in SEC country, so...

I like that we have to... I like that we're taking the straw man of this. Like, you know, at last we can talk shit about those triumphant, powerful overlords in Oklahoma! Oh, please, not Oklahoma. anything but Oklahoma they got a musical this was for Nebraska guy so oh you 2004 all right you got 11 upcoming draft picks on the roster you got four future head coaches just at the coordinator positions and yes I'm counting Brent Venables as a future head coach sorry Clemson fans but you're gonna

have to let go of that guy at some point I mean that's why they have get back coach right they got literally pull Adam's mom just pulling it back stay just stuff in another million dollars in his khakis yeah again

I'm listening dabbo's like this guy makes seven million dollars that's more than me that's fine that's fine pay him whatever he needs it's fine I mean you got you got Brent Venables and Bo Polini

are your defensive coordinators that's amazing you have dominated the big 12 you are one of of quite a few undefeated teams USC

number one a couple other teams I think I heard one any Utah fans here we can finally talk shit about Utah thank God rip the BYU you tattoo on my chest

if Utah's not here we must be a mid-major show because Utah is a Power 5 program. Power 5 program. They're in the P5. You might not heard about it. Power 5. BYU's not.

Oklahoma. Number two, BCS title game. Highly coveted spot. A lot of deserving teams, probably the most we ever had in the BCS era. And they got the shirt kicked out of them by USC. In the game that didn't even count. Got the shit kicked out of you for no reason. if you know reason that's amazing what the result of that pummeling was

Auburn fans saying I'm pretty sure we could have come within say 40 points right as the SEC brand began basically that night right two years we invented that I like that that's barely a complete sentence then what because most of the answers are bad being a good father

yeah working on your marriage hell yeah holding down a job mm-hmm counterpoint it just means more it just means more

hey buddy It just means one. Maybe think about that. This is the blondeo has electrolytes discussion of football. So, for the next two years, the SEC, it just keeps building the strength of schedule brand, which the Florida Gators take full advantage of in 2006. The night the SEC chant is born. Check the footage. And has never stopped ever since. For all that, we have to blame the Oklahoma Sooners.

For completely wasting a spot in the BCS title game. Showing every bit of their ass. And then they played the fight song anyway. Yeah, thanks, Oklahoma. By the way, I have to say this about Auburn fans, that when they do show up, when you eventually do show up for a national title game, they really do, like, they were making up for it, right? And they were like, we were snubbed.

We're going to show up. we're going to go in the desert, and we're going to watch Oregon somehow lose this game. Oregon just spit the bit so hard in that game, but there was a guy behind me who had a Cam Newton jersey on. And I know Chile discussed, you know, grown men in jerseys. I'm now past that. I can't help you.

It's not my job to help you. It's like being on Everest and you see someone struggling and you're like, it sucks to be you, dude. Maybe go. chucked old green boots over there. You're going to be great. You know, I can't help you. You're just, you're going to have, you're on your own walk with Jesus, right? And I'm a little further along than you. You're just going to have to catch up. All right. So, but I did see a guy

in a jersey, and I was like, a guy in a jersey. He's got a nice cam jersey. And Alvin was kind of struggling at this point. Orgram was kind of coming back in like the third quarter. And the guy behind me goes, oh man, it's time. It's time. And he starts, like, he starts, like shaking his head and doing like some pro wrestling shit right like getting himself hype and I was like what on that sounds a little Pentecostal for Alabama there there was a spirit and it was of the Lord through his vehicle Cadillac Williams because the dude and I shit you not all right behind me pulls off the jersey and he has underneath another jersey which is the Cadillac Williams jersey

like carrying 2004 forward right like my own fulfilled son now is time and then Auburn went on to win and I Michael Dyer was down Michael Dyer was down also unveiling a Cadillac Auburn's best recruiting maneuver like they say it's an ongoing investigation Why? Why? Mrs. Stiffy State fans, you heard that, get him. Yeah.

That was the team from the Deep South making a comeback, which historically, not exactly. Listen, you know, if you have credible allegations, please email to compliance at oldmiss.edu. please do not slander the young man please don't I think next

we have our in-depth investigation of Ohio State up next is Ohio State can I can I over I know what we're going to do I would like to overrule it real quick Ohio State's as shown this moment

on the field has yet to happen It will be week four of this season when Urban Meyer is on the sideline again. Great job, guys. Man, where did he coached before he coached Ohio State? Bowling Green. Bowling Green, yeah.

Utah, Utah. Again, this is all Utah's fast as in Utah. My favorite thing is Ohio State fans coming at us on Twitter about like, well, you know, Florida? Yeah, we do know in Florida. Where has Florida ever been like, the paragon of virtue?

We have an alligator wearing a polo shirt. You think it's a costume, but we're drunk and we think that's Santa. Sorry, sorry. He's free now, but yeah.

Jesus. Can we get an ad read? One of our best academic majors is literally like forensic anthropology because in the 80s, I'm not making this up. The University of Florida had so many dead bodies that they had more reps studying. It's like practice in football. They're like, well, we got all these bodies.

No, we might as well use them, guys. Let's turn these courses into gold. Let's go. That's true. That's the worst part. have to make anything like that sounds like one of those mobile games where you got to just keep clicking convert the bodies yeah medieval cemetery manager starring the University of Florida that is a major at the University of Florida

by the way I'll find one so the Ohio State yeah I'd be happy to be done talking about Ohio State up next I got a surprise any any guesses on whose neck we're going down this is number four for all time on the wins list not yet who said the balls who said the balls congratulations

on waking up from your very long coma I can't wait to you an iPod I can't wait to show you an iPod Like somewhere there's a looper in like an orange and white t-shirt who shows up there like, Derek Dooley's not going to work out. Leave. Kill yourself now.

Spam me this. Ah. Hey, fellas, this is the same man? Calling in from Hartford, Connecticut. I don't know if there's a Hartford in Connecticut. I just know there's a town called Hartford somewhere. You might see me up on stage. It's a hologram.

I was booted out of the Belagio. and this is the only way I can place away here. What is the song that always sound like he's about to vomit? Because I'm about to up chuck winners all over the floor. I feel an army cover coming tonight against Duke. There's a team I have lost millions and millions of chips on. How many dollars is a chip worth? call my 197-4 line to find out it's 1722 a minute so we're here tonight to talk about

NCAA football that's not my normal beat I'm a pro football card yeah you guys are experts on the what's it when is it the NCAA football season I gather it starts in December right that's right yes so yeah I'm watching the years about 2006 or so I I see the Boise State Broncos playing against Oklahoma Sooners. All right, Oklahoma, that's a friggin, are you friggin, that's a, Oklahoma, that's a Oklahoma, are you freaking, Barry Switzer coaches, that's a Super Bowl coach, okay? I'm banging the fucking, give me everything on Oklahoma friggin' homa. Boise, I've never heard of that town.

Are you fucking kidding? Boise fucking state beats the fucking sooners when the fucking wrestling move this motherfucker hands the ball off all this fucking I was

booted out of a Denny's that night ever since then I have doubled that which is not I do. not recommend us not one of the same birth rules i doubled down every night ever since again whenever i see fucking boise state i'm petting the whole bankroll it's going against the broncos in every fucking time lose the whole fucking thing so all these guys do is upset teams with coaches i've heard of i don't pay attention to the nca football so there's like four coaches i've

heard of right mark writ lost the boisey fucking state that so happened that happened but at least y'all got dressed up for it y'all remember that shit you remember that too to wear my special outfit. It's going to be a lovely day. Hey. Hey, let's look like we just took a fucking axe to the forehead. That would be awesome.

I'd like to thank all y'all who left your polo shirts untucked tonight. You fooled every one of us. Hey, do we have a second for a score of interest? Oh, yeah, score of interest. That's a man certainly intrigued. I want to let our listeners Our original plan for this was just to update y'all on the Army Duke game

and nothing else throughout the night. Duke is way, way up on Army in the second quarter, not respecting the troops at all, so we're not going to worry about that. But with 1049 left in the second quarter, Michigan State has just scored to go up on Utah State 13 to 7. It's a classic Michigan State game.

playing right to their hands hang on, hang on a minute, hang on a frigate. St. Saw the trash compactor seen in Star Wars and was like, that's where I want to live. Yes. It's everything I need.

What is this? Fellas, you fellas are NCAA football experts. What is this? Fucking preseason or something? It's not December. How is there NCAA football happening at this point in the year?

No one knows. Okay. I guess I'll check back in in December. The NFL draft fix to process. Anyway, fact, Boise State. By the way, let me plug my tout number one last time. It's a 1-901 number, 1844 a minute. Some guys have unders.

Some guys have covers. They call me the chief of facking detectives, because I got undercovers. Again, sometimes you scare me. I'm next. We're rounding the horn here. I'm going to keep this short because there's one team and then there's one answer. I'm going to give you a little bit of a story behind this. I had the bright idea when I was a freelance journalist.

I thought, I'm going to go cover this game. I'm going to go because I think, I don't know, it's just interesting. And I got access. And one of the schools was like, hey, you can be on the sidelines. You know, nobody knows what the shit you are, Dr. BlockSpot. And so they're like, Dr. Bloxby, you can come on, you get full access, you can come down, and then, you know, you can go and road trip with us. It would be cool.

It'll be great. And I was like, okay, cool, cool, cool. And then like, yeah, about two weeks before I was like, I'm broke, I'm not going to go. And I'm not just going to, I'm not going to front this. Which is funny because the team that I want to talk about showing all of its ass on the first game, on the Big Ten network in the year 2007 with the Michigan Wolverines. And the team that was going to let me sit there on the sidelines and watch this happen that I didn't go to because I was like, ah, it's too cheap.

App State. You don't know, Patriot, got free. Yep, App State. So that's it. That's the only answer. You're like, when to Michigan show it's ass? App State. Biggest up said in history next.

So 98% of Big Ten fans saw that game were like, oh, the Big Ten network. 2% the kinky bit they were like Big Ten Network is for me Just pulling the belt around their net going on Yeah Watching watching like the big ten The scrambled Big Ten network

Like I got it Oh come on you're not Whatever I'm seeing I got to sign up for this You're not watching like Illinois Purdue at noon On the Big Ten Network and you don't have a belt around your neck Like John Wayne Gasey saw that and was like, I'm skipping that shit. Jesus. All right.

Next up. Who's number two in the all-time wins list? If you take out NCAA math, roll tide. Notre Dame? Notre fucking Dame. What year we think we're going to talk about? Close. 1850 was close.

1815. 1815, they're 232 year of football. Took a loss to tetanus. Somebody else said 2012 with... Technically, Notre Dame was 0 and 1 in that year, so I don't know what there is to discuss. Check the record, but thank you. Check the record, but things disappeared.

Things weren't actually there. I don't, like, things were said to be there, and they weren't actually physically real. There was a story about a thing that wasn't actually real, and it ended up going from, like, fake news to, like, actually, that's the whole Notre Dame season. Catholics don't see the Holy Spirit either. It's fine. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry, I believe in faith.

La Neuekekela, we love you and miss you. Also, that Notre Dame win over Pitt and triple overtime, definitely worthy of number one in the BCS. Yeah, because it was Pitt, because it was the most important college football team in the world. Notre Dame's only valid win that year. But I'm not here to talk about recent history, because Notre Dame, of course, has billions of years of history. We're here to talk about 1926. Okay? Right after Lewis and Clark, somebody said.

He goes to Auburn. I'm trying to think of Louisiana purchase joke. Newt Rockney, all right? One of the most storied coaches in college football. emphasize story okay story legend all right fable is another word for it yeah you know the movie Rudy all right so how how Rudy is yeah Rudy was off sides it's fine so what everyone just yelled Rudy was off sides the only thing anyone remembers from the movie even that is fake Rudy was not off sides check

the tape Rudy was a total fake and a con man and And the movie is a lie, and Notre Dame is a lie. But Rudy was on side, all right? Rudy did get a meaningless sack against Georgia Tech. Sorry, Georgia Tech. But literally the only thing true about the movie is that Rudy was on side. No, that's not true. Okay, he got a quarter of a sack.

Rudy didn't get into Notre Dame. But if that's the whole hook, just root for Florida State. Shit. Also, Charles Dutton. can wear the hell out of a pork pie hat. Do you think he's clapping because the movie's almost over? When the audience starts clapping spontaneously tonight, you'll be like, touche.

1926, Notre Dame, the most legendary program in the country, playing lowly Carnegie Tech, the equivalent of a mid-major, all right? Carnegie Tech is pretty good for a less, team. Good record, but they're a team we, you know, today we'd consider them similar to a, say, UCF or an NIEU. Best National Champion, UCF to you. A team unworthy of Notre Dame's best, and by that I mean Newt Rockney didn't show up to

the game. Newt Rockney started his backups. We're going to beat the shit out of Carnegie Tech. and we're going to move on to whatever the equivalent national title game is in 1926, which is probably like if your coach survives the season and doesn't have to go fight Spain in a war. Which, Newt did that. Our team had the fewest players hit by streetcars. Hazzah!

Hazzah! They're just crediting sacks to street dogs that sneak onto the field, right? Notre Dame lost. And missed out on the national title because of that. Notre Dame arrogant? Notre Dame arrogance costing Notre Dame? That has never happened.

That has never happened before or since. Surely the last time that ever happened. Yeah, Notre Dame is fine with it, though, because they lost a Carnegie text. And they're like, he's a billionaire, and that's better than me. The free market has spoken. He earned it. All right, let's wrap this one up.

Yep, very quickly. I'm just going to go ahead. Number one, team all time in terms of wins. The finest, the largest, the biggest, the baddest. I didn't say smartest. Alabama. Alabama? Yeah, you have shown the biggest, most illustrious ass in the history of college football

on multiple occasions. I would remind you that in 2003, as unfalable as it may seem, Alabama lost to NIU. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, y'all. Yeah, Alabama lost to a Mac team, all right? 1916.

Yeah, we fucking love the Mac too. We do. The certain podcast ain't played nobody. You don't have to say that. We're fucking okay with the Mac too. Yeah. You fuck with the Mac. You said like an angry IT specialist.

Have you tried to restarting your afton? What do you mean you haven't updated your R.S., bitch? Turn Buffalo off and back on. There was another shameful time. The year 2000 makes a few appearances, because in the year 2000, Southern Miss. Southern Miss to the top, y'all. If we got any Southern Miss people here.

Haddy's burnt. Yeah, Hattieburg's finest managed to beat Alabama 21-0. Which I think the part that would have been in Alabama fan would be like the 21. They'd be like we allow 21 points, not the

zero, right? It'd be like, offense is a socialist plot because you've got to work together to get points. First you give them a touchdown and then they get health care and then they come through your guns. And that's why I don't drink the in Tuscalo?

Southern Mississippi known Antifa hotbed. Yeah. The FAA being for Fanta, because, like, they're strictly orange crush people. Don't drink that Midwestern shit. What the fuck is that? It's purple. I would remind you two things. I'm just going to put Alabama in a tie here, okay?

a tie here, okay? Because the cumulative record versus one team is an absolute shame that I want Alabama to wear and just pile onto the list of shames. I know it's a bulk, but you can carry it, you're big people, you're strong, okay? O and three all time versus Rice. Owen three, all

time versus Rice University. Goals! Which is from Texas, and they thought one loss wasn't big enough for you, Alabama, so they gave you three more. That's more, and that's better. Once you have a toddler who's Owen 2 versus Rice, you to a swallow specialist.

This child got to wear a special helmet. O.N.3 versus Rice, that sounds like some shit they do at the Alabama dog track. By the way, y'all know the secret at the lower Alabama dog track, how you rig the game. You put a pee up the nostril of the dog, both nostrils of the dog that you are rigging to lose.

So the dog can't win. How do you know that? How do you know that? Have you fixed dog races? Is the Sandman? I don't know the fucking hat right now. But I'm still the Sandman, okay? And yeah, Alabama did lose the University of Louisiana, Monroe.

Yeah? Real ones say it? Monroe. I don't actually think they do. The, in 2007 during Nick Saban's first year, which everyone's like, that was a growth year. Not for Nick Sabin, it wasn't. It stopped at 8.9.

That's not tall. It's like that photo of LeBron and Dwayne Wade. Just doing that while you're dunking behind me. But I'll go ahead and I'll say this, and I'm going to bring it full circle at the end here. The most shameful loss in the history of Alabama has, I think, consequences for the present. Remember, last year there was something where national champion,

UCF, rightful national champion of UCF, undefeated, beat the tar out of everyone they faced, right, including Auburn, who ended up beating Alabama. I don't know if you remember that, but Auburn did beat Alabama. I mean, yeah, fuck Auburn, but they beat your ass. I mean, like, what is a more hallowed moment in Southern manhood than looking up with a broken, like, jaw and, like, half an eye being like, hey, fucky, buddy. I know this act, and it's fine. You can do it, but you still got your ass beat, right? But the worst one ever was this.

We're trying to decide between who actually has a national title, because Alabama had this language claim because they beat Georgia that they were national champions or whatever, right? Which is just whatever. So they ended up having this dispute, and I would say the tiebreaker is this. The tiebreaker is, well, let's go to the tape. What's the overall record for UCF versus Alabama? That is correct.

UCF is 1 in O versus Alabama. Because back in 2000, that didn't go real well for the tie, did it? No, that was a 40 to 38 loss. You know where that happened? At home. So that concludes our ass showing. We have displayed all of the ass for you. I'm going to kick you

I'm going to kick you two and Brian Floyd out of the seats. I need Stephen Godfrey. Give it for Brian Floyd. I need Stephen Godfrey and Bill Connolly and our appointed representatives from Georgia and Georgia Tech to come to the stage. I just needed to say I was accused of taking impermissible benefits

and keeping score. Those have been false, so I'm taking my seat back. Oh, he definitely cheated. Let's an ongoing investigation. Let me get George over here, and if I'm going to take the most SEC member of Podcasts ain't played nobody, that's got to be Mazoo alum Bill Connolly.

Let me get Georgia. over here, and if I'm picking the nerdiest member, that's got to be Batman fanboy Stephen Godfrey. I do appreciate that Bill Conner is the most SEC member because it's week one, and he's playing a crooked five to him. How are y'all doing, Atlanta? This is the greatest city in America, and this is what you're doing on a Friday night. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You should be ashamed of yourselves. The fact that you're here right now is the greatest disrespect to a culture, and I spent five years at Ole Miss.

I know what I'm talking about. Counterpoint. You're here, too, motherfucker. All right. He's paying that mortgage. Can we get our Georgia representative to introduce himself to the crowd? Hello, Atlanta. I'm Jeremy Adway from dog sports.com.

How are you doing? And from Georgia Tech, we have. Hi, I'm Josh Brundage. I'm a columnist for From the Rumble Seat. What's the good word? All right, so we're going to play a little round of haters' trivia. I'm going to go back and forth, asking you facts, most of which the answer is either Georgia or Georgia Tech. I like Bill better, so Georgia's going to go first.

God, I hate you so much. I love that. What school between Georgia and Georgia Tech has most recently had a Heisman Trophy finalist? What an A.G. Green? What school has most recently had a Heisman Trophy finalist? Let's see your S&P Plus Hockey now, buddy. Yeah, I know.

I don't have advanced stats for this. I'm going to say Georgia Tech. Georgia Tech is correct. Wait, that was our question. Joe Hamilton in 1999. Yeah, there we know that, yeah. Do you understand the idea of alternating sides? No, because I grew up a Georgia Southern fan,

so it's basically like Georgia Tech, but you just become a cop afterwards. I love you, Dad. All right, Georgia Tech side. Yes. Which team, Georgia, Georgia Tech, won an SEC title first? I'm assuming it's Georgia's the time of the thing that's going. But it could be tech.

He's worried Ryan's tricking him right now. I'm not that smart. Deception. I'm going rambling wreck from Georgia Tech. That is correct. Georgia Tech won the SEC in 1939, Georgia, rather, not until 1942. All right, for our Georgia side,

which of these schools had a coach drive a steamroller onto the practice field as a motivational tactic? Georgia or Georgia Tech? Go dogs. That is correct. Oh.

The poor man's Jackie Sherrill. All right, so. Because he didn't cut the nuts off of a steer. Oh, we got a state fan here. That's awesome. Y'all made it. Georgia Tech, you get the follow-up to this.

Did it work? Did driving the stable on the practice field work for Georgia? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they'd be unranked Mississippi State 470. Oh! Klinga. All right.

smooth for Heisman all right for our Georgia team which team spite song was sung by Richard Nixon and Nikita Khrushchev in 1959 Georgia Georgia's or Georgia Texx go dogs no Georgia Tech it was also sung in space yeah in a movie technically You're also in space. Still counts. Still counts. Georgia grads haven't been to space unless there's a massive propane accident. I couldn't get in.

For the Georgia Tech team, in 1927, one of these teams intentionally rested at starters for four weeks, including games against Vandy, LSU, and Auburn, just to keep them rested for the rivalry game, which they won. Which team was it? Damn, that sounds like us. You are correct.

Yeah. Georgia, I'm going to give you a chance to tie if you can answer this question correctly. Awesome. Which school, Georgia or Georgia Tech, has a losing record against Pitt? Dan Marino can go right to hell. Wow. Everybody. Everybody has a losing record to Pips.

I'm saying both. It's Georgia. Because I'm a cheap-ass Florida fan, I say in bagged you here, the answer is both. Georgia Tech wins. That's the game. Oh, yeah. Another extremely full-cast thing happened right here.

This is about the part where the equipment we were using to record the audio ran out of batteries. Good job, us. So there's a little bit that gets lost here, and I'm going to give you a little introduction to this next segment, since it's lost to the ages. This is a new thing we tried for the show called Your Moment of Pit. The basic idea is that all of us have had a moment in life where we achieved something far beyond our capability and probably didn't repeat it after that. It might have just been one moment. where you reached and touched the face of God and told him he had fantastic teeth.

We solicited some of these from the audience ahead of time, and we're also sharing a few of our own personal moments of Pitt. This is from Zach. He wants to tell us about his most unpit moment, which is something so bad you're not even sure it happened, which is also somehow the most pit moment. In Zach's junior year at Texas, he finally got selected in the ticket lottery to see number 11, Texas,

his beloved team, play number one, Oklahoma, and the Red River rivalry roundabout. Ruckus. Ruckus, rich, folks. Not only did he get selected for tickets, they were 50-yard line second row. Now, Zach and his buddy got offered $1,500 a piece for these tickets. And after much deliberation, passed on the offer and went to the game to the game, despite being broke college students. Think back to college and think about getting $3,000

being like, I'll never work again. I've done the math. And I can live on Easy Mac forever. The result, Oklahoma wins 65 to 13. We know, you paid to be here. 65 points. You know what that is? More.

It's more. Again, not Matt Brown. Not Matt Brown, right? Brown didn't do that. He did. If it was, then it wasn't. You want to do a moment of pet? I have an English education degree from a 13th grade commuter college.

Shout out to Harry. and yet I'm a full-time sports media member so I'm supposed to be a grocery manager at Publix that is what I was put on earth to do God made a mistake and I'm in front of y'all tonight don't let him know we're gonna do one more audience moment of Pitt and then we have a very good one from Holly this is from another Zach. If your name is Zach, make some noise. Are we in Utah?

In 1998, everybody was just like, we're giving up on naming. We're not in Utah, because none of these are Zach with a cue. If you're named after the Zach Brown band, make some noise. Yeah. All right. When Zach was a sophomore at the University of Tennessee, he was extremely hammered at the South Carolina football game, a Halloween game. Despite the fact that Tennessee was actually doing well, he realized his desire to have Crystal outweighed his desire to continue watching football. Relatable. Relatable. Years ago, the Lord said, I'd like to make Tennessee football fandom into a person. person and Zach was bored. That's why I only in some place hasn't touched a boat in a while.

So Zach walked from Nealem to Crystals in the pouring rain, ate a steamer pack alone. And then it gets worse. He decides to go home. How does he do so? He walks along a four lane highway, then up a winding two-lane road in rain and darkness. in darkness. The only reason Zach remembers this is due to the fact he stayed on the phone

with his friend to ensure that, quote, someone would call 911 when my ass gets run over. Zach, after walking through a highway and a dark two-laying hilly road, gets to his apartment. Does he finish the drill again? He's a Tennessee fan, so no. his roommate found him half in his room half in the living room laying on the floor you cross the planes, Zach that's technically

you made it home I can just say that walking in the rain on a four lane highway in the dark and the only safety precaution you take is being on a phone so somebody can hear when you're going to be murdered or killed and doing it alone.

That's the most Tennessean thing I've ever heard in my life. I also like that if the coroner had opened up Zach's belly, they would have found Crystal been like, yeah. I think we just expedited the process. Holly, do you have a moment of Pitt

you'd like to share? I can attest for that being the most Tennessee fan should ever, because I heard him say he had a friend on the phone, like, oh, you're good. That's safe. I swear I've talked about this before on the show but none of the guys seem to remember this so I would like to turn back the clock

to the weekend I graduated high school and found myself shortly after graduation was on Thursday, this was on like a Sunday hanging around with my boyfriend at the time my brother and some of his friends it's Tennessee in the summer there's nothing to do you all heard it right calm us okay

commas okay commas okay okay so I'll fight every goddamn one of y'all she will y'all better chill

so there's an under construction home depot down the street from the house where we grew up and at the moment it's just like a concrete skeleton of a building, right? No doors, no nothing. And it's surrounded by red, upturned earth, and we're like,

well, let's go mudden. And I had a Jeep, because this is Tennessee, and we took a several vehicle convoy driving inside the unfinished Home Depot and driving up and down the aisles. My Jeep was white. And so we said, you know,

okay, we got to go to the car wash, because it's, it's, you know, Texas orange at this point with all this mud and we drive through the automatic car wash like three times all three of the cars trying to get all the mud off and on the third try I'm like I'm the king of the world and I'm gonna ghost ride this Jeep through the car wash yeah like I don't know why it's worth all the night either and I fell off like before it even got into the car wash I fell off it's incredibly slippery because you've been driving it's covered in soap and

water. No shit. No shit. But what I'm saying is the ground is slippery too, like outside the entrance to the car wash because we keep driving these freshly clean things. Because it's also covered in soap and water. Right. Right. Did I mention that I had just gotten my high school diploma? So it was like a horror movie situation occurred. I fell down off the back of the car between cars one and two and couldn't get up because the ground was so slippery. Because it's the soap and the water. You know, Like, Gordon, there's a goddamn thing about soap.

The thought did occur that, hey, there's soap on the ground. Trust me. It occurred to me. And so I got to watch from a prone position on the ground as my buddy, not seeing me fall or thinking I was fucking around. It's never been made entirely clear. Drove over my legs in his mom's Volvo, one of the old ones.

Like one of the, it had enough steel to, you know, knock down the Berlin wall. And zero broken bones, zero tendon damage, nothing but soft tissue injuries. Go balls. Go balls. Go balls. I will never die. And that's why the important thing is about these moments of pit, nothing really bad happened to me. And that means I didn't have to learn anything from it.

Holly, I have one question. Dear. Were you on the phone? Was I on the phone? Were you on the phone? No. Because if you were on the phone, it was totally safe. No, this was, this was, dude, this was 2,000, no.

No, see, people were there in person, and that's my mistake. Ridiculously unsafe. Yeah, no. That's like the death and final destination that you're like, I get it. You mean we weren't supposed to sit, look at final destination and take it as prescriptive? Challenge accepted. That's when death is playing on freshman difficulty. Hey, hey, death, watch this.

Yeah, it's like when somebody just like does of, you know, like old age, you're like, field goal. Three point margin, death was playing at home. I get it. It was rolling slowly, too, because it was a car wash, so I had plenty of time to scream and watch it go. It was fantastic. Y'all, I'm fine. I'll show you the scar. You lived in the foreshadowing of Derek Dooley's tenure.

if you're sitting next to Holly tonight give her a high-fives to show you the scar yeah she's going to come down and the rafter's like stang with a bat so this is the part where we say fuck you to everybody who's listening in this podcast yeah

can we get the house lights up imagine thinking someone's listening to this podcast all right so this is the part of the show where we did Q&A with the audience and as we promised them and as we promised you on this podcast previously, we're not releasing it.

We want you to feel bad that you didn't show up and who knows what wondrous secrets of the universe you missed out on. Everyone who attended the podcast in person is probably rich and emotionally fulfilled, are you? We also are probably going to try to do more live shows based on how well

this one went. Don't have any firm details right yet. Might do one in New York City, maybe D.C., maybe Texas. Obviously, the last remaining Popeye's buffet is certainly up for grabs. So just keep an eye out on the Twitter account on this show. When we have more details or if we're trying to figure out if people are interested in one location or another, we'll keep you all posted. But thank you all again who came out and hopefully we'll do this again. The audio can't be

worse next time, right? He said stupidly. We want to just throw some playoff picks out there to Yeah, on somebody outside of the... Somebody, yes, an interesting plan I'll pick. I'll go first. I'm going to pick West Virginia. Simply for the reason that I want to see serious national media, I have to be like, Dana Holgerson. Man of genius.

Careful, considered grandmaster of chess. Also, all the chess pieces are filled with gin. Yeah, I'm going to take Washington, because it'll be real confused. using that's why they'll be like they play in the fact 12 and they're in the playoff ESPN sell that shit that's happened before we'll be like you don't know what you're talking about if you watch this game we'll give you wellies in a fleece or whatever you Pacific Northwestern people in the center fuck I don't know sell it I gotta tell a real real quick story to build up to my outside the playoff pick so

So late 1990s, all right, me and my loser high school friends that like kind of like fearless white boy loser where it's like, I'm going to be Johnny Knoxville when I grow up, all right? Like we play like midnight paintball on the golf course, jump down the stairwell at church during church, that type of shit. You know, we're always crashing our boys' house, long, hilly winding neighborhoods, like, you know, six cars deep at all times. That was the 90s. Gas calls 38 cents. Sorry about the weather today. It's pretty warm. You know, six cars to Taco Bell and back, six cars to Walmart and back to steal a copy of Diablo, too.

Eventually, we realize these middle schoolers, these fucking middle schoolers, are setting up this goddamn skate park on a curve in our buddy's neighborhood, hilly, winding neighborhood. And we're trying to be, we're upper high schools, all right? Upper high school is trying to be the responsible grown-ups.

Like, hey, man, we're sick of driving around your goddamn skate park. can y'all move it into the driveway, right? And we're realizing, like, we're like the middle-aged old men now, you know? So it's time for one last job, all right? Now know how that goes. So here's the plan, here's the entirety of the plan. We're gonna wear black clothes, camo clothes.

We got a Jeep, meet at 1 a.m., right? That's the plan, whole plan. We rolled up, lights off, to the skate park, in the middle of the street. I hop out tie a rope tie a bullshit rope I failed boy scouts

tie a bullshit rope to the half pipe somebody else shoves over the big tall ramp it's one a m onto the half pipe and we pick up the other fucking ramp and slam that down on top

so now we got like what like 2,000 pounds of wood and metal so it's like all right everybody hi out of can hold onto the rope with your bare hands skin the strongest part of the body Bare hands.

We had the sense to wrap it around a post, but hold on bare hands. Now, we could have, like, tested the weight, crept into first gear, and then into second gear. Or we could have fucking floored it. We chose the latter. Again, there was no plan.

So we're... There's, like, it sounds like gravel in a goddamn blender. Sparks are flying. We're laughing and screaming. This is wonderful fun. We're, like, swerving through this, again, hilly, winding.

neighborhood, it's like the bank vault scene in Fast and Furious. This clattering pile of wood is like chasing us and like barely missing mailboxes and trees and like the whole neighborhood's awake and like we're the heroes the neighborhood deserves. There's still no plan,

but in a vision it comes to us. All right. Into the neighborhood there is you can, there's a four lane road and then there's a ditch on the other side. All right.

We are going to take a hard cut, we're going to time it perfectly. And we're going to let that shit go. Let me tell you what happened, all right? Not that. Any observer who was watching that night, say there's someone walking down the street from the other side. What they saw was an entire fucking skate park.

Walk four lanes across the road and jump straight in the goddamn ditch. As far as I know, it's still there. The shit worked perfectly. Now, Real quick, real quick. Atlanta. Welcome to Atlanta remix Germain Dupree.

Where do you go after the after party? Waffle House. That's where we took our asses. Real quick. Which head coach is famous for celebrating bullshit wins he pulled out of his ass by going to Waffle House? Did I hear of Royal Eagle? Auburn's going to win the football game.

All right, we're going to get you out of here on some free shit because that's a you just have a reward for sitting through this. Okay, I got some raffle tickets in here. I do not know what we're raffling off. But what I do know is that we're going to. going to have two lucky winners. So I want everyone to make some noise per number we get yelled out that you have, and then we're going to whittle it down to the last person screaming because they have the last number. All right. 278. Three. Five. My money's on this guy over here. Seven. Seven. Yes.

All right All right, last second. Two, seven, eight. Two, five. Seven. There it is. Lucky winner. Want to take it down to?

By accepting this doormat, you legally consent to any police search of your home. I think it actually means Spencer can sleep in your fridge. Just like Indiana Jones. That's not canon. So did we... Did we finish on time? Did we finish on time? Did we run long?

Did this thing come up short or did they come up long? did it come up long? A little bit short. No, a little bit short. Because if this thing, because if this thing comes up short, he can field it and run it out. All right, here we go. 56-yarder. It's got, no, it does not have the leg. And Chris Davis takes it in the back of the end zone. He'll run it to the 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 45. There goes Davis. There goes Davis. way back, Auburn's going to win the football game! Over's going to win the football game! We're not going to keep them off the field tonight, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you to everybody, Aspy Day Show. Thank you for coming here. Thank you, Atlanta. Thank you. Enjoy the season and good night. We all belong outside. We're drawn to nature, whether it's the recorded sounds of the ocean we doze off to, or the succulents that adorn our homes. Nature makes all of our lives, well, better. Despite all this, we often go about our busy lives removed from it.

But the outdoors is closer than we realize. With all trails, you can discover trails nearby and explore confidently. With offline maps and on-trail navigation, download the free app today and make the most of your summer with all trails. materials.