Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdown Fullcast: Recasting King Of The Hill

Episode Date: September 24, 2015

The part where Jason recasts King of the Hill with college football coaches, aka the really funny part. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you have a question, Jason, from our reader? I do from our friend Buttpocket on Twitter. Hey, hey, Budpocket. Best Pro Shop Jones, a.k.a. You're casting a live action King of the Hill film. Which CFB coaches do you cast? Okay, so this is basically which college football coaches are, which King of the Hill characters.

And I've gone ahead and broken this down for us. First, it's going to be a diversion from the assignment. It's Bill D'Otreve. He's Baylor because they both fucked Anne Richards, right? I forgot that about Bill. Yeah, Bill had like these random, successful romantic encounters, including one with the governor of Texas, who just so happens to be Baylor's best friend.

Sergeant Bill. Colonel, I think. He's something. I thought he was a Sergeant Barber. He was something like he was the only man who could cut Hank's hair square enough or something. That's right. He was the only man who could achieve the right angles that Hank liked in a hairstyle. So, speaking of Hank, Hank is so Mac Brown, it hurts.

Like, the most Texas man alive, who is not actually from Texas, if you recall, Hank is actually, he was born in New York City, which is, like, a source of great shame for him. They're both constantly flustered by modernity. They have great reputations. the people always say solid man does the right thing and they've both made good livings off of hot air if you understand my meaning there

don't know I'm with you I sell longhorns and longhorn accessories you get it can you can you give us Dale Gribble Dale that okay so there are two ways to take this one obviously Dale Gribble he's

secretive he's paranoid conspiracy theorist uh moves in the shadows disguises and aliases what this calls to mine is going to be Kyle Flood head coach at Rutgers it's true of course as as Ryan broke down at EDSBS is like the worst

spy ever but there's also an adultery subplot here his wife is constantly making him the cuckold which sure that that's that's probably too specific but in general there's an adultery subplot and also Dale's voice

that oh i was gonna go i'm just gonna go to the voice if you're going where i think you're going that voice is a pinpoint it's bobby petrino yeah is dale grible based on the based on the shadiness the voice and the adultery subplot those those three factors um uh let's see boomhauer that's jimbo they're they're completely yeah completely opposite in in stature in appearance in in hair and everything but the speech I mean, the only people who can understand them are their best friends, which are Hank Hill and Bud Elliott. And they're actually really smart. Like, they, like, they're sort of drawn to be, to appear to not be very smart, but they're both kind of geniuses.

I will, I really, I'm just going to go one further, Cotton Hill. Did you cast Cotton? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. So we have an incredibly short man. He's incredibly angry all the time. Oh, man.

He's kind of old. He's constantly blaming his problems on people who live far away from him. He racked up numbers a long time ago that are probably inflated. So there's really only one option. This is Nick Saban. Let's see. Who's Bobby in this situation? I got Gabo Swinney.

He's always dancing. That's a lot of dancing. my purse he's uh he's like bafflingly successful at wooing people to join him like if you recall bobby has like multiple relationships with like middle school girls and like dabbo like at one point had robert kimdici committed uh and also there's a nearby older man who's always disapproving of everything he does which is either hang kill or steve spurry of course uh also considered bronco men and paulin here because he might just kick you right in the balls i don't know you I don't know you.

Let's see. Okay, here's my personal favorite. Lou Ann. Okay. This is the niece that comes to live with the hills. So she went from community college to being a TV star. And despite the drawl, she's actually like maybe the smart character on the show. She's like a brilliant engineer almost kind of mechanic.

And here's the key She's so fucking lucky That at one point she is pregnant from fucking a character named Lucky This is Hugh Freeze That's a really Really good call All right There's one really hard one

That you have to fill out here And that would be Peggy Hill This was the hardest one Because her character They just sort of they just like threw everything at it Right I just put down Gary Patterson because he's got a wooden leg.

I could also see Gary Patterson, like, speaking the most broken Spanish in the world. And, like, being a needlessly creative chef who, like, makes up a dish and gives it a name, and it's just like, no, this is spaghetti. Bienvenito, Satis, you. And, like, he famously has huge feet. I am going to suggest something here. Remember, Peggy is kind of a polymath, right? Or at least a proclaimed polymath. okay this that still works yeah okay kind of a proclaimed polymath okay kind of a person who um peggy's always kind of out there right she's not like Hank is actually sort of more connected with his character right peggy peggy has this sort of like she's a little out there right like her great moment is when she goes to get her shoes at the big lady shoe store that's like out in the middle of the desert yeah so so kind of out there kind of a self-proclaiming

polymath kind of a person so spent some time in the middle of the desert too um you know in our texas i'm thinking peggy hill and mike leach yeah yeah i like it no kind kind of kind of that the exact same hair might i add that same bouff font poof up top kind of spent spent some time out in the front terrace out in you know like lubbock square hip and pullman right yeah you know keeps things going that's that that to me no matter what's happening and also kind of kind of easily duped can i can i and considers herself knowledgeable clever and very physically attractive although she has on occasion noted herself consciousness of her very large feet and more often than not peggy's ego will preempt better judgment

this is pretty good this is one of the best ones actually i'm just that's mike leach uh we should also mention hank's boss buck strickland who is known for gambling and drinking and constantly having to re-recruit Hank who is like his own is like his entire his entire uh his entire life livelihood depends on being able to recruit Hank in this case uh and he hosts all his business meetings in his bathroom which to me all this adds up to barry switzer no it's switzer okay uh can i throw one more in yeah uh so uh the hill's neighbor con uh very self-important important man, eager to call everyone else stupid,

even though his own success is sort of I guess in question, often. Very, thinks a lot of himself, even though his family members don't always, very brash, brash man. I think this is Mark Emmert. Oh!

Oh, so you took a left on there. Jason, where he was going? I have Bob Stoops, especially when you said family members. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Because he's a mean dick who's rich. Right.

He's not from around here. And he doesn't... And he's always talking shit about rednecks. And if Hank Hill is Mack, he doesn't beat... He doesn't beat Hank as much as he thinks he should or does. Right. He thinks he's got one over on the dumb hillbilly. Yeah, because I was... Because here we have this.

If I was going to give you my variation on this, okay? Which would be a guy with a son who... actually like doesn't live with him anymore right and is taken care of by somebody else like a son like a like in this case a coaching be a philosophical son right um kind of kind of you know regarded as like sexy in terms of his you know position right uh let's see probably in a band it's probably been in a band a couple of times right drives a jeep wrangler correct kind of you know like irresistible sort of massages his way to victory generally regarded as

you know like sort of this guy is like man I don't know what's up with him but you know he seems cool and that would be Kevin Sumlin as John Redcorn I had either Cliff or someone for him actually well his son is Cliff Cliff is his son right

okay so Cliff is Joseph yes Cliff is Joseph who's got like the same kind of charisma right but was actually you know like Wow, that lines up really well. Also, like raised under Mike Leach, too, right? But too close to Hank to actually use his full native healing powers on Mike Leach.

That's correct. I can't heal you like I heal other women. Yeah, that's Kevin Sumblin, man, because John Red, John Red Court and Kevin Sommelin both have that air of mystery, right? you're like man like Kevin Sumlin's probably one of those guys he's like yeah you know I climbed Mount Everest and then he never talks about it again it's like John Redcorn

the way they'd always draw him and be like he's just standing there and then the wind starts blowing his hair that happens with Sumlin too he doesn't even have really hair he wears a visor but just like the sun glints off his visor and it's like what how that happened it's 9 o'clock at night yeah exactly that's probably like

how Kevin Sumlin gets like you know advantages in contract negotiations she just goes and stands by the window. And they're like, dude, that guy looks real chill. Let's give him some more money. Would you like some more money? Exactly. Because, you know, it's Texas.

Everybody else is like, ah, fuck you bastard. Yeah, I'll take your ass out and beat you. And someone's like, I'm going to get a bottle of water over here. And they're like, look at that, dude. He's so chill. Let's just give him some. You hear the way he said that?

Let's just give him some money.