Shutdown Fullcast - Shutdownfullcast 2.15

Episode Date: December 11, 2014

On tonight's Shutdown Fullcast, we discuss how Wisconsin no longer has a coach but still has a jolly old Santa figure who leaves Barry Alvarez statues everywhere, Michigan not having a football coach until the spring thaw, the madness of the Popeyes Bahamas Bowl and your last chance to watch Western Michigan, and the bowl game that once had as many as 7200 people in the stands at once. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to tonight's shutdown fullcast, where I must begin this college football discussion by noting a non-college football note. It's now so cold in Georgia tonight on this very night that Jason Kirk, college football editor at SBNation.com, is joining us from where? Not outside. Not outside. Not the fuck out there. Not outside.

Dogs are outside. ain't they? Not my dog. Maybe your dog. That ain't my business, because I believe... My dog is from Alabama. My dog is not outside. It's officially gotten North Georgia cold. So if you don't hear crickets in the background and other insects and random stray dogs of Jason's neighborhood, that's why. Because he's actually broadcasting from inside. Joining us, as always, from perpetually frigid, Brooklyn, New York.

Ryan Nettie. Manhattan today, sir. I am in our Espination offices. Yeah, it is, whatever. Never not frigid. It actually snowed today, so. Sometimes it's that cold that smells like garbage. The hellish tundra.

What do you mean sometimes? When is it not that? When it's too cold to smell? We have things to discuss. And one of them is this, that just before we went on the air tonight, something really humor has happened. And yeah, ooh, boy.

And that would be concerning Wisconsin, which used to have a head coach. Well, now it has an athletic director who who's interested. He frequently fills in his head coach. If someone were to ask, he might be interested in the position. Who's to say? Yeah, Gary Anderson,

who came to Wisconsin a little under two years ago. from Utah State where he did a fine job announced to his team today I guess around 415 that he was gone he was leaving he was going to take the head coaching job somewhere else where would that somewhere else be Ryan Nanny

that would be Oregon State also when you say announced to his team as our Wisconsin blog pointed out that did not include the assistance at Wisconsin who were already out recruiting Nope Whoops Got troops in the field

It's like World War I You can't tell them all at once They're like the Yeah those soldiers who are still fighting for Japan In like the 80s You know that that had to happen to one of them We'll hear about this in the next couple of days That there's a recruit who's like

Yo my coach had to look at my phone To believe what had just happened Like this is when you get the veil of adulthood like peeled away from your eyes there's some 17 year old who's like oh man I thought he knew it was going on nope nobody knows what's nobody has their shit together like whatever wisconsin's like celebrate a commit hashtag is you know their yes sir or whatever if it's a big cheese or whatever some assistant coach is going to tweet that out and everyone's going to be like oh um coach yeah uh you can you don't have to use that hashtag you might you

might want to turn that kid loose. Yeah, that's because... I meant, I meant gnaw a tree. That's right. We're all gnaw on trees now. Because that's what cheese does. I mean, beavers. Whatever our mascot is.

Here at the... I love this institution. This university in the world. This one. Which one? I want to know and track down what coach first came up with the phrase. You know, you don't commit to a coach.

You commit to a school. Because that man was a team. That man Just set the blueprint For every single Like, you know, admittedly And I think honestly Salary hungry

Upwardly a mobile coach, right? Because you could just say Yeah, I'm just doing this for the money But no kid, I'm selling you at school And even if I go Perhaps in the next 5, 10, 15 minutes To another school You're still committed to this great institution

Until I'm gone That's what love is until I'm gone and then I'm trying to take you with me to USC from Knoxville you got a sick cousin out here don't you it's like telling your spouse you know you're not committing to me you're committing to this entire family you're committing to this marriage you know it's like a video game if you establish your your capital here in madison you'll be landlocked you got to be on corvallis where you can have a navy think about that that's true they don't have any gems they don't have any wine to trade this is like one big game of

civilization. Oh, hold on. Corvallis has wine to trade. That's about all they have. They have the little grapevine on the video game map, right? Like, they have... Well, Madison certainly has alcohol. I don't know if it's traded. I think it's just gone before it leaves the campus. There's just oil derricks.

A water tower that's always empty. A water tower that's always empty. And locals like peddling, what, trout? Trout and jams. Trout jams and beer. I would like to hear someone with a Wisconsin accent say jams.

There are not enough flat A's in the world. Ooh, turn on QVC. They've got some nice jams. Is that what a umlaught sounds like? Yeah. Yeah, basically. When you're in Wisconsin, you think, oh, man, people don't actually talk like that. And they're like, Janice!

Whoa! Damn! It's real and spectacular. So, yeah, Wisconsin no longer has a coach, and that coach went to Oregon State, which, by the way, I looked it up, same assistant salary pool. It's like two-point, they each pay their coaches total like $2.3 million outside of the head coach. So it wasn't like Oregon State, no. Oh, man, they're going to pay my guys more. Well, maybe.

Yeah, maybe. They won't pay them less. That's for damn sure. Yeah. We're talking about Wisconsin here, where the two coordinators combined to make less. than like four different SEC coordinators made last year. Yeah, at least. So in the facilities, well, they made a big announcement today

that they were improving them prior to Gary Anderson's announcement. There's a bunch of beavers just tearing down trees as we speak. Just working fiendishly in between, you know, drinking bouts and craft fairs because it's Oregon, I just assumed. Playing soccer. Yes, playing soccer and, you know, making TIFO's. and creating artisanal chocolate. In between all that,

there are beavers building new spectacular facilities at Oregon State. But that, that's, like, there is another factor here in the Wisconsin job, which is that if you like the micromanaging boss, if you like the sort of the boss, who's like, you know, let me give that a swing once every couple of years,

just to show you how it's done, then maybe Barry Alvarez is your man. Yeah, if you want to, and a boss who a hands-on type extremely in that as soon as you get tired of him and leave his hands will be literally on

the thing that you were going to be doing my favorite thing about it is that Barry Alvarez really does have to negotiate with Barry if he's going to be the assistant coach he's going to be the interim coach for the bowl. I think he'll take that seriously. I think he can take it on the full job. I think he at least merits an

interview, right? Barry, we should talk to Barry, right? I agree, Barry. Barry talking to Barry like next to the statue of Barry. Hmm. Barry, I see a lot of myself in you. Barry, this is happening again. For the second time,

old Barry. Barry, I must say. It's a treat getting to see a face as handsome as yours again. But Barry Alvarez is sort of what we could imagine Steve Spurrier would be like as an athletic director, right? Well, No, because I think Barry Alvarez, like, tries.

He shows up at the office. Okay, fair. But in terms of the, like, meddling, constantly questioning, always disappointed in you. Man, Spurrier's going to keep, if he's an AD, Spurier's keeping the office hours, like a Key West attorney. You know, Friday, three to five. Steve Spreier is licensed to practice law in Key West. So are we. He won that in a golf bat.

All of us are licensed. From Mike Leach. of course see Steve yeah this is not good for Wisconsin on so many levels not just because

everybody gets to marvel at how cheap they are despite making that big 10 money but in addition to that there'll be the mud they'll be the mud slinging after the fact because remember Alvarez kind of did that with Beelma too so I'm sure there'll be something about

well you know he's trying to bring in all these partial qualifiers that'll just get leaked handily to a couple of reports order. Yeah, he's trying to bring in kids who couldn't get into the school. Yeah, he was brandishing machine gun on campus. No one saw that. I mean, no one took pictures of it. He put mustard on his scrambled eggs. I don't know if you knew that. He didn't like sausages.

He didn't like sausages enough. He did like them, just not enough. Everyone likes them. Yeah, I mean, everyone, that's preposterous. He didn't like cheese. Imagine the treason. Oh, man, Spencer for Wisconsin head coach. It's the reason I've never been to Madison. It'd be like the awkward coach intro presser.

The most awkward one I can think of is Bobby Petrino at Arkansas, him doing the woo pig fingers. Like Spencer eating the traditional ceremonial intro cheese. He brought you this cheese soup, Spencer. This is the same hunk of cheddar that Barry Alvarez himself almost finished eating before. taking the job back in the 1990s, and henceforth Beelma

and then Anderson have each taken a bite of this sacred cheese. And you, sir, you... I'm out. It's like the sword and a stone. If you can pull the rind off this cheese. Spencer left Wisconsin for the Wake Forest job. That doesn't make any sense.

Oh, it does. Speaking of, that gives me a nice segue. I guess who, uh, one of the names, one of the many names mentioned in the shotgun blast of speculation and following this. Guess who one of those names was? Right down the road. It was not just right down the road.

Get that claw fence running. Yeah. Yeah, Badgers got claws. Badgers got claws. That means you need the claw fits. The one and only attack, brandished by Dave Claussen, who I did think about this. How would you sell Wisconsin fans on Dave Clausen,

current Wake Forest head coach, as the Badgers coach when you put up those rushing numbers? because remember I think they rushed for like 100 yards this year generously it's like a yard to play we can agree on that

no it's like a yard to play I don't I really think that if you if we get up the numbers here you'd be just absolutely hard oh yep 127th in the nation with a total of 479 yards. They were 127. There's 128, like, Washington State, like, just not running at all?

Yes, with one. Actually, they have one more yard. They have one more yard than Washington State does on, let's see, 140 more carries. Yeah. These are gruesome numbers. Hooray sacks. Yeah, so that's, that's another person that was rumored to be attached to the job. I think we can Bruss them off the list. As I said in our prep that in college football... Who put that name out there? Don't be Pete Tamill, Sports Illustrated. It's a fine institution.

It's an old newspaper. It's an old newspaper. It's a former horse racing betting sheet. It's kind of got out of control. Horse Illustrated? Horse Illustrated. The other names attached to this job, in our prep, said that, you know, shit always rolls down hill and who lives at the bottom of shit hill in college football but

pit because paul chris is one of the people who of course being the former offensive coordinator there has also been rumored as a person of interest in this job yeah there's a bunch of the uh the little uh offspring of dealimo all throughout dave darn and nc state who i thought that's we were getting at i didn't realize someone had floated the claw fence no someone had floated the claw fence just down the road yes but still some Somebody actually thought that would be a good one. The one I thought made all the sense in the world, even though they're not attached to Michigan, run heavy offense, great defense, and can work with a budget of $45 for an

entire year would be Justin Fuente. Sure, sure. Current Memphis head coach. Yeah, I prefer Paul Chris. Not because I think Paul Chris is a better option, but because I just want Paul Chris to not be stuck with Pitt anymore. It seems sad at this point. Yeah, that he realized like, gonna turn it around, gonna,

you're never gonna turn pit around. Like, like Paul Christ is married to a partner who has a permanent brain injury rendering them comatose. And he keeps going to the hospital and like reading books and bringing soup.

Are you saying he's like that guy in lonesome dove and got kicked in the head by a horse? A little bit. Yeah, and like like, Like, Gus will be Barry Alvarez coming up on the horse, like, a little pretty lady. Why don't, you know, Paul, Chris, you can just, you can just let Pitt go. Pitt's, Pitt's basically dead. Wow.

I made a promise. I said I'd stick by her, Birmingham or no. God, you made this, you put real pathos in this, man. I thought we were, we went down the highway to a joke, and I ended up in a veil of tears. Yeah, I wanted to say something funny about Pitt, but now. We love you spilly We love you Sorry

Sorry about your football team Sorry about the thing that you're into Sorry about the Terry Shivo Panthers Yeah Woo boy That is not where I expected to end up in a discussion of pit football but that's my mistake That's on you

That's totally on you That's on me You should have read the label I know other people who got mentioned by the way, who's our sort of tangential, probably like mostly mediocre NFL candidate mentioned with this? Oh, Darryl Bevel.

Oh. That's Super Bowl winner, Darrell Bevel to you. Who's that? He's the offensive coordinator for the Seahawks, who was a quarterback at Wisconsin back in the day. So naturally, any line that can be drawn between him and that job gets him a raise

somewhere down the line in the NFL. That's That's what that's actually for. And other names mentioned, just the sporting news has a very entertaining one. Dave Doran, as you mentioned, who speaking of people who you're like, yeah,

they're probably never going to turn that around. That doesn't seem like NC State's going to necessarily go anywhere. It would be awesome. Got her in the Bitcoin Bowl, sir. Sir? It would be awesome if David Cuthclair took this job out of nowhere. Because I think we've all, I think people in the,

no at least agree that the story that was floated that Michigan offered him the job and he turned it down is not strictly true that said that rumor being out there and then him being like yeah I think I'm going to take this Wisconsin job that would make me very happy and then saying I think this is the best job in the big time I think absolutely how can you turn down Madison oh how I think especially from an academic point of view. This was the best just as far as overhaul tradition and prestige and contributions to the mental

world. I will take two serious objections and apply them to this sporting news list. One of them is Kirby Smart, which... What the hell? Yeah, you think Kirby's going to get a look at that payroll in your facilities and spend more than three seconds after living in the top.

Okay, cool. I'll come hire a bunch of guys who make a third of what I make right now. Yeah. Let me see what defensive recruits I'd be working. Ooh, hey. Yeah, that's fantastic. Though the next name on this list is one that I would adore.

If you do not know him, P.J. Fleck at Western Michigan. Yeah. Certified crazy person. Hire him tomorrow. have like 19 three-star commits by the end of the day. You'd have all of the three-star commits in the world. This is the guy who, when he sees the Monopoly board, he's like, ooh, orange, just gets all the orange.

Yes, his answer is yes. Yes. You're a purple property, yes. Light blue, I'll take it. You've got to build a hotel on Oriental lap. That's totally what I'm doing. P.J. Fleck, who also, of course, dances, takes his shirt off in pepper rallies, and has very detailed notions

of what the game routine should go like if you've never seen the video row the boat we'll include it with this post because you should just watch it sometimes I forget that people don't necessarily know exactly how crazy PJ Fleck is so I hope he gets the Wisconsin job is what I'm saying

all for it moving on reader questions before we delve into bowl season because that's where we're at is we are very dangerously close to bowl season. Ryan, you got a question from readers you like to answer. All right, let's go with this question from Jackson Martin, who wants to know who hires Bob Stitt this offseason,

and how soon am I allowed to shamelessly jump onto their bandwagon? I'm throwing this out to you guys, because I honestly don't know. I would like to see, is the Kentucky offensive coordinator position? still open? The Kentucky offensive important position is still open. I would say this,

that if Wisconsin can maybe take a run at Tom Herman, the offensive coordinator at Ohio State. Broil's Award winner. Broil's Award winner, Tom Herman. If he can somehow get a good solid run, if they

get a good solid run at Tom Herman, then that kind of takes him out of the running for the Houston job, which is super air raid friendly. and interesting and would totally be something that I think Bob Stitt could nail. That would be fun.

That would be fun. I don't know how much of a fit that is or whether they're not going to get who they want at Houston, but if they whiff on Tom Herman, Bob Stitt is a really interesting name there. And as a member of the Internet media, it is my job to try to get Bob Stitt a job.

Yeah, even though I think all of us have combined to see one of his games. Two. Not even. Not even. Yeah, I've seen none, so that average is out to two divided by three, whatever that would be, just among this podcast. There's not even enough to go around. But, yeah, I mean, Colorado State.

What would be the worst place Bob? Why the world not? What would be the worst place Bob's stick could end up? Michigan? Wisconsin. Michigan. Because he plans on scoring points. It's frowned upon.

That's true. fun. He's a nice guy, like scoring points. Those are all serious demerits in the eyes of the Michigan search committee. And yeah, he coaches at an engineering school with, you know, very particular academic standards, which do not fit, which cannot approach the academic requirements of a Michigan man. Engineering. We dabbled in matters of philosophy. feet and and you know and kinesiology for our athletes but but mostly deep knowledge didn't engineer write the decameron I don't think so can you build a building with the decameron if you have enough of them ergo ergo this classics degree it's going to be my gateway

for a sort of lower tier ivy league degree maybe like a Harvard education degree that's That's probably where that's leading you. The question I would like to answer would be this. A statue of blank in your office would make you bail on your job. I'm just going to just put this out there because I bet there's a statue of Barry Alvarez

in your office at Wisconsin. And I bet you can't move it. Not because it's too heavy, but because Barry bolted it to the floor. Well, Barry's, it's not that it's bolted, Barry's got like a closet full of them, so you're like, ugh, we're going to move this out. And then in the middle of the night, he puts another one in there.

It shows up. And he says, oh, it looks like the Barry Fairy played you a visit. You've been a good boy. That's all Barry Alvarez does in retirement is go around, putting statues of himself. Just sprinkling statues of himself throughout the Midwest. You're like, where is the earth? with my mother's ashes and why

is this Barry Alvarez statue in its place? Because you've been great. Barry Alvarez. Yep, in your kitchen without you knowing it at 6.45 a.m. The Barry Fairy thinks your mother didn't play well in big games. That's it. The only person who can't be charged for

B&E in Wisconsin. Barry Alvarez is totally legal. Just walking to anyone's home. Give them a berry statue. It's like how every culture has its own Santa. in Wisconsin it's the Barry Ferry I got a stocking full of meat products smokes and beer

The Barry Ferry's been here But I wanted my dad to come back No you didn't If you crack open that statue It's got Canadian lottery tickets in it How many interim Rose Bowl wins Does your father have Not even an appearance, eh?

It sounds like he's no dad at all Michigan calls this guy's number Who is this guy with No World Parenthood. Your dad's... Your dad's Ron Zuck? Man, that'd actually be. We joke about the Michigan opening, which is, by the way, still very much open.

As of this recording. As of this recording. As of you're listening to it. Everything is under control. They know what they're doing, clearly. You can wait a week and listen to this. It's December 10th. If it's the 17th and you're listening to this,

guess what? Michigan still doesn't have a coach. Welcome to the veteran. Valentine's Day shut down forecast. They're just looking for the right, man. We put plate tectonics in charge of this job, sir. It's like a CW show. It's like Michigan had it all together at work,

but they couldn't find the right guy at home. Sarah Michelle Gilar is Michigan football. As they play, I don't want to wait by Paula Cole behind her. I don't want to wait. That would be the funniest choice for me from Michigan as if they just took Barry Alvarez, 68-year-old Barry Alvarez. Come coach our team.

On an interim basis. No, no, no. Give him like a 10-year deal. Okay. It's got to be 10 years. Is he still the AD at Wisconsin and continue his own coaching search? He's allowed to commute.

He might end up coaching both teams. All-time coach. Barry across in the field. Hold on. Wow, waddle, waddle. Barry's got a lot of respect for what Barry's built at Michigan. The Barry Alvarez.

coaching bridge that allows him to jump from sideline to sideline without interfering with the game. Barry Alvarez hands himself this traveling trophy, a bust of Barry Alvarez. I like to call him Barry Alvarez. He's coaching all of the teams. It's not Barry some Verres.

We're laughing and watch them get Belichick. Watch Michigan just get Belichick. Paying him $15 million. He's more than a coach. He's a humanitarian. Why is he taping Purdue practices.

Can you imagine? Why is he paying players? That's a subsidy. He's reviewing the tape. They're just sitting around talking about how much they don't want to be at Purdue. This is practice? Yeah. Yeah, Tim Beckman's in their parking lot.

Just waiting on them. Just terrible parking lot. Just sleeping. The question that you would like to answer, Jason. This comes to us from Big 12 champ Carter. Congratulations to Carter. I realize the Big 12 has a lot of champs. I didn't realize Carter also was one of them.

One true champ. On Twitter, he is the real sea lace. The question is Art Briles 2016. And my answer would be Northwestern State, SMU, and Rice. Oh, I thought he met presidential run. I don't know what that means. I'm just looking at the out-of-conference schedule. Yeah, I'm sorry.

And Art Pryl's lives in Texas. he doesn't recognize your false president. It's true. He doesn't even recognize the president. You mean that in the literal sense that he doesn't, if he showed him a picture of Barack Obama and be like,

I don't know who this is. He doesn't play for that. He doesn't play for my team, and he doesn't play for your team, so I don't see how this is relevant. Does he know Rick Perry? Does he know Ann Richards? Is he?

Is this Ann Richards? Is this Ann Richards? Is this Ann Richards? That's some sort of inappropriate fraternity party? Has you got any kind of connections to LBJ? Because if he doesn't know LBJ, I ain't care about. I believe that's the new coach down at Sam Houston State.

LBJ is my president. Has been, always will be. Tell you what, I'm going to ask Ken Starr about this guy. See what he has to say. Long live, undead, perpetually shitting LBJ. You know what? LBJ grew his hair long once. Everyone learns and grows.

Even hair. Even hair. yeah um before i do the mcana hay peeking through in your in your bryls i'm really trying to tap that down but you know inside every texan accent there's just a mcana hay like breathing out it's not quite hostile enough for bryl's you have to be a little louder with bryl's and my kids are going to sleep so i can't really go full bryl's you know yeah there's like a pissed off for greatness element to it yeah we practiced our ass out this is a damn fine football team a damn fine football How many dollars would you pay to hear what he said to the Big 12 commissioner on the field during their little dust up after Baylor beat Kansas State when Baylor won several big 12 titles?

Like a real number on that? I'd pay $180. Oh, yeah. I'd go 500. You go 500? I'd go 500. Yeah, you don't have kids. That's right.

I would pay a noticeable amount of money. I'd pay an amount of money that would make, like, people say, what is wrong with you? I just want to hear it because it might have been some kind of Texan phrase that like no one really understands the first eight times you hear it, right? I think that's a gypsy curse. It's a Texan curse. If you look at the photo, it's Briles is saying something and Bolesby's got his hands up. So that would seem to line up.

What did our Biles say to Bolesby? Just thinner. Yeah, something like, I cut you like a dry dick and a fallow plane. What? What? Yeah. Now he's going to die in eight days. Oh, God, it's going to be awkward if that happened.

happens. Thanks, Ryan. I should have picked a number that it already passed. Bob Bolsby. Killed by falling anvil. I'm dark as shit tonight. Ryan is on one today. I like it.

Let's do this. Let's get weird. The questions having been answered, and thank you, readers, as always, for your kind submissions. We choose so few, and you submit so many. And for that, we are grateful, and also kind of lazy and stingy at the same time.

We need to talk about bowls because that's where we're at. It is time to at least start thinking about bowl season. And just looking at the schedule, just for the early innings, these all worked out like on paper. These all worked out really well. Like this is an awesome looking slate of bowls and it gets better. Like I don't know what quite what the effect of having, you know, one more game was, but it seemed to be pretty good because it puts

some like really good teams, maybe a step down from where they would be normally, and sort of like had this downward pressure sort of improving matchups down the line. I don't know whether this is just a fluke, but if you look at the slate of bowls, at least on paper, there are some really awesome matchups. You know, you know what I think it is? I think the expanded ball slate allows more movement so that they could quarantine the teams that I really don't want

to watch like Ruckers Ruckers playing UNC in Detroit is, it feels very quarantini like hey why don't you kids

go play over there in that closet where nobody can see it can you play on the yard yeah further further how about in the lake go play in the lake

kids that's good yeah I can still see you so keep going yeah I think there are two big things at play here and they both kind of go back to there's more oversight this year like for the post bcs new year's eve whatever we want to call them games like there are actual a single set of adults in charge

of those rather than like every bowl scrambling and like adding a nine and three virginia tech or whatever you know so there's that for the big games virginia tech goes nine and three you you cad you don't seem to recall when this happened a few years ago it was like number 13 Virginia tech being picked or the sugar bowl or whatever. Oh, Brady Hoke. There's that. And then there's like, you know, several of the conferences just said, we're going to handle all the bowls ourselves.

So it's like, you know, the orange blazers, those guys don't really matter anymore. Which is great. But they're still going to games. They're getting free tickets. Remember, you know, we have trouble with credentialing. Meanwhile, somebody from the Liberty Bowl decides to go watch Oregon because scouting? and gets in and gets waved in

you know not by Oregon but you know they'll just go watch Oregon at a random game because why not so why don't we just solve our credentialing problem

by starting a bowl well we're working on that all right that's going to happen I'm only kind of half joking talk to Jim Bankoff about it man it's crazy seed money is for

But yeah, I thought, like, I think there is a quarantine effect, maybe, inadvertently. I don't think anybody would necessarily do that on purpose. I would. I'd require them. Like, oh, yeah, Rutgers, you're playing in Detroit. I mean, do you want to watch Miami, South Carolina? Play anybody else, or are you happy that they just get to sit by themselves in Shreveport? I think the level of shitty madness between those two teams is just so perfect for each other.

Like, I don't want to watch them play anybody else, but each other, oh, yeah, oh, yeah. But one of these teams is just going to say, fuck it, right? Yeah. Like, one of them is just going to be like, yeah, you know what? I'm not possibly ruining my knee for the Duck Commander Independence Bowl. Yep, and you know what? Based on past experience, you know what team that's going to be 100% guaranteed? South Carolina.

That's going to be selling. Like, because El Gold might get them, oh, gosh, you got a young team, things going here. No, at South Carolina, Steve's going to be playing some call. just decided we didn't have anything to play for and I can't blame us. Actually, I believe, didn't he say he's thrilled to be in the Independence Ball? Yeah, I'm sure.

Without a hint of sarcasm? Yeah, they're going to lose like 38 to 6. That's how this game is going to go. Miami is back. Miami is back. The game that everybody does want to talk about. You used to only be one game on Christmas Eve. There are now two games.

Hawaii Bowl, the game you remember, I think combined, by the way, in your life as a college football fan, everybody has watched exactly 12 minutes of the Hawaii Bowl. Yeah, and your mom was pissed at you the whole time. Exactly. You just add up those 30 seconds over years. You're like, I got about 12 minutes total. You get in here. You get in here and you help us make cookies, you asshole. Once you start working in the business, when you come to college football, you can sort of say, oh, yeah, I got to work. There's a bowl game on. Then you get a good nap. Yeah, but you know You know what, your family, your family doesn't even buy you. Yeah, your family doesn't even buy that.

Like, they won't. Like, I'm like, oh, that's the Hawaii Bowl. My wife's like. No, no, no, no, no. You don't say it's the Hawaii Bowl. You say there's a bowl. No, I can't. My wife knows.

They all know. Well, that's your problem. Yeah, they're too smart. They know they're like, oh, yeah, the Hawaii Bowl and the entire family does the ranking gesture at the same time. We do a lot of rice. We play the pro bowl. We do a lot of rice traffic.

It's important. Fresno State, you know, like, you need to get that, you know, inner empire. You need to get that Fresno traffic. It's a huge fan base. But the second game, which actually makes for feasible viewing, because remember the Hawaii Bowl,

it's always on at 8 p.m. 8 p.m. on Christmas Eve, right? Like that evening, when you sit down, nestle in with too much alcohol, turn the lights low, maybe put on some Nat Geek coal and really consider your own mortality, how depressing the middle of winter is,

no matter where you are, that's not this bowl. This bowl is the Bahamas Bowl, and it comes on at noon. Yep. perfect timing and it is live from a cricket stadium a soccer stadium in the Bahamas brought to you by Popeyes brought to you by Pop-I. How many people are going to be at this game?

Roger Sherman. Roger Sherman. So attendance is at least one. It's possible that Roger could interview every attendee of the Bahamas Bowl. That's a good idea. Yeah, we're going to try to get him to do that. Okay. It's been very entertaining. Roger's very young and we've been booking things and at one point I said, Roger, go ahead and get a hotel and he goes, man, do I have to pay for that?

I hope he said yes. I did. I said yes. And he was really panicked for about 30 seconds until I told him he didn't. Well, this is the first time he's gone on the road, isn't it, for something like this? Yes, yes, it's going to be glorious. Let's send him to another country or whatever it is.

Yeah, that's, whatever the Bahamas are. Honestly, Jason, do you know what the current political standing of the Bahamas are? as far as what I had to look it up like do they have a government I think so yes they do Lando Calrissian won them

damn it you check Wikipedia too oh my gosh they are their own country you know I had to make sure I was like are they still a crown colony no they're not a crown colony

though they are part of the they are part of the Commonwealth but yes I am totally gonna watch that game at noon on Christmas Eve when it is still acceptable to shirk your responsibility as a family member and watch football on Christmas Eve.

I am a little upset that that game did not draw the aforementioned Western Michigan and PJ Fleck to go with it. I know, they went with Central. Yeah, which, you know, fire up chips and all that. And it could have been Western B Western. Western. Yeah, not all the Westerns.

Yeah, the Western. And plus, like, if it's Western versus Western, I know what we're getting. Both teams are going to throw the ball, 90 times each. I have no clue what Central Michigan does this year. I haven't seen a minute of them as far. Yeah, no, let's be honest.

Have you watched the Central Michigan game this year, Ryan? No. I have not. I've not watched one Central Michigan game. But hey, now we're going to. Now we have to, right? This is my last chance to watch Central Michigan this year. Oh, but it should be, that should actually be entertaining just because Western Kentucky's in it.

They can score like 80 points. Yay. Speaking up, any other games that catch your eye on the early. slate, like building towards Christmas. I like this Marshall v. Northern Illinois, Boca Raton Bowl. Also, another new bowl in a weird place. Another new bowl, but, like, two pretty good teams that either of them could conceivably beat, I would say, any mediocre to only slightly good Power 5 conference team, right?

Something like that, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think based on how they've played so far this year I'd say Marshall's better but just like eyeballing the players I think I think you know Marshall's little

they are they're very tiny they're a tiny gifted team which is why I am the only staff member who pick NIU to win because I just think and I asked Brian Cook of MGO blog about this

I was like am I totally crazy I really think they're gonna win and the quote I got from him was NIU will punch them in the dick Yeah, because I mean NAU They're going to run the ball right at you If they're running back and their quarterback and all that

And Marshall's little There you go Our expert analysis is Marshall's little I think Marshall just because on paper They've been way, way, way better But

I also like this game because it's being played in FAU's football stadium Yes Which was briefly named after a prison country briefly named after a for-profit prison company which remember if you think that's a valid line of employment, that endorsement

lasted like a week before people were like, oh God. Welcome to Florida. It's a business like any other. No, Florida people, it is not. This is where we have to explain civilization to you again. No,

that's bad. Don't do it. Jason, you see anything else on the docket? here's another brand new game the miami beach bowl in the marlin stadium with memphis and b yu do you think do you think they're going to use the the outfield statue for this game god i hope so please every time they score touchdowns actually i would do dolphins flipping the fuck around i would do it i would do it for fumbles like you fumble i'm kidding that thing just put yeah do you put put a big like ball in between the dolphins like they're chasing it yeah why can't we strap football stuff

right? Who's going to stop us? If it's Memphis and BYU, I put little Lavelle Edwards heads on the dolphins. Every time they move, it'd be fantastic. Yeah. BYU, who's had kind of a,

like these are two teams really at opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of how the season went. Memphis basically having a dream season. And BYU, who following the injury to Tazam Hill, their season just imploded. I hope we get a Dantari Post.

at this game. Just, like, I would really enjoy that. He'd be like, look for the biggest man and the biggest human in this stadium. There he is. There he is. Run! He's on the dolphin. He's eating the dolphin.

He says it's good. He's good. And then the best part, remember, the real winner in this ball game are the taxpayers of Miami who are still paying for the stadium for the next, like, 80 years. Whatever. Even when you're dead in the afterlife. you have to pay for the stadium. Way to go.

Crazy-ass PJ Fuck, by the way, ended up in the famous Idaho potato bowl, which I enjoy watching this game because I always forget it happens. Like, I always forget about the former humanitarian bowl, and then suddenly there's a shot of somebody fishing, right?

Like, just somebody fishing in the middle of Boise. And I'm like, oh, we get to watch a bowl game in Boise, of all places. He's going to be turned the fuck up to play on that blue field. He's generally turnt anyway. Yeah.

But he will be an extreme variation of turn. I can see across time! Well, this is the game every year when it really dawns on people that bowl season has struck. Because, like, you know, it comes after like the New Mexico Bowl, which is fine and all. And then you look up and you see a

giant dancing potato. And you say, okay, okay. My mind is back in bowl season now. Yeah. What do you think happens to the potato costs in the rest of the year? Did they try to use it at like kids parties and promotional events?

It shows up in Boise State games. All right. Well. I think he stays, he or she stays busy. Another oddity, by the way, we need to point out of all of these oddities. There are many in the early slate. The Camelia Bowl. I do declare.

I do declare. The Camelia Bowl, which is in beautiful Montgomery elephant. Oh, God. I can't say it with the straight face. It's in Montgomery. Montgomery. Is Birmingham too exciting? Do you think Jackson, Mississippi is too well run?

Come to Montgomery. Come to Montgomery. Everything's broken. We'll fix that. That's the motto of Montgomery should be. Welcome to Montgomery. We'll fix that, y'all. We're going to get around to that.

Yeah, we'll get to it. We've got a team that lost the Mac Championship by like 30 points. and like the fifth plus team in the sunbelt. Come on down. Come on down. It starts very late. It starts to see it. This is the game that you know by the way, the scheduling.

Like this is really like, it runs like a concert in reverse when you look at how the day runs out because pretty good matchups on the 20th. It's like, man, the Nola Bowl. Nola Bowl is always kind of entertaining, you know. Then you get the New Mexico Bowl, which is U-TEP versus Utah State. then you get you know wow look there's actually a pack 12 team they're playing in the Las Vegas Bowl at 3 30 and then Boise a pretty interesting matchup

if you're sort of a connoisseur for western Michigan and Air Force and then at 9.15 Easter 9 fucking 15 they're like you'll watch this too won't you? Please please watch this because you're awake so I don't think I'll be watching that

that shit is going to end at 1 a.m. So this is what you tell your family when you watch the Hawaii Bowl be like, hey, remember how I didn't watch the Camellia Bowl so I could spend time when the kids? You can redeem it later. I just want to point out the Nola Bowl starts at 11 a.m.

Yeah. I didn't even know New Orleans was like open at 11 a.m. Which is what? Which is what? 9 o'clock Nevada time? Has like, have people even gone to sleep at 11 a.m.? No, they're going to be turning on the lights in about the middle of the second quarter. In a dome.

Somebody's just going to come out and start making an omelet. Yeah. The smell of, uh, yeah, exotic seafood being fried up for breakfast all throughout the dome. What are you cooking over there? Oh, this is like a pound and a half of now extinct prawns. What do you mean now extinct? These are the last ones.

These are the last ones. Ooh, they're going to be delicious. They're going to be delicious. Uh, I would point out the, the Camelia Bowl, it happens in the stadium in Montgomery, which has the best name ever. It's the Crampton Bowl. C-R-A-M-T-O-N, the C-R-A-M-T-O-N, the Crampton Bowl. Historic and beautiful.

Historic and beautiful. Oh, man. It does look like a high school stadium. It's an actual college stadium. Yeah, I have been to this bowl, believe it or not. When did you have an occasion to go to the Crampton Bowl? So I lived in Montgomery for like three months, two months in law school. And at one point, a couple of the people I lived with were like,

hey we should like go go find somewhere to like run around get some exercise and being that it's Alabama your only option is a football stadium and this is where we stumbled upon it was sad it was you christened the camellia bowl yeah yeah here's what you need to know about the crampton bowl on september 23rd 1927 the crampton bowl became the sign of the very first game played under the lights in the south with clovadale taken on pike road high high school. Former Superintendent D.H. Sarge Keraker remembers fondly, we used dishpants for reflectors and sent to California from the lamps. We drew 7,200 people from all over the south to see it. 7,200 people. Alabama used to play here. Alabama lost in this stadium three

times. And that's why it's been condemned. well it's haunted gotta burn it down gotta shut down the chamelea bowl can we host a bowl game in it though oh sure sure that's totally acceptable we do all kinds of things

and condemn buildings here now baby roll tight all right we'll stop there