Shutdown Fullcast - ShutdownFullcast2

Episode Date: September 12, 2013

A 41 minute podcast that asks how many 1997 Ford Escorts buys a Tyler Bray. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, coach, we're ready to go if you just want to open a statement or something. Um, well, I, I'm here to talk about whatever it is that you think you can understand. Hey, uh, coach saving, uh, AL.com, AL.com. Uh, I, I just want to go ahead and ask you one thing. Uh, is it, is the Texas job distracting you thinking about it? I don't know of any jobs in Texas. Coach, coach, coach, Tyrone Crimson Bear from AL.com. Did DJ Fluker use any of that money on the fancy Mansell autographs? DJ Fluker is a tremendous young man, a sterling young man who makes a lot of money in the NFL,

as do many of my former players. I still send him notes during every game on all the things he fucks. Hey, Coach Saban, Coach Salvin, Alfonso Chalcchescu, A.L.com division. I just want to ask you, do you think players should be played? I mean, do you think that's something that's happening? Also, I just want to say you look radiant today. Well, I don't need to hear that. We did not have a great practice today, so no, I don't think players should be paid unless they learn how to practice.

You can talk to Mike's live about that. I've never met the man. I don't have time. Can we talk about Texas A&M? D-D-D-D-D from A-L.com. You said earlier all of your players that make it to the pros have been paid, but is it not? true that Greg McElroy has not accepted any money since the eighth grade and has been playing for the Jets for free?

I've never heard that name before. I'm sorry. Coach Saving, Cope Saving, Loronzo, I don't have a last name. A.L.com. Actually, A.L.com is my last name. I just want to go ahead and ask you this. This is an A&M question. I just wanted you know that.

It's a straight-up A&M football question, and it's this. Are you going to be coaching the Dolphins next year? Oh, for Christ's sake. Um, it, it, listen, I'm, uh, I'm going to leave. Um, there's, there's not practice right now. Coach, coach, I'm going to go practice by myself out on the field. Coach, just one last question, if you would. Fine. Trickles McDunderbunk, a.l.com. Uh, how does it feel to make almost $2 million less than

Andy Reed? Uh, it, it feels fine. Coach Reed is an ex. What, hang on. What was that number? Uh, almost two million, sir. all right hook him i'm i'm taking off take it off hey phil phil from alburn illustrated i just want to go ahead and say war damn eagle that was uh jason kirkis nick sabin my face hurts so bad right now yeah you know you had the sides of your had the side of your mouth you can't you guys can't see it but i was making the face the whole time and doing the gestures could you hear the wind from the the hand gestures how how long do you think you could sustain a conversation that was just you doing nick saven talking to Mac Brown? Well, I think the Mac Brown quotient would sort of raise the sunshine level of it, make it more bearable just because he's so pleasant.

He can make awful news, like, such as all the news surrounding Texas football sound not so bad. So anyone who could pull off a Mac Brown would just, that would brighten the whole, brighten the whole day. He really does. He can even say things like, well, you know, we took Mani Diaz as a bright shining star in the coaching constellation, and we sniffed him out and turned him into it. to a veritable white dwarf, infinite in density and alone and cold in the universe,

and then brought another little white dwarf in next to him, a man by the name of Greg Robinson. That's like he can make that sound pretty. And the spackle that he uses that just ties the whole thing together is just his trademark, it is what it is. Once he says that, it's just magic. So Texas fans would be better served thinking of them, Mac Brown, not as a head coach, but as like a football oncologist. what size is the tumor mac brown well you know attitude's important when you're talking about

cancer or gregg robinson either one it's it's an it's an energetic inflammation and i'm uh i'm more more enthusiastic than ever about getting it reduced in size man that's that's actually really close to what what mac brown would would say i love by the way that in this week in schadenfreude there were three fans who actually requested Greg Robinson's services as defensive coordinator, and then got it. Yeah, those people need to be hunted down because they conjured him. Yeah, like Beetlejuice. The third time you say Greg Robinson's name, he appears in your living room, the stuffed

animal and your roof falls in. No, no, no, no, no. The first time, he's just kind of slow. You get by him the first two times, but that third time, he stops you. Hey, listen, I know somebody who with three times doesn't stop anything. And it's Greg Robinson on defense. Boom. Boom.

Hot tank. I did also find it really amusing, by the way, that there are people who think this could work. And by the way, this is the sick thing. Oh, there aren't. There's like, right. This really is like a bad diagnosis, is it? Right. I'm just stuck on Mac Brown on, like, sunny oncologist.

Right? But they're going to beat Old Miss just so that we can have that brief moment of thinking, hey, maybe this was the right decision. Maybe they got this turned around, right? And then they're going to give up 900 yards to Baylor. Yeah. Then Iowa State's going to run for, I don't know, 400? And lose?

Yeah. Well, it must have worked. Could you know that, like, you know that that's waiting, right? that Paul Rhodes, like, remember they beat Nebraska 9-7 when Nebraska had like 23 turnovers? That shit's just waiting. It's just on like, it's on the other end of the seesaw ready to jump off. Yeah, that's kind of fun. Like, we know the defense is bad.

And we've seen some bad quarterback play there last couple years. The quarterback plays holding steady for now, but when that goes too, it's bad. Oh, we're just so damn proud of my kamikaze landmine of a football team that sort of doesn't exist to compete, but merely to ruin other people's seasons. It's really kind of an art form in Ames. So I wanted to know, do you know the exact dollar amount that Tyler Bray got out of this $45,000 chunk that morons gave to people who technically weren't their clients yet? is this are we guessing like price is right closest without going over because i have no i have no are we are we are we are we accounting for the um the the the the the difference in exchange rate between here and knoxville because there it could be like billions that's a legitimate thing

by the way like what cities do you think have the highest exchange rates from one to the other like if i took money from san francisco and i put it in like olef kansas You know, is that, like, the greatest gradient you can think of? And if so, what is that within the SEC? Like, if I take money out of Nashville, is Starkville the place where it's worth the most money? I think as long as you're on sort of the earthly plane, yes. Baton Rouge would probably be both at the high and low end of that equation somehow. Baton Rouge is still on the lira, so that doesn't apply.

I'm sorry. You're right. I think you can still trade things for sacks of hominy in Starkville. And that's not, you know, that's no, that's no, like, slam on Starkville. Well, damn, what are we going to say about Starkville next week? It is a slam on harmony, though. It is a slam, yes, that it's that valued anymore. I was just thinking, though, that, like, I've allegedly $45,000 was sort of spread out to Davis, who's this, you know,

middleman and all or not middleman i'm sorry he's the the first point of contact in this whole chain of players right that got paid who included just just to count just so we can get the funny over with all right that that it included dj fluker from the university of alabama uh roll attack the university of tennessee uh quarterback tyler bray which we'll talk about that uh tennessee defense event maurice couch and mississippi states Fletcher Cox and Chad Bumpfus. Now, and this got paid to former

Crimson Tide defensive end, Luther Davis. So he's like the intermediary in all of this. And I'm trying to figure out exactly how much money gave someone Tyler Bray because I want to know what is more expensive, a used Ford Escort or Tyler Bray. Yeah, I mean, just glancing at

it earlier, it seemed like only about a couple thousand or so for Mr. Bray. So what year escort we talking. You know, this is like, we'll have to pull up Ye old Kelly Blue Book to really get to the bottom of this, but for a year's

worth of, or for Tyler Bray's non-loyalty, right, just to get his interest. Apparently, we'll have to give him I think a 1997 escort. Yeah, but Tyler Bray comes with a full tank of washer fluid, so you got to factor that in.

But you don't know where it's coming out of the nozzles. Right. And the washer fluid is in his liver, so you have to sort of get it out. It's like bare bile. You have to extract it. So he's just been trying to flush that out this whole time. I guess that's what we're trying to say. I would not be surprised if Tennessee Poison Control was just, we'll just drink it out. You just give me a straw, you gave me a bottle of Jack, and you give me a lantern. I can get that out in a night. I have a feeling there's a lot of liquids that apply to that equation in Tennessee.

I'm just saying, by the way, we'll go ahead and you can't get a price on a fair. You can't get a price on a poor can. Yep, here we go. Apparently, you can get a 1997 Ford Escort. Oh, if you could just see what this one looked like. Can you describe the color? Yes, I can. The gray, the gray, the sort of.

of like despair gray of Detroit's last dreams. That's what... Spencer, your first car was an escort, wasn't it? Oh, son, I had a 19... This is magnificent. First of all, it was nicknamed the fatty wagon because... That was my sister's nickname for me,

because she loves... Because she loves me. So you were fatty or you were fatty wagon? I was fatty. Okay, because I was hoping it was the car was ultimately the fatty wagon wagon. No, no, no, no. It was the fatty wagon after me.

It was a 1987 Ford Escort Station wagon. What? I had an 87 as well, my first car. What about the third man here? Oh, I had a 1997 Toyota Previa. Not the same. I know, please. Come on.

It was a car shaped like an egg. That has to count for something. Someone grew up with parents that loved him and had money. Do you even know what a Toyota Brevia looks like? Let's make fun of it for that. Never heard of it. It sounds pretty fancy. I know.

Previa, that sounds Italian. It sounds Tuscan, and I trust it implicitly because I'm an American, and I trust Tuscan things. By the way, if you want that 97 Ford Escort in just merely fair condition, Kelly Blue Book suggests you pay no more than $675. Okay. So Tyler Bray was just to court his interest toward signing with a particular NFL agency, as many as three or four of these fair condition, Fort Esports, stacked atop

each other. You could just roll up with a bouquet of them. What if that's what he was giving? Because they just said money and benefits. So it wasn't all cash. What if somebody just gave Tyler Bray this Ford Escort, and now he's the one selling it? Well, if he gave him the one that I had in station wagon form, if he turned up. on the heated AC, black mold began flying out of the vents every time you used it.

And that's how you drop out of the draft. And that's how you inhale the mold. That's how you start seeing things. And that's how you throw the ball to imaginary people. I've just explained everything about Tyler Bray's career. Now, I want to know if they were actually transferring the Ford Escorts to him via Western Union through some sort of Alabama transmogrification technology. If only someone could take a cell phone picture of the Western Union and the store where this occurred.

That did happen on Twitter today. You have grown men tweeting out pictures of sticks and stuff. Now, what I want to know is, it was Pat 40 who was supplying the visuals. Did he do that, like, a couple months ago, or was he just, like, waiting? They're like, Pat, the story's going live. We need art. Or was he in Tuscaloosa? Was he, like, driving around, right?

Did he get the wrong sticks and stuff? They're like, dumbass! That's the one over on university. That's going to blow the whole case. Now, he's got a whole Pinterest board full of him, and he was like, oh, it's finally paid off all this time curating. Now, maybe Pat 40 is kind of like the Google car and is just collecting data all around the country.

You tell him something chicanerous went down, he's got the photo. This massive three-dimensional camera riding along slowly behind a street agent at all times. He carries it. Yo, man, get away from me. It just walked along with that. Pigley-wiggly logged. Do you see Pat Forty's evil recruiting camp caught somebody naked on a lawn in Shreveport? I'm not shocked by that, Pat 40.

But this is the other great thing, by the way, that this is, first of all, it's 40. it's 45 grand, which, at the risk of some hubris, that's not a lot of money. That's just not a lot. Like, I mean, what other sport or what other industry do dangle like 36 grand at somebody who's going to make millions? And they're like, ooh, 36 grand. Oh, my God. I could buy a Honda element with all the fixings for that. Well, and we're talking like, it's payments.

The payments to DJ Fluker, the best player in the bunch. It was like, let's slide them $1,500. I don't know. Can we take the cheaper car? Let's fly, you know, let's take the cheaper flight. Okay, we got up to $2,000, $2,000 for DJ Fluker. $45,000 is what you pay somebody when you want them to kill someone else, but you don't really care if you or they get caught.

Yeah, those are Florida meth lottery winner prices, right? Like a good method addict to who wins the lottery in Florida. They're like, yo dog, I'll give you $35 in a subway car to take him out. I did learn this, by the way, that DJ Fluker's full name, like, remember, we had this discovery, Jason, with Julio Jones full name, right? That Julio Jones, which, you know, not exactly an unexotic name, that's merely a nickname because his real name is Quintoris Lopez-J. Jones. Yeah, that's just brushing the surface. Right. DJ Fluker's full name that he registered under at a hotel in New Orleans. By the way, embassy suites. So it's sensible, but with a little bit of flair. Yeah. His full name, Danny Lee Jesus Flucer. It could be Jesus. Which, now I know why he goes by. I just like the idea of abbreviating the name of the

of God, like, um, what's the J stand for? Jesus. But please call me Danny. Yeah. If you could just call me, like, there's probably an awkward week in DJ Fluker's life who's like, you, why don't you call me Lee? People are like, man, that just doesn't feel right, man. Okay, that's cool. Call me Jesus. Let's go by DJ. Can we do DJ? Meanwhile, AJ and AJ McCarran stands for AJ.

What does it stand for, Julio? Oh, Julio stands for Quintoris. That's Alabama math right there. The other, by the way, this is one of my favorite other lines from this, by the way, is this, which is the sticks and stuff employee who gets interviewed. And he says this, one thing we make sure we never do is discount for students. And then three months later. We discount for students. We discount every day.

Every day. Oh, and as if this wasn't funnier, as if this wasn't like baby town frolics from the start. The dude, one of the dudes who's at the corner, the center of this is John Phillips, who is an attorney from Jacksonville, a personal injury attorney, who's law page, by the way, optimized for really crappy SEO. has really terrible parodies of lawyers' ads, including one where he defends a stop-motion Mr. Potato Head, who's gotten bad plastic surgery. Good.

So he's probably committing an absurd of copyright infringement in that ad. Way to go, University of Phoenix Law Degree. Well, first of all, this also probably guarantees him a high-ranking office in the city of Jacksonville. But he's also had some run-ins with SEC weirdness before. Like, this guy is sort of becoming a recurring character. Yeah, he edited the Christy Malzon video. And then he, whatever the last scandal was, I can't keep these things straight. He had photos from somebody.

Oh, it was the Mansell thing. He alleged he had the photos, but they didn't appear. They were actually just of a Mr. Potato Head. It was the same damn Mr. Potato Head. It was, just the bizarre of Mr. Potato Head that got bad plastic surgery, which I imagine bad plastic surgery claims probably quite a cottage industry in North Florida. So do you think he's just like running through the circuit trying to see which of these he can shake down?

Because if he hasn't succeeded at any of these SEC schools yet, is it going to be Missou in this point? Are they going to just pay him $10,000 to go away? Does Missou have $10,000? thousand dollars to pay them to go away that's a whole racket this is to do his aims just keep going lower and lower like he failed out at being an agent and he's obviously bored with being a personal injury attorney aka the like redbird reading group lowest level possible of easy money lawyering specialties right and he's he's now just down to like can i get

$500 off Gary Pinkle. I'll stop taking in coupons. So make this guy disappear like Arkansas, Brett Bilema has to go into like the Christy Malzahn video remix business. It seems lucrative, I guess, but I think you probably go to Pinkle with a

very poorly Photoshop like Pinkle photo, right? A photo of you. A photo of him with like a really poorly drawn cartoon penis, right? And it would be like, you posted this new photo on Missouri's football Twitter feed and Pinkle's like

I hate myself I want to die go away don't talk to me and he's like no I have this you have to give me five grand and Pinkle's like I got $200 in my wallet just take it away please Gary Pinkel this is you drunk in public screaming he's like that looks like the Native American who accepted

Marlon Brando's Academy of Or no that's you that's you all right who's 75 here God just take it leave me alone I hate myself and I don't want to die, Gary Pinkle. And that's sort of a, well, Coach Pinkle, do you need a hand? You know, and then we end up with a situation where, like, Brett Bilema,

it ends up adopting Gary Pinkle. This feels bad for the guy. I taught him how to love again. Adopting him and giving him extremely high interest rate loans. Oh, best believe Brett's getting his out of this. 17% and 4% every month. month after six months. Bleed them like a heart full of Wisconsin cheese.

It's 15% for family. Woo, PMI, Suey. I mean, he is going to just make him bleed. Yeah, so amateurism, L-O-L, if you're looking for us to talk about what's going to happen as a result of this or what the sort of long-term moral implications are, no. Nah. Also, let's talk for 11 seconds about the Oklahoma State thing. Ready, go. It sucked. I stopped reading it.

Should we move along or something else now? Just one quick note on that, by the way. I really like journalists falling all over each other to like really pat themselves on the back over a story that credited that like used two dead guys. that's like case study right these two guys you know they're just dead they're they're definitely implicated in this over like a 10 year span of time you know what we should do we need to do an expose of like the 1941 coal gate flyers or whatever they are bears tigers flyer bears they're flyer bears because these guys are all dead can't none of them defend themselves kirk why don't we just do this on my Why don't we just, I mean, Jason and I live reasonably close to each other.

Any who lives in the vacuum suck of the New York City area. We live in a place where we can actually get into a college football program with little to no barriers and just give people money. We could give them, like, we could go down to Georgia State and just give them $20 and just right. Shoot, I think they're having another money drop this week or last week. What we do is we just catch that in the back. and leave it right on the sideline who's going to see it exactly or you just do this like we create the entire story we go down there and we're like sources say you know number 17 took money no no no we just straight up say i gave number 15 money no no no here's a vine of it

happening i think we need to co-write it and trade off right that's what we need to like exactly like i'll give some you give some and we're source one and source two and we're the entire story self-contained, completely well-sourced. And I think we need to spread it over like 17 days. There's a 267 part expose in Georgia State Football. Because we had $267 to spend on this investigation. So $1 equals one day worth of reporting every single time. But we give each story a different name, so it's like Part 7, trees and Part 8, environmental terrorism.

But it's all just, we gave another running back a dollar. Part 47. The time we bought someone's shoelaces at Walters. Like, go ahead. What's going to make this good is when you guys go to do this in Georgia State, but you don't actually have a list of who's on the football team and you're just accidentally giving 20s out to random strangers. 20s?

No, no, no. Oh, no. That's your budget. Yeah, we might be doing parking validation tokens. for like the Georgia World Congress Center. I don't know how I got to that vast boat show. Why don't you talk on? MTA's here.

I got a parking token. Yeah, we're going to end up at the Georgia Dome giving money to Atlanta Falcons. No one's going to care about this story. Yeah. This is a botch. Why don't you just go to a Georgia State game with a T-shirt gun, load it with nickels, and fire it during the game? Because someone might return fire.

that's a very real possibility because in georgia you can carry a gun into a church does that include a t-shirt gun oh hell yeah yeah that'd be fantastic now now ryan um let me let me let me break this down for you a t-shirt gun what's the second word in that shirt yeah yeah he's real smart you can't how smart these boys from up there let me go ahead The last word in that sentence, however many words it is, is gun, which means you can do whatever you want with it. Yeah. But then why is Gunner Kiel not allowed in a church in Georgia? Because he doesn't have a gun.

You got to have a gun. Catholic, sir. Yeah, he is Catholic, so he does worship the whore of Babylon. Let's get that straight. ND Nation, I was raised Catholic. Don't get all my ass about this. Go to Michigan for liable. ND Nation is not listening to an internet podcast.

No, they're not 28 minutes in either. I will tell you that. They're only listening to a radio if it has to be cranked. Or if it has a giant glowing dial that's like, Orfanani, molested by the Nazis. Which, you know, that's a great show, Andy Nation. I don't want to take you away from that or from your Dakota ring. But this, by the way, I would also say this about the Oklahoma State case.

I really can't wait for the sex part because there's nothing better than reporters writing about. sex. Like, like, I expect, like, the Steve Correll sandbag speech from the 40-year-old Virgin. Like, that's what, that's how titillating, I think this is going to be, right? Oh, no, no, this is going to be hot. Still water hot. It's going to be good, good stuff. They got, they got those poke-em paddles, they wave around in the crowd. Somebody puts on a pistol-peat mask. If this doesn't end with an oiled-up T-Boon Pickens, making horrific puns about wind power. I don't really know, I don't really know what else I could get.

Come spin the turbine. Let me show you the power of green energy. I'll give you a fracking. You're like, why is it so loud because it's a wind turbine? Why are the lights dim? Well, I rely on solar energy. Also, it's sexy. Yeah.

Yeah, I tend to think the story is mostly, I tend to think it's mostly really well-done bullshit. So that's that, and I stand by that, like, wow, that's really well-documented and all in the wrong interest of everything. But, oh man, are people talking about how well-done it is? Like, if I see one more person on Twitter say, investigative journalism is hard, I really don't care. Yeah, I've noticed that in all of our many, many, many, many, many stories on the people associated with the program we're coming out to slam the story, we always make sure to say it's well done, it's organized, it's orderly, everything is itemized and notarized. We say these things because, you know, because we feel like we have to, we're not out to get the story. Because we're middle school and those teachers, yes.

Yeah, it's all spelled right, but you know, it's, it's very much in the vein of like, here, I have produced something. Okay, that's great. Is that what we needed? Like Yahoo, I will give him credit for this. Yahoo did that whole thing, okay? And they didn't fuck up like they did last time. They did that whole thing and right on top of it as a companion piece.

They have this kneecapping Dan Wetzel, Jeremiah, against the entire notion of amateurism that co-publishes at the same time. It's like advocacy, documentation, and nut kicking. all lined up at the same time. It's perfect. That's exactly what they were doing. Instead of this five-piece, you know, like winds of war, you know. Ken Burns documentary. Brain damaged. Herman Woke of the sporting world, like the saga of Oklahoma State over a 10-year period of time, where they had people cheating at margins that were probably similar to the general population.

And smoking, weed, and having sex just like everybody else. just read the piece with the Lawrence of Arabia theme music playing and you will really get a sense of the richness and the vastness that they painted of still water just by the way I'm now just seeing like Les Miles in that white robe wandering the desert when the Messiah pose with the sun behind him right framed beautifully

holding up the wrong number on his hand John Chavis is you know the Omar Sharif character lined up next to him going he's the chosen one he was either to freedom or baton rouge whichever one comes first probably baton rouge um you want to talk about next week a little bit you know like actual football like like tomorrow like we actually have a hell of a game on it you know 730 easter yeah Troy yeah close close very close there's a T in it too lame and I think if you add up even closer I think if you add up all the people offered a scholarship it equals the roster of both of these teams. If you take Troy's offers, all 123 people on scholarship, TCU and Texas Tech in Lubbock. Yeah.

Yeah? You don't. That's the other. We're talking about offense versus defense. We're talking about a big Thursday nighter after last week of trying not to compete with the NFL. But, you know, hey, listen, you were talking about Lubbock at. night so really there could be dragons no i mean that's not an exaggeration there could be at one point a giant dragonfly vampire thing could abduct gary patterson who probably wouldn't fight too much

he loves that he loves wildlife exactly he'd be like somebody put this on earth picks i'm hoping gary patterson like realizes he's going to be on tv with cliff kingsbury and decides he's going to I'm not going to let this guy out hansom me, and he's very obviously wearing a girdle that's visible under his tight-fit shirt. His pants hyped up extra high, hair parted, even farther over. A little bit of guy liner. I can't decide what part of Gary Patterson's body has been cut away, but it's something between the knees and the nipples. Like, he's missing some torso or some leg, and one leg it may be shorter than the other. If you see him, he kind of has like a little, you know, cowboy walk to him.

He kind of looks like a planet that had half of it knocked away by an asteroid. Yeah, at one point, and by the way, that might really have happened to him. He's lived in Texas long enough. It's a big territory. Might have been hit by an asteroid, as valid a theory as we possibly have. I would also, by the way, point your interest toward UCLA, Nebraska, because Nebraska is going to give up 600 yards of offense to UCLA. Is Boston College USC a game that we have to characterize?

care about for all of the wrong reasons? No, all of the right ones. Okay. What? Because Boston College is going to win? No, no, no. I think we're a week early on this. Because I think Utah State is the one that beats USC at home. Oh, I think USC is more than capable of a three-game losing streak. All right. I'm not saying that's impossible.

I'm just saying that, and I'm saying this, by the way, USC fans, if you've made it this far. Congratulations. I'm just saying... You've got some more to go. You got a little more to go. I'm having a good time. We'll keep it going. The party doesn't stop until Keith Moon says it stops.

But, yeah, I think that's a possibility too delicious for me to really entertain as a possibility, right? Just picture Adazio being carried off the field and every USC fan saying, there's a guy who knows how to win in the Coliseum. Wow. Wow. Yeah. I can see it. We're there.

That's real. That's real, and that's happening. I like blood, so I'm going to watch both Louisville, Kentucky, and Tennessee, Oregon. Yeah, that seems fair. Nobody's going to watch Georgia Tech Duke, I assume. Oh, sir. There is Stanford Army, which that game could be over in eight minutes, considering no one will throw the ball.

You know, that game will actually probably be like 24 to 3. We got Bithoon Cookman, FIU, where FIU is the underdog. A three-point underdog. So Bithoon Cookman can win, and it's not an upset. I'm going to go ahead and call this, which is Washington at Illinois, which I believe is in Soldier Field. Yes. You want to take about putting a $500 frame and putting a $3 porno pick in the middle of it. Washington, Illinois.

Washington, Illinois is going to feature at least four players who go on to be bitterly disappointing players for the Chicago Bears. At least. At least. That's the best part is that the scouting apparatus will say, oh, well, we did a lot of work, and we did objectively. And in reality, we'll all look back on this day, right? We'll all look back on September 13th or September 14th, 2013, and think, They just saw them, and they were like, oh, that guy's good.

We should draft him. He was nice to me after the game. Move him up the board. I saw him throw a football. He doesn't sound poor. We should draft him. I want to point out that Oklahoma State is set to take out all its frustrations on some asshole name Lamar. Yeah, Lamar deserves it.

It's Lammer. I apologize. Lamer. You know, Lamar can't do it all by himself, but he, He'll take a check for it. He'll take that $350,000 happily. So that's just another example of Oklahoma State rigging a course, huh? Huh?

Somebody needs to write about that because they're going to pass this test, huh? I would go ahead and also point you gentlemen to the direction of Ohio State Cal, which is in Berkeley, and involves the nation's leading passer. Jared Gough, freshman, more yardage than anyone else, zero defense, and absolutely deadly. Now, do you think this will be the first game in which a team defending a spread offense finds its coach faking an injury?

Not to say that he's done that before. Bama killed Earth. Look at that way to get it again. I just, I'm all hung up on the running gag of Bama fans going into like a hospice and finding somebody they're like, he's about to go. And getting up in his face and just screaming, oh, yeah, made you quit.

Saving made you quit. And how have we skipped right over Iowa, Iowa State? Oh, I'm sorry? Oh, probably because both teams lost to subpar competition last week. But it's going to be very, the nice thing about Iowa, Iowa State is this is the first time in a while that I think either team can win this game and their fans will still be pissed off. off. No one's going to be.

That's the best thing about this rivalry. No matter who wins, you're like, yeah, of course we beat them. They fucking suck. That's the best part. Everyone loses in this rivalry. No matter what happens. A few more quick notes, South Carolina, they could drop this game to Mandy. They really easily could drop this game to Mandy.

And oh, what hilarity that would be. for Randy just lying in the weeds to just buck up, kick their ass at home, and have Spirier at one and two on the year. Well, then I guess we'll have to drop Georgia in the rankings, won't we? Yeah, we strength the schedule. I mean, if Vandy won in South Carolina, Georgia had to do it at home. All benefiting, by the way, the conspiracy of putting Ole Miss on the top. Already 2 and O'Noe and heading into Austin, Texas for that dominant longhorn defense.

Here comes the doctor. Only available on Longhorn Network. Ready for his Longhorn Network close-up. It's like obscure medical footage. Tell you. We find it via the university. All part of the plan. They wanted to make sure Dr. Bo did his surgery in the dark, so they put it on the Longhorn Network.

Dr. Bo! Have we talked about Wisconsin traveling to Arizona State and probably sweating off like 80 pounds that night? I was just thinking that, like, they're going to go to Mexico. can restaurants, and they'll be like, can we get some queso? Oh, God. They're going to shut that town down. This queso didn't come with a straw. Exactly.

This would be a zoo fans traveling to SEC bars of, like, Big Ten, Pac-12 relations. Although, this is a good match-up. This may be, by the way, like, when we look back at it this season, this may be the highest average BAC per fan of any game, because Arizona on a state, that's a damaged, raging place in terms of student life. And then Wisconsin is Wisconsin.

They're the nation's leader in binge drinking, and this is their college football team with their fans. And this is an 830 local kick. 10.30 Eastern. So they've had all day to just drink cheese and beer and cheese and beer, and then they walk in that stadium with low humidity and a very, very, very low, understanding of hydration. This could be amazing. Somebody's going to get naked. Somebody's having a premature stroke.

Yeah. That's happening. By the way, Wisconsin, like, that's actually probably, like, the hidden gem on this weekend. Because that could be really fun. Yeah, I'll take it. I mean, it's not Kansas at rice, but what is? Literally. What is that?

Charlie Weiss about to lose to food again. it's going to happen I mean I didn't mean that that way I meant it in the rice way not that Charlie Weiss loses to food Charlie White's beats the shit out of food

oh Dr. Bo One last call on all of this that I would just point out which is that Florida State is going to be playing Nevada which

if you like to see a pistol get dismantled attention old NFL F. L. fans who are bitter that something new happened, you should watch this game. Color me surprised. There's a pistol in Tallahassee.

That's where we're ending it. That's perfect. Good.