Shutdown Fullcast - ShutdownFullcast2.1

Episode Date: September 4, 2014

The first episode of the second season of Shutdown Fullcast screws up the introduction, makes a terrible comparison of parenting techniques to football, covers the action for week two, and why you should go to brunch with Ralph Friedgen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Well, hello, and welcome to the first season. How's this? The first episode of the season of the shutdown of Fulcast. I am Spencer Hall, editor of Every Day Should Be Saturday, editorial director for SB Nation. Joining me from Atlanta, Georgia. Do you want me to introduce myself, or you're going to introduce me for me? We didn't talk about this.

Yeah, you see, plans. Planning is really averse to everything we believe in here. But if there's a long pause and I say someone else in Atlanta, I'm probably not introducing myself. I just thought you forgot his name. Well, I just didn't know if you were sort of building up the suspense and then you were going to say my name. That's Jason Kirk. My name is Jason Kirk.

If anyone cares at this point. The college football editor at SB Nation. And joining us from New York in the separate intro, a third person on the podcast, formerly known as Celebrity Hot Tub Only, now docks in real life and shamed with the opportunity of a media job, Ryan Nanny? Yeah, that's correct.

That is the name I've chosen. You said his name. Yes, we can do that now. Okay. No, I meant you didn't say mine, but he did say his. That's Jason Kirk, the editor, SB Nation College football, Kennesaw State alum and fan.

Go Owls. And you're Spencer Hall. Did we already say that? We did. And there's Ryan Nanny. I'm Ryan. Up in New York, we have Ryan Nanny. And that's Jason Kirk.

Oh, this is Shutdown Fullcast. We've already gotten to a fantastic start on... I feel bad for whoever has to transcribe this. On tonight's shutdown full cast. Yeah, for the Library of Congress when we send it to them. I think we just have Jimbo Fisher do it. I got it, guys, hold on. It's just take me about two minutes.

I got to send it right through. I got a girl who does this. We have something to discuss, by the way, which is that tonight, right before we went on, Charlie Strong, who's already kicked off a full 9% of his roster at the University of Texas, decided to just up that to 10 and booted off two linemen,

thus leaving the Longhorns with, guess how many career starts on the offensive line? How many? The number is lower than five. The number is indeed lower than five. You're thinking a little too high, Ryan. Two. Well, hey, hey, why are you hating on the longhorns, man?

Too low. I will go ahead and just tell you that number four. Man. Four! They have four starts. With this move, Charlie Strong has now created the least experience. offensive line in all of college football. Whatever, man.

That helicopter had too much weight. He's just getting the dead weight off of it. We ain't going to make it to the base. Just throwing kids. I think it's an academic move. If you think about a professor to student ratio, he's just trying to improve that. If you only have 10 players, they can all get a great education.

Look out U.S. News and World Report. Is Texas football like a daycare? What's your teacher to student ratio? Here's the question I have for both of you, because you both have children. And if one of your children acts out, what is your, what is like level one of what you're going to do with that kid? Level one is I back off and look at my phone and see if my wife takes care of her. Okay. And then start reading Twitter.

Yeah. Hold on, honey. I'm working on something. This is my work. Yeah, Spencer's the one to answer this because, I mean, I could weigh in, but his advice is going to be much more fruitful because he has two boys and all boys are animals. Right. But I assume there are like layers of response that you have.

Like we're police? Right. Yeah, there are rules of engagement and there's a process. You know, first is, first is you give them, you hit them with a series. face, you know, then you try counting, then you go for a timeout, then you go for, well, you're not going to have any fun ever and try to take away something fun. I mean, with that right there, that about covers it with a girl. But as for boys, I assume you have to start throwing things and...

Well, I think this is where Charlie's at. If we can just... I think Charlie is at the point in parenting when he's decided that there's something hot on the stove. Right now, Texas football is... is just one huge kitchen with 1,000 pots on the stove, right? With hot things and handles leaning over. And if you're dealing with kids and you think you have a really crucial, important situation,

there's certain times when that like, oh, honey, or this is your first warning, that doesn't work at all, all, all right? This is not a metaphor, by the way. Texas actually, in Mac Brown's last contract, he had a 10,000 burner stove. It made no sense. But at that point, Texas was just spending the money. 10,000 burner stove, a bunch of things boiling over. And it's not a matter of being alert. It's that kid can't pull that off the stove.

You can't let them, right? So if you have to yank them physically away from it while screaming and making as much of a ruckus as possible in the kind that will just scare the daylights out of them, possibly scarring them, that's preferable to actual scarring. So I really think that's maybe where parenting and Charlie Strong intersect. It's like when a kid runs out into the street. I think right now he sees this year as being so crucial that if he sees anyone doing anything,

it's a kid running out in the street. You yank them, you scare them, you pull them out, and you put them in timeout. Of course, the difference here being this isn't actually in loco parentis, and two, Charlie Strong isn't their dad, and he's actually just robbing them of scholarship. Yeah, and time out means you're going to go live somewhere else now. Yeah. We're giving you away. That's, that's, I hope, I hope he just has this binary system where it's like, oh, you behaved, so you're on the good side.

Oh, you did something wrong. You're banished forever. I hope there is no, like, levels. It's just, it's just in or out. Yeah, it's, it's, it's the opposite of the song. Like, like a 17th century orphanage, basically. Yeah, this also makes me wonder, like, the last three years at Texas must have been really cool. Oh, so cool.

Like, as a player, like, what couldn't you get away with? But it also has the after, it's sort of like when you have in high school, the 27-year-old substitute teacher who ends up teaching the whole semester, and you're like, oh, my God, he's so cool. He, like, hung out with us, and he was the coach of the rowing team. And then, like, five years after high school, you're like, man, he hung out with us a lot. That was weird. Yeah, and you're like, why didn't I get drafted?

Why didn't a single one of my teammates get back to me? I think they just walked in and they're like, hey, go to a lift today, boys. Nah, I'm not feeling it, coach. All right, that's cool. Bye. Just going to hit the elliptical. They're basically you, right? Like, I'm going to go to the gym.

What you're going to do? Once you go make a flapjack, we got the burners for it. We have 10,000. Lord knows, we got the burners. Now, I just want to, like, there's so many, so many systems. that Charlie's set up at Texas, where you've got to earn the right to do the hook them, you've got to earn the helmet logo and all this. Like, what else is there that he could possibly take away that these guys are going to,

that he can add so that guys sort of pick up on what he's doing here. What else can he take away? He can tape Pringle's cans around your hands, so you can't see that. See, that's adding something, though. He's adding Pringle's cans. Technically making the world's lamest X-Man out of them. I don't know. And Mega Man, too.

Pringles Man is devastating. He's right up there with Florida Man and racist man and a racist Florida man. You definitely want to beat Cherry Coke, man, before you beat Pringle's Man, though. Looking ahead, Texas's schedule, by the way. Yeah, it's going to get rough. Oh, it's going to get rough fast. Because if you're talking about being porous along. offensive line. That points to a matchup of some import on October 4th against Baylor,

who Baylor has a defensive line now. Who knew? Yeah, and, you know, surrounding that, Oklahoma, they've got linebackers. BYU always has a couple 35-year-old pass rushers and UCLA. They got Miles Jack, so this is all going to be really fun. Yeah, enjoy that. They might win. Before booting off their last two offensive linemen, you sort of think and, I don't know, were you thinking like a six-win year, seven-win year for Texas? I was thinking like eight or so, but now it's good heavens. Well, they got one. Is that enough?

Just stop, like a sad blackjack player? Yeah, just play, just have a bunch of lightning and stuff. I stay on four. Yeah, hold on four. Sir, you haven't even received your second card. Oklahoma's playing a bust card. Hold. Holding on four.

I'm just going to ride this four out. Yeah, they've BYU, UCLA, Baylor, Oklahoma, Kansas State, and let's say Oklahoma State, those are all likely losses, like looking ahead. Those could be, that's a heinous

rip. This is after, by the way, we haven't even covered this. They lost David Ash. And their starting center. Yeah. Which is part of the offensive line thing, but that's a big deal too. Yeah. The dude who runs your offence and the other guy who runs your offense both gone the entire core of

your offense in the span of a week correct yeah yeah okay it kind of makes it kind of makes it easier doesn't it like if you don't have an offensive line why do you need a quarterback and if you don't have a quarterback why do you an offensive line well will must champ has broken you that's yeah it's kind of like if you if you don't have a job then you don't have to pay for a car and if you don't have to pay for a car, you don't really need a job. You're basically taking like the John Boy's approach to life. I don't need to own a car. I kind of think John should be the coach of at least one big 12 school at some point.

Oh, Iowa State. Yeah, I mean, what's it going to hurt? What are they going to do, lose to North Dakota State? Duh. Done and done. So for this week's breaking Iowa State. We're going to run 11 punters. We're going to break the sack record for our own QB.

Kansas is going to break the sack record. We're going to make them do it. Just different dares. We can just crowdsource whatever DARE Iowa State was going to do that week. We can go beyond, oh, don't punt. You can be like, no, 11 punters on the field. Oh, you're going to wear shoes on your hands and nothing on your feet. We're taking, we're making you playing moon boots on the field.

Let's move to things from last week Because we are coming out of week one And one wants to be cautious Coming out of week one Hell no No let's make sure What you're even talking about there All right screw it

Let's make general like blanket general generalizations Just things looking forward that you go Oh this is totally what that team's going to be They won't improve This won't change They're screwed because of is it okay that mine is positive I mean

this is the internet so no but go ahead um all right so I I picked Cal because I think Cal beating a Northwestern team that may actually be made out of expired graham crackers was comforting

because they showed some semblance of a defense and they didn't have that at all last year No, like, like, like, let's reemphasize. Not at all. Like, literally, they just, they just didn't have it. It's as if they took 11 strangers who had never seen football and said, hey, just stand here.

Something really cool and fast is going to happen around you. Past you, behind you. Right. Often over you. Right. They were, like, they were the bystanders in the train station and the opposing offense was the flash mob. And they're just like, whoa!

Whoa, did they plan this ahead of time? This is crazy. Is this 2007? What? Whoa. But yeah, I think Cal will like be kind of a feisty team and will play enough defense to hang around in games and puts a scare into, I don't know, somebody, but they won't be this, you know, bottom of the barrel, we only throw 70 passes of games.

because our defense gets scored on immediately garbage heap. Now, if they're not the bottom of the barrel, say the Pac-12 bottle barrel, who is? Oh, I'm afraid I haven't answered that. Oh, God. It may be Washington. It may be a bad, long year at Washington. Worse than Cal? You know, I went into that sentence real confident, and now I try to,

to say it and it won't come out of my mouth. Hold on to it. Hold on to it tight. You know, it may still be Colorado. I know Colorado will improve, but they still might be the bottom because they got paved by Colorado State. They did. They did. Runt over. Hey, man. I mean, we've all seen that Twitter picture

that Ram running over the Buffalo. That's just art and life, that thing. Art and life and all, whatever the quote is. Colorado State's just Bama's Farm League team anyway. Yeah. Dee Hart, what's up? Now, I'm sticking with Cal as the worst team in the Pac-12, personally. I mean, yeah, they beat Northwestern and all,

but Northwestern can't even put their clothes on, right? You'll see that news? You know there's a Pac-12 team that lost to Ruckers, right? Oh, yeah, they have them. We can still say them. Gary Nova looked awesome against a Pac-12 team. I'm just going to throw that out. There's another option.

and there's another option then. All right, now, I'm actually going to defend Wazoo on this, and this is not a super defense for Wazoo, but if you look at them, offensively, they're going to be very good. They're going to be crazy good. And Conner Halliday is going to throw no more than three or four picks a game,

which is improvement, really, because he's probably going to throw five or six TTs per game as well. Like Conor Halliday is now air raid, mind-melded, they're just going to be ridiculously productive offensive across the board throughout the year, which I think that's what makes them a scoge better than Cal. Because I think Cal will have hiccups. I mean, Cal is going to have, not just hiccups,

they're just going to be vomiting. Sure, the defense look fine and all, and they put up points with their little throw the ball 85 times a game thing. I'm making a little hand gesture when I say that. That's good. That's good for this medium, so. Just picture it. I mean, the schedule.

is going to get brutal. The depth that looks better than last year, sure, but lost so much talent, lost like an LSU load of players to the draft, even though they didn't have LSU quality players to begin with. Listen, man, we're talking

about Cal. Why is this happening? Okay, all right, that's fine. I mean, all I know is Ralph Regen went from spending two years talking shit about Maryland at brunch, and then went out and got a W. Yeah, yeah, talking over a long, brunch. An extended hardy brunch.

To hear. Hey, I'll tell you this, it was a damn good brunch. Listen, what, if you're going to pick, like, coaches to have a brunch with, uh, Friegian's up there. I'm following the fridge. Yeah, you're, you're cowering in his shadow, following along. Um, I would say this. Another trend that I saw is this, that, uh, that I think UCLA's offensive line, they're going to have problems. They did not, uh, uh, they did not do much against UVA, not at all. They were...

They were literally, did not accomplish many tasks just in terms of transforming matter into energy and all that. They didn't do very much work. No, no, no, Cal, like, they look like you on a Wednesday at the office, you know? Not you generally, or not you specifically. No, I mean, I sit. On Wednesdays at the office, I sit, and that's about the same level of activity. Yeah, like they looked like a desperately hungover office employee, just

praying for death and to make it through the day. They looked bad, and I don't think that was just the West Coast to East Coast transit either. Virginia, who, you'll hear people this week go, well, you know what, Virginia's probably pretty good. No, they're not. They do have a talented little defense. They ranked pretty well in Bill C's numbers last year, and they have a five-star or two in that mix. But, I mean, there are excuses you can make for UCLA, but not that many. Not that many, and certainly not, I think, indicative of a lofty preseason rating for them. I think that's going to be an issue, particularly Brett Hunley going into his sophomore year, playing behind a slightly dodgy offensive line.

It won't be fair to his talents, let's say. So he's going to get hurt, is what you're saying? No, I... You can just say it. No, I don't think he's going to get hurt. Okay. But it is football. He'll get hit, and that'll suck.

And they'll have to work the quick game more and more than a defense sort of clans down on that. Then they get into some bad situations against teams like, oh, I don't know. Stanford? Oregon. Do they play Oregon? Take a look here. It is the past. Yeah, they do.

Yeah, they do. They play Oregon. They play USC. Yeah, there's some teams that are going to be able to put pressure. Both the Arizona's. Yeah. If the offensive line doesn't improve, that's going to be a very serious issue for UCLA at one point. Any other sort of lasting trends that you see coming out of the opening weekend before we move on to further silliness? You mentioned it earlier, Baylor's defense. I'm really excited about that. The 3-4 looked awesome.

They have the big athletes up front looked as even better than we thought they'd look when they were being talked about as maybe the Big 12 best defensive line. I mean, I know June Jones is getting up there in years and all, but holding anybody to 67 yards is I still can't wrap my mind around it. I think he doesn't have any more molting left in him. Like, he's down his last layer of skin, June Jones, that is. We're about to see you like pure final boss reveal June Jones. Yeah, you got to hit him in the flashing part of his sternum. Well, that happened, so tune in next week. it'll be like one inch taller

if we score if we score less than 50 yards I turn into that last stage fly Jeff Goldblum my jaw just falls off and the antenna had come out I think it just turns into a mustache a mustache and a lay man just send him home just go home June

I mean I wrote this but really the entire SMU job move strictly for tax purposes it's like him and Dennis Erickson just taking their money and trying to like pivoted into the most tax-friendly state Paul. Oh, a head coaching job in a state with no income tax. Hey, look at that.

Sure, I'll coach. Yeah, he's probably pretty rich. He's probably doing better than we'll ever do, which Oh, yeah. Anytime you talk shit about a coach, just remember that. Just remember that. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He's doing

better than internet writers? Whoa. Have you seen how much we disrupt on a daily basis? I saw how much Baylor disrupted SMU. That's a dang startup right there. Man, they've been better at us than that. I know. Lord.

Think about this. Charlie Weiss is pretty much going to easily outpace our combined net worth, probably. Like, that's how much... Like, tomorrow. Tomorrow. But you would not trade all of Charlie Weiss's money to be Charlie Weiss for a week, would you? Dude, I'd like to be Charlie Weiss for like 15 minutes. Yeah, that's very different than a week.

And then what you would do is, like, buy something and ship it. to yourself smart. You're like, yeah, hello Amazon. My name's Charlie Weiss. I would like to do that and just call into a talk radio show. Everything I've ever loved is a lie. Just start Charlie Weiss in it out, saying everything that came up to my head for 15 minutes and then quantum leap back into myself and immediately go to the internet to watch people talk

about what I had just done. Charlie Weiss said he really wanted to be the Portland Trail Blazers coach. That's awesome. No, he might. I mean, look at how he just keeps ending up places. You never know. Like, what's the worst thing you could say right before quantum leaping out of somebody's body on, like, a national television channel and or station?

Well, one thing you could definitely say is, I am not someone inhabiting this body right now. This is exactly the person you think it is. And then they won't suspect anything. Yeah, that's a good one. I think the worst thing you could say would be, uh, hurricane. King Katrina was a lie. That's pretty bad. Bill Snyder did 9-11.

Are you talking about like 9-11 AD? Yeah. What happened then? He built Hagia Sophia, the pinnacle of Byzantine architecture. Did it all with Jukos. Did it all with Jukos and parts left over from something in Adrian's wall. It was amazing. Dried up Taco Bell.

Dried up Taco Bell. And he time poured it there with his mind. Bill Snyder did not live it. Hang up the phone and just wait for the universe to explode. And then Charlie comes to, oh, oh. Well, of course, in the state of Kansas, I mean, I think that's a situation where Charlie Weiss just says Bill Snyder's name and it's just, get my name out your mouth, you know. No, no, no, no, no.

You're not even worthy to speak the name. I just want to know the eight Kansas football fans who would defend him. I mean, the man's got a right to his opinions. We don't know what happened. we don't know we just don't know you think you know you think you're so smart the last thing I'll take out of this is I think USC is probably going to be

consistently productive on offense all year like I don't think that's I don't think that's a gimmick I don't think that's a blip I think that'll go down a little bit against Stanford because Stanford's just so sluggish and slow but I think the whole Cody Kessler rejuvenation project is probably already complete

whatever even though he had staff yes yeah the man had toe surgery days before facing Stanford and he's like a converted dual threat quarterback and I'm like oh well they they don't seem worried I guess I won't be either because the long term plan is to give

Stanford staff remember staff hasn't been around since Walt Harris's infected couch back in like 2005 I want to say remember they actually had to throw a couch out of the Stanford locker room because it was infected with some sort of awful staff infection

Now, I just wonder, why doesn't the Pact 12 bathe? Dude, it's organic. I mean... Okay. Yeah, you got the Pacific Ocean right there. Why you got to bathe? Because it's full of staff? What's the most powerful animal in the western United States?

It'd be the bear. How often you see a bear bathe? Bears go in rivers to get fish and stuff. That'd bathe them. That's working. They're shopping as all that is. think what you're saying is that they should stock the showers with fish. What I'm saying is you put... That's what it takes.

I'm saying you put a bear on every football team. When he goes into the water, everyone follows him. That's your optimal bathing schedule. As FDR promised, a bear on every football team. A bear on every football team. A clean bear. A staff infection in every couch. I don't know why you got to use charge terms like a clean bear.

Have you ever smelled a bear? Spencer, can we please move on? I'm going to say something wrong. I just know it. Yeah, we'll move on. We have reader questions. We submitted these earlier this evening, and we're going to discuss these as a method

toward actual discussion of football, which I think we've gotten three or four minutes, and that's pretty good for us. Ryan, you have questions you've taken. Yeah. I think, Spencer, I think I know the answer to this one already, but this is a question from Stephen White. it's worth. He says, which of your team's games that you attended? And I will expand this to any game

that you attended, whether it was, quote, unquote, your team or not. Would you rather have been canceled by weather than actually played? So, Jason, it's been kind of tricky for you because, you know, kind of saw. Yeah, all our games have been canceled. I do have an answer, though. Last year's Alabama, Virginia Tech game is the first one that comes to mind that was about about seven hours in everyone there was just sort of can we leave done utterly done no one wanted to watch that vague efforting at football anymore i mean like even even even barrett sally had had enough and and that guy really likes cc football yeah he he loves it more than we do and we like it a lot and he was done so i will say this uh that's a good nominee

mine is also a georgia dump game you would think 62 24 in 1997, right? People forget, it's the 96 season, but it goes, or sorry, 95 was to be January 1996, 6224 in Nebraska, right? In the Fiesta Bowl? Nope. Nope, that was actually, like, I would not take away watching that Nebraska team because it was like watching a tornado. You really are kind of glad you saw it and you're glad you didn't get hurt.

I would take away the 2009 SEC Championship game the least bearable Florida Gator game I ever watched in person See, I would go with that What was it, the 2000 I think it was the 2011 Tax Slayer Bowl

That Yeah Yeah I mean Luke Fickle has a bowl on his resume So Yeah and he's O and 1 against the University of Florida and Will Mustamp.

That's why they didn't hire him. You know, you should consider me for the head coaching job. You lost a Will Must champ in a bowl game. Next. That's it. That's how it is.

Jason, your reader mail. First up, we have by our friend Murder Kroger is what will be this year's Michigan State Rich Homi Kwan equivalent. Of course, last year, Michigan State and Rich Homi Kwan.

The rapper from Atlanta adopted each other. and we ended up with the site of a skinny tattooed rapper hugging Mark D'Antonio at the Rose Bowl. The first one that comes to mind for me is I really want E40 to adopt Virginia Tech just because, A, you're taking sort of a cultural exchange, someone from a rapper-dense environment in the Bay Area, and shipping them east to where they have fewer rappers. Sure, they have the clips and all, but it's just a lower. rapper per capita over there they're not in charlottesville let's do proper well they have that

going for them um and also you have just sort of i just want to hear how he would describe virginia tech's offense like he would make up some ridiculous slang term for it like he's you know it's rampant or whatever and we just have to figure out whether that's good or bad we'd never really know all right i like that um i will go ahead and uh take my question Which would be this from Jesse Specter, a writer for the sporting news. He asks, as a New Yorker and non-FBS grad, Boo! New York!

Wow. I've never had a real favorite team. Because you don't know love, you live in New York. Just a rat in a box. That's awful. It is. That is offensive to rats. Rats can feel love.

Rats don't have to pay rent. I've never had a real favorite team. Is it too late to pick one? Well, you were born in New York, so the answer is yes from birth. But I will go ahead, and I'll let you guys give what I think the obvious answer is to this. New York is officially claimed territory now. Yeah, you're stuck with Rutgers, Jesse. So have fun with that.

No, I can't do this. Hey, rules are rules, friends. It's a big ten country now, son. You were there. You saw it happen. I remember the last time that somebody. asked us for a team that they should support because they wanted one and that was Dan Devine and we stuck him with West Virginia right before they became just terrible

just awful to watch so it's the curse of ask people for a favorite football team yeah so does that mean we're saying Florida State yes oh yes there's your team yes inspector Florida State of flawless moral character super fun to watch devoid of controversy fine academic institution that'll never put you in a moral bind where you'll feel ethically filthy rooting for them

yeah they play a lot of really close competitive games their fans are super fun on the internet you're gonna really like them civil polite funny smart everything you want Tallahassee is a lot like New York if Central Park was you know A shoe carnival.

I mean, you could say that, like, Tallahassee with the large numbers of young people, it's a lot like Brooklyn. Yeah, in that way. It has a lot of young people. It's like the Brooklyn of Leon County. At least, yeah. Yeah. So we'll give you a Florida State. Remember, we should just disclose my favorite fact about Florida State.

remember they actually had a Nobel Prize winner demand a donation back after they misappropriated the funds he had donated to the university that's true you're awful and I don't have to make that up Ryan your next question all right so next I've got a question from Evan and he says if every current head coach

opened their own restaurant whose would you most like to go to And because I picked this question, I am going to jump on the answer and say that I would want to go to Brady Hoax, tremendous house of calzone buffet. We're going to stuff the run. We're going to stuff your face. Calzone buffet. Has anyone in world history ever eaten two calzone? Funny you should ask that.

They were tremendous. Both of them. want people to know that when we make fun of Brady Hope being a glutton, we're not making fun of him being fat. He just looks like a dude who wants to eat. Like, we've got fat jokes for days. If Brady Hoke, you're like, that's a man who looks like he could eat half a meatloaf.

Yeah, he mostly looks like he eats confusing things where you're like Hey, Brady, did you have dinner? Oh, well, I ate an entire bag of star mints, and I'm thinking about starting on some Andes and I don't know. I got a dental appointment tomorrow, so I feel like

that's a net positive. And also his university is sponsored by pizza. Well, I mean, that kind of adds up. Like, that to me is the Brady Hogue essence, right? That he's just the kind of guy who's like, what makes you happen? He's like, I like a pizza. You know, like, that's, I, my restaurant would be Nick Savon's Rouge, the most terrifying avant-garde cuisine in Tuscaloosa.

Head-to-tail cooking, using every part of the animal, processed powerfully through a silent, deadly, and focused kitchen of the, finest underlings probably not getting paid to work professional hours turning out a product that is intimidating and yet bland. That would be

Rouge! The nice thing about Rouge employees, though, is that they won't talk to the media. Can't talk to the media. So, take that health inspector. Mouth's taped shut. Worst Bourdain episode ever. I'd like to talk to your expediter. No, you can't. I'm sorry. I'm very happy with my life.

Jason Let's see here Let's see here Well I can't believe Nobody's mentioned Holgo yet We can go eat in West Virginia Where they're famous

For selling biscuits Out of gas stations Which I can't picture I can't picture Dana Holgers I never eating a biscuit In a gas station Is that a Yeah I totally can't

I'm sorry I totally can Is that a metaphor for something Because Well if you ask Coco he'll He'll tell you what that means In all 50 states

but what would he serve it would just be uh there'd be a lengthy drinks menu that's for sure i don't know if there'd be food per se but it'd be it'd be half cooked based on what i saw at west virginia last year in the opener it'd be half cooked they'd be so there'd be a bone there'd be a bone or two in there bones good for it yeah bones good eating that's calcium right there it'd be actually really i just want to hear him read the menu in his voice Every time that Big 12 coaches commercial plays and his Sean Michael's voice comes on, and it's like the drink some coffee, man. Can we arrange for the next person we know who meets with him to ask him what's in,

Tuna Nisois, and just see what he says? Well, you got Linnisois in there. Probably some tuna. Some tuna. The last question that I have from a reader in here, which is, you know what, we've never talked about them, as far as I know, in a positive sense. It would be this. And I'm very pleased to be able to say this. We have a reader writing in who says, oh, Pitt, not terrible? And honestly, I think Pitt looks fairly together. I dare say they're probably not terrible this year. Yeah, coming into the year, they look like one of that big old cluster of eight and four teams in the ACC Coastal and haven't really done anything to change that, sort of won by 62 points. That usually helps. Listen, if you told me that Pitt would actually, and that was, by the way, Jesse R. Pound. If you told me that Pitt would actually look that good in an opener against anyone, I mean, remember, they've struggled against FCS teams and openers recently. Yeah.

things are looking up this was this this this was positive let's remember you can't say that without laughing yeah i mean we're not going to act like any of us watch that game but it's certainly a lot of numbers yeah how how confident are you that anybody any member of the media verified

the reported final score and statistics is it like is it like put putt where you sort of write down your own score right right yeah and just delaware just lost their card. Delaware dumped it dumped it in the pond on eight. Classic Delaware. Classic Delaware move.

Delaware sucks at golf. Yeah, I said it. Yep. Come at me, blue hands. How dare you. Let's go ahead and let's look to the schedule ahead. Including, by the way, I think a potential half of show-stopping football

tomorrow with Arizona at the University of Texas, San Antonio. Yes, that's going to be a fun little one. That is a thing that will happen. That's happening. It's going to be a fun night on the internet because that's going to be happening during the NFL thing,

and we're going to be having so much more fun than they are watching those two teams just race up and down the field against each other. UTSA is pretty good. They're the ones with the, I think, the 38 players who've been together since, since the program started and they're all super experienced.

They had a year of practice. The UTSA got an entire year of practice where if you read the fine USA Today article on them, you found out that yes, they'd had 38 guys who have played together since then. And in addition to that, when they said open tryouts, people really took the word literally. So they had people rolling up like semi-pro.

Like, yeah, let's play for UTSA. And they're like, yeah, you have to enroll in a college. They're like, what? Forget that. I think that there's just people out in Santa Tonner. You're like, I'm 34, I'm working as a welder. I thought I'd just come out and play a little football. My doctor has not cleared me, but fuck you.

I don't believe in them anyway. If you would like to continue saying positive things, Pitt versus Boston College, but boom! Playing at 7 on Friday. I think you're really pushing this positive pit thing. This has gone too far. You gotta get it in early I'm gonna run out of positivity

The minute Florida starts playing So let's just hop on this wagon now So that's why you guys are in such a good mood Undefeated Undefeated It's bad that I was happy about that right? No I was thrilled

I'm not emotionally ready for this Give me another week It was It was kind of like having Getting an extension on an exam that you know you're going to fail. I found out that I found out that I could get my wisdom teeth out in December instead of like this week.

This is what happened. That's how it felt. They're like, oh, I can put off surgery until December? Awesome. That's right. In both cases, you get pudding. You can defer this loan of sports pain. I just had to write, I had to write Idaho a check for like $950 grand.

And I get my wisdom teeth done in December. It's pretty great. Worth it. Worth it. Worth it. Do you think a program is just going to set up a bunch of FCS games and then pay them, not play them, and only have to play like eight games. I think we can trade wins. I think Florida will get in this weird market

where suddenly we've leveraged like a 24 game 2017 somehow. Like we're playing 24 games in 2017, so Will Mestchamp can get another year because he has new photos of Jeremy Foley or something. Hey, he won nine games that year. Remember how he took him to the Super Bowl? in 2012.

Do you see anything on the schedule besides our obvious Michigan State Oregon game Ryan? That should peak our attention. Well, that we've got USC Stanford, which we've already sort of talked about as why that will be interesting given hey, USC plays all fast and good

now and, you know, not as awful as they used to. But the one I would actually, the one I'm actually looking forward to, is 7 o'clock, East Carolina at South Carolina. No, there's some danger there. Real danger. Pirates. Yeah, I think that will be a very interesting game to sort of tell us,

hey, was this just South Carolina's typical? We're terrible in our home opener, and that's why we keep agreeing to be the first one on stage every year, or if they are just going to sink like a stone this year. I do like the idea of increasing the sample size there because the number one problem against Texas A&M is you have a super young secondary and they have a bunch of wide receivers and they run the air raid. So let's try that again, exact same thing. Let's keep doing it until we get this right. Let's just have Texas Tech next, Washington State after that, play West Virginia.

Just keep bringing on the exact same thing. Slightly less talented each time. Another weird game, if you want to like, just to point out, Oklahoma plays at Tulsaid. Like, there's a couple of these, by the way. Missouri plays at Toledo, and Oklahoma plays at Tulsa. So getting that home and home in Tulsa and Toledo, Titans of college football. Well, Oklahoma at Tulsa, that's all about recruiting. They got to break into that Tulsa market.

No, there's just no penetration in Tulsa by Oklahoma. What happened there is somebody did not read his iTunes agreement. He was just like, yeah, scroll, scroll. It's like, what? You agree? to play in Tulsa. Oh, shit. Click to accept matchup against Tulsa. Click, oh.

You're like, oh, I just wanted to listen to Kobe Calais. Dang it, where's the back button? Computers don't have any back buttons in the Oklahoma Football Complex because we're always looking forward. We also have, in games that might be an upset, ball state at Iowa. Watch your ass, Iowa. Ball State ain't playing. Nope.

Nope. Got ball in the name. That don't mean they're playing. Yeah. Maryland at South Florida, if you want to watch something truly abominable, Maryland, or South Florida coming off of a dominant win against the Eastern Carolina, or the Western Carolina catamounts, who were two and ten last year at the Socon. You know what else we're going to get to see around that same time? A two-lane home game that's not in the super, that doesn't take place in the Superdome

after what looks like a nuclear holocaust. There are so many games that come from an alternate reality where you would go to a place like Tulane as a major program. Then again, we are talking about Georgia Tech, whose boosters are reportedly too apathetic to fire Paul Johnson. That means he's won. He's convinced them to accept his way of life. You give up, don't you? Yeah, we did. I could just see him meeting with boosters, and they're like, well, Paul, we really think you've got to turn this team around.

He's like, well, we all die in the end, don't we? You're like, yeah, I guess you're right. It's like he's starting some sort of a just cult, just a nihilist cult of a bunch of rich dudes who don't care anymore. I guess love is a meaningless chemical reaction. We convince ourselves gives our life's meaning. You could learn another offense, but why? It doesn't matter.

Other games like that, by the way, Arizona State at New Mexico? The allure of Bob Davy Drawing Hey guys Bob Davy's making tamales come on over Click to accept Yeah again it's all about recruiting How in the world is Arizona State going to break into the New Mexico talent market

There's a wall there They got to go over there and get those kids out I quote Hal Mummy New Mexico has more elk than people Well, I think Arizona State could use some elk on his defense. You know, hey, listen, you've ever seen what a pair of horns can do to a person? Imagine a ball carrier. I mean, it's just that simple. In a deluge of horrible, meaningless games on this weekend, there is one that sticks out above the mall that is Michigan State at Oregon.

I will be there doing something, watching the football game. How do you see this game going, Jason Kirk? Well, I mean, the line I think for this game is like 14 points in favor of Oregon, which sounds insane to me, just the idea of kind of anyone beating Michigan State by 14 points. If any team can do it, it's probably Oregon at home. But, you know, I think we see a much closer game than that. It'll be a great one. It'll be fun to watch just the two systems that are so illicit.

allegedly different, but really kind of similar, just the way they're so efficient and focused on offense and defense respectively. It'll be one heck of a game. I see a close Oregon win, but what did y'all think? Is Oregon in the third quarter no longer a thing? No, no, no, that's not a thing. That left us. Chip took that. Yeah, yeah. That kind of like, that's the kind of thing that in the past you'd say, well, that's why Oregon's going to. to win this game. But if they don't have that, I don't know. That's kind of worrisome, isn't it? Now, watch out for Michigan State's third quarter. They tend to return at least two

fumble returns for touchdowns every third quarter. Yeah, this is, the reason that I kind of leaned Michigan State in this one is this, that watch how Oregon lost last year. I know Marriott was injured, but they lost the teams who really boxed them in and really made Marriota really made Marriota beat them and if you can turn one guy into the entire offense well you can just focus on beating that dude

and that's what happened to them a lot last year they went away from like that extremely run-based identity and the results weren't entirely flattering so I mean I think this this will probably play out a lot like the

Stanford game last year like 2620 was the Stanford game last year. They just beat up on Marriota. I can kind of see the same thing happening. Close, but I think Michigan State could probably just get into chokehold mode and watch them pass out. Kinky.

I know. It is Oregon, though. Don't judge. Anything else of note before we sign off? Texas Tech got the late shift. They kind of looked like crap last week, right? against the University of Central Arkansas. Right.

So the place that is the most Arkansas by definition. Well, it got more Arkansas around it than any other school, so yeah. In any direction, being most central. So I guess they have that. As long as it's not lying about its name. Might be. You never know what those Arkansasans. You know what?

That would be pretty Arkansas of them if they were. That would be. I'd also point to a cult classic, Michigan at Notre Dame, if you're into that. It's going to be on NBC. Yeah, for, you know, for grand folks, people on Facebook. That's a good game to treat like the news channel treats the weather. Just be like, okay, on the eights, I'm going to check the Michigan Notre Dame game. That's a little aggressive.

Okay. Maybe just on the eight? On the single eight. on this can we do a multiples on the on the 24s just every every 24 minutes let your remote wander over to michigan at notre dame yeah how about just on the final okay yeah on the weekly oh a box score look at that um i would also point out to b yu at texas which that could go sideways oh my my my my They're like, Taste some Hill Revenge game. And you're like, four starts on Texas's offensive line versus 48-year-old men.

Oh, you know what else I'm excited about? Somebody is going to walk out of that Virginia Tech Ohio State game, one fan base, feeling awful. I think both might leave feeling awful. Strong chance of that. Frank B. is Frank Beamer's, like, dream game is awful.

It's an atrocity to watch. It's Bud Foster beating people up on one side of the ball and basically punting on the other. Frank Beamer's dream win is you score 10 points and you win by 14. Yeah, and you know what? That can happen because Ohio State did not exactly inspire confidence against Navy.

like they basically uncorked a couple of long plays that was it against navy and then their defense you know the talent gradient fell through and navy was like it was like almost like watching a video game when navy runs out of gas against guys who were more talented than they are in like the late third quarter and that's not going to be the case against virginia checks so this is just let's agree that this is going to be an utter atrocity of a game so so watch that on the 28s sounds much better than Michigan Notre Dame. Every single word, all the atrocity, all the

debacle. It'll have a grandeur to it. It really will. Yeah. Because they'll show the stands and it'll just be the already, by default, unhappy Ohioans with their arms folded, watching bitterly as Frank Beamer, as Frank Beamer's offense

makes theirs look functional. They're like, they got up nine plays in a row. Look at that. all of them were false starts at least their starts why is Frank Texas why is Frank Beamer smiling

why is he taking off his shirt this game got so confusing oh so yeah basically we're saying don't watch anything but Michigan State Oregon and then stay up to watch Texas Tech play in Bat Country at UTIP on FS1

because you should always watch one YouTube game to remind you of How fortunate you are in your life. It's really far away, in my opinion, from things. Except bats. It's not far away from bats. No, no, they're near and near. It's seriously like watching football in a firefly set. Like, oh, where Jane get the crew in trouble this week?

U-Tep. I like to call U-Tep Dry Hawaii. I don't really like to call him that. And with that, we'll say Adios and Aloha. Aloha. All right. Hey, look at that.