Shutdown Fullcast - ShutdownFullcast2.14

Episode Date: December 4, 2014

This week's Shutdown Fullcast covers: Why it's not easy to be Brady Hoke, how you can fly all the way to Colorado and not really understand how a buyout works, how Michigan will reach for a Harbaugh apple and pull down an Addazio persimmon, why no sane person should take the Nebraska job, the moment when Jason demands people JUST FUCKING FIX THINGS, a proposal for UNLV to grant joint custody of the program to Houston Nutt and Ed Orgeron, Scooby Wright for Heisman, and how the Big Ten Championship Game Trophy definitely doesn't look like a football sitting on a trash can. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week on the shutdown full cast with myself, Jason Kirk. Say hello, Jason Kirk. Squad. Sadly say hi in Kennesaw. College football editor of SB Nation, by the way, which you just heard. And contributor to SB Nation at EDSPS.com, Ryan Nanny. Yeah, that's me. I'm glad you know my title, because I never do. It changes week to week.

Ooh. Next week you're in charge of everything, and then you go back to that. That's fine. We have a, I think, a somber duty. We have to memorialize a coach now departed, at least from the ranks of the employed. He's not dead. He's not in jail. We're going to see him again somewhere.

Moving like Winnie the Pooh jollily down the road in an obuncular fashion, dispensing bits of wisdom and pizza. to all he meets. But I think we owe a proper farewell to Brady Hoke. And to do that, I wanted to bring on Ryan Nanny, who's going to recite, I think, a song that should inspire and console us all in the days and weeks following Brady Hoke's departure from the world of college football and pizza. Ryan. I can't stand to fall.

I'm not that naive. I'm just out to find the better part of me. Well, I'm more than a bird, a more than a plane. I'm more than some pretty face beside a train. It's not easy to be me. Thank you.

That was, that was so, it gets you, it gets you right in the emotions. I think it's appropriate that we picked five for fighting since Michigan only won five games this year. You see what I was doing. The plan is layers deep. It's got levels. It was so moving, by the way, that someone scheduled a flyover for Jason Kirk's house just in time. Yeah, we got, yeah, we got people all crowding all around the mic here. The shutdown full cast for this week, now that we've paid.

appreciation of Brady Hoke. I wanted to talk a little bit about what we'll know in, oh, you know, 12 hours when we get this up, probably more like 16, what we'll know about coaching searches, hires since starting Sunday

following the premature fire. Remember, Florida is going to fire first. That's our rule. Even when we say, we'll give them the whole season. That actually means until about the South Carolina game now. Wait, way to disrespect. Kansas, once again.

They don't count. That's more of a salvation. It's more of a release. Congratulations. It's a catch and release program. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life, non-Kansas coach. Go do something else that isn't being this thing

that only Mark Mangino and like Glenn Mason have sort of been successful at. So with that, Sunday you get Black Sunday, where everybody starts getting fired. That carried Owen over into a dignified Black Monday when, on Monday, Michigan fired Brady Hoke. Finally, at long last, fired Brady Hoke. So what I wanted to do was go through a few of these,

but I should go back to that Florida job. Because, I don't know, Ryan, you want to bring us up to speed on what's happened so far? Just in case someone listening to this isn't quite, there. So, so we're recording this about 8.30 in the p.m. on Wednesday evening. Last I have heard, Jeremy Foley flew out to Fort Collins, Colorado. I don't know if he spent the night at Jim McElwain's house, but he was definitely there into the evening hours, and he did spend the night in Colorado. And the way, where things basically stand now, things have gone from, yep, Florida's definitely

getting Jim McAway and just go ahead and print those commemorative t-shirts up to hold up they may have a problem with his 7.5 million dollar buyout now can I can I ask a little question before you before you decided to start talking to this coach and take the plane across the country into into the frontier heart of this nation and land in Fort Collins and have a talk with this coach. Did you know that there was a seven and a half million dollar buyout? You did. And the best explanation that I have seen for this comes from our own Bud Elliott, who Bud suggested that one of the reasons why Florida is being so public with this coaching search as opposed to previous ones is that they are trying to make things so uncomfortable

for Colorado State that it becomes obvious Jim McElwain can't come back because, and that they'll just sort of accept some sort of lower buyout just to say whatever face is left. Yeah, because basically, Florida is telling every, every, everyone that Colorado State is recruiting that, hey, your coach is trying to leave. Right. Like Florida, Florida actually tweeted, we just left Jim McElwain's house. We had it.

You never see that happen. contracted coach. They're taking photos on the plane that everyone's following. They're still employed. Like, take the names off here, right? And just imagine school A goes to school B's house and sits with their coach and chats

and tweets like, L.O.L. talking to Nick Sabin. That house would be attacked if this were Alabama. Yeah, and that's still Colorado State's head. coach as of as of this recording tomorrow it might be with the Dallas Cowboys we have no idea yeah but this this wasn't anything this was this was a matter of public record

right that contract so 100% yes yeah so this is basically the new boyfriend and your wife sitting on the couch going you should leave you should just go out we're not even divorced you haven't even served me with papers with like

the media who cover your family you know every family has paparazzi. Yeah, it has local paparazzi. It's like the hall or the nanny paparazzi gathered outside your house, taking photos inside your house, which is what Fort Collins Media were doing, as Jeremy Foley spent the night or whatever. Taking one particularly haunting photo of Foley looking out of the window, looking really troubled. Jeremy Foley looking like he just realized, I flew across the country and didn't get the $7 million thing worked out first. Which that's my favorite part of at all is Sunday night when our own Stephen Godfrey reported that Hugh Freeze was the first

choice for Florida, you know, a bunch of people jump in and say, oh, no, that's not like Jeremy Foley at all. He would never do that. He would never get involved in a big, messy coaching negotiation. You know, he would never leak something like that publicly. Two days later, he has the most public coaching negotiation I have ever seen. Life's funny. Yeah. They should, they should live stream it. Shouldn't they just like they are they are hey hey we set up the webcam in coach macklewain's house just watch watch us all day that would be redundant at this point i think if florida tweets send us your questions for coach mac and they like give him his own account hashtag you have

coach mac they set up a bio page for him follow us on snap follow us on snap follow us on snap and there's just like a photo of a pile of cash on table for five seconds and people are frantically trying to screen cap it. But like if Florida puts up like a billboard, like welcome Coach Mack, what can Colorado State do about that? Nothing. Nothing. And the best part from some rumors, people thinking that they would either try to reduce

the buyout or that they would do a home and home, right? Like, oh, maybe Florida will play in Denver. Really, Florida, the school that hasn't left the state on purpose in 23 years, we'll go to play at a Mountain West School. Well, you know how that works, right? They'll schedule it for like 2027. And then in like 2023, they'll be like, yeah, we're canceling that. Sorry, guys.

We'll play that in 2089. Football does not exist. When football does not exist, and only the crab people dwell in the mountains. We will play 10 basketball games at Colorado State. if you just give us coach mac we'll play we'll play 23 women's that poor women's volleyball team oh so much they're they're really going to like it in colorado it's a great state we will get you a home series only with maryland don't ask us how but we'll make it happen they owe us big favors you know you know what boise state's always saying that they have a hard time finding teams to

play we've scheduled them four times i know they're a conference foe for you but We've given you an additional four games with that every year. It's going to be weird. You playing Boise State five times next year. But hey, you want rid of Coach Mack, don't you? No, we don't. We want to keep. Hey, pressure, pressure either bus pipes or it makes diamonds.

Which one do you want to be? He's already gone. He's already gone. Let it go. Just hands off. He wants to go. I really enjoy Colorado State's bargaining position in this, though. Which is, fuck you, pay me.

Exactly. That would be my entire. negotiation feet on the table pants off with a highlighter just like highlighting that portion of the contract until it wore through staying the table and then I'd have a flunky bring me another Xerox copy of it and just continue to wear out highlighters on it the fun part is that it's Colorado State which a couple years ago announced we want to build a stadium and everyone's like you don't have money to build a stadium oh just you wait there's always money in the gator stand there'll be some idiot some idiot will come along and want to pay

I don't know, some fool. Like who, like, can you imagine the lawyers trying to draw this up? They're like, pick a number. Some number no moron would pay for any Colorado state coach. 7.5 million. Sure. What I am excited about is for other schools to see this and see it work and try to follow suit. So somebody's like, oh, so like, I don't know.

Let's say. UMass. UMass has like a $15 billion escape option for their coach. Let's say, let's say Yukon is like, oh, Bob. Diaco, we are going to lock you up. We are going to give you a nine year contract and it is ironclad and oh shit, we are paying

you for nine years that's totally backfired. Oh God. Oh, God. Bob, do you have you living in Connecticut for nine years? Oh, I invested all my money in Beanie babies. Oh, no. And you just have to be bought out by people who actually have corporate connections. So this is how Bob Diaco

becomes an insurance baron. Like he went from football coach to like billionaire insurance baron how'd that happen you're like funny story Colorado State had a buyout cost all started with the University of Florida all started with the university as any great insurance escapade scheme really sure do you remember will must champ you know 108 championship winner with the San Antonio Spurs it started with Louisiana Lafayette getting a punt blocked in the year 2012 go back go back even further way back okay it started with Mac Brown like and this is

not all to really say that Jeremy Foley, the Florida athletic director, if you're not keeping the character count totally straight here. It's not to say he's incompetent. I don't think it's that. But let's just hold off on basically what beat writers sometimes do, which is, I talk to this guy every day. He knows what he's talking about. Really? You know? Because, just because you got the guy's phone number and he's pretty well-burst on things, it doesn't mean when the gears start moving that they're going to react all that well to live targets. Well, like, here's my take on Jeremy Foley. He runs an extremely successful, profitable operation, one of the best in the country.

His teams win lots of championships, I'm told, I don't know, I don't watch any of them. I watch one of them, and it's very bad. So because of those championships and that money, people say he's incredible at his job. when you look and you see he's hired Ron Zuck, he's hired Will Mustchamp and he flew across the country to not hire Jim McElwain. So, I mean, I'm kind of giving him a

C here. Here's why I'm willing to give Jeremy Foley the benefit of the doubt. Thayer Evans thinks Jeremy Foley's doing a bad job. Okay, okay. I'm going to bump it up to an A-minus. Yeah, yeah, B-plus. Based on the Thayer Evans is usually wrong about things,

I'll go with that. Yeah, you're right. He's a great athletic director. We should never get rid of him. I take it all back. Can't wait for, can't wait for Thayer Evans' incisive investigative, his five-day-long expose.

On what's going on at Jim McIlwain's house? I can't wait for drugs. We're releasing this on consecutive Wednesdays over the month of August. Yeah. Wednesday, 9 p.m. Apperatifs. So it's about each hour?

It's about each hour. Spent there? 9 p.m. sleeping. 10.30 p.m. awoke by fitful starts. Like that's, oh, it's going to be amazing. Had to go.

It's warm up that Pulitzer making machine over there. By the way, this was, of course, after Jeremy Fawley was shut out when feelers were extended for Hugh Freeze at Ole Miss, getting Hugh Freeze a massive race. Because Hugh Freeze is naturally the first guy I go to when I'm. I think of hiring someone, not at all. Depends on the gig. You're looking for a particularly, you know, charismatic man who sounds like he was in O'Brother War Art thou.

And looks like he was in O'Brother where Art thou? Looks like he was in, and it was a good football coach. I did like the person who suggested to dispenser that he was too religious for Florida. Yeah, for Tim Tebow University. Yeah, for Danny Wharfill. Yeah, I mean, man, man, that school hated those quarterbacks. Yeah, just loathed all that religiosity. It's been a tension there for decades.

I mean, when I think, you know, a big football university in the SEC, just it, it, just what Tim Tebow put up with, the persecution he endured on a daily basis at that den of harlotry. Yeah, we'll have to get somebody, we'll have to get somebody who's absolutely not religious, like, you know. Rex Grossman. Rex Grossman. Hey, now we're actually starting to make sense. We should probably get off this limb. You found a cultural fit at last.

We're going to make a terrible hire, and we're just going to have to deal with that because our mediocre third choice is now going to be locked down in Colorado by a $7.5 million buyout. That with his salary, by the way, we should just project this forward. with his salary and the salary of assistance and the buyout to Will Mustamp and the $7.5 million buyout that we'd have to pay Colorado State, you're getting on like $18 to $20 million worth of total income,

which equals the SEC Network's contribution projected for next year. So, boof, already off the books. There goes. Yeah, that's why you should burn your TV. It's feeding Jeremy Foley. She just cut that sucker off. It's enabling this man to go to take trips to Colorado. Just freewheel around the mountains.

Someone's playing, not reading legal documents. What can I do to get you to get out of this explicit legal language? Nothing. What if I sleep over? I'll wake you up and say $7.5 million. Change all the alarm clocks to say $7.5. How about now? How about now?

I'll lose a whole game of trivial pursuit, because every answer I'll give you is $7.5 million. You could get lucky there. Could be very specific questions. It'd be like, amazing. That's what I'd have. A trivial pursuit deck

printed up with every single question being that. Like, wow, $7.5 million is the answer to all of these. We can play this all night, Jeremy Foley. Michigan. Oh, whoa. Hey, whoa. No, no, no. You were, come on.

That should not have. little heads up. Michigan hasn't startled anybody in a year and a half. Calm down. Startling is extremely on Michigan. It was more of the instant stomach disquiet. I'm suddenly hungry. I'm nauseous and hungry. I'm sorry to have startled. I'm digesting myself. I'm sorry to have startled you so into a state of dignity, rectitude, and masculinity. That's what it was. I feel like I'm eating Chinese food on a tilt-a-world. And on that day, his brain grew three sizes.

It fractured my skull, but restored my broken spirit. It was worth it. It was worth it. The current search, as badly as it's going for Florida, it might be worse for Michigan. It really might. Because here's where we stand on finding a new coach for the Michigan Wolverines. Hey, Jason, you heard you think about Jim Harbaugh? Well, the latest buzz, depending on who you listen to, Football Scoop reports that Jim Harbaugh is not into it. Football Scoop's generally quite reliable.

Mgo Blog reports that they're not hearing quite the same thing, and Mgo Blog on Michigan is quite reliable as well. So, you know, hard to say there. I think everyone sort of agrees that Les Miles is looking quite less milesy, which means impossible to predict. but as far as we know those are the really the only two major names right unless people start Greg shiano speculation what not but i mean when your whole search your entire fan base is like we got to get one of these two guys who we're setting yourself up for some disappointment your extreme disappointment especially when one of those happens to be a guy who has previously uh been contacted sort of hollering at, if you will, about the job, and who has politely declined said job and declared no public

interest in all of this? Time changes things. People change. What they want changes. Yeah, okay. Do you want real cruelty? Real cruelty. Now, this is why coaching searches are full of abject cruelty because you can hear all

of that. You can be totally reasonable. And then you can read Steve Lorenz. writing on 247 sports about how Jim Harbaugh works. Mind you, this comes after weeks of no interest, nothing, denial, don't want anything to do with this job, just taking tongs wearing a hazmat suit, pushing it as far away from Harbaugh-Sylvania as possible, right?

And then this is what you get paid to write. one source we've talked to extensively regarding Harbaugh had the following to say Jim can be a flake that'll be a major concern for Michigan anything at this juncture saying he's not interested is a smokescreen

his father and both he and his brother have a ton of respect for Brady Hoke it would not want to make it appear publicly like Jim is taking his job from him From their end, they don't want the process to appear as quiet as possible. It's been quiet. I just want to... How would, like, John Harbaugh have even heard of Brady Hoke?

Like... Well, yeah, because he's got... Because he's got the... He's got the 19-hour workday. So remember where he spends, like, five minutes with his daughter? I mean, unless they're just, like, friends somehow. Like, John Harbaugh, NFL coach in Baltimore. Brady Hoke, no, you know, no job connection I can think of.

Well, Michigan puts a lot of players into the NFL, I assume. Funny story about that. That's a good joke. That's a good joke, Ryan. We can get you the math on that. I mean, maybe they do, but it's just hard to see how they would have connected in that way. Ever, yeah, especially because if you've read John Harbaugh's schedule, he has no time

he spends five minutes with his daughter every day to remind him what's important and then he goes back to four hours of watching film that's and he's the same one film on Andy Dalton film on Andy Dalton which after five minutes

what are you watching oh he's bad okay like Jim I could say okay there's the Michigan connection I think they were both on the West Coast at the same time and lower level colleges You know, maybe they do know each other. Fine, fine, fine.

But, like, I mean, John, I don't know, I don't know, man. Yeah, that and this, too, that you could have every bit of reason not to, every bit of reason to move on, right? Like, oh, oh, yeah, he's not coming. That's not happening. There's absolutely no reason you'd want to come back from the NFL ranks to college. Like, no one's really done that unless they need a job or they're Nick Saban. Or if they're crazy. And that's the reason I sort of do give credence to all the Harbaugh stuff,

just because, I mean, we're talking about Harbaugh and Miles. Can you imagine two coaches who are harder to predict? This is the Zodiac Killer Theory at work when somebody's like, man, I'm not the Zodiac Killer. And somebody goes, that's just what the Zodiac Killer would say. Well, like, Jim Harbaugh, like, is this a person who thinks with his head, who thinks with his heart, who has one of the other, who is a robot, who is a exposed?

nerve like Jim Harbaugh he's a hard person to characterize Jim Harbaugh got freaked out in the Super Bowl because his brother gave him a hug like like he didn't know how to react he's so motivated by

hate and destruction that his own brother giving him a hug in a football game fried his circuits does that not sound like a Michigan man I'm just saying if if Michigan fans don't like Urban Myers

soulless brand of merciless punishment of all who oppose him. Jim Harbaugh is that with hot sauce on top of it. Yeah, but they liked Bo and he was that. Yeah. You know, kind of. Bo was actually way closer

like in terms of how things looked and worked. He was way closer to Harbaugh than I think most people would probably be comfortable with. Right? Remembered fondly. And it's like, oh, yeah, Bo. In person, he was terrifying. The only reason he looked human is because he was coaching in a rivalry with Woody Hayes, a genuine crazy person who probably should have been jailed on several occasions.

Yeah, so you just pair him up against Urban Meyer. And wait, actually, I really don't know which one is. Actually, it's Harbaugh. He's the crazier one there. Yeah, Harbaugh's crazier. Because remember, he was on Save by the Bell. Harbaugh doesn't even, like, have a good relationship with his... Like, Richard Sherman played for Harbaugh at Stanford, and now they, like, have no relationship whatsoever.

Yeah, and that's how competitive he is. That's how competitive he is. The minute you're not part of his team, you are useless and dead to him. This sounds perfect. He had Urban going on each other? Yeah, we're really talking ourselves into this, aren't we? No, see, this is what happens. You're sexy Jim Arbaugh.

I do like that Jim Harbaugh can be a flake is an issue on one side and the other side of the coin is less miles. Yeah, he's the rock of refuge here. The steady, the steady port, the store. You always know what you're getting with that less miles. We've also, by the way, had a great point where we have somebody like Dan Mullen, who finally got the escape pod to work. work in Starkville, right? Like, after years of fiddling, he's like, I finally built it! The rocket that will get me off this planet.

And there's nowhere to go to. And he's crashed into Hoff. There's nowhere. No! I mean, what does Dan Mullen do if, say, Florida hires McIlwain, Michigan hires Harbaugh, meaning Miles stays at LSU, Nebraska hires anybody besides Mullen. Sorry, Dan. next year you lose

you know like your whole defense so you're going seven and five again yep so we'll try this again in four years looks like you looks like you got another fabulous year in the undiscovered jewel that is starkville mississippi it's a good town if i was dan moan next press conference i'd have i had i just out of nowhere i'd say i'd just like to refute the rumors that uh i'm interviewing for the kentucky offensive coordinator position i don't know where that came from and i

am definitely not saying this just to get the rumor mill started another by the way do we have any actual possibilities for michigan for the few desperate people out there listening because i still insist they end up with stevedosio because that sounds awesome yeah i'd watch that i think they end up with him because he'll be coming from high academic standard university with big school ties in terms of his coaching pedigree he's a dude he's he's He's really, really, really good at the run game. Don't ask about anything else. But he's really, really good at coaching up a run game.

And he's actually a pretty good recruiter. Yeah, and he's got ties throughout the Northeast, and he plays a style of football those people seem to be into. And, you know, he's certainly not a Michigan man in demeanor, but I think in the actual output and results, I think it fits what they'd be looking for. But they'd probably gripe about it. uh how about al golden let me just throw that out there just for fun okay well that's what's a turn

quite a turn you know you know sweat freezes and turns into ice which kills people that would be that would be amazing just a frozen block of al golden can you imagine al golden in a coat like how billowice and puffy it would be he'd get a coat like three sizes too big he would look like lane kiffin in that one ball game He would look like Ralphie's little brother in a Christmas story when they go out, you know. It looks like he's going deep sea diving. I think that leg trophy is a traveling, that leg lamp is a traveling trophy in the Big Ten anywhere. Oh, it's going to be.

If we got the chair trophy. The Ruckers Maryland Major Award. If we get a Miami coach into the Big Ten, they got to have a sexy trophy like the leg. Yeah, they're also not getting Mike Gundy because, uh, because Mike Gundy's never leaving Oklahoma State. He's just got to argue with T. Boone Pickens forever. I kind of feel like he's sort of resigned himself. Like, what was it he was doing this week?

Like, answering text messages during his post-practice presser or whatever? Yeah. Like, he's just like any, any, uh, you know, texting his agent. I don't know what he was doing. Anything coming in? Nope. Like, it starts with this and Mike Gundy ends up just like homeless in five years. But still the coach.

But still the coach, yeah. I'll be at the stadium in town. The last job of serious import open at the moment Would be Nebraska Freshly off the fire Oh, I thought you were going to say Tulsa Oh, shit Well, I mean, that's next

Oh, right, right, sorry Nebraska's the Nebraska of Oklahoma Okay The, uh, but yeah, we have Nebraska open Boy, do we? Sure, uh, great I think that's it, that's our reaction to like, uh... The news of Tuesday was

that they wanted Brett Bilema, and Brett Bilema shot that down within the hour. Probably because somebody threatened to shoot him down within the hour. Can I ask an unpleasant question? Sure. Why would you, why wouldn't anybody want the Nebraska job? I don't know. God damn if I know. I mean, you have to win 10 games a year in the middle of nowhere.

Even that might not be enough. Like, if you go back and just give Bo Pellini, one more win every year, he probably still loses his job this year. I mean, like somebody in Ian Boyd did a story at espinacea.com, which you can go read. And in the comments, there's someone who says, you know, the Big Ten West schedule is a major selling point for this job. You know, it's pretty easy to get to the Big Ten championship if you're one of the bigger schools in the Big Ten West, such as Nebraska, Wisconsin, Iowa, which you'd say, okay, so you went about nine games a year and you're in great

shape. The last guy got fired for that, as did the guy before him. And the problem with that schedule is when you lose your dumb shit 17-13 game to Iowa, you look like an asshole. Yeah. And then you have to go and try to fix the problem by trying to recruit people who aren't in the state of Nebraska to commit to living in Lincoln, Nebraska. Hey, please live in Nebraska and help me beat Iowa. This is the saddest D.C. comics movie ever. When are my games going to be on TV? Well, you'll be either the evening alternate

or 11 o'clock art time. Well, you can consistently win out there. I mean, Oklahoma's do it. Granted, they have access to Texas every year. Kansas State does it. Granted, they've spent decades building up a juco system that, you know, is

probably the best in the country, which Nebraska used to have until everyone caught up. But now, like, there are no advantages for Nebraska. You're just big and you have a lot of money and a lot of people care. You have to win 10 games a year. You'll be fired. I don't know who would take that job. Yes, but sometimes you'll get to go to Northwestern. Like, I didn't really realize how bad the conference switch was going to be for them. The conference switch made a lot of sense in terms of finances, but in terms

of recruiting and in terms of switching where they got people and increasing their visibility and that's not been a good thing for them. And scheduling, I mean, instead of playing Texas, Oklahoma, and this year, TCU, and Baylor, you know, they're playing Northwestern, you know, and I think their East games this year were pretty crappy too, Michigan State, but, I mean, overall, their schedule was just depressing. I mean, yeah, this conference money is great and all, but it seems to have ruined a whole lot of things for Nebraska. So, come on in. Take the job. That's why they, that's why they, that's why they, if it's why they,

If they don't go get Craig Boll, and, like, you know, you mention the name Craig Boll and everyone says, oh, there's bad blood in history there. Well, fucking fix it. Because he's the best tire. It's on you to go fix it. It's not that hard. People have made up before. This is the angriest I've ever heard Jason on this podcast. I've inherited a little bit of Bo Polini here because I don't get why this man was fired.

What you're going to do that's better than nine and three every single year. But you do understand. well fucking fix it was also what got Bo Polini's fun. Firing Bo Polini did fucking fix one thing. You're not guaranteed to lose four games a year. However, now you have to fucking fix the fact that you're no

longer guaranteed to win nine games every year. This is the giant collection of man babies who actually run things that hold these things over. Like, oh, there's bad blood with Craig Bolt. We'll fucking fix it. Oh, Jim Harbaugh. They've got some issues. And so does last miles with Michigan.

we'll fucking fix it. Write a check. At what point did money... $7.5 million. Exactly. At what point did money stop making people feel better about each other?

Like Bobby Petrino went back to Louisville. You can figure it out. Listen, look to Bobby Petrino. Let him be your moral guy. Do what Bobby would do. That's what a stupid sport bereft of all reason

and, like, human intelligence this is, that college football is, that we have to point to Bobby Petrino and go, be as Christ would be. Be as Bobby would be. Would Bobby Petrino take them? Yes. You do the same. Who's got the most beatific presence in all the college football

right now? That'd be Louisville, the institution, and Bobby Petrino. They forgave, they moved on, look at them go. There you go. Michigan, do that. Florida. Hell, Florida. You could do that with Dan Mullen. If you called Dan, like if this whole thing hangs up, and you just say, and Dan Mullen, like, we'll go back. Just send him a Snapchat.

Send him an emoji. Send him an emoji. Send him any emoji. Yes, any. Send him the poop emoji, and he will be on your doorstep in 10 minutes. Hey, man. Hey, you want to hang out? What?

I brought Donkey Kong country. Contact him. Contact him on his now defunct MySpace account that he hasn't logged into since 2006, okay? Go find that, and he'll respond in 10 seconds. It's still got Chingey playing on it. He'll be right there. I would like to say one last thing before we get off the coaching topic. I would like to point out that while we're all focused on the top jobs right now,

there will probably be some sort of domino effect where, you know, one coach moving to another school opens up another job, et cetera, et cetera. And I just want everyone to be prepared. Skip Holtz is going to get promoted. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's going to happen. All right? I mean, it's been a couple years, and he's still at the same place.

So I just, mostly I want Spencer to be prepared for that because I feel like Skip Holtz succeeding offends every bone in his body. It does. By the way, people who have, are beat writers who've dealt with Skip, they love Skip. Skip gives great answers. good personable all of that i hate watching his football teams and assume that half of his success at least half is due only to nepotism uh so i'm just preparing myself mentally for this i'm preparing for him or houston nut to get that tulsa job when i want herb hand to get it just just ready

for that to happen too because and houston that's getting that you and lv job do not even do not I don't know. I don't know. Coach O wants that job, too, and I would like to see them wrestle. Look, why can't they just split it? Like, Coach O gets, Coach O gets it every other staff. They get joint custody of the UNLV program. Yeah, every other week. I thought I had UNOV for Thanksgiving. You know what? That team would somehow go 75. They'd go 75, then make a bowl and Houston nut would work as a dealer on the side. It'd be awesome.

Not on the strip. It'd be off strip. I'm not putting him in a position above his capability and experience as a dealer. I mean, the man did work Tunica. I'm sure of it. He could do circus, circus. Just to go back to when he was at Old Miss and go to Tunica one night and see him out there dealing like blackjack. Is that you Houston Nut? Nope, my name's Randy.

Randy Nutt. Oh, God damn. What do you think Houston Nuts alias is when he's trying to be sick? Randy's Randy Nutt. It doesn't even, like, work that hard. He just switches the name of the same. city. I'm Fort Worth Nutt. I'm Fort Worth Nutt. This is just a license with a post-it note on it that says Randy. I'm Randall Oxford. Like if he were in

Tulsa, if he were in Tulsa, his name would be something like, I'm Jonathan Tulsa. Tulsa Nutt. Yeah, Tulsa Nutt. Aren't you the coach of the football team? No. Oh, sir. Tulsa, St. Nutworth, the third. I appreciate the compliment as he is a handsome man. Let's do this. We're going to pick one question tonight. We say we would answer one question. So from the vast list of our reader questions,

I'm going to go to Ryan for a suggestion. I was not prepared for this at all. I have a recommendation. Okay, go ahead, Jason. All right, good. Let's see. This comes to us from Justin Ferguson, J. Ferguson, A.U. on Twitter.

Brett Bilema is indeed all hog Then which power football coach is the least amount hog Can we explain this by the way? This goes back to Brett Bailama's tweet Around 4.30 this afternoon After rumors of his interest or Nebraska's interest in him came out He refuted this by tweeting out that he was in fact Quote, all hog

Which if you've seen him with his shirt off You totally believe Yeah, this was he tweeted something about I'm recruiting Indianapolis, congrats to Wisconsin or something like that, which is just like such trawling of Nebraska. Like, I'm recruiting in the Big Ten

and hooray for Wisconsin. Although, which, by the way, Arkansas fans really should have been like, that's great, what the hell you do and getting players from up there? What in the hell you do and bringing down some of that? It better be Andrew Luck. Yeah. He can play left tack.

He can play fullback. Starting tight end, Andrew Luck. Does he have... What a thing to come to mind for me is Bill Snyder. I think the man has completely transcended his hog-ness. You know, they say hogs are 98% human DNA and whatnot. I think at this point, the man has shit himself of all the hog. I mean, he looks like a pretty slender man despite eating all that Taco Bell.

Yeah. Okay. I see that. Ryan? I will say, Norm Chow doesn't seem very hog to me. Like, he's definitely some sort of. sort of animal, but he seems more, I don't know, like a grazing, a grazing dairy cow or something. Ork is big on the islands, though.

It is big on the island, man. I know, but Norm Chow isn't. Yeah, but they don't eat him. That's true. And he does have the Pacific calm eyes of a cow in the field. I will amend my answer and say Randy Edsel. Randy Edsel is extremely not hog I'm going to go Al Golden for this reason I posit that Al Golden at this point is 100% shrimp he's well he's definitely got

fillers oh no he's like that he's like that good uh he may actually be made entirely of krab right like fake crab yeah my god this Al Golden Rangoon is delicious if we're talking about which coach would be like the best eaten and which would be the worst eating i mean i don't picture how golden being very delicious it'd be so salty oh yeah you're getting a lot of product in there yeah it's it's going to be like certain it's going to be like certain kinds of ham you're going to have to soak al golden and just a plain water mixture right just just water just leave it there let the salt sort of leach out over like a week in your fridge like i bet like mark helferts would be just delicious oh he's been eating like hazel nuts

and would and like mushrooms of the woods yeah yeah like that's a you know you could

you could chop him up and sell it to Chipotle yeah whereas Brett Beelma man Brett Beelma you could sell

the Taco Bell and then Bill Snyder would eat him they might turn it back I think Bilema just sort of has a natural smoky flavor

you say how wow how long do you smoke this coach you see not at all can you imagine by the way Brett Bilema actually putting a cigarette to his lips because I don't know if you've seen people who you didn't know whether they smoked or not and they light up for the first time, your brain immediately gauges the health impact on them, right? You see somebody light up with a smoke and you're like, 72. They're making it to 72. And, you know, that's probably because they're reasonably healthy looking. I know they exercise. They're a little fat, but, you know, that's fine. They'll get away with it. If I saw Brett Bilema put a cigarette to his lips, I'd be like, oh, you're going to die next week.

Oh, no. This is your annual reminder. This is your annual reminder that George O'Leary is barely older than Pete Carroll. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Shit got dark. God's got a sense of humor.

George O'Leary does not, however. Speaking of... He does have a degree from Notre Dame. He does have a degree from Notre Dame. Got that Ph.D. You can't take that away from him because it's not factual. He can just write whatever he wants. Speaking of George O'Leary

Oh, look what we just did Segway Getting on that segue Taking it down to the highway Of the games of the week The last week of the regular season That's good, keep going You can do it, sing all the way through

I don't hear any rhymes yet Yeah, that's okay It doesn't get any finer The New CF at East Carolina Now I understand why you hate musical theater. Because I can write it. I can just do this all day long.

Yes, that would be UCF at Carolina kicking up this week, which is the final week of the regular season, which I'm not real ready for, but I'm kind of ready for. Kind of ready to just see this end game plot out, but nobody cares about this game because that really doesn't matter too much. What we do care about is Friday, because Friday's got the first of our two championship games. That would be the Mac championship game.

Which you'll watch. Don't lie? A little bit. Yeah, you'll watch a little bit of it. It's a warm up for the Pac-12 championship game. That Pac-12 championship game, we'll talk about it a little bit. But hey, Bowling Green versus Northern Illinois, you'll watch it. But Pac-12.

Well, we're talking about sort of a junior bailer in Bowling Green. Yeah. And then NIU, sort of the budget Boise State it's become. Yeah, got all kinds of little. Which that's like double budget. an actual like top program what was on what was on clearance at big watts yeah the mac machin we just got tons of maxon on clearance because it didn't turn out to be that entertaining this year but the mac championship game is inevitably like a 4851 game played is

this still in detroit uh yes yeah yes future home of the virginia tech florida bowl game Detroit. Which you claim you're going to go to because you're stupid. It's the dumbest human being alive. So it should be some fun, and it's probably what you'll watch with no expectations and enjoy more than you should, which is the way Maxon should always be. It should be no hope for it. If it's good, it's great.

If it's not, it's still football. It shouldn't have the kind of expectations you have for the Pac-12 championship game, Arizona versus Oregon I know I need to stop this would be a rematch of Oregon's against Oregon's only loss of

the season a loss at home on a late Scooby Wright strip of Marcus Marriota I really I can see Arizona doing that again I do like that the committee had the

I don't know what the term is but I'll say audacity to put Arizona 7th as if the signal to them, hey, hey, do it again and we'll give you a spot. Do it. They could just put them 25th. Right. Yeah, then it would actually count for something. Yeah, they'd be like, well, no, they beat the 25th ranked team, obviously the most

important team in college football. But no, let's, let's downgrade them and move in the 7th. Because remember, also, well, just real quick, let's point out that Minnesota is not ranked this week. They're not 25th. I don't want to talk about it. I just wanted to raise awareness, but go ahead, Spencer. Remember Minnesota, they'll always put you at the kids' table.

You can eat at the adults' table, on the corner. There's no chair. There's no chair. We didn't even pull out an extra leaf for you. But, yeah, I think this is a game that I think Arizona can win again. I think, like, the same weaknesses that Arizona was able to exploit the first time haven't really gone away. I think this is still pretty much the same matchup between the same people. people and is basically a coin flip. It's like who gets the ball last and doesn't turn it over.

It is, it is not helpful that Oregon will not have, still does not have Farrow Brown, so that's not great. Nope. The offensive line has healed up a little bit, but you're going to need some weapons. You know, you have the best player in the country at quarterback, and he's got an okay offensive line at this point, but, you know, other than Royce Freeman, not a whole lot of experience Swepenry. Yeah, and remember, Scooby Wright. She's a freshman. And Scooby Wright.

That's Walter Camp finalist, Scooby Wright. That's right. A defensive player, actually getting some recognition for a Player of the Year award. Oh, man. That's Jason Kirk as hell. This game might actually have my Heisman vote coming out of it. Seriously. I mean, y'all should look up Scooby's numbers, y'all.

Scooby has had one of the most dominant single seasons by a defensive player at a real long time. He had the game clenching play against Oregon the first time around. Tore apart Arizona State to win the division. Yeah, and his defensive line for the year is not to be believed. The last time I can remember somebody having a defensive line like this, it was basically in Damocon suit, right? Like that's the last time I can remember somebody having just eye-popping numbers like this for his position.

Let's see the totals, by the way, for him. I know Shaq Thompson was really awesome and so was Hawley Kickaha. I know he was absolutely fantastic but the total numbers

for right 139 tackles 27 tackles for loss six force fumbles just not real in terms of what he's done for that team

so let me put it to you like this last year Aaron Donald the pit defensive linemen everyone was completely stunned by the season he had he had 2.19 tackles per loss per game Scooby

has 2.33, and he's a linebacker. So he's also doing other things, cleaning up messes, forcing fumbles, picking off balls. All he does is ruin Oregon's life. He's done it two years in a row now and could do it for two years and a championship game if this plays out the way it could. So, yeah, you probably want to watch that. Stay up. Get one of those good pack 12 kicks in at 9 p.m. Eastern.

Only on Fox. Fox. but then that takes us to Saturday which one of the Saturday games do you find most appealing Jason what the whole day Bedlam I'm gonna

I'm gonna you mean the whole day right not like the noon slate or no no I mean the entire day because we really don't say please don't say the noon slate oh yeah because I mean the noon slates damn

Louisiana I mean I kind of do want to see what TCU does to Iowa State knowing that everyone, Ohio State and Baylor have chances to beat ranked teams. CCU knows it can't goof around against Iowa State. Yeah, you know what Iowa State's going to do to TCU. Which is when?

13-9. I mean, if you beat Iowa State by like eight points at home, you know, and then Baylor blows out Kansas State, you're not number three anymore. I'm so damn proud of this team scuttling TCU's national title ops. I mean, you have to actually look pretty good. against a bad team to maintain that distance. But, I mean, on the day as a whole, I'll take Bama, Mazoo. I mean, I think Mazoo has the defensive line now that it's actually healthy.

You'll remember, as Bill C. mentions once a week, and I don't blame him, they were banged up when they lost to Indiana, SEC East Champion, Indiana. They were without their best play. I think it was Marcus Golden for at least part of that game. We have a healthy Mizzou defense against Lane Kiffin offense, which has been, you know, despite what we've seen against Auburn and a couple other teams, it's had some bad games. It's had some games where it's, hey, we're just going to throw it to Amari every play, and that doesn't always work.

This would be my game, my choice, and it will not surprise you because I really do want to see what happens when Georgia Tech narrowly loses to Florida State. by 0.7 points runs the triple option of Florida Florida State wins on away goals Florida State wins by point differential Like well Judge's decision

Exactly like well I don't know In group they beat Nigeria but they lost to Croatia But they scored a lot of goals Wins on a countout Yeah exactly scored a lot of goals versus Iran So wouldn't get back in the ring Yeah throw in the countout not getting back in the ring.

Then we throw in that suspension in the two yellow cards. And the American one when Bushwick Bill ran in and hit somebody with a potato. The American League won the All-Star game, so that goes in their favor. Yeah, so I guess we have to just throw Baylor down and keep Florida State in. The timekeeper accidentally added eight minutes. So Florida State could score twice. In injury time. It's weird.

Alex Ferguson was irate. Does he taste at his own medicine with Jimbo Fishers, Tottenham Spurs? That's what we're looking at here. We're looking at some other. Yeah, I tell you want these Spurs just play hard, and I love these spurs. The only solace you'll get from this is Paul Johnson maybe beating Jimbo Fisher with a crow bar at midfield if something shaky happens at the end of this game. That would be the only really amusing thing in all this. Because you know Florida State's going to win.

Yes. That's how this works. They don't lose. He'll just pull the crowbar out of his throat like he's a sword swallower. He's just going to carry it there. I usually use this for roadside emergencies. Where he comes from an Appalachia, that's Christmas. Every year.

Here's a crowbar. I kind of think that PJ is sort of the perfect avatar for America here. You know, like every week somebody, you know, everyone routes against Florida State and then they win because they're awesome. I feel like his stance on this is one that everyone needs to adopt. Just stare down death, except the bleak, morbid reality that Florida State's going to win, refuse to give a shit about it, maybe win some games next year out of anger. You know, like, you can't beat FSU, so just fuel the anger towards something productive.

Yeah, also, you know what Georgia Tech's going to do? Going to run the dive. FSU still got a banged-up interior of its defense, which is great. Because out of the three options, the one you prefer to do is the simplest one, which is hand it to a different fullback every time right up the middle. That's the best part. It's like, hey, Paul Johnson, you know, this game's got all kinds of, you know, super moves. And, you know, you can throw lightning.

No, I just want to punch. Punch. Punch. High punch. High punch. High punch. Yeah, out of the six buttons on the street fighter board, it's fierce punch, fierce punch, fierce punch, fierce punch, fierce punch. You know, you can block moves or back up, no.

You can duck, you can jump, you can kick, you can kick. It's okay to. Ponce. It's fourth down. Punch. The game's over punch. You don't have the ball. That's, hey, you know you have this special punch.

Why don't you throw a fireball? Why don't you throw your ass? That's, uh, the, the, the, um, the, My entire year was made, by the way, when I figured out that he, you know, read the story of Dan Wilkin wrote where Paul Johnson found out that Brian Van Gorder at Georgia Southern after succeeding him was talking shit about his offense. And he's like, find him. I want to kick his ass.

Give me his phone number. He was on some... And then a year later, Van Gorder's gone and the offense is back to Johnson's. Paul Johnson's like, I told you. You should watch, by the way, because that... Lasky, Zach Lasky and Cynjian Days did Georgia in on the ground, and neither of them have a real fear or concern for their own health in this offense. It's kind of breathtaking to watch. They're just like, yeah, you want me to run through three guys.

I'll do that. Also, they have a receiver named D'Andre Smelter, which for a school that teaches industrial engineering, smelter. is a great name to have. So, we forgot to talk about the Big Ten title game. I think it needs its own theme song, something that makes us, uh, gives the proper respect to it. So, Ryan, who will win the race for number five?

The first team out of the big playoff. This is going to be, oh, man. It doesn't count the most. Who will be the most upset when Baylor and TCU are in? It doesn't mean anything. You should watch it, and that's why it's in Indiana. Just playing the music from the dark night behind this. Slow it down a little.

That's a little bit of a brisk tune for a friend of episode. I won't bury another Ohio State. to Wayne. I won't do it. Oh, but Wisconsin can make them do it. They really could. Yeah, the past couple months, so Wisconsin's done what it's wanted, including losing the Northwestern.

That's true, and Ohio State has dominated their entire schedule, including complete onage of a loss against Virginia Tech. Owned. I think over the last couple of weeks or so, Ohio states look like pretty much Florida State you know if Florida State actually had sort of a fifth gear to go to like they're looking

like ass against Indiana and Michigan and then if you just look at the score he's say oh they won by three touchdowns but with one with one important and unfortunate wrinkle going into this game which is that the starting quarterback will be Cardale Jones who is a giant of a man

huge he's like he's like Chris Ralph sized yeah if we've learned anything from the NBA draft just get the biggest guy possible and oh wait this is a terrible plan yeah it's the Logan Thomas offense right you're like oh it's huge it's got to work congratulations Greg Oden

you've got this he spent a portion of his college career not caring about academics so that's good hey listen when we were 18 we would we would have all said really silly stuff on social media this is it is the most no I'm serious it's good yeah it is the most fun that people, I mean, did you care about college in college?

Oh, hell no. No, and that's why we all work on the internet now. Oh, God. Sorry, Cardale. We would be engineers or something if we had. And right back talking about Georgia Tech, as usual. Right back, right back to the most important topic in all the college football. Oh, I was talking about the school of mine.

Sorry. Talk about the jackets. Talking about them Colorado, Colorado. school of minds. I would say in this game, by the way, it is the, it's not quite the nightcap because you do get Fresno State and Boise in the Mountain West Championship game at 10 p.m.

But this will be the nightcap. And hopefully you'll get Jim Delaney kind of tipsy at the end, because that happened once. Did it? Yeah, it looked a little floored, a little rushed, a little stuttered. It looked like Jim was either real excited or he had maybe a couple of beverages,

but why not stressful being a conference commissioner. Yeah, he had to go to Rutgers and Maryland this year. I'd buy him alcohol myself. He had to hand someone a trophy. Yeah, by the way, also... What's the Big Ten trophy look like? It looks like Maryland. They just give you Maryland.

It's just a television? It's a cake with Randy Edsel in it. He pops out. Surprise. It actually looks like a trash can with a football on it. Yeah, it does. I don't know why it would look I don't know why it would look like that

Or or if I'm being honest It looks a little bit like an urn Like you're like yes This is where we put This is where we put Lloyd Carr's ashes Lloyd Car is not dead Well when he is Congratulations to Wisconsin

It also by the way If you kind of look at it It's no that's a garbage can, y'all. Yeah, it's a garbage can full of ashes. I am the ghost of Ron Turner's football career. So it's an urn you can help yourself, too.

It's an urn full of hard candy. Congratulations, Wisconsin. You've won demons. Now we can end it. Now we can end it.